THE JESUS TIMELINE / WWJD IN 2020?

Jesus THE

TIMELINE

BY KAY-DEE MASHILE

Seeing as it is the first Easter in a new decade, I cannot help but wonder how Jesus would react if He lived in this day and age. Let me disclaim before we go any further that this piece is going to be very educational, somewhat fictional and hopefully FUNNY. I pray that the Lord forgives me if any of the following content offends any of His beloved children. With that said I think that, with all due respect and reverence to my King and Saviour, Jesus can probably take a joke. Loosen up and humour me for a second, imagine if Jesus was born in 1986 and the first Easter celebration had to happen in 2020. Listen, it’s about to get real!

The story begins with a prophecy…

So, it’s probably the 1920s or way back when and there’s this uncle named Isaiah. Uncle Isaiah encountered God at a young age and said that God could send him to speak to the nations and stuff. So, uncle Isaiah heard from God about a lot of things. He even kinda predicted that Jesus would be born by a virgin, which had NEVER happened before so basically people thought he was crazy. And then… He said that Jesus would be bruised for all our sins, like… Uncle, how can you say that about the Son of God?! Man of God! Well, uncle Isaiah believed it and he prophesied it. Basically, if you’re gonna prophesy about somebody in 2020, you had better only have nice things to say but back then, people legit ONLY said what God told them. And so did Jesus… but wait, we’re not there yet.

Then there was an angel…

So not it’s like 1985 and moghel is sweeping the yard, African daughter style (Google it! Lol). Moghel is like 13 years old and stuff, she’s a virgin and a good girl nje. Don’t come for her like that! Sis is focused, okay?! So yes, Sis is minding her business and cleaning the yard like a good African, village girl and uit die blou van onse hemel (like, literally) comes this “man” and tells her that Sis is gonna get preggies! Now the good Sis wasn’t having it, she’s like, “Excuse me Uncle, with all due respect… I’m not the one like that! It could never be me that thing”. And the uncle says, “Little girl, relax. God is gonna make the things that makes Himself to be born through you”. Then she’s like, “In that came then, I am surrendered to God so let it be done to me according to His will”. Then boom, long story short, Sis is baking a bun in the oven and Brother Joseph (AKA Bhut’Bae) hears that Sis is preggies and he’s like okay, I’ma just ghost her and save her the embarrassment of a break up. Then he had a dream telling him that Sis didn’t cheat and that he should keep calm and do the right things.

Okay, now God is born to a poor young couple…

So a whole Son of God is born you guys, and the parents can’t find anywhere to put Him. Well, so I can’t really say that they are poor, let me tell you the actual story. So what had happened was that this king heard that The King would be born and thought, well… the only way to prevent the whole thing would be to kill all the sons that were being born during that time. Drastic much?! But yo, dude was just trying to keep his name and legacy. Imagine being dethroned?! People can barely handle having a girlfriend leaving them for another guy (oops, let’s come back). So yes, Brother Joseph takes Sis away because can nobody touch Bae under his watch. But like, Sis is about to POP! And they get to this city, almost like Bloem during MACUFE (again, Google it!) and there is absolutely nowhere to stay. Sis is like, “Babe, whatever you do… please, the baby is coming! Just do something! I’m tired…. (tears) and… and… I’m scared… it hurts… Babe please, just do something!” Now Bro is under pressure, Sis is in pain for real shame… And she just took an uncomfortable train ride all the way to this place and nje, kubird! Like it’s really really not looking great. So Bro gets somebody to let them crash in a horse stable and all they have is a manger to put the baby in. It’s cold, no sterilisation ntoz, nothing. But Bro is panicking, what can he do at this point? So ja, long story short… Jesus makes it yaz, in spite of it all. Some Uncles bring them gifts and now at least they have a bit of extra cash to help them travel back home with the baby.

Jesus as a teenager

Fast forward a couple of years, at another festival (a churchy one) let’s say Easter Conference vibes. But Easter wasn’t thing yet… okay, so Jesus is 12 now, its 1998, and He gets lost. Well, His parents eventually found Him in the temple. But now, how do you raise God? Could they even shout at Him? Or spank Him? (Calm down, it was still legal) but ja, the Bible doesn’t say and I’m scared to fill in the blanks so we’ll leave it at that. Well, for the most part, Jesus pretty much had a decent teen age. I’d like to believe so, at least, Him being perfect and all! What must have been rather sad is James’ childhood… imagine being Jesus’ little brother! Yho! I already had it tough living up to my human sisters’ successes now imagine being God’s sibling. Ja no, it must have been lot. But James loved Jesus yaz, he was even one of the Top 3 disciples (we’ll get to that in a second). You can also tell that the “boys” had a good family background because whenever people would talk about Jesus, they would refer to the family business. So you know that the boys grew up helping Daddy with the business… anyway, as you were.

