Sonofman
SylfestLomheim
Sonofman Novel
Kolofonforlag
SylfestLomheim
Menneskesonen
KolofonForlagAS 2021
TheprojectisproducedonbehalfofSylfestLomheim
Allrights/responsibilityforthecontentoftheprojectisattributedto SylfestLomheimEnquiriesbeyondorderingtheproductshouldbe directedtoSylfestLomheim
ISBN978-82-300-2194-1
Coverdesign:AleksandraBzoma
Production:KolofonForlagAS, 2021
Thebookcanbepurchasedinouronlinebookshop bokhandel.kolofon.noorinbookshops.
ThematerialisprotectedundertheCopyrightAct.Withoutexpress consent,copying,suchasprintingandothercopying,isonly permittedwhenauthorisedbylaw(copyingforprivateuse, quotation,etc.)orbyagreementwith Kopinor(www.kopinor.no).Utilisationinbreachoflaworagreement mayresultinliabilityfordamagesandcriminalliability.
IamtheSonofMan.
I'msittingherelookingattheridgeinthewest. BeneaththeafternoonsunliesNazareth,thetownwhere Iwasborn.
Myendeavourwasforman;itbecamemylife.ThatiswhyI callmyselfbenadam,sonofman.Formorethanathousand years,adamhasbeenthewordforbothearthandbloodand maninourancientlanguage.CurseHellenismandAramaic for wiping out our ancient language. Now hardly anyone speaksitanymore,withtheexceptionofafewpre-starsin Jerusalem,andtheydoittoshoweducationanddistance themselves from ordinary people. It was the tongue of AbrahamandMosheandDavid.Nowthepeopleonlyhear itontheSabbathwhenwehaveagatheringandthelaws areread.
Yes,benadamistheSonofMan.Forearthandmanareone. Wearemadeofearth;fromearthIhavecome.Throughout myadultlife,IhavebelievedthatthiswaswhatmyFather inheavenhadledmetodo,todosomethingforpeoplein mycountry-inGalileeandinJudea.
Soleisitwas,soleisitis.Amen.
Atleastthat'swhatIhopedmylifewouldbelike.Butdidit turnoutthatway?
Ipreachedasermonhereonthehilltop,perhapsmybest sermon,overayearago.Itwasfullofpeople,acoupleof hundred at least, sitting in the grass down the hillside, manytryingtofindshadeundertheolivetrees.Ihadtouse allmyvocalpowertoreacheveryone.
Todayit is quiet here. The sea sparkles down there, as it alwayshas.Ifeelsotired.Sosick.Soexhausted.Thepain in my body won't go away. The journey home from Emmaus to Galilee was a hard slog, even though Miriam andherfriendsprovidedacourteousandtolerantmuleto sitonthroughoutthejourney.
Without Mirjam and her helpers, this would never have happened.No!Andnotleast,withouttheeffortsofmyloyal followerintheHighCouncil,JosephofArimathea,itwould not have worked either. Imagine that he who sits in the Council in Jerusalem, those who rule by Roman grace, becameafollowerofmine!
Truly,theyaregoodpeoplewhohavedonesomuchforme, both in Jerusalem and on the journey home. Miriam and her friends organised a safe caravan in Jericho and were withme all the way.If theyhadn't travelled withme and lookedafterme,Iwouldneverhavemadeithere.
Theeveningwillriseinawhile. It's always beautiful here in lower Galilee, much more beautiful than in Judea. Soon the sun will be setting over therearoundNazareth.Onclearevenings,mycompanions andIcouldcatchaglimpseofmylittlehometownoveron theridgetothewest,aswestoodhereonthehilltop.I'mnot able to do that now;my eyesight is notwhatitshouldbe, aftertheshamefulexperienceandtormentinJerusalem.
I'msittinghere. Talkingtomyself;whatelsecanI... Ialsoneedit;myheadneedstoturnround.Ineedtowin myselfback,findstrength,ifitexists.MirjamfromMagdala gave me the message. She and my escort, Tomas, are comingtopickmeupinawhile.
SotherewillbepeacefortheSonofMantonight.Without toomuchwork.Itwillallworkout.Yes,itwill!
Awarmthhangsintheair.Thesunhasbeenshiningover thelandscapeallday;ithasbeenshiningoverme.Thetall grassisturningyellow,it'stimeforitnow,thehotsummer iscoming.Iliketoseehowthegroundslopestowardsthe sea.EversinceIwasyoung,theseahasbeeninmyeyes.
EveryoneinGalileestops,severaltimesaday,andletstheirgaze wandertowardstheseaastheygoabouttheirdailylivesfrom one place to another. They take a breath, pound their walkingstickintothegroundandlookout.Theseaisboth soul and food for usinGalilee;theKinneretisourlifeblood andourdailycompanion.
Itwon'tbelongbeforedarknessfalls.Ihavenointention of travelling alone anywhere, not even the half mile to Magdala.NoteventheshortdistancetoCapernaum.Idon't havethestrengthtogetontopofthemule,whichTomas andMirjamlefthereintownwhentheyabandonedme.It thrivesandgobblesupsunburntgrass.
"Mirjam said I should take my day here, kvila, sit and let mine come. Mirjam is wise; she said that she and Tomas wouldpickmeupagainaroundtheeleventhhour.
Yes,that'showshetalked,whensheandTomaswentover toMagdalalastautumntotakecareofbusiness.Shehasn't been home for a few weeks, not since well before Easter whenwealltravelledsouthanduptoJerusalem.
Yes,Iremember. Irememberthatdaysowellayearago;earlysummerwas coming. I stood here, it was autumn day then too, and I lookedoutoverthepeoplesittinginthegrassbelowmein densegroups. That day I was preaching. The spirit came over me. True andtrue.Itwasoneofmygreatmoments.
I was in Capernaum and people in the city realised what was onmymind. We knewthere wasn't enough space in the narrow streets. There were too many people who wantedtolisten.Iwalkedoutofthewesterncitygate,past thetollboothandalongthesea,beforetakingaturnupthe hill.Here,whereInowsit.Peoplefollowedme.Theycame in flocks. My companions walked in front. Excited and proud.
No wonder I gave one of my best speeches that day; the shinyseaandtheheadsturningtowardsmegavemewords andfoodforthought.Iwasstandingintheshadeofanolive tree.Inoticedthatthepeoplestandingorsittingclosestto mehadglowingfacesasIlookedatthemagainstthesun. There was fresh growth from grass and bushes. The weatherwaswarm,butacoolbreezeblewoutwardsalong theseatowardsCapernaumandfurthersouth,ontheother side,tothearchipelago.
This was how I was to do my work; this was whatI was calledtodo,thiswasmyworkasaSonofMan.
The speech, the living word, came up in me, out of my mouth,inanunbrokenstream.Faceslistenedinreverence. Thewordsdescendeduponthemanddidgood,didthem good. I saw it: People were jealous of what they heard, jealousofmymessage.That'swhyImadethewordseal,to belucky,whatitwasallabout:
Blessthepoor!The kingdomofGodis yours.
Sealthosewhohavenot swallowed!Theymust bemettled.
Soulsthatdonotcry! Theyhavetolaugh.
It'sbadwhenpeoplehateyouforthesakeofthe ZoneofMan, pushesyououtandmocksyou andthrowsyournameawayas somethingbad!
Butwoebetidetherich, Theyhavealreadyhadtheir fill.Woetothosewhoare nowfull,theywillbe swallowedup.
Woetothosewhonow laugh,theyshall mournandweep. Woetoyouwheneveryonespeakswellofyou. Forthesamemustbesaidoftheirfathers whentheyspokewellofthefalseprophets.
Buttothoseofyouwholistentome,Isay: Loveyourenemies,dogoodtothosewhohateyou,bless thosewhocurseyou,andprayforthosewhomistreatyou.
I'llneverforgetthatday,thatsermon. Thankyou,Father,forgivingmethespirit.Iwasavessel foryourmessageandyourwill.Rarelyhasthelivingword been so alive. Spirits brought me words, mouths were open,peoplestoodwithmuteeyesandtookwordsin.My message, which was the message from you, Father, resoundedinthesun;itwasSabbathincreation.
Mychildhood inNazareth was merciless. I had no father. Hewasnotknown.Atleastnottome.MymotherMiriam hadmewhenshewasfourteen.Joseph,whowasgettingon inyears,wasaboutthirtywhenhedecidedthathewanted to take young Miriam in and raise her up. So he married her.
Everyone in the village realised that he was saving my mother. He couldn't save me; no human being could, becauseIwasanoutcast.Iwasamum.Itmeantnotbeing seen like the others. And that couldn't be changed, neither by Joseph nor by anyone else. Mamzer was an illegitimate child, someone who had to accept not being countedinthesamewayasotherchildren.Ilivedadecent enoughlifeinthevillage,thepeopleweregoodpeople,but I knew that I had to stay away from the solemn and fullfledged.
