Oprah - May 2016 by Lawrence Ambrocio

SLEEP WITH OPRAH! AND DISCOVER THE SECRETS OF BETTER REST PG. 101

The cleanest way to say buh-bye PG. 51

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Reese Witherspoon dishes up 8 pages of Southern hospitality

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Contents

Live Your Best Life

May We Help You?

Love That!

43 ELIZABETH GILBERT

73 CRAZY FOR IT

There’s light in each of us— and great things happen when we let it shine.

Sarah Jessica Parker’s new partyworthy pumps.

154 SOUTHERN ACCENTS Actress and entrepreneur

29 Actress Gugu MbathaRaw on her hectic-day mantra and letting her hair do its thing...a dog rescue program that’s a soaring success...the funniest mother-daughter duo on Instagram...first-love confessions from Roxane Gay, Jodi Picoult, and Stephen King...and more.

Reese Witherspoon treats editor at large Gayle King and a few besties to a down-home brunch. By Amy Maclin

40 THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GAYLE

162 THE BRIGHT STUFF In our search for spring’s top beauty products, we found the best insider tips to really make you shine.

Editor at large Gayle King belts out a tune with Meghan Trainor and hears the honest truth about motherhood from Alicia Keys.

FEATURES 138 NOW YOU’RE CLICKING... The best thing about our increasingly digital world? It’s a snap to connect with people and ideas that make every day so much brighter. This month we’re celebrating social media—the place we go to share what we love, rally support for causes we believe in, ask for help in times of need, and find a friend (or maybe a few hundred). Just follow us! 152 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? Dive into summer with adventure seeker Alison Teal.

ON THE COVER: Oprah photographed by Jake Rosenberg of The Coveteur. FASHION EDITOR: Jenny Capitain. HAIR: Nicole Mangrum. MAKEUP: Derrick Rutledge. On Oprah: Top, Majestic Filatures. Skirt, Halston Heritage. Earrings and bracelet, Silvia Furmanovich. Ring, Julia Shlovsky. Wedges, Jimmy Choo. For details see Shop Guide.

M AY 2 0 1 6

47 DEAR LISA Digital

74 GREAT BUYS UNDER $100 The perfect white-

dumping and peacocking parents: Writer at large Lisa Kogan untangles it all.

hot summer fashions, plus turquoise, embroidery, and tassels galore.

51 MARTHA BECK When

78 ADAM’S STYLE SHEET Bold prints and

to let a friendship fade.

54 FARNOOSH TORABI The first things you need to know for financial success.

58 IYANLA VANZANT A single mother has felt distant—and guilty—since her sons went to live with their dad. Can Iyanla help?

@OPRAHMAGAZINE

sporty details star in Reed Krakoff’s debut collection for Kohl’s.

80 ADAM’S HOME STYLE SHEET Playful accessories with fine lines.

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP RIGHT: JEFF WESTBROOK. GREGOR HALENDA. JAKE ROSENBERG OF THE COVETEUR. RICHARD MAJCHRZAK. CHRIS CRISMAN. LINDA XIAO. KEVIN SWEENEY.

138

154

65 O, Beautiful!

Feeling Good

Reading Room

Let’s Eat!

85 Fresh-picked

101 WAKE-UP CALL

129 L.S. Hilton’s

167 THE POWER OF 3

botanical perfumes, plus a few terms any fragrance lover should know.

Oprah finds out how to sleep easy.

Our guide to turning three key ingredients into delectable dishes.

88 ASK VAL Beauty

Four women head out on a health journey.

dangerous, decidedly feminist new heroine... Prep author Curtis Sittenfeld’s irresistible recasting of Lizzy Bennet and Mr. Darcy...James McBride’s stirring account of his search for the real James Brown...ten titles to pick up now, including a literary memoir about finding home...and more.

director Valerie Monroe on her own brush with skin cancer.

91 SPRING 2016 BEAUTY O-WARDS The season’s most luscious beauty products, from a genius gloss-stain hybrid to a brilliant liquid blush.

106 LET’S GET STARTED!

109 GAME-CHANGING CANCER BREAKTHROUGHS New ways to fight back.

114 SUFFERING FROM AN ENERGY CRISIS? Four quick and easy pep-ups.

IN EVERY ISSUE 16 18 22 24 27 65 173 174

170 MIXING BOWL A cornucopia of finds, favorites, and quick fixes, from pretty petals for your desserts to a juicy idea.

172 THE HEAT IS OFF

CONTRIBUTORS BEHIND THE SCENES THE QUESTION LET’S TALK! OPRAH: HERE WE GO! THE O LIST SHOP GUIDE OPRAH: WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE

YouTube star Laura Vitale’s coolest no-fuss dinners.

117 FIGHT FISH FATIGUE! There are plenty in the sea— so put them on your plate.

LET’S BE FRIENDS

118 THE SEARCH IS OVER Dr. Oz answers your

Follow these markers throughout the issue to find even more fun online.

most Googled questions.

124 THE LOVE CURE An open heart can help heal even the deepest hurt.

@O_Magazine

OPRAH.COM

facebook.com/ oprahmagazine

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youtube.com/ oprahmagazine

com

More on oprah.com

O’s Circle of Friends insider information

UNIQUE AS WE ARE

For a mother like no other. Celebrate her love with one-of-a-kind gifts. She deserves to shine in her own way this Mother’s Day. Discover our Mother Heart charm in .925 sterling silver at PANDORA.net

S H O P AT L A N D S E N D.C O M

P ROT EC T YO U R S K I N . THE S KI N C A N C ER FOUN DAT I ON RECOM M EN DS T HI S FA BR I C AS AN EF F EC T I V E UV P R OT EC TA N T.

= Like

FOUNDER AND EDITORIAL DIRECTOR = Really like

Oprah Winfrey EDITOR IN CHIEF

Lucy Kaylin

= So excited, I’m doing the hula!

EDITOR AT LARGE

@Oprah

Gayle King DEPUTY EDITOR

CREATIVE DIRECTOR

DESIGN DIRECTOR

EXECUTIVE EDITOR

Deborah Way

Adam Glassman

Jill Armus

Amy Maclin

MANAGING EDITOR & DIRECTOR, EDITORIAL PARTNERSHIPS

Adam Bell

DIRECTOR OF DIGITAL EDITIONS AND LIFESTYLE

BOOKS EDITOR

BEAUTY DIRECTOR

WRITER AT LARGE

PHOTO DIRECTOR

Michelle Shih

Leigh Haber

Valerie Monroe

Lisa Kogan

Christina Weber

which means we’re getting dressed up for a night on the town. @leighhaber

ART ART DIRECTOR Jessica Weit DEPUTY ART DIRECTOR Gillian MacLeod ASSOCIATE ART DIRECTOR Lauren Stine SENIOR DESIGNER Tova Diamond DIGITAL EDITIONS DESIGNER Liz Chan DIGITAL IMAGE SPECIALIST Carlos Paredes

ARTICLES ARTICLES EDITOR Katie Arnold-Ratliff HEALTH EDITOR Jihan Thompson SENIOR ASSOCIATE EDITORS Elyse Moody, Molly Simms ASSOCIATE EDITOR Zoe Donaldson ASSISTANT EDITORS Dotun Akintoye, June Jennings FASHION FASHION MARKET⁄ACCESSORIES DIRECTOR

PHOTO PHOTO EDITOR Scott M. Lacey ASSOCIATE PHOTO EDITOR Viviana Quevedo PHOTO RESEARCHER Deirdre Read

Robin Beck Nazzaro ACCESSORIES EDITOR Paula Lee FASHION MARKET EDITOR Kristina Lepore BOOKINGS EDITOR Alicia Bridgewater Lanigan FASHION ASSISTANT Zoë Roscoe ASSISTANT TO THE CREATIVE DIRECTOR Bridget Rooney Love this guy when I’m pondering a tough question. Like, is Beyoncé pregnant? @jihanthompson

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT MANAGING EDITOR Megan F. Chiriani COPY COPY CHIEF Adrienne Didik SENIOR COPY EDITOR Lisa DeLisle COPY EDITOR Christina Doka

STYLE CONTRIBUTING STYLE EDITOR Rae Ann Herman STYLE ASSISTANT Manouska Jeantus BEAUTY EXECUTIVE BEAUTY EDITOR Megan Deem BEAUTY ASSISTANT Melissa Goldberg

RESEARCH CHIEF OF RESEARCH Naomi Barr SENIOR RESEARCH EDITOR Bradley Rife RESEARCH EDITOR Tracey Thomas Hosmer

A D M I N I S T R AT I O N EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR IN CHIEF When I started telling people I was having another boy, any word with an o got a

INTERNS ART Keiry Benitez, Brendina Ramdat EDITORIAL Amber Alexander, Isabelle S. Bank,

Karla L. Gonzalez SPECIAL PROJECTS MANAGER Kristi Stewart ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR AT LARGE Joseph Zambrano

@krististewart25

I use

Since I’m always thanking people over text messages— and it’s quicker and cheaper than real flowers! @anitasotonyc

Alexandra Booth, Nico Machlitt, Melissa L. Matthews FASHION Stephanie Bieniek, Courtney Cusano, Jordan Davis, Jessica Dejesus, Raven Eason, Jessica Oliveira, Kory Robbin PHOTO Kristen L. Stephenson, Erika Thompson STYLE Raena Loper, Kathleen-Mae Ramas

CONTRIBUTING EDITORS AND WRITERS instead, and it stuck!

When I’m saying sorry for something I really shouldn’t be apologizing for, I turn to

Martha Beck, Nate Berkus, Donna Brazile, Brené Brown, PhD, Meredith Bryan, Michelle Burford, Kym Canter, Jenny Capitain, Susan Casey, Bob Greene, Sanjay Gupta, MD, Andrew Holden, Phillip C. McGraw, PhD, Suze Orman, Mehmet Oz, MD, Maria Shriver, Iyanla Vanzant, Peter Walsh

CONTRIBUTING FRIEND

Anita Soto

I N S TAG R A M M E R O F T H E M O N T H

@howaboutcookie

My perennial mom face, as in: Just bought groceries, too tired to cook

a lot when I text with my cousins in China. OPRAH.COM I message them in English or Just found Sharpie EDITOR IN CHIEF Mamie Healey EXECUTIVE EDITOR Naomi Kim SENIOR WEB EDITOR Ruth Baron and they respond in marks on the wall Chinese, so there’s a lot WEB EDITOR Katherine Fung FOOD EDITOR Lynn Andriani HEALTH EDITOR Emma Haak lost in translation. BOOKS EDITOR Leigh Newman CONTRIBUTING COPY EDITOR Myles Evans CONTRIBUTING WEB PRODUCERS Pamela Masin, But the emoji keeps Joann Pan, Ashley Sepanski CONTRIBUTING WEB ASSISTANT Samantha Allen WEB INTERN Hannah Freedman things friendly.

EDITORIAL DIRECTOR

Ellen Levine M AY 2 0 1 6

@OPRAHMAGAZINE

EMOJIS: COURTESY OF APPLE. FUNG: COURTESY OF WECHAT.

When I confirm dates with friends, I send them

Allergy Tested.100% Fragrance Free.

( T H E N E W D I G I TA L P L AT F O R M )

EVERYBODY HAS A SOUL STORY.

SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT⁄PUBLISHER & CHIEF REVENUE OFFICER

Jayne Jamison ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER⁄SALES

ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER⁄MARKETING

Julia Fry

Michael D. Small

GENERAL MANAGER

Larry Greenblatt

Can you tell I’m British?

ADVERTISING DIRECTOR

Beth McClain EXECUTIVE BEAUTY DIRECTOR Patricia Foster

When my husband texts me while I’m busy at work, I simply send him

FOOD AND BEVERAGE DIRECTOR

CREATIVE SERVICES DIRECTOR

Mindy Miller

Sarah Massimo

STYLE DIRECTORS Courtney Kumpf,

EXECUTIVE MARKETING DIRECTOR Ashley O’Brien

Christine Potter Mulhearne

ASSOCIATE INTEGRATED MARKETING DIRECTOR

Brittany Davis

EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, HEALTH Ron Balasco

which he knows is code for: Trying to bring home the bacon. Talk later.

SALES ASSOCIATE Laura Quagliariello

ASSOCIATE INTEGRATED MARKETING MANAGERS

Linet Beras, Hannah Hogensen

MIDWEST SALES DIRECTOR Robin Billie WESTERN ADVERTISING DIRECTOR Kathleen Olson

@mam20

When I want to invite anyone over for my favorite Friday night activity, I send:

RESEARCH STRATEGIST

NORTHWEST ADVERTISING DIRECTOR Janet Yano

Who doesn’t love a good pizzaand-wine night?

Sara Bravmann

@kbrittad42

MARKETING COORDINATOR Jennifer Lavoie

DETROIT REPRESENTATIVE

CONSUMER MARKETING DIRECTOR

Mary Pat Kaleth, Media Project Solutions

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GROUP PRODUCTION DIRECTOR Chuck Lodato

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GROUP PRODUCTION MANAGER Connie Black

Ronda Thiem, Madden Media ITALIAN REPRESENTATIVE Robert Schoenmaker VICE PRESIDENT, HEARST DIRECT MEDIA Christine Hall

ASSOCIATE PRODUCTION MANAGER Karen Nazario

This one is in daily rotation because it’s like, hello, it’s me. @hogie6

BUSINESS COORDINATOR Katheryn Remulla ADVERTISING ASSISTANTS Michelle Ann Clark, Melissa Loughlin, Rishika Mahtani, Katie H. Phan, Kelsey Reynolds RESEARCH MANAGER Tina Giberti

SENIOR ACCOUNT MANAGER, HEARST DIRECT MEDIA

Michael Rohr CENTRALIZED BILLING SERVICES COORDINATOR

Dominique Restucci EDITORIAL OFFICES

P U B L I S H E D BY H E A R S T C O M M U N I CAT I O N S , I N C . PRESIDENT & CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER Instead of the played-out high five or clapping emoji, a congratulations from me looks like this: You go, girl! #nailedit

@alittlebitofsassandstyle

300 West 57th Street, 36th Floor, New York, NY 10019

Steven R. Swartz

ADVERTISING OFFICES

NEW YORK:

CHAIRMAN

300 West 57th Street, 36th Floor, New York, NY 10019 (212-903-5366; fax: 212-903-5388)

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When I’m too drained to go out, but my gals insist I do, I send them

CHICAGO:

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One South Wacker Drive, Chicago, IL 60606 (312-251-5358; fax: 312-251-5311)

DETROIT:

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to let them know I will power through my fatigue and join them.

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Wisdom Media LLC, 3131 Turtle Creek Boulevard, Suite 450, Dallas, TX 75219 (214-526-3800; fax: 214-526-1475) TRAVEL AND TOURISM: Madden Media, 345 East Toole Avenue, Tucson, AZ 85701 (phone and fax: 520-322-0895) ITALY: Hearst Advertising Worldwide, Via R. Bracco, 6, 20159 Milano, Italy (+39-02-62694441; rschoenmaker@hearst.it)

such as renewals, address changes, email preferences, billing, and account status, go to service.theoprahmag.com, or write to O, The Oprah Magazine, P.O. Box 6000, Harlan, IA 51593. See Shop Guide. PRINTED IN THE U.S.A.

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Contributors

Anna Holmes, Writer “RULES OF ENGAGEMENT,” PAGE 148

The funniest social media misstep I’ve made was... tweeting about a celebrity sitting near me on a plane. She looked up to try to find the person who was talking about her in public. I always hit the Like button on...friends who speak their truth, demonstrate strength, and allow themselves to be vulnerable and real.

Post and Tell Five of this issue’s talents update us on the ins and outs of their social accounts.

Ellen Weinstein,

Illustrator “NOW YOU’RE CLICKING...,” PAGE 138

The last person I reconnected with on Facebook was...a friend from high school whom I hadn’t stayed in touch with. I reached out after the success of her latest book. I always hit the Like button on...cute dog posts. I’m a sucker for small dogs—especially dachshunds.

Sunny Sea Gold,

Writer Laura Vitale, YouTube cooking star

The funniest social media misstep I’ve made was... posting a picture of poop that our late kitty cat, Tillie, left on our bed after we moved the whole family from New York City to Portland, Oregon. She was pretty mad—and then my Facebook friends were, too, for having to look at a photo of cat poop. I get on Facebook to...give my brain a break.

“THE HEAT IS OFF,” PAGE 172

Most awkward social media moment...when my husband posted a caption professing his love to me—while logged in to my account. Everyone was confused! The last person I reconnected with on Facebook was...my mom, who lives in Italy. It took her a bit longer than most to join, but we’re finally there! One Instagram account I recommend following is...@thefeedfeed. It’s a foodie’s dream!

Melissa Goldberg, O beauty assistant “SPRING 2016 BEAUTY O-WARDS,” PAGE 91

I get on Facebook to...stay current with birthdays. If you’re not my immediate family, I probably don’t know your birthday—but now I have these daily reminders. I always hit the Like button on...pictures of Amy Schumer, Chrissy Teigen, Jon Hamm, and Joseph GordonLevitt. And the British royal family. And baby pandas. M AY 2 0 1 6

@OPRAHMAGAZINE

HOLMES: ANNA WOLF. WEINSTEIN: COURTESY OF MARC YANKUS. VITALE: COURTESY OF JOE VITALE. GOLD: COURTESY OF PETER YANG. GOLDBERG: KRISTEN L. STEPHENSON.

“SUFFERING FROM AN ENERGY CRISIS?,” PAGE 114

Behind the Scenes

Shall We Dance? At the May cover shoot, Oprah showed us her moves. around New York City’s Highline Stages wearing a Majestic Filatures top and a floaty Halston Heritage chiffon skirt—both in cream, part of her new neutral wardrobe. “When I did The Vagina Monologues, a big question in it was, what would your vagina wear?” she said. “My answer is a long chiffon skirt. I love a full skirt!” She picked up the gauzy fabric and let it billow behind her, then swept it forward to dramatic effect. “You know, you could wear that with flats for entertaining,” mused creative director Adam Glassman, watching with approval. Oprah, in a festive mood, showed a little leg through the skirt’s side slit, convenient for freedom of movement—because sometimes a girl’s gotta twirl.

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SANDAL, Jessica Simpson Collection, $69; jessicasimpson.com

BELT, BCBG Max Azria, $68; lordandtaylor.com M AY 2 0 1 6

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“SHALL WE DANCE?”: DONNA ALBERICO. “TO THE MAXI: 2 WAYS!”: DEVON JARVIS/STUDIO D. STYLIST: CLAIRE TEDALDI/HALLEY RESOURCES. BODYSUIT: COURTESY OF NET-A-PORTER. BELT: COURTESY OF LORD & TAYLOR. SKIRT, SHIRT, AND EARRINGS: COURTESY OF COMPANIES.

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The Question I am no longer the girl with the chemically straightened hair on the left. I am the tougher, more confident, carefree woman with the naturally curly hair on the right. LATORSHA PEAKE

HAYLEY CALCAGNO Rochester, New York

Conway, South Carolina

Q THIS MONTH WE WONDERED...

What’s the story behind your latest Instagram post?

Our Next Question What book do you always recommend to your friends? Tell us at oprah.com/ question or email us at thequestion@ hearst.com, and your response could be featured in our July issue. FOLLOW US

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My daughter, Nicolee, and her brother are joining their oldest sibling in college this fall, leaving me and my youngest son at home. While I’ll miss them all, I’ll miss her the most because she’s always running around with me—whether it’s to the grocery store or on a road trip. She’s my trusty sidekick. TRUDI TOLANI Coconut Creek, Florida

@O_Magazine

pinterest.com/oprah

At age 60, I joined a band. Right before this picture was taken, I had left a hospital bed, gone home for a shower, and then been driven to the train station—I didn’t want to miss my gig in Brooklyn! CINDY DAVID York, Pennsylvania

M AY 2 0 1 6

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SUBMISSIONS CHOSEN FOR PUBLICATION MAY BE EDITED FOR LENGTH AND CLARITY. COURTESY OF READERS (6)

I posted homemade chocolate whoopie pies. I’m a mental health counselor who talks to clients all day, and baking rejuvenates me and keeps me going.

Let’s Talk!

The Right Stuff Fruitful questions, perfect companions, and a home filled with only the things that matter.

When I read the My Best Life interview with Queen Latifah in the March issue, I thought, I should really ask my husband these questions. So one morning before work, while we were having our coffee and granola, I asked him, “What’s your best childhood memory?” And out came a story about him and his friends being caught in a windstorm, a memory of listening to a song by the Replacements for the first time, and another of his mother singing him to sleep. Best leap of faith? “When I asked you out!” Sometimes I think we forget how to ask each other questions—especially the ones that bring us closer. That conversation was one of our best, with many thanks to you.

AMY ALDERMAN Chicago EDITOR’S NOTE: We love Amy’s idea!

Read our interview with Queen Latifah at oprah.com/queenlatifah and start a dialogue with someone you love.

broccoli. He was personable and downright comical and brought everyone so much joy. Ralph was a rat. Kudos to writer Leah Williams (“Squeaking By”) for giving these much-maligned animals their due.

JENNIFER O’CONNOR Largo, Florida

The March 2016 issue of O is very uplifting. The cover is fantastic, and Oprah looks amazing—the best ever. What she says in Here We Go!—“I’m all for letting go of stuff that doesn’t resonate with your life”—is so true for me: For the past five years I’ve been eliminating “stuff” from my home and my life. My head is clearer, and life is great. PHYLLIS COTHRAN Powdersville, South Carolina

Heart-Shaped World

Thank you for your feature on Cory Booker, my favorite vegan senator and dog rescuer. He is an inspiration and, hopefully, our next black president! ALISA MULLINS Norfolk, Virginia

BY A WHISKER

There are many ways to love, and over the years we’ve explored the emotion in all its complexity. O’s Little Book of Love & Friendship (Flatiron) is an inspiring new anthology curated from our pages with stories soulful and sweet, candid and comforting. It’s the third title in our Little Books/ Guides series—the perfect companion to O’s Little Book of Happiness and O’s Little Guide to Finding Your True Purpose.

CONNECT WITH US! To receive updates from the editors, sign up for our email newsletters at oprah.com/newsletters. To share your feedback on this issue, email us your full name, city, and state at youropinions@hearst.com. You can also visit facebook.com/oprahmagazine or tweet us @O_Magazine. (For subscription questions, go to service.theoprahmag.com.) Letters chosen for publication may be edited for length and clarity. All submissions and manuscripts become the property of Hearst Communications, Inc.

Years ago, my friend rescued a wonderful companion animal named Ralph. He loved to play, and his favorite food was raw

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Live Your Best Life

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INSPIRATION

MOTIVATION

“The question is why one should be so inwardly preoccupied at all. Why not reach out to others in love and solidarity or peer into the natural world for some glimmer of understanding?” —BARBARA EHRENREICH

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CELEBRATION

Live Your Best Life

Michael Zee has fixed himself and his beau identical dishes

AW W W TO AW E S O M M RO

E a collection of stories from astronauts

The Gratitude Meter Rhemy!

will populate your iPhone calendar with events

CREATURE COMFORTS

Go, Fetch!

INCA After Inca, a Belgian Malanois, retired from service in Afghanistan, she came back to the U.S. to be adopted by her longtime handler, Joe Bane. But Inca had been dropped off in Florida, and Joe, who was living in Tennessee, couldn’t collect her. Two free flights later, Inca bounded off a plane to join her old buddy.

