EXPECTATION VERSUS REALITY Connor Mills

So, remember I had written a column a few months back and mentioned how I would be spending the end of this Summer turning 30 in Barcelona, that was the complete expectation. The reality was during the month of August my partner and I were scammed by a “family friend” resulting in us being unable to afford said trip, an event in our life that we are chalking up to being a little too trusting and have ultimately learned, don’t always take things at face value (also and less commonly so don’t believe everyone when they tell you they’ve come into a life changing sum of money, they would like to share some of this amount with you, and then pay for their meals, drinks, petrol and some general expenses for a month, in recompense of a never appearing amount, also and again less commonly so don’t spend the month then viewing houses and beginning to plan your covid cancelled wedding again)

So in the interest of moving on and not mentioning this again, your dream holiday is cancelled, the one you sat every night for months practicing rolling your r’s and how to order a coffee with the Green Bird language app, also, side note, I thought the joke meme’s about how intense the notifications are was a joke, one night my screen ignited a notification very pointedly telling me about a near streak miss and I felt if I didn’t do it I would have to grab our dog Cooper and my partner and flee the country or feel the wraith of a giant green bird, you know the usual country fleeing excuse.

So, in the interest of stiff upper lipping the absolute life out of the situation we pooled resources and essentially through the magic of sheer luck got tickets to a band I have loved since a teen (if you seen me screaming at the limelight and engaging in what could only loosely be referred to as “dancing”, no you didn’t and mind your business). I mentioned this now meaning we could attend Foyle Pride to my partner who asked our friends along for an impromptu 30th party. Now of course lastminute plans in a group of mostly late 20’s early 30’s was never going to work, everyone already had plans, and we had accepted that we would just go ourselves and have a great time seeing everyone at a later point.

Plans in place I was actually at this point feeling pretty ok about the Barcelona situation, bank accounts in taters, not so much, I mean it wasn’t what I had expected would happen, and people definitely have it a lot worse of course, but the reality of the situation was a great fix, and I could see people actively trying to make things if not as good, better. So cut to the morning of heading up to Foyle Pride, which is always such a favourite, having had to miss out Belfast pride due to the scamming which must not be named, (last year’s Belfast pride being spent taking a “mouth shot” from the one and only Danielle Walsh, this year’s spent hurrying home from Belfast after curt news and the penny finally dropping) we were all biz heading for what was going to be a great day, with the idea of pre-parade brunching and carb loading, and let me tell you when I say my jaw dropped, like movie moment confetti everywhere, I was too stunned to speak. My partner had pulled a fast one and our friends were gathered in the back of the café with big metallic numbers letting everyone obnoxiously know that today was either a 30th or when the fan blew a certain way a very over the top 03th. The feeling was immense, being surrounded by loved ones who went out of their way to go over and above just for lil old me was amazing and was the reality of the situation, and at that moment made me know that what I needed was right here. That and also, I will literally throw an umbrella at anything or anyone in order to hug those around me especially when they surprise me like that.

The day was a success, minus there being very clearly no Foyle Taxi’s existing ever and what can only be described as a death march soundtracked by Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb” at 3 in the morning up the notorious walled cities hills, and following that I spent the rest of the week and the Birthday in question with those I love, those that make me laugh, those I care about and it’s in this I realised, maybe the first lesson of my thirties.

Sometimes you can’t control everything, life will throw curveballs and aim for the face, and while expectations can be a great hype train and build excitement, what is ultimately much more healing and beneficial is living in the reality of a situation and letting life play out how it will. Of course, that’s not to say you shouldn’t be placing expectations on your life and what you want to achieve but going out of your way to achieve goals and doing the work and living in the reality of that, will be much more rewarding as opposed to some impossible to attain expectation which might take more than it gives.