BLIAIN FITZPATRICK

INTERVIEW // BLIAIN FITZPATRICK

BLIAIN

FITZPATRICK

THE “COVID LOCKDOWN” FORCED BLIAIN TO HAVE A LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND CHOICES AND PRESENTED HIM AN OPPORTUNITY FOR REINVENTION.

TEN YEARS AGO THIS VERY month I was packing up my apartment in South London eagerly waiting to embark upon a new and exciting chapter of my life back here in Belfast. I had just graduated having spent the previous five years at University studying Art and Graphic Design between three different Universities in three different cities. The plan was always to be an Artist of some description, my Degree was tailored towards a bougie future working at a fancy Advertising Agency but life certainly had other plans.

When I moved to London it was essential to find work in order to sustain living there as a student, I’d always been drawn to the world of Cosmetics and Fashion so I talked my way into a Makeup Artist role at a super trendy Department store on Oxford Street. Before too -long I found myself intently immersed in this fun new industry, which was initially only used to support me whilst I pursued my career in art/design. Then just like that, University was over and the Recession was in full swing. It was a frightening time to enter into the world as an adult with no backing of a student loan or the cushion of University. The plan was always to stay in London and work as an Intern at an Ad agency Post- Grad but with no plausible way to support myself and no wealthy parents to speak off that could pay my rent I had no choice but to find full -time work back home in whatever industry I could find.

Luckily for me I had a talent for makeup and a colleague hooked me up with an interview for a Dream role as a National MakeupArtist back in Ireland working for a major Luxury brand. I couldn’t believe my luck when I got the job and I whole heartedly immersed myself in my new found career of Makeup Art. Over the next four years I would continue my work in the beauty world but occasionally dipping out to pursue other freelance passions such as set and concept design for local theatre productions.

Although my work in beauty has always paid my bills I always felt I had betrayed my true calling of being an Artist, therefore never truly at peace in my role. In this past decade there have been a lot of compromises for many of us. One of my biggest was the choice to fully embrace my sexuality as a gay man and endure all that would come with it. In essence that meant new friends in the form of anxiety and depression which would be key factors in numbing my creative flow for a few years. It’s no secret that LGBTQ people often experience Mental Health at a higher rate than our heterosexual brothers and sisters due to many factors that often stem from earlier in life.

My experience within this chapter was unfortunately dark at times and I’m sure many that suffer will relate to my reluctance to elaborate on the personal moments. When you eventually get to the door of ‘coming out’ you expect it to be an easy ride from there and sometimes it is but sometimes you may wonder what could have been otherwise?

One of the biggest obstacles I faced within this past decade was how my career in makeup would affect my romantic pursuits. Now, anyone that knows me personally will know that I am not the typical caricature of a super feminine gay man that works in beauty. I may be a makeup artist but I am not defined by it. This however did not make life easy as I would often dodge the question “so what do you do?” simply because the second I revealed the truth my potential date would jump to the conclusion that I wore more makeup than his granny and was therefore ghosted for eternity, A reality for many male acquaintances that work in beauty but suffer at the hands of the “MASC 4 MASC” idealism that plagues the gay community.

Fast forward to 2020 I’m excited about the year like most of us, lying drunk under the Christmas tree dough eyed and hopeful about the year ahead. I had secured a city centre apartment, (my first time ever living alone) and I had big plans to reinvent myself, starting on the inside. Then BAHM!!! Just as the first snow started to fall we lost a family member, it was a sad and

confusing time and the first I had experienced loss. THEN Corona F**KING virus happens banishing us all in- doors like caged animals, in my case complete isolation for almost four months living alone. It was tough going but in a bizarre way I am grateful for it forcing me to become completely self- sufficient. I taught myself new coping mechanisms for my anxiety, I rediscovered a love of cooking and economising (sort of) but most importantly I faced up to my mortality. I imagine many of us did. With this came my need to get creative again so I dusted off some old sketch pads and then came the doodles. Mostly this was a way of passing the time and distracting me but it had a surprising reaction from many. Warming messages of encouragement would follow amongst tensely toned questions as to why this talent had been under the rubble for so long.

The truth is... creative people are often the most gentle and the world as we know it is anything but gentle these days. Therefore we require armour to protect ourselves and indeed our talents so it can be easier to put them away for a rainy day... or in this case a lockdown. But what good lies in that? We all know our favourite songs, movies, books and art were created from places of darkness or great pain. Heartbreaks and loss are indeed awful to endure but once endured can flower the most beautiful content to make this scary world a much easier place to be a part of.

I don’t claim to be a great artist, or even an artist (yet) I’m just a guy that likes to create pictures and write a little, but 2020 might just be the nudge I needed to reboot the engines and have that much needed word with myself about the legacy I want to leave behind. If Covid has any great lesson to teach us it should be to find purpose, find your talent and apply it meaningfully to your life and of course... WEAR A MASK!