TP - April/May 2021 by Lawrence Ambrocio

15 GIFTS TO BUY YOURSELF FOR MOTHER’S DAY (CALL IT SELF-CARE!) p.82 The new rules of bottle feeding p.36

An age-by-age guide to feeding your littles, from babies to big kids p.49

p.18 “You’re still up?!” Help for parents of night owls

p.28 Shopping guide: How to choose the right mattress

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PM 40070230

TODAYSPARENT.COM

When your kid’s BFF is a bad influence

CONTENTS APRIL+MAY 2021 VOL. 38, ISSUE 2

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HAPPY+HEALTHY

ADVICE+REAL LIFE

STEPS+STAGES

5 NEW STUDY

15 HELP+HACKS

35 PREGNANCY

A closer look. Nearsightedness is becoming more common in kids, and the pandemic isn’t helping the situation.

Sign of the times. Teaching a baby sign language is pretty easy— and pretty awesome. Here’s how to get started.

16 ESSAY

Me, myself and I. Growing a human inside you is fascinating—but probably not to everyone around you.

6 NEED TO KNOW

The Potter problem. Author J.K. Rowling’s transphobic remarks have left me unsure how to handle my kid’s Harry Potter obsession.

New products, the latest studies and interesting stats.

8 KIDS’ HEALTH Bathroom blues. Pelvic floor exercises aren’t just for moms. Paediatric pelvic physiotherapy and muscle retraining may help older kids with daytime accidents and bedwetting.

Are some kids just night owls? Yup, your child’s internal clock could be keeping them up—but it is possible to help them transform into an early bird.

22 CRAFTING

37 TODDLER

Reduce, reuse, recreate. How to get your kids excited about recycling this Earth Day, with minimal effort.

Bottoms up! Your child’s beverage options are starting to expand. What should you encourage: milk, water or something else?

18 SLEEP

26 PLAY 10 KIDS’ HEALTH Sitting pretty. Does your kid sit with their knees forward and their feet spread wide to either side? It’s called “W-sitting,” and some say it’s bad for kids’ hips. But is it really?

12 HYGIENE Kick the habit. It’s normal for kids to pick their nose or bite their nails. But yelling, “Ugh, stop it!” probably won’t do the trick. Here’s how to gently help them call it quits.

36 NEWBORN Bottle basics. What new parents need to know about sterilizing, using tap water and the surprisingly tricky glass versus plastic debate.

NEW COLUMN!

Get outside. There are tons of benefits that come with outdoor play, from motor-skill development and stress reduction to skills traditionally learned in a classroom—not to mention endless fun! In partnership with Mastermind Toys.

28 SHOPPING How to buy a kid’s mattress. So many options, so many price points. Whether you’re looking for your baby’s crib or their first “big kid” bed, here’s help figuring it all out.

38 PRESCHOOL Creature comfort. Being away from home can be scary and a lovey can help. But when are kids too old to drag around Mr. Bunny?

39 SCHOOL-AGE 32 DISCIPLINE Trigger warning. Understanding what triggers you as a parent— and dealing with the emotions underneath—can help you problemsolve instead of losing it on your kid.

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

Bad influence. Is it OK to interfere in your kid’s problematic friendships? Here’s how to navigate these tricky waters.

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FOOD+FAMILY 73 FOOD NEWS Baby bites. When you need to feed a hungry baby in a hurry (or on the go), these new storebought options are loaded with the good stuff: organic fruits, vegetables and healthy grains.

74 EASY MEALS Eggs for days. Not sure what to make for dinner tonight? Eggs can turn the random scraps you have in the fridge into a meal your family will love. Go ahead and get cracking!

80 GARDENING Sow the seeds. Research has shown that when kids help grow their own vegetables, they’re more likely to eat them. Start planting now, so that come summertime, your edible garden will be in full swing. Here’s how to get started.

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TIPS+TRICKS 82 THE LIST Mom’s the word. Call it selfcare, indulgence or simply overdue. This year, Mom deserves it all.

FEATURES

40 Good News The past year has been tough, to say the least, and we’re all hungering for tidbits of hope and positivity. Don’t let the pandemic eclipse these 20 big wins for parents and kids.

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IN EVERY ISSUE 4 Letter from Kim

49 Bon Appétit! There’s a lot for new parents to learn about feeding their littles— not just what to feed them, but how (and how not to). In this excerpt from the new Canadian parenting guide Food to Grow On, two registered dietitians (and fellow moms) walk you through tips and tricks for feeding children, from babies to bigger kids.

58 10 Normal Questions All New Moms Google p.49

No matter how much you prepare for parenthood, you’ll for sure find yourself googling things you never thought you’d search for as you try to figure out your new baby, your new body and your new life. Here are the most common “weird” (but, as it turns out, not-so-weird) new-parent questions people secretly search, and the no-BS answers from experts.

65 The Pandemic Pivot How three families used months of lockdown and global uncertainty as the perfect excuse to completely change the way they live and work.

COVER CREDITS PHOTOGRAPHY BY CARMEN CHEUNG PROP STYLING AND ON- SET STYLING BY DEE CONNOLLY (PROPS; CYNTHIAFINDLAY.COM, CHILD-SIZE LINEN NAPKINS, BIGLOVEGENERALSTORE.COM) WARDROBE BY LISA WILLIAMS (GREEN ROMPER; O’S AND OAKES) FELT FOOD BY ALBY KENNY ART DIRECTION BY EMILY VEZÉR

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

Letter from Kim

Kim Shiffman Editor-in-Chief

Emily Vezér Art Director EDITORIAL

Deputy Editor Jessica Pollack Senior Editors Ariel Brewster, Simone Olivero Assistant Editor Kevin John Siazon Copy Editor Kelly Jones Proofreader Janet Morassutti ART

Silver linings

Contributing Designer Colleen Nicholson In-House Photographers Carmen Cheung, Erik Putz PRODUCTION

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Chairman + CEO Tony Gagliano Vice-Chairman John Gagliano President & Publisher, SJC Media Ken Hunt Senior Vice-President, Revenue Lynn Chambers Vice-President, Content & Creative Maryam Sanati Vice-President, Operations & Technology Sean McCluskey Managing Director, Consumer Revenue Allan Yue Managing Director, Research & Consumer Insights Clarence Poirier Managing Director, Marketing Nadine Silverthorne Director, Customer Success Terry Smith Director, Production Maria Mendes Managing Director, Branded Content Sasha Emmons Head of Business Development Jason Maghanoy Director, Marketing Sponsorships Jessika Fink ADVERTISING

Managing Director, Sales Tracy Miller tracy.miller@stjoseph.com Sales Manager Susey Harmer susey.harmer@stjoseph.com

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TODAY’S PARENT, ISSN 0823-9258, established in 1984, is published six times per year by St. Joseph Communications, 15 Benton Road, Toronto, ON, M6M 3G2. Contents, Copyright 2021 by St. Joseph Communications, may not be reprinted without permission. SUBSCRIPTIONS: Subscription rate in Canada: 1 year, $15 + applicable taxes. U.S. print subscriptions: 1 year, $45. Foreign subscriptions: 1 year, $75. All subscriptions payable in Canadian funds. For any queries, call 833-632-0833, email service@todaysparent.com or write: Today’s Parent Circulation, 15 Benton Road, Toronto, ON, M6M 3G2. EDITORIAL: Today’s Parent receives unsolicited materials (including letters to the editor, press releases, promotional items and images) from time to time. Today’s Parent, its affiliates and assignees may use, reproduce, publish, republish, distribute, store and archive such submissions in whole or in part in any form or medium whatsoever, without compensation of any sort. This statement does not apply to materials/pitches submitted by freelancers in accordance with known industry practices. All editorial-related material should be sent to the Editor, Today’s Parent, 15 Benton Road, Toronto, ON, M6M 3G2 or editors@todaysparent.com. MAIL PREFERENCE: From time to time, other organizations may ask Today’s Parent if they may send information about a product or service to some Today’s Parent subscribers, by mail or email. If you do not wish to receive these messages, contact us in any of the ways listed above. Publications mail agreement 40070230. Return undeliverable Canadian addresses to: PO Box 179, Stn Main, Alliston, ON, L9R 1V5. We acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Canada. Printed in Canada by St. Joseph Communications, Print.

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PHOTO: CARMEN CHEUN MAKEUP+HAIR:WENDY RORONG PLUTINO GROUP

THE LAST 12 MONTHS have been an absolute dumpster ﬁre— and that might be putting it mildly. Even if you’ve been lucky enough to avoid getting sick, pandemic life has been a Groundhog Day–like shit show for parents of small kids. With nowhere to go, little to no family help, skyrocketing anxiety about our children’s mental health and the impossible job of balancing child care and school closures with working from home (for those who weren’t laid off ), a lot of parents are barely making it through each day. But as COVID-19 updates flood the news cycle all day and we doom-scroll social media all night (because pandemic-induced insomnia is a thing), we may actually be missing some pretty good news. That’s right: I said good news. There have been some obvious bright spots—like back in March 2020, when we learned that kids don’t experience severe COVID symptoms like adults do, and, more recently, when the first vaccines were approved and started rolling out (keep in mind that experts originally predicted it could be October 2021 before we had a vaccine). But in between those two milestone moments, a lot of other wonderful things happened in the world of parenting; like, did you know, for example, that preterm births mysteriously decreased during the lockdown? Now that we’re just past the oneyear mark (um, happy corona-versary?) and there’s a bright light at the end of the tunnel, we thought we’d recap the year’s silver linings. Find our uplifting report starting on page 40. We actually have some pretty great news of our own to share here at Today’s Parent. This issue marks the launch of our 2021 collaboration with Mastermind Toys, now our official play partner. Just like us, Mastermind Toys is seriously passionate about the developmental importance of play, and our brands are working together to bring you a column in each issue full of tips, advice and product picks to help you get the most out of this integral part of your kid’s daily life. Check out the first in the series on page 26. Then head outside with your littles and get your play on!

HAPPY+HEALTHY Latest studies, family wellness + better living

DOCTORS RECOMMEND BABIES HAVE THEIR FIRST EYE EXAMINATION AT SIX TO NINE MONTHS.

STOCKSY

A closer look Nearsightedness is becoming more common in kids, and the pandemic isn’t helping the situation.

The last thing parents need during the pandemic is to feel guilty about their kids’ screen time. After all, between Zoom school and killing time stuck at home, TV and video games aren’t exactly optional. Still, eye doctors have known for years that kids who clock too many hours on screens

are at greater risk of developing early-onset myopia, also known as nearsightedness. The solution isn’t just putting down the devices, though—it’s getting kids outdoors. “Even prior to the pandemic, I have been educating the parents in my clinic about the role of outdoor play in reducing the

progression of nearsightedness,” says paediatric ophthalmologist Christine Law, who is also the spokesperson for the Canadian Ophthalmological Society. Aim for two hours of outdoor time per day. Even a half-hour is better than nothing, as is taking screen breaks every 20 or 30 minutes.

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

HAPPY+HEALTHY Need to know

The waiting game Kids will be last in line to get the COVID-19 vaccine. Here’s why—and some clues as to when they might get it. HYGIENE

Dove’s new Kids Care line of body washes and bubble baths include positive affirmations that kids can repeat during their hygiene routine. Gentle and hypoallergenic, they come in yummy scents like cotton candy and coconut cookie. $7,

TIP: FIND 8 WAYS TO MAKE NEEDLES LESS PAINFUL FOR YOUR KID AT TODAYSPARENT. COM/FEAROFNEEDLES

So when will kids get the shot? Nobody knows for sure, because, among other things, it depends on when the studies on kids are completed. Vaccine manufacturer Moderna, for one, has said its research on how safe and effective its vaccine is on younger children won’t be ﬁnished until 2022, and the timeline will probably be the same for the other companies as well. All the manufacturers are focusing on teens before moving on to kids under 12. That said, in February, Anthony Fauci, director of the

BABY

National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases in the US, said that American kids as young as grade one might be able to get the vaccine by this September—as long as the trials are successful in that age group. One thing’s for sure: Since kids are much less likely to be hospitalized or die from COVID-19, they will be at the back of the line in terms of receiving the vaccine, though children with medical conditions and who are high risk should get it earlier. Supply and rollout issues Even when vaccines are deemed safe for kids, other factors will come into play, like if we have enough supply and how efficiently each province handles distribution. —VANESSA MILNE

WALMART.CA

STUDY

Antibodies that fight off COVID-19 can transfer from moms to babies inside the womb, according to a recent study published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology. This is great news for moms who had been ill with coronavirus and are now pregnant, but it also means that vaccinating moms-to-be may also have benefits for their newborns.

SLEEP

City slicker

Catching zzzs

Even more comfortable and compact than its earlier iteration, the Joolz Hub+ has all the capabilities of a full-size stroller (six-position recline, bassinet and car seat attachments) but in a slim frame. Easy to fold up and store, with integrated LED lights that turn on in low light, this stroller is ideal for city dwellers. FROM $879, WESTCOASTKIDS.CA

Happiest Baby, maker of the infamous Snoo, is back with a new sleep aid. The Snoobear is a cuddle-friendly white noise machine designed by Dr. Harvey Karp and features classic SNOO shushing sounds. Like the bassinet, the bear responds to new cries and can be set for 30 to 60 minutes of soothing. Note: Bear should not be left in the crib with a kid under a year old. $80, AMAZON.CA

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

STOCKSY

Does my kid even need it? Some parents are wondering whether kids truly need to be vaccinated, given that COVID-19 symptoms in children tend to be mild. Experts say yes. “In general, kids don’t get that sick from this coronavirus, especially when compared to adults, but that doesn’t mean they don’t get sick at all,” says Stephen Freedman, a professor of paediatrics at the University of Calgary’s Cumming School of Medicine. “Severe outcomes are uncommon, but they do occur,” he adds. Plus, while it hasn’t been proven yet, scientists believe that vaccinated kids will be less likely to spread the disease, helping our efforts to reach herd immunity.

“Lucky for me, Mom applied EMLA® before we got here”. FŨƎ ŨƋƣļśíŒ ėǙ ėĉƣļǂėŝėƖƖ íƋƋŒǉ /pf ® Ǝėíś íŝĐ /pf ® íƣĉķ íƣ ŒėíƖƣ ȇȁ śļŝƫƣėƖ ƋƎļŨƎ ƣŨ ǉŨƫƎ ĉķļŒĐɩƖ ŝėǈƣ ļŝŨĉƫŒíƣļŨŝ ǂļƖļƣ íŝĐ ǉŨƫɩŒŒ ĈŨƣķ įėėŒ í ŒŨƣ ĈėƣƣėƎ íƖ ĐļƎėĉƣėĐ Ĉǉ ǉŨƫƎ ķėíŒƣķĉíƎė ƋƎŨįėƖƖļŨŝíŒ ŨƎ ƎėįėƎ ƣŨ ƣķė /pf ® Ǝėíś íŝĐ /śŒí® íƣĉķ ¸S/r¸ p/'S ¸S}r SrF}£p ¸S}r ǃķļĉķ ĉíŝ Ĉė įŨƫŝĐ íƣ ķƣƣƋ ɑɑíƖƋėŝƋķíƎśí ĉíɑƋƎŨĐƫĉƣɑíŝíėƖƣķėƖļí

EMLA® provides comfort for you and your health care provider. 4 /pf ® Ǝėíś íŝĐ /pf ® íƣĉķ ķėŒƋƖ ƣŨ ƎėĐƫĉė íŝǈļėƣǉ íŝĐ Ƌíļŝ ĐƫƎļŝİ ĉėƎƣíļŝ ƋƎŨĉėĐƫƎėƖ Ȃɞȃ 4 ŨśįŨƎƣ ŏŝŨǃļŝİ ƣķíƣ ǉŨƫɩǂė ķėŒƋėĐ ėíƖė ǉŨƫƎ ĉķļŒĐɩƖ Ƌíļŝ ǃķėŝ ƫŝĐėƎİŨļŝİ í ǂíĉĉļŝíƣļŨŝ 4 ėíĉė Ũį śļŝĐ ŏŝŨǃļŝİ ƣķíƣ Ƌíļŝ ĉíŝ Ĉė śíŝíİėĐ íŝĐ śļŝļśļǓėĐ ĐƫƎļŝİ ĉėƎƣíļŝ ƋƎŨĉėĐƫƎėƖ /pf ® Ǝėíś íŝĐ /pf ® íƣĉķ ļƖ ŨŝŒǉ íƋƋƎŨǂėĐ įŨƎ ǂíĉĉļŝíƣļŨŝ ǃļƣķ ƣķė įŨŒŒŨǃļŝİ ǂíĉĉļŝėƖ pp£ ɘpėíƖŒėƖɞpƫśƋƖɞ£ƫĈėŒŒíə ' ¸ ɘ'ļƋķƣķėƎļíɞ ėƎƣƫƖƖļƖɞ¸ėƣíŝƫƖɞ ŨŒļŨǂļƎƫƖə NíėśŨƋķļŒƫƖ ļŝǞ ƫėŝǓíė Ĉ íŝĐ NėƋíƣļƣļƖ Ȅ

Help ease the pain of vaccinations by visiting emla.ca today. Visit caretoknow.ca for podcasts about health conditions that matter to you. Recent episodes include: Why endure the pain? Learn more about Topical Anesthetics.

ENROL FOR FREE TODAY AT CARETOKNOW.CA ¸ķļƖ ƖƫśśíƎǉ ĐŨėƖ ŝŨƣ ĉŨŝƣíļŝ íŒŒ ļŝįŨƎśíƣļŨŝ ƎėŒíƣėĐ ƣŨ /pf ® Ǝėíś íŝĐ /pf ® íƣĉķ Sį ǉŨƫ ƎėƍƫļƎė įƫƎƣķėƎ İƫļĐíŝĉė Ũŝ ķŨǃ ƣŨ ƫƖė /pf ® Ǝėíś íŝĐ /pf ® íƣĉķ ƋŒėíƖė ĉŨŝƖƫŒƣ ǉŨƫƎ ķėíŒƣķ ĉíƎė ƋƎŨǂļĐėƎ ŨƎ ƋķíƎśíĉļƖƣ ŨƎ ĉíŒŒ ƖƋėŝ íŝíĐí pėĐļĉíŒ SŝįŨƎśíƣļŨŝ íƣ Ȃɘȉȅȅə ȄȄȁɞȂȃȂȄ Sƣ ļƖ ļśƋŨƎƣíŝƣ ƣŨ ƫƖė /pf ® Ǝėíś íŝĐ /pf ® íƣĉķ ƋƎŨƋėƎŒǉ SśƋƎŨƋėƎ ƫƖė Ũį /pf ® Ǝėíś íŝĐ /pf ® íƣĉķ ĉíŝ ŒėíĐ ƣŨ ƖėƎļŨƫƖ íŝĐ ŒļįėɞƣķƎėíƣėŝļŝİ ƖļĐė ėǙ ėĉƣƖ Ȅ 'Ũ ŝŨƣ íƋƋŒǉ /pf ® Ǝėíś íŝĐ /pf ® íƣĉķ ƣŨ ļŝįíŝƣƖ ƫŝĐėƎ ƣķƎėė śŨŝƣķƖ Ũį íİė ƫŝŒėƖƖ íĐǂļƖėĐ Ĉǉ ǉŨƫƎ ķėíŒƣķ ĉíƎė ƋƎŨǂļĐėƎ Ȅ /pf ® Ǝėíś íŝĐ /pf ® íƣĉķ ĉŨŝƣíļŝƖ ƣķė įŨŒŒŨǃļŝİ íĉƣļǂė ļŝİƎėĐļėŝƣƖ ŒļĐŨĉíļŝė ȃ Ȇʥ íŝĐ ƋƎļŒŨĉíļŝė ȃ Ȇʥ Ȅ £ėįėƎėŝĉėƖ Ȃ /ƋƋŒėǉ /íƖļŝİ ŨƣŨǈ ĐśļŝļƖƣƎíƣļŨŝ ×ļƣķ /pf ® Ǝėíś ėƖƣķėƣļĉ «ƫƎİ b ȃȁȁȅɐȃȅ ȈȊɞȉȂ ȃ ¸íĐĐļŨ ėƣ íŒ ¿Ɩė Ũį ŒļĐŨĉíļŝėɞƋƎļŒŨĉíļŝė ĉƎėíś įŨƎ ǂíĉĉļŝíƣļŨŝ Ƌíļŝ ļŝ ļŝįíŝƣƖ b ėĐļíƣƎļĉƖ ȂȊȊȅɐȂȃȅɘȅə ȇȅȄɞȇȅȉ Ȅ /pf ® ƎŨĐƫĉƣ pŨŝŨİƎíƋķ ƖƋėŝ ķíƎśíĉíƎė ƫİƫƖƣ Ȋ ȃȁȂȊ

HAPPY+HEALTHY Kids’ health

Bathroom blues SIX MONTHS PREGNANT with her second child, Michelle Boyd* was at a pelvic physiotherapy appointment for prevention of postpartum bladder issues when she learned that the exercises she was doing to strengthen and relax her pelvic ﬂoor might also help kids with their own potty problems. Boyd’s seven-year-old son still needed Pull-Ups at night and she was desperate for him to stop wetting the bed. She’d tried everything over the years, from giving him oral laxatives to help with underlying constipation to an underwear-attached sensor that would trigger an alarm in the middle of the night when he started to pee. “I didn’t know what else to do,” she says. The family’s paediatrician finally told her to stop exhausting herself with all the nightly wakings and laundry and just keep her son in training pants until he stopped wetting on his own. But Boyd’s physiothera-

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

pist had another idea. She suggested Boyd look into pelvic physiotherapy for kids. Over the last few years, the importance of pelvic health for mothers—and the lasting effects that pregnancy and childbirth can wreak on women’s bodies—has become common knowledge. More recently, paediatric pelvic physiotherapy has become an emerging treatment for children with bladder and bowel dysfunctions that can lead to constipation, daytime or nighttime incontinence, and urinary tract infections, among other problems. “Paediatric pelvic health issues are common but often ignored,” says Catherine MacGillivray, a paediatric-trained pelvic health physiotherapist based in Calgary. According to the Canadian Paediatric Society, 10 to 15 percent of five-year-olds, and six to eight percent of eight-year-olds, experience bedwetting. Daytime accidents, defined as those accidents that

ILLUSTRATION: JORDAN CARTER

Pelvic floor exercises aren’t just for moms. Paediatric physiotherapy and muscle retraining may help older kids with daytime accidents and bedwetting.

Kids’ health HAPPY+HEALTHY

occur after a child has had consistent bladder control, are less common, but about one of four children who wet the bed at night also wet themselves during the day.