I knew it early on. It didn't help that I had four brothersJacob,Joses, Judas andSimon - andtwo sisters. Almostno oneelseinthevillagewasamother;IrealisedthatwhenI grew up. Maybe a couple. Without that being any consolation.
My mum was thoughtful and took me to the town well when I had to draw water and carry it home in leather sacks.ThenIfeltliketheothers.IwasgladthatJosef,
Aslongashewasaliveandingoodhealth,hemadesure thatIcouldgotoreadingschoolwiththescribeZechariah inconnectionwiththeSabbathgathering.IfJosephhadn't donethat, I don'tknow what mylife inthe village would havebeenlike.ItwasthebiggestandbestthingJosephdid forme.Mymumcouldn'thavedonethat.Asawoman,she didn'thavetheauthoritytodothat.ThefactthatIwaslater to become a builder, apprenticed to Josef, meant that in everydayworkinglifeIwasatleastseenlikeotherboys.I tookpartinlifeinaproperway,eventhoughIdidn'tthink carpentrywasmylife.Josefsaw that Ifeltadrivefora differentfuture;hequietlyacceptedthatthiswastheway itwas.
As a senior boy, I got to go with him on assignments in Sephoris, because the Greek city down on the plain dominatedmostthings.Itwasusefulforme,butmorethan that, I learnt to understand words and expressions in Greek.Thishascomeinhandylaterinmyencounterswith theupperclassesandtheRomans.ButitwastheSabbath gatheringsthatcounted.Evenforthoseofuswhoweren't adults, the seventh day was the most important. The gatheringwasalwaysinthesmallopenspacebythevillage well. I alsoknew, because that's what I had been taught, thatthiswasthewayIhadtherighttoworshipourLordin Galilee. It was once the case that only the temple in Jerusalem was the house of our God. On the Sabbath, all goodJewssendtheirthoughtstothetemple.Thisishowit hasbeen,andthisishowitwillbe,"saidZechariah.
HetaughtusearlyonthatitisinJerusalemthatourGodis worshipped.Andmustbeworshipped.
–ThereweturntotheLord,hesaid.
– ThegatheringsontheSabbathhereinthevillageand aroundGalileeareourservicetoGod;thatistrueand certain.Andyet
Theymustnotthinkthatthisisthesameasworshipping the Lord God in Jerusalem. Our Father's house and presenceonearthisonlyinoneplace,andthatplaceisthe templeinJerusalem.
Thewellwasthecentreoflifeforthefourhundredpeople wholivedinthevillage.Itwastheheartbeatofeveryday. Waterwasthemostimportantthing;people,animalsand fields had to have water. And the well provided water. Frommorningtonight,waterbagswereloweredintothe darkandmurkyhole.Itwasdeep,probablyfiftyfeetinto theground.Inwinterthewaterwaslukewarm,insummer it was fresh. Nature is wise; nature organises everything forthebest.
Thewellsuppliedalllivingthingswithwhattheyneeded togrow.Thewellwasalsothemeetingplaceineveryday life. My mum met other women there. My children met otherchildrenthere, because itwas womenand children whohadthemainresponsibilityforbringingwaterhome to their homes. That's why no one knew the families in Nazarethaswellasthewellman;theonewhohandledthe leathersacks,loweredthemandpulledthemup.Naturally, this was not women's work. He was the most important maninthevillage.
Themeninthehamletwererarelyseenatthewell,asthey had to struggle to get in and give birth. Many were day labourers. But they were no less excited as evening approached. Before they went their separate ways, they couldsitdownwithothergrownmenonthebenchesthat
stood in the round square next to the well, talking about theday'seventsandthelatestnewsfromthegreatvalue, fromTibe-riasandSephoris.
Someoftheboysusedtobothermeatthetownwell,even when my mum was there. There was little she could do. Mamze- ren ... they said. Had I deserved it? That they treatedmelikeabastard.No,theydidn't.
TodayIknowthatitwasyourwill,Lord. You wanted tomakemestrong, to bemoulded bywhat I encounteredinthevillage.When,asanadult,Ihavestood in front of people struggling with illness or encountering contempt,Ihaveknownwhatittakestohelpandcomfort them. Mygrowth hadtaught me to understandwhat was importanttodo,andhowIshouldtalktosuchpeople.
Sometimesmymumwouldtakeoliveoilandrubitonmy headandface.Thefirsttimeshedidit,Igotangry;Ididn't likeit.
–"Don'ttakeitlikethat,"shesaid – It's good for your hair and you. Now, in the terrible summer heat, everything is worthwhile. Olive oil takes careofus.
She was absolutely right. The oil could be used for everything: food, woundcare, lampeljos in the evening ... what would we do without olives? Oil had always been important,bothineverydaylifeandonholidays.
Theolivetreeisthetreeoflife.
Irememberthefirsttime,intheautumn,whenIhelpedto shakedownripeolivesfromthetreesthatsurroundedit.
thevillage,howitwasagreathonourwhentheadultslaid theircloaksonthegroundunderthetrees.
– Hugh's little Yeshua, all the prophets and kings were anointed with oil on their heads. They were oiled before theywentintotheirgreatwork.
–"MaybeI'llbeaprophetoneday,too,"Isaid. Thenshelookedatme,quickandsharp.Butthethoughtin hermindquicklyreturned,andsoitcame:
–Mydearboy,you'reeithergoingtomakeitbigoryou're goingtoendupinthedungeon.
No wonder I never forgot those words when I grew up. I also remember well the day Josef came back from work and brought with him two stone apples. It was the first timeIeversawthefruit,bigandround,roughandfreshlooking.Hecutitopen,squeezedthejuiceoutofthedark stone cores andgaveus a taste.We were blownawayby the flavour. Afterwards, we got to sink our teeth into the pieces of fruit. The dark red cores were densely packed; theywerethefleshofthefruit.Theentirecontentsofthe fruitwerekernels!Insideeachcorewasahard,whiteseed. WhenIchewedandcrushedtheseeds,mymouthwasfilled with sweet and slightly bitter juice. I had never had anythingsodeliciousonmytongue!
I remembered this later, the time when Zechariah in the readingschoolatthewellhadbroughtalargestoneapple. Hecuttheapplecrosswiseandshowedustheflesh.
–"Look,"hesaid,"thekernelsareclose togetherhere,like grain,likelittleballs. The eager good guys were eager to tell us that they had tastedthefruitathome.
– "No,no,"saidZechariah,"that'snotwhatIwanttotalk about.It'struethattheappleismarvelloustotaste.Adam and Eve did it before us, and our ancestors have always thoughtitwasthebestofallfruitsincreation.Butherein reading school they will hear this: When I look at all the countless dark seeds and feel that they give us such flavoursandexperiences,theywilllearnthis:Thekernels will remind us of our Shabbat celebrations and our readings here at the well; our prophets and psalmseverything!ThelawsoftheToraharenotonlyright-they are as glorious andasmanyandas beautiful to usas the powerfulandhardcoresofthestone.Praisetheappleand theOnewhogaveittous!
Ashotlandedinhim,heliftedafingerandsaid:
– Dotheyknowwhatcoloursthehighpriestinthetemple is wearing? White and blue! White is the pure colour, becausethehighpriestmustbepurebeforetheLord.
Weallnodded;wegotit.
–But the blue one?" asked Zechariah."Ididn'trealisethat.
–Thehighpriesthassomelongthreadsonhiscoat;they areblue.Andtheyarecalledprayerthreads.Thethreadsare the prayers that he says. And those threads are blue, because he turns towards heaven and prays. The colour blueisthesky. Lookup,guys,wheretheblueliftsandlifts,thebluecolour isendless...
The piece about the blue and white is what I remember bestfromtheyearIwenttoZechariah'sreadingschoolat thecitywell.
Justnexttoourhouses,downthehill,therewerecypress trees.Thedarkgreen,tallcypressesstoodlikepillarsin thelandscape.Unchanging.Italwaysfeltlikeachoreto squintatthem.Thecypressesnevergavein,notforany season,eveniftheyhadtogiveuptheirconestotheearth inthesummer,sothatintimetheconescouldsproutand growintonewcypresseswhenthetimecame,aftera rainywinter.
The kids picked the round, dark cones that lay on the ground under the cypresses. They smelt good in early summer. We liked to play with them; they were sheep, sometimesdonkeys.Wechasedthemtogetherinflocks,we movedthem, put theminother pastures, wekilledthem. Yes, I did that. Because we knewthat ithappenedinreal life.
