Spokane CDA Woman magazine issue 18

Nov/Dec 2014 | Issue 18

spokanecdawoman.com

MICHELLE ROBERtsON

So Many Hats, So Little Time: Navigating Role Strain

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Falling Fitness

Tips for into

– How to –

“Do Life Together”

Keeping Marriage Love Alive

compassionate women's healthcare

Jody M. Hechtman, M.D. F.M. McCaffree, M.D. Robin Messinger, M.D. Steven J. Richards, M.D. Traci A. Satterfield, M.D. Lori S. Smetana, M.D. Susan Reinhardt, A.R.N.P. L. Jan Wills, A.R.N.P BrieAnne Gray, A.R.N.P. Sally Delger A.R.N.P

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Nov/Dec 2014

contents

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Inside

features

Role Model: As the 28-year-old CEO of M3, Leen Kawas is changing the future of pharmaceutical medicine. Originally from Jordan, her work as a Washington State University doctoral student and as the co-inventor of eight promising new drugs, has propelled her into the limelight and put her on the forefront of pharmaceutical innovation.

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Lady Legacy: Hearing 96-year old Marcia Ogle’s life stories is like hearing a delightful old song.

It takes you back, makes you think about your own life, and prompts the corners of your mouth to pull upward in a slight smile even when the difficult verses play. Her positive outlook is an attitude that has served her well during times that could take down the strongest of people: the torture and murder of a beloved sister and a son’s accident that rendered him debilitated for life.

on the

cover

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Wedding Tips: Divorce is not anyone’s favorite topic when you’re planning a wedding, but with a 50 percent divorce rate in America, one of the top concerns from brides is about how to navigate divorce when it comes to wedding planning.

Whether it’s your parents or close relatives, you will probably have some sort of tricky family situation that need special care.

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Family: Role Strain; Family Planning; Health Tips;

Haley Abrahamson Kelly Tareski | www.KellyTareskiPhotography.com Boutique: White Lavender Hair & Makeup: Eryn Abrahamson Model:

Photography:

Find Spokane CDA Woman magazine on Facebook at www.facebook.com/SpokaneCDAWoman

November_December 2014

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Vol. 3 Issue 6

Nov/Dec 2014

Editorial

Editor | Stephanie Regalado editor@spokanecdawoman.com

Art Direction | Graphics Art Director/Lead Graphic Designer Kristi Somday | kristi@spokanecda.com Traffic Manager/Graphic Designer Camille Martin | camille@spokanecda.com

Photography Jules Frazier, Kelly Tareski

Contributors

Kate Armstrong, Jill Duke, Cynthia Fine, Dennis Held, Julie Humphreys, Cheryl-Anne Millsap, Ellie Mueller, Heidi Richardson, Rachel Sandall

Sales | Marketing Business Development Emily Guevarra Bozzi | emily@spokanecda.com Vice President of Sales Cindy Guthrie | cindy@spokanecda.com Senior Account Manager Jeff Richardson | jrichardson@spokanecda.com

Friendly Dentistry on Spokane's South hill

Account Managers Erin Meenach | erin@bozzimedia.com Monte Tareski | monte@bozzimedia.com

Events

Director of Events and Promotions Susanna Baylon | events@bozzimedia.com

Operations

Operations and Finance Manager Kim Morin | kim@spokanecda.com Publisher & CEO | Vincent Bozzi vince@spokanecda.com

Co-Publisher | Emily Guevarra Bozzi

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To ot h C o lo r e d F i l l i n g s

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Spokane CDA Woman is published bi-monthly by Bozzi Media.

104 S Freya | Ste 209 | Spokane WA 99202-4866 Phone: 509.533.5350 | Fax: 509.535.3542 All contents Š 2014. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. Neither Bozzi Media nor Spokane CDA Woman assumes responsibility for errors in content, photos or advertisements.

Editor's letter Protecting the Gift

photo by Kelly Tareksi

A

couple of my colleagues—who are also mothers—and I were discussing the recent news about a local VA doctor accused of child rape and child pornography. We agreed that no matter how many disturbing news stories we hear or read, the degree of human darkness never ceases to shock you to your core.

As details emerge, we ask ourselves how we can best protect our children. I pulled four keys from our conversations; dynamics we hope cloak our children in danger repellent and that light their way so brightly, the darkness in the world is blinded because of it.

Give them you. Your time is the greatest gift you can offer your children. Twenty-first century mamas are fast movers; we manage a multitude of tasks throughout a day. I have always applauded myself on how many aspects I can juggle at any given time. However, recently released research from Stanford University finds multitasking reduces our efficiency and performance because our brain can only focus on one thing at a time, and researchers in the UK have found that multitasking may cause lasting harm to the brain (raise your hand if you’re in big trouble). I've added a new interpersonal mantra: multitasking is the death of being present in the moment, and sends the message to my kiddos that they aren’t captivating enough to hold my attention. Even as they grow and become more independent, they need to know they—and their lives—are important enough to capture my attention.

Without Hesitation, Listen to Yourself.

Your quietest inner voice is as important to listen to as the loudest Las Vegas-Lighted warning variety. Nature imbedded a remarkable self-protection mechanism into all living things, and an offspring-protection mechanism into parents. Gavin de Becker, author of Protecting the Gift, lends examples from the wild to support these theories. He's famous for his story of an Antelope that only “senses” danger in a field.

We’ve seen it on the Discovery Channel where in a split second, the animal dashes, without looking back. Watch long enough and you’ll see a wild cat emerge from a distant hiding spot. We are the only species that will ignore our built in danger detector because we want to avoid seeming rude or impolite. You need no other “evidence” than that feeling you’re having. If something doesn’t seem right, it isn’t.

Develop an Understanding. Early on, I made a deal with my children that if they shared the happenings in their lives with me, whatever that reality may be, I promised to be loving and calm in my responses, and that we, together, would work to find a solution to the challenge. But if I hear it from another source, or there are elements of dishonesty; the promises of my calm

demeanor will be swapped out with a warning that mama’s head may spin. I appreciate knowing what is going on in their lives—their truths, their realities—and value knowing the good as much as the not so good. Although difficult at times, this task can be made easier by remembering your own childhood fables. How did you wish your parents had responded? Now do that.