When should you seek help? If any aspect of toilet learning has become a struggle, it’s a good idea to talk to your child’s health provider. (Typically, it’s a concern only around age four for daytime or nighttime accidents and six or seven for bedwetting.) Your doctor may refer your kid to a medical urologist or physiotherapist. Joana Dos Santos, a medical paediatric urologist at The Hospital for Sick Children and Kindercare Pediatrics and an assistant professor of paediatrics at the University of Toronto, says 40 percent of her practice (roughly 3,000 kids every year) focuses on bowel and bladder dysfunction. For those cases that don’t improve after six months of regular medical bladder retraining and constipation management—about 10 to 20 percent—she will refer them to a pelvic physiotherapist. “Some children will have difficulty relaxing the pelvic floor muscles and may benefit from medication and/or need alternative therapies, such as pelvic floor physiotherapy,” says Dos Santos.

school-aged kids and that successful treatment boosted self-esteem and even athletic abilities. “The impact on the family and the child’s mental health and quality of life is so important,” says MacGillivray. Boyd’s son is now eight and has been doing his pelvic floor physiotherapy for more than a year. His treatment plan included a bedwetting diary, changes to his diet, regular bathroom breaks, “dream wakings” before his typical accident times and lots of pelvic floor muscle training exercises. Since starting, bedwetting incidents decreased from up to five times a week to once a week at the most. “I explained to him that this was the same set of exercises I needed to do when I had his brother and that he didn’t do anything wrong,” says Boyd. “It’s also encouraging for him to think, I learned how to do this, so I can do other things. Now he’s looking forward to having sleepovers and going to sleep-away camp, which he couldn’t do if he was still regularly having accidents.” —CLAIRE SIBONNEY *Names have been changed

How does paediatric pelvic physiotherapy work? Many kids need extra support with toilet training and constipation. Your child’s family doctor will often recommend scheduling routine bathroom breaks, eating a high-fibre diet (more fruits and veggies) and fewer processed foods, and drinking more water—even taking oral laxatives to get things moving. A physiotherapist, on the other hand, specializes in pelvic health education and retraining of the bladder and bowels, using many different techniques. After an initial assessment, which often includes a look at your kid’s bathroom diary, treatment may include fun toilet games to address anxiety around pooping, breathing techniques and learning pelvic muscle exercises (sort of like Kegels). A therapist may also try biofeedback using special stickers that are placed on your child’s butt cheeks and abdomen and are connected to a video game, so they can try to do things like make a fish jump or a bird fly by pushing and pulling the muscles in their perineum. Unlike pelvic physio in adults, there is no internal component to the treatment. There is growing evidence that paediatric pelvic physiotherapy works. A study published in the European Journal of Physical and Rehabilitation Medicine showed that, in combination with standard medical care, abdominal and pelvic floor muscle retraining was beneficial for curing incontinence, bedwetting and urinary tract infections in children diagnosed with “dysfunctional voiding.”

Could it be something more serious? Bladder and bowel issues are extremely common in otherwise-healthy children, but a physician or physiotherapist can identify red flags related to a medical condition, such as an infection, a defect in the urinary tract, emotional stress or other more concerning problems. A sudden onset of incontinence for a previously potty-trained child, such as more frequent and urgent peeing, could be a sign of diabetes. Difficulties peeing, on the other hand, could be due to a physical obstruction in the bladder, though this is quite rare. Not just a laundry problem A study in the journal European Urology found that bedwetting has significant negative effects on

PANDEMIC PRESSURE IS YOUR PREVIOUSLY POTTY-TRAINED KID SUDDENLY HAVING REGULAR ACCIDENTS? Regressions are normal for children during stressful events, including setbacks with potty use or starting to have accidents at school. “What I see often is kids going to kindergarten or grade one and they don’t want to pee or poo at school—and the pandemic has exacerbated that a little bit because everyone’s more germophobic,” says Joanne Vaughan, a paediatrician in Toronto. “What I hear over and over again is that ‘the bathrooms are so gross.’ So they

hold it all day, and then they get into this cycle of bowel and bladder dysfunction.” Growing anxiety Janice Heard, a community paediatrician in Calgary, agrees that while bathroom regressions during the pandemic haven’t been studied, it’s not surprising to see young kids having more wetting incidents, especially when there’s been such a drastic change in their routine. “It can be a reflection of their anxiety. They feel like there’s a loss of control, and

toileting is one of the only things that children have all the control over and parents don’t.” Getting help If you’re noticing regressions, your kid may just need more emotional support; also, try getting them to stick to a toileting schedule, drink plenty of water and eat enough whole grains, fruits and vegetables. It also can’t hurt to talk to their doctor if you or your child is bothered by it and there isn’t any improvement over time.

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

HAPPY+HEALTHY Kids’ health

Sitting pretty Does your kid sit with their knees forward and their feet spread wide to either side? It’s called “W-sitting,” and some say it’s bad for kids’ hips. But is it? ALMOST EVERY KID does it, at least now and again: They sit with their knees forward and feet spread out on either side of them beside their hips, creating the shape of the letter “W” with their legs. For years, the harm—or lack thereof—of this way of sitting, which seems particularly unnatural (not to mention painful!) to adults, has been highly debated. Parents and experts alike have long believed that W-sitting could cause long-term issues related to kids’ hips or gait. In fact, the last time Today’s Parent included an image of a child sitting this way, the editors received letters from readers who accused the magazine of promoting an unhealthy sitting position. But is letting your kid W-sit really all that bad? Should parents discourage and gently correct their kids when they see them playing or watching TV this way, or just leave them be? Here’s what the experts say.

What the experts now believe Timothy Carey, a paediatric orthopaedic surgeon with the Children’s Hospital at London Health Sciences Centre in London, Ont., says it’s common for him to hear from parents who are concerned that their kids sit in the W position. No surprise there—it has a pretty bad reputation. In the past, it was widely believed that W-sitting could be responsible for creating or worsening conditions like hip dysplasia and intoeing, which is when the feet turn inward instead of pointing straight ahead when todaysparent.com April+May 2021

Hip dysplasia, also referred to as developmental dysplasia of the hip, in young kids is a condition where the hip socket doesn’t fully cover the ball portion of the upper femur. The International Hip Dysplasia Institute assures parents that W-sitting does not impact developing hips, and it similarly does not contribute to the condition if your child already has it. A 2019 study based out of the Children’s Hospital Los Angeles came to a similar conclusion. Researchers observed 27 children who underwent radiographs measuring their hips and pelvic bones and found that regardless of the positions the kids sat in, there was no significant difference in the measurements of the hips. These findings suggest that there is no greater risk for children who W-sit to develop hip dysplasia than for those who don’t. Price, who is also medical director at the International Hip Dysplasia Institute, reminds parents that children generally don’t sit still for long periods of time, moving around frequently as they play, so even if your kid sits in this position for a few hours total, it’s a small percentage of the day as a whole. As for intoeing, Price says W-sitting neither causes it nor worsens it. It tends to resolve on its own. However, if your kid is still intoeing at the age of 10, you may want to consult with your paediatrician.

Experts and studies strongly suggest that there’s no greater risk for children who W-sit to develop hip dysplasia than for those who don’t.

W-sitting, also referred to as sitting in the W position, is sort of “the opposite of sitting cross-legged,” says Charles Price, a paediatric orthopaedic surgeon at the Arnold Palmer Hospital for Children in Orlando, Fla. Kids, particularly between the ages of two and eight years old, gravitate toward this position because, to them, it feels natural, says Price. It offers them a wide base of support when they are playing, and for many kids, it feels perfectly comfy. When you’re young, your hips and thighs both tend to have an innate twist to them, which eventually “untwists” as you get older. In newborns, the twist in the thigh bone is about 45 degrees, explains Price; whereas in adults, it’s about 20 degrees. That’s why most kids who W-sit will eventually grow out of it, usually by age 10.

Head and shoulders, hips and toes

The final word Some physical and occupational therapists maintain that allowing kids to W-sit is a big no-no and will suggest that parents introduce other positions, like sitting cross-legged or with legs straight and crossed at the ankles. There’s certainly no harm in gently recommending a different position. However, Carey says that if a kid can comfortably fold themselves into the W position and there are no secondary health concerns—low muscle tone, limited mobility, lack of balance, delays in ﬁne motor skills, pain—then you needn’t worry. As long as kids aren’t staying that way for hours and hours on end, it’s all good. —AMANDA NACCARATO

PHOTO: ERIK PULTZ

Why would a kid want to sit this way in the first place?

walking, often referred to as being pigeon-toed. And although even Price himself believed this to be true in his earlier years of practice, he says the newest research has repeatedly shown that this is not a serious concern.

Your kids probably shouldn’t sit like this for hours on end. Still, W-sitting isn’t detrimental, as once thought.

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

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Hygiene HAPPY+HEALTHY

Kick the habit It’s normal for kids to pick their nose or bite their nails. But that doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t do something about it. Here’s how to gently help them call it quits. HABITS START INNOCENTLY ENOUGH. Your kid has a booger in their nose, they stick their ﬁnger up there to get it out and they feel better. Over the course of a cold or an allergy season, if that ﬁnger up the nose brings relief enough times, it could turn into a habitual thing they do anytime they need comfort. Same goes for other habits, like nail-biting. “One of the main reasons kids do these things is they’re selfsoothing techniques,” says Caron Irwin, a child development and parenting coach and founder of Roo Parenting in Toronto. “They’ve learned that they make them feel good and provide comfort.” That doesn’t mean you should let them go at it with abandon, because many habits aren’t exactly socially acceptable, while others can cause harm. But how do you actually get them to stop? Here’s help.

ILLUSTRATION: JAMES BRAITHWAITE

NOSE PICKING Why they do it: Kids pick their noses to meet a need—there’s something in there that’s bothering them! Over time, they may start to pick out of habit whenever they need comfort or when they are bored, like during screen time. How to handle it: First of all, don’t shame them—no matter how gross you think it is—because nose-picking is developmentally normal, says Michelle Ponti, a paediatrician in London, Ont. If your kids are old enough to understand, you can have a brief conversation about how putting their finger up their nose and then touching other things spreads germs. Teach them that when there is something in their nose that needs to be dealt with, they should go to the bathroom and use a tissue to gently pick or blow. Some parents say that by making kids get up and wash their hands every single time they pick their nose, the behaviour stops, as kids don’t usually love leaving what they’re doing to wash up. If your kids are too young to understand the germ risk, save that chat for later. Instead, be explicit about what you want them to do with their hands. For example, saying “Hands down” is more effec-

tive than “Stop picking your nose.” Give them something to hold on to, like a toy or a sippy cup, to keep their hands busy. If your kid has started picking their nose when they are bored or just sitting around and watching a movie, for example, proactively give them something else to do with their hands during that time. “Give them a sensory ball, like a bumpy ball, or a fidget toy, and tell them to roll that in their hands while they are watching the show,” says Irwin. “That’s going to busy their hands, give them some sort of stimulation. The repetition of it will feel good, be comforting, and it’s distracting their hands from picking their nose.” What if I just ignore it? If kids don’t learn at home that picking their nose isn’t OK, they’ll end up doing it at school or in other public places and they’ll get called out, which can be super embarrassing. Nose-picking can also cause chronic nosebleeds.

NAIL BITING Why they do it: Kids will often start biting their nails because there’s something irritating them, like a dry cuticle or a long fingernail, and it’s either causing discomfort or just capturing their attention. “There’s just something there they need to get,” says Ponti. She adds that nail-biting tends to run in families and can be linked to anxiety. “It may have started with an anxious episode, but then it carries on because it’s self-soothing, or it’s just something that happens inadvertently when they’re watching TV. They put their hands in their mouth, and then start biting,” she says. How to handle it: Start by getting on top of any physical issues that are making it tempting to bite the nails. “Keep hands and skin well moisturized and keep nails nice and trim and clean so that there aren’t those little jagged edges of skin and nail that kids will feel that need to pick,” says Ponti. Redirecting their behaviour to a different action can also help. “If you see them biting their nails out of habit, redirect them toward something else to keep their fingers or mouth busy, like a fidget toy or a glass of water,” says Irwin. Irwin April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

HAPPY+HEALTHY Hygiene

HAIR TWIRLING Why they do it: Twirling hair is a sen-

If your kids aren’t taught that touching their private parts is a private activity, they’ll end up shamed by their peers or other adults for engaging in a perfectly normal human behaviour. Parents need to take the lead here.

sory experience. “That repetition of rubbing the hair and twirling it on their finger feels good to them,” says Irwin. “Repetitive behaviours can be self-soothing and self-stimulating,” she says. Some kids might do it when they’re nervous or anxious, like when they are put on the spot or asked to speak in front of a group. For others, it’s a way to handle boredom. How to handle it: If you’d like your kid to stop, you’ll have a challenge ahead of you, because they’ll often do it when they are away from you, like when they’re trying to fall asleep at night, says Ponti. Irwin suggests putting a hair elastic around their wrist and teaching them to spin that around their wrist instead of twirling their hair. Some parents have had luck with putting a bead on a bracelet and showing their kid how to twirl that when they are bored; others put their child to bed with a doll that has hair, with the instruction to twirl the doll’s hair rather than their own. What if I ignore it? This habit isn’t a huge deal and your kid might just stop doing it on their own. But if it escalates—if your kid is pulling hair out, picking at their scalp or pulling out their eyelashes—then you’ll want to get professional help.

HAND DOWN THE PANTS OR DIAPER Why they do it: Kids love to explore their bodies as a way of understanding them, and touching their private area is no different. If they enjoy the feeling, they will continue to do it. How to handle it: Never shame your child for getting to know their body. It’s a completely developmentally appropriate thing to be doing. But it’s perfectly reasonable to teach them that touching their privates should be done only in private. In a calm, matter-offact way, say something like, “I know that probably feels good, and it’s totally fine to do it, but it’s something we do in private.” Give them permission to excuse themselves to the bathroom or their bedroom. Some kids will go, others won’t.

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Ponti points out that some kids will dig into their bum while they’re down there, which is clearly an infection risk. If that’s the case, you’ll want to use the same strategies as for nose-picking—make sure the physical needs, like a clean bum, are met, and then give them something else to busy their hands with. What if I just ignore it? If your kids aren’t taught that touching their private parts is a private activity, they’ll end up shamed by their peers or other adults for engaging in a perfectly normal human behaviour. Parents need to take the lead here to ensure their kids develop a healthy understanding of what’s OK and what’s not.

LICKING THEIR MASK Why they do it: “Wearing a mask is a

new experience, and we know kids learn and explore things through their senses, like through touching, tasting and feeling,” says Irwin. They may also have started to bite or chew on it at the beginning of the school year, for comfort, and it’s now a habit. Prior to the pandemic, these same kids might have already been chewing on sleeves or shirt collars in a similar bid to understand and explore the object and how it feels on their body. How to handle it: First, have some empathy. A mask is an unnatural thing for kids to have on their face. “It’s very natural for a child to not accept it,” says Ponti. If your kid needs to wear their mask at school and is struggling, Irwin suggests having them wear it at home in front of the TV, where you can remind them to stop if they start licking it and give them something else to focus on, like a fidget toy. She also suggests finding out when your kid’s mask breaks are at school and talking to them about how, if their mask is bothering them, they can look forward to the time when they can take it off. Be sure to keep your kid stocked with a fresh supply of clean masks, says Ponti, because dirty and wet ones are uncomfortable and will be more tempting to lick or chew at. What if I just ignore it? The need for kids to wear masks won’t last forever, but waiting it out isn’t a great plan. Soiling a mask by licking or chewing on it can increase the risk of spreading germs, which defeats the purpose of wearing it. With breaking habits, consistency is key to getting results. Irwin says even the words you use can make a difference. “I don’t think you can underestimate the consistency of the language,” she says. If your kid is picking their nose or biting their nails, a phrase like “It looks like your hands want to be busy” can cue them that it’s time to switch to a new activity that you’ve shown them, like twiddling their thumbs or rubbing their fingernails on the palm of their hand. It may take a while for your kid to fully stop these behaviours, but it can be helpful to remember that these habits are providing your kid comfort in a developmentally appropriate way—so be patient as they learn new strategies. It’s up to us to teach them new tricks and help them out along the way. —CLAIRE GAGNÉ

ILLUSTRATION: JAMES BRAITHWAITE

put Band-Aids on her son’s fingers to stop him from biting while watching a show. You can also apply bitter-tasting nail polish designed to discourage nail-biters. What if I just ignore it? When they bite their nails, kids are putting dirty, germy fingers in their mouth, which can cause illness. So for that reason alone, you should try to curb it. Nail-biting can also become a lifelong habit that can damage the cuticle as well as the skin around the nail; this can be painful, create chronic skin infections and cause the nails to grow in at awkward angles. Nail-biting can even wear down teeth, leading to chips and breakages. Be aware, though, that even if your kid successfully stops biting their nails, the behaviour could re-emerge under stress. Irwin advises to stay calm and just go back to the strategies that worked the first time.

ADVICE+REAL LIFE Expert help, genius hacks + first-person stories

PHOTO: CARMEN CHEUNG

BONUS: TEACHING SIGNS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO BOND WITH YOUR BABY.

Sign of the times It wasn’t long ago that teaching a baby sign language seemed a little extra. But it’s now mainstream, thanks to how undeniably cool it is when babies can clearly communicate their needs! Here’s how to get started.

USE YOUTUBE In pre-pandemic times, you’d have probably registered for a baby signing class. If IRL meet-ups can’t happen, head to YouTube. Since signing is 3D, it’s way easier to learn with videos than with books.

CONSIDER YOUR TIMING It’d be great if your newborn could tell you why they’re crying, but most babies can’t learn signs until they’re eight to 10 months old. Or start even later—there’s no readiness window that closes.

BE CHOOSY Sure, you could teach your baby to sign “spider” or “sun,” but you’re probably better off with words that will help them signal their needs. Begin with “milk,” “more,” “all done” and “change diaper.”

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

ADVICE+REAL LIFE Essay

The Potter problem WHEN J.K. ROWLING began making openly transphobic comments on social media in 2019, my heart sank. There’s never a good time or place for hate speech, but watching a beloved children’s author reveal herself to be anything but a role model for children was particularly upsetting—especially these days, when the world feels more divided than ever. Through the Harry Potter series and several other works, Rowling has captured the hearts and minds of countless individuals, including many LGBTQ+ kids. Her transphobia wasn’t just shocking, it was crushing for devoted fans who felt hurt and betrayed. Rowling started by defending a bunch of discriminatory statements made by others online, but soon she was making exclusionary, transphobic statements of her own. Without repeating them verbatim, the gist is this: Rowling believes that trans women are not “real” women and implied that nonbinary people don’t exist, repeatedly making hurtful comments that invalidate their gender identity. Rowling has also used problematic language to describe trans women and featured several trans characters as villains in her newer books. When called out by readers, activists and even Harry Potter himself (Daniel Radcliffe, who played Harry in the movies), Rowling refused to apologize and firmly doubled down on her position.

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

While Harry Potter has been a significant part of popular culture for more than 20 years, the series never made its way onto my bookshelf. In fact, I hadn’t read or watched any of it until my nine-yearold fell hard for Hogwarts last year. That’s when it hit me: To support my daughter’s love of these stories, I’d have to address my own feelings about the author. It was immediately clear to me that banning Harry Potter books was not the right solution for our family. I’m willing to boycott a store or brand that doesn’t align with my values, but there’s something unsettling about censoring literature or art. It’s vital that we have access to differing perspectives, think critically and make our own decisions. Banning the series wasn’t going to teach my child anything, and it would rob her of a newfound joy. I also didn’t see how it would help trans kids. Furthermore, the Harry Potter books don’t actually contain any transphobic messaging that I’m aware of—Rowling’s statements were made entirely outside of the series. My daughter loves these books and is constantly reading them, discussing them with her friends and role-playing various characters around the house. She dressed up as Hermione for Halloween. The happiness these stories and characters give her is very, very real and I would never take that away.

ILLUSTRATION: SAM ISLAND

Author J.K. Rowling’s transphobic remarks have left me unsure how to handle my kid’s Harry Potter obsession.

Essay ADVICE+REAL LIFE

There are many different ways to assert our political views. Aside from more obvious acts like voting for the candidate that represents your values and speaking out on issues that matter to you, you can be political with your dollars. This is where my personal conflict with the Harry Potter series began: In buying a great book series that my daughter was absolutely enthralled with, I was inherently supporting an author who used her platform to spread hateful messaging that directly contradicted my own beliefs. This wasn’t going to work. When I buy a Harry Potter book, I know I’m helping J.K. Rowling earn royalties. Buying used copies would help avoid this. But here’s the thing: Rowling is reportedly a billionaire, or at least well on her way to becoming one. A boycott would do very little at this point. Rowling could never make another dollar and still be wealthy for the rest of her life. She’s untouchable in that sense. On the other hand, many wonderful LGBTQ+ charities are grossly underfunded. When you make a donation to support trans youth, it makes an actual impact. This is how I came to my eventual decision: For every Rowling-related book or merchandise I purchased for my kids, I would make an equal or greater contribution to a nonprofit organization that supports trans kids. Rowling would get a few bucks, but a deserving charity would get exponentially more. I crowd-sourced some reputable organizations on Twitter, and within minutes, my first donation was made. I’ve since made several more, each to a different non-profit program. It’s imperfect and unquestionably privileged to be able to make this choice, but it’s the best solution I’ve found. I don’t expect my favourite artists to reflect all of my values at all times, but it’s important to pay attention to what our families are consuming. When a child feels like an outcast, they often find comfort in music, books or other forms of art. The Harry Potter series created a refuge for many kids, sharing a world where differences were cel-

ebrated and every child could find a sense of belonging. Rowling has since shattered that refuge—or at least seriously damaged it—and as we’ve learned from a number of disgraced actors and musicians, it can be hard to separate art from the artist. It’s a perennial conflict, and how each of us handles it is deeply personal. Transgender youth often face discrimination, abuse and rejection from their parents and loved ones. These are kids that need love, acceptance and support above all else—not a public attack from a celebrated author. There is no excuse for an educated, arguably intelligent woman to use her power to punch down. These comments aren’t just words in a tweet; they’re a dismissal of a person’s identity, value and right to safety. It’s dangerous ground, and Rowling knows it. I want my children to keep discovering books they love and be able to dive into them with joy, even when the source disappoints us. I also want them to know that things like racism, homophobia, transphobia and misogyny should never be tolerated. It’s not enough to give money to charity—I’m committed to teaching my kids about these issues and showing them how to stand up against hate and prejudice. My daughter already knows that J.K. Rowling isn’t as wonderful as the world of Harry Potter, but it hasn’t changed her enthusiasm for the stories she loves. She is quickly learning that people are complex and often flawed. She will build on this knowledge when the time is right. As a straight, cisgender, middle-class white woman, I recognize that I have blind spots and need to keep learning myself. But when something bad happens in the world, I don’t hide it from my kids. I talk to them about it. We have open discussions, even when it’s hard. We make choices based on our values, even when those choices surround fictional boy wizards. I may not have all the answers, but it’s a start. —ERIN PEPLER April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

Research shows the blue light emitted by phones, tablets and other devices prevents kids’ brains from producing enough of the hormone melatonin, which triggers sleepiness.

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

Sleep ADVICE+REAL LIFE

Are some kids just night owls? Yup, your child’s internal clock could be keeping them up—but it is possible to help them transform into an early bird. SOON AFTER JOHN AND PRIYA MILLER* discovered they were expecting a second child, they knew they’d have to get their ﬁrst-born, then 18 months old, on a sleep schedule—fast. Aria had been zooming through milestones (walking at nine months and speaking in short sentences by 12 months), but sleep remained a struggle. The strong-willed toddler resisted an early bedtime and seemed just like her dad, a self-described night owl. From the time she was three months old, Aria didn’t get to sleep until 11 p.m. or midnight, but since Priya wasn’t working outside the house and John was self-employed, Aria could sleep in until 8 or 9 a.m. “When she was really little, we’d roll with her sleep schedule,” says John. “We just wanted her to get a block of sleep that was reasonable.” But this wouldn’t work so well with an infant in the mix. After reading books, talking to Aria’s paediatrician and scouring the internet, the couple bravely embarked on their mission to teach Aria to fall asleep at a more normal hour. For three months, Aria resisted every strategy they attempted; in fact, for the first 40 days or so that they tried the cry-it-out (CIO) or extinction method, she would cry so long and so hard that she’d throw up in her crib. “My god, she fought us so hard,” says Priya. “We did a lot of laundry,” John adds. Despite the couple’s best efforts, they abandoned the intense sleep training and Aria was still a night owl at 26 months, when baby number two arrived. She has remained so through her childhood.

STOCKSY

Chronotypes and kids

who wakes up feeling unrefreshed, kids who struggle to nap and those who get a spurt of energy in the evening. Chronotypes vary by individual, but they change predictably over the human life cycle. As children, we are more prone to what sleep experts call “morningness,” but we shift toward “eveningness” by adolescence (which supports the argument that high schools should start later). By adulthood, most people have shifted toward morningness again. Child psychologist Penny Corkum, a sleep researcher at Dalhousie University in Halifax, says that these tendencies are as much the product of nature as nurture—both are at play. Individual genetics strongly influence how our internal clock is set, but environmental cues—like light exposure from screens at night—can affect our sleep patterns significantly. “The nice thing about most of our biology is that it’s somewhat flexible to our environment, because that’s what makes us adaptable,” says Corkum. Whether you’re a child or an adult, the default setting on your internal clock can be reprogrammed, she says. Almost anyone who needs to get to sleep earlier in order to get enough hours of sleep before their alarm chimes can shift to a new schedule with the right strategies (the exception being those with diagnosed sleep disorders—more about that later). Corkum points out that research also shows we get better-quality rest in the hours before midnight—going to bed earlier is better for us than sleeping in.

