Parents - September 2020 by Lawrence Ambrocio

Chance and Kirsten Bennett with Marli and Kensli

SEPTEMBER 2020 PARENTS.COM

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CONTENTS

Back to School I N E V E RY I S S U E

2020

6 Editor’s Note 9 Let’s Get Real 14 You’re Welcome

KI D S

144 Giggles

17 News + Ideas Get kids in on family chores, plant a veggie garden together, and more. 22 Stock Your Medicine Cabinet Like a Pediatrician We asked doctor moms and dads for the essential products to keep on hand. 29 School Is in Session (Kind Of) Our welcome to the back-toschool season, even with the uncertainty it brings 30 Get Them to Love Learning Again Cool ways to tap into kids’ curiosity for any subject

CHANCE THE RAPPER ON FATH E R H O O D, 2020-STYLE

38 A Fun First Week Starts Here! Creative new traditions and clever ideas to celebrate the next grade 44 The New Lunch Math Start with their fave foods (pasta! chicken! eggs!), and let the options add up.

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CONTENTS

56 Storytime Fresh reads your child will love, including LeBron James’s latest 58 Your Kid Doesn’t Need to Be the Best This year, reimagine what success really means. 64 Easy Breakfasts With a Healthy Bonus Blueberry-zucchini bread, apple smoothies, and more 70 Animal House! Meet Colton and his goldendoodle, Sully.

in the age of social distancing 88 The Emotional Scars of C-Sections Why cesareans feel different—and how to make peace with them

114 On Your Mark, Get Set, Hike! A guide to enjoying the outdoors as a family—yes, even for non-nature types

LI FE

120 Every Night Is Theme Night Pasta Monday, Sheet-Pan Thursday, and more delicious ways to put the dinner planning on autopilot

73 The Best of Beauty Mom-tested winners of our annual beauty awards 80 Chance the Dad Cover star Chance the Rapper talks parenthood and this historic moment. 84 Find the Mom Friend You Need Tips on connecting, even

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108 Pantry All-Stars These grocery staples and snacks were voted best.

92 Do You Love Your Kids More Than You Love Your Partner? One therapist’s take on some common emotions

99 Tame Toy Chaos Pro organizers’ hacks for a tidier, happier playspace

YO U

104 Ready for a Fur Baby? Things to consider before adopting a family pet

ON THE COVER

FPO

Chance the Rapper and Kirsten Bennett with their daughters, Kensli, 5 years, and Marli, 1 year. Photograph by Justin French. Chance’s wardrobe styling by DJ Smedley and Raissa Gomes. Chance’s hairstyling by Youssef Eltoweissy. Chance’s grooming by Tia Dantzler. Kirsten’s wardrobe styling by Yety Akinola for The Brooks Agency. Kirsten’s hairstyling by Erica Franklin. Kirsten’s makeup by Tia Dantzler. Children’s wardrobe styling by Jill Rothstein for the Wall Group. On Chance: Shirt, Polo Ralph Lauren. Jacket, OAMC. Pants, Gucci. Sneakers, Common Projects. Hat, Chance the Rapper. On Kirsten: Bodysuit, Mara Hoffman. Pants, Alexander Wang. Shoes, Golden Goose. Gold chain, Cynthia Rowley. On Kensli: Jumpsuit, Pink Chicken from Maisonette. Socks, Bobo Choses from Ladida. Sneakers, Maisonette. Backpack, OMG Accessories from Maisonette. On Marli: Sproet and Sprout from Ladida. Illustration and design by Erin Jang.

130 Your Guide to Giving an Allowance It’s not too early: Take steps to teach lifelong money-managing skills.

AG E S + STAG E S 137 Pregnancy Ease stomach problems. 137 0–12 Months Recognize and treat allergic reactions. 138 1–2 Years Encourage fine motor skills. 138 3–4 Years Understand tantrums and manage them better. 140 5–6 Years Show them how to take care of hygiene basics. 140 7–9 Years Handle the highs and lows of early friendship. 142 10–12 Years Have a talk about shaving.

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What self-care ritual has been your savior in recent months?

“Hiding in the bathroom and doing a rose facial-mist spritz. I feel like I’m at a spa for a few seconds.”

“Baking and then eating the goods has been a bonus.”

JULIA EDELSTEIN Editor-in-Chief Executive Creative Director AGNETHE GLATVED Executive Editor MIRANDA VAN GELDER Managing Editor PATRICK MOFFITT Deputy Editor DIANE DEBROVNER Food and Lifestyle Director YOLANDA WIKIEL Beauty Director KATE SANDOVAL BOX Senior Editor, Features KATIE ARNOLD-RATLIFF Senior Editor, Books and Travel KAREN CICERO Entertainment Editor JESSICA HARTSHOR N Staff Health Editor EMILY ELVERU Associate Editor, Beauty SHANNON M. BAUER Editorial Assistant KYLEIGH LEDDY ART & PRODUCTION Art Director EMILY FURLANI Associate Art Director JAMIE LEE Senior Designer MARIA FERNANDEZ-DAVILA Art Assistant AVA BRAMSON Production Director VINCENT M. SPINA PHOTO

“My Absolut Citron.”

Photo Director MARY CLARE CAHILL Photo Editor JOANNA MUENZ Photo Coordinator MAGGIE BLATTEL Associate Photo Editor ERIKA THOMPSON RESEARCH & COPY Research Director BARBARA BRANDON-CROFT Copy Chief JEAN RODIE Copy Editor SHELLEY WOLSON Test Kitchen Project Manager LINDA BREWER, R.D.N.

“I recently gave myself

subtle highlights, and it’s the best I’ve felt in weeks!”

Deputy Managing Editor TARA LUSTBERG Executive Operations Coordinator, Office of Editor-in-Chief ADRIENNE FARR

MARK JOSEPHSON Senior Vice President, Group Publisher Sales Manager, Meredith Parents Network DONNA LINDSKOG

ADVERTISING SALE S West Coast Director JULIE BANFIELD Advertising Sales Staff ALYSSA CRAMER COHEN, CATHERINE DAUN, ANNE GILHOOL, MOLLY THOMPSON, MARIA TOCCO TORRES, NADINE WAXENBERG Assistants BRIDGET CORRY, BRITTON FORKER Parents.com Advertising Director ALISA JANOWITZ GOLUB Sales Director, Direct Media TYLER HUB National Travel Director MELISSA LUEBBE Senior Research Manager ALISON JAYE

Executive Editor JULIA DENNISON Deputy Editor MELISSA BYKOFSKY Senior SEO Editor LIZ LASHWAY Features Editor ANNA HALKIDIS Social Media Editor GILLIAN NIGRO SEO Writer NICOLE HARRIS Associate Editor LIBBY RYAN Associate Producer FRANCESCA SPATOLA ADVISORY B OARD Pediatrics ARI BROWN, M.D., DAVID L. HILL, M.D., HARVEY KARP, M.D., JANE MORTON, M.D., NATALIE D. MUTH, M.D., M.P.H., R.D.N., IRWIN REDLENER, M.D., MICHAEL RICH, M.D., M.P.H., HARLEY A. ROTBART, M.D., DARSHAK SANGHAVI, M.D., JENNIFER SHU, M.D., WENDY SUE SWANSON, M.D., M.B.E. Nutrition JILL CASTLE, R.D.N., CONNIE DIEKMAN, R.D. Mental Health DAVID FASSLER, M.D., HAROLD S. KOPLEWICZ, M.D., REBECCA LANDA, Ph.D., TIMOTHY L. VERDUIN, Ph.D. Environmental Health AARON BERNSTEIN, M.D., M.P.H., PHILIP LANDRIGAN, M.D. Dentistry LEZLI LEVENE HARVELL, D.M.D. Child Development and Behavior LISA DAMOUR, Ph.D., “Evening WAYNE FLEISIG, Ph.D., EILEEN KENNEDY-MOORE, Ph.D., walks with my WENDY MOGEL, Ph.D., MICHAEL THOMPSON, Ph.D. husband. It Women’s Health ALICE D. DOMAR, Ph.D., gets me out of MARJORIE GREENFIELD, M.D., LAURA RILEY, M.D., the house, away ALEXANDRA SACKS, M.D. from work, and Education and Child Care DEBORAH STIPEK, Ph.D., gives us time to CATHY VATTEROTT, Ph.D. Allergy WILLIAM E. BERGER, M.D., HUGH SAMPSON, M.D. connect.” Emergency Medicine and Safety MARTIN EICHELBERGER, M.D., WENDY L. HUNTER, M.D., GARY A. SMITH, M.D., Dr.P.H. Sleep JODI MINDELL, Ph.D., JUDITH OWENS, M.D. Dermatology LAWRENCE F. EICHENFIELD, M.D., JODY ALPERT LEVINE, M.D.

Christmas music at night to help me fall asleep.”

MARKETING Group Marketing Director KRISTEN STUCCHIO-SUAREZ Senior Marketing Manager JUDY SCHIFFMAN Marketing Manager MARNIE DOWLER Marketing Coordinator DIANA ZULUAGA Group Creative Director JEANETTE CHOW Art Director TRACY D’AGOSTINO Associate Art Director DAVID L. TRACY A D M I N I S T R AT I O N Executive Business Director JANICE CROAT Business Manager MEGAN WOOD Advertising Business Manager BOB PARLAPIANO Consumer Marketing Manager RACHEL BLACK Production Director MELANIE STOLTENBERG Production Manager COURTNEY PETERSON Advertising Production Supervisor ALI FELSENTHAL Director of Quality JOSEPH KOHLER Quality Analyst BEN ANDERSON Prepress Desktop Specialist GREG FAIRHOLM

Contributing Editors DAPHNE de MARNEFFE, Ph.D., SALLY KUZEMCHAK, R.D., ERIN ZAMMETT RUDDY, COLBY SHARP, VIRGINIA SOLE-SMITH D I G I TA L

“I know it sounds corny, but I listen to

MEREDITH NATIONAL MEDIA GROUP President, Meredith Magazines DOUG OLSON President, Consumer Products TOM WITSCHI President, Chief Digital Officer CATHERINE LEVENE Chief Business and Data Officer ALYSIA BORSA Chief Revenue Officer MICHAEL BROWNSTEIN Marketing and Integrated Communications NANCY WEBER

“Running has been lovely. Our neighborhood is full of roses, and I don’t have to stop to smell them!”

Senior Vice Presidents Consumer Revenue ANDY WILSON Corporate Sales BRIAN KIGHTLINGER Direct Media PATTI FOLLO Research Solutions BRITTA CLEVELAND Strategic Sourcing, Newsstand, Production CHUCK HOWELL Digital Sales MARLA NEWMAN The Foundry MATT PETERSEN Product and Technology JUSTIN LAW Vice Presidents Finance CHRIS SUSIL Business Planning and Analysis ROB SILVERSTONE Consumer Marketing STEVE CROWE Brand Licensing TOYE CODY, SONDRA NEWKIRK Corporate Communications JILL DAVISON

“Working out in the a.m. before anyone in the family wakes up.”

Vice President, Group Editorial Director LIZ VACCARIELLO Director, Editorial Operations and Finance ALEXANDRA BREZ MEREDITH CORPORATION President and Chief Executive Officer TOM HARTY Chief Financial Officer JASON FRIEROTT Chief Development Officer JOHN ZIESER Chief Strategy Officer DAPHNE KWON President, Meredith Local Media Group PATRICK McCREERY Senior Vice President, Human Resources DINA NATHANSON Chairman STEPHEN M. LACY Vice Chairman MELL MEREDITH FRAZIER

© Copyright Meredith Corporation 2020. All rights reserved. Parents is a registered trademark of Meredith Corporation, registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. Executive, editorial, and advertising offices: 225 Liberty Street, New York, NY 10281. Email: writeus@parents.com. Submission of your material constitutes permission for Meredith Corporation to allow its use in any media. Subscribers please note: Our subscribers list is occasionally made available to carefully selected firms whose products may be of interest to you. If you prefer not to receive info from these companies by mail or by phone, please let us know. Send your request and your mailing label to Parents Customer Service, P.O. Box 37508, Boone, IA 50037-0508. Subscription help: Visit us at parents.com/myaccount, email pmmcustserv@cdsfulfillment.com, or call 800-727-3682. For syndication or international licensing requests or reprint and reuse permission, email syndication@meredith.com. Printed in the U.S.A.

EDITOR’S NOTE

“ O K AY, L E T M E

get the app open. One sec. Shoot, I screwed this up ... Now I’m ready,” I say. I am standing in the kitchen, one eye on the clock, trying to film my son’s final kindergarten assignment before my own virtual staff meeting starts in five minutes. “Joey, your teacher wants to know what you found most challenging this year. Go!” My son squints his eyes, crosses his arms, and mutters three words to the camera: “Working with Mommy.” He is putting it mildly. Believe me when I say that I am a terrible kindergarten teacher. As an impatient perfectionist, I’d fare poorly in this role under normal circumstances. Add a scary pandemic, no child care, a 3-year-old, who is, well, 3,

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a more-than-full-time job ... and I think you get the idea. Have I mentioned lately that teachers are underappreciated—even as they go above and beyond? The spring day when virtual school ended was bittersweet at my house. As we celebrated with s’mores, I wallowed in my own disappointment, accepting—finally—that I hadn’t been able to turn my kids’ attitudes around. I soothed myself with one thought: Somehow, I will make school better in the fall. Over the past six months, the Parents team has been figuring out how to pull off this feat, not just for my boys, of course, but for all kids. I will not sugarcoat reality. Families face a Herculean challenge this year. Even

What Are Your Back-to-School Concerns? Simply hover your phone’s camera over the smart code or email JuliaE@parents.com.

BEHIND THE SCENES OF OUR SEPTEMBER ISSUE This is the fourth issue the Parents team has produced while working 100 percent remotely. “How do you all do it?” is a question I get a lot, and “Ingenuity” is always my answer. September is our biggest issue of the year, so it seems like the perfect time to let you in on a few secrets.

To produce “A Fun First Week Starts Here!” (page 38), photographer Sandra Freij used her own three kids as models. “Doing their hair, creating the set, keeping them happy, and taking pictures all at the same time was a completely new experience for me!” she said.

Executive creative director Agnethe Glatved traveled from New York City to Chicago to be at our cover shoot with Chance the Rapper. Thanks to Agnethe’s MVP husband, Matthew Septimus, for driving so she could avoid an airplane!

Hello, makeup! Beauty editors Kate Sandoval Box and Shannon M. Bauer tried nearly 800 nominated beauty products, then asked a squad of 30 moms to test 200 finalists from home. (Phew!) Don’t miss the winners in our 2020 Beauty Awards (page 73).

ZOE ADLERSBERG. WARDROBE STYLING BY CONNIE BERG. MAKEUP COURTESY OF MAKE UP FOR EVER. RIGHT, FROM TOP: COURTESY OF SANDRA FREIJ; COURTESY OF PARENTS STAFF (2).

Back to School, Somehow

parents like me with ample resources feel overwhelmed by uncertainty. In its most basic form, school is intended to provide structure and child care—two things families need to thrive. We can all do our part by social distancing and wearing masks, but whether it is safe for buildings to stay open is largely out of our hands. Still, I believe we can make a difference for our kids, simply by focusing on the elements we can control. In this year’s back-toschool section (page 29), experts weigh in on how to reframe our expectations, reignite our kids’ passion for learning, and make plans that will bend, not break. Plus, on page 80, cover stars Chance the Rapper and Kirsten Bennett remind us that no matter what happens, we are in charge of our values—and can teach our kids some of life’s most important lessons. And don’t worry, there’s fun in here too! It wouldn’t be the September issue without ideas for lunch, weekends, celebrations, and much more. So deep breath, readers. With a little luck, we can make this year a winner. Game faces, masks, and iPads on!

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• THIS

LIFE

So True!

R E L AT E . R E J O I C E . R E AC T. R E M I N I S C E .

We asked some of our fave moms and dads: What lessons from school has your kid taught you?

“Ella would be a great coach. When her dad gets frustrated with a game, Ella shrugs and says, ‘Just do your best, Dad.’ Once when I was about to kill a bug she said, ‘No, Mom! He needs to get home to his family!’ ”

“Philosophy. Three years ago, a house we were staying in got burglarized, and my oldest, who was 5 at the time, said, ‘I’m sure that the people who stole needed it more than we did. They probably wrote a letter to explain, but a bird took it.’ That’s Buddha wisdom.”

—actress Tika Sumpter, mother of one, of ABC’s Mixed-ish and cofounder of the lifestyle site Sugaberry.com

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: JON KOPALOFF/STRINGER/GETTY; MICHAEL TRAN/STRINGER/GETTY; GARY GERSHOFF/CONTRIBUTOR/GETTY; JEFF VESPA/CONTRIBUTOR/GETTY; JIM SPELLMAN/CONTRIBUTOR/GETTY.

—actor Dan Fogler, father of two, of AMC’s The Walking Dead and the Fantastic Beasts movie series

“Fractions. School at home wasn’t easy, but Kennedy finished strong in the fractions department. I don’t think I learned them as early as third grade. Safe to say I’m still going to need some extra work.”

“Thanks to a solid six months in kindergarten, then some intense mom-guided distance learning, my son Delano quizzes me in math—and I am not good at math. I’m convinced he takes pleasure in making his father feel intellectually inferior to a 6-year-old.“

—former wide receiver for the New York Giants Victor Cruz, father of one

—news anchor Craig Melvin, father of two, of NBC’s Today and MSNBC

“Albee teaches us how to make friends. He’s so good at breaking the ice. He just brings up whatever’s on his mind, and a conversation starts right away.” —actress Katie Lowes, mother of one, of ABC’s Scandal and her own parenting podcast, Katie’s Crib

—Jessica Hartshorn

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LET’S GET REAL

College Courses for Your Preschooler If your 3-year-old could register for classes ... M AT H 3 8 9 :

Probability L E S S ON F R OM M Y L I T T L E ON E

Kids Understand More Than We Even Realize I fretted over how to explain to my daughter why she doesn’t have a dad. Then I heard her tell her teacher all about it. I ADORE

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my 3-year-old, Madison, and can’t imagine life without her. She was conceived with donor sperm, which makes me a single mother by choice. This is my journey, and I am comfortable with it. But I made a big decision for my child, which is not to have a biological dad in her life. I’ve made sure to focus on what Madison does have instead of what she doesn’t. Before she could talk, I’d tell her how much love surrounded her, naming each family member: Mommy, Uncle P., Grandma, Auntie, and so on. She is the youngest, so we all dote on her. As she turned 3, I knew the time was approaching for me to say something, so I wrote a book about it. But I never shared it. It’s still in a Word document on my laptop. Then this past May, during a virtual circle time, her teacher spoke about Mother’s Day. She said, “Kids, don’t forget to ask your daddy to help you make breakfast for your mommy.” As I sat in the other room working, I heard Madison say, “I don’t have a daddy, but I have a mommy, an uncle, a grandma, an auntie.” She delivered the information matter-of-factly, the way a kid would say, “My mom is a doctor, not a nurse.” The teacher thanked her for the correction. All this time I was trying to find the right words to say, but Madison had, unbeknownst to me, already summed it all up in her head. I am beyond grateful that the work I did reaffirming who her family is sank in. She knows that this is her life, her normal, and that it’s okay. As she gets older, we’ll converse more intimately. I’ll be ready, especially now that I know she is too. —Adrienne Farr

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2020

H I S T O RY 47 6 :

Cartography What maps can teach us about how long until we get there. SCIENCE 189:

Human Behavior How pouting and blinking really slowly through big, teary eyes can, scientifically, get you whatever you want. A R T H I S T O RY 3 3 4 :

Contemporary Work We talk about what it takes to get on the fridge, from hand turkeys to thumbprint acorns. Plus, what expired Domino’s coupons can teach us about staying there. A R T H I S T O RY 4 9 1 :

Art Collecting and the Guilty Parent Guest speakers will present “One squiggly line drawn on 30 separate pieces of paper.” PHILOSOPHY 101:

Why? PHILOSOPHY 201:

But why? PHILOSOPHY 301:

“Why?” but louder —Riane Konc

COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT.

•

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LET’S GET REAL

MOM-BOSS E N E RGY

Secrets of WFH Success Users turn to Reddit for all kinds of advice. So we asked the platform’s COO, Jen Wong, about her routine—and how working parents can navigate career life in the new normal.

roof since March. We eat every meal together. Work stops for the evening and we do bedtime. Weekdays are so repetitive that I lose track of what day it is! But having a set schedule makes everything run smoothly. What have you let go of? I’ve simplified so many things. One example: We each have a water bottle so we don’t generate glasses that have to go in the dishwasher. Fewer things to clean. It was stressing me out to come up with meals, so now I do a 21-meal plan: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I write it out, buy my groceries, and follow my list. I’ll make lunch during breakfast, like a lasagna that I can pop in the oven an hour before. To keep nightly dinner prep sustainable, it’s often semi-prepared, like a quiche. My son probably eats chocolate-chip pancakes and bacon three times a week for breakfast, and that’s okay. He still eats vegetables too.

J E N W O N G used to fly across the country every other week for her job as chief operating officer of Reddit, which is headquartered in San Francisco, while Wong worked out of the New York City office. She’s been with the site—which has 430 million active users a month worldwide—since 2018 and in media since getting her M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. Now the 45-year-old works exclusively from home and says she’s still as productive as ever, but it’s come after making some key adjustments.

Tough financial realities have hit. Any suggestions for parents who are unemployed? Parents are so impacted by social distancing already, and losing your job on top of that is so difficult. But one thing has changed: Don’t let geography be a barrier anymore when

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2020

looking for work. Customer service, for instance, has gone remote, so it doesn’t matter where you are. And while some businesses struggle, others, such as insurance, health care, and e-commerce, are growing. Position yourself for a new opportunity by learning communication or sales skills, or marketing basics. I listen to classes on coursera.org. How do you carve out work time? My strategy is getting up at 6:30 and spending a lot of time with my 3-year-old, Theodore, in the morning. I cook breakfast and we play. At 9, I pull myself away, which is a battle, and tell him I’ll be back at noon. We have a nanny, so I am extremely fortunate that way. My wife is also working at home, and we are caring for her mother. We’ve all been under the same

• W E G OT YOU !

Money Moves to Make Now Personal-finance whiz Farnoosh Torabi is a mom of two young kids. Her podcast, So Money, has been keeping up with the twists and turns of 2020. Here’s her latest tip sheet. U M , T O O L AT E T O S TA R T A N “ E M E R G E N CY ” F U N D ? “It’s never too late,

and there’s no wrong way to save. You just need to commit—even $10 a week.” YEAH, BUT HOW TO EVEN COME UP WITH T H AT ? “Jot down on a piece

Does your son do school? He did the rest of his age 2 program by Zoom. We had kept him off screens for his entire life, then put him on for that. He took solace in seeing friends. In fact, he developed an imaginary friend, Kawae, and will say things like, “Kawae can’t come today because of the virus.” I programmed Kawae into my phone, as a fake number, for when Theodore insists on “calling” him.

of paper the items that are musts: rent, food, insurance, gas, phone, Internet, things like diapers. Then look hard at anything else you’re buying. Challenge yourself to have at least one or two days a week where you spend $0. I also say call your credit-card and cell companies and be upfront about hardships in case they can rework your bills.”

What communities grew on Reddit during this year? Well, R/coronavirus already had 2 million subscribers by March. Then things related to personal finance surged, tied to the volatile stock market. The gardening and home communities are thriving too.

a terrible idea if it helps you advance and allows you to easily pay it back. For example, taking out a small, low-interest student loan to help you get a degree that leads to a better job can be a strategic move.”

What’s the silver lining? We’ll view this time as extraordinary. —Jessica Hartshorn

WITH LOW INTEREST R AT E S , I S I T A G O O D T I M E F O R A L OA N ? “It’s not

WHAT ABOUT HOME COSTS? “If you’ve lost a job

and need help with rent, ask your landlord for wiggle room. If you own, it’s hard to refinance without a job, but ask about modifications.”

FROM LEFT: COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT; CHRIS ECKERT.

“I get a lot more time with my son now,” Wong says. “As for housekeeping, lower your standards or you’ll lose your mind.’ ”

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LET’S GET REAL

Keep ’em Busy Pro tip to get the kids out of your hair for a bit: Our editorin-chief, J U L I A EDELSTEIN,

moved an indoor toy (her son’s train set) to an outdoor walkway and presto, the toy was like new again. Try play cars in the grass or stuffed animals on a picnic blanket. The change of scenery can spark imagination!

H OW TO D O E VE RY TH I N G B E T TE R Wise ways to have a calmer morning, end an argument, clean your shower, and more are covered in the fabulous Little Book of Life Skills, by Parents contributing editor Erin Zammett Ruddy. We are loving this laundry tip for especially stinky items: Prewash with 1/2 cup baking soda that you put right into the washer’s drum. Run a cycle, then rewash with regular detergent. $20; out September 15

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2020

GENIUS GADGET

Your monthly dose of what’s new, novel, and nice to know

What’s Cooking? Refresh your dinner game with Ayesha Curry’s new cookbook, The Full Plate. With a whole chapter for “pastafarians” (all noodles!) and one that’s just chicken, this mom of three keeps all dishes kid-friendly. $30; out September 22

Great Starter Sneaker Called the Jazz Riff, this machinewashable shoe from Saucony Kids has an extra-wide opening for chubby (or stubborn) feet. And for “I do it!” toddlers: A smiley face on the inside of each shoe helps little ones tell the left from the right. Sizes 4 to 12, $42; saucony.com Get them out the door faster with easy-on shoes.

Tool for New Readers As your blossoming bookworm reads, they can wear the FINGERFOCUS H I G H L I G H T E R as

a ring to help them concentrate on just a few words at a time, making the task less overwhelming. Ages 3+, $5; hand2mind.com

The Dog Ate My FlipGrid Video Need help on the daily? Parents.com is tracking the start of this historic school year and delivering up-to-theminute advice on blended learning.

Get Tips Instantly Simply hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to read our latest articles, or visit parents.com/ backtoschool.

by J E S S I C A H A R T S H O R N

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MEDICINE- CABINET ESSENTIALS

MAKE LE ARNING COOL AGAIN _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ F E E L- G O O D B R E A K FA S T S

Your Toddler Is Ready to Pitch In! Do you want a teen who’ll clear the dinner plates, put away their clean laundry, and mop up a spill without being asked? Start early. Your toddler’s “I do it myself” attitude can work in your favor when it comes to tiny tasks around the house. “If your child begins helping at a young age, it creates the expectation that participating in chores and cleaning is part of your family’s routine,” says Kereese Gayle-Farias, M.D., a member of the Parents AAP Panel and photograph by PRISCILL A GR AGG

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a pediatrician at Southern Pediatric Clinic, in Valdosta, Georgia, whose 2-yearold likes to help pick up, do laundry, feed their dogs, and sometimes cook. Get your child on board with these simple responsibilities.

Put away toys and books. “Singing songs and playing games helps make cleanup time more fun and palatable for my daughter,” says Dr. Gayle-Farias. Try matching games, like placing blocks in one bin and cars in another, or turn it into a small competition (“Can you put the stuffed animals away faster than Mommy can?”).

Assist with laundry. Help your child strengthen their fine and gross motor skills and hand-eye

coordination by having them put their dirty clothes in the hamper, throw items in the washer or the dryer, and fold small articles like socks and washcloths. As you do this, you can also point out the colors and patterns of the clothes.

