How To Become a Master at Talking to Strangers

By Megha Seth

Human beings are social animals, our primal instinct is to establish a connection with another fellow being. This habit is socialized over the years as we set boundaries and become selective.

No individual can exist in isolation, we have our primary circle and our social circle. Many of us rarely interact beyond that circle. But there is a whole wide world outside the circle, with a diverse range of people, settings, environments, cultures, information and opportunities waiting to be exchanged and explored.

A research paper published by Social Psychological and Personality Science shows that even a small amount of social interaction, like chatting with a person on the train or even a person next to you in the queue at the grocery store, helps boost mood. It leads to a feeling of belongingness and keeps isolation at bay. Initiating a conversation with strangers is not always an easy task. But there are several keynotes that you can follow to start with it.

BENEFITS OF TALKING TO STRANGERS

Wondering if you should even try talking to strangers? There are immense benefits of it: Networking

Networking is helpful in increasing the linkages within and external to your social networks, which can be successfully leveraged to achieve not only the requisite financial and professional objectives but also build a healthier sense of emotional belonging and sense of self. Gain New Perspectives

Our world-views are a function of experiences which are as varied and diverse as existence itself. Exposing ourselves to different and conflicting perspectives can help enlarge and reinvigorate our own perspectives. Improved Social Skills

Usually, extroverts can naturally initiate conversations. But it does not always have to be this way. When you practice approaching strangers and initiating conversations with them, you also help yourself by strengthening your social skills. Open Up a World of Possibilities

Opportunities are always waiting to be explored. They could be in the form of strangers you choose to initiate conversations with. You only miss one hundred percent of the opportunities you don’t take. You have no idea of what to expect from an interaction until and unless you step up and initiate conversations with a stranger. 

Talking to strangers and mastering the practice has three main parts: approaching strangers, knowing what to say and managing your feelings throughout it all.

1Be Relaxed and Warm Initiating conversations with a stranger is not the same as talking to your partner, family or circle of close friends. It is an evolutionary trait that our bodies are always releasing endorphins to fight or flight. We have looked at strangers with some sort of a distrust while growing up as part of our socialization but every other person out there is probably not a sociopath. Treat a stranger the same way you would treat a friend.

A warm personality is always helpful in making people around you feel comfortable to open up. When comfortable, you can take the next step and ask about how they are or make a remark about something around you. Small talk isn’t always boring, they are a gateway to initiating more detailed conversations.

2Ask The Right Questions Asking questions is an important way to get to know someone. Boring or robotic questions kill the flow of the conversation real quick. The questions need not be too personal but they should reflect a keen interest in what the other person has to say.

Do not ask extremely personal questions the very moment you start interacting with strangers as this might come across as too nosy.

3Find Commonalities Finding some common ground is the best way to start a conversation with someone. There are various settings for talking to strangers and meeting new people. Events or conventions are already a good place to begin when you are looking for someone with similar interests, be it comics, movies or history.

In a more diverse, generalized space, try looking for mutual interests. Ask them what they like pursuing for pleasure or in their spare time. If the person is into similar things as you are, there lies your scope for an engrossing conversation.

4Signal Friendliness With Body Language Body language is a part of non-verbal communication. The interpretation of body language is known as kinesics. Your posture, gestures, facial expressions, all convey information. In order to appear more approachable and not ward off people away with a closed off attitude, try working on your body language while approaching strangers.

You can signal friendliness with your body language by smiling, nodding your head, using arm gestures, and having a relaxed posture with arms at your side when not gesturing, and making eye contact. After all, body language goes hand in hand with verbal communication in a social interaction.

5Keep The Conversation Light Beginning a conversation with intense topics isn’t always the ideal thing to do until and unless you find someone who is as keen as discussing politics or climate change like you are for an opener.

But most of the time, beginning conversations on a simpler or lighter note gives way to a more relaxed setting while keeping awkward silences at bay. You can then proceed to talk about topics that interest you both in getting a favourable response, no matter how intense!

The trick is to avoid doing 90 percent of the talking and being a good listener instead.

6Use A Positive Tone Of Voice Your tone of voice is as important as the things you say. Sounding upbeat or at least neutral expresses an interest while holding a conversation. Avoid mumbling, speak clearly and look and direct your voice at the other person in order to appear confident.

7Learn To Read Set Boundaries Not everyone is up for a quick chat on the subway or a grocery store. Not everyone is under the compulsion to exchange niceties. So it is important to be able to read the “stayaway” signals.

Wearing headphones, turning away their body from someone as they see them approaching, reading, giving monosyllabic answers as they look away from you—these could all be stay-away signals.

8Set Social Goals Extroverts are naturally good at initiating conversations. If you feel jittery at the thought of talking to someone new, set social goals or challenge yourself with a task. Try getting the name of three strangers at a networking event. The more specific the goals, the likelier you are to be in achieving them.

9Focus On The Other Person It is really tough to not focus on the other person and feel nervous about it. However, this is a great thing as you begin to focus on what the other person has to say, it helps you eradicate feelings of nervousness while also making you a good listener.

10Push Past Awkwardness When was the last time you had a decent conversation with a stranger without feeling awkward? Research from social psychologists show that surmounting your own social barriers and making even the most minimal social interactions helps boost mood, no matter what the social setting is.

With greater interconnectedness becoming a regular feature of our lives with every passing day, it becomes imperative to seize every opportunity that presents itself to interact with another fellow being. This helps us enlarge our consciousness while enhancing the feeling of belonging.

Social psychologists have shown that emotions can jump from one human being to another during a social interaction. Thus, we should take advantage of this opportunity to facilitate our well-being by interacting with more and more positive and well meaning strangers who could also have a net positive impact on our lives. n