Children with bedtime behaviours or schedules that resemble an adult night owl—staying up until midnight, for instance—may actually have a sleep disorder.

While bedtime struggles seem like a parenting rite of passage, research shows that some kids are “wired” to stay up late, just as others rise with the sun. These sleep tendencies are known as “chronotypes”—a concept that has been studied extensively since being coined by Swedish researcher Oscar Öquist in 1970. There are four main categories of chronotypes: larks, morning types, evening types and owls, although some researchers break those categories down even further. One author, clinical psychologist Michael Breus, classifies them as animals. A lion is a morning person; wolves enjoy staying up late. Bears avoid extremes (both late nights and early mornings). Dolphins are those with sleep problems: anyone with inconsistent sleep or

Reprogramming our internal clocks

Parents of suspected night owls or evening types will likely never get confirmation of this from a healthcare professional. That’s because chronotypes are difficult to assess in children due in part to a lack of research and the simple fact that kids’ schedules are decided by parents. While you can ask an adult questions about their sleep habits and preferences—like how long they sleep in during the weekend or their ideal time to take an exam or get complex work done—a child can’t give meaningful answers. Fortunately, most parents don’t need this information to help their kids. Regardless of whether you think you’re raising a night owl or a morning lark, behavioural modifications can make a tremendous difference to when and how well your child sleeps. April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

ADVICE+REAL LIFE Sleep

physical activity. She suggests parents lead by example and join their kids in putting away electronics and screens well before bedtime—try to leave everyone’s devices in the same spot in a separate room each night. Kids also benefit from a predictable bedtime routine and consistent schedules and wake times—on both school days and weekends. “It’s not just about changing things at nighttime—it’s about what happens in the daytime, too,” Corkum says, including exercise and meals. Kids should go to bed feeling neither full, nor hungry, she says. A small snack of a protein and a carbohydrate, such as cheese and crackers, or peanut butter on toast, is ideal. Offer it at the beginning of the routine—about 30 to 60 minutes before lights out. Corkum advises parents to follow the new Canadian 24-hour Movement Guidelines for Children and Youth released by ParticipACTION. For kids and teens, the guidelines now recommend 60 minutes per day of moderate to vigorous physical activity (like bouncing on a trampoline or playing soccer), several hours of light physical activity (like helping with chores or flying a kite), and no more than two hours per day of sedentary activity (like playing on a tablet or watching TV). This 24-hour perspective is also at the heart of Better Nights, Better Days, an e-health program for parents of children with difficulties falling or staying asleep. Shelly Weiss, a paediatric neurologist at the Hospital for Sick Children and professor at University of Toronto, developed it with a team of sleep experts from across

parents still indulging endless bedtime requests (water, snacks, books, repeat), waking at 3 a.m. when kiddo climbs into the bed or enduring 90-minute bedtime routines. (My daughter’s involves drawing graphic novels, retelling stories of my childhood, guided meditation and reading for 45 minutes.) But don’t beat yourself up wondering why you didn’t “Ferberize” back when your kid was still a baby. Experts say it’s not too late. Try these five strategies.

TIRED PARENTS WANT TO KNOW: CAN YOU SLEEP-TRAIN A SIX-YEAR-OLD? YES! IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO TEACH OLDER KIDS HOW TO FALL (AND STAY) ASLEEP YOU CAN PUT A 12-month-old to bed in their crib in a safely babyproofed room and simply close the door, sure. But you can’t do that with your, um, 72-month-old.

Bedtime definitely gets trickier as babies turn into toddlers and preschoolers who are more mobile, more vocal and way more opinionated. We’re the

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

Monitor your own bedtime If you’ve ever stumbled out of bed to tuck your kiddo back in only to wake up on the living room couch to an episode of Paw Patrol, you know that sleep deprivation makes good parenting decisions difficult. Chronic sleep deprivation makes us mentally foggy, more emotional and easily angered— just like our kids!—which only compounds our problems, says child psychologist Penny

Corkum, a sleep researcher at Dalhousie University in Halifax. Parents need healthy sleep schedules, too, which typically means going to bed earlier. “I think a lot of times parents stay up extra late because they want some solo downtime when their child is sleeping,” she says. It’s been hard during COVID, but try to look for ways you can sneak in some of that precious alone time or self-care during the day, so you don’t crave it at night. Get your spouse to make and serve the kids dinner while you take a walk, or consider sneaking off for a bath while the kids are doing homework (if your kids are older). You’ll parent better with more rest, even if an earlier bedtime for yourself feels deeply uncool. You could also look into respite care, which is for parents with kids who have high needs because of a disability or serious health condition. A caregiver, sometimes funded by the government, spends a few hours or stays overnight so exhausted parents can have a breather.

STOCKSY

Our circadian clocks are primarily set by light and darkness, which means we can help kids adjust to earlier bedtimes with strategies like early-morning exposure to bright light and ending screen time at least one hour before bed. The latter is likely the most effective way to improve sleep, she says, as research shows the blue light emitted by phones, tablets and other devices prevents children’s brains from producing enough of the hormone melatonin, which triggers sleepiness. To make matters worse, screen time also stimulates kids’ brains at a time when they need to be calming down. COVID-19 has not helped. “We’re all home on our computers and devices, and everything’s portable,” says Corkum. It’s also not as simple as wearing blue-light glasses or adding a blue-light blocker app to your phone or computer screen—these won’t address the amount of visual stimulation caused by the device and the lack of

Sleep ADVICE+REAL LIFE

Canada. The interventions are delivered online to participants ages one to 10 over the course of six to 10 weeks, with a focus on sleeping better, creating resiliency and improving kids’ overall functioning despite COVID-19 lifestyle changes. “Through the software we’ve developed, [families] get personalized information on what they’re doing well and what they can do to make changes,” says Weiss. In her experience, parents can almost always solve their children’s sleep problems by being consistent, patient and firm. “Usually it comes down to scheduling, putting limits on children, and good bedtime routines,” she says. As trying as it can be, it’s worth the effort. “A child who isn’t getting enough sleep can have trouble with learning, memory, socialization, attention, and behavioural and emotional regulation,” explains Weiss. The effects of chronic sleep debt can even mimic the symptoms of ADHD. Weiss warns against resorting to melatonin supplements to help kids sleep better, even if you’ve heard other parents singing its praises. “Kids who are typically developing shouldn’t be taking melatonin at night,” she says.

Are sleep disorders common in kids? Like adults, kids can have underlying physical or mental health problems, like anxiety, that prevent them from falling or staying asleep. But sleep disorders like sleep apnea and restless legs syndrome are fairly unusual in children. Sleep apnea can

Bedtime fading It’s counterintuitive, but research shows that allowing a few later nights, initially, can help kids adjust to earlier bedtimes. Paediatrician Craig Canapari, author of It’s Never Too Late to Sleep Train, suggests “bedtime fading.” Start by delaying bedtime by 30 to 60 minutes so your kiddo is sleepier than usual and falls asleep easily (and solo), without fighting or pleading. Do this for a few nights, until they’ve mastered falling asleep faster on their own. Then gradually reel bedtime back by 15 minutes every few days until you reach your target (this should be between 7:30 and 8:30 p.m. for most children). “Excuse me” drills You can combine bedtime fading with “excuse me” drills, in which you give a series of excuses to briefly leave the room and then return to check on the child (and praise them for staying in bed). If your child is anxious about falling asleep alone,

this helps desensitize them to your absence. The idea is that you begin with very frequent checks—perhaps every few minutes on the first night—but extend the time a bit each night until the child is calm enough to fall asleep independently. Boring excuses, like going downstairs to take out the trash or load the dishwasher, work best. Camping out If your little monkey likes to cling to you while they doze off, many experts will tell you you’re going to need to get them to fall asleep solo at the beginning of the night. (If you’re snuggling with them until they fall fully asleep and then they wake up in the night, they’ll come to your bedside looking for you again.) Instead, try a gradual strategy for independent bedtimes, often called “camping out.” The idea here is that every one to three days, you change your position in the child’s room until you’re finally outside, in the hallway, giving kiddo ample opportunity

cause frequent “rousing” periods, which would make kids feel less rested when they wake up, but it wouldn’t impact how easy it is for them to fall asleep at the beginning of the night. There’s a difference between a a night-owl kid who drifts off a bit later than most kids their age versus the night-owl child who’s consistently up past midnight, Weiss explains. “Having a later chronotype makes a child go to bed 30 to 45 minutes later [than most kids], not a full two hours later.” (One note: If your child is still napping, your first step is to cut out the nap.) Children with schedules that consistently resemble an adult night owl—staying up until the wee hours of the night—may actually have a sleep disorder. It’s called delayed sleep-wake phase disorder (DSWPD), and it’s very rare, though it can run in families. With DSWPD, the onset of sleep is delayed due to a delayed secretion of melatonin. This is more likely in adolescence, when our chronotypes naturally shift toward eveningness, largely in response to biological changes during puberty. Both Corkum and Weiss emphasize that the vast majority of night-owl kids don’t have diagnosable disorders—just stubborn habits that can change with lots of parental effort, and sometimes, expert help. If you need more support, don’t hesitate to seek advice from a healthcare professional, such as your family doctor or paediatrician, and check out the sleep experts on the website of the Canadian Sleep Society. — CAITLIN CRAWSHAW *Names have been changed.

to practise self-soothing. Begin in bed on the first night, rubbing their back, and then the next night, try sitting at the bedside instead. Next, try waiting elsewhere in the room or by the door while they fall asleep. Finally, move all the way to the hallway. At each stage, try to comfort your child with only brief, almost robotic interactions, and avoid getting into negotiations. (Canapari suggests a simple script you can repeat each time, such as, “I love you. It’s time to go to sleep. Good night.”) Hall passes Canapari also recommends a common strategy known as the “bedtime pass.” Each night, your child gets an actual card or pass (like a school hall pass) granting permission to leave their room briefly, just once (for example, for water, the bathroom or a hug). Research shows that most kids will stay in bed and not even use the card, secure in the knowledge that they could if they wanted to.

If your child still leaves their room, you may need a consistent strategy to stop the behaviour. Canapari suggests parents repeatedly walk their child back to bed with a short script, similar to what they might say during camping out, and without making eye contact. Then, close the door for a minute. Open it again, and if they still aren’t in bed, close the door for two minutes, even if they’re yelling or screaming. (You can close the door, but never lock a child’s door, as it’s a fire safety risk. A doorway baby gate is an alternative for smaller kids.) Continue increasing the time until the child gets back into bed. This is easier said than done, as plenty of kids will protest, potentially waking other kids. Whatever you try, be consistent. Even if you almost always walk your kiddo back to bed, the one time you cave and let them watch TV on your phone or climb into bed with you is enough to reinforce the bad behaviour. —CAITLIN CRAWSHAW

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

ADVICE+REAL LIFE Crafting

CHORE BINS 1 milk carton (cut off the top third) + ice-pop sticks (for writing down chores) + foam letters + paint

Reduce, reuse, recreate How to get your kids excited about recycling this Earth Day, with minimal effort. WE HAVE TWO blue bins in our house: One is a standard recycling bin and the other contains recyclables that my daughter collects for crafts. In this second bin, you’ll ﬁnd toilet paper rolls, tissue boxes and egg cartons, which she happily transforms into tiny telescopes, sushi-making robots, bongo drums for our family band (ﬁnal name still up for debate) and more. And while I may not be a particularly crafty parent, I am all for my kid’s eco-friendly crafting. I adore watching her creativity unfold as she turns a shoebox into a rocket to send her stuffy off on a deepspace mission. I also love that this big blue bin of craft supplies has encouraged her to become more environmentally conscious. Most kids are inherently curious and caring little creatures. And it doesn’t require a lot of effort from parents to engage their children in the outdoor world—especially when it comes to animals and nature. Ask any child what their favourite critter is and they can probably list at least five, including one rare species you’ve

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

never even heard of! We can encourage this compassionate nature with eco-friendly activities and habits that help protect that new frog species they just learned about or that special tree at the park they love to climb. One of the most effective ways to do this is by modelling conscientious habits of our own first (for instance, do not get caught throwing that perfectly craft-worthy ice-pop stick into the garbage in front of their ever-watching eyes!). We can also encourage them by inviting them to reuse and recycle with us. Recycling is a hands-on activity that even the youngest kids can get involved in, which is why it’s one of the easiest places to start your little one on their eco-journey. Recycling is also a great way to teach your kids about sustainability. We know the Earth is not made of infinite resources. And it’s our responsibility—not just as parents, but as human beings—to care for our home planet. Think of living sustainably as an essential life skill. Because it is! —KENDRA BROWN

PHOTO: TONY LANZ CHORE BINS CRAFT: JAMIE PIPER & KATE STEWART PHOTO: ROBERTO CARUSO MAKEUP & HAIR: SOPHIE HSIN FOR MAC COSMETICS/TRESEMMÉ HAIR CARE/PLUTINO GROUP WARDROBE STYLING: SHEA HURLEY/PLUTINO GROUP BOX CAR CRAFT: CAITLIN DOHERTY

RECYCLING BTINHESE ? OVERFLOWINILGL GIVE W CRAFTS MIGHT THINGS YOUSED A HAVE TOS FE! SECOND LI

BOX CAR 1 large box + duct tape (to make the straps) + paint

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TWIG BOAT 12 to 15 small twigs + glue + string + hair ties + coloured paper

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Crafting ADVICE+REAL LIFE

PLANET PROTECTORS FIVE EASY WAYS TO GET KIDS EXCITED ABOUT CARING FOR THE EARTH.

BIRD FEEDER

1 milk or juice jug + twine + small wooden dowel or stick + paint + birdseed

1) Get outside Experts agree that spending time outdoors is the easiest and most effective way to encourage kids and adults alike to care about the environment. Simple walks around your neighbourhood, paying attention to the trees and flowers and ittybitty bugs you see, can do the trick. The physical and mental health benefits are a bonus!

2) Make the connections Show your kid how their reducing, reusing and recycling efforts have a positive impact on the things your child loves in the natural world. For example, when they use scrap paper for doodling, they create less waste and preserve trees in the forest.

3) Fill them with fun facts

PHOTO: TONY LANZ SAIL BOAT CRAFT: RAYNA SCHWARTZ BIRD FEEDER CRAFT: KATE STEWART

The harsh reality of our planet’s climate crisis can be a lot to handle for some kids (and adults, too!). But providing them with thought-provoking info can get them pumped to do their part. Here’s something: Canadians produce over three million tonnes of plastic waste every year, which is roughly equal to the weight of more than 17,500 blue whales.

4) Start small Ask your child to reuse or recycle one item a day. You can create a list of possible items together. Or maybe start by letting them paint or decorate the recycling bin. Older kids can be in charge of ensuring your family is properly using bins.

5) Transform that trash Make recycling extra fun by getting crafty with “trash.” This is a surefire way to get your kids excited about repurposing recyclables or even items that may not be recyclable but make for pretty great crafts. Broken crayons? Melt them into new ones! Old socks or mittens? These are playful finger puppets just waiting to happen!

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

IN PARTNERSHIP WITH MASTERMIND TOYS IA L O F F IC Y PLA R NE PA RTDAY ’S O F TO E N T PA R

Get outside With the promise of spring weather comes the opportunity for kids to spend some much-needed time out of the house. There are many benefits that come with outdoor play, from motorskill development and stress reduction to skills traditionally learned in a classroom—not to mention endless fun!

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Chart a course Walking is one of the most underrated forms of exercise. Not only is it a fantastic workout but it also helps to foster creativity and lower the risk of depression. But if your kids are tired of going for yet another jaunt around the block, pick up a map of your city’s local trails or log on to your favourite map app and allow kids to pick a new path. For younger ones, turn a simple walk into a scavenger hunt by giving them a pair of binoculars and a list of things to look out for. Or “spy” some shapes and see if anyone can guess what object you’re referring to; a bird’s nest could be a circle and an evergreen can look like a triangle. Classroom connection: Teaching your kid how to use a map allows them to navigate a route and is a great way to practise geography.

Pick up the pace If a walk isn’t quite your speed, give a new set of wheels a spin. Whether it’s a skateboard or a scooter, a balance bike or wiggle car, there’s an option for everyone. Not only do these toys aid muscle development, but they also help kids practise coordination and decision-making skills as they ﬁgure out how to turn and when to stop. It’s also important for your kid to know what safety gear they’ll need; make sure they’re outﬁtted with a helmet, elbow and knee pads, and wrist guards. Classroom connection: Scooters are the perfect way to start learning about early physics concepts, such as motion, friction, speed and distance.

Colour your world What could be more inspiring than the great outdoors? Especially as the ﬂowers start to bloom, birds return to the skies and spring showers leave behind magical rainbows. There are so many nature-focused arts and crafts that kids can engage

STOCKSY

IT IS UNDENIABLE that the warmer weather, sunnier days and early buds add an extra spring to our step. After a long winter—not to mention another season of social distancing—there’s added incentive to get outside and enjoy the fresh air. It’s especially important when so many of us are stuck in front of screens doing virtual learning or “Zooming” our way through yet another meeting. We all know that the benefits of kids spending time outdoors are plentiful: It develops their motor skills, builds stamina, strengthens muscles, improves their self-awareness and social development, helps with brain development and betters their sensory skills. Plus, it provides a great boost of vitamin D, which works to build and strengthen bones and also decreases the chances of heart disease, diabetes and osteoporosis. Spending time in nature also delivers an automatic mood boost and reduces stress, which is a win for the whole family. Added bonus? Playing under the big blue sky supports the concepts they learn in the virtual classroom. (Just don’t tell them that!) So while they run off some energy—that’ll help the bedtime routine—they’re also processing math concepts, making important science connections, nurturing their inner artist and meeting daily physical activity goals. You can inspire your kids to rediscover outdoor play with some simple creative activities or by challenging them with new outdoor toys, which are a great way to develop fresh skills and make play more interactive. Here are some of our fave outdoor activities that will get their minds and bodies working.

Play ADVICE+REAL LIFE

FAMILY FAVES These toys will have your brood begging for “just five more minutes” out in the glorious sunshine.

Little ones will love monkeying around on this solid climbing structure, hiding out in the fort or standing guard at the tower’s top. EEZY PEEZY JUNGLE GYM, $220, MASTERMINDTOYS.COM

Whether you’re a beginner or a pro, this set will allow you to create a challenging course to test your skills. SLACKERS NINJALINE INTRO KIT WITH SEVEN HANGING OBSTACLES, $130, MASTERMINDTOYS.COM

in, but keep it simple. Sidewalk chalk is a classic and for good reason: It requires no prep for parents, leaves little mess and the sky is the limit. Kids can play games (think: hopscotch, four square or tic-tac-toe), draw colourful masterpieces or leave friendly messages for neighbours and friends. Plus, it’s super relaxing. Classroom connection: Drawing and doodling are key components of art class, but kids can also learn about colours and shading. Flex their geometry skills by encouraging them to try grid art.

Focus on fun Even kids who don’t like gym class are sure to ﬁnd an outdoor sport that they like. Whether they’re drawn to team games or solo sports, the options are endless. Think beyond everyday sports (like basketball, hockey and baseball) and try something new, such as archery, swing ball or bocce ball. Keep it fun so that children can try out a variety of different games without worrying about scoring enough points or being on the winning team.

Don’t cry over spilled bubbles; this clever container can tip, drop or fall while the solution stays in. FUBBLES NO-SPILL BUBBLE TUMBLER, $9, MASTERMINDTOYS.COM

Classroom connection: Engaging in active sports deﬁnitely counts toward gym class. But it’s also a great way to make sure kids are getting in the one hour of physical activity recommended per day.

Level up What kid doesn’t dream of becoming a ninja? Now they can train like one! There are so many amazing ways for children of all ages to design their own obstacle or ninja course. Not only is it an entertaining way to keep them busy but it also helps them to problem-solve and it reinforces skills as they master one part of the course so that they can move on to the next. Change up the activities to keep it new and exciting; add a rope ladder to a swing set or climbers to a tree. You can also adapt the challenges based on kids’ ages and abilities. Classroom connection: Kids can engage with science and technology as they design, build and maintain challenging structures; they’ll need to think critically and problemsolve each part of the course. April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

MastermindToys.com

ADVICE+REAL LIFE Shopping

How to buy a kid’s mattress

FOAM MATTRESSES ARE COMFY AND LIGHT, BUT SPRING MATTRESSES ARE BETTER FOR JUMPING!

So many options, so many price points. Whether you’re looking for your baby’s crib or their first “big kid” bed, here’s help figuring it all out. LET’S START WITH THE BASICS: When it comes to mattresses of any size—from crib to California king—your options are spring, foam and hybrid. Spring mattresses are firm and supportive, thanks to the steel coils inside. The number, gauge, shape and positioning of the coils varies between brands, but generally speaking, the more coils in the mattress, the more supportive and durable it is. Choose from pocket coil (or “enclosed spring”) mattresses, which have individually wrapped coils that work independently, and innerspring (or “open coil”) mattresses, which have interconnected coils that work together. Both types are encased in one or more layers of padding or upholstery. Foam mattresses come in many varieties. You can find them made from polyurethane, latex (plant- or petroleum-based) and/ or gel, with different densities, textures and layers (for example, breathable foam on top, flexible foam in the middle and high-density support foam below). Foam conforms to the body, relieving pressure points while still providing support. And because foam mattresses are lighter than spring mattresses, it’s easier to change sheets. Foam is also less bouncy, though, so less fun to jump on! Hybrid mattresses have both springs and foam. Some are doublesided—for example, with one firm side for babies and a more cushioned side for toddlers. Besides mattress composition, here are some other key points to keep in mind.

For your baby’s safety, a mattress must fit tightly in the crib. The standard size of a crib mattress is 28 by 52 inches, and it should be no more than six inches thick. If you can fit more than one finger between the mattress and each side of the crib, the mattress is too small, according to Child Safety Link, an injury-prevention program at IWK Health Centre in Halifax. To prevent suffocation, the mattress should also be flat and very firm with no soft spots. When you’re shopping, test the firmness of each crib mattress by pushing down on its centre and edges—you should feel good resistance. Spring mattresses should have border rods around the perimeter to prevent sagging when your baby stands or walks on the sides or edges. Foam surfaces shouldn’t conform to the shape of your hand, and they should “snap back readily,” say the experts at Consumer Reports. They also recommend comparing mattress weights to check foam density, or doing a density test: Hold the mattress and

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press your palms into the centre from both sides. “A dense mattress won’t allow you to press very far.” Also look for signs of quality construction, as you would if buying a mattress for yourself. These could include thicker fabric coverings, quality cushioning, sturdy edges and denser foam or higher-gauge springs. It’s better to buy a new crib mattress than reuse a second-hand one. An improperly cleaned or stored mattress can harbour mould and bacteria. And in case there’s any question about using an air mattress or a waterbed, these are not safe sleep surfaces for babies. Neither are many adult mattresses (see “What about co-sleeping?” at right). Ditto for playpens, car seats, strollers, swings, bouncers and hammocks—if your baby falls asleep in one of these, it’s safest to transfer them to a crib, cradle or bassinet.

KIDS’ MATTRESSES Kids tend to transition from a crib to a “big kid” bed starting around age two and a half. Alanna McGinn, a sleep consultant

STOCKSY

CRIB MATTRESSES

Shopping ADVICE+REAL LIFE

YOU WON’T FIND A CRIB MATTRESS WITH A PILLOWY TOP LIKE THIS ONE; BABIES NEED A FIRM, FLAT SURFACE FOR SAFE SLEEP.