Care for a pet. Your toddler can refill food and water bowls using a cup or a small pitcher (make sure you do the measuring), help scrub your dog’s fur during a bath, and place new straw in a bunny’s cage.

Clean up messes. Lean into your kid’s love of silliness by slipping a sock on their hand and encouraging them to slide it over any dusty surface. Mini versions of the cleaning tools you’re using are also fair game—a small brush and dustpan, a handheld vacuum. Just stay away from

harsh cleaning products when your kid is helping. Water works perfectly fine.

Help with groceries. Have your kid carry in or stock anything light and nonbreakable. “I especially like letting my toddler help with fruits and veggies. She’ll usually ask to have one of the items that we’re putting away as a treat,” says Dr. Gayle-Farias. “Getting kids involved in picking out food at the store, washing or putting it away, and preparing it can encourage them to try something new.”

Set (and clear) the table. Spoons, napkins, plastic plates or cups, and condiments are safe in a toddler’s grip—basically anything that isn’t sharp, heavy, or made of glass. Let older siblings handle those. —Emily Elveru

SUGAR SNAP PEAS

P O TAT O E S

Big seeds are easy for little fingers to plant, and the supersweet peas can be eaten raw, right off the vine—no shelling required. Sow seeds in a row 1 inch deep, spaced 6 inches apart, in an area with full sun. Give vines something to climb on by sticking bamboo stakes or a spare tomato cage in the soil. Harvest in two to three months.

Found a couple of spuds sprouting in your pantry? Give them a second chance by planting them sprout side up in late summer or early fall. When ready to harvest (about three months later), lift the soil with a garden fork and have your kid dig for “buried treasure.” You’ll likely find five or more potatoes!

ONIONS AND GARLIC LETTUCE AND OTHER LEAFY GREENS

Kid-Friendly Veggies to Plant This Fall Research shows that the younger set is more likely to eat veggies when they’ve helped grow them. Plant, water, and pick these autumn crops together.

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Lettuce, spinach, rainbow chard, and kale are a cinch to grow and definitely go into the category of “If they help grow it, maybe they’ll eat it.” Sow seeds or baby plants (found at your local nursery) in a sunny spot in your yard and pinch off leaves every few days— the perfect task for little hands.

Garlic grows from the little white nubbins you cook with. Split the garlic head and plant cloves root side down 2 inches deep, spaced 4 to 6 inches apart, in a sunny area with well-drained soil. Expect growth in early spring; harvest in July. For onions, sprinkle seeds or plant mini bulbs of autumn-planting varieties in fall and harvest next June. Yes, you’ll need patience for these!

CARROTS AND RADISHES

These two root crops grow happily in the same 1-foot-deep pot. To plant, mix both types of seeds together and sprinkle them evenly over loose potting soil. Then top with a light layer of soil, and water the container. Once radishes sprout (after about a week), pull out some of the seedlings so that the remaining ones are 2 inches apart. This gives them more room to grow. Radishes are quick to reach maturity; kids can pull them up when they spot their little red shoulders poking above the soil (about 35 days after planting). Harvesting the radishes makes room for the slower-tomature carrots to keep growing for another month. —Lauren Dunec Hoang

MOM AND SON: FATCAMERA/GETTY. PEAS: BABOON DESIGNS/THE NOUN PROJECT. POTATOES: VECTORSTALL/THE NOUN PROJECT. CARROTS: SYMBOLON/THE NOUN PROJECT. LETTUCE: VECTORSTALL/THE NOUN PROJECT. GARLIC: ERIN BATTERSBY/THE NOUN PROJECT.

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CRISPY Amazingly crispy on the outside, soft and tender on the inside. Try all nine varieties. In your grocer’s freezer. GrownInIdaho.com

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How to Prevent “Tech Neck”

1 S TA R T T H E D AY BY STRETCHING.

Take five minutes to practice long, deep yoga moves like Downward Dog and Warrior. Think of stretching the whole spine, not just the neck, with slow rotations. Make a game of it by having your kid “draw” circles with their nose on the wall while standing or on the ceiling above them while lying down. 2 ADJUST THEIR POSITION.

When your kid is playing on a phone or a tablet, encourage them to bring the device to their face, not their face to the device. Demonstrate how to brace their elbows against their ribs for better support. If they’re sitting at a desk, keep the keyboard at elbow height, the top of the monitor at eye level, and their feet flat on the floor. (Just know that changing instinctive postures developed over years can take time and patience.) 3 PRACTICE PROPER SITTING.

Most chairs aren’t at the right height for kids, so see if you can raise the seat to the height of your kid’s kneecap. This will allow the small of their back to assume its natural position. You can also show how to sit on the front edge of a chair to allow your shoulders to relax. —Kyleigh Leddy

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Make Bumps Less of a Bummer B ut be dt ime is

These hands-free ice packs let kids carry on after a bonk.

boring!

Why Won’t Your Kid Admit They’re Tired? “I’m ... not ... sleepy!” your kid insists as they rub their eyes and yawn. Why the false front? Recognize the reasons kids resist sleep, even when they’re exhausted, and reclaim your evening with these simple tweaks. T H E Y H AV E F O M O. “Kids think that the party continues without them,” explains Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., a Parents advisor and author of Kid Confidence. That said, resist the urge to tiptoe around the house after bedtime—the gentle clattering of dishes or hum of idle chatter can subtly remind them they aren’t missing out on anything exciting. And remember: Research shows that lots of movement during the day helps kids fall asleep, so work in some heart-pumping activities early on. T H E Y ’ R E N E RVO U S A B O U T

Your child may not mind the idea of going to bed, but they don’t want to do it by themselves, in the dark. Try not to feed that anxiety with elaborate pep talks and rituals, says Dr. KennedyMoore. Simply offer to peek into their room every few minutes. And that’s just a glance—no touching or talking. This gives kids enough peace of mind to practice lying in bed quietly with their eyes closed— S LE E PING ALONE .

the big “secret” to falling asleep quickly.

Slide the HurtSkurt onto your kid’s sore arm or leg. (A size small is best for little limbs.) The gel packs inside the soft, stretchy fabric can be cooled in the fridge or freezer or heated in the microwave—whatever feels best on the boo-boo. $20+; thehurtskurt.com

TH E Y’RE C R AVI N G C O NTRO L .

Let your child have more input over what happens before the lights go out, suggests Dr. Kennedy-Moore. They can even cut out pictures from magazines to make a schedule of how they’d like bedtime to go. Just don’t let the schedule become so long and elaborate that it exasperates you. (And the goal is to wind down, so no screens allowed.) When it comes to bedtime, “don’t wait until your kid is falling on their face,” says Dr. Kennedy-Moore. They’ll just be cranky and hard to reason with. If they’re wailing about how they aren’t tired, you may have missed the earlier, subtle signs of sleepiness and the chance for a conflict-free bedtime. “When your child starts slowing down and doing the classic eye rub, that’s a good time to scoop them up and get them in bed before their second wind hits,” Dr. Kennedy-Moore says. TH E Y’ R E OV E RTI R E D.

—Evan Porter

Peel back the cover, stick it on your kid, and let them continue playing. Paincakes can readhere to skin up to 100 times, and the mesh material on the back keeps it at a not-too-cold temp. $10; amazon.com

Provide relief for thumps and headaches with GooseEgged. The ice pack, which comes in three adorable animal designs, has a Velcro strap to secure it around your kid’s noggin and is lined with a soft fabric material. $15; amazon.com —E.E.

GIRL: SWEEN SHOTS/STOCKSY. PRODUCTS: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

Your kid’s on the couch, engrossed in their tablet, with their head bowed down at an L-shaped angle. Even before the pandemic, kids spent about 33 hours on screens at home each week, found a study that surveyed more than 1,400 parents. This hands-down, head-down position is unnatural. “Postural habits learned in childhood can last a lifetime,” says Turner Osler, M.D., a trauma surgeon and cofounder of QOR360, a company that helps people, especially kids, sit better and move more. Here’s how he gets kids to straighten up.

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Stock Your Medicine Cabinet Like a Pediatrician It’s always helpful—now more than ever—to have the essentials on hand for inevitable injuries and illnesses. We asked dozens of doctor moms and dads which drugstore items they keep at the ready. by E M I LY E LV E R U / photographs by T E D + C H E L S E A C AVA N A U G H

Pain Relievers

Be a superhero! Wear a mask!

The two main players for OTC relief are acetaminophen and ibuprofen—better known to most of us by brand names like Tylenol and Advil. Depending on your child’s age or ailment or the med’s side effects, you might opt for one or both. Kids’ versions of acetaminophen can be taken starting at 2 months; ibuprofen at 6 months. Each can be given every six hours, and for extended relief, you can alternate the two every three hours. How much your kid takes is based on weight, not age, so ask your doctor for specifics if you need them. AC E TA M I N O P H E N You can use this for kid headaches, sprains, fractures, and fever. But treat discomfort, not a number on the thermometer; if your kid has a fever but is happy and playing, there’s no need to medicate, says Christopher Etscheidt, M.D., a pediatrician in Waukee, Iowa.

Skin & Wound Care Many of these skin-care basics can tackle multiple jobs. Stash these in your bag for unexpected boo-boos.

PETRO LEU M J E LLY Reach for this go-to to help heal dry skin, eczema, and diaper rash. L O T I O N Stick with one that’s dye-free, water-based, and unscented (Aveeno, Eucerin, Dove, and Cetaphil all have options). “I also love Aquaphor because it seals in moisture and is versatile,” says Tamar Nazerian Chorbadjian, D.O., a pediatrician in Los Angeles. “Use it on eczema, dry lips, and diaper rash.”

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PROP STYLING BY ASTRID CHASTKA FOR HELLO ARTISTS.

I B U P R O F E N This can also reduce pain and fever, but its anti-inflammatory properties make it more effective for strains or sprains. While the World Health Organization previously recommended avoiding ibuprofen to treat COVID-19 symptoms, it now says there is no evidence it’ll make them worse when taken by kids and adults.

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W H AT ’S T H E PA R E N TS A A P PA N E L?

We’ve partnered with the American Academy of Pediatrics to create a special group of pediatrician moms and dads who weigh in on health issues and offer wise advice.

HYDROCORTISONE 1% These taste like candy, so store them out of your kid’s reach.

This mild steroid cream can dial down irritation from rashes, eczema, and bug bites—just avoid open wounds. You can also layer petroleum jelly or lotion on top, says Hillary Zieve, M.D., a pediatrician at CHOC Children’s Hospital, in Orange, California. And limit use on sensitive areas (face, diaper region) to less than a week. If a rash doesn’t clear up, call your pediatrician. ANTIBIOTIC OINTMENT

Ward off infection in minor cuts, burns, and scratches or use if skin is red, swollen, or tender. Docs recommend bacitracin or Neosporin (which has three antibiotic ingredients). DIAPER-RASH CREAM

“Mix a ‘clear’ cream like A&D or Vaseline, which contains petrolatum, with a ‘white’ cream like Desitin, which has zinc oxide,” says Dr. Etscheidt. “This protects the skin and creates a barrier as it heals.” S U N S C R E E N “Look for a zinc-oxide formula with an SPF of at least 30 and 80-minute water- and sweat-resistant protection,” says Rachel Coel, M.D., Ph.D., a pediatrician and sports-medicine specialist at Kapi’olani Medical Center for Women & Children, in Honolulu. “Reapply often, even on overcast days or when kids are playing in the snow or rain.”

Allergy Relief A N T I H I S TA M I N E Runny and itchy nose, irritated eyes or skin, sneezing—all telltale signs of allergies. Try a long-lasting, nondrowsy medication like Children’s Allegra, says Natasha Burgert, M.D., a pediatrician at Pediatric Associates, in Overland Park, Kansas. “If you see no relief after three days or symptoms get worse, call your doctor.”

Make sure to check expiration dates regularly.

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S A L I N E N A S A L S P R AY Try this for blocked, stuffy, itchy, or dry noses. First, blow out or suction boogies. Then insert the nozzle, pointing it away from the center of the nose and toward the ear; spray once or twice in each nostril (yes, your kid will hate it). Gently dry the nose. If needed, you can do this up to six times a day, says Candice W. Jones, M.D., a pediatrician at Edgewater Pediatrics, in Orlando.

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Cold Care

Lincoln, M.D., a pediatrician at Metropolitan Pediatrics, in Portland, Oregon. But honey is only for kids over age 1. “I give 2 teaspoons a day when my son has a cough,” says Silvia PereiraSmith, M.D., a developmental pediatrician in Charleston, South Carolina. “Most colds just need honey, steam, cuddles, and a snot sucker,” Dr. Lincoln says.

C O U G H SY R U P OTC cough and cold meds should not be given to kids under 4 years. For ages 4 to 6, only give if your doctor advises. Follow the dosing directions on the package carefully. Look for a syrup with dextromethorphan and guaifenesin, suggests Amanda Webb, M.D., a pediatrician at St. Luke’s Pediatric Associates, in Duluth, Minnesota.

Supplements

M E N T H O L R U B “If my

toddler has a cold, he says, ‘Put Vicks on, pleeease!’ ” says Anita Raghavan, M.D., a pediatric hospitalist at Akron Children’s Hospital, in Ohio. Smooth ¼ teaspoon onto your kid’s chest and back pre-bed to open that nose.

V I TA M I N S For kids not quite eating a balanced diet, multivitamins can help. Dr. Jones likes SmartyPants Kids Formula Daily Gummy Multivitamin.

H O N E Y This can double as cough syrup, says Doug

G A S D R O P S “They contain simethicone, which can break

Baby Care

up gas bubbles and ease belly pain,” Dr. Webb says.

kids in washing and bandaging: “It calms them during a stressful situation,” Dr. Burgert says.

G R I P E WAT E R This blend of peppermint, chamomile, or fennel can help relieve colic. Avoid varieties from abroad, which may contain alcohol.

G AU Z E A N D M E D I C A L TA P E If a wound is too big

for a bandage, cut gauze to size and secure it with medical tape. Tape can even stabilize a broken toe: Gently wrap the little piggy to the one next to it, says Victoria Chen, M.D., a developmentalbehavioral pediatrician at Cohen Children’s Medical Center, in New Hyde Park, New York.

N A S A L A S P I R AT O R Babies don’t know to open their mouth when their nose is clogged, so this opens the airways. “I used NoseFrida until my son learned to blow his nose at age 2,” says Dr. Raghavan.

Tools & Supplies

T W E E Z E R S A must-have for splinter and tick removal.

T H E R M O M E T E R Doctors

say go with a rectal one up to age 3 and the oral or forehead kind for older kids.

M A S KS “Prepandemic, we wore them if anyone at home had flu-like symptoms,” says Dr. Raghavan. “Now we wear cloth ones, even my toddler, to protect ourselves and others when we’re out.”

B A N DAG E S Stock a range of sizes—from small round ones to the large rectangular kind for skinned knees.And Involve

The Doctor-Approved Way to Organize Your Medicine Cabinet Here’s how the professionals make safety a priority in this cluttered space.

PA R E N T S

Keep meds off-limits. Store all prescriptions, OTC and liquid medicines, and even vitamins up and out of reach of your kids. Even better, put them in a medication lockbox (you can find one on Amazon or at drugstores). “When I’m taking or putting away pills, I explain to my 3-year-old what they’re for, who can use them, and why she should leave them alone,” says Dr. Tamar Nazerian Chorbadjian.

Stash first-aid products within reach. Place bandages and antiseptic cream in a separate location away from medications, such as in a drawer, so your older child can practice self-care for simple cuts and burns, suggests Dr. Natasha Burgert.

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Group like with like. “I place drugs that serve similar purposes together,”

says Dr. Rachel Coel. “For example, drugs that treat fever, pain, and headaches—ibuprofen, acetaminophen, and naproxen—all go in the same bin, out of reach of my kids. Periodically, I check expiration dates. If they’re past due, I throw them out and purchase new ones.” Similarly, Dr. Chorbadjian divides her medicine cabinet by person. Label the bins so you can grab the right one when you’re in a pinch.

Create a “sick kit.” Stock it with children’s and adults’ pain reliever, cough suppressants, immune support (such as vitamin C, zinc), nasal saline, Pedialyte or Gatorade, upset-stomach relief (like ginger tea), a thermometer, gloves, masks, trash bags, hand sanitizer, Lysol spray, Clorox wipes, paper towels—and maybe even some canned chicken noodle soup.

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SCHOOL IS IN SESSION ( kind of ) LAST SCHOOL YEAR, THINGS G OT F LI P P E D U P S I D E D O W N . T H I S Y E A R , WE CAN MAKE THE MOST OF THE NEW NORMAL .

Back to School 2020

over the course of their childhood, your kid gets only 13 first days of school , and this one is shaping up

to be unlike any other. Maybe they’ll attend class physically on certain days, virtually on others. Maybe they’ll be learning remotely for the long haul. But whatever the year brings, this is one of those 13 back-to-school seasons, and we owe it to our kids to make it count. In the pages to come, you’ll find advice for helping your child tap into their natural curiosity (page 30), whatever the subject, and discover their strengths (page 58), in or out of school. There are also healthy weekday breakfasts (page 64), and lunches you can pack or not (page 44), plus joyful ways to mark that still-important first day (page 38). It may not be typical, but perhaps this is the year your child learns a skill no textbook can teach: how to turn a challenging situation into a chance to grow. by K AT I E A R N O L D - R AT L I F F

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GET THEM TO L OV E L E A R N I N G

Last school year didn’t pan out the way any of us expected. But it did give us some intel about which teaching styles and topics get young students excited (or don’t!). This year, try some tips from educators, actors, athletes, and even an astronaut to truly spark your kids’ curiosity—whether they’re studying in the classroom, at the kitchen table, or both. by E R I N Z A M M E T T R U D DY

W H E N I T O L D my 6-year-old I was writing about kids who love to learn, she said, “Well, that ain’t me!” In my defense, it was Week 8 of quarantine, and she was one Google Meet over the line. Here’s the thing, though: Kids are naturally curious. “When we try to ‘teach,’ kids feel lectured, but when

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children discover for themselves, they learn,” says Laura Markham, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. It’s a matter of finding creative ways to foster what your kids love—and out-of-the-box tactics to hold their interest. As the school year progresses,

you may experience distance-learning fatigue or homework pushback, or you just want to get your 3-year-old pumped about colors and shapes. Whatever stage you’re in, getting kids excited about this stuff is totally doable. And, well, probably a good idea as we head into another unpredictable year.

THIS SPREAD, GIRLS IN COSTUMES: SANDRA FREIJ. GIRL BY PINK WALL, GIRL BY BLUE WALL: SKYE PARROTT. ALL OTHER PHOTOGRAPHS: PRISCILLA GRAGG. NEXT SPREAD: LEGOS AND SPACE: RANDI BROOKMAN HARRIS. KID PHOTOGRAPHS, CLOCKWISE FROM BOTTOM LEFT: PRISCILLA GRAGG (4); SKYE PARROTT.

AG A I N

Back to School 2020

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SCIENCE Start a chemical reaction. One of the best things about science is making things explode, right? A simple experiment kids go bananas for: Drop an unwrapped roll of Mentos candy into a 1- or 2-liter room-temperature bottle of a carbonated drink, like soda or seltzer. Carbon dioxide bubbles will form on the surface of the candy (because science) and, when the gas is released, the beverage will jet out of the bottle—see this in action in the photo at right. (And word of advice: Do this one outside!)

Get a temporary pet. Order caterpillars at insectlore.com to see the life cycle up close and personal. Susan Wenze, Ph.D., a college professor and mom of two in Nazareth, Pennsylvania, bought them at the start of quarantine. “Once they went into their chrysalises, we set them up in the tent and watched them hatch into butterflies,” she says. After a week, be sure to set the butterflies free.

Spark an interest in space. Use facts about the size, color, and position of planets to craft a solar-system model, suggests astronaut Mike Massimino, author of Spaceman: The True Story of a Young Boy’s Journey to Becoming an Astronaut. Kids can use clay to create the planets, sun, and moon. Poke a toothpick through each one, and attach with string. Get younger siblings in on things by making a spacecraft out of household supplies, such as cardboard paper-towel rolls and aluminum foil.

READING Watch the movie, then read the book. “Some kids just like to know more about the story line. The visuals can help build out the characters and the setting for them,” says Christina Droskoski, a reading teacher and mom of three in Centerport, New York. Charlotte’s Web, Matilda, and James and the Giant Peach are all great movie-before-book options.

Don’t ruin bedtime reads. Unless your child wants to, avoid reading teacher-assigned books at bedtime. You want to be sure even as they’re learning to read that they’re not unlearning to love books.

Read in short spurts. Kids’ attention span is typically their age in minutes, so set a timer that corresponds. “It’s easier for children to

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focus on the challenging stuff when they know it won’t be long,” says Jessica Jones, a kindergarten teacher in Dallas. Take a short break and start again.

M AT H Count loose change. Line cupcake tins with paper baking cups, write an amount on the bottom of each (like 50 cents, 15 cents, 27 cents), and give your child a jar of loose coins. “They figure out how much goes in each one and put in the corresponding amount,” says Meredith Shanley, a mom of two from Baltimore, whose boys love this game. “You can time them, change the amounts, and make it a race for two kids.” Play the stock market. Download Stockpile, an app that follows the market and is super user-friendly for kids. “My 7-year-old son checks it multiple times a day and has bought and sold several times,” says Lizette Williams, of Chicago, who started him off with $5. “His favorite stocks are Amazon and Netflix.” (Smart kid.) Tap into online quizzes. On quizlet.com, kids can compete against each other to show off what they know. Melissa Gonzalez, a mom of three in Ormond Beach, Florida, was struggling to get her sixth-grade son to do his math assignments until he started playing against classmates and anyone else willing to challenge him. Put a twist on a classic game. Remember the card game War? Try this variation: Each player throws down two cards and adds them (or subtracts, or multiplies) and then the bigger sum takes all. “My students love this game,” says Erin Zackey, an elementary teacher in Seattle. “Check out teacherspayteachers .com and zenomath.org for a bunch of games you can make and buy, but all you really need is a deck of cards.”

SOCIAL STUDIES Create a LEGOtown. Get their mental wheels turning with questions about what makes a city or town and how people there interact. Farrell Turner, a mom of four in Glen Ellyn, Illinois, started doing this while she makes dinner. “We write down different shops and services on pieces of paper and have the kids pull one out of a hat,” she says. “They each get

Screen Time You Won’t Mind These online resources—most of them free!—can be a lifeline in what’s shaping up to be another challenging semester. Storylineonline.net Videos featuring big-name actors (Kristen Bell, Chris Pine, Oprah) reading kids’ books accompanied by whimsical illustrations Duolingo.com Bite-size lessons for whichever language they’re learning, plus daily challenges that have them race against the clock

an hour to make what they picked, and at the end of the week they have a little town to show off and discuss.”

Show them the world. Ask your child, “Where do we live?” then open up Google Maps and search for your house. “Mapping can be overwhelming for kids, but once you zoom in to your home, you’ve got them hooked,” says first-grade teacher Juliann Beckmann, in Greenlawn, New York. “Then explore the area around them—zoom out until you see the country, the continent, and the whole planet, and they can begin to understand the concepts a little better.” Get them pumped about history. There are so many cool people in history; becoming an expert on a person who did something they’re interested in goes a long way for engagement. Book series like Pocket Bios and Who Was? present the information in ways that engage elementary-school students.

Select a cause. Give your kid the responsibility of choosing a charity that the family will support. “We’re trying to open our 7-year-old’s eyes to the needs of others,” says Caroline Nordstrom, a mom of two in Lincoln, Massachusetts. “We told him we’re giving him some money and that we’ll help him research organizations he’d like to help.”

Brainpop.com Animated movies and activities across all subjects, plus a cool video of the day. (Some content is free; subscriptions start at $15 per month.) PBSkids.org Fun cartoons, read-alongs, and activities for many topics Kids.national geographic.com Science-y videos, DIY experiments, and thought-provoking takes on current events NASA.gov/kidsclub Space-related games, educational tools, and a virtual tour of the Hubble Space Telescope Youngrembrandts.com Online art lessons and YouTube tutorials for drawing everything from butterflies to ice-cream cones

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Transcribe their words. The physical part of writing can be very hard for young kids—and things that are hard become frustrating. “The muscles in their hands aren’t always ready to hold a pencil easily and with the right amount of pressure,” says Anne Brower, who ran a preschool for 35 years. “But you still want them to learn to get their feelings down on paper.” So let them dictate their ideas and write some or all of it. Move schoolwork outside. Letting kids do their assignments in unconventional places can make them less of a chore. Julie Liubicic, a mom of two in Los Angeles, set up different “learning stations” all over her property. “We write outside,” says Liubicic. “My daughter is happy and relaxed, and it’s easier to be creative when you’re in a creative space.”

Play make-believe. Have them design a menu and place cards for playing “restaurant”—or “Keep Out” signs for fort building. “Learning through play is a huge part of a child’s development and helps them retain much more information,” says Lauren Gallagher, Ph.D., an elementary-school psychologist in Centerpoint, New York. Order them stationery. When kids have a fun stash of paper, they’re more excited to write—and letters are a great way to teach connection and penmanship. “My daughter exchanges letters with a friend who moved away,” says Stephanie Higgins, a mom of two in New Market, Maryland.

FOREIGN L A N GUAG E Watch Peppa Pig in Spanish. If your kids ask for one more show, say yes, but change the language. “They feel like they’re getting a treat, but they’re really learning,” says Meghan Cevey, a mom of three in Huntington, New York, whose husband is from Argentina. “Because they already know the characters and premise of their show, it’s easier to follow.”

Celebrate the holidays and traditions (especially ones with cake). Rather than drilling vocab with them, broaden the experience by incorporating culture. When Sarah Geiger was helping her

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Let them teach you. Even better if you have a dry-erase board they can use. Recognize that some subjects and homework assignments won’t be as exciting as others (but they still have to complete the work). Ask questions about what they’re learning and sound interested and excited, which will make them interested and excited. Create a routine or a schedule so they know what to expect. Foster a positive, collaborative relationship with their teacher and let your child know you’re both on the same page.

STATIONERY PHOTOGRAPH: RANDI BROOKMAN HARRIS; COLOR-BLOCKED ENVELOPE AND STRIPED-EDGE STATIONERY, CHEREE BERRY PAPER. KID PHOTOGRAPHS: PRISCILLA GRAGG (2).

WRITING

Tricks That Apply to Any Subject

ECZEMA: UNDER CONTROL.

SO ROLL UP THOSE SLEEVES. DUPIXENT is a breakthrough in the treatment of uncontrolled moderate-to-severe eczema (atopic dermatitis). Approved for ages 6 years and up.

DUPIXENT helps restore the look and feel of skin. And it’s not a cream or steroid. It’s a biologic that continuously treats eczema over time—even between flare-ups.

Not an actual patient.

In a 16-week clinical trial, children (ages 6-11 years) taking DUPIXENT and a topical corticosteroid (TCS) saw:

Clearer Skin

Noticeably Less Itch

30% taking 300 mg every 4 weeks vs 13% on TCS only 39% taking 200 mg every 2 weeks vs 10% on TCS only

54% taking 300 mg every 4 weeks vs 12% on TCS only 61% taking 200 mg every 2 weeks vs 13% on TCS only

Your healthcare provider will tell you how much DUPIXENT to inject and how often. After an initial loading dose of 2 injections: children 33-66 lb take 300 mg every 4 weeks; children 67-132 lb take 200 mg every 2 weeks.

