Stay calm

5. Stay calm- Teens often show many behaviours that disturb us and make conversations unpleasant. Instead of reacting to an angry, shouting teen and wanting to “win” by challenging or shouting back louder, remain calm. By shouting and getting annoyed, the situation will only become more aggressive and tenser. If necessary, move out from the situation for a few minutes until we feel calm. Give the teen the chance to make their point and then respond calmly to what they have said. Once they run out of things to say, they will calm down.

Here are some Self - calming thoughts to use next time:-

 I cannot control his behaviour, but I can control my behaviour.

 I’m not going to let this get to me.

 I am not going to be stubborn.

 I’m not going to yell.  My being upset and yelling will not help the situation.  I don’t have to deal with this in an upset state of mind, it will only make matters worse.  I will stop and be quiet for a while. I will go to another room and take some deep breaths.

 Later I will talk about it calmly with her.

6. Choose the battles- Don‟t treat every situation like a crisis and over react. Let go of small things and pick the important ones so that we influence the ones that really matter, and let the others go.

“Boy with low jeansHey… Don’t I

look cool”

“If you think you do…. you surely do”

If you criticize every little thing, then the teenagers will not understand when the situation is really serious.

7. Be respectful, at all time: Teenagers are very sensitive, speak to them the way we like to be spoken to i.e. respectfully. They have been watching and copying us carers. If we want them to behave well, we need to make sure that our behavior is appropriate too. By showing respect we model good behavior and let them know that we expect them to act responsibly.

8. Empathize with their feelings. The little things, even acne are important for a teen! It is often our tendency to discount or downplay or trivialize their feelings and be dismissive.

Dismissive Empathize

“What’s the big deal?

It only a pimple, don’t act silly”.

“yes, you were looking forward to your dance performance so much and this pimple has appeared …it can feel bad.”

9. Allow alone time -Teenagers are trying very hard to find and create their own identity and it is important to allow them time on their own, and some privacy, to enable them to feel that they are growing up.

Teens think a lot about how their bodies

look. They also compare their bodies with others. A positive teenage body image is an important part of healthy self-esteem. Let them look at the mirror!

We need to emphasise from time to time that the more than their size and shape and colour, the strengths in their character, i.e. things like his sense of humour, effort at school, helpfulness or other special skills are what are really attractive about her.

10. Do things together- It‟s important for teens to know that they can be in proximity to us, and share positive experiences, without having to worry that we will pop intrusive questions or confront them for something. It will be great if we can spend time doing things we both enjoy, whether it‟s cooking or playing, without talking about anything personal. During activities, give them responsibility, they feel very important.