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spokanecdawoman.com

November_December 2013 | Issue 12

Finding

‘Meaning in a Minute’

Power of Sisterhood Party:

Wine+App Recipes

Spokane’s Sweetheart

Cami

Bradley Choosing Childcare

Long Distance Relationships: The New Trend

in

Love

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November_December 2013

contents

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Inside

features

Relationships: Finding Meaning in a Minute Relationships can be hard. They can be emotionally difficult, and at times, incredibly taxing. Yet, they are universally regarded as the most cherished and fulfilling aspects of our lives, taking precedence over everything else, at least in principle.

According to Krista Gilbert, all you need is a minute to create a deeper relationship with your spouse, children, parents, and friends.

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Food: Wine + Appetizers for a Girl Power Party Making time for our female friends is always worth the effort and promotes the sisterhood of all women. We share delicious appetizer recipes and the wine pairings to go along with them, ensuring a night to remember!

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Girl Power: How to Turn Emotions Into a Source of Power Society tends to treat “feminine” qualities as liabilities; traits that should be suppressed and discouraged because they may make us appear “weak.” But those characteristics are in fact the foundations of feminine power, and by mastering the world of your emotions; you can have the life of your dreams.

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Family: Choosing Childcare, Kids and Diets, Removing Gum from Hair, Technology Advice from Sylvan Learning Centers

Cami Bradley Photography: Sara Story Photography When singer Cami Bradley received the call that a producer from America's Got Talent had seen a video of her and wanted to fly her out to Chicago for an audition, she was flattered but not really interested. With some encouragement from her family, she decided to step out of her comfort zone and audition. Cami is now living beyond her wildest dreams.

on the cover November_December 2013

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On the cover Vol. 2 Issue 6 November_ December 2013

behind the scenes

Editorial

Cami Bradley Photography: Sara Story Photography

Art Direction | Graphics

Editor | Stephanie Regalado editor@spokanecdawoman.com

Art Director/Lead Graphic Designer Kristi Somday | kristi@spokanecda.com Graphic Designer Camille Mackie | camille@spokanecda.com

Photographers

2ee's Photography | Brenda Gamble Pictorian by Sarah Katherine Cheryl-Anne Millsap | Sara Story Photography Amy Waddington Photography

Contributors

Kate Armstrong | Kate Derrick | Staci Lehman Cheryl-Anne Millsap | Cheri Moore | Katie Collings Nichol | Rachel Sandall | Judith Spitzer

Sales | Marketing

Sara Story received her

first camera at 18 and has been photographing everyone that has come into her life ever since. In 2007, she and her husband began shooting weddings for family and friends. That eventually turned into many wonderful couples from all over the country as well as families, senior grads and the Spokane fashion community.

Sara has chosen to stick with shooting film, because of its consistency to render colors and skin tones with beautiful accuracy. Sara specializes in natural light, film portraits and is currently based in the Spokane area.

“The opportunity to shoot Cami Bradly for the cover of Spokane CDA Woman was presented to me by Stephanie Regalado, the editor, in late September,” she says. “I’m currently living in the bay area, so the shear fact that we were able to meet up in San Francisco and shoot was amazing. We shot off Nob Hill near the venue Cami was playing in that evening. All make up and styling was done by Cami. The shoot was a ton of fun and it was such a wonderful experience meeting in such an unusual way.”

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Sales Team Leader Cindy Guthrie | cindy@spokanecda.com Account Executives Jeff Richardson | jrichardson@spokanecda.com Kristi Folk | kfolk@bozzimedia.com Diane Caldwell | diane@bozzimedia.com Debra J Smith | debra@bozzimedia.com

Operations

Operations and Finance Manager Kim Morin | kim@spokanecda.com Traffic Manager Arika Whiteaker | arika@spokanecda.com Circulation Manager and Accounts Receivable Theresa Berglund | theresa@spokanecda.com Publisher & CEO | Vincent Bozzi vince@spokanecda.com

Co-Publisher | Emily Guevarra Bozzi emily@spokanecda.com

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Spokane CDA Woman magazine is published bi-monthly by Bozzi Media.

104 S Freya | Ste 209 | Spokane WA 99202-4866 Phone: 509.533.5350 | Fax: 509.535.3542 All contents © 2013. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher.

Neither Bozzi Media nor Spokane CDA Woman magazine assume responsibility for errors in content, photos or advertisements.

Editor's letter

Becoming Human

O

ver the years I have dabbled in writing children’s literature. One of the stories, The Grand, Lonely House on East Olympic, has recently come to mind. It is a tale of a ‘grumpy’ house that, after forcing its rambunctious family out and sitting empty for many years, longs to be filled again.

The old house had disapproved of the young family; after all it had been a fine, newly remodeled house before they moved in. As the family grew, the house wore down. The house found it irritating when the children spilled juice, juice that trickled down through the floorboards. The once sweet ‘pitter patter’ of little feet turned into window rattling thudding of not-so-little feet. As a ploy to drive the family out, East Olympic becomes ‘spooky,’ which eventually works. The family packs up and moves away. Initially relieved as it sits empty and unsellable, East Olympic develops an ache for the family, for that life within its walls, realizing it was the people—along with the discomforts of messes and noise—that had made the house a home—something all houses long to be.

I recently read a comment on a woman’s blog thread about the beautiful moments that arise in life after we dismantle the walls, and allow in those around us. ‘Jennifer’s’ story shares that without being open to others, to their beauty and to their pain, we are merely shells, regardless of how regal and beautiful the outside may be, there's an emptiness nonetheless.

The blog post describes a recent moment in her life as she stood in an aisle at her local fabric store, feeling completely out of her element, and complaining about spending $8 for a boa for her daughter’s flamingo costume. Another woman approaches to ask her opinion on fabric glue (which she admittedly ‘knows absolutely nothing about’). “We start talking, both comparing how little we know about crafty crap,” she explains, “when she just stops and all of a sudden her voice cracks and she tells me that she’s trying to put some sort of something on a shirt for her daughter for a class party... and the shirt belonged to her young son who had just died two weeks ago.”

Jennifer went on to explain that when the woman finally looked up from the shirt, they both had tears streaming down their faces. “And

then she tried to apologize... like it was somehow WRONG for her to let out her grief,” says Jennifer.

“All I could do was hug her. Hard. And I kept hugging her. We must have stood there for ten minutes. I could have stood there all day if that’s what she needed. I told her that’s what moms do, we can do hard things. Because we know we must. And I promised to hold space in my heart for her.”

Sometimes, life’s most beautiful, tender moments—the kind where people reach across the human divide and take each other’s hands, or lend an ear, or extend a hug—are wrapped up and within the most brutal of them. The richness, or emptiness, we feel in our lives, is often based on how we open ourselves to the world around us, how we let it in. As the people within a house, flaws and all, make it a home, the people in our lives, flaws and all, make us who we are, they make us human.

This is our magazine, WE are Spokane CDA Woman. Together, we can be sure we are all better because of it,

Stephanie Regalado editor@spokanecdawoman.com

November_December 2013

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Founded in 1998, lululemon’s

first real store opened in the beach area of Vancouver BC called Kitsilano, in November of 2000 by Chip Wilson, an avid surfer-turned yoga lover. Cotton clothing had been being used for sweaty, stretchy power yoga and seemed completely inappropriate to Chip, whose passion lay in technical athletic fabrics. From this, a design studio was born that became a yoga studio at night to pay the rent. Clothing was offered for sale and an underground yoga clothing movement was born. The success of the clothing was dependent on the feedback from yoga instructors who were asked to wear the products and provide their insights.

The idea was to have the store be a community hub where people could learn and discuss the physical aspects of healthy living from yoga and diet to running and cycling as well as the mental aspects of living a powerful life of possibilities. Unfortunately for this concept, the store became so busy that it was impossible to help the customer in this way in addition to selling the product.

So the focus of training shifted solely to the lululemon educator or staff person. Their

goal was to train their people so well that they could in fact positively influence their families, communities and the people walking into their stores.

Because their goal with each store is to have it feel like the local community, the design of the new store really feels like Spokane and the vibe of downtown. The opening theme was “near nature, near perfect, on Main Street” to celebrate the local community and the fact that they are now directly ON Main Street. “The yoga class in the street, the ambassador breakfast and everything happening in the store was created by our team in Spokane, led by Store Manager Amy Rose,” says Nina Gardner, lululemon athletica community relations. “Guests can expect complimentary yoga classes in the store every Saturday morning from 8:30-9:30 am. The classes are led by local yoga instructors, so it’s a great way to try different studios and experience yoga.”

Information on additional special events or classes hosted by the store can be found on their Facebook page or website: www.lululemon.com/ spokane/crescentcourt.

Recommended blog

G

lennon Doyle Melton is a recovering bulimic and alcoholic. For 20 years she was lost to food and booze and bad love and drugs. She suffered.

Her family suffered.

“My best guess is that I was born a little broken, with an extra dose of sensitivity,” she says. “Growing up, I felt like I was missing the armor I needed to expose myself to life’s risks—rejection, friendship, tender love. I felt awkward and unworthy and exposed. I felt naked. And I didn’t want to walk through life’s battlefield naked. I didn’t think I’d survive. So I made up my own little world called addiction and I hid there. I felt safe. No one could touch me.”

On Mothers Day, 2002, unwed and addicted, Glennon discovered that she was pregnant.

“I alternated between staring at the test in my shaking hand and staring at my bloodshot eyes in the bathroom mirror,” she says. “I tried to force these truths to mesh: I am a drunk. I am alone. I am pregnant.”

And because she had no clue what else to do, she prayed. She Life is brutal. But it’s also beautiful. prayed the only way she knew how Brutiful, I call it. Life’s brutal and beautiful to pray, “in moans and accusations are woven together so tightly that they and apologies and tears and wild can’t be separated. Reject the brutal, reject promises.”

When Glennon finally stood up the beauty. So now I embrace both, and I from the bathroom floor, she decidlive well and hard and real. ed to become a mother. “I walked out of the bathroom and vowed to never again have another drink, cigarette, drug, unhealthy relationship, or food binge. That vow has been hard to keep.

