FamilyLife - June 2019 by Lawrence Ambrocio

Summer Desserts

Great Families, Bad Habits

Q&A With Rachel Joyce

FamilyLife Beat the Heat!

June 2019

June Contents

ADVICE

ORGANIZE

FOOD

ON THE COVER

15 Great Families, Bad Habits

39 Modern & Bright

63 Beat the heat!

FEATURES

IN EVERY ISSUE

Photography by Carmen Cheung Food Styling by Ashley Denton Prop styling by Rayna Marlee Schwartz

19 Only Isn’t Lonely 25 Five Ways to Feel Better After a Bad Day 29 Things I Didn’t Expect During Pregnancy

49 Gabriele Galimberti's Toy Stories 51 Q&A with Rachel Joyce, author of The Love Song of Miss Queenie Hennessy

12 Editor's Letter 68 Last Look

35 The Do’s and Don’t’s of Preparing Your Child for a New Sibling

Family Life ‐ June 2019

FamilyLife EDITOR IN-CHIEF Pamela Hayford EXECUTIVE EDITOR Suzanne Moutis CREATIVE DIRECTOR Karen Paddon EDITORIAL OPERATIONS & ASSISTANT BUSINESS MANAGER Olga Goncalves Costa TEST KITCHEN FOOD DIRECTOR Soo Kim SENIOR FOOD ASSOCIATE Stina Diös CONTRIBUTING FOOD SPECIALISTS Donna Borooah, Cara Tegler ART DEPUTY ART DIRECTOR Lena Diaz ASSOCIATE ART DIRECTOR Sarah Big Canoe CONTRIBUTING ART DIRECTOR Leanne Gilbert PRODUCTION SPECIALIST Genevieve Pizzale EDITORIAL SENIOR FEATURES EDITOR Megan Howard FEATURES EDITOR Mary Levitski COPY EDITORS Debbie Madsen Villamere, Stephanie Zolis EDITORIAL ASSISTANTS Marianne Davidson, Sarah Dziedzic HOME & GARDEN HOME & STYLE DIRECTOR Ann Marie Favot DESIGN EDITOR Morgan Lindsay ADVERTISING SALES, TORONTO SENIOR DIRECTOR, MEDIA SOLUTIONS, TRANSACTIONAL Jérôme Leys KEY ACCOUNT DIRECTORS, NATIONAL ADVERTISING SALES David Garby, Andrea McBride, Akta Sharma ADVERTISING COORDINATION TEAM LEADER Maddie Belanger ADVERTISING COORDINATION MANAGER Janice Clarke NATIONAL SALES REPRESENTATIVES Cathy Ellis, Gary Forshaw, Joanne Landry, Delainie Salvatore, Vanessa Watson DIGITAL NATIONAL SALES REPRESENTATIVES Paul Cummins, Gwen O’Toole, Tony Vigario, Joanna Woodman SALES ASSOCIATE Patricia Mixemong MARKETING & CREATIVE SOLUTIONS BRAND MANAGER Mieka Jansen SENIOR STRATEGIST Stephanie Mediati STRATEGIST Jeremie Marcoux PROJECT MANAGERS Janine Short, Kathryn Walsh ART DIRECTOR Suzanne Lacorte

Family Life ‐ June 2019

Editor's Letter

Summer Days Ah, it’s finally here, my fave time of the year: summer! I adore the lazy days of having nothing scheduled, no place to be and nowhere to go. I live for days by the pool, dinner on the patio and flip flops on the feet. I’m also a big fan of taking a vacation during the summer. Are you and your family traveling this year? We have a couple of trips planned, including a beach getaway with my side of the family. Yep, 24 of us traveling together for 10 days. The key to making travel with such a large group work is two-fold: planning and separate spaces. My sisters and I rotate planning duties, and this year was mine to plan. My fingers are crossed that all goes smoothly. We also make sure each family has its own space so that we don’t have to spend every waking minute together. June not only brings the start of summer, but also Father’s Day. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that this is the fourth Father’s Day without my dad. I miss many, many things about him, but I got to thinking the other day about his eggs Benedict. Sunday brunch at Mom and Dad’s was a tradition for as long as I can remember. Dad was known for his eggs Benedict and worked hard to fine-tune his recipe. From the perfectly poached eggs to the best hollandaise sauce I’ve ever tasted, they were so good! Dads are special people, and so often it’s the little traditions shared with them—like eggs Benedict on Sundays—which mean the most. Cheers to all the dads out there. Enjoy your special day!

Pamela Hayford Editor In-Chief

June 2019 - Family Life

Advice

Great Families, Bad Habits By REGAN LYONS

Family Life ‐ June 2019

Advice

Bad Habit #1: The Fast Food Funk

Bad Habit #3: Too Much Screen Time

You just got off work, picked up the kids from school when they ask the dreaded question: “What’s for dinner?” Your mind races to do its best to remember what’s in your refrigerator at home to cook. Nothing comes to mind. You’ve had a long day and you still have to get the kids to soccer practice. You decide on a trip through the drive-thru is the easiest option. It’s easy to let busy days and packed full schedules get in the way of dinnertime, but once you’re in a fast food funk it can be hard to get out.

