RS - March 2017 by Lawrence Ambrocio

realsimple LIFE MADE EASIER

BEST SKIN SAVER S WE TE STED 100!

7 TRICKS TO GE T A HAIRCUT YOU’LL LOVE

ELEGANT & E A SY P OTLUCK DINNER S

relax & recharge Beauty buys to help you unwind, starting at $6

+ SOFAS,TABLES, CHAIRS… PRO TIP S TO PULL IT ALL TO GE THER MARCH 2017

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“The secret to beauty is simple: ‘Be who you are.’” — B O B B I B RO W N , I N A N I N T E RV I E W W I T H PA R A D E M AGA Z I N E , AU G U ST 13, 2015

MAGNUM PHOTOS

Photograph by Alessandra Sanguinetti

MARCH 2017

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NTIL PRETTY recently, the idea of a “relaxing” beauty routine would have made me laugh out loud (or at least roll my eyes). For years, I would rush through the salon door, inevitably late and sputtering apologies, to see my stylist, Andrea. I marveled at the colorful tattoos on her calves and the way she clipped my hair with the silent concentration of a bomb defuser—which meant I was free to bring a pile of work, mail, or bills to trudge through during my appointment. Sometimes I made long lists of still more things I needed to do. I left with a great cut—and a great deal of residual stress about the work, mail, or bills. But then I started getting my hair colored by Sherwin. I brought stuff to do on paper and my phone, but somehow I never got to it. That’s because Sherwin is a blast. He jokes with everyone in the salon; he regales me with his tales of trips to Burning Man. I laughed. I relaxed. Slowly I stopped using my salon appointments to do chores and started using them as breaks.

Once I reframed my salon time, I began changing up my other beauty tasks. I shop for makeup at Sephora or Macy’s with a friend to make it more fun. I listen to engaging podcasts (Planet Money and Lit Up are two of my favorites) when I do my own manicures. And I no longer bring anything to the salon, except occasionally a novel (right now I’m reading Exit West by Mohsin Hamid). I just let my mind wander, I relax, and I try to be more in the moment. When my daughter and I got salon manicures together for her birthday, I described the sensation as “brain recess.” I got to thinking about all this because this issue is packed with beauty products and ideas. As much as I want our beauty routines to be simple, that’s not always the case. How can you know which item in the rows and rows of skincare products will really make a difference? How can you relax at the salon if you’re worried that your stylist might be giving you the spiky hedgehog look? Our beauty editors tried hundreds of products before selecting their all-time favorites for the “Best in Skin Care” road test on page 44. In “How to Get the Best Haircut and

MARCH 2017

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Color” (page 51), we reveal what salon workers promise will lead to the ideal experience and results. The article “How to Conquer the Martyr Complex” (page 114) isn’t specifically about beauty, but if you are having trouble finding time for appointments or a little home pampering with a sheet mask and have yet to even light that nice candle you got as a gift, well, you might enjoy exploring this topic. (I sure did, but that’s another column.) In “More or Less” (page 108), we examine how women feel about looking very made up—or more “made under.” Sure, it’s just makeup, but it can reflect our range of identities: who we are at work, at a party, during our downtime, during our family time. Whether you spend hours perfecting your look or cut your own hair like my mom sometimes did when I was a kid, your beauty routine is uniquely yours. What it should never be is a grind. Until you find your Sherwin, you’ve got us.

P O R T R A I T BY R O B H O WA R D ; FA S H I O N S T Y L I N G BY A LY S S A D I N E E N ; H A I R BY M AT T H E W M O N Z O N FO R J E D R O O T; M A K E U P BY K AT I E J A N E H U G H E S

@LESLIEYAZEL

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ON THE COVER Relax and recharge: Beauty buys to help you unwind, starting at $6 30, 42, 47 Best skin savers 44 7 tricks to get a haircut you’ll love 51 Elegant and easy potluck dinners 120 Sofas, tables, chairs… Pro tips to pull it all together 128 Cover Photograph by

Anna Williams Prop Styling by C OV E R : O U I S H AV E C A R R I E 1 4 - K A R AT- G O L D R A Z O R S E T, $ 8 5 ; O U I S H AV E .C O M . L A FC O C A N D L E I N M A R I N E , $ 6 0 ; L A FC O.C O M M U L L E I N & S PA R R O W M I N I D E T O X I F Y I N G B AT H S A LT S , $ 2 9 ; M U L L E I N A N D S PA R R O W.C O M

Pamela Duncan Silver

M U L E S T H AT K I C K A S S . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 4

S A L O N S U C C E S S ST R AT E G I E S . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51

W O W-W O RT H Y P OT LU C K O P T I O N S .......................... 120

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PAGE 75

Realist POURING THE PERFECT PINT

HOW TO GET THE BEST

THOUGHTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2

Serve beer like a pro . . .

HAIRCUT AND COLOR

EDITOR’S NOTE . . . . . . . . . . 6

THINGS COOKS KNOW . . . 4 0

REAL SIMPLE 24/7 . . . . . . 1 2

PRETTY PRACTICAL

When did you last surprise yourself? . . . . . .

COOL CUSTOMER

Our ultimate refrigerator buying guide . . . . . . . . . . . 5 7

ROAD TEST 15

THE SHORT LIST

DOES IT REALLY WORK?

New beauty gadgets . .

The season’s chicest fashion pieces . . . . . . . . . 6 4

TREND TO TRY

Lace . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

What We Love Everything our editors are buzzing about this month . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

SPRING MVPs

Skin-care all-stars. . . . . . 4 4

This month’s top book picks . . . . . . . . . . . . .

AMERICAN VOICES

YOURSELF EARLY IN A

Lisa Lucas, executive director of the National Book Foundation . . . . . . 9 9

RELATIONSHIP . . . . . . . . . . 7 7

........... 26

Real Simple’s Samantha Zabell on her struggles with eyebrow pulling . . 8 1

GOOD READ

LITTLE HELPERS . . . . . . . . 2 8 PRETTY SMART

Beauty products and tricks to simplify your life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 0 NEW USES FOR OLD THINGS ........... 37

BIG BATCH

Golden flaky biscuits . .

152

ASK BUCKY

Styling a résumé ......... 1 0 0 FAMILY MONEYWISE

What not to tell your kids about your finances . . . 1 0 2

BOUNCE BACK!

Learn to become more resilient . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

5 EASY DINNERS . . . . . . . 1 3 9

Mustard greens. . . . . . . 1 4 9

5 QUESTIONS TO ASK 25

Food WHY NOT TRY…?

Relating

THE STAPLE

Lego blocks

Tips for salon success . . 5 1

Silver-lining manicure . . 4 2

YOUR WORDS

Maple syrup

THE VETS WILL SEE YOU NOW

Your vexing pet questions, answered . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 2

When adult children live at home: tips for parents and kids . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 5 5

SPENDING AND SAVING

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

How to make the most of your health savings account . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 0 4

A not-so-beloved chair bites the dust . . . . . . . . 1 6 2

MODERN MANNERS

Handling someone else’s badly behaved child and other etiquette issues . . 9 4

AHHH . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 0 7

Features Three women get makeunders and come face-to-face with their natural beauty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 0 8 HOW TO CONQUER THE MARTYR COMPLEX

Why some people willingly bite off more than they can chew—and ways to overcome the urge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 1 4 A PORTABLE FEAST

Delicious potluck meals you’ll be proud to share . . . . . .

120

IF YOUR BEST FRIEND WERE A DECORATOR…

She’d let you in on these furniture-buying secrets

.... 128

REAL SIMPLE® (ISSN 1528-1701) IS PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY TIME INC. PRINCIPAL OFFICE: 225 LIBERTY STREET, NEW YORK, NY 10281. PERIODICALS POSTAGE PAID AT NEW YORK, NY, AND ADDITIONAL MAILING OFFICES. POSTMASTER: SEND ALL UAA TO CFS (SEE DMM 507.1.5.2); NON-POSTAL AND MILITARY FACILITIES: SEND ADDRESS CORRECTIONS TO REAL SIMPLE MAGAZINE, P.O. BOX 62120, TAMPA, FL 33662-2120. CANADA POST PUBLICATIONS MAIL AGREEMENT NO. 40110178. RETURN UNDELIVERABLE CANADA ADDRESSES TO: POSTAL STN. A, P.O. BOX 4015, TORONTO, ON M5W 2T2. GST#888381621RT0001. SUBSCRIBERS: IF THE POSTAL SERVICE ALERTS US THAT YOUR MAGAZINE IS UNDELIVERABLE, WE HAVE NO FURTHER OBLIGATION UNLESS WE RECEIVE A CORRECTED ADDRESS WITHIN TWO YEARS. U.S. SUBSCRIPTIONS: $28.95 FOR ONE YEAR. YOUR BANK MAY PROVIDE UPDATES TO THE CARD INFORMATION WE HAVE ON FILE. YOU MAY OPT OUT OF THIS SERVICE AT ANY TIME. MAILING LIST: WE MAKE A PORTION OF OUR MAILING LIST AVAILABLE TO REPUTABLE FIRMS. CUSTOMER SERVICE AND SUBSCRIPTIONS: FOR 24/7 SERVICE, PLEASE USE OUR WEBSITE, REALSIMPLE.COM/CUSTOMERSERVICE. YOU CAN ALSO CALL 1-800-881-1172 OR WRITE TO REAL SIMPLE AT P.O. BOX 62120, TAMPA, FL 33662-2120. © 2017 TIME INC. FOR INTERNATIONAL LICENSING AND SYNDICATION REQUESTS, PLEASE VISIT HTTP://WWW.TIMEINC.COM/SYNDICATION OR CALL 1-212-522-5868. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. REPRODUCTION IN WHOLE OR IN PART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION IS PROHIBITED. REAL SIMPLE® IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF TIME INC. VOLUME 18, ISSUE 3. PRINTED IN THE U.S.A.

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AV I VA V E LV E T C H A I R I N R O S E , $ 6 1 0 ; L U L U A N D G E O R G I A .C O M

MORE OR LESS

This is not a quick fix. This is my decision to make beauty last.

RoC® RETINOL CORREXION® Stepping up your beauty routine means something. Opt for a skin care product with proven results to reduce ﬁne lines and wrinkles: a one-year clinical study has shown that RoC® Retinol works from the ﬁrst week and each week thereafter. The longer you use it, the better it works. © J&JCI 2016

RoC.® METHODS, NOT MIRACLES.™

REALSIMPLE 24/7 FOLLOW US ONLINE FOR E XCLUSIVE IDE A S, TIP S, AND WAYS TO MAKE LIFE E A SIER—E VERY DAY.

Want more? For the latest beauty demos and shopping guides, sign up for our Beauty and Fashion newsletter at realsimple.com/ beautynews.

W H Y S H E LOV E S I T: T “It’s so light, you don’t even know it’s on, yet it evens out tone and has SPF 50 so your skin is protected.” Find more favorites at realsimple .com/bestbeauty.

Sometimes we just need an escape. Chelsea spent a day at Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary in High Falls, New York.

HELP! I CAN’T [INSERT BEAUTY TREND HERE]! Can’t do a fishtail braid? Or master the cat-eye? No problem. We have tons of simple how-to videos you can find every day on our Facebook page. Millions of people have learned from our editors— now it’s your turn.

MEET

CHELSEA BURNS ASSOCIATE BEAUTY EDITOR AT REAL SIMPLE

WE’RE LIVE! S E E O U R B E AU T Y T E A M L I V E O N I N S TA G R A M AT @ R E A L _ S I M P L E , WHERE THEY DEMO T H E I R FAVO R I T E B E AU T Y T R E N D S .

My go-to hairstyle: For dirty hair, a topknot. For clean hair, boho waves. The trend I’ll never get behind: Contouring! My favorite product: IT Cosmetics Anti-Aging Armour. FIND MORE @CHEL SE ABURNS7 O N I N STAG R A M

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P I N T E R E ST @REAL SIMPLE

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S N A P C H AT @ R E A L S I M P L E M AG

I N STAG R A M @RE AL_SIMPLE

T O P L E F T: P H O T O G R A P H BY B R I A N M A D I G A N . M I D D L E : P H O T O G R A P H BY D AV I S FA C T O R I T C O S M E T I C S : P H O T O G R A P H BY R A L P H S M I T H . R I G H T: P H O T O G R A P H BY C H E L S E A T R A B E R B U R N S

New York City–based stylist and colorist SIOBHÁN QUINL AN styles senior designer Dina Ravvin’s hair for a video shoot. See it at realsimple.com/hairdiy.

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QUICKENLOANS.COM DON’T GET HELD DOWN BY AN OUTDATED MORTGAGE PROCESS. GO COMPLETELY ONLINE FOR A FAST, CONVENIENT APPROVAL.

GO WAITLESS Quicken Loans Inc.; NMLS#3030; www.NMLSConsumerAccess.org. Equal Housing Lender. Licensed in 50 states. AR, TX: 1050 Woodward Ave., Detroit, MI 48226-1906, (888) 474-0404; AZ: 16425 North Pima, Ste. 200, Scottsdale, AZ 85260, Mortgage Banker License #BK-0902939; CA: Licensed by Dept. of Business Oversight, under the CA Residential Mortgage Lending Act and Finance Lenders Law; CO: Regulated by the Division of Real Estate; GA: Residential Mortgage Licensee #11704; IL: Residential Mortgage Licensee #4127 – Dept. of Financial and Professional Regulation; KS: Licensed Mortgage Company MC.0025309; MA: Mortgage Lender License #ML 3030; ME: Supervised Lender License; MN: Not an offer for a rate lock agreement; MS: Licensed by the MS Dept. of Banking and Consumer Finance; NH: Licensed by the NH Banking Dept., #6743MB; NV: License #626; NJ: Licensed Mortgage Banker – NJ Dept. of Banking, 1st (and/or 2nd) mortgages only; NY: Licensed Mortgage Banker – NYS Banking Dept.; OH: MB 850076; OR: License #ML-1387; PA: Licensed as a 1st Mortgage Banker by the Dept. of Banking and licensed pursuant to the PA Secondary Mortgage Loan Act; RI: Licensed Lender; WA: Consumer Loan Company License CL-3030. Rates subject to change. Restrictions may apply. ©2000 – 2016 Quicken Loans Inc. All rights reserved. Lending services provided by Quicken Loans Inc., a subsidiary of Rock Holdings Inc. “Quicken Loans” is a registered service mark of Intuit Inc., used under license.

Q. When did you last surprise yourself?

A. By waiting to learn the sex of our first child. When I was pregnant, a friend of ours suggested we wait to see what the sex would be until the time of birth. Her reasoning: “It’s the last big surprise you will ever really have.” We listened, and it was so much fun having people try to guess what our baby was going to be. And our friend was right! The anticipation was sky-high for us as they pulled our baby out...it was a boy! NICOLE SWASEY SEATON, West Hollywood, California

#WOMENIRL @LIBBEYNOT

When I took my first solo trip overseas. I recently went on a vacation to London and was surprised by how quickly I became familiar with the Tube and navigated the city on my own. I’m proud of my independence and of how I didn’t let my

singleness stop me from seeing a majestic city. I’ve learned there’s so much outside the little world we call home and things much more vast to be explored. KRISTY DOHERTY, Shoreview, Minnesota

CROWDED GYM? FOR SIX EASY EXERCISES YOU CAN DO FROM HOME, HEAD TO REALSIMPLE.COM/ HOMEWORKOUT.

When I replaced my kitchen faucet all by myself! JACQUELINE JA ACKS, Sioux Falls, South Dakota

When I became a mother. I never knew how much I’d be willing to sacrifice until I met my son. Although it’s been the hardest job I’ve ever had, I’m proud of myself for being the best mom I can be.

When I managed to do more than 25 pull-ups!

Before I started exercising regularly, I couldn’t even do one, and now I can do more than my husband. ANNE KOSTECKI, Baltimore

KATIE ROGERS, Carterville, Illinois

MARCH 2017

ELIZABETH ’s not-quite3-year-old daughter left her this colorful surprise. Share your real moments with us on Instagram with the hashtag #womenIRL.

REALSIMPLE.COM

I forwent a microphone for a presentation I was giving. When I stood up on the first try while surfing with the kids. I think my son and daughter cheering me on helped. It was the best!

My soft voice is not usually one to carry, but I stood up, delivered my points, and answered questions without external amplification. It may have been a small crowd, but I’m proud of myself and feel more confident after trusting in my own voice.

SAR AH BURNS, Lahaina, Hawaii

PHOEBE MURTAGH, Chicago

YO U R W O R D S

I quit my job and moved to the country.

I surprised myself a couple of months ago by deciding to move with my husband to a small, very rural town in Georgia. We’re building a small house and plan to have a homestead on 42 acres. I’ve never been a country girl, but at 48, I’m still young enough to enjoy the adventure!

I last surprised myself by discovering that making my own salad dressing is a cinch and that it’s so much more flavorful, healthy, and economical!

MELISSA FORWARD, Davisboro, Georgia

JENNIFER GORDON, Keller, Texas

I started a garden… and it survived!

Dinner Made Simple

For as long as I can remember, I have killed plants. A year and a half ago, that all changed when we bought our first house. It had this adorably overgrown backyard, and all of a sudden I cared more about gardening than I ever had. Last summer I began growing a garden one plant at a time, with impatiens, a lilac bush, a butterfly bush, a rosebush, a raspberry bush, and a tomato plant. My yard looks so pretty. What a surprise!

35 Everyday Ingredients, 350 Easy Recipes by the Editors of

For a chance to win our latest book, follow @womenIRL on Instagram.

ANNA CAVAZOS, Holland, Michigan

I was recently able to lift 150 pounds using a trap bar (meaning I did a squat, lifting the weight from the ground up). Surprised the heck out of me! LISA AR AGON GABRIELSON, Sonora, California

MARCH 2017

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I’ve had long red hair for all of my adult life, but I’ve always wanted a pixie cut. For one reason or another, I always put the idea on hold. Last month I couldn’t hold back for another second. I colored my hair a fetching shade of dusty rose and scheduled a haircut that same day. I get a boost of confidence every time I look in the mirror. CHELSIE RICHARDSON, Cedar Park, Texas

UPCOMING QUESTION

What long-procrastinated task felt good to finally cross off your list? Go to realsimple.com/ yourwords and let us know your answer to this question. Your response could appear on these pages.

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The short list FIVE B O O K S THAT WON’ T DISAPP OINT

SHELF HELP

Medical mystery

Haunting saga True love story At 48, Amy Dickinson, best known for her “Dear Amy” syndicated advice column, found herself back in her tiny hometown of Freeville, New York (population: 520), caring for her mother and falling in love with an old schoolmate. Strangers Tend to Tell Me Things, Dickinson’s honest, funny memoir about this time, is especially potent when it comes to the blending of families.

Romantic recovery Part memoir, part self-help book, Jancee Dunn’s How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids offers relationship research combined with personal anecdotes. Strategies learned from therapists, friends, and even an FBI hostage negotiator help Dunn (who’s written for Real Simple) heal her marriage— and set a good example for her kid.

Although set in New Jersey, Victor Lodato’s Edgar & Lucy starts to take on an otherworldly feel as its heroes— a sensitive, quirky young boy and his damaged, selfabsorbed mother— fall into (and out of) the depths of grief. It’s a dark, beautiful doozy of a novel.

Written by

Liz Loerke Photograph by

Philip Friedman

Great for book club In The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane, Lisa See transports readers to the remote mountains of China—where, in 1988, an Akha tribe grows tea. There we meet Li-Yan, a young woman forced to give up the daughter she had out of wedlock. Come for the heartwarming bonding between mother and daughter; stay for the insight into Akha culture and the fascinating (really!) history of the tea trade.

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY R A C H A E L W E I N E R

Imagine finding out that you’ve inherited a catastrophic, onein-a-billion genetic mutation—and that your family was likely the first in the world to have it. In The Family Gene, Joselin Linder goes on a quest to understand the “private mutation” that threatens her vascular system— and help researchers stop it in its sixth generation.

For more book recommendations, visit realsimple.com/ books.

MARCH 2017

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FOR HEALTHIER-LOOKING SKIN, LOOK FOR EUCERIN, NOW IN THE RED CAP. Eucerin Advanced Repair, formerly Smoothing Repair, is a breakthrough to repair dry, itchy, rough, flaky skin.

Learn more at www.EucerinUS.com

NEW LOOK

BEFORE

E V E RY T H I N G O U R E D I TO R S A R E B U Z Z I N G A B O U T T H I S M O N T H

R E B EC C A AT W O O D X C H A S I N G PA P E R

The textile designer and removable-wallpaper company have partnered up to create a limitededition collection of sophisticated wall coverings. TO BUY: $40 per panel; chasingpaper.com.

ST I TC H F I X P LU S

W H AT W E LOV E

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H FO R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S I N C ; I C O N I L L U S T R AT I O N S : G E T T Y I M A G E S

This spring, the online personalized shopping brand (stitchfix.com) will expand its offerings to include clothing in sizes 14W to 24W.

B AC K P O C K E T PA S TA BY C O LU H E N RY

Following the success of her eponymous Instagram feed comes lifestyle expert Colu Henry’s cookbook, with recipes for delicious meals that use just a few pantry staples. TO BUY: $28; coluhenry.com.

T O WA L K I N V I S I B L E : T H E B RO N T Ë S I S T E R S

This television special (airing on PBS on March 26) depicts the lives of the three Brontë sisters and their climb to literary fame in the face of adversity in the first half of the 19th century.

Written by Stephanie Sisco Photograph by Aaron Dyer

A CUSTOMIZED RED LIPSTICK

Your search for the perfect red lipstick is over, thanks to Givenchy Rouge Interdit Révélateur #25. Packed with hydrating rose oil, the marbleized bullet feels barely-there yet delivers bold color and a satin finish. The selling point: Its formula reacts to your lips’ pH, so it looks both flattering and different on everyone. TO BUY: $34; sephora.com.

