==== ==== Secret Survey: Why Men LIE? Why he looks at other women... and more... http://tinyurl.com/7u27lre ==== ====
I get asked this question on an almost daily basis. It's very common for me to hear from both women and men who have some very compelling reasons to believe that their spouse or loved one is cheating. Yet, despite their trying to directly ask, reason with, or trick the person into telling them the truth, they always seem to hit a dead end. There are usually a few ways that the denial of cheating will go down. Sometimes, the husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend will just out and out and directly say that no, they are not cheating. Sometimes they will say this with a loving and patient attitude and sometimes they will become defensive and angry. Expanding on this angry response, the folks in this category will sometimes try to turn the tables somewhat. You will sometimes get a reaction that implies that you are the one with the problem. You may be accused of things like being insecure, or seeing things that aren't there, or hounding or projecting so much that you are going to drive your partner to commit the act that you fear the most. For the purposes of this article, I'm going to assume that you are right in your suspicions. Because this article is about why they don't tell the truth when they are indeed guilty - not about whether they are guilty or not. So, in the following article, I'll go over some of the reasons that I hear cheaters give for their reluctance to just tell the truth for once. Cheaters Often Don't Tell The Truth Because They Perceive That It Is Not In Their Best Interest To Do So: Let's break this down to the very basic human instincts. People will move toward what they believe is in their best interest to their survival, well being, and happiness. It's an instinct that most of us don't even think about and can't turn off and on at will. What is typically happening is that for whatever reason (and it really doesn't matter whether it is right or wrong, it's whether they THINK it's right or wrong,) they perceive that the cheating is going to be in their best interests. Perhaps this will potentially make them feel better about themselves or add some excitement to their lives. For whatever reason, they think the cheating is a good thing or is at least worth pursuing, at least at this time. So, they want to see it through and they know that this isn't nearly as likely to happen if they share this with you. They know that you will demand that they make a decision to either stop the cheating or to stop your relationship. And, at this point, they are not sure if they want to do either. See, they want to see where this new relationship takes them. For whatever reason, at least right now, they are getting some positive pay off from this. And, they don't want to stop the cycle until they see what the outcome is going to be. And, because they don't believe in this new relationship enough for it to be the only one, then they are not likely ready or willing to terminate the relationship with you. So, they want to juggle both relationships, whether it is the right thing to do or not. And, they know
that if they tell you the truth, the time that they've been trying to buy is going to come to an abrupt end. And, they also know that they will experience some truly negative pay offs and fall outs from this. And, exactly in the same way that it's human instinct to embrace what we think is going to feel good and be in our best interest, we're hard wired to avoid and delay what we know is going to bring about negativity and pain. I am not saying this to make excuses for them. Not at all. But, I am sometimes given an insight into their thought process and I'm sharing that with you in the hopes that you can use it to better evaluate your situation. They Often Are Thinking About Your Responses And Feelings When They Chose Not To Admit Their Cheating: As hard as it might be to believe this, people who are actively cheating often tell me that when they will look at their loved one right in the eye and deny that they are cheating (when they are,) it's because they don't want to hurt you. Now, I know you're thinking (as am I) something like: "no, they just don't want to be caught." And this is probably true. But in their minds, they know that you are going to be deeply hurt and are going to put two and two together and figure out exactly how many lies they have told you over the course of this deception. This is going to contribute toward your thinking differently of them, about your relationship, and about yourself. They would rather avoid this whole thing and they figure that one day soon they will figure all of this out and fix it somehow. Until then though, they figure that so long as you don't know, you won't be hurt and they can continue on until they figure all of this out. So where does all of this unfairness leave you? People often ask me things like "well, what are you supposed to do? Just wait until they can work it out, even though I know that I'm being lied to?" Well, that's not the only possibility. An alternative would be making the choice to check up on them without their knowing. Cheaters almost always leave crumbs that can be followed until you can get the entire picture without needing to rely on them for the information that you've been asking for.
I was in this same situation, but I tried to confront my husband too soon, before I had proof, and of course he denied everything and the confrontation about his cheating went horribly. I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read a very personal story at http://catch-thecheating.com/
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Seeta_Dean
==== ==== Secret Survey: Why Men LIE? Why he looks at other women... and more... http://tinyurl.com/7u27lre ==== ====