After a long hard day, it’s relaxing for kids to play on their tablets or watch tv. It gives parents a chance to relax, cook or accomplish something around the house, which makes it easy to let screen time guidelines slide. If you and your family are spending more than an hour a day on screens, it might be time to kick the habit.

Preparation is the key to kicking this habit. On the weekend compile a meal plan for the upcoming week. Plan what your family will have for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day of the week. Take into consideration which nights you will need a quick meal and which nights will leave time for a dinner that takes more time to make. Once you have your meal plan, make a list of all of the ingredients you will need. Then take a trip to the grocery store. Trips to the store can be hard to fit into busy weekends, so feel free to order your groceries online and pick them up or have them delivered straight to your door. If you really want to be prepared for the week, go ahead and make all the kids school lunches for the week and prep any ingredients like veggies that you will be needing. Then on Monday when the kids ask what’s for dinner, you will know the answer and will have everything prepped and ready to cook when you get home. Not only will you be feeding your family more nutritious meals, but you will save a little cash along the way from not eating out.

Bad Habit #2: Slipping on Chores There’s nothing worse than coming home to a dirty house, well, except for cleaning a dirty house. When life is hectic it’s easy to slack off on household chores. The chore chart was fun for the kids the first week, but months later, they’ve lost their enthusiasm and you’re right there with them. To kick this habit you will need all hands on deck. Designate time in your schedule for the entire family to clean the house from top to bottom. Growing up my mom called this Chore Day. Make it as fun as you can by turning up the music and giving each family member age-appropriate tasks. Once the entire house is spick and span, make sure the family knows how to maintain it with daily, weekly and monthly chores. It’s easy to slip back into sloppiness, but just remember it’s important for kids to learn responsibility and respect for their home and belongings. For a little extra motivation, offer a special treat when they complete all of their chores for a week without being asked.

June 2019 - Family Life

Give your kids a limit of how much time they can be on screens, as well as what time of day. Is it strictly to be used 20 minutes after school? Or do they get 30 minutes of screen time before bed? Choose a limit and stick to it. To make sure they abide by the limits, put a timer on their device. This is a good tip for adults too. Parents can be just as attached to their phones as kids are to their tablets, so it’s important to lead by example. It’s the kids are going to put down their devices, you should too. I was amazed and somewhat embarrassed when my phone started notifying me of my screen time. I immediately decided to put the phone down in the evenings and made it a point to go outside for a walk, play with my daughter in her toy room, fit in a workout or read a book.

Bad Habit # 4: Overscheduling With several kids who have extra-curricular activities, homework, birthday parties, and other commitments, many families find themselves always on the go and too busy for quality family time, rest and relaxation. When families finally get home each night it’s time for bath and bed and you wonder where your night went. Kick the habit of overscheduling your family by carefully considering your commitments. Many people have a hard time saying no, but sometimes bowing out of a volunteer opportunity, an extra baseball tournament or a new club can save your family a lot of stress. Before letting your kids sign up for another commitment, think about the time commitment involved and if it’s worth the stress. When you create your monthly calendar, make time for family time. This time is to be spent 100% focused on the family. Maybe every Friday night you schedule a pizza and game night or maybe Sunday nights are for long walks together. Whatever you decide, make sure this timeframe is a priority to everyone in the family and doesn’t get postponed when other events come up.

Advice

Only Isn’t Lonely By KERRIE MCLOUGHLIN

Family Life ‐ June 2019

Advice According to ABCNews.com, “A generation ago, only 10 percent of families had only children. Today that percentage has more than doubled.” These days, parents of more than three children are often asked, “Are you crazy?!” But parents of only one child face judgment and often are asked, “When are you going to have another?” Nataly Kogan, creator of WorkItMom.com, says, “Like other parenting decisions—to breastfeed or not, to let kids cry it out or not, to go back to work or to stay home—figuring out how many kids to have is an extremely personal process, but it’s also one that causes others to share advice and opinions without much invitation.” Some couples may long for more children but are unable to have them because of health problems or other factors. Some get a late start having a family. Some, like Tina Mowrey of Olathe, are simply sure they are done with one. She says, “I think it is to each their own. We love our life just the way it is!” Read on to see seven only-child myths busted.

Myth #1: Only Children Are Spoiled The assumption is all only children are spoiled by receiving pretty much anything they want. Although it’s true some onlies may be given more material stuff by grandparents and extended family members, the only thing most onlies are spoiled with is one-on-one time. It seems to have a lot to do with how the parents indulge their only child. If parents are of a certain mindset, then they would be likely to spoil a larger family of children, as well. Jennifer Showalter Childs of Overland Park says, “My son has gotten to do things and go places that his friends with multi-child homes cannot have ever afforded to do or go. It’s just economics.”

