Parents - June 2016

RAISE A HAPPY EATER

HELP SIBLINGS BOND

MAKE EACH KID FEEL SPECIAL

STEPHEN CURRY

BALANCES B-BALL AND FAMILY

5

CUTE CRAFTS YOUR CHILD CAN MAKE & SELL TAME A SWEET TOOTH IN 30 DAYS

4 STEPS TO A NO-STRESS SUMMER VACATION JUNE 2016 PARENTS.COM

© 16 ©20 6 P&G &

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ONE AMAZING TEAM STEPHEN AND AYESHA CURRY TALK COURTSHIP, FAME, AND PARENTHOOD, PAGE 88

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contents KIDS 21 A Smash Hit! An explosive approach to sidewalk chalk

22 Health News A solution for ear problems, appendicitis update, safer car-seat installation, and more

32 Would You Let Your Child Eat 50 Pounds of Sugar?

How to tame your kid’s sweet tooth in 30 days

42 The Ultimate Guide to a Blissful Family Vacation Tips and tricks for actually enjoying your next getaway

54 Go Fetch Satisfy their desire for a pet with these toys.

56 Raise Happy Siblings Your children can get along.

64 Pop-Up Shop Crafts that will sell out at their roadside stand

74 Baby Bloopers Quirky quotes from kids

YOU 77 Fight the Fade The best conditioner for preserving hair color

78 Virtual Vacation

in every issue mom to mom 8 meet our advisors 10 parents to parents 13 parents last laugh 148

Seven products that evoke a tropical island

80 More Than Skin Deep How a melanoma diagnosis changed one mom’s life

86 Women’s Health News The best snacks to pack, a new way to treat cold sores, and more

JUNE 2016

3 PA R EN T S

88 Team Curry

AGE-BY-AGE GUIDE

We chat with Stephen and Ayesha Curry about basketball, romance, and parenthood.

advice as your child grows Pregnancy & Baby 22 If crib bumpers are so dangerous for babies, why are they still sold?

28 Have a Safer Ride 136 Make Room for Dad 138 Eating Issues

96 The Truth About Selling From Home Read this before you join a product sales team.

108 If You Ask Me … or Me Special-edition column!

We get a man’s POV too.

32

AGES + STAGES

HOME

136 Pregnancy

115 Take a Dip

Ways to get Dad involved

Update wood furniture with a cheery color-block technique.

138 Baby Common eating problems

116 Solutions A grill-cleaning tip, the home improvement that saves you cash, and more

140 Toddler

118 Home Renovation Without the Hassle

Boost his emotional intelligence.

Your blueprint for an easy remodel

Tips from the Tooth Fairy

124 A Yard-to-Table Family The blogger behind Simple Bites

146 Big Kid

Keep your climber safe.

142 Preschool 144 School-Age

Help her control tantrums.

shares her kid-friendly recipes.

124

64 56 88

32

42

ON THE COVERS

64

PA R E N T S

4 JUNE 2016

The Curry family. Photographs by Peggy Sirota.

Wardrobe styling by Michael Nash. Prop styling

by Leila Nichols for Aubri Balk. Hair styling

by Tricia Turner. Makeup by Tia Dantzler.

On Stephen: Shirt, vintage. Jeans, AllSaints.

On Riley (3 years): Dress, Tutu Du Monde at J. Crew. On Ryan (10 months): One-piece and bottom, Circo. Inside cover: On Stephen: Shoes, Under Armour. On Riley: Shirt, vintage. Overalls, Crewcuts. On Ayesha: Jumpsuit, vintage Chanel.

Toddler 24 Unexpected Treatment for Appendicitis 28 Speeding Autism Research 32 Would You Let Your Child Eat 50 Pounds of Sugar?

140 Uphill Battle Preschooler 24 Unexpected Treatment for Appendicitis 24 Can this trick help with ear problems?

28 Speeding Autism Research 32 Would You Let Your Child Eat 50 Pounds of Sugar?

56 Raise Happy Siblings 142 Focus on Feelings School-Age 22 Stressed-Out Kids 24 Unexpected Treatment for Appendicitis 24 Can this trick help with ear problems?

28 Speeding Autism Research 32 Would You Let Your Child Eat 50 Pounds of Sugar?

56 Raise Happy Siblings 144 Tooth-Fairy Time Big Kid 22 Stressed-Out Kids 24 Unexpected Treatment for Appendicitis 24 Can this trick help with ear problems?

32 Would You Let Your Child Eat 50 Pounds of Sugar?

56 Raise Happy Siblings 146 Perspective, Please!

Babies start out naturally soft.

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aveenobaby.com © Johnson & Johnson Consumer Companies, Inc. 2015

DANA POINTS Editor-in-Chief

JEFF WELLINGTON Vice President/Group Publisher

Creative Director AGNETHE GLATVED Executive Editor CHANDRA TURNER Managing Editor MICHAELA GARIBALDI Deputy Editor DIANE DEBROVNER

ADVERTISING SALES Midwest Director LORI POPERNIK Northwest Director JULIE BANFIELD Southwest Director JACQUI DZIAK Food Category Manager MARY CAROL MURPHY Advertising Sales Staff MARY JOE CLARK, ALYSSA CRAMER COHEN, CATHERINE DAUN, ANNE GILHOOL, ERROL GRIFFITHS, HILLARI LAZZARA, MARIANGELA SALMERON, CHRISTINE CARLSON STRIFAS, MOLLY THOMPSON, ERICA WAGNER Assistants MICHELLE KWAN, AMANDA PIPICH, MALLORY WAXMAN, MADISON WOOL Assistant to Executive Vice President/President, Parents Network CAROLINE VICKERSON Parents.com Advertising Director ALISA JANOWITZ GOLUB Advertising Director, Direct Media GRACE CHUNG Manager, Direct Media TYLER HUB National Travel Director MELISSA LUEBBE Associate Research Director LISA GRAMLING Senior Research Manager ALISON JAYE

Lifestyle Director LAURA FENTON Senior Editors JULIA EDELSTEIN (Health), GAIL O’CONNOR, DAVID SPARROW Contributing Nutrition and Travel Editor KAREN CICERO Entertainment Editor JESSICA HARTSHORN Beauty Director TRACY PEREZ Food Editor JENNA HELWIG Associate Editor MELISSA BYKOFSKY Assistant Editor CHRISANNE GRISE Editorial Business Coordinator CATHY SIMPSON Editorial Assistants BROOKE BUNCE, EMILY ELVERU, RIYANA STRAETKER

ART & PRODUCTION Art Director EMILY FURLANI Deputy Art Director MARIA STEGNER Designer MARIA FERNANDEZ-DAVILA Senior Art Production Manager JOHN J. O’SULLIVAN Art Production Manager VINCENT M. SPINA PHOTO Photo Director LILY FRANCESCA ALT Photo Editor JOANNA MUENZ Associate Photo Editor MICHELE MARTUSCELLO Assistant Photo Editor ALEXANDRA G. JOHNSTON RESEARCH & COPY Research Director BARBARA BRANDON-CROFT Copy Chief LISA K. MARUM Copy Editor ALEXA RIPLEY BARRE Test Kitchen Project Manager CARLA CHRISTIAN, R.D.N. DIGITAL General Manager TRACY ODELL Digital Director ERIKA RASMUSSON JANES Managing Editor JULIA DENNISON Editor KAITLIN AHERN Social Media Editor STEPHANIE OSMANSKI Contributing Editors SUNNY SEA GOLD, SABRINA JAMES, KRISTEN KEMP, SARAH MAHONEY, CATHERINE McCORD, DARSHAK SANGHAVI, M.D., SARAH SCHMELLING, THE MOMS OF WHAT’S UP MOMS: BROOKE MAHAN, MEG RESNIKOFF, AND ELLE WALKER

MARKETING Executive Director, Integrated Marketing SHARON MULLIGAN Marketing Director SUSAN JOYCE Senior Marketing Manager SARAH LOVE McCOURT Associate Marketing Managers JULIA CORBETT, PAIGE JORDAN Activation & Events Associate Managers JORDAN CLIFFORD, CARINA FRIAS Group Creative Director JEANETTE CHOW Creative Director REBECCA LEE Senior Promotion Designer GOSIA NOSOWICZ ADMINISTRATION Business Manager SANDY GALLENTINE Advertising Business Manager BOB PARLAPIANO Consumer Marketing Director JON MACARTHY Associate Consumer Marketing Director SHERI STEGER Senior Production Director KATE REMALY Associate Advertising Operations Director TIFFANY GJERSTAD Advertising Production Supervisor ASHLEY SCHAUBROECK Director of Quality JOSEPH KOHLER Prepress Desktop Specialist BEN ANDERSON

MEREDITH NATIONAL MEDIA GROUP

TOM HARTY President Executive Vice Presidents

Vice Presidents

President, Parents Network CAREY WITMER President, Women’s Lifestyle THOMAS WITSCHI President, Meredith Digital JON WERTHER Chief Marketing Officer NANCY WEBER Chief Revenue Officer MICHAEL BROWNSTEIN General Manager DOUG OLSON

Business Planning and Analysis ROB SILVERSTONE Content Licensing LARRY SOMMERS Corporate Sales BRIAN KIGHTLINGER Direct Media PATTI FOLLO Brand Licensing ELISE CONTARSY Communications PATRICK TAYLOR Human Resources DINA NATHANSON Strategic Sourcing, Newsstand, Production CHUCK HOWELL

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© Copyright Meredith Corporation 2016. All rights reserved. Parents is a registered trademark of Meredith Corporation, registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

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PA R E N T S

6 JUNE 2016

YUNHEE KIM. PROP STYLING BY PAIGE HICKS.

Senior Vice Presidents

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•

mom to mom

the Parents team answers

THERE’S a telling moment in writer Alan Shipnuck’s interview with Stephen and Ayesha Curry for this issue. Thinking of a time when he and Ayesha were holed up in a hotel room as he recuperated from surgery, Stephen says, “We tried every takeout place in Santa Monica, where we were recovering.” Such a minor detail would never make it into the story, but the fact that he said “we” speaks volumes about this couple. They truly are a team. He had surgery. And “we” recovered.

This was just one of many things that endeared the Curry family to our family (aka Parents’ photo and edit team) in the year it took to bring this story to life. More examples: They’re thoughtful about food. The Currys requested that we have no sweets on set when we photographed Stephen, Ayesha, and daughters Riley and Ryan. Little did they know we were running a story in this issue

about how families can scale back on the massive amounts of sugar consumed by the average U.S. kid.

They’re navigating social media just like all of us. Riley became a

celebrity after a postgame press conference last year, and the Currys have gingerly weighed what to post and what to hold back ever since.

They’re proud parents. Allowing your kids to appear on a magazine cover is a big deal and the couple considered it carefully (it helped that they are Parents fans). “It’s the first thing we’ve done really since we became ‘Riley’s parents,’ to share what parenthood means to us,” Stephen said of our shoot. Ayesha added, “It’s a nice way to document this time in our life.” We agree!

“Three ‘Itas,’ my son’s name for the little blue bear/blanket-hybrid that he cannot sleep without!”

Julia Edelstein, Senior Health Editor

“Benadryl and EpiPens. Being prepared allows me to relax, especially when traveling and dining in new places.”

Emily Furlani, Art Director

“A small secret item, like a toy or a coloring book, to surprise my daughter with when she’s having a meltdown.”

Diane Debrovner, Deputy Editor

“Our younger child gets motion sick in cars and planes, so mint gum and lollipops are essential.”

David Sparrow, Senior Editor

“A night-light to guide the kids toward the bathroom. I hate leaving the light on all night and the night-light is a comforting reminder of home.”

Jessica Hartshorn, Entertainment Editor

Dana Points

“Refillable water bottles, so we don’t waste money on bottled water.”

dana@parents.com

Laura Fenton, Lifestyle Director

We’re rethinking the kids’ menu We’ve teamed up with Atlantis, Paradise Island in The Bahamas to launch a new children’s menu in its Bimini Road restaurant featuring fun (and healthy!) dishes like this snack tray packed with kids’ finger foods. To celebrate, Atlantis is offering Parents readers a buy-one-get-one-free offer for Atlantis’s kids club plus a discount of up to 20 percent on any room from May 16 to September 1 (book by June 30). For more information, visit atlantisbahamas.com/parentsmagazine.

PA R E N T S

8 JUNE 2016

DANA POINTS: GRACE HUANG. WARDROBE STYLING BY LAURA PRITCHARD. MAKEUP BY ASHLEIGH CIUCCI FOR RAY BROWN REPRESENTS. HAIR STYLING BY DAVID LOPEZ FOR ARTISTS BY NEXT. ON DANA: DRESS, ELIE TAHARI. BELT, ZIMMERMANN. ATLANTIS: COURTESY OF ATLANTIS, PARADISE ISLAND.

This issue’s MVPs

It’s vacation season!

What is the one item you won’t leave home without?

IGNITE YOUR PASSION Good craftsmen wear the splinters under their skin like a badge of honor. It’s a sign that they are creating something out of nothing, like taking a dull, unformed piece of wood and crafting it into a chair, a table, or setting for the perfect piece of meat.

We at Weber understands that it takes a tremendous amount of work to make something simple, but when the meat is on the table, grilled to perfection, both the griller and the craftsmen know all the work they put in was worth it.

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•

behind the scenes

meet our advisors PEDIATRICS ARI BROWN, M.D.

ELISA ZIED, R.D.N. Author of Feed Your Family Right and Younger Next Week

EDUCATION AND CHILD CARE ROBERT PIANTA, Ph.D.

HARRY L. GEWANTER, M.D. Virginia Commonwealth University School of Medicine HARVEY KARP, M.D. Author of The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block LORI LAFFEL, M.D., M.P.H. Joslin Diabetes Center PHILIP LANDRIGAN, M.D. Mount Sinai School of Medicine JANE MORTON, M.D. Stanford University School of Medicine

MENTAL HEALTH ROBIN BERMAN, M.D.

DEBORAH STIPEK, Ph.D. Stanford Graduate School of Education

IRWIN REDLENER, M.D. Children’s Health Fund MICHAEL RICH, M.D., M.P.H. Center on Media and Child Health, Boston Children’s Hospital HARLEY A. ROTBART, M.D. Children’s Hospital Colorado; author of No Regrets Parenting DARSHAK SANGHAVI, M.D. Author of A Map of the Child: A Pediatrician’s Tour of the Body JENNIFER SHU, M.D. Coauthor of Heading Home With Your Newborn WENDY SUE SWANSON, M.D., M.B.E. Author of Mama Doc Medicine

Private practice, Dental Kidz

NUTRITION CONNIE DIEKMAN, R.D.

WOMEN’S HEALTH ALICE D. DOMAR, Ph.D.

Washington University in St. Louis

Domar Center for Mind/Body Health

DAVID LUDWIG, M.D., Ph.D. Boston Children’s Hospital

LAURA RILEY, M.D. Massachusetts General Hospital

Author of Baby 411 and Toddler 411

Author of Permission to Parent

DAVID FASSLER, M.D. University of Vermont College of Medicine HAROLD S. KOPLEWICZ, M.D. Child Mind Institute FRED VOLKMAR, M.D. Yale Child Study Center

DENTISTRY LEZLI LEVENE HARVELL, D.M.D.

CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND BEHAVIOR JENN BERMAN MANN, PSY.D. Author of SuperBaby

WAYNE FLEISIG, Ph.D. Children’s of Alabama EILEEN KENNEDY-MOORE, Ph.D. Author of Smart Parenting for Smart Kids WENDY MOGEL, Ph.D. Author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee MICHAEL THOMPSON, Ph.D. Author of Homesick and Happy and coauthor of Raising Cain

Curry School of Education, University of Virginia

ALLERGY WILLIAM E. BERGER, M.D. University of California-Irvine School of Medicine

HUGH SAMPSON, M.D. Mount Sinai School of Medicine

EMERGENCY MEDICINE AND SAFETY DENNIS R. DURBIN, M.D. The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia

MARTIN EICHELBERGER, M.D. Safe Kids Worldwide; Children’s National Medical Center GARY A. SMITH, M.D., Dr.P.H. Center for Injury Research and Policy, Nationwide Children’s Hospital

SLEEP JODI MINDELL, Ph.D. The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia

JUDITH OWENS, M.D. Boston Children’s Hospital

DERMATOLOGY LAWRENCE F. EICHENFIELD, M.D. Rady Children’s Hospital, San Diego

What’s one of your favorite kids’ books?

ELISA ZIED, R.D.N. JENN BERMAN MANN, PSY.D.

MARTIN EICHELBERGER, M.D.

IRWIN REDLENER, M.D. HAROLD S. KOPLEWICZ, M.D.

PA R E N T S

10 J U N E 2 0 1 6

JODY ALPERT LEVINE, M.D.

CLOCKWISE FROM TEN LITTLE FINGERS: COURTESY OF HOUGHTON MIFFLIN HARCOURT; COURTESY OF PENGUIN YOUNG READERS (2); COURTESY OF SIMON & SCHUSTER; COURTESY OF HARPER COLLINS (2).

JODY ALPERT LEVINE, M.D. Plastic Surgery & Dermatology of NYC

THE LOVE OF READING

seen, heard, shared

parents parents P U LSE

3 Ways to Show

I feel you!

“Mumpathy”

It may take a village to raise a child, but sometimes all you need is one friend showing you a little bit of support during the tough moments of motherhood: a small nod of recognition that you’re both in this together and doing your darndest. The U.K. trend of expressing your mumpathy has gone viral. Join in!

Send a virtual hug.

It was intended for couples, but friends can also use the Avocado app to deliver (and request!) hugs from a pal. Here’s the cute part: To send a hug, you have to place your device, screen-first, against your heart (don’t cheat; the app can spot a faker).

Then buzz-buzz—a message will pop up on your friend’s phone saying that you’ve hugged her. Free, iOS and Android; avocado.io

Deliver a card.

JustWink’s digital-card collection is perfect for #momproblems. Browse its Friends Rule or Sh*t Got Real sections to find the perfect e-card to send to another mom’s in-box, Facebook or Twitter page, or phone.

Free, iOS and Android; justwink.com

THE GOOD BRIGADE/OFFSET.

Give her props.

Send your mom friend praise paired with a GIF or image and a thoughtful message on Kindr. Choose from a creative “compliments” menu or come up with your own. Challenge your mom squad to a kindness contest; that’s a mommy war where everyone wins. Free, iOS; kindr.me

WE CAN R E L AT E

“ ‘Will I ever live in a clean house again?’

(Shakes Magic 8 Ball) (Magic 8 Ball explodes and makes a mess)” —Tired Working Mom, @WorkingMom86, via Twitter

—Sabrina James IT’S COME TO THIS A radio host in St. Louis aired his wife giving birth to a 9-pound-plus baby live on the radio. | In Colorado,

JUNE 2016

13 P A R E N T S

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parents to parents

W H O AS K E D YO U ? ( W E D I D ! )

Do you think kids should

BabyLit’s illustrated primer books let you introduce your early reader to some of your classic faves — perhaps sowing the seeds for a fellow lit lover later on. $10; babylit.com JUST K I DDI N G!

by Sarah Schmelling humorist-in-residence

Mom Caught Fabricating Quotes From Her 3-Year-Old on Facebook ATLANTA - A mom announced today that she was taking a leave from Facebook after being caught posting fraudulent conversations with her 3-year-old daughter.

Sophia Malpole, 34, has received many “likes” on her posts relaying conversations with her child, whom she calls “Sugarpop.” An example:

Me What are you looking for?

Sugarpop A box.

Me Why do you want a box?

Sugarpop So I can think outside it!

But when her daughter expressed opinions on more advanced subject

matter, Malpole’s friends became skeptical. “When she chastised her parents for not knowing the Supreme Court justices’ favorite colors, I began to wonder,” said Callie Finger, a friend of Malpole’s.

When Malpole posted the following conversation last Thursday, several friends called her out:

Me What are you thinking about?

Sugarpop Mother, must we have “Lip Sync Battles”? Why do we strive to imitate someone else’s work when we could instead focus our energy on our own contributions to society?

And doesn’t “battle” have negative connotations? Do we need to COMPETE in our art? Also, I’d like my mac ’n’ cheese now.

Comments ranged from “Getting into fiction writing?” to “YOUR KID DID NOT SAY THAT” to “I just want to eat her up!” (from her grandmother).

Malpole and Sugarpop were both unavailable for comment.

no 59% “Summertime should be all about enjoying some freedom without dreaded homework. Parents enjoy the break from it all too.”

—Chrystal Nichols “Ever heard of learning through play? Kids can learn an incredible amount through outlets other than worksheets.”—Dusty Nelms

yes 41% “As a mom of an 11-year-old and an 8-year-old I totally agree with homework during the summer. It’s so easy for children to forget what they learned in school after being off for so long, especially kids with learning difficulties like my older child.”

—Joanna Mason “While I’m all for my child being a child, I think 20 minutes of worksheets and 20 minutes of reading a day is good throughout the summer.”—Christina Morgan

a homeless man is using his $500,000 lottery jackpot to find the daughter he lost contact with more than 20 years ago.

PA R E N T S

14 J U N E 2 0 1 6

TOP LEFT: PETER ARDITO. RIGHT: CATHERINE DELAHAYE/GETTY IMAGES. BOTTOM: COURTESY OF ABBY SCHMELLING.

LOV E!

receive homework during summer break?

Traditionally, summers have been reserved for fun.

However, with the increasing rigor in academics at every grade level, it seems as if more kids now get a hefty dose of required reading lists and math packets to be completed before the next school year.

•

parents to parents

G OI N G PL AC ES HOLLY WOOD

6 New Attractions for Summer Groundbreaking technology at these venues around the country will fulfill your kid’s vacation dreams.

Polk Penguin Conservation Center, Detroit Zoo

In the world’s largest penguin facility, families encounter arctic blasts and waves as they walk down a series of ramps to get an underwater view of 80 of these adorable creatures representing four different species. Because of the size and depth of the exhibit (the viewing windows are up to 38 feet high) guests can watch penguins not only swim but also “deep dive,” as the sea birds plunge about 25 feet from the surface.

appeared on the West Coast. One notable upgrade: Guests wear Quidditch-inspired 3-D goggles on the Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey ride inside Hogwarts Castle, making the extra scenes filmed with the movie actors seem all the more realistic.

