CHILDREN AWAITING PARENTS

MICHELE ELY: IN MEMORIAM

BY LAURIN MCKNIGHT

How do you sum up the life of a person like Michele Ely? In so many ways, someone larger than life itself.

It’s through the memories and words of those who knew her best—her family, friends, colleagues—that we choose to honor Michele who gave so much of herself to Children Awaiting Parents. And she gave in abundance!

Michele was supremely generous in her financial support, but her generosity went above and beyond writing checks. From the early days of Children Awaiting Parents, this mother of six—all of whom were adopted—was also active as a board member, volunteer, and ambassador. CAP Founder Peggy Soule remembers Michele as some-one with great wit, wisdom, and depth. Whether as a resource for CAP parents or for the children themselves, Michele “was always there when you needed her.”

Pat Burks, former Program Director at Children Awaiting Parents, celebrated a 30+ year friendship with Michele through their work with youth, community, and educa-tional program development for the Rochester City School District. Pat described Michele as devoted to youth and community, and “an exceptional listener, who offered thoughtful advice to support the success of others.”

“Michele was a ‘walking commercial’ for CAP,” remembers Pat. “I remember her in her halo brace, a device which is machine-drilled into one’s skull to facilitate the re-pair of a broken neck. It had just been removed by her doctors, and Michele showed up to participate in a walk to build awareness of the need for individuals to step up and become foster and adoptive parents.”

“She advocated for photos of youth to be featured on television, in newspapers, and on the internet,” continued Pat. “She supported the development of traveling photo galleries, and assisted CAP in working with its first group of professional photogra-phers who donated their time and talents to promote better representation of readi-ly adoptable

youth.” These photos were shared across the country to present the youth to a wider audience.

A CAP staff member for more than two decades, Adoption Program Manager Veronica Black remembers Michele as “one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known,” but not-ed that she was “no pushover!” and a biological mom of one, describes Michele as “witty, incredibly strong, full of life, and hilarious, someone who cared about diversity, and was passionate about CAP and adoption. “She was a big believer in the cause.”

When Veronica came to Michele with frustration about one of her sons, Michele re-sponded, as always, level and calm. “You can’t take it personally,” Michele told Ve-ronica. “It’s not about you.” It was a critical and necessary lesson that

Veronica learned, and one she continues to pass down to all the parents with whom she works.

Michele, with the support of her husband James, had a special place in their hearts for adopting older children looking for a family of their own. Daughter Nicole Ely-Joshi spoke with tremendous love about her mother, who “lived by the three pillars of faith, family, and philanthropy.”

“Mom instinctually knew that adoption was her path. She believed everyone was worthy of having a family in which they could feel loved and cared for. Mom was never inclined to birth children of her own. In fact, one of the reasons she chose our dad over another suitor was because of his willingness to adopt. As we all know, ba-bies are more easily adoptable than older children. That’s where mom’s passion fo-cused: adopting those children who already had a difficult childhood, providing for them—especially with a lot of love and guidance—and being okay to tackle any com-plications due to their kids’ prior traumas.”

“Michele passed away on December 16, 2021, but has left Children Awaiting Parents with an extraordinary and profound legacy.”

“My parent’s knew that kids were deserving of love, and it was given in abundance. Adoring love, tough love—it’s all in the name of teaching through love. I just always knew how fortunate I was that they thought I was worthy enough to treasure so deeply.”

“A fantastic mother,” Michele taught all of her children the importance of kindness and respect. “Despite contending with serious health issues including Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis—both severe and destructive autoimmune diseases which shriveled her 5’7 frame to 5’1— she was incredibly supportive of her children,” said Nicole. At the same time, she was a “no excuse” person who taught her children the importance of hard work and perseverance.

“Regarding Children Awaiting Parents, I remember that CAP was just always there. In fact, I always thought my mom was a co-founder, but apparently she wasn’t. It’s just that CAP Founder Peggy Soule was always around, and she and mom were always concocting something for CAP or other community initiatives.” youngest of the siblings—the only one adopted as a baby. That wasn’t mom’s plan, but I was, of course, irresistible! By nine months, I already had heart surgeries and a failed adoption. My parents couldn’t believe any-one would return a child, so I struck gold the second time around. When I was two, my three sisters, —who are all biologically related—were adopted. Then one brother, then the next, all within the span of five years.”

