HER EDGE

RECONNECTION

I am on a reconnection tour with my girlfriends.

Mother’s Day inspired me. I woke up that Sunday morning and started to scroll through my texts with the intent of sending my closest girlfriends an emoji to acknowledge the day. It suddenly occurred to me that I had more to say. I have not seen, shared a cocktail or a meal with any of them in the past year, maybe longer.

The occasional text, Facebook thumbs up, or heart reply on Instagram is no longer acceptable. I needed to see my people.

The past year has been about safety, protection and laying low. My circle has been small and frankly I am done keeping to myself.

With social media it is so much easier now to see our babies grow up, the places we travel and milestones we celebrate. But all this connection has made me feel disconnected. There have been no posts this past year that say, “I can’t stand my husband anymore”, or “this picture with my kids looks great but the vacation sucked, and we fought the whole time.”

I am still a firm believer that people need to see each other in-person to metaphorically take off the mask and talk to each other about how things really are.

I am done with small talk and smiley faces. I am ready to fill up again on the gritty details of life and reconnect.

BY ROBIN DEWIND

We have all spent a self-absorbed year waiting, worrying, and dealing with change and loss within our four walls. I needed to know if my friends were feeling the same way.

What had changed in their lives? How were they, really?

Lucky for me, they were ready too. Instead of “Happy Mother’s Day”, I said, ‘how about dinner?’

Six friends, like a hexagon reflecting all the times in my life all replied ‘when’?

I was not sure what to expect or where the conversations would lead but I was ready to share and to listen. What transpired over the hours of conversation inspired and enlightened me.

While we were all living alone, we were not isolated in our thoughts. Topics covered everything from panic attacks in elderly parents, to job loss, to vaginal estrogen cream and does it really make having sex any easier after menopause, and do we really care anymore?

My one girlfriend is getting a divorce after years of listening to her husband lie about his after work drinking habits. A DWI and a lack of interest in counseling made her decision easier. It took a second cup of coffee for her to confess she was actually happy at the idea of starting over. out of her of thirty-five- year career at the age of 59 because she makes too much money. She is scared and relieved all at the same time and admits she enjoys her volunteer work for Meals on Wheels more than anything she has done in the past decade.

My other friend who is a single mom, is already planning for what life will be like without any more children at home. Instead of taking up a new hobby she is deciding to stay on the couch with her new puppy. There will be no dating or reinvention for her, she just wants to be loved unconditionally.

My divorced friend with five kids is exhausted and wants a vacation from her responsibilities. She enjoyed the bread and dipping oil and confessed she is using the Facebook dating app to meet new people. She has had a few local brewery dates with a guy who is a ‘minimalist’ which seems like the perfect complement to her chaotic life.

Another friend is collecting unemployment and enjoying time with her daughter who chose to move back home after taking a year off from college. She divulged over her salad and sushi that the thought of being at home alone with her husband after college resumes and not having a job in the fall left her paralyzed emotionally at times.

All of this “catching up” made me realize we are still the same people; a little older, and maybe a little worn

“I am on a reconnection tour with my girlfriends.”

out from trying to figure out what is next.

What do I want?

Honestly reconnecting with my friends did not answer that for me, but I did have to think about my answer when they asked, how are you? I said, I am getting there, a little bit at a time. I appreciate my daily hour of exercise, and when my Apple watch tells me to “breath”, I do. Going to the gym or taking a long walk is no longer a chore but a priority. I feel grateful my body can still move and sweat and feel tired at the end of the day.

I have gone back to church and I am attempting to be more patient with myself, my work, and the people I love. I try to not hang on so tightly and have faith that it will all work out. Seeing my best friends made me realize that I have slowly been reconnecting with myself; physically, emotionally, and spiritually this past year.

They reminded me of where I have been, but more importantly who I have become, and I am grateful.

Reconnection Tour 2021, I highly recommend it.