In a whirlwind, I found myself married to a man I’d known for ten sober nights. Marrying Craig turned out to be the best decision I never really made.”

During that time, she discovered that she was strong. “That was the first true thing I ever learned about myself,” she says.

She also learned that wifedom, motherhood, and Life, sober, were really quite difficult. Ten sober years and three kids later—she’s learned more true things about herself and life.

The nakedness, brokenness, and sensitivity Glennon was born with have turned out to be her greatest gifts. “My nakedness allows me to tell the truth without shame or fear and my brokenness is what allows others to trust and love me,” she says. “My sensitivity is what drives me to feel the pain of others and love them so fiercely. The parts of me that made the first half of my life so exceptionally hard are the exact same parts making the second half exceptional.”

Glennon writes her blog because it’s part of her healing process. “Because sharing life’s brutiful is what connects us and makes us less afraid. Life can’t be stuffed down with food or booze or exercise or work or cutting or shopping for long. Hiding from life causes its own unique pain, and it’s lonely pain. We have to Live—we have to show up for ourselves and each other—even when it hurts. It’s the only way through.”

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Up Front

Honing Your “Yo u ’ve come

a long way, baby,” wasn’t just an ad for Virginia Slims cigarettes during the late 1960s—it was also a dubious signifier for the gains women had made in society.

Since then, women have continued the march for progress, making huge gains in the academic and professional sectors. But have Western women lost something along the way?

“As women, we have spent so much time and effort living up to the standards of a patriarchal society that we’ve almost completely disconnected from our own deepest, authentic truth,” says Leela Francis, author of Woman’s Way Home: Navigating Your Path to Embodied Power. “‘What do women want?’

Sadly, many women today aren’t even sure; but by tapping the power of her

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inner wisdom, a woman can have the life of her dreams.”

One key component of birthing one’s own dream life is harnessing your intuitive power, she says. This ability to distinguish between egodriven wants and higher self-wisdom is crucial so that you are making choices in alignment with your personal integrity, she says.

So, just how does one accomplish that? Leela offers the following suggestions: • Ego isn’t bad or wrong, but we do need to be able to distinguish its voice from that of our intuition.

The ego has its place; it’s a necessary part of our self that allows us to function and strive, but we need to be able to identify what is driving us in each moment.

Intuition is the awareness and acknowledgement of

being more deeply and meaningfully connected to life. The ego is a selfadvocating force that caters to external standards and often gets in the way of higher self-awareness.

Learning to recognize the differences between these two voices is a profound way to create more ease and lessen suffering.

• Recognize when ego and intuition are pulling you in different directions.

“Having witnessed the outcome of choosing ego over intuition enough times, I’ve seen how counterproductive ignoring intuitive wisdom can be,” Leela says. “I can’t help but notice that I sense the most friction when my ego is winning that inner tug of war.” The ego is a perpetually hungry creature, never satisfied, whereas higher

Editor’s

Favorite:

Photos By Brenda Gamble

intuition has a contented nature that aligns with your personal integrity. Wisdom’s signals are palpable, but we’ve become so masterful at ignoring them that we don’t recognize them when they occur. Both the ego’s plea and intuition’s nudging are able to be sensed in one’s body as distinctive body sensations. Listen inwardly for these sensations, for example, when someone is trying to sell you something questionable.

• Be available for those intuitive moments in which you can witness yourself, objectively, on every level. Intuitive power gives us a profound ability to see ourselves from a bird’s eye view on every level—sensually, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

These intuitive moments don’t have to be random; you can cultivate your mind to be more on the look out for sensations that are taking place in your body in each moment, and especially in situations that require you to make a difficult decision or choice. Be aware of your body as it goes through its daily activities and, at the same time, consider all levels of your self when doing so. This higher awareness enables women to have all aspects of their selves peacefully coexist and work together for a more whole and happy life.

F

ueled by friendship, laughter and grace, Kendra Grabowski and Kristin Williams forged into the world of hand stamped, personalized jewelry and have never looked back.

“We feel blessed every day to be able to make special treasures for clients that reflect each of their unique stories,” they say. “Our favorite part of our business is being able to hear the meaning behind the necklaces we make, whether it is to celebrate the joys in your lives, bring healing during difficult times or give a gift just because.” Their pendants become life-long treasures for their clients, each piece a culmination of love, hope and memories set into precious metals.

Kendra and Kristin are waiting to be your fairy ‘wish mamas’ and to work with you to create a unique piece that is exactly AS YOU WISH. www.asyouwishdesignjewelry.com Special Note: When the University High School Community lost Josie Freier and McKenzie Mott in a tragic car accident in October, Kendra and Kristin were contacted to make necklaces in their honor: the “play, live, pray” necklace and the “Titan Strong” necklace. “We were humbled to be a small part of the healing process for a hurting community. We still are receiving orders and look forward to giving to the memorial funds with the profit.” (Editor’s note: Although many of us did not personally know these beautiful young girls, our hearts ache for them and their families. We can help honor Josie and McKenzie—and their grieving families—by purchasing a “play, live, pray” necklace as well as living by the mantra and holding our loved ones close to our hearts.)

November_December 2013

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Because doing it all yourself isn’t as glamorous as you thought.

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“This is an excellent book, well researched and well written, and comprehensive with descriptions of the many conditions that are treated unnecessarily with hysterectomy by many gynecologists. I highly recommend this book,” says Dr. William Parker, MD, Ob-Gyn and clinical professor at the UCLA School of Medicine Each year, 700,000 U.S. women are told by their gynecologists that they need a hysterectomy, many because they have been diagnosed with abnormal uterine bleeding caused by fibroids (non-cancerous tumors).

This leading cause of hysterectomy in North America afflicted Holly Bridges, a former Canadian television journalist and talk show personality. After enduring painful and embarrassing monthly bleeding so heavy she had to wear diapers, her doctor told her she needed a hysterectomy. After her sister died in a car accident three weeks before the surgery, Holly was forced to cancel the procedure and rethink her decision.

Though her gynecologist refused to refer her to the physician who ultimately presented her with hysterectomy alternatives, Holly persevered. Today, she is pain-free and period-free with all her reproductive organs intact, thanks to undergoing two of the most high-tech procedures currently available in the world.

In her doctor-approved book, The UnHysterectomy: Solving Your Painful, Heavy Bleeding Without Major Surgery, Holly leans on her investigative journalism skills to reveal what she calls “the perfect storm” that has made hysterectomy “the most over-prescribed, unnecessary surgery in North America.”

The UnHysterectomy chronicles the 10

medical and surgical options these doctors advocate, all of which are confirmed by 13 independent medical and professional sources and verified by Dr. Sony Singh, the gynecologist who edited Holly’s book.

Executive director of minimally invasive gynecology at the Shirley E. Greenberg Women’s Health Centre at The Ottawa Hospital and an assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Ottawa, Dr. Singh is known internationally for his surgical expertise.

In addition, Holly chronicles groundbreaking genetic research that may one day lead to a cure for heavy periods, introduces the possible link between ovary removal, heart disease, and lung cancer, and explains why minimally invasive options for treating heavy periods such as office-based procedures that take a mere 90 seconds to perform are less painful, less risky, less expensive, have better outcomes, and have women back on their feet the same day.

The result is an empowering, doctorapproved guide for women who are struggling with heavy bleeding who believe— because this is what they have been told— that they have no alternative but to endure a hysterectomy.

Holly says, “Few people in our society talk about heavy periods or how to solve them without painful, major surgery. I am out to change that because every woman deserves to make an informed choice.”

Holly Bridges is a patient, author, and advocate for minimally invasive gynecology and alternatives to hysterectomy. The UnHysterectomy: Solving Your Painful, Heavy Bleeding Without Major Surgery is her first book. www.unhysterectomy.com

November_December 2013

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Recommended b o o k

Trial and Error…

Then Repeat

By Melissa Lowdon Reviewed By Kate Derrick

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Melissa Lowdon is a local author with a long list of previous identities. From Navy veteran, to young welfare mom, to adjunct professor at Gonzaga University, it seems natural that such an accomplished woman should chronicle her life.

So how did a former single mother land a job at one of the most esteemed universities in the country? How did she overcome an unhealthy marriage, start over with almost nothing to her name, and end up with a strong, stable relationship and a happy life?

Lowdon answers these questions and more in her first personal publication, Trial and Error…Then Repeat.

Early in her adult life, Lowdon spent a lot of time playing different roles, searching for herself and who thought she was supposed to be. Partying and meeting men was fun for a while, but when her bad decisions piled up, Lowdon found herself searching for security and meaning in her life.

Unfortunately, Lowdon’s search for stability lead to particularly unhealthy marriage to a man she refers to only as “Mr. Wrong.”

From here, we watch the author grow into herself as a woman. Lowdon transitioned from wrong to right as she left her husband with her two children in tow. The author starts over as a single mother with just a few possessions and even fewer prospects. She often recounts the embarrassment she felt while collecting food stamps and welfare checks, in some instances, going as far as to drive across town to avoid using her stamps at her neighborhood grocery store, in the fear she would be judged by people she knew. “Welfare girl” was not the character she wanted to play, she says, “it was a temporary assignment, and I couldn’t wait to leave it behind.”

In the second half of her memoir, Lowdon walks the reader through the struggles she endured while trying to build a family on her own. Perhaps the most heartbreaking moments in the author’s story revolved around her young daughter’s depression and self-harm, resulting in the eventual loss of the relationship between them. As a reader, it’s difficult not to hold your breath as her daughter seemingly slips between her fingers, ending up in a place where no mother wants her child to go.

Trial and Error…Then Repeat, takes the reader through Lowdon’s quest for selfidentity. As a reader, it is difficult not to gain respect for Lowdon as she describes the struggles she overcame as a young adult. At times, the book feels quite fast paced, though Lowdon is able to draw the focus to the lessons she learned along the way. In turn, Trial and Error…Then Repeat is an honest coming of age story, and an inspiring read for anyone who has ever doubted themselves or the person they are destined to become.

Published by Tate Publishing, paperback, $10.99 Melissa Lowdon has been a professional writer for over ten years, her most noteworthy publications being scholarly in nature. She has an M.A. in English in a Ph.D. in Leadership Studies. She currently resides in Greenacres, Washington with her husband and two dogs.

