FamilyLife Thank you,
To our frontline workers
June 2020
June Contents
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25 IN EVERY ISSUE
ADVICE
ORGANIZE
FEATURES
9 Ways to Find an Awesome Babysitter
25 5 Marie Kondo Organizing Tips We Still Swear By
13 Your Worry-Free Guide for Returning to Work
33 I Hated My Cluttered House, But I Hated Organizing Even More—Until Now
41 I Was A Stressed, Disorganized Mom. Then, at 6 Editor's Letter 43, I Was Diagnosed With ADHD 58 Last Look
21 Who’s got your back?
FOOD
49 Takeout Meals
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FamilyLife EDITOR IN-CHIEF Pamela Hayford EXECUTIVE EDITOR Suzanne Moutis CREATIVE DIRECTOR Karen Paddon EDITORIAL OPERATIONS & ASSISTANT BUSINESS MANAGER Olga Goncalves Costa TEST KITCHEN FOOD DIRECTOR Soo Kim SENIOR FOOD ASSOCIATE Stina Diös CONTRIBUTING FOOD SPECIALISTS Donna Borooah, Cara Tegler ART DEPUTY ART DIRECTOR Lena Diaz ASSOCIATE ART DIRECTOR Sarah Big Canoe CONTRIBUTING ART DIRECTOR Leanne Gilbert PRODUCTION SPECIALIST Genevieve Pizzale EDITORIAL SENIOR FEATURES EDITOR Megan Howard FEATURES EDITOR Mary Levitski COPY EDITORS Debbie Madsen Villamere, Stephanie Zolis EDITORIAL ASSISTANTS Marianne Davidson, Sarah Dziedzic HOME & GARDEN HOME & STYLE DIRECTOR Ann Marie Favot DESIGN EDITOR Morgan Lindsay NATIONAL ACCOUNTS MANAGERS, TORONTO David Lawrence, John McDowell, Nicole Rosen, Roberta Thomson NATIONAL ACCOUNTS MANAGER, MONTREAL Ingrid Barfod NATIONAL ACCOUNT MANAGER, VANCOUVER Renee Wong BRAND OPERATIONS MANAGER Terry Smith
VICE PRESIDENT, CORPORATE SALES & DIRECTOR, CLIENT SOLUTIONS Brandon Kirk DIRECTOR, MEDIA SALES Mike Lambe ST. JOSEPH COMMUNICATIONS CHAIRMAN & CEO Tony Gagliano VICE CHAIRMAN John Gagliano PRESIDENT & PUBLISHER Ken Hunt VICE PRESDIENT, OPERATIONS & TECHNOLOGY Sean McCluskey EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT Sarah Trimble DIRECTOR, LIFESTYLE CONTENT Sasha Emmons DIRECTOR, CONTENT OPERATIONS James Reid DIRECTOR, CIRCULATION Allan Yue MANAGER, CIRCULATION Lisa Rivers DIRECTOR, BRANDED CONTENT, AUDIENCE & EVENTS Nadine Silverthorne PROJECT MANAGER, BRANDED CONTENT Milena Boskovic EXECUTIVE EDITOR, BRANDED CONTENT Meaghan Yuen DESIGNER, BRANDED CONTENT Leo Tapel Family Life is published by St. Joseph Communications, 15 Benton Road, Toronto, M6M 3G2. Contents Copyright 2020 by St. Joseph Communications. may not be reprinted without written permission. Article proposals and manuscripts must be accompanied by self-addressed envelopes and sufficient postage; otherwise they will not be returned or acknowledged. While the publishers will take all reasonable care, they will not be responsible for the loss of any manuscript, drawing or photograph. ISSN 0128-1839. Single copy price $5.99 + tax. Full subscription prices: Canada, 1 year (6 issues), $15 + tax. In the U.S., 1 year $45 + tax; Other countries $75 + tax, Indexed in the Canadian Periodical Index. Printed in Canada. Family Life, it's affiliate and assignees may use, reproduce, publish, distribute, store and archive such as unsolicited submissions in whole or in part in any form or medium whatsoever, without compensate of any sort.