June 2019 - Family Life

Myth #2: Only Children Are Lonely and Bored Only children certainly have more time for themselves, and it’s true they must be creative sometimes in coming up with things to occupy that time. Jennifer C. says her 17-year-old son “has always been one to create something to do out of nothing. He entertained himself without video games but was always welcomed to join big people activities. I think he learned adult social skills earlier than other kids for that reason.”

Myth #3: Only Children Are Desperate for a Sibling Julie Dorset of Kansas City says her 8-year-old son, Caleb, isn’t interested in having a sibling. He told her it’s nice not having to share his mom and dad’s attention with anyone else, and that he has plenty of friends, family, books and games to take the place of a brother or sister. Michele Pfeiffer of Mission says, “My child does spend a lot of time with her cousins, so she kind of gets a dose of having siblings.” Keep in mind, too, that siblings’ always getting along or forming lifelong friendships is not guaranteed anyway.

Myth #4: Only Children Can’t Deal with People All only children aren’t created equal. Just like children in general, some are shy, and others are outgoing. Onlies tend to speak like adults and have a more advanced vocabulary than other kids their age. As they get older, they may also have an easier time with things like public speaking. Tina M. says her daughter, Charlie, loves to be around adults. In her book, Parenting an Only Child, Susan Newman writes, “The only child’s primary role models are parents … the result is that only children copy adult behavior as well as their speech patterns.”

Advice

Myth #5: Only Children Don’t Know How to Share Sharing is a learned skill you have to teach any child. The more opportunities a child has to practice sharing, the better that child will get at it. “My only child shares just fine. It was just put out there that sharing is expected,” says Jennifer C. And according to Newman, “All parents can expect their toddlers and teens to act selfishly at times.”

Myth #6: Only Children Are Bossy The oldest child in a family is often labeled responsible, yet the only child in a family is often called bossy. Although many only children are of the “take-charge” variety, they aren’t necessarily bossy. Newman says, “There have been many studies that show that only children are really no different from their peers.” Once we get to adulthood, it’s not likely that most of us can pick out who was an only child just by brief interaction. An only may, however, show some positive traits of oldest children, like good leadership skills.

Myth #7: All Parents Want Another Child Jennifer C. says, “Now that we’re at the upper end of the teen years, I am thankful I don’t have another child to wrangle while trying to finish this one out. The challenges change daily at this stage of things. Not all of us are cut out for rearing multiple children, and that’s okay.” It does turn out onlies are actually a bit different from their peers in one very significant way. According to Dr. Toni Falbo, professor of educational psychology and sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, many studies highlight an interesting difference. “On average, many only children score slightly higher in verbal ability, go farther in school and have a little bit higher self-esteem,” Falbo says. Those are a few things onlies can surely be proud of.

Family Life ‐ June 2019

Advice

Five Ways to Feel Better After a Bad Day Everyone has them, those days when our spirits are low. It may be the result of a hard day at work, then having to come home and be “up” for the kids. Or maybe you faced a long day with your baby or toddler at home when you didn’t even have time to shower. Or you just may feel down in the dumps. Here are a variety of different activities to lift your spirit back up and boost your mood to happy. By JUDY GOPPERT

Family Life ‐ June 2019

Advice

Tip 1: Make a list This is a great mind cleanser and soul centering activity. If you think about it, we make lists all the time, either in our head or on a piece of paper, for groceries, medicines, birthdays, holiday gifts … the “list” goes on and on. Try making a personal list. Depending on your situation, you can make two types of lists. In the first, list all the things you need to accomplish starting with the most important or time sensitive. Then, check your tasks off as you complete them. The other type of list is a pros and cons list for your situation. Often, you will find more pros than cons!

Tip 2: Bake or cook something After a hard day, nothing is more honestly cathartic than beating and kneading bread dough or making homemade pancakes. This takes your mind off what is going on and will end up being a shared event with your kiddos. Try not to worry about the mess. Laugh, let the kids join in and add ingredients and then, eat!

Tip 3: Inhale aromatherapy

Tip 4: Dial a friend or visit one

This trend offers so many soothing and refreshing options, and you can find so many that are baby and kid approved. Simply pick your favorite scents, some faves are sandalwood and lavender and breathe them in deeply. You can even take a wet washcloth, dab a few drops of aromatherapy oil on it, and either microwave or freeze it until it reaches the desired temperature. Then, put it on your neck and inhale. Make it a spa party with your little ones. They will love the new scents too.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, either with a phone call, a visit to the park with other kids or a trip to the coffee shop. Sometimes, simply hearing another adult voice who understands your feelings can change an entire day. That new point of view will make you think, and your kids will enjoy seeing you happy and being with their friends.