MARCH 2017

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THE STAPLE French toast soufflé

W H AT W E LOV E

Beat ⅓ cup pure maple syrup, 2 egg yolks, and ½ tsp. vanilla extract in a large bowl with an electric mixer on mediumhigh until thickened, about 1 minute. Add 2 Tbsp. all-purpose flour and beat until combined. In a separate bowl, beat 2 egg whites and ⅛ tsp. kosher salt on high until stiff peaks form, 1 to 2 minutes. Fold into yolk mixture. Pour into 4 lightly greased 5-oz. ramekins set on a rimmed baking sheet. Place in lower third of 400°F oven and immediately reduce temperature to 375°F. Bake until puffed, 12 to 14 minutes. Dust with powdered sugar. Serves 4.

3 QUICK IDEAS Maple vinaigrette

MAPLE SYRUP It seems like a quintessential autumn ingredient— those bottles scream fall foliage and cozy sweaters—but did you know maple syrup is actually harvested in late winter and early spring? The cold nights and milder days of February and March create pressure in the trees, causing the sap to flow—so it can be tapped and boiled down into the sweet, golden liquid you pour onto pancakes. Or, even better, onto a French toast soufflé.

MARCH 2017

Shake ¼ cup each apple cider vinegar and olive oil, 2 Tbsp. pure maple syrup, 1½ Tbsp. Dijon mustard, 1½ tsp. fresh lemon juice, and ½ tsp. kosher salt in a jar with a tight-fitting lid until well combined. Toss with salad greens. Makes ⅔ cup.

Whisk together 2 Tbsp. olive oil, 1 Tbsp. pure maple syrup, and ½ tsp. each kosher salt and black pepper. Toss with 12 oz. halved Brussels sprouts and 8 oz. small carrots. Spread in an even layer on a rimmed baking sheet and roast at 450°F until tender, about 20 minutes. Serves 4.

RS PICK

Written by Heath Goldman Recipes by Julia Levy Photograph by Aaron Dyer

REALSIMPLE.COM

Ioka Valley Farm in Massachusetts makes maple syrup with a rich, caramelized flavor. Find it at iokavalley farm.com.

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H FO R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S I N C .

Maple-roasted vegetables

LIT TLE HELPERS 5 smart products to make your day easier IPHONE FL ASH DRIVE Small but mighty, this 1½-inch-long device holds an impressive 64 GB of data. Plug the lightning connector side into your iPhone when you get that dreaded “storage full” alert to quickly transfer photos or videos for safekeeping. Later on, plug the USB side into a computer to move files over. ADATA lightning USB flash drive AI920, $65; amazon.com.

W H AT W E LOV E

WAT E R- B LO C K I N G G LOV E S These beauties have a double cuff that catches water while you wash dishes to keep sleeves (or arms) from getting soaked. The tapered design and size options (small, medium, large) ensure a snug fit. WaterBlock Gloves, $14; cassabella.com.

The gloves’ embossed texture helps you grip slippery items.

SOUP ON THE GO Love bringing chicken noodle to work but worried about leakage? This set prevents spills and contains a large bowl for soup, a smaller bowl for crackers, and a small tray for toppings. Even better, the whole thing snaps together and includes a strap for toting. Rubbermaid Fasten + Go, $13; amazon.com.

The bowl holds 2½ cups— ideal for soup, chili, or even yogurt. Written by

Brandi Broxson

ST E P- O N D U ST PA N No more bending down to brush dirt into the dustpan. This handy gadget features a durable foothold that creates a floor seal, making it a cinch to sweep up debris. The nine-inchwide scoop also has plastic teeth along the back to easily free hair or fibers from your broom. Libman step-on dust pan, $7; libman.com for retailers.

Photographs by

Philip Friedman

MARCH 2017

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A rubber foothold keeps the pan from sliding.

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY M A I T R A N

T EC H W I P E S These adorable individually wrapped cloths clean fingerprints and grime off phones, tablets, computers, and eyeglasses. The towelettes are plantbased and free of harsh chemicals like alcohol and ammonia (which can be too abrasive on tech products). Sprucies, $8 for 10; spruceandco.com.

J O I N H E A LT H FOR A TRANSFORMATIVE STAY AT BEAUTIFUL CAN YO N RANCH WELL N E SS RE SO RT IN LENOX, MASSACHUSETTS

KRISTIN MCGEE

Celebrity yoga and Pilates instructor, and author of the book Chair Yoga

TRACY ANDERSON

MARK LIPONIS, M.D.

Fitness pro, creator of the Tracy Anderson Method, and star of more than 170 DVDs

&DQ\RQ 5DQFK &KLHI 0HGLFDO 2ȪFHU author, and expert in preventive and holistic health

CYNTHIA SASS, R.D.

Nutritionist and New York Times best-selling author

CONNECT ONE-ON-ONE WITH INSPIRING EXPERTS AND SPEAKERS FROM HEALTH AND CANYON RANCH.

CLARE McHUGH

Editor in Chief, Health

ROSHINI RAJAPAKSA, M.D.

Associate Professor at the NYU School of Medicine and cofounder of Tula Skincare

LAURA HITTLEMAN

Canyon Ranch Corporate Director of Beauty Services and licensed aesthetician

LESLIE YAZEL

Editor in Chief, Real Simple

JEFF ROSSMAN, PH.D,

Life Management Director at Canyon Ranch in Lenox and author of The Mind-Body-Mood Solution

MAY 5 – 7, 2017

CANYON RANCH WELLNESS RESORT IN LENOX, MASSACHUSETTS Space is limited. To reserve, call 800.742.9000 and mention group code Health Total Wellness. For weekend activity information and updates, please visit health.com/totalwellness and follow #healthtotalwellness.

800.742.9000 | canyonranch.com

PRET TY SMART

HEY, SUGAR LIPS

Infused with coconut oil and vitamin E, Too Faced Sweet Peach Creamy Lip Oil ($19 each; toofaced.com) delivers the shine of a gloss (minus the stick) and the moisture of a balm. Plus: It smells and tastes like peaches, thanks to real fruit extracts. In eight shades of nude, pink, and coral.

MARCH 2017

Written by Heather Muir Maffei Photograph by Aaron Dyer

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H FO R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S I N C .

W H AT W E LOV E

The latest beauty products and tips that save time, money, and—best of all—your sanity

3 2

1 JERGENS NATURAL GLOW WET SKIN MOISTURIZER

2 H2O+ LEMONGRASS VETIVER ON THE MOVE BODY BUTTER STICK

If dunking your fingers into a goopy jar of body butter makes you cringe, consider this solid, palmsize alternative. Swipe it over dry spots—body heat melts it—for a no-mess, travel-friendly application. TO BUY: $15; ulta.com. 3 L’ORÉAL PARIS HAIR EXPERT EXTRAORDINARY CLAY DRY SHAMPOO

In a sea of dry shampoos, this one stands out. Made for those with fine, oily hair, this spray contains three clays to absorb grease. Mist onto roots and brush through for a quick refresh. TO BUY: $7; at drugstores. 4 NIVEA SILK MOUSSE BODY WASH IN CREME MOISTURE

Dispense this fluffy mousse into your palm—no pouf is needed to create a lather. It doubles as a shaving cream. TO BUY: $6; at CVS.

5 NEUTROGENA HYDRO BOOST HYDRATING TINT

Available in 10 shades, this oil-free foundation contains skin-plumping hyaluronic acid to prevent makeup from settling into fine lines. A jumbo sponge tip makes it easy to dab on and blend. TO BUY: $15; neutrogena.com.

6 YES TO MIRACLE OIL PRIMROSE OIL

This lightweight, 99 percent natural oil brings dull, dry skin back to life. Press (don’t rub) it into skin for optimum absorption; dot the leftover oil on nails. TO BUY: $13; walmart.com. 7 CLEAN & CLEAR ACNE TRIPLE CLEAR BUBBLE FOAM CLEANSER

Acne isn’t fun, but massaging a golf ball–size amount of this sudsy cleanser onto your skin is. Two percent salicylic acid unclogs pores, while mint and aloe soothe. TO BUY: $6.50; target.com.

8 GARNIER SKINACTIVE MICELLAR MAKEUP REMOVING TOWELETTES

Photographs by

Philip Friedman

The busy (or just too-tired) woman’s nighttime essential, these wipes remove makeup without tugging, so you can skip the sink. TO BUY: $7 for 25; at drugstores.

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY M A I T R A N ; N I V E A I M A G E C O U R T E S Y M A N U FA C T U R E R

W H AT W E LOV E

Applying self-tanner has felt like a chore, until now. Rub this on after you shower, while skin is wet; then towel off. The result: moisturized skin and, in a few hours, a streak-free, sun-kissed glow. TO BUY: $9; at drugstores.

NEW USES FOR…

LEGO BRICKS

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H FO R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S I N C . ; S P E C I A L T H A N K S T O H E AT H E R R H O A D E S O F T H E A DV I C E S I T E G A R D E N I N G K N O W H O W.C O M

W H AT W E LOV E

These colorful construction pieces function as much more than a toy. Here, they transform into clever household hacks. Now if only we could invent an alarm to warn us when they’re underfoot.

PL ANT DR AIN PEBBLES Prevent root rot by placing a handful of the blocks at the bottom of a planter to provide drainage. P H O N E C H A RG I N G STAT I O N First stack two baseplates (gray and green) for stability. Then build Legos into a rectangular block with a window or arch piece at the front for the charging cord. Add a support column at the back to prop up the phone.

G I F T W R A P STA M P Apply acrylic paint to the studs of a Lego piece and press onto craft paper to create an inexpensive (and kid-friendly) custom wrapping paper design.

FIND FOUR STORAGE SOLUTIONS

Written by Brandi Broxson

every parent should know at realsimple.com/toystorage.

Photographs by Aaron Dyer

MARCH 2017

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UNCOMMON KNOWLED GE FOR MODERN TIME S

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H FO R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S I N C . S P E C I A L T H A N K S T O J E F F A LW O R T H , A U T H O R O F T H E S E C R E T S O F M A ST E R B R E W E R S A N D T H E B E E R B I B L E

POURING THE PERFECT PINT

TEN RECIPES

that make creative use of beer (from fondue to cupcakes) await you at realsimple .com/guinness.

MARCH 2017

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A TULIP-SHAPED GLASS—the tall type with a wide, flared rim—works best for most beers. Just don’t stick the glass (or the beer) in the freezer. Ever. The cold temperature can inhibit flavor, and an iced glass waters down your brew. (Party foul!) To serve beer like a pro, hold the glass at a 45-degree angle under the lip of the bottle or can and pour slowly down the side of the glass. Aim for one-half to two inches of head. Why? Too much foam will act as a barrier against the aromas that enhance flavor, and too little could make the beer taste flat, says Beth Carey, Guinness Beer ambassador at the Guinness Storehouse in Dublin.

Written by Brandi Broxson Photograph by Ralph Smith

K I TC H E N S K I L L S

Things cooks know Strategies, techniques, and tips—from the Real Simple test kitchen to yours

T H E R E A L I ST food

The Secret to Keeping Sparkling Water Fizzy A lot of bubbles escape the first time you open a bottle, so you’ll get maximum fizz if you drink it all right away. Unopened bottles are pressurized to help maintain the CO2 in water. Break the seal and the gas is released. You can’t add that pressure back—but keeping the seltzer cold has a similar effect. (Pressure and low temperatures both make gas more soluble.) The colder the seltzer is, the more CO2 will remain dissolved in it. Store your leftover seltzer in the coldest part of the fridge (that’s the back).

Soufflés can be prepared in advance and frozen in ramekins for up to 1 week. Defrost in the refrigerator and bring to room temperature before baking.

H O W TO

Q U I C K LY ST R I P L E A F Y GREENS The fastest way to de-stem greens like mustard, kale, and collards.

STEP 1 Hold the stem end firmly with your nondominant hand.

NO-FEAR SOUFFLÉS Mastering the classic French dessert isn’t as hard as you think—especially if you remember these three crucial tips. 1. ELIMINATE FAT When you’re whipping egg whites, fat (traces of egg yolk or even a greasy mixing bowl) prevents them from reaching voluminous peaks. Separate eggs carefully, and wipe bowls clean with white vinegar before you start. 2. TAKE IT SLOW Don’t rush when folding whipped whites into the soufflé base. Stop when it’s just combined. The goal is to preserve those foamy egg whites: Their air bubbles expand in the oven, helping the soufflé rise. 3. DON’T FEAR THE FALL It’s natural for soufflés to deflate as they cool, so be sure to take them straight from oven to table.

Written by Heath Goldman Illustrations by Kendyll Hillegas

MARCH 2017

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STEP 2 Gather the leaves between the thumb and forefinger of your dominant hand. Pull back and away along the stem in one confident motion, applying even pressure to strip the leaves from both sides. (This works for thyme and rosemary, too.)

STEP 3 Discard stems and tear or chop leaves as needed.

POWER GREENS Go to realsimple.com/ greensmoothies for five tasty ways to drink your leafy greens.

ingredients you can

trust at a price you can

afford I make

Dog Chow ANGEL A. | Ingredient Specialist Flagstaff, AZ

no artificial FLAVORS, COLORS OR PRESERVATIVES

Trademarks owned by Société des Produits Nestlé S.A., Vevey, Switzerland. Printed in USA.

P R E T T Y P R AC T I C A L

Silver-lining manicure Upgrade plain pale-pink polish with this doable DIY technique (it’s also great for disguising a grown-out gel mani). It takes only two steps to nail it.

2 If you want a clean line of silver (shown on model, left), use a metallic polish, like Essie in No Place Like Chrome ($9; essie .com). If you prefer a glittery look, go with a sparkly formula, such as Smith & Cult in Glass Souls (above, $18; neta-porter.com). Either way, use a fine-tipped brush, like Lune + Aster Eyeliner Point ($18; bluemercury .com), and draw a thin half-moon at the base of each nail, tapering slightly as you round the curves.

RUNWAY INSPIRATION Polish on cuticles is usually a mistake, but on the Rodarte spring 2017 runway, it was the star of the show.

1 Paint it pink Before you paint, wipe nails with polish remover (the cleaner and drier your nails, the better polish will adhere). Then swipe on a clear base coat. Once nails are dry, apply two coats of a sheer pale-pink polish, like Chanel Le Vernis Nail Color in Pink Rubber ($28; chanel.com), dragging the brush along the tips of your nails to prevent chipping. For a more opaque finish, apply a third layer.

Written by Chelsea Traber Burns Photograph by Molly Cranna

MARCH 2017

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24K MAGIC Prefer a warmer metallic on your skin tone? Opt for rose gold or gold. RS pick: Morgan Taylor in Glitter & Gold ($9; ulta.com).

M A N I C U R E BY J I N I L I M U S I N G D I O R V E R N I S ; S T Y L I N G BY R O M I N A H E R R E R A M A L AT E S TA AT S E E M A N A G E M E N T; P R O P S T Y L I N G BY M A I T R A N ; S T I L L L I F E S BY P H I L I P F R I E D M A N ; T O P L E F T P H O T O G R A P H C O U R T E S Y O F M O R G A N TAY LO R L A C Q U E R . R I N G S , F R O M L E F T T O R I G H T: N E T T I E K E N T, C AT B I R D, M I M I P R O B E R , A G M E S

T H E R E A L I ST beauty

Make it pop

INNOVATIVE foundations that love your skin Long-lasting, weightless coverage. Protective antioxidants. Nourishing plant extracts. Soothing minerals with powerful sun protection.

the original skin care makeup HYPOALLERGENIC & DERMATOLOGIST TESTED. #BEAUTYWITHBRILLIANCE JANEIREDALE.COM

ROA D T E ST

THE BEST IN SKIN CARE Our all-time favorite products (plus one new superstar) make up the ultimate goodskin game plan.

4 BEST NIGHT CREAM

Written by Chelsea Traber Burns Photograph by Ralph Smith 5

La Roche-Posay Anthelios 60 Clear Skin Dry Touch Sunscreen Those with pimple-prone skin (who loathe sunscreen) will cheer for this light formula. Water resistant and oil-free, it absorbs grease for a matte finish. “This was the first sunscreen that didn’t make me break out,” reported a tester. TO BUY: $20; laroche-posay.us.

5 BEST CLEANSER

CeraVe Hydrating Facial Cleanser This super-gentle cream is just right for cleaning sensitive skin (even skin susceptible to eczema or rosacea). Packed with hydrating ceramides, it dissolves oil and makeup without stripping skin of its natural protective barrier. TO BUY: $13; target.com.

2 BEST DAY CREAM

Kiehl’s Pure Vitality Skin Renewing Cream Part of what makes this cream so soothing is manuka honey, an anti-inflammatory powerhouse. The formula, which is 99 percent natural, also has ginseng root to rev up cell turnover. Said one tester: “My tired skin looked noticeably brighter.” TO BUY: $60; kiehls.com.

6 BEST EYE CREAM

realsimple

ROAD TEST 3 BEST SERUM

SkinCeuticals CEFerulic A desert-island pick for many derms and beauty experts, this antioxidant blend helps guard against damage from free radicals, which can lead to fine lines and wrinkles. While it is a splurge, it’s your one-and-done antiaging product; plus, the bottle lasts for months. TO BUY: $163; skinceuticals.com.

IT’S BRAND NEW!

Clarins Total Eye Concentrate Dark circles, puffiness, crow’s-feet, crepey lids—whatever your eye issue, this cream will help. Containing plant extracts that target each concern, it “feels luxurious,” according to one Real Simple tester, “but doesn’t cause your makeup to pill.” TO BUY: $84; clarins.com.

FIRST, SECOND, THIRD…

To get the most out of your skin-care routine, follow our layering guide at realsimple .com/whatgoesfirst.

MARCH 2017

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H

T H E R E A L I ST beauty

1 BEST SUNSCREEN

Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Moisturizer Night This drugstore hero turns back the clock while you sleep. The winning combo: hydrating hyaluronic acid plus a fastacting form of retinol that softens fine lines and diminishes brown spots. TO BUY: $21; at drugstores.

D O E S I T R E A L LY W O R K ?

New beauty gadgets Tempted by the latest tools? We took three out for a spin—and asked experts to do the same— to find out whether they’re worth the hype. 2 GELISH MINI O N -T H E - G O LED LIGHT

DY S O N SUPERSONIC H A I R D RY E R

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY W E N D Y S C H E L A H FO R H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S I N C .

TO BUY: $400; dyson.com.

Known for its futuristiclooking appliances (fans, vacuums), Dyson has ventured into the beauty world with a superpowerful blow-dryer that perpetually regulates itself to protect hair from heat damage. For better weight distribution, the motor lives in the handle instead of the nozzle. RS REVIEW: This tool cut drying time in half and gave arms a nice break. The airflow was so powerful, however, that it tangled hair while rough-drying. But it worked wonders with a brush. EXPERT TAKE: “It dries hair faster than any other I’ve used,” said New York City hairstylist Siobhan Quinlan, who found the long handle a bit harder to grip. “It’s quiet and has magnetic attachments, and there’s no risk of hair getting sucked into the motor.” BOTTOM LINE: A worthy investment if your hair is difficult to smooth and you blow-dry often.

TO BUY: $35; sallybeauty.com.

When used with UNO by Gelish polishes ($15 each; sold separately), this light promises to cure polish in two increments of 45 seconds—no base coat or topcoat needed. The LED lamp comes with a USB cord. RS REVIEW: This device is small and light enough to use just about anywhere— even at your desk. Skipping the base coat and topcoat shaved about five minutes off our typical at-home gel mani. The polish went on evenly and, post-curing, looked shiny and substantial. Plus, it stayed chipfree through day five. EXPERT TAKE: “I love the simplicity,” says New York City beauty expert Katie Jane Hughes. “The polish was easy to apply and remove. I found it easy to peel off, though, so if you tend to pick, you may be tempted.” BOTTOM LINE: With a price approximately equivalent to one salon gel manicure, this is a nobrainer for gel-nail fans.

Written by

Heather Muir Maffei Photograph by

Ralph Smith

MANE EVENT

For five fabulous tools that help get your hair juuust right, check out realsimple.com/ hottools.

T H E R E A L I ST beauty

3 FA S C I A B L A ST E R MINI2 TO BUY: $65; fasciablaster.com.

This palm-size plasticand-polymer wand has two pronged “blooms” that you rub over trouble spots on your body; designed to open fascia (the sticky material that covers muscles) and break up adhesions, it claims to deliver muscle defini-

MARCH 2017

tion and reduce cellulite. It’s meant to be used vigorously for five minutes a few times a week. RS REVIEW: The first legblasting was like a deeptissue massage. Afterward, legs looked shiny (from the oil used to help the tool glide), red, and toned. Bruising (which the manufacturer warned about) soon followed and lasted about two weeks.

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EXPERT TAKE: “Don’t use too much pressure until you know your propensity for bruising,” says Dendy Engelman, MD, a cosmetic and dermatologic surgeon in New York City. “I like this tool. It uses a technique comparable to that of in-office cellulite treatments. That said, the results are temporary.” BOTTOM LINE: If cellulite drives you nuts, this is an inexpensive at-home fix. It feels really good, too.

HEATHER CURRIE ON

WHY IT WORKS

AWARD-WINNING MAKEUP ARTIST HEATHER CURRIE LETS US IN ON HOW SHE KEEPS HER ROSTER OF A-LIST STARS LOOKING FRESH AND BEAUTIFUL BOTH ON AND OFF THE RED CARPET. (HINT: IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT THE MAKEUP.)

One question LA-based celeb makeup artist Heather Currie consistently gets is how to prep the skin for makeup. “The trick,” she says, “is to start with a glowing and healthy base.” She recommends a routine that includes cleansing, exfoliating, toning, and moisturizing so that skin is hydrated and looks plump. Other tips include the occasional facial, which helps boost circulation for

“The perfect canvas for flawless makeup is beautiful skin.” younger-looking skin, and picking the right products to keep makeup from settling into fine lines. “It’s all about quality, efficiency, and effectiveness,” she says. “I begin and end my day with Olay Regenerist Miracle Boost Concentrate and Micro-Sculpting Cream. Not only do they reduce wrinkles, they’re also lightweight and blend easily, making them perfect for layering beneath makeup.” She shares the com sure their skin is clear, firm, a .

E DETAILS THER’S PICKS M i i

Regenerist Miracle Boost Concentrate and Sculpting Cream work together to deliver e hydration and renewal with anti-aging d ents that improve elasticity and brighten skin.

OW TO USE m e t t

he concentrate beneath the cream in the ng before applying makeup and in the g after cleansing the skin. “It’s an easy tep process,” says Heather. “And you see ults fast.”

