KEY WEST
2 N D
A N N U A L
FILM FESTIVAL
KEY WEST
N OV E M B E R 1 3 - 1 7
FILM FESTIVAL
W W W . K W F I L M F E S T. C O M
@KeyWestFilmFest Keywestfilmfestival
Sip a morning coffee on the beach with a spectacular sunrise. Enjoy a delicious burger while you’re lounging in the sun. Have a romantic candlelight dinner overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. Unlike any other restaurant in Key West, this is open air, oceanfront dining at its best. Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner 7 days a week from 8am to 10pm Happy Hour Sunday-Thursday 4-7pm at the Southernmost Beach CafÊ.
1405 Duval Street 305 295 6550
Ingredients Restaurant, Bar & Nightlife magazine
10 BarTab Bar Buzz
island happy hour guide
BarShots 08
13 Music Calendar
lazy gecko, margaritaville, hog’s breath, green parrot
25 Thanks for the Info by bill hoebee
29 Profiles
Publisher Lawrence Bradley, Jr larry@kwbartab.com
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Design Flypaper Publishing info@flypaperpublishing.com
jules @ agave 305 / rooftop cafe brooke christian @ key west film festival jevne miller @ djjevne.com / onethirtyrecordings.com
32 Map of Key West 38 Restaurant & Bar Listings
info on over 100 key west bars & restaurants
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by leigh pujado
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53 Eat It
bone-in filet @ primesteakhouse
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mr z’s, caroline’s cafe, amigos, luigi’s secret recipes
62 BarTab Classifieds
6 kwBarTab.com
David Sloan sloaniv@gmail.com BarTab PhotoG Nick Doll NickDollPhotography.com
54 Drink It
bacon bloody mary @ rumor lounge
Words by Bill Hoebee billhoebee@clearchannel.com Leigh Pujado cleighpujado@gmail.com
48 The Pompatus of Lyrics
56 Menus & Delivery Guide
PO Box 4951 Key West, FL 33041 www.kwBarTab.com 305.292.6262
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BarTab magazine is a free ‘monthly’ publication distributed throughout Key West, FL. Omissions in BarTab are at the discretion of the publisher. Offers & promotions printed in these pages are guesses at best & if honored by the establishments are coincidence only. All rights reserved & contents © 2004-2013.
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Agave 308
Amigos
Bagatelle
416 Appelrouth 305.414.8626 Free bacon Happy Hour 4:30-6:30p Monday-Friday 50% off beers & wines
308 Front 305.294.2042 Happy Hour $6 house margarita, $4 well cocktails & discounted beers 4:30-6:30p & 10p-12a
425 Greene 305.292.2009 Open late, & we mean late night every Friday & Saturday midnight-6a is Locals’ Late Night!
115 Duval 305.296.6609 Happy Hour 5-7p half price drinks with a $5-7 small plate menu.
Blue Heaven
Bottle Cap
Charlie Mac’s
Conch Republic
729 Thomas 305.296.8666 One of the best outdoor venues in the Keys! Bloody Marys are the specialties here at their outdoor bar.
1128 Simonton 305.296.2807 Happy Hour 4-7p & get a FREE $25 bar tab on your birthday!
404 Southard 305.320.0204 Happy Hour 4-7p with discounts on all wells & all drafts. Live music on weekends & the home of the SM Canes’ Club
631 Greene 305.294.4403 Happy Hour 4-7p 2 for 1 premium well drinks, all domestic & imported beers
Dante’s
Grand Café
Green Parrot
Half Shell
951 Caroline 305.293.5123 Happy Hour 4-8p 1/2 off doms & wells plus a dozen shot specials $5 app menu & 3-4-$2 raw bar
314 Duval, 305.292.4740 Happy Hour 11am-5p with discounts on all frozen drinks, mojitos & margaritas
601 Whitehead 305.294.6133 Happy Hour 4-7p daily with “sound-checks” at 5:30p every Friday. Monday night Bingo @ 7p
231 Margaret 305.294.7496 Happy Hour 4:306:30p with 2-4-1 drink specials & food menu with seafood specials & $5 items
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Hog’s Breath
Irish Kevin’s
Island Dogs
Jack Flats
400 Front 305.296.4222 Drink Discounts on all liquor & beer 5-7p Live music all day from 1pm-2a
211 Duval 305.292.1262 Happy Hour open-6p $1 off wells & $3 pints of Bud Light & live music all day long!
505 Front 305.509.7136 Happy Hour 3-6p 1/2 priced wells, beers & wine with $5 food menu & 1/2 priced oysters
509.5 Duval 305.294.7955 12 High Def Projection TVs with personal speakers to listen. Late night food till 1a
JDL’s Big Ten
Krawl
920 Caroline 305.294.6277 2 Happy Hours 3-6p & 11p-2a Get $1 off all drinks
506 Southard 305.735.4146 Happy Hour 5-7p all draft beer 2-4-1
Kelly’s Caribbean 301 Whitehead 305.293.8484 Happy Hour 4-7p $350 margaritas, $2 micro brews & 1/2 priced hot, mild, jerk or sweet & hot wings
Lazy Gecko 203 Duval 305 292.1903 Happy Hour 5-8p wells & beers 2-4-1 & $5 food items
Little Room Jazz Club
Luigi’s Secret Recipes
Margaritaville
Point 5
821 Duval 2 Happy Hours 4-8p & 12:30-2:30a all drinks 2-4-1 music nightly 8:30p-1a
521 Fleming 305.292.4962 Happy Hour 3-6p 2 slices of cheese pizza & a domestic beer for $6
500 Duval 305.292.1435 Get an original Cheeseburger in Paradise! Along with signature margarita
915 Duval 305.296.0669 Full menu until 12am. DJs & Happy Hour every Fri, Sat & Sun starting at 10pm. Open Sun-Thurs, 5-12am & Fri, Sat, 5-2am.
Prime Steakhouse 951 Caroline 305.296.4000 Steaks, seafood, martinis & fine wine. Opens daily at 6p
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Rumor Lounge
Rum Barrel 528 Front 305.292.7862 Happy Hour 4-7p 2-for-1 Domestics & Wells & the best $5 ‘App’ menu in town! [at the bar only]
Smokin’ Tuna Saloon
Solo
4 Charles 305.517.6350 Happy Hour 5-7p Discounts on beers & well drinks with live music starting at 6p
610 Greene 305.296.2033 Happy Hour 4-6p 1/2 priced apps, flatbreads & all drinks
430 Greene Happy Hour 5-8p with $3 wells & $2 dom drafts Sundays Bacon Bloody Marys all day.
Southernmost Beach Café
Santiago’s Bodega
207 Petronia 305.296.7691 Happy Hour 3-6p 5 tapas for only $5 1/2 priced beers, glasses of wine & sangria or $10 off all bottles & pitchers of sangria
Sunset Pier
Tattoos & Scars
1405 Duval 305.295.6550 Happy Hour 4-7p Your choice of wings, tuna sliders, popcorn shrimp or personal griller for $4 & drink specials
0 Duval 305.296.7701 Terrific Sunset View Nov 5:38p Dec 5:41p
512 Greene St 2-4-1 Happy Hour 4-7p & Sun-Thurs 2-4a dom beers & wells, & $2 PBR draft all day
Turtle Kraals
Virgilio’s
Willie T’s
231 Margaret 305.294.2640 Happy Hour 4:306:30p with 50% off wells, beers & wines w/ food menu specials starting at $5
524 Duval 305.296.8118 Home of Martini Monday $5 martinis 7p-close Live music most nights at 9p
World of Beer
525 Duval 305.294.7674 Happy Hour 4-7p Discounted liquor drinks & beers
511 Greene 305.517.6260 Monday is SIN Half-off select drafts all night long for all in the hospitality business!
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FREE SCREENING!
