Sex for Beginners by Kreativni centar

SEX

FOR BEGINNERS

JASMINKA PETROVI]:

SEX FOR BEGENNERS

written by JASMINKA PETROVI] illustrated by DOBROSAV BOB @IVKOVI]

Straight Books About series

SEX FOR BEGINNERS

by (Mrs.) Jasmina Petrovic Illustrated by (Mr.) Dobrosav “Bob” Zivkovic

Instead of an introduction

In a desire to reassure, instruct, encourage, entertain and tease you, we decided to write a book about sex, but without mincing words. We formed a team of superlative lay persons or nonexperts (and added two aunts) who conducted a survey among youngsters aged eight to eighteen.

Hello! I am aunt Marjorie. I think sex is very important for every human being, especially youngsters. If you want to learn as many things as possible about sex, and make sure they are accurate, stick to me and my advice.

Hello! My name is aunt Bessie. I think sex is very interesting for every human being, especially youngsters. If you want to enjoy sex and not do something stupid, stick to me and my observations.

Respondents were asked the following five questions: 1. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SEX? 2. WHAT IS YOUR FIRST THOUGHT WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD SEX? 3. WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR INFORMATION ABOUT SEX? 4. WOULD YOU READ A BOOK ABOUT SEX? 5. VARIOUS.

Asked ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SEX, no fewer than 98 out of 100 said they were very interested in sex. Just one each picked the so-and-so and not interested at all answers. We divided the replies to the second question, WHAT IS YOUR FIRST THOUGHT WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD SEX, into two groups.

Interesting answers: 1. Excitement (Jovan, aged 17) 2. Darkness (Zorica, 16) 3. Jelena (Marko, 15) 4. Kissing (Natasha, 13) 5. Making out (Sinisa, 15) 6. Love (Jasmina, 17) 7. Pamela Anderson (Dusan, 15) 8. Screwing (Nikola, 18) 9. School trips (Sanja, 16) 10. Condom (Petar, 17)

Uninteresting answers: 1. Flower pot (Sonja, 8) 2. Open your mouth and I’ll tell you (Milica, 9) 3. Naked women (Aca, 10) 4. Cookies (Sasha, 9) 5. A joke about little Perica (Nikola, 11) 6. None of your business (Jovana, 10)

Here… I opened my mouth!

OBSERVATION: The younger respondents were both much cheekier and much less interested in sex than the older ones. We shall therefore refrain from giving the other uninteresting answers lest you lose all interest in sex.

There were a number of different answers to the third question, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR INFORMATION ABOUT SEX?

I TALK TO MY PARENTS. They are embarrassed, and I am bored. What do parents know about sex, anyway?

I READ PORNOGRAPHIC LITERATURE. Until my father takes it (over).

I TALK TO TEACHERS. They are even more embarrassed, and I’m even more bored. Teachers know even less about sex than parents.

I WATCH SEX EDUCATION BROADCASTS ON CHILDREN’S TV. I know everything there is to know about the reproduction of ferns, earthworms and slugs.

I TALK TO FRIENDS. Every time they open their mouths – they lie.

I WATCH PORNO MOVIES. Yes, every time my parents go to our cottage in the country – once in two months.

I READ MEDICAL LITERATURE. Sends you right to sleep.

I USE THE INTERNET. Not since I’ve been ordered to pay the phone bill.

1 I protest! Why weren’t there any questions about aunts, who are so important for educating youngsters about sex?

Actually, aunts are more important for offering support!

3 4

Question number four – WOULD YOU READ A BOOK ABOUT SEX? – drew an overwhelming YES response – 99 out of a hundred said: “certainly”, – “yes, if there are pictures”, “I can’t wait”, “wouldn’t you?”, “I’ll buy two, one for me and one for my best friend”. Only one answered “I want to be a musician” (probably wasn’t being serious, so we chucked out his reply). IN CONFIDENCE: We still haven’t managed to classify the replies under number five, VARIOUS (and probably never will). EXPERT CONCLUSION OF THE SUPERLATIVE LAYPERSONS:

Judging by the responses we received, the humblest layman (let alone an expert) can conclude that young people find sex very attractive and important, but also mysterious, so that we began writing our book right away. We based our text and illustrations on: amateur research and professional knowledge, but most of all the misconceptions, dilemmas and follies of the authors and the people around them.