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HOW TO GET THE BEST HAIRCUT AND COLOR Your stylist wields the scissors, but you’re in control. Hair pros share seven things you can do to leave the chair happy. T H E R E A L I ST beauty

Written by Chelsea Traber Burns Photographs by Molly Cranna

MARCH 2017

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COME CLEAN ( B U T N OT SQUEAKY)

Meet your match First things first: Find a stylist whose work you love (Instagram is a great place to look). If you’re clueless about the best person to book, talk to the salon manager. Explain the look you’re going for

and your hair type, and ask him to pair you with the right stylist. Once the date is set, “come with an idea and an open mind,” says Carlina Ortega, a senior colorist at Rita Hazan in New York City. “What you want may not be flattering for your face shape or skin tone, so chat with your stylist— and listen, too.”

IF YOU SEE HAIR YOU LOVE, ASK THE PERSON— EVEN A TOTAL STRANGER— WHO HER STYLIST IS. SOME OF THE BEST REFERRALS HAPPEN ON THE STREET.

Practice patience “When undergoing a major color change, schedule a phone consultation with your stylist prior to your appointment so you can book the right length of time and have realistic expectations of what can be achieved,” says Sheenon Olson, creative director of ATMA Beauty, a salon in Miami. “If you want to go from black to platinum blond, it needs to be done gradually to maintain the integrity of your hair.”

MARCH 2017

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BE HONEST WITH YOUR STYLIST IF YOU’VE SEEN SOMEONE ELSE BETWEEN APPOINTMENTS (GULP). THAT INFO MAY HELP HIM DO HIS BEST WORK.

4 C O N F E SS YO U R S I N S “It’s critical that you tell us about your hair’s history— whether it involves a gloss, toner, Brazilian blowout, or box color, it can make a difference in how we treat it,” says Miguel Angarita, a master colorist at Mizu in New York City. But don’t bash your former hairstylist. “We’re all artists,” says Matt Fugate, a stylist at Serge Normant in New York City. “So when you talk about what you want, focus on what you like and don’t like about your current hairstyle,” without pointing fingers. Angarita also recommends chatting with your stylist about budget and upkeep to ensure you don’t get in too deep. If your goal is a lowmaintenance style, ask for a cut or color that will still look great as it grows out.

H A I R BY J A S O N M U R I L LO AT K AT E R YA N I N C . U S I N G K E V I N M U R P H Y; M A K E U P BY K AT I E J A N E H U G H E S U S I N G L A N C Ô M E ; S T Y L I N G BY R O M I N A H E R R E R A M A L AT E S TA AT S E E M A N A G E M E N T; M A N I C U R E S BY J I N I L I M U S I N G D I O R V E R N I S . P R E V I O U S PA G E : S H I R T BY M I L LY; T H I S PA G E : S H I R T BY C H R I S T I A N S I R I A N O

T H E R E A L I ST beauty

“I can’t tell you how many clients come in with hair that hasn’t been washed in a week because they’ve been waiting on me to do it,” says Katelyn Bode, a colorist at Diva Salon in Oklahoma City. “If you don’t come in with perfectly fresh hair, it’s OK, but having a ton of product buildup can cause color to go on unevenly.” But Raisa Cabrera, a colorist at Mizu in New York City, warns that you shouldn’t scrub your scalp before a color service. “That can make your skin more sensitive to the dye,” she notes. So gently wash your hair the night before an appointment to make nice and get the best color (or cut).

Up your at-home hair game “Using good-quality, color-safe products really does matter,” says Bode. “I feel like clients sometimes think I’m just trying to make more money by having them buy the products I sell, but they’re going to make your color last longer and, in turn, allow you to go longer between appointments.” Products that aren’t specially formulated for color-treated hair can strip the color from your strands, leaving them dull and dingy way sooner than you’d expect. “You’re a walking billboard for my work, so I want it looking the best it can,” adds Bode. Another key product to invest in: heat protectant. “Most women have weak, fried hair because they skip this important step—and hairspray isn’t the answer,” says Fugate.

B R I N G P H OTO S

7 WATC H YO UR TIMING

S H I R T BY W R AY

“Be wary of that last appointment on a Saturday,” warns Francesca D’Ascanio, a master colorist at Mizu in New York City. “If you’re a new client, want a major change, or need a lot of work done to your hair, consider booking appointments earlier in the day or in the middle of the week—your stylist

WANT A SHORT CUT?

Go to realsimple.com/ shortcuts for inspo.

SWAP YOUR FLATIRON FOR A GOOD BRUSH AND BLOWDRYER. IT’S A LESS DAMAGING WAY TO GET SLEEK HAIR.

T H E R E A L I ST beauty

“Pictures are the easiest way to communicate to your stylist what you want,” says Cristina B, a stylist at Rita Hazan in New York City. She recommends bringing along several photos, taken from different angles and in different lighting, to convey your vision clearly. Be very specific about details as well—instead of asking for a trim, say, “I want no more than a half inch off.” Of course, it’s good to keep in mind that “a lot of looks you see on celebrities, in commercials, or on social media contain clip-ins or hair extensions and can lead to unrealistic expectations,” says Fugate. So be ready for some truth.

IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE MORE THAN 20 MINUTES LATE, GIVE THE SALON A COURTESY CALL AND ASK TO RESCHEDULE.

will have more time and energy to devote to you.” Although a hair appointment may feel leisurely, treat it with the same respect you would a doctor’s appointment—do your best to be prompt and patient. Says Miguel Nicolau Pires, a stylist at Salon Eva Michelle in Boston, “I stick to a tight schedule so that each client has my undivided attention and gets the max out of the appointment.”

MARCH 2017

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DISCOVER OUR SKIN-FRIENDLY DETERGENT WITH A FRESH SCENT. No wonder it’s preferred 2 to 1 vs. the leading Free detergent.* ARM & HAMMER™ Sensitive Skin Plus Scent is our first scented detergent clinically tested for sensitive skin. It’s the secret to clean, great-smelling laundry. *In a nationwide survey; among those with a preference; preference based on scent.

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R E A L I ST home

COOL CUSTOMER

GALLERY STOCK

Peeking into the possibility of purchasing a new fridge? Start with our chart. Written by Amanda Lecky and Stephanie Sisco Photograph by Jens Mortensen

MARCH 2017

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CHOOSING A REFRIGERATOR CALLS FOR A COMBO OF PASSION and practicality. You don’t want to get your heart set on a style only to discover it doesn’t work with your specs. To help find the perfect match for you (and your family), we pressed industry pros for the cold, hard facts on the five main styles and their picks for each. Whichever one you choose, the latest models are sleek and streamlined, as well as energy-saving and spaceenhancing—making the hub of your home an even happier place to hang.

BOTTOM FREEZER

FRENCH D O OR

S I D E BY S I D E

B U I LT- I N

PRICE RANGE:

Typically $400 to $2,000.

Typically $700 to $3,500.

Typically $1,200 to $4,000.

Typically $900 to $4,000.

$5,000 and (way) up.

The classic single-door fridge with freezer above.

An increasingly popular model, with deep storage below for frozen food.

The bottom-freezer fridge, but with two narrow doors instead of one wide one.

The vertical compartments offer plenty of shelving for ultimate organization on both sides.

Made to sit flush with cabinets for a streamlined look—a designer favorite.

PROS: Great for a kitchen with limited clearance— the doors are about half as wide as those of standard top-freezer models. The vertical freezer allows you to see contents at a glance (without digging), and shelves set you up to stay organized (versus the potential pit of a drawer).

PROS: Your kitchen will be extra sleek. With most built-in models, you can add panels in the same material as your cabinets for a seamless effect.

CONS: Compartments are narrow (about 14 to 23 inches wide), which may mean you can’t fit larger items, like party platters. Deep-knee bending is needed to access the lower shelves and drawers on both sides.

CONS: Built-ins are about six inches shallower than typical freestanding fridges, so you trade a lot of interior storage space for the visual impact.

KITCHENAID Counter-depth side-by-side refrigerator with exterior ice and water (#KRSC503ESS) LG Ultra-capacity side-byside refrigerator with Door-in-Door (#LSXS26386D)

THERMADOR Built-in freshfood column (#T301R800SP) GE Monogram built-in French-door refrigerator (#ZIPS360NHSS) SUB-ZERO Built-in bottom freezer (#BI36U)

PROS PROS: It’s the most affordable style and comes in narrow, compact options (starting at around 28 inches wide) for smaller spaces. With most, you can swap the side the door hangs from to make the unit work well for your space—a big plus in a tight kitchen.

PROS: Roomy and wide, it keeps fresh food at eye level—and there’s no bending required to access the fridge. Thanks to versatile interior options, you can often customize (even the inside of the door) for maximum efficiency.

PROS: This style has all the perks of the bottom-freezer model (left), with the option for a much larger unit. With two-door access, you can reach inside without exposing all the food to warm air. Narrow doors might work better for your particular room flow. Most models also offer adjustable shelves.

CONS CONS: From a design standpoint, it’s fairly plain. And it generally doesn’t offer extras like an in-door water and ice dispenser. You’ll need to bend to get to some of your fridge food.

CONS: You’ll have to bend to reach frozen foods, and some people find the drawer-style freezer tough to organize. Also, as with top-freezer styles, there’s typically no water dispenser.

CONS: Can be clunky to use—you have to open both doors to stash a big casserole, for example. And, of course, you’ll need to bend to open the freezer drawer.

EXPERT PICKS LG Black stainless-steel large-capacity top freezer (#LTCS24223D) KENMORE Top freezer with internal water dispenser (#79432) FRIGIDAIRE Gallery Series top freezer (#FGTR2045QF)

KENMORE Elite bottomfreezer refrigerator (#79043) LG Large-capacity bottom freezer (#LDCS24223S) BOSCH Glass-door counterdepth bottom freezer (#BIOCB80NVS)

GE Café Series Energy Star counter-depth French-door refrigerator with hot-water dispenser (#CYE22TSHSS) KITCHENAID Counter-depth French door in stainless steel (#KRFC300ESS)

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R E F R I G E R AT O R P H O T O G R A P H S C O U R T E S Y O F K E N M O R E , T H E R M A D O R , A N D W H I R L P O O L

R E A L I ST home

TO P F R E E Z E R

R SVP

BYOB

Fancy. BUT NOT TOO Fancy. TM

These five features aren’t available for all models but are worth considering (or just fantasizing about). 1. DOUBLE-DOOR ACTION: Some models

R E A L I ST home

offer a shallow door set into the main fridge door. It lets you access frequently used items, like drinks and condiments, without dropping the temperature of the rest of the unit. LG’s InstaView takes the concept a step further, with an opaque glassfront panel that lights up so you can peek inside without even opening the door. 2. BARISTA SERVICE:

Get coffee right from the fridge or freezer door with a model like GE’s Café Series, which has a built-in Keurig brewer. 3. CUSTOM COLDING:

Some French-door fridges come with two freezer compartments and allow you to change the temperature of one freezer section so it functions as a fridge when

Keep your fridge healthy & humming… …by pulling it out to vacuum the condenser coils twice a year. (If coils become too clogged with dust, the refrigerator can overheat.) It’s easiest if you use the brush attachment; it takes only a minute. If your door gaskets are torn or don’t seal tightly, replace them—when warm air gets in, the unit becomes less efficient.

needed—giving you more room when, say, you return from the farmers’ market with a big haul or you’re about to entertain and have a lot of beverages to chill. 4. (LITERAL) BELLS & WHISTLES: Refrigerators

with smart capabilities, like the Kenmore Elite French Door BottomMount, notify you when the door is ajar, tell you if the water filter needs to be replaced, and alert you when it’s time to schedule a service call.

WHAT’S THE TYPICAL LIFE SPAN OF A REFRIGERATOR?

Most models should last 10 to 13 years.

5. LUXE INTERIOR:

Instead of the basic white backdrop, newer models from companies such as Whirlpool and KitchenAid come with a sleek black or platinum interior for a designy look.

FRESHEN YOUR FRIDGE

Find an easy, six-step plan to clean the interior at realsimple.com/scrub.

OUR EXPERTS

The fast fix for smudgy stainless To clear fingerprints, dip a microfiber cloth in white vinegar or club soda and wipe along the grain (not in a circular motion, which can leave streaks). If you have time, you can enhance the exterior’s shine by buffing with olive oil. Apply a quarter-size drop of oil to a paper towel and rub gently along the grain. Follow with a clean paper towel to remove excess oil.

JOAN BIGG, of Joan Bigg Design-Kitchen Choreography JULIA BURKE, design expert at Whirlpool Corporation’s Institute of Home Science DEVRI DIXON, product marketing manager at Samsung Electronics America RICK HACKET, senior product manager of refrigeration for Thermador BENJAMIN LIEBERT, vice president of food preservation products at Electrolux MELISSA MAKER, author of Clean My Space: The Secret to Cleaning Better, Faster, and Loving Your Home Every Day CHRIS McGUGAN, vice president and general manager of innovation, Kenmore LENIA PILKONIS, of Lenia Pilkonis Design BECKY RAPINCHUK, cleaning expert and creator of Cleanmama.net CHRISTINA SIMON, president of CS Design Studio KAREN WARNER, president of the Southern New England Chapter of the National Kitchen and Bath Association DAVID VANDERWAAL, vice president of marketing for LG Electronics USA REBEKAH ZAVELOFF, director of design and cofounder of Kitchen Lab Design CHRIS ZEISLER, technical-service supervisor at repairclinic.com

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G S /G A L L E R Y S T O C K

OPTIONS AND ADD-ONS

SPRING MVPs Want to wake up your wardrobe? Focus on the five smartest trends of the season and watch the compliments roll in.

ELIZABETH AND JAMES DRESS

Minimalist with a bit of flounce, this playful shift is perfect for spring parties.

MARLED BY REUNITED CLOTHING SWEATER

A featherweight sweater with this much charm needs only boyfriend jeans and ballet flats. TO BUY: $109; lastcall.com.

Written by

Rebecca Daly Photographs by

Danny Kim

RUF F L ES In sophisticated pastels, this feminine detail reads demure and romantic, not overly sweet.

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S E T D E S I G N A N D S O F T S T Y L I N G BY J E F F R E Y W. M I L L E R

T H E R E A L I ST fashion

TO BUY:

Hattie dress, $385; neiman marcus.com.

CHICO’S JACKET

A modern take on Mom’s tweed number. TO BUY:

Perforated jacket, $149; chicos.com.

ALEXANDRE BIRMAN SANDALS

Three shades of blue triple the charm of these very walkable block heels. TO BUY: Lolita block heel, $525; saksfifth avenue.com.

3 T H E R E A L I ST fashion

VERDAD SKIRT

Classic pleats feel of-themoment in an unexpected fabric. TO BUY: Pleated skirt, $450; verdadofficial .com.

REFINED DENIM

The famously rugged material is reimagined in ladylike silhouettes (that, yes, you can wear to work).

RUMBATIME WATCH

A denim accessory is a lowcommitment way to get in on the trend. TO BUY: Soho watch, $50; rumbatime.com.

ALDO FLATS

Throw these into rotation with your basic black pair, for days when you feel more fashion-forward. TO BUY: Rachaell flat, $55; aldoshoes.com.

GOT THE BLUES?

Head to realsimple.com/ denimondenim for tips on how to mix and match your favorite jean styles.

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FLYNN

Treat this sleek navy as a neutral—it works with nearly any color combo. TO BUY: Ella bag, $195; eatontrading company.com.

T H E R E A L I ST fashion

JUSTFAB.COM

An old-timey camera-case shape adds a vintage vibe. TO BUY: Jayn bag, $30; just fab.com.

URBAN EXPRESSIONS

When you’re looking for a quick way to dress up your basics, this embellished bag will bring all the punch you need. TO BUY: Rosaline bag, $70; urban expressions.net.

MINI C RO SS B ODY B AG S

The biggest of the group is large enough for an iPad mini (plus keys, wallet, and phone). TO BUY: Joanie bag, $320; donatienne handbags.com.

take on the messenger style, with three interior organizing pockets. TO BUY: Metropolitan Persuasion bag, $45; modcloth.com.

DONATIENNE

What these accessories lack in size, they more than make up for in flair. (And don’t worry, they’re still roomy enough for the essentials.)

MMS TRADING INC. A petite

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WIPE YOUR SLATE CLEAN WITH CLEANRIPPLE TEXTURE ®

GO COTTONELLE GO COMMANDO ®

THEM † US

See how it feels

†Leading U.S. value brand. ®Registered Trademark and *Trademark of Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc. ©KCWW

LUX E B OM B E R S 1

On-trend and so easy to wear, these jackets come in options from athleisure to evening wear. Think of them as the new blazer—toss one on over nearly any outfit for an instant update.

T H E R E A L I ST fashion

AMERICAN EAGLE OUTFITTERS

Top off a weekend look with sporty stripes that feel pulledtogether, thanks to a feminine fit. TO BUY: Stitched jacket, $80; ae.com.

This subtly shimmering green feels au courant and looks great with everything from jeans to sleek slip dresses. TO BUY: The E2 jacket, $125; everlane.com.

Pair this pretty floral option with fancy pieces, like a lace skirt or a strapless sheath. TO BUY: Floral jacket, $180; massimodutti .com.

EVERLANE

MASSIMO DUTTI

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MARION PARKE

A suede-leather combo was designed for comfort by a former foot surgeon. TO BUY: Dee heel, $595; shopbop.com. 2

NINE WEST

With a chic twist, this pair looks on point peeking out from under a midi skirt. TO BUY: Byron heel, $89; lordandtaylor .com.

C H U N K YHEELED MULES

Loaded up with Southwestern detail, these add a bit of a ’70s vibe. TO BUY: Philip heel, $350; bloomingdales .com.

STEVE MADDEN

In versatile rose gold, with an easy low heel, this may become your go-to spring shoe. TO BUY: Infinity heel, $90; steve madden.com.

MARC FISHER LTD

Refined but not routine, these cool kicks travel easily from conference room to cocktail bar. TO BUY:

Ragina heel, $170; marcfisher footware.com. 5

T H E R E A L I ST fashion

The backless silhouette may be de rigueur, but the design options run the gamut, offering plenty of opportunity to strut your personal style.

SIGERSON MORRISON

NE TU IN

Hosted by

JAMES MARSHALL

Get inspired by AMERICAN DOERS, the big-city strivers, small-town superheroes, and self-starters who defy the odds and turn ideas into success. British producer, entrepreneur, and adventurer James Marshall is in love with America’s “can-do” spirit, and in this new video series, he’s putting the spotlight on 12 AMERICAN DOERS who represent what America is really about—passion, courage, and total dedication.

SHAMAYIM HARRIS

TIM AND DEBBIE BISHOP

Founder, Avalon Village

Owners, Medicine Bow Lodge & Adventure Guest Ranch

SPONSORED BY

WATCH NOW AT AMERICANDOERS.PEOPLE.COM

T R E N D TO T RY

Lace

Intricate and feminine, lace invites a closer look. Here, pretty ways everyone can wear it. 2

Classic silhouette plus textured pattern equals new workwear favorite. Tory Burch skirt, $295; toryburch.com. 5 EMBELLISHED PUMP

For a special occasion, slip on these ladylike heels with a whimsical touch. Owen pumps, $160; vince camuto.com.

6 CHANTILLY CLUTCH

Thanks to a delicate overlay, this sleek silver clutch makes a basic black outfit intriguing. Sondra Roberts clutch, $65; nordstrom.com. 7 METALLIC CUFF 1 STRIKING SHEATH

Dainty filigree goes edgy in gunmetal and glam in gold. Chantilly cuffs, $98 each; stelladot.com.

There’s no easier way to bring the wow factor than to slip into this midi dress. ML Monique Lhuillier dress, $595; at Neiman Marcus (888-888-4757).

NET WORTH

S O F T S T Y L I N G BY M A I T R A N

2 BELL-SLEEVE BLOUSE

Want more great lace picks? Head to realsimple.com/ lace for gorgeous options under $100.

A pretty pastel top is the perfect feminine counterpoint to menswear pieces like wide-leg trousers and boyfriend jeans. Avers top, $148; likely.nyc. 3 TIERED NECKLACE

Play up this intricate piece with swept-back hair and bold lipstick. Ben-Amun necklace, $195; ben-amun.com.

5 Written by Rebecca Daly Photographs by Philip Friedman

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T H E R E A L I ST

4 PENCIL SKIRT

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5 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP

Whether your mind is speeding ahead after one great date or you’re on the cusp of getting serious with someone you’ve been seeing for a while, find your footing with these queries.

M E R E D I T H G O L D ST E I N , A DV I C E C O LU M N I ST

Am I being honest about what I want? First be honest with yourself—then get on the same page with your new partner. There’s a fear of scaring people off with “big” questions, but those questions are important. Recently a woman wrote to me about a relationship she’d been in for two years; she had just learned that her boyfriend didn’t want to have kids. She’d never asked—and now, at 36, she’s wondering, Do I stay or do I go? Age can be an important factor. I’m 39, and if someone asks me on a first date whether I’m thinking of having children, that makes sense to me. We all have a list of things we want, but that list can change. If you find your relationship is bringing you joy but not matching your list, maybe it’s time to reassess the list. Meredith Goldstein writes the daily “Love Letters” column for The Boston Globe.

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Written by Sarah J. Robbins Illustration by Ben Wiseman

3 HALLEY FEIFFER, AC TO R A N D W R I T E R

What does my gut say?

2 E VA N M A RC K AT Z , DAT I N G C OAC H

R E L AT I N G

Am I being genuine on our dates? Don’t go into dates with an agenda. When you operate as some kind of sleuth (I have 90 minutes to figure out what this guy’s deal is), the questions, no matter how clever you think they are, are never subtle. A good date is like sitting next to someone on a plane— just a natural conversation. Be yourself and don’t stress too much about impressing or being impressed. Afterward, you can evaluate the experience. Ask yourself, Did I have fun? Was I attracted to him? Was I comfortable? Was I being myself? The answer to all those questions has to be yes. If it’s not, there’s no need to pursue the relationship. Evan Marc Katz is the author of Believe in Love: 7 Steps to Letting Go of the Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence. He lives in Los Angeles.

