Journeys through life

My mother recognized something in me from a very early age. She always told me that I believed too much in people, that I only see good. It’s true! But she always taught me never to swear for another, a lesson I’ll never forget. So this is where my duality in love comes from. I can love authentically and trust...fully, but still, be wary enough to question actions and identify inconsistencies in someone's actions. It’s both a blessing and a curse really.

My love isn’t blind, and being aware of that also means that I don’t get the 100% joy of pure bliss when in love. I guess that’s okay also. Nothing is perfect, right?

So when I ask the questions of who deserves my love and my trust, the answer is no one. But that has never, and will never stop me from giving it to anyone whom I think will make it worth the while to give it.

It's about taking chances.

Today...The Yesterday of Tomorrow: Journeys Through Life

They say life is what you make it, but the quality of that construction is linked to the quality of the available resources, your skills, and the quality of your team…if you have one. We have been on a journey through life since the day we were conceived. Every cell, every process within us tending towards survival…one might say we were all born fighters. But, what does that even mean? To fight? What are we fighting for? Who are we fighting? Most importantly, what is the prize?

My life changed a few years ago by an incident that occurred at home. I had a male friend come over to pick up some stuff he needed for classes. He ended up sleeping over because of the torrential rains we were experiencing and of course, we slept in the same bed. In about two days after he left, when I was heading to classes (I was enrolled in my Master's program) I got a call from my mother asking if my friend and I were having sex in my room.

Needless to say, I was dumbstruck at the question. After finishing that conversation, my friend called me, as my mother had also called him with the same question. This conversation was way worse because my friend effectively told me that we can no longer be friends…who am I kidding, we were together - at this point going on a few years. He ended the relationship out of fear that his sexuality would be revealed.

My stepfather accused us of having sex and in the most distasteful and embarrassing way possible, forced me to move out of my mother’s home with nothing but shame and garbage bags filled with my stuff. I didn’t have it in me to exit with the pride of one Elektra Abundance. I had no time to pack or find a place to stay; luckily, at the time I had friends who would have driven to the Galapagos if I needed them. I had a place to stay.

That single day was the most defining point in my life. Everything changed for me: I knew then, that a mother’s love as pure and deep as it may be was not enough to keep me safe, I confirmed everything I hated about my stepfather (trust that this wasn’t his first show), I lost the one I loved the most and my ability to commit to anyone, the true tests of my friendships began. Sounds daunting doesn’t it, well, it was! But it was also good.