TALK TO YOUR ECZEMA SPECIALIST AND GO TO DUPIXENT.COM TO FIND OUT MORE INDICATION

your unborn baby; are breastfeeding DUPIXENT is a prescription medicine or plan to breastfeed. It is not known used to treat people aged 6 years whether DUPIXENT passes into your and older with moderate-to-severe breast milk. atopic dermatitis (eczema) that is Tell your healthcare provider about not well controlled with prescription all the medicines you take, including therapies used on the skin (topical), prescription and over-the-counter or who cannot use topical therapies. medicines, vitamins and herbal DUPIXENT can be used with or without supplements. topical corticosteroids. It is not known Especially tell your healthcare if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in provider if you are taking oral, topical children with atopic dermatitis under or inhaled corticosteroid medicines 6 years of age. and if you have atopic dermatitis

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION and asthma. Do not change or stop Do not use if you are allergic to your corticosteroid medicine or other dupilumab or to any of the ingredients asthma medicine without talking to your healthcare provider. This may in DUPIXENT®. cause other symptoms that were Before using DUPIXENT, tell your controlled by the corticosteroid healthcare provider about all your medicine to come back. medical conditions, including if you: have eye problems; have a parasitic DUPIXENT can cause serious side (helminth) infection; are scheduled to effects, including: receive any vaccinations. You should Allergic reactions (hypersensitivity), not receive a “live vaccine” if you are including a severe reaction known treated with DUPIXENT; are pregnant as anaphylaxis. Stop using DUPIXENT or plan to become pregnant. It is not and tell your healthcare provider or known whether DUPIXENT will harm get emergency help right away if you

get any of the following symptoms: breathing problems, fever, general ill feeling, swollen lymph nodes, swelling of the face, mouth and tongue, hives, itching, fainting, dizziness, feeling lightheaded (low blood pressure), joint pain, or skin rash. Eye problems. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new or worsening eye problems, including eye pain or changes in vision. The most common side effects in patients with atopic dermatitis include injection site reactions, eye and eyelid inflammation, including redness, swelling, and itching, and cold sores in your mouth or on your lips. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any side effect that bothers you or that does not go away. These are not all the possible side effects of DUPIXENT. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch, or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

Use DUPIXENT exactly as prescribed. Your healthcare provider will tell you how much DUPIXENT to inject and how often to inject it. DUPIXENT is an injection given under the skin (subcutaneous injection). If your healthcare provider decides that you or a caregiver can give DUPIXENT injections, you or your caregiver should receive training on the right way to prepare and inject DUPIXENT. Do not try to inject DUPIXENT until you have been shown the right way by your healthcare provider. In children 12 years of age and older, it is recommended that DUPIXENT be administered by or under supervision of an adult. In children younger than 12 years of age, DUPIXENT should be given by a caregiver. Please see Brief Summary on next page.

IF YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION HAS CHANGED, WE MAY BE ABLE TO HELP. CALL 1-844-DUPIXENT (1-844-387-4936)

Brief Summary of Important Patient Information about DUPIXENT® (dupilumab) Rx Only (DU-pix’-ent) injection, for subcutaneous use What is DUPIXENT? • DUPIXENT is a prescription medicine used: – to treat people aged 6 years and older with moderate-to-severe atopic dermatitis (eczema) that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin (topical), or who cannot use topical therapies. DUPIXENT can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. • DUPIXENT works by blocking two proteins that contribute to a type of inflammation that plays a major role in atopic dermatitis. • It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with atopic dermatitis under 6 years of age. Who should not use DUPIXENT? Do not use DUPIXENT if you are allergic to dupilumab or to any of the ingredients in DUPIXENT. See the end of this summary of information for a complete list of ingredients in DUPIXENT. What should I tell my healthcare provider before using DUPIXENT? Before using DUPIXENT, tell your healthcare provider about all your medical conditions, including if you: • have eye problems • have a parasitic (helminth) infection • are scheduled to receive any vaccinations. You should not receive a “live vaccine” if you are treated with DUPIXENT. • are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known whether DUPIXENT will harm your unborn baby. Pregnancy Registry. There is a pregnancy registry for women who take DUPIXENT during pregnancy. The purpose of this registry is to collect information about your health and your baby’s health. You can talk to your healthcare provider or contact 1-877-311-8972 or go to https://mothertobaby.org/ongoing-study/ dupixent/ to enroll in this registry or get more information. • are breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed. It is not known whether DUPIXENT passes into your breast milk. Tell your healthcare provider about all of the medicines you take including prescription and over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, and herbal supplements. Especially tell your healthcare provider if you: • are taking oral, topical, or inhaled corticosteroid medicines • have atopic dermatitis and also have asthma Do not change or stop your corticosteroid medicine or other asthma medicine without talking to your healthcare provider. This may cause other symptoms that were controlled by the corticosteroid medicine to come back. How should I use DUPIXENT? • See the detailed “Instructions for Use” that comes with DUPIXENT for information on how to prepare and inject DUPIXENT and how to properly store and throw away (dispose of) used DUPIXENT pre-filled syringes. • Use DUPIXENT exactly as prescribed by your healthcare provider. • Your healthcare provider will tell you how much DUPIXENT to inject and how often to inject it. • DUPIXENT comes as a single-dose pre-filled syringe with needle shield. • DUPIXENT is given as an injection under the skin (subcutaneous injection). • If your healthcare provider decides that you or a caregiver can give the injections of DUPIXENT, you or your caregiver should receive training on the right way to prepare and inject DUPIXENT. Do not try to inject DUPIXENT until you have been shown the right way by your healthcare provider. In children 12 years of age and older, it is recommended that DUPIXENT be administered by or under supervision of an adult. In children younger than 12 years of age, DUPIXENT should be given by a caregiver. • If you miss a dose of DUPIXENT, give the injection within 7 days from the missed dose, then continue with the original schedule. If the missed dose is not given within 7 days, wait until the next scheduled dose to give your DUPIXENT injection. • If you inject more DUPIXENT than prescribed, call your healthcare provider right away.

• Your healthcare provider may prescribe other medicines to use with DUPIXENT. Use the other prescribed medicines exactly as your healthcare provider tells you to. What are the possible side effects of DUPIXENT? DUPIXENT can cause serious side effects, including: • Allergic reactions (hypersensitivity), including a severe reaction known as anaphylaxis. Stop using DUPIXENT and tell your healthcare provider or get emergency help right away if you get any of the following symptoms: breathing problems, fever, general ill feeling, swollen lymph nodes, swelling of the face, mouth and tongue, hives, itching, fainting, dizziness, feeling lightheaded (low blood pressure), joint pain, or skin rash. • Eye problems. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new or worsening eye problems, including eye pain or changes in vision. The most common side effects of DUPIXENT in patients with atopic dermatitis include: injection site reactions, eye and eyelid inflammation, including redness, swelling and itching, and cold sores in your mouth or on your lips. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any side effect that bothers you or that does not go away. These are not all of the possible side effects of DUPIXENT. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch, or call 1-800-FDA-1088. General information about the safe and effective use of DUPIXENT. Medicines are sometimes prescribed for purposes other than those listed in a Patient Information leaflet. Do not use DUPIXENT for a condition for which it was not prescribed. Do not give DUPIXENT to other people, even if they have the same symptoms that you have. It may harm them. This is a brief summary of the most important information about DUPIXENT for this use. If you would like more information, talk with your healthcare provider. You can ask your pharmacist or healthcare provider for more information about DUPIXENT that is written for healthcare professionals. For more information about DUPIXENT, go to www.DUPIXENT.com or call 1-844-DUPIXENT (1-844-387-4936) What are the ingredients in DUPIXENT? Active ingredient: dupilumab Inactive ingredients: L-arginine hydrochloride, L-histidine, polysorbate 80, sodium acetate, sucrose, and water for injection Manufactured by: Regeneron Pharmaceuticals, Inc., Tarrytown, NY 10591 U.S. License # 1760; Marketed by sanofi-aventis U.S. LLC, (Bridgewater, NJ 08807) and Regeneron Pharmaceuticals, Inc. (Tarrytown, NY 10591) DUPIXENT is a registered trademark of Sanofi Biotechnology / ©2020 Regeneron Pharmaceuticals, Inc. / sanofi-aventis U.S. LLC. All rights reserved. Issue Date: May 2020

DUP.20.05.0149

K I D S Ñ S o lut i on s

cofounder of the global nonprofit Grassroot Soccer. For soccer, have them hop on one foot, and then balance on one leg with the other foot on the ball. And use humor: When their foot touches the ground, joke that an alligator is going to eat it! “The most powerful thing to teach kids about sports is that you might lose, but you can come back out the next day and win,” says Zohn.

Start with sports basics and geek out from there. Teach them how to be a fan—from the rules to the marquee players, the scoring, and the uniforms. “Sports are 100 percent more enjoyable if you know what you’re watching, and the same goes for playing,” says Sarah Spain, an ESPN reporter.

Segue from their screens. Let them play FIFA soccer on their gaming system, then go mimic it outside. Or watch Avengers, then do a live-action workout with somersaults and sword fights.

ARTS A P P R E C I AT I O N Share your old tunes. three kids learn French, her husband’s native language, the Scarsdale, New York, mom never missed an opportunity to cook French food. “The kids loved eating galette des rois,” a kind of puff pastry round, “for The Feast of the Three Kings Day—it has a toy hidden inside,” she says.

Create cartoons—in another language. French teacher Kerri

FROM TOP: PRISCILLA GRAGG (2); JAMEL TOPPIN.

Simeone has her students draw comic strips, and instead of English in the speech bubbles, they use French, incorporating vocab. During distance learning, she had her older students create memes in French and then all vote on the funniest ones.

PHYSICAL E D U C AT I O N Take the pressure off at home. Sometimes P.E. class can make kids self-conscious, especially when they’re learning a new sport or activity. “Break it down into small skills, and help them work at those until they feel successful,” says Ethan Zohn, a former professional soccer player and

Burlington, Vermont, English teacher Peter McConville turns on a record player (Spotify works too!) and gives his boys a journal for notes or drawings. “From the first day they listened to Paul Simon’s Graceland, they were hooked,” he says. They’ve also sampled Marvin Gaye, Pink Floyd, and Aretha Franklin.

Make it feel like a real show. Actor Don Darryl Rivera put lights at the landing of his stairs for his 4-year-old to show off her moves. “Since it’s better to perform to a crowd, we make our own by putting dolls, cut-up pictures of friends, or photos from magazines taped to ice-pop sticks into an empty egg carton,” says Rivera, who plays Iago in Disney’s Aladdin on Broadway.

Tap into their abstract artist. Take cushions off the couch and announce that they’re hamburger buns. Challenge kids to fill in the remaining ingredients. “A green shirt could be lettuce, red pants are ketchup, an orange shirt is cheese, and don’t forget green underwear for a pickle!” says Donald Drawbertson, a Los Angeles dad whose cheeky paintings can be found on Insta @drawbertson.

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K I D SÑM i l e s t o n e s

Back to School 2020

A Fun First Week Starts Here!

There won’t be school assemblies or hugs at the classroom door, so it’s on us as parents to pump up our kids for the new year. These super-simple traditions will remind them that this is a special time—and a milestone worth celebrating. by E M I LY E LV E R U / photographs by S A N D R A F R E I J

Come what may, it’s going to be a wild ride. Remember: baby steps!

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K I D SÑM i l e s t o n e s

Paint a self-portrait.

Try a twist on the goody bag. Germans have a custom of giving kids a paper cone (called a Schultüte) full of treats, school supplies, flash cards, and other little gifts on the first day. To make one, roll poster board into a cone shape and secure with glue, then jazz it up with stickers, colored paper, washi tape, your child’s name, or whatever they’re obsessed with. “Anything goes!” says Jenni Fuchs, the blogger behind The Bear and the Fox, who has made a Schultüte for each of her boys on their first day. “For my older son, I made a simple cone decorated with letters and numbers. For his little brother, I went all out and made it look like a shark.” Once the cone is filled, cover the top with tissue paper glued in place and secured with ribbon. Leave it out as a surprise to find in the morning.

T H E S TA R T O F S C H O O L

can be nerve-racking for kids during normal times. Add a whole new set of rules, face masks, hand sanitizer, socially distanced recess, or the complete absence of in-person interaction, and there’s no question that your family’s anxiety has the potential to outsize your kid’s excitement. But all is not lost: With a little planning and creativity, it’s easier than you think to infuse the first days with warmth and inspiration, thrills, and surprises. Pick a few ideas (zero pressure to do them all!) and in no time, Week 1 will be done—and your kids will have had ohso-much fun.

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D AY 1

Game-ify school supplies. Create a scavenger hunt to get your kid psyched to use pencils and notebooks. Once they’ve located them, ooh and aah and talk about how they’ll use each thing, says Amy Milcic, who blogs at Rock Your Homeschool.

Spread kindness like confetti. If you’re able to donate, look into whether your community has a program to give money or gear to students who need it. “We get clothes and school supplies for my son and for another child,” says Amy Molk, founder of Beanstalk, a website that offers interactive creativity classes for kids. “Teddy helps put everything together, and we deliver it in person. It’s fun to brighten someone’s day.”

D AY 2

Fun up breakfast. Take the edge off the second day with some playful morning food. Arrange banana slices, berries, or oranges into a face on a piece of toast, or try this idea from Days With Grey blogger Beth Rosenbleeth: In a large slice of watermelon, cut out your child’s first initial or the number of the grade they’re entering. Serve it alongside their cereal or yogurt, and stash the leftover bits of fruit in their lunch box for later.

After school, take a craft break. Provide a mirror, paper, and markers or crayons and have your kid draw themself. Do it again at the end of the year to see how their skills and looks have changed. “We might hang this year’s portraits side by side in our home,” says Rosenbleeth.

Let them be the star. Embrace your kid’s silliness and encourage them to ham it up for the video camera. Get footage of that jump off the bus or a food-filled grin during snacktime. “As you record, position your phone on the ground or at your kid’s eye level,” says Brian Fichera, a camera operator at NBC News. Both Fichera and his wife, Dylan Dreyer, a 3rd Hour of Today cohost, share video cuteness of their 3-year-old, Calvin, on Instagram (@ fishlense and @ dylandreyernbc). Dreyer recommends using iMovie (a free iPhone app) to edit. “I record about 20 minutes of content, then splice and delete chunks,” says Dreyer. Their top pro tips for creating a punchy video? Keep it under a minute and add music. Fichera is a fan of spunky instrumental (and baseball-stadium fave) “Green Onions, ” which can make any recording feel cinematic. D AY 3

Deck out their lunch bags. “I pull out all the stops by adding stickers and drawing their favorite characters on a paper

Gummies & Syrup

** IRI MULO as of March 22, 2020

www.sambucolusa.com

@sambucol

@sambucolusa

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

K I D SÑM i l e s t o n e s

D AY 4

Host school-spirit days at home.

Create a vision board.

bag,” says Susana SanchezYoung, owner of The Designing Chica. Or let your kid do the decorating, and use their creations to pack lunches over the first week. “It’s an easy way to remember home during the day,” Rosenbleeth says. A small

Inspire kids to put their goals on paper. Gather magazines and catalogs for cutting up, a poster board, stencils, stickers, stamps, markers, or washi tape for embellishing. Then ask your kids what their wishes are for the upcoming year (subjects they want to learn or improve on, activities they’re curious to try, or their hope to make a new friend), and have them clip and paste pictures and words that exemplify those dreams. Hang the finished board wherever they study. “Spending this time to think about the future helps my kids channel their excitement and gives them new things to work toward,” says Milcic.

“I love you” note can help ease first-week anxieties. “Add a trivia question or a teaser about something fun you have planned,” says Kim Bloomberg, an art teacher in Chicago and cofounder of Art Beat Box, a custom art-kit company.

N A I L T H E F I R S T- D AY P H O T O The key to capturing an Insta-worthy shot and enticing nervous or grumpy kids? Channel your inner class clown. PRETEND IT’S RECESS

Play “Red light, green light” (mark an X where your kids need to get to) or “Simon says” (“Simon says shout your name!”), recommends Ana Gambuto, a lifestyle photographer and frequent Parents contributor based in New York City. The sweet, smiling look you want will happen in the moments between commands, she says.

and make a funny face. Be sure to take a burst of photos in order to catch your kid giggling. You might need 30 shots to get that perfect one, says Sarah Blaszczak, photo editor of our sister magazine, Parents Latina. “I sometimes step back so I’ll have room to crop if my shots get wonky. Eye contact is more important than a centered photo.” S AY S O M E T H I N G G O O F Y

S T I C K O U T YO U R TONGUE

Try these lines to get a genuine grin out of your kids:

When you’re ready to take the photo, peek over your device

1. “Okay, whatever you do, don’t smile!” Keep it going for

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a minute or two: “Hey! I see smiling! I said no smiles!” 2. “Now, everyone say [insert fart noise]!” and then act as surprised as they are. 3. “Who can scream the loudest?!” Kids will laugh hysterically after screaming, and you can get a candid moment as it’s happening. 4. “I’m gonna tickle you on the count of three!” Really draw it out to build anticipation. 5. “Do you smell that?” Dramatically sniff the air and then say, “Someone has stinky tootsies!”

One theme can be Green Day—your child eats a greenthemed meal, dresses in the color, and reads bedtime books that center on the hue. Another one could be Backward Day—serve breakfast for dinner! “Kids love making new traditions,” Bloomberg says.

Give props to the teacher. Let your child show their appreciation for a great first week with a small gift that’s fun to make. Transform a standard clipboard with stencils, paint, and scrapbook paper; coat with Mod Podge sealer. “Teachers use them all the time,” says Bloomberg. Of course, you can’t go wrong with a kid-designed card—and it’s easy to mail if your child isn’t in a classroom, says Christine Feliciano, founder of Crafted by Christine. Inside, have your kid include their name, favorite things, and what they’re looking forward to learning. D AY 5

End on a high note. “If school is at home, we plan to continue Field Trip Friday,” says Rosenbleeth. Picking a low-effort destination where you can safely socially distance (a soccer field to kick around a ball or a nearby trail for a bike ride) will also make it easier for you to manage after the school day ends or you get off work.

Bring on the ice cream. Every year, LuAnne Gallin’s family celebrates the first and last days of school with icecream cake. “It began when our oldest daughter, who graduated this year, was in second grade,” says the mom of two from Easton, Pennsylvania. “When my kids were young, the dessert was a surprise they’d find on the table. Now they still look forward to it and act surprised.” Adrian Kulp, the blogger behind Dad or Alive, has a make-yourown-sundae bar. “The first week can be stressful. It takes only a few minutes to set out sundae supplies and is bound to make your kid smile.”

K I D S Ñ F u n Fo o d

TH E N EW

LUNC H MATH

Back to School 2020

The formula for never running out of ideas? Begin with the foods your kid already loves, and use them as your base. Then get creative to the nth degree. by A N N A H E L M B A X T E R / photographs by C H R I S T O P H E R T E S TA N I

S TA R T W I T H

Pasta MAKE

Make a Pasta Butterfly! Start with a thin 1-in.-long slice of cheese, then cut it halfway down the center to create the antennae. Place in the center of a farfalle and decorate the “wings” with peas.

M O R E PA S TA LU N C H E S Ranch-Style Pasta (rotini + ham + cheese cubes + shredded carrot + ranch dressing)

Add 8 oz. farfalle pasta (tricolor is fun if you can find it), 11/4 cups lowsodium chicken or vegetable broth, and 1 cup water to a large, deep skillet and bring to a boil. Cook, stirring frequently, about 3 minutes. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, covered, stirring occasionally, until nearly all the broth has been absorbed and the pasta is tender, 10 to 11 minutes. Stir in 2 cups frozen mixed vegetables (such as peas, corn, and fava beans), 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese, and 2 Tbs. olive oil. Let cool.

NUTRITION PER SERVING

(4 servings) 471 calories; 19g protein; 20g fat (8g sat. fat); 54g carbs; 3g fiber; 5g sugar; 2mg iron; 309mg calcium; 403mg sodium

Pesto Penne Salad (penne + cherry tomatoes + chickpeas + mozzarella + pesto) Tuna & Sweet Corn (orzo + canned tuna + sweet corn + olive oil)

44 SEPTEMBER

Noodles may be the most beloved kid food ever. So there’s no need to tell your tots that they’re also the world’s most versatile vehicle for veggies.

When ready to pack the lunch, cut a slice of Colby cheese into squares and add to each portion.

Wagon-Wheel Pizza Pasta (wagon-wheel pasta + mozzarella + marinara sauce + your kid’s favorite pizza topping; served warm in a thermos)

PA R E N T S

Butterf ly Pasta Salad

2020

TA S T Y S I D E S

T RY C E L E RY WITH ... ... cream cheese + cherry tomatoes ... carrots + hummus ... apples + cheese ... guacamole + chips ... ricotta + honey + mini chocolate chips

S TA R T W I T H

Sunbutter MAKE

Sunbutter & Honey Waffle Kabobs You can buy the stuff from the store, but DIY-ing fresh sunbutter is surprisingly simple. Sprinkle in ground cinnamon or cocoa powder to create new flavors.

MORE SUNBUTTER LU N C H E S Sunbutter and Jelly Crepes (store-bought crepes + jelly + sunbutter) Sunbutter & Banana Toast (banana slices + sunbutter + English muffins) Sunbutter Pancake Pizza (leftover pancakes + sunbutter + fruit) Sunbutter-Apple Sandwiches (cinnamon sunbutter, sandwiched between cored apple slices)

To make the sunbutter, preheat oven to 350°F. Place 3 cups hulled sunflower seeds on a large rimmed baking sheet and roast, stirring occasionally, until starting to turn golden, 10 to 15 minutes. Transfer to a food processor and blend until really smooth, about 5 minutes. If the mixture still looks dry, process for about 2 more minutes so the oils release and the sunbutter loosens. Add 1 Tbs. ground flaxseed (optional), 3 Tbs. pure maple syrup, and 1/2 tsp. kosher salt; process to combine. Makes 13/4 cups sunbutter. Transfer mixture to a jar and refrigerate for up to a month. To make the kabobs, toast 2 frozen waffles. Spread 2 Tbs. sunbutter on one waffle and 1 tsp. honey on the other. Sandwich the 2 waffles together and cut into quarters. Skewer 2 quarters, alternating with a whole hulled strawberry, onto each of 2 child-safe skewers. Make the sandwich in the morning to prevent the waffles from getting soggy. NUTRITION PER SERVING

(2 kabobs) 386 calories; 12g protein; 21g fat (1g sat. fat); 48g carbs; 8g fiber; 14g sugar; 3mg iron; 312mg calcium; 363mg sodium

K I D S Ñ F u n Fo o d

S TA R T W I T H

Rotisserie Chicken MAKE

Chicken Nacho Box Just as a precooked chicken is your pull-a-rabbit-out-of-ahat trick to get dinner on the table, it also works magic for lunch.

M O R E R O T I S S E R I E - C H I C K E N LU N C H E S Cobb Salad Kabobs (skewer chicken cubes + cherry tomatoes + cucumber + bacon + hard-boiled egg) Chicken Quesadilla (shredded chicken + shredded cheese + tortilla; cooked in a skillet) BBQ Chicken Sandwich (shredded chicken + BBQ sauce + pickles + hamburger bun) Chicken Salad Lettuce Cups (chicken cubes + apples + grapes + celery + mayo; wrapped in Bibb lettuce leaves and packed with an ice pack)

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Whisk together 1/4 cup sour cream, 2 tsp. fresh lime juice, 1/4 tsp. each chili powder and ground cumin, and a pinch of kosher salt in a large bowl. Fold in 2 cups shredded rotisserie chicken, 1/2 cup sweet corn, thawed if frozen, and 2 Tbs. chopped cilantro (optional). Serve chicken with the tortilla chips, plus 2 Tbs. each shredded cheese, storebought salsa, and guacamole per serving. The night before, pack everything (minus chips) in an airtight container in separate compartments. NUTRITION PER SERVING

(3 nachos) 310 calories; 26g protein; 14g fat (6g sat. fat); 22g carbs; 3g fiber; 3g sugar; 1mg iron; 136mg calcium; 670mg sodium

FOOD STYLING BY SIMON ANDREWS. PROP STYLING BY CARLA GONZALEZ-HART.

Preheat oven to 375°F. Stamp 3 rounds each out of four 6-in. corn tortillas using a 3-in. round cookie cutter. Wrap loosely in a damp paper towel and microwave until softened, about 30 seconds. Turn a mini muffin tin upside down and lightly coat the underside with nonstick cooking spray. Nestle each tortilla round into a space between the muffin holes to create a small cup. Lightly coat the tortillas with cooking spray and bake until crisp and starting to turn golden, 10 to 15 minutes. Let cool.

Today, snack a little bolder.

K I D S Ñ F u n Fo o d

Make a Frittata Tu r t l e ! Turn the frittata upside down. Then use a pitted olive for the head and add legs created from (yes!) a cornichon sliced into 4 pieces.

S TA R T W I T H

Eggs MAKE

Mini Frittatas Filling and packed with protein, these little guys can handle lunch duty as nimbly as they do breakfast. Preheat oven to 350°F and place ten silicone muffin cups on a large baking sheet or grease a standard muffin tin. Whisk 8 large eggs with 1/4 tsp. each kosher salt and pepper in a large bowl. Add 1 cup frozen peas, thawed, and 1/2 cup coarsely grated cheddar. Divide mixture (about 1/4 cup each) among muffin cups. Bake until puffed and the eggs are set, 22 to 25 minutes. They will deflate as they cool. Once baked, the frittatas can be frozen on a baking sheet before being transferred to a freezersafe container for up to 3 months. For lunch the next day, pack a frozen or chilled frittata in an airtight container and refrigerate overnight. NUTRITION PER SERVING

(10 servings) 92 calories; 7g protein; 6g fat (2g sat. fat); 2g carbs; 1g fiber; 1g sugar; 1mg iron; 66mg calcium; 154mg sodium

MORE EGG LU N C H E S Hard-Boiled Dippy Eggs ( puffed quinoa + crushed garlic chips + toasted sesame seeds + Italian seasoning; eggs dipped into crunchies) Omelet Wrap (cooked egg + ham + cheese; rolled) Mediterranean Pita (roasted veggies + chopped egg + hummus + pita) Egg & Cheese Muffin (sliced hard-boiled egg + ricotta mixed with pesto + English muffin; packed with an ice pack) PA R E N T S

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MORE E M PA N A DA LU N C H E S Creamy Chicken (shredded chicken + cooked onion and mushrooms + ground cumin + chili powder + cream cheese + empanada wrappers) Cheese & Onion (cooked onion + shredded cheese + parsley + empanada wrappers) Chili (leftover chili + rice + cheese + empanada wrappers) Ham & Cheese (sliced ham + sliced cheese + empanada wrappers)

S TA R T W I T H

Empanada Wrappers MAKE

Sausage & Cheese Empanadas No kid could turn down these handheld pockets of yumminess. Make a bunch and you’ll be set for weeks. To make the filling, heat 1 Tbs. olive oil in a large skillet over medium-low. Add 1 onion, finely chopped, 1 green bell pepper, cut into 1/2-in. pieces, and a pinch of kosher salt, and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, 5 to 7 minutes. Add 2 garlic cloves, minced, and 1 lb. sweet Italian sausages, casings removed, breaking up with a wooden spoon. Cook over medium-high heat, stirring regularly, until sausage starts to turn golden brown. Remove from heat and add 1 tsp. paprika, then transfer to a bowl to cool. Once cool, fold in 1 cup coarsely grated extra-sharp cheddar (or crumbled queso fresco). Preheat oven to 375°F and line two large baking sheets with parchment paper. Using 28 storebought empanada wrappers, spoon 2 Tbs. filling onto one side of the wrapper. Fold wrapper over the filling and crimp with a fork to seal. Repeat with the remaining wrappers and filling, placing the empanadas on the prepared baking sheets. Bake until golden brown, 25 to 30 minutes. Frozen, cooked empanadas can be added directly to lunch boxes in the morning and will be ready to eat at midday. NUTRITION PER SERVING

TIP You can freeze the empanadas after assembly or after baking. If frozen raw, just bake straight from frozen.

