The Art of Forgiveness and Reconciliation

&FORGIVENESS RECONCILIATION The Art of

Why is it hard to forgive those who hurt us?

Our internal sense of justice goes against the idea of being exploited or hurt by others, that it oftentimes regards punishing others as an act of righteousness. It becomes righteous and fair to invest our anger and grudge in revenging or hurting the exploiter, in search for justice, healing, and reconciliation. Truth is, no matter how hard we revenge back, our wrong actions – that were driven from anger – will cause nothing but regrets, stress, and even depression. Unforgiveness is like a poison, the more you let it ignite within you, the more you will feel weary and heavy. Contrary to a popular belief, forgiveness doesn’t underestimate the amount of anger and hurt that one can feel during a hurtful event. It is normal to feel angry at someone who takes no responsibility for their hurtful actions. It is normal to feel angry at someone who asks for no forgiveness. And it is normal to feel angry at someone who hurts you intentionally and repeatedly. Forgiveness, however, teaches us to be stronger than the exploiter.

It is your right to feel angry. But it is not your right to act upon this anger. The reason is because anger is destructive when it finds a wrong expression but constructive when it uses a positive way of communication. It takes discipline, morals, and positive self-image to exclude yourself from exploiters and become a better person. Further, it requires training to be able to control you actions when emotions blind you. Remember that there is no point in desiring forgiveness from someone that you are unable to forgive yourself. Forgiveness is not forgetting. You cannot simply erase a memory that brings negative feelings. Forgiveness is not giving excuses. You must put them accountable for their mistakes. Forgiveness is not a feeling. Forgiveness is a choice and a decision… and not feelings to ignore. Forgiveness is not a one-time deal. You do not make bargains. It is an ongoing process and a choice. Forgiveness is…

FEELING and expressing hurt to those who hurt you. Communication is the key to most of our problems. DIRECTING the hate from the person to the behavior. It is the behavior that you hate the most, not the person. You do not know how weak this person is or how wrong was he/she raised. There are no ‘bad’ people but bad behaviors. KEEPING those who hurt us off the hook. There is a famous saying that goes like this “Keep your friends close, and enemies closer.” Why would anyone want to have their enemies closer? You need to set yourself free from the exploiter and enjoy a positive life with the ones who care about you the most. HEALING from all wounds. You need to understand your emotions and identify the trigger of anger and unforgiveness. You will need to explore hidden areas and doors that you may not wish to open. But if you are going to own anger and learn to forgive, you must learn to deal with your issues in an honorable and respectful way.