Scw 14

March_April 2014 | Issue 14

spokanecdawoman.com

Healing Power of Friendships

Do We Really

Need Men?

it

w/ Lucinda Kay

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March_April 2014

contents

24

Inside

features

Role Model: Lerria Schuh Last July, Lerria Schuh was standing on the porch of her Spokane home when the railing gave way and she fell six feet, hitting her head on the sidewalk. She sustained a severe concussion and was diagnosed with postconcussion syndrome.

She shares her inspiring story of recovery and selfdiscovery.

Photography:

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Girl Power: Lucinda Kay Former TV news anchor and reporter, Lucinda Kay is the owner and president of Let It Shine. She’s spent her entire career involved with media, public speaking, consulting nonprofits, entrepreneurs and corporations. At a little over 5 feet tall, Lucinda’s voice and personality make up for her lack of stature. She is a petite fireball of a speaker as well as philanthropist.

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relationships: The Healing Power of Friendships Real human connection is essential.

We know this. However, the significant link between a lack of true connection and depression may be news to some of us who are struggling to move forward. It may also be helpful to those of us who are trying to gain more joy and contentment in life. Having meaningful, deep relationships with others is where we find things like purpose, love, peace, contentment, courage, support, encouragement, community and personal worth.

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Family: Study Abroad; Family Planning; Men: Optional; Benefits of Inter-Generation Relationships in Your Child’s Life.

On the Cover: Irene Grendel Crystal Toreson-Kern | Ctoreson Photography

Irene Grendel was born in Russia and, after living in Italy and Austria, moved to the U.S. with her family at six years old. She is grateful for the hardships her parents experienced in order to give she and her brother the life they have. Irene graduated from EWU with a degree in General Management and currently works as the operations supervisor at Sterling Investment Group.

Irene is a mama to a six-month-old little boy. She loves to ski and ride her motorcycle in the summertime. Modeling is something she does purely for fun.

on the

cover March_April 2014

5

Vol. 3 Issue 2

March_ April 2014

Editorial

Editor | Stephanie Regalado editor@spokanecdawoman.com

Art Direction | Graphics Art Director/Lead Graphic Designer Kristi Somday | kristi@spokanecda.com Traffic Manager/Graphic Designer Camille Mackie | camille@spokanecda.com

Photographers

Mark Anthony, Thania Clark, CToreson Photography, Cheryl-Anne Millsap, Kylie Martin Photography

Contributors

Kate Armstrong, Grace Annabella Bennetton, Diana Carpenter, Thania Clark, Jennifer Ferrero, Cynthia Fine, Cheryl-Anne Millsap, Megan Marama, Katie Collings Nichol, Rachel Sandall, Jennifer Chung Shares, Judith Spitzer

Sales | Marketing

Senior Account Manager Cindy Guthrie | cindy@spokanecda.com Senior Account Executives Jeff Richardson | jrichardson@spokanecda.com Diane Caldwell | diane@bozzimedia.com Debra J Smith | debra@bozzimedia.com

Operations

Operations and Finance Manager Kim Morin | kim@spokanecda.com Circulation Manager and Accounts Receivable Theresa Berglund | theresa@spokanecda.com

Publisher & CEO | Vincent Bozzi vince@spokanecda.com

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Spokane CDA Woman is published bi-monthly by Bozzi Media.

104 S Freya | Ste 209 | Spokane WA 99202-4866 Phone: 509.533.5350 | Fax: 509.535.3542 All contents Š 2014. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. Neither Bozzi Media nor Spokane CDA Woman assume responsibility for errors in content, photos or advertisements.

Editor's letter A Mother’s Love photo by Diane Maehl

T

he buzzer rang out, stinging our ears as the reality of the loss set in. My son’s hard fought basketball league tournament run was over, and although the hopes were high for that first place trophy, the team would be taking third place back to display in their school hallway.

Christopher smiled as he and his team accepted the trophy and posed for photos afterward, although he broke down on the 45-minute car ride home. “My team really counts on me, Mom,” he said, looking out the window, wiping away tears, as miles and miles of farmland whizzed by.

“And when we lose, I feel like I’ve let everyone down.”

I, too, felt the pressure, and the expectations placed on a kid who towers over everyone on the court. An eighth grader who tips in rebounds, who turns heads and stirs interest in his potential at just 13½ years old and already 6’6” tall.

I watched as he exhausted himself, rarely being given a break to catch his breath. Having circles run around him by the smaller, speedier athletes as the day drove on, being double and triple teamed. Taking hits and absorbing fouls, without acknowledgment by the keepers of the court. He kept his spirits high, was the poster child for good sportsmanship, even managed to score enough baskets and nab enough rebounds for his parents to lose count in every game. But it wasn’t that excitement that evoked the tears that welled in my eyes.

“I need to tell you how amazing your son is,” one parent said after the game. “Everyone loves him. He is kind, patient and thoughtful. He’s everyone’s big brother. Our kids love him, look up to him. He’s always cheerful. We need more people in the world like Christopher.” Moments like the tournament weekend, and the many compliments about Christopher’s character, take me back to his beginning.

Soon after his birth, we were given the news that Christopher would most likely never walk or talk, and there was “no idea of cognitive ability.”

The numerous specialists who poked and prodded our compromised 11-pound baby boy said that

although they couldn't be sure, his future wasn’t promising. He had trouble breathing on his own.

I loved and hoped for my son in the same fashion the mom across the neonatal intensive care unit did for her anencephalic baby girl, in spite of the dire speculations. We each feared a cruel world.

And in our incredible love for our babies, we were forced to open our hearts to the idea of letting them go.

“I don’t want to lose you,” I cried one day while cradling Christopher, careful not to disrupt the many wires attaching him to monitors. “I’m here if you can hang on, I’ll be the best mama and I’ll help you be the best boy.” I wanted him to feel my hope, but I wanted him to feel peace, as well. “But I will let you go if that is what is best.”

We took Christopher home four weeks later. I promised God, the universe, and most importantly, my sweet baby, that I would pour every ounce of my energy into assuring he reached his potential, whatever—and everything—that may be. It was a tricky road to navigate in the beginning.

But he began hitting milestones at ten months old, and walked by his first birthday. His presence in the world is being felt more and more as he grows, yes in height and as a contender on the basketball court, but also as an incredible force of kindness, love, and joy.

Whatever the challenge in your child’s life, I wish for peace in your heart; and unrelenting resolve to have them reach their potential. I realize not every kiddo with a compromised start will have a story like Christopher’s. But they will have their own story, and they will reach their potential, whatever—and everything—that may be.