(2 empanadas) 353 calories; 15g protein; 13g fat (6g sat. fat); 44g carbs; 2g fiber; 5g sugar; 1mg iron; 69mg calcium; 506mg sodium

K I D S Ñ F u n Fo o d

S TA R T W I T H

Sweet Potatoes MAKE

Sweet Potato Cakes Any way you slice it, this spud packs fiber, vitamin A, iron, and calcium in every bite. Put 1 cup split red lentils into a large bowl and cover with 3 cups justboiled water; let sit 20 minutes, then drain and return to the bowl. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 350°F and line a 9x13-in. baking dish with parchment, leaving an overhang on the two long sides. Add 4 slices bacon, cut into 1/4-in. pieces, and 1 red onion, chopped, to a large skillet and cook over medium, stirring, until the bacon fat has rendered and the onion is soft, 7 to 8 minutes. Add 2 cups peeled and shredded sweet potato and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes. Fold into the lentils, along with 1/2 cup pumpkin seeds, finely chopped. Lightly beat 6 large eggs and add to the lentil mixture along with 1 cup coarsely shredded extra-sharp cheddar. Transfer mixture to prepared pan and spread into an even layer.

TIP Freeze cooked and cooled pieces on a baking sheet, then transfer to an airtight container for up to 3 months. For the next day’s lunch, pack frozen or chilled sweet potato cakes in airtight containers and refrigerate overnight.

Sweet Potato Quesadillas (mashed sweet potato + shredded cheese + tortilla; cooked in a skillet) Roasted Sweet Potato Pita (sweet potato fries + hard-boiled egg + lettuce + hummus + pita) Sweet Potato Toast (toasted sweet potato slices; topped with mashed avocado or cottage cheese and fruit)

Cover with foil and bake for 30 minutes. Remove the foil and cook for 10 minutes more. Let cool completely, then cut into shapes.

Sweet Potato Mac ’n’ Cheese (mac ’n’ cheese + cooked sweet potato chunks; packed warm in a thermos)

NUTRITION PER SERVING

(8 servings) 337 calories; 19g protein; 18g fat (7g sat. fat); 24g carbs; 5g fiber; 3g sugar; 3mg iron; 148mg calcium; 303mg sodium

buzz worthy! SPONSORED BY

MORE SWEET P O TAT O LU N C H E S

Looking for a quick, healthy, and portable snack for little hands? Crunchy, sweet, and delicious Rockit apples are the perfectly sized snack for kids. And at only 60 calories per serving, it’s a healthy alternative to sugary or salty snacks — for you and your kids! Learn more, visit chelanfresh.com/rockit

K I D S Ñ F u n Fo o d

TA S T Y S I D E S

T RY B LU E B E R R I E S W I T H . . .

S TA R T W I T H

Cooked Rice

... yogurt + granola ... grapes + strawberries ... rice cake + jelly ... graham crackers + cream cheese ... Cheerios + raisins

MAKE

Veggie Burrito Today’s lunch can be a real cutup (ba-dumching!) when you get creative with sandwich cutters and last night’s leftovers. For the beans, heat 1 Tbs. olive oil in a medium saucepan and add 1/4 cup finely chopped onion and 1/4 tsp. kosher salt. Cook, stirring occasionally, until softened and starting to turn golden, 8 to 10 minutes. Add 1 garlic clove, finely chopped, and cook, stirring, 1 minute. Add one 15-oz. can no-saltadded pinto beans, drained and rinsed, and 1/4 cup water and cook, stirring, for 5 minutes. Remove from heat and lightly mash beans with a fork. Let cool. Makes about 1 cup. To make the burrito, cut small letters and numbers from center of a burrito-size (10-in.) flour tortilla using sandwich cutters. Place 1 slice cheddar or Colby cheese down center. Evenly spread 1/4 cup refried beans (refrigerate the rest in an airtight container) over cheese, then top with 1/4 cup cooked rice. Top with 1/2 cup raw vegetables (such as bell peppers, carrots, and beets) cut into matchsticks and 1/4 avocado, thinly sliced. Fold tortilla into a burrito, turning seam side down to see cutouts. Burrito can be assembled the night before and stored in an airtight container or wrapped loosely in a damp paper towel in a zip-top bag. NUTRITION PER SERVING

(1 burrito) 528 calories; 17g protein; 24g fat (8g sat. fat); 63g carbs; 12g fiber; 7g sugar; 5mg iron; 304mg calcium; 719mg sodium

MORE RICE LU N C H E S Rice Bowl (rice + roasted veggies + salad dressing) Nori Wraps (rice + leftover carnitas + nori wraps) Rice Fritters (rice + egg + Parmesan; formed into patties and fried) Unfried Rice (rice + shredded carrot + edamame + soy sauce + honey + lime + meat or egg)

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C H E E R U P LU N C H! These Instagrammers are wizards at tricking out their kids’ meals. Here, their go-to tools and tips for serving total cuteness.

Raquel Lovsin @luncheswithlovsin mom of two; Toronto, Ont., Canada

Cara Ansis @ForkAndBeans mom of one; Chicago, IL

SPELL IT OUT

DIVVY IT UP

SHOVEL IT AROUND

Copley reaches for Wilton Letter and Number Fondant Cutters to put her son’s personal stamp on lunch. “I use them to cut out his name from cheese or fruit leather,” says Copley. $16; wilton.com

The Yumbox Original Bento Box has six compartments illustrated with each food group to help empower kids to make healthy choices, says Lovsin. “It’s a great tool for teaching children about the importance of a balanced meal.” $28; yumboxlunch.com

“Kids can have fun eating things that they may not be so excited about,” says Ansis, who suggests pairing these Uncommon Goods Construction Utensils with melon balls for boulders, baby carrots for orange cones, or pretzel sticks for wood logs. $20 for three; uncommongoods.com

GIVE IT CHARACTER DOODLE ON IT Wilton Extra Fine Food Writer Set lets you scribble directly on your kid’s meal. “I like to add a smiley face or write a short note on crackers or cheese,” says Copley. $9 for five; wilton.com

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For big-time chuckles every time, just pierce a piece of fruit (or anything, really) with one of the Torune Googly-Eye Food Picks (safe for kids older than 5). “My son gets such a kick out of them,” says Lovsin. $6.50 for seven pairs of eyes; amazon.com

MOLD IT OUT “Turn sandwiches into masterpieces and fruits and veggies into fun shapes superfast—all without having to be an artist,” says Ansis. Bentology Sandwich Cutters can do the work for you. $10 for four; bentology.com

TOP RIGHT: ANDREA PLECKO.

Wendy Copley @Wendolonia author of Everyday Bento and mom of two; El Cerrito, CA

It’s not bribery. It’s Potato Pay.

K I D SÑB o o k s

Back to School

Storytime

2020

This month’s stack of captivating new reads and cool classics

READING NOOK 1

Top Picks for September 1. If You Come to Earth Written and illustrated by Sophie Blackall

W hat ’s up

world!

From the cocreator of the Ivy + Bean series, this book has an enticing premise. A child writes: “Dear Visitor from Outer Space, If you come to Earth, here’s what you need to know.” What follows is an illustrated whirlwind of what makes life on Earth so wonderful and diverse—people doing their jobs, living in all kinds of homes, and eating foods from around the world. Ages 5 to 10

2. Baby’s First Kind Words Written and illustrated by Hsinping Pan

B O O KCLUB PICK!

Playful pictures with bright colors and diverse kids help illustrate 20 words related to empathy and compassion. Care, for instance, portrays a child reaching for the hand of a woman with a cane, while the meaning of help is conveyed through watering flowers. Ages birth to 3

3. I Am Every Good Thing Written by Derrick Barnes, illustrated by Gordon C. James

Poetic words celebrate Black boys (“I am a roaring flame of creativity. I am a lightning round of questions, and a star-filled sky of solutions”) and address racism head-on (“I am not what they might call me, and I will not answer to any name that is not my own”). The oil-painted portraits—like a dad holding his son so he can reach the basketball hoop—are joyful, adding to the book’s universal appeal. Barnes will read and discuss the story on Parents’ Instagram Live; info at parents.com/bookclub. Ages 3+

4. Margaret’s Unicorn Written and illustrated by Briony May Smith

Deeper than the typical unicorn drama (and without a sparkle in sight), this story shows kids that true friendship can last forever. They’ll envy Margaret, who finds an adorable lost baby unicorn and cares for him until his mom returns months later. Some kids will relate to the subplot about moving to a new home. Ages 4 to 8

5. A Dog-Friendly Town Written by Josephine Cameron It’s the kids’ version of an easy, breezy beach read. When the jeweled collar of a famous dog goes missing at their parents’ B&B, a 12-year-old boy and his younger sibs try to crack the case. Plot twists will keep readers racing to get to the oh-so-satisfying conclusion. And the uneasiness that one character expresses about starting middle school may help kids grappling with similar feelings. Ages 8 to 12

A ge m o f

a my stery

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BOOK CRUSH

Author LeBron James on Why Reading Helps Kids Win in Life a bit, I read. And I like having the books in my hand, and being able to take them with me wherever I go. Books are an irreplaceable form of learning.”

BONUS BEDTIME READ Where does nighttime go all day? Your kid will crack up over its hiding places (the underwear drawer) in Scared of the Dark? It’s Really Scared of You, written by Peter Vegas and illustrated by Benjamin Chaud. Time to read: 5 minutes

P ut t heir

fea rs to bed .

What do you hope that kids take away from I Promise?

OPPOSITE AND THIS PAGE: BOOKS COURTESY OF THE PUBLISHERS. THIS PAGE, LEBRON JAMES: GETTY IMAGES.

“I hope they realize they can do anything. I want them to be confident in themselves and what they’re capable of. Kids just want to know someone believes in them. If we can give them confidence and hope for their future, that changes everything for them. I hope this book can be that source of inspiration and that push they need to go for their dreams.”

The L.A. Lakers forward and dad of three writes from the heart in his debut picture book, I Promise, which motivates kids to value both school and play. The book’s title references the I Promise School, jointly opened by The LeBron James Family Foundation and the Akron, Ohio, public school district in 2018. Parents caught up with James before he took off for Orlando to finish the NBA season.

What role has reading played in your life? “I’ve always loved reading. You can learn so much from books. They can take you places you’ve never been, put you in situations you never considered, and help you find inspiration. Reading others’ stories is what gives us perspective and opens our minds to so much possibility. When I need to disconnect or get away for

How does the book’s art help get across your message? “Nina Mata, the illustrator, and I wanted to represent all kids so that everyone who picks up the book can see themselves. The message of believing in yourself and not being afraid to dream big is for everyone, so that was important to capture visually as well.”

What were some of your favorite childhood stories? “I grew up reading Go, Dog. Go!, The Cat in the Hat, The Giving Tree, and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. I read them to my kids, now 6, 13, and 15. I hope kids are still reading all of these!”

What book is most checked out of the library at the I Promise School? “It’s the book of Guinness World Records. The students are also big fans of the Goosebumps series, which I love as well.”

C L A S S I C S T H AT H O L D U P

H A P PY G O LD E N A N N I V E R S A RY, F R O G A N D T OA D !

The amphibious pair who have charmed generations with timeless truths about life (remember the lost button?) are turning 50! Arnold Lobel’s Frog and Toad Are Friends, first published in 1970, is now available as a special-edition picture book with extra pages of photos and sketches. Ages 4 to 8

“ I F YO U LI K E THAT, TRY TH I S”

Find your kid’s next book obsession with help from their current favorite. We asked librarian and children’s book blogger Betsy Bird for an assist.

If you both love the catchy rhymes of Chicka Chicka Boom Boom: R E A D Smashy Town, written by Andrea Zimmerman and David Clemesha, illustrated by Dan Yaccarino PA R A L L E L S “The book not only rhymes but knocks things down too. Only it isn’t letters falling out of a tree this time. It’s a whole building tumbling down!”

If your preschooler can’t get enough of Richard Scarry’s What Do People Do All Day? R E A D Hello, World!, written and illustrated by Ethan Long PA R A L L E L S “With references to a drone and Amazon Prime, it feels more current yet has the engaging meet-all-the-folks-in-the-communityover-the-course-of-a-day story line.”

If your kid is in stitches over Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus: R E A D Are You Eating Candy Without Me?, written by Draga Jenny Malesevic, illustrated by Charlotte Bruijn PA R A L L E L S “All the wackiness of the pigeon books, but your kid will root for characters who are certain that grown-ups are having fun without them, not against a greedy bird.”

by K A R E N C I C E R O

K I D S —Va lu e s

Back to School 2020

YO U R K I D DOESN’T NEED TO BE THE BEST As we prepare for an unprecedented back-to-school season, let’s see our children for who they truly are and reimagine what it means for them to have a rewarding life. by C AT H E R I N E N E W M A N / illustrations by B I J O U K A R M A N

I T S TA R T S E A R LY

and sticks around. That drumbeat of worry when your baby isn’t in the 99th percentile, when your child quits soccer or piano, when they bring home Bs or Cs. The world seems so competitive, and even if they’re only in elementary school, it’s easy to wonder if they’re on the right track to get into a good college or earn a scholarship. But most kids are average—that’s what

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average means. So why do we tend to stress when it’s our kids, pushing them to pursue impressive achievements and stand out from the crowd? Several years ago, a survey by the Making Caring Common project at the Harvard Graduate School of Education found that the majority of 10,000 teenagers from diverse backgrounds placed more value on aspects of personal success than concern

for others—and the authors concluded that young people are likely picking up that “value” from their parents. Is that the message we want to be sending? This unique historical moment is offering us an opportunity to recalibrate our values and turn this ship around. Among other things, the pandemic and nationwide protests have reminded us of the preciousness of both ordinary life

K I D S ÑVa lu e s

and life itself. During social distancing, our children have longed to hug their grandparents and friends. They’ve exclaimed over the sweetness of a strawberry, gathered up their old puzzles for the little kids next door, and run outside to look at the fireflies. And beyond these small wonders, we’ve had enormous conversations about the world we want to live in, racial justice, and our interconnectedness as human beings. This is as extraordinary as the ordinary gets. It’s regular life filled with consistent love, intermittent sparkle, and values in practice. And kids will have access to this perfectly imperfect life whether they go to trade school or Stanford or community college, whether they’re plumbers or artists or lawyers. “Your kid has a great chance of living a meaningful and purposeful life at the intersection of what they’re good at, what they love, and what they value,” says Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of How to Raise an Adult. Here are suggestions for how we can help our kids balance—and define—achievement for themselves.

Broaden your ideas about success. Because our culture overvalues good grades and scores—and the ideal future these are supposed to ensure—we may overvalue them too. Parents advisor Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., author of Kid Confidence, understands that this narrow vision of achievement often comes from anxiety. “We want a guarantee that our kids will be okay, so we look at measurable outputs like grades and winning this or that prize,” she says. “Of course, if we step back, we’ll realize there are no guarantees.” In fact, research by organizational psychologist Adam Grant, Ph.D., author of Give and Take, shows that strong social and emotional skills, including collaboration and empathy, are what truly drive career success.

See the child you have. One way to teach our kids empathy is to cherish them just as they are. This means taking off the glasses that we’ve painted a rosy picture on—a picture of our child as a straight-A student, say, or

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a gymnastics star. Each child is uniquely themself—not the same as their older siblings or as you were as a kid or as you wish you’d been. Parents advisor Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., author of The Blessing of a B Minus, suggests approaching your child and their interests as if you were a cultural anthropologist—with open curiosity rather than judgment. If they declare they’re going to be a deejay when they grow up, for instance, instead of jumping in to explain why you don’t think that’s a sensible career option, you could say, “Ah, tell me more. I’ve always

wondered, how do they make that scratchy sound?” Whoever it is they aren’t (a kid who studies for math tests, for instance, or puts their nose eagerly to the homework grindstone) will always matter less than who they are.

Find the ideal way to motivate your kid. Especially when it comes to kids who aren’t putting a lot of effort into their schoolwork, you can make a connection to what they care most about. Help your child understand that the parts of school

they don’t like are a means to an end. A kid who wants to be a chef—or just likes to cook—will need to understand math and science, among other more specific kitchen skills. One who wants to be a dairy farmer might see school as irrelevant—but they’re going to need geometry to figure out the grazing rotations. Education expert Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift of Failure, advises saying, “We have to do the stuff we don’t want to do in order to meet our higher goals.” Of course, most kids don’t know yet what they want to be when they grow up. Lythcott-Haims suggests saying, “ ‘What are the one or two subjects that make you feel jazzed? Those are the ones you want to put the most effort into and take as far as you can.’ ”

Don’t push perfection. “Parents always tell kids, ‘Do your best!’ ” but kids often hear, ‘Do the best that you can possibly imagine,’ ” says Dr. Kennedy-Moore. But ample research has linked perfectionism in kids with troubles such as anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. A better approach is to encourage your child to make a reasonable effort depending on the importance of the task, how they’re feeling, and what else they have on their plate. Every piece of homework or test or sports game won’t be flawless, so create a safe haven at home where your kids have a little room to breathe. You can do this, in part, by valuing improvement and personal bests. “That’s your best spelling quiz yet,” you might notice, even if the score is a so-so 7 out of 10.

Honor struggle. Indeed, pioneering research on growth mindset by Stanford psychology professor Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., shows that intelligence is not fixed: The more you challenge yourself, the more your brain adapts. It’s a useful phenomenon to explain to our kids, especially when we’re encouraging them to keep tackling challenges at school and elsewhere. “Reassure your child that it takes a while to learn most skills, and struggling is a sign that their brain is growing,” says Dr. Kennedy-Moore. You can also tell them stories about how far they’ve come to remind them that

EVERY PIECE OF HOMEWORK WON’T BE FLAWLESS, S O C R E AT E A S A F E S PA C E AT H O M E WH E RE YO U R K I D S H AV E A LITTLE ROOM

a life of drudgery.” And there are so many ways to be “smart” besides school. Madeline Levine, Ph.D., author of Ready or Not, reminds us to value the traits that kids will need to navigate our rapidly changing world: emotional intelligence, self-regulation, adaptability, risk taking, and experimentation. “We need to redefine success,” Dr. Kennedy-Moore says, “from purely metrics-based to a much broader notion of what constitutes a well-lived life.”

T O B R E AT H E .

Value relationships.

the struggle is—or might be—temporary. “When you taught yourself to tie your shoes, it was so hard at first! Remember when you threw your sneakers down the stairs? But now it’s easy for you.” Also share your own struggles. “I had a hard time with cursive too!” you can say. “It was all just a million squiggles that I didn’t understand.” If your frustrated socialstudies student storms out, seeks help, and then sits back down, you can validate the process by saying, “You’re working so hard!” rather than “You’re so good at social studies” or “You’ll get a good grade.”

Appreciate all of your child’s gifts. You want your kids to see themselves as well-rounded—not in the collegeapplication sense, but in the sense of being more than their metric, tangible achievements. What is your child good at or fascinated by? What are their notable character traits? Bravery, humor, gratitude, curiosity, persistence, kindness? These often make up the beautiful flip side of traits we find more challenging. Stubbornness, for instance, is a less positive way to describe persistence; the negative term lazy might be masking a valuable kind of contentedness. Maybe your kid is patient with their grandparents, a collaborative group participant in school, or a fantastic conversationalist. “I’m of the school of ‘know your strengths and build on them’ rather than ‘know all your weaknesses and try to improve,’ ” says Lythcott-Haims. “That’s

Ultimately, our most important job as parents is to teach our children how to connect with and get along with other people, Dr. Kennedy-Moore says. “How do we love? How do argue and make up? How do we enjoy each other? Helping kids learn those fundamental social and emotional skills is our best bet for raising successful kids.” And this time in history can offer us clearer perspective and a way forward. As Lahey says, “This is a moment to put our greater good above our own individual needs and wants.” It’s understandable to be worried about this unpredictable school year, but our kids are proving to be more resilient and flexible than we’d realized. If we have to let go of a little perfectionism right now? A narrowly defined idea of what matters? Good. Maybe the Harvard Making Caring Common project would find different survey results now that this generation has experienced a global pandemic and widespread protests calling for social justice. Maybe the researchers would find that kids care more about other people and less about rigid notions of personal success. And maybe that very caring will inspire greater passion to rebuild the world, using all the skills, intelligence, and talents they’ve got. Or that they will have, when they’ve grown a little more. We just need to trust that they’re exactly who they’re supposed to be.

Game On

Simply hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to help kids enjoy team sports—even when they don’t win.

Supplies from 50¢. Check.

K I D S Ñ Fo o d

Back to School

Easy Breakfasts With a Healthy Bonus

2020

These grab-and-go options slip in a serving of fruits and veggies and can be made in advance. So go ahead and hit the snooze button. Your kids’ brain-boosting breakfast will be ready when they are. photographs by C A I T L I N B E N S E L

BlueberryZucchini Bread Active Time 15 minutes Total Time 1 hour 30 minutes Makes 12 servings

MAKE IT

1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Lightly coat the bottom of a 9x5-in. loaf pan with cooking spray; set aside. 2. Combine flours, sugars, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, and baking powder in a large bowl; set aside. Mix eggs, oil, and vanilla in a separate bowl. Add to flour mixture and stir until combined. Gently stir in zucchini, then blueberries. 3. Spoon batter into prepared pan. Bake until golden brown and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 1 hour. 4. Cool in pan 10 minutes before removing. Serve warm or cool. NUTRITION PER SERVING

(1 slice) 258 calories; 4g protein; 15g fat (1g sat. fat); 27g carbs; 10g sugar; 2g fiber; 29mg calcium; 1mg iron; 193mg sodium

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FOOD STYLING BY CHELSEA ZIMMER. PROP STYLING BY AUDREY DAVIS.

Store it smart. You can keep the bread in an airtight container up to three days or freeze it for up to three months. Frozen slices can go right into the toaster.

I N G R E DI E N T S Nonstick cooking spray 1 cup all-purpose flour 1 cup whole-wheat pastry flour 1⁄4 cup packed light-brown sugar 1⁄4 cup granulated sugar 1 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. cinnamon 1⁄2 tsp. kosher salt 1⁄2 tsp. baking powder 3 large eggs 3⁄4 cup canola oil 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract 2 cups shredded zucchini 1 cup blueberries

Pumpkin Spice Protein Shake Blend together 2 Tbsp. Torani Sugar Free Pumpkin Spice Syrup, 1 cup almond milk and 1 scoop vanilla protein powder with 1 cup ice.

Pumpkin Spice Keto Coffee Blend 2 Tbsp. Torani Sugar Free Pumpkin Spice Syrup with 1 cup coffee, 1 Tbsp. grass fed butter, and 1 Tbsp. MCT oil.

Low Carb Whipped Cream Whip 2 Tbsp. Torani Sugar Free Pumpkin Spice Syrup with 1 pint heavy whipping cream until peaks form. Top your desserts, drinks and fresh fruit.

Low Carb Pumpkin Spice Frozen Coffee Blend together 3 Tbsp. Torani Sugar Free Pumpkin Spice Syrup, 1 cup coffee ice cubes, ¹/4 cup heavy cream & 1 cup strong brewed coffee.

Skinny Pumpkin Spice Cold Brew Stir 2 Tbsp. Torani Sugar Free Pumpkin Spice Syrup into 1 cup cold brew and add a splash of cream.

Skinny Pumpkin Spice Latte Add 2 Tbsp. Torani Sugar Free Pumpkin Spice Syrup to 2 shots espresso (or ¹/2 cup strong brewed coffee) and 1 cup frothed milk.

Mixes well Torani flavors are crafted to bring out the best in your drink so you can make something deliciously original. America’s favorite since 1925

Available in the coffee & tea aisle of your local grocer or Supercenter.

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A Is for Apple Smoothie Active Time 10 minutes Total Time 10 minutes Makes 2 smoothies

I N G R E DI E N T S 1⁄2 cup milk 1⁄2 cup water 1 cup spinach 1⁄4 cup mint 1⁄2 green apple, cored, unpeeled 1 banana, peeled, frozen Honey or another sweetener, to taste

Double-Pumpkin Muffins

MAKE IT

1. Place milk, water, spinach, and mint in a blender. Blend until smooth. Add apple, banana, and honey. Blend until creamy.

Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 1 hour Makes 18 muffins

I N G R E DI E N T S Nonstick cooking spray 31⁄2 cups white whole-wheat flour 21⁄2 tsp. ground cinnamon 1 tsp. kosher salt 1⁄2 tsp. baking soda 2 tsp. baking powder 1 cup sugar 1 15-oz. can pumpkin puree (2 cups) 3 large eggs 11⁄2 cups buttermilk 1⁄4 cup pumpkin seeds (optional)

2. Split between two glasses and serve, or store overnight in the fridge. NUTRITION PER SERVING

(1 smoothie) 126 calories; 4g protein; 1g fat (1g sat. fat); 26g carbs; 17g sugar; 4g fiber; 2mg iron; 116mg calcium; 46mg sodium

MAKE IT

1. Preheat oven to 375°F. Coat a 12-cup muffin tin with cooking spray; set aside. 2. Whisk flour, cinnamon, salt, baking soda, and baking powder in a bowl; set aside. Combine sugar and pumpkin in another bowl. Whisk in eggs, one at a time. Mix in buttermilk until well combined. Freeze half the batch. Eat the muffins warm or at room temp, and stash the rest in the freezer for next week. Reheat them in the oven or the microwave.

3. Using a spatula, stir pumpkin mixture into flour mixture just until combined. 4. Fill each muffin cup with 1/3 cup batter. Top with pumpkin seeds, if using. (Seeds may be a choking hazard for kids ages 4 and under.) Bake until a toothpick inserted into center of muffins comes out clean, about 18 minutes. 5. Remove muffins from tin while still warm. Repeat with remaining batter. NUTRITION PER SERVING

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(1 muffin) 169 calories; 6g protein; 3g fat (1g sat. fat); 32g carbs; 13g sugar; 3g fiber; 1mg iron; 69mg calcium; 234mg sodium 2020

USE IT TO MAKE SNACKS

BREAKFAST

FRIENDS

Teachers: A Class Act Whether your kids are learning remotely or back to a traditional school setting—or a combination of both—it’s important to acknowledge the everyday heroes who make it all possible: Teachers! When interacting with educators this Back-to-School season, be sure to pay attention to the three R’s: Respect, Remember, and Recognize.