4

DETROIT

2

OdySea Aquarium, Scottsdale, Arizona

Go underwater with stingrays, sharks, and other marine life as you take an escalator enclosed in an acrylic tunnel through one of the main tanks—the first exhibit of its kind in the U.S. A 3-D theater, touch pools with sea turtles, and a walk-through tunnel filled with jellyfish and corals are also part of the fun at this desert oasis, which is expected to open in July.

Frozen Ever After, Walt Disney World, Orlando

Book your flights: The highly anticipated boat ride featuring lifelike audio-animatronic figures of Anna, Elsa, and Olaf is sure to become the hottest ride in Epcot.

For what else is new at the park this summer, go to parents.com/ disney2016.

3

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, Universal Studios Hollywood It must be magic! A re-creation of Hogwarts Castle and the mystical village of Hogsmeade has

CARLSBAD

HOUSTON

5

Independence Plaza, Space Center Houston

6

Ninjago World, Legoland California Resort, Carlsbad

Blast off to the home of NASA Mission Control for a tour of the 85.5-ton shuttle replica Independence, which is mounted on top of the original carrier aircraft—the only setup of its kind in the world. Kids can learn about careers in science and tech.

Inspired by the popular Cartoon Network series and Lego toy, five attractions (with no minimum height requirement) will debut in May in this park about 45 minutes north of San Diego. The centerpiece: Lego Ninjago The Ride, where kids can set off fireballs, lightning, ice, and shock waves using hand gestures— rather than a controller—to earn Ninja status. New technology, called Maestro, makes it all possible.

—Karen Cicero

A Canadian mom had her tattoo of her transgender son as a little girl changed to a boy in support of his transition.

PA R E N T S

16 J U N E 2 0 1 6

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP: DAVID SPRAGUE/UNIVERSAL STUDIOS HOLLYWOOD; COURTESY OF SPACE CENTER HOUSTON; DANIEL KNIGHTON/GETTY IMAGES; COURTESY OF JENNIE MILLER/DETROIT ZOO.

1

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•

parents to parents

C OOL !

MOM M UST- READ

Any book that starts with a foreword by Duff McKagan, a cofounder of Guns N’ Roses, has a pretty good chance of being rad. Rocking Fatherhood: The Dad-to-Be’s Guide to Staying Cool, by the music journalist Chris Kornelis, has a hipster feel, but it’s also down-to-earth and full of supportive advice about the transition to family life. Kornelis writes about everything from work hours to forward-thinking approaches to paternity leave. By going through pregnancy week by week, Kornelis tells guys what to expect and how to help. While the book is written for men, new moms will get a kick out of it, too, and they’ll especially want to share it with their baby daddy.

After all, Kornelis offers an easy pork-shoulder slow-cooker recipe and he says that one of the best ways to learn how to take care of a kid is to take care of a pregnant woman first.

The hands-free Beebo bottle holder lets you (or him) feed your baby while tending to your toddler ... or neglected texts. $30; thebeebo.com M OM WE LOV E

Quinn Popcorn cofounder Kristy Lewis The snack fanatic yearned for healthier microwave popcorn, so after the birth of her first son, Quinn, in 2010, this mom decided to create her own version.

Kidspiration “I had this eight-year pipe dream of cleaning up microwave popcorn. I grew up with it and I couldn’t believe that this chemical junky snack was still on shelves, with zero innovation to make it healthier. When Quinn was 3 days old, I jumped in to find a way to create a better option.”

Fave flavor “Quinn is a big taste-tester in my house. One of our new ready-to-eat flavors is Kale & Sea Salt, made with organic-kale powder with vitamin K in it.

I don’t tell him it’s healthy!”

First feedback “A mom whose child has a dairy allergy was excited to find Quinn Vermont Maple Kettle Corn: popcorn, sunflower oil (not butter), maple sugar, and sea salt. It changed how her family snacks.”

What she

learned How hard it is to launch a biz.

“For the first two years I was working around the clock.

Just ten days after my second son was born, I toted him to the warehouse.”

—Zach Verbit

Lego launches a character in a wheelchair after the campaign #ToyLikeMe lobbied for figures with disabilities.

PA R E N T S

18 J U N E 2 0 1 6

KRISTEN KEMP: COURTESY OF JOHANN SVENSON. BEEBO: COURTESY OF FEDELE STUDIO. QUINN POPCORN PHOTOS: COURTESY OF QUINN SNACKS (3).

by Kristen Kemp book-club inspiration

kids.

K E E P T H E M H E A LT H Y A N D H A P P Y

WARDROBE STYLING BY SARAH CONROY. PROP STYLING BY SCOTT HORNE FOR BIG LEO PRODUCTIONS. GROOMING BY SUSIE LEE FOR UTOPIA. WRANGLING BY HEATHER DIEFFENBACH FOR TEACHER! TEACHER!

Stretch the balloons first to make them easier to fill.

a smash hit! Kids will have a blast with this chalk-bomb idea from mom Lorie King Kaehler, author of Chalk on the Wild Side. Use a clean soap-dispenser pump to fill water balloons with a washable chalk-paint mixture — mix 1 cup of water, 2 tablespoons of cornstarch, and a few drops of food coloring. Have your child draw targets on the ground with chalk or just let him go wild. Fire away!

photograph by DANE TASHIMA

JUNE 2016

21 P A R E N T S

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health news

17,989

The number of calls the nation’s poison-control centers received about children ingesting hand sanitizer in 2014, according to the Georgia Poison Center.

Stressed - Out Kids

WHAT YO U’RE WO N DE RI NG

If crib bumpers are so dangerous for babies, why are they still sold?

The facts Top safety researchers believe they should be banned, but there is currently no national law preventing the sale of bumpers. A recent study from Washington University School of Medicine, in St. Louis, found that bumpers were to blame for the deaths of at least 77 babies between 1985 and 2012, and at least 146 were nearly suffocated or otherwise injured by bumpers or ties during a similar time period.

Back in 2012, manufacturers voluntarily set guidelines to make bumpers thinner, but at least three

PA R E N T S

22 J U N E 2 0 1 6

babies have died even when their crib had the less-bulky kind, says the study’s lead author N. J. Scheers, Ph.D., former project manager of the Infant Suffocation Project at the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC).

What to do The state of Maryland and the city of Chicago have outlawed the sale of most types of crib bumpers in their jurisdictions, but a national ban would require the CPSC to take action. You can sign a petition for a ban at change.org—just search for the phrase “crib bumpers.”

Headaches Stomachaches Increased crying or whining Nightmares or trouble sleeping Decreased appetite or other eating-habit changes

T W E E T YO U N E E D

100 -calorie packaging promotes … more packaging. #ItsNotHealthier @drflanders

by SUNNY SEA GOLD

FROM TOP: PHILARY/GETTY IMAGES; THOMAS BARWICK/GETTY IMAGES.

Yup, keep those bars bare.

Lots of parents may be underestimating their child’s stress level, according to a recent WebMD survey of moms and dads of kids ages 5 to 13. Sixty percent rated their kids’ stress at 4 or below on a scale of 1 to 10, despite the fact that nearly 80 percent of their children had often shown physical symptoms of anxiety over the past year. Hansa Bhargava, M.D., a pediatrician in Morrow, Georgia, who consults for WebMD, says it’s important to know and watch for these signs so you can find out whether they are stress-related:

kids

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health news

9 million Nearly this many children in the U.S. are susceptible to measles because they weren’t vaccinated, were vaccinated late, or haven’t completed the full course of immunization, according to findings presented at an infectious-diseases forum for health professions.

Unexpected Treatment for Appendicitis Antibiotics alone can be a good alternative for a child who has appendicitis in the early stages, a recent study in JAMA Surgery found. Three out of four kids who had what doctors call “uncomplicated” appendicitis were cured when treated with IV antibiotics, which shortened their recovery time and cost less compared with surgery. (However, a quarter of those kids still needed surgery within a year.)

Although not all hospitals offer this option now, it’s still worth asking your E.R. doctor or surgeon about antibiotics, says Peter C. Minneci, M.D., who co-led the study.

PA R E N T S

24 J U N E 2 0 1 6

Using a special balloon is worth a try if your child has “glue ear,” a buildup of thick fluid that muffles hearing, says Richard M. Rosenfeld, M.D., chair of the otolaryngology department at SUNY Downstate Medical Center, in Brooklyn. There used to be only two options for glue ear: have surgery or wait for it to go away (it typically does after a while). But a recent British study found that after one to three months of using a “nasal balloon” (which you can buy for around $20 on Amazon.com.), 50 percent of children got better versus 38 percent

of those who tried a wait-and-see approach. To use the balloon, put the small tube gently against your child’s nostril, press the other one closed, and have her exhale to inflate the balloon. Repeat on the other side.

This needs to be done three times a day. “It’s safe and doesn’t have side effects, unlike decongestants, antibiotics, or steroids,” says Dr. Rosenfeld. Most kids ages 4 and older can handle this. If you try it, be sure to follow up with your child’s pediatrician in one to three months to see if the fluid has cleared.

Clean Gently If your baby has sensitive skin, toss a pack of WaterWipes into your bag.

They’re moistened only with purified water and a tiny bit of grapefruit-seed extract. The chemical-free product won’t irritate your little one’s skin and can be used on her face or body. $6 for two 60-packs; babiesrus.com

FROM TOP: MARIE DUBRAC/ANYONE/GETTY IMAGES; SUSAN BARR/GETTY IMAGES; PETER ARDITO.

Can this trick help with ear problems?

Does your baby’s diaper make her feel like this?

Unswaddle them, and set them free with Huggies Little Movers Diapers. ®

®

The only diaper with the Moving Baby System*, for outstanding grip, fit and wetness protection. So they can get the most out of every reach, kick, rock, roll … and hug.

Learn how to keep your baby moving at Huggies.com/MovingBabySystem

DIAPERS

There’s nothing like a Hug. ® Registered Trademark and * Trademark of Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc. © KCWW. © Disney

•

health news

Those strong rays don’t have to make summer a bummer.

Sun Smarts On average, a person’s risk for melanoma doubles if she has had more than five sunburns, according to The Skin Cancer Foundation. Consider these tips from moms who created their own gear after having a personal experience with skin cancer.

“I often set a timer on my phone as a reminder to reapply sunscreen on my kids if we are out for an all-day excursion.”

“My children never

leave the house without some type of hat. If you start making them wear one while they’re young, it just becomes the norm.”

“Unless your clothes are made to block UV, pick dark or bright colors and stretchy or woven fabrics such as Lycra or polyester.”

—Rhonda Sparks, founder of UV Skinz, who lost her husband to melanoma when he was 32 years old

—Betsy Johnson, cofounder of SwimZip, who had skin cancer at age 26

—Michelle Berniker, copresident of Sun Love Peace, who survived melanoma

UPF 50+ sun, swim, and playwear; uvskinz.com

UPF 50+ hats and swimwear; swimzip.com

Sun-safe T-shirts; sunlovepeace.com

Track Your Baby’s First Year Powered by the reassuring advice in Baby 411, written by Parents advisor Ari Brown, M.D., the Glow Baby app helps you monitor every aspect of your baby’s first year—from milestones to how much he consumes during nursing sessions. You’ll get daily personalized e-mails about his health and development, and can access a summary of your data for your next pediatrician visit. Free for iOS and Android

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26 J U N E 2 0 1 6

P OW E R O F PA R E N T S

Searching for a Cure Two weeks after Donna Appell’s daughter, Ashley, was born, she was diagnosed with albinism.

But when she was 18 months old, Ashley had a horrific night in which she bled through several diapers and was eventually diagnosed with HermanskyPudlak syndrome (HPS), a rare genetic disorder that causes albinism as well as impaired vision and trouble with blood clotting. Appell and her husband felt isolated. “We never wanted another family to be alone like us,” the Oyster Bay, New York, mom says. They started the HPS Network (hpsnetwork.org) in 1992 to raise awareness and connect others with doctors who understand the disorder. They also got the National Institutes of Health to start studying the condition. These days, Appell is proud of her group as they work on opening research centers in places such as Boston and Chicago, along with a clinic in Puerto Rico. “I dream of a cure,” she says. “My biggest goal is to go out of business.”

Parents donated $500 to HPS Network. To nominate your organization or community-service project and to be considered for a donation, e-mail advocacy@parents.com.

SWIMWEAR, TOP: COURTESY OF MELINDA PIKE PHOTOGRAPHY. BOTTOM, LEFT: COURTESY OF UV SKINZ. BOTTOM RIGHT: COURTESY OF KEN ALSWANG.

kids

©2016 Blue Buffalo Co., Ltd.

“We used to live with litter box odor. Now that we use BLUE Naturally Fresh, the smell is gone.”

For most cat parents, the biggest factor in choosing a cat litter is odor control. That’s why BLUE Naturally Fresh® is made from walnut shells. In lab tests, Naturally Fresh proved to neutralize odor better than litters made of pine, wheat, corn or clay.* And when it comes to absorption, our walnut shell litter also proved superior. In fact, because BLUE Naturally Fresh clumping litters have up to 3x better absorbency, one bag of Naturally Fresh can last as long as three bags of the leading clay litter.* What’s more, BLUE Naturally Fresh is: • Harder clumping * • Low tracking • Virtually dust-free

• Annually renewable, and biodegradable†

Your Gift Helps Save Pets’ Lives To join the fight against pet cancer text BLUE to 27722 to donate§ or visit petcancerawareness.org to learn more.

Lasts Longer with 3x Better Absorption*

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* In separate independent studies commissioned by Blue Buffalo, BLUE Naturally Fresh Quick-Clumping, Multi-Cat Quick-Clumping, Alpine Meadow ® Scented Multi-Cat Quick-Clumping, Herbal Attraction® Quick-Clumping, Ultra Odor Control Multi-Cat and Kitten Training litters were found to: (i) have a liquid absorption capacity at least three times greater per ounce than the leading clay-based litter; (ii) control ammonia odors better than the leading clumping litters; and (iii) form harder clumps than the leading pine, corn and wheat clumping litters. †BLUE Naturally Fresh litter is biodegradable if composted or disposed of in a similar fashion. Landfill disposal of litter in plastic bags is not conducive to biodegradation.

kids

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health news

Potty Pages It’s time to Skip to the Loo, My Darling! Sally Lloyd-Jones’s celebratory book follows a group of silly creatures, including an elephant in a tutu, a monster, and an adorable bunny, as they look forward to a fun bathroom session. Illustrations by Anita Jeram—who did the artwork for Guess How Much I Love You—give the book a timeless feel. 2 years+, $12

Speeding Autism Research

Have a Safer Ride Lots of parents use their detachable infant seat as long as they possibly can because it’s convenient. But a recent Consumer Reports crash test found that rear-facing convertible seats may offer better head protection for older babies than detachable ones.

More than half of the time, crash-test dummies in infant carriers hit their head on the back of the front seat, while only 4 percent in convertible seats did. “Convertible seats are

often bigger and more substantive.

They tend to have higher wings and may have more cushioning,” says Benjamin Hoffman, M.D., medical director of the Tom Sargent Safety Center at Doernbecher Children’s Hospital, in Portland, Oregon. Check the weight and height limits on your detachable infant car seat, he suggests, and switch to a rear-facing convertible seat before your baby reaches either one.

1 in3 PA R E N T S

28 J U N E 2 0 1 6

The number of U.S. moms who don’t have a sufficient supply of diapers to keep their baby clean, dry, and healthy, according to the National Diaper Bank Network.

LEFT: COURTESY OF MAXI-COSI.

She should face the back until about age 2.

Want to help advance a potentially simple way to screen children for autism?

Scientists at Duke University have developed Autism & Beyond, an app that combines established screening questionnaires with new video technology that analyzes a child’s face and behavior.

“We want to find out if this type of facial-expression analysis at home is feasible, in the hope that it could eventually become a low-cost and convenient way to screen kids,” says internist and pediatrician Ricky Bloomfield, M.D., director of mobile technology strategy at Duke University Health System. More than 1,000 families have already been involved. Download the free iOS app if you have a child—with or without autism—between 1 and 6.

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MAKING EVERY HOME A SAFER PLACE Accidents can happen, especially when you have kids in the home—but there are simple steps you can take to make your home safer for children.

As a mom and safety expert, and on my blog, SafetyMom.com, I’m always on the lookout for safety issues facing children.

With their natural curiosity and energy, young children are easily tempted to climb, grab, and play with anything— and everything!—in the home, creating a serious safety concern. That’s why I was so excited to hear about IKEA “Safer Homes Together,” an innovative program to raise awareness about home and child safety. I’m happy to be working with IKEA to share these important ways to make every home a safer place.

BY ALISON JACOBSON, “THE SAFETY MOM”

IT PAYS TO BE SAFE! Solutions like these from the IKEA PATRULL series are simple ways to make your home safer. Best of all, these items and all IKEA home and child safety products are available at a special discount for IKEA FAMILY members. Membership is FREE—just visit ikea.com or stop by one of the IKEA FAMILY in-store kiosks to join.

PREVENT TIP-OVERS Every two weeks, a child in the U.S. dies from a tip-over accident involving furniture, TVs or appliances. You can avoid a tip-over accident in your home with these simple rules.

PATRULL Drawer & Cabinet Catches

SECURE IT RIGHT Always attach furniture to the wall with the right hardware for your wall material. IKEA provides tip-over restraint kits with their chests of drawers, and free kits are also available for previously purchased IKEA drawer units. Visit IKEA-USA.com/saferhomestogether for more information on IKEA restraint kits and for a wall anchoring how-to guide.

NO CLIMBING Never let children climb or play on bookshelves, doors or drawers.

To stabilize storage furniture, use bottom drawers or shelves for heavier objects.

Remove or hide things that might tempt kids to climb on furniture, such as toys, jewelry and electronic devices.

PATRULL Corner Bumpers

PATRULL Tub Mats

ANCHOR YOUR TV Flat-screen TVs must be securely anchored to a wall or to furniture. Place TVs only on furniture designed to hold a television, such as a TV stand or a media center. Keep cords and cables out of sight to discourage tugging (and of course, to prevent trips and falls!).

GET WINDOW-WISE

PATRULL Safety Gate

Another safety initiative concerns the dangers of window coverings with exposed cords—these can be a serious strangulation hazard for children. Take these steps to ensure safer window coverings in your home.

© Inter IKEA Systems B.V. 2016

OUT WITH THE OLD Window coverings often stay in a home for years, and you may even have blinds or shades left behind by your home’s previous residents.

Check all of your present window coverings to ensure that they don’t pose a risk to young children.

IN WITH THE NEW Remove blinds with accessible cords and replace them with newer, safer versions. As of October 1, 2015, IKEA US only sells window blinds and shades with no cords, or non-accessible cords, including magnetic Roman blinds and cordless cellular shades that are safe, smart and stylish.

For more home safety tips and information about the IKEA “Safer Homes Together” program, visit IKEA-USA.com/saferhomestogether.

IKEA-USA.com/saferhomestogether

© Inter IKEA Systems B.V. 2016

Secure it!

Creating safer homes together

When it comes to our homes, safety is paramount. That’s why IKEA has created products with a focus on both safety and quality. Working together, we can help prevent accidents and make every home a safer place for our children.

Some helpful tips for a safer home: 1 2

Always make sure the furniture is securely attached to the wall using the right hardware.

Don’t forget to use the tip-over restraint provided with the product.

Always place heavy objects in the lowest drawers.

3

Remember to never put a TV or other heavy objects on top of a chest of drawers or any furniture not intended for use with a TV.

4

Never let children climb or hang on drawers, doors or shelves.

To request your own Secure it! Safety Kit, please go to your local IKEA store’s Returns and Exchanges Department, call (888) 966-4532 or visit IKEA-USA.com/secureitkits We apologize for, but will not be bound by or responsible for, any errors in our advertisements. Valid in the US only.

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eating well

50 would you

let your child eat

pounds of

sugar?

That’s how much the average 4 - to 8 -year- old goes through in a year. As researchers are finding that sugar harms kids in ways never imagined, the government is finally setting limits.

by KAREN CICERO

PA R E N T S

32 J U N E 2 0 1 6

photographs by DANE TASHIMA

yikes!

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eating well

FLAVORED Greek yogurt plus a cup of chocolate milk for breakfast, 24 grams. PB&J at lunch, 17 grams.

Brownie for dessert, 21 grams.

You see how easy it can be for 4- to 8-year-olds to eat 60 or so grams of added sugar a day—the amount they typically consume, according to the National Institutes of Health. Sixty grams doesn’t seem like a lot, but it amounts to 15 teaspoons daily, which adds up to 50 pounds in a year.

Naturally occurring sugar in fruit, plain milk, or fruit juice isn’t even counted in these eye-popping tallies.

The USDA’s Dietary Guidelines for Americans recently recommended that kids and adults limit added sugar to 10 percent or fewer of daily calories—about half as much as kids ages 4 to 8 are downing now. (For the calculation in grams—the way it’s noted on food labels—see “Your Kid’s Sugar Limit” on the next page.)

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34 J U N E 2 0 1 6

Time to Take Action Before you change a thing about your family’s meals, know exactly what you’re up against: Children are biologically programmed to prefer a higher level of sweetness than adults do, says Daniel E. Lieberman, Ph.D., chair of the department of evolutionary biology at Harvard University. “Sugar is full of calories,

41%

of the added sugar children consume comes from drinks such as soda and lemonade.

and in the calorie-poor environments in which we evolved, craving sugar must have been adaptive,” he says.

“As a result, we have always craved sweet food at an early age.” And that craving doesn’t start to ease up even a little until the teenage years.

But you can’t wait that long.

Studies show that young children who consume too much added sugar overall—or even two sweetened beverages daily—are at higher risk of heart disease, diabetes, or both.

One recent report from Vanderbilt University School of Medicine discovered that 3- to 11-year-olds who drink about 12 ounces of sugar-sweetened beverages daily have significantly higher levels of C-reactive protein, an indicator of harmful inflammation in their organs and tissues—compared with children who skipped these sugary thirst-quenchers.