Later,asIgrewup,Irealisedhowthelittlekingscarriedon life. Without kings, there would have been no new, proud cypresstreesstandingtallinthelandscape.Icouldimagine that this was how we humans were supposed to be. Tall andstrong.ThenwewouldbetruechildrenofGod.Notlike the strong-smelling fig trees, with their sweet fruits, the ones that lead people into money and pleasure. Not everythingincreationisequallygoodforpeople!
Hermotherwasveryserious. Theirdeepeyeslookedcalmlyatlifearoundthem,both bigandsmall. SheoncetoldmethatIwasbornattheendofNisan,the monthofEaster.
– Inthegreylight,thehourwhenmostpeoplegainvalue, whichisalsothehourwhenmostpeoplelosevalue.That's it,mydear.
–Wewerelucky.BothyouandI,"sheadded.
– Latespringisthebesttimeformumandchild.Morethan sixmonthsofdryandwarmdayspassbeforetheautumn rainssetin.Thenthechildhasagoodchanceofcomingto life.That'showtheancientstalked,Yeshua.Andtheyknew whattheyweretalkingabout.
Sherarelyraisedhervoice,keptherheadonaswiveland preferred not to make difficult decisions. If they existed, shewouldrathernotmakethem.Atleastthat'showweall thoughtshewas.Onaday-to-daybasis,shedidwhatshe had to do, and let Josef take charge. And he did, without sayingmuch.
Hewasatworkalldaylong,makingsurewehadenoughto eatandwhatweneeded.Heeitherstoodattheworkbench underthetreeattheentrancetoourhouse,orhewason dutyaroundthevillage,onaday'smissioninCanaordown inthebigcityofSephorisontheplain.Sephoriswasit.
becausethenhecamehomewithpaymentintalents.Itwas goodmoney.
It was good for me that I was able to go there with him when I got older. In Sephoris I experienced a completely differentworld,whereneitherourcustomsnorourtongue prevailed,butratherHellenism,eventhoughthecitywas onlyadrughour'swalkaway.
When the Sabbath evening came, with lentils and bread andolivesonaplatter,andJosephhadhisthreebarrelsof wine, his tongue was loosened. Then he talked to us children,andoursmilesgotstucktothecakesandlaughter rolled across the table. It was fun; we were so fond of Shabbateveningsandgatheringformeals.
Afterwards,theguysfromtheneighbourhoodstoppedby, they knew that Josef was in a mood. We kids sat around andplayed,all the whilelisteningto whatthegrown-ups weretalkingabout.Thatwasthefunpart:thegrown-ups. Theplay-itwasjustsomethingthatwastherewithoutit occupyingusverymuch,theplaywasthereforthesakeof thedream.Itwasthemenatthetablethatoccupiedus.
If I hadn't had Josef, growing up would have been much harderandslower.Becausetherewasn'tmuchtobehappy about,neitherwithusnorwiththeneighbours.Bytheway, thenameofthehamletisbeautifulandpromisingenough: Nazarethsuggestsaplacewherethingsgrowandsprout! In the past, the hamlet has hardly lived up to that name. Thehamletissosmallandbarrenthatonlyfourhundred peopleliveandworkthere.Nowondertheysaythat: –CananythinggoodcomefromNazareth?
I can't exactly say that they loved me, later in life, the neighboursandneighbours.Iwasthecarpenter'ssonwho becameatravellingrabbiwhenheleftthevillage.
Most people live in the caves that lie on the sloping mountainside. Some caves have been created by nature, whileothershavebeencarvedoutofthelimestonerockby industrious people. The caves provide good warmth in winter, with a fireplaceinthe centre of the house,andin summer they are cool shelters when the sun makes life outsidemerciless.Outsideourhouse,Josefhadmadeaflat thatchedroof,underwhichmuchofthedailychorestook place, at a table and a couple of seats and his own large workbench.
I remember thinking it was strange that our village up on thesteephillwassoclosetoSephoris,thecitythat wasentirelythegreatGreekcityinGalilee.Josephtoldus abouttheSyrianareakingQuintiliuswhohadravagedand destroyed much of the city when he put down a rebellion there; itwas apparentlyat the time Iarrived. Thepeople talkedalotaboutit.
Shortlyaftertherebellion,HerodAntipas,sonofthegreat Herod, was appointed king of Galilee by the Romans. He wasenterprisingfromtheoutset,rebuildingSephorisafter thedevastationofQuintiliusandmakingtheGreekcityhis capital. Joseph made good money in those days. When I grewupandgottospendtimewithhim,Icarriedfoodand travellinggearandhelpedoutwhereverIcould.Ialways called him 'dad' when I was out working, and he didn't mind.
HerodAntipasbuiltalargetheatrethere.Itwasimportant forhimtomakeanameforhimself;hewantedtheRomans toseethatSephoriswasatrueGreekcity.JosefandIwere involved in the construction. And when the theatre was finished, I got to see performances - twice. There was seatingforsixthousandpeople.Itwasunbelievable.
"HerodAntipashasruledhereallmylife.Thosewhohave ravaged our country are probably satisfied with him, he has been the right man,seen with Roman eyes. Inrecent times, after I grew up, he has built up Tiberias. Now it is that city, there in the south on the west bank of the sea, whichishismaincentre.
Thecityisnamedaftertheemperor,Tiberius.Becausethe emperor must be honoured, that's what it takes. The people of the vast empire, even in our small province, shouldnotonlyhearabouttheemperorthroughthenames ofourcities,theemperorshouldalsobeseen,intheform ofstatelybuildingsandtheatre.
Antipas calls himself Tetrarch, in a Hellenistic way, becausethat'swhattheRomanscallhim.Tetrarchsounds nice enough, but the Romans know what they're doing; theyusetitleswithmeaning.Thetitlesuggeststhirdruler, andthattellsthetruth.Becausehedoesn'trule,herulesby grace,heisthesoundkingunderRome.Hemustobeythe occupiersandmakethemhappy.Thenhecancontinueto callhimselfking.
Antipasisasmallmaninthegreatworldempire;herules only a small part of the land that his father, Herod the Great,ruledover.Rulingbasicallymeansthathecollectsso muchtreasurethattheemperorofRomeiswellsatisfied.
peace.Ifhealsomanagestoamasswealthforhimselffrom craftsmen, landowners and casual labourers here, Rome will not interfere. But that Antipas should honour the emperor inRomeis whatthe overlords overthereinthe world capital are concerned about. They expect it; it's a requirement.That'swhypalacesmustglowandfestivities radiateinGalileetoo.
As a half-grown man, I had to be with Josef in the workshop.Myjobwastohelpout,fetchtoolsandtakecare ofmaterials,sohedidn'thavetospendtimeonsuchthings. Inthisway,Ilearntmoreandmoreabouttheprofession, and I was given responsibility for simple tasks. I had nothingagainstmanuallabour,andbesides,itwasamatter ofcoursethatIcontributedtothefamily'slivelihoodinthis way.Iwastheeldest;itwasanobligation.
But at the same time, between the wood shavings and woodchips,Ithoughtthatthiswasn'tgoingtolast.Mydays as a grown-up would be different. I could see that in my mind.Ithoughtthatthiswouldlastforawhile,butnotfor verylong.
That'swhyIneverthought,asIstoodatJosef'sworkbench helpingtoprovideincomeformymumandsiblings,thatI would take over the responsibility when Josef could no longer cope. It was easy to see that he didn't have many yearsleft-hisbodywastired,hismouthtoothless,hisback crookedfromyearsofworkingwithplanksandtools.
Itwasn'tgoingtobeeasywhenthedaycamethatIsaidI wantedtoleave.Becausehewouldcome.Mylifecouldnot beinNazareth.ManytimesIthought,asIsatandprayed beside Joseph, that the beauty of that city was the view beyond-theviewoutintothewideworld.
From Nazareth I looked westwards, down onto the endlessly long and wide plain of Jezreel. From time immemorial,ithadbeenthemostfertileareainourpartof thecountryandhadbeenrichindramaticeventsoverthe centuries. Groups of people hadtravelled north or south, therehadbeenwarsandbattles.Alotofmen'sbloodhad runonthatplain.Thereweremanywhowantedtocontrol theabundanceofcropsandpeople'sbehaviourthere.
Theadultsoftentalkedaboutit.Theytoldusthatcaravans had travelled there, with expensive goods, all the way to CleopatrainEgypt.
To the far right in the view from Nazareth I could see Mount Carmel. When the adults took that name in their mouths, they were immediately so much happier, I realised. And more solemn. Because it was the wine. The winefromthereisunusual;itisourpeople'sbestwine.But itdoesn'toftencome toour little neighbourhood;the big citiesbuyfirst,paybestandtakemost.
That'swhereIwasgoing,onmyjourney.Yes,that'swhere I was going. Out into theworld. Butwhen? How? I didn't know,asIstoodtheredreaming.ButIknewthatvaluewas waiting.