Where do you turn when your heart is set on adopting a shelter dog who’s stuck in a different state? To Pilots N Paws, a nonprofit that, with the help of more than 5,000 volunteer pilots, facilitates free passage to almost 15,000 animals each year. Three tailwagging journeys:

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JERSEY In 2011, Jersey, a Labrador mix, was rescued from a kill shelter; flown to Pleasant Plain, Ohio; and adopted. Her new owner: a nurse at a convent in Fort Thomas, Kentucky, where Jersey became a big hit with the sisters. Today, both her owner and Jersey are retired— but she still makes time to visit her devout fans.

MADDY When Maddy was found in Alabama, the abused bloodhound had kidney failure and had been shot in the hip. But after seeing her on a rescue site (she’d since been taken to Florida), Angela Fletcher, who works in a Tennessee sheriff’s office, knew she’d found the one. Now they’ve joined forces to locate missing people. —Z.D.

THE GRATITUDE METER (CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT): BREAKFAST: COURTESY OF @SYMMETRYBREAKFAST; MICHAEL DUNNING/ PHOTOGRAPHER’S CHOICE/GETTY IMAGES; MELISSA MOSELEY/NETFLIX; THESKIMM INC. IPHONE: GETTY IMAGES; AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE: BARBARA DREW/PEORIA PUBLIC SCHOOLS. CREATURE COMFORTS: PILOTS N PAWS: DAVID NEWMAN.

spend recess studying American Sign Language

season 2 of Grace and Frankie,

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COVER TO COVER

I Think I Loved You Whoever the object of your prepubescent passion, you’ll recognize the pangs of longing in the new essay collection Crush, in which 37 writers gush about their unattainable first loves. A sample of budding romances:

Núñez (far left) and Cavness in 2014. Below: The signature tote from Sword & Plough. @swordnplough

forthcoming novel Small Great Things CRUSHEE: Donny Osmond THIS MAGIC MOMENT: Catching a glimpse of his megawatt smile at the age of 6 HEART TO HEART: “I’ve sometimes wondered what would have happened if I’d magically teleported from my backyard...to the studio where Donny & Marie was filmed, what Mr. Osmond would have done when confronted by a grubby... child clutching a pillowcase emblazoned with a bad likeness of his face.... I like to believe he would have given me a cookie to feed my hunger, and perhaps a kiss on the cheek to feed my dreams.” CRUSHER: Stephen King, author of

the forthcoming novel End of Watch CRUSHEE: Kim Novak THIS MAGIC MOMENT: Watching 1955’s Picnic at the movies when he was 8 years old HEART TO HEART: “It was the first time I really noticed a woman’s breasts, I think.... I fell deeply in love, although she was adult and terrifying. I could imagine a kiss from her as being a prelude to ingesting me whole, but that would have been okay. Just fine, in fact.” CRUSHER: Roxane Gay, author of

the forthcoming memoir Hunger CRUSHEE: Almanzo Wilder THESE MAGIC MOMENTS: Reading the Little House books, in which Almanzo wins the affection of pioneer schoolteacher Laura Ingalls HEART TO HEART: “There was the time he won a buggy race even though he had his horses pulling a heavy wagon. There was that time he and Cap Garland braved brutal winter weather to bring wheat to town so the townsfolk wouldn’t starve. That Almanzo was such a mighty good man.” —ELYSE MOODY

TRAILBLAZERS

A FEW GOOD BAGS Two sisters turn the military’s trash into civilian treasure. EMILY NÚÑEZ CAVNESS’S DAY starts before 0600, when the 26-yearold first lieutenant rises to train, go on ruck marches, brief soldiers, and count inventory. By nightfall, she’s still hard at work—minus the combat boots. That’s because Cavness also serves as the CEO of Sword & Plough, a line of accessories made from excess military material that she cofounded with her older sister, Betsy Núñez. The idea for Sword & Plough first struck Cavness in 2012, when the then–college senior and ROTC cadet attended a lecture on social entrepreneurship. “The keynote speaker talked about recycling, and it reminded me of the piles of surplus materials I’d often seen on the military bases where my family lived,” says Cavness, whose father is a retired U.S. Army colonel. “It was often just burned or thrown away.” Soon after, Cavness started drafting an idea to turn those unused uniforms and parachute nylon into handbags and rucksacks. In 2013, after Cavness recruited Núñez, 28, to become Sword & Plough’s COO and the pair raised roughly $312,000 on Kickstarter, their designs—purses made of wool aircraft insulation, backpacks with brass hardware—took off. The company has received more than 35,000 pounds of textiles through auctions and donations. But repurposing a stockpile of scraps isn’t their only concern. “We work with as many veterans as possible,” says Cavness, “from our designers to our leather craftsman.” And they’ve always had a veteran on board to represent the brand: Says Núñez, “Our dad doesn’t travel anywhere without our dopp kit.” —LESLIE GOLDMAN M AY 2 0 1 6

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“Sometimes somebody will ask about my bag, and then that leads to a conversation about their cousin in the navy or their dad who served in Vietnam. A lot of people have personal stories they want to share about the veterans in their life.” —BETSY NÚÑEZ

COVER TO COVER: OSMOND: RON GALELLA/WIREIMAGE/GETTY IMAGES. NOVAK: SILVER SCREEN COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES. WILDER: ILLUSTRATION © 1953 BY GARTH WILLIAMS, RENEWED 1981/COURTESY OF HARPERCOLLINS CHILDREN’S BOOKS. TRAILBLAZERS: HAIK KAVOOKJIAN, COURTESY OF SWORD & PLOUGH (2).

CRUSHER: Jodi Picoult, author of the

Live Your Best Life

WOMEN WHO MAKE BEAUTIFUL THINGS

Buggin’ Can a wall of insects inspire awe? Artist Jennifer Angus thinks so. WHERE SOME PEOPLE see creepycrawlies in need of squashing, Jennifer Angus sees beauty: Rather than rely solely on paints and dyes, the 55-year-old professor of textile design creates kaleidoscopic patterns from thousands of vibrant grasshoppers, iridescent beetles, and more.

Angus breaks down her insect inventory:

60 10 10 5 2

VARIETIES OF BEETLES

KINDS OF CICADAS

TYPES OF WEEVILS

BREEDS OF GRASSHOPPERS

SPECIES OF LEAF MIMICS

Source Material Angus’s bugs aren’t backyard breeds. Most come from countries like Peru, Malaysia, and Indonesia. “I always try to use insects that have been farmed or gathered by indigenous people,” says Angus. And she refuses to work with endangered species: “If an insect seems hard to find, I won’t use it.”

Walls of Fame Since 2002, Angus has created sitespecific installations at galleries and museums around the world—like her latest piece at the Smithsonian’s Renwick Gallery in Washington, D.C. (through May 8). “My collection is

20,000 The approximate size of Angus’s insect collection

very fragile,” says Angus. “I’ve been reusing some insects for more than 15 years, so I drive it everywhere myself. That means knowing exactly how many bugs I’ll use. I can’t get to a gallery and go, ‘I need another 500 cicadas!’”

Fear Factor Angus hopes to inspire a sense of wonder and appreciation in her viewers: “If people leave one of my shows thinking about insects in a new way—one that doesn’t involve a fly swatter or Raid—that’s a success,” she says. Although there’s still one bug that hasn’t quite won her over: “I can’t say I’m a huge fan of cockroaches.” —MELISSA GOLDBERG

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From top: Angus installing her Smithsonian show, In the Midnight Garden, bug by bug; a closer look at a 2013 exhibit, starring thorny sticks, black cicadas, katydids, leaf insects, and weevils.

SMITHSONIAN: RON BLUNT (2). BUGS: JENNIFER ANGUS. ANGUS: SCHOOL OF HUMAN ECOLOGY AT THE UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN-MADISON.

GETTING THE BUG

Call of the Wild As a kid, Angus had a penchant for patterns, but she didn’t develop an interest in insects until her late 20s, when she was researching textiles in Thailand and discovered a garment called a singing shawl. “The fringe was made with metallic-looking green beetle wings,” says Angus. “I’d never seen beautiful insects—maybe because I grew up in Canada, where all the bugs were brown or black. I realized I could take insects and turn them into patterns.”

Live Your Best Life

MOTHER’S DAY SPECIAL

Mother Knows Best

“MOTHER KNOWS BEST”: COURTESY OF KATE SIEGEL. “SHARING IS CARING!,” FROM LEFT: @MYKIDCANTEATTHIS; @PRIDEANDJOYPROJECT; @PINKSTRIPEYSOCKS.

Kate Siegel’s wildly popular Instagram account, @CrazyJewishMom, features meddling from mom Kim Friedman via daily (or hourly) texts. We asked them about Siegel’s debut book— Mother, Can You Not?—and why she hasn’t found a nice boy yet. —AS TOLD TO JOSEPH ZAMBRANO JOSEPH ZAMBRANO: Kate, why did you start the account? KATE SIEGEL: I was at a bachelorette party, and my mom sent me a text about my ovaries. I read it to my friends, and they just lost their marbles. I realized that while our messages seemed normal to me, they were actually ridiculous—and ridiculously funny. So I began posting them on Instagram. It became so popular that I quit my job as a digital video producer to run it full-time. JZ: Kim, what did you think? KIM FRIEDMAN: I thought it was great! But I would’ve preferred

if Kate had kept her job. Or made an app and became Mark Zuckerberg. Or married him. JZ: Well, now she has more than 800,000 followers. Kate, what do you make of the response? KS: I think we’ve developed such a large following because people relate. Many of the comments I read are “Crazy Jewish Mom should be ‘Crazy Italian Mom’ or ‘Crazy Catholic Mom!’” But my mom puts them all to shame. I receive daily reminders to do Kegel exercises. KF: I’m concerned about your reproductive health! And men are supposed to do them, too. I even had your dad try them.

SHARING IS CARING!

“#MyKidCantEatThis fresh carrot from the garden because it has legs.”

KS: Please! JZ: Kim, what do you want for Kate—besides a husband and babies? KF: Married or not, I want her to be able to support herself. KS: So, a career? I wrote a book while running the account, but she doesn’t think I have a job. She’s also worried that nobody will buy the book. KF: Well, you’re not famous. I’ll just stand next to the Naked Cowboy in Times Square and sell it! And there’s one other thing I want for her: to be H-A-P-P-Y. KS: Thanks for spelling that out. KF: [To Joseph] Are you single?

Above: Friedman and Siegel. Below: A missive from Friedman’s daily deluge.

MOM Wear a good bra tonight.

KATE MOM.

MOM u’ll thank me later

More mother love on Instagram.

PICKY BUSINESS @mykidcanteatthis Moms of fussy eaters crowdsource photos of the seemingly innocuous foods that their kids refuse to consume, along with their equal parts funny and infuriating reasons: onion rings because “they contain onion,” a grilled cheese because “the cheese is too soft.”

MODERN FAMILIES @prideandjoyproject The Pride & Joy Project, founded by San Francisco photographer Betsy Kershner, celebrates LGBTQ moms and their families with intimate snapshots of Halloween fun, vacations, and more—because this is what love looks like.

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SHOW OF HANDS @pinkstripeysocks DIY queen Leslie Manlapig takes kid crafting beyond the macaroni necklace with easy, wallet-friendly ways to transform everyday items into ingenious creations— stamps fashioned from wine bottle corks, dream catchers made of CDs. Get your glue gun ready!

Live Your Best Life

MY BEST LIFE

Gugu

Mbatha-Raw The actress, who stars in the forthcoming drama Free State of Jones, on hero worship, hat hair, and a good soak.

When I’m facing a hectic schedule, I tell myself, “Come on, Gugs.” Sometimes you have to be your own coach.

BEST Way to Spend a Spring Day Hiking. I grew up in Oxfordshire, England, where it always rained, so I learned to appreciate a sunny day when I got one. Luckily, in L.A. I get a lot! BEST Role Model Nelson Mandela. My father is South African and grew up under apartheid, so I’ve always been inspired by what Mandela stood for. There’s a bust of him outside the Royal Festival Hall in London, which I used to see all the time when I was in school. It has a quote of his on the base: “The struggle is my life.” Whenever I walked past it, I gave a little nod and said hi in spirit. BEST Escape A bathtub. I had an epiphany about seven years ago, when I was working on a TV show in—of all places—Bath, England. After 12 hours of filming in the cold, I needed to warm up and relax, so I tried out the tub in my room and found that I was instantly able to soak the day away. Now I like to create my own spa whenever I travel: I light scented candles, pour in bath salts, turn on plinky-plonky music, and unwind. BEST Hair Trick Wearing a beanie. My hair already gets played around with so much for different roles! When it’s just me, I let it be.

AUGUST

BEST Part About Filming in New Orleans The alligators. I’d never seen one in the flesh before heading down south to film Free State of Jones. It was so flabbergasting to watch these creatures glide along the river with their eyes popping out. —AS TOLD TO J.Z.

PHOTOGRAPH BY Austin Hargrave @austinhargrave M AY 2 0 1 6

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Live Your Best Life

CONNECTIONS

LET’S NOT STAY INSIDE After a terrible loss, Kathleen Volk Miller and her kids do the unthinkable: choose joy. @kathyvolkmiller

The family in 2015.

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The author (left) with her husband, Don, and their children, (clockwise from top) Allison, Christopher, and Hayley, in 2003, one year before Don’s death.

a summer. We have to decide how we want to live.” Hayley, 11 years old, said, “I choose the second thing. Let’s have fun. But can we still think about Dad, too?” Allison, 13 years old, said, “Of course we can think about Dad. But he wouldn’t mind if we had a summer.” Christopher, our baby, was 5. He said, “Let’s not stay inside with the windows shut, except when we have to.” We agreed. Let’s stay inside only on days we have to. It turned out that sadness didn’t last whole days, just parts of days. Allison watched videos of her dad late at night and cried body-wracking sobs. Hayley stormed around, making demands: “What are we going to do now? What’s for dinner? Can we go to the mall?” Chris lay in bed with the 8 x 10 of his dad carrying him on his shoulders. He would weep, not wanting me to remove the photo, but also not wanting to look at it. We didn’t bother with blind optimism or denial—we were all keenly aware of what we had lost. Instead, we approached every hour with the aim to take from it the best we could. One day we were in the car when “Hey Ya!” by Outkast came on the radio. It seemed to be everywhere that summer and was impossible not to dance to. So we did: Windows down, radio up, we sang loud and bounced hard. A few blocks from home, a neighbor on the corner watched us pass with a look of abject horror. Here we were, so publicly happy, though my husband, their father, was only six weeks gone. The neighbor didn’t understand how joy could exist in the midst of tragedy. To be honest, neither do I. But it can. It did. And we were grateful. KATHLEEN VOLK MILLER is coeditor of Painted Bride Quarterly and a professor of English at Drexel University. She is currently writing a memoir.

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COURTESY OF KATHLEEN VOLK MILLER (2). FRAMES: GETTY IMAGES.

“We have a choice. We can pull down the blinds and stay here and just be. Or we can go to the beach. We can still have a summer.”

HIRTEEN SUMMERS AGO, my family and I went to the fireworks show in our small New Jersey town. We were so close to where they were shooting them off that we had to lie on our backs to see. The lights rained down upon us, bits of paper falling onto our faces. I started to panic. What about the kids’ hearing? What chemicals were we breathing in? I looked at my husband. His face told me he had the same concerns, but we were in it now, so we might as well go with it. The kids squealed when the ash landed on their little bodies, and our middle child reached out her chubby hand and yelled, “I so happy, Mommy!” And I knew she was, and I was, too. Four months later, my husband was diagnosed with a carcinoid cancer, a rare form we were told was “manageable.” Nine months later, he died. In his final weeks the doctors kept saying he’d pull through, so I told my children the same thing. In May, while he lay in the hospital in a medicated coma, I assured them we’d be fishing in the Poconos by August. The morning their father died, I called the kids to the couch and made sure I was touching each one. When I gave them the news, my oldest screamed, “You’re lying!” The other two, sobbing, said, “You said we were going fishing! You said we were going to the Poconos!” Relatives and friends took over the house, bringing food and flowers, wanting to do the impossible, which was make us feel better. Then, finally, it was just us, sitting at the table in our new configuration. We left Dad’s seat empty. It was mid-June, and summer loomed ahead. “You guys,” I said. “The most horrible thing that can happen to a family has happened to us. There’s nothing I can say or do to make that less true. But we have a choice. We can pull down the blinds and stay here and just be. Or we can be thankful for our friends and family and each other. We can go to the beach. We can still have

WHAT ONE EXPERIMENT MEANS TO EVERYONE’S RETIREMENT.

The time between when people should start saving for retirement and when they actually do is known as the “Action Gap.” And it has a bigger effect than you might think. To better understand the impact, we performed a simple experiment. We asked a group of young people to use paint rollers to show us what age they think they should start saving. Then we asked a group of older people to indicate what age they actually did start. What we found was that there was often a years-long Action Gap between the two. But closing it up by even just a few years makes a huge difference in how much people can save over the long run. Which makes right now the perfect time to get better prepared for your retirement.

SPEAK TO A FINANCIAL ADVISOR TODAY, OR VISIT RACEFORRETIREMENT.COM

RETIREMENT

INVESTMENTS

INSURANCE

Live Your Best Life

AND THEY’RE OFF!

JOYFUL NOISE, PART 1

IF UPBEAT POP SONGS ARE your thing, then you’ve probably been singing Grammy winner Meghan Trainor’s tunes ever since her debut album was released—just like me. Naturally, when I finally met Meghan, I asked her, “When do you have new music coming out?” Next thing I knew, she was slipping her headphones over my ears and playing “No,” the lead single of Thank You, while dancing along. When it ended, all I could say was, “Wait until I learn the words!” On May 13, Meghan will prove that sophomores don’t always slump.

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO

JOYFUL NOISE, PART 2

Gayle O’s editor at large shares what she’s loving this month. IT’S BEEN SIX YEARS SINCE we last heard from British singersongwriter Corinne Bailey Rae—of “Put Your Records On” fame—and to be completely frank, I was wondering if she was as good as I remembered. But as soon as I heard “Green Aphrodisiac,” I knew she was back and better than ever. I’ll be all ears when her third album, The Heart Speaks in Whispers, is released May 13.

“

If you drop a ball, maybe just kick the ball over to the left because it’s like, ‘I can’t hold you right now.’ And that’s okay.

”

—ALICIA KEYS

AND...ACTION!

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AS MOMS, WE SOMETIMES feel guilty if we’re not at every Little League game or school play, or contributing cupcakes to the bake sale. Not so fast, according to Alicia Keys, mother of two boys under the age of 6. The honest truth is that we don’t need to have it all together. So on May 8 (although it should be every day of the year), I’ll be sending special mommy hugs to all the hardworking

two years ago and loved all two minutes of it (yes, if you blink, you’ll miss it). But there’s an unofficial contest—off the track—that isn’t to be missed: the Best Hat Competition. Extravagant, flashy, and in-your-face are just a few of the A-game styles on view. Throw spectacular food and a fun crowd into the mix, and it sounds like my kind of party. May 7 can’t come soon enough.

KING AND TRAINOR: COURTESY OF GAYLE KING. DERBY: ROB CARR/GETTY IMAGES. HAT: STEPHEN J. COHEN/WIREIMAGE/GETTY IMAGES. KEYS: SHAREIF ZIYADAT/GETTY IMAGES. SPECIAL CORRESPONDENTS: KERRY HAYES/NETFLIX. RAE: COURTESY OF VIRGIN RECORDS.

I WENT TO MY FIRST KENTUCKY DERBY

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May We Help You? EXPERT ADVICE

INSIGHT

REALLY SMART MOVES

ELIZABETH GILBERT @GilbertLiz

THIS LITTLE GILBERT: PETER ROSA/STUDIO D. HAIR: RAYYA ELIAS. MAKEUP: MICHELLE COURSEY AT NEXT ARTISTS USING DIOR ADDICT.

Light of Yours When the world feels cold and dark and lonely, take heart: Anybody can make their corner of it brighter. SOME YEARS AGO, I was stuck on a crosstown bus in New York City during rush hour. Traffic was barely moving. The bus was filled with cold, tired people who were deeply irritated—with one another; with the rainy, sleety weather; with the world itself. Two men barked at each other about a shove that might or might not have been intentional. A pregnant woman got on, and nobody offered her a seat. Rage was in the air; no mercy would be found here. But as the bus approached Seventh Avenue, the driver got on the intercom. “Folks,” he said, “I know you’ve had a rough day and you’re frustrated. I can’t do anything about the weather or ILLUSTRATIONS BY Yuko Shimizu @yukoart

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He was a bus driver. But he possessed real power, and he used it beautifully for our benefit.

traffic, but here’s what I can do. As each one of you gets off the bus, I will reach out my hand to you. As you walk by, drop your troubles into the palm of my hand, okay? Don’t take your problems home to your families tonight—just leave ’em with me. My route goes right by the Hudson River, and when I drive by there later, I’ll open the window and throw your troubles in the water. Sound good?” It was as if a spell had lifted. Everyone burst out laughing. Faces gleamed with surprised delight. People who’d been pretending for the past hour not to notice each other’s existence were suddenly grinning at each other like, is this guy serious? Oh, he was serious. At the next stop—just as promised— the driver reached out his hand, palm up, and waited. One by one, all the exiting commuters placed their hand just above his and mimed the gesture of dropping something into his palm. Some people laughed as they did this, some teared up—but everyone did it. The driver repeated the same lovely ritual at the next stop, too. And the next. All the way to the river. We live in a hard world, my friends. Sometimes it’s extra difficult to be a human being. Sometimes you have a bad day. Sometimes you have a bad day that lasts for several years. You struggle and fail. You lose jobs, money, friends, faith, and love. You witness horrible events unfolding in the news, and you become fearful and withdrawn. There are times when everything seems cloaked in darkness. You long for the light but don’t know where to find it. But what if you are the light? What if you’re the very agent of illumination that a dark situation begs for? That’s what this bus driver taught me—that anyone can be the light, at

any moment. This guy wasn’t some big power player. He wasn’t a spiritual leader. He wasn’t some media-savvy “influencer.” He was a bus driver—one of society’s most invisible workers. But he possessed real power, and he used it beautifully for our benefit. When life feels especially grim, or when I feel particularly powerless in the face of the world’s troubles, I think of this man and ask myself, What can I do, right now, to be the light? Of course, I can’t personally end all wars, or solve global warming, or transform vexing people into entirely different creatures. I definitely can’t control traffic. But I do have some influence on everyone I brush up against, even if we never speak or

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@OPRAHMAGAZINE

learn each other’s name. How we behave matters because within human society everything is contagious—sadness and anger, yes, but also patience and generosity. Which means we all have more influence than we realize. No matter who you are, or where you are, or how mundane or tough your situation may seem, I believe you can illuminate your world. In fact, I believe this is the only way the world will ever be illuminated— one bright act of grace at a time, all the way to the river.

ELIZABETH GILBERT is the author of, most

recently, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear (Riverhead).

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DEAR LISA

Screen Your Teen, Be Discreet but Don’t Delete, and Maybe Baby

Q KOGAN: PETER ROSA/STUDIO D. STYLIST: ERIN TURON. HAIR: VASSILIS KOKKINIDIS AT NEXT ARTISTS USING SHU UEMURA ART OF HAIR WITH T3 STYLING TOOLS. MAKEUP: BARBARA STONE.

