Spokane CDA Woman #19

Jan/Feb 2015 | Issue 19

spokanecdawoman.com

Daniela Veillette

Tough Love

Diet Tips

Staying Warm,

A Day in the Life Cabbie, Mama Fran

with

Frosty Fashion

A European

Adventure

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Inside

Jan/Feb 2015

contents

12

features

Day in the Life: Fran Rew grew up in Spokane in a time when many young girls’ dreams included wedding dresses and white picket fences and their playtime consisted of cradling dolls and making mud pies. She dreamed of becoming a nurse, but life led her in other directions.

There are many ways to nurse others and Fran does it not with a nursing degree but a cab driver’s license, taking people to their destinations and listening to their stories along the way.

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Her Story: Emily Bozzi’s mother shared that her grandfather had told her elementary education was enough for her because she would not go anywhere, and that she should stay married in her little village in the Philippines. Those words have stayed with Emily, as she travels the world, and lives an adventurous life thousands of miles away from the Philippines.

Daniela Veillette Kelly Tareski www.KellyTareskiPhotography.com Model:

Photography:

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Role Model: Leaving a safe and secure job to follow one’s passion to a new career can be terrifying. But Molly Sanders, this issue’s Role Model, did exactly that when she walked away from the classroom and stepped into an altogether different life.

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Family: Childhood Hunger; Montessori Education; Bonding with Your Teen; Family Planning

on the

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Editor's letter A Mother’s Love Always Wins

The Ballet School where students get the highest level of training (Ballet, Modern, Pilates)

photo by Kelly Tareksi

I

was six months pregnant with my first child, a daughter, when her father said he was expecting a baby with another woman.

We were curled up in bed around my big belly, and I was sharing a story of my cousin’s struggle with the discovery that her husband had unknowingly fathered a baby with his high school girlfriend, eight years earlier. The farremoved ex-girlfriend had recently contacted my cousin’s husband: she had an eight-year-old daughter asking who her daddy was.

“I have something I need to tell you, too,” Joe said.

He asked me if I remembered Kim, a woman he had been seeing at the time he and I began to consider rekindling our relationship after a year and a half apart. I had never met her, but I remembered him telling me about her. “She’s pregnant,” he said.

I held it together fairly well through the night and into the wee hours of the next morning as he answered my questions, as I urged him to do the “right” thing. Kim was also six months pregnant with a little girl. Our babies were due within a week of one another. As I felt my baby wriggling inside of me, I thought of Kim feeling her baby, my baby’s sister, wriggling inside of her. (I seem to have superpowers during the initial moments of duress, but I can assure you I did my share of falling to pieces as I processed the situation, repeatedly, throughout the balance of my pregnancy).

After our girls were born, Kim and I grew to support one another as mothers. My schedule was flexible, so I helped manage the girls’ schedules through the first ten years, before Joe and I divorced. Kim even covered for me, at times picking up the girls and their younger brother and sister that Joe and I had had together.

Kim and I took the girls school shopping, we talked about orthodontic options and other kid concerns.

I noticed Kim and Joe becoming closer a couple of years after he and I divorced, and as I came to terms with feelings of displacement (even though I had remarried), I couldn’t imagine a better stepmother for my children.

There truly wasn’t anything to dislike about Kim. She was always positive, always smiling. She was smart, sweet, successful and independent, qualities I admired. Our girls swiftly grew to be as close as twins, and, as they count down the days until their Sweet 16s, they have become two striking, intelligent, talented, feisty young women.

On January 1, 2012, we were scheduled to pick up our girls from their cousin’s New Years party before noon. Kim didn’t make it to pick up her daughter. A few hours later, she was found murdered in her home. Joe received the news right away, and rushed to her home, although he wasn’t allowed inside. He then endured the

unthinkable task of sharing the heartbreak with his daughter. He called me soon afterward; I couldn’t understand what he was saying. Not even after I heard what he said, could I understand what he was saying.

Only now, after the standing room only memorial service, after the burial where I watched her sweet girl bravely place special items and photographs into her grave, as my sweet girl bravely placed a hand on her sister’s shoulder, after birthdays and holidays without her, after seeing justice served when her killer, an ex-boyfriend, was convicted and sent off to prison for 30 years (this past summer), as we continue to look forward at the lifetimes without her made apparent every day her daughter can’t feel the comfort of her mother’s embrace, only now has it become real that she is gone.

My heart swells every moment I spend with the girls, and I am honored to live up to the promise I wrote on Kim’s urn the day she was laid to rest: I will watch over your girl. If I had been the mom taken away far too soon, I have no doubt Kim would have extended the same love toward my children.

That’s what mothers do: we rise above ourselves for our children, no matter how challenging, or awkward, or different from the norm. We love because we know love wins.

I dedicate this issue to all women who rise above difficult situations, and even themselves, for the benefit of all . . . This is our life, our magazine. WE are Spokane CDA Woman.

Here’s to extending grace to all in 2015.