Tip 5: Listen If your child is the reason you are having a bad day, and won’t respond to play, he may be beyond laughter currently. Take a deep breath and remind yourself this is your perfect baby, looking at you for love and support. Stay compassionate. Remember, tears aren’t bad, and once he has the chance to cry, he will be in your arms. Step back and re-center with one of the tips listed above and this will come more easily. And, when you are having trouble holding it together until bedtime, bring bedtime on sooner. For example, feed the kids peanut butter sandwiches and carrot sticks and go to bed early. Especially you! Things always look better in the morning.

June 2019 - Family Life

Advice

Things I Didn’t Expect During Pregnancy Pregnancy might be common, but some of the side effects that come with it can be as unique as each child-bearing mama. Chances are likely many of your female friends and family members have offered their own cautionary pregnancy tales in an effort to keep you well-informed and ahead of the learning curve. But even research and personal stories don’t prepare you for all the odd and bizarre changes that lie before you. By LAUREN GREENLEE

Family Life ‐ June 2019

Advice

The Not So Good Crying at the Drop of a Hat If you’re not naturally prone to crying, one of the biggest surprises that comes from pregnancy won’t be physical but emotional. With a surge of hormones running through her system, a pregnant mom can find herself teary-eyed at any occasion. And I’m not talking about crying at the climax of a sad movie or shedding a tear as a loved one moves away (when tears are expected). I’m talking about having a waterworks display on Aisle 9 when the grocery store runs out of your favorite cereal or getting misty-eyed when a coworker you didn’t know that well has a company retirement party. Crying for seemingly ambiguous reasons can be embarrassing when it takes place in public, but it’s even worse when you don’t know why you’re crying in the first place. And don’t be surprised if you find yourself grappling with very strong mixed emotions. It’s not unheard of for a pregnant mom to simultaneously laugh hysterically and cry uncontrollably. Your Belly Isn’t the Only Thing That Will Change Documenting your growing baby bump is a rising trend with multiple apps to prove it. Adoring friends and family can marvel at your burgeoning abdomen and relish the fact that Baby is now the size of a kumquat. But some parts of your body may change in ways that are less desirable (not to mention, you won’t want to draw attention to them!). Things like excessive hair loss, hair growth or change in hair texture (such as going from straight hair to corkscrew curls or vice versa) are par for the course, thanks to ever-changing hormone levels. Skin tags and pigment changes known as melasma also can be an unexpected surprise throughout pregnancy. But the changes don’t stop there. Some women experience restless leg syndrome, bleeding gums or a super sensitive nose. Thankfully, these are all short-term side effects. One potentially permanent change you may run into? An expanded foot size. Thanks to weight gain and added pressure, feet can take a beating, and it’s not uncommon to go up a half size or more after pregnancy. So consider holding off on those adorable Jimmy Choo’s until postpartum when you know your feet’s true size.

June 2019 - Family Life

Hot Flashes Aren’t Just Reserved for Menopause In an odd twist of fate, pregnancy might give you something new to bond over with your menopausal mom and her friends: hot flashes. That’s right! Progesterone, a thermogenic hormone, coupled with increased blood flow is the perfect recipe for a hot mama (literally and figuratively!). If you feel hot, it’s because you are. Pregnant women typically have an elevated temperature, meaning it’s not uncommon to find yourself sweating when everyone around you is comfortable.

The Good You’ll Be a Walking Conversation Starter When you made the announcement to family and friends that you were expecting, chances are everyone from your crazy second cousin to your quiet coworker felt compelled to tell you about their birth stories. But don’t be surprised if random strangers want to come up to you with well-wishes and their own personal stories, too. Many will want to make predictions as to whether you’re having a boy or a girl based on how you’re carrying. Some will be so bold as to guess how many you’re carrying (not a welcome exchange if you’re only having one baby!). Some moms-to-be find this banter to be invasive, but many more find it encouraging. Make no mistake about it: Pregnancy is a bonding agent, bringing people together over a common, yet miraculous, phenomenon.

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TOO MUCH SCREEN TIME BECOMING A PAIN IN THE NECK? Introducing NEW Jergens Skin Firming Neck & Chest. Keep your delicate neck and chest skin visibly firm, even when you can’t stop scrolling. www.Amazon.com/Jergens

Try Dermakalm Eczema Creams! Dermakalm eczema creams provide temporary relief of your eczema symptoms. Formulated without corticosteroids, Dermakalm is available in adult and infant formulas. Itching to try it? Visit the address below to download your coupon for $8 off any Dermakalm product. dermakalm.com/en/coupon/

Advice

Your Fashion Game Can Be Just as Strong What girl doesn’t like the excuse for a new wardrobe? Whether you carry large or small, new clothes will be an inevitable part of your future. That alone can be a cue for rejoicing! But pregnant women these days have even greater reason for celebration: Modern maternity wear is super cute! Long gone are the days of circus tent-like tops meant to hide a baby bump. Say hello to trendy designs and fashions meant to accentuate the beautiful changes that are taking place within you. Even better still, many maternity clothing companies are making transitional wear, meant to extend the life of your clothing through postpartum, as well as tops that are breastfeeding-friendly.