Dear Lisa,

Please settle a debate: Isn’t my 15-year-old entitled to her personal space on social media? I want her to know that I trust her too much to spy—but my husband says no way! — MEG IN NEBRASKA

Dear Meg and Dear Meg’s Very Wise Husband, This has nothing to do with whether you trust your kid; it’s about trusting the bazillions of people out there who are not your kid. I believe it was the artist formerly known as Cat Stevens who put it best when he observed, “Oh, baby, baby, it’s a wild world.” Now, there are three things you need to know here: (1) In 1970, that seemed incredibly profound. (2) Cat Stevens decided it was a wild world before the Internet was even a gleam in Al Gore’s eye— just imagine how he feels now that he’s become Yusuf Islam. (3) Whatever his name, the guy has a point. It’s your responsibility to monitor your children’s phones, tablets, and computers. Also remember that new apps pop up daily, and predators posing as kids know how to “befriend” a child faster than you can say, “Guess what? Your new pal Judy is a 48-year-old dude named Adolf who’s out on parole.” So here’s the straightforward method I use to protect my daughter, who’s 13: I stick my nose in her business on a regular basis. This isn’t spying because I’ve made it clear that her social media is not a parent-free zone. I’ve explained that I’ll reevaluate this policy every 15 years until she’s 65, at which time I will be 107, and on to more exciting challenges.

Dear Lisa,

Congratulations, Ivy,

When one ends a marriage, should one delete the (many, many) photos of her ex from her social media accounts? Is the answer different if she’s dating someone new—a man whose family is steadily connecting with her on several platforms?

It sounds like you’ve managed to work your way through the righteous indignation, serious sorrow, deep rage, unbridled hysteria, and ungodly mountains of pudding pops that generally accompany the end of a relationship. That, darling, is a victory! As for the pictures, whether one is currently seeing somebody new or not, my answer is the

—IVY IN RHODE ISLAND

same: Clear away most of the photos, but don’t feel that you have to totally delete what was a substantial piece of your world. Grant yourself permission to hang on to a couple of pictures that show you have a past and, at least for a while there, this man was part of it. Let everybody think whatever it is they’re going to think— you just stay true to the story of your life.

Dear Lisa,

Recently a friend brought over her new baby, and I said, “That’s the cutest child I’ve ever seen!” The next day on Facebook, she posted a shot of me holding her son and directly quoted what I’d told her. Should she have posted my comment without asking first? I mean, we share the same circle of friends, and they all have babies. Am I being hypersensitive? —HEIDI IN LOUISIANA Hi Heidi, It sounds pretty innocuous—but then again, some new parents are hell-bent on believing that their baby is pure perfection. Couple your remark with roiling hormones, a gut full of gumbo, and a harrowing lack of sleep, and there could be some hurt feelings down on the bayou. I’m sure your friend meant no harm, but a private conversation should not be quoted on Facebook. That said, who are we kidding? Not only is there no such thing as privacy anymore, there’s really no such thing as conversation—at least not the kind that involves actual eye contact. So Heidi, my friend, I think you gotta let this one go. LISA KOGAN is O’s writer at large and the author of Someone Will Be with You Shortly:

Notes from a Perfectly Imperfect Life. To ask Lisa a question, email asklisa@hearst.com.

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GRETCHEN RUBIN is the author of several books, including the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers Better Than Before, The Happiness Project, and Happier at Home. An expert in good habits and finding happiness, Gretchen is sharing her secrets for letting your confidence shine, overcoming stressful challenges, and achieving your dreams every day.

Q A “Put a stressful situation into a diferent perspective.” —GRETCHEN RUBIN

HOW DO YOU FIND YOUR CONFIDENCE? When I’m feeling a lack of confidence, I focus on my feelings of enthusiasm. When I’m feeling enthusiastic, I’m feeling energetic, positive, generous, engaged—and kind of goofy. I forget about myself, and instead of worrying about possibly being under a harsh spotlight, I’m shining a light on someone or something else.

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH STRESSFUL MOMENTS, BIG AND SMALL? Whenever I feel under stress, I remind myself, “First things first.” I make sure that I’m not hungry, too hot, or too cold. If I have a headache or muscle ache, I take pain reliever. I clean off my desk. I go to the bathroom (is that TMI?). I go to the gym if I can, and I go to bed early. I try not to race around, because when I do, I tend to drop things, forget things, overlook important steps; instead, I tell myself, “Go slow to go fast.” I make a list so I don’t have to worry about forgetting something important. I call a member of my family for a short, fun conversation. I remind myself, “By tonight, this will be over” or “By this time next year, this stressful situation will be resolved.”

ARE THERE TRICKS FOR REGAINING YOUR CONFIDENCE WHEN YOU’VE FAILED AT SOMETHING? I’m very competitive and ambitious, and I don’t like uncertainty and anxiety; as a result, I really dislike the feeling of failure. I know, however, that failure is a necessary part of creativity, of risk-taking, of aiming high. So I remind myself that if I’m not failing, I’m not trying hard enough. In fact, one of my happiness resolutions is to “Enjoy the fun of failure.” Repeating this idea over and over has helped me be more lighthearted about taking risks. When I do fail, along with embracing the fun of failure (or at least trying to), I remind myself what I’ve learned. Because I feel that the failure has helped me, and taught me valuable lessons, I’m more confident when I face my next challenge.

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MARTHA BECK @MarthaBeck

Don’t Give Up

the Ghost

Humans aren’t wired for an infinite number of connections. So Martha Beck is giving you permission to fade out of casual relationships without being haunted by guilt.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY Beth Hoeckel @bethhoeckel

IT’S TIME WE spoke frankly about something almost everybody does but no one mentions in polite company. No, not that. I’m referring to the phenomenon of ghosting, in which a person gradually withdraws from a relationship—ignoring phone calls, being mysteriously unavailable for social engagements—until only her wraithlike absence remains. Terrible, right? Not really. I’m not making an across-the-board statement here. Obviously, it’s wrong to ghost a person you really care about, or one who literally physically depends on you. If you’re a firefighter who’s just promised someone you’ll be right back to extract him from flaming wreckage, you can’t take off for a week and then say, “Sorry, I got really busy.” In many other situations, however, ghosting is just practical. It’s the inevitable by-product of modern transportation and communication technologies, which let us stay in near-constant contact with a virtually limitless number of people. Originally humans moved in

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No one can keep up with the number of relationships available in a world so cyberwired that kittens have their own Twitter feeds.

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ARE YOU OUTNUMBERED? According to the social brain hypothesis, the larger a primate’s social network, the bigger its brain. After Robin Dunbar, PhD, an anthropologist and psychologist at the University of Oxford, compared human brains with those of other primates, he and his colleagues proposed that a person can handle approximately the following (including family):

150 people in a social group (the ones you’d send a holiday card)

50 friends (the ones you’d invite to a party)

15 close friends (the ones who listen to your problems)

5 confidants (the ones with whom you share your secrets )

small groups, and the only options for avoiding someone were (1) making excuses that required exhaustingly vigorous follow-through (“Sorry, I have to build a hut/give birth/fight a cave bear”) or (2) dying. So we didn’t evolve to tiptoe out of relationships: It’s a skill we, as a species, had to learn. Over time, some of us have honed ghosting into a fine art, and now you, too, can master it the way our ancestors mastered fire. But I sense that you have questions, so please ask away.... Isn’t it morally wrong to ghost someone? This is a bit like asking if it’s morally wrong to forget a book you read. When you’re flooded with information, forgetting is inevitable. When you’re flooded with social connections, you have to let some go. No one can keep up with the sheer number of relationships available in a world so cyberwired that kittens have their own Twitter feeds. If you consistently email, text, or post beyond your genuine desire to do so, your soul will be sucked into your smartphone. So you can exorcise your ghosting guilt at once. Except in a few special cases. Which ones? It’s unfair to ghost someone while simultaneously expecting her to maintain an intimate connection with you. If you routinely ignore a friend when it’s convenient but assume she’ll drop everything when you’re bored or need a sympathetic ear, expect to be ghosted yourself. I also never advise fading away from someone you’re dating. Because people are particularly vulnerable in romantic relationships, most of us would rather ghost than face the dreaded breakup conversation. The gradual approach seems gentler, easier. It isn’t. In fact, emotional intensity is the very reason you shouldn’t disappear. Ghosting someone you’re dating could cause agonies of confusion, false hope, and disappointment. A clean break makes it far less likely you’ll find your former lover hiding outside your bedroom with a box of tissues and a playlist of Adele songs. Or a machete. Is ghosting just a cop-out for those who can’t handle confrontation? Confrontation is actually an intimacy skill, a way to resolve issues with people you really want in your life. Intimacy will die if serious conflicts aren’t addressed, so in your important relationships, you have to develop the courage to confront, whether that means putting your thoughts in a letter, going to couples counseling, or M AY 2 0 1 6

organizing an intervention. You are not obligated to offer this level of effort to every coworker, acquaintance, or stranger who follows you on Instagram. So what’s the most humane ghosting method? Should I offer a series of polite excuses or just shut it down? White lies—“I have to train my hamster,” say, or “I’m having a kidney transplant”—can be a relatively easy and effective option, provided that your ghostee is capable of grasping subtlety. If she comes from a place

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(such as Japan or Downton Abbey) where fibs are a way to save face, she’ll probably correctly read the subtext, and if all goes according to plan, she’ll ghost you back— calling you less frequently, liking fewer and fewer of your selfies. Some people, however, will stick like deranged poltergeists no matter what you tell them (“Wow, you have Ebola? Perfect, I have a hazmat suit! Be right over!”). In these cases, you’ll have to take a more assertive approach.

Could you explain all this to my angry ex-mother-in-law? Well, right now I’ve got a lot going on. I have to check myself for hammertoe, sort my legumes, learn to play the banjo. You know how it is. So maybe I can text with her later. Much later. Or, I know! How about never—is never good for her? MARTHA BECK’s latest book is The Martha Beck Collection: Essays for Creating Your Right Life, Volume One (Martha Beck Inc.).

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What if the ghostee thinks I’m a shallow human being who’s incapable of authentic connection? Modifying your behavior to convince someone that you aren’t shallow is...shallow. Go below the surface to the depths of your own conscience, and you’ll find that an honest goodbye is infinitely preferable to faked intimacy. Forcing yourself to connect when you don’t want to is like dancing with a corpse.

“More assertive” as in the old “It’s not you, it’s me” routine? It really is about you, so own it. Practice honest, clear, nonnegotiable statements like “I know I’ve been fading out lately, and I’m sorry. But right now I just don’t have the energy to connect as often as I think you want.” Full stop. As a black-belt people pleaser, I cringe at the thought of such lethal conversations, but it helps to remember this profound truth I learned from codependency expert Melody Beattie: “We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feelings.” I’ve found that the more I practice being honest and clear about my real level of commitment, the easier it becomes. Someday I hope to reach the level of the businessman in one of my favorite New Yorker cartoons: He’s on the phone, checking his calendar, and blandly says, “No, Thursday’s out. How about never—is never good for you?”

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@Farnoosh

Growth Potential O’s new financial columnist shares a crucial lesson— plus, her rules for changing your money destiny forever.

FIRST BEGAN EARNING money at age 5. My parents and I had gone to the Worcester Center mall in Massachusetts, and I was sulking because my mother had refused to buy me a toy. I don’t recall what I wanted—maybe a Cabbage Patch Kid, maybe a Strawberry Shortcake doll—but I vividly remember the desperate feeling when I heard that no. Even at 5, I knew that having your own money meant freedom, choices, and not needing to beg. At that moment, my parents had the money, and I had nothing. Cue sadface emoji. My uncle Ali, who’d joined us that afternoon, asked about my frown. He says I told him, “If I had my own money, then I could buy whatever I want.” He encouraged me to ask my parents for an allowance, some pocket money in exchange for helping around the house and staying out of trouble. Work would allow me to earn, and earning would give me some independence. I was all in. I suggested $2 a week, but my uncle said, “No. Ask for $4.” Whether it was pressure from him or my

hopeful brown eyes (or both), my parents agreed to that sum. That taste of financial freedom made me crave more: As I grew older, my allowance increased. At 15, I applied for my first real job, as a restaurant hostess. In college, I had three internships, waited tables, earned commissions for selling advertising for the school paper, and even did a stint in telemarketing. After that, I became a journalist but always found extra revenue streams to help pay for rent, student loans, and the occasional dinner out with friends. And I was never hesitant to ask for a raise. (Thanks, Uncle Ali!) Of course, not all my financial stories are positive. In college, I racked up an embarrassing number of overdraft fees before I learned how to properly use a debit card. Later, living in New York City in my 20s, I faced $30,000 in student loan and credit card debt while making $18 an hour—before taxes. But I never forgot the money fundamentals I’d learned as a kid. Now, as a married woman with a young son, I’m on solid footing. I know being financially responsible gives our family flexibility, the M AY 2 0 1 6

WEALTHY WOMEN CAN TRANSFORM THE WORLD. One great thing about increasing your income is that it lets you give: Research shows that at virtually all income levels, female-headed households (with women who are single, divorced, or widowed) donate more money to charity than male-headed ones. So we need additional top-earning women to spread the wealth and make the world a better place.

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Women Are Givers

TURN FOR MORE! SOURCE: EVERYDAYHERO INFOGRAPHIC

TORABI: PETER ROSA/STUDIO D. STYLIST: ERIN TURON. HAIR AND MAKEUP: BIRGITTE FOR LAURA MERCIER AT SALLY HARLOR.

FARNOOSH TORABI

opportunity to pursue goals, and a better night’s sleep. That’s what my uncle taught me all those years ago: to care about my financial wellbeing and think of money as a vehicle to get what I want out of life. The lesson was priceless. Reflecting on our financial past gives us context for the way we think about and use our cash today. Our memories may leave us feeling that money is abundant or scarce. They may bring us confidence or insecurity, optimism or pessimism. But here’s the beauty of these stories: You can leave them behind. If your history with money isn’t the best, you can steer toward something better. And as you forge your own path, remember these six financial principles:

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Women typically live longer than men and pay more for health care over our lifetime, so we should make saving a top priority. It’s a challenge, of course, because we earn less in our lifetime. But your future is worth the effort. Contribute the maximum in your employee retirement account, or start an individual retirement account. Something I like to remember: You don’t have to be wealthy to invest, but you have to invest to be wealthy.

PARTNERS WHO SAVE TOGETHER STAY TOGETHER.

I’ve dedicated a large part of my career to helping couples sort out their financial differences. And I’ve grappled with those issues in my own life: I outearn my husband, which isn’t the norm and has created unique emotional challenges in our relationship. But with mutual respect and frequent communication—like monthly check-ins—you’ll have a good chance of achieving harmony.

As I’ve learned, you don’t get what you deserve in life; you get what you negotiate. And who doesn’t like a sweet deal? Whether you’re going for a raise, a lower price on a new car, or a bargain on a pair of designer boots, you must ask for it. (And yes, some stores are totally up for haggling.) The more you negotiate, the more skilled you’ll get, and the easier it’ll become.

YOUR MONEY NEEDS MEANING.

Women Earn Less Over 40 years, the average woman who works full-time will lose $460,000+ due to the wage gap. Women would need to work

approximately 60 additional days each year to catch up to men.

SOURCES: CATALYST AND PEW RESEARCH CENTER, BASED ON WHITE HOUSE DATA

52% 47% 34%

Without goals, your money is worthless. If you’re not sure how to manage your income or prioritize your spending, take a step back from the numbers and imagine where you’d like to be in the next few years. What goals would you like to accomplish— both personally and professionally? Maybe you want to buy a new home or switch careers. Most goals carry a price tag, and the sooner you identify them, the more motivated you’ll be to save.

YOU DON’T ASK, YOU DON’T GET.

Money & Marriage

81% of couples see themselves as one financial entity

45% make day-to-day financial decisions together

Saving for Retirement of people approaching retirement (ages 55 to 64) wish they’d started saving for their future sooner wish they’d saved more of their paycheck wish they’d invested their savings more aggressively

SOURCE: 2013 FIDELITY INVESTMENTS COUPLES RETIREMENT STUDY

SOURCE: TIAA-CREF

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A LITTLE GUIDANCE GOES A LONG WAY.

You can’t make money decisions in a vacuum, and you shouldn’t have to try. There have never been more free services, websites, podcasts, and other resources at your fingertips. (NerdWallet.com offers tons of info; you can even submit a question to a financial adviser and get a free response in a day or two.) So don’t go it alone—reach out for professional help, like an accountant or a certified financial planner, when you need it. Your wallet will thank you. FARNOOSH TORABI, author of When She Makes More, is the host of CNBC’s Follow the Leader and the award-winning podcast So Money.

GETTY IMAGES (3). MUSCLE: GABRIEL MOISA/ISTOCK PHOTO. PIGGY BANK: DOCENT/SHUTTERSTOCK.

PLANNING TODAY AVOIDS HEADACHES TOMORROW.

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IYANLA VANZANT @IyanlaVanzant

The Mother of

All Choices THE BACKSTORY: In August 2015, Theresa Robbins’s 14-year-old son, Jon-Luc, came home from spending the summer at her exhusband’s house and announced, “I want to live with Dad.” The request floored her. Though she knew her three sons would benefit from more time with their father, she wasn’t prepared to give up her role as their 24/7 mom. At the same time, her fledgling business, a children’s book publishing company, was accepted into a program that helps start-ups grow—an opportunity Theresa couldn’t imagine taking advantage of while she was also working full-time and raising Jon-Luc, 12-year-old Nicholas, and 6-year-old Liam as a single mom. In the end, Theresa and her ex agreed to a temporary solution: The boys—all three—would live with him for a year. But the fact that Theresa helped forge the arrangement doesn’t mean she’s always felt it was the right move. In part 1 of an ongoing series, relationship expert and life coach Iyanla Vanzant helps her confront her mom guilt. Listen in. ILLUSTRATION BY Aude Van Ryn

IYANLA VANZANT: Good morning! I’m excited to work with you. THERESA ROBBINS: Me too. I appreciate your time. And I could really use your advice. IV: Then let’s get started. Do you want to tell me a little bit about what’s going on? TR: Well, I’ve been a single mom for four years. Last summer my eldest son told me he wanted to live with his dad. A few weeks earlier, my book publishing company was offered the chance to join a mentorship program for start-ups. I also have a full-time day job working for an investment adviser. My ex-husband and I decided that the boys would live with him, 150 miles away. I’ve been visiting them every other weekend. But it’s very challenging to maintain our relationship. IV: Okay, let’s take a breath. When

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your son told you he wanted to live with his father, what happened to your heart in that moment? TR: I can tell you it didn’t feel good. It felt like I...failed. IV: Is that what you told yourself? That you failed? TR: I did. And then, after a lot of prayer and processing, I told myself that I needed to honor my son’s request. IV: But you still feel guilty? TR: I feel like I should feel guilty. If I say, “Yes, this was the right decision,” it sounds like I’m a terrible mother. IV: Is that what you’ve been telling yourself?

VANZANT: GARTY LUPTON/STUDIO D. STYLIST: LISA MOSKO. MAKEUP: CANDICE CRAWFORD/GREEN.BEAUTY.LIFE. DRESS, MICHAEL KORS. CARDIGAN, LAFAYETTE 148 NEW YORK. ROBBINS: COURTESY OF THERESA ROBBINS.

Last year Theresa Robbins, 37, agreed to let her children live with their father. Every day since, she’s struggled with that decision.

TR: Yes, because I’m no longer the primary parent. IV: You’re going to be a mother for a long time. Your children aren’t dead, are they? TR: No, no. IV: But you’re not a mother anymore? TR: No, I am a mother. IV: Good, just checking. So tell me: How are things now? TR: When the boys were living with me, our lives were so busy. Everything was scheduled. We were always running from baseball practice to soccer practice to swim practice. Now when I visit them, I feel like I’m taking them away from what they would rather be doing and that it’s an obligation to spend time with Mom. That’s what I feel when I call them as well. That’s the challenge I’m having: What does my new role as Mom look like? I

know how to be the other mom; I don’t know how to be this mom. IV: And how does that feel? TR: Not good. IV: You keep telling me what it doesn’t feel like, but what does it feel like? You could say, “It feels confusing.” “It feels bad.” “It feels frustrating.” It feels—what? TR: It feels like I’m not doing a good job. I’m trying my best, but if I don’t feel successful, then I feel like a failure. I want to have a good relationship with them, but I don’t know what a good relationship should look like. It’s not frustration. I don’t know what the feeling is. IV: It’s okay. It’s not important that I know; it’s important that you know. So you went from being a primary caregiver and full-time mom to a weekend mom, and you’re not really sure how to do that. TR: Right. IV: Do you ever wait for your sons to call you? TR: No, I don’t think they would call. IV: Why not? TR: I don’t see them needing to call. They don’t talk on the phone very much. The two older boys have their own phones, and they text their friends. IV: Do they text you? TR: Sometimes—not regularly. Maybe it’s a good idea to text them more. IV: How often do you call? TR: We do a check-in call every Sunday, and I send messages to Liam throughout the week. IV: It was Jon-Luc who said, “I want to live with Dad.” How did

the other two boys get there? TR: I didn’t want to break up the boys. I think their relationships with one another are very important. IV: Did you ask them if they wanted to go? TR: No, I don’t remember talking to Nicholas or Liam about it directly. My publishing company creates guides to help children cultivate emotional intelligence. When we started discussing the possibility that the boys might move in with their father, I went through the curriculum with Liam. I wanted him to understand that even though things were changing, he could develop skills to make the transition easier. That was the way I addressed it with him. It wasn’t direct. And because Nicholas enjoys spending time with his dad, I felt he would be okay with it. IV: How does it make you feel to know that they enjoy being with their dad? TR: I feel good about it. I’m happy they have a good relationship with him. IV: Are they happy? TR: From what I can observe and what they tell me, yes. IV: What's your vision for your relationship with your sons? TR: I thought that after a year we’d go back to our routines—to the way it was. But now Jon-Luc says he doesn’t want to come back. That was a daunting thing to hear. IV: Ah! So this may not be such a temporary thing after all. This could be something long-term, which means the emotions run deeper. Let’s pick up here next time. IYANLA VANZANT is the host of OWN’s Iyanla: Fix My Life and the author of Trust: Mastering the Four Essential Trusts (SmileyBooks).

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NEXT MONTH: Iyanla helps Theresa see her decision as an opportunity instead of a mistake, whether the arrangement proves temporary or more long-term.

The

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HAND-DRAWN PRINT

Adam’s STYLE SHEET I’m so excited about Reed, designer Reed Krakoff’s line at Kohl’s, which brings you fabulous style at a fabulous price.

SKIRT, $50

Follow O creative director Adam Glassman on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat @TheRealAdamSays.

SNEAKERS, Clarks, $90; clarksusa.com

TOTE, $79 Tina Craig (@bagsnob on Instagram and Snapchat) knows everything there is to know about purses. She’ll take over our Instagram on April 19 and give away five Reed bags on snobessentials .com. For official rules see page 173.

All clothing and bags available at kohls.com. Check out Kohl’s on Twitter and Instagram @Kohls.

Reed Krakoff’s Most Stylish Advice

Invest in one statement piece every season. “A memorable coat or bag is a nice way to update your existing wardrobe.”

Try one item that’s If you don’t wear not your usual style. something for a “Push your boundaries a year, get rid of it. “Editing little—that way your look down to the things you is always evolving.” really love makes it much easier to get dressed.”

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Garance Doré

The Coveteur

DEVON JARVIS/STUDIO D. STYLIST: GABRIEL RIVERA/R.J. BENNETT REPRESENTS. CRAIG: COURTESY OF TINA CRAIG. KRAKOFF: COURTESY OF KOHL’S. DORÉ: GETTY IMAGES. GLASSMAN: ROBERT TRACHTENBERG.

