Key West BarTab v64

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HAPPY HOUR DAILY 5PM UNTIL 8PM $2 NON-PREMIUM DOMESTIC DRAFTS, $3 WELL DRINKS, AND $4 SELECT WINES WEDNESDAY ‘HUMP DAY’ HAPPY HOUR OPEN-8PM

TWO WHISKEY TUESDAY! 2-FOR-1

FIREBALL

&

JAMESON WITH

LATE NIGHT HAPPY HOUR

11PM

TIL

2AM





Ingredients Restaurant, Bar & Nightlife magazine

09 Music Calendar

lazy gecko, margaritaville, hog’s breath, green parrot

BarShots 08

10 BarTab Bar Buzz

island happy hour guide

18 Key West, IA vs, Key West, FL by david l sloan

Publisher Lawrence Bradley, Jr larry@kwbartab.com

16

Design Flypaper Publishing info@flypaperpublishing.com

24 An Open Letter to... by leigh pujado

29 Profiles

andrew ambrose @ point 5 kristy geary @ love in bloom ray dargis @ barefoot billy’s

32 Map of Key West

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22

info on over 100 key west bars & restaurants

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50 Eat It

beach snapper @ southernmost beach cafe mr z’s, amigos, luigi’s secret recipes by bill hoebee

56 Key West Classifieds 6 kwBarTab.com

David Sloan sloaniv@gmail.com

BarTab Contributing PhotoG Chris Hangsleben

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56 Party Bob Rules [aka Key West 101 vol.4] hidden gems for sale & odd jobs on the island

Words by Bill Hoebee billhoebee@clearchannel.com Leigh Pujado cleighpujado@gmail.com

40 Restaurant & Bar Listings

54 Menus & Delivery Guide

PO Box 4951 Key West, FL 33041 www.kwBarTab.com 305.292.6262

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BarTab magazine is a free ‘monthly’ publication distributed throughout Key West, FL. Omissions in BarTab are at the discretion of the publisher. Offers & promotions printed in these pages are guesses at best & if honored by the establishments are coincidence only. All rights reserved & contents © 2004-2014.



8 #kwBarShots



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Agave 308

Amigos

Bagatelle

416 Appelrouth 305.414.8626 Free bacon Happy Hour 4:30-6:30p Monday-Friday 50% off beers & wines

308 Front 305.294.2042 Happy Hour 4:30-6:30p $6 margarita, $4 wells & discounted beers & Taco & Teqila Tues

425 Greene 305.292.2009 Open late, & we mean late night every Friday & Saturday midnight-6a is Locals’ Late Night!

115 Duval 305.296.6609 Happy Hour 5-7p half price drinks with a $5-7 small plate menu.

Blue Heaven

Bottle Cap

Charlie Mac’s

Conch Republic

729 Thomas 305.296.8666 One of the best outdoor venues in the Keys! Bloody Marys are the specialties here at their outdoor bar.

1128 Simonton 305.296.2807 Happy Hour 5-8p $1 off wells, beers & wine. Friday Happy Hour benefit local charities.

404 Southard 305.320.0204 Happy Hours 4-7p & 10-11p [Mon-Thur] / 11p-12a [Fri&Sat] discounts on wells & drafts with HH food menu.

631 Greene 305.294.4403 Happy Hour 4-7p 2-for-1 premium well drinks, all domestic & imported beers

Dante’s

Grand Café

Green Parrot

Half Shell

951 Caroline 305.293.5123 Happy Hour Mon-Fri 4-8p 1/2 off doms & wells plus a dozen shot specials $5 app menu & 3-4-$2 raw bar

314 Duval, 305.292.4740 Happy Hour 11am-5p with discounts on all frozen drinks, mojitos & margaritas

601 Whitehead 305.294.6133 Happy Hour 4-7p daily with “sound-checks” 5:30p every Fri & Sun. Monday night Bingo @ 7p

231 Margaret 305.294.7496 Happy Hour 4:30-6:30p with 2-for-1 drink specials & food menu with seafood specials & $5 items



Irish Kevin’s

Island Dogs

Jack Flats

400 Front 305.296.4222 Drink Discounts on all liquor & beer 5-7p Live music all day from 1pm-2a

211 Duval 305.292.1262 Happy Hour open-6p $1 off wells, $3.50 pints of Narragansett Lager & live music all day long!

505 Front 305.509.7136 Happy Hour 3-6p 1/2 priced wells, beers & wine with $5 food menu & 1/2 priced oysters

509.5 Duval 305.294.7955 12 High Def Projection TVs with personal speakers to listen. Late night food till 1a

920 Caroline 305.294.6277 2 Happy Hours 3-7p & 11p-2a get $1 off all drinks

Lazy Gecko

Little Room Jazz Club

Luigi’s Secret Recipes

821 Duval 2 Happy Hours 4-8p & 12:30-2:30a all drinks 2-for-1 music nightly 8:30p-1a

521 Fleming 305.292.4962 Happy Hour 3-6p 2 slices of cheese pizza & a domestic beer for $6

Kelly’s Caribbean 301 Whitehead 305.293.8484 Happy Hour 4-7p $350 margaritas, $2 micro brews with 1/2 Crash Bar Bites & $450 wings

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JDL’s & Salsa Loca

Hog’s Breath

203 Duval 305 292.1903 Happy Hours 4-8p 2-for-1 wells & beers with $5 food items

Margaritaville

Muse

Point 5

500 Duval 305.292.1435 Get an original Cheeseburger in Paradise! Along with signature margarita

301 Whitehead 305.293.8484 Happy Hour 5-7p 1/2 off craft beers & signature cocktails with their $5 daily off the grill special

915 Duval 305.296.0669 Happy Hour everyday 5-6p with 2-for-1 drinks & $5 Pizza open daily 5p full menu until 12am

Prime Steakhouse

951 Caroline 305.296.4000 Steaks, seafood, martinis & fine wine. Opens daily at 6p



Rum Barrel

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Rumor Lounge

528 Front 305.292.7862 Happy Hour 4-7p 2-for-1 domestics, wine & wells & the best $5 ‘App’ menu in town!

430 Greene Happy Hour 5-8p with $3 wells & $2 dom drafts Sundays Bacon Bloody Marys all day.

Smokin’ Tuna Saloon

Solo

4 Charles 305.517.6350 Happy Hour 5-7p Discounts on beers & well drinks with live music starting at 6p

610 Greene 305.296.2033 Happy Hour 4-7p 1/2 priced select apps, flatbreads & all drinks

Santiago’s Bodega

207 Petronia 305.296.7691 Happy Hour 3-6p 5 tapas for only $5 1/2 priced beers, glasses of wine & sangria or $10 off all bottles & pitchers of sangria

Seadog Tavern

628 Duval 305.414.8133 Happy Hour 4-7p with 2-for-1 on all drinks. See their BarTab ad for a list of their daily specials.

