Spokane CDA Woman Issue 20

March/April 2015 | Issue 20

spokanecdawoman.com

Boutique Fashion Finds With Spokane's Ultimate Models

Nutrition Confusion

Fix

A Day in the Life

with boxer

Jillian Erstad

compassionate women's healthcare

Jody M. Hechtman, M.D. F.M. McCaffree, M.D. Robin Messinger, M.D. Steven J. Richards, M.D. Traci A. Satterfield, M.D. Lori S. Smetana, M.D. Allison Sayre, A.R.N.P. L. Jan Wills, A.R.N.P BrieAnne Gray, A.R.N.P. Sally Delger A.R.N.P

601 W. 5th, Suite 301

509.455.8866

40 years of Service in Spokane Always accepting new patients from adolescence through menopause

www.OBGYNSPOKANE.com

Inside

March/April 2015

contents

12

features

Day in the Life: Jill Erstad, 25, grew up in Connell, Washington, where she thought she might be a veterinarian.

She went on to earn a BS degree in biology from Gonzaga University, graduating in 2011. A couple of years ago, in search of a fun way to get in shape, she walked into Boxfit. She’s now boxing competitively and making a name for herself.

14

Listen to Your Mother: Stacey Conner has learned to embrace—and even adore—the messy aspects of motherhood.

An embarrassing moment in a parking lot, with plenty of witnesses shooting their laser beam glances her way, is swiftly balanced out by a silly, sweet moment with her children. It all comes into perspective, and she says, “Give me average, silly, mundane days, one after another in endless succession until I croak at 93 in some painless way.”

16

Role Model: Jodi Bennet has done what so many of us dream of.

She’s blended her personal goals of living a healthy and balanced life with her career. Jodi is Director of Women’s Programs for Pura Vida, an active community of men and women in recovery from drugs and alcohol.

27

Family: Teaching Gratitude; Family Planning

on the

cover Jill Erstad Diane Maehl www.DianeMaehl.com Model:

Photography:

Find Spokane CDA Woman magazine on Facebook at www.facebook.com/SpokaneCDAWoman

Editor's letter The "Benefits" of Being the Other Woman

4

woman | spokanecdawoman.com

photo by Kelly Tareksi

“I

’ve heard that relationships with married men are the most fulfilling,” a single woman said in response to a married man’s claim that all married men eventually consider an affair. I grumbled and rolled my eyes, so she asked, “Have you ever dated a married man, Stephanie?”

Her question took me right back to the first day of that relationship. I was singing along to the car radio when I realized my turn was approaching, and I would need to swiftly change lanes to make it. At the red light, I glanced over to the driver on my left, hoping to make eye contact and convey my intentions. He smiled back and sent sparks straight out of his eyes and into my belly, igniting the fluttery wings of 45 butterflies.

I returned a flirty smile and gestured my intention to move into his lane. As the light turned green, he paused to allow me in front of him and then moved into the lane I had exited. At the next red light, we shared smiles, and sparks, again. I made my turn, and waved goodbye. I parked at my destination, a couple of blocks down, and slowly climbed out of my car, hopeful the gorgeous human would find his way to me. I spotted his black SUV driving toward me, and walked up to him as he pulled up curbside. “My how swiftly one becomes a stalker,” I teased through his rolled down passenger side window, his sun-kissed handsome face smiling back at me. We chatted for an hour, making us late for our next appointments, and bid farewell by making a date to get together the next day.

The romance whirled around us each time we met for coffee. He was smart, successful, handsome and charming. He thought I was amazing, and spared no compliment currency.

He was as perfect as men come, if not for one exception: he was married. But he was on the brink of divorce, he explained. He was still living in the house, but in a separate room and was actively searching for his own place. I wanted to share the relationship with my friends; I hoped to go out in public without worry that someone might see us who hadn’t been caught up to the reality he was living. For the time being, we needed to keep our connection to ourselves. He’s worth it, I told myself. He’s worth waiting for. Our feelings had grown stronger, and he even admitted he was falling in love with me. We both agreed we hadn’t felt such magnetism toward anyone in a long time, if ever.

Several weeks into the relationship, I was home, stirring taco meat as I made dinner for my children, when the phone rang. “What kind of a woman are you, what kind of a mother are you?” the woman on the other end asked coldly.

The heat of my heartbeat surged through my body and burned, along with her words, into my ears. “I’m sorry, who is this?” I asked. It was my secret beau’s wife. They were still working on the marriage, she said, and weren’t anywhere near the end . . . and it certainly wasn’t helping that some jezebel was in the picture, trying to tempt him

away from his wife and children.

As though I had fallen into a hornet’s nest, her words buzzed from all directions, each delivered with a thud and a sting. Why hadn’t he warned me? I was his sweet heart. A woman like no other, a beautiful light in his every day. And he couldn’t even send me a quick text about life hitting the fan and an angry wife trying to send me into anaphylactic shock with her words?

I’ll never forget the many ways she chose to question my character that day. But I listened as she became sick with her emotions. I wasn’t an intentional home wrecker, I said, enraging her even more. The scent of burning, popping taco meat brought me back into the moment around me: my children had gathered in the fringes of the kitchen, their big, batting eyes full of concern.

“I’m really sorry about this, but I need to go,” I said.

“I just want to know why,” she demanded. “I think that is a question you need to work out with your husband,” I replied. I wanted to share all of the things he had said about the demise of their marriage, but I realized I had already become far too entrenched and it was time to get out.