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Editor's Letter
Pandemic is rising The rising specter of COVID-19 should remind us all that emergency medicine is truly the front line in the defense of our society. While the crisis is being addressed by politicians and scientists, the battle is being fought in emergency departments and in the emergency medical systems by those who staff the departments and fulfill the role of first responders. We have been there before in other epidemics, including the epidemic of gun violence. The fact that ED staff and first responders have to face the risks and yet have so little input into the solution is indefensible. The advice of medical personnel is often ignored, and no serious input is being solicited from ED or EMS staff even though the decisions being made seriously affect and threaten them. Just as we should not expect first responders to face military weapons while fulfilling their responsibilities, we should not be expected to face COVID-19 without being offered every reasonable protection. Our government and society refuse to take necessary steps like locking down, the only proven means of controlling the pandemic, when and where it is needed.
Pamela Hayford Editor In-Chief
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Advice
Ways to Find an Awesome Babysitter By REGAN LYONS
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Advice Finding a great babysitter can be daunting at first, especially if you don’t have close family nearby to lend a hand. It can be hard to trust someone you barely know with your little ones, but amazing babysitters are all around. You just have to keep your eyes open. Get a Friend’s Recommendation If you have friends who use a babysitter often, ask them how they found the babysitter and how their children get along with her. If the sitter sounds like someone you would be interested in using, you can ask whether their babysitter is open to watching new children. More than likely, if close friends trust their children with the babysitter, you will too. You can also ask them all the questions you need answered to make an informed decision before even contacting the prospective sitter.
Online Options Several online apps make finding a babysitter much easier. Care.com is a website that helps you connect with caregivers in your area. You can select how often you need care, the amount of experience you prefer a sitter to have, how quickly you need care and any other specifications you would prefer, such as CPR certification or having their own transportation. You can also do background checks. When I did a search in my zip code, I found 39 matches! The basic service is free, but for premium features you can subscribe for as low as $13 per month.
It’s also a good idea to ask your coworkers who they use to watch their children. My husband is a teacher and found out some of his colleagues’ children are the perfect babysitting age.
The Nextdoor app is another great option for finding childcare. Nextdoor is a neighborhood hub that makes exchanging information with your neighbors easier. Just post that you’re looking for childcare in your neighborhood and see who responds. This is a nice option, because the responses will be coming from your own neighborhood and you might end up knowing who responds to your post, instead of it being a random stranger.
Ask Extracurricular Instructors
Check Social Media
Does your child take swim lessons, attend gymnastics classes or participate in other extracurricular activities? If so, there’s a good chance your kids love their instructors! You might be surprised how often these instructors get asked to babysit other children. The best part about using an instructor is your children are probably already comfortable with the familiar person, which makes leaving them much easier on you. If your particular instructor isn’t available, chances are that person has friends or knows someone who teaches another class that is available.
It might seem a bit odd to post about your childcare needs on your personal Facebook page or other social media platforms, but it can be a great way to get leads from people you know and trust: your friends. With just one post, you will likely end up with several babysitters to check out. You can also post in local parenting groups to ask for recommendations from people you might not know. Social media is a great way to get several leads at once, and then you can decide which option is best for you. Retired Friends and Neighbors
Daycare Teachers Does your child love her daycare teacher? Ask her whether she babysits on the weekends. Using a teacher is an ideal situation, because your children probably have a close bond with her already. The teacher also knows all about your kids’ allergies, favorite foods and favored games and toys. A daycare teacher will also be CPR and first aid certified and have a love for children that spurred the choice off childcare as a livelihood.
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When we have been in a pinch on weekdays, we have reached out to retired friends and neighbors to watch our daughter for a few hours. It has worked out great, because they have flexible hours and usually enjoy the company. Some of our neighbors watch their grandchildren during the day too, so it’s like a fun play date for the kids!
Advice
Your Worry-Free Guide for Returning to Work Whether you’ve been out of the workforce for months or years, making the transition back after staying home with your children can cause a mixture of excitement and anxiety. Read on to enjoy a smoother adjustment for your family. By CHRISTA MELNYK HINES
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Advice Celebrate the change. How a child reacts and adjusts to changes in home life can vary by personality and age. Talk to your kids about your decision to return to the workforce by explaining how the transition will benefit the entire family. Life and leadership coach Julie Edge, Ph.D., Inside Edge Coaching, Prairie Village, helps guide parents back into the workforce and says we often underestimate what our youngsters can understand. “It’s really about making it relevant for kids so that they can put it into context. Have them have a role in Mom or Dad going back to work: ‘We’re all going to chip in more’ or ‘We’re all going to need to help out in certain ways so that Mom can have this time to contribute to the family differently.’ They can be a cheerleader for Mom or Dad and help celebrate the change,” Edge says Quality time. Although you may spend a fewer number of hours overall with your kids once you start working, you don’t have to sacrifice quality time. Try to eat meals together and periodically schedule family activities. Leigh Carr, a registered nurse, was a stay-at-home mom for four years. She returned to work when she and her husband, Dustin, decided to start Hari Om Hemp, an online shop based in Kansas City that sells a full spectrum of CBD bath and body products. “My oldest son, Nolan, who was 4 at the time, had more anxiety than his younger sister, who was 2. I made sure during the transition—and to this day—to make individual one-on-one time with each of my children so that they know in their mind and heart that I am still Mom before all else,” Carr says.
