Stay Fearless

Today...The Yesterday of Tomorrow: Journeys Through Life

Many may not agree, because we exist in such a fucked up system that adds a layer of difficulty that is unnatural. I am all too cognizant of that as a queer, non-binary, feminine presenting, black male from a developing country. The point of my story is that it’s true that the world is fucked and we are not always in control of our next move. It’s true we have been dealt a hand and that the game continues to change as soon as we think we have it figured out. What is also true is that the only thing about our life that is sure, is our past…yesterday; and our future depends on how well we remember it.

The events of that night set me on a path of selfrecognition, a journey that continues today and, no doubt, will continue into tomorrow. A path of learning to love and live authentically but with caution, to forgive fully but remain reminiscent, and to trust with my life but keep contingencies. These are lessons only life could teach me.

Life is certainly filled with challenges, and that’s the nature of our existence. What is also true about life, is that these challenges are opportunities to grow, to learn, to elevate, to unlock what has been buried deep. Life’s challenges, I believe, were designed for us similarly to the 7 Herculean tasks, to bring us to unlocking our final form. Our future…tomorrow, is in a state of flux and the decisions we make over the things for which we have control are critical to what happens next. A friend said recently, “reframe your challenges” .

That is a foundational principle of my life, and it has proven to be nothing less than a foolproof approach. Today is the yesterday of tomorrow, live fully because once it’s done, it cannot be undone and we have no control over what the outcome will be.

Because of this period of displacement, grief, poverty, and dependence on the will of others, I was forced to confront my own fatal flaws. I had to acknowledge how much I immersed myself in others when I feel safe. I had to confront the links between my success and the existence of ‘mutual’ feelings and bonds with others. I had to confront how dependent I was on the idea that I was loved. Nothing about my life at the time, though you could never tell, was intrinsically motivated. I was living, not for myself, but for those I cared for, in spite of whether they cared for me.

I learned, through the experience of trauma that I was all I needed and I'm still learning to accept that I am enough. In the words of Adele, I hope I learn to get over myself, so the next time I end up in love, it's for 'free' .