Sayonara Acne! Pregnancy may come with a lot of physical changes, but clearer skin is one we can all cheer for. Many women who struggle with cystic acne and zits during their periods comment on having better skin during pregnancy than any other time before. So, if you find yourself in the fortunate state of being blemish-free, chalk it up to that pregnancy glow everyone always talks about!

Family Life ‐ June 2019

Advice

The Do’s and Don’t’s of Preparing Your Child for a New Sibling Transitioning your child to becoming an older sibling is both exciting and challenging. Adding another child to the family provides your older one with a lifelong friend and playmate, but the soon-to-be big sibling may feel reluctant to share the turf. Parents can take some positive steps to make the transition easier for everyone. By SARAH LYONS

Family Life ‐ June 2019

Advice

During Pregnancy

At home

What to expect: Your child may anticipate that a change is coming as she watches you prepare the nursery and get things in order. She may start to act up because she doesn’t fully understand what is going on and the idea of a new baby seems abstract.

What to expect: It is normal for your child to feel left out and jealous. Your child may go out of her way to get extra attention—in both a positive and negative way. It’s normal for your child to have a variety of emotions as she adjusts: excitement, joy and pride, but also sadness, frustration and jealousy. Adjusting to a new family member takes time.

Do's and Dont's Do put off big changes like potty training or transitioning to a big kid bed. Do get a baby doll for big brother or sister to practice baby care. Do read books about families who add a new baby to the house. Do take the siblings class at the hospital, if offered and age appropriate. Do spend extra time with your child and reassure her that you love her. Don’t blame your limitations on the baby or the pregnancy, which can create negativity associated with the baby. Don’t promise an instant playmate.

At the hospital What to expect: When your child visits you at the hospital, expect him to be off his routine and possibly out of sorts. Your child may feel scared because he sees Mom in bed and may worry you are sick. Some kids will seem aloof, worried, or act up because they are unsure of their surroundings. Your youngster also may feel nervous about meeting the baby everyone is excited about. Do's and Dont's Do greet him excitedly. Do make a big deal about the baby and the new big sibling. Do give him some undivided attention. Do take lots of photos of the big sibling moments. Do have some items to play with during the visit. Don’t frighten him when it comes to holding the baby. Don’t stay too long; know your child’s time limitations.

June 2019 - Family Life

Do's and Dont's Do let her help with baby care (bring a diaper to Mom, go get a clean blanket, sing a song to Baby). Do set aside time to spend time alone with your big kid. Do let her know Baby loves her and looks up to her. Do set up for distractions. Have some books available to read while you are nursing or busy with baby care. Do make Baby wait while you help your big kid. Do show her the benefits of being a big kid. Big kids eat ice cream, play at the park, watch movies and stay up later. Do reassure her you love her. Don’t place expectations that are too high. Don’t expect things to be exactly the same as before. Whenever you add another person to the family, everyone experiences a big transition. Things will be different. Don’t be surprised if your child has some behavior issues. Try to be patient with the reaction to a new little one in the house Adding another child to the family is a huge transition for any family. In time, things do fall into a routine, and you will hardly remember when your newborn wasn’t part of the family. Your new big sibling will soon adjust to your growing family and develop a pride in the role of older sibling.

Organize Modern & Bright Brighten up a neutral space with playful graphics and layers of lively colour

Designer Samantha Pynn's tips on decorating a home with patterns and colour In living colour After waving a happy goodbye to a drab, rundown kitchen (and living room), my team and I removed the dated '70s floor and installed pine-inspired flooring (it's actually vinyl, scratch-free and a snap to install). Sleek appliances, simple furniture and lots of pattern and colour — bold navy, bright yellow and kelly green — give the once dark and dreary space a modern makeover. We even splurged on a tiny marble counter in the kitchen. The result? A cheerful home that's fresh and sophisticated.

Family Life ‐ June 2019

Refresh a tired table with a slipcover Salvage a beat-up dining table by covering it with a neutral tablecloth or custom slipcover (we made ours from beautiful wide-striped linen). Then dress it up by adding a collection of decorative bowls, vases or books that match the colour scheme in the room. Get this look: Wall paint in Snowfall, sarahpaint.com. Karndean Flooring, Carpet One. All Fabrics, Robert Allen Design. Melrose Sofa in Linen, Sunpan Imports. 40

June 2019 - Family Life

Split up furniture sets A minimal, modern table beautifully complements vintage country chairs. Trendy striped fabric and a coat of paint give older chairs a fresh but classic look. Get this look: Kitchen cabinet paint in Shark Waters, Para Paints. Cabinets, Ikea. Hardware, Lee Valley. Carrera countertop, Latitude. Blinds, Levolor. Emerson Curva Sky Fan, Northern Fan. 42

June 2019 - Family Life

Make the most of your wall space Take advantage of a blank wall to create storage solutions. Add a few wooden hooks to create a handy place for coats or towels. Or install shallow shelves in an old milk door (left) or between the studs of the wall—perfect for small everyday necessities.