ON THE BEACH!
AT SOUTHERNMOST HOTEL COLLECTION
NOVEMBER 13 I 7:30 PM SPECIAL GUEST MC "HOEBEE IN THE AFTERNOON" WILL BE ON HAND FOR SOME PRE FILM TRIVIA
T H E K E Y W E S T F I L M F E S T I VA L P R E S E N T S
OPENING ACT NICK NORMAN
N O V E M B E 9Rp m 1 5 KEY WEST
THE SAN CARLOS
FILM FESTIVAL
W W W. K W F I L M F E S T. C O M
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Thanks for the info A
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s we all know, we live in a world of instant information, misinformation and for some - lack of information. You can log onto the Internet and type in “left handed midget lesbian albinos” and you’ll learn more than you could ever imagine on the topic. Yet we still don’t know exactly how the new pope was elected or what happens in the Supreme Court. We see drug companies get their latest offerings approved by the FDA only to have them taken off the market due to side effects such as…death and what not. It all makes absolute sense to me. When these drugs first came out, their press releases announced they would “cure our ills with minimal side effects,” which turned out to be utterly wrong. Now we’re told that they’re bad and we’re ready to believe that too. I guess that means if I made up a story (and got somebody to print it) that said “Mayor Cates caught red handed making crop circles naked in North Dakota pasture,” “Mt. Trashmore selected as the site of the new X-Games” or “our former official ‘chicken catcher’ himself was taken hostage by a small powerful group of insurgent chickens” that someone, somewhere would believe it and if they didn’t know any better they’d go on and tell someone and so on. The rumor mill in action.
People constantly get their identities stolen and credit card numbers used for scumbags’ personal shopping sprees. The more you put out there, the greater the odds that someone’s gonna get a hold of it. This makes me happy that I no longer have to list my life history to buy a pack of batteries at Radio Shack and more. I suppose that change is inevitable and in this day and age anyone can find out anything about anyone. So it’s kind of ironic that I like to watch TV so much and now find myself wondering if the History (Hitler) Channel special on “Attila the Hun” was even true. Maybe he was really a nice guy?! And I’ve gone through all this time thinking he was a scumbag. But the info I really can’t stand are those moronic TV commercials that treat us like we’re a tribe of babbling stumps. Assuming if they confuse us with rappers and movie stars and pretty colors and slogans we’ll buy their crap. I’d rather pay a little less for Quaker Oatmeal than hear highly paid spokes-thing Wilford Brimley tell me how good it is for me. I’m NOT taking nutritional advice from a man the size of a Prius. What about the 40-something woman with the red rose in the Nyquil commercial? Did her husband really need to explain the wonders of 25
this medicine to her, and tell her it will “make you sleep like before we had kids”? That slogan seemed to be the big selling point for her on this new fangled, city slicker, snake oil known only as Nyquil. Was it even possible that the info on Nyquil slipped under the radar screen for some 40-odd years? I still use it, because it works (besides the wacky nightmares). But if I hadn’t used Nyquil before, I’d prefer hearing “Nyquil knocks your ass out when you feel like crap…that’s why they always show us taking it in bed because that’s as far as you go.” On a related note, I kind of miss those commercials for Enzyme Male Enhancement pills. Probably because it was proven that they don’t work. If you took convenience-store-available big dick pills – you probably are a b_ _ _ _ _ _k. Remember those spots with “Bob” and his new “air of confidence about him” and everybody in the neighborhood looking at him like he just scored the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl, or found a cure for cancer, just because he now has a bigger Johnson. What they should have said was “Bob used to have low self esteem and everybody thought of him as crap with feet. Now that he’s hung like a donkey everybody loves him!... because he’s…delusional.” I hated them when they were on. I’ve seen better bodies blown out of the Hindenburg. 26 kwBarTab.com
Even those constant midday commercials for schools are fucked up. The ITT Tech ads show a Harvard-like campus and a little foreign guy says “ITT Tech, it’s a great place for learning” Oh… really? So that’s what you’re up to over there. Thanks for the info, I’m learning already. And then there’s the company with the best slogan ever: “Sam Adams beer, it’s always a good decision” Now there’s a spot that shows a guy screaming, apparently because Sam Adams Light beer is soooo good. Tell ya what, if the taste of ANY light beer is exciting enough to make you fucking scream, perhaps a commercial for Betty Ford or another reputable rehab facility would be more useful. The government is always going to know more about us than we know about it. The Internet will continue to expand until there’s a spot to find every bizarre fetish in the world in one click. Information will be dealt out faster and faster. It’s up to you to decide what’s true and what’s, for lack of a better word…BULLSHIT. P.S. Sorry if this didn’t make any sense, I was in a hurry to grab a six pack of Sam Adams Light… I’ve heard they’re REALLY GOOD. Bill Hoebee is on weekdays 2-7pm on the Florida Keys #1 radio show, “Hoebee in the Afternoon” on SUN 99.5 FM & also the host of Keys TV’s Club Hour.
BT: Tell us about your rise to becoming the “Tequila Mistress of Key West.” J: I love drinking tequila. It’s an amazing spirit I love mixing with fresh ingredients. The point of the bar is to present tequila with a fresh approach, reintroduce it to people that, may have had a bad experience. But one of the main focus is the cocktails. I just wanted to use quality, fresh ingredients in the drinks. I think it shines through. BT: What cocktail do you serve the most? J: Probably the Basil Citrus Splash. A close second would be the Caliente Cucumber.
Jules @ Agave 305 BT: What’s your full name, age & hometown? Julie Lynn Mavromatis. I’m 33 years old & I’m from Windsor, Ontario, Canada. BT: Where did you get your start mixing cocktails? J: Surprisingly, in a little town called South Haven, Mississippi 7 years ago. BT: What was your first job ever? J: It was a butcher shop. Probably when I was about 13 years old. Weighing & wrapping meat. [Laughs] BT: How did you start working at Rooftop Cafe & Agave? J: I got to Key West in 2008 during Fantasy Fest & took a couple of weeks to settle in. After Fantasy Fest I started taking resumes all over the place. I walked into Rooftop Cafe, they took my resume, I had an interview the next day, I got hired that day & I started work the next day. I got hired immediately & worked for them ever since.
