GRAMMAR GRINCH By: Allison Cyrus-Walker Candidate for J.D., 2022 LMU Duncan School of Law
WRITING UNAPOLOGETICALLY One of the primary critiques I received in my time competing on mock trial and moot court was, “Stop apologizing!” Until I really took a step back and thought about it, I didn’t realize just how much apologizing I was doing or why it was even a problem. In my mind, I thought, “Hey, I’m just being polite!” The problem with apologizing over every little perceived hiccup is that it signals the opposite of ownership and confidence.1 Couching statements in apologetic phrases “send[s] a message to those you’re speaking to that often undermines the validity of your statements or implies that you lack confidence in expressing yourself or asserting your own needs.”2 As advocates, we have to demonstrate confidence and ownership of the causes we argue. Otherwise, it’s just not authentic or persuasive. Once I became more intentional about cutting the apologies out of my oral advocacy, I recognized that my legal writing and professional written communication was equally plagued with apologetic phrases. Do any of these phrases sound familiar? “Sorry to bother…” “Sorry I didn’t get back to you until now…” “Although such evidence is generally inadmissible…” If these phrases are familiar in your written communication, it’s time to shift to writing unapologetically.3 Unapologetic Written Communication Clearly and confidently communicating the needs of our clients (and ourselves) in the professional sphere is critical to our success as attorneys. Utilizing apologizing phrases in our professional written communication is, for many, an ingrained habit based on concepts of good etiquette4. However, the habit of apologizing when it’s not actually merited is a common trait among individuals with low self-esteem, an aversion to conflict, and fear of what others think of them.5 “When someone is afraid of rejection and criticism, they will go out of their way to be accommodating.”6 According to psychologists, preemptive and unnecessary apologizing not only signals a lack of self-confidence but may also undermine your efficacy and credibility.7 As one author notes, the image you project in your professional written communication matters, because it sets the tone for future interactions.8 “If you apologize too often, others will see you as overly accommodating and potentially insecure.”9 Some social psychologists even point out that there are certain personality types that will interpret such power-ceding behavior as permission to treat you poorly in the future.10 Such an imbalance in the power dynamic of our professional relationships certainly doesn’t set the stage for us to be zealous advocates for our clients. Shifting away from over-apologizing in your professional written communication will require intentionality.11 Ask yourself if you’re apologizing out of habit or because of circumstances out of your control.12 If you are, then the apologies are likely unnecessary. “If you couldn’t control the situation or it was a trivial (and honest) mistake, there’s no need to apologize. But if you were really at fault, own up to it.”13 Instead of beginning an email following up on an information request from a colleague or opposing counsel with, “sorry to bother,” try something like this: “I am following up on the requested information regarding… Thank May 2022
you for your timely assistance in the matter!”14 A straightforward request, coupled with a preemptive expression of gratitude, conveys politeness while exhibiting confidence, credibility, and efficacy.15 Unapologetic Legal Writing Recognizing unnecessary apologies in our legal writing is a bit more nuanced. It’s highly doubtful that any of us have flat out used the phrase “I’m sorry,” in any legal document; however, there are other ways that attorneys can end up (perhaps inadvertently) apologizing for their arguments in written advocacy. Let’s think about the example from the introduction, “Although such evidence is generally inadmissible…”. Introducing facts or making assertions using words like “while” and “although” signals to our reader that something is problematic.16 In essence, such phrasing, “insults your audience… ‘undermines your credibility…and demonstrates that you’re not 100% comfortable with what you’re saying.’”17 When confronting contentious or troublesome issues in your legal writing, deal with those issues head on.18 Instead of couching potentially troublesome facts in apologetic terms, be straightforward and confident: “This evidence is admissible because it falls under the exception for…”19 Breaking the habit of unnecessarily apologizing is absolutely an exercise in discipline and intentionality, but one well worth the effort. Not only will you ultimately feel more confident in your work, you may also find yourself rid of quite a bit of unnecessary self-imposed guilt. In the long-run, you’ll find that swapping needless apologies for gracious, confident expression will empower you and those you work with.20
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Jay Rai, Why Over-Apologizing Can Destroy Your Confidence at Work (And How to Avoid It), FORBES COACHES COUNCIL (May 4, 2021, 07:00 AM), https://www.forbes. com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2021/05/04/why-over-apologizing-can-destroyyour-confidence-at-work-and-how-to-avoid-it/?sh=31757c193166. Id. Id.; Joseph D. Steinfield, Some Thoughts on Good Legal Writing, JOESTEINFIELD. COM, https://joesteinfield.com/2017/08/thoughts-good-legal-writing/. John Hall, Stop Saying, “I’m Sorry.” Research Says It Makes Others Think Less of You—Here’s What Successful People Do Instead, CNBC (Apr. 16, 2019, 10:55 AM), https://www.cnbc.com/2019/04/16/saying-im-sorry-can-make-people-thinkpoorly-of-you-research-heres-what-successful-people-do-instead.html. Rai, supra note 1. Id. Id. Hall, supra note 4. Rai, supra note 1. Hall, supra note 4. Melody Wilding, Stop Over-Apologizing at Work: 3 Steps to Quit Saying Sorry So Much, FORBES WOMEN (Sep. 6, 2016, 07:52 AM), https://www.forbes.com/sites/ melodywilding/2016/09/06/stop-over-apologizing-how-to-quit-saying-sorry-somuch/?sh=74990ad51d12. Id. Id. Priyansha Mistry, Are You Guilty of Over Apologizing at Work? Stop Apologizing, THE HR DIGEST (Jul. 15, 2020), https://www.thehrdigest.com/are-you-guilty-of-overapologizing-at-work/. Id. Steinfield, supra note 3. Id. Id. Id. Mistry, supra note 14.
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