Southernmost Beach Café

Sunset Pier

Tattoos & Scars

1405 Duval 305.295.6550 Happy Hour 4-7p $3.50 drink specials & your choice of $4 wings, tuna sliders & popcorn shrimp

0 Duval 305.296.7701 Terrific Sunset View May 7:57p June 8:12p July 8:20p Aug 8:11p

512 Greene St Happy Hour 4-7p & late night 2a- close Sun-Thurs with 2-for-1 dom beers & wells, with $2 PBR draft all day

Turtle Kraals

Virgilio’s

Willie T’s

231 Margaret 305.294.2640 Happy Hour 4:30-6:30p with 50% off wells, beers & wines w/ food menu specials starting at $5

524 Duval 305.296.8118 Home of Martini Monday $5 martinis 7p-close Live music most nights at 9p

World of Beer

525 Duval 305.294.7674 Happy Hour 4-7p Discounted liquor drinks & beers

511 Greene 305.517.6260 Happy Hour 4-7p $3 off drafts daily. Wednesday is Steak Night 16oz Ribeye with fixings $14.95



16 #kwBarShots




KEY WEST, IOWA vs. KEY WEST, FLORIDA Hundreds of people fly to Key West every day, but one drunk click on your travel site’s drop-down menu can take you to a very different place with the same name. It seems we have some competition from our friends in Key West, Iowa. Let’s see how they hold up in the BarTab Grudge Match:

kwBarTab.com

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Key West, Iowa vs. Key West, Florida KEY WEST, FLORIDA

KEY WEST, IOWA

WINNER

Tropical island

Unincorporated community

Key West, Florida

Average temperature: 82

Average temperature: 56

Key West, Florida

Founded: 1815

Founded: 1834

Key West, Florida

Name derived from “Cayo Hueso” describing the human bones covering the island

Name derived from location on the key road for westward egress from Dubuque

Key West, Florida

Beginning and end of US1

A popular stop for bathroom breaks on US151, US61 & US52

Key West, Florida

Residents: Ernest Hemingway, Tennessee Williams, Captain Tony, Tom Flip

Residents: John Reed, Todd Miller, Jill Smith, Bill Alison

Key West, Florida

The Rum Barrel

The Pickle Barrel

Key West, Florida

Birth place of Key lime pie

Birthplace of Jumpers Sports Bar

Key West, Florida

City commission topics: bar noise and body painting

City commission topics: the green pledge

Key West, Florida

1 bedroom apartment: $1400 if you can find one

1 Bedroom apartment: $450

Key West, Iowa

9 ROUNDS

1 ROUND

KEY WEST, FLORIDA

Does your restaurant have the best Key Lime Pie? Prove it at the Key Lime Pie Championships July 4-6, 2014. www.KeyLimeFestival.com. Buy The Key Lime Pie Cookbook at www.KeyLimeCookbook.com. & check out David’s weird songs at www.SoundCloud.com/davidsloan. 20 kwBarTab.com



22 #kwBarShots



An Open Letter to the Destroyers of the Top of La Concha by Leigh Pujado

If you share these sentiments, please feel free to tear out the pages of this letter, sign your name to the bottom, and mail to the Dallas, Texas address: Remington Hotels Corporation 14185 Dallas Pkwy Dallas, Texas 75254 Attn: Chairman, CEO, President, Senior Vice President of Brand Relations & Development, and Vice President of Spas

Dear Douchebag Decision Makers, By the time you receive this letter, your trusty contractors will already be in Key West, sweating their butts off, steadily demolishing one of our island’s iconic attractions. The Bar at The Top of La Concha Hotel, a 4,500 square foot, seventh floor rooftop oasis with majestic views stretching across our island’s treetops from the Gulf of Mexico to the Atlantic Ocean, will be closed and demolished to make way for a spa. This may be just a money decision for y’all, but for us, it’s kind of a big deal, as there are no other tall buildings allowed on island, and the unique view from the Top is a major tourist and local attraction. It is my understanding that Remington Hotels is a publicly traded company, in the business of making money. With that said, it is understandable that your mega-company wants its newly acquired Keys hotel to be put to the most profitable use. I’m a capitalist. I get it. But do you really need to destroy a beloved local landmark just to turn a buck? Have you people heard of Pat Croce? He’s rich like you all, and he’s bought up a bunch of important Key West properties, cranked out a profit, and still managed to respect their historical significance. Did you even consider a business plan for keeping The Top open to the public as a bar AND restaurant? Last I checked, if you know what the hell you are doing, selling booze (and food too) can be pretty profitable. And a spa? You can shove your spa right up……..on any other floor. Many of us nostalgic Key Westers were devastated when we heard about your plans. But what could we do 24 kwBarTab.com


about the decision to destroy a landmark which was made by a bunch of soulless, stuffed shirts in Dallas who have not only never been to The Top, but never bothered to visit the island whose decision they were impacting? We tried collecting over a thousand signatures and petitioned the city to stop the closing of a historically relevant place of significant cultural value, and we rallied with thousands of others on Facebook to protest the closing of The Top. But in the end, a private business has the right to remodel as they see fit, and...

matter how much douche‘ nobaggery is going on in your

corporate offices, no laws exist to prevent people like you from destroying an amazing place like The Top.

Your loyal employees, like all good hospice nurses, tended to the rooftop through their remaining sunset shifts, reminiscing about years of good memories and all the great people they met who came to experience this magical place. Alfonse, the guitar player who has entertained

sunset revelers up top for 15 years, has endured 6 general managers and 18 food and beverage directors over the years. He jokes, ““When the dust settles and the smoke clears, there will be one man left standing at La Concha...The Guitar Player from the ROOF!” Unfortunately Alfonse will only be standing there if he is a guest at your hotel and paying for spa services. And even then, the view would pale in comparison to the panoramic sunsets and throngs of bar patron sunset revelers he’s grown accustomed to over the years. I’ve done a little digging and as it turns out, you guys at Remington have quite the reputation for being all about the bottom line and treating your employees like crap. Just last Summer in a courtroom in Alaska you got nailed on 21 counts of violating your employees rights including unlawfully interrogating and surveilling your employees, interfering with employees’ rights to participate in unions and threatening to call the police on your employees if they exercised their rights. Corporate review sites Indeed.com and GlassDoor.com are littered with terrible reviews from your employees, with descriptions such as “Terrible Company to Work For,” “Super-tightly fisted corporation which pays low and micro 25


manages,” “Management Malfeasance,” “Heartless and immoral management,” and “does not respect employees.” It’s clear that you don’t care about anything other than the bottom line and any attempt to appeal to your emotions would be futile. While I may be unable to sway you to see the significance of what you are destroying, I still feel compelled to shame you a bit. As you drive your Porsche Cayennes and your Land Rovers home to Suburban Texas McMansion oblivion, in between counting the millions squeezed out of your underpaid employees and planning which newly acquired properties need to shake up that lazy, immigrant house keeping staff by insisting they clean seventeen rooms per day instead of twelve, I offer you something to ponder: Just as we won’t ever understand your relentless need to squeeze every red cent out of all your endeavors, you will never understand what is feels like to stand on that seventh floor rooftop at 430 Duval Street. You’ll never know how profound it is to peer over the vast 360 degree expanse of Key West foliage, with tall ships slicing through the water on the horizon, Alfonse on the guitar, pouring his soul into “Son of a Sailor,” and the ever dependable sun in the West bowing steadily to her loyal, enthusiastic audience. You’ll never breath in those trees and rooftops, pan your gaze from Gulf to Atlantic and know intrinsically, “This is my island.” You can’t buy an experience like that, not even with Remington-scale money. Enjoy your new spa. I hope your stock tanks. Oh, and welcome to Key West. Yours Truly, Leigh Pujado cleighpujado@gmail.com and __________________________________ ____________________________________ (your name here) The content in the BarTab does not reflect the official opinion of the publisher. Responsibility for the information and views expressed in the pages therein lies entirely with the author(s). ← BarTab’s first official disclaimer. 26 kwBarTab.com




spend a bit more time with my wife. Pretty much, I have a perfect life living in the Keys. I have 4 amazing kids, beautiful wife & every day’s pretty much a dream.