Eating too much added sugar may also trigger metabolic syndrome, a group of risk factors that greatly increase a person’s chance of having heart disease, diabetes, and strokes, points out Robert Lustig, M.D., a pediatric endocrinologist at the University of California, San Francisco. In his new study, kids ages 12 and up who consumed roughly 80 grams of added sugar daily were nine times more likely to have metabolic syndrome than those whose intake hovered around 30 grams per day, slightly less than the USDA’s suggested limit. “Our research suggested that metabolic syndrome is associated with added sugar regardless of how many calories the children eat or their body-mass index,” says Dr. Lustig.

Convinced you need to make some changes in your family’s sugar intake? Use our flexible plan to help everyone get close to—or even under—that 10 percent level in just a month. In the process, you’ll retrain their taste buds for a lifetime.

PROP STYLING BY CARLA GONZALEZ-HART. WARDROBE STYLING BY ANNIE CARUSO. GROOMING BY KRISTY STRATE FOR ENNIS INC. ON BOY: SWEATER, FINGER IN THE NOSE. SNEAKERS, BOBO CHOSES, AVAILABLE AT BABESTA.COM. PANTS, H&M. BLUE STOOL, LAND OF NOD.

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eating well

WE E K 1

Refresh your breakfast routine.

6g of added sugar or fewer for breakfast (note that all goals are for kids 4 to 8; for toddlers, reduce the goal by 25 percent) Surprise: Your family is probably eating more sugar at breakfast than for dessert. And the sweetness isn’t just coming from kiddie cereal, juice, and chocolate milk. A single-serve container of flavored yogurt or even two home-style frozen waffles with syrup may pack as much added sugar as a full-size candy bar, says Deborah Malkoff-Cohen, R.D., founder of City Kids Nutrition, in New York City.

Make over your family’s go-to breakfast so the meal is less sweet; save changes to drinks for later.

Flavor yogurt yourself. Mix your child’s current favorite with the same amount of plain yogurt, suggests Jessica Cording, R.D., founder of the blog Keeping It Real Food. Then top with fruit. (See “Aren’t All Sugars the Same?” at right to find out why the sugar in fruit is fine for kids.) Eventually add more plain than flavored yogurt. Or try just flavoring plain yogurt yourself. “I’ll stir in a tablespoon of cocoa powder and a bit of cinnamon and vanilla extract,” Cording says. If you would rather buy individually portioned flavored yogurts, try Wallaby Organic GOAL

aren’t all sugars the same?

The naturally occurring sugars in dairy products and whole fruit don’t count toward your child’s added-sugar limit.

They get a pass because the body doesn’t process them in the same way as sugar that has been added to food, says Parents advisor David Ludwig, M.D., director of the obesity-prevention center at Boston Children’s Hospital and author of Always Hungry?

“Their cellular scaffolding, which is made of fiber and other nutrients, takes more time to break down in the digestive tract, so they don’t cause large spikes in your blood sugar,” he explains.

Purely Unsweetened; it only adds fruit to its whole-milk Greek yogurt.

Brands that go easy on the added sugar include Chobani Tots, Siggi’s, and Yoplait Kids.

Work in eggs. A protein-packed breakfast helps keep kids fuller than one heavy on sugary carbs. A quick scrambled or hard-boiled egg is easy

WE E K 2

your kid’s sugar limit The Dietary Guidelines suggest that kids and adults get 10 percent or fewer of their calories from added sugar. What’s that mean in grams? Deborah Kennedy, Ph.D., coauthor of Beat Sugar Addictions Now for Kids, does the math. To get your limit, multiply your calorie intake by .1 and then divide by 4 (since there are 4 grams of sugar in a teaspoon). age

2–3 4–8 9 – 10 9 – 10 11 – 12 11 – 12

PA R E N T S

sex

daily calories

any any girls boys girls boys

1,000 1,200 – 1,400 1,400 1,600 1,600 1,800

36 J U N E 2 0 1 6

(the Dietary Guidelines give the all clear even to the yolks), but you can up the fun factor. “I make egg muffins by putting chopped veggies in each of the slots in a tray, pouring a whisked egg inside, and baking for 15 to 20 minutes at 350°F,” says Malkoff-Cohen.

Try new toppings. Save syrup, jam, or—sorry—chocolate spreads for special occasions. Instead, opt for peanut butter, which is great because it provides protein too. Although most brands contain a gram or two of added sugar per tablespoon, that’s less than the 4 to 8 or so grams of sugar in a tablespoon of syrup. Other smart choices: cottage, ricotta, or plain cream cheese or simply butter.

Swap cereals. Cold cereals pack 9 grams of added sugar per serving on average—and ones marketed to families generally pack even more, according to an analysis by the Environmental Working Group. Stick with brands that supply no more than 6 grams of sugar per serving, says Kristi King, R.D., a senior dietitian at Texas Children’s Hospital, in Houston. Some products that fit the bill: Cheerios, Chex Corn, Kashi’s Heart to Heart Honey Toasted Oat, and Wheaties. If your family is a fan of oatmeal or other warm cereal, opt for a plain variety and sweeten it yourself with a smidge of brown sugar or, better still, fresh fruit. Be sure to make it with milk for protein.

added sugar limit

25g 30 – 35g 35g 40g 40g 45g

Rethink your family’s dessert habits.

60g of added sugar or fewer from dessert per week Adopt one of these approaches to end the constant battle.

Put a treat on their dinner plate every night. A chocolate-chip cookie next to the green beans? Yep— that’s okay because it takes dessert down from its be-all-and-end-all pedestal, says Sally Kuzemchak, R.D., author of Cooking Light Dinnertime GOAL

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eating well

Survival Guide. Read a blog post about how the strategy worked with her kids (yes, they ate the other foods on their plate too) at parents.com/ dessert-first. Just keep the portion small—and establish a no-seconds rule for treats. Try to make your own desserts so you control the amount of added sugar; you can scale back by at least 25 percent in most recipes.

Teach kids that fruit counts as dessert. And make it the mealender on most nights. If they balk at first, melt dark chocolate that contains at least 70 percent cocoa (it has less than half the sugar of its milky cousin) and let the kids dip. Or top fruit with homemade whipped cream (1/2 cup heavy cream, 1 tsp. powdered sugar, and 1 tsp. vanilla extract whipped until fluffy). Then a couple of times a month, let the kids have what they want, whether it’s a cupcake at a party or an ice-cream cone with their friends.

sleuthing out sugar on labels

WE E K 3

3

Look for sugar in your fridge and pantry.

GOAL 10g of added sugar or fewer for lunch, dinner, and snacks combined You know there’s some in the cinnamon-sugar pita chips and the honey granola bars (duh). But it’s also lurking in foods you’d never suspect, like some brands of chicken broth, mayo, pasta sauce, and salad dressing, says Eve Schaub, a mom of two, who chronicles her family’s quest to avoid all added sugar in A Year of No Sugar: A Memoir. While you probably won’t be going to this extreme, you can rejigger your shopping list to cut way back.

Break out of your snack rut.

Make your new options just as easy as whatever you’re buying now. Pick up a couple of ready-to-eat fruits and veggies they like, such as edamame, baby carrots, bananas, and apple wedges. Buy a package of hummus or guac for dipping. “For on-the-go

PA R E N T S

38 J U N E 2 0 1 6

Nutrition Facts labels include the amount of sugar, but it’s a combo of the naturally occurring and added kinds.

The FDA may eventually require a separate notation for added sugar, but in the meantime take these steps:

1

Look at labels. If any grams of sugar are noted in the Nutrition Facts, check for fruit (but not juice), milk, or yogurt in the ingredients list. If there’s none, then the sugar is added.

See something? Then ...

2

Find a nonsweetened cousin. Note the number of sugar grams in plain yogurt, milk, or even unsweetened tomato sauce and subtract it from the amount on a similar sugary version. Make sure you’re comparing the same sizes. Can’t find anything related, then ...

Pull out your phone.

Download the Fooducate app (free for Apple and Android devices), where you can find the amount of added sugar in foods (including brands), and tally your daily intake. Or look it up on the USDA’s site at supertracker .usda.gov/foodtracker.aspx.

snacks, I buy Larabars and Original Triscuits—they don’t have added sugar,” says Schaub. (Split one Larabar between two young kids since it’s portioned for adults.)

Make a list of the sugar content in the packaged products you buy regularly.

Then shop around to see if you can go lower. “You may have to opt for a product that contains a little more fat overall, but that’s preferred over the sugar,” says Dr. Lustig. Scan the ingredients list to confirm that what you’re buying doesn’t contain added sweeteners like sugar alcohols, stevia,

or sucralose. Artificial sweeteners haven’t been well tested in kids, and they’ll stand in the way of helping your child adjust to the taste of lesssweet foods. If you can’t find a good lower-sugar version, go in a different direction. For instance, you could put a spice rub, in place of barbecue sauce, on chicken. Or give your kids salsa for dipping (several brands don’t have added sugar) rather than ketchup (which can contain 2 to 4 grams of added sugar).

WE E K 4 AN D B E YO N D

Rethink drinks.

50g of added sugar or fewer per week for beverages (about 2 cups of juice or lemonade or 6 cups of lightly sweetened chocolate milk) Even if your child doesn’t drink soda, chances are he has juice or lemonade frequently. While the American Academy of Pediatrics gives the green light to up to 6 ounces of 100 percent fruit juice daily for 1- to 6-year-olds and 12 ounces for older kids, some nutrition experts frown on any juice.

Here’s what to do.

Play up water. Let your child pick out a bottle that’s only for water, suggests King. “We use a SodaStream without the flavorings and the kids love the bubbles,” says Schaub.

Go easy on juice. But don’t water it down. The reason: “You want to get your child used to drinking beverages that aren’t sweetened, so I’d rather kids have a tiny glass of juice in the morning than some juice in their water all day long,” says Cording.

Limit soda and lemonade to special occasions. Some have up to 25 grams of added sugar—that’s 6 teaspoons—per cup.

Push plain milk. Premade chocolate milk usually packs 10 to 13 grams of added sugar per cup. But many nutritionists cut it some slack because it delivers nutrients. If your child won’t drink plain milk, flavor it with a little syrup or powder.

GOAL

TO TURKETARIANS, A MEAL WITHOUT BUTTERBALL IS LIKE A TURKEY BURGER WITHOUT TURKEY. ®

True Turketarians don’t wait until Thanksgiving for the delicious taste of Butterball®.

They enjoy it every day, using Butterball ground turkey, burgers, and bacon. ©2016 Butterball, LLC

© 2016 Gym-Mark, Inc. Gymboree is a trademark of Gym-Mark, Inc. All rights reserved.

g y m b o re e. c o m

•

going places Doesn’t she look relaxed? That could be you!

the ultimate guide to a blissful family vacation Your kids always have fun on a trip —so why shouldn’t you?

Just use this planner to sidestep common travel hiccups and unrealistic expectations. by CARA BIRNBAUM OUR BEACH vacation was going great until it imploded on Day 4. Both kids woke at dawn, tired and wired from the previous night’s funnel cake–fueled trip to the boardwalk.

As they barked out breakfast orders, I stumbled around our kitchenette, scrambling an egg for my 6-year-old while holding a crying 2-year-old on one hip. The rest of the day followed suit, with tantrums, a sunscreen

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boycott, complaints that the beach was too sandy—everything you’d expect after junk food, salty waves, amusement parks, and late bedtimes.

I wouldn’t take back any of those things. If I screwed up at all, it was in expecting our trip to look like friends’ Instagram shots, minus the messy outtakes. Managing expectations may be the best-kept secret behind a successful family getaway, says

Corinne McDermott, mom of two and founder of HaveBabyWillTravel .com. “Once I embraced my daughter’s need to nap, we enjoyed morning outings around it and going back to the hotel to rest,” adds McDermott.

She and other family-travel gurus spill their secrets to rocking your brood’s next getaway, which starts with one part careful planning—and two parts letting go.

THAYER ALLYSON GOWDY. WARDROBE STYLING BY KAREN KOZLOWSKI. HAIR AND MAKEUP BY PAOLA ORLANDO.

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book smarter That toy the hotel gave your kid at check-in means little when you’re watching Netflix in a dark bathroom so your kid can doze off undisturbed at 8 p.m. Size up hotels, airlines, and vacation rentals now to find out who slays genuine family-friendliness.

Before you land on which airline to fly, see how they treat families: CHANCE OF ON-TIME LANDING

KID ENTERTAINMENT

FREE SNACKS

FREE PERKS (JUST ASK!)

AMERICAN

80%

Seat-back or wireless entertainment on 80% of the mainline fleet; some of it is free

Cookies or pretzels

Wing pins and bassinets (on first-come, first-served basis) on some flights

ALASKA

86%

Paid movies stream to your device on the 73% of planes with free Wi-Fi

No free snacks!

Snack pack sold for $6

Disney coloring books and wing pins

86%

Free movies and TV shows on seat-back screens on some flights; free streaming to your device on most planes with Wi-Fi

Peanuts, pretzels, and cookies

83%

Disney Channel, Cartoon Network, and Animal Planet on TVs at every seat; free Wi-Fi on 90% of fleet

Elf Grahams, pretzels, popcorn chips, nut-free chocolate-chip cookies, and more

Wing pins

85%

Free family programs on some seat backs; 81% of planes have paid Wi-Fi

Pretzels and peanuts; drinks come with a lidded top and a straw by request

Build-your-ownplane kits, wing pins, and ear buds

81%

Seat backs of 400 planes offer free DirectTV or On-Demand; streaming kids’ shows to your device on most of the rest. Paid Wi-Fi on nearly all flights

A caramel-filled cookie on flights before 9:45 a.m. and a snack mix later

Wing stickers and a 28-page “passport” with stickers and puzzles, plus a page for crew autographs

DELTA

JETBLUE

SOUTHWEST

UNITED

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Wing pins and bassinets

what? we’re not sitting together anymore?!

Even if you chose your family’s seats when you booked your ticket, they may not remain the same. “Increasingly, airlines change the type of plane they use for a flight and rejigger everyone’s seat assignment,” says Eileen Ogintz, founder of TakingTheKids.com. Check your reservation a few times in the weeks leading up to your flight to make sure the assignments are still valid—if they aren’t, you may be able to make changes online before the plane is full.

And support the Families Flying Together Act (H.R. 3334), which calls for the Department of Transportation and commercial air carriers to establish a policy ensuring, to the extent practicable, that a family is seated together during flight.

SHORTEN THE WAIT! Apply for TSA precheck ($85 per adult for five years) and you’ll be whisked into a shorter security line and won’t have to remove your shoes, laptop, approved liquids, or jacket. Kids ages 12 and under go with you for free; tsa.gov.

BELINDA FONTES/OFFSET.

Plane & Simple

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6 things you need to know about a vacation rental how family-friendly is that hotel?

After you ID a few options within your budget, see how they do on this test developed with the help of Eileen Ogintz, author of the Kids Guide series of travel books.

What’s the room layout?

A Two queen beds in one room under 350 square feet (0 points) B Two queen beds in one room over 350 square feet (2 points) C A partition between a king bed in the bedroom and a sleeper sofa in the living area (3 points) D A door for your bedroom and a sleeper sofa or bunk beds for the kids in the living area (7 points) Looking like you’ll have to squeeze into one room? Find out if there’s an alcove big enough for a portable crib. Even a walk-in closet (door left ajar for ventilation) or wheelchair-accessible bathroom may do the trick.

Does the hotel have a pool?

A No (0 points) B Yes—but it’s a lap pool.

(2 points) C Yes—and it’s lifeguarded.

(4 points) Add a fifth point if it has a slide too!

Ask about the depth of the pool and lifeguard hours; you might want to pack U.S. Coast Guard– approved life jackets.

What’s the deal with breakfast?

A There’s a sit-down restaurant you can eat at. (1 point) B There’s a place in the lobby that

sells coffee, fruit, and other grab-and-go items. (2 points) C There’s a free buffet every morning. (4 points) D There’s a free buffet every morning—and you can get a made-to-order item. (5 points) Don’t miss out on your omelet!

Some hotels put away their spread at 9 a.m. on weekdays.

Will there be a fridge in your room?

A No (0 points) B Yes—but only if you ask for it.

(2 points) C Yes—it comes standard. (4 points) D Yes—and there’s a microwave too. (5 points) No luck? Ask housekeeping to remove the contents of the mini bar so you can use it as a fridge.

Are kids’ activities available?

A Nope (0 points) B You’ll receive a list of the fun things for families to do nearby.

(1 point) C It offers some kids’ activities on the property. (3 points) D There’s a drop-off children’s program. (5 points) Even hotels that don’t have children’s activities often offer coupons or discounted tickets to local family attractions.

1. It’s liberating. When Erin Jurnove booked a house in Puerto Rico with another family, the Berkeley, California, mom of two appreciated having a kitchen almost as much as the nearby beach. In the evening, the adults chatted over cocktails and took turns babysitting so each couple could have a date night.

“We didn’t feel like vacation ended when the kids went to bed,” she says.

“Sometimes it felt like the beginning.”

2. You can afford it. A rental cottage or condo tends to cost less per night than a hotel.

3. Droves of families do it. Some 59 percent of travelers planned to rent a vacation home last year, up from 52 percent the year before, according to TripAdvisor research.

4. The description on the rental site may leave out a few things.

Ask about any breakable décor, balconies and open staircases, a pool (including fencing), and the backyard (is it flat and grassy or hilly?).

5. The closets may contain hidden gems. Sand toys, a high chair, books, a portable crib, and a stroller could be inside.

6. Maid service isn’t just for hotels. Many rentals offer a housekeeper add-on that won’t break the bank, especially if you’re splitting the service with another family.

SCORING Add up the points. If you’re bringing a baby, give an extra five

Let us do the research for you! Don’t have time to look into the family-friendliness of a hotel or resort yourself? Check out Parents’ picks for the top hotel chains, resorts, and attractions at parents.com/10best.

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TRINETTE REED/BLEND/OFFSET (2).

to hotels that offer high chairs, baby bathtubs, and childproofing supplies. Deduct five points from ones that don’t supply fitted sheets for the portable crib. Then go and book the hotel with the most points. Done!

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Geeked-Out Discounts Use technology to find your next vacation bargain.

Kayak.com’s Flight Search Type in where you’d like to go and your dates—with a plus-or-minusthree-days window—for the best shot at scoring a deal. The site can suggest whether you should pounce on your fare today or hold out for a lower one.

Hotelwatchdog.com Once you enter your destination, you receive a list of 20 “best value” hotels chosen for price, proximity to local attractions, and ratings.

Destinations on Google

Now that you’ve explored lodging and flight options to fit your family’s needs, snag the lowest price on those plus learn what you can get for gracias.

let’s hear it for freebies!

The National Park Service is waiving entrance fees to all of its attractions from August 25 to 28.

Bank of America or Merrill Lynch customers can show their credit or debit card and a photo ID for free entrance to participating museums on each month’s first full weekend (museums.bankofamerica.com).

On select days, Target picks up all or part of the tab for admission to attractions in nearly every major city; go to corporate.target.com to search for community events.

Your local children’s museum’s membership may get you in for free or at a discount to other kids’ museums (childrensmuseums.org).

Find a no-cost attraction in every state at parents.com/landofthefree.

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Tansler.com It’s like Priceline, but for vacation rentals. You name the price you want to pay per night, choose at least two homes from the site’s inventory of 500,000-plus homes, and send the offer to the host. The first host to accept your bid wins. The offer expires if not accepted in 24 hours.

STEPHANIE RAUSSER/GALLERY STOCK.

find a deal

It’s a new feature of your Google app or mobile browser. Type in an idea of where you’d like to go, using the word “destinations.” For example, if you searched for spots in Florida, you’ll get travel listings on dozens of cities and attractions. Hit one and click on the “Plan a Trip” tab that allows you to find the best price for airfare and hotel combined. You enter the number of travelers and duration of the trip for a bar graph of lowest prices over several months.

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survive travel days Your vacation is finally starting, and you want to get off on the right foot. Make your car ride or flight more of an adventure and less of a trek.

From a Flight Attendant Anissa Charles, a Southwest flight attendant based in Orlando, has seen her share of meltdowns from both kids and parents. Here’s how to nix the turbulence: Best time to board If you’re flying Southwest with a child age 6 or under, take advantage of being able to board after group A. Since you don’t get seat assignments (unless you pay extra), you’ll be able to find seats together. Other airlines tend to allow families with children ages 2 and under to board after first-class, but think about whether you really want more time on the plane.

Best ear soothers EarPlanes for Kids & Smaller Ears help regulate pressure while reducing engine noise. Anything that encourages sucking and swallowing also helps.

For babies and young toddlers, that means pacifiers (bring at least two, in case one falls on the floor) and bottle- or breastfeeding.

Best way to keep butts clean Slip a pack of wipes and one diaper per hour of flight time in your carryon or diaper bag. Ask your flight attendant to give you a heads-up ten minutes before descent begins so you can make one last stop.

Best way to occupy the kids Reframe that daunting three-hour flight as nine 20-minute segments.

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Eating after takeoff and before landing knocks out two of those segments; reading a few books will knock out a third. Bring activity or coloring books for the fourth, and let the kids spend the remaining 90 or so minutes watching a movie on their own device or an in-flight system.

Best time for a cockpit visit Flag down a flight attendant after the post-takeoff fasten-seat-belt sign has gone off. “Don’t promise your kid anything, but nine times out of ten, it’s a yes,” says Charles. “A lot of our pilots have kids and are usually eager to invite children in.”

Best time to get off the plane Last, since it’ll take at least 20 minutes for your luggage to arrive on the claim carousel—and a good ten for the ground crew to bring your stroller up to the arrivals gate. If your kid is antsy, point out the window and let him watch all the other planes taking off and landing.

what you can (and can’t) put in your carry-on Bring It (but it will require screening) Fresh whole fruits Liquid medication (of any size) Formula, breast milk, milk, and juice plus an ice pack to keep it cold; (you may be asked to move liquids to another container) Baby food Skip It (or pack in checked luggage) Yogurt or pudding (unless it’s less than 3.4 ounces and in a quartsize clear plastic zip-top bag) Bubbles (ditto) Jar of PB or jelly (ditto) Baseball bat or a hockey stick

5 road-trip sanity savers no one told you about 1. Window cling decals They’re like stickers, but they peel right off. A few bucks buys you a pack of fish, butterflies, flowers, and more—not to mention 15-plus minutes of quiet.