Let The Little Ones Speak. On a recent Sunday night grocery store trip, I overheard a couple talking about “barely surviving” a road trip with a family member’s young child. “Can you believe how much she can jabber?” they lamented. “She just would not shut up. I’m so glad you finally made her stop.” Like an ancient building in a lost city, I felt a little bit of me crumble away for that child. I wanted to interject my own jabber into their conversation: the toddler you hush today will be the teenager who won’t speak to you tomorrow. Silence— and feelings of disconnect—with your teen are some of the greatest pains of parenthood.

Communication is a relationship tether, do your best not to sever that lifeline. And that goes both ways. Speak openly to your children. Share your life with them, discuss matters of the world, receive their questions, and listen to them. Open communication and developing one’s own voice is one of the greatest freedoms we can extend to our children (and all the peoples of the world).

My thoughts go out to the kids and families affected by abuse of any kind. I hope you are able to hold each other close, and soon begin the journey toward healing, and freedom from the emotional devastation.

This is our magazine, WE are Spokane CDA Woman. Together, we can be sure we are all better because of it. Find me on Facebook in order to stay connected, and to share stories of the adventures in womanhood.

Stephanie Regalado editor@spokanecdawoman.com

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Up Front

Former Elementary School Sweethearts Urge Couples to

“Do Life Together”

D

avid and Nicole Rowland first became a couple in seventh grade, and have spent the last three decades enduring life’s ups, downs, opportunities and defeats. Unlike the 50 percent of couples that divorce, the Rowlands put their unbreakable union down to their self-coined culture of “doing life together.” In an innovative new project, the couple are now sharing their values and practical advice through a growing YouTube channel and Facebook group. Their goal? To showcase what a healthy marriage looks like and empower others to embrace a tradition that is being lost to statistics.

Those diving into the Rowland’s ever-growing YouTube channel will get to witness the unconventional: Dave disastrously applying Nicole’s makeup, the duo firing rubber bands at targets made out of toilet paper rolls and even a poignant tribute to a highway-abandoned treadmill. But don’t mistake this for comical whim; it’s a marriage-centric

lifestyle they call “Doing Life Together,” and they hope it may help to save relationships around the world.

Dave and Nicole have, if you ask them, been together forever. Their relationship spans from grade seven to their present-day early forties, with a friendship and love still as fun and fresh as the day they met. After noticing that the commitment to actively work on their marriage allowed them to stay joined at the hip while couples around them crumbled, the duo decided to share their life and advice on social media.

“Our goal is to showcase what a healthy marriage looks like, as well as to interact with our audience to share practical tips on everything we have learned along the way,” explains Dave. “We have been through it all, both as a couple and with our children. The difference is that we chose to actively work through and resolve adversity, rather than calling up a divorce lawyer.” >>

November_December 2014

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Up Front

“Coming out of each struggle, we remained acutely aware that we can’t live without each other, Dave says.

The same can be said for millions of couples, but they sadly divorce before coming to the realization. This has a ripple-effect that ultimately breaks down wider society. We share many of the same struggles with these divorcees, yet Nicole and I love each other more and more every day. We now want to show the world what that looks like.”

Dave and Nicole are breaking convention by opting for practicality over theory. Every YouTube video tackles often tough subject matter with the humorous and (sometimes zany) illustration of what is obviously an unbreakable bond.

“You’ll see us touring the city discussing why we love each other, challenging our viewers to take the ‘Cupid Cupcake Challenge’ and showing just how much fun we have on our numerous unlikely daytrips and expeditions,” says Nicole. “But don’t think that we’re as happy as we are because we’re lucky; we got there through hard work and perseverance.

The good news is that anyone can achieve the same life, and joining us online is a good place to start. Let’s all do life together!”

Search “doinglifetogether365” to find Nicole and Dave on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

Artist

Irene Dahl Irene Dahl was born in Germany and lived there until she met the love of her

life: Waldemar Dahl, who would become her American husband. He swooped her away and brought her to the Northwest, which she immediately adored for its beauty and its friendly people.

Art has always been a part of Irene’s life. “I used painting and drawing in my counseling work, as a psychotherapist, as a fast way to the subconscious, and for me, personally, as something that made me whole,” she says.

She is a self-taught artist, and has taken lessons from many European as well as American painters. “My paintings have been seen in national juried shows, an art show in New York, and shows in Washington State,” she says. “Some of my paintings sold in Germany, and one has even sold in Japan.” Most of her paintings are done on copper.

Irene’s painting style is expressive and free with quick and spontaneous brush strokes, as there is no drawing possible on metal. “Like some of the old masters—Jan Bruegel the Elder, Frans von Miers, El Greco—I take copper as painting ground because of its luminous shine. I do not cover the ground completely, and partly change the color with mixed media.”

Her inspirations come from nature, Chinese paintings and forms, and color abstract arrangements. “My work is unique and personal, and I always want to convey wordless thoughts.”

You can find Irene’s work on her website at www.irenedahlart.com. She can be reached at (509) 328-1951.

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Up Front

Verve Hair

and Wig Boutique Mitzi Judd’s hair salon began in 2011 when she returned to the beauty

industry after a hiatus to explore other interests. Her time away from the industry helped her rediscover that hair and beauty is her passion and calling.

“I love working with people and found my niche, Verve Hair and Wig Boutique, in an apartment complex for active, seasoned citizens,” she says.

Over the past year and a half, Mitzi has served the residents of that community and established a customer-base outside the facility, as well. “My passion is making one’s ideal visual hair statement a reality,” she says. “Re-entering the industry, I found it more and more challenging to achieve this with the harsh side effects of aging, stress, alopecia, hormones, cancer and other diseases.”

Other contributing factors, she has found, have been fashion and the fast-paced lifestyle of women today. “This prompted me to explore the world of hair options: wigs, enhancers, extensions, and others.”

