LADY “O”

YOU ARE ENOUGH. THE EXPERIENCE HAD ME

BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY OMENESA ORUMA AKOMOLAFE

Since I returned from the hospital from Kidney Failure, I have become a different person. Not so far out(because I try daily to become a better version of myself), but a lot better of a person, in terms of my eating and self-care habits.

I have been on sick leave for a week now. I finally went to work last night and I could notice that I didn’t only have an experience of being sick,, but the experience had me. Being in the hospital, sick as a dog, throwing up for days, fear and trepidation of if I was going to make it all not, being a patient. .....all of that had me.

I am usually a fast-paced person. I do everything in a hurry and I surprisingly have almost perfect results. I say almost because I guess that small percentage of imperfection is coming from being fast-paced ��, butI doa good job and present satisfactory results at the end. Nevertheless, being at work last night, I noticed I was slower in walking. I was calmer in talking. I was more empathic towards my patients(Because I was recently a patient). I was more calculated in using my body mechanics. I was careful of not bending but rather kneeling. Not only that, but I was intentional in how I used my arms to hold my patient while robbing lotion on their back or helping them with positioning. I did it lovingly, so I wouldn’t bear pain in my arm or cause pain to them.

I was good to myself. I was thinking about my body and kidneys. I was treating them nicely by not sprinting everywhere, but walking carefully. I kept in mind that my kidneys are healing, and so with care, I’ve been carrying myself. I did everything gracefully, from changing my patient’s diapers, to going an extra mile in getting a straw for a patient who asked for it, but I knew he didn’t need it. I did everything I have always done, but differently. With compassion and grace.

The experience or sickness went through me. It made me a better person. I was a

patient and could now understand some needs and demands of my patients. I could see how I wanted to be treated by my Nurses and Doctors. I could understand their pain and their incessant need to use the call bell. I, too, pressed that bell like a maniac when I was in the hospital. I can suddenly relate.

I have also noticed that I eat differently, and I now keep water by my bed side. I drink a lot of fluids, and for every drink I drink other than water, I drink a glass of water to match it. I envision washing my kidneys with love. I envision keeping my body hydrated. I also speak to my kidneys daily. I thank them for being there for me. I thank every part of my body for functioning properly, and I decree and declare that they will be healthy. As I treat them with respect, they too will treat me with respect. This is a powerful routine I have begun. Words of affirmations. Body scanning. Very refreshing and liberating. There are so many changes that have occurred in my life lately, in just under a week. From calling people I haven’t heard from in years, to guarding my peace and not having unnecessary conversations pr confrontations. All these new pacts came from the threat of losing my life, and now that God gave me a miracle, I intend to stay alive. That’s going to happen by not only prayer, but by action. I will need to play a role in my longevity.

Not only have I become a better Caregiver to my patients, I have become a better Caregiver to myself. I remember when my mother was dealing with breast cancer. I swore I would never have anything to do with the medical profession. My father looked at me and said, “You will do very well”. The moment I became a Certified Nursing Assistant, I understood what he meant.

Now that I have fought for my life as a patient, I understand more. Sometimes we experience situations, and in return, situations experience us.

YOU ARE ENOUGH. “RECONNECTION”

BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY AMANDA ASHLEY I PHOTOS BY BEAU RYAN (BEAUYEAH.COM)

2013 I took a journey that changed the course of my life. I was twenty seven years old, and in need of serious soul searching.

My domestic life, and my desire to wholeheartedly pursue my passion were clashing; and the angel and devil rested upon each shoulder were at war. Life felt heavy, and my soul felt empty. I was torn between who I was, what I was becoming, and who I wanted to be.

Through a kickstarter campaign I was funded enough money to support my first D.I.Y tour with Nashville being the main destination. In twenty one days, I performed fourteen shows that spanned from Washington DC, Virginia Beach, South Carolina, Atlanta, Alabama, Tennessee, Ohio and New York. From destination to destination in my tiny Honda Fit I traveled, alone, with a car full of equipment, two cases of sponsored Vodka, a case of water, and a damaged heart. My intention was to open a channel of musical connections that would bloom future opportunities.

The freedom to explore new territory on my own terms without the compromise or persuasion of another felt empowering. I traveled and explored by day, played my shows in the evening, and followed the suggestions of the locals to take in the beauty, history, and flavor of every city I visited. That time by myself brought awareness as to what energy I have to contribute to the world, how fearless I can be, and what makes me feel most alive.

Much like the story “Eat, Pray, Love” It was that very quest that led me to the clarity I soo desperately needed. I felt inspired, rejuvenated, ready for change and to reclaim my life. It was the first time I was able to admit aloud how unhappy I truly was in all the days leading up to that very trip.

My transition began the moment my feet hit Memphis, TN. I arrived in the late afternoon, just a few hours prior to my first performance at a venue called Jack Magoos. I parked my car and set my feet ten off of Beale for the first time as an adult and musician. There was a band playing in W.C Handy Park, and the street was alive with flashing colorful lights, people actively bustling their way from venue to venue up and down the strip. the bar and struck conversation with the bartender as I ate my dinner. With him I shared my journey, and the rest of the shows, places, and plans I looked forward to carrying through. At the time, I had no place set in stone to stay in Nashville, and the man was kind enough to link me to a former employee and friend who had just recently left Memphis to begin her next chapter in Nashville. On the back of the receipt, he scribbled her name and number, and told me to call her at 4P that Sunday to arrange my stay, and So I did.

Three days later, I arrived at her doorstep and my journey through Nashville began. I was greeted by three beautiful souls; two girls and one guy, who graciously took me in as a complete stranger, and allowed me to crash on their couch for seven days.

That week I played through my shows, busked on the streets, and made a wealth of connections. It was the first time in a long while that I felt a sense of belonging.