Andrew @ Point 5

BT: Full name, originally from? My full name is Andrew Austin Ambrose. I’m from London, England. BT: When did you first get behind the bar? A: I came to Key West, initially not looking to get back into the restaurant business. Stuart [owner] was opening up downstairs [nine one five]. He offered me a job as temporary, just to kind of get my feet back on the ground. & 12 years later, I’m still here. BT: What do you like to do when you’re not working? A: Bear in mind I have 4 children. They obviously take up a lot of my time. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, I’m surrounded by people constantly. My dream is to one day finish a book. I’m currently reading 3 books at once. I think I started them in 2012. BT: If money was no object, tomorrow you would...? A: I would not get out of bed at 6:30 in the morning. I would not get up & feed the kids & dress them & take them to school. I love doing that, but I would love to

BT: Briefly explain what you’re trying to do at Point 5. A: Initially, it’s something that we sat down to do about 3 years ago. It was very much a simplistic affair - just me working, no bus boys, not much help, one guy in the kitchen. We started to make some craft cocktails, create a nice light affair. Everything homemade. Everything delicious - most things organic. Same with the cocktails. We just use fresh-squeezed juice. We try & make things more fresh & a bit more interesting for people on holiday. BT: What signature drink do you recommend at Point 5? A: We make our own ginger beer & our own tonic water. People come up especially for that. The ginger beer, especially, is absolutely hopping. People crave it with their Moscow Mules, their Dark & Stormys. BT: What’s one of your favorite restaurants, aside from nine one five, in Key West? A: One of our favorite places we love to go up to is Geiger Key, just because it’s out of Key West. We go up there for a few cocktails, sit on the water, bring the kids, bring a couple of fishing rods, & chuck the lines into the water, & generally catch a couple of mutton snapper. BT: Do you have a favorite football team? Park Rangers in West London. Most Americans have no idea what I’m talking about.

Point 5, located above & at nine one five [Duval], opens daily at 5p with light fare & craft cocktails. kwBarTab.com

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BT: What’s the best perk owning Love In Bloom? K: Being able to send flowers to your friends & make them happy, or help out your friends when they’re in an emergency situation or need to apologize to their girlfriends or something.

Kristy @

Love In Bloom Florist BT: Full name, from? Kristy Lynn Ace Kopanski-Geary. Lakeside, Ohio. Near Put In Bay. BT: What brought you to Key West? K: When I was 13 I came here with my dad & I decided that I wanted to be an air brush artist in Key West. So for my birthday that year, I got an air brush, air brush lessons. 15 years later, I decided that idea I had when I was 13 was pretty good. BT: Is Love In Bloom your first 9-to-5 job? K: Yes. [laughs] Yes, it is. BT: What’s your Key West work history? Margaritaville for 2 years, Shanna Key for 4 years, & I’ve done bookkeeping for the Water Sports at the Casa Marina. I did that for 10 years. & The [Lazy] Gecko for 7 years, coming up on 8 years. BT: What’s your favorite color combo? K: Pink & orange.

BT: Are there any trends coming or going this summer that people who are into flowers should know about? K: Trends that we’re hoping to see go away, burlap & mason jars & vintage. New trends are shiny silvers & elegant & classic. BT: Do you specialize in a particular creative style? K: Tropicals. We try to do funky, tropical. We try to stick with the island feel & be as creative & unique in the tropicals as we can. BT: What’s the best pick-up line you ever heard? K: Some guy picked-up a sugar pack & said ‘You dropped your name tag.’. BT: What are you doing on your day off? K: I paddle board, take my dog to the beach, happy hour. [laughs] BT: Where do you like to hang out at night? K: The Gecko. [laughs] Conch Farm, Tiki Bar, Pepe’s. BT: Where can somebody see your portfolio? K: Our website, LoveInBloomFlorist.com or Facebook. Have an event coming up or just need to get yourself out of the dog house? Call or stop by Love in Bloom, 134 Simonton, 305-292-1824. kwBarTab.com

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RESTAURANTS & BARS AGAVE 308 AMIGOS BAGATELLE BLUE HEAVEN BOTTLE CAP LOUNGE CAROLINE’S CHARLIE MAC’S DANTE’S / PRIME STEAKHOUSE GREEN PARROT HOG’S BREATH HOT TIN ROOF / SUNSET PIER IRISH KEVIN’S JACK FLATS JDL’S BIG 10 / SALSA LOCA LAZY GECKO LUIGI’S SECRET RECIPES MARGARITAVILLE MR. Z’S / MR. Z’S TOO MUSE / KELLY’S CARIBBEAN POINT 5 PRIME STEAKHOUSE / DANTE’S RUM BARREL RUMOR LOUNGE SANTIAGO’S BODEGA SEADOG TAVERN SMOKIN’ TUNA SOLO SOUTHERNMOST BEACH CAFÉ SUNSET PIER / HOT TIN ROOF TATTOOS & SCARS VIRGILIO’S WORLD OF BEER WILLIE T’S

A2 B2 B2 B5 B5 B3 B4 D1 B4 A2 B4 B2 B3 D1 B2 C3 B4 C3 B3 C5 D1 B1 B2 B5 B4 B2 C2 D7 B4 B2 B4 B2 C3

1

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

8

2

11

21 1 10

3

3 30

28 2 15 12 22 25

14 26

19 6 16

4

17 17

13 18 31

9 7 24

5 23

4

20

6

5

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STORES & SERVICES BAREFOOT BILLY’S BI-PLANE TOURS CAPRICORN JEWELRY

E/F7 N6 B4

KW HAMMOCK CO. LOVE IN BLOOM

C4 B2


H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

18

INFINITY HAIR SALON SEASIDE

B2 O4

SARGASSO CLOTHING SOUTHERNMOST CIGAR CLUB

B2 A2 33


BT: What are some of the things Billy’s is offering? R: We offer just about every aspect of water sports that the public would be interested in. We book fishing, snorkeling, diving. We provide the equipment for paddle boards, kayaks, the fun cats, which are an electric floating lounge chairs. We do the jet ski tours & the fly board.