Manage your own fears. When you think about the prospect of going back to work, try not to get carried away imagining all the things that could go wrong during the transition. Edge says we often blow fears out of proportion, and she suggests saying your fears out loud. Often, what seems like a big deal in our heads sounds ridiculous to our ears. “Stay the course and let things unfold instead of trying to over-manage everything,” Edge says. “My clients are always surprised at how well it goes and that their fears really don’t come true.” Expect multiple conversations. Talking through your return to work with your kids probably won’t be a one-time conversation. Anticipate questions and concerns throughout the transition. “What you don’t want to do is promise that everything is going to be the same because it’s not going to be, and kids are smart,” Edge says. “Reassure them and make sure quality time with your kids—eye to eye— doesn’t feel like it’s being taken away.” Plan ahead. Take time on the weekend to scope out the upcoming week’s activities. Also, plan meals and arrange carpools to alleviate last-minute stress. Laura Fitzsmmons, another registered nurse and a single mom of three sons, ages 14, 17 and 22, schedules family meetings to discuss the week ahead during their Sunday dinners together. “That little bit of planning is what’s saving me right now,” says Fitzsimmons, who is a certified lymphatic specialist therapist and owner of Prairie Star Wellness in Shawnee. Fitzsimmons initially returned to the workforce on a part-time basis after staying home with her children for 13 years. But she went back full time soon after her husband died from a sudden heart attack in 2017. “I had to learn quickly how to plan more crockpot meals,” she says. “And, when you’re working evenings, you can’t follow strict family dinnertime hours. Dinner is always on the table, but not at exactly 5:00.”
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Advice
Ask for help. When you were a stay-at-home parent, it may have been easier to manage the moving parts of a busy household. But once you start working, your family may have to participate more when it comes to household chores or helping with meals. “It took solid and honest cooperation with my husband. We had to focus on communicating about shifts in the priorities and duties around our home, as well as continue to focus on work-life balance” Carr says. Carpools can also help take some of the pressure off, especially when your kids are involved in multiple activities. Fitzsimmons relies on her older son to help with driving his younger brother to his activities. “If he’s not available, I’ll just put a text out to a couple of his friends in the neighborhood,” she says. “We call it the Teen Uber. I flip them five bucks for gas—it’s awesome.”
Forgive yourself. Some days will be harder than others. Work obligations might sometimes prevent you from attending a school program, a soccer game or getting a home-cooked meal on the table. “I’ve learned to forgive myself,” Fitzsimmons says. “It’s ok if they have a turkey sandwich two nights in a row at dinner because that’s the best I can do. Allow yourself to be in that place of surrender and quiet and accept that it’s okay if you fail. At the end of the day, my kids have a roof over their heads, and their bellies are full—they’re fine.” Carr agrees. “Outside influences do not understand your own family’s dynamic and what is in the best interest of your family. Go easy on yourself. It does no one any good to be hard on yourself when things don’t go quite right or get stressful.” Benefits of working parents. In addition to gaining valuable life skills like helping to prep meals, budgeting and learning personal responsibility, kids take pride in seeing their parents pursuing goals outside of the home. “Despite the initial guilt and stress of returning to the workforce, for my children to see continued hard work, dedication, perseverance, compassion and motivation both in the home and outside is such a true blessing,” Carr says.
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Advice
Who’s got your back? Tips to make your spinal column smile By JESSICA SAMUEL
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Advice
Tip #1: Think moderation. What a lot of people don’t understand is that extra pounds on the body add stress to your back. Most moms pack their purses with all sorts of junk. My go-to phrase? “It’s better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.” If you’re too intimately acquainted with this outlook, let it go! Carrying that kind of negativity in your life or your purse isn’t healthy, trust me! That phrase singlehandedly excuses most, if not all, of my unhealthy snacking and unneeded purse packing. And both those habits add unnecessary stress and weight to my back. So whether you pack it in a bag or pack it in your belly, remember to keep it light and think to yourself, “Hey, do I really need this?”
