The Loafer 64

Creative DIrector

Jon Bill Forrester Managing Editor Peggy Gale

DIstribution Elizabeth Armstrong Sales Jessica Carlisle

Contributing Staff Andy Ross Kathie Scalf

Ken Silvers

Wendy Hayden

Ann Hartley

The Loafer

Po Box 39

Telford, Tn 37690 423-930-7319 www.theloafer.net theloaferonlineprint@gmail.com

All advertisements are accepted and published by the publisher upon the representation that the agency and/or advertiser is authorized to publish the entire contents and subject matter thereof. The agency and/or advertiser will indemnify and save the publisher harmless from any lossof expense resulting from claims or suits based upon contents of any advertisement, including claims or suits for defamation, libel, right of privacy, plagiarism, and copyright infringement.

Founder: Bill Williams

your week’s line-up columns & reviews

NOTE FROM THE PUBLISHER

Hello Friends!

"Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger." And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!" When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us." And they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger. And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them. And at the end of eight days, when he was circumcised, he was called Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived in the womb. The real meaning of Christmas. Let us not forget while the kids are opening those gifts or we are rushing to get everything done the birth of Jesus is the reason for the season of Christmas. Merry Christmas to everyone! May your family have a blessed holiday.

Photo by Nunn Photography

Bristol TN/Va

Bristol, TN/VA

WEDNESDAY Dec 21st

Emily Lane Christmas Show

6:00pm at Delta Blue BBQ

Corey Snowden 7:00pm at Cascade Draft House

THURSDAY Dec 22nd

Dave Eggar 1:00pm at Bristol Casino

Trevor Meade 7:00pm at Cascade Draft House

Joey’s Van 10:00pm at Bristol Casino

FRIDAY Dec 23rd

Crosby Tyler, followed by Dominique Romero 7:00pm at Cascade Draft House

Crash Test Radio 8:00pm at Quaker Steak & Lube

Aaron Carter 10:00pm at Bristol Casino

MONDAY Dec 26th

Anthony Childress 7:00pm at Cascade Draft Hous

Johnson City, Tn

Johnson City, TN

TUESDAY Dec 20th

Brim & Marci Leal 6:30pm at Rocks Wood Fired Pizza

WEDNESDAY Dec 21st

HB Beverly 6:30pm at Rocks Wood Fired Pizza

THURSDAY Dec 22nd

Justin Mychals 6:30pm at Rocks Wood Fired Pizza

FRIDAY Dec 23rd

Julie Williams & The Hired Guns 8:00pm at Tulip’s Grub and Pub

Asylum Suite 9:30 at Wild Wing Cafe

Purulency | Dielation | Pissrot 10:00pm at Capones

SATURDAY Dec 24th

The Bosses Christmas 10:00pm at Capone’s

Kingsport

FRIDAY Dec 23rd

Dawn Loves Nash 7:00pm at Gypsy Circus Cider Company

Christmas Eve Eve Ugly Sweater party w/ Southbound Band 9:00pm at CJ’s Sports Bar

lizabethton

Elizabethton, TN

THURSDAY Dec 22nd

Corey Snowden7:00pm at Riverside Taphouse

FRIDAY Dec 23rd

Brian Cox 7:00pm at Riverside Taphouse

New Years Eve New Years Eve

Saturday Dec 31st

Bristol Orbital Planes 7:00pm at Cascade Draft House

Matt Dollar’s Elvis And The Cadillacs | No Filter Band 7:00pm at Old Post 33

Johnson City

The HercuLeons starring John Cowan & Andrea Zonn 6:00pm at the Down Home

Midnight Mojo 8:00pm at Tulip’s Grub and Pub

Midnight Gypsys 8:00pm at Johnson City Elk Lodge

The Bosses 8:00pm at Mulligans Irish Gaming Pub

Southern Rebellion 9:00 at Wild Wing Cafe

The Kindest People | Fairview | Sleep City 10:00pm at Capones

J.R. and The Big Guns 10:00pm at JC Country Club

Kingsport

Borderline and Gents & Liars 9:00pm at CJ’s Sports Bar

Kara ke

KARAOKE

TUESDAY

TUESDAY

Karaokeat Numan’s-JohnsonCity

Karaoke with Bert & L.A. at Kingsport Moose Lodge 7pm

Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at The Pub Out Back (The Italian Pizza Pub) - Johnson City 7pm

WEDNESDAY

Trivia

TUESDAY

Wild Wing Café JC- Team Trivia Tuesdays 8:30pm

Johnson City Brewing Company- Trivia Tuesdays

Turn thePage Karaokeat VFWPost 2108 – Johnson City

WEDNESDAY

Karaoke Night at WonderlandLounge andBar

Karaoke w/ Eric Huskins VFW Post 2108 – Johnson City, TN 8pm

Karaokeat Quaker Steak andLube (Bristol, VA) 7pm

Karaoke at Kingsport Moose Lodge 6pm

Karaoke Night at Wonderland Lounge and Bar - Johnson City, TN 9pm

Karaoke at Thunder Valley Tavern 8pm

Karaoke with Ron at Kingsport Moose Lodge 6:30pm

THURSDAY

THURSDAY

KaraokeatZachary’s Steakhouse

Michael’s Krazy Karaoke at StatelineBar & Grill

7pm Aubrey’s Johnson City- Trivia Night 7pm

27 Lions - Trivia Night 7pm

Union Street Taproom - DJ Trivia 6pm

Gypsy Circus Cider Company - Trivia 7:00pm

WEDNESDAY

Karaokew/DJ MarquezTop Shelf Entertainment at WildWings CaféJC

Karaoke with Karaoke with Open Mic Entertainment at Wild Wing Café Johnson City, TN 8pm

Karaokeat Numan’s-JohnsonCity

Karaoke at Numan’s - Johnson City, TN 10pm

KaraokeatJiggy Rays Pizzeria

Karaoke at Jiggy Rays Pizzeria - Johnson City, TN

Abby’s Hell Yeah Karaoke at CJ’s Sports Bar - Kingsport, TN 8pm

Karaokew/Tony &Rod atCJ’s SportsBar 8pm

KaraokeatTipsy Toad(Jonesborough)

Karaoke at Tipsy Toad Tavern - JonesboroughTN

Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment at Tulips Grub & Pub 8pm

Open Mic & Karaoke at Wonderland Lounge/Bar N Grill

Tipton Street Pub- Trivia Wednesdays 9pm

Aubrey’s Bristol- Trivia Night 7pm

Johnson City Moose Lodge 1831 - DJ Trivia 7pm

Tipsy Toad (Jonesborough) - Trivia 7pm

Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment at Tulips Grub & Pub 7-10