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The Distraction Addiction: Getting the Information You Need and the Communication You Want, Without Enraging Your Family, Annoying Your Colleagues, and Destroying Your Soul

by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang Review by Katie Collings Nichol

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Despite the slightly misleading subtitle, this newly released “techhelp” book by renowned science and technology guru Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, is an entertaining and practical guide for those of us longing to feel less-enslaved by our mobile devices, the Internet, and social media. In today’s wifi-drenched world, the pressure to continually groom our social media image, stay on top of multiple email accounts, and keep track of an ever-expanding list of usernames and passwords can leave us feeling overwhelmed and scattered. Thankfully, Pang doesn’t advocate digital-abstinence, but rather steers the reader through various techniques to encourage a calmer and more enjoyable interaction with your tools. More importantly, his simple remedies propose a life lived more fully and with intention, by curbing our impulses and by paying close attention to our bodies and to the needs of those around us.

Pang opens by dissecting the biological and sociological influences of the human attention span, pointing to what traditional Buddhism calls “the monkey mind.” The author explains that our minds are naturally prone to wander restlessly, which makes us particularly vulnerable to the ping

of a text message, the flash of a new email, or the brightly colored hearts alerting us to the number of “likes” our photo has received on Instagram. Honestly, how many of us have frantically rummaged through our purse because we thought our phones were vibrating— when in reality, it was just our minds, buzzing with anticipation?

“Sometimes the problem feels bigger,” Pang says. “Each little thing you respond to feels urgent and gives you the sense of feeling busy…But when everyone looks perpetually busy, being overloaded is a badge of honor. Multitasking makes you feel like you’re working, even when it’s counterproductive.”

The author, a Stanford scholar, former Microsoft Research Fellow, and a professional futurist with a PhD in the history of science, illustrates an almost universal phenomenon termed “email apnea.” To observe this yourself, he says, log in to your email and take note of your breathing while it loads. If you are like most people, you almost certainly held your breath while you waited for your inbox to populate. “It’s not a stretch to assume that email apnea,” Pang asserts, “like sleep apnea, isn’t very good for us.” Examples like these, the author continues, shine a light on an important but usually unrecognized dimension in our relationships with information technology: “the degree to which our minds, bodies, and technologies can become entangled.”

Pang asks readers to envision a new way of interacting with our devices, which he calls “contemplative computing.” For example, refrain from checking your email or your social media applications immediately upon waking (yes, you must get out of bed first!). “When you do check your mail on your phone,” Pang instructs, “open the program, then put the screen side down on the table while you get coffee. It’s a little active resistance,” he asserts, “I’ll get to you…when I choose.” Most of Pang’s techniques may strike readers as commonsense; however, these mindfulness-centered exercises are those we most often ignore.

Allowing our devices to run roughshod over our hearts and minds, he posits, will have deleterious effects on our health and relationships over time— if we let them.

Much more than simply a how-to guide, the Distraction Addiction can teach us how to stay “connected” without losing touch with the richness of our non-digital lives.

As long as we are willing to put down our iPhones, we might discover that Pang’s wise and funny meditation on information technology is indeed worth the time it took to read.

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By Kate Armstrong

It’s almost impossible to

walk into the Active Wear section of any department store these days without being accosted by bright pink sports bras and neon yellow capris. Working out in bright colors can add a dimension of fun and spunk that makes working out more enjoyable. However, if you’re new to the whole fitness scene and would prefer not to draw attention to yourself until you’re more comfortable, or if neon just isn’t your ‘thing,’ don’t feel at all obligated to fill your closet with bright orange and purple tank tops.

Like parachute pants and Uggs, some trends just aren’t for everybody, and that’s OK.

1

Material Girl

Think about the material of your new workout wear before you purchase it. If it appears to be a heavy, non-breathable material, reconsider. If you don’t think you would be able to move very well if your outfit were to become soaking wet, it’s probably not what you want to be wearing for your workout.

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Wearing the incorrect sports bra (where it is too tight) can actually cause shoulder injuries. Any clothing that is too tight, for that matter, will restrict your range of motion and will make your workout harder than it has to be. Go ahead and practice a few squats, jumping jacks or grapevines in the fitting room (the security cameras can’t see….can they?).

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Although one might argue that every time you take off and on your wedding ring or your “Carrie” <insert your name here> necklace you increase the chance of losing it; it is a good rule of thumb to not wear any jewelry when exercising. In addition to increasing wear and tear on some of your favorite pieces, perspiration can also cause a reaction between the jewelry and your skin.

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Athleta. Title Nine. LuLu Lemon. You can easily spend your whole paycheck getting yourself in tip-top fashion state before heading to the gym. And even though, yes, you may gain some street cred from other fitness fashonistas who see you wearing a certain brand in the gym, consider this…does a particular brand of clothing help you burn any more calories than the neon tank (very close to the same color and style, btw) that you can find at Target?

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5

It’s All About The Shoes.

Spend 90% of your workout attire budget on great shoes. Not only will it make a difference in your workout, but it will help in the prevention of injuries (TRUST me on this one). If your routine is going to include an activity like aerobics, weight training, or kickboxing (basically any exercise on a hard surface that involves side-to-side movement), then go with cross trainers. And even if you are not a runner, nor ever plan to be, and you’re just going to be walking around a track for your daily exercise regimen, pick running shoes over walking shoes, as they cater to a wider range of foot types and are built to last longer.

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In addition to her full-time job in Corporate America, Kate Armstrong is a licensed fitness instructor, producing annual Zumba Fitness events in Spokane. ZMeDance.com

November_December 2013

21

Travel bergen

Bergen,

Norway If you go: See:

Don’t miss the view from Mount Floyen, the thousand-foot peak overlooking the city and harbor. The Floibanen Funicular runs daily and provides a breathtaking view of Bergen and the sea.

Taste: The Fish Market isn’t just for show. The bustling covered market is the place for a great meal. Fish and chips and other seafood delicacies are sold by a variety of vendors and both indoor and outdoor seating provide a view of the busy harbor.

The adjoining outdoor market is a great place to pick up souvenirs and local specialties.

Experience: There always seems to be some kind of arts experience in Bergen.

When I was there the Bergen Philharmonic Orchestra staged a free concert of Ibsen’s “Peer Gynt.” The annual Bergen International Festival brings 250,000 people in each summer.

22

Story and Photo By Cheryl-Anne Millsap

B

ergen, the gateway to the breathtaking Norwegian fjords, is deeply rooted in the past but has one foot planted firmly in the future.

The second largest city in Norway, and arguably the most popular with tourists, Bergen is a study in contrasts. On one side, it is ancient, historic, imbued with legend and best-known for the Bryggen District, a row of tall, colorful buildings that stand so tightly together they seem to have made a pact to hold one another up. Linked by a series of boardwalks, the old Hanseatic League warehouses date to the 14th Century and earned the city its UNESCO World Heritage Site designation. A 16th Century stone tower, the Rosenkrantz Tower, commands the waterfront district where tall ships glide in and out of the harbor.

But the contemporary face of Bergen is evident in the crowds of lively college students who parade through the streets and fill the coffee shops and cafes in the residential neighborhoods and the tourists who stream into the city off the numerous cruise ships that arrive throughout the week.

I arrived in Bergen by ship, the last stop on my Hurtigruten cruise down the coast of Norway, and like so many before me, I was captivated by the aura and energy of the city. The birthplace of composer Edvard Grieg, and a favorite spot of playwright Henrik Ibsen, Bergen is still an important center for the arts. The Bergen Philharmonic Orchestra is one of the oldest in the world.

Cheryl-Anne Millsap is a travel writer whose audio essays can be heard on Spokane Public Radio and on public radio stations across the country. She is the author of ‘Home Planet: A Life in Four Seasons’ and can be reached at catmillsap@gmail.com.

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November_December 2013

23

Girl power

Emotional. Sensual. Intuitive.

How to Turn Emotions Into a Source of Power 4 Tips for Harnessing Your Feelings 24

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Society tends to treat these “feminine” qualities as liabilities; traits that should be suppressed and discouraged because they make us appear “weak.”

“Those characteristics are in fact the foundations of our feminine power,” says Leela Francis, author of Woman’s Way Home, which includes techniques and tools from her Vividly Woman Embodied Leader Tools and Training.

By resourcing the power within one’s own body, Leela teaches, “a woman can have the life of her dreams.”

One of the ways to do that is to master the world of your emotions.

“Emotional power is the freedom to feel the truth of your feelings and the ability to harness them so you’re the master of them,” Leela says. “When you can do that, your emotions will expand you rather than consume you.”

Denying, suppressing or expressing emotion to manipulate others all stifle this wellspring of potential for depth and intimacy, which is a source of mental, physical and spiritual joy, Leela says.

What can you do to begin reclaiming your own emotional power? Leela offers these suggestions: • Indulge your emotions without dumping them on others. When you digest food, your body absorbs the nutritious elements and expels the potentially toxic wastes. Emotions must be digested the same way.

It’s important to express your feelings in responsible ways so that you don’t build up emotional toxins and pollutants in your body. This may be why anxiety, depression and panic attacks have become so prevalent in our culture, Leela says. Some healthy, responsible ways to express emotion include creative endeavors, such as the visual arts—painting, drawing, sculpting; expressive arts such as singing and dancing; and healing arts such as massage.

• Don’t demand others witness your emotional expression; and don’t allow others to demand you witness theirs. Using emotional expression to evoke responses from others is manipulative and does not allow you to experience the truth of your feelings.

Crying, yelling, even pretending to be happy when you’re not in order to influence someone else’s behavior are abuses of emotional expression. Not only are we denied the benefits of expression; we have to live with our own lack of integrity for using them irresponsibly.

• Make the time to engage in intimate, authentic verbal sharing. The honest, spoken expression of our true feelings allows us to tap the deep emotions that

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These connections trigger a physiological reaction that creates our own, natural brain elixir. When women engage in intimate conversation, it encourages the production of the hormone oxytocin, which creates feelings of euphoria. (It’s the same hormone secreted after childbirth to help our minds and bodies quickly recover from the pain of labor.) It also encourages production of the hormone serotonin, which gives us a feeling of well-being.