Tip #2: Stay hydrated. The average adult human body is composed of 60 percent water. The rest of your body is made up of natural gases and elements. It is believed that the average person should consume at least half her body weight in water daily. This habit, according to Medical News Today, gives your body the necessary muscle and bone support it needs. Staying hydrated can cushion the brain, spinal cord and other sensitive tissues. When you’re thinking of your back, think of water too.
Tip # 3: Don’t rob yourself of a good night’s rest. Some of the best doctors recommend six to eight hours of sleep. Doctors give this advice to improve body functionality. Some say for the brain, others say for muscles, but sleep actually benefits both! Body rest is also beneficial for the bones. The body needs rest to actively function and to process daily challenges. Most people don’t know this, but the spine needs time to relax too. Did you know the discs in your spine hydrate when your body rests? No wonder our backs complain to us so often. We try managing a long eight-hour day of work (some parents more), the kids’ daily activities, dinner and the bedtime fight—we’re lucky if we get a solid five hours of sleep. So how can we fix it? As difficult as it may be, map out time throughout the day to rest. Invest in a high-quality bed. If you only get a solid six hours of sleep, make it the most comfortable six hours of sleep you’ve ever had. Buy that Serta mattress, foam mattress topper, plush body pillow or even that down comforter you’ve been eyeing. The more comfortable you are, the easier and quicker falling asleep will be. Last, but not least, know your limits. If the pain in your back progressively worsens or you consistently experience pain, make an appointment with a specialist or your primary care physician. Ignoring symptoms can cause more harm than you think. Overall, a little kindness and care will ensure you and your back get along just fine.
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Organize
5 Marie Kondo Organizing Tips We Still Swear By Primo decluttering advice from the organizing guru's second book, Spark Joy.
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Organize Marie Kondo has inspired a lot of us to get organized the past few years, thanks to her bestselling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and recent Netflix show Tidying Up With Marie Kondo. Her book revolutionized the way we approach organization—according to the KonMari method, if you follow the steps and declutter your space, you’ll never have to do it again. But even if you’re not ready to take on that challenge, the Marie Kondo way can help you bring order to your home. Here, we share the five Marie Kondo organization tips we live by.
1. Make sure everything has 2. Get rid of papers We’re all guilty of opening bills and shoving them into a its place drawer. That credit card bill? You don’t need that. Old Kondo’s daily after-work routine is extremely methodical. Everything she owns has its own designated space. Though no one is expecting you to place your bag in the same spot every evening, organizing hard-working areas like entryways makes evening routines much easier. Label cubbies and baskets so that everyone knows where their lunch boxes and bike helmets should go.
3. Use vertical space According to Kondo, arranging things vertically will save space and allow you to find your belongings more easily. Try storing your folded t-shirts in towers—choosing an outfit becomes a lot easier when all of your options are clearly laid out.
5. Keep small change in your wallet Kondo doesn’t understand why people plunk change in piggy banks and jars around their houses, which renders the money useless. Instead, she suggests sliding loose coins into your wallet right away. That way, you’ll actually spend that money instead of letting it sit in a drawer for years.
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warranties? You don’t need to keep those, either. Kondo argues that these stacks of papers often end up sitting, forgotten, in an accordion file. Since most paperwork is now available online, hanging on to those creates useless clutter.
4. Only keep items of clothing that bring you joy Picture this: rows of forgotten clothes (some with the tags still on!) hanging in your closet and piles of scuffed shoes lining your entryway. Sounds familiar? Kondo’s method is to hold each item in your hand and ask the question: “Does this bring me joy?” She insists you’ll know the answer right away.
Socks and tights
Plastic bags
For an organized drawer, Kondo suggests folding your socks, tights and undergarments into small squares and placing them in a box. This makes it easy to find what you’re looking for (and looks neat, too). She also urges readers to get rid of holey socks and pilled tights before they embark on any folding adventures.
According to Kondo, they’re “one of the most common things people accumulate without thinking.” She suggests folding them and storing them upright in a rigid container — a small box, about half the size of a tissue box, she says, to prevent over-accumulation. This method of storage can also be applied to cloth bags.
Bathroom cupboards Don’t you wish your bathroom storage looked like the cute little illustration below? The key, Kondo says, is to “store by category and store upright.” She suggests placing toilet paper in a box on a shelf above the toilet (if you have one). Purge any expired items and donate the ones you just don’t use anymore. Once you have a designated place for similar items, deciding what to toss will become easier.