My best,

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January_February 2015

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Vol. 4 Issue 1

Jan/Feb 2015

Editorial

Editor | Stephanie Regalado editor@spokanecdawoman.com

Art Direction | Graphics Art Director/Lead Graphic Designer Kristi Somday | kristi@spokanecda.com Traffic Manager/Graphic Designer Camille Martin | camille@spokanecda.com

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Contributors

Kate Armstrong, Emily Bozzi, Martha Cunningham, Cynthia Fine, Dennis Held, Julie Humphreys, Jennifer LaRue, Cheryl-Anne Millsap, Cheryl Smith

Sales | Marketing Business Development Emily Guevarra Bozzi | emily@spokanecda.com Vice President of Sales Cindy Guthrie | cindy@spokanecda.com Senior Account Manager Jeff Richardson | jrichardson@spokanecda.com

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104 S Freya | Ste 209 | Spokane WA 99202-4866 Phone: 509.533.5350 | Fax: 509.535.3542 All contents © 2015. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. Neither Bozzi Media nor Spokane CDA Woman assumes responsibility for errors in content, photos or advertisements.

Beading

Beauty

:

DIY

photo by Wobble Monkey Photography

Spa

Boxes

:

Up

Fr om

Darkness

:

Diet

Tips

Up Front

M

egan Petersen has been creating handmade beaded jewelry since she was five years old. She picked up the hobby from her grandfather who created Native American inspired tapestries and dream catchers at the time. She took a break from the craft while attending college at Whitworth University for graphic design, but picked it right back up again after graduation. She officially created “Megan’s Beaded Designs,” a business, in 2010, and has been selling online and at local craft shows since.

Megan makes each of her original designs unique and jaw-dropping. They are all entirely handmade by her, one tiny bead at a time. “As a major introvert, I have long since learned to rely on the attention granted by fashion and accessories when words fail me,” she says. Whether or not you consider yourself shy, Megan’s jewelry and hair accessories are sure to beckon compliments.

They are not, by any means, intended to help you blend into the crowd.

In addition to current and past fashion, Megan’s designs are inspired by art, pop culture trends, and her imagination. “I love sharing my latest ideas and advice on my website’s blog, on my Facebook page, and with my Twitter followers,” she says. “Online is where introverts like me can really allow their business and sense of style to flourish.”

Beadspirations Hand-Beaded Designs by Local Artisan

Find Megan’s beadspirations by visiting her website at www.

MegansBeadedDesigns.com.

January_February 2015

7

Up Front

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For $29.99 a month (shipping included), Handmade Beauty Box delivers an allinclusive set of ingredients and instructions to make the most popular DIY projects such as soaps, lotions, mineral makeup, bath fizzies, lipsticks, nail polishes, salt scrubs, candles, and more. Each month’s box will remain a surprise until you rip it open like a kid on Christmas morning. A DIY dream come true, and a great way to spend girlfriend or mom and daughter time.

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By Cheryl Smith

hat do the words “take back your ship, it is never okay to stay. It often causes life” mean to you? Those words damage to us and our children that takes hold a lot of meaning to women years to process. I identify with every beautiful, who make the difficult decision to brave, strong woman who makes the choice to walk away from unhealthy relationships. But be stronger than the situation they are in and how do we, as women who are taught from an to walk away—victorious. And I am proud to be early age that we are to take care of our family, part of a sisterhood that supports women when and to take care our men, take the agonizing they need to take the difficult walk out of the steps required to end a bad relationship? With darkness and into something better. great courage and faith.

Make the choice to do better for you and your It is not easy to walk away from a life you children today. You’ve waited long enough. have worked so hard to build. It hurts deeply Reach out to a friend or family member, or to accept there is nothing more we can do to make a confidential call to the caring team at make it work, to make it a healthy relationship.

YWCA Spokane (509-326-1190) for resources Aren’t we the fixers of the family, the ones who to help you take back control of your life and kiss the boo-boos, give out the hugs, and wipe begin rebuilding the good life you were meant away the tears? to live.

We are certainly photo by James & Kathy Mangis the hardest on ourselves; otherwise why would we stay after the love is gone, and our life has become painful daily. Sadly, we become conditioned to live in the pain: it becomes our normal. After all isn’t it better for our family to stay together?

No. When domesWomen celebrate sisterhood during a fashion show tic violence is an fundraiser for domestic violence awareness. aspect of a relation-

Up Front

10 Tough Love Tips

to Help You Stick With Your Healthy Diet for Good

By Steve Siebold, author of Die Fat or Get Tough: 101 Differences in Thinking Between Fat People and Fit People

• Stop cheating: You wouldn’t cheat on your spouse in a committed relationship, so why would you cheat on something as important as your diet and health? Sounds harsh, but if you’re going to get fit, it’s all or nothing, even during holidays and special occasions.

• Expect challenges: You know the

cravings and other challenges are going to come up, so don’t let them catch you off guard. Have a plan in place to push forward when this happens so you stay compliant to your diet.

• Take responsibility: Realize that

ultimately being fit and healthy is completely your responsibility, and stop blaming outside factors such as events, restaurants, the food manufacturers and portion sizes.

• Just say no: There’s plenty of peer pressure to indulge. Just say “No” and stop worrying about what others think. If they truly care about you, they’ll understand that your diet is important to you.

• Ask the question: Before you put anything in your mouth, always ask yourself, “How is this food going to impact my health?” Think long and hard about your answer and the potential consequences that will come.

• Don’t associate dieting with drudgery: See it as a strategy for a

lifetime to keep you healthy, looking good and feeling your very best.

• Don’t eat for pleasure: Find happiness

• Don’t let yourself start over: It’s not okay to start over again on Monday or after an event or celebration. It’s a common psychological trap with the core belief being, “I can eat the same and get different results.” Starting over on Monday is an endless loop that keeps people fat forever.