• Don’t impose your emotional process on others. We sometimes seek to avoid the discomfort of painful emotions by expressing them outwardly to others, for instance, angrily blaming someone else for our discomfort. Yelling at others because of the emotion we’re feeling only indicates that we have an inner turmoil, and an inner turmoil can only be resolved self to self. In addition, blaming someone else–or yourself!–for painful emotions causes us to become a victim, which creates suffering.

“These steps will help you begin to master your emotions, and once you do, you will find they will make you richer and more vibrant,” Leela says.

“Our emotions don’t make us weak; they give us the empathy and love that make us care for and nurture our loved ones. That’s pretty powerful.”

Leela Francis is the founder and director of Vividly Woman Embodied Leader Tools and Training. A facilitator of groups and individuals for over 20 years, she’s an expert in the field of body consciousness and soulful personal expansion.

Along with her trained staff and apprentices, Leela facilitates Vividly Woman workshops and retreats at beautiful nature resorts all over the continent and appears regularly as a speaker and contributing facilitator at other live & virtual events. Leela divides her time between Mexico, the Pacific Northwest, and the rest of North America. More information can be found at www.VividlyWoman.com.

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25

Relationships meaning in a minute This mama may be knocked down at times, but she’s not leaving the ring. Love is the offense.

By Katie Collings Nichol | Photos By Amy Waddington Photography

R

elationships can be hard. They can be emotionally difficult, and at times, incredibly taxing. Yet, they are universally regarded as the most cherished and fulfilling aspects of our lives, taking precedence over everything else, at least in principle. The truth is, relationships don’t just happen— they take intentionality, communication, and a great deal of commitment.

Despite living in a crowded culture with round-the-clock, digital contact with friends, family, colleagues, and acquaintances, many people still struggle to connect in meaningful ways. With an overflowing email inbox, errands to run, work deadlines, yoga class, doctors’ appointments, kids’ soccer tournaments, grocery shopping, and hundreds of friends on Facebook to keep up with, our face-to-face relationships sometimes take a backseat to the busyness of life.

Krista Gilbert, a third-generation resident of the Inland Northwest, is a wife and mother of four kids who attend public school, play club sports, and are all under the age of fourteen.

Krista knows a thing or two about being “busy.” Krista gets it that people have less free time these days—although our smart phones and other tools make life more efficient, we nonetheless cram our days with extra activities, more work, and higher expectations.

Upon meeting Krista, however, you would never guess she was “busy,” or that she needed to mentally review her kids’ hectic afterschool schedule instead of have a conversation with you.

Quite the opposite, Krista looks you directly in the eye and starts asking you questions, almost intuiting what is going on in your life. Her big, long hugs, contagious smile, and warm energy make you feel like you might be the only person on her agenda today, and that you are important. Not surprisingly, Krista has dedicated her life to encouraging this kind of relational connection within her own family, and has created a practical framework to help other people create deeper relationships with their loved ones through her website, blog, and online program called, Meaning in a Minute.

Krista debuted Meaning in a Minute in October 2012, one year after starting a personal blog. Meaning in a Minute tackles the problem of “busyness” by posing the following questions: how can we make the most of our minutes? Can we repurpose them so they might strengthen our family and deepen our bonds with friends and loved ones? Krista does this by creating a series of “dares,” each pertain-

ing to a specific relationship or topic such as “Couples,” “Family,” or “Christmas.” Each series is seven to fourteen days long, where readers receive one email per day outlining the “dare,” which takes only one minute or less to complete.

“It sounds simple, because it is simple,” Krista says, “however, I’ve taken the ‘think’ part out for you. And that’s the hardest part— figuring out what to do and creating a plan.”

According to Krista, these step-by-by instructions are a great starting point to eventually coming up with your own dares, forming habits, and maybe even traditions. “I have readers that are very skeptical at first, asking how just a few minutes can really change anything,” Krista continues, “but moments you intentionally carve out of your precious free time can really add up.

You can truly build something after one week, which is incredibly encouraging. The key is to take it day by day, minute by minute—bite-size pieces, really.”

Krista has a real passion for encouraging others toward relationship, specifically According to when it comes to families.

Krista Gilbert, She focuses on family because all you need she considers them to be the is a minute to foundations of our culture create a deeper and our communities, and by relationship with extension, the building blocks your spouse, of our nation. “I believe projchildren, parents, ects like Meaning in a Minute and friends are striking a chord these days—people understand that family is important and our modern lives may be chipping away at our ability to be kind, to pay attention, and to connect,” Krista explains. “We must make the relationships we foster within our families a priority, it’s the legacy we live with—the most important thing we leave behind.”

As a mother of a fourteen-year-old daughter, Krista has also taken a particular interest in helping teens and parents connect.

Gary Chapman, author of the book, The Five Love Languages, states, “never before have parents of teenagers felt so helpless; but it is also my opinion that never before have parents of teenagers been so important.” Krista continues where Chapman leaves off by asking, “How do we communicate love to our teens?”

“Despite their lack of communication, they deeply need and want connection—that feeling of trust and unconditional love,” Krista explains. These days, 24-hour access to social media and increased pressure from peers and pop culture make them open

Dare

to

Connect

26

woman | spokanecdawoman.com

Do

you

Dare 12 ways to create more connection with those you love… in less than 60 seconds!

Marriage:

1. Kiss for one minute (tender or passionate…either will work!).

2. Write your spouse a note in Expo marker on his mirror before he leaves for the day.

targets. “It feels a little dangerous,” Krista offers, “everything is fast and public,” and mistakes are amplified exponentially, which can be devastating to the self-esteem of a teenager or young adult who is struggling to form their identity.

In response to this need, Krista kicked-off the school year on September 16 with a new dare inspiring readers with teens to take the challenge and engage with their teen for one minute every day, for seven days.

“My method here was to show parents how to create a culture of love and care with their teen…but to do it on their terms!”

Krista exclaims. “For example, teens feel loved when they are heard. They are tired of being talked ‘at’ for many years, so now it’s your turn to really listen.” Krista teaches on her Meaning in a Minute blog, “ask them an open-ended question today, such as ‘how do you feel about that,’ or ‘how should we do this task,’ or ‘here are the options: which one should we choose?’” Clearly, her methods are not difficult. They do not require a lot of time. However, what it does take is intention—it is not always easy to remember to do the asking and listening instead of the talking! It is exactly these types of “plans” her readers clamor for—something concrete, creative, and energizing.

Along with her “dare” program, Krista shares her personal journey on Meaning in a Minute. Struggling to make sense of the ugliness in our world, Krista poignantly summarized why she keeps up the good fight in a recent blog post: “This mama may be knocked down at

times, but she’s not leaving the ring. Love is the offense. It is the only way to truly win the fight. It never fails. And that is why I do these dares. Not because I have mastered this way of living. No, I do them because I need them. I need love to permeate my relationships so that it outshines anything else that may cast a dark shadow. The actions may be small, but brick upon brick, we build a foundation of love. And it is on that foundation we will build generations. Love wins.”

To date, Krista has had over 1,800 people complete her Meaning in a Minute “dare” series. She hopes to continually expand her offerings and is excited to launch her newest set of dares in time for Thanksgiving. As Krista is fond of saying, “we do not remember days, we remember moments.” So let’s make the most of our minutes—because those minutes create memories, and those memories leave a legacy.

About

Krista

Krista T. Gilbert is a Northwest native who lives in Hayden, ID. Passionate about relational connectedness, she blogs and speaks about living life with creativity, purpose, and intention. When she isn’t at Costco or in the laundry room, you will find her racing her four children down a ski run at Schweitzer. Find her at meaninginaminute.com or at her personal blog, homemaderenegade.com, where you will find practical ideas on how to live the homemade life with passion and a little bit of sass.

3. While holding hands, look your husband in the eye and tell him something specific that you admire in him.

4. Eat dessert on a blanket in front of the fireplace.

Parenthood:

1. Have a cookie-eating contest using no hands.

2. Race the family in a 50-yard dash.

3. Have a living room dance party to your favorite 80’s band.

4. Leave a treat on the kids’ pillows.

Meaningful

Relationships:

1. Surprise someone with a latte.

2. Praise someone in public or to a group.

3. Leave a note on someone’s car encouraging him or her.

4. Ask this question: “What is one thing I can do for you today?”

November_December 2013

27

Herstory

Journey of

By Cheri Moore

S

Weight Loss

easy and many days I wanted to quit. Yet, having a eptember 14, 2011, a landmark day in my life, class with an amazing, supportive and knowledgeable the day I finally made a real commitment to instructor along with a wonderful group of women— getting fit. Having been heavy all of my life; who have become a great I started with being network and support system— a cute chubby-cheeked baby, kept me motivated and kept and then a toddler who grew me going back. into a fat kid and then an My first attempts to do obese adult. On that September the classes were laughable. day, I was what was known Ladies far older than I were as Morbidly Obese, weighing out-shining me at every turn! in at 479 pounds, which was Our instructor was wonderful approximately 300 pounds too about reminding everyone to many. do their best, to ignore what To better understand how others could do and said if we I came to this point, you need couldn’t perform a particular to know I have a number move, we should continue of serious health issues (all doing something until the next of which are complicated, maneuver. With all of the of course, by the excessive encouragement in the pool weight). The conditions include: and support from my husband, Diabetes (Type II), Fibromyalgia Greg, and my daughter, and Kidney Stones. My body Heather, I continued attending appears to be a kidney stone Before classes and improving my factory and I have passed or ability to move. Six months had surgically removed over prior to beginning the water 100 kidney stones in the last aerobics class, I would easily five years. In addition, I’m become winded by walking a survivor of a horrific car from my car to the door. I had accident, which left me with typically relied on motorized severe physical limitations, and carts for any major excursions. a host of doctors who all spent Six months in I began to years insisting I do essentially realize—though I tended to nothing physical due to my use my shopping cart for injuries. support occasionally—I could And although these walk around more and could challenges seemed to have complete various tasks without forced me into the passenger becoming winded. I had seat of my own life, I decided jettisoned around 45 pounds I wanted my life back, and I at that point and was excited knew I was the only one who I could honestly say I needed was going to make that happen. new clothes.