Family Life ‐ June 2019

“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” – Audrey Hepburn

Family Life ‐ June 2019

Gabriele Galimberti's Toy Stories Italian Photographer Gabriele Galimberti travelled the world to capture children with their prized possessions for his series Toy Stories. Family Life ‐ June 2019

Q&A with Rachel Joyce, author of The Love Song of Miss Queenie Hennessy Author Rachel Joyce spoke with us about her favourite authors, her new book 'The Love Song of Miss Queenie Hennessy', writing from Queenie's perspective, and researching mental illness and hospice care By LAUREN GRASSI

Family Life ‐ June 2019

You’ve said that when asked about a sequel to The Pilgrimage of Harold Fry you never originally considered writing from Queenie’s viewpoint. When The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry was first published, a few people asked if I would be writing a sequel and I was adamant I wouldn’t. I felt I had explored Harold’s story and that to keep with it would only be raking over the same ground. Besides, I had other stories I wanted to write. So quite how or why the idea for writing Queenie’s story came to me, I can’t explain. It just happened very forcefully one day in our kitchen when I was making lunch. And as soon as I opened my mind to the idea and voiced it, it seemed blindingly obvious this was a story I needed to write, I wanted to write. How does a woman who is dying wait for a man to walk the length of England? I realized that in reversing the story, I had huge vistas to explore that I hadn’t really thought about, or which I had only thought about at face value.

Why do you think Queenie’s story begged to be told? There is always another side to any story. We live our lives as if we are the central character and we forget that of course, in other people’s stories, we may well be no more than walk-on parts. Maureen, for instance, was an essential part of Harold Fry’s story because she is his wife. In Queenie’s, she has only one scene.

June 2019 - Family Life

I was surprised when reading the new novel that the story was so intertwined with that of Harold Fry (I suppose I was expecting a pre-brewery, pre-Harold Queenie…). Was that a surprise to you, too? It wasn’t really. I wanted to write about a woman who has loved a man without telling him, so the key moments – once I had established what in Queenie’s childhood and upbringing has made her the person she is – were what happened when she met Harold, and how she hid her true feelings. The first thing I did was to go back to the first book and look at all those moments he shared with Queenie. I asked myself, How can I expand these? What I came up generally took me by surprise. It was like wrenching something right open and having a good old rummage inside. Queenie is mostly silent in The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry. But what is really going on in those car scenes, where she says so little? Although a woman says nothing in the passenger seat of a car doesn’t mean that she has not a whole universe of thought and feeling and words inside her.

Was there anything else that surprised you about Queenie’s story? There are always surprises when I write. I generally know where I am trying to get to, but what I am never quite sure of is how I will get there. It’s a bit like knowing you are going on a gap year that will end in, say, Rome, but having no clue as to all the places you will visit en-route. For example, I didn’t initially plan all the other patients at the hospice, who become such a key part of Queenie’s journey. They arrived in my head, rather indistinctly at first and then, the more I worked with them, the more I saw, the more they said. I love this about the process of writing; that it is only really in doing it that you discover what will work and what doesn’t.

With Harold Fry you showed an actual journey; with Queenie, a metaphorical journey. What were the differences/ difficulties involved in portraying those? With Harold Fry, I thought a lot about the seven stages of grieving, because it seemed to me that was something happening in his life, but I also had to think a lot about the physical landscape of England. When it came to Queenie’s story, I had to replace the broad physical landscape with the changing minutiae of a window scene. I had to make her journey an inward one. That was when I decided to mirror Harold’s journey in Queenie’s story. When Harold feels confident about his walk, Queenie feels confident she can keep waiting. When Harold pushes his walk too hard and collapses, Queenie pushes her letterwriting, her mental exertion too hard, and she too collapses. When Harold is joined by a band of followers, Queenie is joined by a band of followers at the hospice. And when Harold is finally left alone with only the truth and the walk, his shoes taped to his feet, Queenie is also left alone with her letter and the truth, her pencil strapped to her weak hand.

Queenie works with a nun named Mary Inconnue to write her letter—or story— to Harold. Why did you decide to use her instead of simply having Queenie write the letter? When you have already written a character, you have to be true to the constraints you have imposed. So when I began Queenie’s story, I knew several things; she can’t speak, she is in a hospice, she is very weak. It didn’t seem truthful to me (and I was initially cursing myself for this) that she could sit and write a whole letter without anyone’s help. But if we are, as it were, inside her head, if this letter is a part of her process of letting go, then I believe she can remember in this much detail and with this imperative to be heard.