✓ Respect… Reinforce the importance of being respectful. Kids who start

the day focused and ready to learn make teachers’ lives easier and help them do their job more effectively. Remind your kids that it’s just as important to say “please” and “thank you” at school as it is at home.

✓ Remember… Try not to criticize teachers in front of your kids. If you

don’t get an immediate response to an email or you think a mistake has been made, remember that teachers are trying to juggle work/life balance just like everyone else.

✓ Recognize… Know a teacher who has gone above and beyond during these days of distance learning? Tell us about their acts of goodness and they could win! Over $30,000 available in prizes.

Nominate your child’s teacher today!

Goodness Made Juicy Juicy Juice is bursting with the juicy taste kids love. It’s 100% juice, with no added sugar—and with one serving of fruit in every 8 ounces of Juicy Juice, it’s the drink you can feel good about giving to your kids at school and at home. juicyjuice.com

Scan here to enter using your phone’s camera or visit juicyjuice.com/thankful

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. Nominators must be legal residents of the 50 U.S. & D.C., 18 & older who have a nursery school, preschool or elementary school aged child/ children/charge(s), at time of entry. Nominees must be accredited nursery school, preschool or elementary school teachers who are legal residents of the 50 U.S. and D.C., who are 18 years of age or older at time of entry. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED. Contest starts on 7/31/20 at 12:00 p.m. ET and ends 8/31/20 at 4:59 p.m. ET. For Ofﬁcial Rules, visit: www.JuicyJuice.com/thankful. Sponsor: Harvest Hill Beverage Company.

K I D S Ñ Pe t s

COLTON SH A R ES W H AT HE LOV ES A B OU T H I S S P U N K Y G OL DE N D O ODL E :

Animal House!

We have to spell b-a-c-o-n because Sully gets too excited if he hears the word. He loves to eat it.

Colton, 11, with his dog, Sully, 1

“You can kind of push Sully’s hair into a mohawk.”

PRISCILL A GR AGG

He’s a klutz and always slips and falls off the couch. 3 I tried to get Sully to push my wheelchair, but so far it’s not working. He can’t focus. 4 In the winter, we open the door and he runs out and jumps. His face gets covered in snow! 5

Sully falls asleep if you rub his nose.

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WARDROBE STYLING BY JILL ROTHSTEIN FOR THE WALL GROUP. HAIRSTYLING BY CLELIA BERGONZOLI FOR UTOPIA. GROOMING BY THORA FOR WALTER SCHUPFER. PROP STYLING BY JOJO LI FOR HELLO ARTISTS. CHILD WRANGLING BY KAYSH SHINN. ON COLTON: SHIRT, TINY COTTONS FROM LADIDA.COM. JACKET, MOLO JEAN. SHOES, VEJA FROM LADIDA.COM. CURTAIN, QUIET TOWN.

photograph by

All It Takes Is A Shake™ ®/™ Trademarks © Mars, Incorporated 2020. TEMPTATIONS™ Cloud design is a trademark.

TEND TO

_ _ _ _FIND MOM FRIENDS

YO U R S E LF, B O DY

MAKE PE ACE WITH C - SECTION S _ _ _ _

AND SOUL

G E T C L O S E R T O YO U R PA R T N E R

BEAUTY AWARDS 2020

PROP STYLING BY ELIZABETH PRESS FOR JUDY CASEY INC.

The Best of Beauty In a year that has tested our patience and sanity, many of us cast aside beauty routines while handling homeschooling, Zoom meetings, and nonstop laundry. But we’re ready to get some beauty back in our lives! Over the past few months, we asked 30 moms to test 200 new skin, hair, and makeup launches. We hope the 31 winners here help you find your own self-care groove again . You deserve it. by S H A N N O N M . B AU E R photographs by YA S U + J U N KO

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MAKEUP WINNERS

F O U N DAT I O N

A PEEK INSIDE OUR PROCESS

Welcome to the ninth edition of the Parents Beauty Awards! In past years, our months-long testing process has culminated in hundreds of moms descending on our HQ for a night of makeup testing, complete with drinks and a photo shoot. Needless to say, 2020 was not a typical year. As we prepped for this story at the height of the pandemic in New York City, we wondered: Should we really ask moms to add one more thing to their to-do lists? And can we get products to them with the nation in lockdown? We decided to try. One by one, brands sent boxes across the country. As we began to check in on our testers, a funny thing happened. Instead of delivering hurried reviews, they said: “These shower products gave me the only ‘alone time’ I’ve had in a week,” and “Putting on makeup made me feel alive again!” It was an inspiring reminder that beauty is something we do for ourselves and can be a simple way to get the self-care we need. Plus, because testers took the process so seriously this year, I believe in these winners more than ever. —Kate Sandoval Box, Beauty Director

Follow Me on Instagram Simply hover your phone’s camera over the smart code, or follow @updatekate.

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More like a tinted moisturizer, CoverGirl Clean Fresh Skin Milk ($9; drugstores) has a “dewy finish” that manages to “hide rosacea, dark circles,” and, hallelujah, “pimples” too.

CONCEALER

The 40 full-coverage shades of Beautyblender Bounce Airbrush Liquid Whip Concealer ($26; sephora.com) suit a genuine range of skin tones. And the tip lets you zero in on imperfections.

HIGHLIGHTER

The “subtle shimmer” of Revlon SkinLights Prismatic Highlighter ($12; drugstores) “accentuated cheekbones” and “perked up dull skin” for an all-over healthylooking radiance, testers said.

Our winners had to ... 1 Offer shades that suit a wide range of skin tones 2 Offer formulas

for a wide range of hair types 3 Work for our diverse group of mom testers

EYESHADOW

This Maybelline New York Nudes of New York Eyeshadow Palette ($14; drugstores) has 16 universally flattering shimmers and mattes in both “everyday” shades and “deep, dramatic” colors glam enough for “date night.”

KATE: DAVIS FACTOR. PRODUCT PHOTOS: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

LONG-LASTING LIPSTICK

Mented Cosmetics Liquid Lipstick ($20; mentedcosmetics .com) lasted through many, many cups of coffee and quarantine snacking to reign supreme. It “feels light on the lips,” “dries quickly,” then “fades to a nice stain after a few hours.”

LIP COLOR

IT Cosmetics Pillow Lips Lipstick ($24; ulta.com) may be the unicorn of lipsticks: The formula is “moisturizing” and “glides on smoothly” yet “takes several hours to wear off.” The tubes are available in 14 shades in both cream and matte finishes.

BLUSH

L I P T R E AT M E N T

You can dip into one shade of the Flower Beauty Pyramids Cheek Color ($12; ulta.com) or blend all of them together for a soft glow. According to one mom, “this feels much more luxe than the price might imply.”

In the time it takes to load your video call, you can slick on ChapStick Total Hydration Moisture + Tint + SPF 15 ($7; drugstores). It leaves lips “pretty,” “smooth,” and “protected with SPF.”

“I’m normally a lip-gloss gal, but this balm has won me over. It’s not sticky or too bold.”

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EYELINER

No matter your color go-to, there’s a hue for you in this line of creamy Fenty Beauty by Rihanna Flypencil Longwear Pencil Eyeliners ($22 each; sephora.com). The precise tip twists up to create the perfect fine line. “Truly the best eyeliner I’ve found,” said one thrilled user.

FACE WINNERS

CLEANSER

Bioré Rose Quartz + Charcoal Gentle Marshmallow Foam Cleanser ($6.50; drugstores) checked all the requisite face-wash boxes with a “light, pleasant scent” and a “gentle, moisturizing formula.”

E X F O L I AT O R

Moms gave a shout-out to the bamboo- and enzyme-powered Youth to the People Yerba Mate Resurfacing Energy Facial ($54; sephora.com), which “made skin even-textured” and “better than it has looked in years.”

MAKEUP REMOVER

A shortcut seemingly made for tired mamas: Aloe-laced Pond’s Vitamin Micellar Hydrate Wipes ($4.50 for a pack of 25; drugstores) “can quickly remove a full face of makeup,” and yet they still “feel soft on the face.”

“My skin felt supersoft and smooth after just one night of using this serum.”

SERUM

TONER

Testers were obsessed with Versed Weekend Glow Daily Brightening Solution ($18; target.com), an acid toner that comes in a pump bottle. “My skin looked fresh and glowy,” one reviewer was happy to share.

MASCARA

BROW DEFINER

Our testers would have given Marc Jacobs At Lash’d Mascara ($27; sephora.com) “a 10 out of 5,” if the score sheet had allowed, describing the formula as “superblack and lengthening,” “with no smudging or flaking.” Perhaps most impressive: “It lasted through a day of mom life.”

Lightly filled? Artfully sculpted? Whatever your brow personality, Benefit Brow Styler ($34; ulta.com) has your arch. One end houses a “waxy pencil for shaping,” and the other offers a powder that gives you soft “weekend brows.”

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Our panel credited L’Oréal Paris Revitalift Derm Intensives 10% Pure Glycolic Acid Serum ($30; drugstores) with helping them “lighten dark spots” and “even out texture.” One user said her allergy-related bumps disappeared after using it.

MASK

MOISTURIZER WITH SPF

Sephora Collection 1 Minute Face Mask ($12 for a pack of 14; sephora.com) is a true 60-second facial. The “moisturizing” avocadoinfused sheets are “ideal as a prework refresher.”

One-step morning skin care from Neutrogena Bright Boost Moisturizer SPF 30 ($20; drugstores) was a hit with busy parents. The formula is “moisturizing” but “nongreasy.”

HAIR WINNERS

ANTIAGING MOISTURIZER

NIGHT CREAM WITH RETINOL

A trio of retinol, hyaluronic acid, and vitamin C is behind L’Oréal Paris Revitalift Moisturizer ($25; drugstores), which also earned a triple “love.” One tester was especially pumped about her “smooth and young” skin.

Moms looking for a heavyhitting antiager at a reasonable price said this fragrance-free Olay Regenerist Retinol24 Night Moisturizer ($29; drugstores) had a lot in its favor. “Glowy and bright” skin with “no irritation” were big pluses to users.

E Y E T R E AT M E N T

While making her kids’ breakfasts and supervising teeth brushing, one tester simultaneously accomplished a 15-minute “hydrating, depuffing” undereye treatment, thanks to these Mary Kay Hydrogel Eye Patches ($40 for 30 pairs; marykay.com).

Store these eye patches in the fridge for a chilled-out refresher when you need one.

SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER FOR FINE HAIR

Aveeno Hair Cotton Blend Shampoo and Conditioner ($9 each; drugstores) stand out for providing good volume, lift, and light moisture that doesn’t weigh hair down. Also nice: The “fresh, clean laundry scent” has unisex appeal (and the budget price means nobody will mind when a partner or kid dips into the bottles too).

SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER FOR C U R LY H A I R

Herbal Essences Potent Aloe + Mango Shampoo and Conditioner ($6 each; drugstores) pleasantly surprised one mom when they stood up to (and surpassed) her current expensive salon-brand shampoo and conditioner. The combo “made hair feel thicker” and “detangled knotty strands.”

MASK

With many salons shuttered, testers lamented their “dry, damaged, desperate-for-ahaircut” strands. Weekly usage of Garnier Fructis 1 Minute Hair Mask + Aloe Extract ($8; drugstores) helped restore hair to its “hydrated, shiny, soft” glory.

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DRY SHAMPOO

“I can go a week without washing, and it doesn’t dry my hair out,” a tester raved about Aussie Tousle Hustle Dry Shampoo ($5; drugstores). ’Nuff said.

STYLER

One new mom loved that John Frieda Volume Lift Conditioning Mist ($9; drugstores) gave her “flat, postpartum hair a boost” during an at-home blowout.

B O DY WINNERS

B O DY S C RU B

The fine-grained texture of the creamy, tropical-scented Dove Exfoliating Body Polish Crushed Almond & Mango Butter ($6; drugstores) sloughs off dead patches to reveal “soft, smooth skin.” (More of this, please!)

B O DY LOTI O N B O DY WAS H

Like a big gulp of water for skin, Nivea Nourishing Care Body Wash ($6; drugstores) was so hydrating, testers felt as if they’d “already put on lotion” before leaving the shower.

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Sweet almond oil and shea butter made Mrs. Meyer’s Clean Day Oat Blossom Body Lotion ($8; drugstores) a fan favorite in the group. Reviewers appreciated that it was “moisturizing” “without a sticky or oily finish.”

ANTIPERSPIRANT

DEODORANT

Testers loved not only the stellar wetness and odor protection but also the “luxurious aromas” of Secret Antiperspirant With Essential Oils ($12; drugstores). The Coconut Oil + Mandarin and the Lavender + Eucalyptus “smelled like upscale perfumes.”

Schmidt’s Rose + Vanilla Deodorant ($9; drugstores) got high marks for being a natural deodorant that (actually) works. Pro tip: For an easier glide, warm the stick by holding it against your underarm for a few seconds before applying.

DULL, TIRED SKIN? FLIP THE SWITCH. MEET NEW BRIGHT BOOST. Powered by dullness-fighting Neoglucosamine. Boosts cell turnover by 10x* for instantly brighter skin.

*Surface Cells, In Laboratory Studies ©J&JCI 2019

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Grammy-winning musician and public-school supporter Chance the Rapper believes we are in a transformative moment to make the world a better place for our kids. But that change can occur only if parents work together to step up for justice.

IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN.

Sometime in this next school year, a Chicago parent will glance over at a kindergarten dad and realize that the “C. Bennett” on his name tag is for Chancelor Bennett, also known as Chance the Rapper. The 27-year-old dad of Kensli, 5, and Marli, turning 1, has been mixing parenting with hit making since the 2016 release of Coloring Book. The song collection, released independently, was a career-

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defining masterpiece combining hip-hop with jazz riffs, gospel choruses, and the kind of lyrical wordplay that instantly made him heir apparent to the generation of rap kings that include Jay-Z and Kanye West. Chance won three Grammys, headlined Lollapalooza, and even made an Emmy-nominated comedy turn on Saturday Night Live. Then he memorably canceled a tour last fall to take paternity leave after Marli’s birth.

When Chance was 8 years old, his father, Ken Bennett, ran Barack Obama’s senate campaign. Years later, Chance visited President Obama’s White House four times. Public service is a through line in Chance’s life, just as Christianity is a through line in his music. His nonprofit, SocialWorks, empowers youth through the arts and civic engagement, and he started it by giving a million dollars to Chicago’s public schools.

—Chance, here with older daughter Kensli, wife Kirsten, and baby Marli

When Parents spoke to Chance via Zoom, the country was reeling from protests over the deaths of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor at the hands of police officers. Long before he was famous, Chance rapped: Brown boys are dying, and none of ’em were for business And all of ’em love they mommas, and all of they mommas miss ’em

Between the pandemic, civic unrest, and heartbreaking tales of police brutality, this generation of parents is being tested like never before. What’s heartening is that Chance, the dad, is as thoughtful and hopeful as his music. He believes we can do better—and that if we work together, we will. Let’s talk about this moment and Black Lives Matter. Chance: I think freedom, or even just the lack of oppression and racism, starts with recognizing the humanity in others. And I think we’re kind of indoctrinated to look at people who aren’t in our same tier of social hierarchy as “other.” This time is calling into question everyone’s morality and everybody’s sense of complicity and the oppression of people at large. I think one thing that has helped me understand racism is realizing that people can adhere to racist systems and benefit from them without necessarily consciously doing so. And my understanding of that came from my being able to see how I could be complicit in patriarchy and sexism. When there are protests, they’re mostly for Black men. Statistics show that Black women are also brutalized at an extremely high rate or, in some cases, killed by racist police officers. So I think we’re starting to address many issues: racism, patriarchy, capitalism, colorism. Until we can recognize the stem of each problem and how we all work within the system, we can’t actually make it better. This moment is calling all of us to grow. What is being asked of parents this year, which is so unlike any other we’ve experienced? Chance: Well, I’m a man of faith. So I feel a lot of things that happen may not be predestined, but I believe that God has control. We’re facing the coronavirus PA R E N T S

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pandemic, where everybody has lost the assistance not only of grandparents and friends and family but also of the education system. Parents are put in this weird position where we’ve had to become teachers, along with being providers and caretakers. You become the main source of information for your child. A lot of us weren’t prepared for that. It’s a big “aha” moment of realizing how valuable teachers are. Chance: And if we thought that teaching our kids how to read was hard, imagine teaching them that there’s an entire system of oppression that our society is built on, that they can either be complicit in or work to change. It’s a difficult task, but it’s like we were born or live in this time for a reason. I think we have a pretty crazy opportunity right now to change the trajectory of humanity. That’s powerful. As an Afro-Latina, I’ve felt the racial divide of this moment deeply. To be super-frank, this is a tricky time to talk about race with my white friends. Chance: The deep part about it is that for years, I would say at least 300 years, we’ve had to educate white folks on the ills of society. At this point, the common knowledge of racism just exists. There’s Black bodies upon Black bodies, lynchings, riots, there’s all these things happening. It makes everyone have to address it. My conversations with my white friends mainly deal with just how recent the most grim versions of physical white supremacy were in this country’s history. Everyone should educate themselves about those four little girls who died in the 1963 church bombing, and understand the physical violence that Black people face for the sheer fact that they’re Black. What are you and your wife telling your daughters about this moment? Chance: My kids are young. Mainly, we’ve been teaching Kensli to love herself, to understand that her opinion is important, to understand that Black is beautiful and that Black power is her superpower. Marli, I’ve just been trying to teach her how to walk. How do you share faith with them? Chance: Just being honest, I haven’t taught Kensli a prayer to memorize yet.

And I’m glad that you said that, that’s probably something I need to do. She’s so young that she doesn’t fully understand even Jesus’s death yet. I’ll say the Lord’s Prayer before she goes to sleep and hold her hand, and at meals we pray real quick, “God is great. God is good. Let us thank him for our food.” Gospel singer Fred Hammond has a song called “You Are the Living Word,” and Kensli loves to sing all the oh’s that come at the end. During quarantine, I looked at my husband and I was like, “Okay, we have to team up.” Did you have that kind of moment with Kirsten? Chance: Very much so. My wife and I grew up together. Kirsten was very emotionally attached to all that was happening. When the video of George Floyd’s murder came out, I was initially keeping away from it because I’ve been under so much emotional duress, missing family and friends, that I didn’t feel I could see it and be well. And I was correct on that. But by shielding ourselves, we leave ourselves more exposed. The fact that my wife was so emotionally damaged by what was going on drove me to evaluate everything.

Do you think being at home has also had unexpected benefits? Chance: It was tough not seeing my parents for months. But for those of us who have not lost folks, and for whom the worst part is staying at the house, it’s been an opportunity to connect in a substantial way with our children and spouses. The spring was more a time of reflection than keeping the community alive. It’s been an amazing growth point for me. Kensli and I do little artsand-crafts projects. We did a volcano experiment, and we grew some sea monkeys. I built her a bike. The tough part was putting the brakes on. Like, it’s actually one of the most difficult things I ever did, putting the brakes on the bike. What have you learned about yourself during this crazy year? Chance: I feel like I’m 30 now. I definitely felt like I was 26 for a while and now I just feel like I’m straight 30, which isn’t really that grown. I just feel grown as hell.

ILLUSTRATION AND DESIGN BY ERIN JANG. CHANCE: WARDROBE STYLING BY DJ SMEDLEY AND RAISSA GOMES. HAIRSTYLING BY YOUSSEF ELTOWEISSY. GROOMING BY TIA DANTZLER. KIRSTEN: WARDROBE STYLING BY YETY AKINOLA FOR THE BROOKS AGENCY. HAIRSTYLING BY ERICA FRANKLIN. MAKEUP BY TIA DANTZLER. CHILDREN’S WARDROBE STYLING BY JILL ROTHSTEIN FOR THE WALL GROUP. PREVIOUS SPREAD, ON CHANCE: SWEATER, COMME DES GARÇONS. PANTS, RALPH LAUREN. SNEAKERS, MAISON MARGIELA. HAT: CHANCE THE RAPPER. ON KIRSTEN: SHIRT, WALES BONNER. SKIRT, 3.1 PHILLIP LIM. BOOTS, BROTHER VELLIES. GOLD CHAIN, CYNTHIA ROWLEY. ON KENSLI: DRESS, LUNDSEY BERNS. SOCKS, BOBO CHOSES FROM LADIDA. SNEAKERS, MAISONETTE. ON MARLI: YELLOW PELOT FROM LADIDA. THIS PAGE, ON KIRSTEN: BODYSUIT, MARA HOFFMAN. PANTS, ALEXANDER WANG. ON CHANCE: JACKET, OAMC. JEANS, GUCCI. HAT, CHANCE THE RAPPER.

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Parents’ Lightning Round G R E AT E S T W I S H FOR THE SCHOOL YEAR

I hope that it’s safe. B E ST PART O F B E IN G AN U N C LE TO O

I get to help raise the whole next generation of my family. FAVO R I T E C H I L D R E N ’ S BOOK TO READ

The Giving Tree, by Shel Silverstein M OV I E W E L OV E A S A FA M I LY

Shrek W H E N W E C A N T R AV E L AG A I N , W E ’ L L G O . . .

To our family reunion. W H AT A LWAYS M A K E S K E N S L I L AU G H ?

My jokes. They’re top-tier. H AV I N G M O R E K I D S ?

Yes, please.

Up Close Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to hear Kirsten and Chance talk behind the scenes about unity and empowering kids.

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Find the Mom Friend You Need It just takes a Wi-Fi connection, the willingness to say hello, or a little mutual spark. The rest comes naturally. by L A U R A B I R E K

There’s nothing like a fellow mom to help you through the hard parts of parenting.

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H OW I M E T T H I S M O T H E R

Amber Jaye Shelton-Robinson and Vanessa Marie Aguilera Odreman Gainesville, FL

just after finishing up Reclined Goddess pose, my prenatal-yoga teacher asked us all to sit comfortably so we could “share our spirits.” I always had to suppress a smirk at this (and at my guilt at being such a cynic). I was going to yoga because I thought it might spin my breech baby around (spoiler: it didn’t), but when I noticed another mom with a similar expression on her face, I had a revelation. Maybe this yoga class could give me something else too. Something that I needed. Something every mom needs. Namely, mom friends. I approached her, we connected (woo-hoo!), and we’ve been friends ever since. And thank goodness. There are few aspects of life as bewildering as parenthood, and when the spit-up hits the fan, you need support. Not just advice, but connection. Parenting, especially in the beginning, can be lonely. You and your baby likely spend long stretches alone together, the wee hours ticking by; mom friends alleviate that isolation and understand it. In fact, they get most things you’re dealing with because they’re likely going through all the same sleep regressions and toddler power struggles you are. Your nonparent friends remain important, and your partner, if you have one, can provide compassionate care. But there is nothing like another mom with whom to host playdates and grab coffees. These profound relationships don’t just make parenthood easier. They help make parenthood wonderful. Back when I was pregnant, my two best friends already had one child each, and both stressed how much they leaned on their mom friends. I was lucky that they would fulfill that need for me—but they both lived a half hour away, and had girls and toddlers. I longed for a local pal whose child would hit the same stages at the same time as my own and who was also raising a boy. So when Melissa, the fellow yogaclass smirker, told the group she was having a boy within a week of my due date, I knew I had to talk to her. I was lucky it worked out the way it did.

OPPOSITE: ANNA WOLF. THIS PAGE: VANESSA MARIE AGUILERA ODREMAN.

E V E RY W E E K ,

A M B E R (right): I had been

in labor for almost three days. I don’t remember much of it. We’d been there so long my family had become friendly with other families in the waiting room. When it was finally time to deliver, I was really excited to get it over with. But then a doctor ran in and told us we’d have to wait, because they were prepping for an emergency C-section next door. So I had to wait to push, and I remember cursing that other baby because I was in so much pain! VA N E S S A (left): I’d had an induction because I was ten days past my due date. It was a hard and terrible experience, and I ended up having an emergency C-section. A few weeks later, I attended a lunch for new parents put on by the hospital and sat next to Amber. We got to talking and discovered our babies had been born on the same day. A M B E R : It was my husband who put it together. He realized he’d met Vanessa’s family while she and I were in labor, and then it clicked:

Vanessa was the reason I’d had to stop pushing! VA N E S S A : From that moment on we knew we liked each other. A M B E R : I didn’t have mom friends. I didn’t know the first thing about being a mom. But after the luncheon, we started going on walks together, and we got closer and closer.

For many women, building a network of close mom pals can be difficult for a range of reasons, whether it’s because they don’t live near other parents, choose not to send their kids to day care (a common connector), or are just a little shy. But if you’re willing to do some online socializing, approach a few friendly-looking strangers, or explore avenues you may not have considered, you’ll likely find yourself setting up a phone date in no time. Here are some ways to get the ball rolling.

My husband works out of town, and it was so tough to transition to being a working mom. When I went back to work, Vanessa helped me so much, and it was great knowing I could lean on her. I consider her part of my family. VA N E S S A : We still talk every day.