BT: Are you planning on going to any events this year? J: I’m working every single night of Fantasy Fest. I know that’s lame. I’ll go out after & party. I’d like to make it to the Tutu party, if I can get out of work in time. That would be my favorite. BT: Your 3 favorite Key West restaurants [not Rooftop]? J: I have to say Azur, BlackFin Bistro & 2 Cents. The olives at 2 Cents are amazing. BT: Drink of choice? J: An amazing shot of blanco tequila. Casamigos Blanco is my favorite at the moment. It’s ever changing, but at this moment, it’s Casamigos Blanco. I just love to sip on that. BT: Biggest bartending perk? J: Being able to constantly try all the new tequilas & create new cocktails. Putting new flavors together & constantly trying new things, I think that’s a perk. It’s a job that’s never the same day twice. Constantly meeting new people. You get to know a lot of people. It’s pretty fun. Order one of Agave’s amazing craft cocktail menu with Jules most nights at 305 Front St, under Rooftop Cafe. kwBarTab.com
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HAPPY HOUR DAILY 5PM UNTIL 8PM $2 NON-PREMIUM DOMESTIC DRAFTS, $3 WELL DRINKS, AND $4 SELECT WINES
films than we had last year & we’re hoping attendance will go up accordingly.
Brooke @ KW Film Festival BT: How did you develop an interest in the film industry? B: I’ve always been a movie fan. But in the past 15 years, I’ve made acquaintances with some people who are screenwriters. I think increasingly being around people who are interested in the production of film kind of peaked my interest in having some business enterprise to do with film. BT: What kind of range do the films have this year? B: We’re showing a John Waters movie to a CubanAmerican documentary. There’s another collection of shorts that were shown at Sundance that we’re also excited about. I think that the strength of our lineup is in the diversity & regardless of the type of film or where your interest lies, I think you’re able to find anywhere between 1 - 10 films that you could get excited about. BT: How has the festival grown over the last year? B: We’ve had probably 25% increase - the film festival itself is over a day longer. We have at least 6 or 8 more
BT: Has the energy changed in the preparation of the festival with so many more entries? B: Absolutely. You can never really tell, in terms of the specific lineup of films, the actual impact that will have on attendance. But certainly, we’ve taken on films that we’re very excited about. It definitely energizes us a great deal. A last-minute, signed on a film called August: Osage County, which has Meryl Streep in it. We’re extremely excited to have that. It’s gotten lots of critical acclaim, & it was a great addition. When we make certain additions, we’re excited about them, it does infuse energy into the whole program. & I hope that that trickles down & through the feeling of the overall festival itself. BT: Do you have any other general shout-outs? B: I would say just some of the special events we’re pretty excited about. Griffin House is one of my favorite alternative recording artists. He’s scheduled to play at the festival. We’re also having some event parties, the kick-off parties at the Southernmost Hotel. Also, after Mariel Hemingway’s movie being show, we’re having an event with her hosted at the Hemingway House. I would say those 3 things are, probably, our biggest events. BT: Are the awards predetermine? B: Actually, it’s all audience participation. So we give out polls for every single movie viewer. & they get to vote & at the end, we tally it. There’s a Foreign Films category. There’s a Best Overall category. There’s different categories for different films, but it’s all audience decided. The Key West Film Festival is Nov 13-17th. For more info, visit www.kwfilmfest.com. kwBarTab.com
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RESTAURANTS & BARS 2 CENTS AGAVE 308 AMIGOS BAGATELLE BLUE HEAVEN CAROLINE’S CHARLIE MAC’S DANTE’S / PRIME STEAKHOUSE GREEN PARROT HOG’S BREATH IRISH KEVIN’S JACK FLATS JDL’S BIG 10 SPORTS BAR KELLY’S KRAWL OFF DUVAL LAZY GECKO LITTLE ROOM JAZZ CLUB LUIGI’S SECRET RECIPES MARGARITAVILLE MR. Z’S POINT 5 PRIME STEAKHOUSE / DANTE’S RUM BARREL RUMOR LOUNGE SANTIAGO’S BODEGA SMOKIN’ TUNA SOLO SOUTHERNMOST BEACH CAFÉ SUNSET PIER / HOT TIN ROOF TATTOOS & SCARS WILLIE T’S VIRGILIO’S
B4 A2 B2 B2 B5 B3 B4 D1 B4 A2 B2 B3 D1 B3 C4 B2 C5 C3 B4 C3 C5 D1 B1 B2 B5 B2 C2 D7 B4 B2 C3 B4
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STORES & SERVICES KW ALOE BAREFOOT BILLY’S BI-PLANE TOURS
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CAPRICORN JEWELRY CITY VIEW TROLLEYS KW HAMMOCK CO.
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Key West’s Best Jetski Tour Guided Tours & Hourly Rentals
INFINITY HAIR SALON SEASIDE
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SOUTHERNMOST CIGAR CLUB
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BT: Full name, age & drink of choice? Jevne Miller, 38, & drink of choice, tequila, straight up.
BT: How did the music career begin? J: I started going to raves back in the day, & was just lovin’ it. When I went to college in ’93, I met a buddy who was DJing, & we started playing around with records. The following year, I decided I wanted to start DJing, so I started collecting records & playing college parties. I moved back to Minneapolis, & started playing big raves every weekend in the summer, that moved to clubs, & before I knew it, I owned a record label, & I was traveling the world DJing. BT: Describe your sound. J: Anywhere from super deep house, sexy & smooth, to tribal & tech house, that can just completely bang the club out. BT: How do you typically get the crowd going? J: Well, it depends on where I’m playing. But ideally I play what I do, & play original music. I also play live bass guitar with my DJ sets when I’m on the road & people love to see that. When I’m in Key West, there’s obviously Fantasy Fest, & getting dressed up in a costume, & acting silly, & just being really in to your own music, & when you’re into it, the crowd’s into it. 34 kwBarTab.com
photoG Nick Doll
BT: What’s your history in Key West? J: I’ve been coming down for the last 14 years. I played at Wax for the first couple times I came down. I started making my trips longer & longer before I knew it. Now I’m spending 3 months a year here--the last 3 months of every year.
DJ Jevne @djjevne.COM BT: What’s heavy in your rotation at the moment? J: Gomez & Guerrero, Taking It Deep. BT: What are you listening to right now? J: I’ve been listening a ton to the new Bonobo album. It’s in my rotation all the time now. One of my all-time favorite bands, if not pretty much my all-time favorite band, is Sunny Day Real Estate, which has nothing to do with house music, but they are my all-time favorite. BT: Is there anything else you’d like to say to our readers-shameless shout-outs, or plugs? J: I love Key West so much, & there’s always good vibes here. I always feel so amazingly welcome, & you can check out more about what I do at DJjevne.com & OneThirtyRecordings.com. Check out DJ Jevne Nov 7th & Dec 5th @ Rumor Lounge & Nov 8th & Dec 13th @ the Bottle Cap Groove Lounge
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AGAVE 308
Key West’s first Tequila Bar with over 60 Varieties of Tequila
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Bar & Restaurant Listings Listings appear in alphabetical order. If you would like to update please contact us at info@kwBarTab.com Cheers! Get 2-4-1 drinks daily or 10% off your food order at over 25 KW bars & restaurants a with the Bar & Restaurant Cards. www.KeyWestBarCard.com
2¢
UFO
416 Appelrouth, 305 414 8626 • An off the
ALONZO’S
UWFO
700 Front, 294 5880 • One of the best views & great 4-6:30p HH. Stay after for a top rate menu & seafood selection.
AMBROSIA
✆F
1401 Simonton, 293 0304 • Amazing bar,
lounge & restaurant. The new look may be a bit much to some die hard fans, but they are still serving up some of the best sushi in town.