SANDALS, A+, $20; target.com

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BOTTLE SERVICE Antico Frantoio Muraglia Intenso extra-virgin olive oil, $50; www.deandeluca.com

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Adam’s Home

STYLE SHEET

MUG SHOT Jansen+co My Art mugs, $24 each; neo-utility.com

SHOW YOUR STRIPES Get in line with these bright ideas for pepping up your decor. O MAG SPECIAL!

TEE PARTY Striped shirt, $24; joefresh.com

RICHARD MAJCHRZAK/STUDIO D. STYLIST: PHYLLIS EVANS BAKER. BENCH, RUG, UMBRELLA, CHAIR, MDS STRIPES: COURTESY OF COMPANIES. GLASSMAN: SERGIO KURHAJEC.

SHADY CHARACTER Water-repellent garden umbrella, $140; pier1.com

CLICK HERE On April 7, One Kings Lane will launch an exclusive shopping event for O readers, full of stylish striped options for your home. Go to onekingslane.com/ omagazinelovesstripes.

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BALANCE

Ashley’s Style Tip: Wear this comfortable ﬂipﬂop with your go-to weekend basics. Win major style points by adding standout accessories such as a printed scarf or a wide-brim hat.

Shoes complete the look and feel of any outfit. Vionic offers a so you can achieve the style you crave with the support you need. O Merchandising Director Ashley O’Brien shows us how to create the perfect look from the ground up!

CORFU A wardrobe staple, the textile-covered Corfu ﬂip-ﬂop offers understated elegance with a slim silhouette and supple pixel-suede, adding a slight sparkle under foot.

JURA LAURIE Buckled straps across the vamp and ankle and a gorgeous leather-wrapped heel make Laurie the quintessential summer wedge.

The denim-ondenim trend is a statement on its own, so keep the look simple and play with patterned shoes for an added punch.

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Jura’s two-strap silhouette makes a bold statement with funky animalprinted haircalf. The orthotic footbed offers maximum stability.

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VIONICSHOES.COM | #solestory #vionicshoes Vionic products are not intended to resolve serious orthopedic conditions or injuries. If you have previous injuries, or are currently wearing Vionic products and experience new pain, or existing pain persists or worsens, discontinue use and consult your doctor.

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O, Beautiful! GORGEOUS SCENTS SPRING 2016 BEAUTY O WARD WINNERS!

LOOK WHAT WE FOUND!

Flower Power STILL LIFE STYLIST: MARISSA GIMENO

In the world of floral scents, there’s demure and ladylike...and then there’s the sumptuous, lush, garden-in-full-bloom bouquet. If you’re looking for the latter, this bold new fragrance is it. One whiff of Annick Goutal Rose Pompon ($149 for 3.4 ounces; us.annickgoutal.com), a glorious blend of peony, rose, black currant, and raspberry, and you’ll know unmistakably that spring is here. PHOTOGRAPH BY Kevin Cremens @kevincremens

OPRAH.COM

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O, Beautiful!

2 Comparing Notes f

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O, Beautiful!

ASK VAL the treatment of choice is Mohs micrographic surgery, says Deborah S. Sarnoff, MD, clinical professor of dermatology at NYU Medical School. Mohs, usually performed in a doctor’s @thisisvalmonroe office under local anesthesia (as mine was, by Sarnoff), not only spares healthy tissue, getting the best cosmetic result, but has the highest cure rate at nearly 100 percent. Slivers of removed tissue are microscopically examined during surgery while you wait in the operating chair, fingers and toes crossed that after the initial cancerous tissue, the remaining samples come back cancer-free. A few days after my Mohs appointment, I posted a photo on Facebook. “Basal cell skin cancer cured,” I wrote. “Vanity, too!” The spot was really small; still, the surgery required more than a dozen stitches. A black thread snaked IT WAS LATE AUGUST last year. I’d recently down my cheek, ending in a little knot just above a had a skin cancer screening. Diagnosis: all purple bruise. As reconciled as I was to the idea clear. So when David Colbert, MD, of New that after years of unprotected sun exposure I’d York Dermatology Group (who’d invited me to wound up with skin cancer, I was profoundly his office for a facial) suggested a biopsy on a unprepared for the raw-looking wound. I realized, tiny, pink raised dot next to my nose, I wasn’t in one gut-wrenching moment, that I hadn’t really keen on the idea. It looked like nothing and Shortly after my surgery. understood the consequences of my carelessness. hadn’t been noted at the screening. But as we And those consequences had been preventable! were chatting, Colbert’s eye kept returning If you’ve been faithfully reading the beauty to that spot. Finally, he called in an associate, stories in this magazine, you know you need a Jessica Weiser, MD, for a second opinion. broad-spectrum SPF 30 sunscreen every day, rain Worth a biopsy, she said firmly, and she or shine. You can protect yourself further by assured me, as she quickly nicked off a piece, covering up (see the cute shirt and sun hats, right) I’d hardly notice. I didn’t notice, and soon and staying in the shade between 10 A.M. and The healing continues. forgot about it. 2 P.M., when the sun is strongest. There’s also She phoned me two weeks later. “It’s a basal cell skin promising research: Last year an Australian study found cancer,” she said. “It’s really small, but it has to be removed.” that a form of vitamin B3 taken orally significantly reduced At 65, with fair skin, light eyes, and many memories the incidence of basal and squamous cell skin cancers in of summers spent slathered in baby oil on a blazing beach, people at high risk of recurrence. I shouldn’t have been surprised. Though for the past Sarnoff has given me a couple of injections of the 20 years I’ve been diligent about wearing sunscreen, the steroid Kenalog and a pulsed dye laser treatment to damage was done. minimize my scar, and the appearance has improved Basal cell is the most common form of skin cancer; an remarkably. Because people who have had a basal cell are estimated 2.8 million cases are diagnosed annually in the at increased risk for more, I’ll have skin checks every U.S., according to the Skin Cancer Foundation. (The incidence three months for now instead of once a year. And I’ll be of both basal cell and its sister, squamous cell, the secondwearing the mark on my face as a reminder to be careful most-common type, has increased 300 percent since 1994. in the sun. Let it remind you, too! Tanning beds and extended longevity are two likely reasons.) Fortunately, basal cell rarely spreads. When it’s found on the If you have a question about makeup, skincare, or haircare, ask Val at askval@hearst.com or oprah.com/askval. face, scalp, hands, or feet—wherever the skin is very thin—

You’ve got questions? Our beauty director, Valerie Monroe, has answers.

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Block Party Along with a broadspectrum SPF 30 sunscreen, a shirt and hat with UPF 50 or higher ensure excellent protection.

Rash guard in colorful stripe ($80; jcrew.com)

Ultra-wide rolled-brim hats ($60 each; sunprecautions.com)

MONROE (BOTTOM): PETER ROSA/STUDIO D. STYLING: ERIN TURON. MAKEUP: BARBARA STONE. RASH GUARD AND SUN HATS: COURTESY OF COMPANIES.

I’ve been told I should have regular skin cancer checkups. Is that really necessary?

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O, Beautiful!

Spring O WARDS 2016

We do it all for you—swipe, swab, and otherwise sort through thousands of beauty products, just to find the dazzlers we know will give you

you could ever hope for. Behold our 75 winners. BY Melissa Goldberg

Bite Beauty Amuse Bouche Lipstick Whether your go-to shade is striking red or deep wine, you’ll find something in this collection of 34 lipsticks. Bonus: The formula contains 12 moisturizing oils. ($26; sephora.com)

STILL LIFE STYLIST: MARISSA GIMENO

Clarins Instant Light Lip Balm Perfector Get the illusion of plumper lips with this slightly shimmery sheer gel that has enough tint to wear alone or layer over a balm. ($25; clarins.com)

Lips

MAC Versicolour For the ultimate party lips, dress up your mouth with this unique hybrid formula. It applies like a gloss but acts like a stain, so it lasts from day to night. ($24; maccosmetics.com)

Color, color, everywhere! In creamy, lip-drenching formulas. PHOTOGRAPHS BY Jeff Westbrook @lordwestbrook

OPRAH.COM

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Spring O WARDS 2016

Face From a treatment foundation to a vibrant blush to a light-reflecting powder, ace your base with these fresh newcomers.

Philosophy Take a Deep Breath Cushion Color for Cheeks Thanks to an innovative mesh delivery system, this liquid blush is a foolproof way to get a natural-looking flush—just tap to pick up the perfect amount of product. ($30; philosophy.com)

Stila Aqua Glow Serum Concealer This lightweight formula instantly melts into skin, hydrating with hyaluronic acid, hiding imperfections, and reducing the appearance of dark circles. ($27; stilacosmetics.com)

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O “Using the Lancôme Visionnaire Nuit makes me feel like a movie star!” —O’S CIRCLE OF FRIENDS MEMBER Mecca Grant

Eyes

Haircare Fine, thick, straight, curly, and everything in between: Here’s just what you need to treat your crowning glory.

Garnier Whole Blends We love this comprehensive collection of shampoos, conditioners, and treatments. Each of the six lines contains ingredients to target a specific concern. ($4.50 to $7 each; drugstores)

Oribe The Cleanse Clarifying Shampoo and Essential Antidote Replenishing Conditioner Volcanic ash in the shampoo removes buildup; the conditioner protects with antioxidants. ($44 and $46; oribe.com)

Dove Regenerative Nourishment Shampoo and Conditioner Need serious damage control? This duo strengthens brittle strands and helps prevent breakage with a cocktail of keratin and red algae. ($5 each; drugstores)

Redken Genius Wash When your hair needs extra moisturizing, replace your usual shampoo with this low-sudsing alternative, packed with hydrating apricot oil and strengthening protein. ($30; ulta.com)

Living Proof No Frizz Nourishing Oil This blend, tailored specifically for coarse strands, tackles frizz and softens without weighing hair down. ($38; livingproof.com)

Nexxus New York Salon Care Exxpand+ Volumizing Whip Want a double-duty styler? Apply this light-hold cream to wet or dry hair to build body or smooth flyaways. ($13; drugstores)

Aloxxi Split Ends Mend If you’re like most of us, you put your hair through a lot. Treat overprocessed, heat-styled hair to some R&R with nourishing peptides and amino acids. ($22; aloxxi.com)

Shu Uemura Color Lustre Dry Cleaner Extend your style with this translucent spray. It hydrates dry ends and absorbs oil without leaving chalky residue. ($39; shuuemuraartofhair-usa.com)

John Frieda Root Blur Conceal regrowth with these two-tone powders in four shades: Use the light or dark options alone, or blend for custom color. ($20; drugstores)

Clairol Nice ’n Easy CC+ ColorSeal Conditioner The best conditioner—hydrating, color protective—used to be only in DIY dye kits. Now it’s sold separately in three shades. ($4.50; drugstores)

O “Pantene Pro-V 3 Minute Miracle Deep Conditioner made my hair amazingly soft and tamed the frizz!” —O’S CIRCLE OF FRIENDS MEMBER Elissa Elliott

COURTESY OF COMPANIES (12)

Pantene Pro-V 3 Minute Miracle Deep Conditioners Transform dry, fine, damaged, or frizzy strands into envy-inducing hair—pronto!—with these four treatments. ($5 each; drugstores)

Sally Hershberger 24K Shine Revival Brilliant Dry Conditioning Spray Moisturizing vitamin B5 makes dry hair silky, while UV protectors prevent color fade. ($28; sephora.com)

oprah.com/beautyowards2016

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Spring O WARDS 2016

Curl Brigade Curly-haired women, rejoice! A wave of new products designed to give you the most ravishing ringlets arrives this season. For ultimate curl power, we recommend:

Your Body O

Cleanse, soften, and protect with these skin-saving champions.

Carol’s Daughter Monoi Repairing System Conditioning Mousse ($23; ulta.com)

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Dove Dry Oil Moisture Body Wash This rich formula protects skin’s essential lipids while hydrating. ($9; drugstores)

Cetaphil Skin Soothing Shower and Bath Oil Soap-, fragrance-, and parabenfree, this oil contains vitamins B5 and E. ($15.50; drugstores)

Aveeno Skin Relief Gentle Scent Lotion If you avoid scented lotion because it irritates, try this lightly fragranced alternative made especially for sensitive skin. ($10; drugstores)

La Mer After Sun Enhancer This shimmery light gelée, packed with antioxidants, hydrates while creating a subtle, sun-kissed glow. ($125; lamer.com)

Shiseido Ultimate Sun Protection Lotion for Sensitive Skin and Children This mineral-based sunscreen is great for delicate skin at any age. ($42; shiseido.com)

Neutrogena CoolDry Sport Sunscreen Lotion SPF 50 This broad-spectrum SPF 50 sunscreen allows perspiration to pass through, so it doesn’t feel sticky. ($10.50; drugstores)

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BODY: COURTESY OF COMPANIES (6)

“I’m in the pool a lot, and my skin often feels dry. Dove Dry Oil Moisture Body Wash is a miracle!” —O’S CIRCLE OF FRIENDS MEMBER Paula Pile

Sally Hansen Miracle Gel in Mötley Hue ($10; drugstores)

Nails The new, longer oval nail shape makes more of a statement, says polish expert Jin Soon. So choose a color that suits your skin tone. These ten shades are universally flattering.

Formula X for Sephora Nail Polish in Breathtaking ($10.50; sephora.com)

Butter London Sheer Wisdom Nail Tinted Moisturizer in Deep ($18; butterlondon.com) Zoya Nail Polish in Lake ($10; zoya.com)

OPRAH.COM

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WHEN YOU HAVE CANCER, YOU WANT A MIRACLE

JIM SURVIVED ESOPHAGEAL CANCER

Long ago, people traveled great distances to be healed. To places it was said miracles occurred. Today, people come to a place of scientific miracles: City of Hope. We provide innovative and caring treatment from some of the world’s top doctors and medical explorers. “What impressed me is the research right there on campus,” said Jim Murphy, who overcame esophageal cancer. “If they have something experimental, it goes from the researcher, right to the doctor, right to you.” Jim didn’t miss a beat of his normal life during his treatment, even continuing his daily mountain biking and ski patrol duties. We’d call that miraculous. To give or get help go to CityofHope.org or call 800-826-HOPE.

Feeling Good

OPRAH: MATTHEW ROLSTON. HUFFINGTON: BEN BAKER/REDUX.

NEW CANCER FIGHTERS

WAKE-UP CALL Arianna Huffington is on a crusade to make sure everyone gets more rest. Oprah tracked her down to find out why. @Oprah @ariannahuff

OPRAH.COM

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FRESHER FISH

NO FAIL ENERGY BOOSTERS

IF SOMEONE TOLD you that you could reboot your health, your sex life, and your career by doing just one thing, wouldn’t you do it? According to Arianna Huffington, that thing is sleep—something many of us are chronically short on. You might not imagine Arianna as a relaxed woman. After all, she’s written 15 books, raised two daughters, and run the always-on-deadline website the Huffington Post for more than a decade. But Arianna knows firsthand the lifesaving importance of sleep. In 2007, she collapsed in her office, hit her head, and broke her cheekbone—all thanks to utter exhaustion. Since then, she’s become a passionate sleep advocate—so passionate that she’s just written a book on the subject, The Sleep Revolution. I spoke to her about how her life improved when she started getting eight hours of shut-eye each night, how pajamas can spark a healthy habit, and why changing the way we sleep could change the world. M AY 2 0 1 6

Feeling Good

OPRAH: So you’re saying we need to rethink sleep—a true revolution; that’s why you wrote the book? ARIANNA HUFFINGTON: Exactly. It

ON THE MOVE In 2007, the year Huffington collapsed from exhaustion, she was regularly clocking long hours. From left: On business in Washington, D.C.; at Time magazine’s Time 100 party; at the HuffPo headquarters.

Also, the stress hormone cortisol increases when you’re sleep deprived, which can affect weight. OW: Oh, I fully understand that. I used to be so worn out, I didn’t know if I was hungry or tired or what. I would eat to make myself feel better, but really what I needed was a nap. AH: I used to stay up, stupidly, to work, and I’d just eat to keep my eyes open. I wasn’t even hungry—it was just a way to power through. OW: Talk about the day you hit your head. What was your life like then? AH: I was two years into building the Huffington Post, and I had the delusion every start-up entrepreneur has: that I had to handle everything. Also I had two teenage daughters. One was dealing with anorexia, and I was going with the other on a college tour. I had agreed that there would be no BlackBerrys on the trip; my daughter said, “Mom, you’re going to be fully there with me.” So I was fully there during the day— although not really, because I was so exhausted. Then she would go to sleep in whatever hotel we were in, and I would start working. I had booked myself to do a television show the morning I got home to L.A.—which, in hindsight, was M AY 2 0 1 6

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Snooze Alarm

Stick to a bedtime—even on weekends. One study found that women who go to bed earlier than normal had a higher BMI, while those who stay up later had greater insulin resistance, a risk factor for diabetes.

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insane. But I did that show and came back. I sat at my desk. I felt cold. I went to get a sweater, and I collapsed. On the way down, I hit my head on the corner of the desk. I broke my cheekbone. I’m lucky I didn’t lose an eye. And the doctors didn’t know what the problem was. For a couple of weeks I went from echocardiogram to CT scan to every test you can imagine to establish what had happened, only to be told, basically, that I had modern civilization’s disease: burnout. There was no medical solution—I had to change the way I lived. That was the beginning of my journey. It wasn’t an instant transformation. It was getting 30 minutes more sleep a night; it was saying no more often. It took some time, but I reached the point where rest became a magnet. I don’t like my life when I haven’t recharged, and I love it when I have. If I have an early morning, it’s now easier to say no to dinner the night before. We all have a lot more discretionary time than we think. You know, you don’t have to watch House of Cards. These things are optional. OW: Yes. We all have more options than we realize. Now, I love where you talk about the idea of family

FROM LEFT: CHRIS GREENBERG/BLOOMBERG VIA GETTY IMAGES. ANDREW LICHTENSTEIN/POLARIS. COURTESY OF THE HUFFINGTON POST.

feels like we have two threads running through our lives: one pullin us into the world to achieve, the other pulling us back to replenish u These threads can seem at odds, but really they enforce each other. It’s not a trade-off between success and sleep. Science shows that sleep is a performance-enhancement tool. OW: What do we lose when we lose out on sleep? AH: It starts with the brain. We become cognitively impaired. The data show that if you’ve been up for 17 to 19 hours—which is pretty normal for a lot of us; it certainly used to be for me—you have the cognitive impairment equivalent of a 0.05 percent blood alcohol level. That's just under being legally drunk, and the impairment increases the longer you’re awake. Creativity and performance are affected by sleep deprivation, too. No wonder Charlie Rose is such a fan of naps. In the book, I quote him saying that if he could prep for an interview for another half hour or take a nap, he’d take the nap. I so identify with that. OW: You say you were sleepwalking through your life. I know what that’s like. You become numb. You become zombielike. And then you give less of yourself to everything because there just isn’t enough to give. AH: Plus, when you’re tired, you’re more likely to doubt yourself, feel anxious, feel depressed. And of course there’s the health impact. The statistics are unbelievable. People who average fewer than six hours of sleep per night are four times likelier than those who get more than seven hours to come down with a cold.

Feeling Good

FROM TOP: HARPO INC. GLOBE PHOTOS/ZUMAPRESS. GEORGE BURNS/HARPO.

ROUND-THE-CLOCK Who has time to sleep when you’re running the show? From top: The premiere of The Oprah Winfrey Show in 1986; a breather before an event in New York City in 2011; multitasking at Harpo Studios in 2011.

sleep and why people besides Brad and Angelina would want to do it. AH: Well, I did it. I loved sleeping with my children. I loved the family bed. Being Greek, it’s part of my culture. I loved that coziness. I nursed my daughters in bed—one of them until she was 2, and when the second one was born, I nursed both of them. I have some very funny pictures of one on each breast. OW: Oh my. AH: But many parents want their children to be in their own bed. I think what is important about sleeping with your children or even with your partner is just making sure your rest isn’t affected. Let’s say you have a partner who snores, and you have an early appointment the next day. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping in another bedroom, if you have one. The idea that that’s a sign of a problem in the relationship is a delusion of our culture. Not getting enough sleep is more likely to lead to problems. OW: Having more sex helps you sleep better, obviously, but getting more sleep helps you have more sex, right? AH: Absolutely. For women, getting an extra hour of sleep increases the

com

chances of having sex by 14 percent. Nothing makes you less interested in sex than being sleep deprived. OW: [Laughs] “Oh, baby, I’m so tired.” So let’s get to the how-to. You recommend starting with just 30 extra minutes? AH: Yes. Everybody can find 30 minutes. You also need to create a transition to sleep. So many of us are on our devices until the very last moment before we turn off the light. But think of how we put babies to sleep—we don’t just plunk them in bed. We give them a bath, put them in their pj’s, sing them a lullaby. We need a ritual for ourselves. OW: You say not to charge your phone next to the bed, either. Because if it’s right there charging— AH: You’re going to reach for it when you wake in the night. So I turn off my devices and gently escort them out of my bedroom. And I have a hot bath—I love a hot bath. OW: You and me both. [Laughs] That’s our ritual. AH: And then I get into sleep clothes. For years I used to sleep in my gym clothes. I would literally put on a T-shirt and whatever pants I would wear to the gym, which sends a very confusing message to your brain: Are we going to the gym, or are we going to sleep? So now I wear sleep clothes. Personally, I love silk lingerie, but everybody’s different. And then the other part of getting a good night’s sleep actually happens when you wake up in the morning: You have to set your intention for the day. OW: Yes, you have to make your own choices about your day. Even if you’re not in full control of your schedule, you can examine your life to see how many deadlines you’ve given yourself. I’ve caught myself saying, “I’ve got to OPRAH.COM

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get this done and this done and this done.” Who said that? Oh, I did. And now I’m making myself crazy trying to meet a deadline that I set. AH: You told me once that when you were starting your show, you were sometimes so exhausted that you’d fall asleep in your clothes. That’s a story I tell when I give speeches. I say, “Does anybody here believe that’s why Oprah is Oprah?” We all know it’s not because you worked yourself to the bone, but because of who you are. In our own unique way, that applies to each of us. OW: I have to tell you, though, that on the show, we did create a culture where not getting enough sleep was a badge of honor. “I’ve been here 24 hours” was something to brag about. Now there are companies that don’t allow people to stay overnight. AH: True. Even Goldman Sachs interns. OW: But the older I get, the more I realize that the real joy in achieving anything is the level of vibrancy and aliveness you can bring to it. You don’t want to miss out on life. AH: That’s why in the book I included the story of how, during World War II, when President Roosevelt was under pressure from Great Britain to help fund the war and from the U.S. to stay out, he decided to take time out and go off on a navy ship to think. Eleanor wrote him in a letter that she hoped he was sleeping and “getting a rest from the world.” And he came back with a solution! I love that: If you’re facing a problem, you may need to go to a deeper part of yourself to solve it. Larry Page came up with the beginnings of Google in a dream. We all have wisdom and strength and deeper knowledge that we can access through sleep. We just need to give ourselves the chance.

Feeling Good

ONWARD AND UPWARD! These nine women joined Oprah on the cover of our April issue as they began their quest to change their lives for the better.

Meet the Experts

Clinical psychologist CAMILLA MAGER,

who specializes in treating women with disordered eating, provided one-on-one phone counseling.

Registered dietitian who founded the New York City nutrition-counseling firm Nourish, analyzed each woman’s food diary.