Start early. Even if you’re still pregnant, you can get a jump on making mom friends by chatting up other parents-tobe at prenatal classes. Whether it’s yoga, birthing, or even a virtual infant-care seminar, you can find like-minded people about to take the same plunge into the chaos of parenthood, and hold on to each other for support. It worked for Maria Patterson, of Austin: “I met my two closest mom friends through the classes at my birth center. It was fun to know each other while pregnant, and

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then see our babies grow up together from Day 1.” And don’t think you need to be subtle about your intentions either. Says Alka Mysore, of Washington, D.C., “On the last day of prenatal yoga, I asked if people wanted to exchange numbers and we got a WhatsApp group going. We started going on walks and getting coffee while we were still pregnant. Then as we each had our babies, we shared tips for sleep training and feeding, vented about the loss of who we used to be, or celebrated who we are now.” Begin with your neighbors. You can just ask for a cup of sugar. Or, next time you’re out for a walk with your little one, watch for moms watering the lawn or

tying a kid’s shoelace in the driveway—and just say hello. Almost no one bats an eye at a neighbor saying “Hey,” and you might make a super-easy-to-maintain connection. Just ask Laura Shaffer, of Fort Collins, Colorado: “My neighbors and I are sort of like Tim Allen and that guy on the other side of the fence on Home Improvement, chatting over our back fences and exchanging wisdom. Except we also occasionally exchange alcoholic beverages.” Sign us up! Blend reading with rapport. Your local library likely hosts a toddler storytime—an easy way to scope out potential mom pals. That’s how Kara Garrod, of Cincinnati, found her BFF

H OW I M E T T H I S M O T H E R

Lisa Doggett and Mary Ann Gonzales Austin, TX

LI S A (left): Our daughters

met on the first day of kindergarten, and I think you and I probably crossed paths then at school drop-offs and PTA meetings, but it all clicked when I saw your email address and it said “rehab_dr.” I was instantly excited to have another doctor mom in my orbit. M A RY A N N (right): I was trying to get a grant for a

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large shade to cover the playground at the kids’ school when Lisa reached out to me. Our kids had to play in the direct Texas sun, so I enlisted her help in applying for this grant. We really bonded during that application process. Because we were both physicians, we had that shared background and passion. We managed to secure the grant and

2020

even win third place in a national skin-safety contest in the process. LI S A : Being doctors is not the only basis of our friendship, but I agree it’s a very nice thing to have in common. Really, what I found in Mary Ann was essentially a coparent! You have been such a great support for me, and I know you get what it’s like to juggle a medical career with raising kids. M A RY A N N : We’ve always helped each other take care of the kids, which is easy since they’re good friends. My daughter will spend time at her house if I’m working, and vice versa. Lisa and I are both involved in Physicians for Social Responsibility and do a lot of environmentalhealth work, and we’ve found we can get a lot done while our girls hang out together. LI S A : I bet our girls will be friends forever too. We’ve all traveled to China and Costa Rica together, and it’s been great for them to have so many bonding experiences. They both want to be doctors too!

of nine years. “I was hanging out in the stacks after children’s story hour, trying to strike up a chat. It worked! My best friend, who I met that day, and I both acknowledge that our early friendship was a little like dating. Wondering if it was too soon to text, checking out each other’s social media. It’s so silly, but many life lessons and adventures later, we’re still incredibly grateful to have each other to lean on.” Ask for help with your wily toddler. MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) Groups have served as invaluable resources for moms of babies and toddlers for years now. These local chapters organize playdates and meetups, are scattered throughout the country, and have fostered countless friendships, including the one Lisa Kroese, of Pasadena, California, shares with her MOPS pals. “I had to move to three different towns in the past nine years,” she says, “and when we moved to California, I knew literally nobody in the area. But when my first daughter was born, I made friends in the MOPS group.” Membership costs $32 per year, and there are also groups for parents of older children, called MOMSnext. Look for a local. Haven’t dipped a toe into the wild world of town-specific Facebook mom groups yet? Do it. These tend to be lively, and many participants are also looking for women to connect and hang with. (Just search the name of your town + moms.) There’s no need to be coy—you can simply post that you’re hoping to find a local pal to set up playdates with, or even go big and say you’re looking to host a cookbook club, dinner/babysitting/clothing exchange, or a walking group. Get crafty with fellow makers. Do you quilt, knit, weave, design jewelry, or just enjoy making stuff? Your craft of choice probably has a local guild that’s full of moms (and dads) who share your passion for creating. You can bond over your love of needlework before sharing tips on potty training and, eventually, pre-algebra homework.

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The iVillage February 2002 Expecting Club various locations 2005

Meetup in D.C.

E M I LY F U R L A N I (Parents

Art Director), New York, NY: In 2001, pregnant with my first child, I found the February 2002 Expecting Club on the chat platform iVillage and “met” about 100 women from around the country. Some had kids already, while others were expecting their first. We first-timers leaned hard on the BTDT (been there, done that) moms. Birth seemed like the endgame then. But we just kept talking after our babies were born—about life, parenting, our interests and struggles. It was a comfort to have help any time of day—someone was almost always awake. S TACY RO O F, Louisville, KY: To go through our kids’ ages and stages together was a huge help. I know these women better than some friends “in real life.” E M I LY: By the time our kids were 3, we’d dwindled to about 40 women. That year, we all met up at the Washington, D.C., zoo. Still, my husband called them my “imaginary friends.” OPPOSITE: CLARA WILLIAMS. THIS PAGE, FROM TOP: SYLVIA SIEVERS; COURTESY OF EMILY FURLANI.

R E B E C CA C O H E N ,

Towson, MD: It’s funny, this is a group that exists almost entirely virtually, and yet we’ve laughed, loved, cried, and comforted each other the same way we would if we lived around the corner. JA N E T D I S C H E R ,

Jefferson, OH: I wouldn’t be

“This is a group that exists almost entirely virtually, and yet we’ve laughed, loved, cried, and comforted each other the same way we would if we lived around the corner.”

Some of us were meeting in person for the first time after nearly two decades, which was emotional. I really connected with a few women I’d been friendly with online—but in person, our bond was cemented. It was beautiful. DA N I E LE C H E R RYKO K I DA J O W I LLI A M S ,

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Zoom call

the parent I am without this group. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’d be the woman I am. They’ve been my sounding board, medical team, marriage counselors, job coaches ... E M I LY: We’ve supported each other through health scares, divorces, domestic abuse, raising a biracial family, cancer, autism, ADHD, religious

Alissa Rowinsky Wright, of Sierra Madre, California, says: “I made almost all of my adult friends at the LA Modern Quilt Guild. I wasn’t a mom when I joined, but there was a huge baby boom right around the time I had my daughter. It was such an awesome thing to be drawn to this group by a shared aesthetic and hobby, then all go through the experience of having

conversions, infidelity, infertility, anxiety, and homeschooling. S TACY: We went through 9/11 as a group. They were there for me when my father-in-law died in 2001, and when my mother died in 2002, not long after my baby’s birth. We’ve endured so much together. E M I LY: Last January, 15 of us did a big trip to Nashville.

babies together. Plus, half the clothes my kids wore for the first years of their life were passed around by women in the guild, so we always had awesome handmade dresses in the mix.” Finally, don’t overthink it. If you and another mom are always exchanging “good mornings” in the day-care vestibule, we have a simple word of advice: Go for

Albuquerque, NM: The feeling of belonging, and the knowledge that I had this cadre of moms to turn to with questions and gripes, made parenting my fourth child feel as if a village was cheering for me the whole time. GA I L T H O M S O N , Los Gatos, CA: I count these women as my best friends, and trust them with things I’d never share with others. JA N E T: I don’t know if there are adequate words to describe what this group of women means to me. I know I’ll have these friendships for life.

it! Ask that mom if she’d like to do a Zoom one night with your kids (your partners put the kids to bed, and the two of you keep talking—genius!) or grab coffee sometime in the future. If you’re worried about rejection, you’re forgetting an important fact about moms: We’re all looking for more support, and nothing is more enticing than someone who clearly “gets it.”

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THE

EMOTIONAL SCARS OF C-SECTIONS Studies show that the majority of women who deliver children via cesarean feel satisfied with, and grateful for, their child’s birth experience. But for a significant number of moms, undergoing a C-section causes feelings of disappointment and shame. The reasons are complicated, but this much is clear: If you’ve felt that way, you’re not alone, and a little insight from the experts can help you move forward. by G A I L C O R N WA L L / illustrations by S H A N É E B E N J A M I N

AFTER 19 HOURS

of labor and an eventual C-section, Kristen Kjerulff, Ph.D., a professor of public health sciences and obstetrics and gynecology at Penn State College of Medicine, in Hershey, Pennsylvania, says, “I felt as if I had failed, while the women I knew who delivered vaginally were quite proud.” She decided to dig deeper, designing a study informed by her background. The results, which appeared in a 2018 issue of the journal Birth, revealed different psychological outcomes for

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those who delivered vaginally, by planned C-section, and via unplanned cesarean. Just as Dr. Kjerulff suspected, those who’d had a vaginal delivery reported feeling proud in greater numbers than moms in the other two groups. Furthermore, nearly 25 percent of those who underwent an unplanned cesarean felt disappointed by their birth experience, and more than 15 percent said they felt like a failure. They were also more likely to feel sad, traumatized, and angry. (In other

research, one woman even reported being frustrated and mad at her newborn, saying, “Ninety-five percent of babies born all over the world can figure this out!”) Why does such a typical procedure (cesareans account for nearly a third of American births) often cause such grief? One explanation is that some occur for the wrong reasons. The C-section rate in the U.S. is widely felt by medical professionals to be too high—in places like Mississippi, it nears a staggering

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40 percent, though experts recommend the rate be closer to 18 percent. Though many American hospitals are working to eliminate C-sections prompted by outdated science (despite being proven unreliable, a chart created in the 1950s is still sometimes used to gauge how quickly labor should progress), there remain pitfalls to overcome. Black women deliver by cesarean more often than moms of any other ethnicity; a study in the American Journal of Public Health suggests this may be because Black women face particular difficulties having their birth preferences heard by doctors. Another explanation is that popular culture emphasizes that “natural”

living—from organic eating to barefoot running—is best. Thus, the natural childbirth movement has taken hold, says Amy Tuteur, M.D., an obstetrician and author of Push Back: Guilt in the Age of Natural Parenting, causing drug-free, or “natural,” vaginal births to be seen as vastly superior. However, natural does not mean safe. Without modern obstetrics, Dr. Tuteur says, women in the U.S. would have a one-in-15 lifetime risk of dying in childbirth, and 7 percent of all babies would not survive labor. In third-world countries today, babies die in 60 percent of obstructed labors, 20 percent of breech ones, and 40 percent of the time when eclampsia

is involved, she says. For these cases, cesareans are indeed the safe option. And yet the idea of C-sections being an “easy way out” persists. Tanya Ludlow says the message she got from her Fayetteville, North Carolina, community was that “women who have C-sections don’t have a ‘true’ childbirth.” That perspective is widespread. After the birth of her first child, Kate Winslet told a public fib, announcing that she’d had a vaginal birth. Later, she reportedly said of her C-section: “I was so completely traumatized by the fact that I hadn’t given birth.” This maternal FOMO continues to plague thousands of mothers, many of whom report feeling cheated, robbed of a womanly rite of passage.

Second-Guessing Yourself And yet, if feeling like a failure came only from internalized societal pressure to deliver vaginally, we’d see the same levels of disappointment in both scheduled and unplanned C-sections. But in Dr. Kjerulff’s study, those who knew in advance they’d be having one were far more satisfied with their birth than those in the emergency C-section group. Two recent meta-analyses show that emergency C-sections are associated with higher rates of postpartum depression. There’s something about the procedure being impromptu and scarier, and involving no sense of choice, that makes negative emotions more likely. Psychologists say this may be related to having unmet expectations. Especially when they have a written birth plan, women can become so attached to their vision that a C-section feels like defeat, notes Juli Fraga, Psy.D., a psychologist who coleads a support group for new moms at a University of California, San Francisco, hospital. Multiple survey-based studies confirm that having a detailed birth plan and a labor that doesn’t conform to it is a recipe for disappointment. David Minerva Clover, of Detroit, a transgender man who delivered via C-section prior to transitioning, used to agonize over the birth, wondering, “If I had made different choices earlier in the

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labor, could things have gone differently?” In one study, 26 percent of subjects suspected they had caused their C-section by terminating a previous pregnancy, for example, or working too hard during this one. These types of self-flagellating thoughts can be an attempt to regain control, Dr. Fraga says. Angelica Houston, of San Jose, knows this all too well. After her child’s birth, she was left with a tape looping in her head that said, “I wasn’t strong enough to do it; my body wasn’t good enough.” Making matters worse, after abdominal surgery it’s hard to get dressed, climb into a car, or care for a newborn. These limitations amplify feelings of helplessness. No wonder more C-section patients check the box that says “I feel like I’ve lost control over my life” on postpartum-depression questionnaires.

Reframing Your Feelings There are ways to feel more resilient at every stage of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and recovery, says Gladys Tse, M.D., an obstetrician in Fort Worth. She recommends starting with a flexible birth plan, and tells patients, “We’re all set for a vaginal delivery, but just in case, I want you to know what would happen in the event of a C-section.” Dr. Tuteur encourages expectant parents to take a realistic look at complication rates and to view having a birth plan as similar to having a “weather plan” for your wedding day. You can hope for blue skies but shouldn’t expect them. When labor doesn’t go as planned, health-care providers should, whenever possible, empower women by giving them options and time. One study in The Journal of Perinatal Education confirmed that patients who feel a greater degree of control during delivery end up with a more positive impression of it. A patient should get the chance to ask why her doctor is recommending a C-section, followed by a detailed response, and then a few minutes to talk it over with her partner, midwife, or other support-squad member. In addition, there are postcesarean practices that can help stave off disappointment. A second study that Dr. Kjerulff helped run, also published in Birth, showed that when women

How a Few C-Section Parents Made It Through “My perspective changed when an online friend described my C-section as a ‘belly birth.’ ” —Christina Riley; Durham, NC

“Since my daughters are both risk takers and rule challengers, we now joke that the doctor said they were doing so many flips that they just had to take them out of my tummy.” —Theresa Johnson, Ph.D.; San Francisco, CA

“What helped me get through the shame was thinking about how many people died before the procedure was available, as well as how many died making it available.” —David Minerva Clover Detroit, MI

“It was earth-shattering for my older son to have a new sibling, and on top of that it was hard for him not to get the attention he wanted from me because I couldn’t lift him after the C-section. Being able to have another parent at home, and to continue his school routine, was huge.” —Chamiza Pacheco de Alas Albuquerque, NM

“I stayed upbeat by saying to myself, ‘I do not mind being judged. It’s about my health and my body, and I do not care.’” —Soesiana Vogel San Francisco, CA

who delivered by cesarean saw their newborn right away, held the baby within 5 minutes, and fed them within 30 minutes, they reported “significantly more positive birth experiences”—as positive as those who had delivered vaginally. Aiyana Rios, of Los Angeles, didn’t have a C-section with her daughter, but then her son was breech. She says, “I was so stuck on having a vaginal delivery again, but afterward I didn’t feel like I failed at something. The nurses walked me through what was going to happen, and they laid him on my chest right away, the same as with her.” And a word of encouragement can go a long way. Dr. Tse tells her patients, “Your body did not fail you. This is just a different way to deliver, and you are powerful.” Mantras can also ward off negative emotions. Dr. Tse suggests repeating empowering messages, like “I’ll be better next week than I am now” and “I will regain strength quickly.” Finally, there’s the Internet, with Facebook pages such as “C Section Mamas Support Group,” and the hashtag #csectionmom on Twitter and Instagram. Dr. Tse says many health centers also host support groups to reframe shame over a cesarean delivery to recognizing that your body has still done an amazing thing. If you’re not there yet, be patient with yourself. Some research indicates that women who struggled with disappointment reported three factors that ultimately shifted their perspective: the passage of time, hearing varied C-section stories, and focusing on the fact that their C-section helped them avoid far more tragic outcomes. Houston, the San Jose mom who initially felt like she’d missed out on a “real” delivery, eventually got there: “My daughters are healthy, and maybe it wasn’t ideal, but that doesn’t make me less of a woman.”

A New Approach “Gentle” C-sections offer moms a different cesarean experience. Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to read more.

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Do You Love Your Kids More Than You Love Your Partner? They shower you with kisses, hand squeezes, and drawings. No wonder your children can feel easier to adore. Here are helpful ways to handle those common, hard-to-admit feelings. by D A P H N E

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son wants to be your little helper, weeding the garden with you or measuring flour for a batch of cookies. He chats away while he tags along on a round of errands, and you feel like the best company in the world. Your little girl spontaneously hugs you, saying, “I love you, Mommy,” or “You are so pretty,” and at the end of a long day, you settle in to read a cozy bedtime story. You and your children are wonderful

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M A R N E F F E , P h . D . / photographs by P R I S C I L L A G R A G G

in each other’s eyes, in such a simple and complete way. As a therapist, I often hear parents talk about how much more satisfied they feel with their kids than with their partner. “It feels like a love affair,” said one new mom. In comparison, our spouses may lack some luster. Parents’ best energy goes toward making sure their children are thriving, and surviving as a couple often means being able to roll with a less-than-

ideal romantic relationship with each other. However, couples can let their short-term blahs congeal into long-term grievances. They may start investing less in the marriage and more in the kids, until finally there may be little left. Or they become so consumed with their children that they back-burner real problems in the relationship that need to be addressed. What can you do to make sure that the

gap between love for your partner and love for your kids doesn’t continue to widen? Here are four suggestions.

Accept that adult closeness can take extra work. Adult partnerships are complex. Maybe your biggest need is downtime to watch your favorite show when your partner wants to talk, or your brain is so preoccupied by the kids or work that you

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don’t have much energy left for your spouse. In a good relationship, you accept your differences but also find time and energy to respond to each other’s desires and needs. If you notice yourself avoiding or dismissing your spouse, make a conscious effort to turn toward them. In my view, that effort always begins with being curious about your partner and what they are going through. Asking a genuinely interested question will help you get in better sync. Also, try to be open to the same tender feelings with your partner that are so easy to access with your kid. Notice when an irritable response to your spouse pops up (“Why does he always leave the light on in the living room before bed?”) and reframe it empathetically (“I know how tired he is by this time of the day”). Partners have told me that they’re jealous of the sweet talk their children so easily receive from the other parent (“She used to talk to me like that”), so try being more of an equalopportunity sweet-talker.

Keep touching. Kids are so soft and openly loving, but touching your partner can be tricky. If you hug them, will they make you feel guilty later if you don’t want to have sex? Of course, when you’re sharing cuddles with your kids all day, you may genuinely need less touching from your spouse, but you can still give each other some of what you get from your children. Friendly, low-stakes touching, such as laying a hand on their shoulder or holding their hand, is its own reward, so try to be generous with it. We all want to feel nurtured and safe in a comforting relationship. In

that way, we’re all kids inside and want to be cherished unconditionally. However, if you’ve truly lost the desire to touch your spouse, think about why. You might discover that emotional hurt or anger is getting in the way. If talking on your own doesn’t make it better, get professional help.

Don’t put off dealing with unhappiness. Sometimes relationships are less satisfying than we wish they were, and the best approach is to ride it out. But if you feel unloving or blah toward your spouse in an

ongoing way, it won’t help to put your relationship on hold while your kids are young and more demanding. In my practice I see people who’ve adopted that strategy, only to feel there’s nothing there once their kids get older and leave home. Instead, take steps to understand how and whether your relationship can be improved. You may never feel that your love for your spouse goes as deep as your love for your children, but that doesn’t have to be a big problem if things with your spouse are satisfying enough and you’ve worked on making things as good as they can be.

Remember that loving your partner is a way of loving your kids. Daphne de Marneffe, Ph.D., is a psychologist and the author of Maternal Desire and The Rough Patch: Marriage and the Art of Living Together. Visit her at daphnedemarneffe.com.

“When I’m with my son, I relax and enjoy the simple pleasures—I can be myself!” exclaimed my client Paul in the midst of recounting the prior week’s fight with his

wife. He felt that in his wife’s eyes, he was always doing something wrong, and he knew he was prone to getting annoyed too. At the same time, Paul wanted to feel closer to his wife precisely because he loved his son so much. Indeed, loving your kids is a good motivator to have the best relationship you can with their other parent. Raising a child is one of life’s great adventures, and you can bond over the delight of seeing your kids grow and change. Your kids are also watching you and absorbing a lot about adult relationships from how you relate as a team. Parenting isn’t only about the early stages, when little ones are cute and huggable. It’s about helping kids develop emotional skills, navigate independence, and ultimately launch their own lives. That means teaching them by example how to manage conflict, treat others with respect, and express warmth and understanding.

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No label maker? I.D. plastic bins using a Sharpie marker, which can come off with rubbing alcohol.

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Tame Toy Chaos Matching bins can get you only so far when it’s you versus a mountain of Hatchimals and LEGO bricks. That’s why we’ve called in a fearless mom crew of pro organizers, who shared their secrets for conquering playroom overload and keeping it under control. by I N G E L A R AT L E D G E AMUNDSON PA R E N T S

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Plan for Today—and Tomorrow Your kids’ interests are going to evolve, so lay the groundwork accordingly. “One of the biggest mistakes I see parents make is trying to fit the child’s immediate needs only,” says Azure MacCannell, a Deerfield, New Hampshire–based mom of four and owner of Composed Kids, an organizing service. Instead, look for pieces your brood can grow into, like adjustable-height tables and large storage cubbies that can be filled with items and bins of various shapes and sizes. The same rule applies to layout and design. (Meaning ixnay on the PAW Patrol wall mural.) “It shouldn’t be difficult to make changes to the room when your child hits a new phase,” says mom of two Naeemah Ford Goldson, founder of Restore Order Professional Organizing, in Atlanta. Once you get into organizing mode, resist the urge to fill every nook; allot empty space for the inevitable stuff to come. “When you’re starting out, aim to fill the room by only about a third,” advises Jessica Litman, a mom of two and founder of The Organized Mama, in Chicago. Trust us—it won’t stay empty for long. Instituting a “one in, one out” policy is a surefire way of keeping clutter in check. (Holidays and the turn of the seasons are other golden “out with the old” opportunities.)

Genius ToyStorage Hacks Clever solutions for tough-to-store items STUFFED ANIMALS Use them as the filling for a beanbag chair. Display them in wall-mounted hatboxes. Clip them up on a clothesline. DRESS -UP CLOTHES Hang them from a tension rod installed between bookshelves. Mount adhesive hooks to the wall to create an instant “dressing room.” Stash them in a laundry basket you can hide in a closet. ART SUPPLIES Sort them in a divided lazy Susan. Subdivide markers, pencils, and crayons in a utensil organizer. Add them to the pockets of an over-thedoor shoe hanger. LEGO PIECES Stow sets in clear food-storage containers.

Designate one main “home base” for toys so they don’t end up strewn all over the house.

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Use a tray as the base for in-progress projects so it can be slid under a bed. Color-code bricks in a multidrawer cabinet from the hardware store.

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Leave space for new stuff. “Begin with fewer bins and display cute toys directly on shelves so the room doesn’t seem bare,” says Litman.

In a perfect world, you’d have enough floor space for a kid to complete a few somersaults—Goldson aims for “at least 25 square feet.”

Group and Sort What plays together stays together. For example, everything your kid uses for arts and crafts needs to be corralled en masse and then, within that grouping, given an appropriate container. When in doubt, summon the kindergarten-classroom model, with its distinct activity zones. “I define art stuff as any fine motor medium that can be explored with your hands, which helps my clients figure out where to put things like Silly Sand, Play-Doh, and putty,” says Litman.

But the logic doesn’t have to appeal to our adult minds. “I work with children when organizing because it has to make sense to them,” says MacCannell. “Sometimes the criteria is ‘Transportation’ or ‘Things With Legs.’” If a toy defies categorization, don’t chuck it into a “Miscellaneous” abyss. “There shouldn’t be any items left without a home,” Goldson urges. “Mr. Potato Head can go in a bin by himself; binoculars can be stored with other items used for exploring, like a magnifying glass.”

Organizing Heroes These are staples you wouldn’t want to sort without.

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Share Mindfully Got older and younger sibs using the same space? Place small items, mess-making craft supplies, and any potential choking hazards in closable bins that are kept up high, if not in another room. “Peppa Pig figurines, Barbie and her tiny shoes, mini-wheel cars with small tracks—all those should be stored up high,” Litman says. Also earmarked for higher shelves: breakable items, family heirlooms, completed models, and anything that requires adult supervision, such as a science kit. To help differentiate what belongs to whom—and keep squabbles at bay—Goldson suggests designating an area for each child’s collection. “You can also assign certain colors for each kid,” she says. “Ethan can have the blue bins; Gavin can have the green. That way they’ll know what’s theirs.”

Tally Up Once you’ve done a purge, eliminating anything broken, obsolete, or leftover from a party-favor bag, it’s time to take stock. “Lay everything out and group like with like—you often won’t realize how much of one category you own until you see it all in front of you,” MacCannell says. Don’t skip this step: You must get a firm grasp on what you have in order to figure out how to properly house it. “Once you know what you have and decide where it will live, it is much easier to figure out how to maximize the space,” says RíOrganize founder Ría Safford, a celebrity organizer and mother of three in Orange County, California. “The biggest mistake people make is buying bins and baskets before starting an organization project. When this happens, you’ll try to force stuff to work with the products instead of the other way around.”

Storage cubby Display toys or hide them in bins within the IKEA Kallax Shelf Unit. $79; ikea-usa.com

Rainbow caddy Color-code tiny toys or blocks in the Recollections 10 Drawer Rolling Cart. $30; michaels.com

Tilted organizer The Sort It & Store It Bin Unit makes it easy for kids to grab what they want. $70; kidkraft.com

See-inside bins Any item can be found when you use clear Sweater Boxes from The Container Store. $8 each; thecontainerstore.com

Tall wire basket Stack balls or bulky toys vertically and save space with the Tosca Laundry Hamper. $50; thecontainerstore.com

All-purpose crates Y-Weave Storage Bins come in different sizes to organize almost anything. Small, $4; medium, $6; target.com

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Depending on their ages, kids have different requirements for toy storage. An inverse age-to-size formula applies here: The younger the kid, the bigger the vessel. Oversize bins or chests are just right for the hodgepodge of bulky musical cubes, plush balls, and sensory toys that dominate the early days. “At that age, there’s no rhyme or reason to what kids will play with—it all ends up on the floor anyway—and you’ll be the one maintaining the organization system,” Safford says. For your own sanity and to start building kids’ good habits, assign broad categories. “You could divide them up by ‘plush,’ ‘wooden toys,’ and ‘blocks,’ ” Safford says. Make the items accessible to littles by storing them on low shelves in soft- sided bins labeled with pictures. For big, irregular items—hello, Arendelle Castle from Frozen 2—experts recommend neatly lining them up along the perimeter of the room. “Let the play kitchen or dollhouse be the star of the playroom,” Goldson says. As kids mature, get more granular about grouping and label as much as possible. “Don’t use oversize storage pieces—they become pits of doom,” MacCannell says. Divvy up that jumble of Shopkins, L.O.L. dolls, and Calico Critters into separate, smaller bins. “With tighter categories, your child can remove a toy, play with it, and put it back,” MacCannell says. Try to avoid towers of bins that will make it a chore to get to whatever’s at the bottom of the pile. “We never stack more than two deep,” MacCannell says. After all, if they can’t see it, they won’t

Music to Clean By The organizers share their greatest hits for getting kids to tidy up. “Each kid picks a song; we’re fans of the Barney ‘Clean Up’ song,” Ría Safford says. “My family is competitive, so to motivate them, I’ll say things like, ‘Let’s see if we can finish picking up before the song is over!’ ” “We listen to ‘I Like to Move It,’ from the Madagascar sound track,” Jessica Litman says. “Kids know how long it is, and they speed up as the music crescendoes. The rule is that they have to put stuff away during the entire song.”

play with it. Once you’ve chosen a spot for a category, stick with it, Litman says. “Over time, your kids will learn where things go.”

Make It Comfy A playroom shouldn’t just be a stockroom of stuff. Add a rug or a playmat to give the room a more inviting feel. “Something with a little give is always nice to break falls,”

says MacCannell. Don’t forget about your own bum too. “There’s nothing worse than being stuck on the floor or in a toddler chair for hours,” Safford says. Whether it’s a beanbag, a rocker, or a sofa, include seating that’s welcoming to multiple generations. Other creature comforts that might be a boon to Mom or Dad: a spot to rest food and drinks, floor pillows, and a clock so you won’t have to keep checking your phone for the time.

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“In our house, we do ‘Freeze Clean,’ ” Azure MacCannell says. “While the song is playing, the kids are cleaning. When the music stops, they freeze. Push ‘play’ and they clean again. It never gets old.” “Our favorite cleanup song is from Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood: the ‘Clean Up, Pick Up, Put Away Strategy Song,’ ” Naeemah Ford Goldson says.

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C O N S I D E R YO U R BAN DWI DTH Shelters and rescues have seen more interest in pet adoptions with people at home during the quarantine, and maybe your family has been one of the eager ones. Before you bring home a pet, it’s important to know if you and your kids can manage the time commitment of caring for a spunky pooch or kitty for the long haul. That could mean ten to 15 years for a dog and up to 20 years for a cat. Puppies will need to go out every hour until trained, says Emily Fromm, chief development officer at the Petfinder Foundation, in Tucson. As for meals, both puppies and kittens need to be fed three times a day. “Kids should also plan to spend two hours a day playing with the animal and giving it stimulation and exercise,” she adds.

