Editor-in-Chief Dr. Renita L. Webb
Publisher Melodee Press
Contributing Writer Yolanda Mukombe, MBA
Empowerment Page 4
Observing Leadership Page 10
The Power of Confidence
ISSN
Page 14
2771-4470
From the EDITOR'S Thoughts
Financial Security
Let's Do Lunch
Page 2
Page 8
Page 13
Image Credits
Page 1, 2, 4, 7, 10, 12 - Stock images from Canva.com Dr. Renita - Front and Back Cover Photos and Ads - Elizabeth Ashley & Co.
© Melodee Press 2022. For permission to reproduce any article in this magazine contact thedoc@drrenitawebb.com.
Vulnerability: A Super Strength Back in 2021, I had an amazing conversation with Princess H. Johnson on Leadership Live. Our topic for the evening was "Vulnerability". Johnson reminded us that the journey to be authentically you leads you on to being vulnerable. In that place, you should not be able to deny those things that are at your core; beliefs, thoughts, genetics; and have to choose a side even when it is not the popular opinion of others. This idea is something that is not typically discussed in leadership development classes, but it is really a part of the basis of what makes you a leader and helps you to truly connect to those people and ideals that you lead. There are so many times when we attempt to lead wearing a mask. Immediately, when I think about this, my mind goes to Paul Laurence Dunbar's poem, "We Wear The Mask". In that poem, Dunbar speaks to the pain and the torture that happens when we continually wear a mask to hide what is really going on with us. As a leader, it is that constant covering that may work for a while, but who you are behind that mask will start to crumble and eventually fall if the person that people see and get to interact with is never the person who is truly behind the mask. There is pain in removing the masks, opening the doors, and shifting the veil for others to see who and what you really are. There is possibility of rejection, possibility of conflict, and possibility of ejection. But, there is also the possibility of alliship, of new connection, and new beginnings. There is something special about releasing ourselves from the shackles of constantly feeling the need to hide a portion (large or small) of ourselves from others. That release can allow us to create, impact, and change in ways that we may not have even been able to imagine because we have allowed who we are to be blocked for so long. Vulnerability takes a strength and a risk that not everyone has or is ready for. But, if you use that super power, you could reach and lead others who have been waiting for you all along.
- Dr. Renita Page 2
Empowerment Tired of doing it all? It's time to empower your "follow"ship
by: Dr. Renita L. Webb
In the 90’s, many of us sat around singing a song proclaiming that “I’ve got the power”. Not far down in the lyrics of that same ditty, we also heard “it’s getting, it’s getting, it’s getting kinda hectic”. (Beneties et. al., 1990) That is the very nature of power. When you have it all seems well and then you realize everything that comes along with it. Then, things get hectic. The issue with power in many places is that it is centralized to very few and then there are others who are constantly in pursuit of it. It is that pursuit that can lead to frustration, gossip, uprising, strife, and constant trust issues amongst organizations, groups, and units. It is the feeling of powerlessness that often times causes people to quit, act out, or do whatever and however they can to get the power they so desperately desire. In some instances, this can result in people producing their best work and really moving the entity forward. But, in most cases, it just produces bad blood and problems. “The real problem is the way power is given out in our society pits us against each other” (Hill, 2002) This societal norm is one that we have to fight against in the spaces that we create if we are ever to change the dynamics and narrative of what it is like to work and build together in our world. This is where the idea of EMPOWERMENT comes in to play.
Empowerment Noun
the granting of the power, right, or authority to perform various acts or duties Empowerment is what is needed by the powerless. Powerless people are often those who feel that they are unseen and unheard. They feel like the world is moving all around them and just dragging them along. Ultimately, they will continue to get drug or they will start fighting to
have the ability to walk or even run on their own. That fight is often against whatever power structure is already in place. The power structure is typically created by the leadership. So, if they are warring against the leaders, then you have a big problem on your hands.
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CONTROL. P O W E R .
to what is happening in your organization/unit/house/ministry/school. It is at that time that you will start to see them taking more initiative and coming up with more ideas. This is the time when you will start to see that next level breakthrough that you just couldn’t figure out how to make happen. The thing is, YOU weren’t supposed to make it happen, the team was supposed to make it happen.