Mitzi has been active in numerous aspects of hair design since 1971, including the many phases and fads of wigs and hairpieces. “What I found when I revisited the ‘spare hair’ options for my customers felt like a blind person gaining sight,” she says.

“Truly, it's a revolutionary leap from my past experiences. Hair options are so natural, comfortable and effective these days, the ‘wig’ deserves a new persona, possibly a new name, even, as that word just doesn’t seem to fit anymore.”

Back in Spokane after attending an advanced wig and extension workshop in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Mitzi is fueled with even greater passion. “In a flash I now have solutions for what can’t be fixed with a style, cut, color or texturizing. This has become my new-found passion,” she says. “Need a solution for hair loss or for a fast five minute do-it-yourself that looks like a two-hour salon visit or a prefect job interview? I’ve got it!”

Mitzi’s intimate wig boutique was born from filling the needs and wants of her customers. “What has transpired from that is a vision to create the destination for virtual reality in hair choices in the Inland Northwest.”

You can find more information at www.vervehairandwigs.com or by calling Mitzi at (509) 216-2647.

November_December 2014

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m i x e d

m e d i a

o n

c o p p e r

Move that body

FALL INTO FITNESS

Ten tips to stay fit as the seasons change

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1. Early to bed, early to rise.

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Fall is a favorite time of year for many. However, the change of the seasons can also bring a tendency to consume more calories and a tendency to fall off the health and fitness wagon. Planning for seasonal changes and embracing events and activities that the season has to offer are key to staying fit through the transition.

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Grab a friend, co-worker or dog and hit the trails. Take your pick of walking, running or biking and take in the view of changing leaves.

3. Factor in the fun.

This season brings many holiday-themed local fun runs and events. Look on community bulletin boards around town for Halloween runs, turkey trots, etc. Studies show training for a specific goal,

such as a race, increases dedication to an exercise program.

4. Avoid the obvious.

Be sure to pack lots of healthy snacks to nibble on throughout the day to help you avoid the sweets that are bound to pop up in the office or at parties around this time of year.

5. Seize the season. Pumpkin

patches, corn mazes, haunted houses, and even building leaf piles are all options that can incorporate physical activity into good, oldfashioned family fun.

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6. Dress the part. Colder weather

can deter people from going outside to work out. This problem can be remedied by dressing in layers and wearing wind-shielding clothing.

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8. Return to the gym.

Many gyms and fitness centers change their group fitness or group personal training schedules in September or October, in preparation for the fall and winter rush. Use this opportunity to try out one of their new offerings, or even take a class from a different instructor than your usual.

9. Choreplay. An average 150-pound

woman can burn 135 calories by raking leaves for just a half an hour. Make outdoor chores a part of your exercise regimen and work up a sweat while keeping your hearth tidy.

10. H2OUKnow.

We tend to feel less thirsty when it is not hot outside. However, staying hydrated is just as important in the fall as it is when the sun is in full force. Be mindful of your water consumption to aid you both in appetite control, as well as exercise recovery.

In addition to her full-time job in Corporate America, Kate Armstrong is a licensed fitness instructor, producing annual Zumba Fitness events in Spokane. www.ZMeDance.com

November_December 2014

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Travel seattle

“Mancation” Travel with a twist:

Cedarbrook Lodge

I

Photo and Story By Cheryl-Anne Millsap

was about to head out on a three-week travel loop that would take me from the Northwest to Paris to New York City to a cruise along the New England coast, before coming home in mid-October.

As much as I looked forward to the trip, I was already more than a little stressed by the amount of work to be done before I left.

And I felt guilty about leaving my husband behind. So, I decided to treat us to a little getaway before I left and booked one of Cedarbrook Lodge’s custom “Mancation” packages.

Cedarbrook Lodge sits on 18 acres of wooded property, including a restored wetland, just five minutes from SeaTac Airport.

The 99-room resort property caters to business travelers, but it’s ideal for couples and families who want to be pampered.

The rooms are quiet and spacious with incredibly comfortable beds and a pillow menu that allows you to build a custom “nest.”

We drove over on Friday. Our room was situated on the Northwest side of the “Spruce” building and completely screened by treetops.

The window opened into the branches, giving us the “treehouse” feeling of isolation and solitude.

While my husband settled in and explored the grounds (including the unlimited chips, candies and cups of Haagen Dazs in the “living room” of our building), I hit the spa. First, I surrendered to Sunshine and her magic sea salt scrub. The combination of massage, essential oils, and the exfoliating properties of the sea salt made me feel like a new person. Then, still pre-treating for travel, I spent an hour with Jamie getting the spa’s hydrating facial. I left the spa feeling like I could handle anything the next three weeks brought my way.

We had a 7 p.m. dinner reservation at Copperleaf, the lodge’s restaurant located in the main building. Focusing on French-inspired Northwest cuisine, the menu is creative and the food is delicious. I had the scallops and they were fantastic. Perfectly caramelized and paired

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with fresh vegetables, the dish was one I would come back for. My husband opted for the deconstructed chicken potpie. The chicken and locally sourced vegetables were arranged separately on the plate. He ate every bite.

Tiny demitasse cups of the restaurant’s signature vanilla cream hot chocolate accompanied by miniature donut holes were the perfect finish.

No other dessert needed.

Saturday was his choice and he opted to take the Road Dogs Brewery tour.

We joined the van downtown and spent the next three hours tasting brews at three outstanding Seattle breweries: Georgetown, Hale’s, and Hilliard’s. Our driver, Jason, was a true beer enthusiast and a lot of fun. Tip: Even if you sip and dump, you taste a lot of beer on this tour. We booked a Town Car to take us into the city and pick us up and we were glad. No need to fight for Seattle parking and no worries about drinking and driving.

For Saturday night’s dinner we indulged in Copperleaf’s unique tasting menu and wine pairing. It was outstanding.

The noon checkout allowed me to get all my work wrapped up and have a relaxing morning, lingering over coffee and the lodge’s continental breakfast before my husband drove back to Spokane and I prepared to fly to Paris the next morning.