Regardless of what Mr. Amazing had shared, I had chosen to step into the muddy water of their marriage.

The moment I hung up the phone was pivotal in my life. I will never forget her voice, her pain. I had always prided myself on having an outstanding moral compass, and I’m ashamed I allowed selfishness and temptation to spill over and hurt others. I take my role as a member of the Sorority of Sisterhood seriously and, with each day, as I hear and share your stories, and as I represent the women in our region as the editor of this magazine, that commitment to you has never been clearer. I have vowed, without question, to never entertain a relationship with someone who doesn’t have miles of distance between his last committed relationship. I vow, without question, to honor the bonds of womanhood. You have my word. Do I have yours?

My best,

Stephanie Regalado | Stephanie@spokanecda.com

March_April 2015

5

Se rv i ci ng A ll Voted

• Tires/Wheels

M ak es And

Models

Best Auto Repair 2006 -2014

Thank You Spokane For voting us #1

• E n g i n e R e pa i r s • S h o c k s / St r u t s • Mufflers

Vol. 4 Issue 2

March/April 2015

Editorial

Editor | Stephanie Regalado editor@spokanecdawoman.com

Art Direction | Graphics Art Director/Lead Graphic Designer Kristi Somday | kristi@spokanecda.com Traffic Manager/Graphic Designer Camille Martin | camille@spokanecda.com

• To w i n g Ava i l a b l e • Transmissions

Photography

• Tune Ups

d!! e v o M We've 1126 West 2nd Ave

• B att e r i e s • Brakes

Spokane, WA 99201 509-747-5371

523 N. Pines Spokane, WA 99216 509-321-7243

Tire & Automotive

mechanicspride@gmail.com

Diane Maehl Photography | Jesse Swanson Sonya Kassen of Wobble Monkey Photography

Contributors

Kate Armstrong, Stacey Conner, Tiffany Harms, Dennis Held, Jennifer LaRue, Cheryl-Anne Millsap, Rachel Sandall, Monisha Vasa

Sales | Marketing Business Development Emily Guevarra Bozzi | emily@spokanecda.com Vice President of Sales Cindy Guthrie | cindy@spokanecda.com Senior Account Manager Jeff Richardson | jrichardson@spokanecda.com

WobbleMonkeyPhotography.com families t senior portraits t weddings events t fine art prints t maternity t modeling

Account Managers Erin Meenach | erin@bozzimedia.com David Vahala | dvahala@bozzimedia.com

Operations Director of Operations Kim Morin | kim@spokanecda.com Accounts Receivable and Distribution Theresa Berglund | theresa@spokanecda.com

Events

WIBL, Power 50, 20 Under 40, Women's Luncheons Stephanie Regalado | stephanie@spokanecda.com Hot Summer Nights, Best Of, B2B Jennifer Evans | j@allfortheencore.com Release Parties: events@bozzimedia.com

Publisher & CEO | Vincent Bozzi vince@spokanecda.com

Co-Publisher | Emily Guevarra Bozzi emily@spokanecda.com

Where

fashion meets

fine art

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104 S Freya | Ste 209 | Spokane WA 99202-4866 Phone: 509.533.5350 | Fax: 509.535.3542 All contents © 2015. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. Neither Bozzi Media nor Spokane CDA Woman assumes responsibility for errors in content, photos or advertisements.

Bubbly Benefit : Wine Festival : Flutterf lies : U-Aide : Nutrition News

Up Front

Ladies Champagne Brunch to Benefit YWCA of Spokane

D

id you know that domestic violence is the most common 911 call in Spokane and that it is cited as one of the primary reasons for homelessness among women and children?

The YWCA of Spokane meets families at what is often times the most traumatic moment in their lives and helps them move to a place of healing, hope, security and stability. Through their 24-hour crisis line, emergency shelter, legal service, counseling, job readiness, child care and school readiness programs, they support more than 13,000 women and children each year.

You can help make an impact in their lives by joining them for Spring Fling 2015, a one-of-a-kind ladies champagne brunch. This event features a silent auction with more than 30 themed baskets,

seafood brunch fare, and champagne mimosas. Proceeds from Spring Fling benefit the critical services of the YWCA. So come, bring your girlfriends, daughters, mother or sisters. One in three women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime . . . but together we can be “our sister’s keeper” and provide a lifeline for a neighbor in need.

When: Saturday, April 11 10:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.

Where: Anthony’s at Spokane Falls Tickets: $50 and can be purchased at www.ywcaspokane.org.

For more information please call: 509-326-1190 As always, if you need help or know of a friend, family member or colleague who does please call the 24-hour confidential crisis line at (509) 326-CALL.

March_April 2015

7

Up Front C DA W ine

Extravaganza O ffers 100+ Tastes

I

nland Northwest wine lovers will have plenty of tastes to choose from at the Coeur d’Alene Wine Extravaganza. More than 20 wineries will be reoresenting 100 plus different wine vineyards from all over the Western U.S., Argentina and even Italy.

Wine Extravaganza is scheduled from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. Saturday, April 25, with tasting tables located throughout the Resort Plaza Shops and downtown Coeur d’Alene. Additionally, special wine pairings, tastings and wine classes are also scheduled for Friday through Sunday at restaurants, specialty shops and business locations throughout downtown Coeur d’Alene.