Karaoke at Midnight Oasis - Brtistol, TN

FRIDAY

Karaoke at Sonny's Marina/The French Quarter Restaurant

Karaoke w/ Eric Huskins VFW Post 2108 – Johnson City, TN 8pm

Karaoke at Numan’s – Johnson City, TN 10pm

FRIDAY

Karaokew/ ShaneRouseat Bear’sBar

Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at Rainbow Asian Cuisine 9pm

Karaokeat KingsportMooseLodge

THURSDAY

Holy Taco & Cantina Trivia Night 9pm

JRH Brewing - Trivia Night 7pm

Mellow Mushroom Johnson City - Mellow Trivia 7pm

MONDAY

Karaokew/Reverb Karaokeat TheCottage 8:30pm

SATURDAY

Turn thePage Karaokeat VFWPost 2108 – Johnson City

KaraokeatElizabethtonVFW

Karaoke w/ Eric Huskins VFW Post 2108 – Johnson City, TN 8pm

Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment at Tulips Grub & Pub 8-11

Barley Waters- Trivia Night 7pm

Yee-Haw Brewing- Trivia Mondays 7pm

Karaoke at Numan’s – Johnson City, TN 10pm

Karaokew/ Michael Hawkinsat HolidayInn (Exit 7) – Bristol, VA

Karaokeat Numan’s–JohnsonCity

Karaokeat27Lions (Marion, VA) 9:00pm

Woodstone Deli - DJ Trivia 7pm

Model City Tap House - Live Team Trivia Night 7pm

9

Ryder Nicholas erinmcardlelaw@gmail.com www.erinmcardlelaw.com

!!! He is a handsome 6 yr old Lab/Shepherd mix. Really he is just an older gentleman who enjoys the simpler things in life, like napping in the sun and begging for treats. He is not very high energy, but he gets excited for walks and the occasional zoomies during play. Ryder is 3107 W. Market Street Suite 1 Johnson City, TN (423) 328-7991 • Criminal Defense • Juvenile/Family Law

Hi! My name is Nicholas! I was found as a stray. I am about 2 years old and have gorgeous green eyes. I am living in the community cat room, so I get along with other cats. I have a moderate energy level and I’m litter box trained. I may have been shot in the hind leg by a ERIN MCARDLE LAW CAN HELP YOU WITH YOUR LEGAL NEEDS. Get unparelled legal representation from a former prosecutor who has handled thousands of criminal matters and has tried difficult jury trials.

a poultry free diet, and is currently receiving veterinary care for food and environmental allergies. He would prefer a home with adults or older children, and a fenced in yard. Ryder is house trained, neutered, current on vaccinations, microchipped. theloafer.net | December 20, 2022

but the people who found me took me to the vet and I got antibiotics for it. My caregivers here at the Rescue say that I don’t have a limp. I’ve been neutered, current on my vaccinations and microchipped. Let the experience work for you. ERIN MCARDLE LAW ERIN MCARDLE LAW Dropquote: "Politicians are interested in people. Not that it is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs."

on Last Week's Puzzle Answers Sudoku Crossword Cryptogram: "It is foolish to pretend that one is fully recovered from a disappointed passion. Such wounds always leave a scar."

THINGS

TO DO

THINGS TO DO

JOHNSON CITY

SATURDAYS

ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) 1:30-3:00pm. Call for info Bill 423-444-6107 or Cheryl 423-262-6149

TUESDAY DEC 20TH

Baking Cookies Canvas Class 6:00pm at Into the Fire

WEDNESDAY DEC 21ST

Teen Holiday Cookie Decorating Night 6:30pm at Johnson City Public Library

FRIDAY DEC 16TH

Johnson City Love & Hiking Date

For Couples (Self-Guided)

7:00am at Willow Springs Park

SATURDAY DEC 17TH

Johnson City Love & Hiking Date

For Couples (Self-Guided)

7:00am at Willow Springs Park

SUNDAY DEC 18TH

Johnson City Love & Hiking Date For Couples (Self-Guided)

7:00am at Willow Springs Park

BRISTOL

THURSDAY DEC 22ND

Ol' St. Nick Snowman Canvas Class 6:00pm at Kil'n Time

Contemporary Ceramic Studio

FRIDAY DECEMBER 23RD

Christmas Spectacular 8:00pm

at Blue Ridge Comedy Club

THURSDAY DEC 29TH

Van Gogh Snowman Canvas Class 6:00pm at Kil'n Time

Contemporary Ceramic Studio

KINGSPORT

THURSDAY DEC 22ND

Bon Appétit- Our Winter Recital 6:00pm at Kingsport Renaissance Center

JONESBOROUGH

TUESDAY DEC 20TH

Jonesborough Storytelling Guild “Stories n’More” Show 7:00pm at The International Storytelling Center

ABINGDON, VA

WEDNESDAY DEC 21ST

Bingo 5:00pm at Abingdon Community Center

FRIDAY DEC 23RD

Movies for Grown-Ups 2:00pm at Washington County Public Library

SATURDAY DEC 24TH

Holiday Market 10:00am at Abingdon Farmers Market

SUNDAY DEC 25TH

Bingo 5:00pm at Abingdon Community Center

To be featured in The Loafer's Things to Do email us at: theloaferonlineprint@gmail.com or call 423-930-7319

New Years in the Tri-Cities

New Years Eve Black Tie Masquerade Gala

Saturday December 31st

8:00pm The Bristol Hotel $60 per person Come ring in the new year with with your fanciest outfit and a little mystery!

New Year's Wake Up 5K and 1 Mile

Saturday December 31st

9:00am Warriors Path State Park

Tri-Cities New Years Eve Bash

December 31, 2022 9:00pm at Meadowview Marriott www.kingsportchamber.org/tri-cities-new-years-eve-bash

New Year's Eve at The Martha

Sat, Dec 31, 2022, 9:00 PM

The Martha Washington Inn & Spa Celebrate the New Year with us by dancing 2022 away in our Ballroom! Live music, hors d'oeuvres, and more!

The Russell County Red Carpet

New Year’s Eve Celebration

December 31, 2022 @ 7:00 pm

Russell County Conference Center Lebanon, VA

New Years Eve Bash

at The General Morgan Inn

Greeneville, TN Saturday, Dec. 31, from 8 p.m. to midnight. Partygoers can choose from two packages – one with heavy hors d’oeuvres and live music, or another one that also includes a deluxe guest room.

