MODERN MANNERS

How do I politely tell a friend that I’m not interested in socializing with her other friends? I get frequent invitations to gatherings from her and I do not wish to hurt her, but I don’t care for her friends.

R.V.

Thank your friend for including you, then politely decline the offers as they arise. There’s no need to communicate that you don’t like her friends. If expansiveness is her M.O., she may think nothing of inviting you or of the turned-down invitations. If you feel you must account for yourself, say, “I really crave one-on-one time with you! I’m greedy like that.” If there’s a special occasion—her birthday, say—then make an exception, since loving obligation can trump personal preference. I work in an office with an open floor plan. There is often sneezing going on. Is it bad manners if I don’t say “Bless you” to each person for each sneeze? It seems superfluous. Is this tradition outdated?

A.B.

Unless you grew up during the Black Death and thus believe that your coworkers are in danger of sneezing out their souls, saying “Bless you” is more of a charming courtesy than a social requirement. And courtesy requires that you balance reality against adherence to tradition. In other words, if every time someone sneezes, you yell “Bless you” across the office, and she yells “Thank you,” and you yell “You’re welcome,” then the pendulum may be tipping away from graciousness and toward irritating interruption. “Blessing” someone has the paradoxical effect of drawing negative attention to the sneezing— especially if “Bless you” is (passiveaggressive) code for “Thanks for gettingus all sick.” That said, I like to say “Bless you” when people sneeze, and I like people to say it to me. It’s a dangerous world, and I’ll take all the kindness I can get. So if you’re talking about the odd nearby achoo— not bouts of serial sneezing—go ahead and offer a whispered blessing or gesundheit. Or, you know, a tissue.

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THE VETSWILLSEE YOU NOW.......................... 76

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CLEVER WAYSTO TURN YOUR WALLS INTO STORAGE SOLUTIONS................ 65

FAMILY

EMPATHY is a wonderful trait. Want to grow it in your kids?..............125

HOWTO GET BACK INTO THE WORKFORCE.......... 140

WORK &MONEY

TIMETO WRITE YOUR WILL

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YOURGUIDE TO WEARING WIDE-LEG PANTS—FALL’S BIGGEST TREND

115 PRETTY SMART

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THE BEST CONCEALERS FOR EVERY PROBLEM......98

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AFTER THE DIAGNOSIS The next steps that will keep you focused and calm..........................101

PUT YOUR WALLS TO WORK

Along withdisplayingart, they can function as an annex pantry, a garden, even ajungle gym. Try thesecreative ways tocure your home’s clutter hang-ups.

USE ALEDGE ASA MINI MANTEL

Up top: There’s room for more than frames if you use bulldog clips to add cards and kids’ art. Switch up the display seasonally, hanging a festive garland in winter.

Written by Betsy Goldberg Photographs by Matthew Williams

TRY A VERTICAL GARDEN

Instead of crowding the windowsill, Anne placed plants on easy-to-mount shelves. (Ekby Osten shelves, from $7 each, ikea. com; antique zinc brackets for a similar look, $20 for two, world market.com.)

HOW LITTLE CAN YOU LIVE WITH?

Let yourself pare down before you configure the walls, says Anne Karp, who shares this Brooklynhome with her husband,Aaron, and their daughters, Johnna, two, andRuby, six months. “Donatinga big chunk of stuffand reducing what wewere bringing in made our home more calming,” she says. “We wanted tofeel like we were living here, not just storing things. It’s so much easier having less to pick up.”

CREATE A CLIMBING WALL

Stall bars, a piece of fitness gear typically used by adults for upperbody training, turn this bedroom spot into the ultimate indoor playground. “This was a splurge—around $1,000 with an added pull-up bar—but it’s built to last for years, and Johnna is on it every day,” says Anne. When the girls are older and outgrow the climbing, Anne says she will reimagine it as a drying rack, a scarf and jewelry organizer, or a valet to lay out clothes. Find lower-priced versions at amazon.com.

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A PULL-UP BAR MAKES IT VERSATILE

When Johnna isn’t swinging from it, the bar is a support for a fort and a mount for a mini basketball hoop.