Puberty or adolescence

PUBERTY

CHILDHOOD

– a process during which a child becomes an adult. Begins at eleven (maybe earlier) and ends at 17 (maybe later). All manner of changes take place in this period: physical, emotional, mental, social, and of course sexual. Almost overnight, the small grows into the large, interesting subjects become boring and unimportant ones very important. The main cause of all those major and sudden changes are invisible substances – hormones, released by certain glands in the body. Hormones affect a great many processes in the brain. Sexual hormones control the development of physical sexual characteristics (menstruation, the production of egg-cells and sperm…), but they also affect the mind. They are female hormones (estrogen and progesterone) and male ones (testosterone). They help children to become adults. Given that not even experts know everything about hormones, we have decided not to delve too deeply into that subject. But their industrious and constant activity places people who are in puberty face to face with a number of questions:

Before sex

Contents (Part I)

Am I normal? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 (Two tests)

What do males and females have in common? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 (parents, school, conflicts, shyness, boredom complexes, acne, sex)

What is the difference between males and females? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28 (manner of thinking, height, weight, muscles, voice, body hair, breast size, menstruation, sexual organs)

Whatever is happening to me? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41 (flirting, infatuation, love, breaking up, jealousy, telephones, the computer in the service of sex, fantasizing in the service of sex, self-gratification, wet dreams, dates, kissing, caressing)

Sex

(Part II)

Why is sex interesting? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59 (petting, foreplay, sexual relations, say “yes”, say “no”)

Why is sex mysterious? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66 (erogenous zones, orgasm, virginity, positions, oral sex, anal sex, homosexuality, lesbianism)

Why is sex beneficial? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73 (pleasure, pregnancy, procreation, family)

What else should I learn? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77 (hygiene, contraception, gynecologist, urologist, psychologist)

What are the dark sides of sex? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82 (abortion, sexually-transmitted diseases, AIDS, sexual violence, rape, incest, pedophilia)

About sex

(Part III)

Is it good or bad? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89 (swearing and bad language, soft and hard-core pornography, prostitution, voyeurism, exhibitionism, group sex)

Talking about sex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93 (ancient and contemporary sexual mythology)

Sex through history . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96 (parents chose your wife/husband, no sex before marriage, the chastity belt)

Before we part . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 (Test your knowledge)

Part I

Before sex

Am I normal?

Am I a normal person?

– a question which is the biggest burden to youngsters in puberty or those facing it, as well as the authors of this book. The former will heave a sign of relief as soon as they realise that the problem is not in them but in hormones, while the third will just take a deep breath and continue writing and drawing. If one moment you feel like a child, yet within just half an hour you reason and behave like an adult, it would be quite normal to think you weren’t normal. The same will happen as you notice that day by day you become more and more different from your peers in regard to your

looks, feelings, thinking, interests, tastes… Everyone grows up in a different manner and at a different pace. Usually by leaps and bounds, sometimes gradually. The unsteadiness, diversity and the leaps may be interesting, but can also cause a lot of fatigue. Those around us only add to this adolescent mishmash by their comments and advice. What else is there to do but get even more confused and unsettled? Will my parents love me the way I am? Will anyone ever love me? Am I becoming a freak? Is there any way to stop this? Is there any way to speed this up? AM I TRULY A NORMAL PERSON?

There are many ways to reach the answer, and here we offer the simplest – take the following test!