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Towels Like plastic bags, Kondo suggests storing towels upright in your bathroom cupboard — or a closet if you don’t have room. Storing them this way allows you to keep track of how many you have.
Spark Joy $25, Penguin Random House. All photos excerpted from Spark Joy: An Illustrated Master Class on the Art of Organizing and Tidying Up. Copyright © 2016 by Marie Kondo Illustrations copyright © 2012, 2015 by Masako Inoue. Published in the United States by Ten Speed Press, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. All rights reserved.
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Organize
I Hated My Cluttered House, But I Hated Organizing Even More—Until Now The game-changing advice that changed everything. By BETH HITCHCOCK
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Organize
I have a friend who loves organizing. When I text “Hey, what are you up to?” she replies with giddy reports of puttering, purging and pitching. “Just dropped off three more bags at the donation centre!” she’ll write with a smug emoji—the googly-eyed one sticking out its tongue. I suppose it’s true that some people get satisfaction and even joy from a day spent untangling messes and creating a pristine state of order. I am not one of those people. It’s not that I don’t try. Every weekend I make a to-do list but, admittedly, half of it contains things I’ve already done just so I can cross them off. “See?” I tell myself, moving back to a horizontal position on the sofa. “I’m not a total slug!” The truth is, I’m not lazy— just overwhelmed. Paper is my kryptonite, from bills and receipts to old letters and greeting cards, not to mention to-do lists from years past. For me, the payoff of a perfectly organized and labelled filing system isn’t worth the hours of sorting and shredding. I suppose that’s why “Clean home office!” has lived at the top of my to-do lists for five months now. I can’t stand visible mess, so I just jam everything inside the nearest drawer, closet or cupboard—not exactly a viable solution. Out of sight doesn’t mean out of mind. The unseen chaos is a vibration that hums through the house and haunts me every time I need to find something. It’s the ultimate internal battle: I hate not having an organized house, but I hate organizing even more.
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An article in the New York Times last year validated my avoidance tendencies, concluding that we procrastinate not because of laziness but because of negative moods associated with a task. As Tim Pychyl, a psychology professor at Carleton University in Ottawa, said in the article, “It’s an emotion-regulation problem, not a time-management problem.” I guess I didn’t need the NYT to tell me that. Organizing provokes in me a wide range of emotions: boredom (I’d rather be Netflixing), despair (I don’t know where to put all this stuff) and nostalgia (but my dearly departed aunt gave that to me!). Looking at the piles on my desk, my brain is like the spinning wheel on a slow computer —I just can’t complete the download. I asked Effy Terry, a GTA-based professional organizer who’s certified in three different techniques—including KonMari, popularized by bestselling author and Netflix star Marie Kondo—what could be fuelling my organizing aversion. “People simply don’t know where to start,” she says. “They get overwhelmed and the cumulative effect is information overload. Sometimes it hits when you’re at a professional or personal crossroads and you feel stuck.”
Organize Her real talk made perfect sense. I’ve changed jobs twice in the last year, something that I’ve never done before (and don’t recommend). Maybe that’s why my home office has become a dumping ground—a metaphor for my fears about the future. Too many questions about what was next had given me decision fatigue, a big-picture problem that filtered down to my desk. Rather than making myself feel more overwhelmed, Terry suggested I set a longer-term goal. “For some people, clutter is delayed decision-making, so set a timer, jump in and see what you can accomplish,” she says. “If there are things you’re not sure about, put them in a box and write ‘Two Weeks’ or ‘Two Months’ on it. Set a reminder on your phone and revisit when that time frame is up.”
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To my surprise, that suggestion actually felt doable. I brought in some bags and boxes and started clearing out the space, one corner and surface at a time. I’ll never love the process like my friend does, but I can find strategies that don’t make me want to throw everything on the front lawn and light a match. “The most important thing is to commit,” says Terry. “Soon, you’ll feel like you’ve cleared your mental cache.” Off to the donation centre I go, a little lighter and even a little smug.
“Dance with the waves, move with the sea. Let the rhythm of the water set your soul free.” – Christy Ann Martine
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I WAS A STRESSED, DISORGANIZED MOM. THEN, AT 43, I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH ADHD
Other moms would be kissing their kids goodbye at the school gates as I raced in to the kiss-and-ride, scraping the side off my van. I couldn't figure out why, until I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. By DANA DOUGHERTY REINKE
When I quit my job nine years ago, I had every intention of becoming a modern-day June Cleaver. I would bake cookies, plan Pinterest-worthy birthday parties and nurture my three children into welladjusted adults, all alongside a flourishing career as a freelance writer. But life as a stay-at-home-mom turned out to be much harder for me than the other moms, who would be kissing their kids goodbye at the school gates as I raced in to the kiss-and-ride, scraping the side off my van. I couldn’t figure out why, until I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) at the age of 43.
