Spokane CDA Woman September/October 2015

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September/October 2015 | Issue 23

Near Death - by -

Peach Pit Tips for a Smooth Emotional Transition into

The Pregnant Truth

fall

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Inside

Day in the Life: While on a trip to San Diego for her brother’s wedding, Katie Wilds Wardall visited breweries where she saw her first pint glass filled with dog treats. A bell went off; and within a couple of days of returning home to Spokane, she did some research, picked up some grain from River City Brewery, started baking, and the Malted Mutt was born.

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Closing the Gap: Jennifer Evan’s column returns as she shares her adventures in womanhood. In this issue, she shares the moment she realized she may have poisoned herself and the rush of thoughts and remedies she brings brings on to save her life.

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Role Model: Since Lori Wyborney became principal of Rogers High School in 2010, the school’s graduation rate has increased from 60.4 percent to 81.6 percent (as of 2014). She is Washington State’s 2015 High School Principal of the Year. Lori shares how she’s working to transform students’ learning experience, what it’s like to be principal of the year and how she maintains a balanced life.

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September/October 2015

contents

Heroes & Sockpants: By the time Holly Lytle was in the fourth grade, she had her whole life planned out.

She would live in a cute little south hill home with a white picket fence. Instead, she learned motherhood looked more like a Northside fixer-upper and soggy goldfish crackers smashed into the couch cushions. In a new column, Holly shares her journey toward creating a perfectly imperfect family.

on the

cover

Model: Hailey

Spooner Photography: Kelly Tareski Photography With Fall in the air, it’s time to pull out your favorite boots, scarves and beautiful jackets.

Find Spokane CDA Woman magazine on Facebook at www.facebook.com/SpokaneCDAWoman

September_October 2015

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Vol. 4 Issue 5

September/October 2015

Editorial

Editor | Stephanie Regalado editor@spokanecdawoman.com

Art Direction | Graphics Art Director/Lead Graphic Designer Kristi Somday | kristi@spokanecda.com Traffic Manager/Graphic Designer Camille Martin | camille@spokanecda.com

Contributors

Kate Armstrong, Kimberly Blaker, Lori EastepJennifer Evans, Lisa Fairbanks-Rossi, Sandra Gorman-Brown, Tiffany Harms, Dennis Held, Julie Humphreys, Debbie Judd, Holly Lytle, Jennifer LaRue, Diane Maehl, Erika Prins, Kelly Tareski, Katy Vancil

Sales | Marketing Business Development Emily Guevarra Bozzi | emily@spokanecda.com Vice President of Sales Cindy Guthrie | cindy@spokanecda.com Senior Account Manager Jeff Richardson | jrichardson@spokanecda.com Account Managers Erin Meenach | erin@bozzimedia.com Julie Lilienkamp | julie@bozzimedia.com

Operations Director of Operations Kim Morin | kim@spokanecda.com Accounts Receivable and Distribution Theresa Berglund | theresa@spokanecda.com

Events Hot Summer Nights, Best of the City, B2B Jennifer Evans | j@allfortheencore.com Release Parties: events@bozzimedia.com

Publisher & CEO | Vincent Bozzi vince@spokanecda.com

• • • •

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Co-Publisher/Co-Founder | Emily Guevarra Bozzi emily@spokanecda.com

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104 S Freya | Ste 209 | Spokane WA 99202-4866 Phone: 509.533.5350 | Fax: 509.535.3542 All contents © 2015. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. Neither Bozzi Media nor Spokane CDA Woman assumes responsibility for errors in content, photos or advertisements.

Editor's letter

The Façades, the Hope, the Courage photo by Kelly Tareksi

I

have often heard the expression, “You never really know what is going on in someone’s life.” I didn’t comprehend the magnitude of that statement until well into womanhood A couple of years ago, I sat with a friend at a local coffee shop. Our conversation wandered around many topics, including very real concerns about marriage, and some specific difficulties that friends of ours had been facing. One of our friends suspected that her husband had been unfaithful, and that he was addicted to pornography. Another friend had just lost her mother to cancer. And a third was struggling with infertility.

Then, with great sympathy, my friend wondered aloud about every woman’s ability to present a façade to the outside world, regardless of the challenging situations we all face at any given time. She even called me out, saying that as much as I choose to share with the outside world, I put up some of the biggest façades of them all.

That didn’t resonate well with me—I feel I’m about as authentic as they come. Being authentic doesn’t mean you stop everyone in their tracks with your laundry list of “Oh my heavens, my life is insane and you’ve got to hear all about it.” After all, there is such a thing as discretion.

As we examined our own lives, and our own challenges, we concluded that it wasn’t always a façade after all. It’s part of our courage. It’s how we cope.

Women, regardless of our circumstances, often wear a smile as we face the world around us, not in an effort to fool anyone into thinking our lives are shinier than theirs, but because that is part of the way we overcome obstacles. We do it for our children, we do it for our spouses, we do it for our friends, but especially, we do it for ourselves. We do it— we keep showing up with our baggage stowed into the appropriate life compartments— because we know our ability to face difficult times, and help others around us do the same, so often starts with this simple gesture of hope.

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One thing we can assume is that everyone, every woman, is facing something. Knowing the full magnitude of the challenge isn’t necessary—nor does it really matter because it’s all relative—just know. We show up with our challenges tucked into our heart pockets and our smiles on in spite of that sting, knowing what we know and what it took to make time for a shower that day, or run a brush through our hair, or get the kiddos out the door on time, or having the big presentation ready and never letting them see you sweat although you feel the beads of moisture pooling between your lower back and your spanx—which reminds you to get serious about losing that extra ten to twenty stress pounds in spite of the . . . stress.

We are amazing creatures. Even when we feel like a hot mess. That smile you see on the face of a woman who is in the middle of a crisis isn’t a lie: it’s a measure of her ability to get through another challenge, and a sign of her understanding that things will get better. And if that’s a façade, then I say, smile away, Sister. I’m with you all the way.

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Malted Mutt

Up Front

Beyond Pink Thermographs: Not screening as usual

By Lisa Fairbanks-Rossi

M

ammograms are the go-to source, among both naturopathic and medical practitioners, for locating breast tumors and abnormalities. In 2014, the Journal of the American Medical Association reported that the new 3-D mammogram technology is now detecting up to 41 percent more invasive, early-stage breast cancers than conventional (2-D) machines, and have reduced false positives by up to 40 percent.

But concerns about radiation exposure generated by mammograms make many non-symptomatic 40-plus women hesitant about the recommended annual procedure.

On average, the total dose for a typical mammogram with two views of each breast is about 4000-5000 mrems (“millirems” are radiation measures), which is on par with the Washington State Department of Health’s yearly radiation dose limit of 5,000 mrems.

The process of thermographic breast imaging is one of the tools sought out by women looking for an alternative.

All it takes is a five to ten-minute infrared camera shoot in low-light—there is no machine contact with breasts. Minutes after the photographs, neon-hued digital images allow us to scan our breasts for symmetry and abnormal light patterns. Cancer is reportedly “hotter” than normal tissue, so if a thermogram lights up in red and yellow, this is a warning sign.