June 2019 - Family Life

That name, Inconnue, meaning “unknown,” has significance… Of course. And that is another ambiguity. I have a version of what Inconnue is and it may be different from someone else’s version. There is room for both.

Through telling the story of her life, Queenie is also preparing for death, isn’t she? She is letting go, yes. In acknowledging the truth, she can let go of it. So long as you are hiding the truth, you cannot let go; the truth is alive and active inside you. There is a point at the beginning where Queenie’s fear is that if she doesn’t tell Harold about her life, it will all have been for nothing. She has moved on from that by the end. She comes to a place of acceptance. Queenie sees she has led a single life and she has also been a part of something bigger. That bigger thing was there all along; she just didn’t see it.

When I interviewed you about Harold Fry, you spoke of wanting to celebrate the “small, ordinary things in life that make you laugh.” Did you have that in mind when writing this? I always have that in mind! Though I suppose these things don’t always make me laugh. I notice the small things and would argue that it is often in observing the very small that you see the true nature of things. I would also say you must never discount the difference that one person, or even that one “small thing,” can make.

What would you answer to people who’ll say, Oh a book set in a hospice; how dark! We have made death so fearful. We have a whole load of euphemisms to avoid saying the word. The reluctance to look at death is the cause of much unhappiness. I would say you can’t write about life unless you accept the fact of death, just as you can’t write about happiness without acknowledging there is also sadness. One is meaningless without the other. In learning how to die, we accept how to live.

What research on hospices and hospice care did you do? I visited several hospices. I read a lot about caring for the dying. I spent an evening with three Macmillan nurses. It is not an exaggeration to say we spent the whole meal howling with laughter. Their stories were irreverent and real. I thanked them at the end for giving me so much detail, so much to think about, and they said ‘Oh, thank you. No one ever asks us about our work.’

So there were revelations? As I said before, laughter. Sunlight. Genuine kindness. A robust sense of what is real. Health care is not always about curing; it is about care. Sister Mary Inconnue’s lines are (for me) the centre of the book; “Pardon me, you are not here to die. You are here to live until you die. There is a significant difference.” I wanted my hospice to be not a place of darkness, but a place of light. And it is, I think. It is loud, noisy, wild, unexpected; I hope it is funny.

In your books, you tackle issues of mental illness. Why? Is it a particular interest? Because mental illness, by which I suppose I mean emotional struggle, is another subject that doesn’t get talked about enough and (as far as I see it) there is a lot of struggling to be done in life. People get hurt. They make mistakes. They fall off the path they thought they needed to be on. This is not something we should be afraid of, or shun in other people.

June 2019 - Family Life

And research in that area? I am married to a psychotherapist. We read and talk a lot about people.

You’ve said people who are outsiders or don’t fit interest you most. Because they make it easy for you as a writer in terms of introducing conflict, or they’re simply fascinating to portray? Because they evoke my compassion. I am probably quite introverted myself and so I know how it feels to be stuck on the edge of things, to fear that you will never quite fit, or even to fear that you will never be “right.”

The crux of the book is the idea of guilt and regret and coming to terms with those. But there’s also a notion of how little control we have over whom we love and how that love is received. For instance, Queenie’s for Harold, Harold’s for David and Queenie’s for David… We want something back for our love. We want it to mean something. We want the person we love to feel changed, blessed by our love – and in return to shine their love on us. Queenie is denied those things. It doesn’t make her a saint, though. She makes lots of mistakes. Her letter is an atonement for those. I think she reaches a place where her love for Harold has become a love for humanity.

What significance does the natural world play in your books and in this one in particular? When you write, it is hard not to be the person that you are. For instance, I am never going to write a gritty urban thriller. No one would believe a word of it, including myself. But the nature of light and shadow, the patterns in the sky, these are things I notice and it gives me pleasure to explore them. Besides, if you are someone who believes in the changing nature of things, as I do, then the changes in nature are a kind of reassurance, a kind of lesson. Queenie, like me, believes she needs to channel her sense of loss into something creative. For her, it is a magical garden by the sea. For me, it would be a book.

What are you working on now? I am writing a new novel about music and a man who cures people through music. I am only at the beginning and so everything is up for grabs – there is so much to work out – but I am happy. My husband gave me a card recently with a picture of a music shop. Inside he had written, “We are waiting for you to come and find us.” This is how it feels.

What are your favourite books/authors? I am lucky. I love reading. I love being conjured into a new place. So long as I believe in the words, I will go there willingly and with delight. I always return to Penelope Fitzgerald. But favourite books? I have so many. I Heard The Owl Call My Name. Hangover Square by Patrick Hamilton. Gilead by Marilynne Robinson. Alice Munro, of course. Wilkie Collins, Thomas Hardy, Edith Wharton, the Brontes. And plays. Shakespeare. Chekhov. Lope de Vega. Michael Frayn. David Hare…No, no. Don’t get me started. The list is endless.