• Remember your why: Most people fail

• Don’t be ashamed to let people know you’re dieting: Most people

not from food, but in time spent with friends and family creating a lifetime of memories and new traditions. Begin to see eating only as a means to increase health, energy and vitality.

because they forget their “Why” or reason for wanting to lose weight. One of the best ways to stay motivated is to create a vision board filled with pictures of lean, fit and sexy people. Hang it in a very visible location.

Daily exposure to the vision board will reinforce your health goals.

won’t admit they’re dieting because they don’t trust themselves enough to put their word on the line. Telling everyone you know creates additional pressure and motivation to propel you forward when the going gets tough. It’s the tactically intelligent thing to do.

January_February 2015

9

Move that body

FITNESS TRENDS FOR 2015

By Kate Armstrong

The fitness industry wouldn’t be “an industry” if it didn’t constantly reinvent itself. Gyms and health clubs survive economic downturns because they offer new, trendy workout programs and convince us that their “new and improved” workout method or type of equipment is now “the only efficient” or “effective” thing out there. Keep in mind, you should always do what works for you; however, if you’re looking to do something that all the cool kids are going to be doing, read on.

1. “Boutique” Over the last few years,

boutique studios have exploded onto the fitness scene. In 2015, their popularity will only continue to grow with even more highly specific studios. Underwater pole dancing? Yep. Treadmill training? Yep. Aerial Pilates? Yep. Indoor hiking? Probably. If you can imagine it, there’s probably a class for it.

2. “HIIT it”

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This format is not new to the fitness world, but as more research keeps being released about the benefits, the concept will continue to be buzzin’. “High-intensity Interval Training” is a great time-saver that nets results by incorporating brief intervals of highintensity exertion with brief recovery intervals.

Five hot fitness buzzwords and concepts to keep you moving into the New Year.

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For years, we’ve been cooped up in gyms and studios like hamsters in a cage, sweating it out with our fellow gym-goers. But with the rise in popularity of extreme and adventure racing, it seems like outdoor fitness is coming back. Organized bootcamps, obstacle courses, even outdoor leisure like hiking, biking and rock climbing are making the combination of fresh air and fitness easier than ever to come by.

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4. “Tune In” When it comes to inspi-

ration, look no further than your computer screen. Be it a motivational quote or a workout of the day, embrace the interwebs for the good it can bring to your workout routine. You might be surprised to learn that your favorite instructor has online workouts you can stream when you just can’t squeeze a daily workout into your schedule. Oh, and have you heard about that new Apple Watch that’s set to come out in 2015? #gamechanger

Two Locations

5. “R&R” Too much intense training can

throw your body out of sorts, leaving it open for potential injuries, which is why recovery is essential. In 2015, we will continue to see the rapid expansion of self-care tools such as foam rolling and therapy balls. These tools aid in core strengthening and dynamic stretching. Fitness professionals are starting to endorse full recovery days and clear focus on sleep as an integral part of one’s fitness regimen, as well.

But whatever your workout cup of tea may be, there are undoubtedly going to be plenty of ways for you to keep your health on track and a priority in the year to come. Additionally, if you find that you are not a fan of these trends, don’t worry . . . they’ll be changing soon.

In addition to her full-time job in Corporate America, Kate Armstrong is a licensed fitness instructor, producing annual Zumba Fitness events in Spokane. www.ZMeDance.com

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A Day in the life Life in the

Cab Lane

By Jennifer LaRue

Fran Rew,

60, grew up in Spokane in a time when many young girls’ dreams included wedding dresses and white picket fences and their playtime consisted of cradling dolls and making mud pies. At Mead High School, still dreaming of a white picket fence, Fran considered becoming a nurse, but life takes unexpected turns and Fran goes with the flow. “I’m a true believer that everything happens for a reason,” she says. There are many ways to nurse others and Fran does it not with a nursing degree but a cab driver’s license, taking people to their destinations and listening to their stories along the way.

An anonymous author penned the sentiment, “there isn’t a person you wouldn’t love if you could read their story.” Fran Rew hears hundreds of stories; in a sense, connecting with every fare and earning the title Mama Fran. She has stories of her own; not all of them end happily. She donned a wedding dress three times and each time failed. “Each of my dysfunctional relationships taught me lessons and made me strong and empathetic,” she says, “Bring it on.” When asked what she thought it took to be a cabbie, she didn’t hesitate.

“Cab drivers are either missing something or have a little something extra including a lot of patience,” she says.

What they might be missing is judgment. Fran simply looks away as a man pees on the sidewalk, smiles and shakes her head as an intoxicated man gropes his date and asks, “Can we have

sex back here” or Fran announces, “I’m old enough to be your mother” when a man offers her two hundred dollars for a good time. Once, she caught a man before his head hit the sidewalk.

“I opened the door for him and he sort of passed out as he stepped out of the cab. He came to as I was cradling his head and asked ‘Oh, did I fall asleep?’ I’m glad he woke up so quickly because no way was I going to rummage in his pockets for cab fare or leave him lying on the sidewalk.”

Fran does not judge because she gets it. She owned a bar in Snohomish for 10 years, hearing many stories and becoming privy to the different ways people self-medicate and express themselves. Fran thought she’d always have that bar but her husband at the time let drugs and alcohol get the better of him and she had to move on. Another husband abused her. Oh yes, she “gets it” and she appreciates her experiences because she’s become very good at picking herself up after getting knocked down, believing that when one door closes, another always opens.