2. Wikki Stix Wax-covered strands of yarn bend into almost anything with no mess.

Jeff Bogle, who chronicles his family’s adventures in his blog Out With the Kids, recalls the quiet hours his girls spent in the backseat twisting them into hammocks, swings, and zip lines for their toy figures.

3. Colorful duct tape Kids can plaster their car seat and clothes with the stuff— or, if they’re like Bogle’s girls, make a pair of flip-flops.

4. Bubbles Save the party favor–size bottles for traffic jams, then open the windows halfway so your kids can blow off steam—or should we say suds.

5. Soccer ball Or a toy that will get even the smallest tot moving on any grassy area you can find even if it’s at a highway rest stop. Keep the ball in the trunk.

FROM TOP: ANGIE WHEELER/CAVAN IMAGES/OFFSET; SHUTTERSTOCK.

Airline Secrets

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relax—you’ve earned it Ah! You’re finally there! Now slow down and F O L D I N G C A M P I N G T RA I L E R

Sleep Secrets

T RU C K C A M P E R

T RAV E L T RA I L E R

“ E X PA N DA B L E ” T RAV E L T RA I L E R

How can you stick to a snooze schedule on a vacation filled with day trips, evening Ferriswheel rides, and a bedroom your kid’s never seen before?

The weirdly liberating answer: You don’t. Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., Parents advisor and author of Sleeping Through the Night, shares what to do instead.

Slacken the schedule ...

S P O RT U T I L I T Y RV

F I F T H -W H E E L T RAV E L T RA I L E R

“Without being too rigid, try to keep the most important parts of your child’s schedule,” says Dr. Mindell.

If she short-circuits without her nap, take a walk after lunch so she can snooze in a stroller. Shoot for close to the usual bedtime, knowing you may have a few later nights out.

… but maintain the routine.

T Y P E B M OTO R H O M E

“If you normally do a bath and two stories, do a bath and two stories— even if it’s late,” says Dr. Mindell.

Pack the bedtime gear.

A familiar lovey, pillow, and worn copy of Goodnight Moon can warm

up an unfamiliar sleeping space.

Leave the white-noise machine at home and download Sleepy Sounds

by OwenTech, an app that turns an iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch into a baby mobile and noisemaker that plays lullabies, white noise, or nature sounds to soothe your baby to sleep ($2; itunes.apple.com).

Sidestep time-zone trouble.

Keep kids on their home clock for a quick two- to four-day getaway.

Anything longer, switch them to local time—which Dr. Mindell swears is easier for little ones than for us. “Do this as soon as you get on the plane by adjusting their meal schedule—and get them out in the sunlight first thing in the morning as well as throughout the day to reset their circadian rhythm.”

T Y P E C M OTO R H O M E

Your little ones can live it up like a local kid: T Y P E A M OTO R H O M E

PAR K M O D E L RV

Sleuth out a swingset. The rest of the hotel is snoozing and your early risers have already polished off breakfast?

Kidsplayparks.com will show you to the nearest park, where you can chat up other sleep-deprived parents.

Go Geocaching. Sightseeing’s more fun when it doubles as a treasure hunt.

Geocaching.com gives you the scoop on the crayons, Matchbox cars, and other trinkets fellow Geocachers have hidden near your destination.

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Board the bus. Or monorail, subway, ferry, or you name it. To the 4-andunder set, public transit is nearly as thrilling as an amusement-park ride.

Find a farmers’ market. Yummy samples, street life, impromptu performances. What better way to give your kid a taste of the local landscape while stocking your hotel room with fresh fruit? Ask your concierge—or smartphone—when and where to find a market near you.

Hit the library. When you’re all played out, grab a couple of cushy chairs in the kids’ section and thumb through some picture books.

JULIE MAK/OFFSET.

play here

What’s your idea of AWAY? Wherever or whatever it is, an RV is the best way to find it on your terms, your timetable, your itinerary. And it’s more affordable than you might think.To learn more, visit GoRVing.com and see an RV dealer.

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toy box

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go fetch Mommy, can we keep him? Yes, especially if the creature in question is one of these toys!

We give away a toy every day at parents.com/ win-toys.

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PUPPY LOVE SO TWEET Little Live Pets Clever Keet, from Moose Toys, parrots back what you say, knows his name, and powers his own cart. 5 years+, $60; toysrus.com

GET MORE! Shop for a plush buddy— anything from a bear to a buffalo—at parents.com/stuffed-animals.

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Those eyes! That tongue! Furreal Friends JJ My Jumpin’ Pug stands up and yips, but a pat calms him down.

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CREEP-TASTIC The startlingly realistic electronic arachnid in Wild Pets’ Spider Habitat can be set to slowly prowl its home or quickly crisscross your floors. 5 years+, $25; target.com

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Just Play’s Kitty Surprise includes a plush mama plus either three, four, or five (hence the surprise) tiny babies that can tuck into her belly.

3 years+, $25; walmart.com

All the Zen of watching a sea critter swim—with none of the tank-cleaning! Hexbug’s AquaBot 2.0 is sold with its bowl. 3 years+, $20; hexbug.com

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better behavior

A child’s opinion of herself is shaped by her interactions with her brother or sister.

Help your kids get along (and feel good) by acknowledging each one’s needs.

by RENEÉ SAGIV RIEBLING

GROWING UP, I was the baby of my family—and my older brother made me aware of every one of the 32 months that separated us. After a game of Monopoly, I’d count my money, giving each bill equal weight, and declare, “I have 10 dollars.” My brother would grab the stack and say, “That’s wrong. I’ll count it for you.”

Although he didn’t say outright that I was stupid, even a preschooler can read between the lines.

While my brother and I are good friends now, I can see this pattern repeating with my own kids. After watching a football game, my 6-yearold son announced, “In my defense, the Broncos are the best team ever!”

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“What do you mean, ‘in my defense’?” asked my 9-year-old daughter, as if she’d never heard a lamer statement. “You mean in your opinion.” I could see the dejection in my son’s eyes—and remembered the feeling all too well.

“Our children form their image of who they are from the words they hear—and words that come from an older sibling often have more credibility than those from parents,” says Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World.

Plus, even very young kids pick up on nonverbal cues, like body language and facial expressions. While your

youngest feels inadequate compared with her older sibling, your firstborn probably wonders if you love her as much as you love the little one, who requires more hands-on attention.

It’s enough to make you want to separate the kids until college.

But don’t lock their doors just yet.

That overly critical firstborn can be taught to be tactful, her younger sibling can learn to channel envy into determination—and you can help each child feel appreciated. These common sibling challenges can be reframed as opportunities for children to develop emotional and social skills that will help them value both themselves and others.

Your kids may be surprised by how much they enjoy each other’s company.

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better behavior

When your kids play together, the little guy always loses.

One solution is to add some games of chance into the mix (board games such as Chutes and Ladders or card games like War), at which everyone will win and lose sometimes. You can also encourage your children to play kids-against-grown-ups and cooperative games, which force them to work together. Another strategy that Dr. Borba recommends is similar to a handicap in golf: Alter the rules to level the playing field.

When my son joins his older sister and me in a match of the wordfinding game Boggle, for example, he’s allowed to sound out words and have them count—even if they aren’t spelled correctly. In a game of basketball, you could let the little one travel or take more shots.

Although your older one may balk about that double standard, you’ll be doing him a serious favor: teaching him to develop empathy. So help your big kid remember what it feels like to be on the losing side. Ask him to look at his sister’s face when

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she’s lost for the umpteenth time and guess what she’s feeling. Remind him that competition is more fun if it’s evenly matched (which is different from letting his opponent win).

Since handling defeat is a critical life skill (and you don’t want your kid showing up at a playdate demanding a handicap), sometimes it’s okay to let your youngest play a game she’s destined to lose. Just do some prep work, says Parents advisor Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., author of What About Me? 12 Ways to Get Your Parents’ Attention (Without Hitting Your Sister). If she’s learning checkers and wants to play a more experienced big brother, tell her to remember that she has to be a good sport. Say, “Your brother is probably going to win because he’s had more years to practice. Someday when you’re a bit older, you’ll be able to play that well too,” advises Dr. Kennedy-Moore.

Your firstborn constantly criticizes her younger siblings.

It’s time to teach the fine art of diplomacy: distinguishing what’s appropriate to say and what’s not.

If your older child’s comment is obviously hurtful (“That was stupid!”), tell her, “We don’t talk to each other that way.” If her words are fine but her tone and body language need work (she screamed, “Your shoes are on the wrong feet!” while throwing up her hands), ask her to say the same thing but in a kind voice, suggests Dr. Kennedy-Moore.

Instead of telling her what not to say, give her a repertoire of phrases—such as “Good try!”—to use. Suggest that she say one nice thing first before pointing out what’s wrong.

Be sure to articulate the positive yourself, adds Peter Goldenthal, Ph.D., a family psychologist in Narberth, Pennsylvania. Rather than telling your older kid, “You’re being mean to your brother,” you can point out, “It looks like you’re trying to help your brother with his letters” before you discuss how she could phrase her criticism differently.

When your grade-schooler demonstrates his skills, your preschooler feels like he’ll never do anything as well.

Although it can be tempting to downplay your elder kid’s achievements in order to preserve your younger one’s feelings, that backfires in two ways. First, it’s unfair to the older one, who deserves to feel good about his accomplishments. Second, it robs the younger one of the opportunity to see what’s possible with hard work. So if your firstborn has been taking gymnastics and wants to demonstrate his routine, let him put on a show for the family. Give him the kudos he’s earned, and emphasize the effort that went into his progress.

The younger one will get the message that it’s not that his big brother has special powers but rather that he’s had more practice. What if your little kid tries to do a handstand like Big Bro and ends up on his head—and in tears? “You can ask him, ‘Do you

OPENER AND THIS PAGE: SUZANNE GIPSON/OFFSET.

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want to be able to do a handstand?

Then let’s work on that,’ ” suggests Dr. Goldenthal, author of Beyond Sibling Rivalry.

Your youngest idolizes her big sibling—who won’t give her the time of day.

Ask your older child to help out with your younger one. It’ll make her feel like a valuable member of the family and strengthen their sibling bond.

To reduce her evening chore load, Allison Sullivan began asking one of her 9-year-old twins to read a bedtime story to their 6-year-old sister. The routine has made the twins feel more tender toward their little sister, says the Metuchen, New Jersey, mom, and the 6-yearold loves the one-on-one time.

A similar thing happened when Dr. Kennedy-Moore started allowing her then 10-year-old daughter to babysit for her 7-year-old brother for an hour so she could get some work done in the house. Since it was an “extra” job, she paid her daughter for the service—provided her son reported that he’d had fun. “This motivated her to be sweet to him.

She was proud when he had a good time,” explains Dr. Kennedy-Moore.

“It also set the precedent that they could enjoy each other’s company.”

Because she doesn’t need constant supervision, your older kid tends to get the short end of the stick.

To make your big kid feel special, emphasize what the two of you can do by yourselves now, like ice-skate or eat at a nice restaurant, suggests Dr. Goldenthal. Say to her, “I’m glad you’re finally at the age when we can do this together.” When you’re in the car listening to a song she likes, start a conversation about the lyrics (“What do you think Taylor Swift means by ‘loving you was red’?”).

This should help make up for her annoyance when certain activities

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special advice for middle kids These are ways to make sure that your monkey in the middle doesn’t have reason to resent his role.

Notice if he can’t get a word in edgewise. At dinner, after your firstborn has given a dissertation on the digestive system and your toddler’s gotten everyone’s attention by smearing peas on the wall, ask your middle child about his day—and ensure that everyone at the table listens, advises Michele Borba, Ed.D. Encourage him to stick up for himself. Suggest some comeback lines if he tends to smooth over conflicts by giving himself the shaft, and teach some oldie-but-goodie solutions like rock-paper-scissors. Then discuss appropriate situations for using them.

Carve out some one-on-one time. It doesn’t need to be a big outing or last for a long period, but it has to be frequent enough for him to know that you enjoy spending time with just him.

are off-limits because the little one can’t do them. At the same time, praise your little kid when he acts more grown-up and give him opportunities to feel that way, such as assigning him chores he can complete, like unloading silverware from the dishwasher.

Most important, look for ways to make each child feel unique. Karen Smith’s three sons frequently ask her, “Am I your favorite?” (usually in front of their siblings). “I try to redirect the question by naming various little things I love about each of them,” says the Elkhart, Indiana, mom. “I’ll say something like, ‘Graham, one of the things that I love about you is how you wake me in the morning by

kissing my nose. Miles, I love how you make me laugh with your goofy dancing, and Simon, I love the voices you make when you read out loud.’ ” Make sure your comments, like hers, are based on behaviors rather than labels (like “I love how you’re my little athlete”) or something your child has to work for (“I love how you get straight A’s on your report card”).

The taunting never stops.

If one kid is always annoying the other, help the tauntee (who may be younger or older) find a new way to respond. Dr. Kennedy-Moore’s son had a habit of sneaking up on his sister, grabbing her dolls, and running around the house with them, prompting both Mom and Sis to chase after him. Dr. Kennedy-Moore finally chose a different approach. “I coached my daughter to say to her brother, ‘I didn’t know you were interested in dolls. Would you like to play with them with me?’ before he had a chance to take off with them.”

Once the girl did that, her brother laughed and never pulled the stunt again—and her self-image changed from victim to victor.

Keep in mind that a sibling relationship offers the ideal practice environment for negotiating with peers, defending one’s turf—and shrugging things off. And if you take advantage of teachable moments, you’ll see glimmers of hope. Just days after my daughter pounced on my son for his misuse of the word defense, my son came home from karate class bursting with pride at having earned his yellow belt. Of course, it wasn’t a “real” yellow belt; it was the littlekid-division equivalent (the karate class’s version of a handicap!). I could see that my daughter was about to set the record straight. But before I could shoot her a look I heard her say, “That’s really cool! Congratulations.”

It was one of those rare moments when I was glad I hadn’t decided to separate them until college.

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Personalized Jewelry

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kids

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make it

pop-up shop It’s summertime and the selling is easy with these quick and simple crafts for kids to make and market. crafts by JODI LEVINE

Friendly Faces These adorable key chains can be personalized on the spot.

HOW-TO Kids can prepaint a variety of skin tones and hair onto ⅝”, ¾”, and 1” round wooden beads ($4 per bag; michaels.com). When a customer places an order, your little artist can draw the portrait, including eyes, a mouth, and other features. Then she’ll string the finished bead onto plastic lacing looped over a round key ring and add colored beads for the body.

photographs by DANE TASHIMA

Super Soaps With a little help, kids can transform clear glycerin soap ($10 for 2 lbs.; michaels.com) into colorful bars.

HOW-TO Grease insides of clean, pint-size milk cartons or small juice boxes with cooking spray. For each layer, melt 3 or 4 1-oz. cubes of soap in a glass measuring cup in the microwave for 25 seconds. Add a drop of food coloring, stir, and melt again for 10 seconds more. Pour the warm mixture into prepared containers; let cool. Repeat, letting each colored layer solidify before pouring the next. Cut individual bars once they’ve cooled. For toy soaps, fill a container with ½” of melted soap. Let cool, place toy on top, and pour in melted soap to cover toy.

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make it

Game of Stones This homemade tic-tac-toe set is made with found rocks.

PROP STYLING BY CARLA GONZALEZ-HART.

HOW-TO Use a paint pen to draw X’s and O’s on stones, then mark a simple muslin bag (4” x 6” muslin bags, $9 for 24 bags; papermart .com) with a game board. Store the stones in the bag after play.

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You’ll love it as an adult.

w. o r g t u o r e v e n The taste you

taste e same: the great th s ay st g in th e get older, on ound at change as you filling has been ar th e gs em in cr th t e ee th l sw al f ith O cake w kid. at moist, delicious when you were a as of Little Debbie. Th w it as y da to y d it’s as tast o for generations, an use you’re never to ca Be . lf se ur yo t So go ahead. Trea ebbie. t taste of Little D ea gr e th y jo en to old

kids

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make it

Wrap masking tape around the ends of the T-shirt strips for threading and then discard.

Upcycled Accessories Kids can give everyday materials, like old T-shirts and drinking straws, a new life as crafty-cool necklaces.

HOW-TO T-shirts Cut tees across the shirt body into 1½”-wide loops and have your child stretch them lengthwise. Supervise her while she cuts the loops open, then have her slip the beads onto each strand; knot the ends together to finish.

Straws Make straw necklaces from cut pieces of drinking straws laced onto colorful mason twine (Everbilt #18’ x 250’ Mason Twine Neon, $5; homedepot.com).

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Sometimes the Simplest Things are the Yummiest.

No artificial preservatives or flavors.

Always made with milk.

kids

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make it

Pretty Pockets These cases and pouches are a cinch for little hands to make.

HOW-TO Have your kid completely cover sheets of wax paper (ours measure 6” x 7” for the glasses case, 7½” x 3” and 7½” x 5” for the envelopes) with colorful duct tape ($5 to $10 per roll; joann.com) on both sides. Then help her fold the duct-tape fabric in half for an open pouch or into thirds for an envelope with a flap, and tape up the sides.

tip!

Encourage your kids to donate a percentage of their profits to a cause of their choice.

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MAKE THIS THE

SUMMER OF FLAVOR.

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kids

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baby bloopers

quirky quotes from kids One day, Adeline said, “I want to be a teacher when I grow up.” I replied that I thought that was great and asked if she didn’t want to be an astronaut anymore. “No,” she said, “I want to tell people what to do.” Annie Trenton; Sterling, VA ADELINE, 4

DONOVAN, 5 As I was getting out of the shower, my son barged in. I told him, “You’re almost too old to see me naked. Please knock next time.” He responded, “Then Dad is way too old to see you naked!” Jenny Potts; Wauwatosa, WI

One morning while she was getting dressed for school, my daughter said to me, “I hope I don’t get very big love seats when I’m older like you have.” I replied, “Did you mean to say love handles?” Dannette Cisco; Oregon City, OR

ASHLYNN, 7

CALEB, 5 A commercial about diapers came on TV and I told my son, “We don’t need those anymore, do we?” He said, “No, Mommy. We’re all housetrained now!” Dawn Robinette; Schertz, TX

Out of curiosity, I asked my daughter, “If you had to describe Mommy in one word, what would it be?” After some thinking she answered, “Can it be a curse word?” Linda White; Chester, PA

SANTANA, 4

JACKSON, 2 My son has learned that when something breaks, Daddy will fix it. The other day, Jackson misbehaved and I was explaining to him how he needs to listen. I asked if his listening ears were turned on and he replied, “Nope, they’re broken. Daddy fix it!” Jesanne Roden-Reynolds; Concord, NC

crack us up & win!

Your funny story could appear on this page and you could win a $50 gift card from kids’ clothing company Crazy 8.

Plus, you could also win the Parents Best of Bloopers grand prize—a $500 gift card from Crazy 8. Find out how to enter and see the abbreviated rules on page 146.

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WHAT IS 3x MORE COMMON THAN HEAD LICE?

· More than 40 MILLION PEOPLE in the US, mostly children, get PINWORM, a highly contagious infection · Pinworms are parasites that live inside a child’s intestine · At night, they lay eggs on a child’s bottom, causing the most common symptom, intense itching

If you think your child has pinworm,

Your doctor can prescribe a drug for this infection. To learn more, visit www.PinwormFacts.com.

you.

STYLANDER/GALLERY STOCK.

F I N D YO U R H E A LT H Y, H A P P Y M O M P L A C E

fight the fade A recent survey reveals that you’re willing to take more risks with your hair color than with your style. But switching up your shade is tricky this time of year, when the sun, salt, and chlorine threaten to do damage. Using a color-protecting conditioner like Clairol Nice ’N Easy CC+ ColorSeal Conditioner ($4; drugstores) will help you sail through summer with a hue that looks like new.

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mom’s most wanted

virtual vacation

Even if you can’t sneak away to an exotic island, these products will make you feel like you did. by TRACY PEREZ

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1 Sharp Exterior With its happy pink and coral hue, Schick Quattro for Women Razor helps make shaving less of a drag. $9; drugstores

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3

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2 Intoxicating Escape One whiff of OGX Quenching + Sea Mineral Moisture Body Wash and a feeling of calm will wash over you. $9; ulta.com 3 Fantasy Flush NYX Ombre Blush in Insta Flame brings a gorgeous sunset to mind and beautiful dimension to your cheeks. $10; nyxcosmetics.com 4 Tropical Punch Wander Beauty Wanderout Dual Lipstick in Jet Set/Vacay gives you the option of two bright pops of pink depending on your outlook—and your outfit. $30; sephora.com

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5 (Fake) Baked to Perfection Benefit’s Hoola Zero Tanlines comes with a built-in sponge applicator that makes blending a breeze. $30; benefitcosmetics.com

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6 Awesome Hair Hybrid Part mousse, part salt spray, Bumble and bumble Surf Foam Spray Blow Dry gives you tousled waves that are less gritty, more polished. $31; bumbleandbumble.com 7 Glow Getter Physicians Formula Murumuru Butter Bronzer delivers more than just radiance to your face: Native to the Amazon, murumuru butter is filled with essential fatty acids to leave skin feeling soft and conditioned. $15; drugstores

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photograph by JEFFREY WESTBROOK

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you

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staying healthy

Your example matters: When moms skimp on sunscreen, their kids often follow suit.

more than skin deep GROWING UP in Jeffersonville, Indiana, blond-haired, fair-skinned Tobi Sample wanted to be bronze just like all the other cheerleaders and members of her high-school swim team. “We’d put baby oil on and lie on the roof so we’d be closer to the sun,” she recalls. “I started going to a tanning salon when I was in my sophomore year, and I’d buy the unlimited monthly package because it was the cheapest and I could get really tanned.”

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Sample was still a sun lover after she became a nurse and had two daughters of her own. “Funny thing is, I’d protect my girls from the sun with sunscreen, but I would lie out to tan,” she says. When friends warned that she’d get skin cancer, she joked, “At least I’ll die pretty.”

