GRIEF FITNESS

Grieving isn’t just an emotional process. It can be physical too!

It’s been a little while and this will be a slightly different one from me this time.

Recently I’ve had a little bit of necessary down time from the social media and writing side of things when it comes to my job.

I want to be as transparent and honest as I can with how I’ve been feeling and what’s been going on.

So here it is...

The past while has been difficult for me after losing a loved one and all the things that it has brought. We all experience loss and the grief that comes with it, we all deal with it in our own way. It’s definitely something we can all relate to in one way or another.

Grief has definitely tackled me in waves, one week I’d be keeping myself busy and the next I’d find myself not even wanting to go outside. Anyone that knows me well, will know that this is just a recipe for disaster for my wellbeing. I love to be out and around nature. It’s a physical and mental health MUST for me.

I definitely had days that I didn’t have the head space to think about much else other than what I was already feeling. Never mind thinking about keeping my routine, focusing on my sleep, training and what I was eating.

To clarify, IT’S OKAY TO STOP and work through your feelings.

I can rant and rave to you on how important your health and fitness is but sometimes that can be as important as just allowing yourself to be and feel what you need too at the time.

There were weeks that coaching and training were the only things getting me through and giving me the routine I needed. Some weeks my training felt extremely tough. On the tough days showing up and getting some form of exercise done, whether it was a small walk or a short training session, it was a momentary relief and a building block to getting back on track. The more consistent I got the more manageable my days became.

Grieving isn’t just an emotional process. It can be physical too, it can leave you feeling exhausted, achy, restless and even under the weather. Your mind and body can be run down and it leaves you feeling burnt out. So It’s a working progress, be proud of getting the basics ticked off.

In truth, it’s easy to feel guilty at times when trying to look after ourselves, especially whilst mourning, whilst trying to be there for family who are also experiencing loss.

‘Secure your own mask first before assisting others’ if we can’t be there for ourselves how are we meant to be there for others. And it’s especially important around a time like this.

At this point we all know that Physical activity releases endorphins which help relieve discomfort and lift our mood. Eating the right foods and getting some form of exercise when experiencing loss can reduce stress levels and will help you sleep better at night.

When you’re going through something so traumatic, the best thing you can do is just move your body and fuel it correctly.

Here are a few things that have been getting me through and helping on the way to getting my own spark back.

Rethink Your Definition of Exercise- A period of mourning is not the time to make every workout super intense. It’s perfectly okay to go easier on yourself than you normally would. Build Up Slowly- Your body will be feeling emotionally and physically fatigued. Start with 10 minutes, if that feels okay, work up to 15 the next time, then 20 and so on. It’s creating a really positive environment around movement that’s going to motivate you to want to do it more, especially when you don’t feel like it or you’re going through something.

Quick tip!

Don’t overdo it on the exercise, either. Some people may use exercise as an escape from grief in a less-than-healthy way. If that sounds like it could be you, ask yourself: “Am I doing this to feel mentally better? or am I doing this because I don’t want to deal with the grief?

If it’s the latter, give yourself an exercise limit. Stick to the healthy exercise schedule you kept before your loss for a familiar routine. Your body will be dealing with a lot too. The last thing anybody would need is to fully fatigue their body. Run into exhaustion and end up with a training injury.

Remember that it’s important to feel the waves of grief.

The meaning behind your training- Having an understanding coach to hold you accountable , a training plan to follow or signing up for a race, event or competition to honor your loved one will be a powerful way to keep you consistent. I had previously done a fitness event which meant something to me and I knew I was supporting something and someone close to my heart. It pushed me through. Knowing your efforts contribute to a good cause could bring a welcome sense of purpose to your workout.

It’s not just about the physical- Talk to a professional. Therapy is a massive help and I’d fully recommend it. Dealing with your mental health is also a flex.

Fuelling your body- it’s important to fuel the body correctly especially in low periods of time. Casseroles made in the slow cooker are a good way to get the nutrients in with minimal effort. The last thing you’ll want to do is be a chef in the current moment and an easy one to separate into portions or share with the family.

It’s okay to be within your Comfort Zone-

This probably isn’t the time to push yourself over extra miles or to try an intimidating new workout. It’s about tapping into what you’re comfortable with to give your body what it needs.