After losing the bar, Fran began driving a school bus in the Snohomish area, learning to handle a large vehicle and listening to the stories of children. She then returned to Spokane and became an STA bus driver, hearing more and more stories as riders let off steam in every shade of grey, from good news to bad. She was a model employee with STA for 10 years, receiving many compliments and awards but, on a rainy night at a dark corner, life took another unexpected turn: a pedestrian (an attorney) didn’t see the huge bus. He was hit by the side mirror and his left foot was fractured by a wheel. Because of the accident, she was fired. It broke her heart but she moved on, becoming a cab driver, after a long and involved training process in order to keep customers safe.

“There isn’t a person you wouldn’t love if you could read their story.”

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woman | spokanecdawoman.com

photo by Jesse Swanson

Fran is one of only a few female cab drivers in the area and the only late-night female cab driver. She drives six nights a week from 3:30 p.m. to 3:30 a.m. Tips are bigger at night, the stories more elaborate, and handshakes and hugs more genuine. Many of her fares are tired after a long day’s work or intoxicated after a long night of celebrating or drowning sorrows. Many ask for her by name and, when she is parked in her regular spot at Sprague and Stevens, many gently rap on her window and say, “Hey Fran, how’s it going?” She is known and she is loved.

She also has no fear; her weapons are an understanding ear, patience, lack of judgment, and a canister of grizzly bear mace.

Tip from a drunk passenger: “Riding in a cab is much cheaper than a DUI and a therapist.”

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January_February 2015

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Herstory

to

I

By Emily Guevarra Bozzi, publisher of Bozzi Media

f my grandfather could see me now, he would be smile. How opposite his granddaughter had become compared to his views of what a woman’s role in life should be. My mother shared that he had told her elementary education was enough for her because she would not go anywhere, and that she should stay married in her little village in the Philippines. He also told her she didn’t need to study the Spanish language, which is part of the curriculum in the Philippines. He said, “What is the point of learning Spanish when you will have no chance to go to Spain?”

Those words stayed with me and later I married someone thousands of miles away from the Philippines.

Recently, I returned from a month-long visit in Europe; my third visit in the Old World. The first and second visits were with my family, experiencing Germany, France and Switzerland.

Grandfather would be impressed that on my third visit to Europe I travelled alone, visiting multiple countries: Belgium, Holland, Serbia, Luxembourg and back to Switzerland. Fortunately, when stepping off the plane at each destination, I had European friends and contacts ready to whisk me away to their homes. My grandfather would be amazed.

My desire for travel started when my family began hosting foreign exchange students from Japan, Germany, Switzerland, and Denmark. More than a dozen students from Japan have stayed in our home during the summer months, and the European kids have stayed throughout the school year. Some have returned to visit

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us, and we’ve gone abroad to visit some of them, truly developing an exchange.

My husband and I have only one child, a son who constantly asked me why he was an only child. My answer to his desire for siblings was to find instant brothers or sisters through the exchange programs; the bonus is that we were able to show off our lovely city, and feel as though we were giving back. Friendships blossomed, and now we feel like we have family in Europe, while they feel they have friends, and a place to stay, here in the U.S. On May 6, 2014, I flew from Seattle to Amsterdam, and then to Switzerland.

When I arrived in Basel I was greeted by my former exchange student, Benjamin Aebersold and his young family. This was my first visit to Basel. I was excited to explore the city, which is the third most populous in Switzerland, located

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on the Swiss, French and German border. The first thing I noticed as we drove downtown was the huge sculpture similar to the hammering man at the Seattle Art Museum, and wondered which one copied which. Basel is the fine arts capital of Europe, hosting the huge Basel Art Show, and sporting dozens of art museums.

The Rhine River divides the old town of Basel with the modern Basel. We crossed the river by boat and enjoyed libations at the Uellbien brewpub in the old town where tourists rarely venture, along with the customary bratwurst salad, and French fries (pommes frittes). I caught up on Ben’s life in Basel, his lovely wife and young family and reminisced about his time in Spokane, which he so fondly remembers. He’s happy to hear that his high school, Ferris, has been completely rebuilt and that our downtown continues to improve, with greater street life than ever.

The next day we drove in Ben’s Alpha Romeo to see the countryside. The cows do still sport cowbells, and happily graze in the grass upon hilltops and meadows, as green as green can be.

On May 10, 2014, I flew from Basel to Vienna to Belgrade, and met my friend Dragana Krdzavac. My grandfather was probably shaking his head and smiling that his granddaughter was not only in the publishing business, but travelling all over Europe.

I don’t think he ever read a magazine in his lifetime, and he certainly never left the Philippines. I met Dragana when one of her family members picked up Spokane Coeur d’Alene Living on a trip to Spokane, and she felt like contacting me after seeing my name on the masthead. We became pen pals, and I was delighted to be able to actually meet her in Serbia, something neither of us imagined would ever really happen.

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January_February 2015

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Emily with her Swiss and Belgian friends in Ham, Belgium.

Visiting Belgrade was a new frontier for me. I stayed with her and her extended family, all of whom were friendly and hospitable; quite like the people from my own homeland. She was proud to “show off” her American friend to her family members and friends, teachers, college students, architects, nurses, police officers, firemen, lawyers and politicians, all delighted to meet me. I felt like a diplomat; no, a star! Some have now become my Facebook friends. As of this writing, I’ve already received a package from Nikola, Dragana’s nephew. He just vacationed in Greece and sent me a gorgeous autumn-hued scarf.

