LESSONS FROM A RECOVERING PERFECTIONIST

YOU ARE ENOUGH. LESSON #3

BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY DEVAN ROBINSON

Lesson #3: Listen To Yourself.

We, as women, are raised to ask for others opinions, make sacrifices for our partners, put ourselves at the bottom of the priority list, and not ask for what we want. If we do these things then we will have a good life, find a good partner, and be accepted. This ideal that’s been ingrained in our DNA for hundreds of years has caused an epidemic. What is this epidemic you ask? We don’t listen to ourselves.

For years, it took me days to make decisions, because I felt I needed to get everyone’s opinions about it first. I needed to make sure my decision was acceptable and validated. Because we live in a society where people need external validation. We seek it out. We want all those likes and comments on what we do in life. We want our family and friends to agree with our decisions. We want to know that we are accepted and doing the right thing.

I have seen this same thing happen with my friends, family, and clients. We spend more time making sure others agree and understand our decisions, rather than just listening to ourselves.

But, external validation is not necessary. You are allowed to listen to yourself and make decisions directly related to what you want or need. You do actually know the answers to your questions.

You don’t need to explain. You can just not like something.

Getting validation from others is helpful but not necessary.

Now, I know this sounds easier than it actually is. But, once you start

trying this out, you won’t ever go back. Once you start listening to you, you have an unbelievable feeling of control, trust, and belief in yourself. You will be able to work through your problems with more awareness and self-connection than ever before. You will start to see the links between your thoughts and your actions. Your emotional intelligence increases and your self-confidence will take a huge boost.

You will make smarter decisions, communicate better, and listen more effectively. The power that listening to yourself provides is endless.

How amazing would all that be?

I figured out that I didn’t want to look back on my life and realize I didn’t do anything for me. I only have one life, so why live it at the bottom of the list.

So, how can you start listening to yourself? Good question! I have a lot of thoughts on that one, but here are my top six tips.

One, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself the way you treat others when you know they are trying to do their best.

Two, be patient. Change takes time, so just keep taking it one moment at a time.

Three, focus on you, rather than on others. You are the only one that will be guaranteed to be around you for the rest of your life. So, take care of you and remember to put yourself first.

Four, mindfulness. This can be as simple as 2 minutes of listening to your body, feelings, and thoughts each day. Do it while you eat, or when you lay down to go to sleep. It doesn’t take

“You will make smarter decisions, communicate better, and listen more effectively. The power that listening to yourself provides is endless.”

“I figured out that I didn’t want to look back on my life and realize I didn’t do anything for me. I only have one life, so why live it at the bottom of the list.”

Five, trust that you can make decisions on your own. You’ve got this! Ask yourself questions and actually answer them without judging yourself for whatever answer comes out. Eventually you will get to real information as you dig deeper into your thoughts.

Six, hire a life coach like me. Life coaches are thought partners, space holders, and help keep you accountable for the changes you want to make. You should definitely have one in your life and on your speed dial.

All this to say, listen to yourself. You are worth it. You are enough.

Warmly, Devan

About the Author

Devan Robinson is the author of “What’s Your Worth? And I Don’t Mean Money.”, motivational speaker, and life coach for female entrepreneurs. She helps women gain confidence and understand their strengths so they can reach their goals without guilt, shame, or fear. When she isn’t working on changing the world, you can usually find her hanging out with her dogs, spending time with her husband, or watching Netflix. If you are interested in learning more about her, check out her website www. developingwithdevan.com.

DEVAN