EAT •SHOP • PLAYTHE L O REFALACOLS’ SAMTSIRHC

Christmas! My favorite time of the year. The time to enjoy family and friends and remember the reason for the season……. Jesus! We are so excited to bring you the ABCs of Christmas again this year on a Santa train. This year our theme is Shop, Eat and Play local. I would really like to encourage everyone to spend your holiday budget locally as much as possible. We need to work hard to keep these local businesses going. Online shopping so convenient and sometimes we need it but please don’t forget the local stores. I hope that you will take the time to look through the ads and make plans to visit some of them. We will focus on Christmas the next 3 weeks.

-Lisa Durbin, Publisher

Eat, Shop and Play Local!

The True Meaning of Christmas

By [https://EzineArticles. com/expert/Paul_B_ Murray/1215915]Paul B

Murray

It seems that Christmas has become more of a to do list and a to buy list than a meaningful day to spend with family. This Christmas, gather around the television as a family and start a new tradition celebrating the true meaning of Christmas watching Christmas movies.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

A Charlie Brown Christmas, sadly, tells a story most can relate to. Charlie is upset by all of the modern and commercialized aspects of Christmas and tries to keep tradition alive and capture the real meaning of Christmas; unfortunately he is laughed at by his friends for his efforts. In the end, however, both Charlie Brown and his friends come around and share in meaningful Christmas activities.

The Polar Express

The Polar Express is a fun film for the whole family, including children; but it also carriers a

deeper message. The boy, who is wavering in his belief in Santa Claus, is picked up by a North Pole bound train on Christmas Eve. The boy comes away with compassion for a lonely little boy who comes from a bad home, and a very special gift. He is chosen to receive a gift and chooses a magical bell from Santa's sleigh; only believers can hear the bell, and the boy sees this when he and his sister hear the beautiful sound on Christmas morning while their parents cannot.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

How the Grinch Stole Christmas is a Must See. On the surface the Grinch seems to be a mean creature who hates Christmas and simply wants to torture the poor Whos he is trying to take Christmas away from. in the end viewers as well as the Whos see that the Grinch was treated badly and became mean as a result. The Grinch and the Whos learn what Christmas is all about after the Whos make things right by treating the Grinch with kindness.

A Christmas Story

A Christmas Story is another must see family Christmas movie.

Amidst hilarious squabbles and unfortunate but funny events; the film's overriding theme is that the bonds of family are strong. From sympathy and help from a mother to a son to a very special Christmas gift from a father to his son; the film is a wonderful choice for a family Christmas movie.

Disney's a Christmas Carol

The greedy, Christmas hating, Ebenezer Scrooge is taken on a journey of his past, present and future to remind him of his painful past that resulted in his selfish and greedy ways and show him what could happen if she does not change his ways. On Christmas morning the Scrooge wakes to find it was a dream and is so happy that he does change. He spends Christmas spreading the joy of Christmas to those less fortunate, and continues to live his life as a generous man.

Article Source: [http:// EzineArticles.com/?5-Movies-ToWatch-On-Christmas-Day-ThatCelebrate-The-True-Meaning-ofChristmas&id=6678267] 5 Movies

To Watch On Christmas Day That Celebrate The True Meaning of Christmas

Local Merchants Are Hurting and Need Our Help

By [https://EzineArticles.com/expert/ Michael_Saum/503562]Michael Saum

We were moving right along with a thriving economy and then it happened... Covid 19. Everything came to a screeching halt as we processed what we were experiencing and how we going to react. We kept getting mixed "opinions" on what to do and not do. In many cases, mandates were imposed like we have never experienced before.

Not only did it affect our lives in very significant ways, it has had a huge impact on smaller local businesses and their livlihoods. Some of the directives that came down from the federal, state and local governments, forced the population to basically stay home. Consequently, local retailers, restaurants, repair shops, hair salons, you name it, began feeling the squeeze. They weren't seeing their usual flow of business and as a result, their livelihood and income took a severe hit. Some, unfortunately, just simply couldn't hang on and had to close their business. Some, decided to close temporarily and just ride out the storm. Others,some of which had been family businesses for decades, ended up closing their doors for good. It's a sad state of affairs and as you imagine, this situation has had its domino affects and hurt people in numerous ways.

We all know, and have heard of and likely experienced BLACK FRIDAY. This is the day after Thanksgiving and when the official Christmas shopping begins for most. It's the

day that many, if not most, businesses finally get into the black (profitable) and actually start making some money. But, not for the last couple years as most merchants, just haven't gotten there. With us staying home for long periods of time, have changed a great majority of their shopping strategies and habits from getting up at oh dark thirty the day after turkey day to hopefully score on that special gift before the store runs out. But that's changed dramatically as people started doing a great amount, if not all, of their shopping, online. The simplicity of doing so and the wide range of available "shops" became very enticing. I could shop from around the globe while sitting at home in my loungewear. Anybody with me? I'm confident that many of you reading this, did and are doing the same thing. Then one day recently, I went to our downtown area where most of the shopping would normally take place. Merchants had less inventory, shorter store hours and a need for employees. Nobody wanted to work after receiving all the financial help from the feds. These local merchants are still hurting even though we can get out and get around again. They stand in their businesses hoping some customers come in and at the very least, give them a chance at earning some of their business. They watch as one after another UPS or FedEx truck drives by delivering goods to their neighbors. So, how can we, as a population help? Get out there and begin and continue supporting our neighbors and friends and spend some

Kingsport Ballet

money locally and encourage all your friends to do the same. Merchants are trying to figure out what they can do to survive. Some have developed new and improved websites to expand their reach of potential customers and that has helped some. But, others, based on their business type of products or services sold, simply can't do that. So, consequently, they look internally and what they might do to cut costs and reduce overhead anywhere they can and we can't help with that, but there is a simple way for them to get some relief by simply becoming aware of constantly changing ways of doing business and selling what they have to offer.

Pretty much all businesses out there, accept payment by credit/debit cards. It's a necessary tool that needs to be offered to customers or, quite simply, you lose business to the competition. What has amazed me, after more than two decades in the Merchant Services business, how many business owners simply aren't fully aware of what rates and other miscellaneous fees, they are paying for this "privilege" of accepting plastic. Quite often, when doing a statement analysis for a merchant, they hand me their statement still in the envelope with the comment of "yah, I don't look at them because I don't understand them". This is a dangerous and costly approach to take. But, trust me, I understand. Our industry doesn't have a stellar reputation as there are so many poorly trained reps that enter the business each year and don't really know what they are doing and selling which is a huge disservice to merchants. After rent and employee costs, payment processing is

typically the third largest expense and demands your close scrutiny and attention.