AMIGOS
OL
425 Greene, 292 2009 • Tacos2, burritos,
beaten path gastropub with graffiti-tagged walls with dishes from wings & burgers to yellowtail snapper & soft shell crab.
nachos & more. Not only delivering Mexican food to your door, you can get margaritas or some beer too! Open 8a-1a, Fri & Sat till 6a delivery 11a-11p.
801 BOURBON
ANTONIA’S
LAM
801 Duval, 294 4737 • The front bar is the
locals’ hangout. Drag shows upstairs at 9 & 11pm, bingo on Sun. Saloon 1 in back is not for the timid or faint-hearted. 4 TVs [w/ porn] Get a 2-4-1 daily with your
915 [NINE ONE FIVE]
✆UFO
915 Duval, 296 0669 • Mediterranean–
American tapas menu with a tuna dome that can’t be missed. One of the finest wine lists in the Keys with ample indoor & outdoor seating.
AGAVE 308
ULF
308 Front, 509 7304 • Key West’s first tequila
bar, with over 50 different tequila & 20 craft cocktails. Open 11a-1a or later, with HH 4:306:30p & 10p-12a. 38 kwBarTab.com
✆UF
615 Duval, 294 6565 • This amazing Italian restaurant is one of Duval’s finest. 100s of wines by the bottle & original Italian menu creations daily. Lunch Mon-Fri 11am-2p & dinner every night at 5p with TK at the bar.
AQUA
LAOM
711 Duval, 294 0555 • Aquanettes perform every night @ 9p, Fri & Sat 9&11p, w/ DJ music after the shows. Dueling bartenders every Mon 5:30-8:30p, karaoke at 11p. Get a 2-4-1 daily with your
AZUR
UF
425 Grinnell, 292 2987 • Mediterranean fare at one of Key West’s chef owned restaurants. Breakfast 8a Mon-Fri, lunch till 2p. Dinner 6-10p Mon-Sat & a brunch on Sun.
LGO
BAGATELLE
115 Duval, 296 6609 • Daytime & evening
menus designed by chef Maria Manso. HH 5-7p with $5-7 small plates & drink specials. 2-4-1 daily w/ 10% off food w/
FMW
BARRELHEAD BAR
711 Palm, 296 9189 • Located at Garrison
Bight, made famous by James Bond himself. HH 4:30-7p w/ 1/2 priced drink specials. Breakfast served 6-10a & late night menu. Get a 2-4-1 daily with your
BEACH BAR @ the Pier House
WFO
01 Duval 296 4600 • Stop by for lunch or just sit oceanside at the bar & soak in some of their island drinks. Ask about their live music.
BERLIN’S
✆WUFO
700 Front, 294 5880 • Feeling swanky? Go upstairs at A&B Lobster House for one of the best menus in town. Great view of the harbor & the only cigar bar in town.
BETTER THAN SEX
UFL
926 Simonton, 296 8102 • Erotically charged atmosphere, sporting dessert dishes like Jungle Fever & Missionary Crisp. Open daily 6pm-midnight.
BLACKFIN BISTRO
FO
918 Duval, 509 7408 • From breakfast inside
with a view of Duval to late night dinner on the back deck, Blackfin offers savory bistro cuisine with a true Key West flare with fantastic outdoor dining.
✆ reservations recommended U upscale F food served G food served late S sports
BLUE HEAVEN
FOM
729 Thomas, 296 8666 • Cats & chickens
living in harmony & an award winning wine list that complements extraordinary food. One of Key West’s best breakfast/brunch spots.
BLUE MOJITO
WUFO
601 Front • At the Hyatt, plenty of waterfront couches to chill on. Light food served & full liquor bar & offering 20% locals’ discount. Get a 2-4-1 daily with your
LA 900 Simonton, 294 2655 • One block off
THE CAFÉ
F
509 Southard, 296 5515 • Mostly vegetarian
entrees, sandwiches & awesome veggie burger. Organic wines, specialty beers & herbal teas. Open daily Mon–Sat 11am-10p. Delivery or take out.
CAFÉ SOLÉ
UFO
1029 Southard, 294 0230 • A few blocks from Duval & some of the most authentic cuisine this side of Paris. Fine wine, sherry & ports.
UF
BOBBY’S MONKEY BAR
CAMILLE’S
Duval, activities provided through the week. Karaoke 9:30p Mon, Thurs, Fri & Sun. Tues 7p pool tourney. HH noon-8p on beer & wells.
1202 Simonton, 296 4811 • A locals’ favorite w/ a menu that changes daily. Serving a fantastic breakfast, lunch & dinner. HH 4-7p. Opens 8a-10p[ish]. Get 10% off all food with your
BOURBON STREET
LAO
724 Duval, 294 9354 • The ultimate guys-only
night out. Porn on TV, dancers on bars & pool w/ waterfall. Mon is movie night & 2-4-1 Tues. 16 TVs [2 big, 3 w/ porn]
BOTTLE CAP
GOLM
1128 Simonton, 296 2807 • Cool lounge design
& a rock n’ roll twist. DJ music Tues, Fri & Sat @ 10p. Pool room w/ a sic video jukebox to listen to your own tunes. Outside bar too for those cool KW nights! HH 4-7p. Get a 2-4-1 daily with your
BULL & WHISTLE
LM
224 Duval, 296 4565 • Live music all day,
everyday. Get 2-4-1 margaritas [or one large] at the bar or grab a table & ask Lynn or Vicky for Debbie’s award winning Bloody Maria!
CAROLINE’S
SFO
310 Duval, 294 7511 • This totally outdoors
bar/restaurant is awesome. Great for people watching & low priced menu items. Lisa & Bethany in command. Delivery available. 2 TVs
GSOML 404 Southard, 320 0204 • BBQ is back CHARLIE MAC’S
downtown next to the Parrot. Serving food late night & HH 4-7p. Home of the Southernmost ‘Canes club & live music regularly.
CHART ROOM
L
1 Duval, 296 4600, ext 477 • One of Key West’s oldest. Tucked inside the Pier House, opens at 4p. 2 TVs
O outdoor seating M entertainment L open late W
on the water
✆WUF
THE COMMODORE
704 Front, 294 9191 • On the harbor walk,
come to experience their spectacular creations. Stop in the lounge & have a nip on a Frost Bite.
WFOM
CONCH REPUBLIC
631 Greene, 294 4403 • This open-air bar &
restaurant offers dozens of rums & then some. Plenty of seats at the bar, w/ live music every night. Be sure to ask about the rum sampler.
CONCH TOWN LIQUOR & LOUNGE
L
3340 N. Roosevelt, 296 4343 • This is a locals’ favorite New Town hang out. Awesome prices, 2 pool tables. You can bet on a late night crowd to have ‘one more’ on the way home with.