This is our magazine, WE are Spokane CDA Woman. Together, we can help each other become the best we can be.

Restore Your Body’s Balance and Vitality Functional Medicine

Stephanie Regalado editor@spokanecdawoman.com

March_April 2014

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Ballet Master Classes : Postelio : CureDiva : Book Review : Cell Phone Etiquette

Up Front

World

Renowned Ballerina

to Teach Classes in Spokane

A

manda McKerrow is one of America’s most acclaimed ballerinas. She has the honor of being the first American to receive a gold medal at the International Ballet Competition in Moscow in 1981. Since then she has been a recipient of numerous other awards, including the Princess Grace Foundation Dance Fellowship.

Amanda was born in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and began her ballet training at the age of seven at the Twinbrook School of Ballet in Rockville, Maryland. She later studied with Mary Day at the Washington School of Ballet, where she danced with the company for two years and toured

extensively throughout the United States and Europe.

Amanda joined American Ballet Theatre under the direction of Mikhail Baryshnikov in 1982, was appointed a soloist in 1983, and became a principal dancer in 1987. Her repertoire included the leading roles in Cinderella, Giselle, Romeo and Juliet, Manon, La Bayadère, Coppélia, Don Quixote, The Sleeping Beauty, Swan Lake, La Sylphide and The Nutcracker. She has been acclaimed for performances of shorter works by George Balanchine, Antony Tudor, Sir Frederick Ashton, Jerome Robbins and Jiří Kylián. Amanda has created roles in ballets by choreographers such as Twyla Tharp, >>

March_April 2014

9

Ballet Arts Academy

Up Front

Education in Excellence

Master Classes during April 7-12, 2014 with Amanda McKerrow, John Gardner, and Jefferson Baum

Clark Tippet, James Kudelka, Agnes de Mille, Choo San Goh and Mark Morris. She has also appeared as a guest artist with ballet companies throughout the world.

In 2000, together with her husband John Gardner, Amanda began working for the Antony Tudor Trust, staging and coaching his superlative ballet, The Leaves Are Fading, around the country.

She has also staged numerous other ballets for professional companies and schools across the United States. During her last ten years performing as a principal ballerina with American Ballet Theatre, she spent as much time as she could working with students and young dancers. Upon her retirement from ABT in 2005, she has devoted the majority of her time to teaching and coaching this great art form.

Pocket

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Based on an analysis of thousands of friends who have downloaded and used the app, Postelio’s resident fashion expert Ameena Syeda came up with a list of the four most common “fashion friends” every girl must have to prevent future fashion mishaps:

FRIEND #1: THE CAREER CLIMBER

This is the girlfriend you need if you have to channel your inner Sheryl Sandberg to get that cushy corner office at the firm. She’ll tell you the “do’s and don’ts” of fashionable office wear and glamorous accessories.

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FRIEND #2: THE BADASS

Everyone needs a “Miranda” when hitting Las Vegas with the girls for the weekend or going on that OKCupid date with that adorable environmental lawyer. She’ll tell you that skinny heels never go with a short skirt.

FRIEND #3: THE FITNESS GURU

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Lululemon pants are no longer just for hot yoga. They also go well with a Sunday Mimosa brunch. You’ll need a sporty friend to tell you if your workout clothes look grungy and worn out, or if you need a new set of cardio shoes.

Ballet Arts Academy is bringing Amanda and her husband, John Gardner, to Spokane to teach Master Classes during the week of April 7 through April 12. Visit www.balletartsacademy.com or call (509) 838-5705 for more information.

FRIEND #4: THE HIPSTER GIRL

When you dress down, you don’t always have to dress bad. That’s why you need that fashionable hipster girl to give you tips for comfy but stylish everyday wear.

We know you can’t bring your personal team of “Carries” and “Hannahs” everywhere you go. But by using Postelio you can send them your fashion selfies and ask them for quick and discreet advice while you’re out shopping. www.postelio.com

Up Front

CureDiva

Stylish Living Through Cancer According to breastcancer.org, breast cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death in

women and each year, more than 235,000 cases of breast cancer are found. For women diagnosed, it can be a scary experience, which is why revolutionary women’s online portal CureDiva was created to help keep women hopeful, empowered and extremely stylish throughout all stages of diagnosis.

CureDiva is the first ever high-tech community and shopping site for women’s breast cancer lifestyle needs supported by leading breast cancer survivors such as Giuliana Rancic and Lorna Luft. A few amazing CureDiva features include: *Shop by stage through a personalized, custom Diva Portal–you can find everything from shirts for showering after a mastectomy to necklaces to curb hot flashes during chemotherapy. *Communicate and chat with other women going through similar experiences. *Receive tips and answers from the CureDiva community for all of your breast cancer needs, whether it’s how to shop for a headscarf or how to gain back your sex drive.

CureDiva promises to help you learn what to expect during each phase of the journey in a supportive community, and which products will make your experience more comfortable so you feel like the diva you are. www.CureDiva.com

March_April 2014

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By Katie C. Nichol

Attempting to balance motherhood and career success is not a foreign topic within American media. From Diane Keaton’s delightful 1987 dram-com Baby Boom, Anne Marie Slaughter’s essay in the August 2012 issue of The Atlantic, "Why Women Still Can’t Have It All," to Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In, we are not without commentary on work-life balance among American women. However, in Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink, Katrina Alcorn offers a moving portrait of her own life, providing compulsively readable and applicable experiences that have surprisingly broad application.

As the title suggests, Katrina peppers her book with statistics about working moms and the workplace in general, drawing conclusions as to how we can reconstruct and define a better way of life.

The American workplace she describes is frighteningly hostile to families and women in general. Katrina mentions a study conducted in 2009 that shows that “women’s happiness has declined to that of men.” In other words, Katrina argues, we are less happy than our mothers were, and are less happy than our husbands, boyfriends, and brothers are right now.

She concludes, “Our lives have changed dramatically since the 60s, but the institutions around us—government, workplace, and marriage—have not kept up.” The author continues, “Mothers today are on

Orchard Crest Retirement Community & Assisted Living the front lines of a deep dysfunction in society, trying to make up for the fact that there aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything that is now expected of us.”

Indeed, this is a large portion of Katrina’s thesis, which she supports between anecdotal illustrations—it is the social, cultural, and economic institutions that need to change in order for us to thrive. However, Katrina does not suggest that we shift all of the blame off ourselves.