What is Adult ADHD?
Being a housewife requires an immense amount of organization, time management and multitasking. I didn’t realize how bad I was at all these things until I no longer had a childcare provider to help me with the daytime stuff. I tried to juggle everyone’s schedule. I missed doctor’s appointments and play dates and I became so accustomed to being late for birthday parties that I started keeping scissors, tape and a stash of gender-neutral lime green tissue paper in the van for last-minute gifts. As the years went on and my intellect seemed to evaporate, my self-confidence went right along with it.
The trouble is that inattentiveness is harder to spot than hyperactivity: four times as many boys are diagnosed in childhood, probably because they’re more disruptive in class than girls with the condition. Impulsive girls are seen as chatty or overly dramatic, while inattentive ones are labelled dreamers. I used to hide Nancy Drew books in my desk so I could read instead of listening to the teacher, but I was never disruptive. Mostly, I just tried to blend into the wall. But that took a toll on me, as well as others: a woman whose name I agreed to keep confidential told me that ADHD coupled with depression made her grade school years miserable. “I had trouble getting up in the morning and more trouble getting to school,” she said. “Even as an eight-year old, I grumped my way into the classroom. I sought solace in my hobbies and played sports, sometimes almost viciously.”
I had a hard time reconciling this new version of myself with the honour roll student who’d gone on to become a successful journalist. Then my 15-year-old daughter, Charlotte, was diagnosed with ADHD, a condition that’s almost as inheritable as height. As the psychologist outlined the symptoms, it felt like she was making a list of my most shameful defects. I started researching the condition and became convinced that I had ADHD and that Charlotte inherited it from me. When my doctor confirmed both things, I was so relieved. The idea that ADHD, not some huge personal flaw, was to blame for my challenges was liberating. ADHD is underdiagnosed in women, so if you constantly feel overwhelmed by paperwork or can’t stop yourself from blurting out ideas during business meetings, you might have it too. Read on to learn more.
The Canadian Association of Mental Health defines ADHD as patterns of behaviour that make a person inattentive or hyperactive and impulsive. A person may have difficulty sitting still or doing one thing for a long time. They may have a combination of symptoms, be more inattentive or be more hyperactive and impulsive. The majority of females are ADHD-inattentive (formerly called ADD), including Charlotte and me.
How ADHD affects girls
The consequences of going undiagnosed, my story I breezed through high school, getting As and doing as little work as possible. By my second year of university, though, last-minute essays no longer cut it. Try as I might, I simply could not focus until I had a deadline breathing down my neck. I started to hate school. When I told my doctor, she diagnosed me with depression and prescribed antidepressants. They helped a little but not much. When I graduated, things got better. I loved my job as a magazine editor: while I was still a terrible procrastinator, the work was fun and regular deadlines offered the structure I needed. But when I added three kids to the mix, things got ugly. My depression returned with a vengeance and my stress levels soared. I felt like I’d never catch up—one day, I found myself sobbing in my editor’s office and soon after, decided to try freelancing, hoping that a reduced workload might help. That’s when laundry, school pickups and tiny humans banging on my office door further fractured my attention. Once again, my procrastinating ways broke me and in 2011, I quit working entirely. I’d come to hate my work so much that I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to write again.
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ADHD and women As we age, some symptoms of ADHD get better but it rarely goes away. Many women with ADHD say they feel restless all the time. They might have a hard time relaxing or tap their fingers and toes incessantly. Adults with impulsivity problems might spend irresponsibly and are more likely to get into car accidents. They also have higher rates of divorce and addiction. Career-wise, ADHD means you might get paid less than a co-worker for the same job and get passed over for promotions. Some people develop great coping skills and their ADHD symptoms don’t become bothersome until later in life, when a life change requires them to call on skills they just don’t have. Women’s symptoms can also be complicated by hormonal changes: for example, menopause can make our symptoms worse. As I found out, inattention can be especially tough for women because paying bills, planning meals and getting to the right arena on the right day often falls on our shoulders. “So many women who are overwhelmed with ADHD end up with clutter in their homes and behind on organization or supporting the kids,” says Kenny Handelman, a psychiatrist in Oakville, Ont. who specializes in ADHD. “The pressure is tremendous.” That pressure eventually caused me to spiral into depression, one that didn’t really let up until I was properly diagnosed.
