To my Kati
I had a dream I got everything I wanted But when I wake up, I see You with me
Billie Eilish
4th April
“Be
careful what you wish for, it might come true” – that’s the sentence I remembered when I opened my eyes this morning.
While washing my face, I tried to summarise the current situation in my mind. Since I realised that I realised nothing, I decided to sit and write everything down. I’m using my English notebook because I have nothing else to write in.
Let’s take things one by one.
One I am 12 years old. Currently I live in a semi-dilapidated house that once belonged to my grandma, with – note this – Maksim, of all people, a seventh-grader that half the school is completely besotted with.
Wait, let’s start anew, I’m not nuts. My name is Nina Kovač, and I’ve been living with Max for three days now!
If only I could tell my BFF Vera about it now, but she, just like everyone else I love, is elsewhere. Or nowhere.
I feel like crying.
Two
It’s true. While blowing out the candles shaped like numbers 1 and 2, I wished: a) for Max to finally notice me, b) for us to get acquainted, and c) for us to get closer. However, as tends to happen with wishes, this one has only partially come true. That is:
a) Yes, he did notice me, but only after tripping over my schoolbag (I had put it down by my side while struggling to unlock Grandma’s house) and falling flat on his face. I mean, who wouldn’t notice me under such circumstances?
b) Yes, we did get acquainted. “Hi, I’m Max.” “Nice to meet you, I’m Nina.” Very exciting.
c) No, there’s no chance of us getting closer.
Three
I last spoke to Mum on 1st April, that dreadful Thursday when everything ground to a halt. She told me they were fine and not to worry about them, but to try and find a safe place for myself as soon as possible and stay protected. “You have the key to Grandma’s house…” – she said before the Internet collapsed and mobile networks went totally haywire.
I find it hard to put into words how much I worry about Mum, Dad and Iskra. I miss them so much.
Four I’m starving. We’ve eaten all the bread and yoghurt that Max brought from the bakery on Thursday. We have some money left, and today we’ll have to figure out how and where to get some grub.
I didn’t imagine it like this. Well, actually, I fantasised that one day Max would invite me to go out: we would meet in the park, then go to the quay, hold hands, watch the sunset standing by the bridge, then I’d start feeling chilly and he would wrap me in his black Nike hoodie with white letters and whisper that he enjoyed being with me.
This Max is not romantic at all. He constantly freaks out about losing signal and the Internet,
and then he tries to solve it by climbing onto the shed, then the cherry tree, then even higher – onto the old pear tree. Since his arm is injured, after all those pointless stunts he complains that it hurts so much and acts as if it were fractured after all. It really annoys me.
On the other hand, I feel really silly eating in front of him, going to the toilet, drooling on the pillow while I sleep, crying for Mum, getting hysterical because there’s still no sign of my parents... I’d rather not dwell on all my unromantic outbursts.
I don’t think he enjoys spending time with a sixth-grader like me either. And if only it were some popular girl, not me. I’m sure everyone will wind him up when we go back to school.
But what can I do? It’s not my fault that it was my schoolbag he stumbled over.
* As I mentioned, this morning we went out in search of food. The shop windows of the XL supermarket were shattered and it was crowded inside. Everyone was like crazed zombies, stuffing goods into bags and trying to escape as quickly
as possible. I had never seen anything more horrifying. And now I was forced to join them. I probably wouldn’t have taken anything if Max hadn’t yelled at me: “Grab everything we need, stop fooling around, we’ll starve to death!”
In the general commotion, I managed to grab a bunch of dairy products, pasta, toiletries, flour, a few chocolate bars, toothpaste, even a carton
of juice. Max filled his schoolbag with meat and processed meat products.
When we got back home, we laid everything out on the table, stuffed ourselves, and then distributed the supplies to make them last as long as possible.