The majority of the book is dedicated to her own memoir, which intimately surveys her journey from blissful stay at home mother of one, to high-powered career woman moving at two speeds: “Fast and Cartoon Roadrunner,” and momentously, her slow breakdown and subsequent struggle with panic attacks and severe anxiety from attempting to “keep it all together.”

Katrina’s writing is beautiful and descriptive, and most importantly, honest.

During a “cognitive behavioral therapy” class aimed at alleviating her panic episodes, Katrina describes a breakthrough moment in mind-body awareness as the participants are asked to compete in a “race” across the room— as slow as they can: “Lift. Step. Pause. Shift. The soles of my feet were making constant tiny adjustments, all in the service of keeping me upright . . . So this was walking!” says Katrina. “I wondered what other mysteries were in my body, in my breath, in all the things I’d taken for granted.”

Katrina gives straightforward advice in her final chapters such as “Practice Saying No,” “Be An Ally to Other Women,” and “Start a Babies-At-Work Program,” followed by concrete action items to point readers’ feet in the right direction, whether you are a new mom or recovering from years of burnout. Lastly, she provides a list of talking points to help change the “can women really have it all?” conversation. Essentially, it’s not just women who have to redefine their priorities to bring their lives into balance—it is a collective responsibility to “lean in” that should be shared by our husbands, employers, and society-at-large to raise healthy families.

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Random acts of craziness

[In other words…seriously weird things people say and do]

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phone etiquette

By Grace Annabella Bennetton

I was attending a formal fundraising event at a prominent local venue a few months ago. As I entered a bathroom stall in the spacious ladies room, someone entered the stall next to me and said “Hey!” I was a bit startled, but I said “Hey!” back. I honestly thought that the lady might need to borrow some toilet paper.

The next thing I heard was, “Are you still in bed? Because if you are, you need to get your sorry self up, get dressed and come and get me! You don’t have any reason to still be in bed! It’s not like you work or anything! I don’t know if it’s snowing outside, there aren’t any windows in here. But even if it is, you should have left about 20 minutes ago because I told you I wanted to be picked up at 9 p.m.” (Big sigh. Big flush.)

Soon enough I realized that my neighbor was not speaking to me, rather she was ripping into someone and was content for everyone in the ladies room to hear her rant. I did not stay long enough to see who emerged because evidently she wanted to continue her conversation “in private” (which she did) and stayed in the stall long after I had washed my hands, refreshed my lipstick and applied some complimentary hand lotion.

I thought it was a random act of craziness that someone would talk on her cell phone in a public bathroom. I mean, really, seriously, just a fluke right? I wish! Since then I noted no fewer than ten people talking on their cell phones while using the ladies room. I’m sure it happens in the men’s room too, right?

The most recent “incident” happened over the President’s Day holiday. I was travelling through the Portland Airport and was once again treated to an entire conversation, from inside a bathroom stall, from a lady who was trying to explain to someone about how

important it was for them to get her medication refilled, how to make sure the pharmacy got the prescription correct and how not to overpay.

Here’s what I heard: “I don’t care if I haven’t used all the pills yet. You need to make sure that I don’t run out. No, I don’t remember what color they are. Just go to XYZ pharmacy and pick them up. Yeah, they might ask you for your I.D. Just tell them they are for your mother.

They’re not going to make you prove it. Stop worrying. You know I have to have these pills so my infection doesn’t flair up again. No, no, the scabs are all gone now, but I don’t want them to come back. Just make sure you have enough money in your account to pay for the pills, Okay? Yeah, there’s probably a copay.

I don’t know how much. How much money do you have? Don’t let them charge you full price—they always try to give me the name brand and not the generic and the name brand costs ten times more and is exactly the same thing as the generic. No, I don’t know what the generic one is called. I think they are yellow.

No, I’m not at the store yet, I’m not even in town . . . I’m at the airport, I told you I was taking a short trip. Yes, I have enough for my trip but not for when I get back. They’re announcing something over the speaker (evidently it did not occur to her that the toilets flushing would sound sort of weird). Okay, do you know where to go? Okay, I’ll give you directions. Just a minute, just a minute!”

As I stood washing my hands, the stall door flew open and the lady came out and looked around at everyone looking at her. I think she thought her pants were unzipped instead of us all wondering what sort of pills she was on and what sort of infection she had. It was all I could do to make sure that I didn’t come into contact with her because I really, really didn’t want whatever she had. I grabbed my bag and exited quickly without looking back. I just prayed she was not sitting next to me on the next leg of my flight because I know I would have to request a seating change!

Your etiquette tip and the moral of this random act of craziness is simple: Don’t talk on your cell phone in a bathroom, ever! It’s gross, it’s uncomfortable for everyone around you and it’s just plain weird!

Grace Annabella Bennetton (aka GAB) is a local writer, observer of human behavior and conversationalist. If you have a Random Act of Craziness to share, send your story to graceannabellabennetton@ gmail.com.

pattiusselman.com (509) 723-9827

14 E. Mission, Suite #5, Spokane, WA 99202 March_April 2014

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For the past several months, you’ve been hitting the gym hard. But, how do you keep the momentum going? While keeping fitnessrelated resolutions should be a main goal, a better way to approach it is to guard yourself against burnout. It is the number one factor leading to the sudden decline of attendance at gyms around this time of year.

1 Slowly

Ramp Up. People often burn out from overtraining, not necessarily because of the exercises they are doing, but because they haven’t adjusted to do less of them during moments of high stress in their lives (usually coupled with less than four hours of sleep a night).

Make adjustments as needed.

2 Vary

Intensity from Day to Day. Remember that you don’t have

to go to the extreme to benefit from your gym time. In fact, you shouldn’t work out at or close to your max during every workout. Instead, mix up your cardio sessions day to day with a combination of intervals, low-intensity endurance efforts and the occasional short, but high-intensity, workout.

3 Avoid

Disenchantment.

Realize that you are not going to drop 30 pounds in one month, nor are you going to develop rock-hard abs overnight. Set mini-goals, be it a number on the scale, or being able to achieve a certain number of repetitions on the leg press.

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Make A Date. Going at this alone is not only lonely, it is far easier to not go to the gym if you are the only one you’re letting down. Make a date with your trainer, your partner, your friend, anyone.

Being accountable to someone else can make a huge difference.

5 Balance

Your Program.

According to the Mayo Clinic, there are five pillars of a well-rounded fitness program: aerobic training, strength training, core training, balance, and flexibility (I am

guilty of this myself—my workout routine is incredibly lopsided). An ideal week would be two to three strength sessions, three to seven flexibility sessions and a minimum of five cardio sessions.