Inthespring,whenthemustardbushesontheslopesdown to the sea glowed yellow, the Kinneret could at times be covered by light shutters. It was when the heat from the archipelago came eastwards from the Decapolis and met thecoolerairdriftinginfromthegreatseainthewestthat ahazeformedoverthesea.Thewindfromthearchipelago broughtcloudsoftinygrainsofsandandinvisibledustthat stungtheeyes.Nothinghelpedthen;theonlythingIcould dooutdoorswastopullthehooddownovermyhead.
Inthewinter,stronggustsofwindsometimescamedownover the sea from the northern heights. These unpredictable gusts occurred quickly and without warning and made travelling by boat both difficult and dangerous. The townspeopleofKafarnaumandthefishermenofBetsaida were well used to these sudden winter storms and dealt with them as best they could with a calm mind. The peculiarity of these storms was that they came just as suddenlyastheycame,andjustassuddenlytheysubsided.
No,autumnbythelakewasbetter;therewaslesscolourin thelandscapethaninspringandthebranchesoftheolive treesbrokemoreeasily,buttheairwascalmandthesky wasclearerandbluer.Ondayslikethis,Icouldseedown to Tibe- rias on the west side of the lake and over to Decapolisontheeastside.Mindyou,thatnameisn'tours either, but Greek; it means 'ten cities'. Indeed, foreign cultureisspreading.Wehave
foundourselvesinit.Thosewhoruleoverussaytheywant tocreateunityandequalitythroughouttheworld.
Over the past few centuries, Hellenism has taken our country with words and thoughts, just as the Romans in more recent times took our country with soldiers and spears.
Autumnhadlessvibrantcoloursthanspring,butautumn by the sea was the best in every way. Barley and halibut were stored in barns and sheds, the olive presses were busy day and night, the carp were harvested in towers along the sea, and everyone was looking forward to a coolersixmonthswithworkandsocialising.
With the autumn, wine from Mount Tabor and the Golan Heights also appeared in abundance in squares and marketsaroundthesea.NotleastoverontheGolan,much of the wine we drank in Capernaum and Magdala was made.ButthebestandsweetestwinecamefromCarmel, God'svineyard,thewinethatnatureandhumansmadein thelargepotsdowninJordiupontheflatmountain.
Everyoneknewthat However, people were still happy with Golan wine, becausetherewasplentyofit.Itreachedthetablesofday labourers, craftsmen and market traders. Carmel wine didn't,becauseitwasboughtbytherich.Theywouldnot settleforanywineotherthanthatwhichcamefromGod's vineyard.
ItwasincrediblethatcircumstancesweresuchthatCarmel neverthelessbecamemywine,mycity,mymountain.I,the labourerfromNazareth.MountCarmelwasthebeginning ofthegreatlife.When
Itastethewinefromthere,IdrinkSarahi'swine.Andsoit is;theharvest,boththewineandothercrops,hasbeenthe greatannualeventthroughouttheages.
Butonewinter'sdayinNazareth...he'snailed.Unforgettable.I was half-asleep, and together with a few other boys I stayed at the townwell.From time to time I helped to hoist up the leather sacks. All of a sudden we stopped. Everything stopped.Something was happening inthe air. Snowflakes danced here and there before attaching themselvestobranchesandleaves,clothesandhair.
Isawthefirstsnowinmylife.Itwashuge.Ihadheardthe elderstalkaboutthewhitecapethatlayonthemountain in the north, on the high Hermon. On this cold day, it happenedtousthatthewhitegrainssprinkleddownfrom thesky.Likeaseal.Itriedtofollowthewaveringcolours withmyeyesandbecamedizzy.
The brown and turquoise branches of the tree were coveredinwhitedust.Ihadneverseenanythinglikeit.It was our Lord up there who caused the raindrops high in theskytoturntoice.Likeweightlessflakes,theyfelllike tinystarsinthedaylight.
It was so strange, so silent. All work in the village was cancelled. The adults, indeed everyone, both young and old,stooddevoutly,straightupanddown-asiftheywere listeningforsomething.Thefewwhospokespokeinalow voice.Everyonewantedtobepartofthis,toexperiencethe atmosphere.
Thenextmorningthesnowwasgone.Hehadturnedback intowaterandrunaway,asifhehadneverbeenfound.
This is the Lord's creation, I thought. There are great wondershappeningallaroundus,whichwedonotsee,do notrealise.Untilonedaywesuddenlyseesomethingofit, inaglimpse.
Ionlyexperiencedthesnowthattime.Forme,itwaslike theCreator'swhitegreetingtousonearth.Thewhitepeak onMountHermonwassomethingeveryoneknewabout.I hadevenbeensofarnorththatIhadseenit.Ialsoknew thattheadultshadtalkedaboutthepossibilityofsnowfall upinJerusalem.Nowonder,really,whenyouconsiderhow muchhigherthetemplecityinthesouthisthanNazareth. It must have been different in Jerusalem when the snow camedown,becausethestreetsprobablydidn'tstop,and peoplecertainlyhurriedon.Inthebigcitythere,theyare not like us in Nazareth. In Jerusalem there is never complete peace and quiet. In Nazareth, we talked for a long time about the festive season when the snowdrifts camedancingtoearth.
Isn't white the colour of death? Both here, among my people and among people who live in countries further out? At least white is pure. And the snow is light. Or so I thought.
Joseph...hesaidlittleduringtheworkingweek.Itwasonly duringthepreparatorymealfortheSabbath,whenhehad hadhisfillofwine,thathespoke,thathecameupwithlong lines of words. How many times did he describe the frightening afternoon in his younger days when foreign soldiers from Syria had come south and laid waste to Sephoris.
-"Iwasstandingbythemainroad,"hesaid."Before,Ihad heardaboutwarandmurderanddestructionfaraway.At homewelivedhappilyandpeacefully.Butonthisdaythe words turned in my mouth, I saw ploughmen and carpentersfromSephoris,myfriends,passbyinacaravan. Theywereprisoners,tiedtogetherlikelivestock,dragging themselvesalong.Underthemercenaries'whips,theywere chased towards the prison - lockers in galleys, forced labour in mines, death on crushers. Children and the elderly were also included. I saw hands in chains with which I and others had broken bread together, I saw children'smouthsthathadsmiledatmeduringplaywhile Ihadbeenatwork.
Icouldn'ttakeitanymoreandturnedmyheadaway.
Earlierintheday,allofNazarethhadgatheredonthehill west of the hamlet. From there I saw fire and smoke far away,inthemiddleoftheplain.
–IsthatSephoris?"askedchildrenandyoungpeople.
–Yes,saidtheadults.
I suggested that we turn our backs on the horror and go back to work, but then I was reminded that it was the Sabbath.Iwasashamed.AndIwasashamedthattherewas nothing I could do on the day that Sephoris was levelled withtheearth...
Atthatpointinthestory,Josephalwaystookadeepbreath, hehadto,inordertorevealhowgrippedhewas.Sephoris happenedjustafterHerodtheGreathaddiedandJudasthe Galileanandhistroopswererampagingaroundhere.
-"Youdon'trememberthis,Yeshua;youweren'tmuchofa man then," Joseph said to me, wiping away the droplets fromhisbeard.
More than once I entered the Sabbath in that way. For Joseph was one of those people who found it difficult to speakin the company of others. He lived by his hands; it washisfingersthatconversedwithwhatwasoutsidehim: saws, planes, hammers, nails, wood. He answered questionswhensomeoneasked,hebarelyraisedhishead andopenedupaconversation.
ButwhentheeveningofpreparationcameandtheSabbath hadbegun,whentheoillampwasshiningandthefishand bread and figs were set out, Joseph spoke. Then the neighbours sat down to talk with him, and the children listenedattentivelytothemenatthetable.
Theytalkedabouteventsandpeopletheyhadexperienced, stories from the wide world they had heard about. They seemedtocarelessaboutscripture.Thoseofuswhowent toseeZechariahatthewellprobablythoughtmoreabout thestoriesinScripturethantheadults.Inretrospect,Ihave realised thatgatheringatthe readingschool andevening sittings when the Sabbath began gave us more understandingofwhatlifeisaboutthanalltheHellenism inSephorisandTiberiasputtogether.
It's true that there have been philosophers in Greece for hundredsofyears.Buthasithelpedthem?Doesithelpus? No,itdoesn't.Theirthoughtsdonotcount.Itistheexperience ofmeaningthatcounts.Humanshavealwayssearchedfor meaning. Ever since my ancestors wandered through the wilderness on their way home to the land that was promised to us. When Moshe stood on the mountain and glimpsedthegrovesofdatepalmsandJericho
hiswallsoverontheplainontheothersideoftheJordan River,heshowedthathispeoplehadarrived.Thecoffinof the covenant, which they had carried through the wilderness from Sinai, could soon be laid to rest. So he couldleavehispeoplestandinginacirclearoundhim.And dieinpeace.