Serbia has plenty of hot springs like in Yellowstone, but undeveloped. I was told that the government seems uninterested in developing it. Dragana’s brother’s Branko and Alexander jokingly told me that if Americans don’t invest, a wealthy Arab will, and they seem to be rooting for the Americans. Serbs like American culture, our music, movies and TV shows, translated into their language.

I never tasted dishes so good; authentic Serbian foods like Sarma, a stuffed cabbage with a mixture of meat, rice and spices, bursting with delicious flavors. The roast pig, cooked and prepared by my friend’s father, Mika, which just melted off the bones.

Then there’s the fish, smoked, such a treat I had to keep taking seconds.

In downtown Belgrade my favorite is the SKADARLIJA, the Bohemian District of Belgrade. I was told this district is visited by many eminent persons of the world, including President George W. Bush, who toured in 2007. Delightful scents of food permeated the air.

This district dates back to the late 19th century; it has been a meeting place for many of the greatest figures of the cultural scene every generation since then. It is often compared with the Montmarte in Paris, both for its appearance and vigorous artists' atmosphere. There are limitless restaurants along its long promenade, outdoor eateries on every corner. Serbians are fashionable, a naturally handsome race. Mostly I noticed that men and women are tall, slender and well-dressed. Like most Europeans, not easy to smile, but once you get to know them, they treat you like one of the family, friendly and giving.

So much to see in Belgrade; a week is not nearly enough. The Kalamagdan, a Belgian fortress which means “battlefield” is a must-see. The Belgrade Fortress is a beautiful park situated on a plateau above the fork of two rivers, the Sana and the Danube. I enjoyed walking along the fortress and taking in its magnificent view. The Belgrade Citadel, a combination of military forts of past conquerors of Belgrade, the Romans, Byzantians, Hungarians, Turks and Austrians. The statue of the “victor” rises in the park to proclaim the glory of the victory of the Serbian army, now the symbol of Belgrade.

One museum I was especially interested in visiting, after reading his biography, was the Nikola Tesla museum. He was an inventive genius that some say Edison blatantly plagiarized. The museum recreated the residential neighborhood where

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Tesla grew up in that region, where he first discovered the world of electricity.

His technological achievements, which sprung so fast and furious from his mind that he wouldn’t slow down to patent most of them, transformed America from a nation of isolated communities to a country connected by power grids where information was available upon demand.

Driving along in the city of Belgrade I was struck by the site and legacy left

by NATO warplanes. The Generalstab building was gutted by bombs and has been left untouched. I was told that more than 35,000 sorties hit Serbia in the spring of 1999. The colossus stands as a haunting ruin of contemporary warfare.

But the biggest surprise was how fashionable, chic and glamorous its residents were. White leather and diamante bar jostling for the favor of men with expensive cars and especially expensive girlfriends.

Uzice is in western Serbia, a very attractive city setting in a limestone gorge with red-roofed houses spreading up the hillsides. It is an ancient city settled by Illyrians as early as the third century BC. Most of the structures in Serbia, the former Yugoslavia, are ancient, but still standing, built of solid rock and almost indestructible. From Uzice we arrived in the village of Mokragora, meaning “wet mountain.”

We rode the train in a narrow gauge railway called Sargan Eight, which is unique in the world; its route viewed from above looks like a figure eight, although it goes through dozens of tunnels, long and dark. The train ride was so much fun. I felt like a celebrity with the students coming to me and wanting to take my photo.

Drvengrand, which means “wooden town,” was built for a film called Life Is A Miracle, and is now a tourist destination. The streets of the village bear the names of various historic change agents, including Federico Fellini, Ivo Andric, Nikola Tesla, and Ernesto “Che” Guevara. When they heard my maiden name was Guevarra, they thought I was a relative. I promised Dragana that I would visit them again, and I’ve already booked my next trip.

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Role model nervous about the future—how we’d be able to afford the adventure (we planned on a year), what we’d do with our house in Ridgefield, WA, what he’d do for work, but was willing to take a risk and start a new adventure. Brett started working for Parelli in 2010.

What brought you to Spokane? Brett has family in Spokane and we both agreed that it would be nicer to be in a place with sunnier weather than the west side, so Spokane became our next destination.

I’m so glad it did.

Molly Sanders

By Cheryl-Anne Millsap

Leaving a safe and secure job to follow one’s passion to a new career can be terrifying.

But Molly Sanders, this issue’s Role Model, did exactly that when she walked away from the classroom and stepped into an altogether different life.

You left a job as a teacher to pursue your current occupation. What led to this decision?

A crazy dream. I loved my job as an educator. I’d been teaching at the elementary level for 12 years. I loved the challenge of presenting concepts to a wide variety of learners and trying to reach all of them. I discovered the Parelli program after getting bucked off of an Off-the-Track-Thoroughbred several times (an OTTB is a horse bred and trained to race but was either retired, injured or doesn’t have what it takes to race).

Lying on the ground at the age of 30 sure feels different from when you’re in your teens. I’d reached the end of my knowledge. My niece asked if I’d heard of Parelli. Pat and Linda Parelli are a husband and wife team who’ve built the Parelli program over a 30-year period. They tour the country to share their knowledge. They were coming to my area the following month so I went to the event at the Puyallup Fairgrounds. Sitting in the stands that day I knew I wanted to be part of the Parelli program. It wasn’t even a decision; it was something I had to do.

