INFLUENTIAL WOMAN

BODY CHAT

THE WICKED STEPMOTHER: HOW TO STOP HER CONTROL AND RESET YOUR BODY IMAGE

Body issues, anyone?

Hell, yes, sister! I’ve had them all. Well, maybe not all, but a pretty good overall sampling. Let’s take an inventory, shall we? Body dysmorphia, bulimia, “borderline anorexia,” yo-yo dieting, binge eating, exercise addiction, orthorexia (obsessive calorie counting – I just learned there’s a word for it), fear of consuming fat (is there a word for that?), hating my belly, hating my thighs, hating my butt, hating my neck, and, for good measure, general self-loathing.

Have I left anything out?

Now that I’m in my 50s I can gratefully say I’ve moved beyond most of that. Most days, I can generally love and accept myself (even though, if I’m being totally honest, I still wish I had the body of a Victoria’s Secret Angel). I’ve spent upwards of 30 years working on healing my relationship with my body – and I still have “fat” days where I spend hours morbidly contemplating the ripples on my thighs or finding angles in the mirror that don’t show my (perceived or real?) spare tire.

But in general, I just don’t care as much anymore. I am done investing my energy in self-loathing and the pursuit of perfection. Through years of struggle

BY HILLARY WELLES

and exploration, I have now developed ways to accept my body, FOR REAL. It’s one of the perks of getting older. I’ve realized that there are so many better uses for my energy than worrying about how I look or how others perceive me. When I told my therapist I cared less and less about anyone’s opinion, she said, “Congratulations! Welcome to your F**k You 50s!”

So…how’s your body image today? This column is all about keeping it real, so I’m going to be brutally honest. It’s for your own good and for the good of ALL of us. Because if you ‘re like me – and over 90% of women in the United States – the reality is that your body image is SHIT.

According to DoSomething.org, approximately 91% of women are unhappy with their bodies and go on diets to achieve their ideal body shape - even though only 5% of women have the body type portrayed as “ideal” in mainstream American media. https:// www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11facts-about-body-image

Know this: Your shitty body image is NOT YOUR FAULT. I blame the critical voice in our heads that blooms the moment we realize we are no longer the perfect infants everyone croons over and praises – the moment we realize that we are walking, talking beings who DON’T LIVE UP to the IDEAL. The voice grows louder every time we get that disappointed look from our parents. When our friends make fun of us. When our teacher shames us. When we’re told we’re “too”: too loud, too ugly, too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too shy, too, too, too….

I call that voice the Wicked Stepmother. Here’s the truth: You will NEVER be good enough for the Wicked Stepmother. She doesn’t WANT you to be good enough. Like Cinderella sweeping the hearth or Snow White banished to the forest, she wants to keep you small, worried, uncertain, timid, scared, selfsabotaging, self-doubting, self-criticizing. She poisons you every day with her toxic judgments to make sure you will be so consumed with trying to live up to an unattainable ideal that you won’t have the energy to step into your authentic power.

Because what could be more threatening to the Wicked Stepmother than you, the princess, stepping out of your horsedrawn carriage, dressed in all your finery, wielding the uncompromising power of your true influence?

Unfortunately, you can’t do that until you overcome your fear of the Wicked Stepmother’s criticism. I’m not going to lie and tell you that she will shut up or that you’ll get rid of her. She is a part of you and she likely always will be. She was created, in a twisted way, to keep you safe. Young “you” thought you needed to conform to people’s judgments to avoid criticism, punishment, and ostracism, and the Wicked Stepmother made sure you knew just how you were doing. But now that you are an intelligent, functional, influential adult…what can you do?

You’re going to have to beat the Wicked Stepmother at her own game. Trick her into working FOR you instead of

“As you inhale, take charge of your life force energy. As you exhale, breathe out toxic thoughts and beliefs.“

AGAINST you! Here’s how.

Two Easy Steps to Tricking the Wicked Stepmother

1. STOP.

A dear friend and mentor of mine once told me there are only three words that matter in life: Yes, No, and Stop. I’ve found STOP to be the best ally in combating the Wicked Stepmother’s incessant chatter. When she starts in on me, telling me I’m too fat, I need to lose weight, I shouldn’t have eaten that, or I should work out harder, I just say, “STOP!” She’s so surprised that I stood up to her that she actually does stop!

Building a powerful STOP takes practice. The Wicked Stepmother is persistent, and she will resent you for shutting her up. You’ll have to commit to telling her STOP every time she starts in on you again.

To supercharge your STOP, add movement! In SuperCORE Fitness, we have a move called “Stop Chop” that is super-powerful for setting boundaries and breaking toxic thought patterns. Take the side of your hand and chop down like you’re chopping a piece of wood. Repeat this with alternating hands, saying “Stop!” out loud. Repeating this exercise for 30 seconds every day will help you break the cycle of the Wicked Stepmother’s criticism.

Practice the Stop Chop with me NOW on this video! [add video link]

2. BREATHE

After you’ve temporarily silenced the Wicked Stepmother with STOP, thank her. This is important. Remember, she was originally created as a protection. She really thinks she is helping you. So, say, “Thank you, Wicked Stepmother, for making me stronger.”

Then, close your eyes and BREATHE.

Closing your eyes turns your energy inward toward the higher wisdom that lives inside you. Breathe long and deeply, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. In SuperCORE we call this “Connect Breath” because it connects you to YOU. The ESSENCE of you that is confident, authentic, and wise. Connect Breath calms your nervous system and re-centers you into the present moment. The Wicked Stepmother has no power here. your body image!

As you inhale, take charge of your life force energy. As you exhale, breathe out toxic thoughts and beliefs. Sense your body and your posture. Sense how it shifts as you breathe. Picture the breath traveling in waves up and down your spine. Do this for at least one minute, then slowly open your eyes to a calmer, energized, centered YOU!

Great job confronting the Wicked Stepmother! As you move on into your day, remember: No matter how thin, toned, sculpted, starved, curvy, or fabulous you are, you will NEVER live up to her impossible standards. Trying to please her is a waste of your precious life force energy - energy that you could be using for sharing your powerful influence with the world. And the world needs YOU!

I am here to help you to develop tools to build a healthy relationship with your body, just as I have done. I’m always exploring and seeking greater health and understanding, and I am excited to share it with YOU! I also want to hear YOUR stories and questions. Please feel free to write and share your own struggles and triumphs at influentialwomanhillary@gmail.com.

Come join me for a SuperCORE Fitness class and discover more about how breath and movement can heal, re-energize, and condition you to be your most powerful self! https://supercorefit.com/