Those words haunt her to this day, because the tiny flesh-colored bump she found on her chest nine years ago turned out to be melanoma, the most serious type of skin cancer.

“It didn’t look like anything more than a mosquito bite,” she says.

However, it worried her enough that she made an appointment to see a dermatologist. By the time she went, though, the bump was gone. Then it returned a year later, and this time it was bigger, red and scabby, and had a nodule underneath like a pimple.

“I immediately knew something wasn’t right,” Sample says. The dermatologist wasn’t concerned and didn’t even want to biopsy it—but

STEPHANIE RAUSSER.

Tobi Sample was a sun worshipper until a diagnosis of melanoma at age 32 taught her that tanning can be fatal. by KATE LEDGER

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staying healthy

Sample insisted. Although surgery (which left her with a 4-inch scar) showed that the melanoma hadn’t spread to her lymph nodes, her battle was just beginning.

Rays of Hope Sample’s attitude toward the sun changed completely. She started using sunscreen daily, as well as UV-protective clothing, sunglasses, and a wide-brimmed hat—and insisted that her daughters do the same. Her goal was to make it through the next five years with no signs of recurrence—a milestone that would greatly increase her chance of survival.

However, in 2013, two months short of the five-year mark, she found another tiny bump—this time on her shoulder. Tests confirmed that the melanoma was back, and now it had spread to her spine, ribs, collarbone, arm, and one of her lungs. “I feared the worst,” Sample says. She knew that the average life expectancy for advanced melanoma was only ten months. Imagining her daughters’ proms, graduations, and weddings that she’d miss, she resolved to do everything she could to combat the cancer.

There were very limited options for treating metastatic melanoma at the time, so her husband, Steve, an emergency-room physician, and her sister, also a nurse, began searching for clinical trials. They learned about Keytruda, an experimental immunotherapy drug that revs up the body’s own disease-fighting cells. A trial in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, had one spot left and Sample was admitted just minutes before the recruitment deadline.

She flew from Indiana to receive the intravenous drug every three weeks for a year. The travel exhausted her and strained the family’s finances—and she hated that her absences reminded her girls how sick their mother was.

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Daughters “Haley and Riley are both pretty comfortable being pale,” says Sample, here with them and her husband, Steve.

It was well worth it. After a few months, scans showed her tumors were shrinking, and she now has no signs of melanoma. “The doctor won’t say ‘cured’ or ‘in remission,’ ” Sample says. “They call it ‘no evidence of disease.’ ” Although she’ll take Keytruda indefinitely, it was recently approved by the FDA, so she no longer has to travel to North Carolina to get it. The tumors and radiation weakened her bones, but she’s kept up with her passion for running and recently completed a half marathon—wearing a shirt with other skin-cancer patients’ names on it, “in honor of all of us who are in the fight.”

Paying the Price Melanoma is on the rise, especially in women under 40. The incidence rate in this group increased 178 percent from 1975 to 2012, but this number only reflects cases reported to the National Cancer Institute; the actual rate may be much higher. Researchers at Mayo Clinic found that there was an eight-fold increase in cases in women ages 18 to 39 in Minnesota between 1970 and 2009—and tanning salons are likely the cause.

You can’t undo the damage that years of tanning has done to your skin.

Melanoma—which is less common

than basal-cell carcinoma or squamous-cell carcinoma—is the type of skin cancer responsible for the greatest number of deaths.

If melanoma is detected before the tumor has spread to the lymph nodes, the five-year survival rate is about 98 percent, reports the American Cancer Society. However, five-year survival is 63 percent when the disease has spread to nearby lymph nodes or organs and only 17 percent when it has metastasized to distant organs.

In 2009, the World Health Organization designated indoor tanning a known carcinogen, but one study in JAMA Dermatology found that nearly 32 percent of teenage girls and 69 percent of female college students have used a tanning bed.

Ultraviolet radiation (artificial and natural) damages the DNA in skin cells, making them prone to cancer, and people who first use a tanning bed before age 35 increase their risk of melanoma by 75 percent.

“Tanning is a hard habit to break,” says Dawn Davis, M.D., a pediatric dermatologist at Mayo Clinic.

“Research has shown that being in a tanning bed causes the release of pleasurable chemicals in the brain, so it can be addicting, just like smoking.” Amazingly, Dr. Davis has had patients as young as age 5 who had atypical moles and had tanned at salons with their mother. “The mothers say it’s easier and cheaper than getting a babysitter, so they’ll sign consent for their child to have a tanning-bed session at the same time as theirs,” Dr. Davis says.

Playing Defense There is one piece of good news: Even though more young women are getting melanoma, the death rate from the disease is decreasing. We’re learning to check our skin regularly, so skin cancers are being detected early. Especially if you have a history of tanning, look for the ABCDEs

COURTESY OF TOBI SAMPLE.

you

LEFT: SHUTTERSTOCK. RIGHT: PETER ARDITO (3).

“Research has shown that being in a tanning bed causes the release of pleasurable chemicals in the brain.” of moles: Asymmetrical shape, irregular Border, Color variations, Diameter larger than a pencil eraser, and Evolving changes over time. Skin cancer can appear on the palms or on the soles of the feet (in African Americans, they are among the most common spots) and even on skin that’s never exposed to the sun. Use your phone to take a photo of any suspicious mole next to a ruler (so you can track if it’s changing) and see a dermatologist.

Sample’s melanomas did not develop in a mole, though—which emphasizes the importance of watching for any skin growth that lasts longer than two weeks. “Even if looks harmless, get it evaluated soon,” says Dr. Davis. “It is uncommon to develop new moles after approximately age 25.”

Sample wants to spread the message about the dangers of tanning to moms like her and to teens who are in danger of getting hooked. “I hope I can help prevent them from making the same poor choices I made when I was a teenager and thought I was invincible,” she says. She spoke at her daughters’ school on Melanoma Monday last May and told the stories of women she’s met during treatment, including one who lost part of her face to skincancer surgery and one whose cancer spread to her brain. “The tanningbed industry claims that tanning is healthy because it helps you make vitamin D,” says Sample, who’s been cancer-free for the last year. “But you can get vitamin D from your diet and from vitamins without putting yourself at risk for melanoma.”

designed to protect These products promise to make sun safety easier.

Available for free in select doctors’ offices, the La Roche-Posay My UV Patch sticks to skin and changes color in response to sun exposure—so you know when to reapply. Go to laroche-posay.us to learn more.

Stock your purse with the Colorescience Sunforgettable Mineral Sunscreen Brush ($57 for SPF 30, $64 for SPF 50; colorescience.com) so you’ll have a mess-free way to protect your face and scalp. The powder is water-resistant too.

Occasional tanning-bed use nearly triples your likelihood of developing melanoma.

Developed by a mom for adults and kids with sensitive skin, Babo Botanicals Super Shield Sport Stick SPF 50 ($16; babo botanicals.com) is a sunscreen formulated with zinc oxide that has zero fragrance and is ideal for touching up small areas (ears, nose, lips). —Tracy Perez

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POWER UP BROUGHT TO YOU BY BRITA

motion. Off the court, he and his family are always on the go—especially during the summer, when his busy family of four heads outdoors to soak up summertime fun!

Stephen drinks Brita water to fuel KLV SHUIRUPDQFH RQ DQG Rij WKH FRXUW 3LHYU OV^ NYLH[ [HZ[PUN Ä S[LYLK ^H[LY JHU OLSW RLLW `V\ HUK `V\Y RPKZ OHWW` healthy, and hydrated all summer long with these refreshing tips from Brita.

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TEACH ’EM TO REACH FOR WATER The earlier you teach your kids healthy habits, the better. Explain that drinking water powers up their body and helps them stay healthy, so they can do all the things they love to do. Keep fresh water readily available— and encourage them to drink it often—to instill good habits that will last into the teenage years and beyond.

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CARE FOR YOUR KIDS, CARE FOR THE PLANET

If it tastes good, your kids are more likely to get into the H2O habit— ZV \ZL H )YP[H WP[JOLY [V Ä S[LY V\[ PTW\YP[PLZ PU `V\Y [HW ^H[LY (UK PM your kids are really resistant to drinking water, never underestimate the power of a fun straw or special cup to get them to drink more.

>OLU `V\ JOVVZL H )YP[H WP[JOLY [V Ä S[LY `V\Y ^H[LY `V\»YL UV[ just making a choice that’s good for your kids—it’s good for the planet, too. Using a Brita pitcher to filter your tap water JHU ZH]L ^H[LY IV[[SLZ MYVT LUKPUN \W PU H SHUKÄ SS HUK [OL Ä S[LY PZ YLJ`JSHISL ZV [OLYL»Z SLZZ ^HZ[L

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health news

Chew On This

New Help for Cold Sores A prescription drug called Sitavig may shorten the duration of your cold sores and can also decrease the risk of future flare-ups. You place the small tablet between your upper lip and gums and let it dissolve, so the medication is absorbed directly into your saliva—faster and in a higher concentration than it would be if you swallowed a pill. You only need to take it once, at the very first sign of an outbreak. Research

suggests that Sitavig can prevent your children from catching the virus too: “Ordinarily, there’s a small risk that you could spread the virus if you give your child a kiss, even if you’re just feeling the early tingle of a cold sore, so it’s important to take the medication right away,” says Joshua Zeichner, M.D., director of cosmetic and clinical research in dermatology at Mount Sinai Hospital, in New York City.

mental-health checkup If you’re feeling anxious or depressed but aren’t sure how serious it is, the nonprofit organization Screening for Mental Health offers a free and anonymous tool at HelpYourselfHelpOthers.org. After completing a short survey, you’ll see your results and get advice for what to do next as well as feel-better resources from the site, founded by Douglas Jacobs, M.D., associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

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26%

of moms would rather lose their family photos than gain 25 pounds, found a recent RealNetworks RealTimes survey.

FROM LEFT: TOM CORBETT/GALLERY STOCK; SUZIFOO/GETTY IMAGES.

You can give those cold sores the kiss-off.

Eating foods that are high in protein and healthy fat can rein in your appetite by helping your body utilize leptin, a hunger-regulating hormone, says Scott Isaacs, M.D., clinical instructor of medicine at Emory University School of Medicine, in Atlanta, and author of Beat Overeating Now!: Take Control of Your Hunger Hormones to Lose Weight Fast. Good choices include avocados, nuts, olives, and salmon; nonstarchy veggies such as asparagus, cauliflower, leafy greens, and mushrooms; and whole grains like brown rice, quinoa, and steel-cut oats.

Also add zinc-rich lima beans, beef, and low-fat dairy products, which can boost leptin production. —Leslie Goldman

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celeb chat

Stephen Curry may dominate on a basketball court, but at home he and his wife, Ayesha, play man-to-man defense to keep up with their two active daughters.

by ALAN SHIPNUCK

TEAM CURRY photographs by PEGGY SIROTA

Watch our exclusive video with Stephen and Ayesha Curry at parents .com/stephencurry.

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celeb chat

Stephen Curry isn’t a superhero, but he plays one on TV. The Golden State Warriors point guard’s otherworldly marksmanship has earned him wide acclaim as the best basketball player on the planet. Yet when he’s not busy winning league MVP awards or NBA championships, the 28-yearold is the loving husband of Ayesha (a rising culinary star) and doting dad of daughters Riley, 3, and Ryan, 10 months. The duality of his life evokes Clark Kent, right down to the costume change: When Riley sees her father in his uniform, she’s been known to stop calling him “Daddy” and refer to him as “Steph Curry.”

Parents spent an afternoon with the Currys in March, right after Stephen had tied the league record with a dozen 3-pointers, including a game-winner in overtime from 38 feet away. The boyish 6-foot-3 Curry is also among the league leaders in

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steals and assists. He’s versatile off the court too. During the photo shoot, a member of his team informed him that Justin Bieber wanted Curry to film a video for The Bieb’s next world tour. He listened intently to the pitch, all the while giving Ryan a bottle. His A-list fame is far beyond what he could have imagined as an unassuming teen in Charlotte, North Carolina.

PARENTS You two were in the same church group as teenagers, but you never asked Ayesha out. Were you afraid she was out of your league?

STEPHEN CURRY I always had my

eye on her, but I got a little shaken, for sure.

AYESHA CURRY I wasn’t allowed to date in high school. We always laugh that we were both focused on God. Fast-forward a few years. Stephen is a rising junior at Davidson College [in North Carolina], you’re pursuing an acting career in Los Angeles, and he comes to town for

the ESPYS sports awards show. He found you on Facebook, and you spent a day hanging out—does that count as your first date?

AC I mean, it was friend vibes … until

I dodged his first kiss.

SC Yep. I struck out.

We need the play-by-play.

AC He was in mid-conversation and

came flying at my face like a thief in the night. So I was like, No. Then I thought, “Oh, I didn’t know this is what was happening.”

When you guys got engaged a couple of years later, that centered around a kiss too.

SC It was in the same spot where we

had our first kiss—in the driveway of my parents’ house in Charlotte.

AC In the rain.

SC Yeah, it was like The Notebook.

The plan was to act like we were going to a family cookout. So we pulled up to the house, and I stopped in the middle of the driveway, got down on my knee, and went into my spiel. Little did I know the whole

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Curry in a hurry: Ayesha hasn’t let motherhood halt her fast-rising cooking career.

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celeb chat

family was looking out the window, videotaping the moment.

You guys got married so young.

What was the rush?

SC I was 23; she was 22. But I knew

I had found the right woman and I wanted to start a life with her.

Ayesha, how hard was it for you to put your acting aspirations on hold to support Stephen?

AC I was figuring out what my

career path was going to be. Then shortly after we got married, I found out we were pregnant with Riley.

She was a borderline honeymoon baby. So that became my next move.

I struggled with that for a while.

Stephen, how do you stay connected on a long road trip?

SC FaceTime helps me a lot. I feel

like I’m at home even though I’m not.

My girls get to see me, and Riley is at the age where she asks where I am and when I’ll be back, counting down how many “sleeps” until Daddy gets home.

What was the biggest surprise of becoming parents?

AC The amount of stuff you get done

in a day is insane. Like, what were we doing with our time before kids?

I feel like I should have invented something. [Laughter.] Also, it’s an event to get all four of us out of the house at once. When we get in the car and we’ve brought everything and everybody has socks on, it’s like a dream come true.

Do you go to every home game?

AC Ninety-five percent of them.

Riley used to come with me. Now I leave her home more often because it’s important to keep the kids on a schedule. It gets late on game nights.

So your date night is getting to watch him play?

SC It’s not a date night. We’re in

the same building, but it’s all eye contact from the stands to the court.

And then we have the drive home.

AC The drive home is the date.

Tell me more about eye contact during a game.

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“Now Riley’s the star of the family. If we go somewhere without her, people ask, “Where’s Riley?’”

Now she’s the star of the family. If we go somewhere without her, the first question people ask us is, “Where’s Riley?”

Does she understand that she’s sort of famous?

AC No, she has no idea.

SC But she is definitely aware of

people taking pictures of her.

AC That breaks my heart a little as

SC We have a pregame ritual right before tip-off where I do a sign, and she does it back.

What’s the sign?

SC Should I give it away?

AC No.

[Awkward pause.]

SC We have matching tattoos.

AC I guess he’s giving it away.

[Stephen lifts his sleeve and reveals a tattoo on his left triceps of two arrows pointing at each other.] Why are you flexing your muscles?

SC I have to show it. This signifies that the past is behind us and the future is in front of us, so we stay in the middle, in the moment. I smack my tattoo and she does the same.

AC It’s a reminder for him to have fun. I never want him to forget that.

Let’s talk about Riley. She became a celebrity last spring when she tagged along to a press conference and stole the show—waving at reporters, telling you to be quiet, disappearing under the dais. Did that happen organically, and were you surprised by the reaction?

SC Yes and yes. I have to walk past

the family waiting room to get to the interview room, and Riley wanted to hang out with me. She had that look, like she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. So I said, all right, come with me. She sat up there, and that’s when her personality shined bright. I tried my best to answer the questions even while feeling under the table and checking out of the corner of my eye—where is Riley?

She’s got a great sense of humor.

a parent. She’ll put her hand up and be like, “Mom, she’s trying to take a picture of me.” Then I give a look that says, “Put your phone down.”

You’re both active on social media—Instagram, Twitter. A lot of parents struggle to balance the public and the private. What are the family ground rules?

SC We’ll just show each other a

photo and ask, “Should I post this?” We know we’re in a different situation than most people, but we want to share stuff that’s meaningful and not have to be guarded. But there is a balance. We keep certain moments to ourselves, so it’s a memory just for us.

Ayesha, you have a cookbook out in September, The Seasoned Life, a culinary YouTube channel, Little Lights of Mine, and an upcoming show on the Food Network. Where did your love of food come from?

AC My whole family. My mom is

Jamaican and Chinese, and my dad is Polish and African-American, so I’m very mixed [culturally]. The kitchen was the center of our household. I spent all of my time there growing up.

Stephen, what’s your favorite dish that she makes?

SC My truthful answer is chicken

parm. She hates that because it’s so simple. So my favorite non-simple dish is lamb chops with baconwrapped scallops. She makes the fixin’s on the side.

AC Fixin’s—a North Carolina boy.

Do you still find time to cook for your family?

AC I whipped something up after

the game last night.

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celeb chat

Life of Riley: The 3-year-old’s huge personality nets as much attention as her dad’s sweet shooting (well, almost).

SC You did. At 11:30. Pasta and then Bananas Foster. It was me and a couple of friends hanging out in the kitchen, and she asked, “Anybody want Bananas Foster?” I looked around at everyone, and they’re like, “Yeah, we’ll take that.” She whipped it up in five minutes.

What kind of a dad is Stephen?

AC The thing I love about him is that

he’s not too cool for school. He’ll get down on the floor and play with the girls. He’ll put on dress-up clothes if he has to, and he’s very patient, which is something I’m not. We balance each other out.

Are you in negotiations for a third little Curry?

SC We agreed to press pause and

then reassess in a year or so.

AC He’d have three more kids right now if he could.

Even though you lead a very glamorous lifestyle, you seem to share the same struggles as many other parents.

AC Absolutely.

SC A friend who’s a rapper was

over at the house yesterday. He has two kids, and we were sitting there swapping stories about fatherhood—diapers and bottles and day care. Lots of new material for our conversations.

What are you most looking forward to with the girls?

SC I think about the milestones from

my childhood and what it will be like to watch our kids go through them.

Taking Riley to her first day of school was a whirlwind. I can’t imagine what middle school is going to be like, and high school, and graduation. All those little checkpoints are going to be fun, and there will be ups and downs along the way. Watching our children go through those life experiences will be amazing.

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WHEN Sarah Johnson became a sales consultant with dōTERRA oils, she wasn’t looking for a career change—in fact, she already owned her own successful propertymanagement company. “I’ve always been into natural remedies and essential oils, so when a friend brought the products by I was happy to give them a try,” explains the mom in Oak Park, Illinois, who was pregnant with her second child at the time. “Then I started thinking, ‘Hey, when I go on maternity leave, this could be a nice way to get a break on what I already buy and also support my friend. And if I can make a commission, all the better.’ ” Johnson decided to sign up as a Wellness Advocate, which seemed to

offer the biggest product discount.

It only cost $35 to register, and her friend explained that the best deal was to join the dōTERRA Loyalty Rewards Program. This would commit Johnson to buying a minimum of $100 in oils every month, but she would also receive a “Fast Start” cash bonus (20 percent of whatever her customers spent) and even more discounts. In addition, she would earn points with just about every purchase, which could be redeemed for more products.

Although Johnson wasn’t convinced she’d make a ton of money, nonetheless, she was intrigued by impressive accounts of women earning huge payouts. “My friend would tell me these crazy success

“I tried recruiting games and all kinds

of things, but I never found anything that really worked,” one mom says. “It just felt like I was pushing it on people.”

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stories, like this one woman she knew who was supposedly making $20,000 per month,” she recalls.

Johnson knew other moms who were into the products, so hearing that she’d be “getting paid to hang out with my friends to talk about oils,” she said, had its appeal.

Instead of simply selling products and collecting commissions, though, Johnson found herself in a complex web of rules and stipulations that seemed to undercut her profit at every turn. “If I signed up three people with my Loyalty Rewards Program orders, I would earn a $250 bonus. But if I only recruited two people, I wouldn’t get anything,” she recalls. “It turned out that if I wasn’t maintaining a $100 order in my online shopping cart at all times, I would not be able to earn points for the following month.”

After a year of trying to make the business work, Johnson says her net income was negative $3,298. She had often bought more than the monthly minimum to take advantage of various “special deals,” until she realized she wasn’t breaking even, and struggled to merely hit her quota each month. “The only time I ever earned a commission was after I held my one and only party, and that was $34,” she says.

Johnson is among millions of people in the U.S. who have become involved in direct-selling businesses, also known as multilevel marketing companies, or MLMs. William W. Keep, Ph.D., a marketing researcher and dean of the business school at the College of New Jersey, has studied the industry for 30 years. He says that the vast majority of people who join such ventures lose money.

“The MLM is a well-known but little understood business model that is unfortunately fraught with fraud,” Dr. Keep explains. Women make up almost 75 percent of the sales force, and the businesses are especially popular among mothers who are

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Stars and tripes and very ing ice

Su er 2016

you

staying home with their children and in need of income.

But critics say that it’s almost impossible to make a real income: While the Direct Selling Association (DSA) reports that the industry’s estimated retail sales reached $34.5 billion in 2014, Dr. Keep’s research of several major MLM companies shows that the average salesperson earns less than $750 per year before expenses, a figure that has remained stagnant since 1980. Direct-selling businesses used to be entirely home-based, with neighbors throwing Tupperware potlucks or shopping parties. But many savvy brands have realized that social media means the party never has to end. And women today say that rather than bringing them closer to their community, the onslaught of aggressive sales pitches can put a strain on friendships, both online and in real life.

Here’s what you need to be aware of before you sign up for that “amazing business opportunity!” popping up in your Facebook feed.

RED FLAG #1

You’re pressured to buy products.