So, I began by stepping into As I continued to be faithful the pool at my gym for a water to my water aerobics classes— aerobics class. I had finally five days a week with very convinced one of my doctors rare exceptions for illness or to sign a waiver allowing me to After appointments—I continued exercise in the water. It wasn’t

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Ideal Weight loss Clinic to lose weight. Within the first nine months, I lost just shy of 100 pounds, I was ecstatic! I then hit a plateau and nothing I did would budge my weight. I didn’t gain anything back but I couldn’t seem to move downward either. I was incredibly frustrated and often tempted to just give up—accepting I would NEVER be thin—but then I learned plateaus are not only common in weight loss, but also a positive sign your body is accepting the released weight and resting to gear up. Luckily, I was encouraged by caring people who continued to praise my accomplishments and urged me to continue.

Since a few months had passed and my plateau went on longer than most, I was referred to a dietitian. The referral was not for weight loss specific purposes but related to special dietary concerns due to my long list of medical issues. I had found myself frustrated and confused by a host of seemingly contradictory dietary plans given to me by various specialists. Sitting down with the dietitian was the next big breakthrough for me. I walked into her office carrying five different diet plans for five different ‘conditions’ that have specialized diets to help with their control. Tossing the plans on her desk I chimed, “Best I can tell all I’m allowed is celery and water.”

Her reply, “I’m here to tell you; and you can’t have the celery!”

Feeling a mixture of exhilaration and alarm, I left the dietitian’s office with what I felt was a workable plan. The next step was selling it to my family.

My daughter referred to the newer way of eating as “weird food.” She ate with the family, but it took her some time to embrace the new plan fully, and she would occasionally head out for a burger and fries. My husband, who never met a vegetable he liked (except maybe starchy corn or green beans), slowly learned to eat a greater variety of both fruits and vegetables. We had eliminated white bread from our diets and used whole grains, including black rice for the majority of our starch choices. With the new dietary plan, I started shedding pounds again and lost an additional 70 pounds!

I recently felt it was time to bump up my fitness routine.

Now, in addition to an hour of water aerobics five days a week, I am doing 30-minutes of weight training. This was a giant step for me, and a real boost for my confidence when I realized how strong I had become from the water workouts. My current overall goal is still weight loss, but weights help with this. Even more fantastic, the weights are helping to tone and tighten my abdominals, legs and arms.

I still have a long way to go, but I’m getting there. As of this writing, I have lost a total of 173 pounds, bringing me down to 306 pounds.

That’s roughly 100 to 125 pounds from my current goal. When I reach it, my general practitioner and I will assess how I look and feel and then fine tune until I reach a final healthy weight. As I have never been anywhere near a “goal weight” as an adult, I genuinely won’t have a better idea of where this will finally be, but I have no doubt I will get there!

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November_December 2013

29

Role model

By Cheryl-Anne Millsap Photography By Sara Story Photography

W

hen Cami Bradley stepped into the limelight on America’s Got Talent, she brought Spokane to its feet. The entire community watched her compete, cheered her on and welcomed her home.

Proving dreams can come true, Cami Bradley— Spokane’s home town girl— was a natural as the subject of this issue’s Role Model feature.

Cami

Bradley 30

woman | spokanecdawoman.com

Q& A SCW: What led you to audition for America’s Got Talent?

CB: My whole life I balked at even the idea of these shows. I’ve never been a fame seeker and I’ve always been a bit of an introvert at heart. I love Spokane, my home and my family. I was comfortable, and although many people had encouraged me to pursue something, I didn’t see how a show would benefit me when I was already happy. When I got the call that a producer from the show had seen a video of mine and wanted to bring me to Chicago for an audition I was flattered but not really interested. But with some encouragement (and maybe a little force) from my family and husband, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and audition.

What stretched you the most during the AGT process?

Everything stretched me. I was forced into the spotlight (something I’m not to fond of), thrown into interviews, the memorization of songs, the stress of being in front of millions of people and (then) being judged. The whole thing was outside of my comfort zone, but I quickly came to the realization that if I stayed comfortable my whole life, I wouldn’t get a lot out of it.

And so the journey of growth began; stretching myself musically, with people, and (as) a performer.

How are you different now, after competing on AGT? I have a new-found confidence in what it looks like to be completely at peace in a situation I initially felt was beyond my talent and capability.

Confident that I was supposed to be on this show and share something with the viewers, the judges and the contestants and not keep it to myself.

I also gained a love of performing.

November_December 2013

31

Role model

You’ve had a taste of the big time. How has that changed what you want for the future?

I think it’s opened my eyes to the possibility of doing something bigger than I ever thought I was capable of or even wanted for myself.

The ‘taste’ itself is not what attracts me, but the chance of beginning a new adventure and seeing where this could take me is intriguing. Luckily, I have an amazing husband who is not only on board for whatever is next, he is willing to do anything to help us navigate the journey together.

He’s amazing and I couldn’t do it without him.

You’re currently touring with AGT Live show. What’s that like?

It’s been amazing. Lots of travel by bus & plane. The audiences around the US have been so supportive and interactive. They are lovely and make all of us feel at home wherever we are. I’ve never done anything like this. It’s been a lot of work but the payoff makes it worth it.

The last few months have been a wild ride. What’s next?

What’s next... I’ve been asking myself that question a lot over the past couple of weeks! I’m not exactly sure yet. I know that I want to pursue some options that are available to me. I know that I will continue to write and play no matter what. I know that at the very least I’d love to do some type of tour to promote my album ‘SEAS’ (available on iTunes) and to get outside of the Spokane area a bit. The rest is in God’s hands and I’m up for whatever doors open or close.

November_December 2013

33

L ng Distance Relationships: The New Normal?

I

By Staci Lehman

n September, Valla and her significant other, Lee, explored four countries—Italy, France, Slovenia and Croatia—in the space of four weeks. At the end of that time, a period Valla calls “the trip of a lifetime,” she got on a plane and flew 5,000 miles home to Spokane. Lee stayed in Italy where he lives.

Valla and Lee are one of thousands of American couples living apart and maintaining long distance relationships (LDRs). The most recent statistics from the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships says almost 3% of U.S. marriages are long distance. Because those numbers are from 2005, experts assume they’re even higher today. Even at 3%, that’s about 3.5 million people living apart from their spouse. And that’s just married couples. Due to a lack of legal records, it’s hard to know how many non-married couples are also in LDRs, but estimates, also from 2005, put the number around 4.5 million.

A 2010 USA Today article attributes the increase in LDRs to the ease of air travel; access to online dating sites that allow people to meet others outside their immediate

34

woman | spokanecdawoman.com

Matt and Dawn at dinner the night Matt moved to Spokane

Keeping the love alive via skype

Lee and Valla in the Dolomite Mountains of northern Italy winter 2012

communities; apps that let people communicate face-to-face even when far apart like Skype and Facetime; and an economy that’s forced compromises.

Relationship Therapist Melanie Morlan of Couples Therapy Spokane says, since the economic downturn, she’s seen an increase in couples living apart. The majority of the couples she works with in LDRs are due to career demands.

“If people need to keep their jobs and a company is closed, and given an option of moving to Wenatchee or Seattle, they may have to move. Sometimes a family can’t move with the individual,” Morlan says. She also says she’s seen an increasing number of people who have met online.

That’s what happened with Rachel and Ryan.* They live 140 miles apart across Washington State. They talked for a month before Rachel, in Spokane, admitted she had chemistry with Ryan she just didn’t have with the local men she dated. While she initially wasn’t interested in a long distance relationship, “Everything just seemed to fit in talking with him,” she says. “And if nothing else, to meet a new friend.”

They met in person two years ago when Ryan travelled to Spokane. He’s been coming here every weekend since. Ryan’s flexible job allows he and Rachel to see each other more than most couples in LDRs. While they talk on the phone every weeknight and sometimes Skype, Ryan makes the three hour drive to Spokane every Thursday after work.

Asked if she worries about infidelity living so far apart, Rachel says Ryan has never given her anything to worry about. Lee, in Italy, agrees. “You can have an affair when you’re both living in the same house, so there’s no point making yourself crazy worrying about it,” he says.

His significant other, Valla, admits she was worried when she first heard he’d gotten his dream job and was moving overseas for three years. Due to her own career, it wasn’t an option to move with him and the stereotype of sexy Italian women worried her. As it turns out, “They all smoke and he hates smokers so I’m okay,” she laughs.

Morlan says this is the sign of a LDR that could survive. “It’s difficult for couples to be apart without a strong sense of fidelity,” she says. “This sense of trust builds a foundation for dependability, safety and security in a healthy emotional bond.”

As for other challenges of living apart, both couples say the biggest issue is that sometimes it would just be nice to have someone physically present. Morlan says she hears that often as well. “Just seeing somebody’s face via Skype or hearing their voice can be comforting but there’s just nothing that takes the place of being next to somebody and having that sense of security.”

Both couples say they find ways to make up for the lack of physical closeness when together. While Rachel works on Fridays, Ryan does work around her house. This bothered her at first but she soon realized it freed up their weekends. “He runs errands and does chores so that on the weekend our time together is our time.”

Lee acknowledges his move to Italy has been a hardship for Valla. “She’s making more of a sacrifice than me with taking care of the house so I owe her a good experience when she comes here to visit,” he says.

Both couples plan to be physically together in the long-term. Ryan is looking for a job in the Spokane area and Lee has two more years at his job in Italy, after which he

November_December 2013

35

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woman | spokanecdawoman.com

plans to return to the home he shares with Valla here.

Matt and Dawn Yarbrough could be considered the poster couple for LDRs. They met online before it was common and even before high speed Internet. Both were in an AOL chat room called “Hopelessly Romantic” in 1999 when Dawn engaged a man in Alabama in conversation. They talked for three hours. Both returned to the chat room the following night, and against the odds, Dawn was able to track Matt down again.

This time they chatted for five hours.