So, let me wrap this up by simply encouraging all merchants to get a detailed description and understanding of what and why you are paying what you are paying for this privilege. Don't let up and get all your answers clearly explained. If your Merchant Services rep is still around (they typically don't last very long because of the extensive competition) call them today and set the appointment. You simply can't afford to wait.

Our industry is rapidly changing with new stateof-the-art technology that makes processing

simpler, faster and more intuitive. Providers of these services, have also had to tighten their belts and offer more creative, less costly programs that you could benefit from but simply haven't been exposed yet for personal consideration. You've got nothing to lose and, quite possibly, much to gain. What are you waiting for?

WISHING YOU A HEALTHY AND PROSPEROUS 2023, and BEYOND Article Source: [http://EzineArticles. com/?Local-Merchants-Are-Hurtingand-Need-Our-Help&id=10549557] Local Merchants Are Hurting and Need Our Help

The Best Christmas Traditions Around The World

By [https://EzineArticles.com/ expert/Mary_L._James/1386029]

Mary L.

James

Every family, every town, every city and every country has Christmas traditions of their own. May it be a simple family ski trip every holiday season or a grand Christmas tree lighting that involves the whole city, these activities bring people together in the spirit of Christmas. Christmas traditions keep us grounded to our roots and give us something exciting to look forward to every year.

Here are some popular Christmas traditions around the world:

Setting up Christmas Trees

Whether you cut down a fir or a pine tree annually or you use an artificial one for your home, setting up and decorating a Christmas tree has been part of everyone's holiday traditions. There are many speculative theories behind the real origin of the Christmas tree, but many agree that the custom can be traced back to the Renaissance Period and early modern Germany. Similar to the origin of the Christmas wreath, pre-Christian Germans collected evergreens during cold winter nights as a sign of hope to the coming spring.

Some would display evergreen trees inside their homes or outside their doors.The first evidence of decorated Christmas Trees can be traced back in the Renaissance Period, in the guild halls of Northern Germany. During Christmas, trees were adorned with sweets for the children and apprentices to enjoy.

of Christmas. The last day of the festival, called Sigillaria, is the day of gift-giving. People exchanged presents because the value of their gifts marked their social status at the time.

Exchanging gifts during the holidays is also associated with the tradition of Santa Claus giving presents to

Singing and listening to Christmas songs is one tradition that we can't live without during the holiday season. The family gathering around the piano singing catchy Christmas tunes or listening to a choir singing Christmas carols in perfect harmony serve as the icing to the cake of a wonderful occasion.

Origins of Christmas carols can be traced back to thousands of years ago, with pagans singing carols during the Winter Solstice (the shortest day of the year) which usually took place every 23rd of December.

Exchanging Presents

One of the many reasons that get everyone, especially kids, excited about Christmas is the tradition of giving and receiving gifts. Many say that the act of exchanging gifts on Christmas day was influenced by Saturnalia, an ancient Roman festival that took place every year, late in December, around the time

children on Christmas day, as well as the 3 Kings' offering of gold, frankincense and myrrh to the newborn Jesus.

Singing Christmas Carols

After Halloween, malls instantly change their decorations to a Christmas theme, getting shoppers in the spirit of the holidays playing Christmas carols in the background.

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A special New Year’s Eve Bash will be held at the hotel on Saturday, Dec. 31, from 8 p.m. to midnight.

Partygoers can choose from two packages – one with heavy hors d’oeuvres and live music, or another one that also includes a deluxe guest room.

Featured hors d’oeuvres include Prime Rib with rolls and assorted sauces, Bourbon-Bacon Chicken Skewers, Lemon-Garlic Shrimp, Spinach Artichoke Dip with crostini, a Charcuterie display, Vegetable Crudité, and a variety of holiday desserts.

“We will have music by popular band Ivy Road in our lobby and DJ Robby Branson will be spinning the tunes on our second-floor Garden Terrace,” Myers said.

“We’ll also have party favors and a complimentary champagne toast at midnight, of course.”

A cash bar will be available –partygoers must be 21 or older to attend the event.

Call 423.787.1000 for pricing and to make reservations. “We always usher in the New Year with elegance and style,” Myers said.

There are 5 Santas hidden in this issue of The Loafer. Can you find them all?

4 Unique Holiday Gifts The Recipient Will Thank You For Later

(State Point) The holiday shopping season is here. What do you give a loved one to show them just how much you care? It’s time to think outside the box. Here are four presents you can give to special young people in your life now that they may not appreciate in the moment but will thank you for later.

1. Savings bonds. This is the gift that keeps adding in value. Savings bonds can be purchased for as little as $25 and their value grows over time with interest and as the bond matures. Considered one of the most reliable ways to grow wealth over time, you’ll be guaranteeing recipients are able to help fund the important things they want later in life, such as that new car, their college education, first house, wedding or honeymoon.

2. Life insurance. This is probably the last thing on a young person’s list of wishes but buying a life insurance policy now when they’re young and healthy will ensure coverage later in life when they may not be insurable. Having a life insurance policy through Erie Insurance with a Guaranteed Insurability Option rider (GIO) can bring peace of mind that kids, or grandkids, are covered should they develop a life threatening condition. A policy is an affordable way to protect loved ones and help them pay off debts, living expenses and even medical bills. To learn more about life insurance, contact your agent or visit erieinsurance.com/lifeinsurance.

3. 529 plan. Anyone who wants to save for a

child’s education can open or gift money to an existing 529 plan account. The best part is the contributions grow tax free and can be used for K-12 tuition, college expenses and even student loan repayments.

4. T-shirt quilt. For more of a sentimental gift, gather all your kids’ old sports or other event t-shirts and turn them into a quilt. They may not love it today as much as they would the hottest gadget, but they’ll treasure the memories as time goes on.

“As you look for that perfect gift, don’t overlook presents that have long-term benefits,” said Louis Colaizzo, senior vice president and division officer of Erie Family Life, Erie Insurance. “Life insurance, along with savings bonds and 529 plans, can put your kids on the path to financial security.”

Avoid the holiday crowds at the stores this year and channel your money into a gift your loved ones will truly appreciate for years to come.

Waiting for Santa

MNStudio / iStock via Getty Images Plus

Facts about Christmas:

1. Christmas trees are grown in all 50 states including Hawaii and Alaska.

2. Norwegian scientists have hypothesized that Rudolph’s red nose is probably the result of a parasitic infection of his respiratory system.