This, of course, can be avoided if those not at the upper levels of power can acquire some level of power so that they get beyond being drug throughout their service and get to making moves of their own. This allows everyone to get a taste of what it is that they really desire which is CONTROL. The feeling of being out of This will also be when your emerging control can cause people to do some crazy things to get it. The way the power leaders will start to show themselves even more. You won’t have to do so much is distributed is through the usage of guessing about who is ready to lead or empowerment. But, in order for others to that desires to do so. Giving people be empowered, the leader(s) must be space to have a say will also encourage willing to do something that is HARD for some, release some of their own power. them to continue to use that voice to help the entire group grow. It is those strong There is no way to skip this part of the voices and deep thoughts are what you process. And here’s a secret, it can feel need to move your element forward. amazing to release. Just think about this, Remember: in order for you to get to your if you let go of some of the power, you next level, you must have someone else are no longer the only person who can be to blame if things go wrong. But, you come in and take your current place. So, empower others so they know they can also won’t be the only person to get the handle different situations and you will glory when things go right. see the help you have wanted emerge and you will even see new things that can be Sharing the joys and sorrows of what done that you would have never happens in your unit is another magical imagined. element of empowerment. This is when you will see your “follow”ship finally will take ownership and have greater levels of buy-in
of t u go n i do e o b t f le go p n o i e l it. ep fee s t e e u h g a c T to n s a g c in ol h r t t n y co raz c e som Page 5
Some Examples of What Empowerment Looks Like: Saying: “I’d like to know what you think about this” Presenting a goal or idea and allowing others on the team to create or help create the path to get there (and actually use their thoughts) Taking time off and trusting the other leaders on the team to handle “it” Saying: “I don’t know and I need your expertise on this one” Assigning a task and allowing your “follow”ship to get it done without micromanagement Getting ideas from the team and allowing them to take the lead on making that happen and supporting them along the way Celebrating the human BEING and human doing of your squad Mentoring and Growing other leaders in your group Educating others about how to do what needs to be done so that they can do that work without your interference Providing the place and space for others to be heard and be seen – shift the spotlight References Beneties, B., Garrett, J.V., Colandreo, A., Butler, D. (1990). “The Power”. Sony/atv Music Publishing (australia) Pty Lim. Retrieved February 8, 2022, from https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Snap-14/The-Power-7-version Hill, A. (2002). “Ten years later, Anita Hill revisits the Clarence Thomas controversy”. Stanford News. Stanford University. Stanford, California. Retrieved February 8, 2022, from https://news.stanford.edu/news/2002/april3/anitahill-43.html Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. (n.d.). Empowerment. Merriam-Webster. Retrieved February 8, 2022, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/empowerment
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Financial Security What does it cost you?
By: Yolanda G. Mukombe, MBA
What is financial security?
Peace of mind and feeling of safety when paying bills on time, increasing savings, budgeting, investing, purchasing insurance
Why is it important to everyone?
You provide security for yourself You can depend on your financial resources if you need to You don’t have to stay in places that are detrimental to your wellbeing
What are some things to consider when becoming financially secure?
1. Know what your expenses are and keep them organized in case someone has to take over your finances 2. Record your income sources to make sure you know that your expenses can be covered with your income 3. Plan for the long term: Insurance, Power of Attorney, if you are over 45 Long Term Care insurance, short term disability insurance, savings, investments and retirement 4. Keep at least one month of expenses in your account at all time AND create a savings plan 5. Be willing to change your plan if it is not working
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Establishing financial security and developing resiliency is a decision you make every single day. Here are some nonfinancial skills you need to be successful at becoming financially secure: 1. Discipline - no “Impulse Buying”, planning things in advance, not spending money you don’t have (loans you don’t need), or spending just because you have it. 2. Self-awareness: Know your triggers that cause you to spend impulsively. Learn how to plan things in advance. Work on not spending money you don’t have (loans you don’t need) or spending just because you have it. 3. Focus: You must have intense focus on yourself. You may not be an expert but be dedicated to learning and following up with yourself, your budget, and checking in with your money 4. Commitment: Learn from your past mistakes. Do an assessment of the circumstances that led to you getting in your current financial position. 5. Values: Know what you value because your values will dictate how you choose to spend your money. If you choose 3-5 things that are important to you and your future, keep them at the forefront, you will find your habits begin to align with your values. When you are financially secure, you develop the opportunity to create choices for yourself. You give yourself a blank check, you reclaim your time and you become the captain of your ship. It might seem daunting but it all starts with a YES.