Sponsored by the Coeur d’Alene Downtown Association, tickets for the Saturday event are $15 each, and give wine lovers six tastings and a complimentary wine glass.

“We’re excited about the opportunity to bring this many wineries together,” says Bill Reagan, general manager of the Coeur d’Alene Resort. “This will be a real treat for anyone who loves good wine.”

Billed as a casual event requiring no special attire, Wine Extravaganza’s wineries include Treveri Cellars, Nodland Cellars, The Wine Foundry, Hedges Family Estate, Walla Walla Vintners, Five Star Cellars, Novelty Hill-Januik, Saviah Cellars and Barrister Winery.

Tickets can be purchased through The Coeur d’Alene Resort’s business center at (844) 449-6558, inside the Resort Plaza Shops, or cdadowntown.com. Ample street and city lot parking will be available during the event.

For information on times, business locations and specific winery tastings, visit cdawinefest.com.

Framed Flutterflies F

509.995.6500 roasthousecoffee.com 8

woman | spokanecdawoman.com

rom a distance, the art resembles a vintage collection of butterflies in the spirit of “something old, something new” but when you look more closely you instantly recognize your friends, family and cherished moments in each butterfly.

“Majestic” is an impressive single butterfly and can be displayed on a wall or on a credenza. These are a unique way to show off a special photo and are a thoughtful gift for birthdays, anniversaries, Valentines, Mother’s Day, Prom or just because.

Every butterfly is pinned and the wings are lifted creating delicate shadows. Each piece is designed to last a lifetime and is proudly hand crafted in the US. Majestic retails for $40.00 and the collections start at $404.00. Order​online at www.FramedFlutterflies.com.

Emergency Re s p o n s e A p p

I

nspired by their mother’s attack, the founders of U-Aide have teamed up to battle crime. The founders’ mother was faced with a violent and potentially life threatening situation upon arriving at work one morning. A man, noticeably under the effects of amphetamines, approached their mother’s car in the parking lot.

He then broke the window and began attacking her with a sharp object. The mother instinctively turned on the car and sped to the emergency room. She may not have made it with the wounds she received if it wasn’t for her proximity to the hospital. With U-Aide, she could have notified several people of her situation.

As a woman, U-Aide may sound particularly appealing. Whether you are walking around campus, getting home late from work, or celebrating on a Friday night, one’s safety can be jeopardized. It is a sad, but true fact that 237,000 people become victims of sexual assault or rape and 1.2 million violent crimes occur every year.

In an effort to decrease these shocking statistics, U-Aide has developed a system that anyone can use. Using GPS tracking technology, U-Aide representatives in your area will receive a Push Notification and your emergency contacts will receive a text message and/or email with your location.

U-Aide’s nonprofit organization hopes to promote its free new app through their crowdfunding campaign. For more information, please visit www.u-aide.com.

15 20 Clothing | Handbags | Jewelry | Accessories

Join Us!

w e d n e s d ay chateau rive at the flour mill

Purchase Tickets at

BozziEvents.eventbrite.com

613 S. Pines Rd. Spokane Valley, WA 99206

Store Hours: Mon - Sat 10am-5pm

509.321.2330 | jemalane.com

March_April 2015

9

Move that body Grapetree Village | 2001 E. 29th

New Patients Welcome Appointments Available Monday through Friday

509.534.4600

Nutrition Confusion Ten of the largest nutrition misconceptions . . . some which might just blow you away.

By Kate Armstrong

2009-2014 Reader's Survey

BEST DENTIST 2009 - 2014

We have never had as much nutrition information before as we have available today. Although this is a sign that we are in the beginnings of a nutrition revolution, much of what we are hearing is conflicting rules, dogmas and principles. Here are ten of the most often overstated myths:

1.

m i x e d

m e d i a

o n

c o p p e r

“You will get ‘fat’ by eating high fat foods.” Besides the fact that fat has more calories per gram than carbohydrate or protein, high-fat diets do not make people fat. Similarly to a misconstrued text message, this really depends on the context. A diet that is high in fat and high in carbs will make you fat, but it’s not because of the fat.

2.

“Low fat foods are better.” When food manufacturers take out the fat of the foods we all know and love, the byproduct usually tastes like cardboard. In these low-fat products, the healthy, natural fats are often replaced with substances that are extremely harmful under the guise of flavor compensation.

3.

“Everyone should go back to grainbased diets, like our ancestors.” Grains are fairly low in nutrients compared to other real foods, like vegetables. They are also rich in a substance called phytic acid, which binds essential minerals in the intestine and prevents them from being absorbed. The most common grain in the western diet is wheat, and wheat can cause either minor or serious health problems in some people.

4.

irenedahlart.com | 509.328.1951 10

woman | spokanecdawoman.com

“Low carb diets are dangerous.”

Repeated studies have shown that low carb diets are the most effective in reversing metabolic disease. Reversing, not slowing down, but re.vers.ing. Enough said.

5.

“Eating too much protein is bad for your kidneys.” Studies show that two of the main risk factors for kidney failure are diabetes and high blood pressure. In actuality, eating a high protein diet improves both.

6.

“Eggs are bad for you.” Eggs contain a large amount of cholesterol, therefore are assumed to increase the risk of heart disease. But recently it has been proven that the cholesterol in the diet doesn’t really raise the cholesterol in blood. In fact, eating eggs for breakfast is proven to cause significant weight loss compared to bagels.