This was my first time at Cedarbrook, but it won’t be the last. The retreat is only minutes from the heart of Seattle but it feels as though you’re completely removed from the noise and traffic of the city and the airport nearby. It’s the perfect place to recharge before or after a long trip.

Cheryl-Anne Millsap writes about travel for The SpokesmanReview at Spokesman.com You can read her blog at www. spokesman.com/blogs/homeplanet.

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Role model Meet Leen Kawas.

As the 28-year-old CEO of M3, she is changing the future of pharmaceutical medicine. Originally from Jordan, her work as a Washington State University doctoral student and as the co-inventor of eight promising new drugs, has propelled her into the limelight and put her on the forefront of pharmaceutical innovation.

By Cheryl-Anne Millsap

You were born in Jordan and came to the United States to further your education. How did your heritage and your family shape your path to your current life?

Looking back at the way we were raised, I recall that my parents emphasized we were humans, not culturally “this” or nationalistically “that.” My parents challenged us intellectually and made it clear to us there were no limits. I like to say they made it clear that the sky is not the limit, and making mistakes or failing merely makes you stronger. The important thing is trying. My mother was my role model. She died young but had already accomplished a lot in business while successfully raising her family of a son and three daughters. The four of us have promising careers.

You began your work as a pharmacist.

What led you to go further into biotechnology?

Pharmacy was a very rewarding and respected profession, but I wanted more challenge. My dad always asked, “What are you going to do when you grow up?” and I would always say, “I want to cure cancer!” So, even as a kid I knew I wanted to make a difference. Following my childhood dream, I went back to school and earned my PhD in molecular cancer pharmacology. I thought I wanted to teach and do research in an academic environment, but then I fell in love with M3, and the change we could bring about the world. Plus the challenges of entrepreneurism bring their own appeal. It’s like climbing a mountain without a clear path, or a rope if you fall.

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photo by Sugar Shots by Jules Frazier

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After working in cancer research you moved into the study of neurodegenerative diseases. Tell us more.

At M3 we are working on both—cancer is another possible pipeline for other molecules we are working on. But due to the huge unmet medical need and the exciting results we received, we decided to focus our efforts on neurodegeneration turning it to neuroregeneration, meaning turning cell death into cell restoration. Part of being an entrepreneur is being flexible and seeing and seizing the opportunity. We have a great opportunity with the potential to help millions around the world if our drug proves effective in humans.

You’re still under 30. How did you become the CEO of M3 Biotechnology, a biotech startup which has developed a drug with a potential to treat Parkinson’s Disease and Alzheimer’s?

If you look around, it is increasingly those under 30 who are where the action is: the science labs, the innovation centers, the tech clusters. They are able to seize emerging opportunities that those further along in their careers don’t want to risk. Failure is a word for young entrepreneurs. It is a fear to be avoided for those already underway with their careers.

I became the CEO since I am one of the inventors, but I also showed initiative to go after funding. I am lucky to be supported and surrounded by amazing mentors both scientifically and in business. Joseph Harding, a co-founder and co-inventor, believed in me and supported me and saw that I have business acumen. He is an amazing mentor.

Another significant figure is my friend Mike Flynn, who sensed my business potential and helped me start this journey, introducing me to people who became my supporters and friends. Lance Stewart, Carol Criner and John Fluke are great business and strategic advisors.

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M3 Biotechnology was the recipient of one of the grants awarded by the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research and Alzheimer’s Drug Discovery Foundation. Do you think this will change the way your work, and your company, will be perceived by the public?

There has been a surge of recognition for us in the past two months, but it won’t change the way we work, which is a single-minded focus on the successful outcome.

You recently participated in a life sciences venture capital summit in New York.

How did this experience change the way you see yourself and your work?

That was a really interesting experience with very few females present. I learned a lot about the business space and how it is still mostly male dominated. It was challenging but fun.

How has working in the biotech industry changed your opinion of pharmaceutical science?

I think that many have the impression of the pharmaceutical industry as a group of huge companies driven by profits. The reality now, to me, is a large number of innovators and entrepreneurs whose pharmaceutical focus is on changing society by enriching lives by restoring health. That is what I have found with the leaders from business and science who have made a commitment to M3.

You’ve achieved a lot to be so young. Where do you want to go?

One of my goals is creating a new model for business leadership. As women, we tend to doubt ourselves and we are afraid of being rejected. I came here when I was young and broke. I only had one month’s rent. Being open to new experiences takes you to places beyond what you can imagine.

What would you say to young women considering work in the sciences?

Everyone should follow their passion and not be deterred by outside influences. Science seems hard from the outside, but it’s fun and exciting. And remember my parents' lesson: “The sky is not the limit.”

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Lady Legacy

Lady Something about Marcia

Legacy 18

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T

By Julie Humphreys

he way Marcia Ogle met her first husband John is fairly indicative of how her life would go. She just has an effect on the people she meets. You could say, there’s just something about Marcia.

Her husband John knew it and so did the John she was engaged to when she met her husband. It was the fall of 1941 and Marcia was a pretty, energetic, 21 year old living in Grangeville, Idaho, and teaching in an elementary school. She was dating Johnny Rupp from Coeur d’Alene where she, too, grew up. He was home from medical school and traveled to Grangeville to see Marcia, and stay with his college fraternity brother John Ayers. When it came time for Johnny to head back to school, his University of Idaho friend drove him to the airport in Spokane and Marcia rode along. After what Marcia says was a long, passionate goodbye kiss with Johnny at the airport, John and Marcia drove back to Grangeville and something about Marcia had John asking her for a date. It wasn’t long before Marcia wrote that proverbial “Dear John” letter to Johnny Rupp, accepted John Ayers's marriage proposal in December, and married him the following June.

Marcia is now 96 and listening to the stories of her life is like hearing a delightful old song. It takes you back, makes you think about your own life, and prompts the corners of your mouth to pull upward in a slight smile even when the difficult verses play. That’s because Marcia has the gift of a positive outlook. “I love life,” she says. “You can’t sit around and have regrets.” It’s an attitude that has served this gracious woman well for nearly a century during times that could take down the strongest of people: the torture and murder of a beloved sister and a son’s accident that rendered him debilitated for life.