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Dr. Renita Webb
Dr. Renita L. Webb
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Observing Leadership Eyeing other leaders around you can help you lead more like you
By: Dr. Renita L. Webb Have you ever had a moment where you look and see or overhear someone and immediately you know they have to be a leader? Like you literally hope they already know it because if not, they are doing a disservice to the world. Or do you have a leader that you admire for the way they have lead and inspired others? On the other side, have you ever watched a leader guide people to be their worst selves and go all the wrong way? How ever you have seen it, observing the ways others lead can be well worth it and help you to learn to lead more like you. Observation isn’t just done with your eyes. Observation happens with all of your senses and with your spirit. You must use all of these elements to figure out what you are really experiencing. Leadership is a full mental, physical, and spiritual experience. If you don’t analyze all of these elements, then you aren’t really looking about the full breadth of the situation. When observing others it is important to start with your observation of yourself. The way you see and feel others is directly tied to the way you see and feel about yourself. You must first be reminded of your experiences, education, and beliefs which will let you know what shapes the lens that you see and feel all things through.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ...first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (New International Version, 2011) Page 10
What kind of lens you look through matters because whether or not we want to admit it, it changes the way things are seen and sometimes makes objects appear in a distorted way. This is why we must view not only with our physical and mental vision…we must also seek what our spirit says about the situation. Question is…what are you seeking to see? This requires us to return to the definition of leadership.
Leadership (noun) the action of leading a group of people or an organization (Oxford University Press, 2022) As leaders, we should be interested in 1) how we are leading, 2) how other people are leading, and 3) what potential leaders are in our midst. What does this do? It makes us reflect and refine ourselves. It allows us to see our leadership through what we realize we love or despise in others that may or may not be presented in our own leadership style (but that requires LOTS of honesty). It also allows us to become seekers, sowers, and growers of the gifts and talents of others. At the end of the day, that last item is what leaders should desire to do on a regular, if not daily basis.
How should we observe? There are so many ways to observe others in order to understand what is happening around you, use your eyes but don’t be limited to them.
Seek and Ye Shall Find Take the time to go in and see what you need to see. For yourself, look in the mirror. Use a reflective journal. Ask others what their experiences are with you…and believe them because perception is reality. With others, go where they are. Actually put your eyes on their activity. Don’t speak, don’t move, just watch. Like the song says, “don’t believe me, just watch” (Ronson et. al, 2014) People will show who they really are, some times the first time, others over time. But, keep watching and use that as a part of your evaluation to determine next steps in your and their leadership journey.
Put your ear to the ground The streets talk. It is important to hear what they are saying. Though somethings are just gossip and hearsay, there is usually some ring of truth to even the most suspicious of stories. They came from somewhere. So, keep your ear to the ground and follow the trail to see where it leads. When listening to the words on the street, you might also have to ask questions.
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Find the paths and the patterns and then decide who you should ask the questions. Not every person is a potential source for the right information.
Go straight to the source Not only should you look at what a person is doing, you should also open your mouth and ask them some questions. With other leaders who have those amazing outcomes, you might not be able to see everything they do. Think about those things that must have happened before you arrived that may affect the outcomes that you see. You have to ask questions of the source because you also cannot see feelings. You have to experience them and ask how those feelings were evoked. Having this newfound awareness will benefit you and others in many ways. These include creating place and space for growth. Understanding where people are and how they operate will help you figure out how to best get them to their goals and how to best utilize their gifts and talents to get your entity to its goals and fruition of your vision. It will also help you understand where you can allow others to shine and reposition yourself to do what you do best and allow yourself space to grow to your next level of authenticity and impact.
Every February, you start to see websites, stores, churches, classrooms, and even roads start to be adorned with kente cloth and your typical black history figures. You hear news programs and networks start to show programming featuring Black, or the more comfortable African American, characters and stories. Unfortnately, after the 28th of the month most of these things disappear. We are in a time when educators and lawmakers are making decisions about whether or not the FULL history of our country should be taught which would highlight the injustices and oppression of this group of people. The history that would help all people understand why the accomplishments of the figures they see in the month of February are so important and groundbreaking. Why the fight for racial equity is still real. The systems that our country was built on still work for better or worse. We need to know and remember so that we can continue to work towards making things better and shifting the power structure so that we can all move forward in to a brighter future.
References New International Version Bible. (1973/2011) Biblica, Inc. Retrieved February 19, 2022 from https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%207%3A3-5&version=NIV Oxford University Press. (2022) leadership. Lexico.com Retrieved February 18, 2022 from https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/leadership Ronson, M. Mars, B., Lawrence, P., Bhasker, J. (2014). Uptown Funk. Colombia Records: New York, New York. Retrieved February 18, 2022 from https://genius.com/Mark-ronson-uptown-funk-lyrics
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Let's Do Lunch
By: Dr. Renita L. Webb
As leaders, one of the most important things we must do is connect with others. One of the easiest ways to do that is over food. But, not every eatery is appropriate to have meaningful conversations or to conduct business. So, I am excited to share with you places where I have experienced not only a great atmosphere to talk, but also great food to enjoy.