O
CORK & STOGIE
1218 Duval, 517 6419 • Booze & cigars, C&S is open 10a-11p. Daily wine tastings & a great place to get Key West Factory cigars. Free Wi-Fi for customers.
COWBOY BILL’S
FOLM
DANTE’S
WFOM
618 Duval, 440-2605 • HH 4-7p $2 PBRs, 2-4-1 margaritas & bartender special. Wed 9-11p Ladies Drink Free for Sexy Bull Riding. Live regional bands 10p-2a Tues-Sat. 32 TV’s, 4 pool.
951 Caroline, 293 5123 • Pool side drinking &
dining with HH Mon-Fri 4-8p all drinks almost half price. Poolside DJ every weekend, tons of locals pounding shots - this is KW’s premier public pool to get hammered at! 15 TVs
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DONS’ PLACE
SLO
1000 Truman, 296 8837 • Closed only 3 hours, 6 days a week. Opens 7a & stays open till 4a. 10 TVs, 1 pool, 1 dart, 1 GT, juke tunes.
F
EL SIBONEY
900 Catherine, 296 4184 • When your pockets are feeling light, Siboney can at least keep your belly full with great Cuban food at extremely reasonable prices.
FAT TUESDAY
LOM
305 Duval, 296 9373 • “Home of the World
Famous Frozen Drinks” direct from New Orleans placed conveniently on Duval. Ask for your tooter as well. 8 TVs, 1 pool.
FINNEGAN’S WAKE
LGOM
320 Grinnell, 293 0222 • Probably the best draft selection in the lower Keys & a sweet outdoor patio. You can get food here till at least 1a & drinks till 4a.
FLAMING BUOY
✆FO
1100 Packer, 295 7970 • Fresh dishes & local seafood served daily. The lobster mac & cheese is a must. Dine in or take out with delivery as well. Open 6p Tues-Sunday. Get 10% off all food with your
FOGARTY’S
LFO
227 Duval, 294 7525 • Home to the Flying Monkey Saloon with Kyle & Ryan serving up the fastest frozen drinks in KW! Lunch & dinner at great prices. 16 TVs [6 in A/C!]
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GRAND CAFÉ
✆LFO
314 Duval, 292 4740 • Proving to be an
outstanding decision for lunch &/or dinner. Serving one of the best menus in town, plus mojitos & the Grand Margarita.
O
GRAND VIN
1107 Duval, 296 1020 • This wine shop/bar is
a great place to start or end an evening. Buy a bottle, then head to the porch for a table. Vin pours wine by the glass & a few beers.
GREEN PARROT
LM
601 Whitehead, 294 6133 • Probably the
biggest anchor in town. The best live acts in the Keys w/ a bartending staff who make slinging drinks look as easy as drinkin ‘em. 4 TVs, 1 pool, 1 dart, best jukebox in S. FL.
HALF SHELL RAW BAR
WFO
231 Margaret, 294 7496 • Great raw bar on
the harbor walk & bar to kick back a few back at & relax. Recently expanded game with shuffle board & skeeball!
HARD ROCK CAFÉ
FO
313 Duval, 293 0230 • The Keys’ very own Rock & Roll museum w/ a multi-level patio bar & restaurant. Plenty of Key West Hard Rock goods available, too. 9 TVs
HARPOON HARRY’S
zF
832 Caroline, 294 8744 • Unofficially one of
BarTab’s favorite breakfast places. [They don’t advertise, but we don’t have a lot of ‘morning’ advertisers]. Diner style, full liquor bar & low prices & breakfast till 3p!
HOG’S BREATH
WFOM
400 Front, 292 2032 • Catering to a large
tourist crowd & also remains a locals’ favorite. Great bar staff & shucking bar & some of the best bands playing original live music in town. HH 5-7pm & 1-2am. 6 TVs, 3 bars
HOGFISH
WFOM
6810 Front [Stock Isl.], 293 4041 • Best place for live music on Stock Island. Their hogfish sandwich is a must! Breakfast Sat & Sun at 8a. HH 4-7p Mon-Sat. 4 TVs, 1 pool Get 10% off all food with your
HOT TIN ROOF
✆UWFO
0 Duval, 296 7701 • Delicious martini list &
slick lounge with Sheila & Jake. Sit back & take in the ocean view & the live music from the Sunset Pier @ the Ocean Key. Opens at 6p.
HURRICANE HOLE
WFO
5110 Overseas Hwy, 294 0200 • At Hurricane Hole Marina, across the Stock Isl. bridge. A haven for locals to hang out on the water w/ full liquor bar. Happy hour 4-7p everyday.
F
IN KAHOOTS
3850 N. Roosevelt, 294 9986 • Located at the
Holiday Inn, Kahoots serves breakfast all day & has HH from noon-7p.
IRISH KEVIN’S
LM
211 Duval, 292 1262 • Watch Guinness
chugging contests on stage, accompanied by live music all day long. Great new draft system with over 25 flavors! Dave & Heath behind the bar keep you sloshed.
✆ reservations recommended U upscale F food served G food served late S sports
ISLAND DOGS
LGOM
505 Front, 509 7136 • Street-side seating just steps off Duval. Live music Thurs, Fri & Sat. Nice blend of casual & upscale bar. Open late w/ food till the crowd dies down.
JACK FLATS
SLG
509 1/2 Duval, 294 7955 • Great grub served
to 1a or later. This is the place to be on game day. Matt & Doug run things at night, Gretchen in the day. 38 TVs [12 jumbo] & audio boxes.
SGL 920 Caroline, 294 6277 • 2 HHs 3-6p & 11pJDL’S BIG 10
2a. Food 11a-2a with delivery till 12a. 22 TVs. 2-4-1 daily w/ 10% off food w/
KELLY’S
UFO
303 Whitehead, 293 8484 • Spectacular
outdoor dining area to enjoy Key West’s days & nights. HH 4-7p on drinks & wings at the bar. Try one of the micro brewed beers.
KOJIN
GL
502 Street, 296 2077 • 6 different noodle
bowls, perfect apps, featured menu items & sakes to complement. HH 4-5p & 11p-12a, 20% off alcohol & their soft-egg shooter Get 10% off all food with your
KRAWL OFF DUVAL
OL
506 Southard • A few steps off Duval, Krawl offers the most tap craft beers in the Keys. Tuesday SIN 8p-close with drink specials & live music. Outside seating & HH 5-7p.
LA TE DA
ULFOM
1125 Duval, 296 6706 • Outside full liquor bar. Shows in the Crystal Room & piano bar. HH 12-7p on beer, wells & wine.
LA TRATTORIA
✆UF
524 Duval, 296 1075 • Probably the Keys’ best Italian! Classic cuisine & impressive wine list. The street side bar is perfect to sip on libations w/ Erin & Kathy.