“The technology can detect the slightest differences in heat signatures,” says Karla Porter, a medical imaging specialist certified in both mammography and thermography. “We can show visual proof of increased vascularity,” Karla explains, which she says verifies high estrogen levels, one of the precursors of breast disease.

“We recommend thermograms to women who are under 40. It’s a

first line of defense, it is not a replacement for mammograms.”

Indeed, while a mammogram is always recommended following a suspicious thermogram, you’ll be hard-pressed to find a doctor who recommends a thermogram following a mammogram.

Since 1982, thermography has been FDAapproved as an “adjunct tool” in breast cancer screening. Its support and promotion by naturopathic doctors and preventive medicine gurus like Dr. Christine Northrup may be enough reason for medical doctors to discount the perceived value of thermographic images in a treatment plan.

But women who love and trust thermograms speak excitedly about the empowerment and peace of mind they have gained from the results.

“You can see the inflammatory process,” says Charlie Brewer, who not only changed her lifestyle after learning about the implications of her own breast thermogram, but created a nonprofit with Karla, called “Beyond Pink,” that raises grant money for other women’s thermograms, which run around $250, include a 30-minute result >>

“If you look at all the health care treatment options, there is a hole, and there are too many women falling into it.”

September_October 2015

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Up Front consultation and are not covered by health insurance.

Charlie’s thermogram showed hot spots and possible cysts.

“I changed my diet, I quit drinking out of plastic, I am eating organic,” Charlie says. The images in her thermogram have improved, and so has her health and energy.

Being on the path of prevention has allowed her to see it is possible for women to take charge of their own health, and it is a source of her involvement in Beyond Pink.

“If you look at all the health care treatment options, there is a hole, and there are too many women falling into it.”

This spring, 47-year-old Stacey Sawyer felt a lump in one of her breasts, and while she waited for the doctor-recommended diagnostic mammogram, took Charlie’s advice and got a thermogram.

Stacey’s images lit up in orange and yellow, and a greyscale version showed massive vascularity. While she says her OB was unmoved by the infrared images, she got her in quickly for an ultrasound and biopsy.

Weeks later, after Stacey had been diagnosed with Stage 3, HER2 positive breast cancer, she received “unremarkable,” or normal, mammogram results in the mail.

Stacey now awaits a double mastectomy, the removal of her ovaries and lymph nodes, and copes with an ominous 5 to 7 percent survival rate (after 5 years) that comes with her hormone-sourced, aggressive cancer.

“Had I not done the thermogram, and just had my diagnostic mammogram, it would have said ‘unremarkable’ and I would have stopped there, and said ‘See you next year or the year after’ . . . but I would not have lived that long.”

Charlie and Karla point to Stacey’s experience as the perfect model for the value of collaborating between thermograms and mammograms to get the most thorough picture of breast health possible.

“No one technology is going to save your life,” Charlie admits, but the circumstances surrounding Stacey’s near-miss diagnosis fuel her energy for this year’s Beyond Pink Designer Bra Fashion Show and Auction, the group’s major fundraising event.

“For this sixth year, our goal is to raise $100,000, which at $250 apiece, will pay for 400 women’s thermograms.” Both Karla and Charlie promise an energizing, empowering night. “There’s a reason why we call it ‘the most fun you’ll ever have saving a life.’”

For more information about Beyond Pink and thermograms, visit www.beyondpink.net photo by Diane Maehl Photography

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Wearable Technology Ringly creates beautiful, smart jewelry and accessories that keep you effortlessly connected to the things that matter most. Their core belief is that technology can be more discreetly integrated into people’s lives. Ringly places style and simplicity above all else and the first product line is a collection of rings.

A simple solution so women will never have to worry about missing an important message because their phone was hidden in the bottom of their bag or purse, Ringly connects to your phone so you can receive subtle notifications about what’s important. Through the Ringly app, you can set custom color and vibration patterns for different types of notifications. The accompanying ring box also acts as a charging station; simply place your Ringly in the box to recharge when the battery is low. www.ringly.com

bloom fest For Those with Babies on Board Bloom Spokane’s mission is to improve the quality of maternity care in Spokane by supporting and educating local childbearing families and health care professionals. Bloom promotes motherfriendly maternity care, encourages informed health care decisions, and strives to improve the community’s birth culture.

They are proud to host Bloom Fest on Saturday, September 26 from 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. at CenterPlace Regional Event Center in Spokane Valley. The event is a free and fun-filled day that brings together the Spokane region’s best local resources for expecting parents and families. The event features more than 30 exhibitors and presenters including: doctors, midwives, doulas, fitness

instructors, lactation consultants, family-related nonprofit organizations, mother/baby businesses and more.

There are fun activities for kids, a film screening of the new documentary, The Mama Sherpas, a raffle, and educational workshops.

Free workshops include topics such as car seat safety, introducing solids, postpartum health, cloth diapering, and more. For information and to register for the workshops or film screening visit www.bloomfest.org.

Bloom Fest 2015 Saturday, Sept. 26 11:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.

CenterPlace Regional Event Center, Spokane Valley

September_October 2015

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Move that body Firetruck Ride Home From School

Santa Visit Christmas Morning

Hot Air Balloon 3 Nights Napa Valley

7 Nights Pend Oreille Shores Resort

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Extravaganza Saturday, 24th October, 2015 Silent & Live Auction

Costume Party

• Dance the night away to Kelly Hughes • Dinner and Cash Bar

As we draw near October, we are besieged with messages about breast cancer prevention. We are reminded through the onslaught of pink merchandise—everything from ribbons to rubber bracelets, and bandanas to bumper stickers. And through the sobering PSAs containing current breast cancer statistics—one in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in their lives.

This article will be no different, except that these pointers can—and should—be put to good use throughout the year, not just in the tenth month on the calendar.

Help us FIGHT children’s cancer $35 per person $250 per table of 8 5:30 pm to 11 pm

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American Girl 3 Nights L.A. Shopping Spree

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5 Nights Panama

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Belly Breaths. As in, take deep ones.

Often. By doing so, you will elongate and slow down brain waves, thus providing yourself with a calming effect.

Research suggests that psychological factors may be linked to increased risk for cancer, possibly because people with high stress levels often turn to alcohol or other unhealthy habits in an attempt to cope. Increased alcohol consumption is a proven cause of cancer, as is an unhealthy diet. So put the bottle of wine down—pour just a glass instead—and breathe.

R

Relax. If you find a lump while doing your self-exam, don’t panic. Though you should definitely have all lumps, or noticeable changes, checked out by your doctor, try to put your mind at ease.

Four out of five lumps felt in the breast are benign. Many times a new bump turns out to be a cyst, or fluid-filled sac, associated with hormonal fluctuations.

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E

Eat. (You thought “E” was going to stand for “Exercise,” didn’t you?) The USDA advises that you fill half your plate with produce, and now there’s more reason for doing that than just shiny

thedealplanet.com

hair and nails. Several recent studies have suggested that eating a lot of fruit and veggies may be associated with a lowered risk for developing estrogen-receptor-negative breast tumors. And while you’re eating, reach for whole, dark grapes or even some unsweetened grape juice. The antioxidant resveratrol, found in grapes, may protect your cells from damage that could lead to cancer.

