With Bad Comes Good

By Lulu ‘24

“I believe deep what they say about the Lord giveth and the lord taketh away” (Woodson 99). I never really thought I would have to believe in this. Nothing had ever left a void in my life and I never expected anything would. My papa was the opposite of a void, he filled every crack of life within me and was as sweet as his favorite wine. My papa symbolized theAmerican Dream, coming from nothing he built his own life in the Bronx. From working many low-wage jobs for multiple hours in order to support his family, he fell nothing short of the most hard-working and strongest person I have ever known. Being with my papa felt like the safest place on earth, and even the worst possible thing couldn’t happen to me when my hand was intertwined with his. Even fifteen hundred miles away, him in the warmth, me in the cold, his voice over the phone was a soft blanket. Soon that same voice I had always known grew as scratchy as dry hands. Soon, eating was a force, moving was not a given, and that one vacation we had planned was unattainable for him. Soon, I lost my Papa.

I was there, the moment she was delivered, and the moment those blue eyes locked with mine, I knew I would never forget them. From the moment her small, soft hands wrapped around mine I never wanted to let go. However, the years moved by quickly. One moment three with a princess birthday cake, the next eight with clowns at her birthday, and soon enough, eleven standing over my hospital bed. Here I was, lying in the hospital, failing to lend my hand to my grandaughter who just wanted to hold it. Once I was a superhero, battling and never losing, but now I was lost. Lost not because I wasn’t battling, but lost because I couldn’t battle. I couldn’t let my family see me like this, so many great memories, and this couldn’t be the last one with me. I fought, begged, and prayed, and as I saw those tears streaming down her face, I wanted to wipe every single one away, but I was too far. I knew I was my grandaughter’s person, the one she loved to cuddle, the one she loved to call, and the one who made fifteen hundred miles feel like nothing. How could I possibly leave this world with her still in it? I held on hard to the life that was being ripped out of me by cancer, and when I finally heard those last words of hers, I let go.

My daddy was the best person I had ever known, started from scratch and built a great life for my brothers and me, all while dealing with my mom. He was a saint. He never failed to give me anything I asked for. Growing up, many moves, many homes, and many new beginnings, but he was always the same.The same sweet, loving, caring, and best daddy. He never stopped parenting and even helped me raise my beautiful daughter, who would soon learn that my daddy, her papa was the best person ever. He held her with the most delicate hands like she was a porcelain doll.The relationship they created was greater than one can imagine and the smile on her face never left when they were together.That could be said until there my daddy was, failing to reach my daughter’s hand, and I never knew if that same smile would return. It hurt. It hurt really bad watching my daddy go, but it hurt, even more, watching my daughter lose her best friend, watching her cope with a pain that was new.

But life went on. It had to, with or without my daddy here.And as I had this gaping hole in my heart, it started to fill, healing was being done with the help of someone. Not long after my daddy left this earth, Chris came into my life. Not only was this new to me, but it was also new to my daughter. I knew her papa leaving was a change and a bad one, but I hoped Chris would be a good change. It didn’t take much time for Chris to integrate into our daily life, from playing catch with my daughter, to meeting his cat, to having family dinners with him, I saw that same smile that she had left in the hospital room, quickly reappear on her face when he was around.

I was nervous. Emotion filled the empty car space as I drove toT’s house to meet Lu for the first time. What was I gonna say? What was she gonna say? How would she react? Many questions circled my head, and as I look back now, they shouldn’t have. Seeing Lu merged into a part of my daily life, when I sawT, I saw Lu and that became the norm. I knew about Pat’s recent absence inTand Lu’s life, but it didn’t seem to have an impact on Lu because whenever I saw her, she never failed to smile. Lu and I quickly grew an unbreakable bond.Time spent with Lu was easy, like I wasn’t trying hard and everything just flowed.After spending many years with Lu, I can see why Pat loved spending time with her. She was open, fun, and always smiling.

My papa was a big part of my life, one of the biggest, and losing his hand to hold was like the first time on a bike without training wheels. But Chris, Chris didn’t put the training wheels back on but he guided me, and showed me the way. Chris was the helping hand I needed. When my papa left, he wasn’t going to leave me without direction and no training wheels.The Lord may have taken my papa’s hand away from mine but he put it right into Chris’s.