6 Recovery. Almost as important

as the workout itself, without proper rest, you will not get stronger, faster or fitter. When you rest, your muscles do two important things: repair (which helps them get stronger) and prepare (for future workouts by storing the food as muscle glycogen). When you skimp on the recovery time, your muscles tear and break down from your workouts, but don’t have enough time to rebuild.

7 Schedule

Your Workouts. If it’s not written down, or at least

a part of your weekly schedule, it will most likely fall to the wayside.

8 Don’t

Overcomplicate.

Aim for the most convenient way to exercise by picking a gym that’s close to you, meeting your friend at a nearby park for a run, or sweating it out at home. If it’s easy to work out, you’ll be more likely to follow through.

9

Rock Out. To avoid distractions, to energize and to focus on your own workout, try wearing headphones on every visit to the gym. Music is a great motivator.

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10 If You Get Sick, Give In

To It. Don’t try to push through. This

can lead to a weakened immune system, inflammation and injuries. Chronic inflammation, for example, has been linked to diabetes, heart disease and cancer.

Bottom line: Nurture your body.

We’ve all heard the “fitness snobs” say something like, “These people are just the ‘Resolutionairies,’ the gym traffic will die down soon. Once March hits, we’ll get our cardio equipment back and we won’t see them in the gym again until next year.”

Here’s to using our strength, our resolve and the ten steps above . . . and to proving them wrong.

In addition to her full-time job in Corporate America, Kate Armstrong is a licensed fitness instructor, producing annual Zumba Fitness events in Spokane. www.

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Travel healdsburg

Healdsburg

california If you go: Go: Alaska Airlines offers direct Horizon Air flights from Seattle and Portland to Santa Rosa’s Sonoma County Airport. Rent a car at the Charles M. Schultz Airport for the 25-minute trip to Healdsburg and skip San Francisco traffic. tour: There are more than 28 wineries surrounding Healdsburg. From small intimate properties to sprawling estates, a wine-lover can stroll through rambling, well-tended gardens and take in the view while tasting some of the finest California wines.

Eat: Dining options abound. Chef Louis Maldonado, of Top Chef New Orleans fame, serves up creative, delicious, food, much of it served family style, at Spoonbar! Another standout is chef Charlie Palmer’s Dry Creek Kitchen.

Sleep: From downtown hotels like Healds-

burg Hotel and the Inn on the Plaza, to cozy bed and breakfasts like The Grape Leaf Inn and Honor Mansion, you can find a room that suits your personal style.

Shop: Using the historic town square as your starting part, stroll down streets filled with boutiques, home decor specialty shops and antique malls. Tip: Take a suitcase with a little room. You’ll want to bring home a bottle or two and maybe even a trinket from one of the shops.

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Have a Wine Time in Healdsburg Story and photo by Cheryl-Anne Millsap

S

ometimes getting away for a few days is just the thing to boost one’s energy, revive sagging spirits and rekindle enthusiasm for work, family and community demands.

But the reality is, there isn’t always the time to take a long trip to the beach, a big city on either coast or a resort in between.

Fortunately, just a short flight away in the rolling hills of Sonoma County’s wine country, the small city of Healdsburg offers a place to gather with girlfriends, reconnect with your special someone, or, for the more adventurous, savor a few days of solitude and solo travel.

Cheryl-Anne Millsap is a travel writer whose audio essays can be heard on Spokane Public Radio and on public radio stations across the U.S. She is the author of Home Planet: A Life in Four Seasons (available at Auntie’s Bookstore in Spokane) and can be reached at catmillsap@gmail.com.

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Relationships connect

Warding off the Blues

by Connecting to Others

By Megan Marama

I

was living in a dense fog last March, the kind where you feel muddled, confused, and downright stuck. It had been nearly four months since I had given birth to my youngest daughter. My partner, Daniel, had just left for one of his short, yet long, fourweek fishing trips. I was alone with our two older kids and surprise addition infant. Warn down and tired, I was still wearing the same clothes from the day before and the puffs under my eyes were quickly becoming my new normal. I remember having cried a lot that past week over everything, and nothing.

My biggest craving was for real human contact, to get out of the house, out of those spit-stained clothes, breathe fresh air and have a real, meaningful conversation with someone over the age of 20. I felt as though that would help me break out of the haze, yet, it would take all but physical force to actually get me out. I was presented with a continual list of options to connect with friends and instead I would find all kinds of excuses not to connect, choosing instead to curl up in bed again, shut my bedroom door, and flip on the TV or my Facebook stream.

Was I just lonely, depressed, or suffering from postpartum perhaps? Being a therapist by trade, I could have easily diagnosed myself, yet something deep inside me knew this was not related to being a new mom again. This was something more ingrained in the human experience. This was about my feeling of worth, or lack thereof.

As most of us know, depression resonates out of a feeling of worthlessness, hopelessness or lack of purpose. Our lives may be filled with many blessings, but at certain times in our lives the fog may be so thick we

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cannot see beyond our toes. During this haze, the same things we find comforting (our home, couch, disconnection from the tangible world) are also what continue our misery.

They allow us to stay stuck, frozen, living in our self-producing energy of sadness.

The one thing I craved and fought against was the one thing that also brought me back into the sunlight again. A dear friend of mine came to my house one day, sifted through my murk, and reminded me of what I had forgotten. I had so much to offer the world but I couldn’t do it from my bedroom. It may have taken more than that one conversation before the fog truly lifted, but it was the faintness of her taillights that I relied upon to find my way along the road again.

Real human connection is essential.

We know this. However, the significant link between a lack of true connection and depression may be news to some of us who are struggling to move forward. It may also

be helpful to those of us who are trying to gain more joy and contentment in life.

Having meaningful, deep relationships with others is where we find things like purpose, love, peace, contentment, courage, support, encouragement, community and personal worth. It’s through connecting with others that we find momentum and energy to tackle obstacles, steadily climb mountains, and when we get to the top vulnerably, take those essential leaps that bring life’s biggest rewards.

Whether you are reading this from me as a trained professional or simply a woman who has had her own journey of ups and downs, if you want to love your life you have to get out from behind your computer screen, smart phone, TV or walls of your home and connect.

Today, I can kindly see all the gifts that phase of haze gave me. It taught me to slow down, be still, and listen. It forced me to look

inward and find the courage to pursue several dreams I had been contemplating but not owning. It made me reach out a hand for help to people who always wanted to help me but I never let in. And it was also a moment in my life where I read a profound book called Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, which ultimately produced my dream job.