The ministry of Jesus

So now Jesus is 30, it’s about 2016 and life is going on as usual. His cousin John has been waiting for Him to reveal Himself to the world so when Jesus asks Cousin John to baptise Him, Kuz is like canting and stuff. But he ends up baptising Jesus and God lets everyone know that Jesus is The ONE! Like, The One, ONE! But, instead of building “The One Mega Ministries” right there and then, He goes to the mountain to pray. For forty days. With no food. And just when you think those same birds that fed Uncle Elijah back in the old testament would come feed Bro, the devil shows up instead (like the real devil, not the fictional character we blame for all the mistakes we make). Talk about being TRIED! Listen…

So ja, the devil totally tried Jesus, but Bro wasn’t here for it so basically that ended with an anticlimax.

Jesus then officially begins His ministry work. Basically, people knew God neh, and they were expecting that God would send a saviour. Now, they probably expected that this saviour would be a warrior, born into a palace by a “mature” woman. Many people saw Mary pregnant and drew the conclusion that she was kicking it with Joseph before marriage. So, to a lot of people, Jesus really didn’t fit the profile of a god. Never mind The Son of God. But don’t hate, imagine if a guy walked up to you in 2017! and told you that he was god. Never mind which one. Wouldn’t you tell him to get lost?! Now that we know that Jesus really was God, we judge a bit too harshly. But these people legit didn’t (and some couldn’t) believe Him.

I cannot even say what I would have done… Some people did believe though, Peter, Little Brother James and another John (not the cousin, the John who said Jesus loved him the most. Well, before I was born! Lol) in particular, left their lives to follow Jesus. So did the rest of the disciples with many other people. Jesus also proved Himself yaz, He spoke the Word and walked in righteousness. He healed the sick, performed miracles and taught the Word. He fulfilled tons of prophecies, some of which He had no “control” over… like being birthed by a virgin. Not only did He fulfil the prophecies of His birth though, He was also about to fulfil the predictions of His death as well.

HE FELT EACH AND EVERY PUNCH, EACH LASH, EACH INSTALMENT ON THE HAMMER. HE FELT EVERYTHING! HE FELT THE PAIN OF IT ALL… HE FELT IT SO MUCH THAT HE FELT LIKE GOD HAD FORSAKEN HIM… AND HE WAS GOD! HE BASICALLY FELT LIKE HE WASN’T HIMSELF. YET HE ENDURED.

The whole reason for Easter…

So, there was this uncle among Jesus’ closest circle (the 12 disciples), well he sold Jesus out, literally! And now these soldiers came for Jesus and arrested Him. Their excuse was that He was misleading the masses… because what He said was contrary to the Jewish belief system. Anyway, they beat Him up and humiliate Him. As if that’s not bad enough, they make Him carry His own cross up the mountain. They then take proper nails and hammer Him onto a wooden cross. He is alive this whole time mind you. He felt each and every punch, each lash, each instalment on the hammer. He felt everything! He felt the pain of it all… He felt it so much that He felt like God had forsaken Him… and He WAS God! He basically felt like He wasn’t Himself. Yet He endured. They went on and nailed His feet on top of each other, all the way through the wood. ALIVE! Then they lifted up the cross, and left Him to bleed… Arms stretched wide, in dire pain. He felt it you guys… He stood there, and all He said was, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing”. He gave up His Spirit and breathed His last breath. And then… ESKOM! Like, the whole world went blank for a whole minute.

Why would He die though? Well, so that we could live… He made a way for all of us to have eternal life. And then He rose again, on the third day, as the light of the world so that we would have eternal hope in and through Him.

Jesus today…

I wonder what Jesus would have to say about The Rona… imagine if He had ascended to heaven just last year. Would we have more faith? Would we have a better idea of what it is He’d have us do in moments like these? Would the church be more united? Would we be more considerate and compassionate towards each other? If Jesus was your neighbour, what would He say about your relationship with God? Perhaps this is a time for us to reflect, truly reconnect with God and do better as a church. If His sacrifice was fresh in our memories, what would we do differently? Perhaps we should rather start doing that...

Selah!

Jesus