Queenfidence Empowerment Magazine by Kristie Kennedy

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Contents WWW.QUEENFIDENCE.COM

JANUARY - 2018

FROM THE QUEENâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S COURT Letter from the Editor

TRIBUTE TO JOANNA Kristie Kennedy

SHE WHO DARES, WINS! Featuring Rashida Marshall

COURAGE TO MOVE FORWARD Dr. Dawnette Banks

09 THE POWER OF AN AUTHENTIC APOLOGY Stacy Henderson

MASTER YOUR MINDSET Kay Sanders

ALWAYS STANDING STRONG Terrah Sims

USE IT OR LOSE IT! Lyn Smith

YES, YOU ARE NEEDY! Kourtney Coleman

MESSAGE TO THE MISSING RIBS Katrina Anderson

7 BEHAVIORS OF HIGHLY PRODUCTIVE ENTREPRENEURS Trasetta Alexander

CONFESSIONS OF A VIRGIN BRIDE Kolanda Douglas

I AM BELIEVABLE!

Miranda Cole

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From the

QUEEN’S Court

ongratulations on another year of living life to the fullest! You maximized the moments doing the best you could with what you had. You showed up boldly for life! You refused to hide in plain sight. Time after time your faith has been tried yet you continue rise and shine! You are a fighter and I know sometimes you get battle weary but on today celebrate the love you give so freely, celebrate the heart it takes to pursue your passion, celebrate the gift of inspiration, celebrate the beauty of starting over and letting go, celebrate your inner strength, celebrate the power to overcome any form of adversity, celebrate good health, celebrate a calm mind, celebrate family and friends, celebrate a life of truth and most of all celebrate the wonders of being magnificently you. At this very moment make a decision to celebrate every step you were courageous enough to take. The dreams and vision of your heart are a priceless gift to this world. It is easy for outsiders to admire a precious new born baby yet never grasp the agony of a mother’s labor. Many will never see the hidden toil that occurs behind the scenes or appreciate the value that you bring. The perfect time to celebrate any progress you make is whenever you choose to give thanks. Your life is a miracle and that is worthy of a standing ovation.

This is not the time to BLEND IN when you were born to STAND OUT! Comfort is a recipe for SAMENESS! There is no need for bloody shoes if you are unwilling to make fiery

bold moves! Bottom Line: (read carefully) ______You crave expansion but are secretly in love with a life of ease. Where is the mountain crushing faith in that? Your MOUTH has to be bigger than your MOUNTAIN! Either you lift your hands as a fearless victor or as a fearful victim. The choice is always yours to make! Yes, there is life after disappointment, after despair, after defeat, after discouragement and despondency! IT’S CALLED DESTINY! There is someone counting on you to quit and there is someone depending on you to WIN! Don’t you dare give up! Protect your divine seed until the harvest springs forth abundantly! Everybody dies but not everybody LIVES! Unshackle your mind from the chains of pain dwelling in your past.

Stop trying to figure out the HOW in the middle of your NOW because unresolved frustration will lead to burn out. It has no power to fan your flame it will only cause it to fizzle away. Out with the old and in with the new! This time next year when you look back you will see a blazing path that your feet established for others to courageously follow in. Upward and onward, for the best is yet to come! Championing you to greatness!

Kristie Kennedy, Women’s Worth and Wellness Expert

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TRIBUTE TO JOANNA A

What if all we had were only hello and never goodbye? Not one fare thee well or I’ll catch you later…

t the end of 2017 one week before Christmas I received a phone call from my speaking agent’s husband saying she was fighting for her life. Out of nowhere an unexplainable medical condition appeared. I began to think, “She can beat this!” After all we are entrepreneurs, we eat challenges for breakfast. As I waited daily for a miraculous change of events I began to reflect on our relationship and how we initially met. I was a blossoming motivational speaker and Joanna was a talent scout. She reached out to me and asked if I would like to be represented by her. During that time I was still working in corporate America with a full plate and I graciously welcomed a pair of helping hands. In the four years that we worked side by side she became more than a business associate she became my sounding board, laughing buddy, therapist, voice of reason, confidant, close friend and family. I celebrated her marrying the love of her life at 29. She and I would encourage each other to remain healthy. We were both proud to be fur moms of the cutest dogs in the world. Joanna had this ability to make you feel like you could conquer anything! One thing I absolutely loved about her was that undeniable tenacious energy she brought to everything she placed

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engagement without her cheering me on. Her motto was, “Only good vibes!” The strength to move forward is in knowing that Joanna left a blueprint on how to bulldoze through obstacles, reach towards the highest mountains and plunge beneath the deepest blue seas. Her legacy is a best seller in my eyes! Lastly, I find comfort in one of her posts shared on social media, “I hope you love a little bolder, laugh a little louder, stand a little taller, be a little braver, dream a little bigger and make the world a little brighter.” Thank you Joanna for believing in the beauty of my dreams, pink unicorns and a big ole’ pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Until we meet again…

I dedicate this first edition of Queenfidence Women’s Empowerment Magazine to you! “We lift as we climb!” her hands to. She is responsible for me collecting my highest keynote speaking fees because she negotiated like a bull dog to ensure I was paid handsomely. Oprah Winfrey stated, “Surround yourself with only those who will lift you higher!” She had my full and unwavering trust.