A

Active. Be active (Okay…here’s the “Exercise” one), and here’s why: fat cells produce estrogen. High levels of estrogen have been linked to certain cancers. Exercising can shrink the size of fat cells, so your body generates less estrogen. The American Cancer Society recommends getting at least 150 minutes of moderate activity per week.

S

Schedule your Screenings. Here’s a quick guide: In your 20s, start getting in the habit of doing your self-exams.

Have your OB/GYN perform a clinical breast exam on you every time you visit. In your 30s, continue to get your clinical exams, but talk to your doctor about your family history as it relates to breast cancer, and make a plan as to when you should start getting regular MRIs or mammograms. In your 40s, in addition to your yearly clinical exam, start getting a mammogram bi-annually. In your 50s (and up), receive both clinical breast exams and mammograms annually.

T

Time to go to bed. Staying up late can result in suppressed melatonin levels.

Research suggests that melatonin regulates estrogen, and as mentioned above, estrogen levels play an important role in the appearance—and absence—of certain cancers. Another reason to turn in early and get seven to eight solid hours of Zs. Combine these six tips with information from organizations such as the American Cancer Society and Susan G. Komen, and you will be well on your way to lowering your risk of breast cancer.

To further support not only your breasts, but the breasts of others, consider attending the Party in Pink, Zumbathon for breast cancer awareness and prevention, this October in Spokane.

In addition to her full-time job in Corporate America, Kate Armstrong is a licensed fitness instructor, producing annual Zumba Fitness events. www.ZMeDance.com.

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A Day

in the life

photo by Peter Franz

Katie Wilds Wardall of the

Malted Mutt

By Jennifer LaRue

Ziggy,

a 7-year-old Australian shepherd, Catahoula mix, greats you enthusiastically at the door and leads you downstairs in a sort of sideways gait; must be the herder in him. He is an eager herder; he knows what’s in the basement. Practically galloping down the stairs, he gleefully gives you a tour of the bottom floor, constantly looking over his shoulder on the chance that someone might want him to do a command while dangling a mustache-shaped cookie just out of reach. Yep. There’s one. Roll over. Sit. Stay. Good boy. That’s his cue. The peanut butter molasses porter snack is gone in an instant and he doesn’t even know that it’s 100% natural, organic, earth-friendly, sustainable, and made by his mom, Katie Wilds Wardall who rescued him five years ago from the Kootenai Humane Society.

Katie grew up in Post Falls where she considered going into law or psychology. She took some college classes and ended up going into social media and marketing while supporting her habits by working as a bartender. She enjoys a cold beer and being an entrepreneur.

About 18 months ago, she traveled to San Diego for her brother’s wedding. She arrived early enough to hit the sights and buy gifts. The sights she hit included breweries where she saw her first pint glass filled with dog treats which she bought while thinking how cool it was. A bell went off; within a couple of days of returning to Spokane from San Diego, she did some research, picked up some grain from River City Brewery, started baking, and the Malted Mutt was born.

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Ziggy tilts his head and his eyes widen when Katie takes a bite of one of his cookies.

She gives him the remaining morsel. “It’s good,” she says. “I was selling them at Kendall Yards Night Market and a little boy took a sample. He asked his dad if he could have a bag. His dad said no but said he could share the one bag they bought with their dog. And a bartender I know snacks on them throughout the day.” Katie’s favorite flavor is the peanut butter carob chip cookie.

The ingredients include spent brewer’s grain (oats, barley, and rye) from local breweries, homemade peanut butter, blackstrap molasses, banana, honey, oatmeal, apples, and carob. She rolls and cuts the snacks in her basement but mixes and bakes in a commercial kitchen in Spokane Valley where she pays an hourly rate. “We went through two ovens when we started,” she says, “and the commercial kitchen’s convection oven saves us about 10 hours a day.”

A fan of sustainable living, Katie uses local ingredients as often as possible, recycles Winco bags for her packaging, and labels that were designed by a local artist. She also works with local organizations, donating gift baskets to worthy causes including Beyond Pink and working with Washington Basset Rescue. The Malted Mutt also participates in beer events and dog shows. “There are so many great dog organizations in Spokane,” she says.

The snacks come in small, medium, and large, and are sold in bags or pint glasses from area breweries. She sells them at local breweries, businesses, and events. Very soon, she will be launching Doggie Ice Cream in partnership with local creamery Brain Freeze. (I had a sample and it was delicious and dairy-free.) Her ultimate goal is to open a brick and mortar business with a dog-friendly patio.

Looking over at her business partner and boyfriend, Peter Franz, I say, “Sorry I’m not asking you any questions; this is for a woman’s magazine.” He laughs. “Oh, that’s fine. I usually do all the talking. This is refreshing.” When he tells me his age (41), I must have unintentionally given Katie, 28, a funny look because, without missing a beat, she says, “I ain’t got time for that bull****. And yes, you can quote me on that.” I look down at Ziggy who is eyeing the spoon I sampled the ice cream with and I think what a beautiful life he has. www.maltedmutt.com

September_October 2015

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Closing the gap

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Peach I cut open a peach and discarded the pit. When I cut into the second peach, the pit was cracked in half and its seed was exposed.

Why is what’s needed to sustain life covered in such a thick-coated exterior? Nuts and seeds are part of my diet and I’d never tried a peach seed before, so I decided to pop it in my mouth.

It was bitter at first. But it was amazing how something so guarded and bitter can turn into something so sweet, soft and juicy.

This felt poetic, so I decided to learn more about the peach seed. The first thing I saw in my Google search was an article titled “Eight Deadly Foods You Should Never Eat.” Fear and panic rushed in as I read the article. I started sweating and I could feel my throat swelling. I continued reading on down the list of articles, as each new piece brought a different perspective: “it’s not going to hurt you in a small dose and you may even feel a surge of energy” to “you might want to call 911.” I seriously considered dialing 911 when I couldn’t find our nurse hotline number from the insurance company (I still need to find that). I rehearsed in my mind what I’d say if I called 911. I could hear my words and remembered that those calls are recorded. “Hi. I fear I may have poisoned myself and seeing as I’m a single mom I should probably take this seriously: I just ate a peach seed.” I imagined the long pause from the 911 operator.

“So, what’s your emergency?” People would be laughing at me for days at dinner parties and beers after work—“Listen to this paranoid freak.” I decided to relax and trust the math and the chemistry these websites referred to—a few agreed it would take 13-15 peach pits to ingest a lethal dose.

I continued on with my Google search and

read about the attempted murder of Rasputin and how the cyanide they gave him did not kill him because cyanide binds to sugar and alcohol and exits the system. He was drinking wine and eating cake at the time of the attempted murder. I looked to my left at the stale cookies I hadn’t been interested in all week and quickly took a bite. I opened the fridge to discover that my friend Sam had left a couple of beers from our visit a few nights earlier. Without delay, I opened the bottle and started drinking.

(Thanks, Sam. You may have saved my life.)