February's highlighted restaurant is in the Bull City, Durham, North Carolina. While this city has many amazing establishments, there is something special about True Flavors. You may hear some call it Debbie Lou's Biscuit Sandwich Shop...same place. "Sophisticated American favorites with a touch of Southern hospitality" - True Flavors If I was a leader who didn't listen to or provide space for my "follow"ship to have and utilize their voices, I would have never been blessed to find this place. I have to credit one of the teachers on my former staff for the discovery of this find. (Brother Steven, I will be forever grateful for you sharing this food haven with me!) You never know how far care and trust will carry you and the things that you lead. It is more than what happens in meetings. Back to the review... True Flavors is open only for Breakfast and Lunch (it has a hard 2 pm close time) and is limited to its days of operation (check the website for their latest days...www.trueflavors.com). But, I promise it is worth it to schedule the day and time to get there and take a friend, colleague, or potential client. The atmosphere is very intimate as the entire place only sits around 40 people (give or take a few). It provides you enough space to have a isolated conversation or to network with a new connection at the next table. The staff is attentive and treats you to a good dose of southern hospitality. But, it's the food that will first shut you up and then cause you to talk non-stop about how good it is. This will also set the stage for comfortable conversation about any subject that can deepen relationships, provoke new ideas, and set the stage to establish collaboration. Tips: - Get the biscuits that come before the meal and try whatever the jam of the day is! - Duck Hash something you didn't know you needed...but you do! - Prepare to go multiple times because you will want the things you see other people eating! The next time you can get to Durham, NC check out True Flavors at 5410 Highway 55. Tell them Dr. Renita sent you!!
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The Power of Confidence By: Dr. Renita L. Webb Yaaaaaaas Queen! You betta work. Wow, that was amazing! Did you see that? I know they are about to rock this out. It's on and poppin'!
It is not atypical to hear any or all of these phrases said either outloud or in hushed tones when a person walks in to a room or any space when they exude an aire of confidence. There is something about a confident person that make others want to follow them or at least learn more about who they are and what they do. Think about the most popular figures of our time and in history, most of them give off an aire of confidence that surpasses that of most. This attribute is usually accompanied by other characteristics and qualities that support the idea that they are people to know and potentially follow. It is when this figure attains people who make the choice to follow their example, thoughts, and moves that they become not only confident people, but confident leaders. There is no special formula that can create confidence in you, but there are steps that you can take and moves that you can make to help build up the confidence in your life.
1. Know what you are talking about, be prepared
When ever you are walking into a space, whether it is new or one you have experienced before, you should have some idea of what you are walking into. It is easy to walk in with your head held high and a sense of power and purpose when you are ready for what you are getting. Ways to walk this way include:
Research
whether you are getting ready to give a presentation, a pitch, a sermon, or a lesson, you need to have facts. You never want to go to speak to someone and not know what you are talking about. The good Lord gave us the good people who created Google and other internet search engines…use it. We have also often been blessed with a village or a network that has experience with that person or that subject, ask the questions. Read the book. Do what ever you need to do to walk in with prior knowledge that will allow you to be able to speak intelligently on the subject at hand. Practice
even though you cannot always know everything that will happen in a situation, you know the information you hope to get to present. A good friend of mine used to say, “practice doesn’t make perfect, practice makes permanent”. So, practice what you want to happen and how you want it to happen. Practice makes you more comfortable applying the knowledge you have gotten and prepared from the research you have completed. The more comfortable you are with sharing it, the more confidence you will present. Write it down
this technique has multiple benefits. May researchers, including the Learning Tribe (2021), have found that writing things down helps with memory retention. The action of writing helps the brain attach what is being written to short-term and long-term memory. So, writing your thoughts down in your preparation can help you to remember the important things you want to present. The other benefit to writing things down is to have key points on paper to refer to. There is nothing wrong with having a source to refer to when you are expressing your thoughts to others. You can confidently check your notes to keep yourself on track. 2. Get Rest
Go to SLEEP! I know that for many people, especially those who are over achievers, parents, leaders, or just doers in general, this is easier said than done. But, seriously, sleep is not only needed, it is necessary. And I don’t mean a catnap, not a strong nap either (like 3-4 hours of sleep…you tried it, so did I). When you are more rested, you aren’t fighting the fact that you are tired, which can lead to frustration, which can lead to loss of focus, which can lead to…so on and so forth. What it ultimately can lead to is lack of confidence in anything because you are worried about all the other issues. Integris Health (2021) recommends that adults get 7-8 hours of sleep each day.