So this winter, if a fog sets in and you can’t see past your toes . . . slow down, be still and listen. And when you’re ready, know that there is a community of women right here who want to connect, encourage, support and ultimately, bring more joy to your life.

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Megan Marama is a licensed therapist in Spokane who specializes in women’s issues and active therapy. She is also the founder of the women’s organization “friends in bloom” that currently reaches Spokane, Coeur d’Alene and surrounding areas. Learn more about Megan through her website www. friendsinbloom.org or email her at maramatherapies@gmail.com.

March_April 2014

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photo by Mark Anthony

Herstory

A Journey Through

Endometriosis

M

By Diana Carpenter

arch is Endometriosis Awareness Month and I thought it would be good timing to share my story. I am 40 years old and was diagnosed with endometriosis in 2000.

Endometriosis is a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus is found elsewhere in the body. Endometriosis affects an estimated 176 million women worldwide regardless of their ethnic and social background. Many remain undiagnosed and are therefore not treated. The pain often correlates to the menstrual cycle, but a woman with endometriosis may also experience pain that doesn’t correlate

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to her cycle—this is what makes this disease/ condition so unpredictable and frustrating.

Endometriosis is hard to diagnose and surgery is required for a confirmation of diagnosis. January of 2000, I underwent a laparoscopic procedure to remove excess tissue. In 2003, I was told by a specialist that I probably would not be able to get pregnant and if I did it would likely be a painful pregnancy. One month later, my daughter, Jaiden, was conceived. The doctor was half right: it was a VERY painful pregnancy that ended with over two months of bed rest from so much pain. But I cradled a beautiful little girl in the end.

Now almost ten years later, I have spent the last year in serious pain. It’s a pain that increases each month as the disease grows inside of me.

Like so many diseases that are not obvious from the outside, many women suffer in silence because it is hard for those around us to understand what is happening. Having a broken leg is easier for people to understand and react; people know what is happening, they know what you are going through, they give you that nod of encouragement when they see you hobbling on crutches. Many think that the pain we are going through is just during our period, so it is just “girl pain.” They are correct in a sense, but this pain is beyond the normal discomfort that comes with a woman’s menstrual cycle.

Endometriosis is also not talked about much because it correlates with our menstrual cycles, OUR PERIODS. Half of the population has a period about once a month, but no one talks about them. It is even harder to talk about endometriosis because it is about pain and “stuff” going where it is not supposed to go. Places like outside of the uterus, attached to your bowels, bladder, sometimes even stomach, kidneys, lungs.

My doctor has recommended that I have a laparoscopic procedure to remove the rogue tissue. Sadly we won’t know where that is until the procedure is in

I am ready to be pain free

motion. I am also experiencing some stomach issues that we fear are due to tissue being attached to my stomach. My doctor suggests that I have a hysterectomy.

I am scared.

I am sad.

I am ready to be pain free.

I looked around for support groups in the Spokane area but didn’t find anything online. What’s a girl to do? I started my own support group on Facebook, Inland NW Endometriosis Support Group. I have found many nationwide groups and websites with lots of great information. I found a video, a TED Talk by a woman who has endometriosis. Her grandmother had it as well; the speaker had gone through numerous surgeries. When she talked about her hysterectomy she said she planned a Bye Bye Uterus Party and I decided that was a great idea.

I am scared.

I am sad.

I want to be around friends and family who will encourage me, support me, love me, buy me a pretty pink drink, and help me say goodbye to my uterus.

The stigma of my period, of my girl parts, has caused a few people to raise their eyebrows at my Bye Bye Uterus party. That’s okay, I understand. I know what this surgery will mean to my family and me. I know how it has affected me over the last year and the many years prior. I know what my plans are for after this surgery, WATCH OUT WORLD. Join me in fighting the stigma of our periods: learn about your body, support those with this disease. Join me in saying BYE BYE UTERUS, BYE BYE BYE in this month of awareness for endometriosis.

Diana Carpenter is the founder of Women’s Resource Partnership: www.facebook.com/ womensresourcepartnership.

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Role model

Lerria Schuh Last July, Lerria Schuh was standing on the porch of her Spokane home when the railing gave way and she fell six feet, hitting her head on the sidewalk. She sustained a severe concussion and was diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome. As this issue’s Role Model, she shares her inspiring story of recovery and selfdiscovery.

Story and photo by Cheryl-Anne Millsap

SCW: You have a very demanding job.

What is your title and what are your responsibilities?

LS: I am the director of sales

and marketing for WestCoast Entertainment. We present The Best of Broadway series in Spokane and national touring Broadway productions in various cities throughout the West Coast.

You had an accident over the summer.

What happened?

One evening after dinner in late July, I leaned over our porch railing to tend to some vines that had begun to grow a bit wild. The railing broke lose, and I fell headfirst approximately six feet to the sidewalk below.

What were your injuries?

The left side of my body was immediately very bruised and most significantly, I received a concussion during the fall.

Approximately three weeks after the fall, I was diagnosed with

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“post-concussion syndrome.” Only approximately ten percent of people who receive concussions end up with postconcussion syndrome which means that the symptoms of the concussion stay with the individual for a long period of time. The average time for healing is three months, although symptoms can last for up to a year.

How did your symptoms progress?

It was more than six hours before my first concussion symptom, ringing in the ears, appeared. It was approximately 15 hours before I really began to feel “foggy” and “unclear” in my head.

It wasn’t until then that I went to the doctor.

My initial exam indicated I had a concussion, and after a CT scan to ensure no bleeding, I was cleared with an estimated week off work to rest and recover. I took the week off, and happened to have a two-week vacation scheduled immediately following.

During those weeks, my family took care of everything for me but I had a very hard time sleeping, my head was

in a constant pain, and I never felt quite right. I returned to work on a Monday and the computer screen was blurry when I looked at it. I couldn’t concentrate and conversations lasting more than a couple of minutes were difficult to follow. I realized something was wrong.

My doctor sent me to a concussion specialist at Rockwood Clinic Specialty Center where I was diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome. I was not to work, no TV, no radio, no reading. I literally had to sit on the couch in the dark, in silence, doing nothing. I tried to do one task a day, just to give myself something to look forward to and feel accomplished. Those tasks ranged from cleaning a single drawer to boiling noodles for spaghetti.

I had to sit in my house with sunglasses on because even low lights were hard on my eyes. The sound of a voice or a single person laughing sent my head sailing. I couldn’t sleep at night and couldn’t nap during the day.

Eventually I was diagnosed with muscle tension dysphonia. (The muscles in my chest and neck tightened up to the point where my voice was “lost” for three months.) With speech therapy I was able to regain my voice.