There have been times in my life when my gut has screamed, He is not for you! and my head or my will has ignored that and said, Nope! I’m gonna do it! Deep down, we know when we’re seduced by the package but the substance we’re looking for is not there. I find that I get an honest answer when I do a gut check, the way I might ask myself, What do I feel like eating today? Partly it’s noticing whether this person brings out the best in you. I’ve dated people who made me want to be kind, generous, patient, and sweet. And I’ve dated others with whom I ended up gossiping for three hours about people we both knew. The latter can feel naughty and exciting, but ultimately it’s toxic. It’s also a sign that you probably don’t have much in common. Halley Feiffer appeared most recently on Broadway in The Front Page. Her own plays have been produced by Atlantic Theater Company and MCC Theater, among others. She lives in New York City.

4 T Y TA S H I RO, P H D, P SYC H O LO G I ST

What do my friends think? There are hundreds of studies about how we rationalize things in our romantic relationships. One term for it is “positive illusion”—a halo effect that leads you to see an idealized version of your partner. A little shine is OK within reason, but like many things, it can go too far. Relationship researchers have found that family and friends actually do a better job of predicting whether a relationship will work out—and a better job of rating a partner’s individual characteristics, like kindness—than the other person in the relationship. In statistics, we say that it takes three data points to make a trend. So ask a diverse group, “What do you really think?” Then aggregate the answers. Ty Tashiro, PhD, is the author of Awkward: The Science of Why We’re Socially Awkward and Why That’s Awesome. He lives in New York City.

LEARN ABOUT TRAITS

of healthy relationships at realsimple.com/ healthyrelationship.

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R AC H E L M AC Y STA F FO R D, W R I T E R

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What will happen when we don’t see eye to eye? You don’t have to agree on everything, but take note of meaningful disparities—and how you two manage them. Say you’re on a walk and see a homeless person. If you feel compassion but your date says, “That guy needs to get a job,” you might think, Hmm. The real question is: Can you have a healthy dialogue about your points of view? Differences of opinion often come from experience and upbringing. For a relationship to work, you need to be able to express your viewpoint while being open to listening to an opposing one. If you can be peaceful about big topics, you can come to an agreement about loading the dishwasher. Rachel Macy Stafford is the author of Hands Free Mama and Only Love Today. She lives in the South.

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©J&JCI 2017

Why Jennifer Garner never skips sunscreen, even when it’s cold and rainy. The sun is up there shining 365 days a year. Summer or winter, its UVA rays can pass through clouds, haze, even windows. The more unprotected sun exposure you get, the greater your risk of developing skin cancer. In fact, 1 in 5 Americans will develop skin cancer in their lifetime. Protection and early detection are the key to survival. For sun safety tips and life-saving tools, like a free dermatologist skin cancer screening, self-exam kit, and discounts on sunscreen products, go to ChooseSkinHealth.com

#ChooseSkinHealth

with participation from

R E L AT I N G

Good Read

TRUNK ARCHIVE

NOTHING TO SEE HERE Ever had a secret that made you want to hide from the world? Samantha Zabell brings hers out into the light. Photograph by Meredith Jenks

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R E L AT I N G good read

W H E N I L O O K at photos of myself as a child, I go right to the eyebrows. They were not as bad as my friend Abigail made them seem when she alerted me to their unfortunate prominence. (“You have a unibrow,” she stated flatly.) We were in sixth grade. If it had been 10 years later, when trends changed, Abigail might have asked me to share my secret for bold, beautiful brows. Instead, I developed a different brow secret. I’m a puller. I yank out my brows when I feel nervous or worried. On a bad week, you can see my anxiety on my face, if you look closely. Of course, I won’t let you. With makeup, artfully swept bangs, or thick-rimmed glasses, I can hide my habit. And I do, whenever I need to. I guess it started soon after Abigail shared her observation. I was upset and went crying to my mom about my unibrow. She took me to the salon, where a kind aesthetician tweezed “just the middle,” at my mom’s request. And I found the sensation kind of… enjoyable—like tugging at your scalp when making a tight ponytail. Soon I began tweezing on my own, with zeal. I hoped perfect eyebrows would cancel out the braces, glasses, not-quite-A cups, and dark hair on my pale arms. There was nothing I could do about most of my flaws. But brows, I could tame. Tweezing felt great, and kind of familiar; as a younger kid, I had occasionally pulled out my lashes. At the time, it didn’t seem like a big deal—only a small bad habit (my mother would tell me to stop, just like a mom would say, “Don’t bite your nails”). But I was beginning to go too far. When my brows didn’t line up perfectly, I tweezed some more—way more—in search of that elusive (actually, impossible!) symmetry. My mom noticed how bare my brows had become, and she confiscated my tweezers. I missed the sensation of plucking, which had become soothing. I didn’t think to sneak tweezers (I was 14 but very obedient). Instead, I started using my thumb and forefinger. This is when the real trouble began. (For the record, I realize how this sounds—like my story could live under the headline “Help! I OverPlucked!” Truly, it’s not the same. Stay with me.)

Whenever I felt anxious or nervous, which was often, I would pull. It was comforting and numbing and relaxing. A paciﬁer. I particularly loved the feeling of pulling out a thick hair, one that had clearly been with me for years, growing strong. I found a strange happiness as I watched the hairs fall into my lap or onto the pages of my book. You might not know this, but if you pull hard and clean, you can see a tiny, clear casing on the root of the hair. And if you’re in a dead-quiet room, pulling in the dark before you go to sleep, you can even hear a soft pop. I remember the Day My Eyebrows Left, like a foggy, frightening children’s book. At 16, I was still anxietyridden about my looks and many other things. Once in a while, my mom would point out to me that my brows were getting thin and uneven. She’d check them under the “good light” in her walk-in closet and warn me that I was overtweezing. She had no idea that the patchiness was from fingers, not tweezers—and that this habit was not something I could curb. I thought if I wore enough brow pencil and kept my mood even, no one would notice. But one day, my mom had an inkling that something was seriously wrong. She said gently, “I need to see what’s going on,” and she walked me into the closet with her. With a washcloth, she wiped away the layers and layers of pencil. There was nothing left. We were both speechless. We hugged. I cried, overcome by a mixture of shame, anger, and relief. Later that day, my mom took me to the makeup counter at Saks Fifth Avenue. Being at the mall, where I might run into people in my browless state, was terrifying. But we were quickly whisked to a back room by a saleswoman we knew named Nancy. (I didn’t even know the Saks makeup department had a back room.) Sitting in this space with my mother, I got a look at myself in a mirror: You don’t realize how important eyebrows are to a face until they’re no longer there. As Nancy applied makeup remover to my arches, she didn’t say much. She examined me, then went farther back—into the back of the back room— leaving us tiny water bottles to sip. I was crying and

You don’t realize how important eyebrows are to a face until they’re no longer there.

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P H O T O G R A P H BY A L LY Z A B E L L

couldn’t drink. My mom and I sat together mostly in silence, waiting for Nancy’s return. She brought back an eyebrow pencil and a gel and applied both to my forehead like a surgeon stitching up a patient. I looked in the mirror and exhaled. We left with both products, plus a clear serum that would help stimulate hair growth. I was relieved and grateful. In that moment, I felt my troubles were over. It wasn’t that simple. Yes, I had a solution to my brow loss of the moment, but my anxieties were still with me. And, to cope with them, so was pulling. I tried therapy, where it was suggested that I get a stress ball or wear a hair tie on my wrist and snap it whenever I felt like pulling. I tried meditation. All were just Band-Aids. Eventually I became annoyed with the tool meant to distract me (or my wrist hurt), and I’d go back to pulling.

Nancy brought back an eyebrow pencil and a gel. She applied them to my forehead like a surgeon stitching up a patient.

It wasn’t until college that I thought this behavior— which continued to flare whenever there was a change in my life or another reason to be anxious or nervous—might have a name. (For all its drawbacks, what I love about the Internet is its ability to offer clarity on the one thing that makes you feel most alone.) Freshman year, I plugged my symptoms into WebMD and was relieved to see a diagnosis: trichotillomania. Medically speaking, it involves “recurrent, irresistible urges to pull out hair from your scalp, eyebrows, or other areas of your body, despite trying to stop,” and it’s related to OCD. Many who suffer from trichotillomania feel saved by brow gels and pencils. But my relationship to makeup felt more like a dependency. I carried brow pencils and gels and serums in every jacket pocket. Despite my aversion to how I looked, I checked my reflection in any surface I could find—blank phone screens, windows, mirrors—to see whether I needed to reapply. If I found myself without a pencil, I bought one. I lost the joy of shopping for a new beauty product; it felt like filling a prescription from the doctor.

Then something happened. It was New Year’s Eve 2015. I was looking for a resolution and was toying with the idea of learning calligraphy. I mentioned this to my mom, and (lucky for me) she offered to purchase a starter kit. She saw it as a way to keep my thumb and index finger occupied. I had no clue how it would change my life. Now I do calligraphy every night, for hours (often while I watch Netflix). It’s the best thing that’s happened to me, ever. I do work for others; I make gifts. I make all my own cards. If I have nothing to work on, I practice my alphabet or write out quotes. I wish I could tell you my trich is gone forever. But still, today, my brows have a pulse. I’m acutely aware of where they are on my face, and I can feel individual hairs. Even though I’ve had a great year, I know there’s a chance trich will come back when life gets stressful again. And that’s kind of rough. The most frustrating thing about it is not the plucking (which still feels great) or the potential humiliation. It’s that every time I look up the behavior on the Internet, I’m reminded that there’s no definitive cure. You might wonder what it does to an anxietyridden perfectionist to find out she can’t be cured. To have to accept some unsolvable, bizarre body impulse. To know that she can’t be fully fixed by a doctor or a pill or even an awesome, satisfying hobby. I’ll tell you what it does: It makes her want to pull out her eyebrows. Q

About the author Samantha Zabell is the social media manager at Real Simple. You can find her on Instagram at @samzawrites.

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R E L AT I N G good read

Anytime I needed to make a big decision (about whether to take a certain job, for example, or move to New York), pulling would get worse. I knew it was bad for me, but it was the only thing that felt comfortable and familiar. These periods of intense pulling usually lasted about two weeks; then I would realize the damage. During these stretches, I would avoid mirrors entirely—literally getting dressed in the dark, or putting on makeup before I put in my contacts so my reﬂection would be blurry.

Bounce Back! When life is a cruel joke, be the person who laughs it off. Train yourself to be resilient and you’ll get healthier, too.

the artist’s task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left,” wrote Itzhak Perlman, the violinist who became a virtuoso despite contracting polio at age 4 and relying on crutches or a wheelchair most of his life. Most of us don’t play concertos. But at one point or another, we’ll all be knocked down by life—

“SOMETIMES IT IS

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Written by Virginia Sole-Smith Illustrations by Domenic Bahmann

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a sick child, a lost job, a troubled marriage—and have to resume the everyday business of living with joy and purpose. How well you do that depends on your level of resilience, a.k.a. your “ability to bounce back,” says psychiatrist Dennis Charney, MD, dean of the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City, who has spent decades researching how people do just that. Charney began his career studying people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). “It occurred to us that we could learn more from people who had the same kind of trauma as PTSD patients but either never developed the condition or managed to overcome it,” he says. Charney and his team learned that resilient people are less likely to be diagnosed with mental health struggles like PTSD, depression, and anxiety, which may not come as a surprise. But increasingly, research has shown that the ability to thrive despite difficult circumstances can speed recovery from injury and surgery, reduce pain, and improve health outcomes for a wide variety of conditions. Optimists are less likely to suffer from angina and heart attacks and tend to recover better from coronary-artery bypasses. And people who can speak positively

about mild stressors (such as going to college) are less likely to need a doctor, according to a research review published in 2004 in Journal of Personality. A 2008 Annals of Behavioral Medicine study found that osteoarthritis patients who are especially resilient experience less pain than others with the condition. Well, that’s great for them, you might be thinking—because one common misconception about resilience is that you either have it or you don’t. But experts agree that it’s a skill you can learn and cultivate. “You can move the needle on this,” says Charney. Here’s how.

Let yourself feel sad.

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If you’ve ever reacted to some really bad news by collapsing in tears,

eating a pint of ice cream, or reaming out your spouse, you might think those were not the coping skills of a particularly resilient person. Actually, they are, says Angela Duckworth, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, who interviewed dozens of CEOs, athletes, spelling bee champions, and other highly resilient people for her book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. “They were all very quick to share stories about their moments of weakness,” she says. “And I’m not talking about that time you got a B+ on a test. I’m talking about that time you tried to kill yourself, or the years you spent battling an eating disorder. Resilient people are not perfect, and they don’t always know what the hell they’re doing.”

In fact, scientists have found that when animals encounter stressful circumstances, one of the first things their brains do is activate a “hopelessness circuit.” In humans, this can manifest as intense feelings of grief or anger and, sometimes, a profound need to binge-watch Netflix in our pajamas. “We know there’s a period of time when you almost inevitably have to feel despondent,” explains Duckworth. “There’s a neurobiological reason why that lasts for a few days—because it’s only after those feelings clear out that hope can kick in.” That flood of negative feelings may be your brain’s way of grappling with a tough reality: Facing your problems is a key step toward acceptance. “To understand hope, you have to also understand hopelessness,” notes Duckworth. Of course, if hope doesn’t kick in, such behaviors can be a sign of depression—so talk to your doctor if more than two weeks go by and you’re still struggling, warns Charney: “If you can’t get up and go to work in the morning or you find yourself withdrawing from family and friends, these are warning signs that should not be ignored.” Otherwise, let yourself wallow a bit when you need to—and know that your brain is laying important groundwork for a more resilient frame of mind.

Control what you can. Duckworth likes to point to a famous experiment performed by University of Pennsylvania psychology doctoral students in 1967, in which dogs were given mild electric shocks to their back paws. Half the dogs could make the shocks stop by pushing their nose against a panel in their cage; the other half could do nothing. When the same dogs were then subjected to a new round of shocks the next day, the dogs that had control over the previous day’s shocks quickly learned they could jump over a low wall to safety. But two-thirds of the dogs that hadn’t been able to control anything just lay down and whimpered until the shocks were over. “This experiment proved that it isn’t suffering that leads to chronic hopelessness,” says Duckworth. “It’s suffering that you think you can’t control.” Of course, we often can’t control the outcome of a job interview, surgery, or other stressful experience. But when we busy ourselves with a project related to our problem—whether it’s preparing talking points for the interview, joining a support group for people undergoing the same procedure,

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Your eczema may be hiding something. You may think you know eczema, but what you might not know is that it’s a term used to describe a variety of skin conditions. The most common form of eczema is actually a chronic disease called atopic dermatitis. You can see the signs of atopic dermatitis on the surface, but a key underlying cause remains hidden. Inflammation beneath the skin can lead to the red, itchy rashes that you try to manage, but just keep coming back. This underlying inflammation is always active, meaning your next flare-up is just waiting to return. Don’t just focus on the symptoms; learn more about what may be happening beneath the skin’s surface at EczemaExposed.com.

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or just cleaning the house so as not to live in chaos while life falls apart— we’re building resilience. “These are all ways of empowering yourself, of saying, ‘What can I do?’” notes Robert Brooks, PhD, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School and the author of The Power of Resilience. “If you stay focused on what you can control, you avoid becoming paralyzed by the spiral of blame and by asking, ‘Why me?’ We have far more control than we realize over our attitude and response to these situations.”

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But know when to be flexible. “People often ask me, ‘Is there such a thing as too much resilience? What if you just keep trying or hoping for something that is never going to happen?’” says Duckworth. Her research suggests that most of us are more likely to give up too soon than hang on to false hope for too long. But she also underscores that good judgment is a critical component of grit. “It’s not resilience if you’re just trying the same thing over and over and expecting change,” she explains. “Trying hard isn’t enough; being resilient means you’re also willing to try differently.” This entails developing your problemsolving skills, says Brooks. If you’re struggling to land a job in a new field, for example, don’t just keep blindly sending out résumés. Instead, sit down with a friend or mentor who can help you pinpoint what hasn’t been working and brainstorm alternative strategies, such as a new way to network or a training program that will add missing skills to your résumé. “Step back, consider different options, pick a course of action, and then assess how well this new strategy works,” he advises. “Good problemsolvers think of new solutions and make necessary changes to their approach.”

You also need to hone what Charney calls “cognitive flexibility,” or the ability to reevaluate a traumatic experience in order to grow and recover, rather than letting it limit your life. For the book he coauthored, Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges, Charney interviewed a family friend who was born with spina bifida. “She accepted the reality of her condition, but she didn’t let it limit her view of herself. She learned to swim, and she got into Yale,” he recalls. “Cognitive flex-

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ibility doesn’t mean you have to find good in a bad thing, because sometimes there is no good. It means you don’t let this bad thing define you.” For disappointments, like a book proposal that didn’t sell, you might be able to find silver linings fairly quickly; perhaps the failed book sparks a better idea. For major catastrophes, such as the death of a loved one, you may need to enlist a trained therapist to help you find a sense of peace.

Find resilient role models. Maybe your role model is your mother, who was the first woman in her family to go to college. Or your coworker, who survived a rocky divorce and is now friends with her ex. Your role models don’t need to be people who have dealt with the same challenges you’re facing; they just need to have certain traits or strategies that you can emu-

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Be a role model, too. “It’s important to pay it forward,” says Charney—and not just because it’s the nice thing to do. Studies show that altruism is key to resilience, and thus good health. People over 55 who volunteered with two or more organizations, for example, had a 44 percent lower chance of dying during the study than nonvolunteers, according to researchers at the University of California, Berkeley. When Brooks surveyed 1,500 adults about their early educational experiences, he found that a majority considered a time when they had been asked to “help out” as essential to building self-esteem and motivation. “Decades later, they remembered when a teacher asked them to tutor another student or help pass out the milk,” he says. “Helping others makes us feel competent, improves our problem-solving abilities, and gives us a larger sense of purpose. All of that translates to more resilience.” You might join a walk to raise funds for the disease that killed your mother or simply share your story in a Facebook group, where it can help people facing the same ordeal.

Talk it out. If you have people in your life who believe in your ability to learn and do better—even when you really screw something up—that will help you view the glass as half full. This doesn’t mean you need your friends to give you pep talks all the time. It can be enough just to have other people in your life who understand what you’re going through.

When Charney interviewed former prisoners of war, he learned they had spent hours developing a secret code of taps that allowed them to communicate with one another through the walls of their cells. Women may be especially good at connecting with others facing similar obstacles: “The natural response to stress in women and girls is to reach out, to talk, to share—to feel like, OK, I’m not the only one who is failing,” says Judith V. Jordan, PhD, director of the Jean Baker Miller Training Institute at Wellesley College in Wellesley, Massachusetts. “Culturally, we’re taught that this is a sign of weakness, that you should be able to get it together on your own—but I believe it’s resilience in action.”

ST R E N GT H IN NUMBERS These inspiring quotes are a reminder of the amazing flexibility of the human spirit. Hang them on your mirror the next time you need to tap into your own inner resilience reserves.

Know that you’re already doing it. It’s fine to hate the worrisome circumstances you’re facing, but consider this benefit: By overcoming stress, you become more resilient. “You can’t just watch Chariots of Fire and be more resilient,” says Duckworth. “You have to be in the race yourself, lose, and then see that it’s not the end of the world.” Going through these kinds of ordeals fires up what psychologists call our neurological “hope circuit”—the purpose of which is to inhibit our hopelessness circuit and override the neurons that trigger feelings of despair. If your current problem feels overwhelming, draw on a past experience and remember how you persevered. In Duckworth’s interviews with “paragons of grit,” she says many of them had a formative experience that inspired them, whether it was rowing on their college crew team or a grueling semester with a tough teacher. “When you can say, ‘At least this isn’t as hard as that was’— that’s true grit,” says Duckworth. “Be biased toward hope.” Q

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If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces. —SHANE KOYCZAN, “BLUEPRINT FOR A BREAKTHROUGH,” TEDx TALK, 2013

I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. —J.K. ROWLING, HARVARD UNIVERSITY COMMENCEMENT SPEECH, 2008

The human capacity for burden is like bamboo—far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance. —JODI PICOULT, MY SISTER’S KEEPER

Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. —HELEN KELLER, “OPTIMISM: AN ESSAY”

Yet, it seems like the more abuse I get, the more abuse I court—baring myself more extravagantly, professing opinions that I know will draw an onslaught—because, after all, if I’ve already adjusted my body temperature, why not face the blizzard so that other women don’t have to freeze? —LINDY WEST, SHRILL: NOTES FROM A LOUD WOMAN

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late. In fact, you don’t even need to know them personally—as long as their story inspires you. “The goal is to put together your own road map toward recovery,” says Charney. “Imitation is a very powerful way of learning to be resilient.”

The vets will see you now LE T THE FUR FLY! ANSWER S TO YOUR HAIRIE ST PE T QUE STIONS

Herbivorous dreams My son wants a pet snake, but I don’t want one that eats rodents. Are there “vegetarian” snakes that make good pets?

THE PET EXPERTS

Litter quitter

MARTY BECKER, DVM,

North Idaho Animal Hospital, Sandpoint, Idaho

AUNDRIA DEL PINO, DVM,

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C.S.

Identity crisis

T.K.

A. A veggie-only diet isn’t an option, because a snake’s gastrointestinal tract can’t digest plant protein, says exoticanimal veterinarian Alicia McLaughlin: “Any snake would starve if you fed it only plants.” Not all snakes need to eat rodents, though. Garter snakes, for example, can get by on bugs, fish, and frogs— but that fare can be pricier and tougher to find. (Feeder fish and bugs are available at certain pet stores; frogs typically need to be raised in colonies by the snake owner.) Mice or rats—one or more every week, depending on the snake’s size—are the easiest and least expensive option. Because live ones can potentially attack a snake, it’s best to order rodents frozen (try petsmart.com) and thaw them in warm water, says veterinarian Aundria del Pino. Bottom line, says McLaughlin: “If you’re squeamish, steer your son toward a plant-eating lizard or tortoise instead.”

Lately our cat won’t use the litter box. What’s going on?

We just adopted a 4-year-old dog, and we don’t like the name he came with (Lucky). Would it confuse him to change it?