LAZY GECKO
SLO
203 Duval, 292 1903 • The Gecko’s throwin’
the best party in town with a locals’ back bar that’s a great escape from the weekend madness! DJs Tues, Wed-Sat late night. HH 5-8p [till midnight Sun & Mon]. 15 TVs
LAZY GECKO
SLO
203 Duval, 292 1903 • The Gecko’s throwin’
the best party in town with a locals’ back bar that’s a great escape from the weekend madness! DJs Tues, Wed-Sat late night. HH 5-8p [till midnight Sun & Mon]. 15 TVs
LEVITY
MLFO
618 Duval,735-4292 • Carribbean creo
cuisine. HH 4-7p w/ 2-4-1 draft, doms & wells. Primary reggae on Tues & weekends. Check in for what’s new here over the next few weeks.
LOBO’S
FO
5 Key Lime Sq, 296 5303 • Fresh ingredients
& prices you can’t beat in downtown Key West. Wraps, quesadillas, nachos & beer. Dine in or get it delivered. Open Mon-Sat 10a-5p or a little later.
O outdoor seating M entertainment L open late W
on the water
LOUIE’S BACKYARD
✆WUFO
700 Waddell, 294 1061 • Hang out ocean side on the After Deck & sip on some of Louie’s passion. Lunch 11:30a & dinner 6p.
LUIGI’S SECRET RECIPES
zLG
521 Fleming, 292 4962 • Calzones,
sandwiches & pizza pies or slices. Just a half block off Duval & open till 12a w/ delivery. See their menu in the back of BarTab.
MANGIA MANGIA
FO
900 Southard, 294 2469 • Fresh seafood,
homemade pasta made daily & the Keys’ most famous pesto. Great outdoor garden to dine in. Offering over 400 different bottles of wine. Get 10% off all food with your
MANGOES
FO
700 Duval, 292 4606 • A very classy &
relaxing dining patio complete w/ an outdoor bar. Sit back & watch the entertainment of Duval Street while dining or sipping on a cocktail.
MARGARITAVILLE
FM
500 Duval, 292 1435 • Daytime the restaurant
jams more than most on the island. Bands take the stage at 9p Tues-Sunday. If you didn’t know already, try a margarita & cheeseburger.
MARTIN’S
UFO
917 Duval, 295 0111 • European-style fare nicely settled on upper Duval. With street-side lounge seating & a menu Chef Martin has been perfecting for over 20 years in KW.
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UFO
MICHAELS
532 Margaret, 295 1300 • Located in the back
streets of Old Town, this is a Key West favorite. Owner & Chef Michael Wilson offers a classic menu w/ an island twist.
L
MR. CHEAPEE’S
423 Duval, 305 292 0486 • Cheapee’s offers
a wide variety of liquors & wines to suit every taste and every price range. Cigs, liquor, wine & beer right off Duval to-go.
LF
MR. Z’S
501 Southard, 305 296 4445 • Grinders, pizza,
& the best cheesesteaks in Key West! Open till 4a every night, just a half block off Duval. See their menu in the back of BarTab.
LF
MR. Z’S TOO
2798 N Roosevelt, 296 5306 • Mr Z’s second location in New Town. This Z’s offers some indoor seating as well. Open 11a-midnight with the same great menu items. See their menu in the back of BarTab.
OLD TOWN MEXICAN CAFÉ
FO
609 Duval, 296 7500 • Subtle ethnic décor
enhances your Mexican experience. Beer & wine w/ a handful of Mexican beers, but we opt for the pitchers of sangria.
FO
ORIGAMI 1075 Duval, 294 0092 • Outdoor sushi
restaurant, coupled w/ astounding sushi & a large supply of sake, BarTab doesn’t need much more than that. 42 kwBarTab.com
PEPE’S CAFE
zOF
806 Caroline, 294 7192 • A Keys unique ‘diner’ is crazy busy for breakfast. Chances are there will be a bit of a wait, but it’s worth it. Full liquor bar & food served 7:30a-10p.
PEARL’S
AFO
525 United, 292 1450 • Poolside bar & food
served. 2 blocks from the Southernmost Point. HH Mon-Sat 5-7p. Get a 2-4-1 daily with your
PINCHERS
FO
712 Duval, 440 2179 • 2nd story dining with
a great balcony on Duval. Large horseshoe shaped bar inside to grab a cool one. HH 3-6p with .60¢ oysters, wings, shrimp & clams.
PISCES
✆UF
1007 Simonton, 294 7100 • This is as upscale
as Key West gets, having received awards from Zagats & AAA 4 diamond & original Warhols on the wall. Open at 6p & reservations recommended.
POINT 5
FO
THE PORCH
LO
915 Duval, 296 0669 • Craft cocktails, beer, fine wine & eats. 2nd story balcony overlooks Duval, perfect for people watching. Full menu until 12am. DJs & Happy Hour Fri-Sun at 10pm. Open Sun-Thurs, 5-12am & Fri, Sat, 5-2am. 420 Caroline, 517 6358 • Local crowds
drinking carefully selected craft beers. Bottles of wine to go or camp out on the porch with $2 off drafts & wine 4:30-6:30p.
PRIME STEAKHOUSE
UWF
951 Caroline, 296 4000 • This tucked away
gem is located upstairs from Dante’s. Serving a steak & seafood menu that is complemented by an extraordinary wine list.
RED FISH BLUE FISH
FO
407 Front, 295 7447 • Steps away from
Mallory Square, serving some of the best seafood in town great pre & post-sunset destination with $5 margaritas every day.
ROOFTOP CAFE
UFOM
308 Front, 294 2042 • Great deck overlooking
Front St. Live music playing regularly with one of the better martini lists in Key West. Opens at 10:30a. 2-4-1 daily w/ 10% off food w/
RUM BARREL
SGOM
528 Front, 292 7862 • Here is your Eagles’, Flyers’ & 76ers’ Southernmost headquarters. Sweet upper deck with live music Wed-Sat. 10 flat HD TVs & more than 170 rums available.
RUM RUNNER’S HOUSE
LO
RUMOR LOUNGE
LM
1117 Duval, 296 2680 • Serving over 250 selections of rum, try a flight of 5 types for $25. Open 11am-midnight or later w/ a full liquor bar.
430 Greene • Funky, sexy lounge steps from the 200 block. HH 5-8p & bacon bloody Mary’s all day Sunday. Come dance to the best in EDM nightly & sip on one of their signature drinks.
✆ reservations recommended U upscale F food served G food served late S sports
SALSA LOCA
WFO
411 Petronia, 292 1865 • Best authentic
Mexican food in Key West! Eat chips & salsa till you can’t anymore. Open Tues-Sun 11am10pm, 11p on the weekends.
SALUTE
WFO
1000 Atlantic, 292 1117 • Get to Higgs Beach for a terrific beach front treat. A casual atmosphere dishing up lunch & dinner. HH 4-7p w/ $1 off drinks with a great sunset view! Opens 11:30a.
SANTIAGO’S BODEGA
✆FO
207 Petronia, 296 7691 • Over 30 tapas dishes & great wine. Escape the crowds at this cozy restaurant in the heart of Bahama Village. HH 3-6 w/ a $5 tapas menu & drink discounts. Get 10% off all food with your
SCHOONER WHARF
LFOM
202 William, 292 3302 • Spacious harbor front
bar where the din of local chatter & live music fills the air all day. See the only Bar Magician in the Keys. 2 TVs, 1 pool Get a 2-4-1 daily with your
SEVEN FISH
✆UF
623 Olivia, 296 2777 • Nestled in Key West‘s
sleepy back streets, 7 Fish has become a favorite for “locals in the know.” Eclectic menu w/ emphasis on local catch.