Every week I went to the Rockwood Clinic for tests. At one point my shortterm memory score was one percent, and other cognitive tests were no higher than 18 percent. Eventually my cognitive functions returned to normal.

I stayed away from loud places, kept the lights low, rested my voice and head.

Today my cognitive functions are fine, my memory is fine, and my headaches are lessening. I prefer low lights and quiet settings, but can handle bright lights and noise on a limited basis.

How did it impact your life?

My life immediately went on hold when post-concussion syndrome set in. With a new exchange student in our home, three teenagers, a dog, and a husband, the impact was sudden and drastic in comparison to our normal life. My husband, Tony, displayed that he truly meant “in sickness and in health” when we married almost 20 years ago. We share all household responsibilities, and Tony suddenly found himself responsible for everything. I couldn’t drive for a time, and he had to do all of the kid driving.

He worried about me, cared for me, and did everything possible to ensure I had what I needed to recover.

My job is demanding, high speed, and I pride myself in working hard and achieving all that I can, but everything stopped with this concussion.

I am blessed with a wonderfully compassionate company, an incredible boss and team of co-workers.

They all stepped in, shared my tasks, and were supportive of me. They gave me the space and time to heal, and kept things running so well in the office that I didn’t worry.

larger monitor so that I could increase screen image sizes. I also turned down the screen brightness to about 20 percent.

My personal life has slowed down a lot. For the first time in more than 15 years, we didn’t host our annual Halloween open house, Christmas dinner, or New Year’s Eve party.

I’ve learned that sometimes I just need to “call it a day” and take a break in a dark, quiet room to settle down a headache. I’m limited to only walking for activity, so I don’t get to participate in weekend downhill skiing with my family.

What is the prognosis?

Thankfully, I will have 100 percent recovery, and I’m almost there.

I learned the value of true friendship, and the type of friend I want to be.

Your recovery has taken months. What kind of changes have you had to make in both your work and your personal life?

I returned to work in December. I had some lights removed from the ceiling in my office and brought in a lamp to offer a lower light atmosphere. I got a

What lessons came from this experience?

I learned the value of true friendship, and the type of friend I want to be. My short-term memory was terrible, I had a glimpse into the world of mental diseases such as Alzheimer’s, and have a new appreciation for the challenges of those suffering.

During this process, I had unexpected people support me in marvelous ways. I had some of my closest friends provide no support at all. If I had to choose a single most important takeaway, it really would be about learning more about the type of person I want to be. When all you have for months is small moments, you realize how wonderful they are.

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March_April 2014

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Girl power

it

lucinda kay

T

By Judith Spitzer

o be excellent communicators, you have to figure out what you are reflecting to the world. You carry a message. We need to be more self aware, we have to get better at personal branding and we have to define and deliver it,” says Lucinda Kay from the center of the hotel banquet room in downtown Spokane. “We have to live out loud, share our story and engage other people.”

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March_April 2014

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With this ring

6 Wedding Mistakes You Might Be Making

By Rachel Sandall Photos by Kylie Martin Photography

W

e’ve featured hundreds of gorgeous Inland Northwest weddings on AppleBrides.com over the years and even though every wedding is unique, we’ve gleaned some great advice from past brides about what they would do differently if they could; here are the top six things we hear.

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Not hiring a day-of coordinator.

Most brides don’t realize just how hectic the wedding day actually is. A day-of coordinator takes all the stress off of you.

They make schedules, make sure everyone gets where they need to be, and ensure the day goes as smoothly as possible.

Spending too much time on Pinterest.

I love Pinterest as much as the next living/ breathing female, but the constant stream of inspiration can also cause indecision if you are not careful. Once you have made your decisions, stop looking and don’t doubt them!

Not thinking about the guest’s perspective.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the details that we forget about the fact that when it comes down to it, a wedding is simply a huge party and you are the host.

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Not thinking about the bridal party’s perspective.

Your bridesmaids might feel honored and privileged to be asked to be in your wedding, but maybe not so thrilled about having to spend $300 on a dress, $50 on shoes AND have to travel and get a gift for the wedding and shower. It adds up quickly. Put yourself in their shoes and try to make decisions with them (and their wallets) in mind.

Not hiring a videographer.

Most brides who didn’t hire a videographer will say they wish they had. It might sound like an extra expense right now, but believe me (as someone who didn’t have one) you will regret it later. And your cousin behind the camcorder is NOT the same thing.

Forgetting the point.

It’s so easy to lose perspective when you are licking a million envelopes and discussing color palettes, but honestly, the most important thing to remember is that a wedding is a celebration of a new marriage. We should be spending as much time as possible preparing ourselves for the lifetime commitment we’re making.

Wednesday - Saturday

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St u d y A b r o a d : I n te r- ge n e r a t i o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s : M e n O p t i o n a l : Fa m i l y P l a n n i n g

for the love of

Family

Study Abroad An Adventure of a Lifetime

W

Story and photos by Thania Clark

hen it comes to life, there’s so much more to it than we realize. After I returned home from Spain many people asked about my experiences and what I had encountered while being there.

The answer I give them has always been, “me cambió la vida,” it changed my life. I knew it was going to be hard for me to break away from my everyday routine that comes with living in a small community and transition into two weeks of living as a tourist in Spain. After a year’s worth of fundraising and anticipation, I realized I was ready to experience Spain’s exotic culture, and its promise of an adventure that I was certain would change my life forever. I’m pleased to announce it did exactly that. >> Not many high school students are given the opportunity to

March_April 2014

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Family study abroad

travel overseas, though thanks to my Spanish teacher, Senora Chambers, I was granted that opportunity during the end of my junior year.

Never before had my small school, Liberty High School, sent a student overseas. It took a lot of convincing, but my class and I finally made our dream a reality. We were going to make it to Spain.

Our journey began in the early morning of June 21, 2013. We flew from Spokane, to Salt Lake City, to New York, and then to Madrid. We arrived at our destination on Saturday morning June 22, and spent four days in the city. Madrid, the capital of Spain, was the largest city and one of my favorites.

Within the short two weeks we not only discovered a new culture, but a new way of life as well.

Looking back I realize that the city of Madrid has its own individual culture. It seemed to be alive both night and day, never sleeping, never at rest. It was constantly entertaining: the consistent flow of tourists as well as its residents. Everywhere you looked you’d find something new, whether it was a performer on the street, a gypsy trying to sell trinkets, or a beggar hidden away in the shadow of a building. Upon the lively streets of Madrid, every aspect of life could be found. Even the streets themselves seemed to be alive. The miles upon miles of endless roads are made of old brick and cobblestone that seem to move from underneath you.