3. The Germans made the first artificial Christmas trees out of dyed goose feathers.

4. Each year more than 3 billion Christmas cards are sent in the U.S. alone.

5. All the gifts in the Twelve Days of Christmas would equal 364 gifts. The “true love” mentioned in the song “Twelve Days of Christmas” does not refer to a romantic couple, but the Catholic Church’s code for God. The person who receives the gifts represents someone who has accepted that code. For example, the “partridge in a pear tree” represents Christ. The “two turtledoves” represent the Old and New Testaments.

6. According to data analyzed from Facebook posts, two weeks before Christmas is one of the two most popular times for couples to break up. However, Christmas Day is the least favorite day for breakups.

7. Most of Santa’s reindeer have male-sounding names, such as Blitzen, Comet, and Cupid. However, male reindeers shed their antlers around Christmas, so the reindeer pulling Santa’s sleigh are likely not male, but female or castrated.

8. In A.D. 350, Pope Julius I, bishop of Rome, proclaimed December 25 the official celebration date for the birthday of Christ.

9. The traditional three colors of Christmas are green, red, and gold. Green has long been a symbol of life and rebirth; red symbolizes the blood of Christ, and gold represents light as well as wealth and royalty.

10. The world’s largest Christmas stocking measured 106 feet and 9 inches (32.56 m) long and 49 feet and 1 inch (14.97 m) wide. It weighed as much as five reindeer and held almost 1,000 presents. It was made by the Children’s Society in London on December 14, 2007.

11. Christmas trees have been sold in the U.S. since 1850.

12. Christmas trees usually grow for about 15 years before they are sold.

13. Many European countries believed that spirits, both good and evil, were active during the Twelve Days of Christmas. These spirits eventually evolved into Santa’s elves, especially under the influence of Clement C. Moore’s The Night Before Christmas (1779-1863) illustrated by Thomas Nast (1840-1902).

14. Each year there are approximately 20,000 “rent-a-Santas” across the United States. “Rent-a-Santas” usually undergo seasonal training on how to maintain a jolly attitude under pressure from the public. They also receive practical advice, such as not accepting money from parents while children are looking and avoiding garlic, onions, or beans for lunch.

15. Alabama was the first state in the United States to officially recognize Christmas in 1836. And Oklahoma was the last U.S. state to declare Christmas a legal holiday, in 1907.

Beanz Biker Corner Beanz Biker Corner

Merry Christmas everyone! I wish you and your families the best Christmas ever. Remember the true reason for this Holiday. May God watch over you. I have chosen to write about Christmas. The information here is only a small part. So I have I left something out or missed something please forgive me. Don’t forget December 21st is the first day of winter.

The first recorded Christmas celebration was December 25, 336 AD. The date was chosen because it is nine months after the Annunciation, which celebrates Christ’s conception in the womb of the Virgin Mary, on March 25 (also the date of the spring equinox). Because there was/is significance to the amount of time between the spring equinox and Christmas Day.

Christmas is an annual festival commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ, observed primarily on December 25 as a religious and cultural celebration among billions of people around the world. A feast central to the Christian liturgical year, it is preceded by the season of Advent or the Nativity Fast and initiates the season of Christmastide, which historically in the West lasts twelve days and culminates on Twelfth Night. Christmas Day is a public holiday in many countries, is celebrated religiously by a majority of

Christians, as well as culturally by many non-Christians, and forms an integral part of the holiday season organized around it. The traditional Christmas narrative recounted in the New Testament, known as the Nativity of Jesus, says that Jesus was born in Bethlehem, in accordance with messianic prophecies. When Joseph and Mary arrived in the city, the inn had no room and so they were offered a stable where the Christ Child was soon born, with angels proclaiming this news to shepherds who then spread the word. There are different hypotheses regarding the date of Jesus' birth and in the early fourth century, the church fixed the date as December 25. This corresponds to the traditional date of the winter solstice on the Roman calendar. It is exactly nine months after Annunciation on March 25, also the date of the spring equinox. Most Christians celebrate on December 25 in the Gregorian calendar, which has been adopted almost universally in the civil calendars used in countries throughout the world. However, part of the Eastern Christian Churches celebrates Christmas on December 25 of the older Julian calendar, which currently corresponds to January 7 in the Gregorian calendar. For Christians, believing that God came into the world in the form of man to atone for the sins of humanity, rather than knowing Jesus' exact birth date, is considered to be the primary purpose in celebrating Christmas. The celebratory customs associated in various countries with Christmas have a mix of pre-Christian, Christian, and secular themes and origins. Popular modern customs of the holiday include gift giving; completing an Advent calendar or Advent wreath; Christmas music and caroling; viewing a Nativity play; an exchange of Christmas cards; church services; a special meal; and the display of various Christmas decorations, including Christmas trees, Christmas lights, nativity scenes, garlands, wreaths, mistletoe, and holly. In addition, several closely related and often interchangeable figures, known as Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas, and Christkind, are associated with bringing gifts to children during the Christmas season and have their own body of traditions and lore. Because gift-giving and many other aspects of the Christmas festival involve heightened economic activity, the holiday

has become a significant event and a key sales period for retailers and businesses. Over the past few centuries, Christmas has had a steadily growing economic effect in many regions of the world.

The history of Christmas trees goes back to the symbolic use of evergreens in ancient Egypt and Rome and continues with the German tradition of candlelit Christmas trees first brought to America in the 1800s. Discover the history of the Christmas tree, from the earliest winter solstice celebrations to Queen Victoria’s decorating habits and the annual lighting of the Rockefeller Center tree in New York City. Long before the advent of Christianity, plants and trees that remained green all year had a special meaning for people in the winter. Just as people today decorate their homes during the festive season with pine, spruce, and fir trees, ancient peoples hung evergreen boughs over their doors and windows. In many countries it was believed that evergreens would keep away witches, ghosts, evil spirits, and illness.

The modern Christmas tree, though, originated in western Germany. The main prop of a popular medieval play about Adam and Eve was a “paradise tree,” a fir tree hung with apples, that represented the Garden of Eden. The Germans set up a paradise tree in their homes on December 24, the religious feast day of Adam and Eve. They hung wafers on it (symbolizing the Eucharistic host, the Christian sign of redemption); in a later tradition the wafers were replaced by cookies of various shapes. Candles, symbolic of Christ as the light of the world, were often added. In the same room was the “Christmas pyramid,”

a triangular construction of wood that had shelves to hold Christmas figurines and was decorated with evergreens, candles, and a star. By the 16th century the Christmas pyramid and the paradise tree had merged, becoming the Christmas tree. The custom was widespread among the German Lutherans by the 18th century, but it was not until the following century that the Christmas tree became a deep-rooted German tradition. Introduced into England in the early 19th century, the Christmas tree was popularized in the mid19th century by German-born Prince Albert, husband of Queen Victoria. The Victorian tree was decorated with toys and small gifts, candles, candies, popcorn strings, and fancy cakes hung from the branches by ribbons and by paper chains.