Marathon Veterinary Hospital, Marathon, Florida ALICIA MCLAUGHLIN, DVM,

The Center for Bird & Exotic Animal Medicine, Bothell, Washington

P.N.

A. You’re in luck (pun intended)—there’s no harm in changing Lucky’s name, but it will probably take about a week for him to answer regularly to the new one, says veterinary behaviorist Lisa Radosta. To make the switch, give him a treat (immediately) every time you call him by his new name. Choose a low-cal version—and if your dog weighs less than 20 pounds, give him only half. Radosta’s pick is Zuke’s Mini Naturals ($12; chewy.com). Keep in mind: It’s the positive reinforcement that will help the name stick, so never call your dog’s name to do something negative, like clean his ears or give him a bath.

LISA RADOSTA, DVM,

Florida Veterinary Behavior Service, West Palm Beach, Florida

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A. Your cat isn’t trying to, er, piss you off. The aversion could be a cleanliness issue: Wash the litter box with soap and water and refill it with an odor-eliminating clumping clay, like Fresh Step Odor Shield litter ($12 for 14 lb.; target.com), says veterinarian Marty Becker. No luck? It’s possible a change in environment sparked the behavior shift—for example, your cat noticed another cat near the house and is marking its territory. You might be able to get your cat to adapt—and get its elimination habits back on track—by installing window film that blocks its line of sight (try Artscape etched-glass window film, $25; home depot.com) and plugging in a soothing pheromone diffuser (such as Feliway Comfort Zone kit, $40; petco.com). In some cases, a litter-box boycott can be a sign of a urinary tract disease, diabetes, or another medical issue that makes climbing into the box painful. So if the other fixes don’t work, visit your vet.

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Sarah Grossbart

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Modern Manners RE AL SIMPLE’S E TIQUE T T E E XPERT, C ATHERINE NE WMAN, OFFER S HER BE ST ADVICE ON YO U R S O CI AL QUANDAR I E S.

S.T.

If you’re asking whether the phrases “excuse me” and “pardon me” are correct, then that’s easy. They are, and either is a perfectly acceptable way to request attention from the service staff. If you’re asking whether it’s correct to correct your boyfriend, however, then that’s a little thornier. Were you describing truly boorish behavior (from the kind of person who speaks demeaningly to waitstaff and cab drivers), I’d say absolutely—tell him it’s rude, and show him what courtesy looks like. I’d also advise you to run the other way, since someone who’s horrible to waiters and cab drivers is not someone you want to share your home or life with. But your boyfriend seems to display an absence of polished politeness rather than any kind of active rudeness, if that makes sense. I’m picturing a friendly “Hey, man” (along the lines of “Dude!”), and if nobody seems put out by it, you might let it go, while continuing to model your more customary style of courtesy. If, however, your boyfriend is more aggressive than what I imagine, then remind him that he’s interrupting people at work—and that he’ll get better, happier service if he does so nicely.

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About Catherine The author of Catastrophic Happiness and Waiting for Birdy, Catherine Newman has shared her wisdom on matters ranging from family and friends to happiness and pickling in numerous publications. She gets advice from her husband and two opinionated children in Amherst, Massachusetts.

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My son and I love to play outside. But one child in the neighborhood is very badly behaved. The parents do not discipline him, and he’s often outside alone. It has gotten to the point where if I see him outside, we stay in. The child does not listen to anyone, so even if I try to discipline, it falls on deaf ears. How do I handle this without causing issues in the neighborhood? N.U.

Other people’s badly behaved children are kind of my Achilles’ heel. If a child is underparented, I think the right thing to do is chip in with time and attention, à la “It takes a village.” But then it’s no coincidence that these troublesome types are not always such great company for your own kids (or you, for that matter). What I do in similar situations is muster as much compassion as I can—this is a child in need of attention and love, even if it’s tough love, after all— and then set clear limits. And enforce them. That means saying things like, “In our family, we share our toys. So if you want to play with us here, then you have to share. If you don’t, then you’ll have to play somewhere else.” (If he refuses to comply, say, “We’re going inside now,” and do.) Another strategy is to invite the child to join you at a specific time and sug-

P O R T R A I T BY S A R A H M AY C O C K

How do you politely get someone’s attention in a restaurant, store, hotel lobby, etc.? My boyfriend always says, “Hey, man,” and I think that is so rude. I want to tell him to say, “Excuse me” or “Pardon me,” but I’m not sure that is correct either. Help!

I have a friend who invites my husband and me to her condo in St. Croix every year for a week. Since our last trip, she’s had a birthday and back surgery. I didn’t reach out for either. Now it’s a few months before our annual trip, and again she extended the invitation. I am very embarrassed by my lack of courtesy. She has been so nice, and we have just been takers. How can I make this up to her? B.J.

You may think you are a terrible friend, but I am smiling over your appealingly frank assessment of yourself. If I were you, I would apologize as transparently as I know you’re capable of: “Thank you so much for the invitation. We’d love to join you. But I want to say I’m sorry before we get there—I know you had back surgery this year, and I feel terrible that we never reached out. Please forgive us.” Then bring an extra-nice host (or belated birthday) gift, and go out of your way to treat her to an extravagant meal or two while you’re visiting. My best guess is that your friend bears you no ill will, or she wouldn’t have invited you back. But if she’s nursed hurt feelings, she’ll be able to share them with you now. Either way, it will feel good to clear the air, and moving forward, you can work harder to be the kind of friend you want to be. One final note (and I swear I’m not just making

excuses for you): Every friendship is different, so take a moment to consider that this one might be working just fine. We have old friends with whom we’re out of touch all year save the one weekend we spend together every July, catching up at their lake house. I’ve started thinking of it as a funny kind of fair-weather friendship that we all appreciate rather than a problem that needs solving. All I’m saying is, maybe your friend really just enjoys your company in St. Croix.

away. How do I gently ask her not to shop for me—or to include me more during the process—without hurting her feelings? B.K.

My first impulse is to say, “Oh, just let her.” If bargain hunting on your behalf brings your grandmother so much pleasure—and if the expense isn’t a hardship—then it might not be worth spoiling the fun. Who knows what you might want or need in the far-off future of your first apartment? You can always pick through your thrifted hope chest, keep the crystal wineglasses, and give the fringed lamp and the rest right back to Goodwill. If that feels too wasteful (or dishonest) to you, then you could reiterate that you’d like to stock your imaginary home together. Say, “I love that you want to shop for me. But let’s go together, when I’m back. I’ll be so much more connected to something if I can remember the moment we found it.” You might also consider pointing your grandmother toward an organization like World Relief (worldrelief.org/ welcome-kits), which assembles welcome kits for refugees starting new homes. It

My grandmother, whom I love dearly, likes bargain hunting at estate sales and flea markets, as do my mother (her daughter) and I. However, she has recently started buying things for me for my “future apartment” (I’m a freshman in college right now). While I certainly will need mixing bowls, glass containers, and other things eventually, I’d really like to pick them out myself. I know she’s a little bored, and I’d love to go shopping with her, but I go to school far

MARCH 2017

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might not tap into all her vintage passions, but at least she’ll be using her gathering energy for good. I had a party to celebrate my 50th birthday, 25th wedding anniversary, and new home. The invitation asked guests to stock the bar or make a charitable donation. But a friend at the party separated the birthday and anniversary cards from the gifts and bottles of alcohol, so I don’t know whom to thank for what. What’s the best expression of thanks if you don’t know what the gift was or even whether one was given? D.E.

Happy birthday, congratulations, and bottoms up! If you don’t know who gave what, then you’re stuck with only the vague-thanking option. In lieu of more proper, individual thank-you notes, this is the one occasion where a mass e-mail could actually get the job done: “How lucky I am to have all of you to celebrate with! Thank you so much for coming to our party. Because of a mix-up, we know only that we ended up with a full bar—but not who helped stock it. So if you gave us a gift, please know that we’ll be thinking of you when the cocktail hour rolls around. And if you didn’t, please know that it was more than enough just to have you there.” Charitable donations may have come with a card noting who did the giving. If so, then of course go ahead and write those guests a separate note of appreciation.

H AV E A N E T I Q U E T T E Q U E ST I O N ?

Submit your social conundrums to Catherine at REALSIMPLE.COM/MODERN MANNERS. Selected letters

will be featured on these pages every month.

R E L AT I N G modern manners

gest that he’ll be welcome then: “Right now we just want to do something together as a family. But come back on Sunday afternoon, and we can play then.” Think of a game or activity that he’ll be successful at (like a fun outdoor art project) instead of something that will test his fragile social skills (like tag). Let’s hope your clear limits rub off on him over time— and that he becomes a person whose presence you enjoy.

I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with “S.” Who knows what you’ll see in the backup camera1 of your new 2017 Corolla, but that’s kind of the point, isn’t it? That’s why it comes standard, along with Toyota Safety Sense™ P.2 Because, even though you might see almost anything, one thing we think you should definitely see is safety. How many things can you spy that start with the letter “S”?

Toyota Safety Sense™ Standard

Work & Money A M E R I C A N VO I C E S

LISA LUCAS • Executive director of the National Book Foundation, the nonprofit that presents the 67-year-old National Book Awards • Based in New York City

How did you start on this career path? All through college, at the University of Chicago, I was supervisor of the school’s telefund. Running a roomful of college kids who were harassing everyone for money on the phone informed what I’m doing today, 100 percent.

P H O T O G R A P H BY B E O W U L F S H E E H A N

And it led to your next gig, at Chicago’s Steppenwolf Theatre Company. Yes. Steppenwolf called the school looking for someone to run their telefund, and the school recommended me. I was 21.

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Jane Porter

MARCH 2017

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What did you learn there? I learned how to manage people, fundraise, and set and hit goals. It showed me that if you’re paying attention and learning from whatever circumstance you’re in, you are always going to move forward. You seem like someone who makes others feel comfortable. Some people might be surprised that I’m good at my job because I’m so informal and silly. If we’re going to have to do business anyway, we might as well enjoy each other. Before the National Book Foundation, you worked at a children’s theater, at the Tribeca Film Institute, and then at a magazine. While it may seem like there’s no throughline in what I’ve done, I’ve worked at nonprofits over and over.

R E L AT I N G work & money

When Lisa Lucas took over as executive director of the National Book Foundation in 2016, she was the youngest person ever to hold the role. But her fearless attitude and hunger to have an impact made her ready to succeed. Lucas, 37, spoke with Real Simple about being propelled by passion—and open to learning at every turn.

Have you always been so fearless? I’ve always had a big appetite for doing things—not necessarily for success or money. I’ve just always wanted to make an impact. And I’ve never been scared to take on a challenge when it’s related to that. I had zero hesitation taking the executive director job [at the National Book Foundation]. What does your job entail? I raise the money that keeps the nonprofit organization going. I have a board of direc-

tors who support that tremendously. We don’t have a $10 billion endowment that enables us to have fancy parties and give away free books. We have to raise [our budget] every year. What else? I get to say, “OK, how can we do more? How can we think of new ways to reach readers? How can we build programs that help more young people get free books? How do we support libraries across the United States?” I also pick the judges for the National Book Awards. What’s your management style? It’s important to me to lead in a way that makes the staff feel safe. As a leader, it’s really easy to be a jerk. People give me credit all the time for things other people in my office have done. Sometimes it’s logisti-

cally hard to send that credit back to them. But an important part of working with a team is making sure people know I did not do this by myself. How have you changed and developed as a leader? When I was younger, I was really headstrong. I was impatient and thought I was right all the time. Eventually you learn, just from being wrong, that you don’t have to be right all the time. You learn that making a longlasting impact is not about bulldozing. It’s about being thoughtful, being strategic, having a team, and taking care to figure out how to work together toward a vision. Parting thoughts? I’m really glad I didn’t let anybody sidetrack me from getting to where I wanted, the way I wanted. Every other instinct would have told me not to follow this path. There was more money and more stability to be had doing other things. But if you actually do what you believe in and what feels really right, you end up where you’re supposed to be.

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ASK BUCKY TIME INC.’S* ALL-KNOWING, STRAIGHTSHOOTING VICE PRESIDENT OF STAFFING, BUCKY KEADY, TACKLES YOUR WORKPLACE CONUNDRUMS.

How do you feel about super-stylized résumés (colors, fancy fonts, and so on)? I like résumés with just the facts—solid, well-written, and not too distracting. Unless you’re applying for a design job, keep it simple. (Even if you are in the design field, be careful—if the people who receive your résumé don’t like the styling, that could bite you in the butt.) The best way to modernize your résumé is to add analytics. I want to see profit and loss statements—not just from people on the business side. Did you have the top numbers for January? Drive traffic or increase sales in any measurable way? Another note: You can drop your home address from your résumé. It’s a global world and, especially if you’re open to moving, having an address on there may work against you. Just put your e-mail, social media handles, and cell number. And make sure your voicemail greeting is professional. It should not begin with “Yello.” GOT A QUESTION FOR BUCKY? SEND IT TO ASKBUCKY@REALSIMPLE.COM. * TIME INC. IS THE PARENT COMPANY OF REAL SIMPLE.

P O R T R A I T BY S A R A H M AY C O C K

R E L AT I N G work & money

Your choices have been passion-driven. Tell us about going to Guernica, the nonprofit art and politics magazine. I always knew I wanted to run an organization. I thought, I’m going to take this job at Guernica, where I get to do this, even if it isn’t for money for a while, because I get to learn how to do it. I was 32, and it wasn’t easy to jump into the publishing business. I worked as a nominally paid volunteer for almost two years before I went on full-time as publisher.

“If you’re paying attention and learning from whatever circumstance you’re in, you’re always going to move forward.”

F R E S H N E S S T H AT WO R K S H A R D E R , B E C A U S E Y O U H AV E TO

WO R K H A R D E R TO G E T A H E A D .

STRESS TESTED FOR WOMEN

MONEY WISE

What not to tell your kids about your finances Yes, communication is important, and children deserve the truth. But not the whole truth! Bestselling personal finance expert Beth Kobliner, author of Make Your Kid a Money Genius, outlines healthy boundaries for this touchy topic. Written by Danielle Claro R E L AT I N G work & money

Illustration by Tomi Um

DON’T tell young kids how much you earn. Whether your family is more than comfortable or living check to check, salary is something to keep to yourself. Young kids don’t have the context to make sense of such sums—and in revealing numbers, you run the risk of becoming the talk of the playground (“My mommy makes this much!”). The same advice applies when it comes to which parent earns more. Children can confuse a bigger salary with a bigger contribution to the family.

DO help kids understand that not all families have the same amount. Some kids reach this conclusion early on, when they see a difference between Jane’s bike/ boots/bedroom and their own. When the time is right, you might want to talk to kids about the many American families living below the poverty line—about $20,000 for a three-person household— and how difficult that is.

DON’T tell kids how much you pay the sitter. Nothing undermines the authority of a caregiver like putting a price on his or her services. You never want to hear the words, “Oh, yeah—my mom pays you x, so you have to do what I say!” Also, some little kids assume the sitter comes over just because she likes to hang out with them. Don’t ruin that! DO ask them to guess the price of milk. The grocery store can be a playful learning zone where kids gradually develop a sense of basic costs.

DON’T gossip in front of your kids about other people’s money habits. If you need to vent about greedy Uncle Boris or your sister’s too-big mortgage, do it quietly and far from your children’s receptive ears. DO share examples of sound money judgment. That time your friends decided to forgo lavish Christmas presents to make a donation to the American Civil Liberties Union. The 529 college-savings plan a coworker started for her newborn. The money Gramps set aside in his 401(k). All good.

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DON’T tell kids you have no money on you to get out of buying something. A little lie may seem harmless, but if you end up swiping your card a few minutes later, your kid will wonder whether she can trust you. DO explain why you won’t buy the impulse item she’s requesting. An answer as simple as “I don’t think we need to spend money on that right now” sends a signal that purchases call for thought and judgment. When you have backup (“The dentist said to stay away from sticky candy”), all the better. DON’T tell your kid how much you worry about paying for college. Tweens and teens might read your (reasonable) anxiety as a message that higher education is a terrible burden. DO talk calmly about college costs, early on. When your child hits high school, bring up the subject. If you already know your financial parameters, share them. You might even want to explain if and how you expect your kid to participate financially; studies show that undergrads who contribute to tuition actually get better grades. If you can remain calm during these talks, your kid is more likely to be able to do the same.

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S P E N D I N G & S AV I N G

R E L AT I N G work & money

What falls under the category of eligible costs for HSAs? A lot—the IRS has a document detailing all qualified items (search for “pub 502” at irs.gov). Basically, it’s any commonsense medical expenses (doctor’s visits, dental treatments) or anything that’s prescribed by a doctor, including eyeglasses, psychological counseling, and things like crutches. There are a few surprises that are worth checking into: breast pumps, long-term-care insurance, travel costs to receive medical care, and lead-basedpaint removal or other home improvements needed because of medical issues.

How to make the most of your health savings account If your health plan offers an HSA and you’re not taking full advantage, pull up a chair. Financial expert Jean Chatzky—coauthor of Age-Proof: Living Longer Without Running Out of Money or Breaking a Hip—cuts through the jargon and shares her secrets for maximizing those HSA perks for your whole family.

What exactly is an HSA? And how does it differ from a flexible spending account? Both are accounts that allow you to put away pretax dollars for medical costs. But one is a savings account (HSA) and the other is a spending account (FSA).

Written by Kathleen Murray Harris Illustration by Tomi Um

Tell us more. An FSA is a use-it-or-loseit system. You have to spend your invested balance within a certain time frame, typically a year—it varies from employer to employer. (In some cases, carrying over $500 annually may be allowed.) With HSAs, your tax-free contributions are yours forever and will hopefully grow over time. You decide when to take the money out to pay for eligible medical costs.

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You always hear about huge tax benefits with an HSA. What are they? There are many tax breaks with an HSA. Your contributions are tax-deductible, there’s no tax on your earnings, and when you withdraw money from your HSA to pay for eligible medical expenses, you won’t pay tax on it. It really is the best option for tax-free money. So I can just leave money there until, say, I retire—when I might have higher health care costs? Yes. Even better, at age 65, the rules loosen. Along with paying for medical expenses with no tax penalty, you can use the money for anything. (If you need to use the money for ineligible expenses before age 65, you’ll pay a 20 percent penalty.) Can anyone sign up for an HSA? Anyone whose annual family deductible is $2,600 or higher or, for singles, $1,300 or higher. Often you enroll through your employer, but an HSA is not tied to your job. You can take it with you when you go. Freelancers shopping for a plan at healthcare.gov should look at bronze or silver policies if they want an HSA.

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How much should we save in there? The most you can, up to the cap; the maximum allowed annually is $6,750 for families and $3,400 for individuals. Think of an HSA as a health care 401(k) or a supplemental retirement account. In any case, put away at least as much as you think you’ll need for the year’s medical costs (including prescriptions). My family is pretty healthy. Should I still contribute all I can? Yes. And if the unexpected does happen—or when your kids are faced with the inevitable broken bones, emergency room visit, or braces—you’ll have a stash of savings. Should I not touch the money until there’s a huge medical expense? It’s not wrong to save the money for a rainy day, but it really depends on how you’re going to pay for day-to-day medical bills. If the other option is to use a high-interest credit card, it’s smarter to use your HSA savings. If you have enough in your checking or savings, use that and let the HSA grow.

CE SAVE

11 How would you spend $1,327 on your son’s skateboarding career?

$1,327

$200

Sprained Ankle

Skateboard Lessons

$96

Helmet, Elbow and Knee Pads

$350

New Skateboard

vs $230

New Wheels and Trucks for Skateboard

$152

Skate Shoes

$175

Skateboard Repair Kit

$124

Sprained Ankle

Emergency Room

Did you know that many injuries can be treated at urgent care for less than one-tenth the cost of the emergency room? Compare quick care options and costs at uhc.com/QuickCare Costs are 2015 UnitedHealthcare national averages reflective of commercial claim data. Costs are not tied to a specific condition or treatment. Out-of-pocket costs will vary based on your medical plan design. Emergency room cost estimate includes facility charge and initial physician consultation. ©2017 UnitedHealth Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Urgent Care

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AHHH...

Here’s a nice way to warm up your body inside and out on a chilly morning: Start by sitting and rubbing your palms together, just as you would to warm up your hands outside. Rub, rub, rub for about 30 seconds (that’s longer than you think), then cup your warm palms over your eyes. Feels good, right? Relax and let the gentle heat from your hands soften your face. Feel the space between your eyebrows releasing, your jaw releasing, your whole face softening. Notice what’s happening with your breath during this nice hand-to-face contact. Is it flowing a bit more easily? Slide your warm hands down your face to your neck, rubbing the tight spots a bit. Then slide them down your torso and let them land on your legs. Give the tops of your thighs a few rubs, feeling their strength. Then massage your knees in a circular motion, bringing some warmth to these joints. Take your hands around to your lower back, rubbing that broad stretch that tends to get achy. Now let your hands drop down to a comfortable spot on your lap, take a big breath, and sigh it out. Close your eyes and just sit quietly, breathing your natural breath. Enjoy the space between each breath, when nothing is happening. Stay for as long as feels good. Then slowly open your eyes. Keep that sense of relaxation with you as you stand up and move into your day.

TRUNK ARCHIVE

BY C Y N D I L E E , C Y N D I L E E .C O M

Photograph by

Torkil Gudnason

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NAME:

Heather Muir Maffei AGE: 32 OCCUPATION:

Beauty director, Real Simple magazine “I’ve loved makeup since I was little, watching my mom put on lipstick in the car on the way to church. Now I make a living testing it. I feel sexiest in a full face, so when I saw my ‘after’ look, I felt vulnerable. But after others said they liked this sweeter version, I embraced it more.”

GET THE LOOK

“Heather is all about glam, so we kept her feeling like herself with a little contouring, highlighter, and her lash extensions,” says makeup artist Katie Jane Hughes, who did the makeunders. SKIN: RMS BEAUTY LIVING LUMINIZER, $38; RMSBEAUTY.COM. EYES: ENVIOUS LASHES “ALLURING EYES” EYELASH EXTENSIONS, FROM $210; ENVIOUS LASHES.COM. LIPS: BY TERRY BAUME DE ROSE, $60; SPACENK.COM.

