SELF ASSESSMENT WIL YOU MEDIATE LITIGATE COLLABORATE?
ASSESSMENT SO YOU WANT TO CO-PARENT? Understanding your needs, wants and concerns goes a long way in regaining control of a difficult situation. Reflecting on your spouse’s needs concerns and emotions should also be considered. The results from the assessment will go a long way to determine whether or not you should mediate, litigate or use collaborative principles to accomplish your divorce. What are your goals for your divorce? What are the things that you need to work on to help you get through the divorce process? Your ability to successfully mediate or collaborate a way through your divorce will be based, in large part, on how you manage conflict.
Emotional Intelligence Assessment Self Awareness
Did you agree to this Divorce? Yes
No
Assess yourself. What best describes your emotional state? 10 being the highest, 1 being the lowest
Shock About the Divorce Shock in Spouse’s Conduct Prior to Divorce Shock in Spouse’s Conduct After Filing of Divorce Wish to Have Life Back – Just like we were happy again Anger about Divorce Anger About Divorce Process Anger About How Kids are Effected by Divorce Process Depression Loss of Control about Divorce Loss of Control about Divorce Process
Co-Parenting Assessment Did Your Ex Agree to this Divorce? Yes
No
Assess Your Spouse: What Emotions is he or she going through? 10 being the highest, 1 being the lowest
Shock About the Divorce Shock About How I Acted Prior to Divorce Shock in How I Acted After Filing of Divorce Wish to Have Life Back – Just like we were happy again Anger about Divorce Anger About Divorce Process Anger About How Kids are Effected by Divorce Process Depression Loss of Control about Divorce Loss of Control about Divorce Process
Co-Parenting Assessment What’s it going to Take to Co parent? During Your marriage Rate Your Ability (1o being the greatest – 1 being the lowest) to resolve conflict: Listening Reflecting Understanding One Another Negotiate through Obstacles Looking for Resources to Resolve Problem Collaborating with Others to Resolve Problem
During Your Divorce Rate Your Ability (1o being the greatest – 1 being the lowest) to resolve conflict: Listening Reflecting Understanding One Another Negotiate through Obstacles Looking for Resources to Resolve Problem Collaborating with Others to Resolve Problem
Co-Parenting Assessment What’s it going to Take to Co parent? During Your marriage Rate Your Spouse’s Ability (1o being the greatest – 1 being the lowest) to resolve conflict: Listening Reflecting Understanding One Another Negotiate through Obstacles Looking for Resources to Resolve Problem Collaborating with Others to Resolve Problem
During Your Divorce Rate Your Spouses Ability (1o being the greatest – 1 being the lowest) to resolve conflict: Listening Reflecting Understanding One Another Negotiate through Obstacles Looking for Resources to Resolve Problem Collaborating with Others to Resolve Problem
Co-Parenting Assessment What Are things that you Need to Work on during this Divorce
(10 – Strong Opinion to 1 = Disagree) Fear of the Divorce Process Anger Contempt Sympathy Fight\Flight
When your spouse sees you his or her immediate response is in the divorce is (10 – High Degree to 1 = Low Degree) Fear Anger Contempt Sympathy Fight\Flight
Resolving Conflict\Motivation You Know Yourself Better than Anyone (10 – Strong Opinion to 1 = Disagree) What Are things that you Need to Work on during this Divorce I need to work on me I need to keep my emotions in control I need resources to help solve the problems that confront us in our divorce I need the help of a mental health professional – my ex has a lot of problems I don’t have anything to work on – my ex is the problem, not me! What its Going to Take to Finish this Divorce (10- Strong Opinion to 1- Disagree) A Judge Needs to Decide We Can Solve Our Problems Together A Mediator would Help us negotiate a Settlement We need to Collaborate and work through a Solution I’m ready to give up – this Divorce has cost me enough!
Resolving Conflict\Motivation You Know Your Spouse Better than Anyone (10 – Strong Opinion to 1 = Disagree) He\She needs lots of work He\She needs to place emotions in control He\She wants to go to marriage counseling He\She needs resources to help solve the problems that confront us in our divorce He\She needs to consult with a mental health professional He\She is a Narcissist – there’s no working with this person
How Does Your Spouse Want to Resolve Conflict Rate Your Ability (1o being the greatest – 1 being the lowest) to resolve conflict: Send Me to Get Help Go to Court and Litigate Go Seek Help through A Mental Health Professional Ask me to see a Marriage Therapist Solve Our Problems Together
HOW DO YOU WISH TO RESOLVE YOUR DIVORCE CONFLICT? Mediate Litigate Collaborate
What will it take to move your client from his or her position so you can successfully coparent your children? Education Coparenting Classes Discernment Classes Bereavement Classes
Self Reflection What Steps Do You Need to Take to work through the Divorce Work through Emotions Work with My Lawyer for best settlement Find a Resource to help my ex understand issues at hand. Work with my ex with a team of professionals to help us learn how to resolve our problems so we can coparent What Steps Does your Spouse need to take to peacefully work through the Divorce?
Work through Emotions Accept Marriage is Over Provide me resources to support his or her position Work with me on finding ways to find solutions to resolve our problems Listen to the reasons Why I have my concerns rather than just arguing with me
SOLVING PROBLEMS BY WORKING TOGETHER FINDING OPTIONS CREATING SOLUTIONS