Test No. 1 DIRECTIONS: Read each question carefully and answer it only after thinking carefully. Circle only one of the two answers on offer – YES or NO. Add up the totals and read the conclusions.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Do you often look at yourself in a mirror? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes Do you often daydream? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes Do you hate studying? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes Do you listen to loud music? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes Do you collect pictures of show-business stars (if you’re a girl)? . . Yes Do you collect pictures of naked women (if you’re a boy) . . . . . . Yes 6. Do you quarrel with family members . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes 7. Do you have frequent mood swings? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes 8. Does everything bore you? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes 9. Does everyone (especially those younger than you) bore you? . . . Yes 10. Do you have a need to take tests like this one? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes

. . No . . No . . No . . No . . No . . No . . No . . No . . No . . No . . No

CONCLUSIONS: If more than half of your answers are YES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YOU ARE A NORMAL PERSON If more than half of your answers are NO . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . YOU ARE A NORMAL PERSON

Marjorie, are you normal?

None of your business!

For all those who love these tests but are still uncertain whether this book is for them, here is another TEST:

Yoopie!

Another test 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Dou you spend a lot of time locked in the bathroom? . . . . Yes . . No Do you have acne? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No Has hair begun to grow on your body? . . . . . . . . . Yes . . No Are your breasts growing? (if you’re a girl) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No Is your sexual organ growing? (if you’re a boy) . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No Have your periods started? (if you’re a girl) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No Is your voice deeper? (If you’re a boy) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No Do you have the impression that your arms are longer and your legs shorter than they should be? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No Do you often fall in love, and out of love even more often? . . . . Yes . . . No Does everyone else have a better life than you do? . . . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No No one understands you and no one loves you, right? . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No Sex interests you a lot, but you’re afraid to admit it. . . . . . . . . . Yes . . . No 10-9 YES

8-7 YES

6-5 YES

4-3 YES

2-0 YES

CONCLUSIONS: If you had: – 10 or 9 YES answers – you are in puberty and should continue reading this book. – 8 or 7 YES answers – you are facing puberty and should also continue reading this book. – 6 or 5 YES answers – you are a person who never left puberty, and you should also continue reading this book. – 4 or 3 YES answers – you are outside puberty, and should also continue reading this book (but at your own responsibility). – 2 to no YES answers – you KNOW EVERYTHING BEST ABOUT SEX, (and all other subjects, of course), so please sit down and write your own book.

What do males and females have in common? Parents – when near at hand, they’re a bore and a burden, when far away, kids miss them.

However far away they might be, parents: a) ban everything kids love to do – You are not going on the end-of-year school trip! – You better be home by ten o’clock! – Don’t ever let me see you again with that boy with the ear-ring! – Get off the phone! – Stop playing those video games! – Turn down that awful music! b) order you to do everything you hate – – – – – –

Tidy up your room! Sit down and do your lessons! Get to bed this minute! Apologise to your father! Take out the trash! Come down and say hello to your aunt!

c) ask all the wrong questions – – – – – –

I want to know who was at the party! You didn’t join them in it, did you? Where have you been all day? Who were you talking to? How was the maths test? Own up and you won’t be punished!

ADVICE:

PASSIVE It’ll all pass...

ACTIVE Freedom isn’t grant, it’s won!

If you don’t mind, I’d like to add something on the subject of parents and children. Every day we get heaps of letters like this one:

“Her school marks and studying have been slipping lately. She eats poorly and is hardly ever at home, spending all day with her friends. She won’t tell me anything and I no longer have any influence on her. She now has a boyfriend, a problematic boy who is quite a lot older than she is. I am afraid he might trick her into having sex with her. Alcohol, drugs and AIDS I don’t even dare think about. I am quite beside myself, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I did wrong…”

For this mum and for all other parents:

10 BITS OF ADVICE FROM AUNT MARJORIE: 1. Get as much information as possible about sex, AIDS, alcohol and drugs 2. Urge your children to talk freely on those subjects 3. Never ridicule their actions and Love them, trust them, help them to become suppress their questions independent, and give them 4. Help them to come face to face with a generous allowance! their emotions, dilemmas, fears… 5. Teach them to understand their sexual needs, without fear and shame 6. Teach them self-respect 7. Teach them to assume responsibility for their actions and their choices 8. Help them to comprehend influence their peers exert in regard to sex 9. Help them to draw positive conclusions from their failures 10. You are the most important models for them both in life and in sex.