On June 15, 2009 I cleaned up my classroom for the summer and headed home to pack my bags for a three-month horsemanship program in Florida. It was meant to be the first of several summers preparing to make my dream of becoming a professional horsemanship instructor a reality. After only a month in the program, I knew I wanted to take the leap, not return to my teaching career and immerse myself full time at the ranch. Then I was faced with the daunting task of sharing this news with my principal and loved ones. I was pleasantly shocked by the responses. My husband, Brett, who most likely saw the conversation coming long before I did, was a great support. He was

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Tell us about your job as a 3-Star Parelli Instructor. I travel all over the state teaching lessons, workshops and clinics to a wide variety of horse owners. Parelli is a horsemanship program designed to teach people and horses the skills they need to develop a partnership. The program involves four different levels of study and my job as a 3-Star instructor involves helping people in all levels of the program. I teach one-on-one as well as in group settings.

As business owner, how would you encourage others? I am still new to the self-employed lifestyle. (I’ve just completed my first year as a business owner.) There are two concepts that have helped me a great deal. One is the idea that building a business is a marathon, not a sprint. This idea came to me from reading Gary Vaynerchuk’s book The Thank You Economy. I’m someone who likes things to happen quickly. I’ve had moments of feeling discouraged that things weren’t progressing at a more sprint-like pace, but allowing it to be a marathon gives me a better perspective.

Another thing is to do one thing each day for my business, instead of 200. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, but by keeping my goal small—one thing each day—I feel a sense of progress and success.

How does the horse and rider relationship translate to personal and professional relationships? I love this question. Being great with horses involves the ability to

Orchard Crest Retirement Community & Assisted Living observe, adapt and have the humility to learn from your mistakes. Horses are masters of observation. We have to step outside ourselves to learn what’s important to our horse if we want to achieve a partnership. This practice results in people becoming better leaders, outside the horse world as well as in it. I’ve heard from so many students that this program teaches them more than how to be good with horses. It’s transformed the way they parent, how they relate to their spouses and other family members, how they lead. The journey to becoming great with horses causes people to become better humans.

What challenges or obstacles have you had to overcome to fulfill your dreams and personal and professional goals?

The main thing would be not listening too closely when doubts and fears come up. I didn’t grow up in the horse world.

I was a horse-crazy kid living in the city in a family of un-horsey people.

I managed to find a way to be around them as much as possible but in my late teens, circumstances postponed my dream of horse ownership. I stuffed that dream into the background but it never went away. When I arrived at the Parelli ranch in Florida in 2009 at the age of 38, I had a lot of time to make up. I’m a big believer in the idea that time—hours in the saddle or practicing whatever endeavor it is that you’re driven to improve—is the divider between those who stay mediocre and those who achieve greatness.

What milestones do you look forward to?

1. Developing my new horse (I have three), Bobbie, to the level where he and I are ready to present at a Horse Fair. He’s a three year old Thoroughbred rescued from slaughter last year.

2. Achieving my next star rating in the Parelli program. There are six stars possible and I’m at least another five years away from this goal.

3. My two-year anniversary as a business owner!

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Nominations: Email your nominations to: editor@ibcatalyst.com Deadline for nominations: Friday, January 29th Must include: Name of Nominee, Their Business, Their Email, Category

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F r o s t y

F a s h i o n s

K e e p

Y o u

W a r m

a n d

G o r g e o u s

Style

Model: Daniela Veillette Photographer: Kelly Tareski Photography Kelly Tareski Photography specializes in natural light photography offering sessions for couples, maternity, seniors, children and families.

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C h i l d h o o d H u n g e r : M o n t e s s o r i : F a m i l y P l a n n i n g : B o n d i n g w i t h Yo u r T e e n

for the love of

Talking about Childhood Hunger Creates Teachable Moments

K

nowing when to talk to your children about serious problems they may face sooner rather than later can be difficult for parents.

While burdening a child with a complex issue at too early of an age may frighten or confuse them, it’s important to ensure they’re prepared for what they most certainly will be exposed to, says former Peace Corps volunteer and children’s author Lois Brandt.

“When I was a young girl, I opened my best friend’s refrigerator and discovered that her family had no food,” Lois says. “I didn’t know what to do as a child facing this horrible issue. I didn’t know how to help my friend.”

Twenty percent of American children—one of every five—live in households that struggle to afford food, according to a 2012 report from the United States Department of Agriculture.

Chances are that your child will have classmates whose families are struggling to put food on the table.

“Children follow where parents lead. Talking to your children about hunger shows them your empathy for others; it prepares them for the moment they may encounter hunger among their friends or classmates, and it assures them that they can talk to their parents about this problem,” says Lois, author of Maddi’s Fridge, a colorfully illustrated children’s picture book inspired by her experience with her childhood friend.

Family

She offers tips on how to talk to children about the widespread problem of child hunger.

• Young children may not understand complex issues; keep the discussion age-appropriate. While it’s important to be honest with children about issues they may encounter, adults do not have to scare or confuse them.

“When I read Maddi’s Fridge in classrooms,” Lois says, “I’ll ask what the book is about. The very first hand in the air always says ‘friendship.’ I was very careful to ensure that the story gently entertains. First- through fourth-graders laugh at eggs in backpacks and Vin Vogel’s great illustrations.”

• Have a brainstorming session on what makes a good friend. This puts the discussion in terms that children are comfortable with. Talk about times when you were a child and helped your friends. Ask your child to tell you about a time he or she helped a friend on the playground or in the classroom. Emphasizing the web of relationships we all live in will empower your child with a sense of community, even when facing large problems.