WHAT ABOUT CO-SLEEPING? Most experts warn against it, but if you’re going to do it, know that some mattresses are better than others.

and founder of Good Night Sleep Site, recommends waiting until age three or three and a half, if you can. “The longer you can delay it, the better,” she says. “If they’re not jumping out and you’re not concerned about safety, it’s OK to keep them there. The older the child, the more they understand the transition.” The next mattress size up is a twin mattress (38 by 75 inches, also sometimes called a single), but if your child’s room can accommodate a double (also known as full; 53 by 75 inches) or queen (60 by 80 inches), it’s worth considering—your kid won’t outgrow it. Your decision might come down to how your kid feels about making the switch. “If a child is very attached to their crib, going to a double or queen bed can be slightly overwhelming,” says McGinn. “It also depends on what kind of sleeper they are. Independent sleepers shouldn’t have an issue. But if you think it’s a little too soon and the kid is forced to make that transition— maybe because you need the crib for someone else—you might want to start with a smaller mattress.”

The Canadian Paediatric Society recommends not sharing your bed with your infant. But if you choose to do so, ensure your mattress is firm. “We don’t promote bed-sharing until the child is at least one, but it’s better to educate than say, ‘Don’t do it,’” says sleep consultant Alanna McGinn. “We focus on the safe sleep aspects: using a firm mattress and staying away from softer and pillowtop mattresses, which could cause suffocation.” She also recommends breathable, organic materials. “You want to look at cotton fabrics, but make sure they are fire-resistant. The Naturepedic brand is one that I normally recommend as it’s an organic cotton and it passes fire regulations. You can also look at wool or latex fabrics.” McGinn also reminds parents to remove all other suffocation hazards, including pillows and blankets, and ensure the area around the bed is safe. “The mattress shouldn’t be against the wall,” she says, “because baby’s limbs or head can get stuck in between.”

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

ADVICE+REAL LIFE Shopping

A kid’s mattress doesn’t need to be as firm as their crib mattress. Most kids prefer a medium-firm or plusher mattress top, says Jory Solomon of Sleep Country Canada, which sells 10 different mattress brands. Admittedly, younger kids may not provide much feedback when testing mattresses at the store, he says. “But if it’s an older child, don’t discount their comfort choices. They have less padding than grown-ups do.”

ARE NATURAL AND ORGANIC MATTRESSES BEST? Mattresses off-gas volatile organic compounds (VOCs), which come from polyurethane, ﬂame retardants, adhesives and solvents. (They also cause that chemical new-mattress smell.) VOCs can pollute indoor air and cause respiratory irritation and other issues. If possible, look for a low-VOC mattress with natural and organic materials, such as organic cotton, natural wool and natural rubber latex. Peace of mind has a price, though—expect to spend more for an eco-friendly bed. There’s no legal standard for “natural” or “organic,” but you can look for third-party certifications that apply to mattresses and their components. • CertiPUR-US certifies that polyurethane foam meets its content and emissions standards. • Oeko-Tex’s Standard 100 applies to cotton, wool and other textiles. • Greenguard and Greenguard GOLD certify that a mattress is low in VOCs. • Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) certification requires a mattress to be 95 percent organic and free of polyurethane and chemical flame retardants. • Global Organic Latex Standard (GOLS) certification requires that a mattress with latex contains 95 percent organic latex and meets other strict requirements.

HOW MUCH SHOULD YOU SPEND? Crib mattresses cost between $60 and $500 or more, and twins (without a box spring) are typically $150 to $1,000 or more, depending on quality, materials and features. It may seem extravagant to spend hundreds on a kid’s bed, but as with other major purchases, you usually get what you pay for. Mattresses go on sale frequently so patient shoppers needn’t pay full price. “I’d encourage parents

to get the best possible quality they can afford, because it’s something their child will use every single night,” says Solomon. Comfortable kids’ mattresses are available at every price point. Spending more means more features, such as better support, temperature regulation and layers that relieve pressure points— which could potentially translate into better, longer sleeps for your child. Quality mattresses also last longer, up to 10 years, which could save you cash in the long run.

WHAT ABOUT ONLINE MATTRESS BRANDS? Would you buy a mattress without seeing it ﬁ rst? For many Canadians, the answer is a resounding yes, judging by the explosion of online mattress-in-a-box brands. A few years ago, buyers had just a couple of options; now there are many made-in-Canada brands, and their products are often less expensive than comparable in-store models. Plus, most brands offer free shipping and generous trial periods. There are tons of online reviews for these mattresses, but you can try them out and buy them in person, too. For example, Casper products can be found at Casper Sleep Shops as well as Hudson’s Bay, Indigo and EQ3. You’ll find Endy’s line of products at Urban Barn stores. Sleep Country has its own line of mattresses in a box called Bloom. (Also worth noting: Sleep Country acquired Endy a few years ago, but the two brands operate separately.) Most bed-in-a-box mattresses are made of foam, but some brands, such as Silk & Snow, Brunswick and Logan & Cove, also offer hybrids. For babies, Essentia, Nook and Graco make foam crib mattresses that come in a box. —JACLYN LAW

PILLOW TALK

LEN COT PILLOW, $8, IKEA.COM THIS PARENT FAVOURITE IS SUPER AFFORDABLE AND VERY FLAT, MAKING IT A GREAT FIRST PILLOW FOR LITTLE ONES.

FIELDCREST LUXURY MICROGEL PILLOW, $59, SLEEPCOUNTRY.CA AVAILABLE IN TWO MODELS: ONE FOR SIDE SLEEPERS, THE OTHER FOR BACK OR TUMMY SLEEPERS.

todaysparent.com April+May + 2021

CASPER ORIGINAL PILLOW, $85, CASPER.COM DESIGNED FOR EVERY KIND OF SLEEPER, CASPER’S PILLOW IS SOMEHOW BOTH SUPPORTIVE AND FLUFFY.

THE ENDY PILLOW, $80, ENDY.COM REMOVE AS MUCH OR AS LITTLE OF THE SHREDDED MEMORY FOAM TO CUSTOMIZE THE PILLOW TO YOUR KID’S PREFERENCES.

ESSENTIA SOFI PILLOW, $199, MYESSENTIA.CA A HIGHER-END OPTION, THE SOFI IS MADE OF NATURAL LATEX FOAM. ITS LOW PROFILE AND LIGHT WEIGHT ARE IDEAL FOR KIDS.

STOCKSY

WHILE THERE’S NO OFFICIAL AGE WHEN IT’S SAFE TO INTRODUCE A PILLOW, IT’S BEST TO WAIT UNTIL YOUR CHILD IS AT LEAST 12 MONTHS OLD—AND MANY PARENTS WAIT EVEN LONGER. READY TO SHOP? HERE ARE SOME OPTIONS.

H O P E

Xȇ ǝƺ Ǖǝ ƏǕƏǣȇ !ȒɮǣƳᙆᒇ‫ ًח‬ǝɖȇƳ ƺƳ Ȓǔ ɯȒ ƺ Ȓǔ Èȇǣ ɵ RƺƏǼ ǝ ÁȒ Ȓȇ Ȓ ٢³ ِ xǣƬǝƏƺǼᙠ RȒ ǣ ƏǼً ¨ ȒɮǣƳƺȇƬƺ RƺƏǼ ǝƬƏ ƺ ƏȇƳ ³ ِ hȒ ƺ ǝᙠ RƺƏǼ ǝ !ƺȇ ƺ٣ ɯƺ ƺ ƺƳƺ ǼȒɵƺƳ Ȓ ȒɮǣƳƺ ɖ Ǖƺȇ ً Ƭ ǣ ǣƬƏǼ ƬƏ ƺِ Ə ȅƏǼǼ Ȓ ƺȇ Ȓǔ Ȓɖ Ə ƺƬǣƏ ǣȒȇً ɯƺ ȒɮǣƳƺƳ ƺƏƬǝ Ȓǔ ǝƺ ƺ ƫƺǝǣȇƳᙆ ǝƺᙆ Ƭƺȇƺ ǝƺ Ȓƺ ɯǣ ǝ Ə ƬȒȅ Ǽǣȅƺȇ Ə ɵ ȅƏǕƏɿǣȇƺ ɖƫ Ƭ ǣ ǣȒȇِ áƺ ƏǼ Ȓ Ə ƺƳ ǝƺȅ‫ ي‬ɯǝƏ ǣ Ȓȇƺ ɯȒ Ƴً ǝƏ Ȓ ɵȒɖً ƺ ƺ ƺȇ ǝȒ ƺ Ƴɖ ǣȇǕ ǝƺ ƺ ƬǝƏǼǼƺȇǕǣȇǕ ǣȅƺ ّ Thank you to the Unity Health pandemic response team, and to our Healthcare Heroes everywhere, for giving us hope for brighter days ahead.

ILLUSTRATION: CHLOE CUSHMAN

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

Discipline ADVICE+REAL LIFE

Trigger warning Understanding what triggers you as a parent—and dealing with the emotions underneath—can help you problem-solve instead of losing it on your kid. I DREAD PUTTING MY DAUGHTERS TO BED. Instead of the idyllic magic hour it used to be when they were babies—with story time and snuggles and songs that lull them to sleep—it’s turned into a nightly saga of chasing, nagging, whining, negotiating, yelling and, at times, crying. I start to feel anxious as soon as dinner is over. After bathtime, I’m already anticipating the arguments between my girls, ages four and six, about which stories we’re going to read, who sits on my lap, the exact order of songs I must sing and childhood anecdotes I have to recite before they have deemed my job done. While I know a lot of my parenting challenges come down to not being assertive enough with my strong-willed children, I also feel like some of their developmentally appropriate antics push my buttons way more than they should. When they fight for my attention and don’t listen to me, instead of going into problem-solving mode, I feel instantly defeated and lose my temper. This pattern is getting us nowhere—it makes me feel weak and helpless, and when I resort to threats and taking away privileges, we all feel terrible. I need to figure out how to fix it.

What are parenting triggers? “A trigger is anything you experience in the present moment that activates a feeling from the past,” says Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, parenting coach and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. “We then act in a way that’s not in keeping with the present.” A trigger often activates an old wound from our childhood, like not feeling heard or respected, says Markham. Because that wound is a story we tell ourselves, like “No one ever listens to me,” we’re always looking for confirming evidence that that’s the way the world is. When something happens where we feel not listened to (like we tell our kid eight times to come to the table for dinner), it will activate that old story. “What happens when you’re a child who doesn’t feel listened to? You feel angry, frustrated,” says Markham. These old, visceral feelings from the past can affect your mood, make you irritable and resentful, and stop you from connecting with your child because when they trigger these angry feelings, you see your kid as the enemy, Markham says. Jennifer Kolari, a child and family therapist and the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise a Great Kid, says your child could even remind you of someone in your life that you have a difficult relationship with, such as a mother, father or sibling. “But the most common trigger is that the child reminds you of yourself, the very things that you don’t like about yourself.”

However, Kolari says that you don’t need to dig too much into your past to figure out what’s really bothering you in order to be an effective parent. You do, however, need to learn to recognize your triggers. “There could be little things that are deeply triggering because of your own childhood trauma or issues that touch a deeper nerve,” she says. “But parents can find their kid’s behaviour really triggering without it necessarily touching these deep issues. Nobody likes not being listened to. Nobody likes doing something for somebody and then never getting a thank you. There are universal behaviours that would drive everyone crazy.” Finding you’re losing your cool more than you’d like? Here are six of the most common parenting triggers and tips on how to deal with them:

1. Whining Let’s face it: You’ve got to be pretty zen not to be bothered by whining. “It’s a big trigger because it grates on our nerves and we want our children to be happy. Whining and other frustrating behaviour like not listening also often happens when you have tons of things to do and that can be really aggravating,” says Kolari. When it comes to any trigger, Kolari says the first step is to check in with yourself, acknowledge that you’re being triggered and show self-compassion before you try to fix the situation. For example, if your first instinct is to yell, notice that. “Tell yourself: ‘This is just a program. My brain has been firing this way my whole life. It doesn’t have to keep firing this way,’” she says. You’re not naturally wired to lose your temper and yell; you can choose different behaviours. The more you do that, the more that becomes a neural pathway as well, she says.

2. Disrespect “Many of us were disrespected as children, and when our kids are disrespectful to us, that trigger gets activated,” says Markham. “Your three- or four-year-old might say, ‘No, I won’t brush my teeth! You can’t make me’—because at that age, their major job is learning how to use power.” When a parent gets triggered by disrespect, they get locked into an unnecessary power struggle, Markham explains. “If you weren’t triggered, you would go into problem-solving mode,” she says. “You’d say, ‘Wow, you hate this so much that you don’t ever want to brush your teeth again. You do have to brush your teeth though, because if you don’t, your teeth can fall out because they get germs eating away at them. So we need to figure this out.’” April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

ADVICE+REAL LIFE Discipline

3. “I hate you”

When a kid says, “I hate you,” they’re reaching for the most explosive, meanest thing they can say to you because they want to show you how unhappy they are. Hatred isn’t a feeling; it’s a stance.

“Parents freak out when kids say, ‘I hate you,’” says Markham. “And yet it doesn’t mean a thing. The child is reaching for the most explosive, meanest thing they can say to you, because they want to show you how unhappy they are.” But Markham explains that hatred is not actually a feeling; it’s a stance. When a child says, “I hate you,” they’re not writing you off as their parent. What they’re really saying is, “I’m so angry; I’m afraid I can never work things out with you.” An appropriate response? “Say, ‘You can be as mad at me as you want. I will always love you. And you still can’t have another cookie (or whatever the child is asking for).’”

4. Being physically hurt When kids do anything physical to you, whether it’s to get your attention or by accident, parents often really lose it. “When they’re kicking the back of your seat when you’re driving or pulling on your sweater… kids can go to great lengths to get our attention,” Kolari says. Or when your kid is flailing around while you’re trying to get their jacket on, or you’re trying to get them in the car seat and they head-butt you in the face. “You have a flash response, which is totally limbic,” says Kolari. And it’s OK to get mad sometimes, says Kolari. The important thing is to repair the relationship later, once you’ve had a chance to calm down. “Healthy adversity and natural bumps, like somebody screaming at you when you’re nasty to them, are part of life. There are consequences to your behaviour,” she says. “Those triggers are totally normal human responses. They have nothing to do with being a bad person, or being tired or mean or traumatized. They’re just crappy things that make you feel terrible.”

5. Siblings fighting Another really big trigger is when one of your kids is being aggressive or rude to the other. “Especially if one is really targeting the other or being unreasonable; that tips off the mama bear response,” Kolari says. Or maybe it has to do with your childhood family dynamics, where a sibling of yours got away with things that you didn’t. Again, responding in a protective way is natural. There is room to be both compassionate and defensive. “We really have to trust that our children are stronger than we think, so we don’t have to feel guilty if we get upset with them.” Markham adds that when it comes to one sibling constantly creeping on the other and annoying them—like when my four-

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year-old won’t let my six-year-old have her “turn” on my lap for story time before bed—that’s when you rely on limits. “Your job is to protect the six-year-old and to set limits with the four-year-old.” She also recommends a few minutes of one-on-one time with each of them before story time, so they feel connected to me and don’t compete for my attention.

6. Spills and accidents

This particular common occurence doesn’t bother me at all, but it drives my usually calm-and-collected husband crazy. “It’s a great comparison because we assume that everybody has the same responses, but everyone’s triggers are different,” says Markham. She says it would be helpful for my partner to look back on when he was a child and somebody spilled something. “It was probably treated as an emergency. Is it actually an emergency? No. Somebody spilled something; you clean it up.” In fact, I asked my mother-in-law about it, and she admitted that spills were a big deal in those days, especially when things broke. She recalls that my husband would get yelled at and cry. When it comes to spills and accidents, Kolari says, “If your usual response is to immediately blame and criticize, then you want to practise a different response. She advises taking a second to relax your breathing, drop your shoulders and have something that you have literally practised saying. “Something like: ‘It’s OK, guys; spills happen, right?’ or ‘This happens to everybody; we’ll clean it up.’ When you practise that a few times, it will start to be fairly automatic.” Later in the day you can problem solve with your kid about how spills can be prevented in the future. To try to reduce how much your triggers affect you, Kolari recommends starting out with just one trigger and working to change that hardwired reaction. “Set an intention for a week or two. You’re trying to create a a different set of responses in order to build new neural pathways.” After working on my biggest trigger (not feeling heard), I don’t dread bedtime as much as I used to—and I’m definitely not as provoked by their badgering as before. “The most important thing is just to notice when you get triggered and use your pause button: Stop, drop your agenda, take a deep breath and start over,” says Markham. Markham says that each time I correct my reaction, I’m lessening the power of the trigger. “Every trigger we have will tap in to some issues that can run very deep. And for every human, those deep issues are about how we are not good enough. And therefore our very survival is at stake,” says Markham. “But do you have to—at the moment when you’re having a problem with your child—get into all that stuff in your head? No.” Instead, we need to rely on tools to stop flying off the handle, says Markham. I’m making structural changes to our routine, setting limits and reminding myself that it’s normal to feel frustrated at this stage of parenting. They won’t always be desperate little monkeys climbing all over me, and they definitely won’t always want me to help them drift off into la-la land.—CLAIRE SIBONNEY

ILLUSTRATION: CHLOE CUSHMAN

You might also give them choices about where they want to brush: in the bathroom or in the kitchen? That’s better than holding your kid down so you can brush their teeth, which is what our parents often ended up doing, says Markham. “Every time you get into a power struggle, you’re creating a child who feels more powerless, and then they’re more likely to assert their power against yours in the future—by being disrespectful.”

STEPS+STAGES Pregnancy

Newborn

Me, myself and I

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Growing a human inside you is fascinating—but not to everyone. YOU ’ V E H E A R D of t he bridezilla (“a woman whose behaviour in planning her wedding is obsessive or intolerably demanding,” says the internet), but have you met pregzilla? She’s the one who gets all self-centred and super smug, as if she’s the ﬁrst woman on the planet to get pregnant, and drives her friends and family bonkers with her incessant demands and obsession with her growing bump. Toronto mom-of-two Jill Monsod admits she turned into one of those irritating people when she was pregnant with her first daughter. “I thought the world revolved around me and my pregnancy,” she says. “I complained about being tired

and felt that pregnancy was so much work. My senses were heightened, and I’d complain when I didn’t like certain smells—the fish tank at the office, people’s perfume or even others’ body odour.” Monsod’s husband, James, found himself in the middle of a pregzilla moment when she announced she wanted ice cream during a snowstorm. “He said it wasn’t a good idea to go out and asked if I could wait until the next day. I cried.” (James dutifully went for the ice cream.) Monsod also brought her pregzilla self with her to the office (back when we went to offices), where she whined to her co-workers about everything: “Being nauseous, hun-

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gry, too full, too sleepy—you name it.” It was Monsod’s best friend who finally called her out. “She told me I had changed into a crazy pregnant lady and was unbearable.” As a self-confessed former pregzilla, I empathize with Monsod. Some perspective we both could have used is this: “Like your wedding, no one will care more about your pregnancy than you,” says Karen Cleveland, an etiquette expert in Toronto. It’s plain and simple: If you go overboard on the tummy talk, you’re likely to turn off colleagues, acquaintances on social media, friends (especially those who don’t have kids) and maybe even your partner. That doesn’t mean you should quell your enthusiasm, Cleveland says. “But don’t let it govern your every thought, either.” So how do you stay grounded (and not annoy ever yone around you) for the next nine months? Try these tips. Stay profesh At work, whether that’s on Zoom or IRL, remember to keep things as professional as you can. Don’t, say, stop a meeting with the higherups to announce that, OMG, your baby has hiccups (like I, er, one woman did). If you’re feeling tired or uncomfortable, and it’s making you easily irritated with colleagues or clients, take a breather by excusing yourself to go to t he restroom. If you’re on a Zoom call, make liberal use of the mute button and turn your camera off. A good rule is: Don’t say or do something you wouldn’t have before you were pregnant. Bite your tongue Worried your baby shower won’t play out as picture-perfect as it does in your head? Whether you’re mortified by the Zoom shower games the hostess came up with, or you’re ticked off that your reg-

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EXPERT TIP A good rule of thumb to avoid oversharing online, says Julie Blais Comeau, an etiquette expert in Ottawa, is to use social media for major milestones only—the pregnancy announcement, the first ultrasound shot, and then the “She’s here!” post and photo.

istry wasn’t followed to a T, suck it up and don’t say a word. “Even if you hate everything, you have the responsibility to be gracious, smile and recognize the time and effort that’s been dedicated to you,” says Julie Blais Comeau, an etiquette expert in Ottawa. Reset expectations If you simply don’t think you can get through your shower without complaining about the particulars, have a chat with the hosts before planning begins to offer your suggestions. But try not to be too picky. Focus on one or two things that are really important to you, and release control of the rest of the details. Find your following When the mood strikes to gush all over Facebook—“Bean is kicking again, LOL <3!”—or to post a belly shot every week, Blais Comeau suggests starting a blog or a private Facebook group instead, so you know you have a willing audience. “In order to avoid disappointment, know that no one will come close to sharing in your joy,” says Cleveland. Find the one person who will obsess over every detail with you—whether that’s your partner, your BFF or your mom—and give others a break. Pregnancy is nine months, but friendships are hopefully forever, and you’ll want your pals on your side once the baby is born. —LISA VAN DE GEYN

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

STEPS+STAGES Newborn

Toddler

and I worried about dropping and cracking them,” she says. Whether you’re using glass or plastic, you can sterilize the bottle parts by adding them to a pot of boiling water for at least ﬁve minutes. A microwave or countertop sterilizer may be a safer bet if you have other kids running around the kitchen, says Marie Tarrant, a professor at the University of British Columbia School of Nursing. You can wash bottles by hand or in the dishwasher, but this method won’t offer proper sterilization—there are food particles on sponges and in every dishwasher, she adds.

What to know about sterilizing, using tap water and glass vs. plastic. AFTER MY husband and I brought our daughter home from the hospital, our entire condo kitchen quickly became devoted to cleaning, sterilizing and prepping her bottles. Just as we ﬁnished a feeding, it felt like it was time to start the whole process over again, and we still had so many questions. Should I buy glass bottles? One of the first things I wondered was whether I should be using glass bottles only. A recent study published in Nature Food measured levels of microplastics released by plastic baby bottles, and it’s a lot. However, experts still say you shouldn’t worry. “These days, parents don’t need to be concerned about the quality of the plastic that they’re using for baby bottles,” says Janice Heard, a Calgary paediatrician and member of the

Canadian Paediatric Society public education and advisory committee. “It’s very well-regulated.” Bottles and liners available in Canada have been BPAfree since 2012. (Check for the numbers 1, 2, 4 or 5 on the bottom, inside the recycling symbol—they’re generally safe.) John Boland, a professor of chemistry at Trinity College Dublin and one of the authors of the Nature Food study, agrees. “If you’re super concerned about it, you can use glass bottles. But know that there is no evidence of any adverse outcomes from exposure to these plastics.” A few weeks in, when I realized just how many bottles we would need, plastic seemed much more affordable. Michelle Thompson, a mom in Toronto, also switched to plastic. “Glass bottles are heavy

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School age

in communities across Canada, the overall health recommendation covers all scenarios. Why can’t I warm up a bottle in the microwave? Babies don’t

Once your baby is around four months old, washing bottles thoroughly with soap and water is perfectly ﬁne, says Tarrant. Four months is usually when infants start putting their ﬁngers and toys in their mouth on their own too, adds Heard, so they’re already ingesting lots of germs and particles.

need warm bottles, but if you do want to heat it up, the safest way is to place it in a container or pot of warm water, or to use a bottle warmer. Never microwave a bottle—plastic or glass— says Heard. Liquid doesn’t heat up in a uniform way in the microwave, so the breastmilk or formula could be really hot in the middle. (Testing a drop on your wrist doesn’t eliminate the risk of scalding the baby’s mouth.) Plus, the microwave breaks down the healthy antibodies in breastmilk. In hindsight, I wish we had invested in a bottle warmer. We usually mixed two bottles ahead of time and stored them in the fridge, then warmed them in a container of hot water when it was time for a feeding. This took about 15 minutes—an eternity when your baby is crying.