Johnson says that, initially, she didn’t think that $100 minimum order would be a problem. “I wanted to stock up on the oils so I could have a little medicine cabinet,” she says.

“After a few months, though, I got to the point where I had everything I

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working smarter

“Every time I would reach out to someone I knew who liked the products, they would say, ‘Oh no, I’m selling them too!’ ” says a consultant. needed.” But because of the Loyalty Rewards Program, she had to keep spending that $100 each month.

“This kind of pay-to-play model is essential to the success of MLMs,” says Robert FitzPatrick, a consumerrights advocate and coauthor of False Profits. “These companies earn money by inducing their salespeople to buy products they wouldn’t normally have bought, in quantities they probably don’t need. The easiest way to do that is to commit everyone to an ongoing purchasing quota.”

Johnson wasn’t permitted to sell the oils she bought each month to the people who attended her parties, because all product sales are handled through dōTERRA’s website.

Instead, she says, her recruiters suggested that she give them away as free samples to convince her customers to place their own monthly orders directly with dōTERRA. (Emily Wright, dōTERRA’s executive vice president of sales and marketing, notes that while some advocates do give out free samples, the practice is “absolutely not required” by the company. While she confirms that Wellness Advocates are required to

buyer beware Visit consumer.ftc.gov/scam-alerts to check whether a company you’re considering working with/for has been investigated by the Federal Trade Commission.

Consumer-rights advocate Robert FitzPatrick also tracks ongoing litigation against MLMs at PyramidSchemeAlert.org. But remember: Just because a business isn’t listed in one of these places, that doesn’t mean it’s not a scam.

spend $100 to earn the Fast Start bonus, she insists no one has to spend anything to be able to earn commissions.)

Other MLMs do encourage consultants to stock inventory to sell directly to customers—but antiMLM advocates argue that this can be just as problematic. “I always tell people to go to Target or GNC or any other retailer that carries the kind of product you’re considering selling through an MLM,” advises Douglas Brooks, an attorney in Concord, Massachusetts, who specializes in MLM litigation. “See how much they’re selling it for and then ask: Is the price you’re paying low enough that you’ll be able to compete in the retail market?” You should also avoid any ongoing commitment to have products “auto-shipped” to you and be skeptical of pressure to place new inventory orders every month or season just because the company has released a new line.

Last, be wary of recruiters who tell you that purchasing isn’t required. “Almost every MLM says it doesn’t require its sales force to make purchases, because mandatory purchasing is one hallmark of a pyramid scheme,” Brooks explains.

(See “Is It a Pyramid Scheme?” on page 102.) “But the unofficial pressure can still be intense. You have to ask: How are people actually participating in the business?”

In the case of dōTERRA, Wright insists that consultants don’t face any unofficial pressure to buy: “Our product is highly consumable, so they’re really just replacing the products they use day in and day out when they place their order each

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month.” And she insists that it’s possible to reach the company’s top rank of salesperson without placing personal orders. But when asked how many of the current sales force has done that, another company spokesperson said, “I’m confident that none of our [top-ranked salespeople] have achieved that level without placing an order. They typically do because they like and use the product.”

is it a pyramid scheme?

RED FLAG #2

There are lots of hidden costs.

Her monthly oil order wasn’t the only cost Johnson incurred while selling for dōTERRA. “I also bought tons of little sample bottles, droppers, and brochures to explain how the oils work,” she says, noting that her recruiters encouraged her to order from a site called AromaTools.com, which sells dōTERRA-branded products as well as generic supplies.

Other women we spoke with reported similar hidden costs—for supplies, uniforms, travel, website maintenance, conference fees, and more—tucked into the business model of many other direct-selling brands. MLMs encourage all that spending for the obvious reason: “It makes them money,” says Dr. Keep.

RED FLAG #3

The real cash is in recruiting.

At most MLMs, simply selling products isn’t enough; you’re encouraged to recruit your customers to join your sales team too. Even women who are happy with their direct-sales business sometimes balk at the idea that they should helm a team full of other women recruited to sell under them. “I know I have to do it, but it’s outside my comfort zone,” says Tracy Gallagher, a mom of six in Carmel, New York, who quit her job as a facilities supervisor for a telecom company in

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Tell friends that you’re joining an MLM and “Is it a pyramid scheme?” is probably the first thing they’ll ask. “There’s no one law that defines what a pyramid scheme is,” says attorney Douglas Brooks.

But the key distinction between a legit MLM and an illegal pyramid scheme is the emphasis on retail sales, according to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC): “If the money you make [from an MLM business] is based on your sales to the public, it may be a legitimate multilevel marketing plan. If the money you make is based on the number of people you recruit and your sales to them, it’s not. It’s a pyramid scheme.”

But it can be tricky to evaluate the role of retail sales before you join. “One common misconception is that an MLM can’t be a pyramid scheme as long as it offers a product that really works the way it’s advertised,” says Dr. William W. Keep.

In fact, the FTC has found several companies to be pyramid schemes even though they offered products on the retail market. “The key

is that a pyramid scheme makes most of its money when people in the distribution network buy those products and/or pay various fees associated with membership,” says Dr. Keep. “The scheme is funded by sustaining ongoing recruitment, with little or no regard to retail product sales.”

For MLMs that have crossed into pyramid schemes, products are in fact just window dressing. “There are operations out there that say they’re all about selling product but then whisper on the side that all you really have to do is recruit people,” says Joseph Mariano, of the Direct Selling Association.

“We’ve worked tirelessly to make sure there’s a clear distinction between us and them.” Many MLMs have policies in place to emphasize the importance of retail sales and distinguish them from pyramid schemes. The most common are the “70 percent rule,” where the company requires you to show that at least 70 percent of your prior month’s order was sold to retail customers before you place a new inventory order and the “90 percent refund rule,” where the company promises to refund you 90 percent of the purchase price on any products you can’t sell.

“These are good policies,” says Brooks. “The problem is that nobody goes around to inspect whether a company is really following them.”

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The most dangerous part of the “success stories” strategy may be their implication that if you fail, it’s your own fault.

2008 to devote herself full-time to her Pampered Chef business. “For years, I tried recruiting games and all kinds of things, but I never found anything that really worked. It just felt like I was pushing it on people.”

Gallagher preferred to focus on selling the products themselves, though she acknowledges that it could be work-intensive to book, prep, and attend parties, and manage customer orders. (Pampered Chef did not respond to requests for comment.)

Gallagher stopped several years ago but then later decided to start selling Nerium skin-care products— the company emphasizes socialmedia marketing over home parties.

“Now I can be available for weekend family activities,” she says. She has successfully recruited four people and is excited to keep going, because she believes that recruiting a team will boost her earnings through “residual income,” where you earn a percentage of every order placed by someone on your “downline,” or team. “You’re definitely not required to recruit anyone; we have people who build their business based purely on product sales,” says Amber Olson Rourke, Nerium’s chief marketing officer, who explains that training is a mix of leadership development and product orientation. “It’s not about how you build a team; it’s how you become a leader. We see so many who have this renewed sense of confidence that comes from stepping outside their comfort zone.”

Whether you call it team building or “stepping out of your comfort zone,” the problem with recruiting is that eventually, you run out of people.

PA R E N T S Major League Baseball trademarks and copyrights are used with permission of Major League Baseball Properties, Inc. Visit MLB.com

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Many MLMs tell consultants they just need to recruit two people to make their business work, because then those people will each find two more recruits, and so on. But the “just get two” plan doesn’t account for the high drop-out rate with MLMs; investigations by the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) and research by FitzPatrick have shown that with many companies, anywhere from 50 to 90 percent of consultants quit after their first year.

FitzPatrick has studied 500 such businesses over the past 15 years and concludes that consultants need a team of at least 200 people under them to keep the business sustainable. “Any fewer and the constant rate of attrition will wipe you right out,” he notes.

And building your own team of 200 is nearly impossible because the MLM model reaches market saturation quickly. That was the experience of Heather Colon-Smith, of Fairfield, Connecticut, who two years ago sought something to tide her over while she job-hunted. She joined Jamberry, which sells nail wraps and other hand-care products.

“Every time I would reach out to someone I knew who liked the products, they would say, ‘Oh no, I’m selling them too!’ ” she says. “And I was being invited to other people’s Jamberry parties at least three times a month.” Colon-Smith spent $99 on her starter kit and says she only made two individual sales; the one party she tried to book was canceled due to lack of interest. “I didn’t come close to breaking even,” she says. Jamberry requires consultants to make a minimum of $600 in sales (their own purchases

or their customers’) over a 12-month period in order to stay “active.”

Colon-Smith says she would only have been able to achieve the minimum through her own personal purchases: “That didn’t seem worth it.”

When Colon-Smith told her recruiter that she was having trouble finding customers who weren’t already her own competition, she says she felt dismissed. “She told me, ‘Well, I have sales all over the country, so you shouldn’t have a problem,’ ” Colon-Smith recalls. “Jamberry consultants are not limited to selling within their geographic area, so [market saturation] is not a common issue,” said a company representative for Jamberry in an e-mail statement.

RED FLAG #4

You only hear the success stories.

Perhaps the true genius of MLM companies is their ability to create the impression that “the possibility of success is palpable,” as Dr. Keep puts it, often without making any concrete promises. Every woman interviewed for this article could point to several people in their MLM who were driving a fancy car, taking great vacations, and reportedly earning a six-figure salary. And some of these stories are likely true.

“I can’t deny that it’s possible to be successful,” says Dr. Keep, noting that the people featured in a company’s “success stories” were often early recruits, able to build their downline before reaching market saturation.

“In fact, it’s necessary for a few people to be successful in order to sell everyone else on the plan. But the notion that anyone can do this is a fallacy. They push that idea because MLMs make money on every recruit, whether that recruit is successful or not.”

Indeed, earnings statements obtained in investigations by the FTC show that many salespeople are making only a modest income from

their MLM businesses. Or they had a honeymoon period of initial success followed by a sharp drop-off when they failed to maintain recruitment or generate repeat product sales.

Unfortunately, getting your hands on these earnings statements can be tough. MLMs aren’t required to release them; you may receive an “income disclosure statement” from the company, but there are no federal regulations overseeing what companies put in those documents.

The most dangerous part of the “success stories” strategy may be their implication that if you fail, it’s your own fault. “Individuals have a responsibility to be thoughtful about the business they’re getting involved in,” says Joseph Mariano, president of the Direct Selling Association, the industry’s main trade group. “[Direct selling] is not easy, and it shouldn’t be easy. It takes time, talent, and effort.” Another way to put that is “you get out what you put in,” a popular MLM mantra often used in motivational speeches where recruits are told “you don’t have to be average” and are encouraged to buy more products, attend more meetings, and to “remove negative people” (as in, family or friends who question the business’s viability) from their life. “It sort of starts to feel like a cult,” says Johnson, who quit dōTERRA last year but still has friends in MLMs. “And they know exactly what to say to keep you buying.”

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advice

This month, in honor of Father’s Day, a dad weighs in too!

if you ask me... or me

by SABRINA JAMES and AARON TRAISTER

arrangement is a serious problem that needs to be fixed—not just for him but for you too. Sex can definitely reignite things, and not just to give him what he wants so you can cross it off your “happily married” checklist— that’s duty sex, and it doesn’t work.

Breaking the no-sex habit the two of you are in is going to take more than a half-hearted attempt on your part.

AT Right. Being proactive doesn’t mean having sex when you don’t want to. Guys can tell when you’re not into it—and while the effort is appreciated, it’s not much better than handling business by ourselves.

Show him you care and are invested too: “Do it” with him. And by “do it,” I mean go to counseling.

SJ BTW, I would also make an appointment with your ob-gyn for a workup. Something as simple as anemia, lack of sleep, a hormone imbalance, or certain medications could be squelching your desire, and these are issues that can usually be corrected pretty easily.

I am a stay-at-home mom and my husband controls all my spending money. He gives me an “allowance” each week to use for groceries, plus stuff for the kids.

I never seem to have enough, and asking him for more makes me feel like a child. With several kids, I can’t go back to work—but I can’t go on like this. It’s humiliating.

—Penny-Pinched

My husband and I have been married for nearly ten years and have three kids. We get along really well, except that we have sex only twice a year. I don’t like sex and never have. I’m fine without it, but he’s miserable. He recently asked if we could go to counseling.

I am worried that he’ll leave me, which is the last thing I want. I love him and he’s my best friend. Help!

—Married Without Benefits

SABRINA JAMES Ah, the joys of

being a couple with kids: comfort, friendship, diapers … and a stale sex

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life. There’s nothing like household responsibilities, demanding children, and aging bodies to kill desire. Even though you say you’re content, trust me: It’s not okay.

AARON TRAISTER Um, most guys would rather have a colonoscopy than go for counseling, so if yours is suggesting it, he’s not just trying to get some—he’s worried about, and invested in, your relationship. That’s actually good news.

SJ A sexless marriage where one partner isn’t happy with the

SJ There are not enough middlefinger emojis in the world to express how I feel about a financial bully posing as a money-smart spouse.

There is no reason for him to control access to your money. Yes, I said your money, because even though you may not work outside the home, any money brought in is a marital asset and it belongs to both of you. He may be earning the paycheck, but you are contributing to the financial life of the family by making sure a good portion of that paycheck isn’t going

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to the expensive cost of child care.

Being a stay-at-home parent is as much a financial decision as it is a parenting one. Don’t get me wrong; he may have valid reasons, but ...

AT As a stay-at-home parent, I’m less sympathetic to whatever “reasons” he might have for treating you this way. It can definitely be stressful to be the sole earner for a family, yet it can be equally stressful to be a parent whose hard work is not compensated with a paycheck.

SJ Say we give him the benefit of the doubt: Maybe he’s anxious about your family’s debt or wants to hide a precarious financial situation so you don’t worry. The added pressure of being your family’s sole breadwinner could be stressing him out; knowing how much you spend down to the penny might make him feel more in control. Regardless, it’s gotta stop.

AT Yep. You might have to beg your

spouse to pick up his socks, clean up after he shaves, or even take out the garbage, but you should never have to beg him to treat you with respect.

SJ My advice? Get involved in the finances. All of them—the bills, the debt, the savings, the credit cards.

Ask for access to everything and get a clear picture of where you guys are financially and how much money is left after the necessities have been paid for. Work together to create a budget—one that includes how much you can both spend each month.

My 8-year-old son’s best bud in the neighborhood is a terrible influence. I hear things like “You let a girl beat you?” and “You kissed me. That’s gay.” I also hear the boy’s parents—the father in particular—scold him for crying and tell him he’s got to “man up.” I’ve corrected this kid before when he’s been at our place, but what else

ABO UT SAB RI NA I’m a mom in Orlando who’s the only one in my home immune to my 9-year-old daughter’s pouty face. (Husband, I’m looking at you.)

Write to me at ifyouaskme@parents.com.

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can I do, short of banning my son from playing with his best friend?

—Not in MY House

SJ Ugh. This boy’s dad sounds like he missed the memo that it’s 2016. My first instinct would be to vote that child off the island, but you’re right.

Banning him isn’t the answer.

AT Agreed. It would send the wrong message—that you don’t have faith in your son to spend time with someone who challenges him. And it denies his friend the opportunity to be influenced by what your son has to offer him.

SJ Look at it this way: You have a good teaching moment here, not so much about the sexist comments— it sounds like you’ve got that part handled—but about friendship.

AT By letting the friend know your boundaries and what’s acceptable, you’ve provided both kids with a great example, and you’ve given yours a refresher course in what you expect of him.

SJ For me, what’s more important is the fact that your son’s best friend is disrespecting him. Have you talked to him about how it makes him feel when his friend puts him down? One of the best lessons you can teach your son—especially while he’s still at an age where you’re privy to the interactions with his buddies—is not only how to spot healthy friendships but that he can avoid hanging out with kids who don’t treat him well.

AT Another take: My wife and I learned that if we’re a little handsoff and trust our son to handle social challenges without our unsolicited input, he’s more likely to seek us out when he does have concerns. Try it. Yours just might do the same.

ABOUT AARON I live in Philadelphia with my wife, two children, three cats, and two dogs. When I’m not making up dad jokes I can usually be found chauffeuring my kids around town.

TECFIDERA is the

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Consider TECFIDERA—a pill that has the strength to cut relapses in half.

TECFIDERA is a twice-daily pill for relapsing multiple sclerosis (MS) that has been shown to cut relapses in half. During a 2-year study, TECFIDERA reduced risk of relapse by 49% compared with placebo. TECFIDERA is also proven to slow the development of brain lesions and delay the progression of physical disability.

Over 170,000 people around the world have taken TECFIDERA.† Ask your doctor if you should too.

What is TECFIDERA? Tecfidera® (dimethyl fumarate) is a prescription medicine used to treat people with relapsing forms of multiple sclerosis.

Important Safety Information Do not use TECFIDERA if you have had an allergic reaction (such as welts, hives, swelling of the face, lips, mouth or tongue, or difficulty breathing) to TECFIDERA or any of its ingredients.

Before taking and while you take TECFIDERA, tell your doctor about any low white blood cell counts or infections or any other medical conditions.

What are the possible side effects of TECFIDERA? TECFIDERA may cause serious side effects including allergic reactions, PML, which is a rare brain infection that usually leads to death or severe disability, and decreases in your white blood cell count. Your doctor may check your white blood cell count before you take TECFIDERA and from time to time during treatment.

The most common side effects of TECFIDERA include flushing and stomach problems. These can happen especially at the start of treatment and may decrease over time. Taking TECFIDERA with food may help reduce flushing. Call your doctor if these symptoms bother you or do not go away. Ask your doctor if taking aspirin before taking TECFIDERA may reduce flushing.

Important Safety Information (continued) These are not all the possible side effects of TECFIDERA. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088. For more information go to dailymed.nlm.nih.gov.

Tell your doctor if you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant, or breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed. It is not known if TECFIDERA will harm your unborn baby or if it passes into your breast milk.

Also tell your doctor if you are taking prescription or over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, or herbal supplements.

For additional important safety information, please see Patient Information on the following page. This is not intended to replace discussions with your doctor. *Based on number of prescriptions from IMS NPA™ Weekly Data (September 27, 2013 - November 20, 2015). †Biogen data on file.

Visit ConsiderTec.com or call 1-844-TalkTec (1-844-825-5832)

© 2016 Biogen. All rights reserved. 1/16 TEC-US-1096 • 225 Binney Street, Cambridge, MA 02142 • 1-800-456-2255 • Tecfidera.com

Patient Information TECFIDERA® (tek” fi de’ rah) (dimethyl fumarate) delayed-release capsules What is TECFIDERA? • TECFIDERA is a prescription medicine used to treat people with relapsing forms of multiple sclerosis (MS) • It is not known if TECFIDERA is safe and effective in children under 18 years of age Who should not take TECFIDERA? • Do not use TECFIDERA if you have had an allergic reaction (such as welts, hives, swelling of the face, lips, mouth or tongue, or difficulty breathing) to TECFIDERA or any of its ingredients. See below for a complete list of ingredients.

Before taking and while you take TECFIDERA, tell your doctor if you have or have had: • low white blood cell counts or an infection • any other medical conditions Tell your doctor if you are: • pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known if TECFIDERA will harm your unborn baby.

• If you become pregnant while taking TECFIDERA, talk to your doctor about enrolling in the TECFIDERA Pregnancy Registry. You can enroll in this registry by calling 1-866-810-1462 or visiting www.tecfiderapregnancyregistry.com.

The purpose of this registry is to monitor the health of you and your baby.

• breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed. It is not known if TECFIDERA passes into your breast milk. You and your doctor should decide if you will take TECFIDERA or breastfeed.

• taking prescription or over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, or herbal supplements How should I take TECFIDERA? • Take TECFIDERA exactly as your doctor tells you to take it • The recommended starting dose is one 120 mg capsule taken by mouth 2 times a day for 7 days • The recommended dose after 7 days is one 240 mg capsule taken by mouth 2 times a day • TECFIDERA can be taken with or without food • Swallow TECFIDERA whole. Do not crush, chew, or sprinkle capsule contents on food.

• Protect TECFIDERA from light. You can do this by storing the capsules in their original container.

What are the possible side effects of TECFIDERA? TECFIDERA may cause serious side effects, including: • allergic reactions (such as welts, hives, swelling of the face, lips, mouth or tongue, or difficulty breathing) • PML a rare brain infection that usually leads to death or severe disability • decreases in your white blood cell count. Your doctor should do a blood test before you start treatment with TECFIDERA and while on therapy.

The most common side effects of TECFIDERA include: • flushing, redness, itching, or rash • nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain, or indigestion • Flushing and stomach problems are the most common reactions, especially at the start of therapy, and may decrease over time. Taking TECFIDERA with food may help reduce flushing. Call your doctor if you have any of these symptoms and they bother you or do not go away. Ask your doctor if taking aspirin before taking TECFIDERA may reduce flushing.

These are not all the possible side effects of TECFIDERA. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects.

You may report side effects to FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088. For more information, go to dailymed.nlm.nih.gov.

General information about the safe and effective use of TECFIDERA • Medicines are sometimes prescribed for purposes other than those listed in this Patient Information. Do not use TECFIDERA for a condition for which it was not prescribed. Do not give TECFIDERA to other people, even if they have the same symptoms that you have. It may harm them.

• If you would like more information, talk to your doctor or pharmacist. You can ask your doctor or pharmacist for information about TECFIDERA that is written for healthcare professionals.

What are the ingredients in TECFIDERA? Active ingredient: dimethyl fumarate Inactive ingredients: microcrystalline cellulose, silicified microcrystalline cellulose, croscarmellose sodium, talc, silica colloidal silicon dioxide, magnesium stearate, triethyl citrate, methacrylic acid copolymer - Type A, methacrylic acid copolymer dispersion, simethicone (30% emulsion), sodium lauryl sulphate, and polysorbate 80.

Capsule Shell: gelatin, titanium dioxide, FD&C blue 1; brilliant blue FCF, yellow iron oxide and black iron oxide.