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The silver lining Diagnosis made my life much easier, increasingly so as I learn strategies to manage my ADHD symptoms, including prescription medication. There are no words to describe the feeling of finally being able to focus when I need to. I’m finally able to enjoy writing again and I’m spreading the word, in hopes that I can save someone else that pain. Sometimes I feel angry that none of the mental health experts I saw over the years identified my ADHD, and I wonder what my life might have been like if I’d been diagnosed earlier. But regret can’t repair the damage my ADHD has caused over the years. Only I can do that—well, me and my therapist. It’s important to note that even though ADHD sucks, it’s also kind of awesome. I have trouble with focusing on things I consider unimportant, but when I do care, I hyper-focus and have indefatigable energy. Many women I’ve spoken with consider themselves highly creative and thank their ADHD for that. Just think, if I’d actually listened to my teachers instead of gazing out the window and twirling my hair for all those years, I probably wouldn’t have such a vivid imagination.
Food
Takeout Twists
Easy delicious takeouts with a ready-made meal plan. Photography by ERIK PUTZ
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TAKEOUT MEALS Thinking of ordering in tonight? Forget it! These easy-peasy take-out alternatives are time- and tummy-friendly.
Veggie noodle Pad Thai
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Butternut squash pizza
Baked sweet potato with roasted chickpeas
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Refried bean tostadas with queso fresco
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Grilled eggplant on coconut rice
Food
Veggie noodle Pad Butternut squash Thai pizza PREP TIME:15 MINS TOTAL TIME:25 MINS
PREP TIME:30 MINS TOTAL TIME:35 MINS
1/3 cup hoisin sauce 1/3 cup lime juice 1/3 cup natural peanut butter 1 tbsp sriracha , (optional) 210-g pkg smoked tofu 3 tsp canola oil , divided 4 garlic cloves , minced 1 tbsp minced ginger 2 340-g pkgs spiralized zucchini noodles 2 cups matchstick carrots 2 cups bean sprouts 1/2 cup chopped cilantro 1/4 cup roasted peanuts , chopped (optional) 1/2 cup Thai basil leaves , (optional)
750-g pkg frozen butternut squash , thawed 5 tsp canola oil , divided 4 garlic cloves 156-mL can tomato paste 1 cup vegetable broth 3/4 tsp sweet paprika , divided 1/8 tsp salt 1 small red onion , thinly sliced 170 g broccolini , cut into thin strips 2 store-bought thin pizza crusts 1/2 cup crumbled feta 1/2 tsp hot pepper flakes , (optional)
1. Whisk hoisin sauce with lime juice, peanut butter and sriracha (if desired) in a medium bowl. Set aside. Pat tofu dry with paper towels, then cut crosswise into 1/4-in.-thin slices. Heat a very large frying pan or grill pan over medium. Add 2 tsp oil, then tofu. Cook until golden, 2 to 3 min per side. Transfer to a plate. 2. Add remaining 1 tsp oil to a pan, then garlic and ginger. Stir for 30 sec. Add zucchini noodles and carrots. Cook, stirring, until vegetables are just tender, 2 to 3 min. Stir in reserved sauce to coat vegetables. Divide among plates. Top with tofu, bean sprouts, cilantro and peanuts, if using. Squeeze more lime juice overtop, if desired, and finish with Thai basil leaves.
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1. Reserve 2 cups butternut squash in a medium bowl and set aside. 2. Heat a large non-stick frying pan over medium-high. Add 2 tsp oil, remaining butternut squash, garlic, tomato paste, broth and 1/2 tsp paprika. Cook, stirring often, until thickened, 10 to 12 min. Transfer mixture to a blender and blend until smooth. This will make about 2 cups of sauce. 3. Add 2 tsp oil to same pan, then onion and broccolini. Cook until Broccolini is tender-crisp, 3 to 4 min. Transfer to a bowl. Add remaining 1 tsp oil to pan, then reserved squash, salt and remaining 1/4 tsp paprika. Cook, stirring occasionally, until just warmed through, 1 to 2 min. 4. Position rack in centre of oven, then preheat to broil. Arrange pizza crusts on baking sheets and spread about 1 cup sauce over each crust, then top with onion, broccolini and squash pieces, dividing evenly. Sprinkle each with 1/4 cup feta and 1/4 tsp hot pepper flakes, if desired. Bake until warmed through, 4 to 5 min.