Why can’t I mix formula with tap water? If you’re using pow-

How long will a prepared bottle last out of the fridge? Gener-

der or concentrated formula, it needs to be mixed with sterile water for the ﬁrst four months, says Tarrant. It’s the best way to ensure water is safe for new babies who are still developing their immune systems. Boil water for two minutes to sterilize it and get rid of things like chlorine and any salts that may be added to city water, explains Heard. If you’re on a well, boiling will reduce the hardness of the water and eliminate any bacteria coliforms that may not affect most adults but could be harmful to newborns, she says. That said, if you’re away from your home or suddenly without electricity, don’t stress about not being able to boil water before mixing it with formula. “For most people living in cities, tap water is very safe,” says Heard. But because water quality differs

ally, a prepared but untouched bottle left at room temperature for two to three hours is safe to give to your baby, says Heard. Any longer and it should be disposed of, regardless of whether it was touched or not. If your little one doesn’t ﬁnish the whole bottle, you should also toss it, whether it’s breastmilk or formula. “Babies have enzymes in their saliva that will start to break the milk down and contaminate it,” says Heard. When leaving the house with her daughter, Thompson says she would pack two bottles of sterile water and a separate container of pre-measured formula in her diaper bag. “It wasn’t so bad to carry,” she says. “If anything, bottle-feeding gave me more freedom to have help from others, which was key for me.” —MELISSA GREER

When can I stop sterilizing?

Bottle basics

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Pregnancy

STEPS+STAGES Pregnancy

Newborn

Bottoms up!

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Your child is 12 months old now, and their beverage options are starting to expand. What should you encourage: milk, water or something else? THE ONE-YEAR mark is when parents get the go-ahead to start serving cow’s milk, if they choose. This milestone can coincide with a mom’s return to work (which, for many women, means weaning), and it can be confusing to ﬁgure out what your newly minted toddler should be drinking. Will their daycare provide milk? Are you going to pump bottles of breastmilk? What about formula? Or is it OK for 12-month-olds to drink only water during the day? Even the experts we asked disagreed. Meredith McNally’s son, Sam, started daycare in Hamilton, Ont., at almost 11 months old. At home, Sam was breastfeeding four to six times in a 24-hour

period, eating meals and drinking water whenever food was offered. “He was pretty good with his solids, but sometimes it was hard to tell how much he was actually eating. Nursing was a nice safety net,” McNally says. “If I couldn’t nurse him as much, I wondered if I should be topping him up with pumped milk or formula.” Dietitians of Canada says kids ages 12 to 24 months should have around two cups (500 millilitres) of whole cow’s milk per day, or less if they’re still breastfeeding. Paediatrician Jack Newman, known for his breastfeeding expertise and support (not to mention his miracle nipple ointment, APNO), believes that

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it all depends on your baby’s eating and nursing habits. “If you have a nursling who continues to have three or four good feeds in a 24-hour period, is eating an ample amount of solids and is growing well, then your toddler may not even need to drink milk at daycare at all.” Newman says they’re likely getting what they need nutritionally from the breastmilk they have when they’re with you. Registered dietitian Daina Kalnins, director of clinical dietetics at Toronto’s Hospital for Sick Children, says that packing pumped breastmilk for daycare works well (if you’re up for it), and nursing in the mornings and evenings is not something you have to give up. But three or four nursing sessions per day may be hard to fit in if you’re away from your baby most of the workday. “I don’t feel comfortable saying it’s OK to drink only water during the day,” she says. “They need a thirst-quencher, and it should be milk—breast milk, cow’s milk, soy, almond milk or formula.” But at this age, says Kalnins, breastmilk, cow’s milk and formula are not meal replacements. “Kids should have the pleasure of exploring different foods,” she explains. Two major nutrients that parents need to think about, says Kalnins, are iron and calcium. Expressed breastmilk or whole cow’s milk are both excellent sources of calcium (as are yogurt and cheese). But there is such a thing as too much milk: The Canadian Paediatric Societ y warns against consuming more than 24 ounces (720 millilitres) of cow’s milk per day, as it could lead to iron deficiency anemia. “They can fill up on milk, which i s low i n i ron ,” K a l n i n s explains. “Then kids may not be hungry for other foods and

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WHAT ABOUT JUICE? Daina Kalnins, director of clinical dietetics at Toronto’s Hospital for Sick Children, says juice should be a rare treat—even if it’s homemade. “Juicers discard a lot of the fibre,” she says. Juice also isn’t great for kids’ teeth and has limited nutrient value. If you do offer juice, water it down quite a bit.

they also won’t get the fibre or other vitamins they need.” W hen Da rc y H a nc o c k weaned her daughter, Claudia, at 13 months, she asked her doctor if she should start formula. “He said she was old enough that she could cope with just whole milk,” says the Abbotsford, BC, mom. Hancock had been pumping breastmilk for Claudia to drink at daycare. She continued to send breastmilk from her freezer stash and then, over a few days, switched to whole cow’s milk at home. “We warmed it up and gave it to her in a sippy cup that she was used to having pumped bre a st milk in,” Ha ncock explains. “My husband gave her the cow’s milk while I was out of the room. After a couple of days she accepted cow’s milk from me, too.” In classic toddler style, your child may not embrace the beverage you want them to—at least, not at first. Try small, incremental tweaks to the routine, and ask your child-care providers for advice. They have likely seen lots of toddlers going through this transition and can help you come up with a plan. — ALEX MLYNEK

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

STEPS+STAGES Newborn

Creature comfort Being away from home can be scary and a lovey can help. But when are kids too old to drag around Mr. Bunny? LISA BROWN* knows the benefits of her five-year-old son’s long-term relationship with his loveys: They comfort Ben* in times of stress, soothe him to sleep and give him confidence when he needs a boost. But her husband wonders if Ben is getting too old to be dragging around his beloved monkey blankie, among other stuffies. A four- or five-year-old with a lovey isn’t cause for concern, says Lynne Reside, a long-time early childhood educator in B.C. She says it’s typical for children in kindergarten to still be attached to a lovey. “You might be concerned if a 10-year-old is walking around with a blankie, but from a develop-

mental perspective, a five-yearold taking one to school isn’t a big deal,” she says. On the whole, loveys—blankets or stuffed animals, also known as comfort objects or transitional objects—are considered a positive part of development. “A comfort object helps children learn self-regulation and calming skills. The lovey helps them feel more secure during separations from parents,” says Michelle Ponti, a paediatrician in London, Ont. This fondness for a lovey or blanket usually begins to solidify around the one-year mark, because it’s often a time of major change. You might be going back

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

Toddler

to work after parental leave, and your child could be weaning, starting daycare or spending more time with a babysitter. It’s normal for the bond with Mr. Bunny to continue well into the toddler years and beyond, and it’s common for the attachment to intensify as other changes in routine come up. (A family vacation may include new surroundings, different foods and sleeping in a strange bed, for example.) Starting preschool or JK can cause kids to cling to their loveys more than ever. Although a preschooler’s bond with that special bunny, bear or blankie is nothing to worry about, it can pose a few challenges. For one, many teachers discourage having them in the classroom (especially during COVID). “There is a risk of toys being lost or damaged and concerns about hygiene when stuffed animals or blankets are brought to school,” says Reside, who has worked with kids (from babies up to age six) in daycares and Early Years community programs. Some kids are comfortable leaving Mr. Bunny in the car for the day or keeping their lovey stashed in a backpack. “Ben was begging to take his monkey to school when he started JK because he used to have it at daycare, but we don’t let him,” says Brown. She and her husband made the decision to restrict lovey use to couch cuddles and bedtime. Brown’s biggest worry isn’t how often her son reaches for his monkey blankie—it’s what he does with it. “He sucks on the corner of the fabric, so we’re concerned it’s just like a thumbsucking issue,” she says. It could affect his dental health, agrees Ponti. “This almost puts the lovey in the category of soothers, which can pose a problem with the eruption of teeth,” she explains. If your child does this, consider chatting with a paedi-

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DID YOU KNOW? When the pandemic began, some daycares and schools stopped allowing kids to bring toys from home inside the facility—especially plush toys. This means lovey-loving kids might not get to have their comfort item with them when away from home until the pandemic ends. Although kids can seem distraught in this type of situation, rest assured the experts say they’ll bounce back. “They may be upset for a few days and need consoling, but they’ll recover,” says Cheryl Macleod, a child psychologist located in Calgary.

atric dentist. And if he’s mouthing something that isn’t cleaned often, know that germs are inevitable. Social embarrassment is much more common at this age than dental health issues, says Ponti. Teasing could make parting with a favourite stuffie more difficult (or easier, depending on your kid’s personality). Parents can sometimes feel the peer pressure as well, and inadvertently transfer this onto their child. “Personally, I don’t care if my son takes the decrepit monkey to college, but my husband has said he thinks it’s ‘for babies,’” says Brown. Don’t let your own hang-ups play too big a role. “Remove or reduce the use of a lovey only if there’s a health concern,” says Reside. “The world is still a big, new place for little kids, and they need to be allowed the time and tools to mature at their own rate.” *Names have been changed.

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STEPS+STAGES Pregnancy

Newborn

Bad influence

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Is it OK to interfere in your kid’s problematic friendships? Here’s how to navigate these tricky waters. WHEN ALISON Simpson’s* son, Marshall, began junior kindergarten, she was proud of his efforts to make friends with Joe, a quiet and withdrawn kid. Marshall helped bring him out of his shell, and the teachers and Simpson encouraged the relationship. Soon after, Marshall began talking about how Joe told him scary things about Pennywise (the clown from the horror movie It) and Bendy and the Ink Machine (a video game for ages 12+). Marshall began saying violent things at home as “jokes.” At school, Joe began acting out in class, unable to control his anger, sometimes being aggressive to teachers and peers.

Simpson and her husband became concerned—had they encouraged their son to befriend a kid who was clearly troubled? How could they backtrack and ask Marshall to stay away from his “best friend”? When your kid makes a friend who you believe is a bad influence, your protective instincts can make it hard to see a clear path forward. Many parents discover that the cocoon of control you have over certain aspects of your kid’s life starts to crumble once they begin school and have more freedom. The first thing to remember is that you cannot choose whom your kid connects with; you can only

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encourage them to make good decisions and give them tools to deal with tough situations. Support their choices The allure of the alpha kid is strong for any child, especially those who may be more sensitive. Just like adults, kids with strong personalities can be charming. “Kids who are a little softer often have urges to be loud or disruptive, so when they see other kids doing that, it’s fascinating and they’re drawn to them,” says Mercedes Samudio, a licensed clinical social worker and author of Shame-Proof Parenting. “Kids are naturally empathetic; they intuitively want to connect to other kids. They don’t see a ‘troublemaker’ like adults do; they just see another kid having fun. They may admire certain traits they believe they don’t possess.” It is important to support your kid’s choices as long as they’re not being harmed. “Ask them, Why do you like this child? Do you think the child is kind or a good sharer? Basically ask them about traits that you would hope your child would start to look for in a friend,” says Samudio. Leading the conversation this way allows your kid the space to express themselves and teaches them that these are qualities that make for a great friend. When you offer your support, rather than your displeasure, your child will learn that their choices have weight, that you respect their ability to be autonomous. Validate their feelings Once you understand the allure, ask your child how their friend makes them feel. “Children may have conflicting feelings about friendships in their life,” says Helena Goodwill, a Torontobased child psychologist. “As a parent, it is important to acknowledge the mixed feelings. Understanding these contrasting feelings will help

School age

your kid understand their own personal boundaries.” If they feel bad when their friend is rude to the teacher, for example, that will help them understand that rudeness is something they aren’t OK with. “Help them come up with a solution if their friend oversteps—for example, I can stand up for someone else, say something to my friend about it, remove myself from the situation or give myself a break,” she continues. “These are the strategies that I would encourage first.” Reinforce family boundaries

Boundaries will also help when your child wants to know why they cannot do something or behave like their friend. Chat about your family’s boundaries without placing blame on other parents or guardians. “Explore the idea that other families make choices for their family, and that’s their business,” recommends Samudio. “Our family believes XYZ, or our family doesn’t do ABC, and it’s OK to be different, even if we don’t always understand it.” For Simpson, keeping close contact with the teachers was helpful. While Marshall and Joe remain friends, Marshall naturally connected with a new BFF with whom he shared more interests. For grade one, Simpson asked that the boys be placed in separate classes, a request many principals will try to accommodate. When the pandemic hit last March, the physical separation also helped put Joe’s behaviour into perspective for Marshall. “Marshall actually told me unprompted that although he hoped Joe would be in his grade two class, he also knew that it might be better to have space,” says Simpson. “He said, ‘I think I’m growing up!’ Honestly, it made me tear up with pride.” *Names have been changed. —ALICIA COX THOMSON

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

The past year has been tough, to say the least, and we’re all hungering for tidbits of hope and positivity. Don’t let the pandemic eclipse these 22 big wins for parents and kids. WRITTEN BY JESSICA LEEDER

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

N E W S STOCKSY

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PERHAPS IT’S BECOME A BIT CLICHÉ to search for silver linings to the events of this past year—there’s a lot that most of us are in no rush to look back on. But finding those unexpectedly positive developments is also a coping mechanism, especially as the months drag on. I’ll never forget this particular pandemic memory: It was a midsummer night, and long past bedtime. Exhausted and over it, my husband and I had totally given up on herding our son and daughter inside. Out of boredom, our loosely supervised kids sprawled out in the backyard on their still-damp swimming towels and turned to the sky to stargaze. Soon enough, studying the night sky became their new favourite thing. Now they’ve memorized the constellations and can spout random facts about Mars, which would never have happened in our previous, over-scheduled lives. As it turns out, moon cycles and meteor showers remain topics of discussion in many other households. When I went to buy a kid-friendly telescope for Christmas, I found out that they’ve been selling out for months. On top of becoming newbie astronomers, Canadians celebrated plenty of cultural shifts, medical wins and innovations. Of course, you’d be forgiven for missing them if you were entertaining a toddler while helping another kid log on to Zoom, or making the millionth meal of the day. Let’s recap some of the highlights you might have overlooked. [ 1 ] “Good enough” parenting became good enough

Early on in the pandemic, parents of young kids everywhere rose to a series of supreme and often self-appointed challenges. They conducted home science experiments while participating in work conference calls, they did grade two French (again) and enforced timeconsuming kindergarten assignments no reasonable ﬁve-year-old could possibly complete in the time allotted on the

colour-coded daily schedule that the teacher e-mailed home. They made breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner and snack. They did this again and again until they were run ragged. And then parents the world over realized they could not parent so hard for the whole pandemic. Intensive parenting was dow n g raded to ba re -minimum parenting, and we all breathed a collective sigh of relief. By January 2021, when school shuttered again in many parts of Canada, parents knew to keep their expectations low and just make it through day by day. [ 2 ] We finally started to appreciate the dedication of our educators

If four or ﬁve months of unintentional home-schooling weren’t enough to make us long for even a smidge of the energy our primary school teachers manage to pump out each day, there was also Washington teacher Mackenzie Adams, who went viral last fall and generated headlines like “Meet the most energetic TikTok teacher ever.” The kindergarten educator posted a video of her technique for remotely teaching ﬁve- and six-yearolds, including emphatic arm movements, endless patience and over-animated facial expressions that will make you tired just watching her in action. “Online, you really have to amp it up,” Adams told Buzzfeed News. “I do think that teachers are actors and we have to put on a show to keep [kids] engaged when they’re in their homes. I was just trying to make sure they were looking at me and not their doggies.” April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

By April 2020, most of the world was hunkered down at home. The forced shift in manufacturing, travel, commuting and consumption seemed to make a big difference outdoors. In places notorious for smog—China, Los Angeles, New York—the air seemed suddenly clear. Social media was rife with sparkling, aquamarine pictures of the Grand Canal in Venice, a startling change from its usual murkiness. Buzz around whether or not the changes would have a measurable impact on climatechange markers was quickly substantiated by researchers. Global greenhouse gas emissions and other air pollutants dropped by as much as 30 percent last April, according to a report in the journal Nature Climate Change. That reduction hasn’t held throughout the whole year, but it is proof that broad, sweeping change can make a big difference to the health of our environment if we alter our behaviours. [ 4 ] Families are eating together —and eating healthier—more often

Most of us don’t need a research study to affirm that we ate (and perhaps drank) a bit more during the pandemic. If you got on the bread-baking bandwagon, too, there are a few reasons to feel good about it, particularly if your children started helping in the kitchen more, in general. FoodShare, a Toronto food-justice charity, saw a 200 percent increase in the number of paid subscribers receiving its weekly Good Food Box of fruit, vegetables and other healthy staples to their doorsteps. That suggests people not only preferred delivery to going to the grocery store, but that they wanted to make sure their dollars went to a good cause, while making more nutritious meals at home. Data released in July from the Guelph Family Health Study, a long-term study of more than 250 families with children under ﬁve, showed the pandemic was having a positive impact in the kitchen: It caused 70 percent of families to spend more time cooking and 60 percent to try more fromscratch recipes. Half of the parents surveyed said they were cooking with their kids more often and 55 percent were eating more meals with their children. Research from dietitians at the University of Guelph shows that children who are involved in making meals

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

have more positive attitudes toward foods and are generally more interested in trying new ones. Eating meals together also boosts literacy by helping expand the vocabulary of young children and improving their storytelling skills, which increases comprehension and even reading. [5]

Nurses, doctors, and birth workers started receiving their COVID vaccinations, and parents who work in hospitals and other high-risk, close-contact settings were no longer terrified of getting sick and bringing the virus home to their kids.

RAYNA LERNER, A MOM OF THREE KIDS AND AN OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST IN TORONTO, GOT HER COVID VACCINATION IN MARCH 2021.

[6 ] We taught our kids the value of good deeds

Figuring out how to be helpful in our communities while also obeying the limits of social distancing was tough in 2020 and 2021. Some made signs for lawns and windows to thank ﬁrst responders and essential workers; others stood on doorsteps nightly to bang pots and pans, tipping their hats to those who went off to work each day; and others did their part by simply staying home.

When winter arrived. families delivered sleeping bags, coats, mitts and hand warmers to residents of urban tent cities who felt safer living in city parks than in crowded homeless shelters. Others made dozens and dozens of sandwiches for food banks. Last spring, a grassroots movement aimed at reducing food insecurity sprang up across a series of Ontario cities and towns. Organizers urged families to leave food donations on their doorstep for one day only; volunteer families, including kids learning about food insecurity, stepped up to safely collect donations, which went on to food banks. Chatham-Kent had the May 16th Miracle, while Windsor-Essex had theirs in June. In December, volunteers with Toronto Miracle collected 210,000 pounds of food from 140 neighbourhoods in one day.

Take a hike: Trail associations across Canada and the US reported a more than 100 percent usage increase in spring 2020.

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[ 3 ] Lockdown was good for the environment

[ 7 ] Nature became necessary

Anyone who thought they were being creative by taking their stir-crazy family to an underused trail system for a nature walk this year likely had a reckoning: No outdoor destination was underused this year. Parks and trails that many of us haven’t thought of since the days of our own school ﬁeld trips were perpetually rammed with people clamouring to get outside safely with their families. Hiking had a total “it” moment, with trail associations across Canada and the US reporting more than 100 percent increases in usage in spring 2020. A group of doctors in British Columbia who now prescribe nature walks to stressedout or anxious patients (including parents) would agree. Canada’s first nature-prescribing program was launched in BC in

December 2020, and is now available in Ontario, too. Known as PaRx, the program was spearheaded by the BC Parks Foundation and family physician Melissa Lem, who has for years recommended her patients spend time in nature to reduce symptoms of stress, anxiety and other ailments. The recommendation is based on mounting clinical evidence of the health benefits derived from spending as little as 20 to 30 minutes per day outdoors, including better moods, decreased anxiety, increased heart health, pain management and more. [ 8 ] We rethought how—and where—our kids best learn

Not only did we hike, sled, skate and hit up playgrounds (endlessly) with our kids, we started to spend more time outdoors during

the school-day, too—no matter the weather. Getting some fresh air was a much-needed break for kids doing virtual school on devices all day, and learning outside is safer than in poorly ventilated indoor classrooms. At public schools in Toronto, parents helped teachers set up outdoor classroom spaces with donated tree stumps, wagons, yoga mats and collapsible tents; outside the city, private alternative forest schools saw an explosion of interest from parents desperate to ensure their kids were in line for some form of COVID-safe education. “We launched our fall programs in the summer and we essentially sold out in a day. We have never sold out,” says Chris Green, director of the non-profit Guelph Outdoor School, which was founded in 2012. The demand for what Green calls “nature immersion” programs is “directly because of COVID and people wanting an outdoor option.” The school added 95 new spots and tripled the number of kids attending, with three class sessions per day, six days per week. In prior years, most of the school’s students had been those who struggled with the sedentary, traditional classroom format, but “this year brought out a whole new demographic,” says Green, with learners of all types. Parents now understand the importance of outdoor time for vitamin D, mental health, proper sleep patterns and a healthy lifestyle. [ 9 ] Interest in midwifery care spiked

The jury is still out on whether the pandemic will lead to a baby boom, but data is clearly showing pregnant people felt more empowered to choose where—and with whom—they gave birth in 2020 and 2021. Interest in midwifery care, which tends to include multiple postnatal home visits, began increasing as the pandemic took hold. Fears of encountering the virus at doctors’ offices and on maternity wards increased, and many hospitals, in an effort to tamp down the virus’s spread, temporarily banned pregnant women from having partners or doulas attend their labours. Needless to say, expectant couples began to re-evaluate their options. By the end of 2020, 89 percent of midwives in BC who responded to a survey reported their clients were showing increased interest in giving birth at home. In Ontario, preliminary data on the numApril+May 2021 todaysparent.com

ber of out-of-hospital births (meaning those in homes or at birth centres) was roughly double pre-pandemic rates, says Jasmin Tecson, president of the Association of Ontario Midwives. “Being able to facilitate these choices, and make them as safe as possible, is deeply rewarding for midwives,” says Tescon. [ 10 ] Layoffs actually improved relationships with our kids

[ 11 ] Lockdown somehow lowered preterm births

Throughout the early weeks of spring 2020, with most of the world in various states of lockdown, those who deliver babies began to notice an unusual trend: There were fewer preterm babies. Last fall, Danish researchers set out to substantiate what doctors thought they were seeing. Their study measured the births during spring’s lockdown against a decade’s worth of data and officially proved the point (for Denmark, at least). Premature births were reduced by between 15 and 23 percent when schools, business and travel was shut down. Exactly why this happened, though, remains unclear. [ 12 ] National child care is back on the agenda

In his Throne Speech last fall, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau vowed to create a na-

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tional, affordable child-care system. The pledge came amid an exodus of women from the workforce as many struggled to balance child care, online schooling and paid work under the constraints of the pandemic. Universal child care was ﬁrst recommended more than 50 years ago in Canada by the Royal Commission on the Status of Women, and several governments have tried—and failed—to make good on the recommendation. Trudeau is expected to outline the details of his proposed system in the 2021 budget. Fingers crossed he follows through on these promises. [ 13 ] The anti-racism movement is here to stay

Last spring and summer, anti-racism protests around the world, including in Canada, demanded that many of us address topics like systemic racism, white privilege, police brutality and injustice with our children. In the days and weeks

following the death of George Floyd, there was no shortage of resources to fall back on—even Sesame Street and CNN aired a special town hall in which Elmo learned about racism and what protests are for. And while some of the well-intentioned resolutions and hastily formed book clubs have long since been forgotten, there are now some more concrete, less abstract ways for families to keep conversations about racial consciousness going with kids. “Research shows that the best way to address unconscious bias is through exposure to people of all races, genders, sexualities and abilities,” says Nicole Stamp, a co-founder of The ByUs Box. The Torontobased company, which launched in 2020, sells tool kits of learning guides and conversation prompts, with books and activities for families who want to raise anti-racist, inclusive kids. (Boxes are themed; you can also buy boxes focused on gender identity or Indigenous rights and awareness.) “We

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There is no question that being laid off from your job sucks. It is a scary, destabilizing prospect—one that many of us endured as lockdowns shuttered or shrunk workplaces and paycheques disappeared. For some parents, though, there was an unexpected bonus to being sent home from work. In a survey of 572 low-income parents with young children, researchers at the University of Chicago found that 75 percent of parents spent “much more” pandemic-induced time on child care. Parents who lost their jobs but not their incomes (due to government aid subsidies or increased income from an essential worker at home) were more likely to engage in positive interaction with their kids (they had more time for reading, snuggling, playing games or doing something “for fun”) than in prepandemic times. Parents who spent more time on child care also reported increases in their kids’ enjoyment of time with them.

