BeMused

beMused

W O R D S

&

F I L M

James Lontoc

Looking at you, I fail to breathe. I forget how.

The world stops. There is only tunnel vision and you are at the end of it. The world stops and there is only you.

I am struck by you. Like the mortal world struck by a thrashing bolt of lightning flung by the sky god, Zeus. I’m desperate to memorize everything I possibly can about you. Every feature. I close my eyes yet I see you in my mind, your image seared on my lids. My knees buckle.

You are a modern day Paraluman and it kills me.

Because I am mesmerized by your genes and everything physical about you. And the longer I look, the more I take in, the more insatiable my thirst to know you grows. It’s a desire. A longing.

No, it’s a need. A need that fits right into Maslow’s Pyramid. A need to know who you truly are. Beyond your beauty, your charm and allure. Transcendent of who strangers perceive you to be. Transcendent even of whatever notion of you my mind can conceive.

I want, long and need to know your heart.

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Kate She recalls the way he used to look at her.

With such curiosity and genuine interest.

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He would look at her with wonder, as if she was a puzzle he took pleasure in solving. He would look at her and she would shy away.

She was insecure of her appearance, but he would cup her face in his hands and tell her to look at him.

He would tell her that she had no reason to hide behind the curtain of her hair. He would tell her that she was beautiful.

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Jach There’s a certain solace being in the spaces and the gaps, comfort in the obscure.

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Yet she tires of it. Tires of waiting for the beams of light to pierce the darkness.

So she chases the light, knowing well that it soon will fade, and she’ll return to the shadows.

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Akiko It felt like cashmere. Her lips were smudged with a pasty, brown substance, almost the colour of her wonderful skin.

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Her diamond teeth and lurid gums sought mine. As the seconds ticked, I found myself being drawn into the sensation of the kiss.

My eyes finally closed from the sheer, raw pleasure of her mouth against mine, her body and her scent enveloping me.

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Juliana You don’t have to think twice about it, she said.

Just keep your eyes on me.

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Look at me, she said. She didn’t really have to keep saying it, because I was already fixated on her.

I knew that she she knew that I was, but she kept at it anyway. Don’t ever gaze at anyone else, she said.

I see you, I said, and I’ve no second thoughts.

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Louie I continue gazing at you, taking in every detail I can.

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The angle of the bridge of your nose, your cheeckbones, the fullness and pinkness of your lips, the perfection of your teeth that crown your orifice.

I could just look at you forever and die contented.

Ecstatic, you fill my heart it’s easy to burst.

My heart is about to pop (!).

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Petra I see you, but I really don’t. I feel you, well your presence really.

I sense you. For some unfathomable reason, I’m certain that you are close.

You are here. And the very thought. possibility, concept, fact, or whatever it is referred to as, alone makes my heart race and stop.

It makes me feel like having a heart attack - scratch that.

It makes me want to have a heart attack.

I can feel it as I feel you.

The sensation ends with my forehead dampened by sweat.

I open my eyes but you are nowhere to be found.

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Stacey Will you follow me to the end of infinity, she asks me.

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She seems so fragile, but when I look at her I know that it would be foolish to think so.

Despite her size, she is fiesty. If I’m not careful, I’ll be burned. Ha, the tiniest of flames are just as hot.

Before she walks into the abyss she looks back.

I take a step to follow.

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Ella She was hoping that the soap and water could wash away the hurt along with the dirt and grime.

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But she knew very well that even if they did, she’d feel it again soon enough.

Emotional painkillers afterall, are bandaid solutions.

So knees to her chest and her head resting, she soaked in this tub, feeling every single cut.

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Jess It was a surreal encounter. Her charm was other-worldly and mercurial.

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She was a bohemian faerie, a moon child.

Whether real or a figment of my imagination, I couldn’t tell.

However, I was certain that if she vanished before me, I would come to know what real pain is.

Pauline Do you want me to share in the pain, I asked her.

She looked at me with most curious eyes.

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What pain, she responded.

The pain of being beautiful, I said.

And she smiled a half-baked smile.

What beauty, she replied, I have none but the beauty of being sad.

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An arsenal of words.

Vintage camera equipment.

Trips to photolabs. Trips to Hidalgo.

A Nikon FE with a 50mm f1.2 lens.

A Nikon FM10 with a 35-70mm f3.5-5.6 lens. A Vivitar 283 speedlight.

An Ever Ready LED flashlight.

A ton of film. Fujicolor 100.

ColorPlus 200. Centuria 100.

Neopan Acros 100. TMax 400.

Interesting girls. Everday places.

Akiko. Ella. Jach. Jess. Juliana.

Kate. Louie. Pauline. Petra. Stacey.

Bangkok. Fort Bonifacio. Makati.

Paranaque. Quezon City.

An investment of time and money.

A lot of online conversations.

A bunch of hashtags. 35mm. girlsonfilm. filmisnotdead. analog. museproject.

A huge amount of support.

From family. From friends.

From strangers on the Internet.

A lot of love. A lot of passion.

68 pages. Short fiction.

Unedited film photographs.

Unadulterated art.

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TYPESETTING, BOOK PREPS & FA

Kyleen Sayas

kyleen.sayas@gmail.com

COPYRIGHT OF JAMES LONTOC, 2015

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