SHANNA KEY
SLG
1900 Flagler, 295 8880 • Great selection of ales & great Irish food served till 3a. 7 TVs, 1 GT ‘06, internet juke tunes.
SHOR
WUFO
601 Front, 809 4000 • Savor a million
dollar harbor view & delicious cuisine in this extraordinary Key West restaurant.
SL
SHIMP DADDY’S
908 Kennedy, 294 4818 • Hidden in the mini-
malls of New Town, this is an escape from the clubs on Duval. Open 9a-4, with HH 4p-8p, 13 TVs, 3 pool
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SHOTS & GIGGLES
Greene & Ann, 414 8272 • Beer & wine bar,
& package store. 30% off at the bar HH 4:30-6:30p. Great place to stop for one & take a bottle to go.
LFM
SLOPPY JOE’S
201 Duval, 294 5717 • There’s enough
entertainment from people watching alone, & also serving up live music all day. Check out Joe’s Tap Room Backroom Saloon.
SOLO
UGLO
610 Greene, 296 2033 • Solo has stepped up
to be one of Key West’s classier destinations. Specialty cocktails, flatbreads & upscale food served late night. Half off happy hour 4-6p.
SOUTHERNMOST BEACH CAFÉ
WFO
1405 Duval, 295 6550 • Beach side restaurant that braves the morning to serve breakfast. One of the few bars on Key West w/ a beach & chair rentals. HH 4-6p $4 apps & drink specials. 5 TVs
O outdoor seating M entertainment L open late W
on the water
SMOKIN’ TUNA
LFOM
4 Charles, 517 6350 • Great seafood & raw
bar, with live music nightly @ 6pm-1am by amazing singer / songwriter. Grab a world famous t-shirts right off Duval. Food till 11p.
SQUARE ONE
UFOM
1075 Duval, 296 4300 • In Duval Square
plaza, a menu of American cuisine w/ ethnic twists on old standbys. Try Patrick’s ‘Monkey Nuts.’ Food served 11:30a–3p & 6-10p.
STONED CRAB
LFOW
3101 Roosevelt, 294 4350 • At the Ibis Bay
Resort, HH 3-7p, breakfast starting at 8a, & food served late night. Live music, public pool & pool side Thurs movie night. Get 10% off all food with your Get a 2-4-1 daily with your
SUNSET PIER
WFOM
0 Duval, 296 7701 • This could be the
beginning or end of your Duval crawl. A great place for sunsets on their extra long seated pier. Located at the Ocean Key Resort. Get a 2-4-1 daily with your
TATTOOS & SCARS
LOM
512 Greene, 517 6610 • Free BBQ every Sunday for football. Two 2-4-1 HHs 4-7p & late night Sun-Thur 2-4a. 1 pool, 8 TVs
TAVERN N TOWN
WFO
3841 Roosevelt, 296 3676 • Rated the best restaurant & bar in the US by Marriott guests.
The T&T has a 2-4-1 HH everyday, plus on Tues & Thurs $7 tapas at the bar.
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L
TEASERS
218 Duval, 292 0486 • The slim staircase on Duval gets you access to plenty of girls hanging out all night long! Slick lighting & sound system with a Grey Goose VIP room.
THAI ISLAND
FW
711 Palm, 296 9189 • Located at Garrison
Bight, this is BarTab’s favorite ethnic fare in Key West [specifically the Panang Curry]. Food served 11a-10p. Get 10% off all food with your
TURTLE KRAALS
WFO
231 Margaret, 294 2640 • Now offering Cuban/Caribbean flavors, the island’s only ceviche bar, and a return to the glory days of the Tower Bar.
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VINO’S ON DUVAL
810 Duval, 294 7568 • 2 great tables on their raised on-street patio & offering 16 wines by the glass, a variety of wine by the bottle & beers. Open noon-1a.
VIRGILIO’S
LOM
524 Duval, 296 8118 • Upscale martini bar has live jazz music Wed & Thurs, rotating bands Fri & Sat & home of the $5 martini every Mon night!
WILLIE T’S
LGMO
525 Duval, 294 7674 • Serving 31 flavors of
mojitos & HH 4-7p with discounted drinks. Late night menu with panini, pizzas & more. Mojito Mondays 2-4-$12. Bands throughout the week @ 7p & Fri & Sat @ 3p & 7p.
WINE GALLEY PIANO BAR
WM
One Duval, 296 4600 • Specializing in wine
& martinis. Ladies night on Tuesday & HH all night, every night. A perfect spot to sneak away with friends or to find new ones.
WORLD OF BEER
LFM
511 Greene, 517 6260 • WOB makes sipping
beer an experience! Where the most extensive beer selection in the Keys meets island living. Live music regularly, lite food served & a phone app taking beer tasting to the next level.
WORLD’S SMALLEST BAR
L
124 Duval, 294 8507 • This bar lives up to its name. Blink & you might miss it. This place stays open late night on Duval.
✆ reservations recommended U upscale F food served G food served late S sports
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46 kwBarTab.com
Key West’s
Premiere Martini Bar MAGICAL, MIND ALTERING LUBRICANTS FOR SOCIAL INTERCOURSE
For over thirty years Virgilios Martini Bar has been a local’s favorite, attracting locals and tourists alike for classic cocktails, live music, and late night dancing in our inviting garden bar setting.
HOME OF THE ORIGINAL
MARTINI MONDAYS
MONDAYS FROM 7 TO CLOSE
ALL MARTINIS ARE $5.00
Live Music 7 nights a week Sexy Speakeasy
Extensive Martini list Late Night Menu
524 DUVAL STREET BEHIND LA TR ATTORIA RESTAUR ANT
305.296.1075
The Pompatus Few things embarrassed me more as a kid than my father’s singing. With his signature blend of an off-key falsetto and a blatantly flat baritone and literally nothing in between, he crooned any 1960s pop song with a catchy riff and stupid lyrics. My childhood was filled with ear-splitting classics like “Hang On Sloopy,” “I’m Henry The Eighth I Am” and “Who Put the Bop in the Bop She-Bop-She-Bop.” When “Wooly Bully” came on, Dad belted it out like it was the theme song of his original tribe. It seemed the dumber the song, the more he loved it and the louder he sang. Fast forward 30 or so years. I’m tooling my ‘61 Volkswagen down South Roosevelt Boulevard, top down, stereo cranked, belting out along with The Killers, (in no particular key) “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier, I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier, I’ve got......” You get the picture. This behavior apparently runs in the family and I’d be a hypocrite not to point out that the Killers’ lyrics make no more sense than Herman’s Hermits being “married to the widow next door,” even though “she’s been married seven times before.” They may actually make less sense than Herman’s. 48 kwBarTab.com
of Lyrics
by Leigh Pujado There is no shortage of popular music that makes little or no sense and the last half of the 20th century gave us an entire catalog of nonsensical lyrics. From Little Richard shouting “A-wop-bop-a-loo-bop-A-wop-bamboom!” to The Police “do-do-doing” and “da-da-da-ing,” record sales, if they are even somewhat accurate, suggest that my dad and I are not the only fans of silly songs. The Beatles alone have amassed their own batch of insane lyrics. Paul and Ringo should release them together as a collection titled, “Bet You Can’t Get This High: Drug Induced Nonsense by One of the Greatest Bands of All Times.” Included on this compilation would be “I Am the Walrus,” “Octopus’s Garden,” “Piggies,” “Rocky Raccoon”...basically all the songs with an animal in the title, as well as “Ob-la-di-Ob-la-da,” “Lucy in the Sky,” and most of the album “Yellow Submarine.” But hey, they were the Beatles. They could write whatever the hell they wanted and we’d still sing along. Which is why you can finish this phrase: “I am the Eggman. They are the Eggmen........” See what I mean?
