Transform Adrienne Kerr
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Rachel ‘This is the late 60’s where people are being persecuted and put into prison just for being gay. What on earth would they do to someone like me?’
“Around about the age of 8, I realised I was different. The first experience I had was in our front room at home as a boy playing with a sword; My mum was altering the curtains on the front window which were made of red velvet and there was some on the floor which I picked up and put around
around to the fact that she’d got breast surgery, which is a big thing when you’re growing up and I said, “Have you ever worn a bra?”, and my two friends went “What, of course not! Where did that come from?” What I was trying to do was explore what was going on in my head, because I
of my wardrobe because I couldn’t think of anywhere else to put it. Eventually my mum found it and she said ‘Whats going on here?’ and I said ‘Oh, one of your bras must have dropped down on the floor when you were putting it in the washing basket and I picked it up and at the same
me when she left the room. I don’t know why but I just felt different or happier. Of course, my mum walked in and said ‘What
was actually wearing my mum’s bra and her clothing even at that age and really thinking ‘Is this normal, do other people
time I was doing my fountain pen and the ink from the fountain pen went on it and therefore I thought I might as well make it
are you doing? And I said ‘Oh, I’m a Roman centurion’ and picked up my sword and there I was as a Roman Centurion. And that has actually stuck in my mind. Why did I go and pick this piece of cloth up and put it round my waist? And also, why did I feel guilty when my mum asked me what I was doing, and immediately try to cover it up?
do this or am I just mad or something?’ So I tested it out and of course they looked at me dumbfounded and said “Well, of course, we don’t wear a bra.” And I thought ‘Oh okay, I won’t mention that again!’ There was an incident with my mum, she always wore white bras and I don’t know
all black rather than have it stained.’ And she actually believed it funnily enough because I asked her the question later on, as in a few years ago, did you realise then what I was doing? And she said no. Also another little incident was at that time my grandmother and grandfather came to live with us because my grandfather was pretty
Round about the age of 15 me and my friends all gathered together every night as a little gang and I remember there was a girl at school who’s in the next age group –
why but I remember I had some dirty magazines and I’d got them hidden in my bedroom. Through looking through these pictures I’d had this idea I wanted a black bra. So, I got some Quink ink, put
ill and he died not long after that and my grandmother got dementia and then my mum looked after but before she got really bad I was out in the shed, and by this time I’d got stockings and suspenders and all
she was in the 6th form and I was in the 4th form – her name was Dorothy, everyone
it in a saucepan, put my mums white bra in and made it go black then wore it and
my mums stuff such as bra and dress, and I’m in there trying to put stockings on..
called her Dot. And I said, “what do you think of Dot?” And they said “Oh she’s alright isn’t she!” and I got this conversation
got Quink ink all over me and then I think the next day I was going to school so I left the saucepan with the bra in it on the top
I’d forgotten to lock the shed door so my grandmother came into the shed and just looked at me and she went ‘oh!’ and shut
the door and walked out, and that was never uttered. She never uttered a word to anyone about that which is amazing. I just find it astounding. She either accepted what I was doing and she didn’t want to embarrass me by telling my mum, or she just put it out of her mind like ‘I didn’t see that.’ This is the late 60’s, a long time ago, and actually, even then I think they were putting gays in prison, so at that time gays are being persecuted and put into prison just for being gay so what on earth would they do to someone like me?
Julien ‘I haven’t got a female name that I use when I dress, but I guess it could be Julie.’
I first realised I liked women’s clothing at a young age when I tried on tights. I never tried on makeup when I was younger but I always had a love for tights and pantyhose and always had an admiration for girls who could wear them freely without being judged. I thought it was wrong wearing tights, I considered it as a woman’s outfit, but around 10 years ago I started to wear high heels and dresses. Before then I’d only worn them maybe once as a teen. It’s about 25 years later and now I wear tights mainly in the winter. When I do dress, I prefer to do it when its cooler because of the style of clothes I like. It’s more difficult in the summer to wear a long sleeve dress with tights. At the moment I dress at home but I’ve started going out in my car and driving around to work my confidence up. In the past years, I’ve contacted some women friends about liking to crossdress. Most reacted well, and three of them ended up giving me tips.
Two of the women that I told asked if I had turned gay and never expected me to dress up. On the whole, the advice has been good, I’ve been told some of the tights I use aren’t right for me and the clothes I wear have been too tight which give off the vibe of me being a bitch. I’ve also been told I’m a body type H (shoulders align with the waist and hips) which has helped me dress to suit my body. I’m thankful the women I’ve told have received the news well and have wanted to help me out, although it did take some time and did have to think hard about how I’d tell them. In the end, I feel better for it as it’s helped me feel more secure and help me find who my true friends are. The ones who can accept me for who I am. When photographing myself, I tend to take pictures focusing on the outfit and crop out my face, I like people to see what I’m wearing first. I only show people the whole photo when I feel I know them, as it’s
hard to trust people on the internet. I have a daughter, my baby girl: she’s 7. I’m waiting to tell her about myself when she’s older. I and her mother have a complicated relationship. I’m French and she’s American Mexican. The mother of my daughter caught me through seeing a picture of myself dressing, she felt disturbed at the thought. We talked about it but she refused to see me like that; She refuses to accept the fact that I cross dress which is why we’re not living together. She believes the clothes I was wearing are only for women and wasn’t to wear them as I was there to be an example to our daughter. It’s a difficult situation but I’ve found it’s better to show who I really am and not be accepted by one person than to hide my true self. I did think about stopping but I guess the female side of me refuses. I think I dress for the aesthetic of being in women’s clothes and also the feeling I get and I’ll keep
on dressing until my body looks looking for a woman but with no ugly in the clothes that i wear. success, possibly due to my loca-tion. But I’m 35 years old and living in a If I look back and think what I’d small city. I’m constantly busy with say to my younger self it’s this: You work too. Sometimes I feel I should should have started earlier in life. I go back to France or somewhere dont really feel self-concious any else in Europe where I think I’d feel more because I’ve made progress to freer. I don’t know yet If I’d be able accept who I am and become more to leave my daughter, time will tell. open to let people know about my true self but It will have made me more fearless and willing to talk to people easier. Maybe If I’d have taken my own advice I would have found a woman who will have been accepting? It’s easy to talk to people through Cross-dressing sites. I haven’t met any other cross dresswers face to face but I’ve talked with some online, they didn’t really give me any advice; most just wanted to hook up. I don’t feel as though I fit into any category of crossdresser because I don’t wear makeup, wigs or have fake boobs. I have tried but I don’t like the feeling of going all the way. My style is my own, I’ve never been influenced by anyone but I have re-ceived tips. I have tried
Rhys ‘I’ve cross-dressed once or twice; it’s refreshing to feel like someone different for a while.’
Trans rememberance
Many thanks to... Rhys Julien Rachel