Every business, cafe, and little shop has its own personal characteristics and unique-

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ness. The stained glass windows that were displayed among every cathedral and church were mesmorizing. Their colors danced and mixed within themselves, making the breathtaking images come to life.

After Madrid we stayed two nights in Sevilla, only a few hours in Segovia and Toledo, two nights in Granada, three nights in Costa del Sol, and a day in Morocco.

We were constantly on the move. The two smallest towns we visited were Toledo and Granada, known as “pueblos,” which means villages. These were towns whose history had been molded into beautiful architecture.

Altogether we visited museums, art galleries, and of course the royal palace, Palacio Real de Madrid. We tried new and unknown foods, enjoying every bit, even if it didn’t agree with our taste buds. We explored the ruins of ancient castles and elegant gardens.

Every day we gained a greater understanding of Spain and its culture, though my favorite lesson was learned in Morocco.

The day we visited Morocco was the day my outlook on the world changed. Walking through their streets made me realize how grateful I am for the life that I have been blessed with. In America, when we’re hungry we have the option of eating out at our favorite restaurant or running to the grocery store. In Morocco, their markets are arranged on the side of buildings beside the streets.

Every day both men and women make their living by selling merchandise, foods that they hand grow, and fresh meat they butchered

the day before. Houses are crammed into small white buildings, and gift shops are no bigger than our average walk-in closet. The women show nothing but their eyes, though those eyes constantly live within a world that we can only imagine being in. That day in Morocco I saw the other side of luxury.

Every day we complain about simple tasks without realizing that across the world thousands of people will never experience those same simple tasks that we fuss over. The people of Morocco don’t live in poverty; they live in a more challenging part of the world, and they make the best of it. Morocco taught me the full understanding of life in general, to be grateful for what you’re given in life, and to not waste time grumbling over luxuries you can’t have.

This was more than a summer vacation, more than a two-week trip. This opportunity changed my life. I found a moment in time where I discovered a culture that is beyond beautiful and magnificent. I was able to discover myself and my true passion for photography and writing. I will always be grateful for the lessons I learned and the opportunities I was given. Spain was just the beginning of a much bigger and exhilarating adventure, and I can’t wait to find new discoveries throughout the rest of the world.

“I want parents to consider this kind of a trip strongly because it will change their student’s attitude and prospective on not just school but also their future. It could be the most important adventure that a parent could ever give them,” said my teacher, Trisha Chambers. I couldn’t agree with her more.

Family study abroad

The Benefits of Inter-Generational Relationships in Your Child’s Life

By Jennifer Chung

I

nter-generational relationships are a great way for children to get a sense of history, context and perspective.

Often, adults, other than a parent, can connect with your child in ways a parent simply can’t. I’ve seen family friends help teenagers through a rough time at school, grandparents give insightful friendship advice, and uncles get their nieces and nephews to try a new activity. Where children might be standoffish with their parents, they are more willing to listen to relatives and less likely to talk back. Interacting with the elderly will also alleviate any chance for fears to develop in your children and give them an opportunity to witness and better understand the aging process, thus creating more empathetic adults down the line.

More than ever, parents are living in communities without relatives nearby, so creating an environment where your child is consistently interacting with other adults is challenging. Lean on your friends! While your friends with kids of similar age are always great, especially for playdates and group activities, don’t forget your friends who don’t have children or have older children. Our friends with teenage children are eager to spend time with our son, who is only 3, since they enjoy a taste of those early years. They bring a unique level of energy and enthusiasm, and since these are experienced, seasoned parents, I’ve

learned a tremendous amount about parenting from them. And their teenage children have become an integral part of our son’s life – they come over for holidays, birthdays, weekends, as though they are part of the family. I have friends who have grown up celebrating milestones and holidays with other families who would now say those people have become closer than relatives. They know they could call them any time of the day and they would respond in such a way where they would do absolutely anything for them.

Having children interact with adults other than their parents and teachers can help encourage social ease and confidence. And this can pay off in many ways. There are the practical benefits–for example, when high schoolers are interviewing for college or trying to get an internship. But it’s much more than that—it allows your child to get exposed to and learn from a broader range of people. It also helps build an appreciation for the past. As a parent, stories about your younger years can get old really fast, but hearing stories from a diverse range of adults gives your child unique insights into history. Kids are also quick to turn a deaf ear to parents and their wisdom; however, an adult friend could give the exact same advice and the teenager would consider it the best advice they have ever heard.

Ultimately, it is important for kids to respect, trust and learn from adults of all kinds. The sooner we learn that we, as parents, cannot be all things to our children, the better. Introducing them to a variety of cultures, adults, insights and opinions will develop strong, confident, well-adjusted children and, eventually, adults.

Parenting expert, mom-of-one and Kinsights co-founder Jennifer Chung knows that being a parent can often feel like a confusing and isolating experience, especially for first-time parents or parents of a child with a medical condition. She also knows that parents often get the most useful advice from each other, and Kinsights was developed to make that process easier by connecting you with parents who have been in your shoes before and who can provide relevant advice. Kinsights also helps parents organize their child’s health information with a user-friendly interface that any parent can use to create a charted personal health record. www.kinsights.com

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Family men: optional

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By Jennifer Ferrero

Men: Optional

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n the television show, The Good Wife, main character Alicia Florrick operates in a work universe surrounded by men, but has little need for them.

She sees her husband for a five minute “quickie” with lawyers in the other room—hiking up her St. John suit just long enough to gain satisfaction. In the book, Lean In, Sheryl Sanberg of Facebook reflects on a community of work where you put yourself first and your husband better get on board with equality and co-parenting or get out of the way.

This show and book are appealing to women, maybe because they make us feel powerful—or reinforce where we want to or should be in the workplace. They represent the power suit, and the sassy and smart solutions women bring to the conference room. These women spend very little to no time cooking, cleaning, running errands, or driving kids in a mini van. For some this may sound glorious, but for me, I wonder—is this progress?

The Good Wife is appealing to me on a Sunday night because it is smart, fastpaced and it seems that Alicia always has the answer. She spends endless hours in a beautiful office and finds time to talk to her kids 5 minutes a day—always the caring, loving mom—but is never home or really there for the kids. There simply wouldn’t be enough time in the day to do what she does and raise kids as well.

Sandberg’s book appeals to me because I am a business owner and busy mom and wife. I am not anti-progress for women and I do think women should be presidents and executives. We are smart enough and dang it—we can really multi-task!