The kids were involved in playing a game, one watching TV and another reading a book.

I told them I wasn’t trying to scare them but did want them to understand that if something went wrong that I really needed them to call 911 because I had ingested something potentially poisonous. My oldest didn’t look up from her book.

My other teenager started making jokes about it and my boy just looked at me and then went back about his business.

We finally sat down to eat dinner. My daughter was asking a little bit more about what I had eaten and laughing at the home remedies I was trying, as I sipped on what was left of the open beer. I told them about the failed murder attempt on Rasputin. They didn’t know who Rasputin was and my oldest said, “You know, the one from the song in Just Dance that Mom likes.”

My son recommended I eat the last cookie, and I confessed I had already taken a bite. My teenager, who had been asking for ice cream all week, decided she would save my life by sending her sister to the store for ice cream.

You know, so I could eat that sugar and live. I sat on the couch, reflecting, while two kiddos walked to the store and the other was in her airconditioned room. I’m thankful for that adventure-filled hour, and the joy my family brings to me, and realize my future is every bit as sweet as that peach, even though I, too, come from something buried and bitter.

Jennifer Evans is the proud mother of three children and the principal of Encore Events. Closing the Gap chronicles Jennifer’s story of how she is getting from where she is in life to where she wants to be.

September_October 2015

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Role model

Lori Wyborney

By Erika Prins

Since Lori Wyborney became principal of Rogers High School in 2010, the school’s graduation rate has increased from 60.4 percent to 81.6 percent as of 2014. She is Washington State’s 2015 High School Principal of the Year.

Lori shares how she’s working to transform students’ learning experience, what it’s like to be principal of the year and how she maintains a balanced life.

SCW: How did you become principal at Rogers?

I came to Rogers in 2007 and became the principal in 2010. It’s really only the second school I’ve ever worked at—I spent 20 years at a school in Central Washington. And I love it. I will retire from here. It’s got great kids, great community, great staff. I absolutely love my job.

This was never my plan. Teaching was always my plan—I taught history and I loved it. Then, we got this new principal and we lost an assistant principal and [the principal] said, “I really want you to do this.”

And I said, “No way. I belong in the classroom.” To be honest, I was really miserable that first year [as assistant principal]. I missed the classroom. I actually wasn’t going to do it for more than a year.

SCW: What changed?

I really thought that my way was the only way. As I was around in all the classrooms—you find teachers that are doing all kinds of different things. I came to the realization that there are a lot of ways.

SCW: What’s it like to be principal of the year?

Crazy. Totally crazy. It’s been an experience, I can tell you that. I have about three more events to do, I think, finally. I’ve met just unbelievable people.

People who are so great at their jobs. It’s been a really great experience that way—being able to meet other principals and see what they’re doing.

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We’ve been to schools all over the country and we’ve learned so much from what they’re doing, and how they’re attacking student achievement and college readiness. Occasionally, it affirms what we’re trying to do.

SCW: Student achievement at Rogers has improved markedly under your leadership. What are you doing differently?

This last year, we launched a school-wide literacy program to increase literacy for our students because we think that is the key to their success. That was after studying about literacy programs for about 18 months.

This year, we’re launching a new approach to discipline. There was a time when our kids were struggling with conflict. So we kind of had to, for lack of better terms, bust some chops to get kids to stop fighting and start looking at conflict resolution, and that’s been really successful. Honestly, now, fighting is hardly occurring.

We’re going to look at a more restorative set of practices for discipline—we’re really looking to reduce, if not eliminate, suspensions. We’ve got our graduation rate to a point where the majority of kids are doing well and are able to complete school and go to college, but we have a small set of kids that are struggling.

To get after those kids, we have to figure out a way to get them reengaged in school.

All that is a pretty big shift in education because we have typically said, “You don’t want to behave? You’re gone.” That doesn’t help because these kids that are at risk, they won’t succeed. We’re hoping that it will not only keep kids in school, it will increase student achievement.

SCW: Your work life sounds intense. How do you navigate work-life balance and stay healthy?

I’m a mad crazy biker. I ride a bike every single day. During the school year, I get up super early. As the weather gets nicer, I can get outside and I like long bike rides. That is time that I spend thinking about work: where we are, where we need to go.

It can be an intense job. There are days where you go, “Wow that’s intense!” But, I really feel like riding my bike helps me sort it all out in my head.

My parents did a great job of showing me the balance that’s necessary for life to be good. My dad was a high school administrator and my mother also worked in schools. I never heard him complaining about work at home. He came home and he was just Dad. I think I learned that from him. I’m able to get in the car and maybe yell at the windshield a little bit, and then come home and be with my husband, my kids and my grandkids.

SCW: What advice do you have for other women interested in school administration—or any leadership position, for that matter?

It’s not easy. Nothing’s ever easy, but why I can keep doing it and moving forward is, I know what my true north is. I know what I’m about and what I believe in, and everything I do is based in that. I can say what I think because I have the confidence in what I believe.

That’s one thing I always tell people: “Get to where you know what you believe.”

I also think just strength of character—you have to be a little bold.

You have to take a risk once in a while. You have to be able to fail, be humble enough to be able to fail and say, “That’s okay. We did it wrong. We’ll do it differently the next time.”

If you feel a call to leadership, you should do it, and you should do it with passion. There are always examples of strong women in education. There have always been incredible women for me to look up to in order to kind of shape who I am.

September_October 2015

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Health

Under Pressure

By Debbie Judd

Traffic jam, late for work; too much month at the end of your money; single parent working full time and raising children; no breakfast, so it’s fast food for lunch and dinner; working full-time and training for marathon; bed at midnight and up at 5 a.m.; chronic allergies; chronic frustration; arguments with spouse, children and co-workers . . . sound familiar?

Stress . . . a word used loosely and often, but such a highly subjective phenomenon that it defies definition. One person’s distress can be another’s pleasure. Viewed primarily as being

synonymous with distress, most people experience the overwhelming demand that exceeds the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize.

And our body continues to respond to the archaic, fight or flight response that was designed to be beneficial for primitive humans to run from the saber-toothed tiger or hostile warrior. However, the nature of stress for modern humans tends to be more insidious because it commonly stems from psychological rather than physical distress: emotional threats that occur several times each day.

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According to the American Psychological Association, 75 percent of adults report moderate to high levels of stress and nearly half report increased stress in the past year. It’s a top health concern for U.S. teens between 9th and 12th grade, and psychologists say that if they don’t learn healthy ways to manage stress now, it could have serious long-term health implications.

Have you ever stopped to wonder what the “wear and tear” of stress does to your body?

While stress can be helpful and good when it results in increased productivity—things can go rapidly downhill when that sense of having little or no control reaches the tipping point. And that peak differs for everyone, so being sensitive to the warning signs is crucial.

