DEAR CAMILLE

DEAR CAMILLE

BY CAMILLE CONTI

Dear Camille… I’m really working on my personal selfcare for 2022. A new boundary that I have set is to no longer let people talk down to me, criticize me, critique me, judge me, call me names or put me down. I have tolerated and become accustomed to being disrespected and treated poorly by others for my entire life, because I have never spoken up for myself, put a stop to it, or set boundaries with the people in my life, mainly because I was never taught to do that in my childhood growingup and never thought I could do so. Since I did know that I had the ability, power, or control to set boundaries with people in my life and never learned to do so, I thought that I just had to take whatever they dished out and tolerate however they treated me. I now know that is not the case and that I have the power to make my life better, happier, and more positive by not accepting or tolerating such bad behavior.

I am not currently talking with my mom, so I was not able to discuss setting boundaries with her, but when we do talk again, I definitely plan to do so. I am not sure how that will go, and I suspect not well, because she violates my boundaries more than anyone else in my life and always has. As she can be very passive aggressive and dismissive if she does not like a topic of conversation, I’m sure the conversation won’t get very far. However, I plan to speak my peace and let her know that I can not and will not tolerate such disrespect from her any longer. If she continues to violate my boundaries, which is what I suspect will happen; I will have to distance myself from her as I will not continue to accept negative toxic behavior and treatment in my life, as I feel that it only brings me down and sabotages my efforts to become empowered, happy, and fulfilled in my life. If she is not able to treat me with respect and kindness, which I doubt, since she never has, I will not be able to talk to her as much, tell her about my life and what is happening in it, or visit/see her in person as often.

I did set a boundary this week with my friend Nate in person. He has a tendency to say negative and critical things to me and put me down at times. I told him that I do not like that and it makes me feel bad about myself and have low self-esteem and low self-worth. He did not take it well at first and became defensive and did not want to hear what I had to say. I then asked him to let me finish speaking and he did. Then he said that he did it in order to help me and to motivate me to make positive changes in my life. I told him that it did not help me, but made me feel bad, and that I only want him to say positive and good things to me in order to help me and empower me to make beneficial changes in my life. He agreed to do so and seemed to be understanding of how I felt, so I think that it was a productive conversation and hope that he will act accordingly. If I find that he is being critical of me and saying negative things to me again, I plan to remind him of our conversation and that he agreed to help build me up instead of tear me down.

I plan to continue enforcing this boundary in my life, with Nate, my mom, and others as needed and to continue making new boundaries in my life as needed, so that I am able feel uplifted and empowered and able to live a happy life. I now realize how vital it is to have boundaries in my life and recognize that not having boundaries in my life was severely holding me back from realizing my full potential for a successful life. I wish I would have known this sooner but am so grateful to have this knowledge and power now. I will never ever overlook the importance of having boundaries in my life again as I am now aware of how essential they are to living an amazing life. Sincerely, Newly Empowered Woman in NC

Dear Newly Empowered Woman! Congratulations! This new realization and dedication is Life saving and changing for you! WooHoo!

“You have learned it finally now in this lifetime to love yourself and have non-judgment for yourself and to have radical acceptance for yourself and to forgive yourself and therefore you are now able to be empowered and to stand up for yourself and this is incredibly healthy in every sense of the word!”

“A new boundary that I have set is to no longer let people talk down to me, criticize me, critique me, judge me, call me names or put me down.”

This is a huge deal, and what you have accomplished is going to change your life’s for the better on multiple levels and arenas. This will be a lifelong implementation now of having healthy boundaries with yourself and with others, and always being willing to advocate for yourself in any type of a relationship!

It’s obvious by your life path that you were not able to accomplish having boundaries in your past lives and now you have came back with the soul lesson to learn how to have healthy boundaries with yourself and others. Your mother is the perfect teacher for you because she’s forcing you to learn them out of necessity to be healthy, survive and thrive, and make a wonderful life for yourself. You couldn’t ask for a better teacher.

Our best teachers are usually absolutely difficult to deal with! And you can thank her for teaching you how to be calm and empowered, healthy and happy woman! And you can let her know that your prayer for her is that she is able to do that for herself as well as you understand that her life‘s journeys has led her to this place and that you do not judge her and that you are able to love her from afar until she’s ready to have a healthy relationship and be 100% personally accountable and responsible for her actions and her and inactions. Let both your mother and Nate know that you would like to create a mutually satisfying, mutually respectful and mutually kind and loving relationship with them. Ask them if they are interested in that. That will give you a huge insight as to where they are at right now. Listen closely when you hear their answer if they choose to answer you at all . Lol. and abusive mothers and or people calling themselves your friend, you will never get all of that out and you will just be thinking it in your head. usually they will interrupt you. If they listen to you then you at least are ahead of the game. Now it’s up to them to decide if they would like to step up their game with you or not.

Sometimes a relationship has to be put on pause for a while and sometimes it’s longer than we would want it to be in our heart of hearts, however, it’s necessary for personal growth. It is in this time that you are growing the most and it is OK if you have to be separated for a period of time.

Even if it’s a lifetime because you will see each other in heaven and you guys will be able to discuss it then. It would be better if she were willing to turn it around because this is her soul lesson too. She has to learn how to love herself and forgive herself and have no judgment for herself and have compassion for herself and then have radical acceptance for herself. Once she learns these things then she will be able to turn her behavior around. And this may take a lifetime or more to learn. it’s really up to how badly somebody wants to change themselves and what they are willing to do about it. If they have not even acknowledged that they have an issue.

Then they have a long way to go before they are going to change. First they have to acknowledge that they have the issue, then they have to decide that they wanna do something about it, then they have to hire some kind of a professional course or therapist to do the personal work in order to change. This all takes time as well. So Patience is definitely a virtue. However, you do not have to let them abuse you during this process of time that it takes them.

After the age of 18, you are now legally in charge of your own self-care and protection. So you must protect yourself from being treated so badly!

You have learned it finally now in this lifetime to love yourself and have nonjudgment for yourself and to have radical acceptance for yourself and to forgive yourself and therefore you are now able to be empowered and to stand up for yourself and this is incredibly healthy in every sense of the word! Also, since you spend so much time with Nate at work, he is actually blocking you from a particular guy at work that would be interested in you that could lead to a really amazing relationship and become a really great marriage! You have to move this fake friendship on to the best of your ability. He’s not treating you like a friend at all! A big mistake that we can make a single women sometimes, is to cling to friendships that are not loving and caring because we are single and need somebody in our life. This is actually codependency. You are supposed to be strong enough and let go of this person that is not a friend to you and open up the space around you to bring in an amazing man that will make all of your dreams come true and you will make all of his dreams come true and it will be a mutually satisfying, mutually respectful, healthy, happy and loving marriage and family that you two will create!

Keep up the amazing self-care and Empowerment! In Divine Love, Success & Joy, Camille Conti