The first time Matt tried to call Dawn, he wrote her number down wrong and a man answered repeatedly when he called. Dawn had taken his number too and says she made it all of half an hour after he was supposed to call before giving in and calling him.

“When I heard his voice it melted my heart,” Dawn says. Matt says he had a similar reaction and compared that call to a first date. From there, many more calls followed. Long distance wasn’t free at that time so they set a budget of $350 each per month to spend on phone calls; funds they called their “courting money.”

They say all the online chatting and phone calls made them realize they were with the right person, even if not physically. “I think we talked so much and communicated so much there was no doubt.

I never had a doubt,” Matt says.

Matt flew to Spokane that April, after two

months of corresponding. He visited again in May. When he left that time, neither had vacation time left so they knew it would be a while before they saw each other again.

However, they’d made some decisions while together.

“I went home and sold a car, a race car, a dune buggy and my house,” Matt says, preparing to move to Spokane. In October, Matt drove here, dragging the only possession he hadn’t sold; his boat.

While they knew they would marry, Matt refused to propose until he could do it in person. His first night in Spokane, he arranged a romantic dinner. Dawn expected a proposal, but as dinner wore on, Matt said he could see her visibly deflate when one wasn’t forthcoming. Before they’d left the house, Matt had sent her an email. When they got home, he suggested she check her email. She found all the romantic language leading up to a proposal.

“I got to the last part and there was no proposal,” she says. “So I turned around and Matt was down on one knee.”

That November they flew to Alabama, with Dawn’s family in tow. She met his family and they were married days later.

Fourteen years later, they’re still together, living in Spokane and telling anyone who will listen that long distance relationships can work. *Names changed for privacy

Help For Any Relationship

Melanie Morlan, a mental health counselor and marriage and family therapist at Couples Therapy Spokane, says the best advice she can offer for couples living apart is to get in the same physical location on a permanent basis as soon as possible. If that’s not an option, she suggests making the time couples spend together quality time, with a focus on building accessibility, responsiveness and healthy interaction.

She also has two books she recommends for all couples, living together or apart, having problems or not:

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Levine and Heller discuss how understanding adult attachment can help us find and sustain love, based on the premise that a need to be in a close relationship is embedded in our genes, so much so that we can’t live without it.

Hold Me Tight; Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson This book walks the reader through seven conversation topics that capture the defining moments in a love relationship and instructs how to shape these moments to create a secure and lasting bond.

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Congratulations from Chateau Rive

Testimonial

We had our wedding at Chateau Rive on April 27, 2013. I thought this picture really showed off one of the great aspects of the venue (the staircase) and how dramatic it can be. We used it for pictures as well as for the outdoor ceremony. Each bridesmaid walked down the staircase to meet her groomsman at the bottom.

My dad and I also walked down the staircase towards my groom. I loved everything about Chateau Rive. The gals that helped me from day one (Hannah, Shannon and Kelli) were so wonderful and made me feel so special. Everyone from the rehearsal to the actual day gave 110%. The venue itself was a showstopper and of course the Spokane River was an amazing backdrop. Chateau Rive was the only choice for me.

Sincerely, Kevin and Jennifer McCormick

If you would like your Ch ate in a future issue, send you au Rive wedding considered for feature r photo and testimonia l to Vince Bozzi at vince@spokanecda.com

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November_December 2013

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Model: Rosa Sears Navy one shoulder column gown, with beaded split strap: Cachet $225

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Model: Madison Flores Navy sequin halter gown, with modified ball gown skirt: Cachet $189

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LUNCHEON November_December 2013

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With this ring

5 W

Centerpieces Under

fifteen dollars

By Rachel Sandall

hether you’re

Rustic

creating a table for

For this centerpiece, Alyssa wanted something that would make a big statement for the center of the table. She found a log in the woods, drilled holes for tea lights and ordered some budget friendly flowers to fill in. This would be gorgeous for a Christmas table!

five, or five tables

of 10, centerpieces

are a very important part of setting

the mood for an event, but you don’t have to break the bank to get a great look! Here are five easy and stylish

centerpiece ideas under $15 created by Alyssa Sexton of Belle Journee Events.

Modern Chevron

For the stylish gal who wants a modern table, you really can’t go wrong with chevron.

Alyssa saved a lot of money by hand making the runner (for only $5), added a pink flower for a splash of color and used square plates to finish the look.

Orange and Coral

It may be a little unexpected, but coral and orange do work really well together and definitely make a bold statement! White flowers (daisies are a budget friendly option) will bring balance to the table and will really pop against the bright colors.

Spokane's

Mint and Gold

Original Gourmet Cupcake Shop

This might be the unofficial color combination of 2013. Mint and gold accent each other perfectly, especially in candlelight!

Instead of flowers for this look, Alyssa decided to use antique candle holders (the whole set was $8) to create an elegant and classic setting.

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White is chic, sophisticated and looks beautiful any time of year, so why not do an entire table in it? Nab some cheap milk glass vases from your thrift store, buy some baby’s breath and fill in with tea lights!

Rachel Sandall is the editor of the Inland Northwest’s premier wedding resource, AppleBrides.com.

Photos by 2ee’s Photography, Styling by Belle Journee Events

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Food recipes

Power of Sisterhood Party w/Wine + Apps

I

By Stephanie Regalado

t is no secret that, sometimes, as women, we can get so busy, and so perfectionistic, as well as competitive with other women, that we forget how to build the uniquely powerful and important bond between good women friends. We forget how to get to truly know one another and how to build up one another. And maybe sometimes, we forget to care. However, the power of sisterhood is beyond measure, and it’s one we can’t afford to miss out on in spite of potential challenges and, well, life.

Recently I have been determined to put more effort into carving out time for the women in my

life. I like to call them Girl Power Parties (because of the power that builds within yourself and within communities as a whole, when you nurture sisterhood). There is always a ton of laughter, sometimes the laughter is balanced out with a few tears as we discuss a friend with cancer, or the losses of loved ones; and you never know when a jaw-dropping confession may present itself. At the last one, there was even a spirited discussion about… women. The question at the end of the night is always the same, ‘When will we do this again?!’

Make time to pull your girlfriends together soon, fill yourself up with the power of sisterhood. Here are some recipes, along with wine recommendations, that are sure to be a hit. All you’ll need to do is add the women you admire most. Cheers to sisterhood!

Recipes courtesy of Sandra Lee of The Wine Bar (www.thewinebar.com).

46

woman | spokanecdawoman.com

Sweet Crostada Wine Pairing: Chianti, Merlot Total Time: 30 mins

1 premade piecrust 2 teaspoons citrus herb seasoning 4 ounces cream cheese, softened ½ (10-ounce) jar fig preserves 1 (3-ounce) package prosciutto, cut into ½-inch strips 1 egg DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 425°F. Place the piecrust on a baking sheet.

Spread cream cheese over piecrust, leaving a 1-inch border. Sprinkle with the citrus herb seasoning. Top with fig preserves. Fold piecrust border over fig spread. Top with prosciutto strips.

Lightly beat egg with one tablespoon of water, and use a pastry brush to brush edge of crust with egg wash. Bake in oven for 15 to 18 minutes. Let cool 5 minutes. Serves 6-8.

Bacon Bites Wine Pairing: Cabernet Sauvignon, Malbec, Red Total Time: 25 mins

1/2 pound thick-cut bacon 1/2 cup chopped pecans 1/2 cup brown sugar 4 slices rye bread 1/2 cup cream cheese, softened 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce 2 tablespoons chopped chives Black pepper, to taste DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 350F. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil and top it with a baking rack. Place the bacon in one layer on top of the rack Mix together the pecans and brown sugar with the black pepper. Sprinkle the mixture evenly over the bacon. Put the bacon into the oven and bake until the sugar is melted and the bacon is crisp, about 25 minutes. Remove and let cool a bit until crisp.

While the bacon is cooking, toast the bread and cut into quarters.

Mix together the cream cheese and Worcestershire sauce. Serves 6.

To serve, spread the toast with the cream cheese mixture and top with a piece or two of bacon cut to fit. Then top with another dollop of cream cheese mixture and garnish with chopped chives.

Goat Cheese Roll Wine Pairing: Chardonnay, Malbec Total Time: 10 mins

1/2 cup olive oil 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes 2 teaspoon garlic, chopped 2 tablespoon butter 1/2 cup macadamia nuts, chopped 1/2 cup panko bread crumbs 1/2 teaspoon white pepper 2 (8-ounce) logs goat cheese 1 (5.25-ounce) box Mepounda toast Salt, to taste DIRECTIONS :

Heat the olive oil in a small pot over medium low heat until the oil is hot but not over 230F. Remove from heat. Add red pepper flakes and garlic and set aside to cool and let the flavors infuse into the oil. Reserve 2 tablespoons for coating the Mepounda toasts.

Melt butter in a large skilled over medium-low heat. Add the macadamia nuts, panko, white pepper, and a generous pinch of salt. Let cook for 4 to 5 minutes, stirring frequently, until the nuts and bread crumbs have absorbed all the butter and are lightly toasted. Transfer to a baking sheet and let cool. Once cooled, roll the goat cheese logs in the mixture until they are completely coated. Place on a serving platter.

Add Mepounda toasts to a large bowl.

Drizzle over 2 tablespoons of the garlic pepper oil and toss so all the toasts are coated with oil. Add to serving platter with goat cheese. Serves 8.

November_December 2013

47

IS it y t r a p time?

Golden Tarts Wine Pairing: Chardonnay, Cabernet Sauvignon Total Time: 32 mins

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 1 tablespoon unsalted butter 1 ½ cups chopped onions 1 tablespoon sugar 4 ounces goat cheese, softened 1 large egg 2 tablespoons heavy cream 1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves 1 (14-ounce) box refrigerated piecrust Salt, to taste

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Wine Pairing: Moscato, Sweet White Total Time: 15 mins

2 tablespoons unsalted butter 1 pear, thinly sliced ½ cup frouncesen chopped onions 2 teaspoons lemon juice 4 slices pumpernickel bread, toasted and each slice cut into quarters 1 cup crumbled blue cheese ¼ cup white chocolate shavings Kosher salt to taste Black pepper to taste DIRECTIONS:

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woman | spokanecdawoman.com

Preheat the broiler on low.