On January 3, 2018 I received a call from Andrew and I was hoping he was going to give me news that would bring music to my ears. She passed on New Year’s morning. It was unreal to me...yet when I think about her vivacious personality her spontaneous exit from this world is quite indicative of the way she lived. She was all heart and played full out every single day. I remember her telling me often that she had sent over 200 emails pitching on behalf of her clients. I’ve shed countless tears thinking about the depth of my love for her and I know that I will never be the same. I never imagined traveling the globe without her by my side. In a week I will have my first speaking Queenfidence Empowerment Magazine | 5

“SHE WHO DARES, WINS!”

Feature Interview with Rashida Marshall, Owner of Skillfully Sculpted 1. What is some background information about Rashida?

’m the oldest of three kids, and I grew up in South Florida. I attended Florida State University and majored in exercise science. All during college, I thought that I 6 | Queenfidence Empowerment Magazine

was going to go to med school and become a doctor, but that was never really what I wanted in my heart. So it took me a long time before I acknowledged that and decided to put my focus towards the things that truly interested me. Towards the

end of my time at Florida State and once I graduated, I began acquiring different fitness certifications so that I would be more knowledgeable in that area along with my degree. I worked in different areas of the health department for several years

as a health educator after graduating while doing fitness on the side. And then after some time, I decided to put a little more into my side work, and then that is what got me to start a personal training business, Skillfully Sculpted.

2. Tell us more about AFIYA Magazine and what is your favorite part about working on it?

FIYA Magazine is a holistic health and wellness publication geared towards African American women. The purpose of it is to provide a wide variety of wellness information in an effort to assist readers in both their personal and professional lives.

Without a doubt, being able to speak with and meet so many phenomenal women. I have had the opportunity to hear their testimonies, and in a way, it always refuels me and helps me to remain motivated in what I’m doing. We often see those who are successful, but you never know the full story behind what that person is doing or what has led them to that point. So to hear the different journeys at these women have gone through, the obstacles that they had to overcome, how they have managed to stay focused and committed, and then to see the product of each one of these women’s unique creativity, that is always something that I am extremely grateful to be a part of.

3. How did you get into fitness and wellness?

or as long as I can remember, fitness health and wellness have been huge interests of mine. I have always loved to know about various Health topics, how I can be my healthiest self, and being able to share that information with other people. It’s just a part of who I am, just how movement is a part of who I am. My siblings and I were brought up in extracurricular activities.

We were involved in community and school sports and our parents encouraged us to exercise often. So now, when it comes to exercise it’s not just a way to stay healthy but it’s also a very enjoyable activity that helps to relieve stress. I always knew that that would be the field in which I worked. After I started Skillfully Sculpted, I knew that I wanted to be more than a business that just provided personal training. I wanted it to be something that also educated clients on the importance of health and wellness so that they could take that information and use it moving forward to reshape their mindset and perceptions about fitness and also know exactly what they needed to do to be their healthiest selves.

4. What inspired you to start AFIYA Magazine?

was inspired to start the magazine because I had a newsletter that I was sending out to my personal training clients. I really enjoyed the creative process of gathering new health information, and being able to put it together in a nice template. And it never mattered to me if 10 people opened it, 50 people opened it, or if just one person read it. It was just the entire process of being able to share this knowledge with other people that really got me. So I decided that I wanted to try and find a way to expand it to become something greater while also having it contain images of women who looked like me, and the stories and expertise of women who looked like me. And that’s where the idea was born. I had no background in journalism or working in the magazine industry, but I just knew that this was something that I wanted to do and I felt that it could be very impactful if I went ahead and followed that gut instinct that I had.

6. Where would you want to retire?

definitely would want to retire some place that is warm and tropical. It would have to either be on the beach or very close to it! Some place that is close to family and friends and would allow for me to be involved in the community. Someplace safe where I could spend ample time with my family.

7. What are your hobbies?

love reading, writing, dancing, spending time outdoors, trying new fitness activities and enjoying artistic shows and displays (plays, performances, museums, art galleries, etc.). Volunteer work and community service activities are things I also really enjoy being a part of, as well.

8. What would be your advice to other women?

o after the desires in your heart. Follow your intuition. Listen to that little voice that gives you butterflies when you start to imagine how your life would be if you actually did what it was telling you. Life is too short to spend it just doing what you think you’re supposed to do or what other people are doing or what seems to be the right thing to do. And don’t worry about how hard it will be, or if things will work out one, two years or three years down the line, or what people are going to think about you going off in that direction even though it’s completely opposite of what you’ve been doing. None of that matters. All that matters is that every time you make a decision to do something that you believe you should be doing, it feels right in your soul, despite how crazy it may seem. Don’t go throughout life wondering how things would have been if you followed your passions. Follow them and see where life takes you.