MORE MARCH 2017

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LESS

THREE WOMEN WHO LOVE MAKEUP (INCLUDING REAL SIMPLE’S OWN BEAUTY DIRECTOR!) SUBMIT TO A MAKEUNDER TO PROVE THERE’S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO FACE THE DAY. Written by

Heather Muir Maffei Photographs by

Sarah Kehoe

NAME:

Jasmin Corniel AGE: 26 OCCUPATION:

Pre-K teacher and MAC Cosmetics makeup artist

T H I S S P R E A D A N D P R E V I O U S S P R E A D : T O P S BY J O S I E N AT O R I

“I was an athlete and never got into makeup until after college— social media introduced me. I feel more cutesy in my ‘after’ look, but I like the glossy lids— they’re chic—and I still get my faux freckles. Since it’s so simple, I’d do this look for work.”

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MAKEUNDER DIARIES

Watch the women’s reactions to their new nomakeup looks at realsimple.com/ makeunder.

GET THE LOOK

“I swapped her brown lipstick and blush for rosier tones,” says Hughes. SKIN: FAUX FRECKLES

WITH BARE ESCENTUALS BROW MASTER BROW GEL ($28; BARE MINERALS.COM) AND Q-TIPS PRECISION TIPS COTTON SWABS ($3; WALMART.COM). EYES: MAC LIPGLASS CLEAR, $16; MACCOSMETICS.COM. LIPS: TATA HARPER VOLUMIZING LIP & CHEEK TINT IN VERY NICE, $36; TATAHARPER SKINCARE.COM.

NAME:

Mally Roncal AGE: 45 OCCUPATION:

Celebrity makeup artist and founder of Mally Beauty

T O P BY K U M I KO O KO O N

“I feel a little more like superwoman when I’m wearing makeup. When my kids see me with foundation on, they are like, ‘Uh-oh, Mommy is leaving.’ Seeing my makeunder made me feel relaxed and surprisingly sexier. It’s just another part of who I am. I feel younger, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop wearing makeup.”

MAKEUP BY KATIE JANE HUGHES USING BAREMINERALS; HAIR BY MATTHEW TUOZZOLI USING ORIBE HAIR CARE FOR ATELIER MANAGEMENT

GET THE LOOK

“I did each feature a quarter of the way Mally typically does and switched her powder eye shadow and blush to more lifelike cream formulas,” explains Hughes. SKIN: WELEDA SKIN

FOOD, $19; USA.WELEDA.COM. EYES: MAKE UP FOR

EVER EXCESSIVE LASH ARRESTING VOLUME MASCARA IN BLACK, $25; SEPHORA.COM. LIPS: PIXI TINTED BRILLIANCE BALM IN NEARLY NAKED, $14; TARGET.COM.

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HOW TO CONQUER THE MARTYR COMPLEX Whether you’re the self-sacrificing soul who takes on too much or the poor resented schmuck on the sidelines, this dynamic is bad news. Ingela Ratledge found a way out. Illustrations by Stanley Chow REALLY, SHE’S FINE WITH IT. SHE LIKES TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT DOING RESEARCH. IT’S NOT A BOTHER AT ALL…

OV E R D O. C O M P L A I N. R E P E AT. Sounds like the worst motivational slogan ever, right? Welcome to how I roll. Biting off more than I can chew is standard procedure for me. (“Sure, I can volunteer for the spring carnival and make a résumé for my niece and cook multiple options for dinner!”) And so is feeling fried and resentful later on. I’ll corner my husband for a thorough debriefing on my saintliness, hoping he’ll be overcome by a powerful mix of gratitude and admiration (gradmiration,

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anyone?). Instead, he typically says, “Oh, you didn’t have to do all that.” Of course, he’s right. In addition to juggling life’s many nonnegotiables, I’m taking on tons of extra-credit assignments—and accomplishing them through gritted teeth. I’m being…the M-word. I have plenty of company. We’re surrounded by folks who perpetually sacriﬁce themselves and then kvetch about their lot. The question is, to what end? I get zero thrills from playing this unwinnable game of whack-a-mole. I’m weary of holding a grudge against those who swan around unburdened by phantom obligations. In an effort to reach for my own oxygen mask ﬁrst, I hit up a team of experts for a crash course on the martyr complex: where it comes from, why it keeps many of us in its clutches, and how to tame the beast.

Blame History “The concept of self-sacrifice can be found across all religions and cultures,” says Candida Moss, PhD, professor of theology at the University of Notre Dame and author of The Myth of Persecution. “If you live in the Western world, you are still influenced by the social values that mattered thousands of years ago.” Yep, she adds, even if you’re an atheist: “Dating back to ancient times, martyrs were regarded as brave, virtuous, and strong.” The critical difference is that historical martyrs, like Joan of Arc—as well as more modern martyrs, like Gandhi and Nelson Mandela—had higher goals. “Real martyrs stood for something,” says behavioral science expert David Emerald, cofounder of the Bainbridge Leadership Center. “For them, the suffering was not the point—it was secondary to their fight, and that’s been misplaced in current culture.” Everyday modern martyrdom generally has no grand mission behind it. The office sad sack who’s forever raising her hand for soul-crushing assignments or the beleaguered sister-in-law who refuses to let dinner be a potluck—they’re not looking to save the poor or free a population. “They overdo it because they want their personal world to feel better,” says Pam Garcy, PhD, a Dallas-based psychologist and life coach. “They’re seeking fulfillment, connection, and a sense of importance.” And there are plenty of triggers right in our own small worlds. As we grow up, many of us

Being a martyr provides a handy distraction: It gives you a pass on addressing your own vulnerabilities, goals, and shortcomings.

see influential figures—parents, teachers, clergy, or others in positions of authority—putting the needs of other people first; gradually we learn to equate sacrifice with goodness. “Subconsciously, you might start emulating that behavior as a way of pleasing people and receiving love,” says life coach Jen Mazer, author of Manifesting Made Easy.

Security! But why are some of us more susceptible to this messaging than others? Much of it boils down to basic issues of self-worth. “Typically, martyrs don’t know how to validate and love themselves very well,” says Sharon Martin, a psychotherapist in San Jose, California. “They feel that their value is in serving others—so if they stop doing that, they will have no value.” Alas, altruism and ulterior motives make strange bedfellows, which is why bending over backward doesn’t offer a golden ticket to the promised land. Says Martin, “Martyrs don’t get a lot of warm feelings from doing good deeds.” So what’s keeping us in this racket? Partly it’s a matter of control. “Martyrs think that if they don’t do something, it won’t get done,” says Mazer. Or at least not properly. “The martyr operates on the assumption that he or she knows best and has the answer rather than an answer,” says Emerald, because the alternative—that our contributions aren’t actually essential—is downright

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destabilizing. “It’s a stab to the ego to admit that the world does not depend on you,” explains Emerald. Also, funneling the bulk of your energy into external situations provides a handy distraction: It gives you a pass on addressing your own vulnerabilities, goals, and shortcomings. How could you possibly be expected to finish that master’s, quit a job you despise, or make it to the gym when you’re so busy taking care of everything else? “As a martyr, you don’t have to take personal responsibility,” says Mazer. “You can project your unhappiness and blame outward.” You may be trying to cover up the fact, says Garcy, “that you have no clue how to get from where you are to where you want to be.”

The Big V Hunger for validation is the most common motivator of martyr behavior—but it’s hard to find satisfaction along those lines. “You keep doing things for others, thinking that in the end, the praise is your reward,” says Emerald. “But there’s never going to be enough— it becomes like an addiction.” That’s why martyrs are perpetually fishing for compliments, which (whether they’re aware of it or not) often takes the form of complaining. Parenting expert Joanne Kimes, coauthor of The Stay-at-Home Martyr and a recovered martyr herself, recalls how frustrating it was to

chase that particular dragon back when she was volunteering for every committee around. “Even during the rare times when I might get 12 seconds of applause and people saying, ‘Thanks, Joanne,’ I’d be like, ‘That was not worth the three weeks of backbreaking, up-all-night worry.’” When the accolades inevitably fall short, martyrs frequently go for the door prize: pity. “They draw attention to injustice by whining and blaming,” says Garcy. Naturally, that’s a bummer for anyone on the receiving end, so it’s no surprise that resentment crops up on both sides of the “martyr-martee” relationship.

Breaking the Cycle Can you stop the behavior if it’s deeply ingrained? “Yes,” says Mazer. “Change begins the instant you commit to it.” Like any big overhaul, it’s an ongoing process. Here are some strategies. L OW E R T H E BA R . You want things done your way and on your timeline—but that’s going to have to shift if you want out of this loop. Accept that not every piece of business is life-or-death, and adjust your standards. “If I send my husband to the market, I know he’ll come home with different brands than I would have,” says Kimes. “But that’s still one less thing for me to do—and one less thing is wonderful.”

Can you stop the behavior if it’s deeply ingrained? Yes. Change begins the instant you commit to it.

D E L E GAT E A N D C U T. List all the activities on your docket for the next month (plan library fundraiser, set up Mom’s new computer, register kids for camp, etc.). Says Mazer, “Circle the things that light you up.” Find a couple to cut; mark what you can delegate, and to whom, with imperfect (but sufficient!) results. E X P R E S S YO U R I N T E N T I O N S . Communicate to your inner circle—judiciously—that you’re going to cease being a one-man band. Emerald says to be very specific: “Since you have to be at work early, I’ll take the kids to school, but we need to revise the plan for pickup.” Then truly give your peeps the chance to pitch in—minus the criticism. With coworkers, “there’s no need to explain yourself,” says Mazer. “When you say you’re not available, people turn elsewhere. They catch on.” Kimes was pleasantly surprised at how painless it could be to extract herself: “I told the booster club, ‘You know what? I’ve done my duty. I’m retiring!’ The reaction from everyone was, ‘Good for you!’” P E R F O R M DA I LY AC T S O F S E L F I S H N E S S . Force yourself to take what’s yours, like unused vacation time or a regular lunch break. “Practice leaving the office on time,” suggests Garcy, “or setting a time to go to bed and honoring it, even though there’s endless stuff to do.” If an unexpected scenario happens—say, a snow day—consider what would be easiest for you. “There’s such a sense of guilt moms get every time they’re not being superwoman,” says Kimes. “I used to think my daughter cared that I was volunteering at school—and it turns out she didn’t give a crap! And I was missing time with her to do it.” If you’re uncertain about what really counts with your loved ones, ask them. TA K E A B E AT . Moving forward, you’ll be presented with endless opportunities to play the savior—and temptation is unavoidable. But before you fall on your sword (“I’ll drive you to the airport at 6 a.m. on Sunday!”), Martin says to ask yourself these questions: Why am I doing this? If I take it on, what do I have to give up? Would I still want to do this even if no one ever knew about it? Maybe it won’t pass muster, or maybe it will. Generosity for its own sake does exist. Just make sure your agenda isn’t merely to earn brownie points—because as I’ve learned after collecting my fair share, they’re not worth much. “The problem with the martyr mentality is that you think someone, somewhere is keeping a tally,” says Moss. “Guess what: There is no tally.” Q

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I F YO U LIVE WITH A M A RT Y R … ...we feel ya! The bottom line is, this isn’t your problem to fix—but here’s some advice to help steer everyone in the right direction. DON’T ENCOURAGE THE VICTIM MIND-SET

When martyrs enter into “poor me” mode, says Emerald, “avoid engaging in the back-and-forth of ‘Ain’t it awful?’ It makes you an accomplice.” (And it’s exhausting.) STAND ON YOUR OWN TWO FEET

If it’s been a few presidential administrations since you’ve done your own laundry/cooking/expense report (take your pick!), then it’s time to step up. “Stop taking advantage and pull your own weight,” says Martin. “For the martyr to relinquish control, you need to be willing to do more.” Another upside of independence: You’ll harbor less resentment. “If you’re constantly being rescued, that disempowers you and invariably leads to feelings of being ‘kept down,’ ” says Emerald. VALIDATE THE DOER, NOT THE DEED

“When your martyr is seeking approval, give her love instead,” says Mazer. Rather than offering a pat on the back for what she does, let her know how much you appreciate who she is. “Ask how she’s feeling, try to connect, and keep in mind that questions work better than answers,” explains Mazer.

Recipes by Robby Melvin Photographs by Greg DuPree Food Styling by Chelsea Zimmer Set Design by Jeffrey W. Miller Prop Styling by Claire Spollen

Bibb Salad with Basil-Buttermilk Dressing

TKTKTK MARCH 201X 2017

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Beets with BrownButter Bread Crumbs

A PORTABLE FEAST Make-ahead dishes that travel easy (for the best potluck ever)

Fregola with Charred Onions and Dill

Citrus and Mint Champagne Punch

Garlic-Rosemary Monkey Bread

Spice-Braised Short Ribs

FREGOLA WITH CHARRED ONIONS AND DILL

BIBB SALAD WITH BASILBUTTERMILK DRESSING ACTIVE TIME 15 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 15 MINUTES SERVES 8

1 cup chopped walnuts 1 Tbsp. salted butter, melted ⅛ tsp. cayenne pepper 1 tsp. kosher salt, divided ¾ cup buttermilk ½ cup mayonnaise ¼ cup chopped fresh basil 1 small scallion, finely chopped ¼ tsp. black pepper 2 heads Bibb lettuce (about 1 lb.), torn into bite-size pieces 2 medium radishes, thinly sliced PREHEAT oven to 400°F. Toss together walnuts, butter, cayenne, and ½ teaspoon of the salt in a medium bowl. Spread in a single layer on a rimmed baking sheet and toast until golden and fragrant, about 5 minutes. WHISK together buttermilk, mayonnaise, basil, scallion, black pepper, and remaining ½ teaspoon salt. Cover and chill until ready to use. (Dressing can be stored in the refrigerator for up to 3 days.)

together lettuce, radishes, and 3 tablespoons of the dressing in a large bowl. Top with walnuts. Serve with remaining dressing on the side.

ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 25 MINUTES SERVES 8

1 cup fregola or Israeli couscous

BEETS WITH BROWNBUTTER BREAD CRUMBS

1 tsp. kosher salt, divided, plus more for pasta water

ACTIVE TIME 25 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 1 HOUR, 30 MINUTES SERVES 8

1 bunch spring onions, trimmed and halved lengthwise

4 lb. mixed small beets with tops

1 Tbsp. olive oil

¼ cup olive oil, divided

½ tsp. black pepper, divided

¼ cup (½ stick) unsalted butter 2 cups coarse fresh bread crumbs 2 Tbsp. chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

1 small shallot, finely chopped

2½ Tbsp. sherry vinegar

1 clove garlic, finely chopped

1 small shallot, finely chopped

2 tsp. lemon zest plus 1 tsp. fresh juice (from about 1 large lemon)

1 Tbsp. honey 2 tsp. flaky sea salt PREHEAT oven to 400°F. Trim beet tops to ½ inch and place beets in a shallow baking pan. Drizzle with 1 tablespoon of the oil, tossing to coat, and spread in a single layer. Cover pan tightly with aluminum foil.

¼ cup chopped fresh dill, plus more for garnish

CITRUS AND MINT CHAMPAGNE PUNCH ACTIVE TIME 10 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 55 MINUTES SERVES 8

2 cups firmly packed torn mint leaves, plus sprigs for serving ¼ cup granulated sugar

fregola in a large pot of boiling salted water according to package directions. Rinse, drain, and spread in a single layer on a rimmed baking sheet; let cool 5 minutes. COOK

ROAST until beets are tender when pierced with a sharp knife, 35 to 40 minutes. Let cool 30 minutes. Peel, discard skins, and cut in half.

butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Cook, swirling occasionally, until browned and nutty-smelling, about 2 minutes. Add bread crumbs and cook, stirring often, until toasted and fragrant, about 5 minutes. Remove skillet from heat and stir in chives and parsley. MELT

TOSS beets with sherry vinegar, shallot, honey, and remaining 3 tablespoons oil. Serve beets topped with bread crumbs and flaky salt.

TOSS

TIP: The beets can travel on a pretty platter because they don’t need reheating. Cover tightly with plastic wrap or foil. Top with the bread crumbs just before serving so they stay crunchy.

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TIP: Pack the fregola, dill butter, and dill garnish separately. Melt the butter at the party and fluff it into the fregola. Then garnish.

½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened

2 Tbsp. thinly sliced fresh chives

TIP: For the freshest salad, toss the greens with the dressing and nuts right before serving.

JUST before serving, melt butter mixture in a small skillet or microwave. Toss dill butter with cooked fregola and charred onions. Top with a little more dill.

½ cup (4 oz.) gin ¼ cup (2 oz.) fresh lime juice, plus lime wheels for serving 2 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice 1 750-ml bottle champagne or prosecco, chilled

PREHEAT a grill pan or cast-iron skillet over medium-high. Toss together onions, oil, ½ teaspoon of the salt, and ¼ teaspoon of the pepper in a medium bowl. Grill or griddle onions, turning occasionally, until lightly charred and white parts are tender, about 6 minutes. Let cool, then coarsely chop.

STIR together gin, lime juice, lemon juice, and mint syrup in a punch bowl. Top with champagne. Serve punch over ice, garnished with mint sprigs and lime wheels.

STIR together butter, shallot, garlic, lemon zest, lemon juice, dill, and remaining ½ teaspoon salt and ¼ teaspoon pepper.

TIP: Mix the mint syrup, gin, and citrus juices together at home and pack in a resealable plastic container. Pop the champagne and mix the punch when the last guest arrives.

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COMBINE mint leaves, 1½ cups water, and sugar in a medium saucepan. Bring to a simmer and cook, stirring often, until sugar is dissolved, about 4 minutes. Cover pan, remove from heat, and steep 10 to 15 minutes. Pour mixture through a fine-mesh strainer, discarding solids, and let cool completely.

BRAISE until meat is very tender and easily pulls away from the bone, 3 to 3½ hours.

GARLIC-ROSEMARY MONKEY BREAD ACTIVE TIME 20 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 50 MINUTES SERVES 8

12 oz. fontina cheese, shredded (about 3 cups) 7 cloves garlic, finely chopped

SPICE-BRAISED SHORT RIBS ACTIVE TIME 45 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 16 HOURS, 30 MINUTES (INCLUDES CHILLING) SERVES 8

3 Tbsp. chopped fresh rosemary

2 Fresno chiles, seeded and chopped

2 Tbsp. chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

1 Tbsp. kosher salt

½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted, plus more for Bundt pan 2 16-oz. cans refrigerated buttermilk biscuits Olive oil and flaky salt, for serving

MEANWHILE, stir together parsley, mint, lemon zest, and remaining half of garlic in a small bowl.

ribs to a serving platter and tent with foil. Skim fat from cooking liquid and discard. Strain braising liquid and discard solids. Serve ribs with sauce, topped with parsley mixture. TRANSFER

TIP: Transport the ribs and sauce right in their pot so you can gently reheat them on the stove when you arrive. Pack the parsley mixture separately and sprinkle it on at the last minute.

2 tsp. smoked paprika 2 tsp. dried oregano 1½ tsp. black pepper 1 tsp. ground cumin 1 tsp. ground cinnamon ¼ cup plus 2 Tbsp. olive oil, divided 5 cloves garlic, chopped, divided

HONEY-ALMOND FLAN WITH BOURBON WHIPPED CREAM

8 bone-in beef short ribs (4 to 5 lb.) 4 cups low-sodium beef broth

ACTIVE TIME 20 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 4 HOURS, 40 MINUTES (INCLUDES CHILLING) SERVES 8

1¾ cups dry red wine oven to 375°F. Stir together cheese, garlic, rosemary, and parsley in a medium bowl. Place melted butter in a separate bowl. Cut each biscuit in half and roll each half into a ball. Dip balls in butter, then transfer to cheese mixture, rolling to coat. Transfer biscuits to a lightly greased Bundt pan, overlapping slightly. PREHEAT

until golden brown, 23 to 25 minutes. Let bread cool for 5 minutes before removing from pan. Just before serving, drizzle with oil and top with flaky salt. BAKE

TIP: Leave the bread in

its Bundt pan to travel. You can reheat (and then garnish) at the party, but it’s delicious at room temperature, too.

PASS THE APPS

Find tips for building meat, cheese, and crudité platters at realsimple.com/platter.

1 14.5-oz. can whole, peeled tomatoes, drained 3 ribs celery, chopped 2 medium carrots, chopped (about 1½ cups)

½ cup granulated sugar 7 Tbsp. honey, divided

1 medium yellow onion, chopped (about 1½ cups)

2 cups whole milk, divided

½ cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

1¼ tsp. powdered unflavored gelatin

½ cup chopped fresh mint 2 tsp. lemon zest

1 14-oz. can sweetened condensed milk

STIR together chiles, salt, paprika, oregano, pepper, cumin, cinnamon, ¼ cup of the oil, and half the garlic in a medium bowl. Rub ribs all over with chile mixture; cover and chill 12 to 24 hours. PREHEAT oven to 300°F. Let ribs stand at room temperature for 30 minutes. Bring broth to a boil in a medium saucepan and cook until reduced by half, 15 to 20 minutes.

½ tsp. almond extract ¼ tsp. kosher salt 1 cup cold heavy cream 1 Tbsp. bourbon 3 Tbsp. powdered sugar ¼ cup toasted sliced almonds

MEANWHILE, heat remaining 2 table-

spoons oil in a large heavy-bottomed pot over medium. Working in batches, add ribs and cook until browned, about 3 minutes per side; transfer ribs to a platter. Remove pot from heat, discard drippings, and wipe clean. POUR wine into pot and bring to a boil. Cook until reduced to 1 cup, about 5 minutes. Add reduced broth and stir to combine. Add ribs to pot along with tomatoes, celery, carrots, and onion. Return to a boil, cover, and transfer to oven.