7. “Saturated fats are bad for you.” About

20 years ago, it was decided that the heart disease epidemic was caused by eating too much saturated fat. However, a 2010 review concluded absolutely no association between saturated fat and heart disease. Meat, coconut oil, cheese, butter . . . there is absolutely no reason to fear these foods.

8.

“High Omega oils are the way to go.”

You’ve got your Omega-3 fatty acids and you’ve got your Omega-6 fatty acids. Omega3s are anti-inflammatory and lower your risk of many diseases related to inflammation. But we need to get Omega-6s and Omega-3s in a certain ratio. Trying to “up” your quantity of one might throw the natural balance off kilter.

“Sugar is ‘bad’ because it’s empty calories.” The negative effects of sugar go way beyond empty calories. Sugar consumption can wreak havoc on our metabolism and set us up for weight gain and many serious diseases.

9.

10.

“Eat many small meals throughout day to keep metabolism high.” Not only is eating often proven ineffective and useless for most, it may even be harmful. It is not natural for the human body to be constantly in the feed state. When we don’t eat for a while, a beneficial cellular process called autophagy cleans waste products out of our cells.

As with most things, don’t believe everything you read (including this article), and consult with your doctor—and your own mirror—to find which principles work the best for you.

In addition to her full-time job in Corporate America, Kate Armstrong is a licensed fitness instructor, producing annual Zumba Fitness events. www.ZMeDance.com.

March_April 2015

11

A Day in the life

Life in the

Boxing Ring

“Being a female boxer means breaking through the stereotypes. It shows others that you can do what you set your mind to even if you don’t fit the typical mold.”

12

woman | spokanecdawoman.com

The Ballet School where students get the highest level of training (Ballet, Modern, Pilates)

By Jennifer LaRue | Photos By Jesse Swanson

You cannot

help but notice that her hand is soft as she shakes yours, that her smile is genuine, her eyes are bright and kind, her long hair has been perfectly French-braided, and that she looks toned but . . . wait a minute. I must have the wrong person.

I was looking for the boxer. Where’s the tough looking chick with a chip on her shoulder?

Where’s the boxer? And then you remember that the boxer’s name is Jillian Erstad, and she was introduced to you as Jill by her trainer, Chauncy Welliver, throwing your stereotyped image of a female boxer out the window.

Warming up for a match, Jillian kicks, squats, does hamstring stretches, head rolls, bounces on her toes, jabs the air, and does what anyone who has seen the film The Karate Kid might call “wax on, wax off” moves, standing still only long enough to listen intently to Chauncy’s tips which you cannot hear because the arena is loud. She nods slightly and, in the zone, moves away into her own little world, leaning into and away from an invisible opponent, getting ready to step into the ring with Naomi Graham from Colorado Springs during the 2015 USA Boxing National Championships, the first Olympic Trials qualifier.

She doesn’t win this one but the crowd cheers just the same: family and friends who support her and know she’s on the right track. You win some, you lose some, and she’s only just beginning; there’s another match in September in Seattle and many more to come and women are only in their second year of boxing in the Olympics.

Jill, 25, grew up in Connell, Washington, where, in high school, she thought she might be a veterinarian. She went on to earn a BS degree in biology from Gonzaga University, graduating in 2011. A couple of years ago, in search of a fun way to get in shape, she walked into Boxfit, 3117 N. Division. A few months later, Chauncy asked her if she wanted to box competitively. “I watched her hitting the bag and thought, this girl can hit,” Chauncy says. “I was hesitant to ask her at first because it’s rare to find a woman who wants to fight but, with her strength, there’s no question in my mind she can do the big time with more experience.”

Jill didn’t hesitate. “Being a female boxer means breaking through the stereotypes,” she says.

“It shows others that you can do what you set your mind to even if you don’t fit the typical mold.” She trains and works out up to six days a week, bouncing around a punching bag, doing push-ups, squats, and all-body weight exercises at Boxfit where she also leads classes on Wednesday and Friday evenings. “Boxing allows me to push the limits of my body and my mind. When my mind says I’m tired, I train to push through and keep fighting,” she says, adding that boxing is her medicine. “When I’ve had a rough day or when I’m not feeling well I go box. As soon as I slip my gloves on, my mind is cleared of everything except what I’m doing. I’m the only one I can rely on.”

Her first competition was in November of 2013. She lost but doesn’t sweat it. “You can learn a lot from losing,” she says. She has since been in half-a-dozen fights, winning three, with the mindset of seeing how far she can go while letting other women know they can box if they want to. She hits like a girl because she is a girl, but she hits hard and isn’t afraid to get punched which, to her, is empowering. Jill has gotten a black eye and a couple of bloody noses but she has yet to be knocked out and she is not afraid; she is a boxer with lovely long locks and a mean right hook.

Summer Program for Children:

Monday through Thursday, June 22nd to July 2nd.

Summer Program for Intermediate and Advanced: Monday through Friday, July 6th to August 1st Open Classes:

Monday through Thursday, August 10th to August 20th

Ballet 3, 3B and 3A Special Classes:

August 17th to August 21st

Back to School Classes:

August 24th to August 28th 109 W. Pacific Ave Spokane, WA 99201

509-838-5705 www.balletartsacademy.com

March_April 2015

13

Listen to your mother

Embracing Ridiculous I work closely with all my patients, to ensure they receive personalized care, education and treatment Dr. Nathan Meltzer, md OBGYN

Compassionate, comprehensive women’s health care, close to home.