Be in nature- I mean it when I say being in nature is my safe haven. And when I finally had it in me to do so it was a massive help (you might not be there right now but I promise you, you will get there)

Go on a walk to a forest with a friend or family member. Go to your loved one’s favourite harbour or beach and talk about all the lovely memories you have of them. Go dip your feet in the sea. Climb a little hill. Feel the sun on your face. It’s a nice (but also active) way to feel close to those we miss.

Sending all the hugs to those of you that need them right now, Ellise @ EFR Coaching x

50 Days Sober

Martin Murray

As A Drag Queen, Actor, Singer, Writer and Recreational Sports Administrator working across Ireland I often find myself meeting with collaborators in bars restaurants and running events with after parties which means I spend a lot of time around people who drink and smoke. I was 18 years old and working on a production of Romeo and Juliet as an assistant to the designer when I took up smoking as it was a great opportunity to meet producers and directors in the smoking area. 15 years and about 45 productions later and I was still smoking and drinking at least 2 or 3 times a week.

I have never really wanted to quit smoking as I enjoy smoking and I can handle my alcohol very well but this was the problem you see. Most people get too drunk to stand and can’t drink anymore. I just get more energetic on alcohol so can continue drinking for hours past most of my friends so this year I decided to look at my finances and realise that on an average month I was pending over £500 on cigarettes and alcohol.

On top of the financial motivation I regularly take part in public talking and media interviews on LGBTQ mental and physical health; and a smoker who drinks a lot isn’t the best representation of that brand. So on the 3rd of March at 2am I put out my cigarette and downed my vodka and coke and looked around at people in the bar and thought I don’t want any part of this.

I write this article on Day 39 of sober life and you will read it after day 50. The benefits are only really starting. There are nights I can’t sleep as the chemicals in my system are changing so my minds more hyperactive and I cough a lot as the toxins leave my body but every day I cough less and sleep better. I have also taken up travel again so going to Manchester this weekend.

Following my sobriety I have taken up a lot of public speaking events and most excitingly I have stepped up my GAA game and joined Down LGFA PRO team. We are working on a number of programmes to celebrate Down LGFAs 30th Anniversary and this includes continuing to develop a relationship with the LGBTQ community of County Down who have supported Down LGFA. Check out the Instagram to keep up with some of the exciting events we have coming and epic photos from Gareth Carville.

The New Danú

As part of my sober journey I am aware that people put on weight so I am focusing on my performances and drag. The first step toward this was to increase my work with Quire, Belfast’s LGBTQ choir so I am delighted to take on the role of Vice Chair as we train to take the Quire to perform at Hand In Hand in Bristol. This biannual celebration is a chance for singers from all corners of the UK and Ireland to unite in their love for music and their pride in being part of the LGBTQ+ community. The festival offers a fun and welcoming environment where performers can come together, share their music, and form lasting connections. From its humble beginnings in 2013, Hand in Hand Festival has become a must-attend event for LGBTQ+ choirs and music lovers alike. With hundreds of singers coming together to celebrate their shared passion for music, this festival truly embodies the spirit of community.

As well as working on my vocals via choir, I am getting to know my voice and body more through my drag. Drag turned into a negative thing for me for a while with people putting their own expectations on what I should do and how I should do it so I decided to reclaim my drag by exploring my range further afield which is why I am so delighted Paul Ryder cast me in their Drag competition The Ringmaster in Cork. The Ringmaster’s

Drag Race, hosted by Paul, is a drag competition giving contestants the chance to become the new Queen of the Irish drag Scene. Previous guest judges have included Michelle Visage and Alaska.

Tuatha Dé Danann

April 2024 marks 2 years since I founded Ulster’s LGBTQ+ GAA scene. Since then I have developed The Lagan Mermaids rowing club, The Belfast Frontrunners, In4Squash, Out2Tennis and helped develop the social media profile and PR for Laochra Aeracha GAC in Cork. Although I have had great success developing the cities sports scene, I never really left my mark. Everything was for the community so I made sure not to make any of it too possible.

To celebrate my 2 years I wanted to mark it with something special so I went back to my GAA roots and begun developing a Rounder’s team. This time to make my stamp I wanted to put a part of me in the name. When I developed the community and started my drag I chose the name Danú as she represents mother Ireland to me. She is known as the mother of Tuatha Dé Danann, a group of magical beings or gods. I decided to call the Rounder’s team Tuatha Dé Danann after my character and also because there aren’t many GAA teams named after women and I would like to change it.