R E L AT I N G
S .W. A S K S . . .
I recently saw this at a wedding reception: A guest wanted a certain couple to sit at her table and swapped place cards to accomplish this. The couple who were swapped out had no idea which table they were to sit at. I happened to be in the room before the arrival of the other guests and saw her do this. What should I have done? I read your question out loud and sighed, “Geez, it’s a wedding, not middle school,” and my daughter reminded me that I’d done the very same thing at a work event, where I was trying to avoid a pretentious CEO who’d advised me that the only way to see Hamilton was in orchestra seats, two nights in a row (yawn). Anyhoo, my hypocrisy notwithstanding, those people were wrong to switch place cards because it resulted in confusion and because someone else’s wedding is not about you and where you’re seated. I might have said to them, “Oh, hey, you guys should let the host know you switched spots, just so she can explain where those other folks should sit.” If this gave them pause, so be it. Or maybe I would have said to the host, “Just a heads-up that those guys swapped tables,” although that idea gives me a weird tattletaley feeling. Or you could have decided that it was one meal, which everyone would end up figuring out one way or another, regardless.
E.S. A SKS...
My brother and his partner have a dog they dishonestly pass off as an emotional-support service animal so they can travel without having to abide by hotel and airline restrictions and fees for pets. We’re planning a vacation with our other siblings, their spouses, and our parents. I found us a perfect rental house and signed a contract agreeing to a no-pet policy. My brother wants to bring the dog and claims that their doctor’s note exempts them. I am uncomfortable with this, especially since it’s my name on the contract. But if they can’t bring the dog, they might not come on the trip. Do I stand my ground or cave to keep the family peace?
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I consulted my husband, the philosophy PhD, on this one, and he launched into ethics-teacher mode: “What your brother is asking you to do is collude in something that is admittedly dishonest and to take advantage of an exception to a rule that is designed to meet a legitimate need.” In other words, it’s wrong for your brother to game this particular system and wrong for him to ask you to participate. It’s especially galling, of course, because people with real visible or invisible disabilities are now contending with everyone’s pretend emotional-support gecko when they show up with their necessary service animals. If your brother doesn’t seem to understand this issue, you could try explaining it. And given that he cops to the dishonesty, you don’t need to tiptoe: “It’s my name on the agreement, and I don’t feel comfortable taking advantage of the no-pets exception. Next time, let’s find a place that can accommodate everyone’s dogs. But for this trip, I think we should look into a nearby pet-friendly motel for you guys.” One last question: If your brother feels he can’t and won’t vacation without his dog, is it perhaps an emotional-support animal after all? I’m just wondering.
JA N UA RY 2018 R E A L S I M P L E
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