SHE BOSS

{ SHIFT+CONTROL{ SHE BOSS } } YOU ARE ENOUGH. RELATIONSHIP REALITY CHECK

BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY JESS GERMANO-FOKIN

Healthy or Unhealthy?

It’s no news flash that relationships are ongoing work by all parties, so why do we allow them to get put on the “back burner” at times or take for granted the importance of continuously doing the work?

I always emphasize to my patients and clients that when you stop working in a relationship (any type of relationship, even the relationship with yourself), you become co-existing, and this can cause many unhealthy shifts in the relational space. It’s also important to know that what you put into it is what you get out of it…it’s not going to just work itself. A relationship takes what I call “Willingness. Effort.Investment”, and needs to be balanced on all ends; the relationship and the Willingness. Effort.Investment cannot be one sided. This work should also be fun, exciting, fulfilling and pleasurable. It shouldn’t be daunting or dreadful. Now don’t get me wrong, we ALL have moments in our relationship where it might feel that way, but it’s only a moment, it’s not an ongoing pattern, feeling or thought.

When thinking about your relationship with someone, ask yourself: ● What are the things that I really like about this person? The things I don’t like about them? with this person?

● Do I look forward to seeing them or do I make up excuses to avoid having to see them?

● Am I able to talk + express myself openly and freely with this person?

● Do I provide and receive support +

feedback in a balanced way with this person?

● Is there ever a time I feel scared, unsafe or pressured by this person?

If you find that your answer to one of those questions hints at either an imbalanced relationship, toxic + unhealthy relationship, or even might be an abusive or traumatic relationship, a therapist and/ or coach can help you better understand what’s going on by providing you with a safe place to process through the emotional distress, develop and set healthy relationships boundaries, identify and create healthy communication strategies, as well as understand if the relationship is healthy and appropriate to continue to be in. Most importantly, discover and enhance your relationship with yourself in order to know your value + worth, as well as what you deserve in a healthy, pleasurable relationship.

If your relationship isn’t making you happy or improving your life, you might need to get out! Your biggest fears about having your voice, being alone or even stepping out of the current lifestyle should not keep you from exiting a negative relationship. Take the time to truly reflect on your relationships in life…are they healthy or unhealthy?

As always, keep doing you by continuing to Boss Up, Rise Above + Represent like a SHE Boss!

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Love to all my SHE Bosses

Xo, Dr. J

“As always, keep doing you by continuing to Boss Up, Rise Above + Represent like a SHE Boss!”