In a large skillet over medium-high heat, add butter. When the butter has melted add the pear slices, onions, lemon juice, and a pinch each of salt and pepper. Cook until the pears are warmed through and soft but still hold together, about 5 minutes.

Place the toast squares onto a baking sheet. Lay a few slices of pear in a single layer on each toast square. Top with the crumbled blue cheese. Place under the broiler until the cheese begins to melt, about 1 minute. Transfer to a platter, garnish with a sprinkle of the white chocolate shavings, and serve immediately.

In a large heavy-bottomed skillet over medium heat, add the oil and butter. When the butter is melted, add the onions, sugar, and salt to taste. Cook until the onions begin to brown. Turn the heat to low and cook slowly, turning often, until the onions are golden brown and caramelized, about 12 minutes. Remove from the heat and set aside to cool.

Preheat the oven to 375°F. In a bowl, mix together the goat cheese, egg, cream, and thyme. Pour mixture into a plastic food-storage bag. Snip off a corner of the bag to use it for piping.

Lay a piecrust out flat, and with a 2 ½ -inch round cutter cut out 12 circles. Press them into the cups of a 12-count nonstick mini-muffin tin. Fill each cup halfway with the cooled onions. Pipe the cheese mixture on top of the onions, filling up the cups.

Bake the tarts until the filling is set, about 15 to 20 minutes. Let cool, then remove them from the muffin tin and serve. Serves 4.

Pear Puffs Wine Pairing: Chardonnay Total Time: 60 mins

1 egg 1 sheet frouncesen puff pastry, thawed 5 tablespoons & 1 teaspoon semisoft cheese with garlic and fine herbs 2/3 cup canned diced pears, drained and thinly sliced DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 400F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper and set aside. For egg wash, in a small bowl, lightly whisk together egg and 1 teaspoon water. Set aside.

Unroll puff pastry sheet on a lightly floured surface. Using a rolling pin, roll puff pastry into a 14 x 10-inch rectangle.

Cut into sixteen 3 x 2-inch rectangles.

Spread 1 teaspoon of the semisoft cheese in a middle of a pastry rectangle.

Top with 2 teaspoons of the pears. Using a pastry brush, brush egg wash around the perimeter of the puff pastry rectangle.

Bring corners of the pastry to the center and pinch seams together. Repeat to make 16 puffs. Arrange puffs, seam sides up, on prepared baking sheets. Refrigerate for 15 minutes. Remove from refrigerator and brush tops with remaining egg wash.

Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until puffed and golden brown. Remove from oven and cool for 5 minutes. Serve warm. Makes 16 puffs.

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childcare : how to remove gum from hair : kid tech tools : child health

for the love of

Family

Finding the Best

Childcare

H

By Judith Spitzer

Children need the freedom and time to play.

Play is not a luxury. Play is a necessity.

- Kay Redfield Jamison

aving a full-time stay-at-home parent isn’t a reality for most families today. Among married couples, only about 23 percent of moms and 3 percent of dads stay home fulltime with their kids, according to the latest U.S. Census data.

That means nearly 11 million children under age five are in some type of childcare each week. Roughly 40 percent of those are in the charge of grandparents, other relatives, or friends. Experts include babysitters in this group of informal caregivers because they aren’t regulated, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re inexpensive. Another 30 percent of children attend a child-care center, Head Start, or preschool, and 15 percent go to a childcare family home.

November_December 2013

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Other childcare options include nannies, au pairs or other in-home care.

Gobrielle Magnuson, 28, and her husband Timothy, 27, have three children (two girls and one boy) ages 6, 7, and 8. They depended on family for care when the kids were younger.

“That’s pretty much how we’ve handled it,” Gobrielle says. “We paid our family instead of a day care. It just felt better.”

Now that the kids are older, Gobrielle works a 12-hour overnight shift as a caregiver and Tim, a carpenter, works the day shift.

This fall they hired a nanny part time for the gap in the morning when neither parent was home. They used Care.com, an online site that provides connections for both those looking for a caregiver and those looking to be caregivers.

The couple liked the idea that a lot of the background work was already done for them and they could just choose people to interview.

“We wanted to find someone who would fit in with our family personality-wise, someone who was easy to talk to… someone who can talk to me and tell me what’s happening (with the kids),” she says. They looked at education, background checks, age, pay range and whether they had reliable transportation, among other things. Reliability was also one of their top priorities.

They chose a nanny that started at the beginning of the school year and are extremely happy with the result. “Things are going great. I just love her,” Gobrielle says.

“It’s not like we’re just her employer, we have dinners together, go bowling … we’re friends too.”

Private schools La Brea Estes, 42, and her husband Jeff, 43, live in Medical Lake and both work full time.

Their 11-year-old and 4-year-old boys attend

a Montessori school on Spokane’s South Hill.

Estes says she had heard about Montessori schools and did some research before interviewing the director and then touring the school.

In the early 1900’s, Dr. Maria Montessori, Italy’s first woman physician, developed educational materials and methods based on her belief that children learn best by doing, not by passively accepting other people’s ideas and pre-existing knowledge.

Montessori believed learning should occur in multi-age classrooms where children at various stages of development learn from and with each other. Her advice was always, “Follow the child.”

That philosophy was one of Estes’ priorities for choosing the school.

“We love Montessori,” Estes says. “They’ve done really well with it. Both boys are very happy there. And we’re very happy with the student/teacher ratio.”

She likes the fact that there is no standardized testing or grades given to students.

“They follow the child and let them gravitate to what they’re interested in and then they master those skills. It’s not as unstructured as it sounds,” she says with a laugh.

“The kids get lots of independence. We want them to enjoy school.”

Steps to choosing care In 1976, Ruth McPherson, an early childhood educator, helped establish the Spokane Falls Community College Early Learning Center, a state-licensed and nationally accredited childcare facility, providing care for children age 6 weeks through preschool.

It is now a Head Start facility.

Childcare, she says, whether childcare family homes or childcare centers, are licensed through Washington’s Department of Early Learning. Both are accredited and have minimum licensing regulations.

Facilities can also be accredited nationally.

McPherson’s recommendations for parents looking for good childcare family homes or childcare centers:

Accreditation.

Make sure the childcare facility is fully accredited by the State’s DEL.

Staff levels of education.

Optimally, staff should have a background specifically in early childhood education, which is very different from elementary education.

That education should include a child development piece. “It means that a 2-year-old’s temper tantrum is not a bad thing,” McPherson says. “It is behavior showing that a child is asserting their independence and we have to help them to do it in a socially acceptable manner. We can eliminate so many problems if this piece is there.”

Physical environment.

There should be (separate) interest areas accessible to the children within the center such as book areas, building blocks, an art area, etc. that are not overwhelming or junky. Home centers can adapt that.

Adult to child ratio/group size. Look at group size, and number of

teachers caring for children; the smaller the better.

Temperament.

Considering temperament is important– what’s necessary for an exuberant child may be overwhelming for a shy child.

Structure.

Routines should not be rigid but flexible depending on the routine; children need to know what comes next and the routine should flow.

Family Values.

Providers have to be open to partnering with families, willing to individualize (programs).

It’s their responsibility to provide care as close to family values as possible. That has to be negotiable.

Affordability.

It goes without saying that choices need to be

affordable.

The most important consideration is the relationships between the child and a caregiver.

“Do they love, value and respect the children? You can learn the skills you need but if they don’t really love the children … the time with the kids should be energizing and joyful (for staff), and they must have pure regard and respect for children.

Other things don’t matter if that’s not there. Without it nothing else matters,” she says.

There’s a lot to consider, she says.

“What is your comfort level? Ultimately that question has to be answered,” she says. “Do I feel like this is a good place for my child? Intuition is the bottom line. If you have any gut feeling that it’s not quite right for your child – it’s not right for your child.

Childcare

Resources: Childcare Aware of Eastern Washington Who they are: Childcare Aware of Eastern Washington supports childcare providers in Eastern Washington and provides childcare referrals to families through a statewide Family Center.

Who they serve: Stevens, Pend Oreille, Lincoln, Spokane, Whitman, Walla Walla, Columbia, Garfield, Asotin, Franklin, and Benton counties.

What they do: Childcare of Eastern Washington provides childcare support for both families and childcare providers.

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Performances During First Night by Junior and Senior Companies at The Convention Center and The Bing Crosby Theater!

Registration is open for new students in all levels of instruction

Washington State Department of Early Learning (DEL) The Department of Early Learning (DEL) works to help create safe, healthy, nurturing learning experiences for all Washington children. Their work focuses on the earliest years in children’s homes, childcare, school programs and communities. They offer information and resources for children›s first and most important teachers—parents—as well as others who care for and teach young children.

Since 1985, NAEYC›s national, voluntary accreditation system has set professional standards for early childhood education programs, and helped families identify high quality programs for their young children. Find an NAEYCAccredited program serving young children by visiting www.naeyc.org/academy/accreditation/search.

The Ballet School where students get the highest level of training (Ballet, Modern, Pilates) 109 W. Pacific Ave Spokane, WA 99201

509-838-5705 www.balletartsacademy.com

November_December 2013

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Family gum removal

Ever feel like your child’s hair is a

magnet for gum?

How to Remove Gum without Cutting Hair “Parents often think the only

way to remove gum from the hair is to cut it out. Fortunately, common items from your pantry can do a great job at removing the gum—and sparing an impromptu haircut,” says board-certified dermatologist Paradi Mirmirani, MD, FAAD. To remove gum without damaging the hair, Dr. Mirmirani recommends people follow these steps: 1. Find a jar of creamy style peanut butter or vegetable oil, such as olive oil.

2. Cover the gum completely with peanut butter or oil using your fingers or an old toothbrush. With peanut butter, the oils in the product make the chewing gum base stiffer and less sticky.

3. Wait a few minutes to allow the product to work. Remove the gum from the hair.

Vegetable oil is especially useful when removing gum from eyebrows or eyelashes.

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4. Follow up by washing your child’s hair as normal.