The potentially damaging and deadly warning cues are due to increased sympathetic nervous system activity and an outpouring of adrenaline, cortisol and other stress-related hormones. The metabolic effects of chronic cortisol elevation can lead to increased glucose and insulin secretion leading to type 2 diabetes; fat storage— particularly around the middle; alterations in immune function leading to autoimmune disease, allergies, rashes, chronic infections; low thyroid function; memory loss; emotional and mental instability; bone and mineral

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BEFORE

AFTER

loss leading to osteoporosis; increase in cardiovascular risk factors; increase in cancer tumor cell activity; insomnia; digestive and gut problems; and reduced sex hormone production.

What to do? Just as stress is different for each of us there is no stress reduction strategy that is a universal remedy.

Here are a few tips: Identify your stress triggers so that you can avoid them or reduce the impact.

Eliminate the stressors you can control (remember the Serenity Prayer).

Change your perspective—maybe life isn’t so bad after all. What are you grateful for?

Maintain healthy body weight with moderate exercise and healthy, routine meals.

Get adequate sleep. This is foundational to health.

Learn to relax through time alone, meditative exercises and deep breathing techniques.

The key to reducing stress is to prevent it. When you sleep well, eat well, engage in regular exercise, socialize with friends and family, focus on the positive relationships and things in life . . . you will be well on the way to reduce the stress in your life.

Debbie Judd, ARNP, owns The Metabolic Institute in Spokane. www.themetabolic-institute.com September_October 2015

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hen it comes to entertaining, few people are as knowledgeable as caterers.

They have to feed an entire host of people at once, and they must be prepared for anything, stay calm and prepare food a variety of people will love. So who better to give us advice about planning a stress-free dinner party than a couple of very talented local caterers and chefs?

Family Style “When planning the perfect dinner party for friends, family or new acquaintances, we recommend family style meal service.

From the appetizer to the dessert, family style meals promote conversation and makes guests feel relaxed. Family style meals make your table look bountiful, save you time and encourage conversation. As silly as it may sound, when you have to ask the person across the table ‘Can you pass the lasagna again? It is fantastic!’ it will not only make you proud, but it will help break the ice and foster conversation and a communal feel. In addition, your guests get to eat what they want without having to get up from the table for seconds.” —Desiree Seghetti at Commellini Estate Keep calm and mise en place “Mise en place is a French term used in

many restaurants and kitchens that translates to ‘putting in place.’ It refers to being organized and getting your ingredients ready for cooking, before you even turn on your oven. This means having all your ingredients measured out, your produce or proteins prepped, and having everything you would need for that particular dish in arm’s reach.

When you’re preparing to cook for guests, it’s helpful to make sure your kitchen is clean and organized, and that’s exactly what mise en place is supposed to do. Nothing is worse than having to measure out how much cheese you’ll need to add to your simmering pot of milk, right when it’s about to boil over.” — Joile Forral at Couple of Chefs Catering Get Ahead!

“For a successful event for you and your guests, we find it’s best to get as much done the night before the event. Some great examples of items you can do ahead of time are creating pretty tablescapes with detailed place settings, pre-batching a signature cocktail to serve over ice or prepping a chilled appetizers to have ready the instant your guests arrive.” —Ali Messer at Beacon Hill Catering & Events Rachel Sandall is the editor of AppleBrides. com, the Inland Northwest’s busiest online wedding resource.

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Personalized Care Delivered With Compassion Triage RNs for Our Patient's Questions And To Support Urgent Needs Excellent Full Service Physician Based OB, GYN, and UROGYN Care Phones Answered By A Real Person During Office Hours Contraceptive Care Full Scope Nurse Midwifery Practice

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Amp Up Your Body and Mind Outdoors

Family It’s no secret that spending time outdoors is good for your health and well-being. From taking in fresh air during a walk through the park to taking advantage of the outdoor recreation facilities in our community, getting outside does a body—inside and out—good.

Countless studies show the health benefits of nature when people who have been suffering from stress, sickness, or a trauma can spend quiet contemplative time in gardens or take to the mountains or woods to heal.

People who live in communities that are walkable, have access to bike trails, and are near parks and green space have higher levels of health than those in communities lacking those amenities, according to Dr. Richard J. Jackson, former director of the National Center for Environmental Health and star of the PBS series Designing Healthy Communities.

What you may not realize is that significant work and planning goes into creating outdoor spaces that promote physical and mental well-being. Landscape architects help communities maximize opportunities for daily exercise like walking and biking, as well as places that optimize mental and physical restoration, such as therapeutic gardens.

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Consider these tips to make the most of the active living designs, such as parks and plazas, in our community: • Mix up your routine so you take advantage of fresh scenery. Choose the path lined with trees shimmering their autumn colors or take a route that lets you appreciate the late season blooms in a manicured flower bed.

• Get fit by exploring. The park closest to home may be most convenient, but venturing out to discover new outdoor recreation areas is a great way to keep active while enjoying a daily dose of nature. How many of the local parks have you visited? Make it a family challenge to explore as many as possible in the coming year.

• Blend education and activity. Learning about the animals, such as birds, and all the vegetation that inhabit your favorite park makes it rewarding to enrich the body and the mind. Research the space before you go and make bingo cards for your kiddos, to encourage them to be fully aware of the surroundings add a fun award at the end to up their awareness game.

• Think outside the box—box building, that is. Many parks and community centers offer outdoor versions of classes traditionally held inside. Yoga, aerobics, swimming, even group walks are possibilities worth exploring.

• Remember to practice smart hydration: protect the environment by carrying a refillable water bottle that lets you keep thirst at bay and your body temperature in check.

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alling all secret agents, mysterious women, international spies and the 2015 winners of our Best of the City Awards.

This year’s winners are still Top Secret, but the gala celebration plans are well underway.

Join us for a James Bond themed, red carpet event including food sampling from the best of the best in local food, a Casino Royale, an appropriately themed martini bar, a dance floor where you can break out your For Your Eyes Only moves and more.

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October 16th, 2015 at The Lincoln Center.

1316 N Lincoln St, Spokane, WA 99201

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Family

The Pregnant Truth

By Katy Vancil

W

hile I turn to my baby books from time to time to make sure I am not crazy (it never works—I’m usually crazy), I still find them demoralizing.

Most of the books will tell you some of the things to look forward to in pregnancy as well as pretty much everything under the sun that can go terribly, terribly wrong. I don’t mind the sections about the possible chances of my child having a tail or extra appendages, because I genuinely enjoy any chance I can get to join support groups. I just sometimes feel like maybe the authors aren’t really being honest about pregnancy and what a new mother might actually be thinking and feeling.

While I may not have clinical proof that my experiences can be generalized to all women, I still feel compelled to offer my version of a month-by-month look at what pregnancy is like.

Month One: You think you are pregnant, but you aren’t sure. Your husband’s words still ring in your ears from the last time you freaked out and bought a box of pregnancy tests: “Next time, just pee on this twenty dollar bill.” You decide that it’s still okay to drink at a party.

Two mojitos, three shots of tequila, and one really bad karaoke version of “Don’t Stop Believing” later, you realize you may have made a horrible mistake.

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if you have not yet believed that you have experienced at least 75 percent of these things, then you haven’t Googled enough. You Google some more.

Month Four: This month, you should plan on having a mental break-down. Your husband will do incredibly insensitive things like forget to put the toilet seat down or up depending on how you feel that day. He may also make rude remarks like, “Can you pass me the salt?”