Ray @

Barefoot Billy’s BT: Full name, age & from? My name’s Raymond Dargis. I’m from Attleboro, Massachusetts. & I’m a little over 60. BT: When did you move down to Key West? R: I moved down to Key West in 1988. BT: How did you end up in Key West the first time? R: Back in ‘73, as a college student, I took a Greyhound bus down here. I believe I may have caught the “Keys Disease” right then & there. BT: Was it Spring Break? R: Nope. It was just a whim during the winter. BT: How does your day typically start? R: About 6:30 in the morning, coffee, & run here to the beach to make sure that everything at Barefoot Billy’s is operational. BT: What do your days off consist of? R: My days off consist of getting caught up on housework, because I basically work six days a week. 34 kwBarTab.com

BT: What are your most popular activities with locals? R: Probably the jet skis & the fly boards, the active sports. BT: Tell us briefly about the fly board. R: The fly board is a unique way to get out in the water & play. It requires a little bit of balance, & the throttle man does the rest. It’s a situation where we’re using the thrust of the jet from the jet ski itself, directing it underneath the customer, & allowing them to get up in the air, kind of like Iron Man. BT: Are you of locked in one area or can you move around? R: Once the person gets a little bit proficient on the fly board, they can walk on water. By moving left & right, left & right, they move the jet ski & themselves. BT: What are your 3 favorite bars in Key West? R: The Parrot, The Bottle Cap, & the [Schooner] Wharf. BT: Any other general shout-outs or plugs? R: Just that Duval is a great place for people to come & have fun. & everyone’s going to find their flavor down here. Barefoot Billy’s has 3 locations & offers dozens of water sports activities as well as scooter & bike rentals. Call for info 305.290.2048.



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38 #kwBarShots



Bar & Restaurant Listings Listings appear in alphabetical order. If you would like an update please contact us at info@kwBarTab.com Cheers! Get 2-4-1 drinks daily or 10% off your food order at over 25 KW bars & restaurants a with the Bar & Restaurant Cards. www.KeyWestBarCard.com

UFO

416 Appelrouth, 305 414 8626 • An off the

LAM

UGOML

300 Front, 509 7780 • Playing some of the best

blues in the Keys. Great deck overlooking Front St. Live music playing regularly w/ cigars & full liquor bar. 11a-2a or later.

915 [NINE ONE FIVE]

✆UFO

915 Duval, 296 0669 • Mediterranean–American tapas menu w/ a tuna dome that can’t be missed. One of the finest wine lists in the Keys w/ ample indoor & outdoor seating. 40 kwBarTab.com

✆ reservations

comfortable Italian restaurant that’s favored by locals. Enjoy your experience while seated on their comfy couches w/ loads of pillows.

AGAVE 308

ULF

308 Front, 509 7304 • Key West’s only tequila

bar, w/ over 70 different tequilas & 20 craft cocktails. Open 11a-1a or later, w/ HH 4:306:30p & food till 10p. Taco & Tequila Tues $3 tacos & $4 fresh lime margaritas.

✆F

& restaurant. The new look may be a bit much to some die hard fans, but they are still serving up some of the best sushi in town.

OL

AMIGOS

425 Greene, 292 2009 • Tacos2, burritos, nachos

& more. Not only delivering Mexican food to your door, you can get margaritas or some beer too! Open 8a-1a, Fri & Sat till 6a delivery 11a-11p.

ANTONIA’S

✆UF

615 Duval, 294 6565 • This amazing Italian

restaurant is one of Duval’s finest. 100s of wines by the bottle & authentic Italian menu. Lunch 11am-2p & dinner nightly at 5p.

AZUR

UF

425 Grinnell, 292 2987 • Mediterranean fare at one of Key West’s chef owned restaurants. Breakfast 8a Mon-Fri, lunch till 2p. Dinner 6-10p Mon-Sat & a brunch on Sun.

recommended

BAGATELLE

LGO

115 Duval, 296 6609 • Daytime & evening

1401 Simonton, 293 0304 • Amazing bar, lounge

801 Duval, 294 4737 • The front bar is the locals’ hangout. Drag shows upstairs at 9 & 11pm, bingo on Sun. Saloon 1 in back is not for the timid or faint-hearted. 4 TVs [w/ porn] Get a 2-4-1 daily w/ your

90 MILE LOUNGE

UF

1208 Simonton, 292 1199 • Warm &

AMBROSIA

beaten path gastropub w/ graffiti-tagged walls w/ dishes from wings & burgers to yellowtail snapper & soft shell crab.

801 BOURBON

ABBONDANZA

menus designed by chef Maria Manso. HH 5-7p w/ $5-7 small plates & drink specials. 2-4-1 daily w/ 10% off food w/

FO

BANANA CAFÉ 1215 Duval, 294 7227 • French cuisine

featuring crepes, baguettes & more. Breakfast or lunch served 8a-3p, 6-10p for dinner.

BEACH BAR @ the Pier House

WFO

01 Duval 296 4600 • Stop by for lunch or just sit

oceanside at the bar & soak in some of their island drinks. Ask about their live music.

BETTER THAN SEX

UFL

926 Simonton, 296 8102 • Erotically charged atmosphere, sporting dessert dishes like Jungle Fever & Missionary Crisp. Open daily 6pm-midnight.

BLACKFIN BISTRO

FO

918 Duval, 509 7408 • From breakfast inside

w/ a view of Duval to late night dinner on the back deck, Blackfin offers savory bistro cuisine w/ a true Key West flare w/ fantastic outdoor dining.

BLUE HEAVEN

FOMN

729 Thomas, 296 8666 • Cats & chickens living

in harmony & an award winning wine list that complements extraordinary food. One of Key West’s best breakfast/brunch spots.

U upscale F food served G food served late S sports M entertainment


WUFO

BLUE MOJITO

601 Front • At the Hyatt, plenty of waterfront

couches to chill on. Light food served & full liquor bar & offering 20% locals’ discount. Get a 2-4-1 daily w/ your

LADN 900 Simonton, 294 2655 • One block off Duval, BOBBY’S MONKEY BAR

activities provided through the week. Karaoke 9:30p Mon, Thurs, Fri & Sun. Tues 7p pool tourney. HH noon-8p on beer & wells.

LAO

BOURBON STREET

724 Duval, 294 9354 • The ultimate guys-only night out. Porn on TV, dancers on bars & pool w/ waterfall. Mon is movie night & 2-4-1 Tues. 16 TVs [2 big, 3 w/ porn]

BOTTLE CAP

OLMN

1128 Simonton, 296 2807 • Cool lounge w/ a

rock n’ roll twist. DJ music Tues & Fri @ 10p. Pool room w/ a sic video jukebox. Parties every night, see their ad for info. Outside bar for those cool KW nights! HH 5-8p. Get a 2-4-1 daily w/ your

BULL & WHISTLE

LM

224 Duval, 296 4565 • Live music all day,

everyday. Get 2-4-1 margaritas [or one large] at the bar or grab a table & ask Lynn or Vicky for Debbie’s award winning Bloody Maria!

GOL

BURGERFI

221 Duval, 453 6869 • All-natural burgers & fresh-cut fries right on Duval. w/ quick service & a full liquor bar, in an old school Key West style house on the 200 block.

O outdoor seating

F

THE CAFÉ 509 Southard, 296 5515 • Mostly vegetarian

entrees, sandwiches & awesome veggie burger. Organic wines, specialty beers & herbal teas. Open daily Mon–Sat 11am-10p. Delivery or take out.