In-Office AIUM Accredited 3D/4D ultra sound Accepting New Patients 509.924.1990

www.valobgyn.com 1415 N. Houk Suite Spokane Valley, WA 99216

Free Parking 14

woman | spokanecdawoman.com

By Stacey Conner

I

t was Matt’s week “on,” which means he works seven days in a row, ten-hour shifts, and so I was alone with all four kids in the parking lot unloading for Garrett’s baseball class. Quinn screamed hysterically in the rear of the minivan, the catastrophe of the moment being a dropped rock.

A rock. That he dropped and could not reach. I’m surprised it didn’t make the evening news.

“OHNO. Ohno. MY ROCK!!! MY ROoooooOOOOOOCK!!!”

“Just a . . .”

“MYROCKMYROOOOOOOOOCK!!! CAN’TREACHIT!!!! MYROOOOOCKMYROOOOOCKMYROCKMY . . .”

“Just a . . . Quinn can you give me a minute.”

“MY ROCK! OH NO!!!”

“Okay. All right. We’ll get it.”

As I spoke words of soothing rock comfort, I body-blocked the 14-week-old Great Dane puppy who tried to evade my dodge and feint moves to leap from the minivan and cavort about the parking lot. I also unbuckled Baby Nate with one hand to pull him onto my hip from his car seat. My other hand held a full, steaming chai tea latte. The chai hand yields to no baby extraction, attempted puppy escape or rock dropping crisis.

Unless Matt Damon wants a handshake or someone is mortally injured, that hand is busy.

I finally extracted the baby, settled him onto my right hip and I was directing Saige and Garrett around the van from the other side when Hampton lunged for a crack between my left hip and the van doorframe. I checked him against the metal, while holding the baby and not spilling my tea, because I am wicked smooth and have lightning fast reflexes.

He squealed, crouched down and then lunged up, barking loudly in my face.

That’s right. A teenage Great Dane puppy gave me lip about when he could, or could not, exit my car. I did what any good Great Dane mother would do. I barked back in his face, only louder.

Hampton Noodle scampered to the rear seat and cowered there, which I considered a stunning victory over . . . something. Quinn emerged from the minivan, clutching his beloved, irreplaceable rock, and I shut the door and turned around to find more than a few people scattered about the parking lot watching me.

That was when it hit me: my life is absolutely ridiculous.

For a moment, I wanted to shout at no one in particular: I have a law degree. I’ve been to Haiti as a volunteer. I wish I’d gone into psychology and I could help adoptive families with attachment issues. I love to read. I think really hard about things. I try to be compassionate. I wrote a romance novel. A whole damn novel and I’m trying to write a second draft, three painful pages at a time, at night, in the hour a day I have to myself.

I am more than a harried mother of four barking at a Great Dane puppy in a parking lot.

As we drove home on the first warm evening of the year, with our windows down and the soft light of dusk sitting gently on our faces, the dog sat between the front seats with his head in my lap. The kids belted “Joy to the World” to anyone who would listen at every stoplight.

We looked ridiculous and I turned it up and sang with them.

I’ll take ridiculous.

I’ve been other things. I’ve been too stressed about a legal argument to notice the soft light of dusk. I’ve been so overwhelmed, so mired in pain, confusion and fear as a mother to a traumatized 5-year-old boy that it snuffed out all the laughter and silliness. There was no room for singing. I’ve been curled on the bathroom floor, too grief-stricken to sob, my arms wrapped around my middle, trying to force a heartbeat back into my womb by sheer force of will, trying to unhear the words that undid my future.

Thank god for ridiculous. Give me average, silly, mundane days, one after another in endless succession until I croak at 93 in some painless way. I’ll make an ass of myself a thousand times and bark at impossible dogs and be mocked by endless numbers of observers if we can just stay here. Right here. In this soft light on the first warm day of the year, singing Jeremiah was a bullfrog at the top of our lungs.

Ridiculously happy.

Stacey Conner is raising five kids and a Great Dane with her husband, Matt, in Spokane. She is a BlogHer Voice Of The Year for 2010, 2011, 2012, and 2013, and she has written for the online parenting magazine Mamalode. With her fabulous partner, Elise Raimi, she co-produces Listen To Your Mother Spokane and teaches seminars on personal essay writing. She writes about life’s joys and sorrow, big and small, at anymommyoutthere.com.

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March_April 2015

15

Role model

Jodi Bennet lot of programs outside of the 12-step tradition such as Sober Service members, Women of Pura Vida, weekly jam sessions for musicians, workshops on writing and photography and more. Every path to recovery is different, and we want to offer as many tools as possible to help people stay sober in a safe, supportive environment.

How have you personally grown since you began to work with Pura Vida?

I thought that I was going to Pura Vida to help other women stay sober, but truthfully being there makes me stronger and the positive energy makes me happy to be a part of it.

By Cheryl-Anne Millsap

Jodi Bennet has done what so many of us dream of. She’s blended her personal goals of living a healthy and balanced life with her career. Bennet is Director of Women’s Programs for Pura Vida, an active community of men and women in recovery from drugs and alcohol. As this issue’s Role Model profile, Bennet shares her story with readers.

SCW: How would you describe Pura Vida?