We can imagine events we have never seen or been told aboutinthepast;wecandescribethingsthathavenever happened. That's why weneed a Father, one who stands aboveus,whomwehaveneverseen.OurFatherhelpsus tofindwordsforallthatwecannotgrasp.HereinGalilee, aseverywhereelse,thereismoretothevalueweseeand livein.
That is why it is so: There is more than one value in creation.Hellenismhaslittletoofferuswhenitcomesto entering into the created world that surrounds our daily lives.Ifwedon'trealisethis,webecomepoorandnarrowminded.Thenwebecomelikethelittlehumancreepsthat swarm the temple square; those who believe that slaughtering doves and standing in the line of all those waitingtobeletthroughtothepriestsandsacrifices-that this is the waytotruefaith andworshipof the Lord. The noiseofallthesacrifices,theshoutingofallthosewhoare there for no deeper reason, everything is just a false celebration.TheythinktheyareservingourLord,butthey are blind. They only serve Mammon, the god of money, becausetheyactuallyservetheSadducees,whoputtemple moneyintheirownpockets.
Ifwedonotbelieveintheunknown,thatwhichliesbeyond oursight,ifweonlybelieveinwhatweexperienceinthe temple square, then we are truly myopic. That is why I must know and believe that the High Sanctuary exists, insidethesquarebuildinginsidethegreattemplesquare, wherethetopofthetempleislocated.
thepriestwiththebluesky-colouredcloakopensthewide cedar doors only one day a year and meets the God of Origin. In the high sanctuary, the high priest stands and raises his eyes to something he cannot see. The empty roomhe'sstandinginisthegatewaytothegreatestofall. Hestandsattheentrancetowhatwedon'tknowabout,but whichwehumansonearthshouldknowabout,whichwe shouldbelieveexists.
If we and the high priest don't believe that, then we are poor.Thenwearehumandust.Butifwebelievethatthe ArkoftheCovenantwiththelawsofMoshefromthetime whenourpeoplewalkedatSinaibindsustotheCreatorof all creation, if we believe that the cherubim on the chair, theLord'sroyalchair,tellsofwhatliesahead,then...then we are true and humble people. Then we will be great peopleforGodandhiscreation.
We must believe in the unknown and invisible, we must believethatwhatwedonothearorseecanalsobetrue.
Theseaglares.Theeveningsunshinesbrightly.MyGalilee isawake.Ihavetravelledhereinmyyears;atleastmostof myyears.IhadtospendsometimeinJudeaandJerusalem, becausemystaytherehasbeenboththepreludetoandthe completionofwhatIdid.
On the ridge over there, yes, that's where Josef and my mumwere,andthat'swheremysiblingsgrewup.Mymum triedtounderstandme,butsheneverfullyunderstoodme. Joseftriedtoprotectmefromridiculeandinsults,andhe includedmeinhisworkforaslongashecould.Hewasn't abigmaninthecountrytown,buthewasappreciated,and hemanagedtobetoughenoughtostandbetweenmeand thosewhowereouttogetme.ItwasthankstohimthatI, themum,wasallowedtomeetintheshedbythetownwell withtheotherboys.BlessJoseph'smemory!
OnlyyourFatherinheavenknowshowthingsaregoingnow. Youdidn'twantJerusalem to take mylife, eventhough it lookedthatwaywhentheynailedmetothecross.Iputmy work in your hands, kneeling under the olive tree in Gethsemane.Iwasarebel,andIhadtobearebel.Through rebellion,lifetakesonmeaning.
IdidwhatIthoughtwasyourwill.Ipreachedaboutwhat couldmakeadifferencetopeople'severydaylives.Butmy rebelliondidn'thavetobethisway;ifthehighpriestand therulersinJerusalemhadlistenedtothemessage,given thanksformywords,understoodthatthetimehadcome foranewkingdomonearth,everythingwouldhavebeen different. It did not happen. Blindness prevailed. Then it hadtohappen,whathappened.
"The fishermenare arranging garrisons downbythe sea. Theyhave been outintheirboatssincethemorning.Once that'sdone,theytakeanafternoonstrollalongtheshoreline toKafarnaum.
The air here in the hill hall breathes of jasmine, the marvellousflowersthatIknowsowellfromCarmel...Do yourememberthescentsoutintheyard,Sarahi?
Iamashamedanddevastated.Butalive. Howitends is in yourhands,Father.Youaremycomforter,youreceiveme whenIcandonomore.It'shardtoknowhowlonglifeforce lasts.ButIdoknowonething:Yourwillprevails.
Thatheadtothesidenow?Ican'tquitemanagetokeepit up.IhopeMirjamandTomaswillcomesoonandtakeme home.Father,hearmyprayer:
Youhavecreatedus, Father.Weareyour people, wearetheflockthatyouherd, wemustnotgetlost inthenoiseofJerusalem, whereyourwordsare dishonoured.
Faithfulfather, ithankyouforjordiandforlife. Youforgetnooneandwatchovereverylivingthing. Wehaveacceptedthecreationandmustmanageit. Protectusfrombeinggreedy, sothatwedonotlosesightof GalileeandJudea,ourhome. Wepraythatyouwillneverturnawayfromus. Amen.
Wineispeaceandlove,holidaysandcelebrations.Thishas beenthecasesincethetimeofNoah,AbrahamandDavid.
As far back as I can remember, the Sabbath evening at homewasalwaysorganisedinthesameway.Whenthesun had set behind the hill, darkness had fallen, and the oil lamp was lit over the table, mum would set out lentils, dates,breadandabitofmeatorfish,dependingonwhat Josefhadmanagedtogetholdof.
Withroughlyworkedfists,Josephgrabbedthelargestack ofwineandsaidtheblessinginhisusualslowandchoppy, but peaceful way. The stoup was passed to the rest of us aroundthetable,bothyoungandoldliftedittotheirlips anddrankthewine.ThenwesangaSabbathhymn,andthe tablewasset.Itwasaholiday.
Afterthemeal,whenacoupleoftheneighboursdroppedby, Josephpouredthewineagain.Nomorethanonceormaybe twice.EnoughsothatShabbateveningwasneverlikeany other evening, neither for the adults nor for us children sittingaround.
I don't know what kind of wine the adults drank. He probablycamefromoutside,fromtheGolanHeights.The adults didn't talk about such things. But I was sure that theythoughtthewinewasablessingandacelebration.
ItwaslittlewonderthatwhenIwasapproachingeighteen yearsofageand,asanadult,wasabouttoexperiencemore oflifethanIhaddonesofarwithJoseph,Idecidedtogoto Carmel. I had asked around among the older people in Nazareth, and they knew very well who was the most important and best winemaker over there. One glorious daythatspring,IquestionedJoseph. -Doyou,myson?"hereplies.
Iwentover,foundthepeopleIhadbeenadvisedtomeet, and enquired whether they could use me when the wine harveststarted.Igotayes.Atthatmoment,Ifeltstrongly thatIwasdoingwellinlife!Itwasaneasyandquickmarch backtoNazareththatafternoonwiththesunatmyback.
Autumn came. The time I had been waiting for. I said goodbyetomineandtookupmywalkingstickagain,down the hills from Nazareth, across the flat and wide plain of JezreelanduptheCarmelhill,tothewidevineyardsupon theplateau.
AsIenteredthecourtyardatsolarglad,avoiceinsideme told me that something decisive was about to happen. Bigger and smaller buildings surrounded the wide, open square.Themainbuildingwaslikeacastle.Itwasthefirst timeIhadleftNazarethtospendalongtimeaway.
Thebreaking-inceremonywastotakeplaceinacoupleof days. Early the next morning, my superior, the manager, received me. It was he who managed the work with the wineonbehalfoftheowner.
– I'll pair you with two skilled wine workers for the first few days; you'll walk with them from morning to night. Thatway,you'llbeabletogetintoyourworkaseasilyand quicklyaspossible.
I thanked him heartily. I was a grown man, true enough, butuneducated.Thiswasanicewelcome.
Heshowedmeround.GrapesgrewinNazareth,andsome peoplepulledgrapestomakesomewine,butIhadnever seen a proper vineyard before. It was an experience to walk along the rows of vines. The vines were laden with bunches of ripe grapes, ready to be harvested, hanging close together like blue-black balls, waiting for hands to pick.
– Antipas is about to move into his newly built city, Tiberias.Which will become the capitalof Galilee.You've heardofit? Inod.