You try on maternity clothes that are enormous, yet your own clothes will be so ridiculously uncomfortable; pinching nerves you didn’t know you had and making you sweat in places you didn’t know you could.

You will look in the mirror at yourself in maternity pants and realize that some idiot man clearly made these clothes for his elderly aunt with horrible taste and your butt will for sure never get that big.

Month Two: Still too cheap to buy a pregnancy test, you will agonize over every little change in your body. Why are corn dogs so delicious? Why can’t I fit into my jeans? Is it because of all the corn dogs? You will finally cave and buy three pregnancy tests from the dollar store because two out of three ain’t bad. When the first test is a clear positive, you will doubt the validity of the dollar store tests, yet will proceed to take the other two while your husband panics.

When all three tests come back positive, you will tell your husband the news and he will read your face to try and know how to react.

The rest of the month you will walk around like you are secretly the Queen of the Universe because, well, you are.

Month Five: You will rush to have your husband feel the baby’s kicks and just as he places his hands on your abdomen, the baby will refuse to move, causing him to suspect that this pregnancy thing is just a ruse for the whole corn dog fiasco a couple months ago. And you will wonder if it was just gas or the baby. The answer is “yes.”

As you are hit by the realization you are at least halfway through your pregnancy, you will begin to completely rearrange everything in your life. Furniture, personal goals, and vacation plans now all have something to do with the baby. You try to relax, but you will break down the next few months into events before the baby comes. You will begin to lament all of the things you have yet to do.

“But I haven’t seen Mount Rushmore!

I’ve never gone to China or even eaten good Chinese food for that matter. When will I ever get another opportunity to meet Oprah?”

There will be no rational answer to any of these questions. You will also wonder why your thighs are suddenly so big. The rational answer to this question is, of course, “corn dogs.”

Month Three: By this month you should have Googled every known thing that can go wrong and

Month Six: This month you will look in the mirror and realize that your thighs are actually getting

smaller so you will pull out your favorite jeans breathing a sigh of relief and thanking God that pregnancy actually made you skinnier.

When you can’t get your ankle past the knee portion of your pants, you will come to the awful realization that you are now freakishly disproportionate and your swelling midsection is actually just making you look like an orange on toothpicks. Still, you can be thankful for this optical illusion.

Month Seven: Refer to Month Four. Your butt got that big.

Your new asset will be offset by what some clinically insane people call a “baby bump.”

At this point, you will begin to realize that certain activities are nearly impossible. Some are nearly impossible because doing them drives you crazy (dishes, showering, making conversation), but others are nearly impossible because you cannot physically accomplish them without some act of incontinence or simply a general inability to maneuver around said “baby bump.”

You have likely forgotten what it was like to not be pregnant and you are probably feeling pretty good about the way you look and feel.

You stop worrying about eating too much at parties because you’re wearing stretchy pants and you can’t possibly have a “food baby.”

You might even tell yourself you look like a goddess in your flowing maternity gowns because, you actually do. Enjoy it.

Month Eight: By now, you will have the reflexes of a ninja, quickly fending off the questions, comments, and wandering hands of curious strangers.

No matter what you tell them, conversation will likely turn to the many horror stories of birth and childrearing. You should feel free to mentally karate chop these people as you turn and walk away.

Everyone will ask you what the baby’s name is going to be. If you decide to tell them, prepare yourself for the inevitable tale about some red-headed kid they lived next to in second grade who tortured animals and set fires. You will just smile and nod while secretly fearing that the child inside you might be the next anti-christ if you give him that name. Rest assured, there are a million other things that might make your child a sociopath before his or her name ever will.

Month Nine: This is the final countdown. But it won’t feel that way because this month has the ability to stretch the space-time continuum.

Doctors will check you every once in a while and you will be given numbers about things happening down there that don’t make a ton of sense, yet these numbers will be critically important in contributing to your panic. This is also when the lactivits, people with opinions about vaccinations, natural vs. medicated birth, and cloth diapers vs. disposables nut jobs come out of the woodwork. Keep in mind that they all want to help, but listen to none of them. This is your life. Literally, the life you made and are responsible for—forever. This is when you will teeter between excitement and trepidation for the future. You will realize that everything is beautiful and awful all at once and you can’t imagine bringing your child into this world. You might even beg for extra time while your baby is safe inside you.

After all your preparations and attempts at stalling, suddenly the day will come when your little one is ready and you will so not be. No matter how it happens, whether you push it out, suck it out, or cut it out, this tiny terrorist who has hijacked your body for the better part of a year will be in your arms. The past nine months of Googling, swelling, dreaming, and worrying will be a distant memory and you’ll begin a lifetime of loving your child—which will likely still include Googling, swelling, dreaming, and worrying. If being pregnant taught us anything it’s that nothing is certain. Life is held in a delicate balance and its outcomes are unpredictable. Thankfully, we are in a tribe of women who have gone before us and will usher in the women who come after us. When they do, we will be sure there are plenty of corn dogs and stretchy pants for everyone.

Katy Vancil is a Pacific Northwest native living in Spokane with her husband, son, soon-to-be daughter, puppy, and cat. She enjoys her job as a middle school counselor and loves exploring this beautiful city with her friends and family. Katy read her essay, “The Pregnant Truth,” during the 2015 Listen to Your Mother event at the Bing.

“I believe that patients should take an active role in their healthcare and make decisions guided by information. By giving patients a voice, my goal is to make each patient feel valued and respected.”

Andrea Prabhu, md, facog Obstetrician & Gynecologist

Advanced, compassionate care you can trust Accredited 3D/4D Ultra Sound

Accepting New Patients

at Two Great Locations

509.924.1990

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1415 N Houk, Ste A Spokane Valley, WA 99216

1334 N Whitman, Ste 220 Liberty Lake, WA 99019

Free Parking September_October 2015

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Keep o t ow and H hild Safe C Your

By Kimberly Blaker

A

ccording to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, approximately 115 children are abducted by strangers each year in the United States. But stranger dangers come in many forms, and different concerns are more prevalent at each stage of development. Of equal concern, strangers are not always the culprits.

Abduction – easy prey During the infant and early years, children can be kidnapped quickly with no need for coaxing.

Leaving a little one unattended in a stroller or locked car for just moments is long enough for an abduction to occur.

When shopping, keep your child in sight at all times. For difficult outings, leave your child with a sitter or use a child safety harness with toddlers. This gadget prevents small children from wandering off and reduces potential danger should parents become distracted.

As soon as your child is old enough to understand, read stories and discuss stranger dangers to reduce the risk of kidnapping.

At home or away, young children should be supervised when they play outdoors. As children grow, keep close tabs on their whereabouts, and never allow them to play unattended in parks, wooded lots, or secluded areas.

Abduction by an ex-spouse, estranged grandparents, or other family member is even more prevalent. More than 200,000 children are abducted by family members each year. If you suspect the possibility of this occurring, take every precaution, while abiding by child visitation requirements. If you have serious concerns, seek legal advice on how to protect your child when a court order requires that you allow unsupervised visitation with the potential perpetrator.