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COURAGE TO MOVE FORWARD A

long every cultural and socioeconomic spectrum, you can find many bewildered and frustrated individuals struggling to break free from unfulfilled and defeated lifestyles, but unable to do so. They sit as spectators on the sidelines of others’ lives watching them experience win after win and desperately wishing they had the courage to step into the winner’s circle. So why is it so difficult for some to muster up enough mental and spiritual strength to move forward? They have succumbed to the clutches of fear, with little or no hope of escaping its grip. Such crippling fear may take the form of remaining stuck in a demanding job which consumes all of your time; embracing an overwhelming sense of life’s pressures which push you into a comatose state of depression; or a preoccupation with past sins that birth generational curses of condemnation, regret, and shame. The paraplegic nature of fear is to incapacitate, strip of power, and to make ineffective. By immobilizing or preventing movement, fear eventually stifles growth, productivity, fruitfulness, and ultimately one’s ability to win. The only championing opponent that can stand against fear is the courage to move forward! Now what exactly does it mean to have courage to move forward? It is nothing more than having the ability (mental, and spiritual strength) to overcome fear so that we can proceed toward our next win. We

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would answer emphatically, “yes”! So why would one ever succumb to the violent and brutal attack of fear?

can also interpret it to mean that we must engage our mental and spiritual strength to boldly encounter difficulty so that we can be propelled into the divine progression that God has ordained for our lives. Building mental and spiritual strength is vital to overcoming fear. Similar to weightlifting, strength is built through resistance – and in this case, we must build a resistance to fear. Many struggle with and do not know how to resist fear, allowing it to consume them on a daily basis. So how do we resist fear? The word resist takes on several meanings that we can envision metaphorically when considering how to resist fear. The definitions include: to withstand the action or effect of something; to keep it at bay or to fend off its influence or advance; or to fight against something that is attacking you. And that’s exactly what fear does – it attacks! If someone out of nowhere started attacking you, would you not try to resist their attack? Most

We must empower our mind and spirit with the courage to fight back and move forward! One powerful strategy is engaging in daily affirmations and meditations that arm the mind and spirit to counter negative and self-defeating inner dialogues. We must also find ways to repossess our power by becoming confident in who we are, connecting with our purpose, and feeding our soul convictions. In order to move forward in this renewed power, we must subscribe to the theology that we are overcomers and inherently victorious. As we boldly and tenaciously embrace the power to win, we can forge ahead with peace as a companion to guard our hearts and minds from subsequent uprisings of fear. It is only then that we can unapologetically arise from the barren sidelines of complacency and mediocrity to move forward with an uncompromising courage to the winner’s circle! Dawnette Banks, Ph.D. Education Policy and Evaluation, Florida State University Alumna Dawnette Y. Banks possesses a keen sense of gratitude and has devoted her life to serving the needy, uplifting underserved populations, and expressing the heart of God through vehicles of educational promotion, creative inspiration, and spiritual empowerment.

THE POWER OF

AN AUTHENTIC APOLOGY W e’ve all been here before, when an argument with our spouse becomes too much work and requires too much energy to keep making what you feel like are valid points. And then you decide to offer an apology to just bring about some sort of truce between you. In some cases it may work, but in other cases it blows up and seems to make things ten times worse than they were before. It seems like that innocent phrase of “I’m sorry” just ignited a fire that you have no way to put out. The other person is left feeling angry and uncared for, and you are left feeling confused and misunderstood. This is when you need to learn the art of the authentic apology. As you well know, not every apology is equal, and when it comes to apologies, the only ones that matter are the ones that come fropm your heart. Miriam Webster defines an apology as “An admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret” What does this look like in action? “I was wrong, and I’m sorry”. It’s a twopart process, but that is your basic apology. An authentic apology has several distinct parts: •

•

Tell them how you feel along with your feelings of remorse. For example, “I feel awful for embarrassing you in front of your family and I’m sorry”. This makes the apology specific to the offensive incident that occurred and identifies your remorse for that situation. This comes across more sincere than a blanket “‘I’m sorry about what happened.” Own the mistake and acknowledge the negative impact that it had.For example, “I can see how not telling you that my parents were coming for Thanksgiving, makes you feel like you’re not involved in decision making in our relationship.” You can’t take back the words or actions, but

•

you can empathize with your spouse’s feelings. It’s important not to bring an excuse into your apology. Keep your focus on the person, the offense and the apology.

Fix it, No matter what it takes- Find a way to make the situation right going forward. For example, Instead of simply saying to your parents, that they can come to your house for Thanksgiving dinner this year. You would go to your spouse first and say, “My parents are thinking about coming for Thanksgiving, but I wanted to check with you first before I said yes.” You don’t have to rehash the past by saying what happened previously, trust me they are well aware. By adjusting what you do going forward, it helps to repair the trust factor of the relationship, and it affirms to them that you recognize what you did and how your previous actions hurt them.