RACHEL MARIOTTI,

a personal trainer at Equinox, evaluated the women’s fitness assessments.

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@OPRAHMAGAZINE

GROUP PORTRAIT: RUVEN AFANADOR. EXPERTS: COURTESY OF EXPERTS. CLIPBOARD: GETTY IMAGES. OPPOSITE PAGE: RUVEN AFANADOR (4).

MARISSA LIPPERT,

Michelle Trotter AGE: 44

Shaniqua Garvin AGE: 35

GOAL: Take control of her health. After

her husband died last year, Shaniqua learned she was prediabetic. She’s determined to make good eating choices even though she’s surrounded by temptation in her work as a party planner.

Emotional Check-in

Nutrition Advice

Since the loss of her husband, Shaniqua has been attending a grief counseling group, but when life gets hectic and she can’t make it to the meetings (which happens often), she relies on virtual support networks. “Facebook groups and online chats with friends can be helpful, but they can’t replace interpersonal contact,” says Mager. “The person can’t see your reaction and, as a result, may not respond in a meaningful way.”

Stop skipping meals. Lippert noticed a few days in Shaniqua’s food diary when she had only a small midday snack or passed on lunch altogether. “Even if she’s busy working, Shaniqua needs to keep her metabolism and blood sugar steady throughout the day to burn calories effectively,” Lippert says.

Emotional Check-in “Michelle has done an enormous amount of work on herself and changed her relationship with food quite a bit over the past 20 years,” says Mager. But, she adds, there are two areas Michelle still needs to resolve: labeling food as good or bad, and hiding the fact that she eats junk food. “When we think of foods as good or bad, it sets us up to feel shame when we

GOAL: Set a good example for her kids.

Michelle, a former model, says that since giving birth to her second child in 2015, she’s 65 pounds heavier than she’s ever been.

eat something ‘bad,’” says Mager. “Shame will never help you move forward in life. Michelle needs to be open and honest about everything she’s eating. She’ll feel less constrained about what she can and can’t have. It’s all about balance.”

Nutrition Advice Consume more healthy fats. While Michelle’s eating all

the right things—egg whites, salads full of leafy greens— they aren’t filling enough, says Lippert: “You can’t let your blood sugar tank. That’s when cravings arise.” Her advice: Michelle should always add one or two eggs with yolk to her breakfast, swap rice cakes for whole grain rye crisps with peanut butter, and top her salads with nuts or avocado for omega-3s.

Jen Pastiglione-Brody

Sabrina Havens

AGE: 36

AGE: 40

GOAL: Have a baby. Jen and her husband have been trying to get

GOAL: Feel more confident as she reenters

pregnant through fertility treatments for three years. At her doctor’s suggestion, she’s taking a six-month break to give her body a rest and focus on slimming down.

the dating world. Currently going through a divorce, Sabrina dropped 30 pounds after her ex moved out but wants to lose ten more.

Emotional Check-in

Nutrition Advice

“Jen is a phenomenally positive person, and she’s incredibly strong—but even strong people need a little help sometimes,” says Mager. “I’d love for her to join a fertility support group and talk to a therapist since infertility can lead to deep feelings of inadequacy. Emotional burdens can translate physically if you don’t have an outlet.”

Drop the artificial sweeteners and flavoring. “Jen is consuming too many sugar substitutes, creamer powders, and spray butters,” says Lippert. “Not only are they making her light-headed, they’re also unsatisfying. She can still have her morning coffee, but instead of the creamers and sweeteners, she should use whole milk with half a packet of Sugar in the Raw.”

Emotional Check-in “As a single mom of two kids, Sabrina’s constantly racing from one place to the next,” says Mager. “It takes her about 20 minutes to get home from work. She typically uses that time to catch up with friends, but I want her to do some deep breathing so she can let go of work and center herself enough to be present with the kids. It’s going to make everything that much easier— including feeding herself. If you’re not taking care of

yourself, you’re going to have a much harder time taking care of anyone else.”

Nutrition Advice Add fiber to every meal. Lippert has a few tips for how Sabrina can make meals more filling so she’s less ravenous: Eat fresh fruit— not in smoothie form—to increase fiber and satisfaction from chewing, make veggies at least half of lunch, and incorporate fiberrich whole grains like quinoa or farro at dinner.

HELP KIDS EVERYWHERE. HelpKidsEverywhere.org

Feeling Good

to identify proteins on a tumor cell that are more pronounced than you would see in normal tissue, then program the T cells to target those proteins,” explains Behnam Badie, MD, chief of neurosurgery at City of Hope, a research and treatment center for cancer and other lifethreatening diseases—and the first center in the U.S. to inject CAR T cells directly into brain tumors. “We already know this therapy works in the lab,” Badie says. “We’re now testing it on patients with brain tumors that haven’t responded to radiation, surgery, or chemotherapy.”

GAME-CHANGING CANCER

Breakthroughs

CANCER THAT KILLS CANCER

These four recent developments are all hope, no hype. BY Juno DeMelo @junodemelo

Prognosis “In the future, cancer will be viewed as a serious but controllable illness that can be managed in a way that lets patients go on with their lives.” —MAURIE MARKMAN, MD, president of medicine and science at Cancer Treatment Centers of America ILLUSTRATIONS BY Chris Silas Neal @csilasneal

MORE THAN 1.6 MILLION new cancer cases are expected to be diagnosed this year—on top of the 14.5 million people already living with the disease. Now for the good news: Death rates are falling for the four most common cancer types (lung, colorectal, breast, and prostate), and researchers are ever closer to extending survival rates and possibly even finding cures. The advances that should be on your radar:

IMMUNITY-BOOSTING INJECTIONS One reason it’s so hard to treat cancer: Malignancies can go undetected by the T cells that help our bodies fight disease. But a new type of treatment, chimeric antigen receptor (CAR) T-cell therapy, genetically modifies patients’ T cells so they can recognize cancer—and get to work. “We’ve figured out how

Most cancer treatments come with serious side effects. “You’re trying to kill one cell in a neighborhood of other cells that are chemically similar, and the collateral damage is terrible,” says Richard Lerner, MD, a professor of immunochemistry at the Scripps Research Institute in San Diego. “The holy grail would be not to kill cancer cells but to turn them into something else.” Lerner’s team found that by applying antibodies to leukemia cells in their lab, they could convert them into immature dendritic cells, which support the body’s immune system. Even more amazing, they found that these new cells actually turned into natural killer cells, wiping out up to 16 percent of the surrounding leukemia cells—and only leukemia cells—within 24 hours.

CANCER-FIGHTING HEART MEDS Beta-blockers have long been used to lower blood pressure; soon they may also extend the lives of women with ovarian cancer, which is responsible for more deaths than any other female reproductive system cancer. A recent study found that patients with

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ovarian-related cancers who took beta-blockers during chemo survived an average of 47 months versus 42 for those who didn’t use them. And those taking a specific version that targets multiple beta-receptors had a median survival of about 95 months. “Betablockers dampen the effects of stress hormones, which fuel the progression of cancer,” explains principal investigator Anil Sood, MD, a professor of gynecologic oncology at the University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center. While it’s too early to recommend heart meds for ovarian cancer patients, “the drugs could be ready for prime time if they continue to show promise,” says Sood.

VENTURE CAPITAL FOR CANCER RESEARCH One in eight women will develop breast cancer in her lifetime, and in a significant number of cases, that cancer will metastasize. But research into how and why cancer spreads has lagged—until now, says Larry Norton, MD, scientific director of the Breast Cancer Research Foundation and deputy physician in chief for breast cancer programs at Memorial Sloan Kettering in New York City. Norton is helping direct Aurora, a three-yearold initiative that’s disbursing $31 million to scientists around the world to study the molecular basis of metastases. “The way science has approached breast cancer is to figure out why the cows are in the field by studying the ones who stayed in the barn,” says Norton. “We’re looking at metastatic specimens—the field cows—to learn why cells spread; if we can stop them from spreading, tumors would be nothing worse than pimples. For people with metastatic cancer, there’s real hope, and this major effort is finding it.”

Feeling Good

Suffering from an Energy Crisis? These little tricks can perk you right up. BY Sunny Sea Gold @SunnySeaGold

your phone and read it to yourself at double speed. Remember, quickness counts as much as content.

IF YOU’RE ON YOUR fourth coffee or energy drink, please put it down now. You don’t need all that caffeine just to get a jolt of get-up-and-go. Instead, next time you’re feeling super sluggish, try one of these allnatural ways to refuel.

RUNNING ON EMPTY: You’re exhausted from answering emails and fielding Gchats and tweets.

POWER UP: Believe it or not, you can stay online and get a productivity boost—just hop over to a site like Attack of the Cute to scroll through a few wildly adorable photos. A recent study by Japanese researchers revealed that college students were more focused and precise while performing tasks after looking at pictures of cute creatures—baby animals in particular. You might think of it as a virtual version of pet therapy, a treatment that has been shown in studies to decrease anxiety, boost mood, and even ease physical pain.

RUNNING ON EMPTY: You’ve got the Sunday blues, and you can’t escape the force field that is your couch.

POWER UP: The cruddy thoughts you’re having about Monday? Feel free to keep thinking them, but speed them up—way up. A study by psychologists at Princeton and Harvard found that asking people to read statements two times faster than they normally would left them feeling happier and livelier. Speeding up the inner talk even helped when people had to read depressing statements like “I can’t go on” or “I want to go to sleep and never wake up!” Lead study author Emily Pronin, PhD, has a theory about why: “Fast thinking means lots of novel stimuli in your brain,” she says, and that novelty increases dopamine, a chemical that makes us feel good. If it’s hard to set your mind racing on its own, pull up a random article on M AY 2 0 1 6

RUNNING ON EMPTY:

POWER UP: Get outside. Research shows that being outdoors, no matter how briefly, makes us feel more alive. Nature’s effect is so strong that even imagining yourself in the wild can pep you up, says Richard M. Ryan, PhD, who has studied nature

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@OPRAHMAGAZINE

ILLUSTRATION: CHRIS SILAS NEAL

An intense morning at work has your brain saying “I quit!” by noon.

and mood with his colleagues at the University of Rochester in New York. “The key is to immerse yourself in the moment, whether you’re imagining it or you’re really outside,” he says. “It won’t work if you’re on your phone or ruminating about something. Paying attention to the scenery—the bird on the tree or the sunset—seems to be a big part of why we’re more relaxed in nature.” (Even, apparently, when it’s all in our head!)

RUNNING ON EMPTY: You’re so tired and bored, you can barely stay awake on the elliptical.

POWER UP: Sniff some lemon. Though

most aromatherapy studies have had disappointing results, the National Institutes of Health National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health confirms that there’s good evidence that the scent of lemon may energize you. In one study at the Ohio State University, researchers found that inhaling the smell of lemon oil boosted subjects’ moods and feelings of vigor by up to 20 percent compared with plain water or the scent of lavender. Throw a small bottle of lemon essential oil in your gym bag. When you need a break, put a few drops in your palm, rub your hands together, take a whiff, and keep going!

YES, you can still eat

Smart Ones® is the only frozen meal licensed by Weight Watchers®, so now you never have to give up the foods you love…or give up on yourself.

GIVE UP GIVING UP

Feeling Good

FIGHT FISH

IF YOU LIKE SHRIMP...

GIVING UP

TRY: L ANGOSTINO TAILS. Sold frozen

Fatigue!

at grocery stores like Trader Joe’s, these lobsterlike tails are a low-calorie protein source with four times the energy-maintaining iron of shrimp. A three-ounce serving has roughly as much iron as a hard-boiled egg but five fewer grams of fat. Skolnik suggests subbing the tails for shrimp in a scampi recipe or using them in fish tacos.

Sick of salmon? We’ve got ideas to help you reel in a more exciting catch. BY Kelly DiNardo @kellydinardo

Summer is almost here! Unfortunately, it’s tough to eat healthy when pool parties, barbecues, and oice picnics overﬂow with indulgent food. You may want to decline events to avoid the temptation, but not at the expense of quality time with people you love. Weight Watchers Smart Ones® helps you make smarter choices without giving up any of the social activities—or food—you love.

SHRIMP AND SALMON: ISTOCKPHOTO. LANGOSTINO AND SARDINES: ALAMY. TUNA: PHILIP FRIEDMAN/STUDIO D. TROUT: DEVON JARVIS/STUDIO D.

FEW FOODS PACK the nutritional

punch of fish. Not only is it high in protein and low in fat, but studies have shown that regularly consuming seafood high in omega-3s is associated with a lower risk of heart disease, less age-related cognitive decline, and better sleep. Yet the average American eats less than 15 pounds of fish a year (compared with almost 58 pounds of chicken), and most of what we do consume consists of just three kinds: shrimp, salmon, and canned tuna. “I hate to attack a food group that’s good for you, but variety is important for health,” says nutritionist Heidi Skolnik, who works with the New York Giants and dancers at the Juilliard School. “Different fish provide different benefits, and if you expand your palate, you won’t get bored.” Though Skolnik recommends eating fish two or three times a week, she’s quick to point out that just once a week has been shown to yield a benefit. In fact, a Danish study of more than 48,000 women found that those who consistently ate little to no fish had a risk of cardiovascular disease almost three times higher than those who ate it at least once a week. Here’s how you can sneak more fish into your diet.

Check out 3 easy tips for enjoying healthy summer fun: PLAN AHEAD by eating a filling and healthy breakfast such as your favorite Weight Watchers Smart Ones® breakfasts, which will help you avoid temptation later.

IF YOU LIKE CANNED TUNA...

TRY: CANNED TROUT. It’s as quick and easy to prepare as canned tuna, but one three-ounce serving of trout contains more than 500 milligrams of hearthealthy omega-3s. The fish is also an excellent source of vitamins B12 and D (essential for healthy skin and hair), with one serving meeting almost 100 percent of your daily need of each. Mix the trout into a burger, mash it with mayo and lemon juice, or sprinkle it over a salad.

2 RUSHING TO GET TO THE EVENT? Grab Weight Watchers Smart Ones® sliders and mini wraps, which provide protein while you’re on the go.

3 STICK TO THE CRUDITÉ PLATTER when choosing snacks at the party.

IF YOU LIKE SALMON... TRY: SARDINES. Once you get past their

fishy reputation, you’ll find that sardines are nutritional powerhouses. A threeounce serving has more calcium than eight ounces of milk, almost as much potassium as a banana, and as much magnesium as two cups of raw kale. “Sardines—the fresh fish, not the ones in a can—are delicious,” says Isabel Smith, a New York–based registered dietitian who pan-roasts them with garlic, tomatoes, and spinach. “If you’re turned off by the whole fish, ask the fishmonger to fillet them for you”—so you’re off the hook.

Don’t give up anything you love in the name of healthy living EATYOURBEST.COM

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Feeling Good

apnea; your doctor may suggest a mouthpiece or a breathing machine to ease your nighttime breathing. REALITY CHECK: You may have read that

@DrOz

THE SEARCH

Is Over Answers to your most Googled health questions.

ACCORDING TO data from the Pew Research Center, 72 percent of Internet users say they turn to the Web for health information in a given year. I know it’s tempting, especially late at night when the doctor’s office is closed, but I’d urge you to step away from the keyboard. Some online resources can yield inaccurate, even dangerous, advice. I asked the analysts at Google to share some of the most commonly searched health questions. Here are answers you can trust—and some online advice you should disregard.

IS THERE ANY WAY TO STOP SNORING?

Snoring happens when your airflow becomes partially blocked. Some easy fixes: Try sleeping on your side or stomach (research shows those positions may reduce snoring) and avoiding alcohol (liquor can relax throat muscles, making it more difficult for air to get through). If the racket is heavy and accompanied by gasping or pauses in your breathing, you might have sleep

IS COFFEE BAD FOR YOU?

Just the opposite. Numerous studies have shown that coffee is associated with impressive health perks. It’s been linked to lower risk of heart disease, Parkinson’s, and liver cancer—and it might even help you live longer. In fact, a recent study in the American Journal of Epidemiology found that people who drank coffee had a lower risk of death over the course of 11 years compared with those who skipped joe altogether. REALITY CHECK: Some people believe

that drinking coffee before working out will leave you dehydrated. In actuality, one study found that java’s diuretic effects don’t exist with exercise.

HOW MANY GRAMS OF SUGAR SHOULD I HAVE PER DAY?

The 2015 Dietary Guidelines for Americans recommends that less than 10 percent of daily calories come from added sugars. That’s under 200 calories, or 50 grams, in a 2,000-calorie diet. REALITY CHECK: If you’ve been avoiding

fruits that are high in sugar, you can stop. The guidelines are only for added sugars, not those naturally occurring in unprocessed food.

Good to Know

Online symptom trackers— including ones by WebMD, iTriage, and the Mayo Clinic—provided the correct diagnosis first in a list of possible outcomes in only 34 percent of cases, according to a 2015 report.

HOW CAN I GET RID OF LOVE HANDLES?

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a myth—that juice cleanses can whittle your waist for good. Exercise and eating nutritious foods in reasonable portions will shrink love handles long-term.

WHAT’S THE SECRET TO BANISHING CELLULITE?

Cellulite occurs when fat pushes against connective tissue, making the skin above it pucker. If you’re considering liposuction, don’t. (It can’t break up the connective tissues that cause dimples.) The best things you can do are exercise (cardio plus resistance training) and eat high-fiber foods while avoiding processed sugar and fat, which can contribute to cellulite. REALITY CHECK: Heard the one about

coffee grounds treating cellulite? Don’t believe it. No scientific studies have shown it works. MEHMET OZ, MD, is the host of The Dr. Oz Show (weekdays; check local listings).

An amped-up workout can help. M AY 2 0 1 6

A review in the Journal of Obesity found that women who did highintensity interval workouts burned more of the subcutaneous belly fat that causes love handles than women who exercised longer at a lowerintensity, steady pace. REALITY CHECK: It’s a myth—I repeat,

@OPRAHMAGAZINE

ILLUSTRATION: CHRIS SILAS NEAL. OZ: PETER ROSA/STUDIO D. STYLIST: ERIN TURON. HAIR: ANNE SAMPOGNA-GROSS. MAKEUP: LINDA MELO DANZO.

DR. OZ

throat sprays prevent snoring—not true. Snoring that arises in the throat happens because the muscles are too relaxed. There’s no reason lubricating or numbing your throat would have any effect.

“Each of us, at our core, longs to be loved, needed, understood, affirmed— to have intimate connections that leave us feeling more alive.”

MAKEOVER

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Envision a healthier world.

Vitamins help maintain your family’s health and wellness as well as reduce global undernutrition. In Panama, Adelia has been getting vitamins for her 5-yearold granddaughter, Helen. Prior to the vitamins, Adelia

felt like Helen was often quiet, lacked an appetite, and was fatigued. Now she is more active, talkative, and asks tons of questions! Helen has since decided that when she grows up, she wants to be a doctor and help other people. Walgreens makes an automatic

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Get vitamins here. Change lives everywhere. When you buy any vitamin or supplement at Walgreens, you help provide vitamins that prevent blindness and other serious conditions for undernourished children around the world.

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Feeling Good

IN EARLY 2013, my son, Ronan,

What does it really take to be resilient? Emily Rapp Black finds out. PHOTOGRAPH BY Claire Benoist @clairebenoist

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@OPRAHMAGAZINE

Diagnosing Grief Complicated grief, a condition characterized by some experts as intense bereavement symptoms that last at least six months, is a controversial diagnosis among mental health providers. Some clinicians believe that a prolonged feeling of loss is normal and should not be pathologized, whereas others want to classify it as a formal disorder. While the debate continues, one thing is undisputed: Cognitivebehavioral therapy can be a helpful tool for those experiencing persistent grief.

PROP STYLIST: MEGUMI EMOTO

The Love Cure

died of Tay-Sachs disease, a rare neurological disorder with no treatment or cure that slowly destroys the brain. He was diagnosed at 9 months old and lived for another two years. During the last six weeks of his life, no longer able to swallow liquids, he received Pedialyte through a skinny tube in his nose. Two years later, I stood in a drugstore, staring at a shelf of Pedialyte, unable to reach for a bottle even though my young daughter, Charlotte, needed extra hydration during a nasty flu. I felt dizzy and disoriented. I had a vivid memory of Ronan: the warmth of his chubby body...and then, after he died, heavy as the newly dead. Taking a few deep breaths, I reminded myself: Charlotte is not dying. This is a different baby, a different life. You are safe and loved. Somehow I pulled it together, made my purchase, and drove home. I felt uneasy, ridiculous. When would I get over the trauma of losing Ronan? “You’re the most resilient person I’ve ever met,” a friend once told me. Was I? I’d always thought resilience was a kind of strength, but my episode in the pharmacy was one of many in which I felt anything but strong. What is resilience, really and truly? I wondered. And as I started to dig for answers, I found that it’s more dynamic—and collaborative—than I had expected. I contact licensed marriage and family therapist Linda Graham, author of Bouncing Back and an expert on the neuroscience of human relationships. When I tell Graham about the drugstore incident, she’s not surprised. She describes it as a classic post-traumatic stress response. “Will it always be like this?” I ask. No, she assures me. “We’re

Feeling Good

instilled, and even if our resilience is later challenged, we can change. “Our brains are trainable,” Graham explains. “At any stage of life, we can create new pathways with every thought and emotion.” In her practice, Graham encourages people to choose exercises that will help heal the psyche and the soul, thereby training themselves to transform a moment of criticism into one of self-acceptance. You can reframe a distressing event by remembering a time when you were confident and open. Say you mess up royally at work and are chastised by your boss. Rather than obsess over it, you should recall the praise you’ve received in the past and how good it made you feel, then remind yourself that this one error is not a testament to the sum of your skills. Graham refers to these as “Sure I can!” moments that replicate the feeling a child has when attempting a new skill. Without realizing it, I had done this during my panicky moment at the drugstore. Yes, I had stood there frozen, recalling the dread and helplessness of caring for a terminally ill child, but I also thought of my current life and its many joys. Graham tells me that I had

thought I would get to a point where I was “over” the trauma. Turns out, I was wrong. Cultivating resilience is unrelated to the clichéd notion of time healing all wounds; overcoming is not the end goal. Instead of moving on, it’s about living with what has happened. A resilient person is emotionally and psychologically flexible enough to allow the effects of a traumatic episode into her life, to “receive the shattering,” as Graham puts it, and use those effects for healing. This means accepting the feelings of despair, but also remaining open to the possibility of love and connection. Graham believes that finding someone—a partner, a sibling, a parent, a friend—who unconditionally loves you and asking that person for support is essential to developing the secure attachment necessary for recovery. While Ronan was dying and my marriage to his father was ending, I sometimes felt that I might die, too, of sadness. I experienced what Michaela Haas, PhD, author of Bouncing Forward, calls “the rattling of one’s core beliefs,” a deeply uncomfortable part of trauma that can build resilience. Although I had always known that life could be OPRAH.COM

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Don’t Feed Your Feelings Recent lab research suggests that a high-fat diet, which can result in weight gain and high blood sugar, may lead to anxiety and depression. While scientists are still studying the connection, one possible theory is that unhealthy eating habits can trigger a cascade of biological changes that impair emotional health.