Marcia was the first of five children born to Julia and Joseph Scott McLean who settled in Coeur d’Alene when Marcia was in the sixth grade. Joseph worked for Standard Oil setting up plants in various places around the country. When he was sent to Coeur d’Alene, he told the bosses if they wanted to keep him, they better let him stay there. Five children and many travel miles later, Joseph wanted to put down roots in that beautiful town on the water.

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Marcia's sister Jo, Marcia, mom Julia McLean, and sister's Jean and Laurel

Marcia went to Coeur d’Alene high school where she was a popular, good student who participated on the debate team, played basketball, and was the lead in the senior play. Her parents insisted their children go to college. They had both attended the University of Oregon. Marcia landed a scholarship at Whitman College in Walla Walla after graduating from high school in 1936.

But she had to turn down that soughtafter financial help because her mother became ill and in those days, as Marcia says, “They kept them in bed for a long time.”

This was during the Great Depression when many young people did not attend, let alone graduate from, high school. And attending and graduating from college, especially for a woman, was an even more elusive goal.

Marcia stayed home and helped with her sick mother and siblings for a year while her sister Jean completed her last year of high school. The next fall the two eldest siblings went off together to Cheney Normal College, now Eastern Washington University. Then it was a college for training teachers. Marcia graduated and earned a coveted teaching job in the country outside of Harrison, Idaho, in the tiny community of East Point.

Marcia recalls what that “coveted” job looked like. “It was a one-room school house with no electricity or running water, and an outhouse. I had to chop the wood and start the fire to keep myself and the eight students (one in each grade) warm, to light the room and to cook. The first time I chopped wood, I cut off the top of my overshoe!” The young teacher cooked for the students over a potbelly stove with government commodities.

“There was more food at school with the

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WPA (Works Progress Administration) goods than at home.” she says.

Schools around the country received food under a division of the WPA, the largest and most ambitious agency under President Roosevelt’s New Deal. The New Deal was a response to the Great Depression enacted between 1933 and 1936, to give relief to the unemployed and poor.

In those days most everyone in rural Idaho was so poor that no one could provide room and board for the teachers, recalls Marcia.

Finally someone managed to take her in.

“I made $80 a month and I thought I was rich. It cost me $10 a month for my room and $10 for food, so I had $60 dollars a month left over and nowhere to spend it.”

On the weekends, Marcia would walk to the highway and hitchhike back home to Coeur d’Alene.

A year later when she acquired her second teaching job in Grangeville, Marcia felt as though she was really rolling in the dough.

She made $120 a month, didn’t have to chop wood or cook for her students, and lived with her parents. She had a class of some 30 to 40 fourth grade students, lights, electricity, and an indoor toilet.

Her marriage to John Ayers ended her teaching career when she followed him to medical school, and then internships, and as they had the first of three boys, Jack, Steve, and Brian. Marcia says back then none of their friends' wives worked. “Both husband and wife couldn’t be employed; it was still the Depression,” she says. The couple eventually settled in Moscow, Idaho, as John built his medical practice with a specialty in orthopedics. At the time there were only about three doctors in town, says Marcia. So

she raised the boys, supported her husband’s career, and took on the role of household social director with zeal. Marcia is nothing if not social.

Fast forward nearly 75 years and Marcia is still entertaining back in her hometown of Coeur d’Alene. As people and circumstances in her life have changed, she remains an affable and capable hostess. That she still puts on parties and gatherings is, in and of itself, highly noteworthy. Then add to it that she lives by herself, is in good health with no disease, manages many of her own affairs, and has eluded the all too common elderly depression. Marcia is just plain happy and fun.

“She’s a phenomenal woman,” says Ann Salido, who lives in the same condominium complex as Marcia and attends her regular Monday and Wednesday girl’s night where ladies of all ages talk, talk, talk, have some drinks, and sometimes play cards. “She is very social and talks about the past and her life and she tells such interesting stories.

Marcia has a way of making you feel special.

And she’s always so polished. Whenever you go there, Marcia is dressed to the nines with the perfect jewelry and make-up. She is very astute at her age, she’s aware of her surroundings, and she reads a lot,” says Ann. Son Steve Ayers, a lawyer in Coeur d’Alene, concurs. “Mom reads the newspaper every day and is up on things. She watches the news, and reads magazines and she attributes her mental abilities to doing crossword puzzles and playing cards. And she’s pretty darn good at cards.” Mother and son still play and Steve admits it’s a challenge to keep up with her. Marcia has a landline, no cell phone, and Steve says she gets a lot of solicitor calls. “She just tells them she doesn’t do business on the phone.

She doesn’t have to say, ‘Don’t even think about messing with this elderly woman.’”

Steve checks in with his mother regularly and says he doesn’t worry too much about her. Marcia has someone stop in every day or so to do housecleaning and take her grocery shopping. And after one fall where Marcia couldn’t get up for a few days, she now wears a medical alert button. “She is living exactly as she wants to and there’s no arguing about it,” says Steve.

But living as she wishes now doesn’t mean Marcia hasn’t seen her share of hardship or pain. When her boys were grown and out

of the house, Marcia and John divorced and Marcia moved to Spokane. It was the mid 1970s and Marcia, at age 56, rented an apartment and began a new life. Her sister Jean also moved back to Spokane after a divorce.

Jean took a job as a real estate agent at Century 21 and lived in the Crystal House apartments in Browne’s Addition. It was a Friday night in August of 1983, and Jean had brought two gals, whom Marcia had never met, to her house for a party. The women said they were Jean’s best friends.

That was the last time Marcia saw her sister.

Jean McLean Leach, age 64, was found dead in her apartment the next day, bound and suffocated. Thirty-one years later, the murder remains unsolved.

Not long afterward, Marcia’s son Brian, who was in his mid thirties, was riding a motorcycle in New Zealand with another fellow, Marcia remembers. It was night and it was raining and Brian swerved off the road to avoid a dog, crashed, and hit his head. Doctors called Marcia and told her she better get there because her son wasn’t going to live. But Brian came out of a coma and was eventually flown back to the United States. The brain injury was extensive and Brian Marcia, John Ayers, and would undergo years of rehabilitation, but was never able to live without continual support and care. He passed away last year.