It takes thought and effort to make a true authentic apology. This type of thoughtful and heartfelt apology takes time to learn and master. We so haphazardly toss around the words of an apology, without consideration of the full weight and meaning of an apology. There are couples who are hurt in marriages for years because they never felt like they received an authentic apology, for something that happened years before. If you put the energy and effort into giving an authentic apology when the situation arises, your marriage will reap untold rewards for years to come. Stacy Hernandez, happily married for 16 years is the founder of Dwell with Your Mate where she encourages couples to find God’s divine design for their marriage.

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MASTER YOUR MINDSET A

s entrepreneurs the most important piece to our success is the ability to acquire clients, in order to make a good income that sustains our lifestyle and helps us grow our business even more. However, the most challenging part of growing a business is not figuring out the newest marketing strategies or how to effectively inspire potential customers to say yes to our offers, the most challenging part is having the mindset for success. Many entrepreneurs struggle with the mindset around all these strategies, they struggle with the fears of possibly being rejected, or possibly failing, they also often times 10 | Queenfidence Empowerment Magazine

fear the very success they so desire. They are often operating on autopilot, driven by their inner gremlins that sabotage their success as a means to stay safely within their comfort zone which then results in frustration, overwhelm, and possibly even giving up the journey to becoming highly successful.

Some might say that the most important piece to success are the marketing, sales and client acquisition strategies but all these strategies, even though they are very necessary and a vital piece to success, they are not the most important piece, it is the mindset behind all these

strategies that determine the success we as entrepreneurs allow ourselves to achieve, it also determines the amount of money we allow ourselves to earn with our business.

If you invest a lot of your financial resources into marketing, sales or learning the newest and most fanciest client acquisition strategies available these days, but deep down you question if you are really good enough, you question if you deserve to make money doing what you love, or if you fear how your life will change once you became successful, all these negative or limiting believes, and self-doubts, are what will sabotage your success; and no matter how much money you invest in marketing strategies, or other client acquisition strategies, they will not give you the results you desire because your mindset is not in alignment with what you say you want to accomplish, the success you say you desire. Often times the things that you are “doing” to get the word out, to market yourself and your business, to get clients, to make more sales, are not the determining factor to your success, the one key ingredient that matters most is who you need to become in order to create the success you desire.

If you are struggling to make more money with your business, it is quite possible that you are operating based on a limiting money story that you keep telling yourself such as, “making money is hard”, “getting clients is difficult”, “I have to work really hard just to come by”, “Money doesn’t grow on trees”, or “I don’t think I can make money with doing what I love”. Can you see how this type of thinking can limit yourself from earning a decent income with your business or attract more clients you can serve? Our beliefs about the things we struggle with today, are believes we picked up early on in life and made it our truth, but in reality these beliefs are illusions, lies that we have been telling ourselves to keep us safely within our comfort zone

because success can be uncomfortable at first, making a lot of money with something we love seems just too good to be true, and what if we might fail? Then we would be considered a “failure” and we would feel pretty lousy. However, all these beliefs are our selfmade limitations that we live by, thinking we can’t do something because for whatever reasons, but are these believes and self-made limitations really true? Or are they just means to protect ourselves from potential failures, disappointments, or even hurts?

In order to break free from your selfmade limitations and illusions which sabotage your success, notice what they are, and see them for exactly what they are – limitations you set for yourself, illusions and lies you have been telling yourself to keep yourself save, to stay within your comfort zone, but once you break free from your illusions, from those lies, and step out of your comfort zone you will be able to create all the success you desire, you will be able to manifest your wildest dreams and create heaven on earth.

Joan was so very, very wise. She knew right away that I would have been embarrassed and humiliated if I knew at the beginning that she had purchased it for me, so she told me it was her suit

Be open to the possibilities that are available to you, set yourself free from those illusions and step out of your comfort zone! What is the worst that could happen? You learn valuable lessons? You grow both personally and professionally? You create amazing success for yourself and create the life and business of your dreams?

Know that anything is possible for you as long as you believe and trust in your own ability to create the life and business you desire. Kay Sanders is an Intuitive Business Coach, Bestselling Author and Creator of Possibilities.

She helps conscious entrepreneurs find that missing piece to making their business a huge success so they can make a big impact in the world and create more freedom in their life. https://www. kaysanders.com

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ALWAYS STANDING

STRONG

y mom really knew what she was talking about” is what I tell myself. Like all of you, I have experienced my share of trials, disappointments, heartache, lies, ups and downs and pure frustration in my life. I spent most of my early adult years seeking approval and love from my father, feeling unworthy of healthy relationships, battled low self-worth and had what I call that “I can’t” spirit. And it was that spirit that led me to quit jobs, live day by day, eventually evicted and homeless as a 22-year-old single mother.