JB: We are an “active sober

community” committed to “strengthening our emotional and physical sobriety.” We do that by “helping one another lead a full, productive and serene life through volunteerism, education, and physical activity.”

Review about Pura Vida and I immediately contacted founder Shawn Kingsbury to see how I could help. We met a few days later and we discovered that Pura Vida could use a women’s specific program. I am a personal trainer, an athlete and I am also a recovering alcoholic. It just seemed like a perfect fit.

myself in a bad situation. I was working, raising kids and drinking excessively. When I realized that I needed to quit drinking, I struggled to find help that suited me. I am a runner so I decided to use that to help myself stay sober.

I would have given anything to have had a place like Pura Vida Recovery to go to.

​ hat led you to work with W Pura Vida and to your current position? I read an

How has your experience enabled you to work with others seeking sobriety?

How is Pura Vida different?

article in the Spokesman-

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Just over six years ago I found

woman | spokanecdawoman.com

At Pura Vida, we understand the value of 12-step programs, but we offer a

Where kind of difference do you hope to make in the lives of women at Pura Vida and what would be your ideal future? I want

every woman who wants help in recovery to have a safe and positive place to go. I want them to know that the past is behind them and that the future can be whatever they want it to be. I never want a woman or anyone in recovery to feel lonely and afraid. We are lucky to have a strong recovery community in Spokane that is welcoming to everyone and empowering to all. For more information about Pura Vida Recovery, please visit our website at www.puravidarecovery.org.

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seven I With this ring

PROM

Ways to Save on Your Big Day

By Rachel Sandall

t’s a wonderful time to be a bride on a budget. Never has there been so many resources to help you pull off your dream wedding on a shoestring, never has there been so much creativity to inspire the budget bride, and never has it been more stylish to have a budget wedding. From the wedding planner in Manhattan dealing with brides spending over $100,000 to the editor of Martha Stewart, the wedding industry has given a resounding thumbs up to low cost nuptials. Here are some ways you can keep your bank account in the black: 1. Get Married on a Friday or Sunday. You can save thousands by choosing to have your wedding on an off-peak day. Vendors typically have these days wide open and are always delighted to fill them so they give great discounts. If you give your guests enough notice, you will find they will be there regardless of what day it is.

2. Choose flowers that are in season. This is one of the surest ways to cut your flower bill way down. Tell your florist what flowers and colors you like and ask her what will be in season for your wedding.

3. Cut the Guest List. If you really want to save money, cutting your guest list is the best (and often most painful) way to do it. Sit down with your fiancé and decide how many guests you can honestly afford to have, then narrow it down to the people you can’t imagine your wedding without. The most delicate way to handle the tight guest list is to tell people you will be having an intimate (the opportune word) wedding. You will find people are understanding when they think they aren’t the only ones getting cut from the list.

4. Have a brunch reception. The brunch/breakfast reception is one of the hottest trends in weddings right now and a great way to save some cash. In true brunch fashion, this is a meal between breakfast and lunch. You can choose lighter options for your menu like croissants, fruits and vegetables, eggs, ham or a waffle bar and pair it with mimosas all around—made with Prosecco instead of champagne of course.

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5. Don’t have a big wedding cake. Buy a very small wedding cake for pictures, then supplement with sheet cakes or homemade pies, cookies or cupcakes. Or have a big baking party a couple days before the wedding and make your own goodies for a beautiful dessert table.

6. Hire a wedding planner. I know this seems like an oxymoron, but wedding planners know the ins and outs of weddings like no one else. They know who the affordable vendors are, they can get discounts and they can show you how to stay within your budget.

7. Keep it Simple. Decide early on what you and your fiancé’s priorities are, and put those first. Don’t be sidetracked by all the other inspirations you come across on your wedding journey.

Rachel Sandall is the editor of AppleBrides. com, the Inland Northwest’s busiest wedding resource.

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Raising

Children

with

an

Attitude

of

Gratitude

for the love of

:

Fa m i ly

Planning

Family

5

Five Steps to Encourage an Attitude of Gratitude in Our Children

By Monisha Vasa, M.D.

M

y brain knows that gratitude is important. I know when I am in a state of gratitude—aware of my blessings, small and big. I feel happier and less alone. I feel more connected to the people around me, and my life experiences. I feel in my body a life force greater than myself.

But my heart can find it difficult to stay in a sustained place of gratitude. Rather, it is a practice of reminding myself over and over, to start, over and over. Sometimes that means making lists of things I am grateful for at the end of each day, or at least at the end of the week. Sometimes that means taking a deep, conscious breath before I get out of bed and put my feet on the floor.

I am learning to practice gratitude as an adult. But what would it be like if we could introduce the concept of gratitude to our

children when they are young? If gratitude just became a part of their vocabulary, a daily habit like brushing their teeth or eating dinner? If they can experience the magic of gratitude early, perhaps the practice wouldn’t feel so challenging or foreign to them.

Here are five steps to encourage an attitude of gratitude in our children: Start with cultivating your own gratitude practice: If we believe in the value of being thankful for all that we have in our lives, our vision starts to shift. We start to see the potential value or gift, even in difficult life experiences. Children tend to follow what we do, even more than what we say. If our children see us connected and thankful, that energy will flow downstream toward them.