– Next year there will be many receptions over there. Partyafterparty.He'sgoingtoshowoffforbothRomans and Galileans. Our owner here has made an agreement withAntipasthatthisautumnthetetrarchwillhaveover half our crop. You'll be pulling for the king of sound, too, whether you like it or not; you don't have to doubt it, Yeshua!
I looked at the manager; he probably realised that I didn't thinkitwasright,butofcourseIdidn'tsayanything.
I had heard a lot about Herod Antipas, back home in Nazareth.Notleastwhenhedecidedthathewouldleave
Sephorisandbuildhisowncitybythesea,LyreLakeaswe alsocalledhim.Andithastobesaid,thenameofthelake inspired his high-spirited festive thoughts. The whole of lowerGalileehadbeenpreoccupiedwithbuilding,notleast thatthenewcityshouldbecalledTiberias,solelytohonour theEmperorofRome,Tiberius.Peopleacceptedit.
– "We'llbeaddingbothstoneappleandfigstothefinished wine.Yes,evendatehoney,whichistransporteduphere fromJerichoonacamel.Itwillbeasweetandgoodwine atthepalaceofHerodAntipas.Oh,yes!
Themanagersmiledsoberly.Iwasstandinginthecentreofthe slope.
Fromthevineyardswewalkeduptothefarmhouse.
–Overtherewehavethebigstones. Hepointedtothreewidethatchedroofs,andunderthem, intheshadeofthesun,stoodseverallargestonesoneafter theother.Wewentthere.Againstalowwallstoodrowsof claypots,thelargestclaypotsIhadeverseen.Eachofthem could probably hold five or six pails. The bottoms were round, almost pointed, and the pots were placed on woodenstands.Iknewwhattheywouldbeusedfor;when the time came, they would be filled with crushed grapes, grapejuice.
–These clay jars will receive the must from the funnel trough.Hepaused,smiledbroadlyandteased:
– If it doesn't happen later in life, it will at least happen here,underthisthatchedroof,thatyouwillbepullingand pulling,toAntipas'delight.
– The grapes I'm going to harvest here won't be on the banquetingtableinAntipas,butwithgoodtownspeoplein Magdala or Cana, when they fill their staupi on Sabbath eveningnextspring.Truly,Isay.
He was reinforced with the same, over the determined tone. He looked at me and laughed heartily and resoundingly.
-Youmustbeadecentandcapableman!Irealisewe'vegot arealNazareneworkingforus!
Hehitmeontheaksli.Hishandwasheavy.Ismiledathim. He was a good Jew. That was for sure. I felt confident at once;howgoodthiswas!
I was looking forward to it, this working time at Karmel wouldbeneitherstrictnordifficultforme.Itwasobvious. I looked up at the sky for a second and gave thanks. Someonewaslookingingrace;truly-amen!
And thanks to the two people the manager had put togetherwithme,Iquicklygottogripswiththeworktasks. For the first week, I alternated between cutting grapes fromthevinesdowninthehillsandpullinggrapesunder the thatched roof up in the farmhouse. Soon I was also takingpartin,oratleasthelpingwith,thefarmoredifficult task of filling the finishedgrape must into the clayjars. I hadneverhandledsuchheavyjarsbefore.Evenemptying themwasabitofaman'sjob.Whenajarwasfull-inother words, not completely full, because that's not what it shouldbe-itwasputintofermentation.Ittookthreemen, atafixedrate,tohandlethejarofgrapemustinplace.
The decisive and exciting part of wine production was abouttobegin.
-Nowit'sthecreature'sturntowork,themanagerlaughed.
Thejarswereeithertransportedintothecavescarvedout ofthelimestonemountainbehindthehouse,ortheywere buried
insoilunderathatchedrooforinacellar.Theycalculated afermentationtimeofalmosttwoweeks.
Onedaydownatthevineyard,themanagerinstructedme not to carry the grapes up to the vat for pulling, as I had donesofar,buttolaythemcarefullyonstrawmatsunder a wide thatched roof. Harvesting in this way lasted for severaldays.Isoonrealisedthepurpose;thegrapeswere tobeleftinthewarmthandgentlysoakedinandbecome like honey in flavour. When they were strained and crushed and the finished must was placed in jars for fermentation, the wine would be both stronger and sweeter than usual. Anything for that Herod Antipas, I thought...
When the large clay jars full of must were put away and fermentation started, there was one thing that was more importantthananythingelse.Thejarshadtobekeptata temperaturethatwasn'ttoohigh,andthatdidn'tfluctuate much.Quitesimply,thetemperaturehadtobeasevenas possible and not too hot. If this was not the case, the fermentationinthemustwouldfluctuatetoomuch.
AftertwoweeksatKarmel,Ihadlearntalot.Ithought.It wasalotoffun.FewpeopleinNazarethhadexperienced asmuchwithwineasthis!Andafterthreeweeks,Igotto helppushlayersofskinsandcoresbackintothejars.The mustbubbledslightlyduringfermentation,andgradually thetopofthejarsbecamecloggedwithskinsandcores.If thislayerhadtimetosettle,itwouldpreventfermentation, anditwasimportanttopusheverythingdeepintothejars; thishadtobedoneatregularintervals.
Themanagerorganisedtheharvestingworkwisely.Allthe wine workers took part in picking, pulling and fermentation. We switched from one to the other during theworkingweek;neverthesametaskorprogrammetwo days in a row. The spirit of the work stays alive, and the timeonthevineyardwentbyinalivelyatmosphere.There shouldhavebeenmoremanagerslikethis,Ithought.Then daylabourersandothermercenariesinGalileewouldhave hadadifferentlife...WhentheSabbatheveningcame,we gathered in the workroom. After the atonement and the wine rope there was meat for the meal, and the steward participatedasoftenashecould.Ididn'tlongtoreturnto myhometowninNazareth.Notforanhour.
SothisiswhereIheldmyhilltopsermontoday.Barely.The mulehasdrilledme.Thanks,mate!
ButIfeelold.InafewyearsI'llbeforty,whichismorethan many people live up to. Like most people my age, I'm almost toothless; my body hasn't received the nourishment itshould and ought to have had, so I'm like otherworkingpeople.
"Yes,it'strue,Ibarelymadeithere.Ifitweren'tforMirjam and Tomas, I would never have been here. NowI believe thatanothermiracleisneededtogivemelongevity.
Miriamknowsofamanwithunusualhealingabilitieswho livesoutsideMagdala;shewantstotakemetoseehimone of these days. He has herbs and ointments and food and drinkunrivalledinGalilee.Weputourhopesinhim.And soitisthatitisnotasIwill,Father,butasyouwill.
Simonandacoupleofothersaresupposedtobeheading north, I hear. What was supposed to be unthinkable happenedanyway, allmycompanions failed whenthings gotrough;theyallranawayinthenight.HadIexpectedit toturnoutlikethis?
Both yes and no. Those who have been with me are ordinarymen.Theycanbetrustedalittle,butnotallvalue
Inanycase,it'struethatnoneofthemwereatthecrusher whenIwashangingthereinunspeakableagony.Theyare not doing well now. They're probablystruggling, praying andfeelingthatI,theirmaster,tookleaveofthemduring the Easter meal, before we went to the garden under Olivenåsen.
JudasandIknewwhatwascoming.Thatis,ofcourse,none ofusdid.Iwasstillunsureoftheoutcome,asIandmyflock walkedinthedarknessofthenightalongthesouthsideof thetempletoGethsemane.Judasdidn'treallyknoweither, ashehadbetrayedusawhileearlierandgoneupintothe citytofindthetempleguards.
Am I fulfilling mycalling? Time will tell. I only know one thing:thatIheldon.ThatIwenttotheend.ThatIhadto do what I did. Otherwise I would have failed whatI have preachedabout,whatIhavestoodfor.Therestisinyour hands, you Father in heaven. If I hadn't taken what happened, if I hadn't drilled it, I would have been a mutilator.
The agreement with Judas was that he would notify the temple guards that I was to be found in the olive grove below the city walls. Doing so was both right and necessary.ItsavedthetempleguardsandJerusalemfrom riotingandfighting.Judasshouldnotbeblamed.
Iwasreadytotakeeverythingthatcamemyway;itwasmy decision. I had challenged the power of money and the powerofthemind,knowingly.Ithadtogoasitwould.And itdid.
Inthisway,mylifehasnotbeenfutile,myinnerselfnow knowsthat.Andmyinnerselfalsoknowsthatmuch-orat least some - will live on after me. Through those who remember me and my words and deeds. Because even if my body is too destroyed to live on, my companions will bearwitnesstomydeeds.Ibelievethataboutthem.Some of them at least. Even though they fled, all as one, away frommeintheblackofnight,Idonotjudgethem.
What could they have done? Overmakti was merciless. I believethattheywillcome together again.Thattheywill find strength, find strength in the knowledge that your kingdom,Father,isnearandwillsooncome.Theywilltake upmystaffandmymantle.That'swhatIwant,andthat's whatIprayfor.
