Big Little Feelings, Toddler Tips

When Kristin Gallant and Deena Margolin realized parental advice was scarce, when it came to dealing with toddlers, they decided to fill the niche. They created Big Little Feelings (https:// biglittlefeelings.com/).

Trained as a marriage and family therapist specializing in children between 1 and 6, Deena brought a clinical expertise to the challenge. Kristin brought her background in international maternal and childhood education to the mix.

Together, they created affordable online classes to guide parents in raising well-balanced toddlers. Considering they have 2.9 million followers on Instagram, including celebrity parents Eva Mendes, Blake Lively, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Sophie Turner, Amy Schumer, Maren Morris and Jerry Ferrara, their advice has been received with enthusiasm.

More than 200,000 families have signed up for their courses, “Winning the Toddler Stage,” and “Potty Training Made Simple,” making them the best-selling online parenting course, nationwide. But you can explore a few of their tips even before you enroll.

10 Minute Miracle

The premise is simple. Hang out with your child for 10 minutes of uninterrupted one-one-one time that is free from phones, TV, siblings or other distractions. Anytime you see an uptick in unwanted behavior or just not great behavior— screaming, hitting, whining, more tantrums than usual—use the “10-Minute Miracle” to de-escalate those behaviors. Basically, toddlers want your attention so badly, they will use negative behaviors like hitting, whining, screaming and kicking to get your attention. The 10-Minute Miracle is about proactively filling up their attention tank so they don’t have to rely on negative behaviors to succeed.

Play it Cool

Hovering over a child’s plate and insisting they take a big bite of, say, broccoli before digging into their cookie will only backfire. It creates too much pressure and using a dessert as leverage will only make the sweet more enticing.

A better option is to go hands-off. Serve the meals—including dessert— without comments like, “Just one more bite,” or “Good job eating those peas.” Toddlers are more likely to experiment when they are given the freedom to do so.

Volume Up/Volume Down Game

Your toddler’s screaming is not a “bad” behavior. In fact, your toddler’s brain is still developing. It’s wired to experiment with screaming—to build and strengthen the area of the brain responsible for impulse control. We need to PRACTICE impulse control to BUILD impulse control. So play the “Volume Up/Volume Down” game in calmer moments to encourage control.

Practice getting very loud, on purpose with your toddler. Then turn the volume down. Practice getting very quiet on purpose. Make sure you undertake the exercise when it’s calm—not in the middle of a tantrum. Learning is hard in moments of heightened emotion. Think of it as brain weightlifting. Give your child the tools to handle life’s tougher moments.