Furthermore, the pay disparity between women workers and their male counterparts still lags—not in favor of that! However, throughout my career, and a fair amount of success, I have relied on the idea of being able to work flexibly while making my kids and family number one.

But, Julianna Margulies’s character on The Good Wife all but replaces the need for men and I think it’s gone too far. The title of the show itself is based upon the fact that she stayed with her husband after his many infidelities while in public office. Staying with him seems partly based on obligation for the children, although they all do okay without dad in the house; even more, she does it for public perceptions and his political gain—not love, not common goals.

In the show, she hasn’t co-habitated with her husband in years. She makes her own money, her own decisions, and they maintain separate residences. Of course, this is a show based upon her potential for re-igniting her affair with co-worker Will Gardner. If she in fact re-committed to her husband and again took up residence, the show would end.

But, no matter, the fact that she makes all household decisions on her own, runs a law firm on her own, and parents the kids on her own tells it all. The writer’s think she doesn’t need a man. In other words, her man is optional. If he’s there, well okay—but if he’s not—no biggie.

This is not social progress. We can say yes to making more money; yes to equality in the workplace; and yes to routine help around the house—but a society where we lack male and female relationships and the human need to connect is not progress. If The Good Wife were truly good, wouldn’t she be inclusive of her husband and make a life with him and their family?

That daily and sometimes hard work of marriage and child rearing is what makes us “good” in the end. Following through on commitments to marriage and working together is what makes us family. Family unifies the community. When we communicate, work together, and persevere through the tough situations, men are not optional or barriers to our success. They should be there to back us up, as we do for them and their careers, and together we can lift each other.

Family planning NEW!

baby fat

By Cynthia Fine

What is the most common reason women give for discontinuing using birth control pills? Acne? Nausea? Wanting to get pregnant? None of the above. It is because they think it has made them gain weight. Sometimes, it is merely the fear of gaining weight. And most women who discontinue the pill switch to something less effective, or, nothing at all.

According to a recent article by Dr. David Grimes, lead author of the article published in the journal Contraception, there is, “an elaborate mythology fueled by rumor, gossip and poor-quality research.” The fact is, there has never been any convincing scientific evidence that the pill causes weight gain.

If the pill doesn’t cause weight gain, then how did it get that reputation?

Women who take the pill DO gain weight. But so do women who don’t take the pill. Basically, most women continue to gain weight after they reach their full adult height. On average, women gain about a pound a year from age 20 to age 50 for a total of 30 pounds. But we can’t blame it on the pill.

I know what you’re thinking; “Then why do the pill packet labels list

‘weight gain’ among the side effects?”

In clinical trials of drugs, participants are asked to report symptoms they notice. Those that turn up most often may be listed even if there’s no proof that they were caused by the drug.

These non-specific symptoms are the vague complaints of everyday life—things like headaches, moodiness and . . . weight gain.

One side note: there is a link between Depo Provera, “the shot,” and weight gain. Some women experience increased appetite, which, if not carefully managed (Cheetos, anyone?), could easily lead to increased weight.

But the sad result of this urban legend is that women fearful of weight gain may discontinue using their birth control pills or be less diligent about taking them. One thing that we can say with complete confidence is that women generally gain 25 – 35 pounds over the nine months of pregnancy. Don’t let this myth cause “baby fat” for you!

Cynthia Fine is the Community Health Educator for Planned Parenthood of Greater Washington and North Idaho.

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If they only knew I walked into the meeting to discuss the upcoming project outline. The past few months had been about nothing more than research and reading.

And then more research and reading.

My duties had diminished from educator/adviser to research in six months, and this did not feel like me in any way.

Social interaction, open collaboration, lively discussion allowed me to feel part of a team. All that was a distant memory.

I now walked into my office every morning and walked out every evening without talking to a soul. The isolation was maddening.

The office had gradually become a field of 20-something, size-two models, with long wispy hair and high-pitched voices over the course of three years.

I was almost 50, “curvy” and not athletic. How or why I was hired, I will never know. Upcoming marathon trainings, diet recipes, and city events were the constant topics at the water cooler.

The lively banter represented a different world than the one I dealt with everyday.

We were women working in a corporate world striving to make money for an organization . . . but that was where the similarities ended. A recent—and necessary—divorce had changed my life and redefined me, and the life of my young sons, quite dramatically. Emotional, psychological and verbal abuse in the marriage had taken its toll on who I was, and life had become very hard.

Balancing a monthly budget as a single parent, with a hearty mortgage, car repairs, and dental appointments were now my norm. Juggling schedules, planning weekly dinner menus, and disciplining a teenager weighed heavily on my mind. I tried to listen and take in the laughter of the young people out in the work hallway, but I struggled to wrap my head around it. Life seemed so heavy now. Responsibilities weighed on me. I had a position that now isolated me, yet all I wanted was to talk, laugh, chatter or find an understanding ear.

There was no camaraderie in this space because I was in an entirely different “season” of my life than anyone I worked with. I am the odd one out

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because I am the “divorced” one, the “unmarried” one, the one with a “hard life,” the “serious one.” I represented a reality of life that none of the young, hopeful, newly married women wanted to see or even contemplate. They wanted life “light and fluffy.” The young women around me complained about the traffic, not being able to get to a nail appointment, or a not so great Pilates session. I couldn’t remember the last time I had worked out. I was always tired and thoughts of sleep consumed me, so rather than getting up in the morning to walk on the elliptical, I hit the snooze button and “slept” just 30 more minutes.

I never complain to anyone. Professional, put-together, organized and well versed is how I am described. My smile, optimistic chitchat about needing coffee, the cold weather, or a good haircut is what I presented as I encountered a co-worker in the work kitchen.

I keep things light, never going deeper because that would mean an investment of time and emotion. My journal and I escape at lunchtime. I park and watch the runners brave the cold as I write my emotions on ivory paper. My hope is deep. It is what keeps me going.

I must feed that spark because it’s what allows me to get through another nine hours. My household depends upon me financially and emotionally. There are days where that is so overwhelming that I want to close my eyes and make the roller coaster stop. I cry inside and think, “How would they handle all of this . . . If they only knew.”

“If They Only Knew” is an anonymous guest column featuring essays from the “snapshot” life moments of courage and perseverance in Spokane Coeur d’Alene women. If you would like to share a moment of your life when you thought, “If They Only Knew,” please send an email to editor@spokanecdawoman.com or mail a hard copy to our editor, Stephanie Regalado, at 104 S. Freya, Ste 209, Spokane, WA 99202.

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