Sexual Predators As your child grows, new risks develop. Pedophiles and other sexual predators are found anywhere. Although your child could be sexually abused at any age, most pedophiles prefer children nearing puberty. According to Child Lures, a child-abuse prevention program, pedophiles “prey on a child’s sexual ignorance and curiosity.”

Though not exclusively, sexual abuse is most often committed by males and of all socioeconomic backgrounds. Pedophiles often look for access to children by taking a job working with

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or near them, chaperoning or leading activities and clubs, coaching sports programs, or befriending an adult to gain access to a child.

While not all men who take involvement with children are molesters, parents should remain alert to the possibility.

Teach your child what areas of the body are off limits to others and how to say “no” to someone who touches in a way that is uncomfortable. In addition, make sure your child understands that if something does happen, your child is not to blame and should tell an adult.

Changes in your child’s behavior might indicate something has gone wrong, according to the North American Missing Children’s Association, include withdrawal, unusual anger, acting out, fear of being alone or with a particular person, or decreased interest in activities, especially those in which the molester is involved. If you notice unexplained changes in your child’s behavior, talk with your child to determine the problem or seek professional help.

Internet Dangers It would seem stranger dangers should lessen as children grow. Nevertheless, strangers and acquaintances begin to pose risks by different means. It has been found that nineteen percent

of children aged 10 to 17 who use the Internet have been sexually propositioned according to a study by the Crimes Against Children Research Center of the University of New Hampshire.

Although none of the children in the study had been physically victimized, approximately one quarter of the children were distraught over the incidents.

To keep your kids safe on the Internet, purchase filtering software. Although filters are imperfect and don’t screen every inappropriate site, they significantly reduce access to danger sites.

In addition, insist that your child or adolescent only use chat rooms designed for your child’s age group. This reduces risk of involvement in adult discussions. It is also good to know some kids’ chat sites are overseen to insure no inappropriate or potentially dangerous discussion takes place.

Make sure your child understands the importance of never giving out his name, address, phone number or other personal or family information to strangers on the Internet, no matter how young or friendly the acquaintance may seem.

Finally, keep a close eye on kids when they use the Internet. While teens need their privacy, monitor the situation if an abundance of time is being spent on the Internet.

Peer Dangers During the teen years, growing independence makes your teen vulnerable to the risk of rape, which is committed by peers and strangers alike.

When alcohol and drugs become part of a teen’s social habits, the potential increases.

Teach your teen about the risk and how to be safe, discuss date rape drugs that are used and the risks they pose, and know the details of your teen’s whereabouts. In addition, enroll your daughter in a self-defense workshop to learn how to defend herself.

What to do if your child is missing: Be prepared in the unlikely event your child disappears. Keep an updated record that includes your child’s hair and eye color, height, weight, blood type, phone numbers and addresses of friends, and a recent photo.

Be sure to include several strands of your child’s hair with the roots and follicles attached for a DNA sample, and create an impression of your child’s teeth in a piece of sterilized Styrofoam.

According to federal law, a waiting period cannot be required for reporting missing children. If your child comes up missing, contact your local police department, and make every effort to search for your child while using caution not to disrupt evidence.

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Family mental health Grapetree Village | 2001 E. 29th

New Patients Welcome Appointments Available Monday through Friday

509.534.4600

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Staying Steady During Times of Transition

By Sandra Gormon-Brown & Lori Eastep

Fall is a time of change and transition. Kids head back to school. Calendar entries shift from vacation plans and visits with out of town friends and family to open houses and sports schedules. Dinner menus move from the grill to the crockpot. Lazy days turn hectic.

Change is situational. Some change is wanted and planned for; other change is unexpected and difficult, even traumatic at times.

Transition is psychological. It’s the internal process of learning to cope when life shifts from the familiar to uncharted territory.

One of the most challenging aspects of change is that ultimately, whether planned or not, change is hard. It creates stress and uncertainty. Many of us don’t deal well with uncertainty. Research in the field of neurobiology tells us that human brains calm down when we know what to expect. How then, do we cope with the wanted and the unexpected change?

We encourage clients to lean into the change and accept it. That’s not to say it’s easy. There are stages of change. The past carries valuable tools for remembering how we survived a previous transition.

Adults and children alike can benefit from reflect-

ing on past experiences and applying tools that were helpful in the past to present-day challenges.

Adopt the mantra of taking things “one day at a time” and don’t forget to breathe. Breaking time down into smaller intervals can make the process of transition less overwhelming. If one day seems too much, break the interval into hours or minutes. Kids

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Spokane’s premier youth choir, developing respect and commitment through musical artistry since 1987.

can learn this, too. In the beginning it will likely be hard, in the middle messy, and in the end worth it.

Take time for reflection. Consider yourself and how you’re doing. Treat yourself with kindness. Be mindful of what’s going well. Kids can engage in this by playing dinner table games where everyone tells two good things and one not so good thing about their day. Seek input from friends or a mentor who has been through something similar. There’s comfort in knowing that others made it through and so will you. Often, fear is the only thing standing in the way of great change or successful transition.

Recognize that mixed emotions are normal. Feelings of loss and anticipation are common to most life transitions. Try to put these feelings into words by journaling or talking with a friend. Help kids to manage contradictory emotions of change by encouraging conversation, writing or drawing about their feelings.

Focus on what you can control, particularly your thoughts. Practicing gratitude has been proven to improve mood. Plenty of research shows that pessimistic thoughts are not helpful and closely correlate with negative feelings. Consider whether your thoughts and actions are helpful. If not, take charge and make shifts accordingly.

Ultimately, we all have resources which can help us navigate change and transition. So embrace the crockpot, the beautiful mess that you are and adjust those sails . . . change is inevitable but progress, growth and practicing gratitude are optional.

Ar tistic Director s: Judy Pearson Hafso and Marc A. Hafso

ay Hear us at Holid Pops with the ony Spokane Symph r. be m in Dece

Welcoming new students ages 7-18 for our 29th season beginning in September.

SAYChoirs.org | 509.624.7992

Call or visit our website to schedule a placement interview.

Sandra Gormon-Brown and Lori Eastep are licensed clinical social workers and partners at Grassroots Therapy Group. They are committed to supporting children and families who are impacted by grief, loss and trauma, or simply this so-called thing “Life.”

September_October 2015

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Family Motherhood The Ballet School where students get the highest level of training (Ballet, Modern, Pilates)

Sockpants and Super Heroes

By Holly Lytle

By the time I was in the fourth grade, I had my whole life planned out. I would be the perfect mother to two perfect boys. Having grown up with two sisters, it seemed completely reasonable that boys would make better children. Boys aren’t bossy and would never take my things. I would live in a cute little South Hill home with a white picket fence. I’d be the president of the PTA. I was already planning their birthday parties, playdates, and the sports that each of them would perfectly play. I was going to be the mom who had warm chocolate chip cookies waiting when they walked in the door from school.

All their friends would want to hang out at our house because I was the cool mom.

