4 minute read
HER EDGE
ALONE
It is the holidays and like everyone else, I am feeling overwhelmed. It is a race to shop, plan, work, and clean the yard up before the snow flies.
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It was early Saturday morning, and I was tired. The work week was long, and my yard looked like a blanket of yellow and orange. Every time I looked out the window it was nagging me. I decided to get my dog Ted, my other nag, some exercise before I got started raking.
My neighbor and I run our dogs every day. On this day, she noticed I was unusually quiet, and asked what was wrong. I said, ‘I have never felt more alone.’ It was a little dramatic, unexpected, but honest and she was not prepared for it. I could not believe I admitted it. Our common ground is our dog’s love affair. We meet every day so our dogs can run, roll, eat dirt, and wait for a treat. We make small talk as Ted and Edith share the best moments of their day together. We converse about gardening, neighborhood gossip and what we made for dinner the night before.
Riveting stuff.
But my neighbor is a constant in my life, and these days, someone I see and talk to more often than the ‘important’ people in my life. My unexpected blurt, left her speechless and uncomfortable. She is a stoic woman who has spent the last 20 years living alone. I am certain I sounded ridiculous.
I rattled on about being tired and tried to get off the conversation before it could start. I was also afraid I was going to cry. She willingly moved on and started talking about Edith’s next grooming
BY ROBIN DEWIND
appointment and how filthy and happy they both were. We said goodbye and went our separate ways; me to my leaves, and she to her garage cleaning.
I wondered why I said what I felt aloud. I will admit it felt good to say it to someone. My life is filled with friends and family who love me, so why do I feel like I am drowning some days? I feel like I must do it all and I am tired. I wake up every day and say to my myself, let’s do it all again. Don’t we all feel that way at times? I know I am not alone in my periodic state of loneliness. I started thinking about the people in my life who were always there to throw me a life preserver, lately they have all been women.
My friend who does my nails is constantly adjusting appointment times to accommodate my changing work schedule. She is my bi-weekly therapist without the co-pay. My hairdresser books an extra half an hour for my appointment, so we have time to talk about new products, the annoying habits of middle-aged men, and our kids’ problems. My cut and color leaves me feeling refreshed and grateful for her non-judgement and candor.
My dog walker steps in on the days I work out of the house. When I’m sick she brings me soup and has a natural remedy for anything that ails me. Sometimes we spontaneously drink Prosecco together in the yard with a fire, laugh and debate politics. She mothers me because she knows my mom cannot these days.
My oldest high school friend who lives four states away, sends me a box of fruit each month as a ‘thank you’ for helping her during her divorce. She is a constant source of humor and a reminder that early relationships in life have meaning. I drew her name out of box and for a “Secret Santa” gift my junior year. Her favorite word is “jackass”.
These are generous women I share insecurities, and dirty secrets with, and feel supported no matter what. They are my people, my tribe, my emotional posse who allow me to be myself. Who needs to be part of the boy’s club when you have strong unique women in your life who love you and want to help? Why did it take an afternoon of wet leaves to realize that it is not about having a lot of people in your life, just a few important ones? I was feeling alone because I forgot to remember the collective power they hold in my life.
They are not my best friends; they are women who when I let them in, lift me up and keep me going with their feedback, honesty, and shared experiences. I am not alone, just a little lonely at times with all the responsibility of raising a daughter, caring for an ill parent, and running a business, and raking my yard. I saw my neighbor coming across the street.
She simply said, “didn’t you want to have your gutters cleaned too?”
She remembered
It was during one of our morning runs with the dogs. I was not sure who was going to hold the ladder while I cleaned out the old dead leaves.
“I’ll do it,” she said. She held on tight, and I promised not to get any of the old dead leaves on her. We chatted away about nothing. I did not realize she was already a member of my tribe.