BEST OF HEALTH All those pandemic headlines dominating our doom-scrolling sessions may have obscured some of the most promising health news. Michelle Ward, a paediatrician at Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario, rounds up the top medical developments parents and kids should be celebrating.

Early data suggests that in Ontario, the number of outof-hospital births— meaning those who chose to give birth at home or at birthing centres—has doubled compared to pre-pandemic rates.

know families want to do the work and raise good people, but sometimes equity conversations can feel intimidating,” Stamp says. As of press time, the start-up was exploring opportunities for a major expansion. [ 14 ] You can get mental healthcare for free online or over the phone

Free online mental health resources designed to help people manage stress, anxiety and depression were quietly increased during the pandemic, as more and more people realized they needed mental health support. The convenience and sudden popularity of at-home, 24-hour telehealth therapy is especially useful to parents and caregivers making do without childcare or family support.“These resources may be useful to parents who are struggling with the stressors that come with caring for children and themselves during a pandemic,” says Emmily Jenkins, a professor of nursing g at the University of British Columbia.

BY MICHELLE WARD, MD 1. Severe asthma episodes have decreased in kids. Some children are actually having a healthier year, as the spread of other non-COVID viruses is decreasing. One sign is the sharp drop in kids visiting hospitals for asthma attacks (also known as “exacerbations”). Typically, every fall and winter, emergency departments and hospital wards tend to fill up with young asthma patients—asthma is the most common chronic condition in children. But not this year. The Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario in Ottawa had 2,628 emergency department visits and 358 asthma-related hospital admissions in 2019, says paediatric respirologist Dhenuka Radhakrishnan. In 2020, emergency department visits and hospital admissions decreased by more than 57 percent and 65 percent respectively, with only 122 asthma admissions, including the months before the pandemic. Many paediatric hospitals across the country are seeing the same trend. “The vast majority of asthma exacerbations are caused by respiratory viruses,” says

Radhakrishnan. There may be many factors, but undoubtedly, the measures put in place to prevent the spread of COVID-19, such as masking and social distancing, are also curbing asthma attacks, she says. Radhakrishnan’s message to parents is to continue with their prescribed asthma medications, even if your child seems better. “We need to continue to prevent preventable exacerbations,” she says. 2. Most kids with a penicillin allergy do not actually need to avoid penicillin. According to new recommendations from the Canadian Paediatric Society, released in 2020, most children tagged with a penicillin allergy do not, in fact, need to avoid penicillin, amoxicillin and other similar drugs. The recommendations cite research showing that more than 90 percent of children who report these allergies can safely use the medicines after being properly assessed. This is good news for kids and parents, since penicillin-type medicines are the drugs of choice for many common childhood illnesses, such as ear infections

and pneumonia. Resorting to other medicines has been shown to lead to longer hospital stays and poorer outcomes for more serious infections. In the past, doctors would essentially label kids with a lifelong allergy if they developed hives or other new symptoms while taking a course of antibiotics. Some doctors also advised them to avoid another class of common antibiotics, cephalosporins, because of the possibility of cross-reactions. Based on your child’s symptoms during their first allergic reaction, the new recommendations can now help your doctor determine whether your kid has a possible allergy, does not have an allergy at all or is low risk, and can use the antibiotic again. Kids who develop only a rash or hives after taking a dose of antibiotics are now considered “low risk for allergy” if they develop no other serious symptoms. (More serious symptoms would be wheezing, lip swelling, vomiting or dizziness.) Get your kid assessed by their doctor or nurse practitioner—they may be able to safely use the

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

3. Vaping ads have been banned. One in five Canadian students in grades seven to 12 reports vaping, and this number rises to nearly one in three for grades 10 to 12. More than half of students surveyed by Health Canada in 2018 and 2019 said obtaining e-cigarettes, with or without nicotine, was “fairly easy” or “very easy.” But in July 2020, Health Canada banned the advertising of vaping products anywhere that it could be seen or heard by youth. Vaping products can’t be promoted in any media, on buses or subways, in recreational facilities, or anywhere else where kids may be. Retail businesses that sell vaping products must store them out of sight (but they can advertise that they carry them). The regulations apply in all provinces and territories in Canada.

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

Playing video games can actually improve our mental health and well-being, acccording to researchers at Oxford University.

On the one hand, it’s been fortifying to see mental health struggles normalized and talked about openly this year. On the other hand, therapists, counsellors and psychologists saw an unprecedented increase in demand for their services, with long wait-lists for new patients. “It’s important for people to know that there are options freely available to everyone, with no wait times,” says Jenkins. She recommends checking out BounceBack, which offers free ee access to cognitive behavioural therapy, py, or CBT, over the phone for all Canadians ns over the age of 15. In Ontario, you can n access services through Togetherall (formerly merly Big White Wall), with free online peerr support and self-guided help for depression ion and anxiety. There’s also AbilitiCBT, another nother at-your-own-pace, online program designed igned to reduce feelings of uncertainty and stress. s If you’re a new parent looking for prenatal mood support or postpartum depression resources, Postpartum Support International has a helpful directory and free online sup-

MILK BANK TEXT: DELANEY SEIFERLING PHOTO: STOCKSY

same type of antibiotic again, or they can be given a test dose of antibiotic in a medical office. They may not even need to see an allergist. If your child has immediate or serious symptoms, stop taking the medicine and seek medical care, then ask for a referral to an allergist for a definitive diagnosis. The allergist can also advise which antibiotics to avoid and which common classes of antibiotics are still an option.

4. There’s a new longer-term contraceptive implant option with few side effects. A long-awaited contraceptive implant was finally approved by Health Canada in 2020, and it’s likely to replace other pregnancyprevention methods for many teens: Nexplanon is the first progestin-only implant and it’s as effective as popular progestin-only IUDs, such as Mirena, but with only a minor procedure needed for insertion. Nexplanon is a matchstick-sized flexible plastic rod placed under the skin of the upper arm. It releases progestin (the synthetic form of progesterone), but no estrogen. The implant can be left in place for up to three years and tends to have fewer side effects than estrogencontaining forms of contraception, such as most birth control pills. (Nexplanon’s most common side effect is a change in the menstrual cycle, often with a decrease in the length or flow of periods. Some women stop menstruating completely.) You also don’t need to remember to take a daily pill, and you can depend on the device for longerterm contraception. Like Mirena, Nexplanon is 99 percent effective at preventing pregnancy. Upon removal, it’s possible to conceive as soon as seven to 14 days later.

port meetings, including dedicated groups for queer parents, Black moms, NICU parents, South Asian moms, and dads-only. [ 15 ] Video games became medicine

Imagine if convincing your child to take medicine was as easy as getting them to play a video game. For some parents of young children with ADHD, now it actually is. Last June, the US Food and Drug Administration approved what is essentially the world’s first video game designed to help treat symptoms of inattention linked tto ADHD. Called EndeavorRX, the game is aaimed at children ages eight through 12 aand activates specific neural systems in the brain that play key roles in attention funcb tion. In clinical trials, kids played the game 25 minutes per day, five days per week, for four weeks, and attention deficit was reduced substantially in one-third of the participants. Half of parents reported changes in their child’s day-to-day symptoms after one month of treatment, and two-thirds of

parents saw changes after two months. While EndeavourRX is only available in the US right now, an international expansion is in the works. It can be downloaded from the app store in the US with a prescription from a family doctor.

any other time, I probably would not have enrolled,” says Cheng, who started school (remotely) in January 2021. “I’m very fortunate to be able to continue my education online while still being available at home.”

[ 16 ] Family gaming can actually improve well-being

If your kid’s addiction to playing “Animal Crossing” or “Gardenscapes” was something you planned to tackle in 2021, toss that resolution aside and consider dialling up the gaming time instead. Oxford University researchers published a ﬁrst-of-its-kind study last November that showed playing video games may actually improve our mental health and well-being. The study surveyed more than 3,200 players of two games—Animal Crossing: New Horizons and Plants vs. Zombies: Battle for Neighborville— and found that the more people played, the happier they felt. Researchers can’t say exactly how much play might be required to improve mental health, but they did warn that limiting video game time might also limit the beneﬁts that gaming may confer (remember this when you feel guilty about all that screen time). [ 17 ] Parents went back to school

For young students hoping for a banger of a frosh year, the shift to taking university and college classes solely online was a bummer. But for the mid-career set—parents who can’t exactly unplug from family life to attend university in another city—online classes have opened up new options for upskilling. Suddenly, upgrading with a few courses or pursuing a whole new degree is something that can (and must) be done online from home. Part-time enrolment grew in 71 percent of universities, says Brenna Baggs, spokesperson for Univcan, which represents Canadian universities. If you look at Coursera, which provides open online courses for free as well as paid degrees, more than 21 million learners have signed up since mid-March 2020, a 353 percent increase from last year. Lucia Cheng, an Oakville, Ont., mom of three with a finance background, realized during the pandemic that she wanted to become a teacher. But with young kids at home, attending teachers’ college seemed impractical. That changed when the pandemic shifted classes online. “Had it been

[ 18 ] Milk bank donations are flowing

Some of our tiniest and most vulnerable Canadians are beneﬁting from stay-athome orders in an unusual way. Jannette Festival, co-founder of NorthernStar Mothers Milk Bank in Calgary, says the amount of donated milk her organization received last year is unprecedented. Although official stats won’t be in until mid-2021, Festival estimates there are currently about 125,000 ounces stored in its freezer, on top of the 175,000 ounces it has already dispensed across Canada to provinces that don’t have their own milk banks. The average donation was between 15 and 17 litres (more than 500 ounces per donor), compared to 13 litres per donor last year. Canada’s three milk banks (the other two are located in Toronto and Vancouver) have all experienced an uptick in donations, Festival says, likely because moms have less time away from home. If they’ve got the time to pump, it’s all being donated. What’s more, typically 40 percent of moms who sign up to donate drop out each year, but “that’s not happening this year,” she says. The breastmilk is pasteurized by the milk banks and then sent to sick babies in neonatal intensive care units (NICUs) across Canada, as well as to babies who’ve already gone home. On average, the use of donor breast milk decreases the length of NICU stays by about two weeks. While this is happy news, it does create additional challenges for storing and processing the milk, Festival says. She also says the trend likely won’t continue long-term, so new donors are always welcome. April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

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SALMON AND A SIDE OF SALAD MIGHT NOT BE YOUR KID’S IDEA OF A YUMMY DINNER AT FIRST—AND THAT’S OK!

tit!

Feeding kids doesn’t sound like it should be complicated: You make meals; they eat them. But the reality can be just a bit different. There’s a lot for new parents to learn—not just what to feed the littles, but how to feed them (and how not to). In this excerpt from Food to Grow On, registered dietitians (and fellow moms) Sarah Remmer and Cara Rosenbloom walk you through tips and tricks for feeding children, from babies to bigger kids.

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Jared, 9 months old. LIKES: BANANAS, PURÉED SPAGHETTI SAUCE, MASHED POTATOES. DISLIKES: GREEN BEANS.

BABIES (6 TO 12 MONTHS) 1. Introduce solids. Baby is ready to eat solid foods by six months. 2. Choose the first food. Baby cereal, fruits, vegetables, meat, beans—anything goes for the first taste of food. 3. Choose iron-rich foods. Baby needs iron-rich foods at least twice a day. 4. Limit rice cereal. Try iron-enriched infant whole grain, barley or oatmeal cereal instead. 5. Be aware that some foods are choking hazards. Take an infant CPR course. 6. Feed with the combo method. Try both spoon-feeding and letting baby self-feed soft finger foods, even at the same meal. 7. Know that gagging is normal. It’s a natural reflex that prevents choking. Stay calm, and baby will be calm, too. 8. Don’t delay allergenic foods. Peanuts, tree nuts, milk, eggs, soy and other possible allergens should be introduced at six months. 9. Know your role. Let baby be responsible for how much they eat. Don’t force-feed! 10. Introduce a cup. At six months, try a bit of water in a regular cup. It will be messy at first, but baby will learn quickly.

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On the menu IT’S FINALLY TIME TO OFFER YOUR BABY SOLID FOOD! HERE ARE SOME OPTIONS. VERY FIRST BITES Traditionally, iron-fortified single-grain cereal thinned out with breastmilk or formula was the gold-standard first food for baby. Although it’s still an option, it is no longer the only choice. The most important thing to remember is to make iron-rich foods the priority when starting solids. Baby’s iron stores are becoming depleted at six

months and they require this nutrient from food for proper growth and development.

6 TO 7 MONTHS PROTEIN/IRON-RICH

Cooked meat and poultry: Puréed, minced and shaped into meatballs or patties, or slowcooked then shredded. Low-mercury fish: Deboned and cooked until soft, then puréed or shaped into patties. Eggs: Hard-boiled then mashed; cooked as an omelette and cut into strips; or scrambled. Beans, lentils or chickpeas: Cooked and then mashed or puréed.

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10 tips for feeding your brand new eater.

As parents, it feels like our job to make sure our kids eat enough. Experts say otherwise. MANY PARENTS HAVE TROUBLE believing that a child can choose how much or if they want to eat—we’re part of a culture that tells kids to “clear your plate” or take “just one more bite.” But our kids are born intuitive eaters—they know how much they need and when to stop— so we must trust this. By offering five to six eating opportunities a day (meals and snacks), with lots of variety, we can rest assured that our little ones will meet their nutrition needs over the period of a week, rather than focusing on any one specific meal. This makes for a much more pleasant eating experience and nurtures your child’s natural ability to eat intuitively. This philosophy is known among dietitians as Satter’s Division of Responsibility. We’ve seen it work time and time again—in fact, thousands of times!—in nutrition counselling practices and with our own kids. Please try it. And trust it. And be patient. It may take weeks or months for an older child to grow accustomed to it, but we promise that it does work! Parents decide: • What is served to eat • When it is served • Where it is served

Cheese: Grated or thinly sliced. Yogurt: Plain or Greek FRUITS AND VEGETABLES

Soft fruits (like avocado, ripe pear or banana): Peeled and cut into large pieces. For bananas, leave half the peel on to help baby’s grip. Harder fruits and veggies (like green beans, carrots, zucchini or apples): Peeled and steamed until soft, then either mashed or puréed and spoonfed, or cut in large pieces and served as finger food.

Whole-grain bread: Toasted and cut into strips, then thinly spread with nut or seed butter. Infant cereals: Iron-fortified.

8 TO 9 MONTHS Continue to serve any of the foods from six to seven months, and progress to these textures when your baby seems ready. PROTEIN/IRON-RICH

Add medium-size, soft-cooked pieces of meat, poultry and fish. Try beans and lentils made into patties.

GRAINS

FRUITS AND VEGETABLES

Quinoa or oats: Cooked and spoon-fed, or baked into meatballs or patties.

Add grated raw options, like peeled apple or carrot, and medium-size pieces of soft

Babies and children decide: • If they want to eat • How much to eat

or steamed-soft options, like raspberries, kiwi or peach.

whole beans or chickpeas and cheese cubes.

GRAINS

FRUITS AND VEGETABLES

Try large-flake or steel-cut oats, mixed with peanut butter and mashed banana. Offer bitesized pieces of cooked pasta, such as penne or macaroni.

Add smaller pieces of cooked vegetables, like steamed sliced carrots or steamed cauliflower or broccoli, and small slices of tender, peeled options, such as raw cucumber. Try sliced grapes and small whole blueberries, and small pieces of dried fruit, such as apricots or raisins.

10 TO 12 MONTHS Continue to serve the foods above, and progress to these textures when your baby seems ready. Now that baby has better dexterity, the pieces can be smaller. PROTEIN/IRON-RICH

Try smaller pieces of meat, poultry and fish. Add cooked

GRAINS

Include grains like pasta or barley in mixed meals (without added salt), such as ravioli with tomato sauce, spaghetti bolognese or soup.

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TODDLERS (12 TO 24 MONTHS) 10 tips for feeding your one-year-old.

Testing limits SAY HELLO TO SELF-FEEDING AND SUDDEN SELECTIVITY. Having a toddler is fun, fascinating and frustrating all at the same time, especially when it comes to eating! As your child transitions from babyhood to toddlerhood, you’ll notice developmental and social changes, which can impact their eating habits, too. With better balance and coordination, and the desire to master fine motor skills, self-feeding becomes easier. Plus, their newly developed sense of self will help them actually want to control more of their own food intake. It’s a good thing! During toddlerhood, you’ll help your child to wean off bottles, learn to drink from a cup and successfully feed themselves with a spoon (if they are not doing those things already).

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You’ll probably notice that your toddler’s eating habits become a bit more unpredictable, too. At this stage, kids’ appetites and food intake may start to slow down along with their growth, which is totally normal. But it typically means they become more selective about their food choices as they yearn for independence and control—enter: picky eating! Your toddler may love a food one day but refuse it the next, toss an entire bowl of freshly cooked oatmeal on the floor or throw a tantrum at the sight of a previously loved food. It’s all part of the process of learning to eat, and it does pass. It’s all about the boundaries It’s important to offer your toddler nutritious meals and snacks at regular and predictable intervals (about every two to three hours). Try to stay relatively consistent with your schedule so that your child learns that eating isn’t a free-for-all, but

something that happens at roughly the same times every day. This will help them develop a healthy meal pattern so they don’t graze all day or say “hungry!” and ask for food. Consistency is key. At this stage, establishing mealtime boundaries around what, when and where they eat is important so that your toddler can learn how to manage their hunger and fullness (self-regulate) and eat intuitively. The more regular and predictable your meal and snack timing can be (with a bit of flexibility, of course—let’s be real), the easier it is for young toddlers to learn how to manage their appetite and food intake. How much is enough (or too much)? Toddlers need about 1,300 calories per day. But we certainly do not want you counting your toddler’s calories! As long as you’re following the Division of Responsibility (see “Power plays,” page 51), your toddler should get what they need.

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1. Introduce milk. Your toddler can drink cow’s milk at 12 months. If you are still breastfeeding, that’s great, too! 2. Use cups. By 12 months, begin to transition from bottles to cups if you haven’t already. Cups with straws are better than sippy cups. 3. Teach self-feeding. Teach your toddler how to use spoons and forks (and fingers!) to self-feed. 4. Keep it fun. Reduce mealtime stress by keeping it calm. Don’t hover, force-feed or pressure your toddler to eat. 5. Set a schedule. Your toddler should be enjoying three meals and two to three snacks each day to fill their small tummy. 6. Give vitamin D. Continue with vitamin D supplements (400 IU per day). 7. Know that food throwing is normal. It’s a phase that will pass if you stay calm. Provide easy instructions, like “Food stays on the tray.” 8. Don’t label picky eaters. That moniker only reinforces the problem. Kids are learning about food. Being picky is a normal phase. 9. Limit treats. There’s little room in a 12- to 24-month-old’s diet for candy, soft drinks and cake—not yet anyway. They require nutrient-rich foods to fill that precious and small tummy space. 10. Be a role model. Your toddler is watching and learning from you. Mirror healthy behaviours (yup, that means you have to eat vegetables!).

Liam, 23 months old. LIKES: MASHED POTATOES, CARROT MUFFINS, BANANAS, CORN. DISLIKES: DEPENDS ON THE DAY!

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(2 TO 3 YEARS OLD) 10 tips for feeding two- and threeyear olds. 1. Have a routine. Offer meals and snacks at the same time each day to establish a pattern and avoid all-day grazing. 2. Eat as a family. Be a role model for healthy eating while enjoying family time. 3. Make vegetables yummy. Offer dips, try different textures or serve as a soup. 4. Don’t sneak in the veggies. Cook with your kids to show them the ingredients. 5. Wiggly kid? Bring back the high chair! Kids can’t sit for more than 10 to 20 minutes at a meal, and they need a properly positioned chair. 6. Offer vegetables often. Kids will learn to eat vegetables with repeated exposure. You can be the role model. 7. Follow their appetite. Remember the Division of Responsibility: You serve healthy foods and let kids decide how much to eat. (See “Power plays, page 51.) 8. Accept that messy eating is normal. It’s fine for kids to explore food, but it’s also fine to set boundaries so it doesn’t get out of hand. 9. Don’t use treats as rewards. A treat once in a while is fine, but not as a bribe or prize for good behaviour. 10. Shop and cook together. Get your kids involved in mealtimes.

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Picky eaters HOW TO HANDLE THIS (VERY NORMAL) PHASE. After the age of two, growth starts to slow and stabilize a bit, and toddlers come out of their critical nutrition period, which means their food intake and appetite diminish. Combine this with their newly discovered independence and desire for control, and it easily translates into—you guessed it—mealtime battles. We can relax, though, because most of the time, kids get the nutrition they need over the period of a week, even though it appears they eat next to nothing on certain days. As long as you’re serving a nice variety of nutritious foods throughout the week, it will all balance out. Here’s a little nugget of information that might ease your mind, too: It would be unusual if your child wasn’t a “picky eater” to some extent at this stage. You’re not alone

in this struggle! Kids in this age group often turn their noses up to foods like meat, vegetables and even (surprisingly) fruit, after they’ve readily accepted them as babies and young toddlers. It’s normal—don’t worry. The key is to be patient, calm and positive. The way you react to typical toddler feeding challenges can either create bigger, more serious eating issues down the road or it can help your child grow their relationship with food in a healthy way. This is the stage when unhealthy feeding and eating patterns can develop and worsen, especially if there’s a lot of pressure, coercion or negative energy at the table. It’s imperative that the mealtime dynamic remains positive. You don’t want the focus to be on “getting my kid to eat”! You want to focus on spending quality family time together, modelling healthy eating habits and making mealtimes positive.

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PRESCHOOLERS

Quinn, 3 years old. LIKES: YOGURT, CHEESE, STRAWBERRIES, RICE, POTATOES. DISLIKES: MEAT, ANYTHING WITH SAUCE.

Treat monsters IT’S PERFECTLY FINE FOR KIDS TO ENJOY SWEET TREATS. HERE’S HOW TO AVOID THEM BECOMING OBSESSED. Offer randomly Offer sweet foods when it makes sense to you and for your family, but do this randomly. Don’t make a big deal out of it. You don’t want your child to associate treats with a particular day, time or meal, or they will start to crave them at that time. Don’t restrict too much If toddlers feel treats are being withheld from them, it could trigger the “get it in while you can” mentality. You don’t want your toddler “saving up” for or expecting treats. Avoid using as a reward We know how tempting it is to use this strategy to bribe or reward kids, but doing so only increases treats’ desirability and puts them on a pedestal.

Childhood obesity is a growing concern in Canada—but weightloss diets are not the answer.

Separate dinner and dessert Rewarding your toddler with dessert foods because they ate their vegetables at dinner is communicating that vegetables are to be avoided and desserts to be desired, and may cause them to rush through the meal to get to the treat more quickly. Decide on the amount There’s no rule about how often or how much when it comes to offering treats. It’s important that nutrient-dense, whole foods fill precious tummy space first and foremost, and treats are the fun add-on.