Manufactured by: Biogen Inc., Cambridge, MA 02142, www.TECFIDERA.com or call 1-800-456-2255 This Patient Information has been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration

Issued: 4/2015

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G E T YO U R L I F E I N O R D E R Seal your paint job with a coat of Minwax Gloss Polycrylic Protective Finish ($18 per quart; homedepot.com) for protection and shine.

EMILY COSNOTTI.

take a dip Cheery paint applied in a reverse dip-dye fashion is a fresh way to wake up wood furniture. Apply painter’s tape one third of the way up your piece and paint above the tape only. To lessen the appearance of brushstrokes, mix your latex paint with an additive such as Flood Floetrol ($7 per quart; homedepot.com) and apply with a foam roller, suggests Emily Cosnotti, of the blog The Sweet Beast.

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1

2 5

Installing window film is a simple way to make sure your windows don’t drain energy and money from your home. Never heard of it? Here’s the deal:

3

Window film comes in clear or tinted adhesive sheets that can be cut to fit and removed later, if necessary.

For most homes, the cost for film and installation is about $3 to $11 per square foot of window. To guarantee that it’ll look great and that it’s fitted properly, it’s best to hire a pro. The benefits are worth the investment:

Flamingo Flair We have to admit, we’d stick our neck out for these home finds.

1. Fanni the Flamingo Food Cover. $13; pier1.com 2. Tall Iced Tea Glass. $16 for set of four; worldmarket.com 3. Boston International Rose Garden Tidbit Toppers. $43 for six; bedbath andbeyond.com 4. Luckytown

Home Product Plastic Flamingo String-Light Set. $19; amazon.com 5. Ceramic Flamingo Cookie Jar. $13; worldmarket.com 6. Coco Flamingo Sheet Set. $39 for twin size, potterybarnkids.com

I T WO RK ED FO R M E !

“I use foil to clean off any leftover food stuck on my grill.

Cover the grates with heavy-duty foil, turn the grill on medium or high heat, and close the lid for 15 to 20 minutes.

Let cool completely, remove foil, and rub grates with a clean, wet rag. All the grime should turn to ash and fall right off!”

—Jesseca Hallows, author of Foiled!: Easy, Tasty, Tin Foil Meals

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Shelter Your Skin Most window films can block up to 99.9 percent of harmful UVA rays. Brands with The Skin Cancer Foundation’s Seal of Recommendation, such as 3M or Solar Gard, are your safest bet.

Preserve Your Stuff Protect photos, furniture, and hardwood floors from UV radiation, which can contribute to fading over time.

Save Your Eyes Some types of film reduce glare, which improves indoor visibility during the day.

Reduce Energy Costs Film can cut utility bills by up to 30 percent in summer and winter, according to the International Window Film Association. It blocks excess solar heat from entering your home and can lower your overall cooling costs.

(Likewise, in winter, window film can help trap existing heat in your home.)

LEFT: PETER ARDITO. RIGHT: TOM MERTON/GETTY IMAGES.

4

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The Home Improvement You Didn’t Know You Need

GRILLED FLATBREAD PIZZA WITH AVOCADO PESTO For the avocado pesto: 1 medium avocado, peeled and pitted 2 cups lightly packed fresh basil leaves 2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese 3 medium cloves garlic, chopped 2 tablespoons unsalted pistachios, toasted 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon pepper 1/4 cup olive oil For the flatbread pizzas: 2 medium ears corn, shucked 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened 4 store-bought flatbreads (or naan) 2 tablespoons olive oil 2 cups shredded Gruyère cheese 1 cup sliced fresh mozzarella cheese 1/2 cup thinly sliced red onions 1 cup arugula Crushed red pepper flakes, for serving (optional) Reynolds Wrap® Aluminum Foil DIRECTIONS

2 PREHEAT grill on medium heat. Butter corn and wrap in Reynolds Wrap® Aluminum Foil. Grill for 15 to 20 minutes, turning frequently. Unwrap the corn and let cool. Slice the kernels off the cob.

3 BRUSH both sides of flatbreads with olive oil and grill for 1 minute on each side. Remove from the grill and top with pesto, cheeses, red onions and corn. Grill until the cheese is melted.

4 REMOVE the flatbreads from grill, top with arugula and crushed red pepper flakes, slice and serve. the salads, drizzle with the avocado dressing and serve.

For more recipes reynoldskitchens.com @reynoldskitchens

©2016 Reynolds® Consumer Products LLC.

1 MAKE the pesto pulse together the avocado, basil, Parmesan, garlic, pistachios, salt and pepper in a blender. Slowly stream in olive oil and belnd until pesto is thick. Set aside.

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money smarts

DIY paint jobs are a fraction of the cost of hiring someone.

Workers traipsing through your house. Earsplitting noise. Dust everywhere. Remodeling for your growing family doesn’t have to be a nightmare.

Follow our blueprint. by KAREN CHENEY

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STEP 1

Hire the right help.

Once you’re ready to take the leap, start searching for a builder who is familiar with the local codes. You need a trusted expert to advise you on whether adding square footage is a possibility or if you must work within your existing footprint (as we

CHRIS RYAN/GETTY IMAGES.

home renovation without the hassle

WE LIKED everything about our neighborhood—the schools, the ability to walk to town, the dozens of nearby playdates. But the house, a 1902 Victorian, was another matter.

While brimming with old-world charm, it was impractical for our family of four. We were doing more laundry than ever in the musty, unfinished basement. Our secondfloor bathroom was sorely dated.

The kitchen and dining room were cramped. We thought about moving, but with real-estate prices creeping up, renovating made more sense financially and would allow us to stay on our beloved street.

Plus, we knew that improving a house can be a wise investment.

While on average you can expect to get back around 62 percent of what you put into a home-improvement project, you might recover more than three-quarters for a minor kitchen remodel or for building an attic bedroom, according to the industry magazine Remodeling. Renovating also gives you the chance to make your house suit your family’s needs now and into the future (such as creating a play area that converts into a teen hangout space). That’s helpful considering the average owner spends 13 years in one place.

Still, it requires careful planning to handle the process safely—and with your sanity intact.

WHAT ONE EXPERIMENT MEANS TO EVERYONE’S RETIREMENT.

The time between when people should start saving for retirement and when they actually do is known as the “Action Gap.” And it has a bigger effect than you might think.

To better understand the impact, we performed a simple experiment. We asked a group of young people to use paint rollers to show us what age they think they should start saving. Then we asked a group of older people to indicate what age they actually did start. What we found was that there was often a years-long Action Gap between the two. But closing it up by even just a few years makes a huge difference in how much people can save over the long run. Which makes right now the perfect time to get better prepared for your retirement.

SPEAK TO A FINANCIAL ADVISOR TODAY, OR VISIT RACEFORRETIREMENT.COM

RETIREMENT

|

INVESTMENTS

|

INSURANCE

© 2016 PRUDENTIAL FINANCIAL, INC., NEWARK, NJ, USA. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. 0287833-00001-00

•

money smarts

The more planning you do, the easier it is to stay on budget.

did). Seek out recommendations from people you know and trust. “I’ve always been able to find good contractors through my friends,” says Washington, D.C., mom of two Martha Brant, who converted a study to an extra bedroom.

Go to contractors-license.org to see if a candidate is licensed in your state, and check the Better Business Bureau (bbb.org) for complaints.

Ask for references—and call them.

Inquire about the contractor’s responsiveness in returning calls, whether he or she finished on time, and whether he was up-front about delays. Beyond having building skills, the person you hire must be sympathetic to the challenges of remodeling a home while kids are living in it.

Grill a prospective contractor about safety practices. During a job, all tools should be removed each day; at the least equipment should be stacked out of the way (and out of the reach of young kids), explains Art Donnelly, former chairman of the board of the National Association

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of the Remodeling Industry. Request that your contractor set up temporary walls to shield your kids from the work site and reduce the amount of dust filtering into your living quarters. If your house was built prior to 1978, check that your contractor is certified to work around lead-based paint and will use a HEPA vacuum to clean the site.

Finally, request that he use paints and primers that are low in volatile organic compounds (VOCs) and pose fewer health risks to your family.

STEP 2

Control costs.

Now the fun begins! At this stage, you’ll be working on your own or with a designer or architect to come up with a remodeling plan. Make sure you discuss trade-offs, such as

whether it’s better to have extra cabinet space or more windows. The best way to get an accurate estimate is to make as many decisions as possible before the work begins (and stick with them). “Late-stage changes can kill your budget and sap the energy of your work crew,” says Michael Litchfield, author of Renovation 4th Edition.

You can also reduce costs by minimizing changes to the footprint of your house, since adding square footage is expensive. For a rough estimate on what various projects run in your area, go to Houzz.com’s remodeling costs tool. In general, you can expect to spend $20,000 to $30,000 on a mid-range kitchen renovation and $5,000 to $13,000 for a bathroom redo.

Once you’ve planned your project, meet with your top three contractor picks and have each submit a proposal and estimate. Then compare them line by line. Cost is a factor, but not the only one. “When we scrutinized the bids, we found that the higher one covered more of the detailed work we wanted done, and we wound up picking it,” says New York City mom Lesley Alderman, who recently had her kitchen renovated.

Ultimately, you’ll receive a contract that details the scope of work and the cost, including an “allowance” for materials you haven’t selected yet (such as bathroom tiles or cabinets), line items for permits and insurance, a payment schedule, and a warranty, ideally covering three to five years from completion.

Read the agreement carefully, and don’t be afraid to request changes— such as if, say, you decide to save money by doing the painting yourself.

STEP 3

Ask a contractor candidate for references — and call them.

Minimize the stress.

Every job, no matter how small, should have a timetable. This will take you down a quicker path to completion. For families, that’s

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money smarts

critical: There’s no underestimating how hard it is dealing with prolonged work in a house with children.

Of course, factors such as bad weather or an unexpected surprise behind the walls may cause delays.

But if they occur, your contractor should give you an updated schedule so that you can prepare.

If your project is large in scope, you might want to consider moving in with relatives (if it’s an option). “A job that takes 20 weeks could be finished in 16 if you move out,” says Donnelly.

Taking a vacation during the work is also a smart idea, provided you’ve made every decision ahead of time.

But even if you opt to stay put—as most families do—a reno can go remarkably smoothly. Just ask Glenn and Ligia Rodriguez, parents of a 4-year-old, who had their kitchen and two bathrooms renovated in only three weeks. “We started choosing the fixtures and selecting the tiles and grout and appliances months in advance, so that when the contractor arrived we were ready to go,” says Glenn, of Greenwich, Connecticut.

Throughout the process, you can stress less by taking extra safety measures, including reminding your kids regularly which areas are off-limits. “One of our rules was to always wear closed-toe footwear in the house,” says Stephen Shoup, who lived in his house in San Rafael, California, with his wife and then 4-year-old daughter during a six-month, whole-house renovation.

That’s sound thinking: Even if your contractor sweeps up carefully every day, he could easily miss a stray nail or a glass shard.

Provided you’ve done your homework, watching your vision come to life can be an exciting experience. And once the temporary state of chaos recedes, you’ll have a more comfortable, personalized space that makes the weeks (if not months) of dirty floors and microwaved meals worth it.

( W\ISPJ ZLY]PJL TLZZHNL MYVT PA R E N T S

)0* <:( 0UJ :OLS[VU *;

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where to find the funds Don’t have the cash on hand to pay for your redesign? There are several financing options.

Home-equity loan Best if You have considerable equity in your house and it’s a one-time improvement project.

Advantages You can generally borrow up to 80 percent of your home’s value (minus what you owe on your mortgage) and can usually deduct the interest. The rate is fixed (most commonly based on a ten- or 15-year term), so the monthly payments are easy to budget.

Drawback The interest (currently around 5 percent) tends to be higher than conventional firstmortgage loans.

Home-equity line of credit Best if You’re doing small projects at different times and want to draw funds more than once.

Advantages For the first five to ten years, you may be allowed to make interest-only payments.

Lenders charge interest exclusively on what you use. You’ll also usually pay a lower interest rate (currently 4.75 percent) than with a home-equity loan.

Drawback If you make interestonly payments up front, you could be left with a large balance and high monthly payments later on.

Renovation loan Best if You have little home equity.

Advantage The amount approved is based on the value of your home post-renovation, which enables you to borrow more—and the rate is the lowest of the three options (around 4 percent based on a 30-year fixed rate).

Drawback These loans may have up-front fees and typically require you to borrow 10 to 20 percent more than the estimated project cost as a contingency.

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photographs by TARA DONNE

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eating well

“It is our day-to-day quality of life that yields contentment. Since we’ve slowed down and focused our attention more on nature and the simpler things in life, we’ve grown closer as a family.”

Get Them Involved “Even the smallest kids can be welcomed into the kitchen to get used to the sounds and smells and learn that the kitchen is a safe place where they belong,” Aimée says. When her children were babies they sat in a high chair and played with vegetables. Now 4-yearold Clara cracks eggs, mixes ingredients, and washes produce.

Noah and Mateo, ages 10 and 8, chop fruit, roll meatballs, and bread and batter meat or fish.

®

®

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eating well

Show Kids Where Food Comes From

FOOD STYLING BY CHRISTELLE TANIELIAN. WARDROBE STYLING BY TATIANA CINQUINO FOR JUDY INC. PROP STYLING BY STEPHANIE SAUNDERS FOR JUDY INC. HAIR AND MAKEUP BY FELICIE HUBERT FOR JUDY INC. FROM LEFT, ON BOY: SHIRT AND SHORTS, GAP. ON MOM: SHIRT, JONATHAN SIMKHAI. JEANS, PAIGE DENIM. ON GIRL: SHIRT AND SHORTS, GAP. ON BOY: SHIRT, GAP. PANTS, ZARA. ON DAD: SHIRT, DIESEL.

Whether it’s gathering eggs with Clara, tending the backyard garden with Mateo and Noah, or heading to the farmers’ market, Aimée and her husband, Danny, want their kids to see the work that goes into producing the fruit, vegetables, and meat that becomes their everyday meals.

Use this delicious spread at breakfast to top toast or dress up waffles —or simply swirl into yogurt. See page 133 for recipe.

Make Saving the Season a Family Affair It’s true that in our globalized world you can get almost any fruit or veggie any time of year, but the Bourque family chooses to enjoy (or preserve) produce only during the months it is grown and harvested. To keep the flavors of summer and fall on the table all year, the whole family helps preserve food.

Get the recipe for Minestrone Verte on page 133.

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Get an Early Start For this Bourque family favorite, the soba noodles can be cooked and chilled up to three days in advance; the dressing can be shaken together ahead of time too. Add grilled tofu, chicken, or salmon to round out the meal.

Crunchy Vegetable and Soba-Noodle Salad Active Time 15 minutes Total Time 30 minutes Makes 8 servings INGREDIENTS

1 2 2 2 1 1 3

8-oz. pkg. soba noodles Tbs. rice vinegar Tbs. reduced-sodium soy sauce Tbs. olive oil Tbs. sesame oil Tbs. pure maple syrup cups finely chopped red cabbage

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2 medium carrots, shredded 8 green onions, sliced 1 small orange sweet pepper, sliced ½ English cucumber, halved and sliced into half-moons 2 Tbs. sesame seeds, toasted 1 cup fresh cilantro leaves MAKE IT

1. Bring a large pot of water to a boil.

Cook soba noodles according to package instructions. Drain; rinse with cold water to cool completely.

2. In a screw-top jar combine rice vinegar, soy sauce, olive oil, sesame oil, and maple syrup. Cover and shake to combine.

3. In a large bowl, combine the soba noodles, cabbage, carrots, onions, sweet pepper, and cucumber. Pour dressing over noodles and sprinkle with sesame seeds. Toss gently and sprinkle with cilantro leaves.

NUTRITION PER SERVING 187 calories; 6g protein; 6g fat (1g sat. fat); 30g carbs; 3g fiber; 5g sugar; 2mg iron; 48mg calcium; 392mg sodium

THE CHOICE OF ITALY ®

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eating well Freeze leftover dough for mini tarts another day.

3. Pour the egg mixture into the top of the food processor and pulse until incorporated. Remove the lid and squeeze a little dough between your fingers; it should form a ball.

4. Transfer the dough to the counter. Divide in half, and form 2 discs. Enclose in plastic wrap and chill at least 1 hour and up to 2 days.

5. On a generously floured surface, roll 1 disc of dough into a large rectangle about 17x12 in. Line a 15x10x1-in. baking sheet with the dough. Trim and crimp edges; chill for at least 1 hour.

Make the filling and topping:

Peach Slab Pie Active Time 45 minutes Total Time 2 hours Makes 24 servings INGREDIENTS

For the crust: ⅔ cup ice-cold water 2 egg yolks 4 tsp. lemon juice 5 cups all-purpose flour 1 tsp. salt 2 Tbs. sugar 1½ cups (3 sticks) unsalted butter, chilled and cut into ½-in. cubes For the filling: 3½ lbs. firm medium-size peaches 1 cup raw cane sugar ¾ cup sour cream ¼ cup all-purpose flour

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1. Preheat oven to 375°F.

Savor the Sweet Life The whole family is crazy for peaches. For this summery dessert, the older kids wash and chop the fruit. They all measure and mix the ingredients and add the cut-out toppings.

2 tsp. ground cinnamon ¼ tsp. salt MAKE IT

Make the pie dough: 1. In a measuring cup beat the water, egg yolks, and lemon juice.

2. Pulse together the flour, salt, and sugar in a food processor. Add butter cubes and pulse to combine.

2. Pit peaches and cut into ½-in. slices. Toss with raw cane sugar, sour cream, flour, cinnamon, and salt.

Transfer filling to prepared piecrust and spread the fruit out evenly.

3. On a generously floured surface, roll the second disc of dough into a large rectangle. Using small cookie cutters, cut out shapes of dough and place them on the peach filling.

4. Place the pie on the bottom rack of the oven. Bake for 1 hour 15 minutes or until crust is golden and filling is bubbly. Let cool completely before cutting and serving.

NUTRITION PER SERVING 219 calories; 3g protein; 10g fat (6g sat. fat); 31g carbs; 2g fiber; 15g sugar; 1mg iron; 19mg calcium; 96mg sodium

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home

Slow-Cooker Maple Apple Butter Active Time 2 hours Total Time 10 hours Makes 4 half-pints There’s no need to peel the apples for this versatile family favorite.

INGREDIENTS

7 lbs. Cortland or McIntosh apples, cored and quartered ½ cup apple cider or juice ½ cup pure maple syrup MAKE IT

1. Place the apples in a large heavy-bottom pot. Add the apple cider, then partially cover with a lid and place the pot over medium heat. After 15 minutes, use a sturdy wooden spoon to stir up the softened apples at the bottom. After 15 more minutes, reduce the heat to medium-low and stir again. Continue to cook on medium-low for another 45 minutes, stirring occasionally.

2. Remove from heat and give the fruit one final big stir. Place a fine-mesh sieve over your slow cooker and, working in batches, press the cooked fruit through the sieve with the back of a ladle.

Discard the solids. Stir in the maple syrup. Turn the slow cooker on low, cover with the lid, and set for 8 hours.

Once the butter begins to bubble, crack the lid open slightly so the steam can escape; this helps the fruit butter to reduce. Keep the lid slightly cracked and stir occasionally.

•

eating well

Minestrone Verte Active Time 15 minutes Total Time 35 minutes Makes 6 servings Wash and prep the produce for this delightfully seasonal soup together, giving tasks such as shelling peas and snapping beans to little helpers.

INGREDIENTS

1 Tbs. olive oil 6 scallions, white and light-green parts only, sliced 5 stalks celery, sliced ¼-in. thick 8 oz. green beans, trimmed and cut into 1-in. pieces 6 cups chicken or vegetable stock Freshly ground black pepper 1 bay leaf 3 cups cooked mini pasta shells 1 medium zucchini, chopped 1 cup shelled fresh peas 1 tsp. minced fresh thyme Salt Grated Parmesan cheese Fresh basil leaves Fresh lemon juice MAKE IT

1. In a large pot, heat oil over medium heat. Add scallions, celery, and green beans. Cook for 4 minutes, stirring occasionally.

2. Add the chicken stock, pepper to taste, and bay leaf. Bring soup to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer about 10 minutes or until vegetables are tender. Add the pasta, zucchini, peas, thyme, and salt to taste.

3. Transfer to clean jars and let cool completely in the refrigerator overnight. Cover with lids and rings.

Label with the date. Apple butter will keep for up to 1 week in the fridge or 6 months in the freezer.

3. Simmer for another 3 to 4 minutes, until peas are just tender.

Remove from heat and discard bay leaf. Ladle into soup bowls. Garnish with Parmesan, basil leaves, and a squeeze of lemon juice.

NUTRITION PER 2-TBS. SERVING 54 calories; 0 protein; 0 fat (0 sat. fat); 14g carbs; 2g fiber; 11g sugar; 0 iron; 9mg calcium; 2mg sodium

NUTRITION PER SERVING 210 calories; 12g protein; 4g fat (1g sat. fat); 32g carbs; 5g fiber; 6g sugar; 2mg iron; 82mg calcium; 702mg sodium

Think (and Cook) Ahead “When kids are around, you can’t fly by the seat of your pants,” Aimée says. Especially when it comes to dinner. She makes a plan for the week, shares it with her kids so they know what to expect, and preps as much in advance as possible. “Working ahead contributes to keeping the family meal alive and thriving.”

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ages+stages.

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ages + stages

•

pregnancy

experience,” says pediatrician and dad David L. Hill, M.D., author of Dad to Dad: Parenting Like a Pro.

PREGNANCY

make room for dad Is your man feeling a little left out? These six tips can help you enjoy the nine-month journey together. by JEANNETTE MONINGER

YOUR PARTNER was the leading player in the baby-making process, but he’s got a smaller role these days—and may be wondering where he fits in. You get to receive lots of attention and feel your baby’s first kick—things he can only process secondhand. “I love when dads ask how they can get more involved,” says Joyce Gottesfeld, M.D., an ob-gyn at Kaiser Permanente Colorado in Denver. “It shows that they are invested in their family.”

Fortunately, there are lots of opportunities throughout pregnancy for guys to get involved and start forming a strong bond with their baby. Parents readers and experts reveal how to shine some of that spotlight back onto Dad.

and child-rearing books and discuss what you’ve learned. You can also work together to compile a list of questions to ask at each of your doctor’s appointments.