• Discuss with your child ways they can help. Children want to know where they fit, what their role is. Let your child know that he or she can be part of the fight against childhood hunger. Bring food to a food bank, take meals to a needy family, support food drives by your school and religious organization. Suggestions for ways to help can be found on websites for organizations such as Feeding America (www.

FeedingAmerica.org), a national network of food banks, or on www.MaddisFridge.com.

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Familyearly education

A Child

in the

Wild

By Martha Cunningham

m i x e d

m e d i a

o n

c o p p e r

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The life growing up around Lake Coeur d’Alene and Hayden is a beautiful life filled with fresh air, water sports, hiking, small town activities and four seasons of fun. About one third of households have children under age eighteen. Households make a little less than $40,000 for the median income. If you have a child under the age of six, what are some options to help your child with early learning?

There are religious organizations that offer preschool classes, private daycares or drop in centers, private preschools, public kindergarten (usually part time), or you can manage their early education at home.

Most experts in child development say the period of childhood before age five is tremendously critical and that the environment they are provided can predict future outcomes for the child.

The neural programming of the brain is being formulated.

In the Montessori philosophy, teachers will study and follow the needs of the child. Many hours of work are spent before the children arrive at school. The teachers prepare the classroom and fill it with activities that are specifically designed to meet the needs of the child during this “sensitive period.�

Montessori Options Blossom in Idaho

The Montessori materials are arranged in order of difficulty and a child is free to choose whatever they want to work on. The teacher will give them a lesson to get them started and then the child will master that material and move to another. The teacher will observe and track the activity of the child and adjust future lessons to adapt to the needs of a particular child. The teacher’s main job is to facilitate this learning.

What distinguishes Montessori from traditional education options?

• Emphasis on cognitive development.

• Mainly individual instruction.

• Mixed age groups.

• Child works at his/her own pace.

• Children are encouraged to teach, collaborate, and help each other.

• Teacher has unobtrusive role in classroom activity; child is an active participant in learning.

• Environment and method encourage self-discipline.

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Family planning

100% Guaranteed Birth Control... Almost

By Cynthia Fine

Well friends, the bad news is there isn’t a 100 percent guaranteed birth control, aside from abstinence. But the good news is we have more options than ever before.

There are three different Intrauterine Devices, better known as IUDs, and they all offer almost perfect birth control. What exactly is “almost perfect”? It’s better than 99 percent.

The key to this impressive contraceptive success rate is that IUDs take human error out of the equation. You make one appointment and have the IUD put in place, and it works its magic for three, five, or ten years, depending on the type you choose.

Mirena, a five-year IUD, releases a low dose of hormone that thickens cervical mucus and blocks sperm, inhibits sperm movement and survival, and thins the lining of the uterus. Skyla uses the same hormone and works in the same way, but is just a tiny bit smaller and is a three-year product. Both Mirena and Skyla have the added advantage of making periods shorter and lighter for many women.

ParaGard uses copper instead of hormones to inhibit sperm movement and egg fertilization, and possibly prevent implantation. Periods may be heavier at first, but should decrease after a couple months. ParaGard can also be used as emergency birth control to prevent pregnancy after unprotected intercourse.

It can reduce the risk of pregnancy by 99.9 percent if inserted within five days of intercourse.

In the past, IUDs have had a bad reputation and many women (and doctors) were skeptical of them. There is a lot

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of misinformation out there about how IUDs actually work and their safety.

The truth is that modern IUDs are very safe and very effective—especially for teens. In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that given the efficacy, safety and ease of use, these highly effective methods, “Should be considered first-line contraceptive choices for adolescents.”

One other barrier of the past was cost. IUDs often cost up to $1,000. The Affordable Care Act has changed that and now requires contraceptives to be covered without copays or deductibles.

Here’s an interesting fact: female doctors use IUDs two to five times more often for contraception than women who aren’t doctors. The secret is out and women of all ages, both those who have been pregnant and those who haven’t, are using IUDs in greater numbers than ever before.

Cynthia Fine is the community health educator at Planned Parenthood of Greater Washington and North Idaho. Planned Parenthood’s compassionate health care providers are experts when it comes to answering questions about STIs. Call (800) 230-PLAN to make an appointment.

Reconnecting

with Your Distant Teen As a parent, you probably know best that time flies and that moments only happen once before they get turned into memories. This reminds you to spend time to bond with your children while you can. However as our children grow, many parents typically do the opposite and are reluctant to get too personal with their young teen, mainly due to their growing desire for privacy and independence.

Paul Stepusin, a successful businessman and family provider, took pride in these roles. But as his daughter Rebecca turned 18 and was heading to college, he felt that despite an obvious mutual love for one another, the once personal relationship held between father and daughter had diminished. As she was becoming a woman, Paul had a tough time accepting she was not daddy’s little girl anymore. Like many parents, he was relying on time to magically place things together, until a routine checkup with the family doctor revealed that Rebecca suffered from an uncommon form of cancer. The road to treatment was one of much uncertainty and unanswered questions. But one thing Paul was certain about was taking time into his own hands by re-bonding with his daughter.

Paul’s book, Rare, captures how he was able to reconnect his father/ daughter bond with Rebecca, and how important it became for both of them to do so, while cancer was looming. He reveals ways he remained persistence without becoming a nuisance, and how he began to read body language while using non-verbal cues to connect early on. He also stresses how parents must overcome inner-pride and take the time to open up with their child emotionally.

It is only then that true personal moments are captured between a parent and a child.

