ALL ACCESS

STRONG WOMEN

STRONG WOMEN: We hear you, We know you, We love you, We birth you, We are you.

One day I’m going to write a book and the names will not be changed to protect anyone. But until that time, fellas, through you, I persevered.

“He’s gone. I don’t know what else to say. He’s gone.” “If I see you smile again, I will knock out all your teeth.” “If you love me, you will.” “Please stop following me around like a puppy.” “No one will love you like I love you.” “You’re cute for a black girl.” “You are kind of muscular for a girl.” “I like girls with body and yours is not shapely enough.” “I like you, but you are too smart.” “Your hands are big.” “You got two kids, so you are used up now.” “I do not like how you talk.” “Of course, you’re not the only one.” “She’s pregnant, what do you want me to do about it.” “Check your attitude and fix your face, my friends are coming over.” “I used your money to buy you flowers so you would feel left out.” “I gambled the rent money.” “I would win at the casino if you believed in me.” “I like you, but I prefer petite women.” “Black men date white women because of women like you.” “You’d be cute if you had hair like most light-skin girls.”

BY DR SHANELLE BENSON REID

“You can take the girl out the hood, but you can’t take the hood out the girl.” “You ain’t nothing but a ghetto girl trying to be someone else.” “I don’t know why taking them classes, you ain’t gone finish.” “We are not a good fit you are too independent.” “I will kill you and do the time.” “Stop crying, you’re doing it for attention.” “Your struggles and degrees don’t matter, get over yourself.”

Some of you know but many may not, my father was passed away when I was 10 years old and for 25 years, I said my father died. Truth is, he was murdered, ripped from my arms and I believe I spent most of my adult life trying to replace him and I have failed miserably. These failures have brought me here.

At one point, I thought my life experiences made me strong. I’m not doubting the strength...but I know for certain this life has made me numb. Numb to feeling, living, existing authentically.

If you’ve ever had a conversation with me, you’ve heard me, say, what is happening now is supposed to be happening now, everything is in perfect alignment and I wholeheartedly believe this to be true,

This week, Thursday to be exact, I met with my yoga instructor and broke down on my mat. I mean a complete release of emotion. And because of that release, I’m choosing to no longer be resilient nor embody grit, and I’m not interested in being strong if it is numbing!

I want to feel. I want to experience all my emotions without regret: happiness, joy, sadness, frustration, and anger. Honestly, I’m sensitive, gentle, kind of shy, I cry easily, and I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I’ve been hiding behind numbness and resiliency.

By no means am I a foolish woman. In close to half a century living, I’ve learned a lot. Many will be left behind as I move through this new chapter of my life. But people come into your world for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I’m excited to see who comes along and I’m anxious to see who will not get beyond my new boundaries.

Hello everyone, my name is Dr. Shanelle R. Benson Reid. I am Principle of the ACCESS Global Family of Companies and I also happen to be running for Onondaga County Legislature, District 14. Aside from all that, I’m just a girl deciding to be me, unapologetically me.