“How did I end up in a shelter?” I asked myself over and over. The first day, I compared myself to other residents of the shelter. I wasn’t one of the “unfortunate people” living there. My sisters and I were well loved and given just as much as the average child. I was a high school graduate and not from out of state like some of the others. Born and raised not far from the shelter. I didn’t realize it then, but I was there because of my negative thinking, poor choices, irresponsibility and false expectations of others. And now, my 2-year old son, the one depending on me the most, was suffering the consequences. It was during those months in the homeless shelter where something began to shift in me.

Around the ages of 24-26, I was blessed enough to come across several powerful God-led women in my life. Women that would teach, lead and help me to understand the definition of hard work, determination, focus, drive, goals and strong faith. But more importantly, they helped me eliminate that “I can’t” spirit that still popped its ugly head every now and then. Over the years, I reprogrammed my way of thinking and changed my attitude. That eventually opened doors to greater opportunities, choices and better decisions for my future and that of my family. I began to develop the “I 12 | Queenfidence Empowerment Magazine

can do anything” spirit. If I needed a higher paying job, I found it. If I wanted to start a business, I made it happen. Owned multiple homes, I planned and signed the papers. Now, obviously it wasn’t as easy as I’m making it sound. But my point is that I stayed focus and kept pushing. I hit a few road blocks along the way, especially when I tried something new. Of course, every endeavor was not financially profitable. Just like not all relationships end with marriage, 2.5 kids, a house and a white picket fence. But we can’t look at every case as a simple success or fail situation. Life is not simply black or white. The point is to learn something new from every situation you encounter. Whether you chose to be in that situation or not, it doesn’t matter. If nothing more, learn what you like, don’t like, and what does and doesn’t work according to your vision and life’s purpose. Remember to be flexible as you grow so you can change the course if necessary. As for the mistakes, accept that you made a bad decision, forgive yourself, learn the lesson, learn to laugh and let it go. When they say surround yourself with positive people that is an understatement. I’m not talking about people that just speak positivity. I’m talking about people that speak life and not death, your ride and live partners, your circle of life, your tribe!!

Although this world is not perfect and punches will be thrown, you were created with all the tools you need to dodge and weave or to get back on your feet when needed. Your strength comes from within and what you believe about yourself. Once you believe that you are just as intelligent, skilled, talented, gifted, beautiful and worthy as the next person, then your actions will display your confidence and strength.

Ms. Terrah Sims is the founder of A Positive Perspective, LLC where she is a Certified Self-Love and Empowerment Life Coach, Relationship Coach and Motivational Speaker. She graduated with honors with a Social Science Degree with a specialization in Psychology.

Use It Or Lose It Famed French philosopher Rene Descartes is credited with saying “It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.” The same holds true with motivation.

One thing I have learned over my years of experiencing women’s empowerment conferences is that it’s easy to become motivated. Staying motivated is more challenging when you aren’t in a huge crowd amongst others like yourself and there are no big screen televisions with a speaker on stage telling you step by step what to do.

The conference is over. And now you’re alone. Resources seem to be dwindling and that big deal you knew was confirmed did not materialize. How do you stay motivated when you can’t even get out of bed? You bring to your remembrance all you’ve learned along the way. Be it something you read in a book or heard someone say, you recall it and decide what you’re going to do with it. A general problem with staying motivated is trying to reach the intended goal at one time. When I wanted to lose weight, I only focused

on the weight I wanted to be after I worked out. I forgot to celebrate the during. And I became very frustrated with myself whenever I was having a bad day which caused me to regress. After engaging in such cyclical behavior, I was tempted to give up on my goal altogether. Until one day I decided to do something I’d never done before. I decided to embrace the during and celebrate myself for the progress I’d made towards my goal. This alone motivated me to keep going. I convinced myself the small changes would eventually add up to big results. If you aren’t where you want you to be, celebrate yourself for making strides towards your goal. There will be days when you feel you aren’t making progress. There will be days when you want to give up. Those are the days when you must remind yourself why you started and what you want your desired outcome to be. Punishing yourself isn’t going to change anything. Like me, you will likely find yourself frustrated. Live in the moment of frustration. Accept it. Own it. Then get up and move. Read the same book you first read that incited you to make

changes. Listen to the same song that initially forced you to move. Reach out to reconnect to the individual that inspired you before. Revisit whatever or whomever it was that lit a fire in you. Even if that whatever is a bad memory or circumstance. You aren’t the same person now that you were then. You’re stronger. You’re better. You’re more equipped with strategies and a skill set that will help you succeed this time. You know what’s required of you. And this time you recognize the fact that the stakes are way too high, and your success is on the line. So you get up and do what needs to be done. You recall all that got you this far. You realize you can go farther today than you did yesterday. You know what failure looks like so you starve it and feed your need for success. You muster up your motivation and you use it. You use it because you know if you don’t you may just lose it all.