UFO

CAFÉ SOLÉ

1029 Southard, 294 0230 • A few blocks from

Duval & some of the most authentic cuisine this side of Paris. Fine wine, sherry & ports.

CAMILLE’S

UF

1202 Simonton, 296 4811 • A locals’ favorite w/ a menu that changes daily. Serving a fantastic breakfast, lunch & dinner. HH 4-7p. Opens 8a-10p[ish]. 10% off food w/

CAROLINE’S

SFO

310 Duval, 294 7511 • This totally outdoors bar/restaurant is awesome. Great for people watching & low priced menu items. Lisa & Bethany in command. Delivery available. 2 TVs

FSOL 404 Southard, 320 0204 • BBQ is back CHARLIE MAC’S

THE COMMODORE

✆WUF

704 Front, 294 9191 • On the harbor walk,

come to experience their spectacular creations. Stop in the lounge & have a nip on a Frost Bite.

CONCH REPUBLIC

WFOM

631 Greene, 294 4403 • This open-air bar &

restaurant offers dozens of rums & then some. Plenty of seats at the bar, w/ live music every night. Be sure to ask about the rum sampler.

CONCH TOWN LOUNGE

LN

3340 N. Roosevelt, 296 4343 • This is a locals’ favorite New Town hang out. Awesome prices, 2 pool tables. You can bet on a late night crowd to have ‘one more’ on the way home with.

CORK & STOGIE

ON

1218 Duval, 517 6419 • Booze & cigars, C&S is open 10a-11p. Daily wine tastings & a great place to get Key West Factory cigars. Free Wi-Fi for customers.

COASTERS

MLX

218 Whitehead, 848 4010 • A bar w/ a roller coaster, arcade games & a nightclub. Get 15%

downtown next to the Parrot. Serving food late night & HH 4-7p. Home of the Southernmost ‘Canes club & live music regularly.

off any of the 10 different roller coaster rides. Open daily 10a-10p or later.

CHEF DISTILLED [RUM DISTILLERY]

618 Duval, 440-2605 • HH 4-7p $2 PBRs, 2-4-1 margaritas & bartender special. Wed 9-11p Ladies Drink Free for Sexy Bull Riding. Live regional bands 10p-2a Tues-Sat. 32 TV’s, 4 pool.

105 Simonton, 294 1441 • Key West’s first legal rum distillery. Taste it, watch it be made, buy it & enjoy. Get a tour through their distillery w/ lots of history. Open till 7pm.

COWBOY BILL’S

L open late W on the water A alternative lifestyle N neighborhood bar D dive bar

FOLM

41


DANTE’S

WFOM

951 Caroline, 293 5123 • Poolside drinking &

dining w/ HH Mon-Fri 4-8p all drinks almost half price. DJs every weekend, tons of locals pounding shots - this is KW’s premier public pool to get hammered at! 15 TVs

DEUCE’S ‘OFF THE HOOK’

✆FN

728 Simonton, 414 8428 • Open 8a-10p, dinner starts at 5p specilizing in seafood & pizza. HH 4-6p discounted beer & wines. Closed Tuesdays.

DONS’ PLACE

LODN

1000 Truman, 296 8837 • Closed only 3 hours, 6

days a week. Opens 7a & stays open till 4a. 10 TVs, 1 pool, 1 dart, 1 GT, juke tunes.

F

DUFFY’S

1007 Simonton, 296 4900 • Specializing in Steak & Lobsters. Open for lunch & dinner, this is a great place to bring the family for a night out. Try Duffy’s special coffee rum.

F

EL SIBONEY

are feeling light, Siboney can at least keep your belly full w/ great Cuban food at extremely reasonable prices.

LGOMN

320 Grinnell, 293 0222 • Probably the best draft

selection in the lower Keys & a sweet outdoor patio. You can get food here till at least 1a & drinks till 4a.

42 kwBarTab.com

✆ reservations

✆FO

1100 Packer, 295 7970 • Fresh dishes &

local seafood served daily. The lobster mac & cheese is a must. Dine in or take out w/ delivery as well. Open 6p Tues-Sunday.

FOGARTY’S

LFO

HALF SHELL RAW BAR

WFO

231 Margaret, 294 7496 • Great raw bar on the

harbor walk & bar to kick back a few back at & relax. Recently expanded game w/ shuffle board & skeeball!

HARPOON HARRY’S

FM

832 Caroline, 294 8744 • Best known for their

227 Duval, 294 7525 • Home to the Flying Monkey Saloon w/ Kyle & Ryan serving up the fastest frozen drinks in KW! Lunch & dinner at great prices. 16 TVs [6 in A/C!]

diner style breakfast. Food served all day, full liquor bar & low prices & breakfast till 3p!

✆LFO

313 Duval, 293 0230 • The Keys’ very own Rock

GRAND CAFÉ

314 Duval, 292 4740 • Proving to be an outstanding decision for lunch &/or dinner. Serving one of the best menus in town, plus mojitos & the Grand Margarita.

GRAND VIN

O

1107 Duval, 296 1020 • This wine shop/bar is a great place to start or end an evening. Buy a bottle, then head to the porch for a table. Vin pours wine by the glass & a few beers.

GREEN PARROT

LMDN

601 Whitehead, 294 6133 • Probably the biggest

900 Catherine, 296 4184 • When your pockets

FINNEGAN’S WAKE

FLAMING BUOY

HARD ROCK CAFÉ

FO

& Roll museum w/ a multi-level patio bar & restaurant. Plenty of Key West Hard Rock goods available, too. 9 TVs

HOG’S BREATH

WFOM

400 Front, 292 2032 • Catering to a tourist

crowd, but also remains a locals’ favorite. Great bar staff & shucking bar & some of the best bands playing original live music in town. HH 5-7pm & 1-2am. 6 TVs, 3 bars

HOGFISH

WFOM

6810 Front [Stock Isl.], 293 4041 • Best place

anchor in town. The best live acts in the Keys w/ a bartending staff who make slinging drinks look as easy as drinkin ‘em. 4 TVs, 1 pool, 1 dart, best jukebox in S. FL.

for live music on Stock Island. Their hogfish sandwich is a must! Breakfast Sat & Sun at 8a. HH 4-7p Mon-Sat. 4 TVs, 1 pool Get 10% off food w/ your

GREENE STREET CIGAR CO

HOT TIN ROOF

10% off premium beers, wine & cigars, 2-4-1 on all dom beer.

slick lounge. Sit back & take in the ocean view w/ one of the best menus in Key West @ the Ocean Key. Serving breakfast, lunch & dinner.

614 Greene, 296 5499 • Open 10a-12a. HH 5-7p

recommended

✆UWFO

0 Duval, 296 7701 • Delicious martini list &

U upscale F food served G food served late S sports M entertainment


WFO

HURRICANE HOLE

5110 Overseas Hwy, 294 0200 • At Hurricane

Hole Marina, across the Stock Isl. bridge. A haven for locals to hang out on the water w/ full liquor bar.