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3 large eggs 2 large egg yolks

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PREHEAT oven to 350°F. Cook granulated sugar in a 3-quart saucepan over medium, shaking continuously, until sugar melts and turns a light golden brown, 6 to 8 minutes. Slowly stir in 3 tablespoons of the honey. (Mixture will clump a little as you add

REALSIMPLE.COM

the honey, but keep stirring gently just until melted.) Remove from heat and immediately pour mixture into a 2½-quart ceramic soufflé dish or 8-inch cake pan. Place dish in a 13-by-9-inch baking dish. PLACE 1 cup of the whole milk in a small bowl; sprinkle gelatin over top and let stand 2 minutes. PROCESS condensed milk, eggs, egg yolks, almond extract, salt, gelatin mixture, remaining 1 cup whole milk, and remaining 4 tablespoons honey in a blender until smooth. Pour mixture evenly over sugar mixture in soufflé dish. Add 1 inch of hot tap water to baking dish. Cover both dishes loosely with aluminum foil. BAKE until flan is slightly set, about 50 minutes (flan will jiggle when pan is shaken). Remove soufflé dish from water bath; place on a wire rack and let cool 30 minutes. Cover and chill 3 hours. BEAT heavy cream and bourbon with an electric mixer on medium-high speed until foamy, about 1 minute. Gradually add powdered sugar, beating until soft peaks form, about 1 minute more. JUST before serving, run a knife around edges of flan to loosen and invert onto a serving plate. Serve flan topped with whipped cream and toasted almonds.

TIP: Unmold the flan right at the dinner table. Stash the whipped cream in the fridge during dinner and give it a quick stir before serving.

Honey-Almond Flan with Bourbon Whipped Cream

IF YOUR BEST FRIEND WERE A DECORATOR … …this is the insider furniture-buying advice she would share to make picks that bring you joy. Because life’s too short to hate your couch.

What dining chairs should I pair with a glossy table?

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP: Sidera chair, $249; cb2.com. Avec apartment sofa with brass legs, $1,999; cb2.com. Kenso sofa, $3,695; jaysonhome.com. Jack chair in windowpane plaid, $1,899; schoolhouseelectric.com. Bamileke brass coffee table, $1,695; jaysonhome.com. Stevenson coffee table in brass, $995; williams-sonoma.com. Classroom stacking chair in Yellow, $279; schoolhouseelectric.com. Paradigm dining table, $1,499; cb2.com.

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I need a sleek sofa that’s durable, too.

Written by

Emily Hsieh Photo Illustration by

James Taylor

What kind of seating looks great in an entryway?

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SOFAS

GOT NAGGING QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS BIG BUY? PULL UP A SE AT FOR THE 411

What types of arms are cool? Generally, the rounder the arm, the more traditional the sofa. For a modern pick that’s also pretty timeless, try a tuxedo-style sofa, which has straight arms the same height as the sofa’s back, says designer Elaine Griffin. “It’s the LBD of upholstered seating—it meshes well with any style of room.” Carroway sofa, from $1,400; shopsocietysocial.com.

Sectional or stand-alone? I can’t decide. Think about your intentions for the space. If it’s more of a formal living room—a stylish spot for occasional entertaining—you’re better off with a stand-alone sofa, which has a sleeker, cleaner line. A sectional is so roomy and inviting that it tends to scream casual (great for lounging, watching TV, napping, or playing games around the coffee table). Burrard sofa, $1,899; article.com.

I’ve got kids and pets. What fabric should I choose? “Cotton velvet is essentially no-fail. It’s plush and wears well,” says designer Young Huh. “Go with a stain-camouflaging pattern in a dark color if you don’t want a ‘no eating on the couch’ rule in your house.” Avoid chenille, which stretches and warps over time.

Foam or feather filling? What’s the difference? A mix is ideal. Instead of all-down (expensive, prone to looking lumpy) or all-foam (resilient but stiff-feeling), try foam-core cushions with feather wraps, says Huh. “This strikes just the right balance between structure and plushness, and it’s also an affordable pick.” Paidge sofa, from $999; westelm.com. T I P Tape it out. Before you buy, use blue painter’s tape to “draw” the height, length, and depth right into your living room. This is the best way to check size, says Huh, especially if you fill the outline with empty cardboard boxes, which will give you a true sense of the heft of the piece. Don’t forget to make sure your dream sofa will fit through doorways and halls on its way to its intended spot—particularly if you live in an apartment or an older home with small passageways.

PHOTOGRAPHS COURTESY OF VENDORS

Gentry sofa, $3,495; onekingslane.com.

TIP

I have a small amount of wall space. Resist the love seat. It’s meant to seat two, but since it’s only 60 inches wide, that never really happens. “Two people have to be truly in love to sit together on one,” quips Griffin. Instead, try the decorators’ go-to: a 72-inch “apartment-size” sofa. “It seats two average-size people and is long enough for napping.” Sebastian love seat, $3,595; jonathanadler.com.

S E AT D E P T H I S E V E RY T H I N G It’s the difference between a couch you can slouch into for movie night and one that you (and friends) can sit upright in while chatting over cocktails. Overall depth is less important than the dimension from the front of the seat cushion to the front of the back pillow. Here, a cheat sheet.

18"

MEDIA WALL SOLUTIONS

2. BLEND THE T V I N TO A N A RT WA L L

1 . S U R RO U N D T H E T V W I T H F U R N I T U R E

Get the look and feel of a built-in for less by flanking a television with étagères or tall bookcases painted the same color as the wall. Style shelves with artful objects so your eyes naturally go there instead of landing on the TV, suggest designers Jennifer Wundrow and Heather Brock. Fill the blank space under the TV with a neutral-colored bench.

One of the best ways to get that big black screen to fade away is to surround it with framed prints. Designer Maria Von Hartz says to keep it simple: monochromatic pieces in black and white frames, hung asymmetrically with a bit of breathing space between each. Place a slim console below to anchor the arrangement.

18 INCHES DEEP Looks cool and modern, but nobody will call this cozy.

If you’re buying a couch that’s seven feet long or less, choose a single-cushion style, says decorator Chris Barrett. “It’s elegant, and no one has to sit on a crack.”

T I P “People often hang their TV too high, like above a fireplace,” says designer Annie Fitzgerald. “It looks awkward, strains your neck, and puts a crimp in your best couch potato position.” Center it 38 to 48 inches off the ground— eye level for the average adult when seated. 3. U N D E R L I N E T H E T V

For a minimalist effect, find an art ledge about two feet wider than the TV and install it about six inches underneath the screen. Add a couple of framed pieces and a decorative object or two (like a vase or votive), suggests designer Mat Sanders. 4. F R A M E A N D F LOAT T H E T V

A wall-mounted credenza looks high-end even if it isn’t. Find affordable picks at Ikea—three or four Sektion cabinets mounted side by side, for example, make for a modular credenza.

22"

22 INCHES DEEP Minimum depth for sitting comfortably, but still sleek.

24"

Pearson 55-inch media console, $1,199; crateandbarrel.com. TIP

24 I N C H E S D E E P Just deep enough for lying down (solo).

33"

33 INCHES DEEP That sink-into-it feel that makes you say, “Maybe I’ll just sleep here tonight.”

A tangle of cords makes any media setup look junky. To manage the mess, drill holes in the back of the storage piece you have under the TV, for cord access. Bonus: This also provides necessary ventilation for your electronics. —ANNE MAXWELL FOSTER, CO-OWNER OF NEW YORK CITY DESIGN FIRM TILTON FENWICK

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CHAIRS

T H E S M A RT E ST S E AT S FO R T H O S E “ W H AT S H O U L D W E P U T T H E R E ? ” S P OT S

B E ST O P P O S I T E A S O FA

club chair A deep seat, low back, and high arms make the club chair a safe but stylish choice. For a modern look, designer Emily Henderson suggests leather, velvet, or tweed. If your taste veers traditional, try a pair in richly colored linen or velvet. (Find a big variety at Restoration Hardware and Target.) An alternative for the living room: wooden-armed safari or saddle chairs—the open design balances out a sofa’s bulk.

DESK CHAIRS T H AT D O N ’ T LO O K C O R P O R AT E

Furh club chair, $2,195; onekingslane.com.

B E ST I N A B E D RO O M C O R N E R

slipper chair With petite proportions and slim (or no) armrests, slipper chairs fit snugly into tight spaces, serving as the perfect bedroom perch. But you don’t have to keep this baby in a corner. “Try a pair of slipper chairs at the end of the bed as an alternative to a bench,” suggests designer and blogger Becki Owens. (One Kings Lane and Overstock.com offer chic options at discounted prices.) Randen upholstered chair, $530; worldmarket.com.

CO OL & COMF Y A pop of pattern wakes up the brain. TO BUY: Orb upholstered dining chair, $249; westelm.com.

U N E X P EC T E D OT TO M A N If it’s 18 inches, it’ll work with any standard table or desk. Tuck away or top with a tray after 5. TO BUY: Wonky grid ottoman, $219; urban outfitters.com.

B E ST I N A N E N T RY WAY

statement chair It’s the first thing you notice when you walk in, so an entry seat should be more than just a spot to throw shoes or drop your bag—ideally, it’s also a gorgeous visual. Lucite versions look sculptural and polished; bamboo or rattan creates a more relaxed, boho vibe, says designer Jill Goldberg. Or try an upholstered seat in a bright print for a hit of color.

G I L D E D RO L L E R This beauty would make a plank on two sawhorses look luxe. TO BUY: Rouka office chair, $299; cb2.com. Storsele armchair, $119; ikea-usa.com.

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3 FOOLPROOF SIDE TABLE SCENARIOS 1 . M ATC H E D S E T. Identical tables on

either side of a sofa work every time because symmetry is pleasing to the eye. Tables 25 inches high and about 25 inches wide are just right for a lamp— or for drinks and a bite.

Telephone tables, $149 each; schoolhouseelectric.com.

2 . C L E A R LY C L E V E R . Got a room that’s layered with patterns or short on floor space? Your best bet is a table with a glass top, which “recedes into the room,” says Huh.

Elke glass side table, $459; crateandbarrel.com.

3. STO O L S A R E TA B L E S, TO O.

“I’m a big fan of side tables that can also act as extra seating when you have guests over, like a porcelain garden stool or a set of stackable ones,” says Fitzgerald. (One favorite: Ikea’s Frosta stool.)

Bamileke side table, $498; serenaandlily.com.

TOP TO BOTTOM:

Gazsi chairs in Lemon, $534 for 2; luluandgeorgia.com. Cubist oak dining table, $895; abchome.com. Avec sofa with brass legs, $1,599; cb2.com. Cue chairs with brass legs, $649 each; cb2.com. Jasmine white marble coffee table, $899; high fashionhome.com. Gardette coffee tables, $1,195 each; jaysonhome.com.

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DINING

H E R E ’ S YO U R TA B L E — C H O O S E YO U R C H A I R S FA R M H O U S E

Threshold Gilford dining table, from $300; target.com.

Country chic Shannon side chair in Buffalo Blue, $195; onekingslane.com.

Midcentury mash-up White molded Evie chairs, $160 for 2; worldmarket.com.

Family-friendly flair Norraryd chair, $65; ikea-usa.com.

G LO SSY W H I T E

URBN Alexander dining table, $699; wayfair.com.

Feminine fun Fiji, $625 for 2; shopsocietysocial.com.

Natural match Bergman armchair in teak, $399; highfashionhome.com.

Industrial (but adorable) Lucinda mint stacking chair, $80; cb2.com.

No-fail sophistication Gemma dining chair, $395; jaysonhome.com.

Manly materials Laredo brown leather dining chair, $269; crateandbarrel.com.

Hampton classic Bistro side chair, $149; williams-sonoma.com.

Coziness, for contrast Coppice side chair, $399; westelm.com.

Elegant & elevated Ashton nontufted dining chair, from $399; potterybarn.com.

Packed with Parisian personality Chevron Riviera side chair, $228; serenaandlily.com.

M A R B L E TO P

Saarinen round dining table, from $3,333; dwr.com.

G L A SS TO P

Rosalie dining table, $1,595; luluandgeorgia.com.

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TIP

“A gorgeous antique-style wooden table is timeless, but nothing dates a dining room more than a ton of matching brown furniture. Mixing in playful, modern chairs makes the space more interesting visually and a lot more welcoming.” —CHLOE WARNER, A DESIGNER IN OAKL AND, CALIFORNIA

TOP TO BOTTOM:

Lilly chairs, $258 for 2; luluandgeorgia .com. Rosalie dining table, $1,595; lulu andgeorgia.com. Cubist tufted sofa in Yellow, $1,195; abchome.com. Pietro chairs, $799 each; highfashionhome .com. Antibes cocktail table, $895; jonathanadler.com. Haven coffee table, $799; cb2.com.

GOT ANOTHER DECORATING QUESTION?

Tweet it to @RealSimple using #rsfurniture for a chance to have it answered by our editors.

O U R D E S I G N E X P E R T S Chris Barrett, Chris Barrett Design, Los Angeles Heather Brock and Jennifer Wundrow, Nest Design Co. Inc., Ross, California Annie Fitzgerald and Maria Von Hartz, Von Fitz Design, Los Angeles Anne Maxwell Foster, Tilton Fenwick, New York City Grant Gibson, Grant K. Gibson Interior Design Inc., San Francisco Jill Goldberg, Hudson Interior Designs, Boston Elaine Griffin, Elaine Griffin Interior Design, New York City Alexa Hampton, Alexa Hampton Inc., New York City Emily Henderson, Emily Henderson Design, Los Angeles Young Huh, Young Huh Interior Design, New York City Becki Owens, Becki Owens Design, Orange County, California Mat Sanders, Consort Design, New York City Chloe Warner, Redmond Aldrich, Oakland, California MARCH 2017

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Quick Cooking 125, 139, 140, 144, 146, 150 Healthy Pick 139, 140, 142, 144, 150 Freezable 139, 150, 152 Make Ahead 125, 126, 139, 150, 152 Big Batch 125, 126, 152 One Pot 126, 139, 140, 142, 144, 150 Whole-Grain 144 Vegetarian 125, 126, 139, 150, 152 Gluten-Free 125, 126, 139, 144, 150 Family Friendly 126, 139, 140, 142, 146, 152

Photographs by

Jennifer Causey Food Styling by

Chelsea Zimmer

C O L D STA N DA R D

P R O P S T Y L I N G BY C L A I R E S P O L L E N

Frozen peas are preserved hours after harvest, so they’re often sweeter than fresh peas. We always keep a bag in the freezer for a quick hit of green.

C O O K W I T H C OZ I Get Real Simple’s easy weeknight-dinner recipes in Cozi, a free meal-planning and organizing app from Time Inc. (available on iTunes and Google Play).

113

THE NUMBER OF POUNDS OF POTATOES AND POTATO PRODUCTS (FRENCH FRIES, CHIPS, ETC.) EACH AMERICAN CONSUMED IN 2015, ACCORDING TO THE NATIONAL POTATO COUNCIL AND THE USDA.

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DA I LY TA ST E

Go to realsimple.com/dailyrecipe to have new favorite recipes delivered to your inbox every day.

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Hillshire Farm® smoked sausage is seasoned perfectly. So it’s easy for you to create dinner deliciously.

Easy Smoked Sausage Skillet Serving Size: 4-6

Total Time: 20 minutes

Ingredients :

Instructions :

1 pkg. Hillshire Farm® smoked sausage, diagonally sliced thin 2 cloves garlic, crushed ¼ cup olive oil 1 large red bell pepper, sliced thin 1 small yellow onion, sliced thin 1 pkg. frozen broccoli, thawed ½ cup chicken broth (or water) ½ cup tomato sauce 2 cups instant rice ½ cup shredded Mozzarella cheese

Heat olive oil and garlic in skillet, stir in smoked sausage slices and cook until browned. Add pepper, onion, broccoli, broth and tomato sauce and simmer for 10 minutes until the vegetables are tender and the liquid is absorbed. In the meantime, prepare rice according to package instructions. Stir rice into the skillet, sprinkle with cheese and serve.

Visit HillshireFarm.com/recipes for delicious recipes perfect for any night of the week.

E A SY D I N N E R

1 Pinto bean and potato chili ACTIVE TIME 10 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free Family Friendly

SERVES 4

1 Tbsp. olive oil 2 poblano chiles, seeded and diced 1 large onion, chopped 1 Tbsp. ground cumin 5 cups vegetable stock 12 oz. red or Yukon gold potatoes, cut into ½-in. pieces (about 2½ cups)

FO OD

2 15-oz. cans pinto beans, drained, rinsed, and lightly mashed 1½ tsp. kosher salt 4 radishes, thinly sliced ¼ cup fresh cilantro leaves and tender stems Hot sauce, for serving HEAT oil in a large saucepan over medium-high. Add chiles and onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until vegetables start to soften, about 5 minutes. ADD cumin and cook until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add stock and potatoes; bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer until potatoes are tender, 12 to 15 minutes. STIR in beans and salt. Cover and simmer until warmed through, about 5 minutes. SERVE chili topped with radishes, cilantro, and a dash of hot sauce. PER SERVING: 405 CALORIES, 7G FAT (0.5G SAT.),

0MG CHOL., 4G FIBER, 18G PRO., 70G CARB., 1,882MG SOD., 8G SUGAR

Recipes by Karen Rankin

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Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free Family Friendly

E A SY D I N N E R

2 Chicken thighs with barley and peas ACTIVE TIME 30 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 45 MINUTES

SERVES 4

8 bone-in, skin-on chicken thighs ½ tsp. black pepper 1 tsp. kosher salt, divided 1 Tbsp. olive oil 2 cups low-sodium chicken broth FO OD

1 8.8-oz. pkg. quickcooking barley 2 Tbsp. chopped fresh thyme, divided 1½ cups frozen peas, thawed PREHEAT oven to 425°F. Season chicken with pepper and ¾ teaspoon of the salt. HEAT oil in a large ovenproof skillet. Working in 2 batches, add chicken thighs, skin side down. Cook, flipping once, until chicken is deeply browned and crisp, 5 to 6 minutes per side. Transfer to a plate. Repeat with remaining chicken thighs. ADD broth, barley, 1 tablespoon of the thyme, and remaining ¼ teaspoon salt to skillet, stirring to submerge all barley. Bring to a boil. Return chicken to skillet, skin side up. Transfer to oven and bake until chicken is cooked through and barley is tender, 10 to 12 minutes. TRANSFER chicken to a plate and stir peas into barley. Return skillet to oven and cook until peas are bright green and tender, about 3 minutes. SERVE chicken over barley, topped with remaining 1 tablespoon thyme. PER SERVING: 512 CALORIES, 15G FAT (4G SAT.),

99MG CHOL., 12G FIBER, 38G PRO., 56G CARB., 853MG SOD., 3G SUGAR

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MEALS INSPIRED BY ™ YOU. MADE WITH REAL INGREDIENTS YOU CAN PRONOUNCE

MADE WITH REAL GRILLED WHITE MEAT CHICKEN

SMARTMADE™ FROZEN MEALS BY

Delicious meals made like you make them, using cooking techniques like grilling and roasting—just like you do at home.

MADE WITH ROASTED CORN & RED PEPPERS FOR EXTRA FLAVOR

Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free Family Friendly

E A SY D I N N E R

3 Old Bay Cheddar grits with andouille and tomatoes ACTIVE TIME 30 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

SERVES 4

12 oz. andouille sausage, cut diagonally into ½-in. slices 1 medium yellow bell pepper, chopped 3 cloves garlic, thinly sliced 1 pint grape tomatoes ¼ tsp. kosher salt FO OD

1 Tbsp. unsalted butter ⅔ cup quick-cooking grits 4 oz. white Cheddar cheese, shredded (about 1 cup) 1½ tsp. Old Bay seasoning Fresh flat-leaf parsley leaves, for serving HEAT a large skillet over medium-high. Add sausage and cook, stirring often, until browned in places, about 4 minutes. Add bell pepper and garlic and cook, stirring often, until vegetables soften, about 3 minutes. Add tomatoes and salt and cook, stirring often, until tomatoes burst, about 4 minutes. Add butter and cook, stirring constantly, until melted. Cover to keep warm. MEANWHILE, bring 2⅔ cups water to a boil in a small saucepan. Whisk in grits and cook, whisking often, until tender, 8 to 10 minutes. Add cheese and Old Bay and cook, whisking constantly, until cheese melts. SERVE grits topped with andouille mixture and parsley. PER SERVING: 417 CALORIES, 25G FAT (12G SAT.),

68MG CHOL., 3G FIBER, 24G PRO., 27G CARB., 1,158MG SOD., 4G SUGAR

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WE’RE THE ONLY LEADING BRAND WHO USES

Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free Family Friendly

E A SY D I N N E R

4 Coriander-crusted tilapia with brown rice and vegetables ACTIVE TIME 15 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 20 MINUTES

SERVES 4

4 6-oz. tilapia fillets 2 Tbsp. ground coriander ½ tsp. black pepper 1 tsp. kosher salt, divided 2 Tbsp. olive oil, divided 6 small carrots, chopped 2 medium leeks, thinly sliced ¼ cup dry white wine 2 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice 1 cup instant brown rice FO OD

½ cup vegetable broth 3 cups loosely packed baby spinach 1 lemon, cut into wedges PAT tilapia dry with paper towels. Combine coriander, pepper, and ¾ teaspoon of the salt in a small bowl. Season tilapia all over with the mixture. HEAT 1 tablespoon of the oil in a large skillet over medium-high. Add tilapia and cook until golden brown and crispy, about 4 minutes. Flip and cook until just opaque, about 1 minute. Transfer to a plate and cover to keep warm. ADD remaining 1 tablespoon oil to skillet. Add carrots and cook, stirring often, until almost tender, about 3 minutes. Add leeks and cook, stirring often, until tender, about 3 minutes. Add wine and lemon juice. Bring to a boil and cook until liquid is reduced by half, about 1 minute. Add rice, broth, and remaining ¼ teaspoon salt. Bring to a boil and cook, stirring often, until most of the liquid is absorbed, about 3 minutes. Add spinach and cook, stirring constantly, until wilted, about 1 minute. SERVE tilapia with brown rice, vegetables, and lemon wedges. PER SERVING: 487 CALORIES, 13G FAT (1G SAT.),

0MG CHOL., 6G FIBER, 37G PRO., 48G CARB., 719MG SOD., 4G SUGAR

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Quick Cooking Healthy Pick Freezable Make Ahead Big Batch Slow Cooker One Pot Whole-Grain Vegetarian Gluten-Free Family Friendly

E A SY D I N N E R

5 Cheeseburger quesadillas with romaine wedge salad ACTIVE TIME 20 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

SERVES 4

1¼ lb. ground sirloin ⅔ cup ketchup 2 Tbsp. yellow mustard ⅓ cup mayonnaise 24 dill pickle chips, plus 2 Tbsp. pickle juice ¼ tsp. kosher salt ¼ tsp. black pepper 4 10-in. flour tortillas

FO OD

8 oz. extra-sharp Cheddar cheese, shredded (about 2 cups) Cooking spray 2 romaine hearts, halved lengthwise 1 large tomato, chopped 1 shallot, thinly sliced sirloin in a large skillet over medium-high, stirring to crumble, until browned and cooked through, 6 to 8 minutes. Transfer to a bowl and stir in ketchup and mustard. COOK

COMBINE mayonnaise, pickle juice, salt, and pepper in a small bowl. Set aside. TOP half of each tortilla with ¼ cup cheese. Top with ⅔ cup meat mixture, 6 pickle chips, and another ¼ cup cheese. Fold tortilla in half to cover filling. HEAT a medium skillet over medium. Spray outside of tortillas with cooking spray and, working in batches, add to skillet. Cook until cheese is melted and tortillas are golden brown, about 2 minutes per side. Transfer to a plate and cover to keep warm. Repeat with remaining tortillas. TOP each romaine half with some tomato, shallot, and a drizzle of mayonnaise dressing. Serve with quesadillas. PER SERVING: 870 CALORIES, 51G FAT (20G SAT.),

156MG CHOL., 3G FIBER, 29G PRO., 55G CARB., 2,089MG SOD., 15G SUGAR

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by invitation :: tipsntrends, inc :: 323-525-1700

Turn your little one into a

Veggie-saurus Rex

Country Crock® Simply Sautéed Vegetables are ready to be devoured in just 12 minutes. Prep Time: 4 minutes

Cook Time: 8 minutes

Ingredients

Directions

3 tbsp. Country Crock®, divided 4 1/2 cups assorted cut-up fresh vegetables 1 small onion, chopped 1/2 tsp. dried Italian seasoning

MELT 2 tablespoons Country Crock® in skillet over medium-high heat. SAUTÉ vegetables, onion & Italian seasoning until veggies are crisp and tender. TOP with remaining tablespoon of Country Crock® and serve! Makes 4 servings.