For more on Paul, Rebecca, and how they were able to break the barrier during the shakiest parts of their lives, visit www.rarebookspc.com.

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January_February 2015

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If they only knew

New Day, New Loss

The one-year “death-iversary” of our daughter was approaching, falling on a Saturday. At 16 weeks pregnant, we had found out our baby’s heart had stopped. As I now faced a full weekend of social activities with this in my mind, I tried to forget about losing my baby and focus on the exciting aspects of the weekend. “Socializing Sunday” was pleasant and helped detour my mind from last year’s miscarriage.

Although Monday was an abnormally early shift, I made it to my job as a nanny on time. That little boy has me suckered in. Seeing his smile at the door took away all the pain of waking up at six a.m. His cuddles reassured me that I could make it through the week.

Tuesday I agreed to stay late. Our two-year wedding anniversary happened to coincide with my boss’s car breaking down. We didn’t have money to do anything anyway. Later that night, we split a candy bar and each had a soda to celebrate.

I went to work on Wednesday a little depressed; the “anniversary” still consumed most of my brainpower. But that little boy worked his charm. Even with a slight tantrum, he had me wrapped around his fingers. Smiles and giggling emerged between his moments of dramatic “overly tired” crying. And then my phone rang.

After a few minutes of jumbled conversation with my husband, I found out my dad’s house had been broken into, including our downstairs apartment. The police were on their way. The cats were safely locked in the bathroom. No news of what was taken aside from his asthma medication, and my dad’s gun safe had been opened.

While trying to choke back tears, I continued caring for the boy. I knew my boss had to work late. I didn’t want her to worry about her son. I could potentially take him with me to assess the damage at home, to see what was missing. I sent a frantic text to her to see how she preferred me to manage the situation. I admit, in my mania, I phrased the text strangely. She was able to get off work and let me go home.

On the bus ride home I tried to visualize the scene, and what our messy downstairs apartment must look like. I wondered what had been taken. Had they found my grandma’s pearls? Did they take our computer? Had they rummaged through our belongings, strewing them all about?

I arrived home to chaos. The detective was dusting for prints, the cats were trembling, and my dad was anxiously pacing the hallway.

We calculated our losses. My dad lost a lot, although the thieves hadn’t taken the guns, fortunately: my dad has old rifles from his grandparents that have been in the family for generations.

We lost frivolous: some DVDs, my husband’s asthma medication, and our wireless keyboard. They didn’t take the transmitter for the keyboard. They also swiped our almost vintage e-reader and a broken tablet.

I slept super hard for a few hours, and then my brain turned on. I replayed the scene while my body twitched with every noise. My mind raced.

If my husband had been home, I imagined he would have used his SWAT skills on the thieves.

They would have been carried out on stretchers. I lamented about asking him to return an item to the store, the errand he was running while the thieves broke in.

But if he had been home, tragedy may have occurred. He could have been attacked, or shot. I wouldn’t have discovered the scene until much later in the evening, after returning home from work.

I hoped my boss didn’t get in trouble for leaving work early. I could offer to stay late the next day or work one of my days off so she could catch up. I hoped she wasn’t angry with me. I had that migraine last month and had to go to the ER. I missed that day of work, too.

I woke up Thursday with an adrenaline hangover. My husband assured me he would not leave the house. I walked slowly to the bus stop, eyeballing all suspicious looking people.

I walked into the house, took off my shoes, and placed my bag on the table. The boy smirked

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when he noticed I was there. My boss told me she had some sad news and motioned me to sit down.

And then I was fired.

My heart sank deeper than it had with the news of the robbery. Deeper than when I was told my baby was dead. Deeper than when I thought my cats died in a fire.

The way I had handled the situation of my house being robbed was inappropriate in my boss’s mind. From the text I sent, she thought I was planning to take her son to my broken-into house without her permission. She thought I would take him into a dangerous situation.

This was a kid I worried about when I was “off duty.” I helped him learn. I rocked him to sleep. I rarely blinked when watching him. I knew all his habits, squeals, and cries. I was never to care for him again.

I softly closed the door as I left. I floated down the street. My body felt numb.

The bus wouldn’t arrive for another thirty minutes, so I decided to walk to another stop.

I “ugly-cried” during the entire two-mile stroll. I was the awkwardly sobbing girl, with pink hair, on the bus. I visualized my apology email on the ride home. I tried to calculate how much money I would have left after buying a new keyboard (so I could write said email and job search). After bills, I would have $50 until I found a new job.

Today is Thursday, and I’m taking a “mental health” day. I am in yoga pants and a tank top.

I ate ice cream for breakfast. I curled up on the couch and cried. I don’t know how to cope with a loss like this—with massive amounts of losses. Chocolate and soda don’t seem to distract me from the pain; I know alcohol will only make it worse. The hydro I took did nothing to numb my heartache.

I know I have to keep going. Tomorrow I will dye my hair back to “normal” and cover my tattoos as I search for a job. I now have to do what my husband has been doing for the last year. I have to somehow think positively. I have to magically be hopeful. I have to dig down deep. It’s going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, going on from here. But I know I have to. If They Only Knew . . .

“If They Only Knew” is an anonymous guest column featuring essays from the “snapshot” life moments of courage and perseverance in Spokane Coeur d’Alene women. If you would like to share a moment of your life when you thought, “If They Only Knew,” please send an email to editor@spokanecdawoman.com or mail a hard copy to our editor, Stephanie Regalado, at 104 S. Freya, Ste. 209, Spokane, WA 99202.

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