LM

IRISH KEVIN’S

211 Duval, 292 1262 • Guinness chugging

contests on stage, accompanied by live music all day long. Full liquor & over 25 draft aiding the staff here to keep you sloshed.

ISLAND DOGS

LGOM

505 Front, 509 7136 • Street-side seating just

steps off Duval. Live music Thurs, Fri & Sat. Nice blend of casual & upscale bar. Open late w/ food till the crowd dies down.

SLG

JACK FLATS

509 1/2 Duval, 294 7955 • Great grub served

to 1a or later. This is the place to be on game day. Matt & Doug run things at night, Gretchen in the day. 38 TVs [12 jumbo] & audio boxes.

JDL’S & SALSA LOCA

SGLN

920 Caroline, 294 6277 • Restaurant & sports bar serving Mexican fare & Big 10 sports teams. 2 HHs daily 3-7p & 11p-2a. Food 11a-11p w/ delivery. 23 HD TVs, 1 pool 2-4-1 daily w/ 10% off food w/

UFO

KELLY’S

303 Whitehead, 293 8484 • Spectacular outdoor

dining area to enjoy Key West’s days & nights. HH 4-7p on drinks & food at the bar. Try one of the micro brewed beers.

O outdoor seating

KOJIN

GL

502 Street, 296 2077 • 6 different noodle bowls,

LE PETIT PARIS

FO

825 Duval, 453.6065 • Organic cafe nestled on

perfect apps, featured menu items & sakes to complement. HH 4-5p & 11p-12a, 20% off alcohol & their soft-egg shooter Get 10% off all food w/ your

the cozy corner of Olivia & Duval. Serving breakfast & lunch 8a-4p-9p. 30% your bill w/ local ID 5:30-8p, 5:30-7p HH specials daily.

OL 506 Southard • A few steps off Duval, Krawl

5 Key Lime Sq, 296 5303 • Fresh ingredients &

KRAWL OFF DUVAL

offers the most tap craft beers in the Keys. Tuesday SIN 8p-close w/ drink specials & live music. Outside seating & HH 5-7p.

LA TE DA

ULFOM

1125 Duval, 296 6706 • Outside full liquor bar.

Shows in the Crystal Room & piano bar. HH 12-7p on beer, wells & wine.

LA TRATTORIA

✆UF

524 Duval, 296 1075 • Classic cuisine &

impressive wine list - probably the Keys’ best Italian! The street side bar is perfect to sip on libations w/ over 20 specality martinis.

LA TRATTORIA OCEANSIDE

✆UF

3593 S Roosevelt, 295 6789 • La Trats second

location up town. Perfect for those who want to avoid downtown or like parking. Very creative seating layout w/ the quality menu you expect.

LAZY GECKO

SLO

203 Duval, 292 1903 • The Gecko’s throwin’ the best party in town w/ a locals’ back bar that’s a great escape from the weekend madness! DJs Tues, Wed-Sat late night. HH 4-8p [till midnight Sun & Mon]. 15 TVs

LOBO’S

FO

prices you can’t beat in downtown Key West. Wraps, quesadillas, nachos & beer. Dine in or get it delivered. Open Mon-Sat 10a-5p or a little later.

LUIGI’S SECRET RECIPES

zLG

521 Fleming, 292 4962 • Calzones, pizza pies

or slices & sandwiches. Just a half block off Duval & open till 12a w/ delivery. See their menu in the back of BarTab.

MANGIA MANGIA

FO

900 Southard, 294 2469 • Fresh seafood,

homemade pasta made daily & the Keys’ most famous pesto. Great outdoor garden to dine in. Offering over 400 different bottles of wine. Get 10% off all food w/ your

MANGOES

FO

700 Duval, 292 4606 • A very classy & relaxing

dining patio complete w/ an outdoor bar. Sit back & watch the entertainment of Duval Street while dining or sipping on a cocktail.

MARGARITAVILLE

FM

500 Duval, 292 1435 • Daytime the restaurant

jams more than most on the island. Bands take the stage at 9p Tues-Sunday. If you didn’t know already, try a margarita & cheeseburger.

L open late W on the water A alternative lifestyle N neighborhood bar D dive bar

43


MARTIN’S

UFO

917 Duval, 295 0111 • European-style fare nicely settled on upper Duval. w/ street-side lounge seating & a menu Chef Martin has been perfecting for over 20 years in KW.

MICHAELS

UFO

532 Margaret, 295 1300 • Located in the back

streets of Old Town, this is a Key West favorite. Owner & Chef Michael Wilson offers a classic menu w/ an island twist.

L

MR. CHEAPEE’S

423 Duval, 305 292 0486 • Cheapee’s offers a

wide variety of liquors & wines to suit every taste & every price range. Cigs, liquor, wine & beer right off Duval to-go.

MR. Z’S

LF

501 Southard, 305 296 4445 • Grinders, pizza, &

the best cheesesteaks in Key West! Open till 4a every night, just a half block off Duval. See their menu in the back of BarTab.

MR. Z’S TOO

LF

2798 N Roosevelt, 296 5306 • Mr Z’s second

location in New Town. This Z’s offers some indoor seating as well. Open 11a-midnight w/ the same great menu items. See their menu in the back of BarTab.

MUSE

FOM

303 Whitehead, 293 8484 • Live music meets

the art at Muse. HH5-7p w/ 1/2 off drinks & $5 grill specials. Find them on Facebook for upcoming events.

44 kwBarTab.com

✆ reservations

FO

OLD TOWN MEXICAN CAFÉ

609 Duval, 296 7500 • Subtle ethnic décor

enhances your Mexican experience. Beer & wine w/ a handful of Mexican beers, but we opt for the pitchers of sangria.

FO

ORIGAMI 1075 Duval, 294 0092 • Outdoor sushi

restaurant, coupled w/ astounding sushi & a large supply of sake, BarTab doesn’t need much more than that.

AFO

PEARL’S

525 United, 292 1450 • Poolside bar & food

served. 2 blocks from the Southernmost Point. HH Mon-Sat 5-7p. Get a 2-4-1 daily w/ your

PEPE’S CAFE

zOF

806 Caroline, 294 7192 • A Keys unique ‘diner’

is crazy busy for breakfast. Chances are there will be a bit of a wait, but it’s worth it. Full liquor bar & food served 7:30a-10p.

PISCES

✆UF

1007 Simonton, 294 7100 • This is as upscale

as Key West gets, having received awards from Zagats & AAA 4 diamond & original Warhols on the wall. Open at 6p & reservations recommended.

FO 915 Duval, 296 0669 • Craft cocktails, beer, POINT 5

fine wine & eats. 2nd story balcony overlooks Duval, perfect for people watching. Full menu until 12am. HH 5-6 daily with $5 pizzas & half priced cocktails. recommended

THE PORCH

LON

420 Caroline, 517 6358 • Local crowds drinking

carefully selected craft beers. Bottles of wine to go or camp out on the porch w/ $2 off drafts & wine 4:30-6:30p.

PRIME STEAKHOUSE

✆UWOF

951 Caroline, 296 4000 • This tucked away gem

is located upstairs from Dante’s. Serving a steak & seafood menu that is complemented by an extraordinary wine list.