Lyn Smith is a motivational speaker, empowerment coach, writer and women’s conference consultant and facilitator. Follow her on Instagram or Twitter @mindfulfocus.

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Yes, you are needy

Yes, it’s true someone had to tell you-you are needy. However, that doesn’t make you unique we all have needs. What you need to know is that your needs are the roadblocks that are hindering you from living your fulfilled life.

When you do not understand the source of your needs, overwhelm is a sure pit stop. You quickly develop a relationship with bad habits. You become your worst friend and supporter. Distraction from your purpose becomes an everyday occurrence. Getting into focused action to accomplish your goals becomes impossible. When are not conscious of your real needs it’s easy to become stagnant and remain in the

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same place longer than you want.

When you are not aware of the real source of your needs, you remain in a state of grunting frustration. You don’t understand: •

Why you’re not doing what you need or want to do.

•

Why you have not accomplished your goals.

•

Why you’re not where you want to be in your life.

I’ll share two scenarios with you.

You don’t understand why you can’t focus on doing the work to get the promotion that you want. What you don’t know is that you are practicing self-sabotaging behaviors

because you don’t feel accepted by management.

Have you said to yourself that you wouldn’t sleep until you get a project done? Have you tried to burn the midnight oil multiple nights in a row to complete your projects?

I have, and to help me, I have this trick that I do. I know our brains believe whatever we tell it. I would always repeat to myself no matter how late I went to bed. (With the sun peeking through the blinds) “I went to bed at 10:30 p.m. last night”, when my husband asks, “What time did you go to bed?” I would repeat to myself that, “I had a good night’s rest.” We will not be discussing how late I stayed up and how tired I will be.

Our brains believe what we tell it! Now I could do this for a few days! But on day three. I was slowing down; my thinking was beginning to get foggy. The lack of sleep was catching up with me. Mistakes started appearing in my work. I had to get some sleep. I was irritable, not only with sitting and doing the work but with people as well. The computer screen had the letter “s” scrolling across it. (Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about) It was time to stop the madness and get some rest. You see as much as I needed to be Wonder Woman and get the project done. I needed rest! Once I got some rest, I could focus clearly, work faster and with fewer mistakes. (and become nice again!) There wasn›t anything wrong with my abilities, or the people that I interacted with (sometimes it is the computer). It was me and my lack of rest! “Understanding the source-the driver of your needs and your actual needs will allow you the opportunity to address them and get back on track fast.” So I want to encourage you to seek out understanding what those needs are so that you can • •

Be focused and in action on your goals Remain in a positive state of mind

• • •

Be accomplishing your goals Have a successful career

Give your contribution to the world to live your fulfilled life

I’m Kourtney Coleman; I help you to do more than just go to work. I help bring your personal power to the workplace to build your authentic, fulfilling, successful and impactful career. Tell me how you are needy @KourtneyCInc

“Understanding the source-the driver of your needs and your actual needs will allow you the opportunity to address them and get back on track fast.”

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Message to the Missing Ribs So, we say yes to his proposal, we start planning the wedding of our dreams, the date is set, and then we are off!! Down the aisle, we go! We feel the butterflies in our stomach and we get lost in his dreamy eyes at the altar. So lost, that we cannot hear the covenant agreement being made in the presence of God to our soon to be husband. The elaborate ceremony takes place, the reception entertained all, both great and small. The honeymoon was beautiful and magnetic! Then you arrive home to live in the after “I Do” life. But Wait.., you don’t have a clue on “How to Be His Missing Rib?”

My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years and can honestly say that I did not know my true role as a godly wife. During the first couple of years, I would check his phone, nag him, I was very selfish and wanted him all to myself. I was only interested in doing things that made me happy.

In order for us to understand our role as a wife, we have to understand why God designed the first woman, Eve, for Adam. Genesis 2:18 “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helpmeet for him”. This means that we were created for our husbands.

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Your husband has a mandate on his life from God to fulfill and it is your job as the help meet to work to help him meet that purpose. I Corinthians 11:9, teaches that, “Neither was a man created for a woman, but a woman for man”. This is why you should find out a man’s mission for your household before you say, “I Do”. You never know what is on the other side of those two little yet so powerful words. If you are married and your husband doesn’t seem to have a mission or know what it is yet, then it is your role as the wife to take this to your heavenly father in prayer so that it can be revealed to him. Until then, you are still to submit to your husband’s authority. If your husband does not have a close walk with God, don’t be discouraged. This is an invitation for God to move on his heart and draw him into a personal relationship with HIM. Take your eyes off of your husband and what he lacks. Place your trust in God alone and lay this at his feet. Remember, this is not your battle, it is God’s and it is He that fights for you. He is our CHAMPION. You must be consistent and pray with faith that God will move on your husband’s heart. Do not be a preacher to your husband and nag him about what the word of God.