School is an institution that provokes terror, nausea and boredom for as long as it lasts, and sadness, emptiness and fond memories once it’s over. As far as sex is concerned, school plays a very important role, as it is an excellent hotbed of both great love sagas and soap operas. Lessons, breaks, supplementary classes, excursions and above everything else end-of-year trips offer excellent opportunities for an exchange of looks, declarations, notes, kisses, cuffs… Let us also not forget the lavatory walls, where the approach to sex is more liberal than anywhere else.

ATTENTION: Undesirable, negative, dangerous and perverted elements (maniacs and pedophiles) may appear in or around schools (see pages 84 and 85). ATTENTION: If we have succeeded in scaring you, that’s what we intended to do. If we haven’t, don’t worry, we’ll do it later, just read on!

Dear teachers, school psychologists and pedagogues! Your attention, please! We know you are overloaded with every-day obligations and have no great desire to talk about sex with children and their parents, but I assure you that whatever you can do to this end will both mean a lot both to individuals and contribute to a healthier atmosphere in school.

For teachers, school psychologists and pedagogues only 5 BITS OF ADVICE FROM AUNT MARJORIE 1. Get as much information as possible about sex, AIDS, alcohol and drugs 2. Urge schoolchildren to get as much information about these subjects as possible 3. Try and achieve a relaxed atmosphere in class conducive to an open debate on love, sexuality, the attitude towards one’s own body, personal relations… 4. Organise lectures, debates, workshops… on sex 5. Inform parents who can help them and how they can be helped to instruct their children about sexuality.

One more thing! Smile, be happy and be sexy, of course!

Conflicts

have existed for as long as humankind. For centuries, various unpleasant situations, misunderstandings, twists and turns, break-ups, rows have taken place every day. Conflicts arise between persons of the same or different sexes, between two or more persons, peers, adults and children, lovers, members of the immediate and extended family, neighbours, friends, enemies… They can take place in the following forms: provocation, a non-violent row, a row with a scrap, a scrap with a row, a scrap without a row, a war… Conflicts are usually the result of recklessness, egocentricity, selfishness, shame, fear, poor hearing, age differences, gender differences…

On the road to independence and self-reliance, all children go through a number of conflicts, both with adults and with their peers (let alone those who are younger than they are). The oldest historical reports about this date from the times of the ancient (at that time young) Greeks. The conflict is always the same – it’s only the garb and scenery that change.

Shyness and embarrassment are

divided equally among males and females.

They manifest themselves in two ways: One – reticence, queasiness in the belly, a pale face, physical and mental stiffness. Two – verbosity, queasiness in the head, a red face, excessive physical and mental activity. Here is what two unnamed kids in puberty told us about shyness: FIRST ANONYMOUS PERSON: I get even shyer when others notice that I am shy! SECOND ANONYMOUS PERSON: I am embarrassed of the fact that I am changing constantly and becoming someone else.

Don’t let yourself feel embarrassed or even worse, guilty, because you are growing up. You are changing – so what! Don’t be scared of changes. They will open new doors for you and bring you new joys. For example, you will become a truly equal partner in debate with your parents, which is no bad thing. Be patient! Don’t judge yourself too harshly! Accept your new face, your changed body, your new thinking. Try and understand both yourself, your peers and the changes you see in them. Poking savage fun at others will not ease your own troubles. Wait out the process together and be patient. Keep in mind that everyone grows up in his or her own way, and that every one of those ways is the right way! Here is some practical advice how you can help yourself fight shyness: 1. Regardless of everything and everyone, try and think as little as possible about your shyness and the changes it causes to you. 2. The heat and blushing cannot be suppressed by power of will – you just have to wait until they go away on their own. It is difficult and unpleasant, but once you pass over the first wave, all the others are easier. A second wave of shyness appears only very rarely. 3. Talk to others about your shyness, ask them how they deal with theirs. Do not run away from shyness and do not try to conceal it! 4. Try to deal with all jibes and unpleasant comments bravely and carry on. Talk about something else. Very often those around you will not even notice your shyness, it is you yourself it affects the most…