5th April
Today, for the first time, I thought that someone who comes after us might read these notes. In that case, you, inquisitive eyes, should know how it came about that, instead of being with my family, I spend my days in Grandmother’s old house, in the company of the most popular guy from school.
This is how it all began. From the early morning of that 1st April, something was off. Although the TV is never turned on in my family before 5 p.m., Mum and Dad were intently following the news that morning.
– They say that some computer virus has crossed over to humans and is now spreading among the population. It sounds ridiculous to me – Mother told me briefly as I was getting ready for school.
School was kind of strange, too. We didn’t do anything in class. Panic-stricken, our German teacher sprayed us all with Asepsol. Memories of that stupid coronavirus were still fresh in our minds. During breaks, we kept on and on about the most frightening scenarios, but none of them were as unexpected as what followed in reality. Towards the end of the third class, the teachers told us to gather in the schoolyard. There we were met by the principal, pale with horror.
– Dear students, please do not panic. Listen, during the morning there was a spread of the VIR virus, and the authorities have urgently isolated entire parts of the city. I believe you’ve heard that
it’s a computer virus that has crossed over to humans and continues to spread, but it’s happening much faster than anyone could have anticipated. There have already been some casualties –murmurs arose in the yard.
– Silence, please! – the principal continued. – Listen, some neighbourhoods have been quarantined, and no-one can enter or leave. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but many of you will not be able to return to your homes today. In order to avoid being left out in the streets, I kindly ask those who have no better solution to head towards the Jug Bogdan Barracks in the suburbs. I cannot promise you anything in the way of great accommodation, I’m not even sure
if there is enough space for all of us there, but it’s the only option we currently have. I kindly ask for your understanding; we don’t have much time left...
Of course, we all instantly reached for our mobile phones. That’s when I last spoke to Mum.
We left school on foot. All the students and teachers. Police cars and ambulances were circling around us. Students from other schools joined us as well. There were more than a thousand of us. I find it hard to describe that moment; simply put, when we approached the city centre, a stampede broke out. Some, despite the warning, decided to head home, while others ran in the opposite direction. There was complete pandemonium. I ran towards Grandma’s house. As I unlocked the door, I heard a crash. I turned around and saw Max lying on the pavement.
– Are you okay? – I asked him.
– It hurts – he said, holding his right arm. –I hope I didn’t break it.
I noticed a group of older boys and girls approaching us quickly,
and I recognised some eighth-graders from our school among them.
– Come on, hurry up! – I helped Max to his feet and finally managed to unlock the door.
I let the injured boy in, then threw our schoolbags into the hallway and locked the door. We could hear them passing by the house and moving on. I assume they were off to search for some abandoned property. If I had let them in, I bet they would have kicked me out of my own house after two days.
I stood leaning against the wall, trying to gather my wits. Here goes: one, two, and... three. I open my eyes. It isn’t a dream. It’s Max.
– Where are we? – he asks me, holding his injured arm.
– Don’t worry – I felt like a grown-up and said with a sense of pride: – This is my house.
My house is actually not mine, but Dad’s. It had belonged to Grandma Lepa. It’s located at No. 7, 7th July Street, and I abbreviate it to “Boeing 777.”
My parents refer to it as “our plot of land” and they have been planning for years to turn it into
a paradise with hanging flower pots, swings and a large lawn...
One summer, when we didn’t have enough money to go to the seaside, we came to the yard every day, took out the rubbish and brought in flowers, so now the yard is the best-kept part of Grandma’s house.
The house itself is not very impressive. The first room you enter is like a storage area. The space where, for years, we have been putting away every thing that has been in the way in our flat: from toys and old electronic devices to discarded furniture and beds, as well as clothes that we have grown out of or that have become worn out, and books that we no longer had space for on the shelves in our flat.