RED FISH BLUE FISH

FO

407 Front, 295 7447 • Steps away from Mallory

Square, serving some of the best seafood in town great pre & post-sunset destination w/ $5 margaritas every day.

ROOFTOP CAFE

UFOM

308 Front, 294 2042 • Great deck overlooking

Front St. Live music playing regularly w/ one of the better martini lists in Key West. Opens at 10:30a.

RUM BARREL

SGOM

528 Front, 292 7862 • This is your Phillies’, Flyers’ & 76ers’ Southernmost headquarters. Sweet upper deck w/ live music Wed-Sat. 10 flat HD TVs & more than 170 rums available.

RUM RUNNER’S HOUSE

LO

1117 Duval, 296 2680 • Serving over 250 selections of rum, try a flight of 5 types for $25. Open 11am-midnight or later w/ a full liquor bar.

U upscale F food served G food served late S sports M entertainment


RUMOR LOUNGE

LM

430 Greene • Funky, sexy lounge steps from the 200 block. HH 5-8p & bacon bloody Mary’s all day Sunday. Come dance to the best in EDM nightly & sip on one of their signature drinks.

WFO

SALUTE

1000 Atlantic, 292 1117 • Get to Higgs Beach

for a terrific beach front treat. A casual atmosphere dishing up lunch & dinner. HH 4-7p w/ $1 off drinks w/ a great sunset view! Opens 11:30a.

SANTIAGO’S BODEGA

✆FON

207 Petronia, 296 7691 • Over 30 tapas dishes

& great wine. This place gets busy, so be sure to call ahead for a table. HH 3-6 w/ a $5 tapas menu & drink discounts. Get 10% off all food w/ your

LFOMD 202 William, 292 3302 • Spacious harbor front SCHOONER WHARF

bar where the din of local chatter & live music fills the air all day. See the only Bar Magician in the Keys. 2 TVs, 1 pool Get a 2-4-1 daily w/ your

SEADOG TAVERN

FOM Wings, burgers &

628 Duval, 414 8133 • nachos w/ an outdoor bar & live music. Daily specials [see their ad] including .40¢ wings & Taco Tues. HH 4p-7p 2-4-1 all drinks.

O outdoor seating

SEVEN FISH

✆UF

623 Olivia, 296 2777 • Nestled in Key West‘s

sleepy back streets, 7 Fish has become a favorite for “locals in the know.” Eclectic menu w/ emphasis on local catch.

SHANNA KEY

SLGN

1900 Flagler, 295 8880 • Great selection of ales

& great Irish food served till 3a. 7 TVs, 1 GT ‘06, internet juke tunes.

SHIMP DADDY’S

SLD

908 Kennedy, 294 4818 • Hidden in the mini-

malls of New Town, this is an escape from the clubs on Duval. Open 9a-4, w/ HH 4p-8p, 13 TVs, 3 pool

SHOR

WUFO

601 Front, 809 4000 • Savor a million dollar

harbor view & delicious cuisine in this extraordinary Key West restaurant.

LN

SHOTS & GIGGLES

Greene & Ann, 414 8272 • Beer & wine bar, &

package store. 30% off at the bar HH 4:306:30p. Great place to stop for one & take a bottle to go.

SLOPPY JOE’S

LFM

201 Duval, 294 5717 • There’s enough

entertainment from people watching alone, & also serving up live music all day. Check out Joe’s Tap Room Backroom Saloon.

UGLO

SOLO

610 Greene, 296 2033 • Specialty cocktails,

flatbreads, small plates & delicious entrees served till midnight. Half off happy hour at 4p daily on select food items & all drinks.

SOUTHERNMOST BEACH CAFÉ

WFO

1405 Duval, 295 6550 • Beach side restaurant

that braves the morning to serve breakfast. One of the few bars on Key West w/ a beach & chair rentals. HH 4-6p $4 apps & drink specials. 5 TVs

SMOKIN’ TUNA

LFOM

4 Charles, 517 6350 • Great seafood & raw bar,

w/ live music nightly @ 6pm-1am by amazing singer / songwriter. Grab a world famous t-shirts right off Duval. Food till 11p.

SQUARE ONE

UFOM

STONED CRAB

LFOW

1075 Duval, 296 4300 • In Duval Square plaza, a menu of American cuisine w/ ethnic twists on old standbys. 11:30a–3p & 6-10p. 3101 Roosevelt, 294 4350 • At the Ibis Bay

Resort, HH 3-7p, breakfast starting at 8a, & food served late night. Live music, public pool & pool side Thurs movie night. 2-4-1 daily w/ 10% off food w/

SUNSET PIER

WFOM

0 Duval, 296 7701 • This could be the

beginning or end of your Duval crawl. A great place for sunsets on their extra long seated pier. Located at the Ocean Key Resort. Get a 2-4-1 daily w/ your

L open late W on the water A alternative lifestyle N neighborhood bar D dive bar

45


TATTOOS & SCARS

LOM

512 Greene, 517 6610 • Open till 4am everyday

& the 0nly place in Key West to catch all your UFC action. 2-4-1 HHs 4-7p daily & late night 2a-close Sun-Thur. 1 pool, 8 TVs

TAVERN N TOWN

WFO

3841 Roosevelt, 296 3676 • Rated the best restaurant & bar in the US by Marriott guests.

The T&T has a 2-4-1 HH everyday, plus on Tues & Thurs $7 tapas at the bar.

L

TEASERS

218 Duval, 292 0486 • The slim staircase on Duval gets you access to plenty of girls hanging out all night long! Slick lighting & sound system VIP room.

THAI ISLAND

TURTLE KRAALS

WFO

231 Margaret, 294 2640 • Now offering Cuban/ Caribbean flavors, the island’s only ceviche bar, & a return to the glory days of the Tower Bar.

VINO’S ON DUVAL

L

810 Duval, 294 7568 • 2 great tables on their

raised on-street patio & offering 16 wines by the glass, a variety of wine by the bottle & beers. Open noon-1a.

VIRGILIO’S

LOM

524 Duval, 296 8118 • Upscale martini bar has

live jazz music Wed & Thurs, rotating bands Fri & Sat & home of the $5 martini every Mon night!

WILLIE T’S

LGMO

525 Duval, 294 7674 • Serving 31 flavors of

mojitos & HH 4-7p w/ discounted drinks. Late night menu w/ panini, pizzas & more. Mojito Mondays 2-4-$12. Bands throughout the week @ 7p & Fri & Sat @ 3p & 7p.

WORLD OF BEER

LFM

511 Greene, 517 6260 • Over 550 beers, the

most extensive beer selection in the Keys. Live music regularly, tavern fare served & a phone app taking beer tasting to the next level.

WORLD’S SMALLEST BAR

LD

124 Duval, 294 8507 • This bar lives up to its

name. Blink & you might miss it. This place stays open late night on Duval.

FW

711 Palm, 296 9189 • Located at Garrison

Bight, this is BarTab’s favorite ethnic fare in Key West [specifically the Panang Curry]. Food served 11a-10p.