At the time of Brian’s accident and Jean’s death Marcia had one big bright spot in her life, Clancy Ogle. She had met and married this man whom she still calls the love of her life not long after moving to Spokane.

Marcia’s cousin Maggie was visiting from Portland. One night Maggie announced that they hadn’t done anything fun since she arrived in Spokane, so the cousins headed out to dance.

“There was this one fellow who was very persistent about dancing,” Marcia recalls. “When the nightclub closed, Maggie suggested we all go to my place and make

bacon and eggs. I was not happy with her but we went and later Clancy started calling every day for a date. Finally I said okay.”

They were married for 25 years until Clancy died suddenly of a heart attack. Marcia was 82 years old.

She says she probably won’t marry again.

“I don’t feel like I need a companion. I have so many women companions,” says Marcia.

But she does date. She has a long distance relationship with Clyde in California. “We visit each other, but I never fell in love.

We keep our friendship going. He called yesterday,” she says. “When you get as old as I am, you don’t miss the sex so much.”

As to why men are so drawn to Marcia, she says, “You have to act like you are attracted to them, whether or not you are.

Every man likes to talk about himself.

Find something about them that you can compliment. And look them in the eye.”

Wise words, indeed, from a woman who applies the same philosophy to all people.

When the ladies come over for drinks and cards, Marcia encourages each person to talk about where they grew up, to share a bit of their story. “She their three boys makes you feel special,” says Ann. “She has a way with people.”

“She genuinely likes people and usually focuses on their attributes, not their shortcomings,” echoes Marcia’s son, Steve.

And the secret to her health and happiness at age 96? Marcia says, “I eat everything and anything: why should I try to diet at my age? Oh, and a cocktail every night, bourbon and water. I love life and I know everything is going to be all right. You have to enjoy people. I do, and I feel my purpose is to make others happy.”

Perhaps Ann, one of the countless people Marcia has touched in her lifetime, sums it up best: “She is like in Technicolor.” That is undoubtedly the best description of that certain something about Marcia.

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g n i d d We Tips for Tricky Family Situations

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D

ivorce is not anyone’s favorite topic when you’re planning a wedding, but with a 50 percent divorce rate in America, one of the top concerns we hear from brides is about how to navigate divorce when it comes to wedding planning. Whether it’s your parents or close relatives, you will probably have some sort of tricky family situation that requires special care. Here’s how to handle some of the trickiest wedding dilemmas.

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By Rachel Sandall

How should I seat my divorced parents and stepparents at the ceremony?

Except in very rare circumstances, the bride’s mother should always be seated last in the ceremony, and should also be the first to be ushered out. If your parents are on good terms, the standard ushering order is groom’s grandparents, bride’s grandparents, groom’s mother and father and then the bride’s mother, with the bride’s stepfather ushering her. If the bride is close to her stepmother, then she can be seated right after the bride’s grandparents. The bride’s father can sit in the second or third row with his family after he ushers the bride in.

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What about family pictures?

Inform your photographer of any delicate situations and plan accordingly.

Make a list of the types of family pictures you’d like taken and, depending on how sensitive the situation is, you might want to avoid any large family photos. You could also discuss the subject with each parent before the wedding so you know what they will be comfortable with.

Rachel Sandall is the editor of the Inland Northwest’s top wedding resource, AppleBrides.com.

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Balancing Roles : Energy Dr ink Dangers :

Fa m i ly P l a n n i n g : H e a l t h Ti p s

for the love of How well do you Wear Your Hats?

By Jill Duke, Ph.D.

W

Family

Managing the Many Roles We Play

hich hat will you wear today? Most people can provide a sense of contribution and accomplishment. On wear multiple hats, or take on various roles or the other hand, accumulating multiple roles can be taxing. identities, throughout a typical Playing multiple roles may contribute to feelday and throughout a lifetime. A Practicing mindfulness ings of “burnout” or feeling “stretched too thin.” keeps you living fully in woman may wear the hat of employee, mother, Strain, or stress, often occurs when the obligations the moment wherever boss, spouse/partner, caregiver, grandmother, of one role interfere with another role. Stress may you are, rather than co-worker, or friend, and she likely takes on arise when work obligations interfere with being living in your head. several of these roles in one day. Having mulable to attend a child’s choir concert or when tiple roles can be both rewarding and stressful. Taking on providing care for a family member depletes one’s energy, multiple roles increases one’s access to social support and keeping her from taking time to socialize with friends.

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Identifying with only one or two roles can also cause strain. If a woman has only one role or identity, she may struggle greatly when conflict arises within that role. For example, a woman who identifies only as a mother may struggle with confidence when her children do not obey her, or she may feel useless when her children leave home.

Overall, the quality of the role or roles is important for reducing role strain. Whether you identify with one or multiple roles, matching your priorities with how you spend your time is essential for mental health and wellbeing. Additionally, as much as possible, performing one role at a time will maximize satisfaction and minimize strain.

How do you know if your priorities match up with how your time is actually allocated?

Try this . . . create a list of the roles you play and rank them in order of importance. Now create a pie chart with each piece of pie representing a separate role you play. Make sure that the “size” of the slices accurately represents how much time you are putting into the roles. In other words, if most of your time and energy are spent on work activities, that will be the largest slice of pie. Now compare your ranked list with your pie. Are the most important roles also the largest roles? Are the least important roles the smallest slices of pie? If not, it’s likely that you may experience strain and distress balancing your roles. Now what?

If you are able to make changes to your responsibilities within each role so that the time you spend in them more accurately reflects your priorities, fabulous; however, it is likely you may have some constraints in adjusting the amount of time you spend in each role. If you are unable to alter your time spent in each role, try to create some separation between your roles. It is a myth that multi-tasking is beneficial. Engaging in work while

trying to simultaneously pay attention to your partner or spouse is not highly effective. When in any one role, try as best as possible, to focus on that role.