In the second room, there are items that belonged to Grandma: a bulky bed, some wardrobes
and chairs that Dad claims will be in tip-top shape once he renovates them. The kitchen houses an antique sink, a few dishes, a dirty Iskra electric stove and an Obodin fridge,* whose door keeps falling off (incidentally, Mum and Dad burst into laughter when I joked that it was a good thing they’d had a girl, for if they’d had a boy, they would surely have named him Obodin). In the bathroom, there’s a toilet, a sink, a small water heater, and a shower area with a hose but no showerhead.
Apart from the shed made of planks in the yard, that’s about it.
*
When I opened the door to the first room, stale air overwhelmed us.
– Man, what a dump – commented Max.
I stayed silent and guided him through both rooms and the kitchen, until we reached the exit to the yard. We sat down on a little bench. I suggested we take a look at his arm. He was able to move his hand and all his fingers, so we agreed that it probably wasn’t fractured.
* Most households in the former Yugoslavia had appliances produced by the companies Iskra (Kranj, Slovenia) and Obod (Cetinje, Montenegro), translator’s note.
– All right – said Max. – I guess I’ll be going then.
I stood up to see him off. – Do you have any idea where you’re going?
– Not really, but I’ll start walking and maybe I’ll end up somewhere.
– Fine. If you don’t have anywhere to go, you can come back here. I’ll wait for my parents to pick me up, and then we’ll probably move on.
– Okay. By the way, we haven’t even introduced ourselves. I’m Max.
– Nice to meet you, I’m Nina.
– Well, then, see you around.
– Bye!
I locked the front door and then returned to the bench. I tried to contain my thoughts and emotions that overwhelmed me. The virus, being alone, Max, school, Vera…
After half an hour, someone knocked on the door. I thought it might be Mum, Dad and Iskra, so I eagerly went towards the entrance.
– Who is it? – I called out, as I was startled by the thought that it could be some lunatic, a robber or who knows what.
– It’s Max, Nina.
– Max? – I cracked the door open.
– The city is in complete chaos. I can’t even get near my house. It seems that I have nowhere else to go.
– But didn’t you say this place was a dump?
– Well, the yard isn’t that bad – he muttered, as an apology, I guess.
On the very first day, we were already faced with several unpleasant questions:
1. What to eat?
Since we established that Max had nothing left of his snack, and I only had a Snickers bar, I suggested that we each eat what we had left for lunch. He didn’t realise I was only kidding and got angry. After that he reluctantly took half of the bar. He is such a grouch.
After lunch, Max took some of the money we had with us and went to get some grub. I stayed behind, thinking that my parents might come by any moment. He returned with five kilograms of bread and fifteen cups of yoghurt. Only one bakery was open. He barely managed to get even those.
There followed a variety of meals: bread and yoghurt, yoghurt and bread, bread dipped in yoghurt, bread crumbled in yoghurt, yoghurt without bread, bread without yoghurt...
2. Who will sleep where?
It was quite logical for me to sleep in the storage room, where, among other abandoned things, there was a crib, a broken folding armchair (from which I fell when I was five and broke my arm, I hate it), and an old couch. I suggested to Max that he sleep in Grandma’s room, on her old bed. Since he found it disgusting, we moved the folding armchair from the storage room and somehow managed to put it together.
Yes, it’s true. I woke Max up in the middle of the night because there was a lizard in my room.
What can I do when I’m really scared of reptiles?
Then I made him move my couch into Grandma’s room. He whined that he was sleepy and that his arm hurt. He suggested we just switch beds, but I didn’t want to hear about that jinxed armchair. The couch got stuck in the doorway, Max freaked out and said some ugly things – that I was a kid, a little baby, spoilt, that he didn’t know why he was even here, it was better in a tree, and so on. Then I burst into tears. Wasn’t it hard enough already without him insulting me, I didn’t force him to stay, he came on his own...
In the end, we somehow managed to get the damn couch through and placed it in Grandma’s room.
Max fell asleep right away. Me, only in the morning.