Ready for a Fur Baby? Get the straight scoop on whether you and your kids can handle all that comes with owning a dog or a cat, plus what you need to know to create a happy home for your newest (and fluffiest) family member. by A N D R E A B A R B A L I C H / photograph by K I M L O W E

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D O A PR AC TI C E RU N Parents need to observe their kids with animals before adopting, says Kenny Lamberti, director of grassroots advocacy for Best Friends Animal Society. Pet sit for a friend or foster a dog or a cat, suggests Rena Lafaille, director of administration at the ASPCA Adoption Center, in New York City. “Fostering provides the family with the experience of owning a pet while freeing up space in a shelter,” she says. “It’s a win-win.” Stays can range from a few days to months, and many families wind up adopting these pets. MAKE TH E PI C K Selecting a breed may seem important when it comes to deciding on a pet, but many shelter animals are a mix of

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L I F E Ñ Pe t s

two or more breeds. It’s more crucial to discern how high-energy the animal is and how much exercise it will need to ensure it will fit in with your family’s lifestyle. (In other words, if your family goes for runs on the beach, perhaps Baxter, the lumpish basset mix, isn’t for you. However, if you love to hang on the sofa and watch Amazon Prime, well then ... welcome home, Baxter!)

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AG E U P We know puppies and kittens are pretty adorable—and pretty demanding. That’s why it’s smart to consider older animals, says Fromm. “They need less stimulation, exercise, and patience than a puppy or a kitten,” she says. “They have more impulse control, and they’re better able to fit into the rhythms of a family’s daily life.” One of the benefits of adopting from a shelter (which has a

Vet the Vets Make sure to line up a vet before adopting, says holistic vet Dr. Judy Morgan, of Clayton, New Jersey. “If something goes wrong and you don’t have one, it’ll be a scramble.” Ask friends for recommendations, and call the vet to see if they’re accepting new patients. If time is tight, you should at least research the closest emergency services for animals. And in the event that the animal doesn’t have complete medical records, you’ll want to schedule a vet appointment as soon as possible so it can be examined, vaccinated, spayed or neutered if necessary, and checked for parasites. “Intestinal parasites can be transmitted to children, so you want to make sure the pet doesn’t have them before you allow your kids to handle it,” Dr. Morgan says.

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physical location you can visit, as opposed to a rescue, which is primarily run by volunteers with animals housed in individuals’ homes) is that you can ask the staff for guidance—they’re experts at making matches. “We encourage adopters to keep an open mind and heart, as you may walk out with a pet you’d never considered before, like a senior animal or even a different breed, size, or species,” says Lafaille.

B U D G E T WI S E LY It’s going to cost you some (very worth it) dollars and cents. Adoption fees can range from $118 to $667 for puppies and dogs, and $34 to $276 for kittens and cats, says the Animal Humane Society. If you fall for a less common or high demand breed, expect to shell out more to bring that cute little guy home. This one-time expense also typically covers the cost of spaying or neutering, the first vet exam, initial vaccinations, flea or tick treatments, and deworming. Beyond that, the ASPCA says to plan on spending annually about $809 for a cat and $737 to $1,040 for a dog, depending on its size and where you live. Ongoing expenses include food, vet visits, litter, toys and treats, a license, and possibly pet insurance. C R E ATE A H O M E Fido or Fluffy is going to need some stuff to settle in. You’ll want to buy a bed, food and water bowls, cleaning supplies, a collar, food and treats, dental-care products, an ID tag, nail clippers, a grooming brush, and toys. Dogs will also require a crate, a leash, and waste bags, while cats will need a litter box, a scoop, litter, a carrier, and a scratching post. What’s key: easing the animal’s transition into a new environment by keeping things quiet at first. “Pick up the pet when you’ll have a few days at home, and don’t invite people over right away,” says Judy Morgan, D.V.M, a holistic vet in Clayton, New Jersey. The age of social distancing may make this easier than usual, and the bonding time will pay off. “The number-one thing pets need is companionship,” says Kenny Lamberti, of Best Friends Animal Society. Let the sofa snuggles commence.

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PANTRY ALL- STARS

As any parent knows, a good lineup is indispensable. And this year, we’ve never appreciated grocery essentials more. Here are 25 kid-approved winners worth stocking up on. by K A R E N C I C E R O photographs by T E D + C H E L S E A C AVA N A U G H

Kitchen Staples

BEST PANTRY FOODS

BEST OLIVE OIL

2020

Trader Joe’s 100% Greek Kalamata Extra-Virgin Olive Oil The well-priced TJ cult fave, a Greek import, “smells and tastes like fruity sunshine,” says Jason Goldstein, a Food Network Star finalist. BEST VINEGAR

Colavita Aged White Wine Vinegar An all-purpose pick with a mild, fruity taste that even kids like. A splash tastes great on veggie sides and salads, and you can also use it to marinate chicken and fish. BEST MARINARA

Rao’s Homemade Marinara Sauce This landslide winner “tastes like from-scratch sauce and has the same ingredients: plum tomatoes, olive oil, garlic, and herbs,” says Katie Morford, R.D., author of Mom’s Kitchen Handbook. BEST PEANUT BUTTER

Jif Natural Creamy Easier to spread without stirring than other natural options and packed with flavor, this pick delivers for PB & Js and more.

BEST WHOLE- GR AIN SIDE

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Bob’s Red Mill Tri-Color Quinoa This mix of white, black, and red quinoa cooks quickly. “I toss it into salads, chili, and soups for extra protein and fiber,” says Victoria Shanta Retelny, R.D.N., author of The Essential Guide to Healthy Healing Foods. 2020

PROP STYLING BY ASTRID CHASTKA FOR HELLO ARTISTS.

B E S T PA S TA

Barilla Even when you leave it on the stove a beat too long, it’s hard to ruin pasta from the classic blue box, says Silvia Baldini, a winner on Food Network’s Chopped. (No mushiness!) And the pasta maker’s from-Italy sauce line, Vero Gusto, can easily fancy up rigatoni night.

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HOW WE MADE THE LIST

Stashed in the cupboard, these can be grabbed when needed for quick-ish meals.

We asked chefs, dietitians, and food bloggers to tell us what healthy pantry items they couldn’t live without. Then Parents editors added their suggestions, including snacks and other products that are just reaching supermarkets now. We gave the goods to families for a taste test. The winning products wowed busy parents and picky eaters alike.

Mealtime Shortcuts

BEST COOKED RICE

Uncle Ben’s Ready Rice Basmati Pop this in the microwave, and 90 seconds later, you have a couple of cups of fragrant rice to join the main meal. (We like it with the lentils at right for a near-instant dinner.) BEST CANNED FRUIT

Del Monte Diced Mangos Unlike the mango on your counter, these canned ones

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are always ripe and recipeready. “The chunks are the perfect size for salsa,” says one mom tester. “I added chopped red onion, a little cilantro, and a squeeze of lime. A few minutes later, the kids were scooping it up with tortilla chips.” B E S T PA N C A K E M I X

Krusteaz Buttermilk Pancake Mix In terms of easy (and fluffy) flapjacks, it’s hard to beat this wheat- and barley-flour mix. Seriously—just add water.

B E S T R E A DY- M A D E S I D E

Tasty Bite Indian Madras Lentils A surprise hit with kids, this combo of lentils and kidney beans in a creamy tomato sauce takes just a minute to microwave. “The cumin makes it flavorful without being too spicy for kids,” says Andrea Mathis, R.D., who blogs at Beautiful Eats & Things. BEST CANNED BEANS

S&W Tuscan Style Savory Sides “My kids asked for seconds,”

reports one tester about these new fiber-packed white kidney beans that come pretossed with olive oil, garlic, and herbs. BEST TUNA

StarKist Selects E.V.O.O. Wild Yellowfin Tuna with Lemon Pepper Ready to eat straight out of the pouch and nicely seasoned, this is a new high-protein lunch that you can legit tuck into your diaper bag (trust us on this; we’ve done it).

Flavor Makers

B E S T S OY S A U C E

Kikkoman Less Sodium Soy Sauce Happily, 40 percent less salt doesn’t mean less flavor; there’s plenty of richness here. “This has become our family’s go-to soy sauce,” says one Parents staffer. BEST HONEY

Gold Emblem Spreadable Honey Creamed honey is a thing, and props to CVS for working it into its house line.“It spreads as easily as frosting,” says one tester, who uses it on her kids’ toast. B E S T TAC O M IX

McCormick Original Taco Seasoning Mix It’s all you need for taco night, with chili powder, paprika, and oregano. Says a Parents editor: “These are spices I would use myself, packaged in the right proportions.” BEST SEASONING

Goya Adobo All-Purpose Seasoning The Latin and Caribbean staple is a known multitasker: “My wife introduced me to it, and I use it on chicken, steak, eggs, rice—anything, really,” says chef Kenny Gilbert, of Cut & Gather, in Raleigh, North Carolina. BEST DRESSING

Hidden Valley The Original Ranch A spoonful makes the baby carrots (and cucumber circles) go down! Kid testers point out that it’s creamier than other brands they’ve tried. B E S T F I N I S H I N G SAU C E

Hellmann’s Cilantro Lime In a convenient squeeze bottle, this zippy sauce with hatch chiles, tomatillos, and avocado oil is begging to be squirted onto a taco. Do it! BEST BROTH

Better Than Bouillon Reduced Sodium Chicken Add water, and one tiny jar yields 12 quarts of broth. A teaspoon also ups the flavor of soups, sauces, and stir-fries, says Stacie Billis, author of Winner! Winner! Chicken Dinner.

Let kids sample sauces by putting them on the edge of the plate.

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Stuff worth keeping in the pantry for breaks between Zoom classes

Snacks

BEST FRUIT CHIPS

Bare Pineapple Chips Unlike most just-the-fruit chips, these aren’t too hard for kids to bite into. Our testers reported that this item was “crunchy and sweet” and “tasted like pineapple juice.” B EST APPLESAUCE

Organic GoGo squeeZ happy tummieZ This is elevated applesauce

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blended with other fruits or veggies plus gut-friendly fiber from artichokes. The kid testers called dibs on the apple-strawberrypomegranate-spinach combo. BEST FRUIT BARS

Dino Bars Sold in three flavors, these organic fruit bars stand out for their cute dinosaur theme, novelty edible-paper wrapping, and soft texture. “It’s not as dry as the fruit leather I usually eat, and it doesn’t make my hands

feel sticky,” said one kid tester, who gave a big thumbs-up to the mangopear-banana variety. BEST RICE BARS

This Saves Lives Kids Mammoth Marshmallow Krisp Produced in a peanut-free factory, these new puffedrice bars (from the brand Kristen Bell cofounded) will give your kids classic marshmallow-treat vibes. They’ll never suspect that the snack contains a serving of fruit and veggies.

BEST CR ACKERS

Goldfish Cheddar Enticing kids for nearly 60 years, these orange fish are a no-fail snack for road trips, movie nights, and just ten minutes of peace and quiet. BEST NUTS

Wonderful Roasted & Salted No Shells Pistachios Perfectly seasoned, these greenish gems add flavor and B vitamins to trail mix, oatmeal, even ice cream. You’ll thank us if you buy them already shelled.

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On Your Mark, Get Set, Hike! Putting one foot in front of the other in the glory of nature is exactly what we all need right now. by K AT I E A R N O L D - R AT L I F F / photograph by E R I N K U N K E L

W H AT’S A N AC TIVIT Y

that gets your heart pumping (but not so much that you can’t keep up your end of a chat), occupies your kids for a blessed while, costs little to nothing, involves no screens, provides an escape from large crowds, and maybe makes up—just a little—for those long months in lockdown? We’ll end the suspense: It’s hiking, and we’re convinced it’s the perfect family activity. (Yes, even for not-so-outdoorsy families, as well as kids who balk at the idea of trail tramping.) Here’s why it may just become your favorite way to spend a Saturday.

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For starters, the term hike is relative. If you fear your kid will be turned off by the H-word, feel free to reframe the trip as something a little more up their alley. “We don’t call them walks or hikes in our family,” says Jessica Weit, of Portland, Oregon. “We call them adventures. My older son, Will, who’s 5, likes to pick a theme for each outing, like slug hunting, bird-watching, or pine cone collecting.” And don’t stress out thinking the journey needs to be ambitious, says Rachel Hofstetter, of

Salt Lake City, whose older son, Theo, 3, can’t always handle a strenuous jaunt. “We might go 30 feet, or 300, or 1,000, and that’s fine. Plus, many areas can be considered trails to a little kid, like a path to a water tower or a stretch of woods behind a school playground. We’ve called both of those hikes.” Lex Gjurasic, of Tucson, also finds that terminology makes all the difference. “We go rock hopping or stream wading,” she says. “And there is never a goal or a destination in mind, so we allow ourselves to bail out at any time.”

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Hiking teaches your child skills, like how to: P R E PA R E “Theo helps pack his bag before we go,” says Rachel Hofstetter. “It’s just water, sunglasses, and a hat, but he’s learning to plan ahead.” C O N C E N T R AT E Lauren Marcus Simon, of Tewksbury, New Jersey, whose older son, Graham, is 6, says, “He loves a hike with a rocky incline and has learned to plot his route, looking for where to place his feet.” I M AG I N E “On the trail, we can

be astronauts discovering a new planet, or storm troopers,” says Jessica Weit. “Mount Tabor, where we often hike, is a dormant volcano, so it screams for wild pretend play.” O B S E RV E “We have the Audobon Bird Guide app and use it to look up birds we see,” Hofstetter says. Alex Banner, who takes two of his sons, Louis, 5, and James, 2, hiking near their house, also uses tech: “The app Leafsnap lets you photograph a leaf and it tells you what it is.” N AV I GAT E “Will has a compass, binoculars, and a trail map, so he can ‘lead the way,’ ” says Weit. R E S P E C T N AT U R E “As we walk, we remind Will that many different creatures call this mountain home,” Weit says. “We always tell him, ‘We are visiting someone else’s house.’ ”

Whatever you call it, hiking can make you healthier. While you may think hiking and walking are the same, what happens to your muscles, joints, and heart during these activities is worlds apart. You can stroll on a flat surface while on autopilot, but if you’re on a trail, the uneven terrain can increase your heart and metabolic rates, causing calories to burn faster. And because you’re shifting your weight and rebalancing your body to tackle uncertain footing, hiking makes you engage muscles you may not otherwise use. Not to mention the physical benefits for your kids. Namely, the tons of energy that hiking allows them to release. As Weit says, “It’s how we get our wiggles out. We yell, run, jump, and

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if it’s the right kind of place, see who can throw a rock the farthest or run the fastest.” Two parents also confided that it makes naptime go more smoothly.

daughter, Nola, was young—she’s now almost 13—we’ve used hiking as a way to ground, refresh, and reset ourselves as a family,” says Gjurasic.

It can also make you happier.

Oh, and it can make you smarter too.

Research suggests that organic compounds released by trees may boost your mood, and studies show that people who spend time walking in nature are less anxious and experience less rumination (thinking about the same worries or regrets over and over again), which may help them fend off depression. Vitamin D, which you get in droves outside, also helps ward off depression. And there’s oodles of anecdotal evidence: “Starting when our

According to one study, being outdoors can increase your attention span and creativity by as much as 50 percent, and it’s little wonder when you consider all that loose dirt you’ll traverse, those low branches you’ll have to duck beneath, and the occasional animal darting across your path you’ll encounter. Each of these unexpected forces causes you to make a quick mental adjustment, and those snap decisions help your brain stay nimble. Add to that the new things your

child will see and absorb, and you’ve got a recipe for serious enrichment.

Be s

OPPOSITE: MARCO GOVEL/STOCKSY. THIS PAGE: PRISCILLA GRAGG.

Hiking might just bring your family closer. In one study, mothers and daughters who spent 20 minutes walking in an arboretum (versus another group, that walked in a shopping mall) not only exhibited a stronger ability to pay attention to a cognitive task but had more pleasant interactions with each other. In addition, the simple act of being out in the world, focused on a shared activity, can free you up to speak more openly. Gjurasic has experienced this phenomenon firsthand. “Once, when Nola was 6, I started singing, ‘Why do you never ever everrr ... ’ then filled in the blank with things she often refused to do, like ‘take a nap’ or ‘eat your veggies.’ But then Nola started singing it back to me: ‘Why do you never ever everrr ... give me a dessert in my lunch for school?’ I had no idea she even wanted that. Expressing ourselves in that funny way,

to u re d s me l l s t op a n

the f lowers!

You don’t need much in the way of supplies. The parents we spoke to all named one thing as a necessity: snacks! They serve as motivator, distraction, and excuse to stop, letting your kid regroup. Otherwise, must-haves (just pop them in a backpack) include: Sturdy, comfy shoes with strong traction, thick soles, and good ankle support Charged cell phones Water (Hike it Baby, an organization devoted to helping parents get their kids outdoors, advises bringing 4 cups of water per adult for every hour of hiking, and 1 to 2 cups of water per hour for each child.)

Hats (with a brim, for sun protection) Sunscreen Bug spray Potty supplies for little ones (like a small garbage bag and wipes or toilet paper) A travel first-aid kit for cuts or scrapes Jackets, even if it’s warm out—you never know when you will enter dense woods and

suddenly get chilly! If you’re hiking to water, you might want to bring toys for splashing and digging, and water shoes. Finally, if you’re heading farther afield, consider bringing extra water, enough food and clothes to get by overnight, an external phone charger, and a hiking backpack for carrying any tuckered-out kids.

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which we really only did while hiking, let both of us communicate more deeply and honestly.”

You get to see the (big, fascinating) world through your child’s eyes. “Often what I think will be the big attraction on the hike just isn’t,” says Weit. “Yes, the end might have an epic waterfall—but on the way there we pass a tree the size of our car and an old stone house. Viewpoints and vistas don’t do much for our boys. They’re way more interested in the massive moss-covered rock.” Alex Banner, of High Falls, New York, agrees. “My kids really don’t care about the view,” he says. “They like to look for good sticks and skipping rocks and flowers to give to Mommy. They’re not so into the destination; they’re mostly about the journey.”

There’s no shortage of paths to be explored. There are myriad apps available to hikers, most of which break trails down by whatever criteria you’re looking for—jaunts that are woodsy or dry, paved or rugged. Start with the AllTrails app, or check out Hike it Baby’s “Trails Near You” page. Other people suggest polling neighbors or following outdoorsy locals on Instagram and screenshotting wherever they tag themselves in hiking photos. “Ask parents!” urges Gjurasic. “You can get all the dirt (ha, ha) on a trail from people who’ve hiked it, rather than taking a chance and winding up with a sobbing, exhausted kid.”

Many parents we spoke to suggested digesting information from the hike once you’re home: looking up plants you encountered or talking about your kids’ favorite part of the trip. Further extend their hiking high with projects that make use of treasures they discovered on the way—see “Haul of the Wild,” at right, for two supercute, and very doable, ideas.

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YUNHEE KIM. CRAFTS BY AMANDA KINGLOFF.

Lastly, the fun doesn’t have to end at the trailhead.

SEE THE DOG HE WAS BORN TO BE

Haul of the Wild Put your kids’ trailside finds to great use with these creative ideas.

FUNNY FOREST Collect a variety of materials like rocks, sticks, moss, and bark. Then choose a clear vase or deep bowl for the terrarium. Paint sticks and stones with acrylic paint and let dry. Layer natural rocks in the bottom of the container and cover with preserved moss from a craft store (or from the trail). Have your child create a fall scene with the natural materials and other bits and bobs from around the house, like any unused party favors.

CONE CRITTERS Craft cute hedgehogs (or other animals) from pine cones gathered in the woods or a park. Cut a small circle of felt, snip out a 90-degree-triangle wedge, then overlap the two cut edges and glue into a cone shape—this will become the face. (Feel free to use pinking shears or the scissors to give it some personality.) Once it’s dry, glue felt to the tip of a plain or painted pine cone. Cut two smaller circles and attach with glue for ears. Finish with a small black pom-pom for a nose and small black beads for eyes.

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E V E RY N I G HT I S

THEME NIGHT Imagine coasting through meal planning every day of the week. It’s as simple — and delicious — as introducing this rotation of menus into your life. by K AT I E M O R F O R D / photographs by C A I T L I N B E N S E L

PA S TA M O N DAY Looking to bust out of a spaghetti-and-meatball (or buttered-noodles) rut? There are loads of other guaranteed-to-please flavor combos, including this bacon-topped number.

More Ideas for Pasta Night Cheese ravioli with pesto, broccoli, and lemon Spaghetti with turkey Bolognese

BLT Rotini For recipe, see page 129.

Pasta primavera with shrimp Macaroni and cheese (yes, it counts!)

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SLOW- COOKER T U E S DAY Give taco night (and yourself!) a break with a dinner theme that’s virtually hands-off. Bonus: This soup is supernutritious.

Slow-Cooker White Bean Minestrone Active time 25 minutes Total time 8 to 9 hours (low heat) or 4 to 5 hours (high heat) Makes 8 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 1 cup dried cannellini beans, soaked in water overnight and drained 6 cups chicken or vegetable broth 2 large tomatoes, chopped (3 cups) 2 cups chopped onion 1 fennel bulb, chopped 1 small piece of Parmesan rind (2 in. or 1 oz.), plus freshly grated Parmesan, for serving 2 large garlic cloves, minced 1/2 cup mini pasta shells (optional) 4 cups diced zucchini (10 oz.) 2 cups baby kale or spinach 1 Tbs. fresh lemon juice 1 tsp. kosher salt (optional) Fresh snipped basil and/or oregano (optional)

MAKE IT

1. Add soaked beans, broth, tomatoes, onion, fennel, Parmesan rind, and garlic to a 4- to 6-quart slow cooker. Cover and cook until the beans are tender (8 to 9 hours on low heat or 4 to 5 hours on high). If you aren’t able to soak the beans overnight, add dried beans to the slow cooker with the other ingredients, pour in an extra cup of broth, and cook for 10 hours on low heat or 6 hours on high. 2. Add pasta, if using, and the zucchini and baby kale during last 20 minutes of cooking time. Cover and cook. Remove Parmesan rind. Stir in lemon juice, and add salt, if using. Serve in bowls topped with freshly grated Parmesan. Garnish with basil and oregano, if using. NUTRITION PER SERVING 163 calories;

10g protein; 3g fat (1g sat. fat); 26g carbs; 12g fiber; 7g sugar; 2mg iron; 168mg calcium; 753mg sodium

More Ideas for Slow-Cooker Night Butternut squash soup with crumbled bacon Beef stew with root vegetables Risotto with asparagus and peas Chicken thighs with tomatoes, basil, and balsamic vinegar

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VEGGIE-BOWL W E D N E S DAY Kids will love the colors; you’ll love that they’re getting a plant-forward meal that works in a few fridge staples. (FYI, picky eaters may prefer their ingredients separated.)

Rainbow Shrimp Bowls Active time 20 minutes Total time 25 minutes Makes 4 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 1/3 cup creamy peanut butter, almond butter, or sunflower butter 2 Tbs. unseasoned rice vinegar 2 tsp. low-sodium soy sauce 1/2 tsp. Sriracha 3 cups cooked brown rice 2 tsp. canola oil 2 garlic cloves, minced 1 lb. medium shrimp, peeled and deveined 10 oz. zucchini noodles (about 3 cups) 1 cup coarsely shredded carrots (about 2 medium) 1 cup sliced cucumbers (and/or cherry tomatoes, corn kernels, shredded purple cabbage) MAKE IT

1. Whisk peanut butter with rice vinegar, soy sauce, Sriracha, and 1/4 cup water in a small bowl. Set peanut sauce aside.

More Ideas for Veggie-Bowl Night Vegetable fried rice with broccoli Farro with shredded chicken, sweet potato, chopped walnuts, and viniagrette Rice and beans with corn, Jack cheese, crunchy slaw, and guacamole

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Quinoa with chopped romaine, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, hard-boiled eggs, and ranch dressing 2020

3. Heat canola oil over mediumhigh heat in a large skillet. Cook garlic until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add shrimp and cook until cooked through and opaque, 2 to 3 minutes. Transfer shrimp to top the rice. 4. In the same pan, cook zucchini noodles in half the pan and carrots in the other half until barely tender, 1 to 2 minutes. Transfer to the rice. Add cucumbers and other vegetables, if using, to each bowl. Serve with peanut sauce. NUTRITION PER SERVING

440 calories; 30g protein; 15g fat (3g sat. fat); 48g carbs; 5g fiber; 6g sugar; 2mg iron; 97mg calcium; 350mg sodium

FOOD STYLING BY RISHON HANNERS. PROP STYLING BY AUDREY DAVIS.

2. Divide brown rice among four bowls.

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L I F EÑD i n n e r

More Ideas for Sheet-Pan Night Chicken tenders, bell peppers, and fajita seasoning Maple-mustard pork chops with green beans

S H E E T- PA N T H U R S DAY Pick a protein, add vegetables, then work in some flavor—say, a marinade or a spice rub. You’ve got dinner and only one pan to clean!

Shrimp with garlic, lemon, and zucchini Chicken sausages with potatoes, sweet potatoes, and onions

Sticky Apricot Chicken Thighs Active time 20 minutes Total time 1 hour 10 minutes Makes 4 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 6 bone-in chicken thighs, skin removed 1 tsp. kosher salt, divided 1/2 tsp. freshly ground black pepper 8 carrots, peeled, halved, and cut lengthwise into quarters 1 red onion, thinly sliced (11/4 cups) 1 Tbs. olive oil 1/3 cup apricot jam 2 garlic cloves, minced 11/2 tsp. balsamic vinegar 1 tsp. Sriracha MAKE IT

1. Preheat oven to 400°F. Season chicken thighs with 1/2 tsp. salt and pepper; set aside. 2. Place carrots and red onion on a parchment-lined sheet pan and toss with olive oil and remaining 1/2 tsp. salt; spread out. 3. Stir jam with garlic, balsamic vinegar, Sriracha, and 1 Tbs. water in a small bowl. Coat the chicken with half the glaze and arrange among the vegetables. 4. Bake 15 minutes. Spread the remaining glaze on top of the chicken, and bake until the chicken is tender and reaches an internal temperature of 180°F and carrots are just tender, about 35 minutes more. NUTRITION PER SERVING 389 calories;

33g protein; 14g fat (3g sat. fat); 32g carbs; 4g fiber; 19g sugar; 2mg iron; 67mg calcium; 541mg sodium

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L I F EÑD i n n e r

Grandma-Style Pie With DIY Toppings P I Z Z A F R I DAY

For recipe, see page 129.

Gather up the kids and turn dinner into a team effort by making this sauce-on-top-of-cheese pie. Each family member gets to call dibs on a section and top it any way they choose.