Midway through what was supposed to be my last day in Nashville my phone had been stolen at an afternoon show that I was performing at, downtown at the National Underground on Broadway.

I panicked. Everything I had recorded throughout my journey, my GPS, my contacts, bank information, etc was LOST in the hands of another, and to top it all off, the following day I was

“To connect on a human level with yourself is SOO essential. From our former selves we can grow, and choose to discard whichever pieces no longer fit our frame.”

scheduled to perform at a venue in Indianapolis. My new friends who were there to support me at my performance consoled me as they witnessed my emotional meltdown. It was in that moment that everything came to a head. I was vulnerable, I was angry, I was worried, and my husband at home wouldn’t even pick up the phone out of spite. My life felt like a complete sham and I hated myself.

Don’t worry though, there is a happy ending.

In order to see things differently, we need to see different things. What I saw that day was a small group of compassionate people pulling together for someone they didn’t know for more than a week. An old phone with a GPS was given to me, and that evening we cooked dinner, went for a walk in Centennial Park, and went back to the house to throw back a little moonshine as we poorly salsa danced in the kitchen, and filled the house with laughter. I never made it to my show in Indianapolis the next day. I did, however, end up extending my stay and became a temporary fourth housemate for three extra nights.

If it weren’t for that tragic moment, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to foster what has become one of my most treasured friendships. If it weren’t for that bartender in Memphis, I never would’ve arrived at his doorstep.

Within a year of that trip I found myself back in Nashville, this time having had left my husband and feeling out whether or not making a permanent move would be right for me. Six months later I toured my way through again, and I continued to visit every six months consistently up until the birth of my child. ************************************* ******************* Fast forward 8 years to now; I sit here writing at the airport after just having spent eight days retracing my old tracks in Memphis and Nashville with my sister to commemorate her 50th birthday. It’s been nearly a decade since we’ve last traveled together alone, and the first time that I’ve been apart from my son and partner for more than just a couple of nights. This was also our first trip since the Global Pandemic.

Those combined components made it an interesting and enlightening journey. For the first time in five years I was able to let loose; no curfews or babysitters to have to rush home to, temporarily relieved of all work obligations and domestic duties. It was an opportunity to revisit my former self, pre-covid and before motherhood.

Together we bounced around both cities, explored and absorbed as much of the Southern history and culture as we could take in. It felt invigorating, and it once again reminded me of who I was, and more importantly, who I still am at my core.

Connection and reconnection were the main themes that rang in my head throughout our entire journey. Late Tuesday evening my sister arrived at the home of my treasured friend whom I previously mentioned. In our rental car she pulled into the driveway, and together we shared a beverage before hauling an UBER to take us to the heart of downtown Nashville. Exhilarated, and eager to show her around, we hopped from music venue to music venue, reunited and prepared to take on the city.

Throughout one of our many conversations, I expressed my gratitude for the connection that bartender in Memphis had made between myself and my friend. I never did see that man again, nor did I recall his name, but expressed how I soo badly wished I could see him face to face again one day to thank him for the positive impact his kind gesture had on my life.

NEVER in a million years did I imagine that the very following day that opportunity would come knocking.

With heads throbbing, we hit the road the following morning and drove two hundred miles to Memphis. After settling into our AirBNB, we made our way towards Beale Street to dine. A Memphis native overheard us indecisively chatting along the way as to what we wanted to coat our stomachs with, and recommended that we go try Blues City Cafe for some Southern BBQ.

So we did.

When we arrived we were seated by the host, and were eventually greeted by our server, who was also the bartender. He told us his name, and that he’d be right back with our drink order. His voice and his energy were all too familiar.

“ What does matter, is that I had the opportunity to actually look that man in the eyes and tell him that what he did made a difference, that he mattered, and that his impact had been felt.”

I looked at my sister, and I said “I think that’s him. THAT’S the guy!!”

When he returned I asked him, “Hey, this might sound strange but…..any chance you worked at a place called Jack Magoos about eight years ago and had a friend named ____ that used to work at the same place who moved to Nashville?”

When he replied “Yes” I swear my jar dropped and tears filled my eyes. I briefed him about the story to which he could only somewhat recall.

I then looked at him and said, “ I’ve long wished for this moment to have the opportunity to THANK YOU, and here you are standing right before me. What you did that day made such a difference in my life, and I am soo grateful for having met you that day.”

The irony of life. RECONNECTION in its finest hour.

Whether or not he remembered me doesn’t matter. From what I’ve gathered from our second encounter is that his act of kindness wasn’t something out of the ordinary. What he had done for me, I’m sure he has done, or would’ve done for anyone else. He was just being him. What does matter, is that I had the opportunity to actually look that man in the eyes and tell him that what he did made a difference, that he mattered, and that his impact had been felt.

It was an incredibly powerful moment, and one of the highlights of my trip.

To connect on a human level with yourself is SOO essential. From our former selves we can grow, and choose to discard whichever pieces no longer fit our frame. However, don’t lose your grip on those mainstays that make you feel alive, validated, happy, and exhilarated. Most importantly, never underestimate the power of impact. Just one, small kind gesture can impact someone’s life in ways you’ve never imagined.

Even despite all the personal work I’ve done in the past year, the work I’ve done to maintain balance within my personal and professional life, the struggle is STILL ongoing. As women we often try to be everything for everyone and put ourselves last.

Whether you getaway overnight to some place an hour away, or take a week-long trip to some place far away; make it a priority for your well being to give yourself a break and to set aside some time to reconnect with yourself and what truly makes you feel happy to be you.

Be good to yourself, and don’t lose sight of your happiness. We have one life to live, and it is up to you to live it the best way you know how.

CAMILLECONTI.COM

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