June 2019 - Family Life

Food

Summer Desserts The latest scoop in cool treats is that there isn’t a cone in sight. From grown-up granita to trendy Thai rolls, here are the tastiest ways to beat the heat. Photo, Carmen Cheung. Food Styling, Ashley Denton. Prop styling, Rayna Marlee Schwartz.

Family Life ‐ June 2019

BEAT THE HEAT! Catch A Chill With These Tasty Treats To Beat The Heat Photo, Carmen Cheung. Food Styling, Ashley Denton. Prop styling, Rayna Marlee Schwartz.

Vegan Mango Coconut Ice Pops Family Life ‐ June 2019

Blueberry Frozen Yogurt Rolls

June 2019 - Family Life

Sangria Granita

Family Life ‐ June 2019

Food

Sangria Granita PREP TIME:10 MINS TOTAL TIME:10 MINS 300g frozen, thawed raspberries , (about 2 1/2 cups) 1 1/2 cups bold red wine , (such as merlot) 1 1/2 cups apple juice2 tsp orange zest 3/4 cup fresh orange juice , (about 3 oranges) blackberries , for garnish raspberries , for garnish 1. Push raspberries through a sieve into a measuring cup, using the bottom of a ladle. It should measure 3/4 cup. Discard seeds. 2. Stir wine with raspberry purée, apple juice, and orange zest and juice in an 8 x 8-in. baking dish or resealable container. Cover and freeze until firm, about 6 hr, preferably overnight. 3. Scrape dish with a fork to form icy flakes. Scoop into cones, cups or bowls. Garnish with blackberries and raspberries. Keeps well in freezer for 2 weeks.

June 2019 - Family Life

Blueberry Frozen Yogurt Rolls

Vegan mango & coconut ice pops

PREP TIME:10 MINS TOTAL TIME:1 HOUR 45 MINS

PREP TIME:30 MINS TOTAL TIME:55 MINS

1 cup frozen, then thawed blueberries 1/4 cup sweetened condensed milk 1/2 cup 9% vanilla yogurt 1/2 cup 35% cream

1/2 cup granulated sugar 3 tbsp cornstarch 1/4 tsp salt 2 400 mL cans full-fat coconut milk 2 tsp vanilla Mango Purée 300g frozen mango , (about 2 cups) 1/4 cup granulated sugar 1/4 cup orange juice 2 tsp lemon juice 12 3oz paper cups

1. Have 2 rimmed baking sheets ready. Place 4 serving bowls in the freezer. 2. Whirl blueberries with sweetened condensed milk and yogurt in a food processor, scraping down side as needed, until very smooth, about 2 min. Transfer to a large bowl and whisk in cream until smooth. 3. Pour half of blueberry mixture onto centre of 1 baking sheet. Do not spread to cover baking sheet. (You will need space around this puddle to scrape into rolls.) Carefully transfer to a at surface in the freezer. Freeze until firm to the touch, about 1 hr. Repeat with second baking sheet. Chill a straight-edged stainless steel spatula or bench scrape in the freezer for at least 15 min before rolling. 3. Remove baking sheet from freezer and place on a tea towel to prevent shifting. Set long side of baking sheet closest to you. Place the edge of the chilled spatula on the baking sheet, just under where the puddle starts. Push the spatula across the width to create a roll. Quickly repeat until all the frozen yogurt is rolled. Use tongs to transfer rolls to chilled serving bowls and serve immediately. (If spatula starts to slide under the frozen yogurt without rolling, refreeze the yogurt.)

1. Coconut Ice Cream: Whisk sugar with cornstarch and salt in a medium pot. Slowly mix in coconut milk and vanilla. Bring to a simmer over medium and gently boil until thickened, 3 to 4 min. 2. Transfer to a large bowl and set aside to cool slightly. Put plastic wrap directly on surface, then refrigerate until cold, about 1 1⁄2 hr. 3. Mango Purée: Add mango, sugar, and orange and lemon juices to the same saucepan over mediumhigh. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to medium-low. Simmer until mango is very soft, 5 to 6 min. Mash, using a potato masher or whisk, until mixture is a purée. Transfer to a medium bowl and set aside to cool. Cover with plastic wrap, then refrigerate until cold, about 1 hr.

Last Look

Movies

Toy Story 4 June 21 Woody (Tom Hanks) and Bo Peep (Annie Potts) attempt to rescue RC, Andy's remotecontrolled car, from a rainstorm. Just as they finish the rescue, Woody watches as Bo is donated to a new owner, and considers going with her. Meanwhile, Buzz (Tim Allen) searches for Woody but gets lost at a fairground and becomes a carnival game prize. He escapes with plush toys Ducky and Bunny, and they meet up with Woody and Bo.

Courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures & Pixar

June 2019 - Family Life