Theyarenotmany,buttheyaremanyenough,thosewho knowthemessageofyourkingdom,heavenlyFather,who praythat it may come to rescue my people from myopic and pleasure-seeking attachment to the material. Save them from the betrayal of the Sadducees who co-operate with Pontius Pilate and the occupying powers. The Sadducees who have organised and straightened things out, among themselves, so that they can live on their specialrightsandtakemoneyfromthetempleandgiveitto theirfamilies.
I wasn't important to many people in Jerusalem, I know that,butIhadamissionandacalling.Therewereplentyof people who realised that. I was able to make known to thosewhoheardme,whatwillsaveus,setusfree,makeus childrenofGod.Wheretheleastshallbecomethegreatest, andwherethegreatestshallbecometheleast.Whereman honoursallnatureanddoesnotletthemoneychangersin thetemplesquare
where people see how they should live and what they shouldlivefor.
I'llnevergetridofthewoundsfromthelashesinmyback, theinjuriestomyfaceandhead,myhandsandfeet.That's forsure.You,Father,gavemelife,andyouknewwhatyou weresendingmeto.Youchoseme.Iwastopreachthatfar too many people walk the broad road that leads to destructionandperdition.Yougavemeaheavyburdento carry.Thosewhofollowedmetotheendunderstoodthat.
Herheadrestsagainstthetrunkoftheolivetree.Itisrough andgnarled.Theolivetree,whichhasalwaysprovidedus withmanythings:dailyfood,surfacetreatmentofbenches and tables, candles in the evening, ointment for hair and body,anointingforhealing.Myheadisheavy;Ican'tseem tokeepmychinup,mymouthisopening.Butthesmellis sopleasantnow,hereintheeveningheat.
Ithankyou,Father,forgivingmethestrengthtofollowmy calling to the end. It was worth it. It was the waymy life wasmeanttogo.
Love and knowledge have the most to say in life.Andloveisaboveeverything,rightSarahi? We must never stop asking what we want from life. We must never doubt that it is only then that our Father in heavencananswerus,guideus,guideus.
Butwehavetochooseforourselves,wehavetowantto. Sarahi, I chose each other because I could choose each other.
The work of creation cannot be transformed into somethingthatissolelyinsideus,inourmindsandbodies. Love cannot be transformed into something that solely evokes feelings, in mind and body. Then we have understoodlittle;thenwehavereceivedlittle.
You,Sarahi,gavemethegreatestgiftapersoncanreceive, the blue evenings under the moon when we meet in the vineyardsthatslopedowntotheJezreelplain.
"You,Sarahi,mademeexperience,feelandseethatloveis greater than the individual human being. Love cannot be grasped, its essence is inexplicable and divine, it goes beyondunderstanding.
YouSarahicametome.Butyoudidnotknowit;Icameto you, and I did not know it either. You walked across the yard with a jar on your head; I stood by the wall of the house, in the shadow of the sun. It was morning. I was goingdowntoworkinthefields;theotherswerealready ontheirway.Assoonasyouwereabouttogointhedoor, youturnedround.Youwereonlyafewstepsaway.
Oureyesmet.Ajoltwentthroughme.Youheldonehand uptothejarandyourswayingbackarchedinabow.The morningsunshoneonthejar.Thereareeyesthatmakea person'svaluemanytimesgreater.
Ididn'trecognisemyselfuntilIwasstandingbetweenthe other workers. My eyes were so deep that I had walked downthehillfromtheyardwithoutrealisingIwasdoing it. I was almost frightened. Slowly, I began to cut off bunchesofgrapes,whichIplacedinabasket.
ThenexttimeIsawyouagain,youwerewalkingacrossthe yardwithsomeservantsfromthemainhouse.Itwasafter dinner, at the ninth hour, and none of the servants were out.Itookthenecessarystepstowardsyouandaskedina lowvoice;otherswerenotsupposedtohear:
–What'syourname?
–Sarahi.
–MynameisJeshua...fromNazareth. Mytonguebarelyresponded.Youlookedup:
– ...yes,my family,theyarewithAntipasinTiberias. Thenyouranonovertothewomen. 49
Threedayslateryouwalkedacrosstheyardagain,alone.I hadjustroundedthecornerofoneofthehousesfacingthe square.Thenyouturnedround,lookedatmeandnodded yourheadinthedirectionofsometreesbehindabuilding. Ifollowedsuit.
Thereyoustoppedintheshade,heldontooneofthetree trunks andturnedtowardsme.No-onespottedusthere.I putmyhandonyourarm. Isaid,withoutwords:
–Iloveyou.You said, without words:
–Iloveyou.
Sokomordi.
– Canwemeet?Tomorrow,atmidnight,inthesouthern cornerofVinmarki?"Iasked.
–Yes,youanswer.
Thenextday,intheafternoon,Iwasworkingoutsideinthe yardbythemainhouse.Itwastheusualbreak,theninth hour,bothforthoseindoorsandthoseoutinthefields.It wastheonlytimeduringthedaythatthestaffcouldmeet and talk a little before the last session until the twelfth hour.Theheat,heavyanddrowsyasitwas,didnotmanage toruinthismoment."Iwasstandingwithsomeblokes.You stood in a group of girls. The groups went to meet each other. You took a few steps towards me. Cautiously. In a flash,yourhandstouchedeachother.Theytrembled.You lookedupintomyface.Yousmiled.
It was the first time I experienced your smile, yourteeth bared. Smileholes in your jaws. Something must have spreadthroughourbodies.Somethingthatwebothknew. SomethingIknew-withoutknowing.
Atmidnightourmouthsmeet,ourbreathmeets,ourbodies meet.
– Inaweek'stimeI'mleavinghere,Ihavetogobackto Tiberias,yousaid.
–"Iknowthat,"Isaid.
–ThemanI'mpromisedtocomesandgetsme.You raisedyoureyestome.Soitcame,determined.
–ButI'dliketomeetyouagaintomorrowevening,ifyou can.Stundiembracedme,tookme.Ihavenoideawhat myfacelookedlike.IthinkIwassmiling.No,Ilaughed!
–Ican.AndIwantto!
Thenextnightweweretogetheragainbetweenthevines. The yellow moon in the blue-dark sky hung just above Mount Carmel and signalled what he saw. The white ball outside the moon shone brightly as it had never done before.
Iinjectedlifemilkintoyou.
–Yeshua,weonlyhavethisweekuntiltheSabbath.
–"Yes,"Isaid,"butIneedanotherone.
Wemeeteveryevening. Afterwards,aswestoodbetweenthevines,theairinside uscameoutofourmouthslikebubbles,breathingbubbles thatwesmotheredwithkisses.Welookedforwardtothe next midnight. And every night, every time, we felt the sadnesswashoverus.
Wewerecrazy.Allthe time.Ilaughedandcried. Hearing,smelling,tastingallcametogether.Thevoices cametogether.Everythinginusblended.
We talked and talked, about the powerful and the powerless,abouttherichandthepoor,aboutheavenand earth.
–"Itmakesmehappythatweliveandthinkineachother's world,thatwearecloseinmindandheart,"Isaid.
– "And it makes me unhappy that no-one will everknow abouttherelationshipI'mexperiencing,"yousaid.
IgaveyoualltheleftovermilkIcouldgetmyhandsonlast night. It was Torah! It was right and good. It was stone apple.
Yourbodytrembled,yourbackshook,yourheadfellinto mythroat.
–Thankyou,Yeshua,yousaid.
–Thankyou,Sarahimi,Isaid.
The next evening, the Sabbath evening, the people of Tiberias came to dinner. I remember the labourers listeningtotheguestsandthehousepeoplecelebratingthe feastinsidethemainbuilding.Thepsalmsweresung.Early in the morning after the Sabbath, the guest entourage departed.Cusa,thestewardofAntipas,andthesonwhowas to marry you, rode in front, you Sarahi were behind, on yourdonkey.
We had promised each other, the last time between the vines,thatwewouldbetogetheragaininayear.Thatwe'd makeit,towaitandendureawinter.
Winter passed, and spring and summer passed. What I remember bestfrom thatyear was anelderlymaninthe neighbourhoodwho,oneeveningwhenhewassittingwith Joseph, said that women with round foreheads and long hair were notonlythemostbeautiful, theywerealso the wisest. What do you think that did to me? Little did he realisethatthesewordswouldturnmeinsideout,mydear womanfromCarmel.
Vinhaustingicame.DuSarahicame.AndIcame.Mywork was like the year before. Your work was the same as before:Inthetearoominthemainhouse,youhadtolearn asmuchaspossibleabouthowwinewasmade,learnhow tomakewine,learnhowtoservewine.Allinordertobea good wife for your husband during feasts and receptions withHerodAntipas.