Baked sweet potato with roasted chickpeas PREP TIME:10 MINS TOTAL TIME:30 MINS 540-mL can chickpeas , drained and rinsed 2 tbsp olive oil1 tsp sweet paprika 1/2 tsp salt , divided 4 medium sweet potatoes , (about 250 g each) 1 cup sour cream 6 tbsp chopped chives 1/4 cup store-bought crispy onions 1. Position rack in centre of oven, then preheat to 400F. Pat chickpeas dry with paper towels. Toss chickpeas with oil, paprika and 1/4 tsp salt on a rimmed baking sheet. Spread out in an even layer. Roast, gently shaking and rotating sheet halfway through, until golden, about 20 min. 2. Meanwhile, wash and scrub sweet potatoes well. Prick each unpeeled sweet potato several times with a fork. Microwave on high heat until tender, turning halfway through, 8 to 10 min. Transfer sweet potatoes to a platter. Let sit until they are cool enough to handle. 3. Stir sour cream with chives and remaining 1/4 tsp salt in a small bowl. To serve, cut an X along the top of each potato. Push from both ends until the flesh pops out slightly. Fluff the flesh with a fork. Scoop 1/4 cup sour cream mixture onto each potato. Top with roasted chickpeas and sprinkle with crispy onions. If desired, garnish with additional paprika and more chives and serve with a green salad.
Food
Refried bean tostadas with queso fresco PREP TIME:10 MINS TOTAL TIME:35 MINS 1 red bell pepper , halved and thinly sliced1 small red onion , thinly sliced 3 tbsp canola oil , divided 1/4 tsp salt 1 tbsp Tex-Mex seasoning , (such as Club House) 540-mL can black beans , including liquid8 small flour tortillas 2 cups shredded iceberg lettuce 1/4 cup finely chopped cilantro 1/2 cup crumbled queso fresco , or feta 1 lime , cut into wedges (optional) 1. Position rack in centre of oven, then preheat to 450F. Toss peppers and onion with 1 tbsp oil and salt on a large baking sheet. Roast, stirring halfway through, until golden, 12 to 13 min. 2. Heat a large non-stick frying pan over medium. Add 1 tbsp oil, tomato paste and seasoning. Stir for 30 sec. Add beans and their liquid. Cook, stirring, until warmed through, about 8 min. Coarsely mash the beans in the pan using a non-metal potato masher. Transfer to a bowl. 3. Brush both sides of each tortilla using remaining 1 tbsp oil. Rinse and wipe pan clean, then return to stovetop over medium. Fry tortillas until golden and toasted, 1 to 2 min per side. 4. Top tostadas with refried beans and pepper mixture. Mix lettuce with cilantro and sprinkle over tostadas along with queso fresco. Squeeze lime wedge overtop.
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Grilled eggplant on coconut rice PREP TIME:10 MINS TOTAL TIME:35 MINS 5 tbsp low-sodium soy sauce 3 tbsp canola oil 1 tsp mild curry powder 1 tsp onion powder 1/2 tsp garlic powder 1/4 tsp ground allspice 4 baby eggplants , (about 650 g each) 2 tbsp honey 1 tbsp fresh thyme 2 tsp lime juice , remaining lime cut into wedges 1/2 cup chopped cilantro , (optional) Coconut rice 400-mL can coconut milk 1 1/2 cups basmati rice 1. In a medium sauce pan, combine coconut milk and 1 3/4 cups water and bring to a boil. Stir in rice, then reduce to low and simmer, covered, until liquid is absorbed, 12 to 15 min. 2. Stir soy sauce with oil, curry powder, onion powder, garlic powder and allspice in a large shallow dish. Slice eggplants lengthwise into 1/4-in. slices and dip each slice into the marinade. Set aside. 3. Heat barbecue to medium. Arrange eggplant slices on an oiled grill. Barbecue until eggplant slices are tender and grill marks form, 1 to 2 min per side. 4. Meanwhile, pour remaining marinade into a small saucepan set over medium-high. Stir in honey, thyme and lime juice. Boil, stirring, for 1 min. 5. Stir cilantro into coconut rice. Serve eggplant slices over scoop of rice. Top with sauce, cilantro and lime, if desired.
Last Look
Thank You
To frontline workers What do you say to thank a frontline worker, to lift their spirits or let them know that you value their support? Uplifting messages can go a long way to letting someone know that you care, but there are even more powerful long-lasting benefits to sending a message to a frontline worker.
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