The offer the following tips for getting a good night’s (or day’s) sleep: Avoid caffeine in the afternoon and evening. Stick to a consistent sleep schedule, even on the weekends. Set your thermostat between 60 and 70 degrees at night. Avoid napping during the day. At least one hour before bed, swap screen time for a relaxing activity such as reading, bedtime yoga or a relaxing bath. Exercise is important, but avoid working out late in the day, if possible. I know I know, there is so much to do and so little time to get it all done, but if we want to be our best selves for ourselves and in our service and leadership of others, we have got to do better. (Yes, self…I am talking to you, too!) 3. Exercise
“Regular exercise often leads to an improved body image, makes your heart and bones stronger, lowers your risk for chronic disease right along with your blood pressure, keeps your weight under control and reduces feelings of anxiety and depression.” (Crawford, 2019) That should be enough to get you to jump on a treadmill, walk around the block, or shake it like a salt shaker in your living room to put you body in motion. The other piece that they don’t discuss are the bragging rights that you will have in your village for doing this for yourself and in some circles also breaking generational curses. You could also be changing the culture and beliefs of those who follow you that only believe that they should make these changes because you did. They might not see anyone else around them take this type of care of their bodies. Be the example to them and the person you look at in the mirror daily. This could LITERALLY change your walk. Just think about your confidence strut… think Bey in the homecoming concert or Idris any where he enters. Give them that confidence swag…be SWAGTASTIC! (Thank you Rev. Dawson for that term.)
4. Dress well...like you
How can you be swagged out with out the ensemble to go along with it? It is not always about what is under your clothes, but it does give you a good foundation for what you are going to be over it. Every situation requires different garments. You lead in so many places, you have to dress appropriately for you to show up in a way that makes you feel powerful, comfortable, and will demand the attention you need to be effective. If you are leading in your home, truly a solid pair of pajamas may do the trick. But, if you are leading mentees at a coffee shop or leading a team in a board room, you will have to step up your outfit a little, ok, a lot. First things first, know your body. Everyone cannot wear everything, even if you can, should you? Yes, be confident in your skin, but make sure the image you are presenting speaks in the way you truly desire. There are different colors that work best with skin over and undertones. There are colors and styles that psychologically exude power and trust. Different body types benefit from different levels and placements of support. Know what works for you and be honest about how YOU feel about what YOU see. Like mentioned in the first tip given, do your research and know what you are walking into and who will be there. Then govern your powerful, comfortable, and confident self accordingly.
5. Learn about YOU
There is something about a person who is confident in themselves, because they know and aren’t ashamed or trying to hide who they are. This person is able to stand firmly on what they believe because they know what and why they hold the belief. This leader is one who can have strong relationships and connections with others because they are open to speak of experiences and lessons learned because they have spent time to examine those things within themselves and recognize the need for those testimonies to be shared with others. The first step to do being that person is to deal with T.H.A.T., your Total Honest Awesome TruthTM. In doing that you will have to face all the facets of yourself, the past, present and future, the good, bad, and ugly. A huge part of that is dealing with your past and all that came with it. Whether it be ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) or more recent traumas, some of our past are things that we would rather bury and never speak or think of again. But, if we ignore those things and try to “kill” the person within us who had to experience them, we miss out on the lessons that we should have learned from them. One of the ways to not only deal with but learn from them is to do something that lots find taboo and that is therapy. “Therapy offers a real opportunity for sorting out your complex trauma and resolving the issues stemming from [them].” (Quirke, n.d.) I am a believer that therapy and Jesus (my personal belief, you focus on your own) can work in harmony to help me deal with what I need to move forward and be an effective leader to others. Being honest with myself and dealing with my crap has also helped me face something else many of face, imposter syndrome. This is that feeling that you get when you are questioning whether or not you belong in certain spaces or when you are really thinking in your mind that you are faking it and haven’t quite made it yet. Learning more and more about myself has helped me to admit, I really am on top of somethings and that others can learn from what I have gone through and accomplished. That helps me raise my head higher and stomp in to the places where I am needed to show up brightly. Consider these steps when you are ready to show up in your full confident glory and be the change you want to see in the world. When people look at you a little funny, minister to them from the words of Sister Demi Lovato, “It's time for me to take it, I'm the boss right now. Not gonna fake it…what’s wrong with being confident?” (2015)
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