It’s one thing to write ridiculous lyrics and get a song onto the charts. It’s another feat entirely to get the world out on the dance floor to your stupid song. If you came of age in the 1980s, I know you and your bad perm couldn’t sit still when “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” poured out of the speakers. Yes, you in the acid washed jeans. You know you did the “The Safety Dance” and liked it. And when the DJ spun “Bust a Move,” you couldn’t slam your crap keg beer fast enough to get out on that dance floor. Maybe back then you were shouting out “Relax, don’t do it, when you wanna go to it,” or “Everybody Wang Chung Tonight,” but you know you sang along to some stupid words. Songwriters often take artistic license to invent new words or coin new phrases. This artistic freedom has given us new vocabulary additions like Steve Miller’s “pompatus of love,” Phil Collins’ “Sussudio,’ and of course Fergie’s “Fergalicious.” Expanding our phraseology is awesome, but seriously folks, can we please get back to observing the regularly scheduled spelling of words in the English language? Take Nelly for example. He had a meg-hit about a decade ago about how it was getting hot in here, so you should probably take off all your clothes....Yeah, you remember it too. Cleverly, he titled the song “Hot in Herre.” No that’s not a typo. “Herre.” Seriously? We
can’t just spell the word “here” correctly? Then again, I’m probably expecting too much from an artist whose song begins with the line, “Good gracious, ass bodacious.” Hip Hop can be so brilliantly innovative with phraseology, but often suffers from obnoxious bastardizations of our mother tongue. At its worst, it paints an inaccurate portrait of the state of gender relations and subsumes many people unfairly under a thug-cliche. The best way I can illustrate this is to write my own little rap: All right, Stop! Collaborate and Listen. Pujado is here with rap lyric conditions. ‘Bitches and Hoes’ are so passé, Proper syntax and grammar are here to stay, Misogyny’s out, don’t make me prove it, and always use spellcheck when you groove it. Word to your mother! Ok, that was sad, but to be fair, it was my first rap. Getting back to bad song lyrics, sometimes lyrics can be grammatically correct, real spellings of real English words and still be stupid. Alanis Morrisette’s “Ironic” contained a myriad of similes and metaphors, but strangely, no ironies. I suppose the phrase “Isn’t it shit dumb luck?” is not nearly as catchy as “Isn’t it ironic?” What was truly ironic was Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall” lyric, “We don’t need no education.” With a double negative like that, I beg to differ.
Sometimes songs deemed to be so deep and beautiful are really, well, just a little too obvious to be poetic. Think of Coldplay’s “Yellow”: “Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, and everything you do, Yeah they were all yellow.” That’s not romance and poetry. He’s just pointing out objects, personifying them and assigning them a color. I’ve got to run. Hanson is on Pandora and while I’m not keen on a bunch of 9- to 12-year-olds giving me relationship advice, I just can’t resist that “Mmm-Bop” riff. Email: cleighpujado@gmail.com
BURGERFI GRAND OPENING photoG Nick Doll Photography
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RAISE YOUR DRINKS TO OUR
ALL-NATURAL MENU
Your burger is all-natural. Your dog is Kobe. Your fries are fresh-cut. Your drink is fermented. Your dessert is concrete. Your entertainment’s on late. You’re right on Duval. Your table is ready.
312 Duval Street BurgerFi.com
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eat it
BONE-IN FILET
The most spectacular selection found on any steakhouse menu. Generously cut, these exquisite Filets are carved with the bone left in for a beefy flavor you’ll never find in a boneless Filet.
Prime Steakhouse 951 Caroline Street (305) 296-4000 photoG Nick Doll Photography
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drink it THE
BACON BLOODY MARY
Rumor Lounge 430 Greene Street (305) 294-4959 photoG Nick Doll Photography
54 kwBarTab.com
Everything is better with bacon! Rumor’s signature Bloody Mary served up with Bakon vodka, caramelized bacon and all the fixings in a 20 oz goblet, but only available Sundays.
YOU HUNGRY? AFTER MIDNIGHT! Breakfast Burritos • Waffles • Cheese Steaks Quesadillas • Mac ‘n Cheese • & More! 12am - 6am every Friday & Saturday night, it’s
at 425 Greene Street Key West, FL 33040
Catty Corner from Sloppy Joe’s Bar
www.amigoskeywest.com
Fantasy Fest 2013
速
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photoG Nick Doll
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BARTAB CLASSIFIEDS FOR SALE One of a kind. 1 man 7 women hot tub. Needs cleaning. $2250 (305) 555-6778 MR. GIGGLES FOR SALE. Good with children, well mannered, championship bloodlines. House/leash trained. Great companion. Performs lots of tricks. $1,200 OBO. (305) 5556787
TREADMILL bought for fat wife but she didn;t walk on it even 5 times also got a ab lounge same thing. i wil sacrifice both for 225.00 price is really cheap (305) 555-7897 NICE PARACHUTE Never opened. Used only once, has a slight stain. (305) 555-7876 EXERCISE EQUIPMENT Queen size mattress & box springs. $100 (305) 555-7898 XXLARGE nursing uniform, never been washed. $25 (305) 555-6744
COWS, CALVES for sale. -never bred- also 1 gay bull for sale. Give me an offer. (305) 555-6876 PONY FOR SALE looks like a small horse. $900 53-7-8394100 62 kwBarTab.com
2 MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES one 5-finger glove, one 3-finger glove, PAIRL $15 (305) 555-7866 LOST MIND Last seen before wife and kids. Any info please call (305) 555-7478
TICKLE ME ELMO still in box, comes with it’s own 1988 mustang, 5L, auto, excellent condition. $6800 305 555-6878 1995 NISSAN MAXIMA, green, leather, loaded, CD, auto start, sunroof, good condition. (305) 55-7667 Not for sale. 200 PLAYBOY MAGAZINES & other Adult Magazines, will trade for guns. ASAP. Call (305) 555-8778 GIRLFRIEND FOR SALE Boy rough, well used, ridden hard. Leaks gas. Needs rear end. High milage. Can handle big loads. Trade for ping pong table. (305) 555-7776 CONCH CRUISER womens beach cruiser. See photo on ‘KW Lost, Found and Stolen’ FB page. call Bob (305) 555-7478, not the number FB. Newly painted!