Share the celebrations.

There’s no rule that says men can’t participate in baby showers—and have fun doing it! When Wendy and Erik Vlieks, of St. Louis, were expecting twin girls, their family threw a couples baby shower.

“Some of Erik’s friends from high school and work came, and so there was a lot of ribbing Erik about raising two daughters,” Wendy says. “Erik and I opened presents together and participated in the shower games. All of the guys had a really fun time.”

Start a ritual.

When Laura Owens found out she was expecting, her husband, Casey, immediately downloaded a pregnancy app so they could track their developing baby’s progress together. “I feel like it makes my baby bump a little more real to Casey, and we have fun talking about how our baby is changing and growing,” says Owens, of Alcoa, Tennessee.

In addition to apps, you and your partner can read the same childbirth

136 J U N E 2 0 1 6

While completing her baby registry, Wendy Vlieks felt there were so many decisions to be made that it was best to split them up with her husband.

“He spent hours researching the best crib, car seat—you name it!” she says. “It was a great way for him to contribute to our baby’s future safety and well-being.” Of course, not all guys love to build things; if yours does, you can put him in charge of assembling the crib and other baby furniture. Work together when you’re figuring out how to use the car seat and stroller—because you’ll both need to know.

Belly up to the baby.

Your unborn child can hear outside sounds—including Daddy’s voice.

“It’s never too early to start reading, singing, and talking to your child,” says Dr. Hill. “A man’s deep tones will penetrate into the womb, and there are reasons to believe that infants remember the rhythms of both parents’ voices after they’re born.”

Connect as a couple.

Get schooled.

Stephanie Waters Glickman and her husband, Phil, attended several prenatal classes together, including childbirth and infant CPR. “It put us both at ease to approach the process as a team,” says the Brooklyn mom.

Dads-to-be should try to attend as many prenatal appointments as possible. “Seeing your baby on the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat is a powerful bonding

Check out our new week-by-week pregnancy podcast! Download it for free at parents.com/pregnancyconfidential.

PA R E N T S

Divide and conquer.

You might be short on time and energy, but life certainly won’t calm down after your little one arrives.

Ask your man to plan some quiet time for the two of you. It doesn’t have to be an exotic babymoon (although a last-minute trip—with your doctor’s approval—can be a fantastic escape). “It may be a while before you get to the movies or a romantic dinner together, so check out that cool new restaurant or see a film,” says Dr. Hill. In addition to recharging and relaxing, you can use this time to bounce around baby names and share your worries, hopes, and dreams for your new family.

ages + stages

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baby

BABY 0-12 months

eating issues If your infant struggles at meals, she may have one of these common problems. by EMILY KLEIN

RESEARCH suggests that 25 to 45 percent of otherwise healthy infants experience some sort of feeding issue, such as excessive spitting up, gagging, or refusing food. Many of these issues can be overcome with time and simple fixes, but sometimes professional help is needed. Start by consulting your pediatrician, who can make a referral to a specialist if necessary.

Don’t delay: “Parents often think that they’re just doing something wrong, but with a serious feeding issue, a baby can quickly become undernourished,” explains Mark Fishbein, M.D., medical director of the Feeding and Swallowing Disorder Program at the Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital, in Chicago. Not sure what to look for? Read on to spot—and solve— common problems.

Oral Imperfections Structural issues like a high-arched palate or tongue-tie (when the band of tissue under the tongue is so tight that it decreases tongue mobility) can create challenges. Seek help if your baby has frequent trouble latching or staying on your nipple, breastfeeding is painful, your baby isn’t peeing and pooping at all, or if marathon feedings become the norm—even if she’s gaining weight.

In addition, you may notice issues such as gagging, choking, dribbling milk while she’s eating, or noisy sucking. In some cases, a doctor may need to snip the tongue-tie.

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138 J U N E 2 0 1 6

A lactation specialist can also help you with latching techniques.

These physiological issues might go unnoticed early on but then are a problem after 6 months. “Feeding may become more difficult when you give her solids,” says Laurie Overland, a speech pathologist specializing in the treatment of oral sensory-motor feeding disorders in Norwalk, Connecticut. If she starts choking, refusing food, or vomiting at most meals, a speech pathologist or an oral myofunctional therapist can check for structural problems. From there, you may need a referral to an ear, nose, and throat specialist or an oral maxillofacial surgeon to determine if surgery or laser treatment is needed.

says Sudarshan Jadcherla, M.D., director of the Neonatal and Infant Feeding Disorders Program at Nationwide Children’s Hospital, in Columbus, Ohio. Some newborns who lag behind have trouble managing the milk in their mouth. Others can’t coordinate the suck-swallowbreathe eating pattern. Warning signs include dribbling from her mouth or nose, getting tuckered out mid-meal, or stiffening and arching while eating. Regulating the volume and flow of milk may help, says Dr. Jadcherla. If you’re breastfeeding and your infant starts to gulp faster or begins gagging, unlatch her and wait until she’s breathing normally.

If you’re nursing with a bottle, hold your baby in an upright position and lower the bottle—leaving the nipple in her mouth—every 20 to 30 seconds. When she starts sucking again, raise the bottle to continue.

No matter what method you use, if she gags or seems to be in pain, a feeding therapist can show you when to slow down. Try ASHA.org to find one near you.

Failure to Progress Frenzied Feeding If your baby is unable to calm himself, he’ll struggle to settle into the quiet but alert state necessary for eating.

Signs of his inability to self-regulate include startling easily, frequent fidgeting, or trouble sleeping, Dr. Fishbein says. During meals, he may also be easily distracted or become too sleepy for effective sucking. Try an allover massage before feeding, and nurse your baby in a quiet room without stopping to burp him. If that doesn’t work, an occupational therapist with infant-calming experience may be helpful.

Coordination Challenges Eating requires a variety of skills that your baby will learn and refine throughout the first year of her life,

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines, your baby may be ready for spoon-feeding when he’s able to sit in a high chair and has good head control. But if he shows little interest in solid foods, it may be a sign that he’s developing more slowly, says Memorie M. Gosa, Ph.D., a speech language pathologist specializing in pediatric feeding disorders in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

It’s important to continue offering food without forcing him to eat.

You may need professional help if he consistently refuses food, coughs or chokes while eating, drools excessively, or takes longer than 30 minutes to finish. A feeding therapist can show you where to place food in your baby’s mouth and how to provide postural support.

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ages + stages

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toddler

TODDLER 1-2 years

uphill battle Got a little climber on your hands? Learn how to keep him safe. by TAMEKIA REECE

EVER SINCE your kid began pulling himself up, he’s been scaling new heights. The bed, a coffee table, your desk—every new challenge simply must be conquered. The urge to climb constantly is a normal stage of motor development. It’s fun for your child, and it gets him to the objects he wants to reach. “Children this age tend to explore the world by seeing something and then going for it,” says Mary Aitken, M.D., medical director of the Injury Prevention Center at Arkansas Children’s Hospital, in Little Rock. “That means they tend to get themselves into dangerous situations because they don’t have the ability to sense and understand risks.” These tips will help you cap your toddler’s upward mobility.

Accident-proof your home.

Experts typically advise parents to get down on all fours and see what trouble their child could get into. But with a toddler, you also need to look up at things that could fall. “Anchor bookcases, floor lamps, televisions, and unstable furniture to the wall or the floor, even if you think they’re too heavy for a toddler to topple,” says Lynne Huffman, M.D., associate professor of neonatal and developmental pediatrics at Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital Stanford, in Palo Alto, California.

Remove items that could tumble from shelves as your child reaches up (like vases and photo frames), as well as those that could tempt

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140 J U N E 2 0 1 6

him to start climbing, such as a bowl of fruit on the kitchen counter.

Avoid placing a sofa, recliner, bed, or crib near a windowsill, and install window guards. Put latches or locks on dresser drawers to prevent your child from using them as makeshift stairs. Clear the crib of anything he can stand on to get higher, and switch to a toddler bed once he starts to climb over the railing.

Since your little Spider-Man sees a staircase as an adventure waiting to happen, it’s essential to install hardware-mounted gates at the top and bottom and keep them locked at all times, says Dr. Aitken.

Provide safe alternatives.

There’s no need to eliminate your toddler’s climbing opportunities completely. You want her to increase her upper-body strength (needed for fine motor tasks like stacking blocks and drawing) and lowerbody strength (which helps her master more advanced movements like jumping), says Dr. Huffman.

Climbing also enhances a kid’s spatial awareness, enabling her to grasp concepts like up and down, in and out, and near and far. Plus, it builds self-esteem, problem-solving skills, and independence. The trick

Toddlers are adept climbers but often have a tough time descending.

is to offer your child some ways to practice safely. Get an indoor slide that she can scale whenever she pleases. Sign up for a gymnastics or tumbling class where she can climb through foam pits and up little ladders, or check out an indoor play center that’s geared toward young children. Visits to the playground will also give your kid plenty of vertical opportunities. Just make sure that the equipment is ageappropriate and has a cushioned surface underneath in case she falls.

Help him get down.

Though toddlers quickly become adept at climbing step stools and couches, they often have a tough time descending. Show your child how it’s done. “Have him sit down on the surface, then help him turn onto his belly and slide down feet first,” suggests physical therapist Lisa Dannemiller, D.Sc., a pediatric certified specialist at Children’s Hospital Colorado, in Aurora. Let him get down slowly from a bed or a high chair as you spot him. Then try it on the bottom few steps of a staircase. If it’s easier, he can also sit on his bottom and scoot down with close supervision. Once he’s ready to walk down the stairs while he’s standing, teach him to hold onto the handrail or wall, and position yourself one step below to prevent a tumble.

Rely on distraction.

Your toddler doesn’t realize that scaling a bookshelf or a windowsill can be perilous. If she attempts it, you should say calmly but firmly, “No climbing on the bookcase, honey,” suggests Dr. Aitken. Then move her to a safe play area or transition to a different activity.

Keep a close watch: She’s likely to get up there again. But if you’re as determined as she is, you can keep your toddler safe as she explores.

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ages + stages

•

preschooler

PRESCHOOLER 3-4 years

focus on feelings Use these strategies to boost your child’s emotional IQ. by BERIT THORKELSON

development expert and creator of The Moodsters “feelings detectives” books and toys. You can help your child understand his daily range of feelings and process them in a productive way.

Build an emotional vocabulary.

I’LL NEVER forget the day my then 3-year-old son, Roy, stood in the sandbox, clenching his tiny fists.

But instead of throwing a tantrum, he took three deep breaths, just like we’d practiced. I’d been trying to help him handle frustration more gracefully, and this was the first time he was able to compose himself without any coaching.

At the time I didn’t know the official term for what I had been

teaching Roy, but now I realize that it was emotional intelligence, the ability to understand your own emotions and those of others. This skill set helps young kids pay attention to their teachers and interact well with classmates.

“Kindergarten teachers report that emotional intelligence is even more important for a child to learn than how to read or hold a pencil,” says Denise Daniels, a child-emotional-

It’s valuable for your child to learn precise words for the various feelings bubbling up inside her. If she tells you about being pushed on the playground, for example, ask her how she felt when it happened. Try to get beyond “mad” and “sad” to unlock a more complex description, such as frustrated, disappointed, annoyed, or shocked. Maybe she wanted to be alone or she felt like kicking something. Also ask about physical sensations. Did her tummy hurt or her face get hot? “Once kids can

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“Kindergarten teachers report that emotional intelligence is even more important for a child to learn than how to read or hold a pencil.” recognize what each emotion feels like, they can learn healthy ways to express it,” Daniels says.

out hard?” Miller says. “See how many solutions she can come up with and have fun practicing any that don’t cause harm.”

Empathize.

If your child tearfully flings his body onto the floor when you refuse to buy him that new Matchbox car, show him that you get how he feels. “When you tell him, ‘You sound so upset and angry. It’s okay to feel that,’ he’ll feel safe and taken care of,” says Tovah Klein, Ph.D., author of How Toddlers Thrive. In the future, he’ll be more likely to share his emotions with you. However, empathizing isn’t the same as condoning out-of-control behavior. Follow it up with a calming technique, a distraction, or another appropriate action. “I get down eye to eye with Emmett, cup his face in my hands, and say, ‘I understand that you’re frustrated. But we’re still not going to get that toy,’ ” says Jill Cordes, of Los Angeles. It shows your child you’re listening, which makes it more likely that he’ll continue to share his feelings.

Practice socially acceptable options.

Since preschoolers often react impulsively, you want to teach your child to manage her emotions.

Grab a few stuffed buddies and role-play potential dilemmas, such as toy-snatching or unwanted roughhousing, suggests Jennifer Miller, a social-and-emotionaldevelopment expert who founded confidentparentsconfidentkids.org.

“Ask what she could do when Bear says something mean. Could she walk away? Pound a pillow? Blow

Look for examples.

When you’re out and about together make a conscious effort to notice emotions in the people around you and talk about them. You might ask: “Why do you think that little boy is crying? Can you think of a time when you felt that way?” You can do the same when you’re reading books and gauge a character’s feelings based on the pictures or story line.

Miller suggests playing a game where you take turns making faces and guessing which feeling is being portrayed. The better your child understands what frustrated, fearful, and other emotions look like, the better he’ll be able to recognize them in his daily interactions and act appropriately.

Be a good role model.

Don’t pretend you’re immune to emotions such as anger and sadness.

Your child will benefit from seeing that even adults have big feelings they must handle in a healthy way.

When you lose your cool, seize the teaching moment. You might say, “I see I hurt your feelings. I was really upset, and I yelled. I want to fix it.”

Offer a hug or some cuddle time as a way to gently reconnect. “Kids should know that they can ask for forgiveness and make up for their mistakes,” Miller says. “We all make poor choices sometimes. Make your next choice one that repairs the harm. That demonstrates real emotional intelligence.”

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ages + stages

•

school-age

SCHOOL-AGE 5-6 years

tooth-fairy time Mysterious visits make losing teeth more fun.

by RACHEL RABKIN PEACHMAN

WHEN MY daughter Lena was about to lose her first tooth—which happens for most children between the ages of 5 and 7—I was excited about introducing the Tooth Fairy.

But when I checked with friends who had older children, I learned that times had changed a lot since I was a kid. First of all, the going rate for a tooth had gone up drastically (in some homes, kids get as much as $1 to $5!), and some parents now add little gifts into the mix. To decide how to handle the Tooth Fairy in my own family, I first did a little digging into the tradition. Then I talked to experts and other parents to see how they emphasize the magic, rather than the materialism, in this key childhood milestone.

A Beloved Legacy It seems that every culture has its own lore connected to the loss of baby teeth. The money-giving Tooth Fairy we know in this country evolved in the early 1900s. Experts believe it may have developed to explain and ease a phenomenon that wasn’t exactly pleasant. “Losing a tooth can be scary, and the Tooth Fairy can lessen the blow,” says Betsy Brown Braun, a childdevelopment specialist and author of Just Tell Me What to Say. The Tooth Fairy’s arrival turns an often bloody event into something better, agrees Katie Finnerty, of Woodbridge, New Jersey. “It has given my sons a sense of excitement about a strange, and sometimes painful, experience.”

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The Wonder Years You might feel a little guilty that you’re lying to your child about these middle-of-the-night visits, but experts say that the Tooth Fairy can be important for her development. “At ages 5 and 6, children use fantastical thinking to help them understand things that they can’t see or touch, and we don’t want to dampen that imaginary thinking too early,” says parenting educator Sharon Silver, author of Stop Reacting and Start Responding. Having the capacity to believe in the Tooth Fairy teaches children that it’s possible to have faith in other abstract concepts, such as courage, hope, and love.

Karen Merrill Tjapkes, of Grand Rapids, is happy that her first-grader, Abby, 7, believes in the Tooth Fairy.

“Childhood should be filled with magic and surprises for as long as possible,” she says.

You can now even keep the Tooth Fairy’s existence alive with an app, such as I Saw The Tooth Fairy or Tooth Fairy Was Here (both free; iOS); the latter superimposes an image of a fairy on a photo of your

“Don’t feel compelled to take a perfectly good tradition and add unnecessary extras such as gifts.”

sleeping child. (For the record, Braun thinks that it’s best to let your child conjure up her own idea of what the Tooth Fairy looks like.)

Keeping It Simple With this ritual, less is often more.

“Don’t feel compelled to take a perfectly good tradition and add unnecessary extras such as gifts,” says Heather Wittenberg, Psy.D., a child psychologist and creator of BabyShrink.com. Your child can be just as happy to find a special coin like a silver dollar under his pillow. In some families, the Tooth Fairy leaves behind a letter. That’s what Rachel Greenberg, of Westfield, New Jersey, did for her 5-year-old twin daughters, Hannah and Maya.

Greenberg gets help from her father, who uses his connection as a dentist to personally call the Tooth Fairy and ask her to leave notes for his two granddaughters. Even if you don’t have a professional in the family, you can come up with your own magical tradition.

Growing Up Eventually your child will begin to question the Tooth Fairy, and when that moment comes, experts say to follow her lead. Ask her what she thinks, and let her know that if she wants to believe, she can. When she’s ready to know the truth, acknowledge her maturity as well as any disappointment she might feel, suggests Braun. At that point, she might like to encourage a younger sibling to believe. Carter Malcolm, of Ann Arbor, Michigan, was surprised when the Tooth Fairy brought out some sisterly love in his daughter, Reagan. After the Tooth Fairy forgot to visit Reagan’s then 7-year-old brother, Drake, Reagan, then 10, made sure that the oversight didn’t happen the next time he lost a tooth—she assisted the Tooth Fairy with her rounds.

ages + stages

•

big kid

BIG KID 7+ years

perspective, please!

Even pre-tweens have temper tantrums, but you can help your child get a grip. by KAREN CICERO

WHEN MY daughter, Katie, was 9, I took her and a friend to a hotel water park. Everything was great until they threw a fit over which side of the queen-size bed to sleep on—they each wanted to be near the alarm clock. Real tears were shed, bringing me back to the years when they sobbed over who got to play with a coveted Disney Princess toy.

Toddler-like tantrums over little things are surprisingly common in pre-tweens, because the executive center of their brain that helps assess risk and manage emotional impulses enters a major period of rewiring, explains developmental psychologist David Walsh, Ph.D., author of Why Do They Act That Way? At the same time, hormone levels increase in both boys and girls, and this amplifies emotional reactions over minor problems. “These years are like the ‘terrible twos’ on steroids,” says Dr. Walsh. However, it doesn’t mean that you have to live with hysterics over an uncharged tablet or a missing headband. Follow these strategies to fend off meltdowns.

Look for triggers.

Big kids who are tired or hungry lose control more easily. “For many kids, there’s a typical time of day for outbursts,” says Parents advisor Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., author of Smart Parenting for Smart Kids. “Once you identify the common thread, you might be able to make changes—like moving bedtime a little earlier, allowing a few extra

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minutes in the morning, and offering a snack if dinner is running late—to avoid blowups.” That approach is working with 7-yearold Ronin Simms, of New York City.

He was tired when he threw a fit because the Pokémon cards that his mom, Laura, ordered for him weren’t the ones he was expecting. “I told Ronin that we probably read the description on the website wrong and pointed out that he did get two of the four cards he wanted,” says Simms. “He didn’t want to hear that. He just lost it, and we realized he was spiraling due to exhaustion.

Since then, we’ve been better at sticking to bedtime.”

Foster appreciation.

If your child’s outbursts often are about not buying her something that she wants—whether it’s a candy bar or a pricey pair of sneakers—help her see the big picture. While telling her how lucky she is usually won’t make an impact, volunteering at a food pantry or soup kitchen may help her realize on her own, says Parents advisor Wayne Fleisig, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at Children’s of Alabama, in Birmingham.

Teach coping skills.

Ask your child what she would say to a friend who was freaking out over accidentally deleting a photo from his iPod touch or not being able to find the Minecraft T-shirt he wants to wear to school. “Children who have trouble figuring out calming

techniques for themselves often have no problem coming up with a solution for others,” says Dr. Fleisig.

Then mention that she can use the same strategies when she starts to feel out of control. “You might even establish a little mantra, like ‘It’s not a big deal,’ or ‘It’s not worth getting upset about,’ that she can use when something goes wrong,” he says.

Defuse the situation.

Is there any way to prevent a minor misstep from blowing up? “If you intervene early, you can head off a meltdown most of the time,” says Dr. Kennedy-Moore. “The key is validating your child’s emotions rather than arguing back.” So if he starts whining about getting two Lego pieces stuck together, say, “That’s frustrating,” before telling him that you can get them separated.

“Parents tend to skip the part about feelings and go right to the solution,” she says. “But until a child calms down, the most brilliant solution won’t matter to him.”

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the weirdest thing my child has slept with is ...

An old full-size computer keyboard that my husband cut the cable off of. —Connie Gelineau

Coupons! My oldest son loves our junk mail. —Amber Crosier Dahl

• • A decorative squash that her dad bought at the grocery store.

• A package of Kraft American cheese slices.

• My driver’s license. She would take it out of my wallet every night.

•

—Tiffany Taylor Striegel

—Camahta Dore

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—Lynn Sanchez

His daddy’s college biology textbook. —Stacy Stauffer

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illustration by ALEX EBEN MEYER

PARENTS (ISSN 1083-6373); June 2016, Vol. 91, No. 6, is published monthly by Meredith Corporation, 1716 Locust Street, Des Moines, IA 50309-3023. Periodicals postage paid at Des Moines, IA, and at additional mailing offices. Subscription prices, $15.98 per year in the U.S.; $27.00 (U.S. dollars) in Canada; $49.00 (U.S. dollars) overseas. POSTMASTER: Send all UAA to CFS. (See DMM 507.1.5.2); NON-POSTAL AND MILITARY FACILITIES: Send address corrections to Parents, P.O. Box 37508, Boone, IA 50037-0508. In Canada: mailed under Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 40069223; Canadian BN 12348 2887 RT. Return undeliverable Canadian addresses to Parents, 2835 Kew D, Windsor, ON, N8T 3B7. © Meredith Corporation 2016. All rights reserved. Printed in the U.S.A.

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