These steps are demonstrated in “Remove Gum without Cutting Hair,” a video posted to the American Academy of Dermatology website and the Academy’s YouTube channel. The video is part of the Dermatology A to Z: Video Series, which offers relatable videos that demonstrate tips people can use to properly care for their skin, hair and nails. A new video in the series posts to the Academy’s website and YouTube channel each month.

1510 N. Argonne Ste F Spokane, WA 99212 | 509.535.6423

Hours: Monday-Saturday, 10am-6pm November_December 2013

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F E A T U R E D A R T I S T S

Familytechnology

7

Simple

By Sylvan Learning Center

Computers, video games,

mobile phones, and tablets are ubiquitous in our lives and the lives of our kids. Parents want to embrace technology to facilitate their children’s learning. But with so much technology available, how are parents supposed to know which tools and activities will actually help build skills?

“Every day new resources appear in our apps stores and we’re bombarded with all the ‘Best of’ and ‘Top 10’ lists. Parents should look for reviews and endorsements by reliable sources, including educational organizations, before giving their children access to any new tech resource,” says Maggie Crawford of Sylvan Learning located in Spokane.

To help parents make good choices with digital media, Sylvan Learning in Spokane is offering seven simple guidelines for selecting new tech tools and apps:

Tips Kid Tech 1 for Choosing

Located Downtown Above The Olive Garden 221 North Wall Street, Suite 226 509.290.5604 www.bozzicollection.com Open Wed - Sat, 11am - 7pm

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Tools

Does it focus on active learning?

Choose educational tools and activities that are interactive, rather than passive, like TV and DVDs.

2 3

What skills does it reinforce? Look for skills like eye-hand coordination, memorization, computation, dexterity, critical thinking and creativity.

Does it allow your child to practice the skill? When a program or activity says it teaches a skill, then it should provide practice with that skill and explain how the skill building is accomplished.

4 5 6 7

Does it provide feedback? Effective technology provides feedback on performance to help your child build their skills and confidence.

Is it age appropriate? Check the age and skill level to make sure they are a good match for your child’s current developmental level.

Is it user-friendly? Your child should be able to understand and navigate the technology, so that it fosters engagement and enjoyment.

Does it include ads? Some free or ‘lite’ versions of apps or programs include ads. Before your child uses the program, you can review the content first and vet the ads. You can also opt to forgo apps that include ads.

“When used effectively, technology helps enable and empower our children’s educational lives,” says Maggie. “The key lies in monitoring kids’ electronic use. There’s no substitute for parental involvement when it comes to encouraging our children to learn.

Playing educational games with our kids is a great way to encourage their academic progress. Also, as parents we need to remember to model good behavior and limit our own screen time.”

For additional tips and resources, please contact Maggie Crawford of Sylvan Learning at (509) 467-8715 or sylvanspokane@icehouse.net.

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Family health

Why You

Shouldn’t

7 on a Diet Put Your

-Year-Old

B

efore Karen Kataline knew what a calorie was, she was restricted to 500 of them a day. At dinner, she was not served the same foods as her parents and brother. She remembers being hungry all the time.

Kataline was a toddler beauty queen and performer.

“I’d started performing in dances and beauty pageants at the age of 3 in the 1960s,” says the author of a new, award-winning memoir, Fatlash: Food Police & the Fear of Thin. “My mother wanted me to be a star, and she was obsessed with my weight and appearance. She wanted me to be thin.’’

Years of being forcibly held to a restrictive diet had a profound effect. As a child Kataline learned that she could “win” by eating as much food as she could sneak without getting caught. She especially sought the foods that were denied her, from gravy to chocolate bars.

“When parents—or some government agency or official—make

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food choices for individuals, it sets people up to develop eating disorders,” says Kataline, an experienced mental health therapist with a master’s degree in social work from Columbia University. “Many times, a child wouldn’t have a weight problem at all if his or her parent weren’t superimposing their own fear and anxiety about it onto the child.”

Likewise, Kataline is troubled by increasing efforts to legislate food choices for adults, from New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s attempt to ban super-sized sugary drinks to Los Angeles City Council’s prohibition against fast-food restaurants in certain minority neighborhoods, “The attempt to control a choice as personal and critical to our survival as what we put in our mouths creates serious consequences—whether the control is imposed by an overzealous parent or an army of food police,” she says. “Government attempts to force people to eat in a particular way will have the backlash of actually

Whether It’s a Parent or a Bureaucrat, ‘Food Police’ Can Have a ‘Fatlash’

m i x e d

making people fatter.”

Kataline offers these suggestions for families who want their children to have a healthy relationship with food—and with themselves.

• Teach children “body integrity”—that they have autonomy over their own body.

Ultimately, each of us is responsible for the choices we make, and that includes the choices involving our bodies, Kataline says. Teach children to recognize the differences between healthy and unhealthy choices, and encourage healthy choices by emphasizing it’s their body and they must both expect and accept the consequences— good and bad—for the choices they make.

m e d i a

o n

c o p p e r

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509.328.1951 *Showing during the month of November at Whitestone Winery, 8 N. Post St. Spokane, WA

November_December 2013

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Family health “Children will learn to moderate their eating habits when they are in touch with their own hunger signals,” she says. “When someone else takes responsibility for that, they lose touch with it.”

• Set boundaries and respect them. It’s normal for parents to revel in their child’s accomplishments. But there’s a problem when they desperately need their child to look a certain way, or excel in a particular area, Kataline says. They are imposing their own issues and arrested development on their child—she calls it “Princess by Proxy.”

Living through their child and having their child’s appearance and accomplishments feed their own need for attention and recognition, or their own political agenda, makes the child a proxy for the adult’s agenda and can result in mental and emotional damage to the child. “Parents need to work out these issues for themselves, or with the help of a therapist, and establish boundaries that respect the child’s autonomy,” Kataline says. “By the same token, we as citizens need to set similar boundaries for our politicians and take responsibility for our own choices.”

• If your child is making a lot of unhealthy food choices, encourage her to “check in with herself” to identify the cause. “Sometimes the body says what the mouth cannot,” Kataline says. Significant weight gain can be a child’s body armor, protecting her from something that feels painful but she’s unable to articulate. As a young performer and pageant star, Kataline says she was sexualized at a very early age— given a sexual persona through hairstyles, makeup, costumes and even dance moves.

Adults’ response made her feel vulnerable.

The overeating that began as a way to beat her mother’s strict dietary rules eventually became a way to protect herself from the looks that made her uncomfortable.

About Karen Kataline, MSW Karen Kataline is a social worker, public speaker and performer whose professional and personal perspective on the effects of beauty pageants on young children has won the 2013 Sponsor’s Choice Award for the National Indie Excellence Awards; the 2013 NIEA Award Winner for Women’s Issues and Addiction & Recovery; 1st place Evvy Award, Colorado Independent Publishers Association; and was a finalist in Foreword Reviews Book of the Year Awards. Her book can be found at www.KarenKataline.com.

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Our Pride is Your Satisfaction S e r vicin g A ll

• Tires/Wheels

Voted

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Best Auto Repair 2006 -2012

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1002 W. 3rd & Monroe Spokane, WA 99201 509-747-5371 523 N. Pines Spokane, WA 99216 509-321-7243

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If they only knew

All I ever wanted was to be loved.

To be wanted. Unconditionally.

I remember when I was seven years old. It was my little brother’s birthday. My parents were divorced and both addicted to drugs. They spent most of their time using drugs and the rest of the time figuring out ways to get money for drugs.

On this particular day, my brother’s birthday, all he asked my mom for was to, “see daddy.” So my mom left us with her mom, our grandma, to go “find him.”

She never came home that night.

The next morning, my grandma had to go to work. She told us to get in the car and that we were going for a drive. I remember clearly as she pulled the car alongside a curb in downtown San Francisco, telling us to get out. We did as asked. And we stood there, two little kids, alone, not sure of what was happening as we watched her drive away. I put my arm around my little brother as tightly as I could and told him to walk with me. The next memory I have is being in the police station and having the police ask us questions. We went into foster care that night. It was all such a blur, I had no idea where I was. The lady wasn’t kind. I cried myself to sleep that night wondering why everyone left us. Why didn’t our mom come back as she had promised? Why did my grandma abandon us? I didn’t understand, I couldn’t figure it out.

My whole life feels as though it has been episodes like this. I have never felt truly loved.

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Abandonment is what I know.

The true definition of love is unknown to me. I have only been in a few long-term relationships and I seem to always end it after a few years. Or I push the person away, almost testing them to see if they will stay.

All I have ever wanted is to be loved. Truly loved. I still dream of my parents quitting their addictions and coming back into my life. I also dream of having a loving relationship work out to the fullest. All I can do is pray about this. They say time heals all, but as I creep closer to my 30s I don’t see any calmness in the sea of life. I love being around people and have many friends, but as we sit around and laugh, joking about life, I sit back in admiration, wondering, “Will I ever be unconditionally loved?” Not many people know about my childhood, about how I feel inside, and I often wonder, If They Only Knew…

“If They Only Knew” is an anonymous guest column featuring essays from the ‘snapshot’ life moments of courage and perseverance in Spokane Coeur d’Alene women. If you would like to share a moment of your life when you thought, “If They Only Knew,” please send an email to editor@spokanecdawoman. com or mail a hard copy to our editor, Stephanie Regalado, at 104 S Freya, Ste 209, Spokane, WA 99202. All correspondents will remain anonymous.

So many languages in the world, and a smile speaks them all.

You can help change the life of a child born with severe facial deformities.

Reconstructive cleft surgery can mean a new life for an innocent child.

Victoria is a child who was born with severe cleft fractures into her skull. Victoria needs life-saving reconstructive surgery to help her live a normal life. Funds are urgently needed to bring her to Spokane

$500

$300

Mr/Mrs/Dr

$150

$100

Address

Other $

for this surgery. You can help save Victoria, and other children like her to begin a new life by donating today.

City

Hearts in Motion Spokane Office

State

17016 E. Morningside Ln Greenacres, WA 99016

Telephone

509-926-7253

Email

Zip

Credit card donations can be made on our website at

www.heartsinmotion.org Hearts in Motion is an approved 501c(3) organization and donations are tax deductible.

The world always looks brighter from behind a smile.