8 minute read
WELL TRAIL
GUIDE TO LIVING “WHOLE-ISTICALLY”
This month marks 13 years since I started my entrepreneurial journey with WellTrail, Inc. The previous 15 years saw me embark on several career journeys including where it all started- in the athletic training rooms at Washington University (St Louis) and Syracuse University. I remember my first days, nervous and unsure, but also filled with excitement and anticipation of what would lie ahead… the growth, the learning, the relationships that would be built along the way. But I know starting off as a fresh eyed newbie, I was not thinking about what struggles might lie ahead. And perhaps that is the good part about being young and optimistic, and certain that the world is always good and fair and just. Because you just take the leap. You trust yourself - you still trust those around you - and you believe in dreams.
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Fast forward to my first career shift. Leaving my chosen path as an athletic trainer at a prestigious university where I was surrounded with world class practitioners and athletes, and colleagues, remains the hardest decision I have ever faced. It was the right decision. I was the single mother of a new baby, and I simply could not justify the long hours and amount of time travelling that I would need to be away from my baby girl. I knew my life had gained something far more important than my career dreams - for now I held the ability to support another life through their journey. By this time, I understood the power that decision would have over the trajectory for the rest of my life- although I was unclear what that
BY KELLI LAPAGE
trajectory would be. But I stepped into the world of corporate health and wellness still fresh eyed and excited, but this time with the added weight of knowing that my decisions and their consequences, and my success or failure, were no longer mine alone. And with that realization, for the first time in my life, came doubt and hesitation. This was new to me, I had always had the confidence to try new things, to take calculated risks and
to reach for the stars- but with a child at home dependent on my outcomes and no other fall back, I started to second guess myself. I worked harder than anyone else, took multiple classes and certifications while working 70-hour work weeks and being on the road 60K+ miles a year. I hired a nanny so I could be mom 100% and employee 100%, but I forgot to be ME 100%. At age 35 I was moving up the corporate ladder raising an outstanding young human and coaching soccer and still being athletic trainer for a local collegiate program- and I was happy (I thought). But I was tired. I was sleeping 3 hours a night and I felt like I couldn’t stop because if I did, all the balls I had in the air would drop- and I couldn’t bear the thought of letting the people around me down, most of all my daughter. So, I kept pushing. I kept doing more. And I kept getting further and further from myself, until finally fate stepped in front of me- with a roadblock I had not anticipated.
One day I was superwoman- and the next day I could barely walk. I couldn’t pick up my daughter, I couldn’t sit for more than 5 minutes at a time. I couldn’t do all the things I needed to do. At first it just seemed like another challenge I had to overcome, but this was different. While I kept moving forward and somehow found ways to still perform at the level I was accustomed too - my body simply kept getting in the way. I had to change my travel frequency, I had to find accommodations so I could be functional all day until I would go home and lie down in bed unable to move until I took 1600mg of ibuprofen in the morning and forced myself back up. And I thought this was normal.
I thought this was being strong. Until the day my daughter told me she was scared every time I was out of her site that I was going to get hurt again - or worse- that I would not be able to come home. And that was when I took a step back. And when I did, what I saw altered me for life. For I saw that as I was pushing myself to every limit, to be everything to everybody, I had actually
been setting an unrealistic, unhealthy and anxiety inducing precedent for my young daughter. I saw her start to struggle not only with separation anxiety from me, but she had been so hard on herself. She had to be the best, and she would work so hard which of course can be a good thing, but not when it is always accompanied by fear. I could not believe that in trying to model a strong independent role model for her, I had actually set her up to constantly feel that she was not going to be enough. This broke my heart. So, I took my next big leap of faith, and started WellTrail. This leap 13 years ago was different. While I still believed I myself, I now had the wisdom of experience, the clarity of what was most important In my life, and what I was most grateful for, and therefore where my focus had to be.
Entrepreneurialship for me was the best of all worlds. While I worked tirelessly and often with long hours, I could adjust those to be there for my daughter, and to take time for experiences for us to share. I could work my schedule around being there for HER, without feeling guilty about not being there for everyone else. I could prioritize my workflow so that when I was focused on work I could be my best, and I learned to shut it down when it was time. It gave me freedom, it gave me peace and it gave me the opportunity to control my own destiny. At least that is how it started. As time went by and I gained more clients, and more employees, and more vendor partnerships, I slowly fell back into old patterns. It happened gradually. I signed up for more boards and booster clubs. I started providing more pro bono services - just because someone would ask. I never said no to anyone or anything, and as I did… I actually started saying no to myself more and more, letting go of the things I had worked so hard to regain that brought me peace and happiness. But I didn’t realize how far back I had slid until the next big roadblock reared its head. COVID was the great equalizer again in my world.
As with many small businesses, COVID hit us hard. Lockdowns, travel restrictions and financial constraints caused us to go from full capacity to less than 20% of our previous years book of business and revenue. At first, I didn’t worry. I had a cushion, and how long could it last - right? Famous last words…
COVID forced many of us to reevaluate what is important. What we can live without, what we need to be whole, and what we refuse to tolerate any longer. While much of the “Reset” was a true hardship, there were some parts that I plan to retain as I re-evaluate and shift gears again in my life, realizing I don’t have to be everywhere and say yes to everything was a refreshing reminder. And having time for the simple things, time in nature, time with my daughter just ‘being’ instead of ‘being on the run’. Clear times to work and clear times to rest. And time to pay attention to my body and be my own advocate - in addition to still being an advocate for so many others. So, on our 13th Anniversary, it is with that focus that I am kicking of my new column - WellTrail: A Guide to Living “Whole-istically”. Each issue we will focus on an area of our world where we can refocus energy - proactively- before we are forced to do it with our backs against a wall. We will examine how priorities, and capabilities and goals and restrictions will constantly ebb and flow, sometimes gradually and almost unnoticeably, and others in such a dramatic fashion that it can knock us off our feet. But if there is one thing I have learned through my journey so far- is that it’s OK to be knocked down. Its ok to take a minute to catch your breath. And each time you do you will rise stronger, more resilient, with a clearer mind and a purer heart and with more belief in yourself than you had the day before. We will learn, we will grow, and we will persevere. And in doing so we will set an example for all those who are witness to our journey, and be better prepared to offer them support as they face the ebbs and flows of their journey as well.
As I celebrate WellTrail completing 13 years of service, I look forward to taking the next phase of this journey with you. If you would like to share your stories of personal growth, perseverance, and resilience to be shared on our ‘Guide to Living Whole-istically” page on WellTrail and the WellTrail Facebook page (both coming soon) we will share stories, address questions for our group and continue to learn and grow together. Stories, questions and comments can be sent directly to my email at klapage@welltrail.com
Stay true to your journey and stay true to yourself.
WellTrail has been a leader in corporate and organizational health and injury management and consulting for 13 years. Specializing in both one on one and customized programming and training options in areas such as nutrition, disease state management, activity and habit cessation, WellTrail has supported 1000s of lives reach their health and well-being goals. Learn more about us at welltrail.com or reach out to us at info@ welltrail.com.