YOU’RE CERTAINLY NOT ALONE if you’re worried that your child is overweight—many parents share your concern and become anxious when they watch their “overweight” child devour their meal and then ask for seconds. But children should not be on weight-loss diets. Period. End of story. There is no “perfect” size that all children need to be: Kids come in all shapes and sizes! Instead, trust the Division of Responsibility philosophy (page 51). It will allow them to eat the right amount of food to meet the needs of their growing body—at any age. If your child is significantly overweight, instead of jumping on the dieting roller coaster (which it always is), aim for your child to develop an overall healthy lifestyle. This includes: • Eating a variety of nutritious foods every day • Including occasional treats and not putting any foods “off-limits” • Listening to their body and trusting their physical hunger and fullness cues so as to eat the right amount of the food that you offer • Enjoying fun physical activity—at least 60 minutes per day • Getting enough sleep each night • Learning how to cope with stress in healthy, nonfood-related ways—open to talking about their feelings and communicating with you when something is wrong If you practise these tenets, your child can grow up with a healthy body image and the right skills to live a balanced and healthy lifestyle. They may be at an “ideal weight” according to scientific charts. Or they may be a few pounds underweight or overweight compared to the norm. But don’t compare your child to others—instead, take the focus off the numbers and look at their overall health and lifestyle. Do they get 60 minutes of activity daily? Do they eat a variety of fruits and vegetables? Do they know that treats are “sometimes” foods? These things matter more than the number on a scale. Your beautiful child is more than a number! April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

BIG KIDS (3 TO 6 YEARS OLD) 10 tips for feeding your school-agers.

The always-on junk food battle: The struggle is real ULTRA-PROCESSED FOODS ARE DELICIOUS, BUT THEY’RE TAKING UP TOO MUCH SPACE IN THE DIETS OF CANADIAN KIDS. Kids at this stage can eat mostly everything—but that doesn’t mean they will. There’s a broad spectrum, from kids who enjoy a small handful of foods to kids who will try anything once. What’s most important is that your child stays nourished by choosing foods

that contain the nutrients their bodies require for normal growth and development. Here’s the bad news: Kids at this age tend to eat a lot of ultra-processed foods—things like cookies, hot dogs, soft drinks, chicken nuggets, cake and chips. Why is this a problem? A high intake of ultra-processed foods is linked to an increased risk of chronic diseases like type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and heart conditions. So, what should kids be eating? The following foods are nutrient-rich, and because kids have high-nutrient needs but small stomachs, these foods should fill most meals:

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Vegetables Fruits Meat and poultry Fish and seafood Eggs Legumes and pulses: chickpeas, black beans, lentils, tofu, peanuts D airy: milk, kefir, yogourt, cheese N uts: almonds, cashews, pecans, walnuts, nut butters S eeds: hemp, pumpkin, sesame, sunflower, chia, seed butters W hole grains: oats, quinoa, barley, brown rice, whole-grain wheat Healthy oils: olive, avocado, sesame

EXCERPTED FROM FOOD TO GROW ON BY SARAH REMMER AND CARA ROSENBLOOM. COPYRIGHT © 2021 SARAH REMMER AND CARA ROSENBLOOM. PUBLISHED BY APPETITE BY RANDOM HOUSE®, A DIVISION OF PENGUIN RANDOM HOUSE CANADA LIMITED. REPRODUCED BY ARRANGEMENT WITH THE PUBLISHER. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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1. Serve whole, unprocessed foods most often. Cut back on ultra-processed foods. 2. Assemble a balanced lunchbox. Add vegetables, fruits, whole grains and protein-rich foods. 3. Serve water as the main beverage. Juice and soft drinks are treats—like candy! 4. Teach the “balanced plate.” Fill half with vegetables and fruits, a quarter with grains and a quarter with protein. 5. Stay active. Kids should have at least 60 minutes of physical activity every day. 6. Cook with your child. Teach them some age-appropriate kitchen tasks and remain calm about the mess! 7. Do not put kids on weight-loss diets. Encourage a healthy lifestyle instead. 8. Foster good self-esteem. Inspire your child to list what they love about themselves. 9. Know that vegetarian and vegan diets are safe. Assure adequate protein, iron and vitamin B12. 10. Be flexible, not restrictive. Food is never the enemy.

Izzy, 4 years old. LIKES: BROCCOLI, MELON, HUMMUS WITH CRACKERS. DISLIKES: SALAD, PESTO, ANYTHING CITRUS.

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

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10 NORMAL QUESTIONS ALL NEW MOMS GOOGLE No matter how much you prepare for parenthood, you’ll for sure find yourself on your phone at 3 a.m. googling things you never thought you’d google as you try to figure out your new baby, your new body and your new life. I reached out to a bunch of fellow parents to find out the most common “weird” (but, as it turns out, not-so-weird) new-parent questions people secretly search, and then sourced the no-BS answers from experts.

WRITTEN BY AMY GREEN ILLUSTRATIONS BY RYAN SNOOK

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April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

Why don’t I feel attached to my new baby? IF YOU’VE GOOGLED ABOUT your lack of attachment to your newborn, you’ve probably also come across research that says early bonding is linked to everything from better mental health to smarter kids. Uh, no pressure or anything. But, despite what those sentimental diaper ads lead you to believe, not all parents fall in love with their child at ﬁrst sight. In fact, in a 2018 meta-analysis, Norwegian researchers found that a sense of detachment from a new baby is common for moms—as is the ensuing guilt and shame. I asked Deborah MacNamara, a clinical counsellor and director of Kid’s Best Bet Counselling in Vancouver, about those feelings, and she conﬁrms they’re not unusual at all. “The idea that our child comes out and we’re not instantly madly in love with them? Well, we don’t know that child yet! We’re just getting to know them and they’re getting to know us.” What’s important is that you’re able to take care of your child, she says. “Sing to them, touch them, feed them. Once you take responsibility in that way, your caring will come.” MacNamara stresses that attachment isn’t a task to achieve; it’s something that develops over time.

How do you hold an infant? Before I had my own kids, holding other people’s babies had me breaking out into a nervous sweat. Because, confession: I didn’t actually know how to hold a newborn, beyond supporting the head. When I had my daughter, I still felt pretty clumsy and unsure with her squirmy, floppy little body, which led me to google the seemingly obvious question: “How do you hold an infant?” No surprise, the result was thousands of articles and YouTube videos, with many different answers. But is there a “best” way to hold an infant? I put the question to Stephanie Bonn, a family chiropractor in Vancouver. She outlined the importance of supporting the head and

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neck, and added that, until little ones can sit up on their own, parents should also support their baby’s lower back and bottom when lifting or holding them. The idea is to minimize stress to their developing spine. An example of a supportive hold is the cradle hold, where you put your baby’s head in the crook of one arm and both arms envelop the back and bum. An unsupportive hold is picking up or holding your baby just under the shoulders, which is fine for older babies, but not great for newborns. With all that said, research shows that how you respond to your baby in those early days comes from an intuitive understanding of what they need—so trust your gut and snuggle away. You’re doing it right!

Does my baby hate me? When your newborn is screaming in your face and nothing you’re doing is helping, it can lead you to this question—to which the answer, according to MacNamara, is always no. She assures parents that

while a baby may be frustrated—maybe they’re hungry, maybe they’re overwhelmed—they simply "don’t have the cognitive capacity for hate.” So why are online parenting forums filled with distraught parents won-

dering why it can really feel that way? Infants give very little back in terms of reciprocity, so parenting can feel especially thankless in those early days. (Apparently this feeling returns in the teen years. Can't wait.)

Will my postpartum vagina ever go back to normal? WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT AND imagining the days and weeks after the birth, you tend to focus on your baby, not so much your own body and recovery. Maybe that’s why so many new moms who deliver vaginally head to Google to find out what they can expect from their vagina—specifically, if and when it will ever be the same. We also search for info about healing from tearing, unusual discharge and the dreaded first postpartum poop; there are also longer-term challenges like prolapse, incontinence and prolonged pain. There are so many vag-qualms that no one ever taught us and that we are too embarrassed to talk about, which is why we take to Google. It’s actually kind of sad. Kate von Schellwitz, a pelvic floor physiotherapist in New Westminster, BC, agrees, and wishes moms would talk more openly about their vulvas, both among themselves and with their healthcare providers. “If somebody brushes you off or says, ‘Oh, that’s just normal after you have a baby,’ find a different practitioner,” says von Schellwitz. “Leaking pee is not normal. It’s common after childbirth, but it’s not something you should be expected to live with.” That said, there may be some changes to your lady bits that are permanent. You might, for example, look or feel a bit different to your partner when you’re being intimate. And that’s OK—motherhood changes you and it can be empowering to find acceptance for your new kick-ass bod.

“When we assume responsibility for a child, there’s this existential thing that happens where we assume that if our baby isn’t happy, there’s something wrong with us,” explains MacNamara. You can’t take it personally, she says. An infant’s frustration is actually a signalling system that’s meant to bother parents so they pay attention and take care of an unmet need. But what about when it seems like your baby prefers everyone over

you, from Grandma to the grocery store cashier? Rest assured that babies are biologically programmed to attach to their primary caregiver. While you wait for this to feel true, focus on the small ways your little one does show love—like following the sound of your voice, gazing into your eyes and snuggling into your chest. Before you know it, you’ll be getting those gummy smiles, slobbery kisses and heart-exploding “I wuv you” announcements.

Will I ever want to have sex again? Most of the moms I spoke to said that sex was quite literally the last thing on their sleep-deprived minds in the early days. But when they did start thinking (and googling) about it, they wanted to know if it would hurt (some research suggests it does, the ﬁrst time, for as many as 85 percent of women), if they’d look and feel different to their partners (very possibly) and, of course, if they’d ever even want it again. I brought the libido question to Kendra Hamilton, a certified somatic sex educator and co-owner of ESC Holistic Sexual Wellness in Vancouver. She says that, between postpartum hormones and the “physical battle scars” of labour, loss of mojo is just “mother nature’s way of saying ‘You just had a baby and this is probably not a great time to procreate.’” Unless there’s something deeper going on, your libido will return eventually, she says— but it’s also helpful to “nudge yourself in that direction.” The longer partners go without physical intimacy, the harder it can become. Still, even if you’re physically cleared to jump back in the saddle, you might not feel emotionally and mentally ready. New dads and co-parents, too, often suffer a loss of sex drive. (Fatigue, anxiety and stress aren’t exactly a recipe for sexy time.) For many couples, there will have to be a relearning process for sex, says Hamilton, so patience and self-compassion are key. She recommends easing back into things through cuddles, kisses and massage, focusing on emotional connection and intimacy. Take your time. April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

Does my baby have colic?

Why is breastfeeding so bloody hard?! Between latching and tongueties, too much milk or not enough, engorgement and leakage, and will-breastfeeding-make-my-boobs-sag worries, there was no shortage of breastfeeding questions among the moms I talked to. Some sobbed through cracked nipples, clogged ducts and mastitis, and tried everything from cream to compresses to cabbage leaves in order to ease the pain. It may be “natural” (whatever that even means), but breastfeeding is often the Mount Everest of early motherhood (without the satisfying selfie at the end). New-mom challenges like breastfeeding are amplified by the sheer pressure of it all, says Elana Sures, a Vancouver-based clinical counsellor in private practice. “If it’s not going well, a lot of moms leap to, ‘I’m failing, there’s something wrong with me, my poor baby.’” Many moms say nursing gets better with time (and supportive lactation consultants) and becomes a cherished, beautiful thing. But others received less support or were shamed when they wanted to stop nursing (despite all the online efforts around #normalizeformula and #fedisbest). Moms need emotional support, sound advice and zero judgment, whether they use breast, formula, pump or some creative mix of them all. As for the question “Why is breastfeeding so hard?” It’s a brand new skill that you’re trying to learn while you’re tired, overwhelmed and responsible for a tiny human’s every single need. Give yourself a break.

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Colic is typically defined as full-force crying for at least three hours per day, on at least three days per week, for at least three weeks. But lots of babies cry just a little less than that, or maybe you aren’t really sure how much they’re crying because it feels like it’s off and on all day long, or what the heck does “full-force” mean anyway? (My husband once used a decibel reader. It was 110 decibels, or the equivalent of a chainsaw, only a whole lot shriller.) So, it’s not exactly straightforward—and parents are desperate to know why their babies won’t stop wailing. According to Karen Leis, a paediatrician in Saskatoon, we don’t really know why some infants develop colic. “It’s a developmental stage for some babies,” she says. When I ask what can help, Leis says that, in discussion with their docs, breastfeeding moms can try a limited trial of probiotics

(although the verdict’s still out on their usefulness) or eliminating certain foods, such as dairy, and bottle-feeding parents can opt for a different formula. Some parents also query about a tongue-tie, which can interfere with feeding (and a hungry baby equals a fussy baby). Here’s the problem: It’s common for none of these things to help, and you just have to wait it out. “It’s so hard to do nothing,” says Leis. “But often, the right answer is just time.” Many parents report waking up one day and the screaming has magically stopped, usually when their baby is around three months old. Leis knows how overwhelming it can be to listen to your baby crying for hours, especially if you’re alone. “It’s completely OK to put the baby down safely in their crib and go take a break,” she says. “Babies can cry on their own for a few minutes while you take five.”

When do babies sleep through the night? I DON’T KNOW A SINGLE parent who’s never googled about baby sleep, and anyone who says they haven’t is probably lying. We all want to know how much our babies should be getting, if the drowsy-but-awake advice actually works for anyone and, mostly, when the heck we’ll ever get our eight hours again. Of course, newborns are meant to have chaotic sleep schedules, says Maria Escola, a certified gentle sleep coach and founder of Sleepy Miracles Consulting in Langley, BC. It’s totally normal and expected for babies to wake up several times throughout the night and to need help falling back asleep. When does that stop? It depends. Escola says it’s typically not until about six months that a healthy baby could be getting an eight-hour stretch, although some parents will say theirs achieved this milestone earlier, and others say their 18-month-old has still never gone a full night without a wake-up. If you’re desperate for anything that might help in those first few months, rest assured that sleep experts say you can pretty much do whatever works. “Don’t worry about creating so-called bad habits because you can’t spoil a newborn,” says Escola. “Young babies don’t have the capability to sleep independently, so feeding, rocking or bouncing them to sleep is natural and normal.” There’s plenty of time for them to learn to self-soothe. As for your own exhaustion, all you can do is get through it—share nighttime duties if possible, or you may want to consider bed-sharing (just learn the risks first, since most paediatricians recommend against it). Then there’s the old sleepwhen-your-baby-sleeps adage. Not easy, but worth a try!

Why can't I stop crying? THIS IS A TOUGH ONE. It can be hard to know what’s “normal” in those early days of motherhood. Many moms—about 70 to 80 percent, according to the American Pregnancy Association—experience the “baby blues,” which involves anxiety, sadness, irritability and fatigue in the ﬁrst few weeks after giving birth. The more persistent and intrusive symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety are less common (but more serious). These disorders often go undetected and untreated, leaving many mamas struggling in silence. Even when women don’t meet the criteria for these disorders, new motherhood can kick up an emotional dust storm. Many women don’t enjoy those early days—even though they’re told repeatedly to savour every second. “The feeling of inadequacy is really big for new moms,” says Sures. “It’s partially just panic—like, ‘I don’t know what to do!’ But it can also hit those deeper guilt and shame emotions, which can take people to

Is it normal that I want to kill my spouse? I asked Sures about this Google search. When she stopped laughing, she said that, yes, this is very, very normal (phew). “Having a child is one the first times people find themselves in the middle of a radically different embodied experience from their partner,” she says, adding that having kids can

also highlight major differences in values (like one partner wants to sleep train while the other thinks it’s tantamount to child abuse). Perhaps it’s not surprising (although it is a little depressing) that relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman found that about two-thirds of couples struggle during the first three years of parenthood, experiencing a noticeable decline in “relationship satisfaction.” In the first few months with a new baby, both partners tend to feel unappreciated, intimacy drops off and conflict increases. Although these studies looked only at opposite-sex couples, other research shows

a dark place—as in, ‘I’m bad at this, and everyone else is doing better than I am.’” Although postpartum mental health is getting more attention these days, it’s still steeped in stigma. Moms may joke about their new lives without showers and with copious amounts of coffee, but many struggle to talk about the complicated, messy feelings that accompany new motherhood. “I think it’s really important for new moms to have these emotions normalized, and to be told that what you’re seeing on Instagram is not the way things are,” Sures says. Reaching out to a therapist, BFF or online support group is a great first step. The emotions you’re feeling need an outlet, says Sures. “Suppressing negative emotions is actually what makes people more vulnerable to depression and anxiety. It’s really important to explore the entire range of feelings—about the baby, motherhood, marriage and everything else.”

that same-sex couples experience similar strains. So, yes, it’s pretty normal to want to kill your spouse (figuratively speaking, obviously!). But I still wondered: How should new parents—who, despite having zero bandwidth left to focus on their relationship, love each other and want to be happy—reduce conflict? Sures recommends framing your frustration around your own needs rather than on what you feel your partner did wrong. So instead of saying, “I can’t believe you didn’t start dinner!” you say, “I’m so exhausted, I just need to know you’ve got my back. When you start dinner, I feel really taken care of.”

This seems easier said than done—especially when you’ve been up since 4 a.m., you’re covered in spit-up and your partner spent 20 minutes hiding in the bathroom checking fantasy football instead of chopping vegetables. But tuning in to your partner’s emotional needs in those fraught early days is actually pretty important; numerous studies have found that both practical support (like chopping those vegetables) and emotional support (like listening empathically) are important for both partners’ mental health in the postpartum period. When things are really rough, remember—it gets easier with time.

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They Were Loved The magnitude of COVID-19’s impact on Canadians’ lives is difficult to fathom. Canada has already lost more than 20,000 people to the pandemic; each of those losses has cascaded through families and communities, leaving many more thousands bereaved. They Were Loved is a years-long project to commemorate everyone who has died of COVID-19 in Canada, and every Canadian who has died of the disease abroad. In partnership with Carleton University’s Future of Journalism Initiative and journalism schools across the country, Maclean’s is striving to capture the richness of each life lost. To read the hundreds of obituaries written to date, visit macleans.ca/they-were-loved/ If you would like your loved one to be included, please contact us at theywereloved@macleans.ca

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How three families used months of lockdown and global uncertainty to completely change the way they live and work.

E C I C H T EM D T N O A V P PI WRIT T P H O E N BY W TO G END R AP H Y B Y G L AU SER Y CA RME N CH EU

HE PANDEMIC has been a time of stress and upheaval for most families, but some have found a way to transform that chaos into a fresh start. While many of the changes parents have been making are temporary, like working from home and scheduling online playdates, living in lockdown is driving some parents to embrace lasting changes. All this time to reflect has led some to realize that maybe they don’t want the life they thought they wanted. Others are realizing that life is, well, unpredictable, and perhaps it’s best to pursue that dream now rather than wait for the perfect moment to present itself. We look at three families who have made big changes in their lives—moving across the country, fast-tracking their own business and taking the leap to home-schooling. And while they’d certainly wish it didn’t take a global pandemic to set these plans in motion, they don’t plan on going back to their before-times lives when this is over.

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Amina Gilani, Thusenth Dhavaloganathan and Zain (6), Zara (4) and Aziz (2) N MARCH 11, 2020, Amina Gilani received her ﬁnal paycheque for her job at a ﬁnancial services company. Her husband, Thusenth Dhavaloganathan, had wrapped up his last program-management contract. The couple had been quietly working on their start-up in their free time in the hopes of quitting their dayjobs and turning their new venture in a full-time job for both of them. They were in Chicago attending an accelerator program for start-ups. The next day, the NBA season was cancelled because of the pandemic. “That’s when it really hit,” says Gilani. They decided to immediately drive home to Guelph, Ont., along with their three kids, aged two to six, and Dhavaloganathan’s mom, who had come along to babysit. The excitement they’d been feeling about their small business slowly turned to dread. Now they’d have to depend solely on their own business for income, in a

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

pandemic, with three young kids at home. “When I planned on quitting my corporate job, I was relying on having school and child care,” says Gilani. Within days, however, they realized that COVID could be a golden opportunity for their start-up, Sociavore. It’s a platform that helps restaurant owners build websites, with online orders, bookings and more. With indoor dining banned and online takeout surging, there was no better time to prove themselves and advance their business. “We knew this would change the way that the restaurant industry operates,” says Gilani. “We sent emails, letting clients and potential clients know we could help them create revenue during lockdown.” They began working constantly, sometimes until 3 a.m., and taking turns with the kids. Many days, Dhavaloganathan’s mom came over and helped with child care. “If a restaurant’s site went down for three minutes, we’d be getting 15 phone calls,” says

1. Amina and Thusenth are partners in parenting as well as business. 2. The kids like having a say in the business since restaurants are something they can easily relate to. 3. Family couch cuddle breaks are the best way to wind down after a stressful day. 4. Amina and Thusenth take turns pausing work when the kids need help with school.

Dhavaloganathan of the chaotic early days. “Our platform went from being a nice thing restaurants were using for booking reservations to being completely essential.” Operating a skyrocketing business with a co-parent turned out to be a good move. “We both 100 percent know what’s happening in all realms, in the business and at home,” says Gilani. “That’s really helpful.” They plotted their calendars so that, for the most part, only one of them was ever on a business meeting, so the other could be there for the kids. When the kids were back in school this past fall, Gilani would readily pick them up if Dhavaloganathan was dealing with an urgent software glitch. Likewise, he would back her up with child-care duty when she was on a marketing call with a client. They also knew not to book meetings when the kids had something important. “If we had to take all three kids to the dentist, we’d block it out in our calendars,” says Dhavaloganathan. It helped that many of their clients were family-run restaurant owners, many with their own kids at home. “There wasn’t a facade where you were trying to hide the kids. Everyone understood. It kind of humanized everything,” says Gilani. They loved that they were able to give mom-and-pop restaurants access to the same e-commerce tools as their bigname clients, like Gusto 54. “Anyone could create this amazing digital experience,” says Dhavaloganathan. It felt good. Dhavaloganathan credits their shared philosophy that the kids always come first for their ability to keep their relationship strong in the face of school closures and

building a bustling new business. If their kids need them—whether for help with school work or to resolve a conflict—they both understand the importance of a parent pausing work to step in to help. “We both get that they’re the first priority,” says Dhavaloganathan. Since they launched Sociavore, they’ve also been able to spend a lot more time together as a family. Gilani used to have to travel for her former job, and she had a daily commute. Now they both drive their kids to school together when they can. “We all talk; it’s a nice way to start our day,” says Gilani. And just as the kids talk about school at the dinner table, Gilani and Dhavaloganathan talk about the family business. “I really wouldn’t talk about the things that I was dealing with at my last job, right? Because it was insurance. But the kids understand restaurants, so they have more of a connection with what we’re building,” says Gilani. Sometimes, six-year-old Zain offers his advice. “Maybe we’ll be talking about someone who wants to partner with us, and we don’t feel super comfortable. And then our son will be like, ‘If they’re sketchy, you need to fire them,’” Dhavaloganathan says, laughing. Throughout the past year, their kids and help from family, like Dhavaloganathan’s mom, have kept them grounded and well-positioned to achieve success in their growing venture. “When you’re starting a business like this, you have really high highs and really low lows, so you need a support system that can help you just kind of level set,” says Gilani. The benefit of working from home with three little ones in the house, adds Dhavaloganathan, is that “cuddling the kids always makes you feel better.”

Gilani used to have to travel for her former job, and she had a daily commute. Now they both drive their kids to school when they can.

