7 minute read
COLLABORATIVE LAW
completing the legal work at hand and achieving a better outcome, lowering overall cost.
How does Collaborative Law work?
In Collaborative Law, all negotiations take place in private conferences between parties and their attorneys, and any neutrals that are involved. Each party has their own attorney with them to provide legal advice and advocacy during negotiations. Both attorneys are committed to guiding the parties toward a reasonable settlement. Because no one, neither the parties and nor the attorneys, can go to court or threaten to go to court, settlement is the only goal. The parties are encouraged and helped to communicate their real needs and interests. Through safe and focused discussions, each of the parties is encouraged to recognize the needs of their children and the needs and interests of the other party. Unlike the court-based process, parties can be creative in their settlements, they can look “outside the box” and design the outcome that meets their needs. How is Collaborative Law different from a traditional approach to divorce?
The traditional divorce process, “litigation”, is the most common approach to divorce. Litigation is defined as “the act, process, or practice of settling a dispute in a court of law”. Litigation involves each party hiring an attorney to represent him/ her. That attorney takes control of the situation and zealously advocates for his/her client. That means they are required to try to position their client to get an outcome that they have determined is “best” for the client based on their experience in court. The litigating attorney must be continuously preparing the case to be presented in court. Although, many litigated cases are resolved before a trial, “going to court” or threatening to do so, is used as a tool to get people to settle.
Once a case goes to court, or court is threatened, things can get very adversarial and nasty very quickly. Negotiation and compromise are not the priority, and the new priority is to “win” and “defeat” the other party. The judge who knows very little about you and your family will be making the final decisions about your children, your property, and your money. The court is bound to decide the case based on the law which my not be the best outcome for the family. There is a very big risk to taking the case to court and often times neither party gets what they want.
CHOOSING COLLABORATIVE LAW-
When you choose Collaborative Law, you are entering a process where everyone makes a commitment to stay out of court and to be respectful to one another allowing a personal and often creative resolution of the conflict and a durable Settlement Agreement. The priorities are to: settlement without having the court decide sensitive family issues.
• Maintain open communication and information sharing in a confidential setting.
• Create shared solutions that acknowledge everyone’s highest priorities.
Collaborative Law helps you to move from your life together to your new life as separate individuals. Your children’s needs will be the priority. Children thrive when divorcing parents have reduced conflict and respect each other as partners in raising their children. You will be confident that you chose the right way to divorce, and you will be knowledgeable and invested in the final outcome of the process, your Settlement Agreement. Choose wisely, choose Collaborative Law when you are face with Separation and Divorce.
FOR MORE INFORMATION OR A FREE CONSULTATION Reach out to Julie Mersereau by Phone at 585-377-5487 or Email: julie@ jmersereaulaw.com, or visit my website at jmersereaulaw.com
More information can be found at the Collaborative Law Association of the Rochester Area website: nycollaborativepractice.com or the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals website: collaborativepractice.com
STRONGER TOGETHER
The word strong means “possessing mental strength, not easily broken, having a resolute will or morally firm character” according to Dictionary. com. Together is “in one gathering, mass, place, body: to call the people together, into or in union, proximity, contact or collision” also by Dictionary.com. Together can also be described as being confident, level-headed and well-organized.
While in our day to day existence we are independent’s, completing many of life’s tasks and to-do’s in a solo manner. There are also times when having another person (or more than one) by your side, working in unity increases our strength and our power.
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world: indeed it’s the only thing that ever has.” Margaret Mead Recently after a zoom work meeting I reached out to say hello to a co-worker and to see how she is doing. She shared that she had packed up her house all by herself because she was moving. She said how difficult it was to do. If I had known I would have helped. I know other people from work would have helped too. Sometimes when we are struggling our human tendency can be to not ask for help. The reasons we don’t ask for help can be that we don’t want to be seen as weak, incompetent, or unable.
Asking for help is a vulnerable action to take because it exposes a part of us that is struggling. It’s scary. This is what I know about my co-worker. If anyone needed any help and asked her, she would have been there to help without hesitation and without judgement. In a Psychology Today article “Why asking for help is so hard to do” by Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C,
BY JUDI SWANSON
DAPA she talks about your childhood family values of “doing it yourself” versus “letting others in”.
Years ago when I was struggling emotionally or otherwise I would keep it all bottled in. I would not ask for help in any way, shape, or form. Nope that would not happen. I felt if I asked for help it meant I was incompetent and unable to handle what life was throwing my way. It meant I was a failure. I don’t know when the change happened or why, yet I began to reach out to my circle of people around me when I needed help. I began to share my vulnerabilities with people I love, trusted and I knew had my best interest at heart. There were times that the unexpected kindness of a stranger helped me. It was such a relief that I realized I did not have to do everything on my own. I felt stronger knowing there others who were there to help me. Research has demonstrated that giving and helping has a positive impact on our mind and body. We became stronger together when we help and support each other. There is strength in numbers. Supporting others makes us stronger as individuals.
“Together we are stronger, together we are unbroken, together we can do anything.” LifeLoveQuotesAndSayings.com
Dan Taspcott who is a business executive, author, consultant in the “The Wisdom of a Crowd – How We are Smarter & Stronger Together” a Mutual Responsibility article said:
“I’ve been studying nature recently… starlings in the area around Edinburgh, in the moors of England… at night they come together and they create one of the most spectacular things in all of nature, and it’s called a murmuration. This thing has a function; it protects the birds. You can see on the right here, there is a predator being chased away by the collective power of the birds. Apparently this is a frightening thing if you are a predator of starlings. And, there’s leadership, but there’s no one leader.
Now is this some kind of fanciful analogy, or can we actually learn something from this?
.. this is a huge collaboration, it’s an openness, it’s a sharing of all kinds of information, not just about location and trajectory and danger and so on, but about food sources. And, there’s a real sense of interdependence, [that] the individual birds somehow understand that their interests are in the interest of the collective.”
So what if we as humans used our mutual wisdom, smarts, and strengths to help one another all the time. It does not mean we need to give up our individual identities or sense of self. Yet we use our collective ideas and thoughts to help, support, guide, and protect one another. I have read more than one story where a group of strangers worked together to turn over a car or take some other action to save a life. When people came together to help in numerous significant ways which resulted in significantly helping others. No one can do it all. So what if we all became more vulnerable, letting our guards down, blending all the smart, crafty, compassionate, caring ideas from each other to help each other be the best we can be. That we see interdependence as a positive that makes us stronger together so we could help and support each other. What a world that would be! May you be stronger together.