I Peter 3:1 teaches us that “In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over. The word of God also teaches us in Ephesians 5:22, Wives submit yourselves unto your own husband, as unto the Lord. The word submission means to accept or yield to a superior force or authority of another person. As women, this can be difficult because many of us are independent. With submission, comes dying to self and the act of serving. Our service as a wife is “unto the Lord” so whether we are helping with his business, serving him a hot cooked plate, or loving on him, we are actually ministering to our husband by meeting his needs as his helpmeet. We should not submit to our husbands based on if we feel like they deserve it or not. It is our godly role and we must remember who we are actually submitting to! Katrina Anderson empowers married women to be intentional and honor God by submitting to their husband, being a keeper of their home, and understanding their position as a divine helpmeet.

7 Things

HIGHLY PRODUCTIVE ENTREPRENEURS DO DAILY

We all look at successful six and seven figure entrepreneurs and wonder how they got there. We want their magic success formula to get things done so we can live the life of our dreams. The truth is there IS a formula or pattern that most highly productive entrepreneurs follow and I’m going to fill you in on their not so secret formula. #1 PLAN THEIR DAY The majority of successful entrepreneurs plan what they are going to do before they go to bed at night or first thing in the morning. Many set aside 30 minutes to an hour weekly to plan their entire week. In other words, being intentional about the activities that fill your day creates intentional success.

#2 RISE EARLY

Speaking of morning, highly productive entrepreneurs also get up early. According to Tom Corley, who surveyed over 200 wealthy individuals, almost 50% of self-made millionaires get up “at least three hours before their workday” begins. They do so to take advantage of the quiet distraction free time and plan their day, exercise or work on priority projects.

#3 USE TIME BLOCKING

If you’re not familiar with time blocking, it is a time management technique that organizes your day into blocks of time. Each time block is designated for particular activity. Using time blocking can be maximized by scheduling projects or tasks that require the most focus during your most productive times of day. If you aren’t familiar with your personal productivity cycles,

monitor your focus and energy levels throughout the day for a week. You’ll notice a pattern of energy highs and lows. Arrange your time blocks according to your findings.

#4 EXERCISE

We all know we should exercise for a myriad of reasons, however, productive entrepreneurs do so consistently because it increases energy levels and focus. In fact, 76% of highly productive people spend 30 minutes or more of their day on exercise. This is just one more reason for you to get active.

#5 EAT HEALTHY

You’ve probably heard the saying garbage in – garbage out as it relates to computers. This same principle applies to our bodies. In order for our bodies to function at their optimal levels they need the proper nutrition. That means primarily eating living things as opposed to processed foods. This hold true for our minds as well. Reading books, listening to self-help podcasts or watching Ted talks will provide your mind with the resources it needs to generate creative ideas.

#6 MINIMIZE DISTRACTIONS

For anyone, not just entrepreneurs, distractions kill your productivity. Entrepreneurs especially do what they can to minimize distractions.

Most turn off notifications on their mobile devices or remove apps altogether. When working on priority projects they close out of email. They also set timers to limit time on social media. The average person unlocks their phone 180 times per day. That adds up to a great deal of time.

#7 TAKE BREAKS

This may seem counterintuitive but highly productive entrepreneurs value breaks. Taking breaks gives your mind the time to rest and regroup for the next round of activity. This isn’t eating lunch at your desk while answering emails. I’m talking about true mental breaks, such as taking a short walk, leisurely sipping a cup of tea or coffee while simply “being.” While there are times when the situation necessitates working through lunch, it’s important not to make it a common practice. They also vacation regularly and completely leave their work behind. This facilitates rejuvenation and brings a fresh perspective up returning.

You can be highly productive as well by incorporating these principles into your daily routine. All you have to do is take the first step towards the change you desire to implement. Trasetta Alexander, Founder of Sister Spotters LLC For more information visit her online at www. sisterspotters.com

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Confessions of a Virgin Bride A

s the title suggests, I was a virgin bride when I married. When most people hear of a virgin, they automatically think of sex. Well, through years of marriage, I was more of a virgin than I realized.

I married my high school sweetheart, Marcus, at the age of 22. If you have read my book, Church Girls Just Want to Have Fun, then you have an idea about our story. During our engagement, the time most women are preparing for marriage, I was a full-time college student preparing for graduation and working two parttime jobs. I did not have the mental, emotional, spiritual or financial capacity to prepare for marriage. Any reserve energy and time was given to our wedding planner.

Some people believe marriage is not a journey to be explored and conquered by husband and wife together- but alone. However, after many attempts to conquer our issues alone with no new perspectives to consider and no one to consult, Marcus and I were at an impasse. Yet, if more wives would teach, encourage and confess their faults, I am convinced it may adequately prepare single women for marriage and help married women uphold their commitment. For this reason, my experiences regarding the major, yet intangible, life altering, mindblowing, heart-changing transition from singleness to marriage birthed an unofficial, informal marriage diary book of mine, Confessions of a Virgin Bride. Inside are eight confessions about marriage I wish I would have been aware of before entering into 18 | Queenfidence Empowerment Magazine

the lifetime covenant. Here are four common confessions that affect most marriages.

compatibility in addition to spiritual, mental and physical compatibility.