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

RIVING ACROSS the country in an RV, and moving from greater Vancouver to small-town Nova Scotia, was a spur-of-the-moment decision for Emily and Stevan Bozanich. An associate faculty member and a PhD student, respectively, they knew they would be working from home for the foreseeable future and their one-bedroom condo in Coquitlam wasn’t ideal for pandemic life with two small children. “We were terriﬁed of what would happen if we got exposed to the virus and had to quarantine for two weeks in the small space,” says Emily. And then in early September, BC got hit with wildﬁre smoke, “and that was it,” Emily recalls. Emily and Stevan had mused in the past about buying property near an ocean. When the smoke hit, Emily started searching for house listings in Nova Scotia. She showed her husband the photos after work one day, and with minimal debate, they decided to go for it. The kids were still so young and already used to travelling—they’d recently spent four months in Europe—so they knew they wouldn’t need much to make anywhere feel like home. When they woke up the next morning, they agreed they were both still on board. Emily reached out to their realtor to see if he

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

could sell their condo remotely, and they bought a used RV. Over the next week, they sold or packed their belongings. “I was so amped with eight different things happening at once and people showing up at the door and me wondering, What did I sell them and for how much?” Emily recalls. After their first stop in Clearwater, BC, they “took an extra day to breathe and realize what we were doing.” While on the road, they discovered they had a lot to learn. Emily had to google how to disinfect their RV’s water tank so the water would be drinkable. They also had to figure out how to empty the RV’s sewage tank. Although Emily and Stevan’s kids were well-travelled (they had been to eight countries over the course of their lives, including Serbia, France and Costa Rica), travelling in an RV during a pandemic was different. “Normally, we go to cities and we sit in coffee shops and even the kids love doing that. But because of the pandemic, we avoided all the cities,” says Emily. They took a detour up to Jasper, BC, and stayed at farms and wineries. Through an app called Harvest Hosts, they found farms where they could stay in exchange for buying produce, preserves and other farmmade items. “We got to pick vegetables and eat them for supper that night, which blew the kids’ minds. We stayed at a dairy and

PHOTOS: COURTESY OF EMILY BOZANICH

Emily and Stevan Bozanich, Isabel (5) and Sophie (2)

1. The RV Emily and Stevan purchased to take them from BC to Nova Scotia. 2. A family selfie on one of the many picturesque stops along the road. 3. To break up the trip, Emily and Stevan stopped at playgrounds and

lakes where the girls could blow off some steam. 4. Sophie plays with Play-doh at the RV table. 5. Stevan reads Isabel a book before bed.Later, he and Emily will catch up on work at the table.

3 5

got fresh milk. It forced us to do the things that we wouldn’t normally do,” says Emily. On several days, Emily and Stevan took turns making business calls while the other drove, or snuck in reading or editing work when they could. After the kids went to bed, they would sit at the RV’s table and work for an additional two hours. “There were days where it was, like, we just did 10 hours of driving, we juggled the kids, we stopped at parks on the way so that we can all stay sane. And now I have to mark 20 papers before I can sleep,” says Emily. They felt safe to visit Stevan’s family in Ontario for two weeks, whom they hadn’t seen in a number of years. (In fact, Stevan’s parents and siblings hadn’t yet met Sophie.) Another highlight was trickor-treating in Quebec, where Halloween had not been banned or cancelled. “We happened to be in a little town that night, and we got a recommendation from a local to go to this one neighbourhood where they go all out. They’d installed pipes down the railings, so you could keep your distance, and they were handing out candy on snow shovels,” says Emily. The kids quickly learned how to say “trick or treat” in French. In between hiking mountains, swimming in lakes and doing a lot of driving, they were also house hunting from the road for a home in Nova Scotia and trying to sell their BC condo. They accepted an offer for their condo, but their Nova Scotia home search took a bit longer. After a few of their bids came in too late or too low—“The

market out here is remarkably hot,” says Emily—they put in an offer for their house without even sending out their real estate agent to do a video tour over FaceTime. (They knew if they didn’t put an offer in right away, someone might beat them to it.) The price came within a thousand dollars of what they sold their condo for. Their four-bedroom house sits on an acre, a half-hour drive from downtown Halifax. “It’s been very positive in terms of the slower life, the calmer life. It’s far less stressful, because COVID is managed so well here. The kids can just be kids and not worry about it,” says Emily. Isabel and Sophie can go to the backyard whenever they want and they don’t have to worry about parks being too busy, as they did in Vancouver. They kept Isabel in virtual school three days a week with a privately hired French immersion kindergarten teacher, so she doesn’t fall behind while they determine next steps. With all the changes to their routine and location, Emily and Stevan realized they’re still city people at heart—they miss being able to walk everywhere, and the big house is so overwhelming that they’re only using one floor. They’d love to stay in the province, but will likely move to Halifax if Stevan is able to find a job after he finishes his PhD. “Nova Scotia lives up to all the clichés and is as ridiculously friendly and community-oriented as it’s reputed to be,” says Emily. While the couple had always thought they’d end up in BC, they’re feeling settled in Nova Scotia.

Through an app call Harvest Hosts, they found farms where they could stay in exchange for buying produce, preserves and other farm-made items.

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

Tara & Steve Ritchie, Dylan (12) and Cameron (9) HEN TORONTO schools closed down in March of 2020, Tara Ritchie, like every parent, waited in limbo. After a few weeks passed, she learned that virtual school for her kids wouldn’t include any screen time with the teacher and the assignments that were posted were confusing and difficult for her kids to follow. She decided to take her kids’ learning into her own hands. She looked up the Ontario curriculum for her then grade-six daughter, Dylan, and her grade-three daughter, Cameron. She found activities and worksheets that aligned with the curriculum on websites like Khan Academy and Time4Learning. Her husband, Steve, works full time and she works for herself as a business consultant, so she has the luxury of being able to pare down work, as needed. Within the ﬁrst few months of the pandemic, Ritchie went from business consultant to full-time teacher. At first, it didn’t go well. In math, “there were questions where the kids would flat-out say, ‘I have zero idea what the assignment is talking about here.’” They also weren’t meeting the curriculum

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

expectations for grammar and comprehension, which surprised Ritchie, as her daughters were avid readers. When she would try to explain something, they would express their frustration physically—a reaction familiar to many a parent who tried to take on teaching their kids last year. Ritchie would wait until they calmed down. “We’d break it down afterwards, and I’d say, ‘Your feelings are acceptable, but how you spoke to me was not acceptable.’” As Ritchie and her daughters talked it out, the girls opened up about the struggles they’d been facing in school pre-pandemic. They weren’t getting the help they needed. Like a lot of kids, her daughters were in classes with 25 or more kids, and each class had kids who needed extra attention because of developmental differences. When her more introverted daughters asked for help, the teachers would say something like, “I have to move on with my lessons right now, and we’ll try later,” says Ritchie. “But later would never come.” Ritchie is adamant that none of this was the fault of the teacher. “The teachers are amazing,” she says. But the way Ritchie sees it, the teachers are too often in survival mode because the system

1. Tara has become a full-time homeschooler while her husband is at work. 2. The Math Wall helps the girls tackle problems together. 3. Keeping the kitchen tidy is part of the daily household chores. 4. Being home together has helped the sisters grow closer. 5. Tara had no idea her daughters were having difficulties in school until she began teaching them.

is underfunded. And standardized testing means they have to teach to test, not to learn. What floored her is that she didn’t realize her kids were having issues until the pandemic. Over time it became clear that they had not learned basic skills, like how to spell or sound out words. They couldn’t form sentences and didn’t understand basic grammar. Prior to schooling them herself, the only sign something had been amiss was that her kids were sometimes calling home and saying they were sick when they weren’t. Ritchie realizes, looking back, they often felt overwhelmed. “My biggest question at the time was ‘How did I not know?’” Determined to build her daughters’ confidence and curiosity, Ritchie went all in. She watched home-schooling videos and read up on different teaching methods, pulling techniques from various approaches, including “fun schooling” and unschooling, where kids choose what they want to learn about. Within a couple of months, they’d fallen into a routine, and over the summer, Ritchie’s kids told her they wanted to continue with home-schooling in September, instead of going back. Each day, Dylan spends three to four hours on lessons and independent assignments while Cameron spends around two to three hours. Because they get one-on-one attention, they don’t need as many “in school” hours. They work on most subjects together and Ritchie adapts the assignments. For example, with history, Ritchie will teach both her daughters about the Trojan War. Then Cameron— who loves building—will read about how the Trojan horse was built and write sentences about it. And Dylan might be asked to answer comprehension questions or rewrite the ending of the story. The shorter days means both kids get time for hobbies—Cameron is learning guitar and Dylan is writing fiction. And they still have

lots of time to socialize, too. They live on a cul-de-sac and play outside with the neighbourhood kids. When rules have allowed, friends from their old school have come inside for masked visits. “They can socialize without the negative things that often happen when you put kids together for an entire year, whether or not they like each other.” The girls are also learning basic life skills. They’re taking an online finance course for kids. And each day, they’re responsible for household chores. They have a rotating daily list of duties they have to complete before they’re allowed to socialize, watch TV or play video games. Some days, for example, Dylan has to make lunch and keep the kitchen tidy; other days it’s Cameron’s turn. “I couldn’t possibly do this if they weren’t on board with that,” says Ritchie. As for Ritchie, she schedules one- or two-hour blocks in the day to work on her part-time consulting business—maybe over a lunch hour or when the girls are having free time or playing outside. Knowing that she has only an hour forces her to be strategic and focused about how she spends that time, she says. She also catches up on work in the evening. It’s not always perfect. “There will be days where it’s absolutely a shit show,” says Ritchie. When it’s clear that the girls need some down time, they’ll take the afternoon off to watch a movie or go for a walk. Ritchie also tries to build flexibility and choice into their days. If they don’t want to do a subject one day, they’re allowed to move it to one of two free periods on Friday, a lighter day. Ritchie doesn’t think the girls will want to go back to traditional school, even post-pandemic. And she’s happy with that. “I love this time with them,” she says. “It’s amazing to watch a child get something. You sit there and go, ‘Oh my god, I remember that feeling of finally understanding.’” April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

LET’S LEAVE OUR KIDS AND GRANDKIDS A HEALTHIER PLANET BY PLANTING TREES! The science is clear. Planting hardy, native trees and shrubs is a way to offset carbon emissions and clean the air, while bringing beauty to vibrant Canadian communities. Trees have a positive effect on mental health, a critical need in stressful times. GrandTrees identifies and funds organizations planting trees where Canadians live, work and play. We are working with twenty-five partners in Ontario, and looking for places to grow across Canada. We need civic-minded people like you who believe in the importance of trees. Your donation will support native tree and shrub planting projects, and please contact us if you know of locations in your community that need more trees! To make a tax deductible donation and find more about our planting locations please visit:

grandtrees.org/trees

Thank you to all of our partners, sponsors and supporters.

As part of Trees for Life’s Tree Coalition, GrandTrees Climate Solutions is proud to work collaboratively with The Highway of Heroes Tree Campaign.

FOOD+FAMILY Easy meals, nutrition, news + tips

Baby bites Whole foods and from-scratch purées are ideal, but when you need to feed a hungry baby in a hurry (or on the go), these new store-bought options are supercharged with fruits, vegetables and whole grains.

PHOTO: TKTKTK ERIK PUTZ THING: STYLING: TKTKTKT CAITLIN DOHERTY 3-PC. BAMBOO SET: EKOBO TEETHER: LOULOU LOLLIPOP FIRST FOODS SET: EZPZ TINY CUP: EZPZ MINI CUP + STRAW: EZPZ

TIP: OFFER BABIES A VARIETY OF TEXTURES TO EAT WITH A SPOON OR WITH THEIR HANDS TO PRACTISE PINCER GRIP.

6 7

3 2

SILICONE AND BAMBOO DISHES, CUPS AND CUTLERY ARE EASY FOR SMALL HANDS TO GRIP AND GENTLE ON LITTLE MOUTHS.

1. BABY GOURMET PLUS YUMBERRIES & PLUM WITH ANCIENT GRAINS, $2, LOBLAWS.CA 2. GERBER ORGANIC RICE RUSKS, MANGO BANANA CARROT, $4, WALMART. CA 3. PC ORGANICS BANANA, APPLE & CARROT STRAINED BABY FOOD, $3/2-PACK, SUPERSTORE.CA 4. AMARA ORGANIC BABY FOOD OATS N’ BERRIES, $13/5-PACK, AMARAORGANICFOODS.COM 5. AMARA ORGANIC SMOOTHIE MELTS, MANGO CARROTS, $30/6-PACK, AMARAORGANICFOODS.COM 6. HAPPY BABY ORGANICS NUTTY BLENDS BANANAS & PEANUT BUTTER POUCH, $3, WALMART.COM 7. GERBER ORGANIC PUFFS, FIG BERRY, $4, WALMART.CA 8. HEINZ BY NATURE PEAR, RASPBERRY, OAT & YOGURT, $2, AMAZON.CA 9. GERBER STAGE 3 MULTIGRAIN YOGURT BLUEBERRY BABY CEREAL, $4, WALMART.CA

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

FOOD+FAMILY Easy meals

IN PARTNERSHIP WITH BC EGG

S G EG DAYS

FOR

Not sure what to make for dinner tonight? Eggs will save the day. Packed with protein, essential vitamins and antioxidants, these small wonders can turn the random scraps you have in the fridge into a meal your family will love. Go ahead and get cracking! RECIPES BY The Chatelaine Kitchen PHOTOGRAPHY BY Erik Putz FOOD STYLING BY Eshun Mott PROP STYLING BY Madeleine Johari PRODUCED BY Simone Olivero ART DIRECTION BY Emily Vezér

Slug name SECTION+NAME

KITCHEN TIP Get the kids in the kitchen! Have some artistic fun with the food you’re about to cook (how cute are these faces?) or let them try cracking an egg. Little helpers tend to be less picky eaters.

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

Slug name SECTION+NAME meals FOOD+FAMILY Easy

1 SCOTCH EGGS

p. 79

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

SCRAMBLED EGG TACOS

p. 79

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EGG FRIED RICE

p. 79

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

Easy meals FOOD+FAMILY

SCOTCH

SCRAMBLED EGG

EGG FRIED

EGGS

TACOS

RICE

PREP 15 MIN; TOTAL 30 MIN

6 500 g

1 cup 2 to 3 cups

medium eggs mild Italian sausage (about 5 sausages), meat removed from casings panko bread crumbs canola oil

PREP 15 MIN; TOTAL 30 MIN

2 cups 4 strips

tater tots bacon, cut in half

small avocado, thinly sliced

5 cups

day-old cooked rice, preferably jasmine

small flour tortillas

4 tsp

1 4

chunky salsa

¼ cup

tomatillo salsa (optional)

¼ cup

shredded Monterey Jack cheese (optional)

2. Divide sausage meat into 6 equal portions. Flatten each portion into a 5-in. circle. Lay a peeled egg in the centre of a circle and wrap sausage meat around egg to cover completely. Repeat with remaining eggs and meat.

¼ cup

chopped cilantro (optional)

MAKES 4 SERVINGS. PER SERVING: CALORIES 690, PROTEIN 34 G, CARBS 21 G, FAT 52 G, IRON 3 MG, SODIUM 1640 MG.

Kitchen tip: For a quick side, heat a large non-stick frying pan over medium. Add 1 tsp canola oil, then 1 pint grape tomatoes. Cook until tomatoes start to burst and soften slightly, 4 to 5 min. Add 6 cups baby spinach, 1 minced garlic clove and ¼ tsp salt. Season with pepper. Cook until spinach wilts, 1 to 2 min.

large eggs, divided oyster sauce or vegetarian oyster sauce

large eggs

¼ cup

4. Pour oil into a large pot until it reaches ½ in. up the side. Heat over medium. Add 2 eggs. Cook, turning eggs often, until panko turns golden-brown, about 2 min. Transfer to a paper towel-lined plate. Repeat with remaining eggs. Serve sliced, warm or cold, with a side of sautéed spinach and grape tomatoes, if desired.

8 ¼ cup

1. Cover eggs with water in a large pot. Bring to boil on high and boil for 4 to 5 min. Transfer eggs to a bowl of cold water and let cool for 5 min. Peel and pat dry.

3. Pour panko into a shallow bowl. Coat sausage-covered eggs with panko bread crumbs completely.

PREP 15 MIN; TOTAL 25 MIN

1. Bake tater tots in oven following package directions, 19 to 21 min. 2. Meanwhile, arrange bacon strips in a single layer in a large non-stick frying pan and set over medium-high. Cook until crispy, 2 to 3 min per side. Transfer to a paper towel-lined plate. 3. Reduce heat to low, then discard all but 1 tbsp fat from pan. Beat eggs with 2 tbsp water in a medium bowl. Season with pepper. Pour eggs into centre of pan. 4. When edges start to set, about 30 sec, use a rubber spatula to gently push eggs from edge toward the centre of pan. Swirl the pan to allow raw eggs to run to the edges of pan. Repeat process until eggs are fluffy and softly scrambled, 2 to 3 min. 5. Arrange scrambled eggs, bacon, avocado and tater tots over tortillas. Drizzle with salsas, then sprinkle with cheese and cilantro, as desired. Serve immediately.

1 2 cups

canola oil, divided onion, finely chopped frozen mixed vegetables, such as peas, corn and carrots

garlic cloves, minced

green onion, thinly sliced (optional)

1. Beat 4 of the eggs with oyster sauce in a large bowl. Stir in rice until combined. Set aside. 2. Heat a large non-stick frying pan over medium-high. Add 3 tsp oil, then onion. Cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, 2 to 3 min. Add mixed vegetables and garlic. Cook until warmed through, 1 to 2 min. 3. Add rice mixture. Cook, stirring constantly, until egg is cooked and rice is hot, 4 to 5 min. Season with pepper. Divide rice mixture among four plates. 4. Return pan to heat over medium. Add remaining 1 tsp oil, then crack remaining 4 eggs into pan. Cook, covered, until whites are no longer runny, 2 to 3 min. Top each portion of rice with a fried egg. Sprinkle with green onion, if desired. MAKES 4 SERVINGS. PER SERVING: CALORIES 490, PROTEIN 20 G, CARBS 69 G, FAT 15 G, FIBRE 5 G, IRON 3 MG, SODIUM 670 MG.

MAKES 4 SERVINGS. PER SERVING: CALORIES 500, PROTEIN 16 G, CARBS 37 G, FAT 32 G, FIBRE 6 G, IRON 3 MG, SODIUM 880 MG.

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

Sow the seeds Spring is upon us, so it’s time to plant some seedlings—with your kids, of course! Here are some ideas for what to plant and how to get started. Zucchini, squash and pumpkin These vines grow quickly, produce large edible f lowers and look like they came from outer space, thanks to their clinging tendrils. Zucchini produce all summer long, while squash and pumpkins give little gardeners something to look forward to in the fall.

Tomatoes Tomatoes are a favourite among gardeners because they’re easy to grow and tend. Tomatoes fare well in containers and produce yummy fruit well into the fall. For little fingers and mouths, tiny cherry or grape tomatoes are best.

Flowers Blooms are needed for a pretty garden and for attracting pollinators. Morning glory and nasturtium are two plants that germinate easily, grow rapidly and produce lovely, plentiful ﬂowers all summer and into the fall. Bonus: Nasturtium leaves, buds and ﬂowers are edible, perfect for making avocado toast look fancy.

Milkweed Growing these fascinating wildﬂowers is good for the environment, and with any luck, they’ll become home to a monarch chrysalis or two. The gorgeous pink f lowers of this native Canadian plant smell like honey—and kids will love trying to spot the tiny white caterpillar eggs on the leaves! Cucumbers, pole beans and scarlet runner beans all bloom beautifully, attract pollinators and produce veggies. They also twirl and twine quickly upward, making them perfect choices for small spaces—even in a container on a balcony!

PLANTING SEEDLINGS IS SOMETHING THE WHOLE FAMILY CAN DO TOGETHER. LET THE KIDS HELP DECIDE WHAT TO PLANT AND THEN IT’S TIME TO GET THOSE HANDS DIRTY!

Sunflowers These cheerful summer ﬂowers are fun to watch grow. They get really tall—likely towering over your kid—attract honey bees and, in the fall, produce hundreds of seeds kids can roast or feed to birds and squirrels through the winter.

TOOLS OF THE TRADE EVERYTHING YOU’LL NEED TO GET THOSE GREEN THUMBS PLANTING.

+ VEGETABLE SEEDS VARIETY PACK CANADA – 10 HEIRLOOM VARIETIES, $18, AMAZON.CA

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

+ MELISSA & DOUG GOOD GRIPPING GLOVES, $7, MASTERMINDTOYS.COM

+ SELF-WATERING SEED STARTER, $33, LEEVALLEY.COM

PREMIUM SEED STARTING SOIL, $9, RONA.CA

TEXT BY: SIGNE LANGFORD PHOTOGRAPHY BY: CARMEN CHEUNG

Vines

Gardening FOOD+FAMILY WARNING: SOME SEEDS MAY NOT SPROUT. THANKFULLY, MATURE SEEDLINGS ARE AVAILABLE IN GARDEN CENTRES IN EARLY SPRING, SO KIDS CAN STILL CREATE THE VEGGIE AND HERB GARDEN OF THEIR DREAMS.

TO ENSURE YOUR GARDEN THRIVES, DON’T FORGET TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS ON EACH SEED PACKET. SOME SEEDS WILL NEED TO BE SOAKED BEFORE PLANTING TO PROPERLY GERMINATE.

EGG CARTONS WORK JUST AS WELL FOR GROWING SEEDS IF YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE INVESTING IN FANCY SELF-WATERING PLANTERS.

+ SMALL GARDEN TOOL SET, $13 (6-PC. SET), LEEVALLEY.COM

+ MÅLA APRON WITH LONG SLEEVES, $6, IKEA.CA

BRASS PLANT MISTER, $29, COCKTAILEMPORIUM.COM

April+May 2021 todaysparent.com

TIPS+TRICKS The list

Mom’s the word Call it self-care, indulgence or, simply, overdue. This year, Mom deserves it all. TIP: GIVE HER THE GIFT OF A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP WITH FANCY NEW BEDDING OR A LUXE LINEN ROBE.

1 4

10 13 14 8

1. OUI ORGANIC COTTON PILLOWCASES, TERRACOTTA, $39/2-PACK, INDIGO.CA 2. THE ROBE, ROSE, $98, FLAXSLEEP.COM 3. THE HOODIE, TOAST, $160, TKEES.COM 4. CANDLE, MAPLE & PECAN NUT, AUTHENTICBEAUTYCONCEPT.CA 5. SEEDLIP DISTILLED NON-ALCOHOLIC SPIRIT, GROVE 42, $45, WELL.CA 6. BALA BANGLES RESISTANCE WEIGHTS, BONE, $65/2-PC. SET, INDIGO.CA 7. BURT’S BEES WILD ROSE AND BERRY LIP BUTTER, $7, WELL.CA 8. BITE BEAUTY UPSWING EXTREME LONGWEAR LIQUID EYELINER, $33, SEPHORA.COM 9. BITE BEAUTY UPSWING FULL VOLUME MASCARA, $37, SEPHORA.COM 10. BAMBOO TOOTHBRUSH WITH INFUSED CHARCOAL HEAD, $5, TANIT. CO 11. REPLENISH HAIR MASK, 200-ML TUB, $38, AUTHENTICBEAUTYCONCEPT.CA 12. SOLID SHAMPOO, OASIS AND CIEL D’AZUR, $16 EACH, TANIT.CO 13. BODY CLEANSER, $35, THISISCELA.COM 14. OUI RECYCLED KNIT THROW BLANKET, GERBER DAISY, $60, INDIGO.CA 15. OUI WATERING CAN, BISQUE SUNFLOWER, $40, INDIGO.CA

todaysparent.com April+May 2021

PHOTO: ERIK PUTZ STYLING: CAITLIN DOHERTY

SECTION+NAME SLUG NAME

HELLO, BABY! WONDERING WHAT TO EXPECT WITH YOUR BABY’S MILESTONES AND DEVELOPMENT? SUBSCRIBE TO THE TODAY’S PARENT BABY NEWSLETTER

Receive expert advice about your baby from birth to age two

Learn about the skills your baby will develop at each stage

Track growth spurts and intellectual leaps

Get sample sleep and feeding schedules

TP - April/May 2021

Articles inside

PRESCHOOL

TODDLER

PREGNANCY

DISCIPLINE

NEWBORN

SHOPPING

SLEEP

PLAY NEW COLUMN

ESSAY

KIDS’ HEALTH

KIDS’ HEALTH

HYGIENE

CRAFTING

NEED TO KNOW