“Motherhood for a mom of six, with an age span of only seven years, would be a tre-mendous feat for anyone, but my mom was not just an ordinary anyone. She was an extraordinary being who graced us all with her presence. Family was everything for mom, but her definition of family was all-encompassing. Of course mom and dad were the Knuckles married to the Elys (shout out to the huge Knuckles clan!), but more than that, mom treated everyone like family. We grew up within a large com-munity of f(r)amily - friends who are family. It takes a village, and you’re judged by the weakest link. My mom was always there to catch you, whether you were her child or not. Dependable she was. Now that’s a family, and we’re all the better for it. Thanks, Mommy.”

Of her mother’s most essential qualities, those that stood out to Nicole were being non-judgmental, accepting of others, a community builder, and someone whom oth-ers sought out for advice. “But kindness topped them all.”

Michele passed away on December 16, 2021, but has left Children Awaiting Parents with an extraordinary and profound legacy. CAP is honored to redouble our efforts on behalf of waiting children and adoptive and foster families in recognition of Michele and her immeasurable contributions and passion.

CAP

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SIMPLE STEPS TO MAKE THINGS EASIER

When Susan’s husband passed away suddenly, the stark reality hit her hard - she was all alone and didn’t have a handle on her finances, or her future. She and her husband had often talked about taking the time to get organized, but daily life got in the way. He handled their investments but she wasn’t interested in the stock market, so she paid little attention when he talked about their portfolio. She knew her husband had a Will but it was drafted by their attorney who had retired years ago. She wasn’t sure what her next step was, and didn’t know who to call or where to turn.

Unfortunately, Susan’s story is a common one. More often than not, setting even the simplest of Estates can be confusing, stressful, and overwhelming. For some reason, getting your affairs in order seems to be on everyone’s list, but it is one of those things we all tend to put off. Unless you’ve handled someone else’s affairs, you may not realize how difficult the job can be. Even if you have heard the horror stories and know how important it is to get organized, most people aren’t sure what needs to be done. Whether you’re planning ahead for your loved ones, or you’re named Executor for someone else, there are a few simple steps you can take to make things easier:

STEP 1 - Get Everything Together. Consolidation is the key to making things easier for your family.

BY DOWEJKO

your Will, Healthcare Proxy, Living Will, Power of Attorney documents, investment statements, beneficiary forms, and insurance policies.

- Document what you have and where it is, so nothing gets lost. Focus on the details that only you may know. List things like life insurance policies and investment accounts, usernames & passwords, online banking information, and secret hiding places. These details can make the job of handling your affairs much easier and can also help avoid potential conflict among family members.

- Consolidate your investments, if possible, to simplify your finances so your Executor has less work to do. The fewer accounts you have, the easier it will be to handle your affairs.

STEP 2 - Create a Support Network. Even the most organized and welldocumented plan can quickly become a disaster if you don’t have the right team of people working on your behalf. Choose an Estate Attorney, a Financial Advisor, and a CPA (Certified Public Accountant) you feel comfortable with. Be sure to involve your family in the selection process and make sure they get to know the advisors you’ve chosen. Your loved ones will be comforted by the fact that they have a team of people they can rely on when something happens.

STEP 3 - Engage Your Support Network

Once your support network is in place, bring everyone together and communicate your wishes to your team. Let them know how you would like your assets to be distributed and share any potential concerns you may have. Your Financial Advisor, Estate Attorney and CPA should work together to make sure your finances and legal documents are coordinated properly and nothing falls through the cracks. Only then will you truly have a coordinated plan and you can be sure your wishes will be carried out.

- Have your Attorney review your current Estate documents to be sure they are current with State and Federal laws.

- Ask your advisors how to avoid probate to make things easier for your family, if appropriate.

- Have your Financial Advisor check your beneficiary designations to be sure the right people are named.

- Update your plan every few years or if a major life event occurs.

Getting your affairs in order is an incredible gift that will provide your loved one’s clarity and direction during a difficult time. When you plan properly, your wishes will be carried out and you can leave a legacy to last for generations.

The contents of this communication are for informational purposes only and do not constitute legal or tax advice. You should consult with your tax professional and financial advisor in relation to your individual circumstances.