After reaping the negative effects of not having a relationship with my husband’s family, I confess that a personal relationship with your in-laws is crucial. You must learn to integrate yourself into his family and his family must learn to accept you as a new family member. This integration is essential to generating respect and acceptance for your marriage because in-laws are the roots from which your new family will grow. Do not neglect them which can kill the tree but cultivate the roots, expecting growth.

Of course, there are marriage related concerns you will not be able to tackle until you are married. Still, there are concerns in which you need to establish your personal standard now. The best time to prepare for marriage is when you are single. It is a time to discover what you need and desire in a spouse. It is a time to discover areas that are nonnegotiable and areas you are willing to negotiate. Set your standards, determine your boundaries, and establish your plan now. I am hopeful Confessions of a Virgin Bride will be the resource and lifeline in which you have been searching. The book is available for order on Amazon or www.kolandadouglas.com

After countless destructive arguments riddled with disrespectful banter, I confess that effective communication is the cornerstone of marriage. It must be goal-oriented to generate positive effects. Your communication, including your personality, actions and attitude, can build a home of love, peace and comfort. The type of home your husband will be happy to return to at the end of each day. Or, you can destroy it and your husband will dread the very existence of your home.

After a failed attempt to manage our finances using control methods, I confess that a mutual understanding of budgeting, saving and spending, in addition to adequate personal financial stability, is essential. Discussions about money may be an uncomfortable but it is essential. Do not build a future with someone upon an illusion of stability. When you truly understand the purpose of money, you will absolutely ensure financial

After learning and experiencing the work sexual intimacy requires, I confess that a healthy, vibrant and consistent sexual relationship with your husband is necessary. I believe waiting to discuss sex until you are married is too late. There are areas where personal decisions or preliminary discussions are warranted prior to marriage, before professional marriage counseling is needed to salvage the marriage. Further, sex in marriage should be governed by husband and wife, not the church, and built upon Biblical truths.

Kolanda Douglas shares her love of Christ through her radio show, The R.E.A.L Room, on PURE Radio, Jackonville’s Christian Station, and through encouragement and consistent mentoring of young men and women.

I Am Believable

rom the very beginning, the thoughts would make me feel my way was the “ONLY” way. By being closed to “NEW”, I thought my attitude was the final hurray, but my mindset turned out to be a hindrance to my growth and final destination. We can be the brick wall that separates us from peaceful happiness. We have to decide to open our mind to the new things that we want to be taught or are afraid to experience. Fear is a tranquilizer that poisons our push. No longer can we just be one dimensional and try to command power. The most powerful people are those who allow new thoughts, people, ideas, trials, tribulations and outcomes to transform them. The ability to be open and have no hidden motives or agendas will propel your very existence. Dimensional is defined as having sufficient depth and substance to be believable

When you become multidimensional, you move yourself into another capacity of existence. You are now able to take the worldliness of

your being and create another level to your being. The more you experience the more you have to offer others that are looking to check your sufficiency. What is sufficiency? Adequacy for the purpose, competent and being enough. Because we are all measured by some factor of relevance, why not make it exponentially worthy. Don’t look at your self-worth as personal, because it is attached to your purpose. It’s not just about you or the way you feel and think. Purpose is the thing/ things you were created to do or be. Our purpose is our life work and the impact that we make on the people around us. To change our mindset and elevate our thinking, we become a motivation to others. They began to want to know what it is about us that is so amazing. We must start with honesty and let them know that things will not be easy, but they will be manageable. You must never give up and continue to strive to be more sufficient. You must be that person whose life will satisfy someone else’s appetite. Please keep your focus and hunger for wisdom and strength. When the value of your contribution

to emancipation outweighs the cost of your maturity, you are now believable.

Shall I be measured by my waist size Or the size of my waste,

Am I valued for my hunger

Or do they love me for my taste? My mindset must be changed

It should be elevated by the hour, By becoming multi-dimensional I can command the power. Once I have the power

I know anything I can conceive, I can empower others to grow

Because of my purpose, they believe. I am believable.

Miranda Cole Is a God fearing woman who loves people and enjoys writing about their unique experiences. Writing has always been a form of therapy that allows her to create thought provoking words that transform thoughts, ideas and real world situations into literary works of art. Queenfidence Empowerment Magazine | 19

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Queenfidence Global Image Consulting is the premiere choice for personal development and peak performance training. We aim to empower emerging, established and enterprising entrepreneurial female leaders through four components of change: mindset mastery, massive momentum, magnetic messaging and potential maximization. Queenfidence is a powerful state of living and an eternal way of being. Visit us online at www.queenfidence.com for more information or contact us at (888) 982-0224

Cover Photo by Vatchner Joseph

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