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classes in an almost hypermanic state, wrote constantly, and exercised compulsively. I pushed hard at my life as if it would save Ronan’s, and it was when I became exhausted that I finally reached out for help from friends, from family, from a therapist. I talked and cried and raged with them, and they listened to me and held me and wept with me. Only then did I feel as though my life would continue after Ronan’s had ended—and that I might even be happy again. This shift mirrors the one Graham encourages her patients to consider: “Instead of ‘You can do this,’ the thinking shifts to ‘You are big enough to hold this.’” I grew to believe that Ronan’s death would not undo me. Now, three years after the death of my son, I am madly in love and relishing every moment of parenting a budding little girl. I am often surprised by this big life, and yet I was ready for it. I tell Graham that just moments after Ronan died, I felt a shameful sense of elation: Nothing will ever be this hard again, I thought. Not the death of my parents, not my own death. I’m heartened to hear her say that this is normal, and, in fact, a sign of resilience itself.

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Reading Room UPSTART URBANITES

The voracious star of a sizzling new novel wears brass knuckles beneath her velvet gloves. ILLUSTRATION BY Edwina White @winawoo

DEVILISH DIVAS

UDITH, the femme fatale of L.S. Hilton’s hotly anticipated thriller Maestra (Putnam), is as ruthless as they come. She steals art, poisons a friend, dismembers a cop, and— oh, the inhumanity—has sex purely for pleasure, or at least for the pleasure of dominating. Her carnal villainy has already led to a plum film deal for Hilton, comparisons to Gone Girl, and the water cooler question: Is she not just a bad woman, but bad for women? OPRAH.COM

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SAGACIOUS SEEKERS

The more apt question, however, may be this: What makes a woman who’ll do anything to get what she wants so threatening...and thrilling? Answers vary depending on what doomed bloke finds himself in Judith’s cross hairs. In the opening pages, that man is her boss at a British auction house, who dismisses her for revealing a painting to be a fake. He expects her to do what young assistants do when they’re sacked—sob into a Bankers Box of belongings and slink home. But Judith flips the script, embarking on a globe-spanning journey of reinvention, high-class orgies, and, at the right moment, revenge. Finally, though, it’s Judith’s modes of retaliation that make her a radical heroine. She deploys a uniquely female arsenal—spiking a cocktail with diet pills, gagging a man with a maxi pad, placating a pair of bodyguards by appearing nude in high heels—weaponizing femininity. Deadlier still is her ferociously modern ability to identify the rules of the rigged game we’re all playing and exploit them. She bats her lashes onto a billionaire’s yacht, understanding that society values beauty over authenticity. She doe-eyes her way through an interrogation, too waiflike to be culpable. And when it comes time to pilfer the painting that ended her career, she knows that even as its owner bleeds out, he won’t comprehend how his wealth could render a female anything other than docile. Yes, Judith is cruel to the point of repulsion and should be avoided by readers averse to violence and those wishing to eat sea urchin without sexual connotation. But for the rest of us, it’s hard not to feel vicariously empowered by a woman unapologetically in pursuit. Let’s call her the Sheryl Sandberg of sociopaths, leaning in to the hilt. —NATALIE BEACH

Reading Room

NOT FOR SISSIES Two writers consider aging and decide it beats the alternative. IF THE LAST 30 years of

—FROM LIFE REIMAGINED BY BARBARA BRADLEY HAGERTY

ILLUSTRATION BY Martin O’Neill @cutitoutstudio

will help you weather the winds, even if you can’t control them. I have a feeling I’ll be dipping back into this book whenever the waters get choppy. An equally strong-minded and sage partner on the journey is Diana Athill, a British editor and memoirist who’s been demonstrating admirable joie de vivre and purpose for nearly 100 years. Her slim, very smart, and funny Alive, Alive Oh! (Norton) is a gift for every reader who is old or hopes to be. Athill writes about the luxury of a good wheelchair, the importance of passion, the unimportance of fidelity, and the necessity of appreciating even a diminished life. And she bluntly contemplates death. At the heart of these tender, tough books is one unimpeachable lesson: Embrace it all, even the pain. —AMY BLOOM

A TRUTH UNIVERSALLY ACKNOWLEDGED The author of Prep reimagines a classic.

AKE THE Bennets,

Bingleys, and Darcys and relocate them to 21st-century Cincinnati, and you’ve got the idea behind Curtis Sittenfeld’s latest, Eligible (Random House). Chip Bingley is a Harvard-educated doctor starring in a reality show much like The Bachelor. Jane is the eldest of the Bennet offspring, nearing 40 and unmarried. In Bingley, Jane’s mother—desperate to ensure that M AY 2 0 1 6

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at least one of her daughters leaves singledom behind—senses an opportunity. A barbecue (instead of a ball) is hastily planned as the venue for their introduction. And Mr. Darcy? He’s recast here as a snooty surgeon from California who shares his disdain for Midwesterners with a party guest. Liz Bennet overhears. Frenemies are born. Of course we’re talking a spin on Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. And while a purist might initially bristle at the interweaving @OPRAHMAGAZINE

of original plot lines with contemporary elements including transgender marriage and the tech boom, even the most ardent Austenite will soon find herself seduced. The fun is in anticipating how Sittenfeld will break up the romance between Jane and Bingley and then reunite them; how the silly sisters—Lydia and Kitty—will embarrass themselves on American soil; and what will finally prompt the proud and the prejudiced to get over themselves and marry each other already. —LEIGH HABER

STANDING BOOKS: MARSHALL TROY

“Our default mode at midlife is entropy. But default is not destiny.... For every fork in the road, you are almost invariably better off making the harder choice.”

life are like an extended visit to a new country (inadequate infrastructure, disorienting surprises, failures in communication, unexpected fashions), I’ve found the perfect travel companions. In Life Reimagined: The Science, Art, and Opportunity of Midlife (Riverhead), Barbara Bradley Hagerty walks, bikes, and stumbles beside us through our 40s, 50s, and 60s and persuades us that not only is there no crisis, there’s mostly good news about these decades. She doesn’t say you’ll look as good in a bikini as you did at 20—I wouldn’t believe her if she did. But I don’t care much about bikinis these days, a feat that Barbara—her writing is so warm and open, we’re now on a first-name basis—counts among the benefits of getting to this point. Although the book is much better than a feel-good guide or an inspirational homily, it does the work of both those things, and more. Hagerty is a serious journalist whose bout with illness (she’s a former NPR correspondent whose vocal chords froze) led her to examine what she calls the midlife monuments: career, marriage, generativity (connecting with others). She opens our eyes to useful, undeniable rules for strong second and third acts: “Engage

Reading Room

ENCORE, ENCORE!

OUT OF SIGHT An acclaimed writer goes in search of an American legend.

THREE OPRAH’S BOOK CLUB ALUMS HAVE STIRRING NEW NOVELS OF HOME, FAMILY, AND LOSS. A TASTE: “I grew up to the sound of my parents talking in the kitchen on my mother’s nights off, and the sound of the sump pump when it rained. Sometimes, all these years later, I wake up in the middle of the night and think I hear one or the other....” —from Miller’s Valley by Anna Quindlen (Random House) “My father and Gloria weren’t in love, nothing like that. For love, for romance, we knew you had to be beautiful all the time and also you had to have little else to do.” —from The Excellent Lombards by Jane Hamilton (Grand Central) “The few bright amber leaves that spiraled down seemed to wrestle themselves free without benefit of a push, weary of holding on.” —from Two If by Sea by Jacquelyn Mitchard (Simon & Schuster)

IN Kill ’Em and Leave (Spiegel & Grau), National Book Award winner James McBride— heartsick after a divorce, broke, yearning—probes the myth of the enigmatic music icon James Brown. As he tracks down numerous associates, friends, and family members, McBride’s quest to figure out who soul’s mercurial godfather really was takes him to the Deep South and beyond. The result? A gorgeously written piece of reportage that gives us glimpses of Brown’s genius and contradictions, and leaves us feeling that he may have been, at the last, unknowable. —DOTUN AKINTOYE

ILLUSTRATION BY Mike Molloy @quietpoints

IT’S NOT JUST A JOB

as “strawberry...wild and small and individual,” until she gets pregnant and becomes “pomegranate...holding a million seeds of new, red life.” Prentiss seems to have her own version of this git; her sensual linguistic flourishes exquisitely evoke the passions we can feel for people and places we’ve known or are discovering. Tuesday Nights in 1980 (Scout Press) is a novel about art and New York City, love and disappointment. Again and again, the temptation is to underline passages: “She was a lime ater a shot of strong tequila.” “He began to remember all of the things that painting had once conjured for him: molasses, sand dunes, the feeling of holding hands.” There are riveting plots and subplots. A mother is separated from her child. A brother abandons his sister. An artist is rendered unable to paint. A city sells its soul. Still, the book’s magnificence remains in its shadings, descriptive and emotional. Toward the end, you’ll find yourself turning the pages slowly, sorry to realize you’re almost finished, thinking, as one character does about returning home: “But how can you go back? You have only just gotten here.” —L.H. M AY 2 0 1 6

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StoryCorps founder Dave Isay’s latest book, Callings (Penguin Press), is an anthology of first-person testimonials from subjects who love their chosen profession—from garbage collectors to philosophers. Isay’s intention in creating the book? To “help give you the strength to listen to that still, small voice inside, and discover the work you were born to do.” —L.H.

Reading Room

MOVERS & SHAKERS BEFORE Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love came along ten years ago, depression and divorce might have prompted visits to a therapist, not necessarily a trip around the world. How inspirational to its millions of readers was Gilbert’s saga of travel and transcendence? So inspirational that nearly 2,000 people wrote personal essays about how it galvanized them to make shits of their own. More than 40 of those pieces are collected in Eat Pray Love Made Me Do It (Riverhead), a love letter to Gilbert and to the power of change. —L.H.

Lab Girl

Alice & Oliver

by Hope Jahren

by Charles Bock

Jahren’s debut is a chronicle of her lifelong love affair with science—her sanctuary—and the people and plants she’s kept company with along the way.

Drawing on the death of the author’s first wife, this hauntingly powerful novel follows a family’s fight for survival in the face of illness. A stirring elegy to a marriage.

True Crimes

Once and for All: The Best of Delmore Schwartz

by Kathryn Harrison

Beginning with her 1997 breakthrough, The Kiss, about her incestuous relationship with her father, Harrison has probed a darkness few writers dare. These essays about abandonment, betrayal, and family life continue the excavation.

by Delmore Schwartz

An intimate collection that resurrects a prodigy’s literary life. Schwartz was a Brooklynite hailed as one of the most promising poets of the 20th century, only to die in obscurity in Times Square.

The Last Painting of Sara de Vos

All Tomorrow’s Parties by Rob Spillman

Equal parts suspense tale and exploration of beauty and loss, this vivid novel charts the journey of one 17th-century Dutch painting as it passes through time, nations, and the lives of all who touch it.

Our story begins at a rave in the shadow of the just-toppled Berlin Wall and then careens, the way savage-journey-tothe-heart-of memoirs do, into absinthe abuse and expat road trips, miraculously landing at a new understanding of home.

Even in Paradise

The Bed Moved

by Elizabeth Nunez

by Rebecca Schiff

King Lear in the Caribbean—except in this novel, the flattery and deceit of Glynis (Goneril) and Rebecca (Regan) lose out to the principled, honest love of their younger sister, Corinne (Cordelia).

A wildly assured debut short-story collection featuring tales of bat mitzvahs, high school ennui, nudist hot springs, and women much smarter than the men they’re sleeping with.

The Regional Office Is Under Attack!

Mount Pleasant

by Dominic Smith

by Patrice Nganang

Cameroon, 1931: Sara is ripped from home and given as a bride to the just-exiled sultan. She bears witness to a world where myth and colonialism commingle, in a fictional portrait of a rapidly changing country.

by Manuel Gonzales

The world is besieged by supernatural peril, and a team of female assassins is the only thing standing between the global citizenry and annihilation. So what happens when they’re threatened not by the forces of darkness but from within? OPRAH.COM

—N.B.

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PROP STYLIST: ROBIN FINLAY. REESE AND GAYLE: JAKE ROSENBERG OF THE COVETEUR.

May 2016 Status update! Social media offers thrilling possibilities galore— to learn, love, LOL, and meet new friends you really click with (page 138).... Come along as Gayle shares some fried chicken with charm girl Reese Witherspoon (page 154).... And don’t miss our roundup of brilliant beauty tricks, each designed to pretty up both your self and your selfie (page 162).... PHOTOGRAPH BY The Voorhes @adamvoorhes

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SOCIAL MEDIA SPECIAL

NOW CLICKING…

FALL IN LOV E

I’LL BE

SEEING YOU Kelsie Pelletier logged in to Skype—and found a connection. @pelletier_k

The Perfect Stranger How a case of mistaken online identity landed Emily Rapp Black in the arms of her soul mate. @mabelandelliott HEN I NOTICED, in July 2012, that I had 5,000 Facebook “friends,” I decided some paring down was in order. “I’m cleaning house,” I told my real friend Lisa. As I began wildly unfriending, a request popped up from someone I thought I knew. Okay, I thought. But you’re the last one. Two weeks later, Lisa wrote: “Who is this Kent guy in your feed? He’s handsome. Look at all that floppy hair!” “That’s my former student,” I said. “He’s married to a man, I think.” “I don’t think so,” Lisa said. “He wrote ‘Be still my heart’ under that picture of you in a corset.” Oh. I clicked on Kent’s page. Handsome was an understatement. He had big eyes and hands; long, strong legs; a fully fantastic head of hair. I wrote to him

asking how we knew each other. “We don’t,” he said. He’d friended me because he had read an article I’d written. We had lunch. Then a very chaste date, at a Jimmy Cliff concert full of New Mexico hippies. Then a not-sochaste date that ended at a campground. The odds of us connecting outside social media were slim. There was the 20-year age difference and our geographic distance (I lived in Santa Fe; he in Madrid, New Mexico, a tiny town several miles south that, lifestylewise, was about as far from my city as you can imagine). But by the following July we were expecting our daughter, and when she was 9 months old, we got married. I didn’t think happy endings existed, especially not those engineered by the Internet. Yet here I am, married to my soul mate, the truest, biggest, best love of my life. Thanks, Facebook.

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AT A PART Y in New York City in 2011, I met a cute girl named Steph who was visiting from L.A. We played beer pong and flirted; I assumed I’d never see her again, but sent her a Facebook friend request just in case. Over the next year or so, we liked and commented on each other’s posts about puppies and snacks. After one especially witty exchange, Steph privatemessaged me. Within days, our lighthearted responses became paragraphs-long replies. We told each other intimate details of our lives: my Southern Baptist upbringing, her dream of opening a restaurant. I insisted to my friends that I was just making a new pal. But after a few weeks of messaging every day, I realized I was lying to everyone, including myself. We scheduled a first date via Skype, and I fretted over lighting and camera angles—I wanted to look perfect when she (re-)saw my face. I worried she might lose interest entirely. But when Steph answered my call, she was smiling, holding a bouquet Their first anniversary: of flowers she’d Kelsie (left) and drawn on a piece Steph, September 2014. of paper. We talked for almost four hours. I moved to L.A. that fall, and we’ve been together ever since. We still like each other’s posts, only now we share our stories in person.

A FLICKR OF HOPE flickr.com/photos/kristinicole flickr.com/photos/n_ea_l I WAS WORKING a boring financial job in Los Angeles, suffering through a string of horrific dates (one guy asked if he could buy me a drink, then refused to pay; the rest were sex-crazed morons). When I joked about dying alone, I wasn’t entirely joking. But I did have Los Angeles, which I was in love with—I’d run around with my Canon, snapping

Soured on romance, Kristi Campbell poured herself into her photography. And then... palm-studded cityscapes. I posted them on Flickr, the photo-sharing site, where one day I noticed an artful picture of a Vespa scooter taken by a man named Neal. I clicked on the star icon. Neal returned the favor, liking and commenting on my work. The comments were faintly suggestive. We started talking on Gchat. In the weeks that followed, I spent an irrational amount of time gazing at his selfportraits. It all felt absurd: I had a crush on some guy from Flickr? Who lived in Northern Ireland?

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Then again, a little absurdity never hurt anybody. One day, I e-blurted something about my “Internet crush on you.” Neal’s response: “:)” He suggested we meet. We did. Two years, a half-dozen transatlantic flights, and a big move later, Neal and I are married. We live in Belfast and visit Los Angeles when we can. And while our love isn’t always picture-perfect, it does come pretty close. —AS TOLD TO L AURA BIREK

BRING A LOVED ONE BACK

HELLO AGAIN Victoria Redel lost her mother too young. Now she finds her again and again. @victoria_redel

“I DOUBT YOU REMEMBER ME, but for several years

I wore your old clothes,” Heather’s Facebook message read. Of course I remembered her! She’d studied at my mother’s ballet school, which Mom ran until, at 49, she suffered a massive stroke. I was 19 then, and 23 when she died. Heather continued, “Your mother gave me bags of your outgrown clothes. She was a very generous woman. I particularly remember her kindness as my own mother grew sicker and died.” I knew my mom had taken an interest in her dancers’ lives, but that she’d stepped in and helped Heather’s family was a revelation. Heather’s note didn’t just M AY 2 0 1 6

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bring my mother back; it brought her into sharper focus. Her dancers continue to reach out through social media. One wrote: “Your mom took me to get my first pair of pointe shoes. She made the moment so special. You felt to your bones you had achieved a wonderful goal.” This reminded me of how Mom, strict as both a teacher and parent, could also praise with dazzling specificity. When a student observed Mom’s shaky return after her stroke, I understood, for the first time, her resolve and passion for teaching—even after illness made it impossibly difficult. Thirty-three years after I lost my mother, her students keep returning her so generously to my life.

@OPRAHMAGAZINE

DR E AM A LITTLE DRE AM

HOMES

USER ERROR A technological hall of shame.

“I was on my way to the mall with my family, gossiping with my husband. Unbeknownst to us, my stepdaughter was quietly vlogging about our shopping trip for her YouTube channel. Turns out our conversation about someone we know who we thought was having an affair made the final edit. Oops.” —O copy chief Adrienne Didik

OF THE BRAVE When her husband deploys, Rachel Starnes goes to Pinterest to imagine permanence.

HEADPHONES: JEFF HARRIS/STUDIO D. PROP STYLIST: ALMA MELENDEZ. OPPOSITE PAGE: REDEL: GARY LUPTON/STUDIO D. HAIR: PAUL WARREN USING RENE FURTERER AT ART DEPARTMENT. MAKEUP: ANDREW SOTOMAYOR USING L’OCCITANE SHEA FACE SOOTHING FLUID. PHONE IMAGE: COURTESY OF VICTORIA REDEL.

@rachelsstarnes

HE LIGHT here, in this serene home I’ve made, is stuck at sunny midmorning. It’s always a weekend, always summer. Every room is one my husband could’ve just left to go grab a cup of coffee, and soon he’ll be back to enjoy it with me before our boys come thundering in. Except there is no midmorning light, no endless summer. I’m exhausted, huddled before my laptop in a temporary home in a temporary town, my toddlers finally in bed, four loads of laundry waiting. I’m scrolling through images I’ve gathered, which add up, detail by detail, to my Forever Home, where I fantasize about us living when Ross is no longer an active-duty navy pilot. I’m one of many military spouses curating such a home on Pinterest, a vision of the future to hold on to when the present is hard to bear. My husband’s absence

is a reality I’ve grown used to during his 12 years in the navy. This time it’s only a month. Sometimes it’s eight. For some, it will be forever. Perspective is important. Maybe it’s strange to focus on the kitchen island and claw-foot tub of a house that doesn’t exist. Or maybe it’s not strange for us wives to converse this way, pinning and repinning images, when there are so many things we can’t say—that we update wills with disturbing frequency, that we’re tired of repacking every eight months and watching the one we love leave. This is the house we can paint, where we can make plans that aren’t subverted by a last-minute change in orders. This is where Dad returns every night, where duffel bags aren’t packed and waiting by the door. These boards give us more than ideas about where we might want to live. They let us dream, for a moment, of finally coming home.

APPSOLUTELY FABULOUS

Jyst

OurPlan

This.

Three social media platforms you never knew you needed.

Describe your relationship issue (What does “I’m still technically married” mean?!). Jysters will decipher that cryptic text’s subtext and can vote on your next move.

Post an activity (a Zumba class, a playdate, dinner out), and your friends can join. Or make it visible to strangers, and if they ask to attend, approve or deny their requests.

On this news feed app, users may share only one link per day—the single article her followers simply must see. The result? A feed full of stimulating, urgent reading.

CHANGE THE WO R L D

Keeping the Faith

CAN YOU HEAR

ME NOW?

Wendy Montgomery refused to let her church shame her child—and went online to help other mothers’ children, too.

Tired of answering ridiculous questions, Sara Nović raised her voice on Twitter.

@wendymontgomery N THE WINTER OF 2012, Wendy Montgomery’s gregarious 13-yearold son, Jordan, suddenly changed. His grades fell. Sullen and withdrawn, he rarely spoke. “He was a different child,” Montgomery says. One afternoon, the worried mother of five skimmed through Jordan’s journal, hoping to glean the source of his sadness. “He’d written things that were innocent, very sweet, the beginnings of crushes,” she says. He liked the shape of a boy’s hand. He wished that in his school’s production of Beauty and the Beast, he could play Belle and another boy would be the Beast. It finally occurred to Montgomery: Her son might be gay. Acting on homosexual urges is condemned by the Mormon church, of which Montgomery, 40, and her family were devoted members. “I felt like I’d been punched,” she says. “But then my mama bear instinct kicked in: How do I protect him?” Montgomery and her husband, Tom, sat Jordan down and asked, “Are you struggling with feelings of homosexuality?” Jordan, trembling, couldn’t speak. “For a couple of hours we just held him,” Montgomery says. “We told him over and over how much we loved him and accepted him, that this changed nothing.”

ARE YOU ALLOWED to get married? Do you read Braille? Do your ears get cold in winter? As a deaf person, I’m sorry to say I’ve fielded all these questions. The hearing world’s prevailing ignorance has always irritated me, but one night several years ago I reached my limit. I was at a party in New York, in a warm apartment bustling with writers having smart conversations, when I found myself having a not-so-smart one. After politely replying—yes, my ears get cold; they’re attached to my head—I went up to the roof and cried. The next day, I joined Twitter. I wanted to raise the hearing world’s awareness, so I tweeted fact sheets about deafness and sign language. I also found a huge number of fellow deaf people. Slowly, Twitter transformed from a soapbox to a home base where I could chat with people like me— Nović is the author of the swapping jokes novel Girl at War (2015). about stupid questions, spreading sign language poetry and webcasts and music videos. Then last year, after The New York Daily News interviewed a hearing actress who was playing a deaf character—the latest example of Hollywood’s practice of shutting out deaf actors—the deaf community on Twitter rose up in protest. Eventually we got #DeafTalent trending, which landed us at a roundtable hosted by the National Endowment for the Arts. In a New York conference room, we talked about how to support deaf actors, writers, and artists. It was exhilarating to see a discussion of deaf art coming from real live fingertips. I wasn’t far from that rooftop of several years ago, but now I felt understood—and the ridiculous questions of old were nowhere to be found.