46 kwBarTab.com

✆ reservations

recommended

U upscale F food served G food served late S sports M entertainment



48 #kwBarShots



eat it

Southernmost Beach Café 1405 Duval Street, [305] 294-7955

50

photoG Nick Doll Photography

SOUTH BEACH SNAPPER Local yellowtail snapper, pan seared, topped with blackened shrimp salsa, over sautéed bok choy, finished with a lemon buerre blanc.



52 #kwBarShots




Sandwiches Sandwiches served with French Fries Delivered sandwiches served with Potato Chips $7.99 Cajun Blackened Chicken Sandwich Cajun Chicken w/ Cheddar, Lettuce, Tomato, Onion & Spicy Mayo

Appetizers $7.99 Tex-Mex Rolls Egg Rolls w/ spicy Chicken, Corn, Black Beans, Cheese & Onion $9.99 Redenbacher Shrimp Bite sized Shrimp fried golden brown, with Cocktail Sauce $7.99 Tomato Lovers’ Bruschetta Baguette, w/ Tomatoes, Garlic, Mozzarella, & Balsamic Vinegar Quesadillas Chicken or Shrimp $8.99 w/ Jack & Cheddar, Peppers, Onions, Tomatoes & Jalapenos $7.99 Buffalo Style Chicken Wings Mild, Medium, or Hot with Celery & Bleu Cheese Dressing

Fresh Green Salads $9.99 The Bittersweet Endive, Arugula, Gorgonzola Cheese, Candied Pecans, & Spring Lettuce in a light Vinaigrette Caesar Salad $7.99 add Chicken or Shrimp $9.99 $9.99 Macon & Bacon Crispy Fried Chicken, Roasted Corn, Sweet Onions, Crunchy Bacon, & Maple Georgia Pecans, with Romaine Lettuce, & our own Home-style Ranch Dressing $9.99 Southwestern Chicken Salad Grilled Chicken, Roasted Corn, Black Beans, Tomatoes, Tortilla Strips, & Cheddar & Jack Cheeses, in a Spicy Lime Dressing

$9.99 Caroline’s Famous Fish Sandwich Fresh Fried Golden Brown with Lettuce, Tomato & Tartar $7.99 Front Street Club Turkey, Ham, Provolone, Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato & Mayo $8.99 Cuban Mix Pork, Ham, Bacon, Pickles, & Mustard on Grilled Cuban Bread $8.99 Rev. Joe’s Burger The BIGGEST, the BEST, served with Lettuce, Tomato, Onion add Bacon or American, Provolone, or Cheddar $1 each

Caroline’s Favorites $14.99 Chicken Broccolini Grilled Chicken Breast, Penne Pasta, & Fresh Broccoli, in a creamy Parmesan/Romano Sauce $16.99 Kingston Chicken Spicy Marinated Jerk Chicken with Rice, Black Beans, & fried Plantains (Breast & Wing with Bones) Blackened Chicken Pasta $14.99 Spicy Grilled Chicken Breast with Peppers and Penne Pasta in a Cajun Cream Sauce


Party Bob Rules (a.k.a. Whether you’re a bored tourist dropping wolfbait or a local checking to see what kind of weird shit I was gonna write about this month, this column is about living in Key West. Things you should know if you’ve just moved here or lived here your whole life. FIRST - I’m sick and tired of continually reading about people complaining about the noise from bars at night - it’s one thing when my ex neighbor Vladimir threw all night techno parties on his deck every fucking night and kept me awake all the time, that is, until I had him deported. See, i lived here before ole Vlad did and there was no way I could have known a douche bag like him would move in next to me, and of course Vlad (if he had any common sense) should have known that it would bother everyone in the neighborhood if he did this every night. It also is worth saying that I live in a part of town called “new town” for a reason - a lot less noise because that’s not where the bars are. I knew that going in. Now let me state, that I have no 56 kwBarTab.com

problem with rich people, I’d like to be one same day... but from what I’ve been told many new home owners in the downtown area are making noise complaints because their house is close to the bars downtown. The thing is, the houses down there cost a shitload of money, hence the “rich”. Now let’s move on, I get that the noise annoys you, I get that you don’t care that literally thousands of people are in those places having fun, mostly the tourists - which most of you were before you bought your McMansion and I get that you’re mad - but I don’t see why you’re mad at the bars who by the way have been doing this for way longer than most of you have been on the planet. Your anger is misdirected. The people you should be pissed at are: a) Yourself and perhaps b) Your real estate agent. Who makes that kind of investment in a house and doesn’t do their due diligence on the property and the area you’re moving to? No one told you? Try earplugs - or you could move to the other side of the Island


K.W. 101 Vol.4) and get away from it all together, unless they somehow let Vlad back into the country. Many, many hard working people carve out their existence here in Key Weird working in these places. There have been multiple complaints about too much noise at a church! a freaking church! I hope this noise ordinance doesn’t pass. It would change the way Key West does business for the worse. Let’s face it people come here to party, eat, get some sun, culture and to fish. And the last time I checked there were a lot more bars than fishing boats. So cool it and get some earplugs and join in with the rest of us and learn to accept what Key West is. Don’t let money win this for once - keep Key West weird and fun, and by the way we have a lot of great musicians down here, so try to enjoy what’s here. The earth doesn’t revolve around you. It revolves around us, leave the noise to us, it sounds pretty good to me. PS. Be careful what you wish for. - Bill Hoebee 57


58 #kwBarShots




[the BarTab]

CLASSIFIEDS

SINGLE MALE seeks doublejointed supermodel who owns a brewery and grows her own pot. Access to a boat for fishing a plus, as is having an open minded twin-sister. (305) 555-7836 AUDITIONS Do you look like Jesus or know someone that does? Call for possible role in independent film sequel. (305) 555-6678 PARTY PLANNER NEED someone to help me prepare in advance for my Super Bowel party. (305) 555-0488

WANTED: 30 Chinamen and a zeppelin for elaborate practical joke. Can you help? Please call (305) 555-7354

BABY SITTER NEEDED Imaginative, neutering, playful and dependable. Is this you? Weekdays 12-5pm, Must have own car. Ref required. Call (305) 555-7843

2 MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES one 5-finger glove, one 3-finger glove, PAIR: $15 (305) 555-7231 CASTING for Sarah Palin look alike. Need for a very short (3 min) comedy video we’re producing. (305) 555-8247 WANTED Someone to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. You’ll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once. (305) 555-6384 ANTIQUE DRESSER perfect for a lady with thick legs and large-drawers. (305) 555-3811

USED TOMESTONE Perfect for someone named Hendel Bergan Heinzel. One only. Call (305) 555-9131 URGENT will the person I hit in the head with a tomato during the Bloody Battle in the early 90’s please contact me. (305) 555-2118 FREE TOILET Could be fixed up. A little dirty, and it leaked and overflowed last time it was ised. My son stuffed a action figure down it, so if anyone picks this up and fixes it, can you drop the action figure back off at my house? My son would really appreciate it. Thanks. (305) 555-3284 PIG I saw you on duval st. You grabbed my butt and I told you if you did that again I’d kill you. You did. I need your address. (305) 555-6931

kwBarTab.com

61





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