Pay attention to the task or person(s) with whom you are interacting. Keep your mind from wandering to work obligations while at home with your family by focusing your attention on them—observe their expressions, listen actively, and remind yourself (silently and maybe sometimes out loud) of why this role/these interactions are important to you.

Take a moment, perhaps on your drive home from work, to let go of work concerns. Ask yourself how urgent the work concern is or how necessary it is to continue thinking about it—it will still be there tomorrow. Breathe deeply, and take a good look at the scenery as you travel home.

Notice the colors of cars around you, the feel of the road beneath you, the sounds of traffic, music, or voices, the smells of exhaust or restaurants by which you pass. Practicing mindfulness keeps you living fully in the moment wherever you are, rather than living in your head. Being mindful of your experiences can enhance the quality of the time you spend in any particular moment.

If your pie is only comprised of one giant slice, it may be time to add another. Increase your social support by attending a neighborhood event, joining a community organization or an on-line group, or socializing more with co-workers. And again, whatever roles you take on, be in-the-moment, rather than trying to manage several at once.

Jill Duke, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist at Northwest Neurobehavioral Institute (NNI) in Spokane.

Dr. Duke works with adults adjusting to chronic medical conditions, PTSD and depression/anxiety disorders. NNI provides psychological, neuropsychological, individual and group therapy services to all ages. www. spokanebrain.com

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November_December 2014

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Family planning

Risky Business

By Cynthia Fine

Let’s face it: life is risky. A prudent person does her best to avoid danger. Want to feel the wind in your face and experience the thrill of jumping out of an airplane? You’ll no doubt want to wear a parachute and take some instruction. Like the look of those saucy four-inch, red stilettos? There’s a chance you could trip and twist your ankle. Fall in love and want to enjoy the intimacy of a sexual relationship? It’s possible that you could get a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI).

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STIs are a common occurrence— half of us will have one at some time during our lives. It’s only sensible to take some precautions. Condoms, either male or female options, offer excellent (but not perfect) protection when used consistently and correctly. Taking the time to know your partner and discussing in advance pregnancy protection and condoms can actually enhance your experience. Building the trust and closeness that these conversations require is a wonderful way to show each other that you really care.

Finally, an important part of taking care of your health is thoughtfully considering your risk factors and being appropriately tested for STIs. At Planned Parenthood health care centers, it’s not unusual to hear patients say, “Gimmie the works!” But, Friends, getting tested for STIs isn’t like ordering a pizza. What are some of the factors to consider?

2. Gender. Men and women have markedly different rates of infection with different diseases. For example, the rate of chlamydia infection in women is two to five times greater in women than men. On the other hand, syphilis, while uncommon, is almost exclusively found among men in Washington State.

3. Location. Spokane County and the Idaho Panhandle have recently experienced a gonorrhea outbreak.

Although the numbers of cases are relatively low, the rate of infection increased dramatically.

1. Age. Young people (15 – 24) have four times the reported chlamydia rate of the total population. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) recommends annual testing for all women 25 and under.

Cynthia Fine is the community health educator at Planned Parenthood of Greater Washington and North Idaho. Planned Parenthood’s compassionate health care providers are experts when it comes to answering questions about STIs. Call (800) 230-PLAN to make an appointment.

And remember, the most common symptom is, “NO symptom.”

So don’t jump without a parachute and don’t ignore the possibility of STIs.

Family health

Why Your Kid Shouldn’t Be Guzzling

“Energy” Drinks Anxiety,

hypertension, elevated heart rates, interrupted sleep patterns and headaches are just some of the side effects commonly associated with energy drinks, and those problems are more pronounced in children, according to a recent University of Miami study.

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. These drinks have also been linked to heart palpitations, strokes and sudden death.

The term “energy” drink is an unfortunate misnomer, says food science expert Budge Collinson. They don’t give your body energy; they stimulate you with brief jolts of caffeine and unregulated herbal stimulants, he says.

“Soccer moms and dads buy these ‘stimulant’ drinks for their kids before matches because both kids and parents want that competitive advantage,” says Budge, founder of Infusion Sciences and creator of Youth Infusion, an effervescent, natural multivitamin beverage.

“For a few moments, you’ll get that spike, but it’s a short-term experience with a heavy long-term toll.”

So, what are some ways kids can get a healthy energy boost? Budge offers the following tips: • Go for a speedy bike ride together, take a brisk walk or hold foot-races in the yard. Numerous studies demonstrate the power of vigorous exercise in boosting energy. Exercise pumps more oxygen— pure, healthy fuel—into the bloodstream and to the brain and muscles for a short-term energy boost.

Exercising regularly will increase lung capacity, so the body will pull in more oxygen on a sustained level for the long term. Exercise also releases endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemical, which makes us feel happy. And happy people are energized people.

• Seek nutrition from a variety of sources. As humans, we need more than 40 different vitamins and minerals to keep our bodies functioning optimally. Since there is no single food that contains them all, it is important for children and adults to eat a variety, including as many different vegetables and fruits as possible. Adding a daily multivitamin supplement with essentials such as CoQ10, arginine, theanine, resveratrol and magnesium can help ensure bodies young and old are running at top speed.

• Drink plenty of water—the natural energy drink. Even mild dehydration can leave children (and adults) feeling listless, so encourage children to make a habit of drinking plenty of water. Kids need more water than adults because they expend more energy, and they may not recognize when they’re slightly thirsty. Parents, too, often don’t recognize the signs of dehydration; a national survey of more than 800 kids, ages one month to ten years, found that more than half feel they don’t know enough about dehydration. A quick, light pinch of the skin on the child’s hand or arm is an easy check. If the skin is slow to resume a smooth appearance, the child is likely at least mildly dehydrated.

Kelly Tareski

Photography

You can contact me at:

509-710-1780

Facebook.com/KellyTareskiPhotography

Kelly@KellyTareskiPhotography.com

Budge Collinson was the beneficiary of his mother’s natural health formula as a sick baby, which led to a deep interest in health and wellness at a young age. After years of research and seeing the growing demand for natural products with clinical support, he founded Infusion Sciences, www.infusionsciences.com.