We were together as often as we could. We knew our life togetherwasshort.Itwouldendwithourmeetingshalfway through the autumn. There was nothing to do. You were goingtofinish,completeyourtimeatCarmelandgoback to Tiberias. The preparations for the big wedding were alreadyunderwayoverthere.IfwhatI was doing together had beendiscovered, a harsh death sentence would have beenswiftlypassedinthenameofthefamily'shonour.
Every time I gave you life milk under the moon, down at theendofthevineyardslope,Iknewitcouldbe
somethingthatyoumightwearasabride.
We were in love with our senses, all month long. We wanted it. It had to be our gift to life on earth. We were unusuallyluckyandunusuallyunlucky.Everytime.
Onthelastevening,westoodbetweenthevinesinthedarkas usual.
–Wewillpartwayswithoutbeingabletopartways.
–Yes,Isaid.
–"AslongasI'malive,mythoughtswillrevolvearoundus,"you said.
– I know that. I'll be thinking of you too, in the time that awaitsmeinGalilee.Andthattimewillbedifferent,after the life I've had. I want, and I must, find a ministry that honours us, a ministry that praises our love and judges everythingthatisnotgoodforpeople.
– Youmarvellousman!Iwillneverforgetyou.Augodine skin.
– Hey,Sarahi.Mybeautifulyoungwife!Youaretheapple of myeye. Our two summers have made me a manI was notbefore.NowImustretracemysteps,findmyway.Ifeel life turning round. HopefullyI willsee anexitthatI have onlyglimpsedbefore.
–Thankyou,Yeshua.Thankyouforeverything. You suddenly smiled mischievously and ran your hand overyourstomach.Istoppedyourhand.
– Welostoneanotherforevernow,butIwon'tbegroping in the dark. I'm sure I'll soon see the deed I think I'm destinedtodo.
Westoodandheldeachother.Thedarkbluenightskyand thedeepyellowmoongaveusourfinalfarewell.Thenight andthevineyardswerethesettingforourfarewell. Le'chaim,same.Here'stolife!
– Sarahi,youhavetaughtmetohope,tobelieve.Youhave taughtmetoliveabeautifullifeonearth.Whenthemind isemptyandtheheartiscold,thenlifeispoor!AslongasI amalive,youliveinme.Isaid.
–AndaslongasI'malive,youliveinme. Yousaid.
You took my hand. Hudi was so soft. I looked into your eyes.Wehuggedeachother.Hard.Withoutmorewords.
Thenyou turned round, Sarahi mi, andwalked slowlyup to the main building. I waited for a while before I also startedmovingupthehilltowardstheworkers'house.It waswonderfultofeelthesoftearthbeneathmysandals.It rockedgently,Ithought. WhenIwantto,Istillfeelit.
The morning of the day after the Sabbath it was time to leave;theKusafamilyhadarrivedtheeveningbeforethe Sabbath.Torcheshadbeenlitaroundtheyard,andthere hadbeenabigpartyinthemainhouse.
Yousitdownonthedonkeyintheyard. Youliftedaveiloveryourhead;itwasagainstdustandheat – andsothatyoucouldgivemethatlastlookwhenthey wentoffduty.
Iglimpsedyoureyes. Iwalkedbehindthebuildingsandsawthefamily entouragetravellinginturnsdowntheslopetowards theplain.
Iturnedroundandwentbackto work.Icried.
Wehadembracedloveandembracedeachother,knowing that this would never, ever happen again. I could, and wanted to, live out our state of being deep and high and warm and blue... under the moon. With certainty that it wouldsoonbeover.
YouSarahi,youtaughtmetoopenmylifetothebigthings. We humans have too many walls around us. Too many words are said. Words to each other, words about each other.Itiswhenlifeitselfcomestous,removeswallsand takespower,thatwegainperspective.Becausereallifehas love.Islove.Alwayslove.That'swhywemadelove,night afternight,betweenthevines.
You loved me; that love will stay with me as long as I breathe.AtanymomentIcanfeelthedateflavourofyour lips, the warmth of your breath mingling with mybreath duringthekiss.
It is not in anyone's power to turn love into ordinary words. It is not in anyone's power to turn love into nonsensethroughderogatorywords.
Tidiisaflowingriver.YouandIsattogetherforawhileby ourriver.Wemadeeachothersostrongthatwemanaged to 57
carryonwithyourlife-youwhomarriedthesonofHerod Antipas's steward, Cusa, the bastard who left his native landandbecameatravellingprophet.
Wewelcomedthetimewehadbyourriver,beforewehad to get up and go our separate ways. In the evenings, you came walking down to the vineyard from the main building.Icamefromtheclusterofworkers'houses.Some of them lived in tents, but I lived in the long brick house withbedsalongthewalls.Ithinkthemanagerappreciated me and what I was doing. Perhaps he also thought I was quickeronmyfeetandquickeronmyfeetthanmostofthe peoplehehadhired.
I remember one evening in particular, the sky was dark blue,almostblack,butatthesametimestrongandwarm. Unusual. It was as if the sky was talking to you and me betweenthevines. Therewasalunareclipsethatnight.
"Dowhattheyhavetodo,"saidthesky.YouSarahiuntied the shawl around your head and let it fall to the ground. Yourthickhaircameloose,andtwoheavybraidsfellover your shoulders and down your back. Black and strong. Yourmouthopenedandyousmiled.Youturnedroundand gavemeyourbum.Youturnedyourheadandlookedatme while I gave you life milk. Something came out and ran downtheinsideofyourthighs.
–Yeshua,it'syouandme,andit'strue.
–Sarahi,itwillalwaysbeyouandme.
Twelveyears,imagine...twelveyearslater;thenthestorm came back like an overwhelming wave. Me and my companionswereon
InTiberias,Iwalkedthroughthestreetsindustandheat. Suddenly I glimpsed you in the crowd. My body lost all power,mykneestrembled. You also saw that I saw. You had servants around you. Throughthedensethrongofpeopletravellingthroughthe square, our eyes found each other. There was a long distance between us; only you and I knew that we were lookingateachother.Yetitwaslikelookingstraightinto thedepthsofsomeoneelse'seyes.Weknewitwasthelast timeoureyeswouldmeetonthisearth.
For both of us, the night of parting under the moon at Karmeltwelveyearsearliercameup.Ourwords.
–I'mgoingtobeahousewifeandhavechildren,Yeshua. Thefirstborn,Ihopeandbelieve,willbeyoursandmine. Andintheyearsthatlieaheadofus,Iwillcomebackand walkalonedowntoourtownbetweenthevines.
– AndIwanttosaveourpeoplefrommoney-sicknessand oppression.Iwillliveforthepoor,thesick,theoutcasts,for sinnersandfools.
– You will, Yeshua! As thou sayest continually, so shalt thou!
InTiberias,inafewyears'time,Iwillhavelostmyteeth, mybreastswillhavebecomeflabby,myfeetdarkandugly. ButinsidemeIwillalways,always,seethemoonsignalling ourworship.Ourliveswereshort,buttheyarebiggerthan mostpeople'slives.Amentothat.
– Amen,Sarahi.WhenIhaveleftNazareth,asIwill,Iwill neverreturnhome.AndwhenIaminourFather's
serviceishumiliatedandbetrayed,ourmomentstogether willstandinthemindlikecypresses.
Thesightofyoustoppedmeinmytracks;Istoodstiffasa pillar in the middle of the crowd in the square. The wordsofCarmeloverwhelmedme.Imagesofyouryearsin Tiberiastormentedme.
Painfulandhard.
ThatHerodAntipas'partymanager,Cusa,ruledyourlife. Thatheandhissonalsoguidedyouthisday,whenImeet youagain.
That they own you. The thought was heavier than the burningsun.Thatiftheyhadknownwhatyouworeunder yourbeltatthewedding,theywouldhavekilledyouincold blood.
Ourpeoplerecognisetheirduty;itisnotanimposition.
Nevertheless,Idared.YouandIchoselove. Thankyou,Creator,thatyoumadeusthiswayand thatitturnedoutthisway!Lifeisgreat,andlifeis withoutmercy.
"You, Sarahi, made it happen the way I thought and expected, the way you and I talked about, came. And I accepted. You know it without realising it. You were the firstpersontogivemylifeafinalmeaning,adeepmeaning, ameaningthatpushedmeontothepaththatstillleadsto thehighpriest.
AreyougoingtobelievewhenpeopleinTiberiastellyou what'shappeninginthetemplesquareandonGolgothain Jerusalem? Whenyou find out, you will not be surprised. You'llgivethanksforlifebytheriverofTiberias,andthat my direction was the right one. I have prayed. You have prayed.Iknowthat.Youand