She wondered if she’d have to leave her faith. “I was willing to do it for Jordan,” she says. But then, at a Mormon LGBT conference in San Francisco, Montgomery met five other mothers of LGBT children. After a cathartic conversation, they continued their discussion on Facebook, where they connected with two other moms, forming a group called Mama Dragons. Now with more than 750 members, the group is an emotional outlet and a source of support. Assistance ranges from monetary—the group recently paid a semester’s college tuition for a student whose parents cut him off after learning he was gay—to the task of talking parents down when they threaten to kick their LGBT children out of their homes. “Often those parents just want somebody to feel their pain,” Wendy says. “And we can help, because we’ve felt it ourselves.” —ALEX ANDRA ROCKEY FLEMING

USER ERROR “A friend and I were Facebook private-messaging about the guys we had crushes on and sending photos back and forth. But instead of messaging her one particular shot, I accidentally pasted it into my Facebook status, which went out to all my friends. It was a huge picture of his face.” —O health editor Jihan Thompson

2016

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NOVIĆ: COURTESY OF SARA NOVIĆ. USB: JEFF HARRIS/STUDIO D. PROP STYLIST: ALMA MELENDEZ. OPPOSITE PAGE: BLAY: CHRIS CRISMAN. GROOMER: MARGO WILLIAMS.

@NovicSara

R EINVENT YO U RS E L F

HAVING HER

CAKE

Careful What You Click For

Manuela Kjeilen found sweet relief on the Web. @passionforbaking

Michael Fertik, a lecturer at Harvard Law School and founder of Reputation.com, talks cybersecurity.

ROM THE time I was a child in the Netherlands, I listened to my dad talk about the end of the world, which he always said was right around the corner. I grew up in a strict, almost cultlike Christian family: My siblings and I weren’t allowed to watch TV, read newspapers, or even play with girls who wore trousers. At age 18, I moved to Norway; I got married, divorced, remarried, and had five children. I’d been happily married for 19 years when my husband had a stroke. He couldn’t work, and our savings went to his medical treatments. So to help provide for the family, I started baking cakes and cupcakes for friends and local events. A friend recommended I create a blog to advertise my business—I was so unfamiliar with the Internet, I had to Google “blog” just to understand what she meant. Still, I took photos of my work and posted them on my site, Passion for Baking. Then I started using social media, and every like and follow felt like a miracle. I’m dyslexic and never finished high school, but I’ve published eight baking books, and I have a line of cake mixes, a TV show, an online magazine, and 1.3 million Instagram followers. Now when I reply to comments, I try to pick the smallest accounts, the ones with the fewest followers. I want them to feel that they’re valuable, too.

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@michaelfertik

Q: DO SNAPCHATS

REALLY DISAPPEAR? A: There’s ample evidence that they don’t. It wasn’t that long ago that 98,000 Snapchat files were released publicly when hackers breached a third-party app that let people save Snaps.

products. Your posts, purchases, browsing history— these are tasty bread crumbs because they speak volumes about you. Target, for example, knew a teen was pregnant before her own family did, all based on her purchase history. Q: DOES THE GOVERNMENT PUT MY FACEBOOK SCREEDS AGAINST CONGRESS IN A FILE SOMEWHERE? A: Unless you’re threatening violence, it’s more likely that you’re just influencing how your contacts perceive you—which is concerning since they’re in a position to potentially hire you or refer you for a job. Q: HOW DO YOU SPOT A CATFISH

Q: HOW DO I NAVIGATE

FACEBOOK’S PRIVACY SETTINGS? A: The settings change often, so it can be tricky. But the site’s Privacy Checkup feature can walk you through them. Q: CAN PEOPLE TELL FROM MY INSTAGRAM POSTS WHERE I AM? A: If your profile is public and you tag your location, anyone can see where they were taken. Q: WHO KEEPS TRACK OF WHAT I DO ON SOCIAL MEDIA, AND WHY? A: Companies mine the data we share to better market their

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(A PERSON WHO CREATES A FALSE PERSONA TO LURE THE LOVELORN)? A: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. If someone has a beautiful profile photo but few friends, or balks at meeting up, that’s a red flag. Q: HOW DO I STAY SAFE ON DATING APPS AND SITES? A: If you’re meeting up, have a public-places-only rule at first. Don’t add anyone to your social media—or share too many details—until you’ve met in person several times.

TWITTER: COURTESY OF TWITTERERS. OPPOSITE PAGE: DEVICES: JEFF HARRIS/STUDIO D. PROP STYLIST: ALMA MELENDEZ. MANICURIST: ANA MARIA. SCREEN IMAGES: COURTESY OF JEFFREY MARSH.

USER ERROR “I got a text from my grandmother, and she’d attached a handful of pictures of herself wearing only— and I can hardly bring myself to say it—panties. She meant to send them to a guy she was involved with. I can never unsee those photos.” —Jesse H.

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FI ND HEL P A ND HO PE

Rules of Engagement Before you hit Post, Share, or Upload, memorize writer and Jezebel.com founder Anna Holmes’s social media etiquette tips. @annaholmes 1

Don’t drink and tweet. 2

As with so much else in life—Botox, chocolate, reality TV—less is more. 3

If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t say it online. 4

You’ll never convince [insert name of political adversary here] of the righteousness of your opinion with a Facebook rant, so don’t even try.

THE

LIFELINE

The best response to mean people on social media is to (silently!) pity them, then forget them.

Kelly Link could barely keep it together—but she could still keep loved ones in the loop. @haszombiesinit

HEN MY DAUGHTER, Ursula, was born at 24 weeks, she weighed a pound and a half. She was covered in a fine, downy fuzz, her eyes still fused shut. As a ventilator kept my baby alive, I sat in a tiny, windowless room, crying and pumping breast milk. My husband, Gavin, and I were told to read and sing to her, that she would recognize our voices. We were told that when her condition stabilized, eventually, we would be allowed to hold her. And we were told by a social worker about CarePages, a Facebook-like site where patients post updates that friends and family can read and, in turn, reply to. As parents, there was so little we could do. We couldn’t touch, change, or feed Ursula. We couldn’t say when she’d leave the hospital. But with CarePages, we could tell everyone about her progress, and that meant

everything to us and to our families, scattered in Scotland and places even farther afield. Gavin, a fellow writer, posted dispatches, and our loved ones would share comments full of compassion, bad jokes, and sympathy: “Hugs and more hugs,” one wrote. “Whatever you need, neighbors: prayers, dances in the kitchen, happy thoughts, or lullabies. Just name it,” wrote another. Fourteen months after her birth, Ursula finally came home. When she turned 3, my husband wrote his last CarePages entry. Now she’s a thriving, book-loving 7-yearold. When I appear at literary readings, sometimes a stranger will approach me afterward and say, “I had a premature baby, too. I found Ursula’s CarePages. They helped me through a hard time.” Someday, I imagine, Ursula will read them herself. After all, those pages are her story—and the story of a whole community of people who loved her before they ever met her. M AY 2 0 1 6

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Remember that most important ideas require more than 140 characters to express, and that life has more nuance than social media can convey. 7

The more perfect a person’s life appears online, the more of a hot mess it probably really is. 8

No need to retweet or share every bit of praise someone throws your way. We know you’re special! 9

Social media is about engaging in a conversation, not a monologue. Save the proselytizing for your personal blog. Or your bathroom mirror. 10

If navigating Twitter or Facebook ever feels like too much to handle, remember: Your online persona is just one tiny facet of who you are. And it’s healthy—recommended, even—to take a break once in a while.

Bey, Ty (right), and pals find their light.

HOT SHOTS @tytryone

HUNTER: COURTESY OF TY HUNTER. PHONE IMAGE: GILLIAN MACLEOD. PHONE, POWDER, TRIPOD (THIS PAGE), AND USB (OPPOSITE PAGE): JEFF HARRIS/STUDIO D. PROP STYLIST: ALMA MELENDEZ. PHONE ON TRIPOD IMAGE: LUIS MARTINEZ/DESIGN PICS/GETTY IMAGES. REMOTES: GREGOR HALENDA. PROP STYLIST: MEGUMI EMOTO.

You can’t be Beyoncé’s stylist without knowing what it takes to look fly in a photo—which is why we asked Ty Hunter to share his selfie secrets. A great selfie is all about lighting, angles, and confidence. Daylight is always best for illuminating your face. People take restroom shots because they think fluorescents make you look glowy, but they also highlight skin flaws. Overhead lighting can emphasize

bumps and lines, too, so beware of standing below a lamp. You should have at least three go-to angles, so experiment with different camera positions at home. Generally, holding your camera above your eyeline and turning your head slightly is super

flattering. And don’t forget about the background. You don’t want it to look like the room you’re in was hit by a tornado. Instead of trashing a photo you don’t like, you can make some quick fixes using an app. (Facetune, for example, can whiten

teeth or even out skin.) But go easy on the adjustments, or you may end up looking like a cartoon character. If you have good lighting and believe the camera is your friend, you’ll be surprised by how little you need extra help.

Inspect These Gadgets Click this fun button, which acts as a remote shutter release for your phone, making arms-outstretched shots a thing of the past. HISY Bluetooth camera remote, $25; hisypix.com

Top-drawer tools to step up your selfie game.

When you’ve got a weightless, colorcorrecting face powder that illuminates your skin, who needs filters? Laura Geller Filter Finish Setting Powder, $32; laurageller.com

A protective phone case from Ty Hunter (see above!) with three light settings, so you’ll look flawless anywhere. Ty-Lite, $80; ty-lite.com

Wrap the adorable tentacles of this tripod around a tree branch or a street sign, so you can mount your phone in exactly the right spot. Joby GripTight GorillaPod Stand, $30; joby.com OPRAH.COM

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STAY I N T HE GA ME

NEW TRICKS Meet Ron Lehker, nonagenarian social media savant. ronlehkersrants.blogspot.com IT ALL STARTED WITH a list. I’d write down

free events around Washington, D.C.—lectures, concerts, things I wanted to see and try—and share it with friends via email. Then I realized it was selfish to keep the list to just us oldsters in a city full of young people, with their marvelous minds and limited budgets. So I created a blog to tell them about what our city has to offer— but they were far more interested in talking with a 90-year-old than they were in goings-on around town. They’d visit my blog just to ask questions: “Do you have advice for longevity?” (Spend time around young people.) “What kind of music do you listen to?” (Jazz from the ’40s.) “How do you feel about today’s youth?” (I love their zest for life.) They were seeking more than a history lesson; they were inviting me into their world. I decided to launch myself headfirst into the social media. I still blog. I Facebook. One of these days I might sign up for a Twitter. I also Reddit—it’s a site where users converse about all kinds of things, and where my “ask me anything” post received hundreds more questions: “What was your favorite decade?” (The present is hard to beat.) “Was the atomic bomb necessary to end the war?” (Necessary? No. The best tactical choice? That’s harder to answer.) “What was the worst fashion trend?” (Definitely the zoot suit.) Our modes of connection have changed so much in my lifetime. It was 1948 when I met my wife: I saw her in the library, asked if I could walk her home, and we stayed married until her death in 1995. It was 2001 when I met my current partner: I placed a classified ad for a companion, she responded, and we’ve been together ever since. Now it’s 2016, and I converse with thousands of strangers. I was a teacher and principal for 30 years, and I feel it’s my duty to keep educating. To do so, one must keep learning. The social media continues to evolve, sweeping us into new possibilities if we evolve with it and sweeping past us if we don’t. I, for one, don’t intend to get left behind.

CONNECT AND SHARE

TECH

SUPPORT Grieving a death, Molly Simms found comfort in a new domain. @TheMollySimms HEN MY LIT TLE brother, my only sibling, died last August, I canceled all plans, dodged phone calls, and curled inside myself like a fiddlehead fern. A few weeks later, when I lifted my head, it dawned on me that hardly anyone knew of his passing. My parents are nontraditional and private, so there hadn’t been a funeral or any official death notice. And yet the people in his life had a right to know. So I did what comes naturally in the 21st century: I posted about his death on Facebook. The idea of that information being broadcast next to FarmVille updates made my stomach roil. But I couldn’t figure out where else to share it. A group email was too insular. A newspaper, too 1953. So I scanned a childhood photo of us, him as a baby with dark saucer eyes and doughy, delicious, stubby little legs. I wrote a short missive about all the ways he was wonderful (how he doted on his shelter cats; his love for both heavy metal and the joyously vacant stylings of Justin Bieber) and the things I sorrowfully realized he’d miss out on: the latest Star Wars movie, his 30s. Then I hit Post, dropping that somber declaration into the mundane days of 527 of my closest “friends.”

EARBUDS: JEFF HARRIS/STUDIO D. PROP STYLIST: ALMA MELENDEZ. OPPOSITE PAGE: LEHKER: CHRIS CRISMAN.

The news hit my feed like a dirty bomb, and for weeks, my notifications were filled with expressions of suffering: some so loving I choked back tears at the office (“The world seems less bright now”) and some painfully off-kilter (a dashed-off “So sorry!!” felt like what you’d say to someone you’d kept waiting at brunch). But as each incredulous comment blinked onto my screen, I got a small hit of kindness, something I hadn’t realized how much I’d needed. My brother’s college roommate, my third-grade choral teacher, and a woman I met on a beach in Vietnam a decade ago: They all reached out to put their digital arms around me, reeling me in for a moment of communion. Posting my shell-shocked tribute still felt brutally raw, and it stunned me to think I’d placed my trust in everyone from my elementary school BFF to my former boss. But I’d needed to make the loss real, to let the world know. I’d taken a leap off a concert stage, and each of those comments was a hand underneath me, crowd-surfing me to my destination. I still don’t know quite where that is, but I know 527 people who might help me get there.

Coming Soon Manoush Zomorodi, host of Note to Self, the tech-focused podcast from WNYC Studios, predicts the future of Instagram and how we’ll buy toilet paper in years to come. @manoushz IT FEELS LIKE there’s a new app or platform being released every day—some new tool for communication or consumption. But we don’t want to mindlessly scroll for hours: We want deeper relationships, deeper focus, deeper experiences. We used to be fascinated by reconnecting with old high school friends, but now we’re figuring out how social media can actually help us. PEOPLE like visuals, so in the future, photo- and videocentric networks like Instagram will likely be king. Plus, visuals transcend language and generational barriers. A picture does the talking for you. APPLE is deploying location awareness technology with iBeacon, which means your Apple Watch or iPhone may soon ping you when you enter a store: You’ve bought Tide here before, so here’s a $2 coupon. Share it with a friend to get a bigger discount. That data might even be used to match potential friends: You’re both women in your 40s who love Tom’s of Maine—why not message each other? RIGHT NOW, Google is developing stratospheric balloons that provide Internet access, meaning that the whole planet may soon be connected to social media. Eventually everything—from booking a vacation to buying toilet paper—will become social as we share more data. Regular life won’t be separate from “social life”—it’ll be seamlessly intertwined.

TRICKS OF THE TRADE Crackerjack tips for making the most of your social experience.

YouTube

Instagram

Cut to the chase: To link to one specific part of a YouTube video, pause it, right-click on it, and select “Get video URL at current time.” It’ll start at the exact moment you want to share.

Hyperlapse from Instagram is an app that films high-quality timelapse videos, even while you’re in motion. Condense an entire soccer game or a knitting project to mere seconds.

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Twitter There’s a weird maple syrup smell in your front yard, and you want to know if anyone else in town has noticed it, too. Try the little-known advanced-search option on Twitter, which lets you hunt for geotagged tweets by the location where they were posted.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

ALISON TEAL storyteller, filmmaker, adventurer @AlisonAdventure

CATERS NEWS

Going Deep in the Maldives I was born on the floor of a log cabin, and my parents whisked me up one of the highest peaks in southern Peru when I was 2 months old. My dad is an outdoor adventure photographer and my mom is a naturalist, so I was essentially raised in a six-by-six-foot tent in various exotic places. I never visited Disneyland or Chuck E. Cheese’s: The ocean was my playground, and the shaman from Eat Pray Love taught me to paint. When I grew up, I started PHOTOGRAPH BY Mark Tipple @marktipple

filming and photographing all these mindblowing locations myself. Sometimes I describe myself as a female Indiana Jones with a pink surfboard, a camera, and a cause. I want to inspire people to travel and protect our planet. As a 7-year-old at the base of Mount Everest, I thought, When will I have a friend to share this with? Now the world has become that friend. I always want to be planning my next adventure. I want to surf every big, wild wave.

Reese Witherspoon

ANOTHER PERFECT L.A. DAY, made for an outdoor gettogether—warm, sunshiny, breeze rippling the backyard pool. But there’s something distinctly un–Bel Air in the air. The smell, for one thing, which is almost like...homemade biscuits. Could there be carbs on the premises? And coming from the speakers—is that Toby Keith, lamenting that if women come a dime a dozen, he ain’t got a penny? On the patio is the smoking gun: a cauldron of hotpopping fat. A deep fryer must be grounds for a citation here in the land of sea vegetables and hemp milk. Either the apocalypse has come or there’s a Southerner in the house. Fortunately, it’s the latter. In this case, the Southern girl is Reese Witherspoon, born in New Orleans and raised in Nashville. The actress and producer loves to throw a party, and today there’s a good excuse: She’s celebrating the first anniversary of Draper James, her line of fashion, housewares, and other little touches essential for gracious living. It’s a uniquely Southern combination of tradition (a monogrammed mint julep cup modeled after vintage barware) and humor (a tote bag that says TOTES Y’ALL, which is so popular, it’s sold out twice). “I wanted to make the kinds of things I grew up with and things that would make people happy,” she says. “Southerners don’t take themselves so seriously, and at Draper James, we didn’t want to take ourselves too seriously, either.” Reese herself is a blend of tradition and humor, with the look of a pretty and proper debutante and the laugh of a good-time girl. Her lemon-print Draper James dress matches her lemon-print Draper James plates. It’s an Elle Woods move, coordinating one’s outfit with the tablescape. In fact, a lot of the women Reese has played—from Elle, the frilly Harvard Law student in Legally Blonde, to Wild author Cheryl Strayed, who white-knuckled it along the Pacific Crest Trail—share the belief that if you’re going to do something, you should do it all the way. The philosophy is very Southern. If California entertaining says, “Hey, babe, it’s casual,” a Southern-style party says, “You’re worth the trouble, darlin’!”

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@draperjames

GUESTS OF HONOR: All clothing Draper James. From left, on Nyakio Grieco, founder of the Nyakio skincare line: Dress, $350. Sandals, Ann Taylor. On Heather Rosenfield, director of design development for stores and fixtures at Draper James: Romper, $295. Sandals, Jessica Simpson Collection. On Shannon Rotenberg, executive director of Just Keep Livin Foundation: Top, $165, and skirt, $225. On Gayle King, O editor at large: Striped dress, $195. Wedges, Kate Spade New York. On Reese Witherspoon: Dress, $250. Bangle, Tiffany & Co. Sandals, Sarah Flint. On Mary Alice Haney, founder and designer of luxury fashion brand Haney: Top, $165, and printed shorts, $150. Necklace, Erickson Beamon for Draper James, $175. Pumps, SJP. On friend Sarah Moritz: Bird-print dress, $195. Sandals, Malone Souliers. On Jessica Reagans, an executive assistant at Pacific Standard, the film production company Reese cofounded: Shift dress, $250. Sandals, Gucci. On Candace Nelson, founder and pastry chef of Sprinkles Cupcakes: Top, $165, and white jeans, $168. Sandals, Aldo. On Molly Sims, actress: Blue printed dress, $250. Pumps, Christian Louboutin.

@OPRAHMAGAZINE

THE BRIGHT SIDE Draper James doesn’t do black. “Color makes you confident,” says Reese. Tote, Draper James, $250.

The Nashvillian learned everything she knows about Southern hospitality from her company’s namesakes: her grandparents Dorothea Draper and William James Witherspoon. Dorothea, who drove white Cadillacs and always wore pearls, was a renowned entertainer. “She’d cook big Sunday dinners and send everybody home with leftovers,” Reese says. “And my grandfather would get up at 5 A.M. to pick vegetables from his garden and leave them for the neighbors.” On today’s guest list are several Southern transplants—including, if your definition of Southern is loose enough, O editor at large Gayle King. “I was born in Chattanooga!” she tells guest Mary Alice Haney, who grew up there, too. Never mind that Gayle lived there only 18 months—as far as Mary Alice is concerned, they’re compatriots. When Gayle admires her gold-and-pearl chandelier-style pendant, Mary Alice takes it right off her neck and hands it over, saying, “It’s okay, I know the owner!” The necklace is Draper James, of course. Each guest has turned out in the spring line: flirty dresses, tops, and shorts in fun stripes and cheerful prints, all inspired by vintage issues of Vogue, Southern Living, and House & Garden. On the buffet are Dorothea’s biscuits, corn salad, and famous fried chicken. Lest anyone feel guilty about the home-cooked sinfulness, the wings and drumsticks are piled on a Draper James tea towel reassuringly embroidered with HONEY, YOU’VE NEVER LOOKED BETTER. “Fried chicken is so simple, but it’s such a luxury to have it at home,” says caterer Annie Campbell, who often cooks for Reese. “This is a typical menu when she entertains, and people love it.” Apparently, you can take the girl out of the Gravy Belt, but you can’t take the Gravy Belt out of the girl: Another guest, Louisiana native Sarah Moritz, says she makes her gumbo with chicken instead of sausage, but she’ll never forsake bacon grease. (A Southern grandmother

PARTY HEARTY Actress Molly Sims takes a turn at the buffet.

would keep it in a coffee can. Sarah’s is in a discreet little bowl in the fridge.) At the table Gayle announces, “I saved most of my Weight Watchers Points for this.” In the ritual behavior of women everywhere who gather over fried food, the guests begin discussing workout routines. The subject is happily abandoned when the grapefruit gimlets arrive to a round of applause. Mary Alice asks Gayle what she thinks about the presidential election, and that’s when things get lively: Think Steel Magnolias meets Crossfire. But the conversation stays convivial, maybe because everything is so delicious. It’s the kind of food you’d bring to a family reunion or a friend in need. “Reese sent me a huge bowl of this corn salad when my son was born. I always say he’s practically made of it,” says Heather Rosenfield, director of design development for stores and fixtures at Draper James and one of Reese’s oldest friends. They met at 19 as across-the-hall neighbors. “We were both new to L.A., and neither of us knew anybody,” Heather says. “One day she knocked on my door, introduced herself, and said, ‘I noticed you don’t have any friends, and I don’t either!’ We went to Color Me Mine, the paint-your-own-pot place. I loved that she did that. It was so Southern.” OPRAH.COM

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The two of them wanted to give the Draper James store in Nashville that “do drop in” feeling, so they offer customers sweet iced tea—an idea met with skepticism by some colleagues north of the Mason-Dixon Line. “They said, ‘Who will make it? What if it spills? Can’t we do bottled water?’” says Heather. “But we told them, ‘It has to be sweet tea!’ We just give people lids.” They try to extend that neighborly spirit behind the scenes, too: More than half of Draper James’s products are made in the U.S., including many in the South, like jeans from Blue Ridge, Georgia. When it’s time for dessert, out comes the pièce-de-resistance-isfutile: Dorothea’s coconut layer cake. “Is this on Weight Watchers, Gayle?”

Reese asks as she dishes up a slice as big as Tennessee. “It’s only 39 points!” says Gayle, who admits that’s nine more than her daily limit. But she digs in. As a certain Southern lady once said, tomorrow is another day. Reese asks if she should send Oprah a slice, but Gayle reluctantly says no, figuring she’ll spare her friend the temptation. The hostess isn’t letting anyone go home emptyhanded, though—as the guests kiss her goodbye, she hands each a present. It’s a Draper James candle called Orange Blossom Special, named for the song Johnny Cash famously covered. Which calls to mind another of Reese’s strong women: country singer June Carter (Johnny’s second wife) in Walk the Line. Reese got an Oscar for that one. Soon the actress will go back to work, transforming herself into somebody else. But for now she’s just Dorothea Draper’s granddaughter, the role she was born to play. For details see Shop Guide. FASHION EDITOR: KELLY HILL AT SARAH LAIRD & GOOD CO. WITHERSPOON, HAIR: ADIR ABERGEL AT STARWORKSARTISTS.COM. MAKEUP: MOLLY R. STERN AT STARWORKSARTISTS.COM. KING, HAIR: TIFFANY DAUGHERTY AT EPIPHANY ARTIST GROUP INC. MAKEUP: CAROLA GONZALEZ AT FORWARD ARTISTS. OTHER GUESTS, HAIR: CORY AARON SCOTT AT THE GODDARD + BRAGG SALON FOR ORIBE. MAKEUP: LIZA ZARETSKY FOR DIOR COSMETICS. MANICURES: CHELSEA KING FOR REVLON. SET DESIGN: FI CAMPBELL AND TAMASIN REID FOR STILL SETS.