History of Santa Claus otherwise known as Saint Nicholas or Kris Kringle—has a long history steeped in Christmas traditions. Today, he is thought of mainly as the jolly man in red who brings toys to good girls and boys on Christmas Eve, but his story stretches all the way back to the 3rd century, when Saint Nicholas walked the earth and became the patron saint of children. The legend of Santa Claus can be traced back hundreds of years to a monk named St. Nicholas. It is believed that Nicholas was born sometime around A.D. 280 in Patara, near Myra in modern-day Turkey. Much admired for his piety and kindness, St. Nicholas became the subject of many legends. It is said that he gave away all of his inherited wealth and traveled the countryside helping the poor and sick.

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*Printed in Volume 03 Issue 40, June 28, 2022*

The Hap-Happiest Season of All

by Kathie Scalf

It’s the week of the Winter Solstice and Christmas, which of course means it’s also my birthday week. This is historically the week of the year I mentally and financially come apart at the seams, so in lieu of gifts just send hopes and prayers this year goes better than the last!

I’ve got to say, 36 was not my best year. In fact it might very well have been the worst I’ve had to date. From the very start, the day I turned 36 was a dumpster fire that is still lingering fresh in my mind 365 days later and is ending with narrowly dodging a Christmastime layoff. In between I’ve had unforeseen health problems, ended longterm friendships, lost my dog of 17 years, encountered a couple come-to-Jesus blowouts with my family, spent half my life in a car or hotel, struggled with finances and completely abandoned all hope of a romantic life following one too many disappointments.

All that to say, this has been my most tremendous year of growth- as they say, tough times make tough people, so ultimately I am grateful for every second of turmoil, trials and tribulations. The lessons I’ve learned and the inner work I’ve done have elevated me to a point I do not recognize

the person I was last year. I am mentally at a place of inner peace, acceptance and gratitude I’ve never before experienced and it’s the most liberating feeling in the world. This was a much-needed year of isolation and self-reflection that has resulted in empathy instead of impatience for others and appreciation instead of belittlement for myself. I’m proud to say my relationship with my family has become much close and far more honest, my small inner circle is comprised of uplifting and inspiring people, and through the hardships of illness, death and homesickness I’ve stopped taking the truly important things for granted. There is no designer label or luxury vehicle that can compensate for the comfort of your own home, the unconditional love of a dog, or a healthy body that can take you anywhere.

I’m kicking 37 off on a totally different foot. Gone are the unrealistic, superficial resolutions of the past that I abandon a week into the New Year. I’m starting with a very well-timed new career role. This opportunity is affording me far better benefits and ½ the territory of my former job, which means way less time on the road. Following a month of inexplicable and severe head pain, I’m finally back to normal and am showing appreciation for my health by treating my body correctly with

proper nutrition, exercise and rest. And instead of racking up more high interest debt on a blowout birthday full of stupid materialistic crap, I’m being treated to a small dinner by genuine people who love me. The new me that came out on the other side of 36 is a bit disheveled, but better for the wear. She’s only interested in quality experiences, actions over words, and letting things come and go with peace. Finally, like the rest of you I will be enjoying Christmas and New Year over the remaining 2 weeks of 2022. I’m so blessed to enjoy another year of traditions with my family, and even if things are strained in your own situation I urge you to have gratitude for any silver linings there may be, no matter how thin. Having just come off such a rocky year, I fully understand that the holidays can actually be a crushing time for people experiencing pain, loss or grief. The good thing about those feelings is that you’re still feeling something which means you’re still here, and every single day is the opportunity for the pendulum to swing in another direction. No matter how bad things are, there is someone out there who envies something you possess, be it family, food, health, or wealth. And I’ve found that the more gratitude I express for the things I currently have, the more blessings that come. If all you can do is put one foot in

front of the other to get through the holiday season, at least be grateful there will be days on the other side for a fresh start and the opportunity to change the things you can control.

I’m so excited to spend the 23rd-25th in the Tri-Cities, which has done a tremendous job of capturing the magic of Christmas. From the enchanted forest of lighted trees in downtown Johnson City, to the ice rink and light garden at the Elizabethton Covered bridge, I don’t remember a time when my hometown has ever been so beautiful. I hope each of you has a chance to take in the sights and sounds of the season and find peace and joy in the coming New Year.

Cheers to the hap-happiest season of all!

Christmas on Mistletoe Farm

Every year during the holidays we are bombarded with new Christmas movies and specials to join the long time classics we enjoy viewing. Most of the holiday films include kids, a potential romance, animals, a dire situation, and a few eccentric characters. Well all of the aforementioned are in the new film, "Christmas on Mistletoe Farm", now streaming. The British made film follows the Cunningham family of London as they carry out their daily routines and prepare for Christmas. Scott Cunningham (Scott Garnham) is widowed (see above) and is raising five kids and trying to be the best at his high rise office job while dealing with his demanding boss Ms Fletcher( Ashley Jensen). While at work one day Scott opens an email regarding a farm left to him by his long absent father. After the shock subsides, he decides to take the kids out for a visit during the holidays much to the displeasure of Ms Fletcher who insists he have his important work assignment completed ASAP without distractions. Upon arrival at the farm the family is greeted

Pop Life

By Ken Silvers theloaferonlineprint

by the various animals residing there, and experience some issues in the farm house. When the kids visit the barn they are surprised by the presence of a man named Beano (Scott Paige), who is the farmhand. Beano, who is definitely eccentric (again see above), wins the kids over with his wacky charm and introduces them to all the animals in the barn. Meanwhile, Scott is trying to work on his assignment but is continually interrupted by happenings on the farm that need his attention. While he is in the barn, local veterinarian Miss Ashley (Kathryn Drysdale) pops in and she and Scott immediately clash (see above), but you know they will eventually get together. Later Beano takes the family to meet the local village people (yes the movie includes a rendition of a Village People hit), and they are very welcoming and are excited to have the new residents. The group even includes a butcher, a baker and a candlestick maker! The meeting with the local residents convinces Scott he wants to return to London, but his kids love the farm and the local residents and want to stay. The kids, along with Beano and the local residents, devise a plan to keep the Cunninghams there, which includes getting Scott and Miss Ashely together. As all the aforementioned is taking place, Ms Fletcher is back in London fuming about Scott's situation, and has decided to visit the farm to see what is going on. Scott has also responded to a flyer he found at the farm about developers wanting to buy the farm (see above to complete the plot points), and eventually two men visit the farm in hopes of making the purchase. As one might expect, Scott eventually

falls in love with the farm, the locals, and Miss Ashley, and decides he wants to stay there forever. The film ends with a shocking surprise for Scott, and a hoedown in the Cunningham's barn featuring the entire cast. The film is holiday fluff, and would be right at home on the Hallmark Channel, which is fine. I did love the fact the film is set in England, as I remember watching a British holiday film last year which I enjoyed. The only annoyance I had with the film was the character of Beano,

who is often more silly than funny, but I'm sure younger kids will like him. Beano aside, "Christmas on Mistletoe Farm" is a holiday treat for the entire family, with the beautiful scenery of the English countryside adding to the enjoyment of the film. Just don't expect anything unique from the film other than the lovely British accents. Now playing on Netflix. (Rated TV-G)