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Family planning Vocalize gratitude as part of an everyday conversation: Say it out loud. “I really appreciate being able to watch you play in your soccer game.” Or, “We are so fortunate to have and share this meal together.” Making it a point to express our thankfulness out loud can increase our joint awareness. The more we say it out loud, the more we feel it in our bones.

Discover gratitude even for the small things: Children are inherently excited about both little and big things in life. Encourage gratitude for the small, mundane parts of life, not just the exciting Disney World moments.

As we adults know, much of life is a day in, day out, routine. The trick is to see the beauty and wonder even in another day at work, or another morning of dropping the kids off to school.

Encourage downtime for reflection: If we are moving at breakneck speed, it is hard to slow down enough to notice what there is to be grateful for. Noticing is the first step toward counting our blessings. Encourage lots of time for quiet, rest, and reflection.

A good time is the end of the day, perhaps before or after a night time story. Ask your children questions about the enjoyable and difficult parts of their day, the “highs” and the “lows.” This can encourage a dialogue about both gratitude, as well as the struggles they are currently experiencing.

Acknowledge the reality of their emotional experience: Kids, just like adults, won’t feel grateful for everything, all the time. It is a practice for all of us. Sometimes, we need to feel through the anger and sorrow of an experience, before we can come to a place of gratitude. Otherwise, our gratitude becomes hollow, artificial. Allow your children to feel what they feel, with adequate time and space. When the time feels right, see if there is an opportunity to include gratitude in the conversation. Perhaps our practice of gratitude is one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves. We start to see all that is alive and breathing in our world, all of the collective energy and wisdom we are a part of. Whether we are grateful for our breath or another day, or whether we are grateful for a vacation or a yoga class, it is all important. We notice our life, and all of the details, and allow that noticing to sink into our lived experience.

Monisha Vasa, M.D. is a board certified general and addiction psychiatrist in private practice. For more information, please visit www.mindful-healing.com

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Family planning

Primary Numbers

By Tiffany Harms

It’s safe to say that we’re all pretty focused on tracking down what’s ailing us— we’re well into the era of the online symptom checkers, ads telling us about drugs that can cure our restless legs and chronic headaches, and a wealth of information always telling us the newest “solutions.”

But for all this attention we give to our bodies when something’s going wrong, there’s a big side of health we’re missing. Between getting care for serious issues—like a broken bone or raging case of pneumonia—what are we doing to invest in our health?

Turns out, not a whole lot.

In 2013, a Kaiser Family Foundation study found that just one-third of uninsured adults claimed to have a regular doctor. Still, insured or not, there are a lot of people who aren’t utilizing primary care services. In the context of how essential primary care is to our well being, this is like millions of people waiting to patch a giant hole in their roofs until there’s a downpour.

Primary care covers a whole range of services that proactively keep us healthy and uncover existing health issues. This includes services such as regular check-ups, cancer screenings, and STD testing. And while it’s certainly not many people’s ideal weekday activity, going to the doctor regularly opens up a set of opportunities to learn more about ourselves and truly invest in our bodies.

If on principle you’re not convinced that primary care is one of the best things you can do for your well being (maybe even better than that Vitamix) then here are a few reasons why it’s worth it: You’re more likely to catch problems before they become critical. Colleen was out of a job and was facing a dwindling savings account. Because of finances, she wasn’t sure she should have a lump she had recently found in her breast examined.

“How serious could it have been? I was 27 and had no family history of cancer,” says Colleen.

She went to Planned Parenthood and found out she had stage two cancer, and it was early enough to beat it. She’s still cancer-free 11 years later and credits that visit for saving her life.

Screenings for breast health, pap tests and other parts of an annual exam afford women an important opportunity to catch issues before they grow. For example, pap tests help detect cervical cancer early—a disease the American Cancer Society cites as one of the most deadly cancers for women. They also credit regular pap tests for the 50 percent reduction in the death rate over the past 30 years. For a test that’s quick, painless and affordable, you can’t ask for a safer investment.

You can get help with making a plan.

We plan for so many other aspects of our lives, and our health care is not excluded from that. With so many options for birth control, women are able to plan out when to have a family, which means we are able to work toward our goals and dreams on our timeline.

Long acting reversible contraception (or LARC, which includes IUDs and the implant) have given women more freedom than ever, and can actually help reduce the number of times you have to go to the doctor. Unlike other methods, LARCs are good for years— anywhere from three to ten years or more, depending on the method. This means years of birth control, that is more than 99% effective, that you don’t have to think about.

Your doc is going to actually get to know you. If you opt to rely on urgent care in place of a regular provider, you’re missing out. The benefits of having a steady doc are huge—the person gets to know you, which helps you make far better decisions about your health together. This is especially important when you realize that a major function of a primary care provider is to coordinate your other health care, and someone who knows you well can support you to make more informed choices about what kinds of specialists you may need to see, or what medications are likely to be the best fit for you.

Tiffany Harms is the communications manager for Planned Parenthood of Greater Washington and North Idaho. The Planned Parenthood expert health care professionals can answer your questions and help you choose care that’s right for you. Call (800) 230-PLAN to make an appointment.

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If they only knew

Nearing my 60s, I found myself back in college taking refresher courses to prepare me for a gearshift in employment. As I passed a college promotion poster of elderly, smiling faces scripted over with re-“tire” scratched out to say re-“hire” I thought it a clever slogan, and it filled me with optimism. Someone, I thought, would find my decades of experience valuable. That was six months and more than 120 applications ago. My optimism is waning.