3. What to use for taking a shower and drying off?
Not only did we have a hose instead of a shower, and a tiny water heater that could barely provide enough hot water not for one but for half a person’s shower, but we also realised that we had to wash ourselves with a rose-scented soap, or rather, a cracked and disgusting piece of soap that awaited us on the dirty sink. Apart from that, we used it for doing the laundry, as well.
The towel issue was easily solved. We tore apart two bedsheets and turned them into towels for washing our faces, taking a shower, and placing on the floor. Well, it’s not as if a hotel is any better!
4. What to wear?
In the first few days, we wore the same clothes we had on when we left for school on 1st April. We agreed that each of us would wash our own clothes. While they were drying, we wore the clothes we found in the discarded items sacks.
So I found myself wearing Mum’s maternity dress, and Max – note this – ended up in Dad’s
tracksuit bottoms and a stretched-out red T-shirt with the Karnex logo. When he appeared dressed like that, I simply couldn’t hold back and burst out laughing.
– You look great in the Karnex brand! – I teased him.
– Ha, ha, ha! – he replied cheekily.
I’m sure I looked funny, too, but Max was truly over the top after all those prohibitively expensive hoodies and shirts...
5. What to brush our teeth with?
In the bathroom, we found two toothbrushes in a glass covered in limescale. They had probably been there for two or three years. One was mine, and the other belonged to Iskra. One was a regular toothbrush, and the other was for ages two to six. The toothbrush for baby teeth, naturally, went to Max. There was also a tube with a small amount of strawberry-flavoured toothpaste. I think I remember when we brought that. It was a long time ago, indeed.
On Max’s suggestion, we boiled both toothbrushes, and they were as good as new. Almost.
We sit in the yard, tearing sheets of paper into ten parts. We play the matching game. Each of us writes down their favourites.
Worlds apart.
1. Music
Him: Brut, 2pak, Zift
Me: Alicia Keys, Billie Eilish, Arctic Monkeys
2. Film
Him: The Twilight Saga, Part 1
Me: Isn’t It Romantic
3. Series
Him: The Big Bang Theory
Me: Never Have I Ever
4. Book
Him: The World’s Worst Children
Me: The Summer I Learnt To Fly
5. Game
Him: Assassin’s Creed
Me: The Last of Us
6. Zodiac
Him: Cancer
Me: Sagittarius
7. Language
Him: German
Me: English
8. Season
Him: Spring
Me: Autumn
9. Colour
Him: Green
Me: Blue
10. Food
Him: Pancakes with Nutella
Me: Burger and chips
Zero matches!
It’s getting windy. Time to go inside. Or into the dump, depending on your point of view.
CIP –
821.163.41-93-31
МЛАДЕНОВИЋ, Драгана, 1977 All I’ve never wanted / Dragana Mladenovic ; illustrated by Dušan Pavlić ; translated from the serbian by Nataša Srdić. - 1st english-language ed. - Beograd : Kreativni centar, 2023 (Beograd : Klik tim). - 145 str. : ilustr. ; 20 cm
Tiraž 300. - Prevod dela: Sve što nisam želela
ISBN 978-86-529-1225-4 COBISS.SR-ID 132562697
In the city, there is an emergency situation and twelve-year-old Nina has found herself accidentally separated from her parents in her grandma’s dilapidated house. To make things even more interesting, there is also seventh-grader Max, her secret crush from school.
We sit in the yard, tearing sheets of paper into ten parts. We play the matching game. Each of us writes down their favourites. Worlds apart.
1. MUSIC
Him: Brut, 2pac, Zift
Me: Alicia Keys, Billie Eilish, Arctic Monkeys
2. FILM
Him: The Twilight Saga, Part 1
Me: Isn’t It Romantic
3. SERIES
Him: The Big Bang Theory Me: Never Have I Ever
4. BOOK
Him: The World’s Worst Children
Me: The Summer I Learnt To Fly
5. GAME
Him: Assassin’s Creed Me: The Last of Us