Bristol

PARAMOUNT

Dec 16 Mark Chesnut

Dec 17 Morgan Wade

Jan 6 Dailey & Vincent (2023)

Feb 2 Ace Frehley

Feb 3 Neko Case

CAMEO THEATER

Dec 14 Tab Benoit and the Dirty Dozen Brass Band

Dec 22 The Wizards of Winter

Jan 8 Geoff Tate

Feb 11 Lorrie Morgan

Mar 18 Bad Marriage

Mar 26 Eric Gales

May 10 An Evening with Roger McGuinn

JOHNSON CITY

FREEDOM HALL

Dec 1 Mannheim Steamroller Christmas

Dec 2 Little Texas

Apr 4 The Price is Right Live

Apr 14 Nate Bargatze

MARTIN CENTER FOR THE ARTS

Dec 13 Michael W. Smith Christmas Show

Feb 4 The Black Jacket Symphony: Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours

Dec 18 Knoxville Gay Men’s Choir

Apr 30 Amy Grant

GREENVILLE

NISWONGER PERFORMING ARTS CENTER

Jan 21 The Isaacs

Jan 27 The Doo Wop Project

Feb 3 Heather Land

Feb 11 I Am He Said

-a Neil Diamond Tribute

Feb 17 Roots & Boots Acoustic tour with Aaron Tippin, Collin Raye and Sammy Kershaw

Mar 4 Resurrection- A Journey Tribute

Mar 11 Jefferson Starship

Mar 31 Gentri (The Gentlemen Trio)

Apr 4 One Night of Queen-performed by Gary Mullen And the Works

Apr 14 Mark Lowry

Apr22 Masters of Soul

CONCERT SCHEDULE CONCERT SCHEDULE

Knoxville

TENNESSEE THEATRE

Jan 12 Tommy Emmanuel

Jan 26 Kenny Wayne Shepherd

Feb 3 Kevin James

Mar 3 Home Free

Mar 16 Buddy Guy

Apr 26 Ben Folds and a Piano

Apr 28 Amy Grant

THOMPSON BOWLING ARENA

Feb 17 Journey and Toto

Feb 18 Cody Johnson featuring Randy Houser

Feb 24 Blake Shelton

Mar 30 Kane Brown

Apr 21 Lizzo

July 15 Thomas Rhett

KNOXVILLE CIVIC AUDITORIUM

Feb 2 Scotty McCreery

Feb 17 Heather McMahan

Mar 3 Zach Williams

Mar 22 Champions of Magic

BIJOU THEATRE

Dec 10 Tab Benoit & The Dirty Dozen

Dec 14 & 15 Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit

Jan 21 Drivin & Cryin

Jan 27 Scott Miller and David Childers

Feb 3 Amanda Shires

Feb 11 Erick Baker

Mar 17 The Mavericks

Mar 23-25 Drew & Ellie Holcomb

Nashville

RYMAN AUDITORIUM

Dec 12-15 Amy Grant and Vince Gill

Dec 16 Smokey Robinson Dec 19 Aaron Lewis

Dec 30/31 Old Crow Medicine Show

Jan 27 Kenny Wayne Shepherd

Jan 30 Mammoth WVH and Alter Bridge

Feb 14 Death Cab for Cutie

Feb 23-25 Tedeschi Trucks Band

Feb 26 Billy Strings

ASCEND AMPHITHEATER

May 11 Koe Wetzel

July 11 Foreigner and Loverboy

July 18 Louis Tomlinson July 19 Yungblud

BRIDGESTONE ARENA

Dec 11 PentatonixA Christmas Spectacular

Dec 14 Trans-Siberian Orchestra

Dec 30/31 Widespread Panic

Feb 19 TobyMac with Crowder

Feb 24-25 Billy Strings

Mar 1 Carrie Underwood

Mar 31 Kane Brown

Apr 7 Chris Tomlin

June 25 Matchbox Twenty and The Wallflowers July 16 Blink 182

BROOKLYN BOWL

Mar 7 Theory of a Dead Man

Asheville

THE ORANGE PEEL

Jan 20 Larkin Poe

Feb 18 Elle King Cherokee, N.C.:

HARRAH’S CASINO

Nov 18 Mike Epps

Dec 10 Cirque Musica Holiday Wonderland

Jan 7 Styx

Jan 13-15 Jamey Johnson

Greenville, S.C.

BON SECOURS WELLNESS ARENA

Jan 29 TobyMac, Crowder, Cochren & Company

Mar 18 Kane Brown

Winston Salem North Caroiina

LJVM COLISEUM

Mar 3-4 Billy Strings

Pikeville, Ky

APPALACHIAN WIRELESS ARENS

Dec 31 Noah Thompson & Chase Matthew

Mar 8 Theory of a Dead Man and Skillet

Charlotte

SPECTRUM CENTER

Feb 8 Carrie Underwood

PNC MUSIC PAVILION

May 30 Dead and Company

July 11 Matchbox Twenty

Aug 9 Foreigner and Loverboy

THE FILLMORE IN CHARLOTTE:

Mar 16 Static-X

Apr 13 Fozzy

OVENS AUDITORIUM

Dec 31 The Avett Brothers (Bojangles Coliseum)

Jan 29 Death Cab for Cuti

Feb 8 John Mellencamp e Mar 3 Joe Bonamassa

THE FILLMORE

Nov 27 W.A.S.P. Mar 16 Static-X Apr 13 Fozzy

Myrtle Beach, S.C

House of Blues

A One Honda Open Sleigh

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, as I wasn’t there. I was doing one of those things where I agreed to help a friend, for good reasons, but then found myself wondering why I was going through with it. The Christmas season means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. If you, like I, are a portly and jolly person, then it means that sometimes people are asking you to be a wayward Santa on demand.