2015-2016 school year registration is open for new students in all levels of instruction Classes begin September 8th

Auditions for the Nutcraker

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October 3rd

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Instead, I learned that motherhood wasn’t white picket fences and warm chocolate chip cookies. It looked more like a Northside fixer-upper and soggy goldfish crackers smashed into the couch cushions.

My days were spent keeping my first two boys out of mortal danger and fishing toys out of overflowing toilets. I figured out that motherhood was not as easy as it had looked on TV. I learned that my idea of a perfect family might remain a childhood dream after the doctor broke the news that my son, Isaac, was affected by autism.

I spent day and night researching best treatment options and in no time I was fighting hard to get back on the track of trying to achieve that perfect life I had planned since fourth grade. It didn’t take long to realize that while Isaac was making tremendous progress, I would have to adjust some of my ideas of “perfect.” After all, gluten-free chocolate chip cookies are not exactly easy to whip up at the drop of a hat. As weeks stretched into months and Isaac was still not able to speak, I realized that many of my hopes and dreams for him would need to change. I realized I may never hear him utter the word “mama.”

Seeing how hard it was for him to socialize meant that playdates would be limited. The amount of time it took to manage his therapy schedule would mean that being the PTA president would have to stay a dream.

All around me were families who had the picture-perfect life and I was on the outside looking in, fighting to find a new normal.

Just when I was wrapping my head around my new reality of normal, tragedy struck. Isaac passed away unexpectedly just weeks before his fourth birthday. I was shattered and, out of pain, I quickly wiped the word “perfect” from my vocabulary

because nothing would ever be perfect in my life again. But in the following months I found myself expecting again and just six weeks before Isaac’s angel-versary, we welcomed Caleb to our world. He was what we needed to help piece together a new normal. But as the months passed and Caleb began to grow, the hope of a normal life changed yet again, as Caleb, too, began exhibiting early signs of autism. It became apparent during this time that the loss of Isaac had taken a tremendous toll on his brother Tyler. Before long, I was receiving yet another diagnosis for one of my children. Tyler would need to learn to manage anxiety that manifested itself in the form of OCD/Tourette’s syndrome. To add to the adventure, I found myself yet again expecting and before I knew it, the delivery room doctor announced, “Congratulations! You FINALLY have a daughter.”

I can’t help but reflect on the twists and turns that have brought me to today’s understanding of perfect and normal. As I look at my life, the only thing perfect I could find was this cloudless summer day, and all that is normal is a setting I found on my Maytag washing machine. Yet, despite all the struggles and pain, I can’t say that I would change any one thing. Sure, I’d give anything to have Isaac back in my arms, but as I looked at each of my children with their own special and unique personalities, I realized that special had become my new normal and special is absolutely perfect.

After her son Isaac’s death, Holly Lytle founded The ISAAC Foundation, a nonprofit organization that assists families touched by autism in Spokane and the surrounding area. She’ll be sharing stories of the adventures of motherhood in this column.

Family planning

of the

Littlest-Known

HPV Facts

By Tiffany Harms

Despite the fact that almost every single sexually active person gets this STD in their lifetime, most people still have a lot to learn about Human Papilomavirus (HPV). To help you along, we’ve compiled some of key facts about HPV and what you can do to prevent it. #1: HPV is ridiculously common

Most sexually active people will contract HPV in their lifetime, with four out of five women contracting it by age 50. That’s because there are so many strands of it— more than 100 to be exact. HPV is also easily spread through intimate skin-to-skin contact, whether an outbreak is visible or not. In fact, if you’re intimate with a partner in any way—even kissing—you are susceptible to HPV.

#2: But don’t panic—not all strands of HPV are created equal

The good news is that most strains of HPV seem to have no harmful effect at all and usually go away on their own, like a cold.

There are strains that are more serious and can cause cancer—usually cervical, although other types are possible—and genital warts, although no strand causes both.

#3: Prevention is possible

In 2006, a huge stride was made in cervical cancer prevention—Gardasil, the HPV vaccine, was approved by the FDA. The great thing about this vaccine is that it prevents you from getting all the harmful strains of HPV—those same ones that cause cancer and genital warts—and can be used by both men and women.

#4: It’s not too late to get vaccinated The best time to get the vaccine is before

you become sexually active, which is why many pediatricians offer it to their patients.

In general, the best time to get vaccinated is between the ages of 11 and 26, but if you’re past that point you can still be a candidate. Talk to your healthcare provider to be sure.

#5: HPV impacts men, too

While HPV is a major contributor to cervical cancer—virtually all cases are caused by the virus and two strains in particular are linked to 70 percent of cases, according to the National Cancer Institute—it impacts men, too. They can get certain types of cancer, including those of the throat, mouth, head, neck and more, as well as warts.

#6: The vaccine isn’t the only way to fight back

While the vaccine is a highly-effective way to prevent HPV, you can also take other steps to reduce your risk. Using condoms or dental dams and getting regular Pap tests (for women) are also key to making sure you and your partner stay healthy.

Tiffany Harms is the communications manager for Planned Parenthood of Greater Washington and North Idaho. If you have questions about HPV, or would like to schedule an appointment with a healthcare provider, visit www.ppgwni.org.

September_October 2015

37

If they only knew

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I suspect I’ve just lost another friend. We had been friends for 20 years, but she can’t find me on my island, my daughter’s island.

One day, four years ago, a piece of my heart became empty. My daughter had been a cheerleader, but now she is a tear leader. She used to be an athlete, a dancer, a singer. Now she eats constantly and stays up all night. She shaved her head, her gorgeous locks gone. She rages, she sleeps, she eats, she laughs, she cries. And she has shut me off from what little space I had worked so hard to share with her.

I keep looking for a rescue boat, someone or some entity to come into our lives and pull my daughter out of her abyss. People around me often ask what she has to be so sad about. I want to reply with a question: Why do people get cancer? Why do they have high blood pressure? Why might they have any host of afflictions.

At this stage, I am my daughter’s rescue boat and I’m grateful she reaches out to me during her storms.

One night, she made the SOS call and I did not respond fast enough. She tried to find another rescue boat. She said, “It’s cool, Mom. I got a ride.”

I didn’t see or hear from her for 12 hours, and it seemed much longer. When she finally called, she told me her full name, as though I wouldn’t recognize her voice. She didn’t know where she was. She was lost and didn’t know how to tell anyone how to find her.

Mental illness is a disease that can shatter the hopes and dreams of both the person suffering and those who love and support them. It is a disease most people can’t understand, at least not like diabetes or cancer. So many turn their backs on it as thought it does not exist.

I am fortunate to have had my daughter re-emerge on the other side, twice now, like a butterfly. She found her way through to the other side through music and a love of God. She is beautiful and brings joy to many though her loving countenance and the sound of her music. If They Only Knew . . .

“If They Only Knew” is an anonymous guest column featuring essays from the “snapshot” life moments of courage and perseverance in Spokane/Coeur d’Alene women. If you would like to share a moment of your life when you thought, “If They Only Knew,” please send an email to editor@spokanecdawoman.com or mail a hard copy to our editor, Stephanie Regalado, at 104 S. Freya, Ste. 209, Spokane, WA 99202.

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