CountryCrock.com

W H Y N OT T RY… ?

Right ruffles Mustard greens have wide, frilly-edged leaves that look like curly kale—but lack kale’s thick veins. Look for greens with a bright peagreen color, no yellowing or spots, and crisp stems that aren’t thick, dry, or brown. Store greens, unwashed, wrapped loosely in paper towels in a plastic bag in the refrigerator for up to 5 days.

Bitter truth As a general rule, the larger the mustard green leaf, the stronger its flavor. If you’re serving the greens raw—in our Bitter Greens Caesar Salad, for example—opt for smaller (younger) leaves. Not only are they milder-tasting, they’re also far more tender.

FO OD

MUSTARD GREENS Mustard greens are known for being peppery and pungent (it’s the plant’s seeds that are ground up to make our favorite condiment for pretzels and hot dogs). But when they’re cooked, they’re less bitter, adding just the right kick to vegetable soups or braised beans. And the leaves have about the same amount of fiber and iron as kale—enough to make even the queen of superfoods a little green with envy.

Written by Heath Goldman Recipes by Anna Painter Photographs by Levi Brown Food Styling by Maggie Ruggiero

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Winter vegetable soup

Spiced chickpeas and greens

Tear a small BAGUETTE into 1-in. pieces. Toss with 1 Tbsp. OLIVE OIL on a rimmed baking sheet and bake at 350°F until golden brown, about 5 min. Whisk ¼ cup each MAYO and GRATED PARMESAN, 1 Tbsp. LEMON JUICE, and 2 minced ANCHOVY FILLETS; season with KOSHER SALT and BLACK PEPPER. Toss dressing with ½ bunch each chopped MUSTARD GREENS, KALE, and ROMAINE, and croutons. Serve with ROASTED CHICKEN. Serves 4

Cook 1 chopped ONION, 2 cloves chopped GARLIC, and 2 tsp. SMOKED PAPRIKA in 2 Tbsp. OLIVE OIL in a pot over medium; cook until tender, 5 min. Add 2 each chopped CARROTS and CELERY STALKS, 1 chopped SWEET POTATO, and 1 tsp. each KOSHER SALT and BLACK PEPPER; cook until softened, 5 min. Add 2 bunches chopped, stemmed MUSTARD GREENS, 1 14.5-oz. can DICED TOMATOES, and 6 cups CHICKEN BROTH; simmer 25 min. Top with PARMESAN. SERVES 4

Cook 1 chopped ONION, 2 Tbsp. chopped FRESH GINGER, 2 cloves chopped GARLIC, and 1 tsp. each MUSTARD SEEDS, GROUND CORIANDER, KOSHER SALT, and BLACK PEPPER in 1 Tbsp. OIL in a large pot over medium; cook until tender, 5 min. Add 2 bunches sliced, stemmed MUSTARD GREENS; cook until wilted, 3 min. Add 2 15-oz. cans drained CHICKPEAS, 1 cup COCONUT MILK, ½ cup water, and 2 tsp. GARAM MASALA. Simmer 30 min. Serve over RICE with LEMON. SERVES 4

FO OD

Bitter greens Caesar salad

Orecchiette with mustard greens and sausage Cook 1 lb. SWEET ITALIAN SAUSAGE in 2 Tbsp. OLIVE OIL in a large skillet over medium until browned. Add 2 cloves chopped GARLIC, 2 bunches coarsely chopped, stemmed MUSTARD GREENS, and ¼ tsp. each KOSHER SALT, BLACK PEPPER, and CRUSHED RED PEPPER. Cook until greens are wilted, 2 min. Add 1 lb. cooked ORECCHIETTE and toss to combine. Top with TOASTED BREAD CRUMBS and GRATED PARMESAN. SERVES 4

Greens and potato bake

Charred greens with lemon

Steam 2½ lb. peeled, cubed IDAHO POTATOES. Bring 6 Tbsp. UNSALTED BUTTER, ¼ cup MILK, and ¼ tsp. each KOSHER SALT and BLACK PEPPER to a simmer in a medium pot; pour over potatoes and mash. Cook 2 bunches finely chopped, stemmed MUSTARD GREENS and 1 clove chopped GARLIC in 2 Tbsp. OLIVE OIL until tender, 2 min. Stir greens, 1 bunch chopped SCALLIONS, and 1 cup SHREDDED CHEDDAR into potatoes. Transfer to a buttered 2-qt. baking dish. Bake at 400°F until browned. SERVES 4

Toss leaves from 2 bunches stemmed MUSTARD GREENS with 2 tsp. CANOLA OIL and ¼ tsp. each KOSHER SALT and BLACK PEPPER. Heat a large cast-iron skillet over high. Add the greens in batches, stirring frequently, until lightly charred and wilted, about 2 min. Whisk 2 Tbsp. OLIVE OIL, 1 Tbsp. LEMON JUICE, and a pinch of CAYENNE; season with salt to taste. Toss greens with dressing. SERVES 4

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Olive Oil and Garlic Walnuts

Toasted Walnuts

NATURALLY DELICIOUS STRAIGHT FROM THE BAG, WALNUTS ALSO TASTE GREAT TOASTED OR SIMPLY SEASONED. NOTHING BEATS HEART-HEALTHY* CALIFORNIA WALNUTS FOR EASY, TASTY SNACKS. VISIT WALNUTS.ORG/SNACKS.

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Raw Walnuts

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* Supportive but not conclusive research shows that eating 1.5 ounces of walnuts per day, as part of a low saturated fat and low cholesterol diet and not resulting in increased caloric intake, may reduce the risk of coronary heart disease. (FDA) One ounce of walnuts provides 18g of total fat, 2.5g of monounsaturated fat, 13g of polyunsaturated fat including 2.5g of alpha-linolenic acid – the plant-based omega-3.

B I G B ATC H

Golden flaky biscuits ACTIVE TIME 20 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 45 MINUTES

SERVES 16

1 Tbsp. baking powder 2½ tsp. kosher salt

H O W TO FR E E Z E A N D R EH EAT

2½ tsp. sugar ½ tsp. baking soda

Arrange unbaked biscuits in a single layer on a parchment-lined baking sheet and freeze until firm. Transfer frozen biscuits to a resealable plastic bag and store in the freezer for up to 1 month. Bake as directed; no need to thaw first.

4 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for work surface 1¼ cups (2½ sticks) cold, unsalted butter, cut into ½-in. pieces, plus 2 Tbsp. melted, for brushing 1¼ cups whole milk

FO OD

PULSE baking powder, salt, sugar, baking soda, and 4 cups flour in a food processor until combined. Add cold butter and pulse until mixture is crumbly, with some pea-size pieces of butter remaining. TRANSFER mixture to a large bowl and add milk, mixing with a fork until a very shaggy dough forms. Transfer to a lightly floured surface and pat into a 1-inch-thick square. Cut dough into 4 equal pieces, stack pieces, and pat out again into a 1-inch-thick square. Using a sharp knife, cut dough into 16 2-inch squares. TRANSFER biscuits to a parchment-lined baking sheet, spacing them ½ inch apart, and freeze for 10 minutes. PREHEAT oven to 400°F. Brush tops of biscuits with melted butter and bake until golden, 13 to 15 minutes. Serve warm or at room temperature.

PURE GOLD

Here’s a secret: After you pat out the biscuit dough, quarter it, stack the quarters, and re-pat to create extra-flaky layers.

Recipe by Heath Goldman Photograph by Jennifer Causey Food Styling by Chelsea Zimmer

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P R O P S T Y L I N G BY C L A I R E S P O L L E N

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FA M I LY

KNOCK, KNOCK Who’s there? An adult child! With a suitcase and a load of student debt! How parents and “boomerang kids” make it work. AT 22, JUST OUT OF COLLEGE and living with her parents while job hunting, Liz Kussman was discovering one surprise about moving home: “I would come in at 2 a.m., and the house would be totally dark. I’d enter as quietly as I could,” she says. “And then all of a sudden my

MARCH 2017

dad would pop out of the shadows. ‘Where were you?’ He literally couldn’t sleep until I was home.” Like Kussman, boomerang kids all over the country are learning what it’s like to be accustomed to their freedoms but have to adjust to new rules. More 20-somethings are living at home than are married or cohabiting, per a 2016 Pew Research Center analysis. Blame the $30,000 student loan for the classics degree, the astronomical cost of renting in certain cities, or the long preparation (grad school, internships) now required to start a career in an ever-more competitive world. Also— props to Mom and Dad here—young adults seem to feel closer to their parents than previous generations did and consider them good company. “It’s Written by Jennifer King Lindley Photographs by Sage Sohier

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FA M I LY

so common, there is no longer much of a stigma,” says Katherine Newman, PhD, a sociologist at University of Massachusetts Amherst and the author of The Accordion Family. There’s even an official name for this life stage: emerging adulthood. “It’s what we call the period between 18 and 29,” says Elizabeth Fishel, coauthor of Getting to 30: A Parent’s Guide to the 20-Something Years. “It’s a state of flux and possibility,” especially as the traditional markers of adulthood—marriage, house buying, babies—are happening later. When it works, it’s a chance for kids and their parents to enjoy each other in a new context. “You are setting the stage for the relationship you will have the rest of your life,” says Jane Adams, PhD, a “postparenting” coach and the author of I’m Still Your Mother: How to Get Along with Your Grown-Up Children for the Rest of Your Life. Follow these steps to make the most of this (fingers crossed) fleeting time.

Have a frank talk before anyone rents a U-Haul. Many families simply drift into these arrangements, as they’re often born of necessity. “Everyone assumes that the two generations have lived together before and can pick back up. That’s setting up the family for conﬂict,” says Christina Newberry, author of The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Children Living at Home—and a former, two-time boomerang kid. There are usually conﬂicting expectations. Young adults anticipate they will enjoy all the freedoms of their newly independent life while having someone else do their laundry. Parents envision family dinners in which kids gratefully receive Life Wisdom. Newberry suggests a contract. (If that sounds too much like legalese, call it a “living agreement.” Her website, adultchildren livingathome.com, has a template you can buy.) How will chores be divided? Who pays for the souped-up Wi-Fi? “If things get rocky later, you can pull it out,” says Newberry. PARENTS, KEEP IN MIND: Make it clear that you don’t intend to provide concierge service. One

BEHIND THE PHOTOS

Sage Sohier’s series of kids on the cusp of adulthood—the ones here are about to leave for college— explores “the charged and complex relationships between parents and young adults,” she says.

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analysis based on the American Time Use Survey found that parents of at-home 18- to 31-year-old children spent about eight extra hours a week on housework. “There’s no need to turn yourself into a pretzel. If you don’t want to go back to cooking dinner every night, you don’t have to. Just say so,” says Linda Perlman Gordon, a psychotherapist in Chevy Chase, Maryland, and the author of Mom, Can I Move Back in with You? KIDS, KEEP IN MIND: Take the lead. “Come in with the understanding that the goal of moving home is to eventually move back out,” says Newberry. “Have goals: You’ll be living there so you can take an unpaid internship that will build experience to make you more employable. That will help your parents see you, and therefore treat you, as an adult.”

Be roommates (sorta). “It’s almost instinctual to go right back into the old parent-child roles. You need to override that,” says Gordon. Think of this as you would any roommate arrangement. Most important? Mutual consideration. Would you expect a roommate to change the empty toilet-paper roll for you? Barge into your bedroom uninvited? No. Boundaries are also key. “I stopped telling them about every detail of my social life or where I was going after work. I realized that when I shared things like that, I was inviting their opinions,” says Kussman. PARENTS, KEEP IN MIND: Every fiber of your being may be screaming to get your daughter’s life in order. But your parenting should now be based on what best helps launch your child to full independence. Ask yourself what you would be doing for your child if she lived in the next state. Providing emotional support? Yes. Filling her gas tank? No.

Don’t freak out if you start to feel trapped. Even when the arrangement makes perfect sense, “kids don’t feel fully grown-up when they get a text from Dad asking if Mom should turn on the oven for dinner yet,” says Kussman. Feeling stuck or embarrassed to still be living at home can cause a downward spiral. “They start to lose conﬁdence and are less willing to put themselves out there,” says Jenn DeWall, a millennial career coach in Denver. Meanwhile, even super-supportive parents may miss their empty nest at times. PARENTS, KEEP IN MIND: Everyone survived without you before. Take advantage of the built-in cat sitter and carve out time alone or take a trip, says Fishel. If you notice your child stalling out, it can pique your anxiety—like you are failing the parenting final exam. That’s when temptation is greatest to help fill out job applications or make every breakfast a pep talk. Instead, follow your child’s lead. “Put yourself out there as a resource: ‘If you like, I can look at your résumé.’ But don’t try to jump in and fix things,” says Fishel.

If your child does welcome advice, know this: “Young adults who receive financial, practical, and emotional support from their parents reported clearer life goals and more satisfaction than those who didn’t get the help,” says Karen Fingerman, PhD, professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Texas at Austin. In other words, butting in a bit isn’t something to feel particularly guilty about. KIDS, KEEP IN MIND: Treat home as a hotel, in the sense that it is mostly a place to sleep and (occasionally) eat while you live your adult life

T H E T R I C K I E ST I SS U E S Calmly navigate some common flash points.

RENT. “Parents tend to fixate on it as a marker of responsibility, but if a child is home to save money for a goal you support, like grad school, it just stalls his progress,” says Gordon. One solution: Collect “rent,” put it in a savings account, and return it when the child moves out. Rent-free kids should contribute in other ways—driving younger siblings, painting the deck—so they see the arrangement as a two-way street.

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ADULT SLEEPOVERS. Parents still have the right to set the rules under their own roof, say experts. (Dictating what happens out of the house is a different matter.) If you aren’t OK with an overnight guest, use “I” statements to make your point. “They let you state your policy in a way that doesn’t pass judgment or put the other person on the defensive,” says Gordon. “I am uncomfortable with your girlfriend sleeping over, because it’s confusing to your younger sister.”

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SCHEDULES. You’re likely living on completely different shifts. Thankfully, young adults have more empathy than adolescents, says Gordon. Ask them to text when they’ll be home. “Say, ‘It isn’t because I don’t trust you. I just have a mom radar that comes on naturally when you’re home. Do me a favor so I’m not up all night worried you drove into a ditch,’ ” says Gordon. THE EXIT STRATEGY. “When the situation feels indefinite, parents are driven up the wall,” says Adams. Have semiregular checkins about how things are progressing. Keeping an eye on the big picture prevents parents from freaking out every time Ben buys $200 kicks or sleeps until noon; kids get to see that it’s OK to make the leap even if the next step isn’t perfect. If necessary, set a time limit. “One friend offered her kids each one year at home,” says Fishel. “By then, they would be on their way to their Big Dream or, if not, they’d have to figure out a way to support themselves, even if it wasn’t their ideal job.”

FA M I LY

KIDS, KEEP IN MIND: It may sound a little formal, but it can help to think of yourself as a guest at a friend’s parents’ house. You’d hang up wet towels, offer to help clear the dinner table, and keep it down past midnight. “Being intentionally respectful and considerate reminds them you are a grown-up,” and will probably curb some nagging, says Kelly Williams Brown, author of Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps. Occasionally volunteer some intel— how an interview went, what your brunch plans are—which can satisfy the parental instinct to dig.

elsewhere—hanging out with encouraging friends or grabbing coffee with a fellow alumna in your field. You may need to get off Facebook for a while, which can take the wind out of your sails. “I would look at my former roommates with their awesome jobs, and it was totally depressing,” says DeWall of her stint back home. “Take at least one small step—networking, updating your website—every day.” Refreshing your childhood bedroom to look more like a hotel suite (calming neutrals, no prom pictures) may also help you feel like an adult passing through on the way to someplace important.

Enjoy the perks. Despite these stumbling blocks, a Pew Research Center survey found that both parents and children typically rated themselves content with the arrangement. And having a grown child at home didn’t hurt the parents’ own relationship satisfaction, either. “I’ve seen parents and adult children take spin classes or start watching Game of Thrones together. New rituals deepen your bond,” says Gordon. That was true when Fishel’s son Nate moved home for nine months. “We loved his company! He is a witty, perceptive guy. Plus, I could call down the stairs anytime I had a tech glitch,” she says. PARENTS, KEEP IN MIND: You get to show off your handsome baby at the neighborhood potluck! Eat dinner with him every night! Right? Not necessarily. Extend invitations, but don’t force togetherness. “You want your child to choose

Friend in town, dinner in fridge, kids at practice. Happiest hour. - >Ài` > Þ > i `>À - «« } E / ÃÌÃ i> Ã E ,iV «i Ý

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to opt in. Say, ‘We typically have dinner at 6, and anytime you want to join us, great. Just let me know,’” says Fishel. Save your full-court press for big events. KIDS, KEEP IN MIND: Make time to hang out, not just drink the free almond milk. You won’t regret it. “My brother is also home, starting his first job after law school, and it’s fun,” says Kussman. “We eat breakfast together and start laughing about nothing, just like we did in high school.” Q

LISTEN, KID

Hear our Adulthood Made Easy podcast about moving home at realsimple.com/boomerang.

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Kendall Kremer runs a life and style blog called Styled Snapshots— styledsnapshots.com—where she shares snapshots of fashion and all things style that inspire her. She has a flair for mixing high end with more affordable pieces and incorporates the culture of NYC in her everyday wardrobe. When she is not blogging about classic styles and fashion staples, Kendall is planning her next great travel adventure. Kendall lives in NYC with her husband and fur-child, a Cavachon puppy.

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BEFORE

RIP 1980–2016

REQUIEM FOR A PAISLEY ARMCHAIR Chair dies at 36, beloved by pretty much no one ever.

OVERSTUFFED EARTH-TONED Paisley Chair, which spent its early years accumulating whiskey sour stains in a house in Granite Bay, California, and smelled faintly of mildew, died recently at its home in Nevada City, California. It resided with two guys who were best friends in high school, are still roommates nearing age 40, and got the chair from some guy. Cause of death was disposal at the hands of owner’s disgusted girlfriend, Sarah Miller, 47, and her friend, Jessica Anderson, 32, who hauled it onto the lawn the day after the presidential election, muttering, “Can you believe two grown men with full-time jobs still have this piece of crap in their house?”

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Overstuffed Earth-Toned Paisley Chair was 36. Death was confirmed by everyone in the quaint Sierra Foothill village who pays attention to the stop signs at the corner of Searls Avenue and Valley Street and who would have noticed a chair by the side of the road, which is to say no one. Overstuffed Earth-Toned Paisley Chair was born in 1980 in Greensboro, North Carolina. It belonged to a dying generation of chairs that were neither midcentury modern nor West Elm/Ikea midcentury knockoffs. “These are essentially Dad chairs from an era in which Dad sat down instead of leaning over the kitchen island, glowering into his phone,” said Therese Aird, associate dean of Seating Studies at Furniture University. Edward Mackie, 76, the chair’s first owner, spoke on the phone from the gracious colonial in Granite Bay where the chair spent the bulk (pun intended) of its life. “It was such a cozy accompaniment to our more formal den sofa,” said Mackie. While trying to recall why he and husband Don Xavier, 82, decided to dispose of the chair, he was interrupted by a male voice in the background shouting, “Because it was hideous!” There were a few years—2005 to 2010—during which no one can account for Overstuffed EarthToned Paisley Chair’s whereabouts. Longtime pal (and onetime girlfriend) Decorative Mohair Throw guesses that wherever it was, people were plopping down on it, depositing new food stains on top of the old food stains and adding to the contents of its crevices. “I hope for its sake that someone was also watching China Beach,” said Decorative Mohair Throw. “That was its favorite show.” Tor Erickson, 37, Miller’s boyfriend, said he wasn’t exactly shocked to learn about the death of Overstuffed Earth-Toned Paisley Chair. “My girlfriend kind of does what she wants,” he whispered. On the other hand, Erickson’s roommate, Micah Pierce, 38, has not adjusted well to the loss of the chair. When reached for comment, he said, “Great. Does Sarah know that now we have to go out and get another chair? Did someone tell her that could take, like, a whole hour?” Visiting hours are around the clock on the sidewalk outside the chair’s former home and will continue indefinitely.

Written by Sarah Miller

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