November_December 2014

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As a woman, even if you know this, you’re probably too busy taking care of everyone and everything around you.

But you really should take a moment to think about this. You—yes you—most likely will die from heart disease, not from breast cancer. In fact, the statistics show heart disease kills more women than the most common six cancers combined, including breast, lung and colon cancers. One in three women over the age of 20 has some form of cardiovascular disease.

The good news is there is something you can do about it, since cardiovascular disease develops over time—often over years to decades. By thinking about it now, you can learn ways to reduce your risks, recognize the warning signs of a heart attack and stroke, and advocate to get the help you need. Your life or the life of someone you love may depend on it.

Know your cardiovascular risks factors, which include a family history of heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, smoking, and obesity with sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy diet. If you are over the age of 40, and especially if you have one or more of these risk factors, you should be evaluated and screened for heart disease just like you would have a screening mammogram for breast cancer. The fact is you are much more likely to die from heart disease than breast cancer. The healthy you and everyone you love starts today.

Enkhtuyaa (Ellie) Mueller, M.D., FACC is an interventional cardiologist and the director of the Rockwood Women’s Heart Clinic, the only clinic in the Inland Northwest that provides comprehensive cardiovascular evaluations and treatments for women of any age.

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amount of healthy breast tissue—

on the inked edges of tissue taken

surrounding a breast cancer has

from the breast—was combined

been one of the most controversial

with radiation and other treatments

topics among breast surgeons.

such as targeted hormonal therapy

Wider surgical margins were felt

or chemotherapy.

to be associated with a decrease

This guideline of “no ink on

in the chance of recurrence of

tumor” may lead to a reduction

breast cancer. Thus some women

in return trips to the operating

are recommended to have a second

room for re-excision, and provide

surgery (re-excision) to remove

better cosmetic results after breast

additional breast tissue in order

conserving therapy without an

to ensure this healthy margin of

increase in recurrence of breast

tissue. Historically, the controversy

cancer. This is good news for

regarding the optimal surgical

women who are able to surgically

margin and thus which patients were

opt for breast conservation.

recommended to have re-excision ranged widely from less than one millimeter to ten millimeters. The American Society of Surgical Oncology (SSO) and the American

Dr. Heidi Richardson joined the Rockwood Breast Health Center in 2008. She received her medical degree from the University of Iowa College of Medicine in Iowa City, IA, where she also completed a General Surgery residency and a fellowship in Breast Surgery fellowship.

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If they only knew I grew up in a fishbowl.

By that I mean growing up on the south side of Spokane to a middle class professional household in the latter 1950s and 1960s.

Certain facts of life were withheld . . . they simply did not pertain to our life—thus those miserable areas of life that seemed to pertain only to the other rungs of society were news found in fiction and possibly published in the papers, but certainly not part of our lives.

I was educated in private school, taught by the nuns, and finished my last three years of high school at Ferris. My early adulthood got off to a great start. There had been little in my life, that could have prepared me for the evening the man I had become enamored with and moved in with, along with my three young children, showed the first signs of being a monster. My life and my children’s lives twisted in the whirlwind of chaotic events he began presenting.

The man I had loved beat my youngest child—barely 18 months old—unmercifully, while yelling at me that if I called “911” he would “finish her off.” To this day, 29 years later, I can still hear the deafening screams of my child crying out for me, screaming in pain. His rage toward my daughter and me was followed up with threats that he would kill her if I didn’t obey and stay out of the way of his physical abuse. Later that evening, after he passed out in a stupor, I stood over his body with a loaded .357 stuck in his ear, ready to pull the trigger. I didn’t fire the gun; I wanted the freedom to raise my children.

I spent 11 years married—and imprisoned—to this man, who abused us physically and psychologically during that time, always warning me that if I ever tried to leave him, I would never make it away from him with all three of my children alive. It was incentive to stay in Hell on Earth; we began to know those streets well.

The lessons learned during this period of my life were simple but not simply learned: Lesson 1: There are evil people in the world and they are cleverly disguised as anything but what they truly are.

Lesson 2: Hang in there long enough with the will to survive, and when the chance presents itself to escape, be prepared for action and flight, and don’t ever go back, don’t even look back.

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Lesson 3: When you leave the control of evil people, your first duty is to survive and make sure your kids survive. The evil this man showered on our lives has been overcome with time, diligence and resolve.

I have learned it is easy to be deceived into thinking you can safely go back, but their death grip on your lives the second time will surpass the first.

If there is anything I could share in my lifetime, it is to warn young women with young vulnerable children to discern the following: if the guy looks like a rat, smells like a rat, acts like a rat—regardless of his tantalizing displays of love and affection— please beware, he is a rat. As a great book readily explains: “The identity of the tree can be found in its fruit. Pay attention to the fruit surrounding the tree, for there is evidence to support what kind of tree or individual you are dealing with. Wake Up!” My children and I have rebuilt our lives, but the saga and the fall-out from the circumstances that followed us because of this “manic-depressive, bi-polar, pathological liar, sociopath” haunt our past and continue to influence our future. Be honest with yourself and protect your children: there isn’t anything more precious than the livelihood of your kids, and there is no greater responsibility than to protect them. If the man in your life is worthy of that responsibility, he will respect, value and support you as a woman and as a mother.

It benefits all of us, regardless of background or life story, to understand that abuse knows no economic, religious or racial boundaries; it will rear its ugly head and shatter lives. My wish for you is to stay out of its path, hoping that “If You Only Knew” you surely would. Listen carefully to that little voice deep down inside of you. Trust yourself.

“If They Only Knew” is an anonymous guest column featuring essays from the “snapshot” life moments of courage and perseverance in Spokane Coeur d’Alene women. If you would like to share a moment of your life when you thought, “If They Only Knew,” please send an email to editor@ spokanecdawoman.com or mail a hard copy to our editor, Stephanie Regalado, at 104 S. Freya, Ste. 209, Spokane, WA 99202.

November_December 2014

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