More Ideas for Pizza Night Margherita pie cooked on the grill Calzone with red sauce, mozzarella, and broccoli Store-bought naan bread pizza with cilantro pesto

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Sausage-and-kale skillet pizza made with a store-bought cornmeal crust 2020

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L I F EÑD i n n e r

NUTRITION PER SERVING 358 calories;

17g protein; 9g fat (4g sat. fat); 51g carbs; 3g fiber; 5g sugar; 2mg iron; 174mg calcium; 635mg sodium F R O M PA G E 1 2 6

Grandma-Style Pie With DIY Toppings Active time 20 minutes Total time 35 minutes Makes 6 servings I N G R E DI E N T S For the dough: 1 Tbs. olive oil 1 1-lb. package store-bought pizza dough F R O M PA G E 1 2 0

BLT Rotini Active time 20 minutes Total time 30 minutes Makes 4 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 8 oz. rotini pasta 6 slices bacon 1 cup chopped red onion 2 garlic cloves, minced 2 cups halved cherry tomatoes (10 oz.) 1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan, plus more to serve 1/2 tsp. kosher salt 1/4 tsp. freshly ground black pepper 2 cups arugula or baby spinach MAKE IT

1. Cook rotini in a large pot of boiling salted water until just shy of al dente, about 7 minutes. Reserve 2/3 cup pasta water, then drain. 2. Meanwhile, cook bacon over medium heat in an extra-large skillet until crisp. Transfer to a stack of paper towels to drain. Chop the bacon. 3. Drain all but 1 Tbs. bacon fat from the pan and set over medium heat. Cook red onion until tender, 5 minutes. Add garlic and cherry tomatoes and cook until softened, about 2 minutes. Add the rotini, reserved pasta water, Parmesan, salt, and pepper. Stir until cheese melts. Add arugula and bacon, and stir until greens wilt. Serve with Parmesan to pass at the table.

For the sauce: 1 14.5-oz. can whole peeled tomatoes 1 garlic clove 1/2 tsp. dried oregano 1/2 tsp. kosher salt 1/4 tsp. red-pepper flakes For the toppings: 8 oz. shredded mozzarella Pizza toppings such as sliced mushrooms, olives, bell peppers, salami, and cooked broccoli MAKE IT

1. Coat a 15x10x1-in. rimmed baking sheet with olive oil. Let dough stand at room temperature 10 minutes. On a lightly floured surface, roll out dough into a rectangle larger than baking sheet; place dough in prepared pan, pressing dough up the sides and letting dough rest as needed. 2. Preheat oven to 500°F. Pulse tomatoes, garlic, oregano, salt, and red-pepper flakes in a blender until smooth. 3. Sprinkle mozzarella cheese over the dough, leaving a 1/2-in. border. Spoon the sauce over the cheese. Set out favorite toppings, and let everyone decorate their own section of the pizza. 4. Bake on a lower rack until the pizza is lightly browned and crisp along the bottom, 10 to 15 minutes. Cut into squares. NUTRITION PER SERVING (2 slices) 406 calories;

18g protein; 16g fat (6g sat. fat); 44g carbs; 2g fiber; 3g sugar; 2mg iron; 309mg calcium; 951mg sodium

Weekend Plan When Saturday and Sunday roll around, all bets are off. Here are some fun ways to shake up the schedule. 1. Make a snack board of cheese, crackers, dips, and leftovers from the week. 2. Test out a new recipe.

3. Play Top Chef with the kids and see who can come up with the best dish.

5. Cook up a double batch of a meal you can reheat later in the week.

4. Make a classic Sunday dinner, like roast chicken, pot roast, or lasagna.

6. Grill. 7. Get takeout or delivery.

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2020

L I F EÑM o n e y

Your Guide to Giving an Allowance Let your kids learn life lessons about the value of a dollar by managing their own money — and sometimes making impulsive choices.

W H E N S TACY F L E M I N G ’ S

son, Ian, was 5, he wanted Beanie Boos, toy cars, and Spider-Man stuff every time they went to Target. Frustrated by his constant requests and eager for him to appreciate that money doesn’t grow on trees, the Chicago mom decided to give him $5 a week, explaining that 50 cents had to be saved, 50 cents put aside for charity, and the remaining $4 was his to spend. Ian stored his allowance in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wallet. If he asked his mom for something, she’d say, “It’s $12. Do you have that much?” Often he didn’t. “Usually, he’d realize he didn’t want it that badly,” Fleming says, and if he did, then it went on a wish list that

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motivated him to keep saving. By age 9, he had enough socked away (along with birthday cash) for an iPad. Now 11, he still buys all his toys and video games, and makes a donation every Christmas to an animal shelter or a museum. When it comes to teaching kids about budgeting, saving for a goal, and delaying gratification, the smart money is on an allowance. “The things we spend on and save for, and the causes we support, say a lot about what’s important to us as a family,” says New York Times money columnist and father of two Ron Lieber, author of The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money. “This is an

opportunity to inch our kids toward becoming the modest, patient, generous people we want them to be.” And starting early makes sense. “Children are ready to handle an allowance once they know their coins, are comfortable counting, and make regular requests for candy and toys,” says Sharon M. Danes, Ph.D., emeritus professor of family economics at the University of Minnesota Twin Cities. That’s typically between ages 5 and 8. We spoke with experts and financially savvy parents to determine the best ways to implement an allowance and instill money smarts that last long after the Donatello wallet has been retired.

JGI/JAMIE GRILL/GETTY.

by L E S L I E G O L D M A N

L I F E — M on e y

STEP 1

to the household, there’s a downside: An allowance hinged on chores (or grades) sends the message that kids deserve to be paid just for making the bed, says Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and author of The “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic. You’ll also have to keep track of what the kids do and don’t do—and figure out how to respond if they tell you they don’t want to empty the dishwasher and that you can keep the money. A more flexible idea: Give a set weekly allowance, but offer extra money for next-level chores like weeding the garden or organizing the Tupperware drawer, both of which young kids can do, says Stephanie O’Leary, Psy.D., a clinical child psychologist in Mount Kisco, New York.

Decide how much. Lieber recommends starting with $1 per year of age per week, so $5 a week for your 5-year-old or $7 a week for your 7-year-old. You can reevaluate that formula once your child becomes a tween with different spending needs. STEP 2

Set the rules.

STEP 3

dog to get their payment. “You have to work to earn,” says Murset, who created the chore app BusyKid. “Tying chores to allowance teaches accountability.” While this method is popular for the way it gets kids to contribute

Hammer out the details. Having a signed contract for kids ages 6 and older sets clear expectations and helps ensure consistency, says Dr. O’Leary. Include the allowance

JOSE LUIS PELAEZ INC./GETTY.

Many financial pros recommend making allowance a no-strings-attached learning tool. “You’re not handing out money to your kids with no expectation in return,” Lieber says. “You’re going to help them learn saving, spending, and investing.” However, the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants (AICPA) found that four out of five allowanceproviding parents tie the money to chores. That system worked well for the Mursets, of Queen Creek, Arizona. Dad Gregg, a Certified Financial Planner, says his six kids have always had to clean their rooms, clear their plates, and feed the

amount and the day of the week when they’ll be paid. Then decide what percent you expect your kids to spend, save, and donate. Lieber suggests one third per category to start, but Fleming’s approach (Ian kept 80 percent, donated 10 percent, and saved 10 percent) works if your main goal is to teach what money can (or can’t) buy. To explain what they’ll have to pay for themselves, Lieber (who interviewed Elmo about whether Cookie Monster needs cookies or simply wants them) suggests the following script: “We [or I] will buy you everything you need—like food and school supplies—and when it’s your birthday and on holidays, we’ll buy you gifts that you want. Your allowance is for other things you want during the year that we’re not going to buy.” It’s best to use cash, suggests Jaleigh White, C.P.A., a member of the AICPA Financial Literacy Commission and mom of two. “Most kids are visual learners and benefit from watching cash accumulate, as well as emptying their jar to buy

something.” Once a child is 10, you can switch to an app that tracks money electronically. The BusyKid and Homey apps tie money to chores, and Greenlight is a debit card you load. STEP 4

Create teachable moments. The magic of an allowance happens when it’s a springboard for ongoing discussions about budgeting and value. E n c o u ra g e s h a rin g . Let your children pick the recipient of their Donate or Share jar, to build on the concepts they’re learning in school and on playdates. “Get them thinking about generosity,” says Lieber, “and talk about institutions that are meaningful to your family.” I n s i s t t h a t t h ey s ave . Younger kids generally can’t see farther out than a year or two, so help them choose a goal they can accomplish in that time frame. A toy is a fine option, but you can also encourage them to save for an experience

(like tickets to a favorite place or event) rather than an object. Saving up for an experience, Lieber says, has often been shown to bring greater happiness. Wa t c h t h e m l e a rn f r o m s p e n d i n g .

It’s essential to let your kids pick what they want to spend their money on, even if it looks like junk to you. Another pack of Pokémon cards may make them happy, but if it doesn’t, buyer’s remorse is best learned young, when the risk is low. Says White, “You don’t want them to be in their 20s when they first learn that resources are finite.” We’re not saying you can never treat your shopping buddy to a spontaneous cookie or surprise them with a cool toy; that’s part of what makes parenting fun. But as Head Banker, you must stay firm when your first-grader starts begging for Shopkins toys. Remind them, “This is what allowance is for.” That way, the choice of whether to spend now or keep saving is in their hands, says Lieber. “Then you’re not saying ‘no’ all the time. You’re saying, ‘It’s up to you.’ ”

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P RO MOTIO N

WASH IT DOWN

SWEET ENDINGS

DIPS AND TOPPERS

HEALTHY SNACKS

THE FILLINGS

Milk

Brownies

Hummus

Veggies

Cheese

Water

Dipped Pretzels

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Fruit Juice

Fruit Snacks

Ketchup

String Cheese

Avocado

Flavored Water

Nut Butter

Fresh Fruit

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ADVICE AS YOUR CHILD GROWS

walk after dinner can stimulate gastric motility, which may mean less gas. 0 –12 M O N T H S

PREGNANCY

Get constipation under control. HOW TO

Soothe Tummy Troubles by K AT E R O C K W O O D

Manage gas and bloating.

Nearly three out of four women experience gastrointestinal issues during pregnancy, and while there’s no magic cure, small changes can have a big impact. Your ovaries are cranking out progesterone, a hormone that relaxes the uterine muscles and the smooth muscles of the gastrointestinal tract. This causes food to move through your body at about two thirds the usual rate. Try to cut out foods known to cause gas like beans, cauliflower, and broccoli, and take an OTC digestive enzyme tablet such as Beano, which breaks down the sugars in vegetables and grains before they reach your colon. A ten-minute

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illustration by R O B I N R O S E N T H A L

Many women have a hard time drinking enough water during the first trimester, when nausea tends to peak. Morning sickness often entails a steady diet of crackers and other low-fiber foods like bagels and white bread, which can make constipation worse. Anytime you’re not battling nausea, sip water. Try to make a concerted effort to eat more fiber, too; most of us get just half of what doctors recommend (25 daily grams). Try bran cereal, raspberries, and avocados. Address heartburn.

As your uterus grows, it compresses your stomach, causing acid to get pushed back into your esophagus. Peppermint and chocolate tend to relax the valve even more, so limit them. For heartburn that keeps you awake, try propping yourself up with a pillow or two and let gravity work in your favor. And if diet and lifestyle tweaks aren’t enough, get the thumbsup from your doc to use a calcium-based antacid like Tums or, in more severe cases, Pepcid or Prilosec. No matter which end ails you, rest assured: Most tummy troubles should improve swiftly after you give birth. Sources: Karen Deighan, M.D., associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Loyola Medicine, in North Riverside, Illinois; Sharon Holley, D.N.P., division chief of Midwifery and Community Health at Baystate Health, in Springfield, Massachusetts; Sarah Krieger, R.D.N., a nutrition consultant in St. Petersburg, Florida; Mary Rosser, M.D., Ph.D., assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University Irving Medical Center.

HOW TO

Spot Early Allergies by J E A N I N E D E T Z

Pay attention to a rash.

Many newborns get small pimples on their face, but eczema is a more widespread red rash that looks scaly and is often itchy. It starts on the face, arms, and legs, and later appears in the folds of the knees and elbows. A baby with eczema is more likely to develop other types of allergic conditions—a progression experts refer to as the atopic march. To treat affected skin, your doctor will likely recommend that you bathe your baby with a hypoallergenic, fragrancefree cleanser, and moisturize frequently with a fragrance-free cream. Watch for a body-wide reaction.

An allergy is an immune-system response that causes a severe, immediate reaction such as hives, lip swelling, vomiting, diarrhea, and wheezing. Symptoms can appear when babies begin solids or during either formulafeeding or breastfeeding. If your pediatrician suspects a food allergy, an allergist can confirm a diagnosis.

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A G E S + S TA G E S

Know the symptoms of asthma.

Asthma causes inflammation in the airways, resulting in coughing, wheezing, and shortness of breath. Although signs of asthma can begin in infancy, most babies don’t get the diagnosis that early; the symptoms are typically attributed to a cold or a virus instead. But when coughing or wheezing continues, a doctor will often treat a baby with inhaled medications to help decrease inflammation and continue to monitor them for symptoms. Sources: Sakina Bajowala, M.D., an allergist at Kaneland Allergy & Asthma Center, in North Aurora, Illinois; Crystal Y. Pourciau, M.D., assistant professor of dermatology at The University of Tennessee Health Science Center, in Memphis.

toddlers to manipulate. Once they get the hang of it, you can switch to smaller building materials, but hold off on giving them interlocking bricks until they’re at least 2 years old. Facilitate creativity.

Most kids can make a mark with a crayon at around 15 months and scribble by age 2. Big crayons are best for little hands; you can also give them large pieces of chalk and fingerpaints for expressing themselves.

HOW TO

Foster Fine Motor Skills by H E AT H E R G O W E N WA L S H

Have your child start using a fork and a spoon at every meal. If they make a mess or struggle, resist jumping in to help—let them try to figure it out on their own.

As your toddler’s dexterity improves, encourage them to use both hands to do new tasks. Have them try threading big beads or rigatoni pasta with yarn. And play games like “Itsy-Bitsy Spider” to teach them how to work their hands in tandem. Sources: Angela Mattke, M.D., a pediatrician at the Mayo Clinic Children’s Center, in Rochester, Minnesota; Tiffany Otto Knipe, M.D., a pediatrician in New York City; Sandy Schmieg, a pediatric occupational therapist at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.

Teach the pincer grasp.

To help your child learn to pick up small items like Cheerios using their thumb and forefinger, stuff an empty baby-wipe container with scarves, and then let them try to pull them out. You can also give them toys that have dials, switches, and knobs. Embrace their filling and dumping obsession.

Your toddler will likely load every toy possible into a plastic bin, only to spill it out and start over. While this activity may seem dull, it takes integrated muscle movements, concentration, and cognitive reasoning. Other ways to boost grip and finger strength: squeezing a wet sponge or looking for toys that are buried in sand. Let the stacking begin!

Your child needs hand and wrist stability to place blocks with control. Large wooden ones are easiest for

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CHILD ALSO VALUES THE IR GROWING INDEPENDENCE,

N E E D I N G YO U R

HELP CAN BE F RU S TR ATI N G.

Be patient with utensils.

Build on basic skills.

1–2 YEARS

B ECAUS E YOUR

3–4 YEARS

try a challenging task like tying their shoes and realize they can’t do it alone. Kids can get lost in how big and unjust a situation seems, and it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t try to calm them down.

Ignore your kid unless they are physically endangering themselves or others. By taking away your attention, you won’t reinforce the undesirable behavior. Walk out of the room and set a timer for a few minutes to check on them. If your child starts hitting, kicking, biting, or throwing things during a meltdown, stop them immediately and remove them from the situation. Make it clear that hurting others is unacceptable. But save timeouts if you can; the more you use them, the less effective they become.

HOW TO

Manage Tantrums by L A U R A A N A S TA S I A

Understand strong reactions.

Your preschooler can finally use words to tell you what they need or want, but that doesn’t mean their tantrums are over. They’re still learning how to handle their emotions, so a minor disagreement can quickly turn into a full-on fit. Because your child also values their growing independence, needing your help can be frustrating. They may lose it when they

Speak softly.

Your child will end up matching your volume because, ultimately, they want to engage with you. If they lose it at the grocery store or another public spot, take them outside. Try offering them the option of sitting on a bench or in the car while they settle down. For some kids, having choices like these can help, especially if a lack of control is the reason behind the outburst. Post-tantrum, follow through with the original demand that started the fit in the first place. Prevent future tantrums.

Look for opportunities to point out their good behaviors, even the small ones. The more favorable attention they get for a

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A G E S + S TA G E S

desired behavior, the more likely they are to do it again. Equally important, fess up after you lose your temper by saying something like, “Oh, Mom really overreacted.” Be aware of situations that tend to end in a tantrum, and plan accordingly. If they lose it when hungry or overtired, pack a healthy snack and make naptime a top priority. Sources: Parents advisor Wendy Sue Swanson, M.D., a pediatrician in Madison, Wisconsin; Carol Cohen Weitzman, M.D., director of developmentalbehavioral pediatrics at Yale School of Medicine.

5–6 YEARS

HOW TO

Encourage Good Hygiene by TA M E K I A R E E C E

Put a positive spin on it.

Your child is ready to take on more responsibility, especially with their hygiene. Instead of making it seem boring or talking about the bad things that will happen if they don’t bathe or brush their teeth, focus on ways selfcare will help them feel good. For example, brushing their teeth twice a day will keep their teeth white and shiny and make them strong so that they can bite into apples. It’s a good idea to have your child complete self-care activities around the same time every day, since making them part of a routine means they’re more likely to become habits. Hand over the toothbrush.

Although your child has probably been brushing their teeth for a while with your help, now they can get more handson. Explain that good brushing means touching every surface of every tooth, including the hard-to-reach back teeth. Show them how to do it, then let them brush your teeth or brush their own while you hold a mirror so they can see what they’re doing. Remind them to work in gentle circular motions rather

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than brushing side to side. Use a timer, sing a song, or use an electric brush with a built-in timer so they brush for two full minutes. Afterward, show them how to rinse and spit. Using a brush or toothpaste with your child’s favorite character on it or singing silly songs while performing the tasks can also pique their interest. As for flossing, they’ll still need your help for a few more years.

7–9 YEARS

HOW TO

Handle Shifts in Friendship by TA M E K I A R E E C E

Narrate bathtime.

Visually and verbally walk your child through each step of bathing (or showering, if they’re interested). Teach a top-down approach and describe what you’re doing. For example, “I’m washing your neck” and “Now we’ll clean your shoulders.” Then let them take over. Give pointers, and remind them not to forget often-overlooked spots such as behind their ears. Once they’re done, show them how to rinse and dry off. Even when they’ve grasped the whole scrub-down process, you still need to supervise and remain in the bathroom for safety. If they’re ready—meaning they can clean themself properly, follow safety rules like understanding that the tub can be slippery and making sure the water isn’t too hot, or ask for privacy—they can start bathing alone when they’re closer to age 7. Pass the toilet paper.

Teach both girls and boys to always wipe from front to back (boys can get bacteria in the urethra too). For wiping after a bowel movement, show your child how much paper to unroll and how to fold it. Demonstrate the wiping motion and then let them try. Tell them to always look at the tissue before they put it in the toilet. If there’s poop on it, they should wipe again with new tissue and continue doing so until the toilet paper is clean. Also, since it’s bound to happen at some point, let them know what to do if they get poop on their hand. You could say, “Yes, poop is stinky, but it’s okay as long as you clean your hands. Always wash your hands thoroughly after using the bathroom no matter what.” Source: Katherine Williamson, M.D., a pediatrician at Southern Orange County Pediatric Associates and CHOC Children’s at Mission Hospital, and president of the Orange County Chapter of the American Academy of Pediatrics, in California.

Don’t force or forbid bonds.

When your child was younger, they likely considered anyone they played with a friend. At this age, friendships have deeper meanings and are based on having similar interests and fitting in. Sometimes these friendship shifts mean your child may become friends with someone you don’t particularly like, or they may no longer spend time with a pal they’ve known since pre-K. Don’t try to make them remain friends with an old buddy or stop them from being friendly with someone new. That sends the message that their feelings about a person don’t matter and they don’t have a choice about who to spend time with. Combat jealousy.

During this time, kids tend to have one or two “best” friends and are still learning to share—not just toys, but people too. Your child may get possessive or jealous and think a kid who plays with someone else no longer wants to be their friend. Explain to them that being friends doesn’t mean you can’t like other people or that you have to be together all the time. Use your friendships as examples: “I text Shannon when I find a new virtual workout class to try, but I call Kelly when I want to talk about the funny movie I watched last night. I like them both.” Then point out times they’ve spent with other kids and remained friends with their best bud. “Sometimes you play with Caleb, but that doesn’t mean you don’t like Henry.” Offer comfort during breakups.

As your child ventures into new interests and starts to spend more time with new kids or groups, friendship

A G E S + S TA G E S

splits are bound to happen. Losing a friend, regardless of the reason, is always hard. Allow your kid to express how they’re feeling and empathize with them. You might say, “It sounds like you really miss hanging out with Hannah. It’s okay to feel sad.” Let them know that sometimes friends grow apart, and it doesn’t mean they’re unlikable. Also, don’t badmouth the ex-friend, even if they were mean or did something wrong. Instead, encourage your child to have fun and spend time with other kids. If your child is the one who wants to end a friendship, remind them to still be kind to everyone. Practice friendliness.

After being out of school and away from peers for more than half of this year, some kids may understandably find interacting with their classmates awkward at first. If possible, plan playdates (even if they’re still virtual) with your child’s friends before school starts, or have them participate in clubs or activities so they can get used to being around their peers again. Also, help them think of things they can say to break the ice with other kids. Coming up with scripts and then rehearsing them (or role-playing with

you or a sibling) may help them feel more prepared and less nervous when they’re back in school mingling with old and future friends. Source: Stephanie Mihalas, Ph.D., founder of The Center for Well Being & Psychological Services for Children, Youth, and Families, Inc., and assistant clinical professor in the department of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences at UCLA.

10–12 YEARS HOW TO

Talk Honestly About Shaving by K Y L E I G H L E D DY

Get the timing down.

There is no set age for boys and girls to start shaving. Depending on genetics, personal preference, and a multitude of other cultural and physical factors, tweens vary. However, during puberty, the quality of hair generally changes, becoming coarser, thicker, and more noticeable. As this happens, you may find your kid becoming self-conscious and asking questions about hair removal. This is a good time to begin broaching some open conversations. Ease into the subject gently.

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As a general rule, it’s best to wait until your tween brings up wanting to shave before you make any suggestions. If you’re worried they may be bullied because of excess body or facial hair, you can subtly and kindly suggest the idea. Otherwise, they’ll come to you when they’re ready. With the sensitive subject of physical appearance, it’s essential that your kid first and foremost feels loved and supported rather than embarrassed or selfconscious. And when they do ask about shaving, be receptive to helping. Try relating your own personal experiences, saying something like, “I remember the first time I shaved. I was so nervous.” Explaining your hesitations, mistakes, or fears will make them feel less alone about their own.

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2020

Ask questions.

If you think your kid is too young to start shaving, ask them why they want to. Your tween may think of shaving as a rite of passage, but it’s not something they really want to do. Frankly discussing the unnecessary societal pressures can be reassuring and help your kid reflect on how best to go about their decision. Or they could be struggling with deeper insecurities, and talking about shaving can segue into a larger chat about their feelings. At the same time, keep in mind that if you simply tell your tween no, they may go behind your back and be less inclined to turn to you in the future. Understand the challenges of their age.

The tween years are riddled with selfdoubt, identity concerns, and peer pressure. If hair removal helps your kid gain more confidence, it’s best to take a step back and let them make their own choices. Their body is changing in many ways right now, and these changes may be embarrassing or even intimidating. As long as you review proper technique and remind them that there’s nothing wrong with body hair, shaving can help your tween gain a sense of control and independence. Also be sure to discuss basic safety tips, such as avoiding nicks and cuts, using shaving gel, changing the blade frequently, and moving the razor in the direction that the hair is growing in to prevent ingrown hairs. Sources: Parents advisor Jody Alpert Levine, M.D., director of dermatology at Plastic Surgery & Dermatology, in New York City; Cara Natterson, M.D., founder of Worry Proof Consulting and author of the Care & Keeping of You series.

Send Us Your Kid Quotes! BEST OF GIGGLES PROMOTION, PAGE 144 NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO PARTICIPATE.

Send your funny story to kidquotes@ parents.com. Include your full mailing address, phone number, and your eligible child’s name and date of birth. Subject to Terms and Conditions at parents.com/gigglespromotion. Open to legal residents of the 50 United States and the District of Columbia, 21 years or older. One submission per person per email address per day. Void where prohibited. Sponsor: Meredith Corporation, 225 Liberty St., New York, NY 10281.

P RO MOT I ON

KIDS’ FAVES A

FAVES:

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“GoGo squeeZ® pouches are awesome! I could eat them every day. Luckily when we are out, my mom checks her bag and one always magically appears.”

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“These Crispy Chicken Strips are my new favorite food. They are so crunchy and delicious. I told my mom to please buy more!”

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THE DEETS:

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Just in time for back-to-school, our kid testers weigh in on their all-time favorite foods for lunch, snack time, dinner—and anytime in between.

“Two thumbs up! Mmmmm, this was my favorite part of dinner!”

PHOE

GREEN GIANT® VEGGIE TOTS

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“My mom bought Breyers Vanilla for me, and it’s now my absolute favorite ice cream. It’s so smooth, creamy, and tastes amazing—it’s perfect with fun toppings or on its own.”

Green Giant® Veggie Tots are a great alternative to tater tots and fries. They’re an easy way to add more veggies to your family’s meal or snack time with one full serving of vegetables in every serving. greengiant.com

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After my son finally got rid of his hiccups, we said to him, “Hey, your hiccups went away!” He paused, realized we were right, and exclaimed, “But they didn’t even say goodbye!”

Issac, 6

Zoe Alexander; North Hollywood, CA

Daisy, 3 Cooper, 5

When I was driving with Cooper, he looked up at the sky and asked me, “Mommy, which cloud does Alexa live on?” Ashley Barkoff Syosset, NY

Got a Funny Kid Quote to Share? Simply hover your phone’s camera over the smart code for a chance to be featured. Or email kidquotes@parents.com. See the abbreviated terms on page 142.

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14 4 S E P T E M B E R

Camille, 6

My husband went into our bathroom and started trimming his beard with an electric razor. When my daughter heard the noise from the other room, she cried out, “Daddy is in there mowing his beard again!” Brittnie Blackburn Sugar Land, TX

2020

When my daughter stubbed her toe, I quickly scooped her onto my lap and asked which toe got hurt. Between sobs, she yelled, “The all-the-wayhome one!”

My son drew a picture of a robot, a dog, a flower, and a dinosaur, then started scribbling over the dinosaur. When I asked him why he was doing that, he responded, “Because it’s extinct.” Carla Nielsen Port Coquitlam, BC Canada

Cari Ann Boll Marietta, GA

Blakely, 5

After putting her hair in pigtails for the first time, my daughter started crying. “I look like a different kid,” she said. “I want to look like the same kid.” Kaari Amis Jacobs Santa Clara, CA

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Griffin, 5

Cheese. Tacos. No dinner drama.

the tastes that shape E V ERY JA R OF BER TOL L I SAU CE ®

The deliciously sweet Tuscan ﬂavor of plump, sun-kissed, vine-ripened tomatoes added to freshly minced garlic and cooked lightly with olive oil is what shapes Bertolli . And that’s truly the Tuscan Difference. ®