For the last two decades I worked as a teacher in a distant state. I loved my job, my coworkers, and my students. It was a great job, but after the loss of several family members, I felt strongly that I needed to be closer to family. When my daughter announced she was pregnant, that cinched my decision to return home. Though the smart move would have been to wait until retirement age, I didn’t want to be a distant grandmother, left trying to build relationships from across a continent. When it comes to financial security or family, I choose family, and I do not regret making that decision regardless of the stress and insecurity my premature unemployment has caused.

I suspected, when I moved back to Spokane, finding a job in education would be nearly impossible. The competition is steep and I understand the desire for employers to hire “career minded” individuals. What I wasn’t counting on was the discrimination women my age encounter across the work force. I naively thought that a master’s degree, awards and accolades, and 20 years of experience as a teacher would indicate to someone, somewhere, I possessed skills. Add to that another 25 years of varied work experience in jobs where I learned skills still relevant today. I find myself flabbergasted that I am not regarded as qualified to type a paper, answer a phone, push a broom, or flip a hamburger simply because I haven’t done those things for pay in the last decade. Having earned three degrees, I assumed potential employers would understand that I am capable of learning; unlike an old dog, I can learn new tricks, or at least remember how to do some of the old ones.

I’ve been on multiple interviews, each one different, and all duly impressed with my credentials, but all the same in their apparent bias toward the “energetic, career minded” (insert “youthful”) individual. The lead off question is usually, “Tell us something about yourself.” I’m sure they mean for me to recount my work history, but for me that started when I was 14, which was 45 years ago. Interviews usually have a set amount of time to cover the prerequisite number of questions, so I invariably leave the interview thinking, if they only knew . . .

Unlike the 22 year old who comes before or after me in the interview process, with maybe a previous job or two to account for, I can recount years of minimum wage jobs before I started a late career in teaching. At 14, I worked as a waitress helping my mother, who up to that point had single-handedly run the café. It was some years before I could break free of this profession, so like many young people I worked fast food jobs. But these years taught me how to clean and cook, deal with the public, expect the unexpected, handle cash transactions, organize—overall, to work hard for very little reward. I continued to work and gain experience as a maid, roofer, fruit picker, music director, and a woman’s shelter volunteer.

A significant opportunity came when a friend asked me to help his wife out in their auto shop. I learned how to keep books, identify, keep inventory, and gopher parts. I also had the support of my boss to attend college—non-accredited, but I completed my first course of studies with a diploma.

One of the best jobs I ever had was working in the library of the local morning newspaper, as a subscription clerk. My boss taught me word economy as he red-inked letter after letter, a skill I picked up and used as a teacher grading homework. I learned how to organize vast amounts of material, do research, and problem solve. I improved my typing skills, and worked as a relief operator for the building’s incoming calls. As much as I enjoyed the work, I felt limited and decided to head back to college . . . at 25.

Can I type a letter, create newsletters, answer a phone, handle money transactions, appease the public, get to work on time, work as a team, work independently, understand principles of accounting, cook, clean, direct, organize, complete a project, roof a house, identify a car part, sell merchandise? “Yes!” and I have been doing so for decades. How do I convey this history in a 20-minute interview? If they only knew . . .

While married I helped manage a golf course, bringing all my skills to bear on this employment. I kept my own books, figured out the tax system on my own, handled merchandising, hired and fired employees, and ran the restaurant. I did it all this while raising young children.

It was difficult to find work that was permanent or paid well enough to make it worthwhile after paying child care expenses. My solution was to start my own small business. I made cedar

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signs and started a distribution network which did quite well until divorce altered the direction of my life. I headed back to school to finish my degree and for the first time in my life sought to get a “real” job that would provide steady employment, along with a good salary that included benefits. Nearing 40 I had yet to start my “career.” Once back in school I used work-study jobs related to education to get me through my undergraduate degree. By this time I had remarried, now part of a joined family with seven children. I admit this taxed my resolve.

During one shift I had a meltdown, sobbed for 20 minutes, then went back to work. I completed my degree and was immediately hired as a middle school teacher. The next year I moved up to the high school and taught there for 14 amazing years.

Now I’m a grandmother. I don’t think my choice to play an active role in the lives of my grandchildren should bar me from employment. I don’t think that wanting to find a job that is interesting, yet allows me time to pursue other interests means I am any less “career minded” than someone more youthful. I don’t think that nearing 60 should indicate to anyone how long I’ll be in the workforce. My grandmother lived to be 97. I don’t think I’m ready to spend the next 40 years knitting and crafting, though I certainly would like to add moderation to my employment to allow for personal growth and development. I want to paint, learn photography, and write a book, but I also need a job to fund these endeavors. I still need to work, grow, learn, and feel like I’m having a positive impact in the community in which I live. I feel 20 again, trapped in a mire of preconceptions. There is so much more to me than a sagging chin, graying hair, or a fuddled response that tries to pull out an abbreviated explanation to a narrow-minded question.

If They Only Knew . . .

“If They Only Knew” is an anonymous guest column featuring essays from the “snapshot” life moments of courage and perseverance in Spokane Coeur d’Alene women. If you would like to share a moment of your life when you thought, “If They Only Knew,” please send an email to editor@ spokanecdawoman.com or mail a hard copy to our editor, Stephanie Regalado, at 104 S. Freya, Ste. 209, Spokane, WA 99202.

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