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Grandma Dorothea’s Buttermilk Fried Chicken Fried chicken is usually served on the bone, but Reese also likes using tenders for daintier eating. MAKES 8 SERVINGS. ACTIVE TIME: 1 HOUR. TOTAL TIME: 1 HOUR, PLUS 8 HOURS FOR

MARINATING. 2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken tenders 8 chicken drumsticks and thighs (3 pounds) 1 quart buttermilk 1 Tbsp. plus 2 tsp. kosher salt, divided 1½ tsp. ground black pepper, divided 2 cups all-purpose flour 1 Tbsp. garlic powder 1 Tbsp. onion powder 1 tsp. paprika Canola oil, for frying 1. In a large bowl, mix chicken tenders, drumsticks, and thighs with buttermilk, 2 tsp. salt, and ½ tsp. pepper. Cover and refrigerate 8 hours or overnight. 2. Drain chicken, discarding buttermilk. In a large bowl, whisk together flour, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, and remaining 1 Tbsp. salt and 1 tsp. pepper. (Alternately, combine flour mixture in a large paper bag.) 3. In a large, deep skillet, pour in 1" canola oil. Heat over medium-high heat until a deep-fry thermometer registers 325°. 4. Dredge chicken tenders in flour mixture to coat, shaking off excess (if using the bag, add chicken, close bag, and shake). When oil is ready, fry chicken tenders, turning occasionally, until deep golden brown, about 10 minutes. Transfer to a rack set over a sheet tray. Repeat with drumsticks and thighs: Fry in batches, adjusting heat so oil stays at 325°, about 15 minutes. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Reese Witherspoon @draperjames

com

The

BRIGHT

Stuff 12

Ingenious MAKEUP TRICKS To help you get your glam on with the glorious lipsticks, vivid eyeshadows, and luminous foundations you’ll be coveting this spring (see page 91), we asked a few of our favorite makeup artists to share their best secrets. PHOTOGRAPHS BY

Gary Lupton @garyluptonphotography

“When filling in eyebrows, use a shade that matches the lightest tone in your hair; otherwise, your brows will look too dark.”

eyes 2 “Before putting on mascara, close your eyes and apply a bit of loose powder to your lashes to create fullness.”

—PATI DUBROFF, Los Angeles makeup artist @patidubroff

3 “Set your brows with a dab of shea butter. It tames them more effectively than brow gel.” —ANDREW SOTOMAYOR, New York City makeup artist @andrewsotomayor

“This trick takes practice, but once you master it, it not only creates the illusion of fuller lashes, but also gives you a defined eyeliner look. Use your favorite gel liner pencil to draw a line across the inside of your eyelash curler. Then curl your lashes, pressing the base of the curler against your lid. Finish with a coat of mascara.” — JULIE TAING

— JULIE TAING, Sephora Pro lead artist @julie_taing

CoverGirl TruNaked Eyeshadow Palette in Goldens, $11.50; drugstores

5 “Make the most of your eyeshadow palette by creating flattering combinations: Start with the lightest shadow over the entire lid up to the browbone. Layer a slightly more pigmented shadow on the eyelid crease. Finally, apply the darkest shadow very close to the lash line and ‘smoke it out,’ blending it just a bit over the lid.” — JERRY JOHNSON, Laura Mercier global makeup artist @lauramercier

Philosophy Take a Deep Breath Cushion Color for Cheeks in (from left) Plum, Coral, and Rosy Bronze, $30 each; philosophy.com

6 “Apply a cream blush with a fluffy dome-shaped brush, swirling in a circular motion. That concentrates the color on the apples of your cheeks.” —EMILY K ATE WARREN, Los Angeles makeup artist @emilykatewarren

face

“For a smootherlooking complexion, use a powder brush to apply powder on clean skin, then top with liquid foundation.” — JULIE TAING

8 “When you’re dabbing highlighter on your cheekbones and under your browbone, trace a tiny bit around the edges of your mouth, too. It will capture the light, making lips look fuller.” — CARMINDY, celebrity makeup artist @carmindybeauty

lips 9

“For perfectly lined lips, apply liner while making a closed-mouth smile. It’s easier to draw along the lips when they’re taut. And it will help you avoid overfilling.” —SARAH LUCERO, Stila global executive director of creative artistry @sarahluceroglam

MAC Versicolour in (clockwise from top) Tattoo My Heart, Preserving Passion, and Resilient Rouge, $24 each; maccosmetics.com

10 “If you wear a bright lipstick, put it on before other makeup. When you see that vivid color, you’ll scale back on the rest of your makeup instead of overdoing it.” —EMILY K ATE WARREN

11 “You can make any lipstick matte: After you apply the lipstick, just add a touch of translucent powder to a sponge, press it over your mouth, release, and then press your lips together once. You’ll be left with a superlong-lasting matte version.” —RICK Y WILSON, Dior makeup artist @wilsonricky

“If you want your lipcolor to really last, start with a stain, then add a coordinating long-wear lipstick, and finish with a nourishing balm or oil.” —JOANNA SCHLIP, Physicians Formula celebrity makeup artist @joannaschlip

Hair: Paul Warren using René Furterer at Art Department. Makeup: Andrew Sotomayor using L’Occitane Shea Face Comforting Oil.

REAL LEAF - BREWED TEA. PURE AND SIMPLE.

Let’s Eat! SWEET PEAS QUICK PICKLES

SUPPER IN A SKILLET

FOOD STYLIST: EUGENE JHO

The Power of

PHOTOGRAPHS BY Marshall Troy @marshalltroy OPRAH.COM

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Let's Eat!

Soba Noodles with Sugar Snap Peas and Smoked Salmon MAKES 4 SERVINGS. TOTAL TIME: 30 MINUTES.

The crunch of sugar snap peas, the sprightliness of dill, the silky delicacy of smoked salmon—put them together and you get the very taste of spring.

2 ¼ 2 4 2 1½ 12 ½

Tbsp. wasabi powder cup lime juice (from 2 limes) tsp. finely grated lime zest (from 1 lime) Tbsp. vegetable oil, divided Tbsp. honey Tbsp. soy sauce ounces soba noodles pound sugar snap peas, stem end and string discarded, chopped 1 red bell pepper, cut into strips Pinch of kosher salt 2 ounces (about 2 cups) baby spinach 6 ounces thinly sliced smoked salmon, cut into strips

¼ cup chopped dill 1. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, blend wasabi powder with 2 Tbsp. hot water. Whisk in lime juice and zest, 3 Tbsp. oil, honey, and soy sauce and set aside. 2. In the boiling water, cook soba noodles until al dente, about 5 minutes. In a large, deep skillet, heat remaining 1 Tbsp. oil. Add sugar snap

peas, bell pepper, and salt and cook over medium-high heat, tossing, until just tender, about 3 minutes. Add spinach and stir until wilted, about 1 minute. Drain soba noodles and rinse under cool water. Using tongs, add soba to skillet along with reserved sauce, smoked salmon, and dill and toss well. Divide among 4 bowls and serve immediately.

Smoked Salmon Cakes with Seared Sugar Snap Peas MAKES 4 SERVINGS. TOTAL TIME: 40 MINUTES.

¾ cup mayonnaise 6 scallions, sliced ¼ cup plus 2 Tbsp. chopped dill, divided ¾ tsp. ground black pepper ½ tsp. hot sauce 8 ounces thinly sliced smoked salmon, chopped 1¼ cups panko, divided 2½ Tbsp. vegetable oil, divided 1 Tbsp. unsalted butter, divided 1 pound sugar snap peas, stem end and string discarded 1 Tbsp. lemon juice (from ½ lemon) ¼ tsp. kosher salt 1. In a large bowl, combine mayonnaise, scallions, ¼ cup dill, pepper, and hot sauce. Mix in smoked salmon and ¾ cup panko. Form mixture into 8 cakes. In a shallow bowl, pour remaining ¾ cup panko; dip salmon cakes to coat. 2. In a large, nonstick skillet, heat 1 Tbsp. oil over medium-high heat. Add ½ Tbsp. butter and, when melted, add 4 cakes; cook until browned and crisp on bottom, about 2 minutes. Flip cakes and cook until crisp, another 2 minutes. Transfer cakes to a paper towel–

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@OPRAHMAGAZINE

Smoked Salmon Panini MAKES 4 SERVINGS. TOTAL TIME: 35 MINUTES.

1 cup (about 5 ounces) cream cheese, softened ¼ cup chopped dill 2 Tbsp. minced onion 1 tsp. finely grated lemon zest (from ½ lemon) ¼ tsp. ground black pepper 4 Tbsp. unsalted butter, softened 8 slices rye bread ¼ pound sugar snap peas, stem end and string discarded, chopped 6 ounces thinly sliced smoked salmon 1. In a medium bowl, combine cream cheese, dill, onion, lemon zest, and pepper. 2. Heat a panini press or a large skillet over medium heat. Spread ½ Tbsp. butter on one side of each bread slice. Spread cream cheese mixture on unbuttered side of 4 slices. Press sugar snap peas into cream cheese side of bread and top with smoked salmon. Close sandwiches, buttered sides out, and place in panini press or skillet. (If using skillet, cover sandwiches with aluminum foil and top with another heavy skillet.) Cook, flipping halfway through, until toasted on both sides, about 3 minutes per side. Cut sandwiches in half and serve immediately.

HeaLthy deLiciouS

Includes TM

SmartPoints

values!

www.hmhco.com/cooking

No matter how busy you are, Weight Watchers Family Meals is your new go-to source for cooking inspiration.

Let's Eat!

Mixing Bowl

The makings of a delicious month, from sweet cupcake toppers to not-so-sour grapes.

Better Nut Butter For a spread that’s rich yet virtuous, try this DIY chocolate-hazelnut butter recipe from sisters Melissa and Jasmine Hemsley, creators of the blog Hemsley + Hemsley and authors of the cookbook Good + Simple. The surprise ingredient: black beans, which are loaded with protein. Great on toast or apple slices—or straight from the bowl.

PETAL PUSHERS When you want to share a little something sweet, there’s no need to choose between flowers and cupcakes. These delicate paper dessert toppers from Meri Meri make decorating as simple as swirling on frosting and arranging the toothpick-stemmed blooms on top. They’re darling by the dozen. ($20 for 12 toppers and 24 liners; shopterrain.com)

BBTELLA SPREAD In a food processor fitted with a metal blade, add 3.5 ounces (about ½ cup) hazelnut butter; 1 (15-ounce) can black beans, drained and rinsed; 4 Tbsp. cocoa powder; 2 Tbsp. butter or coconut oil; 4 Tbsp. raw honey; 2 tsp. vanilla extract; and a pinch of sea salt. (If using whole hazelnuts: First add 1 cup hazelnuts to a food processor or a high-powered blender and pulse until smooth. Then add other ingredients, plus 1 extra Tbsp. butter or oil.) Add more honey to taste. Store in fridge up to 3 weeks. MAKES ABOUT 2 CUPS. TOTAL TIME: 5 MINUTES.

Pickled Grapes

VINE DINING Grapes and cheese are a match made in heaven—and these quick pickles from Anya Fernald take an already delightful pairing to another level. The Belcampo Meat Co. cofounder and CEO and author of the new cookbook Home Cooked jars juicy grapes with garlic and herbs for sweettart bites that take just minutes to assemble. Try them alongside charcuterie, scattered on salads, or as a cocktail garnish for a burst of tangy flavor— there’s a bunch of possibilities.

MAKES 3 PINTS. ACTIVE TIME: 10 MINUTES. TOTAL TIME: 35 MINUTES (INCLUDING COOLING TIME).

2 3 3 2 ½ 2

pounds seedless grapes (6 cups), stemmed sprigs tarragon garlic cloves, crushed cups white wine vinegar cup sugar Tbsp. kosher salt

Pack grapes into 3 pint-size glass jars. Add 1 sprig tarragon and 1 garlic clove to each jar. In a small saucepan over medium heat, combine vinegar, 1 cup water, sugar, and salt. Bring to a simmer, stirring to dissolve sugar and salt, and then pour hot brine over grapes. Let cool to room temperature, then cover tightly and refrigerate. Pickled grapes are ready to eat in 1 day but taste best after 4 days. Store in fridge up to 1 month.

Eric Ripert, chef and co-owner of the New York City restaurant Le Bernardin and author of the new memoir 32 Yolks, @ericripert

Let's Eat!

The Heat

Is Off Laura Vitale, YouTube star and host of the Cooking Channel’s Simply Laura, has a few cool ideas for meals that are super tasty at any temperature. youtube.com/laurainthekitchen

cooking and eating real food. Of course, pulling together a piping-hot dinner every night is easier said than done. But plenty of dishes are just as delicious at room temperature or even cold, so you can whip them up ahead of time, pop them in the fridge, and serve without stressing. My favorite simple meal is the frittata, the omelet’s low-key cousin. I pair fresh spinach and asparagus with tangy goat cheese and eggs; fluffy cooked quinoa gives it extra heartiness. And refreshing lettuce cups filled with shrimp—mixed with my spicy, citrusy take on cocktail sauce—make a fantastic light lunch or dinner. Cannellini beans and roasted red peppers dressed with bright lime juice, cumin, and fresh herbs are a classic example of how a few simple ingredients can lead to a killer dish. And I’m always in the mood for black rice (a nuttier, more flavorful version of the pantry staple), especially tossed with veggies, luscious avocado, and my gingery, Asian-inspired dressing. At the end of a hectic day, it’s an enticing way to chill out.

cover, and cook over low heat until water is absorbed and quinoa is tender, about 10 minutes. Let cool. (You’ll have ½ cup cooked quinoa.)

Asparagus, Quinoa, and Goat Cheese Frittata MAKES 4 TO 6 SERVINGS. ACTIVE TIME: 30 MINUTES. TOTAL TIME: 1 HOUR.

¼ cup quinoa, rinsed and drained 7 large eggs ¼ cup whole or 2 percent milk 2 Tbsp. grated Parmesan ½ tsp. kosher salt ½ tsp. ground black pepper 1½ Tbsp. olive oil ½ pound asparagus, trimmed and cut into ½" pieces 1 shallot, peeled and sliced into half moons 6 packed cups (9 ounces) baby spinach 2 ounces herb-and-garlic goat cheese 1. Preheat oven to 425°. In a small saucepan, bring ½ cup water to a boil. Stir in quinoa,

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2. In a large bowl, whisk together eggs, milk, Parmesan, salt, and pepper until combined. Whisk in cooked quinoa and set aside. 3. In a 10" nonstick, ovenproof skillet, heat olive oil over medium heat. Add asparagus and shallot and cook 5 minutes. Add spinach and cover for 2 minutes. Uncover and stir until spinach has completely wilted, about 2 minutes. 4. Pour egg mixture over vegetables and stir gently with a wooden spoon for 1 minute. Cover and cook 3 minutes more. Uncover and scatter goat cheese over top.

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5. Place skillet in oven until eggs are cooked through, about 10 minutes. Slide frittata onto a platter and allow to cool for a few minutes. Serve warm or at room temperature.

PHOTOGRAPH BY Linda Xiao @linda.xiao @OPRAHMAGAZINE

FOOD STYLIST: REBECCA JURKEVICH. PROP STYLIST: KAITLYN DU ROSS.

MY CULINARY PHILOSOPHY is all about

Shop Guide PARTY TIME

@BAGSNOB

Behind the scenes at the “Southern Accents” (page 154) photo shoot, creative director Adam Glassman evaluates wardrobe options (dress, $225; draperjames.com), and hostess Reese Witherspoon stands tall.

SWEEPSTAKES NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. @Bagsnob Sweepstakes (the “Sweepstakes”). THIS SWEEPSTAKES IS IN NO WAY SPONSORED, ENDORSED OR ADMINISTERED BY, OR OTHERWISE ASSOCIATED WITH INSTAGRAM OR TWITTER. YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE PROVIDING YOUR INFORMATION TO SPONSOR AND NOT TO INSTAGRAM OR TWITTER. Sponsored by Hearst Communications, Inc. There are two (2) ways to enter the Sweepstakes beginning April 19th, 2016, at 12:01 A.M. (ET), through April 19th, 2016, at 11:59 P.M. (ET): (i) Twitter: Sign in at Twitter.com on a computer or wireless device using your Twitter account; follow @Bagsnob, @O_Magazine, and @Kohls; and like the “REED for Kohl’s” tweet on the @Bagsnob feed; or (ii) Instagram: Using a wireless device, follow @Bagsnob, @OprahMagazine, and @Kohls; and like the “REED for Kohl’s” photo on the @Bagsnob feed. Five (5) Winners will each receive a REED for Kohl’s handbag (ARV: $130). NOTE: If you are not an existing member of Twitter, you will be required to follow the directions to join Twitter at https://twitter.com/. Wireless entrants via Twitter must download the Twitter app by visiting their mobile phone app store and following the directions to join Twitter. When you join Twitter, you are indicating that you have read and agree to accept the Twitter Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Entrants via Instagram must register with Instagram to enter the Sweepstakes. If you do not have an Instagram account, you can sign up for one either at your mobile phone app store or at www.instagram.com. There is no cost to join Twitter or register with Instagram. Important Notice: You may be charged for visiting the mobile website in accordance with the terms of your service agreement with your carrier. Entries must be received before the end of the Entry Period. Entries become the exclusive property of Sponsor and will not be returned or acknowledged. Open to legal residents of the 50 United States and the District of Columbia, who are 21 years of age or older at time of entry. Entrants via Twitter and Instagram must have their Twitter or Instagram profile set to “public.” Void in Puerto Rico and where prohibited by law. Contest subject to complete official rules available at http://www.snobessentials.com.

BEAUTY O-WARDS

RENÉE RODENKIRCHEN OF THE COVETEUR (2)

SWEEPSTAKES

For more on Reese and the Draper James collection, check out thecoveteur.com.

(All prices are approximate.) COVER On Oprah: Top, Majestic Filatures, $135; Bloomingdale’s, 800-232-1854. Skirt, Halston Heritage, $385; halston.com. Earrings, $13,200, and bracelet, $9,600; Silvia Furmanovich; Neiman Marcus, 310550-5900. Ring, Julia Shlovsky, $4,400; 212-334-6700. Wedges, $450; jimmychoo.com. SOUTHERN ACCENTS PAGE 154 Assorted congratulations cards, $30 for set of 12; draperjames.com. PAGE 155 Dress, $250; draperjames.com. Emerald horseshoe ring, Huckleberry, $1,500; roseark.com. Solitaire ring, Smith + Mara, $1,255; roseark.com. PAGES 156 157 From left: On Nyakio: Dress, $350; draperjames.com. Jewelry, justicebodan.com. Sandals, $128; anntaylor.com. On Heather: Romper, $295; draperjames.com. Sandals, Jessica Simpson Collection, $89; jessicasimpson.com. On Shannon:

Top, $165, and skirt, $225; draperjames.com. On Gayle: Dress, $195; draperjames.com. Wedges, Kate Spade New York, $228; katespade.com. On Reese: Dress, $250; draperjames.com. Bangle, Tiffany & Co., $5,200; tiffany.com. Sandals, Sarah Flint, $750; modaoperandi.com. On Mary Alice: Top, $165; draperjames.com. Shorts, $150; draperjames.com. Necklace, Erickson Beamon for Draper James, $175; draperjames.com. Pumps, SJP, $355; couture.zappos.com. On Sarah: Dress, $195; draperjames.com. Sandals, Malone Souliers, $785; matchesfashion.com. On Jessica: Dress, $250; draperjames.com. Sandals, Gucci; similar styles at gucci.com. On Candace: Top, $165, and jeans, $168; draperjames.com. Sandals, Aldo, $90; aldoshoes.com. On Molly: Dress, $250; draperjames.com. Pumps, $695; christianlouboutin.com. Cocktail napkins in collaboration with Lettermade, $58 for set of 4; draperjames.com. Tote, $250; draperjames.com. On Sarah: Necklace,

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. Oprah Beauty O-Wards Sweepstakes. Sponsored by Hearst Communications, Inc. Beginning April 12, 2016, at 12:01 A.M. (ET), through May 9, 2016, at 11:59 P.M. (ET) (the “Entry Period”), go to oprah.com/beautyowards2016 on a computer or a wireless device and complete and submit the entry form pursuant to the onscreen instructions. Important Notice: You may be charged for visiting the mobile website in accordance with the terms of your service agreement with your carrier. Odds of winning will depend upon the total number of eligible entries received. Four (4) Winner(s) will each receive a Prize Package consisting of (i) a collection of makeup from the 2016 Oprah Beauty O-Wards (ARV: $3,309); and (ii) a $764 check (ARV: $764), which Winner may use to help defray any tax liability they may incur in connection with their acceptance of the Prize Package, or otherwise at Winner’s sole discretion. Open to legal residents of the 50 United States and the District of Columbia who are 21 years or older at time of entry. Void in Puerto Rico and where prohibited by law. Sweepstakes subject to complete official rules, available at oprah.com/beautyowards2016.

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Erickson Beamon for Draper James, $185; draperjames.com. PAGE 158 Lemon dinner plates, $38 for set of 4; draperjames.com. Magnolia paperweights, $98 each; draperjames.com. Small pillows, $150 each; draperjames.com. Table runner, $32; draperjames.com. Charmed tray, $18; draperjames.com. Magnolia placemats, $29 for set of 12; draperjames.com. PAGE 159 Sweet as Sugar plates, $38 for set of 4; draperjames.com. Mint julep cups, $95 each; draperjames.com. PAGE 160 From left: Bucket bag, $295; draperjames.com. Perforated tote, $250; draperjames.com. Floral tote, $165; draperjames.com. Mini tote, $325; draperjames.com. Straw tote, $245; draperjames.com. Totes Y’all tote, $185; draperjames.com. PAGE 161 Candles, $42 each; draperjames.com. Round tray, $78; draperjames.com. Serving dish, $28; draperjames.com. Lettermade guest towels, $68; draperjames.com.

W hat I Know for Sure

S And enhanced the way we communicate with the world. Everybody gets a stage to proclaim, “This is not just what I’m doing—this is who I am and what I love!” I marvel at the instant connection, at the power of these new platforms. I try to use them judiciously. I’ll have a tweetfest during shows I like...#SuperSoulSunday. I use Facebook to spread ideas and get feedback...like with OWN’s multicultural spirituality series #Belief. On Instagram, I share moments that make me smile. (If you ask me, pictures are worth thousands of words.) When the haters show up, I shut down. I’ve learned not to respond to negativity. Responding only gives it more voice and power. What I know for sure: For me, social media is about spreading the frequency of good vibrations. Hope you enjoy some of my favorite Insta smiles....

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@OPRAHMAGAZINE

EMOJI: COURTESY OF APPLE

SOCIAL MEDIA HAS CHANGED THE WAY we see each other—literally.

by Lane C.