“I have a big ask of you, can you call me?” the text message said, the one that showed up on my phone two weeks before Christmas. It was Mark, an old friend of mine who was just about tired of jokes over his name and its correlation to a certain character from a certain bad movie. “Hey! What are you doing on Christmas Eve?” Mark asked. “Same old, same old,” I said. “I’m going to spend time with the family, go home, drink egg nog, and get way too emotional about my most recent divorce.”

“Sounds...festive!” Mark said, trying to hide the tone in his voice that said: “That’s so very very sad!” Mark proposed an idea to me. An alternate plan for my December 24th. “I want the kids to spy Santa in the field behind my grandmother’s house. What would you think of being up to the task? I’ll get you a suit and beard, but I want them to get just the slightest glimpse of you with your goodie bag walking around on Christmas Eve.”

I took a beat, a pause to mull it over, and to see what the forecast might be for that night. Mark was concerned with the silence

on my end. “You...you there?” he said cautiously. “Yeah, I’m here. I’m just…” the following pause was actually only that. A pause. A short breath between words, but it felt like an hour as I mulled it all over in my head. But who am I to let children down on Christmas? Who am I to maybe take away the magic of life from people who are already full of magic? The magic that a world that is all too dark and annoying needs more of?

The “I’m just...” was followed by “...thinking about what time I could break away from the family gathering to do this for you!” Mark was elated, an overwhelming excitement-filled each and every breath of the words that came from him for the rest of that conversation. He and I would meet for lunch later that week and hatch it all out.

A week passed before we were able to meet for Lunch. As soon as the menus were taken away, Mark placed a three-ring binder on the table. It was full of plans, details, maps to his grandmother’s house, and—believe it or not—storyboards of how he’d like it to look from the view of the back porch window. Either Mark had had an epic brainstorming session in the week since our phone call, or, what was more likely, he had been planning this for months and only most recently got up the courage to ask me. Alternatively, many people could have turned him down and I was the first who said yes.

“OK. So. I want this to happen just as the kids are going to bed, almost as if Santa knows exactly they are on their way to bed. So I figure if you can be in the field around 8:50, that would be perfect! We can get them up to bed around 8:53, just start walking your way across the field, lengthwise to the house, at 8:54. That should give the right amount of time for perfect staging.” It was at this point that I wondered what all I was getting into and that Mark should apply for a job at Barter Theatre.

feats in one night. Now here I was, charged with a minor feat, and wondering how I could be a jolly old Elf tramping across a field on a dark and cold night. As planned, on the 23rd Mark came by with the suit, beard, and goodie bag. I picked up the bag and was shocked to see that it felt hefty “I thought you said you were putting dummy gifts in it?” I asked. “Well, yeah. But I wanted to go for realism so there are some weights I put in some of the boxes. Just a few pounds!” Again, Mark should apply to work for Barter. We planed to communicate via text messages, so I had my phone very close to hand on Christmas Eve.

I felt like I was in a 1960s heist film. I wondered if I should walk around town singing “E-O-Eleven.” We didn’t have synchronized watches, but we had synchronized iPhones. With a sense of the theme to “Mission: Impossible” in my head, at eight o’clock on the dot, I left my family gathering at went home. I arrived home at 8:12. At 8:15 I fed my cat, then went into the bedroom to get changed. I loaded the bag into the back of my Honda, a red SUV, which was extremely appropriate, and I left my house at 8:23. With a call time of 8:50, things were going right on schedule.

Driving on the lonely, country road, was… well...lonely. The road seemed to be nothing but hills and curves, till I finally arrived at the huge property which the house sat on. Mark had told me to pull along the side of an old barn, about a third of a mile away from the house. Everyone knew that I was coming, so I didn’t have to worry about sounding any alarms. I parked and turn my car off, looking at my watch it was 8:44. Given the five minute walk to the field, and the time it would take to get my gear together, it looked like things were going exactly as planned.

concerned. I messaged Mark, my phone said it was 8:49, so I waited a few seconds till 8:50 and messaged him “Ho Ho is here-o.” Mark sent back a smiley face.

As I waited there, I suddenly felt something on my skin. A drop of something cold, and then another drop of something wet. Rain. It was starting to rain, ever so. Not a downpour, not a storm, but just enough rain to soak a moron dressed up as Santa Claus in a field holding a weighted bag out in the country on a cold night. My layers were now useless, holding in the wet and drawing the cold er’e near’r. My phone vibrated. “Hope that didn’t get you too bad! Count to 30 then start walking.”

As I began my trek across the field, my feet began to squish as my boots walked into the soft ground. I began to silently sing to myself “You better watch out, you better not cry, Santa Claus is Squishing to Town.” I kept looking down and forward, but out the corner of my right eye I could barely make out commotion happening in the house. I saw the back porch light go on, I saw the blur of tiny shadows jumping up and down. The porch light went off, and I reached the end of the field. My phone vibrated again, “All clear! Great job! They’re so excited!!! Merry Christmas!”

Santa Andy hopped back into his Honda drawn sleigh and headed for home. Getting there, to a house that was empty and quiet, I tossed the costume off, filled up a tub with water as hot as I could stand it, and climbed in for a long Winter’s nap. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my tub to see what was the matter. Rushing outside in my PJs, coat, and robe, there he was. The real St. Nick was up on the rooftop, clicking and all.

Batteries Not Included

By Andy Ross theloaferonlineprint

Mark would bring my suit, beard, and goodie bag—stuffed with dummy gifts— over on the 23rd, we would have till the 28th to get it back to the costume shop. Mark would take care of all that, coming over to pick it up on the 27th. His grandmother’s house was out in the country, you’d have to take one of those lonely back roads to get to it, it didn’t look too bad, only about 20 minutes from my house. If I left my family gathering at 8:00, I would have time to run home, change, and get in place in the field. I had always wondered what it must be like to be the actual Santa, to pull off all these amazing

I got out of my car, grabbed my bag, and began my walk. I looked up at the sky. The forecast had said it was to be a midnight clear, but in fact, it looked rather cloudy. It was cold, but it wasn’t intolerable as I had layered up heavily under my costume. I was to start at the first fence post that lined the back of the yard. It was a chainlink fence, so plenty of visibility for all

“Hey, Santa!” I exclaimed, and the old man turned and fell with abound. Santa had fallen off my roof, and he didn’t seem all too well. Anyways, the point of the matter is I’ve been Santa Claused now and soon I’ll be in all y’all’s homes and moving to the North Pole. So do me a favor, no cookies with nuts in them, please? I see you when you’re sleeping you know. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.